#why does college have to be so hard

[nerdy-girlramblings]

I am so overwhelmed

#I got two group projects dumped on me today #and they're due next week I think #the hw keeps piling up #I was doing good and now im not #this all sucks #why does college have to be so hard #I was hoping to have time for my hobbies this weekend but I don't think I will #and I haven't done tomorrow's hw yet #and I don't think im going to have time to #its my own fault because all ive done is waste time because of how overwhelmed I feel #tw venting #nerdygirlramblings

[loving-jack-kelly]

jack would be a stem kid because he loves doing experiments the scientific method is his best friend he loves being hands on and getting to be like I was wrong but the right answer is way cooler than I thought it would be and he loves the connections between art and science, like the way chemical reactions are responsible for why pottery glaze looks so cool and how talented at art you have to be to be good at any kind of diagramming or bio illustration

and davey would be a stem kid because people are more impressed by good grades in science and math classes than english classes so he works harder at them even though he really loves language more than numbers and when he ends up in a class with jack who seems to be goofing off all the time he's annoyed by how little work he seems to put in until he realizes actually jack is really smart but completely unaware of it because he thinks he's goofing off when he's actually running pretty well-designed experiments for fun (unsanctioned by the instructor) in between steps of the lab.

#can't decide if this is funnier in high school or college #i think college bc i think. jack is an art major chem minor and everyone is like why would u do that and he's like I like mixing things up #and davey is a biochem major whos like this guy is a nightmare the first class they share #and then is his assigned lab partner the next semester and is like good grief this is going to be miserable #until they do their first lab and jack is Really good at it. he's chattering away abt his sculpture class and how hard it is #while achieving results with Way less deviation from the perfect result than anyone else bc he's genuinely obsessed with chemistry and love #loves it so much. #anyway. i love this for them ive decided <3 #jack would be besties with the chem professor everyone else is soooo intimidated by #bc he has No fear of authority and he's so passionate abt chem #he's like hey. can i use the lab during your office hours to do experiments for fun. and the prof is like #uh. sure? and then spends an hour or so a week supervising jack having fun in the lab #but jack is also obsessed with the way numbers works so its always a very well designed and calculated experiment #he even does lab reports for his random experiments and is like look :) I made a new color. do you think I can use this as a pigment?

[teabutmakeitazure]

last ask and sorry for bothering you but, there is this stupid idea : chrollo having the hots for a brown darling. knowing how messed up pakistan/india's dating and marriage system is, he cant even be her boyfriend without her having massive issues lol. its not just that darling doesn't want to date him, its that her parents will kill her if they find out. its straight up kidnapping lol. i cant imagine him trying to act as a religious, pious and well meaning suitor that's too cringe.

dont get me started on "the only man you may reveal yourself to is your husband" asshole gonna use it to his advatage.

There is no way he is walking through the door and telling your parents that his second name is Lucilfer. But that's not even the problem. The problem is how in the name of all things holy did you come to know a man. A male specimen out of all the unholy things in this land and let him into your house to meet your parents.

If the excessive interrogating wasn't enough, the taunts that you're outside and being friends with men like it's no big deal are enough to warrant a month full of therapy to undo the damage to your psyche.

The arranged marriage culture would honestly baffle him. Chrollo doesn't understand why people would weigh such superficial and shallow traits so heavily when searching for a partner. It certainly doesn't sit right with him either when he's rejected by your parents for not being as cultural as them. He has money and he cares for you. Isn't that what's supposed to matter?

Chrollo doesn't see the point in keeping up such exhaustive appearances of being religious, pious and adhering to cultural values so he takes the easy route: making you disappear. Despite his initial dislike of what he called restrictive values, he has no problems with using them against you. It's true that you're only supposed to reveal yourself without hesitation to your husband, and he's the only man- er, human - left in your life. Isn't that a wonderful coincidence?

