#its my own fault because all ive done is waste time because of how overwhelmed I feel | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

pressedinthepages · 3 years

Text

Precarious

Fandom: The Witcher

Pairing: Jaskier/Reader

Rating: E

Masterlist

a/n: Reader Request [Your Jaskier stories 🙌🏻 they're so good!! Can I pls make a request for some insecure Jaskier?? Maybe reader travels with them and his kinda with Jask already, but after seeing Geralt shout at him, (after the dragon), she leaves with him cos she's worried. She didn't hear what Geralt said, so during the trip to the nearest inn, she's just trying to talk to him but by the time they get a room he's a mess. Asking whether he ruins everything he touches and just brings shit onto people like Geralt said 😭 and reader shows him how loved he is.....theeen some nice loving smut as a cherry on top pls 😂🤞 You really capture his dramatics and deep heart ❤️ he's a sensitive soul really! ❤️] <3 ooof its been a moment since ive written some angst...but here it is!

(There is a link on my page where you can be added to my taglist :D)

Warnings: language, smut, hurt/comfort, angst, sad bard times

Jaskier is in dire need after the events of the dragon hunt.

The breeze is cool on your face as you gaze over the mountains, so caught up in the majestic scenery that you nearly miss when Jaskier walks by. He looks lost, dazed as his nails dig into the worn leather of his lute case. His steps drag heavily across the ground as he approaches the head of the trail. Jaskier turns at the last second, his eyes searching the clearing until they land on you, shining with unshed tears.

You rush to his side, not even bothering to look behind you. You set your hand on his shoulder and look up at him, trying desperately to reach him in that emotionless void. “Jaskier?”

He says nothing, which is worrying in and of itself. Jaskier’s hair flops in his eyes as he nods resolutely, beginning the steps that will take him down the mountain. You glance behind you, seeing only the remaining few members of the expedition mulling about the clearing with no sign of Geralt or Yennefer. With a deep breath in, you turn on your heel to follow in Jaskier’s wake.

The whole trip down is completed in near silence, a suffocating vigil that is only rarely interspersed with the idea to rest for the evening. You can see Jaskier still trying to stop and take in the beauty around him, but it never lasts long. Soon enough, he wilts like a flower falling from a vase and turns back to the trail.

You try to help, but it’s clear that Jaskier isn’t quite ready to discuss what has been eating away at his mind. He bites his tongue and curls in on himself, even shying away from you when you sit around the fire at night. One night though, probably the last before you make it back down to Caingorn, you hesitantly reach out and take his hand, bringing his eyes up to you.

“Jaskier, is it something that I did?”

Jaskier swallows thickly, shaking his head. “No, my love. You’ve done so much more for me than I deserve.”

His voice trails off at the end and he looks back down, closing himself off. You scoot closer and take Jaskier in your arms, letting him lay heavily against you. You press your lips to the top of his head and fight to hold back your own tears, needing so desperately to hear that sweet humming that so often accompanies your love. The two of you fall asleep like this, staving off emotions too big to handle alone.

Rain pours from the sky the entire next day, leaving you both soaked and cold to the core as you stumble into town. Thankfully there is an inn nearby, and the two of you move frantically towards it. Your boots splash through the mud as you approach and you make sure to kick off as much as you can before pushing open the door.

You approach the innkeeper, who offers a reduced rate for the room in exchange for a night of entertainment from Jaskier. You turn her down though, sliding the higher amount of coin across the table, along with enough for a warm bath. She hands you a key, as well as an armful of cloth so that you may dry off.

You return to Jaskier’s side and offer a small smile, pulling him carefully up the stairs to the bedroom. The two of you systematically remove your packs and cloaks, draping the sopping fabric over a chair next to the fire so it has a chance to dry. You grab Jaskier by the hand once more, the two of you kicking off your boots before you pull him back out of the room and towards the bathing room at the end of the hall.

The air is already thick with warmth, settling on your skin and deep in your lungs. You see the tub sitting strong in the middle of the room, water high to the edge and threatening to spill out. “Let’s get you warm, Jaskier.”

He nods, still biting his tongue as he fiddles with the clasps at his wrists. You reach out and undo the buttons yourself, pressing a soft kiss to the exposed inside of his wrist. His doublet is cool under your fingers as you slide it open, your lips moving up to the tender skin over his collarbone peeks from underneath his chemise. The doublet gets carefully folded and set aside before your hands return, pushing up the hem of Jaskier’s chemise and stroking the warm skin that you find there.

Jaskier draws in a deep breath as you trace lazy patterns over his stomach and around his back, his own hands finding your waist. You push the shirt up over his head and set it aside as well, and Jaskier rests his forehead on yours with a sigh. His trousers are next, the buttons quickly undone before they hit the floor, followed soon after by his smallclothes.

Jaskier’s hands, still chilled from the rain that pounds over the roof, toy with the hem of your tunic before you push them away. His eyes find yours, full of worry and sadness. “Not now, love. Let me help you, please,” you whisper, pressing your hand to his neck and feeling the fluttering of his pulse beneath your fingers.