#Chrollo hears of medical colleges being filled with girls and most of them getting married off never to practice medicine made him lose hi #his* sense of logic for a while #what do you mean they work so hard to get into medical college just to get a decent marriage proposal? #that explains why the healthcare system is in shambles #and why a third of the population consists of engineers #that aside he'd probably get rejected by the parents for being too 'not brown' #i have a lot to say about yans with brown darlings because it has so much potential with the way the marriage market is #but Chrollo might immediately see the situation and think *im not doing that* #how is he supposed to show your parents that he's the best suitor when the first question is what his father does for a living #he can't just say *oh i grew up in a lawless land without any caretaker and i dont officially exist in legal records but i love you daugh #daughter very much so cant i get some slack?* #immediate rejection lmao #mother probably doesnt like how he seems emotionless #the generational trauma of emotionless men resurfaces and its an immediate no from her too #ask #zain-is-done2004 #chrollo brainrot

[magentagalaxies]

.

#this might be both oversharing and being too vague rn but it's 2am and i'm emotionally exhausted #i can't believe during one of the most traumatic moments i've had in the past year i was lucky enough to have scott as my biggest supporter #the entire time as i was going through it he was so supportive giving me space to process shit and always having my back #and yet there are some people in my life who are always going to villainize him for one comment he said during that time out of context #or even if they're not ''villainizing'' him i now feel like i have to begin every sentence about scott with #''yeah we don't agree on everything but we're still friends and isn't that amazing!'' #which yeah that is true and i do genuinely enjoy when scott and i disagree and are respectful about it #BUT WHY DOES THAT HAVE TO BE THE FIRST THING I SAY ABOUT HIM???? #and honestly that whole experience made me agree with scott on way more than i started out with #i'm proud of how i was able to grow as a person and for the fact that it brought me and scott much closer together #but that shit i went through at my college was still traumatic. and it did change me as a person #it completely changed my relationship to activism in a way i'm not happy about bc i want to be more of an activist #but when i had someone use social justice language to justify horrible things against me it's hard not to be wary #of how hollow and performative a lot of conversations can be #and like i'll even say it. like people might get mad at me for admitting it #but that whole traumatic situation has irrevocably changed my relationship to gender as well #or at least how i label myself and how i move through these conversations #and in some ways i'm grateful for it bc i do feel like i know myself more and like i don't have to worry about what others' think #or even what other people understand #but it shouldn't have had to go down like that. and as much as the time i got to spend with scott during that time was so much fun #and such a great experience and he was truly the perfect support system during that time #he shouldn't have had to deal with that and neither should i #and the fact that scott somehow got villainized in some people's minds while the person who actually caused that trauma #is instead treated like ''yeah he was a bit misguided and made a mistake but he was probably anxious about it!! he's just a person!!'' #that's never going to stop being painful. especially the idea that with the importance people put on labels #i would supposedly have more ''community solidarity'' with that asshole than a cis gay man like scott #idk i think i'm past the timeframe of that traumatic experience bc it's not consuming every day like it used to a few weeks back #but something triggered it tonight so i just need to process it. anyway shoutout to scott for being there for me i really needed it

[lukesunbornn]

not to have a superiority complex but my peers are so so so so so so so so stupid.

#in the incoming freshman discord for my college. #these kids are bragging about cheating on all their placement exams #FIRST OF ALL. there are literal employees of our university in this chat + 200 other students. u could get in so much trouble EASILY rn #SECOND. these are PLACEMENT exams. to see what you know so you are placed in the right class. being in a higher level does not help or #affect you in any way graduation-wise. why would you cheat to get into a class that’s too hard for you that you’ll fail in and damage your #gpa and make you miserable & confused. when you could take the appropriate class & get placed at your level & be confident in your learning #& get more out of the class & have a better more prepared understanding of the concepts when you graduate #like you are setting yourself up for failure for what. to be in the advanced class? that litrally nobody cares about or will care about ever #????? that’s so so so so so so so so stupid idk what to tell you. #i’ll be over here with a 4.0 in my ‘easy’ math class enjoying my learning and understanding the concepts. have fun failing & being sad tho