He does not argue before stepping back, turning to climb into the bath. Warm water spills over the edge as he sinks deep, plunging his head underneath so his teeth chatter with the quite sudden temperature change. You find the oils and soaps set on a small stool near the bath. You move them so that you can sit on the stool behind Jaskier, the little glass bottles resting on the floor next to you.

You find one that smells of rosemary and citrus, a bright scent in great contrast to the bard before you. Your fingers find his scalp, running in soft circles that press into his temples. In the stifling absence, you begin to hum. Jaskier turns his head at the sound, listening as your voice meanders through melodies. When his hair is sufficiently clean, you smooth your hands down the line of his neck and over his shoulders, trying to squeeze warmth back into the tense muscles.

Jaskier relaxes bit by bit as you scoot around to face him, washing down his arm and intertwining his fingers with yours. You dance over his knuckles and a couple of little scars that decorate the back of his hand, picked up from decades on the Path. Jaskier suddenly ducks back under the water, rinsing away the final evidence of the road and the rain.

He gasps as he comes back up, still holding tight to your hand. You brace yourself, knowing now is the time to ask, to draw him out. “Jaskier,” you murmur, “please, my love. What happened?”

Jaskier’s chest breaks with a sob and you squeeze his hand even tighter. “I-it’s my fault, really,” he whispers, “I pushed too hard, and I ruined it…”

“Ruined what, Jaskier?”

He looks away, his lip wobbling with every breath. “Geralt. H-he was trying to tell me to leave him be, but I didn’t listen, I never listen. And, then he bade me my leave.”

You shake your head, waiting for him to continue. “He said that-that if life could give him one blessing, one bloody thing, it would be to take me off of his hands.”

Your eyes widen and the grip you have on Jaskier’s hand turns sharp. Tears run freely down Jaskier’s cheeks, his eyes rimmed red and his heart worn raw. “I figured that leaving would be the kindest thing I could do, at least for him.”

“Jaskier,” you breathe, surging forward without care for the state of your clothes. “Oh, my love. I am so sorry, you don’t deserve that. You have spent half of your life dedicated to him, trying to make his life better. And this is what you get in return?”

You wrap your arms around his neck as he sobs into your shoulder, holding him close as he works through it. Water soaks through at your stomach and thighs where they press against the tub, but you couldn’t care less.

“I promise you, Jaskier,” you run your fingers slowly through his still-damp hair, “you are a treasure. And if Geralt can’t see that, well. He doesn’t deserve your kindness.”

Jaskier sniffles against your neck, “But he’s my friend. He was my friend, and I just kept pushing-”

“He lashed out, love,” you murmur, “it’s no excuse, but there were just too many feelings and he got overwhelmed. He probably already regrets it.”

Jaskier nods, still holding fast to your waist. You can feel his fingers rubbing the soft fabric of your shirt back and forth. You sit like this for a long while, the bathwater turning cold as the moon begins to climb into the sky.

Jaskier starts to fidget though, his hands unable to stay still and his nose brushing up the length of your neck. You pull away, catching the glint that has finally returned to those glorious blue eyes.

“It would be a shame for all of this bath to go to waste, my dear.” Jaskier’s voice is still thin, but with his usual vigor quickly returning. “Why don’t you join me?”

He winks and purses his lips, begging for a kiss. You chuckle, relieved to see him returning to himself. You lean down and press your lips together chastely, letting him grumble a bit when you move back. “You are incorrigible, darling,” you laugh, “and you are sorely mistaken if you think that I’m about to get into that filthy, freezing water.”

Jaskier pouts, turning his eyes all big and sad, but now because you won’t climb into the bath. You smile, getting up to grab one of the big cloths. “Here, love. Let’s get you dry, and then we can go back to the room.”

Jaskier huffs good-naturedly as he stands, the water cascading off of him in fast rivulets. He is half-hard as he walks over to you, pressing a kiss to your cheek as you start to rub the dry cloth over his skin. “Thank you, my dear. For everything.”

“Always, Jaskier. Always.”

The two of you walk hand in hand back down the hallway, Jaskier holding his clothes beneath his free arm. He chucks them aside as soon as you close the bedroom door behind you, sweeping you into his grasp. His lips find your neck and he starts to nibble and lick at the tender skin.

“Oh,” you breathe as he finally, finally, starts to hum again. It’s teasing, a saucy song that only ever gets sung while half-drunk in a run-down tavern in the middle of nowhere. The sheet falls to the ground as Jaskier pulls your tunic over your head, casting it to the side. He kisses down to your breasts as he pulls your belt open, pushing your trousers down frantically and squeezing your behind as you step out of them.

“Go lay on the bed, love,” he whispers, his eyes dark and lusty. You do as he says, leaning back against the soft pillows. Jaskier moves to the edge of the bed slowly before climbing atop you. The hairs on his chest tickle the sensitive skin of your breasts as he presses down to kiss you deeply. His tongue snakes into your mouth and you feel his length push hard into your hip.

"Please, Jaskier," you moan, threading your fingers into his hair. His forehead rests against yours as he glances down, taking himself in hand and lining up with your cunt. He presses in slowly, pulling a low groan from both of your chests. Your walls clench around him as he buries himself deep in your core. Beads of sweat start to dot his temples and your nails dig little crescents into his arms.

“Ah, fuck,” Jaskier groans, finding your lips once more as he starts to shallowly thrust his hips. Your core burns with the sensation, stealing your breath with each snap of his hips. Heat crawls up your stomach and settles high in your chest as you hook your ankles around Jaskier’s hips.

“Jaskier, I love you so much,” you whisper, and Jaskier whimpers into where he worries a love bite into your neck. “I would move the sun and the stars if you were to only ask. And I know that you would do the same for me.”

Jaskier’s pace falters as he readjusts, pushing up onto his elbows to look at you properly. His mouth hangs agape as he slowly rolls his hips, hitting deep in your core. You wrap a hand to hold the nape of his neck, pulling him down to you. You meet his hips at every thrust, reveling in the feeling of Jaskier pressed so impossibly close against you.

Your climax washes over you like a steady tide, a breath held in before a much-needed exhale. Jaskier follows in the same heartbeat, his cock spending deep inside of you as he gasps your name.

The two of you stay like this for a while, only adjusting when you start to clench from oversensitivity. Jaskier rolls over and pulls you with him, both of you laying on your sides facing each other. He slides his elbow beneath your head and you wind your arm around his waist, touching each other in as many places as possible.

“I meant it, Jask,” you murmur as sleep tugs at the strands of your mind, “I love you more than anything else. I need you to know that.”

Jaskier yawns with a smile, pressing a sweet kiss to your forehead. “I know, my dear. And I love you so exorbitantly much that it almost hurts. But it is the sweetest pain one could ever have the great pleasure of feeling. And I would gladly feel it to the end of my days, at your side.”

“And there is nowhere that I would rather you be.”

#jaskier x reader #Smut #angst #hurt/comfort #sad bard times

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ezragold · 6 years

Text

With a Little Help from My Friends

A/N: Happy last-day-of-Pegoryu-week! Let’s celebrate by reading... day 2′s prompt... No one ever said I was good at preparing things, okay. AO3 link: [here]

Day 2: First Date

Title: With a Little Help from My Friends

Rating: Teen

Summary: Ryuji has successfully asked Akira out! Now if only he could figure out something special for them to do. All of his ideas just feel like their every day routine, and he’s pulling his hair out trying to come up with a way to make it special. All of the thieves seem to have their own ideas of the perfect date, 90% of which are entirely unhelpful, as Ryuji soon realizes.

[ THURSDAY, 6:50PM ]

crossbonez is online

crossbonez has entered The Dungeon of Unspeakable Acts

crossbonez: GUYS I NEED HELP

crossbonez: ALSO WTF WHO CHANGED THE CHANNEL NAME

palette-cleanser: There’s no need to yell about it.

crossbonez: YOU CAN’T HEAR ME SMARTASS

killerqueen: Futaba renamed it and I can’t figure out how to change it back. What’s wrong?

memejed: me! muahaha!!!! you’ll never figure out how to change it back!

memejed: boo makoto types too fast :(

palette-cleanser: Futaba, naturally.

palette-cleanser: Oh.

memejed: lmaooooo

crossbonez: ok ok is akira in this chat??

yougimmethecrepes: I mean technically

yougimmethecrepes: but I think he’s had this channel muted for like a month

killerqueen: Understandable.

crossbonez: o sick

crossbonez: OK SO I ASKED HIM OUT AND I NEED ADVICE

yougimmethecrepes: OMG RYUJI

memejed: GHIDNDOSKFHSKX WHAAAAT

killerqueen: !

yougimmethecrepes: DID HE SAY YES??

palette-cleanser: My most heartfelt congratulations!

crossbonez: of course he said yes wtf guys

crossbonez: why wouldn’t he, i’m a catch

memejed: so’s a big ol slimy fish

memejed: its perspective

crossbonez: can we ban her?

killerqueen: She’s the room admin.

memejed: IM ADMIN MY CITY NOW

memejed: HECK how do u type so much faster than me????

crossbonez: OH MY GOD CAN WE FOCUS ON ME PLEASE

palette-cleanser: something tells me you wouldn’t allow us the chance to do anything different.

yougimmethecrepes: go ahead Ryuji, what’s up?

crossbonez: i didn’t think about what we should do on the date so i kinda panicked when he asked and told him i had everything taken care of but i don’t

crossbonez: ive never taken care of anything in my life

crossbonez: please help yall know im not smart

yougimmethecrepes: omg THAT’S what ur worried about??? HOE ur best friend is a dating expert. I gotchu

crossbonez: lmfao ann youve never been on a date

yougimmethecrepes: maybe not

yougimmethecrepes: but i have seen so many romcoms

crossbonez: oooooo my god Kill me

crossbonez: wait holy shit have any of you even been on a date before

crossbonez: NOW YOU ALL STOP TYPING

crossbonez: this is the worst i hate my life

yougimmethecrepes: yusuke if you say anything about painting my nude as a date i’ll block you

palette-cleanser: There was that time when Ann came to the old studio in order for me to paint her portrait.