[screwnames-ihatenames]

Why did I think it was a good idea to stop masking when I realized I could be autistic that was the stupidest idea I’ve ever had now my mom has yelled at me for thinking I’m autistic and “crazy” how how I act effects the whole family and how my sister is just trying to help me take care of my self but it’s not helping and it’s hard but no I just want to be autistic apparently and how 3 years ago I was “normal” (I was heavily masking and genuinely hated most people around me was always walking on eggshells afraid of everyone older than me) and now I’m purposefully acting weird (decided to just act like myself and stop masking) and how they want to look after me (yell at me until I cry and tell me to bang my head against a wall for not caring etc etc) and how I shouldn’t view myself as ugly or fat because of what other people say (it was only her ever really saying that) how I need to get my act together (stop acting freely and mask) and now I am stuck in the living room because I’ve been in my room all day (it’s literally my only safe haven in this shithole other than the fucking bathroom) and holding back tears because I fucking hate being vulnerable around her oh and lastly I can’t bring my headphones to school anymore because people think I’m autistic (teachers allow me to wear them in class but both my sisters last and current teachers said no) I wanna leave the living room and this fucking house there have been worse times obviously this just sucks because now I don’t know what to do other than mask which is getting harder to do anyway guess I’ll sit here until I inevitably cry myself to sleep when I do go to bed because she started keeping my phone in her room

#r rambling #over sharing on the internet #great #vent #long post #I feel so stupid why did I feel happy my sister realized I may be autistic #apparently people at school talk about me?? #I don’t really care about their opinions #I don’t really like them enough to care #and they’re not important enough for me to care #this is middle school I don’t care about their opinions I’m just trying to get through until I go to college #than I have to take care of myself and learn about myself and do it safely #this is stupid whatever #fucking stupid #oh she threatens to break my headphones if I wear them to school #they were never a problem before my sister suggested autism #why is taking care of myself so hard why don’t I know how to why is people telling me to feel so shitty #why does my mom tell at me every time I feel more and more like myself

[arielluva]

it seems like my dad's default response to everything i struggle to do for whatever reason is "just do it"

i was trying to explain that i struggle to read books now because actually picking them up and reading them is hard to get motivation for. he goes "just pick it up. you have arms." so i rephrase to explain that while picking up the book isn't the hard part, opening it, starting to read it, and then COMMITTING to reading it is the hard part. i can read just fine when i get into it, but actually doing it is hard. he goes "then just push through it and read"

like. did you not just hear me. i struggle to do that exact thing.

#i miss being in elementary/middle school and being a massive bookworm #i want to read but it is so hard to find the motivation to do it and to keep doing it #i only read like. 1 book during 2022 #and there were a few more in 2023. about 5? if i had to guess? but a lot of that was school assigned reading #i can read if i have to do it for school (which is why i liked silent reading time so much. i literally Had to read.) #wish i had designated silent reading that i actually have to do #i know i could just assign reading time to myself but im also a massive pushover when it comes to things i try to get myself to do #maybe in college english class there will be silent reading time (probably not) (coping) #anyways. i swear my dad does not listen to me. he might hear me but hes not really listening #we can have normal conversations but as soon as i say something he disagrees with or am voicing a struggle of mine #suddenly hes not willing to budge

[blondiest]

going to make my own version of those "that girl" videos that used to go around on tiktok (which were basically aesthetically-styled disordered eating so far as i could tell tbh) but mine will be me eating stuff like hard-boiled eggs slathered with mustard & enjoying it with a degree of enthusiasm that viewers find off-putting. my "that girl" trait will not be yoga or drinking five gallons of water a day or even having nice hair or clear skin, it will simply be my joie de vivre or however it's spelled