palette-cleanser: It was already half-written when you sent that.

yougimmethecrepes: OHHH MY GOD

palette-cleanser: I didn’t want to just let the reply go to waste.

yougimmethecrepes: BLOCKED

palette-cleanser: :(

killerqueen: Okay.

killerqueen: I’ll DM you, Ryuji.

crossbonez: oh thank god

[ THURSDAY, 7:04 PM ]

[ killerqueen has sent you a message! ]

killerqueen: Firstly,

killerqueen: good for you, asking out Akira! That was really brave. How did it go, if that’s not too intrusive?

crossbonez: fine I think?? morgana kept cockblocking me but he got bored of watching us watch bad movies and left so

crossbonez: i just kinda

crossbonez: asked

crossbonez: and he said yeah

crossbonez: so now im dead and going thru w the date is my hell

killerqueen: Okay, relax. Obviously he wouldn’t have said yes to the date if he wasn’t already interested, so you already have that going for you! The worst part is done.

killerqueen: All you have to do now is think of something special for the two of you to do together.

crossbonez: yeah that’s basically the part where my brain stops

killerqueen: Fair. What’s your budget?

crossbonez: uhhhhhh

crossbonez: uhhhhhhhhhhh

killerqueen: Ryuji.

crossbonez: is free an option

killerqueen: Oh, god. Okay.

killerqueen: I didn’t realize you hadn’t planned for this in… any capacity.

crossbonez: OF COURSE I HAVENT ITS LIKE YOU DON’T EVEN KNOW ME

crossbonez: I DIDNT THINK OF THE MONEY THING OK

crossbonez: I WAS SORT OF FOCUSED ON NOT THROWING UP ON HIM AS I ASKED

killerqueen: Message received.

killerqueen: I’ll see if there’s anything cheap going on in the city this weekend.

crossbonez: thank you ugh

crossbonez: was this a bad idea

killerqueen: Asking out Akira? No, of course not.

crossbonez: sigh

killerqueen: Lying to Akira about having the entire thing prepared and planned out? Yes, without a doubt.

crossbonez: COOL THANKS MOM

crossbonez: GOD

[ crossbonez left the conversation. ]

[ THURSDAY, 7:29PM ]

[ palette-cleanser sent you a message! ]

palette-cleanser: Are you still taking advice for your date?

crossbonez: the answer is technically yes but i can’t say i’ve reached the point in my life where i’m ready to take dating advice from you

palette-cleanser: I shall try and keep my advice more general, then.

crossbonez: just don’t say the word beauty

palette-cleanser: You should consider the benefit of surrounding yourselves with beautiful things. I can only imagine a relationship increasing in intensity when the couple is surrounded by overwhelming beauty.

palette-cleanser: In my defense, my reply was half-written when you posted yours.

crossbonez: what the hell would overwhelming beauty even be man

crossbonez: am i sposed to find out which flower gives him boners like what am i doing here

palette-cleanser: that is up to you! And Akira, I suppose.

palette-cleanser: I was, of course, referring to your beautiful surroundings being up to you. Akira getting an erection is less-so in your hands.

palette-cleaner: …I did not mean for that to become a double-entendre but I suppose that’s also appropriate to your situation.

crossbonez: hoo boy you are this close to my block list lemme tell ya

palette-cleanser: Please don’t, my contact list is very short as it is.

palette-cleanser: Back to the topic at hand,

crossbonez: yeah plz

palette-cleanser: What are some things that Akira finds beautiful?

crossbonez: man i don’t know

crossbonez: uhh

crossbonez: good coffee

crossbonez: big ass cheeseburgers

crossbonez: cats probably

crossbonez: hes got a risette poster in his room but i think that’s less because shes hot and more because someone gave it to him and he was too nice to throw it out

palette-cleanser: None of that sounds particularly beautiful…

crossbonez: OH WOW DOES IT NOT

crossbonez: REALLY

palette-cleanser: There is no need to raise your typeface at me.

crossbonez: sjdjcickgmsoakfb

palette-cleanser: ?

crossbonez: nothing dont worry abt it

crossbonez: im gonna go see if i can buy something beautiful for ¥200

palette-cleanser: Many beautiful things in life are free.

crossbonez: you got an example to go with that inspirational quote?

crossbonez: duuuude?

palette-cleanser: I appear to be losing connection

crossbonez: oh my god dude

palette-cleanser: I can hardly read what you’re writing

crossbonez: thats not how that would even work

crossbonez: i cant tell if ur trolling me or not

[ palette-cleanser has left the conversation. ]

[ THURSDAY, 7:49PM ]

[ yougimmethecrepes has replied to your message! ]

crossbonez: plz tell me ur just invisible

crossbonez: ur my one last hope and god is that saying something about how my standards have fallen

yougimmethecrepes: doing homework

yougimmethecrepes: you still peeing your pants over date night?

crossbonez: you still willing to give bad advice?

yougimmethecrepes: imagine me swiping all of my school work off my desk onto my floor because if my math grade didn’t ride on this I would have done that

crossbonez: aight

yougimmethecrepes: also my advice is fantastic shut up

yougimmethecrepes: okay, lets start easy. What’s the budget?

crossbonez: im in high school and not a part time model

crossbonez: my budget is negative

yougimmethecrepes: ooooh

yougimmethecrepes: got it

yougimmethecrepes: arcade? you can just use small change and stuff

crossbonez: we go there ALL THE TIME thats not a date

crossbonez: that’s like going to the ramen shop or something

yougimmethecrepes: uh……batting cages? Movie?

crossbonez: i cant ask him on a date and then just do shit we do normally! how is that a date???

yougimmethecrepes: How is it not a date?? You guys always have fun doing that, how is it less fun on a date

yougimmethecrepes: OH WAIT NO I got it

yougimmethecrepes: bathhouse

crossbonez: shut up no

yougimmethecrepes: hey, it’s not my fault you gave this absolutely no thought whatsoever

crossbonez: UGH I KNOW

crossbonez: WHY IS THIS HARD

yougimmethecrepes: I KEEP TELLING YOU THAT IT DOESN’T HAVE TO BE

yougimmethecrepes: YOU’RE MAKING THIS A PROBLEM

[ crossbonez has left the conversation. ]

[ THURSDAY, 8:25 PM ]

[ memejed sent you a message! ]

crossbonez: no

memejed: before you say anything

memejed: jdcjdjnfdkdkf

memejed: dammit how do all of you type so fast

memejed: it’s like I don’t even know myself any more

memejed: is it my tiny hands

crossbonez: i do not want dating advice from you

memejed: well then it’s a good thing I don’t have any for you then ISNT IT

memejed: I just wanted to tell you that Akira just got home and he’s smiling a lot and it’s gross and weird and most likely your fault, so

crossbonez: oh that’s

crossbonez: nice to hear thank you jhgjfyjuh

memejed: he just told sojiro about the date and sojiro offered to grab him condoms hahAHAAHAH

crossbonez: OH MY GOD

crossbonez: DONT TELL ME THAT SHIT

memejed: IM ACTUALLY GONNA CHOKE LOLLL

crossbonez: I HOPE SO

memejed: >:(

memejed: I don’t even get why youre so nervous he’s obviously out of his mind happy to go out with you

memejed: whatever you guys do he’ll be down

memejed: just don’t do any stupid shit like try and show off or act like a tool

memejed: which I realize may seem daunting for you

memejed: but I believe u may have it in you, maybe

crossbonez: I just have no idea what to do without us doing the same shit as always

memejed: whats wrong with doing the stuff you guys always do? Routine is comfy

memejed: comfort is the enemy of anxiety

memejed: well, comfy, and a good pair of sweatpants

memejed: *and valium

crossbonez: you dont think he would mind doing shit we do all the time?

memejed: oh my god are ALL boys as stupid as you??? how has the species survived for so long

memejed: just hold his hand or something and he’d let you push him in front of the subway!! Like, that probably shouldn’t be your go to option, but just

memejed: he ALREADY likes you. you don’t need to impress him or anything

memejed: consider yourself lucky, because like, idk how you swung that

crossbonez: I agree with you too much to get mad at that

crossbonez: wow

crossbonez: akira agreed to go out with me, you gave me advice that wasnt steaming dog shit

crossbonez: maybe i should buy a lottery ticket lmao

memejed: LMAO ur luck stat isn’t THAT high yet

memejed: see if sojiro comes through w the condoms first

crossbonez: okay and NOW im leaving

memejed: BE SAFE!!

[ crossbonez has left the conversation. ]

[ THURSDAY, 9:22 PM ]

[ HaruOkumura sent you a message! ]

HaruOkumura: Good, you’re still online!

crossbonez: hahaha what happened to ur screenname?

HaruOkumura: The company’s social media adviser suggested I change it for professional purposes………..

crossbonez: lame

HaruOkumura: Yes apparently “BigBangIsPeople” is not an appropriate username for the incoming CEO of Okumura Foods.

HaruOkumura: I thought it was funny :(

HaruOkumura: But anyway! I’m glad you’re still online! Makoto texted me and told me about yours and Akira’s date and I wanted to say congratulations and I’m so happy for you!

crossbonez: thanks! tell makoto to quit snitchin tho

HaruOkumura: Will do! I just wanted to talk because Makoto said you were very stressed out and seemed sort of unprepared

crossbonez: im okay now i think

crossbonez: futaba helped me out

crossbonez: weirdly

crossbonez: i mean im still sweating all over myself and the idea of actually meeting up with akira for the date in question makes me want to gag but :) im fine

HaruOkumura: oh my :o

HaruOkumura: Have you decided what the two of you will do?

crossbonez: yeeaaahhhh i got some ideas i think?

HaruOkumura: I do as well!! Would you like to hear them?

crossbonez: hey i am always up for not thinking

HaruOkumura: That’s great!! Okay, what is your budget currently?

crossbonez: gkhskdfkjlghlrihvoirhgiu

crossbonez: kjghsiuergtiughpijiuprughtuislrhgiulth

HaruOkumura: Uhm?

crossbonez: I THINK IM GOOD LMAO THX HARU

HaruOkumura: Oh youre welcome! Let us know how it goes!

crossbonez: yeah sure if i dont die first!