#i used to eat hard boiled eggs w mustard on them all the time in college bc they had them in the vending machines #and they also had packets of mustard #and i forgot my lunch like every day lol #so that became my lunch #it's a humbling experience to eat a wholeass hard boiled egg in public with like. no knife to cut it in half btw. like you just have to #take bites and it's fine but you feel silly and inelegant #it does not help if you are very gender nonconforming at the time but like. aren't trying to be. jfhfhfjgh #<- was really bad at fitting in during college bc i had super short hair and wore men's jeans and sweaters from goodwill #all of which are actually swag things to do btw but like it doesn't feel swag at all if you like. are actually trying to fit in #and are just very bad at it #and genuinely cannot connect the dots on Why Girls Don't Want To Be Your Friend (it CAN'T just be that you're getting read as queer. right?) #(because that would be so messed up if it was because of that.) #[narrator voice: it was because of that] #anyways this is off the rails bc it was supposed to be about eggs and my love of them but #a lot of people say that college is better than high school. and for me it WAS by a lot but it still was really hard in a lot of ways #i felt deeply isolated. i went to an ag school in the middle of a midwest state and studied STEM #in high school i associated with basically only queer art kids (not a huge high school and a lot of us weren't out yet but. y'know.) #and then in college i felt very out of place #and towards the end of college i decided to try and take a stab at looking more traditionally feminine. grew out my hair #got rid of my bangs #it was fine #i definitely noticed that people treated me much nicer once i had long hair and women's clothes that actually fit me #and i was like okay yeah so i guess i just should try to pass as straight then. that seems like it'll be easier #during the pandemic i gave myself bangs again. just a lil bi girl swag yk. and then last august i got my hair cut into a real short bob #and i immediately felt so much more like myself. idk how to explain it. but i was just like not meant to be feminine in that exact way #i'm honestly still pretty feminine presenting overall but #i love the fact that if i wear my hair messy now it looks kinda boyish. and if i style it nicely it looks girly. #i feel like i have options yk. and i still don't think i get read as queer now tbh? though i'm bad at knowing these things #but i don't feel like i'm HIDING anymore #WOW THAT WAS LONG SORRY LMAO

[acircusfullofdemons]

MaDD will fuck up my life in ways I won't even realize like girl wdym you only have 2 friends 💀

#maladaptive daydreaming #madd pains #madd negativity #luka.txt #told my mom one of my friends is moving away n she pointed out that i only hang out w her n another person #theres some people at work i wanna ask to hang out w but idk #for some reason my brain keeps going ''but what if we're not close enough Work Friends to hang out'' #i guess i could start messaging them on Instagram?? since were mutuals there??? #why is making friends so hard n complicated. why is my brain like this. #maybe i can message those from my old college too... #idk it's so weird ive never really. had the desire for friends? if that makes sense ??? #like theyre nice dont get me wrong I love the ones i have #and idk if its the madd or other mental illness skewing it. but part of me is sort of fine being alone? #ive always been of the ''if it happens it happens'' mindset when it came to friend making. does that make sense. probably not!

[scurvyratt]

spring semester starts on monday... please... I just want to go on the internet all day... plz...

Altho tbhhhh I don't work very hard at school lolol like im kinda a flop. Everyone always says that they spend hours and hours studying and I don't💀. Like I watch youtube in class while scrolling thru tumblr or reddit or I play sudoku... but you know what I will pay attention if it's a discussion type class and I can yap about something.

I only find myself getting stressed at the end of the semester when I save all my big projects until the day it's due. Like I WILL write a 10+ page paper in less than 24 hrs idgaf. And the thing is that I always get 100% on these essays/projects which has led me to believe that university is a bit unserious...