[ crossbonez has left the conversation. ]

[ SATURDAY, 02:41 AM ]

[ JokersWild sent you a message! ]

JokersWild: Hey

JokersWild: I know youre probably asleep because it’s like fuck o clock in the morning and why wouldn’t you be

JokersWild: But I cant sleep because I made myself some antianxiety coffee when I got home haha

JokersWild: (futaba calls it estresso but I can’t call it that because it’s so clever it makes me mad I didn’t think of it first)

JokersWild: but I had a really good time tonight

JokersWild: and you seemed kind of worried all night so I wanted you to know that

JokersWild: and idek if you were worried because of us(?) or if there was something else going on and now I just seem like kind of an asshole for assuming it was about me

JokersWild: but whether it was or it wasn’t I had fun

JokersWild: and

JokersWild: I’m really happy you asked me out

JokersWild: and just…… you don’t need advice from anyone on how to like

JokersWild: woo me yknow?

JokersWild: I had notifications turned off but the number of messages in the group chat kept ticking up so I lurked for a second

JokersWild: I don’t know what anyone ended up telling you but you didn’t need it

JokersWild: you don’t have to impress me. I ALREADY like you.

JokersWild: so, that’s that

JokersWild: this coffee is very strong and obviously my inhibitions are non existent right now so I’m going to bed before this turns into a confession

JokersWild: or more of one

JokersWild: lets, like, do this again? I want to keep doing this with you

[ JokersWild has left the conversation. ]

[ SATURDAY, 02:54 AM ]

[ JokersWild sent you a message! ]

JokersWild: also oh my god thank you for not freaking the fuck out when that condom fell out of my jacket I SWEAR TO YOU I did not put it there and when I find out who did I am going to unmake them

JokersWild: okay goodnight

[ JokersWild has left the conversation. ]

#pegoryuweek2018 #pegoryu #akiryu #fic: criminal mischief #fandom: persona 5 #fandom: persona #p5

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modiintrainguy · 5 years

Text

Message to the Mrs

February 26, 2019

On Wednesday last week I had a bit of a bad evening - as usual i built up an expectation of how i was finally going to start organising and deal with things that evening and then i didnt. i sat in the dark when the kids went to sleep and when mrs came home i said id look for a job while she went to the therapist but instead i went to bed and watched some tv programme about a year off on iplayer. then when she came home she said shed been discussing litlun and that even if there are other issues, my “mood swings” have obviously been a big factor. and that was it i felt awful. all i could think of was “they fuck you up your mum and dad”. the mrs saw i wasnt feeling good and asked me why but i just couldnt talk - maybe i gave up too easily but i just shut down. so in the morning i started wrtiting to her on whatsapp to try and explain what happened. then i felt my manager would see, cos i was writing on the computer, so i started writing in a word doc. but i never finished it.

anyway thought i might as well put it here.

This is what i wrote on word:

>>>>>>>>>>>>> One thing that really frustrates me is that we don’t plan things most of the time and then we don’t really do as much as I feel like we should. I feel like we are wasting our lives – we have the opportunity to do things and go places and experience things and we don’t do them. We don’t go on holiday, we don’t go to places. We don’t make plans with other people. This is my fault and your fault but I know that if I knew how much money we had and we planned things properly we could do so much more and get so much more out of life. But of course it means researching where to go, speaking to people, planning things etc. I always feel like we have some sort of amount of money to use on doing stuff and going places and we could use it so much better. also i know this bothers me alot more than it bothers you.

And I forgot to write about how im so confused about my mind/mood issues. I just don’t know what exactly is wrong with me and who I can go to see to work it out and therefore what I should do to improve it. I know something is wrong. Obviously. But I get upset that people are so easy to tell me its depression and I should take antidepressants – because it is such a simplified analysis. all these medications do is increase the amount of serotonin (or dopamine or Norepinephrine) in the brain, and theres no reason to think I have a lack of serotonin/dopamine/Norepinephrine in the brain apart from people kind of guessing that the lack of these neurotransmitters could perhaps be the cause of mental disorders. So by agreeing to take these antidepressants that its like saying the low level of serotonin/dopamine/Norepinephrine must be one of the main reasons for my problems and now we are well on the way to improving things. There is a lot of evidence that these drugs don’t even help and could even make it less likely there will be an improvement in the long term also. And the potential long-term affects are not clear at all – as far as I have seen in the limited amount ive looked into all this, these drugs have permanently change the way your brain works in the long term. Of course, I know that mindfulness and breathing and meditation can help – and I try to do them - but I don’t think they are overall solutions. So im all confused and uncomfortable because I feel like ive got stuck, like im at an impasse.

The one thing ive read/heard about that sounds interesting is called “Critical psychiatry” – a network of psychiatrists who are sceptical about the efficacy of medication and the focus on medication as a cure and on using catch-all terms like depression to describe an individual persons situation. So I thought is should find a psychiatrist who comes from this perspective. Im just uncomfoirtable with spending so much money on sessions unless it really feels like its going to be worth it. Like instead of going to 2 psychology sessions or just one psychiatrist session I could have a brand new pair of trainers.

So the thing is, each day when im in the office all these things rush through my mind. And I think I cant deal with it now so I’ll have to deal with all or at least some of it in the evening.

So I start imagining how in the evening I’ll sit with the computer and plan money and my amazing intermittent fast-keto diet food plan and an exercise plan and jobs and all of our food and supermarket plan and a holiday plan and work out yoga and stuff, and look into the theories and writings about psychological disorders and “critical psychiatry” and possible therapists. and I also know I need to clean up and do washing and stuff and I feel terrible that I leave you to deal with the clothes washing as well as organising money and all the million other regular things u do just to keep our household running normally.

But when I get home I feel overwhelmed - with the reality of the situation and how bad I feel about how you are tired because I feel like its my fault for not doing enough and for making you feel upset and uncomfortable in your own home because I have what you recently started describing as “mood swings” but really its me getting frustrated with things and expressing that frustration in a negative way.

And im also tired and I feel I deserve to have a rest and I know im going to have to get up early – either 5.30am or 6.30am so I feel like if I don’t go to bed soon im going to be tired.

If I’ve picked up the kids then I can’t do anything till ive put them to sleep, and then I usually sit in the dark for a bit because I don’t want to disturb them once I leave their room and I cant work out what I want to do and also I feel like I cant do anything till I have at least cleaned up the kitchen and organised my draws in my room and dealt with the washing. And I get frustrated about the mess and the dirt and the lack of real organisation and how I can never remember how to do the washing machine and drier.

And if I don’t pick up the kids and get home after they’ve gone to bed I see you sitting there trying to just relax and take yourself out of the stresses of your situation by watching video clips on your phone or on the tablet. And I feel even worse because of what ive done to make you feel like this, even though I know its not only because of me – its because of your stress at work and your dad and you miss your mum and how you feel a bit uncomfortable in Israel and how you worry about the girls and all this other stuff. But still I blame myself because I am to blame for a significant part of this.

And then I start regretting and feeling upset about how ive not stuck to the diet and I fucked up the job interview and I cant work out what I really want out of my job or my life and im never going to have time to organise a holiday or even things to do on Fridays and people to invite and how much we can afford to spend on people.

>>>>>>>

Then i sent this message:

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corasanheart · 7 years

Text

Not a useless person

Fanfiction based on: Mob Psycho 100

Category: romic and angst

Pairing: Tome Kurata/Tokugawa

Chapter 1

“Telepathy club is hereby disbanded”.

Her words echoed in her head again pushing more tears on her cheeks. Tome was passing winter break mostly like this, closed in her house in front of many books left casually open. After her parents went away for a travel in the suggestive sight of snowy mountains, (they do not take her because it was for her best she stayed to study) the house fell in a total silence broken only by her sighs. She was thinking at the time wasted on doing nothing with guys that didnt care about her at all. Tome founded her club with a deep desire, maybe crazy or creepy, but in which she truly wanted to believe. She was glad to share her passion with other people thinking maybe they are interested too. Fool! Who is so fool to believe in aliens? And telepathy too… They were only searching a club where laze around without any specific goal to think about and yeah.. the “telepathy club” seems the better to fit with this. Tome was the only one enjoying this club all this time. And so this is finished leaving her with an empty mind. Three years of any memories. Now at least she had to make up for study. There are so many things she didnt understand yet. Finding an alien maybe its easier…

Tokugawa approached the house and looked closely at the little sheet in his hand. “This is the address. I wonder whose..”. He glanced at the doorbell and read “Kurata”. That rang him a bell but he just couldnt remember where had heard it. He just pushed it and waited. Someone opened the door as fast as closed it. - What the.. what happened?-. The girl, actually Tome, just shouted -Why are you here?!- “Maybe he knew I was continuing secretly the club” -I’ve already disbanded it if you wanted to know that!- with the voice little broken. Tokugawa remained silent for a moment elaborating -What club?- “She has to be the one from the Fake club” -Aah that club. I’m not here for that. Anyway it occured months ago.. why do you come up with that so suddenly?-. She opened a bit the door and mormored something. Then just said -Enter-.

Tokugawa sat properly on the sofa and released a deep sigh before of starting to explain. Tome just sat quite far from him unsure on what expecting. -I’m here for this-. He put a piece of paper on the little table in front of them. -You, I suppose, left this message on my school desk in which you beg me for help you to study and there is also your address-. Tome blinked her eyes several times before answer: -I didnt do that! And I would never ask for YOUR help-. -Ah..So do you have any idea of who could have done it? I dont know, someone who might thinks you need my help-. Tome startled. -I dont know..- “someone who cares about me?!” -It must be a stupid joke! So I think you can leave now-. Tokugawa was watching her carefully in silence.

-What? Are you listening??-.

He just said seriously: -I will help you-. -Whaaat?! I dont need it!-

“She’s got marks under her eyes. She was crying. Is so desperate for the exam?. I cant just ignore it”. -I dont think so-.

-You are so stubborn, I told you I dont need any help!-

-Tome..-

-Indeed I just cant stand your presence in my house in this moment-

-Tome..-

-And I can manage to study on my own. Ive already all under control-

-Tome..-

-So dont get worried for nothing and..-

She stopped in fear after has noticed tokugawa creepy face.

-Just shut up Tome -

Tome gulped “Maybe I should call the police” but then just mormored an -Ook-. Then she guided Tokugawa to her room. He sweated a bit “Why she invited me to her room so suddenly?! It’s so naive. If I was another guy I would have taken advantage of the situation. Lucky her, im not interested..”. When he entered the room paralyzed. “What on earth..”. Tome’s room was fully painted with a Universe pattern and covered with strange psychedelic posters of unearthly things and some pieces of old newspapers about ufo apparitions. While on the floor there was a mess of colourful packages, some of them containing every sort of snack and others just being garbage. “This is way more shocking of Kamuro’s room”. Tome sat at the desk trying to put some order. Tokugawa came closer behind her.

-Sorry there’s only one chair. Did it bother you?- she said. “Yeah maybe this convinces him to leave”. “She is just too lazy to bring me a chair from the living room” -No Im ok like this. So in what subject do you have more problems?-.

“All of them but I dont want to seem stupid or like I need help” -Im ok with everything like I said, but math..-. -Mm let me see-. He took the math notebook from Tome’s hands. Tome froze. He took a quick look to all her notes and exercises to judge in which seems in more trouble. Then he return the book to Tome.. after using it to hit her head. -Is plenty of nonsensical sketches. Can you just pay attention to the lessons, cant you? Anyway firstly I’ll help you with basic and symple notions and then with exercises-. Tome foreshadowed a huge headache for this.

It seems like Tome wasnt in a desperate situation. She managed to solve several exercises (Tokugawa’s advices on some of them were of help too, she had to admit it). -Now come the difficult one-. Tome remained with a ‘what’ face. Tokugawa wrote down the equation. Tome, trying to regain confidence, started to fill the paper of scribbles that could fit but something stopped her. -No. You cant start like this-. A hand took the pen from Tome. Tokugawa’s chin leaned on Tome’s shoulder while he explained the resolution. Tome looked at his face expecting the usual angry gaze but instead he was too concentrate on what he was doing. She hadnt never see him like this and not this close to her. He wasnt ugly but for somewhat reason he was extremely pale. That gave him a more vulnerable aspect. Tome blushed a little without caring what he was saying. He suddenly turned around and paused. The creepy face returned. -You’re not listening. Why are you staring?-

She gulped -No,no,no I heard everything. I swear it!-. Tokugawa sighed. “Maybe I shouldnt do much pressure on her. Is she really so desperate only for exams? Anyway she had cried for somewhat reason, it’s normal she is a little distracted”. Tokugawa stood up. -Tome I know you are worried, but you have to pay attention if you want..-.

He stopped and close his eyes. Then fell on Tome’s lap. Tome froze and after a second let out a scream: -Aaaah!What are you doing?!-. He fell on the floor without any reaction. “Oh.. He is not moving. Is he dead!? Is it my fault?? I havent done anything!”. She turned him panicking. “Oh. He is ok. He just passed out”. Tome was tempted to leave him there like this but in the end thought at least to carry him on her bed.

“Hgnn he is pretty heavy” she struggled until finally managed to lay him down. Then came nearer with the chair to look at him. She osserved the Vice president thinking of what could have weakened him to this state. He is the kind of strong and overwhelming guy and it’s just of discouragement to see him like this.

Tome kept to stare at him when noticed something wrong on his face. It was a lock of hair that escaped from his fixed hairstyle. It was so strange. She hasnt, anyone hasnt ever seen him with a single hair out of place. But seeing him like this made Tome feels a bit strange. “Im curious on how he would look like with messy hair”. She, without thinking to much on what she was doing, tryed to get closer to Tokugawa and to place her hand on his hair. But something immediately stopped her.

One hand of the Vice president held her wrist tighly. “Wha-a-t? Is he awaken? He still had his eyes closed though”. Tome felt embarassement on what she has tryed to do and just blushed and stayed still. Suddenly all the force in Tokugawa’s arm faded. It fell on the bed dragging also Tome’s arm that couldnt help but lose balance on the Vice president.

Tome didnt know how to behave instead of remain still and turning all red.

(the end in the next chapter)

Notes:

it’s my first fanfiction ^-^ im happy ~~

chapter 2 will be posted next week

sorry for my bad english really; Ive checked it several times to not leave big mistakes but surely you still can find some others (a ton of others)

sorry my writing is strange *-* if there’s something incomprehensible you can ask

any comment is accepted

and ideas too

hope you to enjoy this ship

#mob psycho 100 #mp100 #mp100 fanfiction #tokutome #tome kurata #tokugawa #romic #first fanfiction *-*#chapter 1 #hope you enjoy it<3 #its my first try #its not too long but i thought it would be better divide it into two part

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