#rats thoughts #like idk I have 3.8 gpa #and im literally stupid #they kinda just let anyone pass #college is very unserious #like why does my feedback say “i can tell that you worked hard on this” #bcuz no i didn't #i typed it in a couple hours while watching mukbangs or something and I probably took 346 twitter breaks #also I had to quit my job bcuz of family problems a bit ago #and i literally have not been able to find a job since which is pissing me offfff #like 80% of the job postings are for registered nurses #and the others have like 80 applicants. getting an interview is like winning the lottery #like why am i fighting to work at mcdonalds bffr #so i have more free time than usual these days

[boltgunkiller-archive]

graduation and the glee kids futures makes me so emotional

#juno speaks #santana had options this isnt a diss im really proud of her and i’m serious about that too #i see her happy and married to brittany and going back to college to get a degree #and i feel so proud like. thats my girl she made it #but finn didn’t even get any of that like it’s not fair to me #whyd they make him the shows loser for no reason when he tried just as hard as everyone else #i’m not even like a huge finn shooter. i just think he deserved so much more #i’m a santana shooter. majority of the time. Big santana fan. her future makes me so happy it was so bright she was given love and #happiness when she thought that was impossible for herself. she never thought she’d get to graduate and live a life she was proud to live #with someone she was proud to be with #especially during her junior year #she figured she’d be with a guy and just feel awful forever but no!! she got the girl she loved she went to new york and realized #hey. she doesn’t want what everyone else does and that’s okay (realization took a bit but britt was there) #and she realized. she wants to go to college and get a job and be happy and not try and blend in w everyone else! #Now finn. i rlly wish he got to go to college to be a teacher and had it work out #why didn’t it #i’m so sad he really deserved to be a teacher #he would be a good teacher #you know??… #i mean.. i have my complaints about his writing but at his core (without RIB’s awful character writing) hes so deserving #and even full of love.. or hope maybe.. it’s not fair to me Like #Ugh ii am just thinking of finn. And santana. And finn. And graduation #And.? #gleeposting

[todayisafridaynight]

Reject Yakuza… play persona 5

gotta bust my friend's door down to steal her playstation real quick brb

#snap chats #her ass is definitely still sleeping. fuckin slug #i have to do THAT because i didnt bring my ps4 to college with me cause i was too busy having a crisis #but her ass has a ps4 and so i linked up my account there and now i just have to download P5R #she wants P5 and i tell her she can download my game but she never does it.... bro just let it download overnight..... #its not hard im going to beat you with my glasses case #'snap why are you so mean to your friend doesnt she follow this blog' yes but she never goes on tumblr. heh fuckin dweeb #anyway i wanna play p4 LMAOOOO #THAT SHIT'S ON SALE ON STEAM RN ONLY $15 #i miss P4G so much ever since my vita brokei havent been the same #and ive been too spoiled by what golden's given me playing the vanilla version gonna feel illegal

[quemirabobo]

So up until now I never found a fucking gynecologist who listens to me, they're like "oh you don't have sex? Then what are you here for? I can't make any exam then. Why aren't you on contraceptives? Wait I don't care, take this. Next" and makes me fucking furious and helpless

#currently mad crying on the clinic bathroom #allonormative literally makes everything so fucking hard #i never had sex why that does offends them so fucking much?? #I'm totally happy being ace except when i have an gynecology appointment #then I'm fucking miserable #gods i need to go to college #i hope no one needs this fucking bathroom right now

[rohirric-hunter]

I have what I like to call a “makeup-passing” face, which means that my eyelashes are dark and my lips are red and my skin is more or less the same color across the board by default, and by and large one of the most hilarious conversations I’ve ever had was when this adult woman went off about this sixteen-year-old in our work group who never wore any makeup. Now, I didn’t like this girl, her personality was just miserable and she was horrible at teamwork, but neither of those things have anything to do with makeup. So this adult woman started going on about how she never wears any makeup, and I was like, “Uh, well, I don’t wear makeup either,” hoping that would angle the conversation back towards her actual flaws, but this woman was not letting up. She said, “I’m not asking her to wear a ton, but every woman who respects herself should have a little lipstick and some basic mascara every day,” and I got a little fed up and said, “I don’t own any mascara and I only wear lipstick with evening gowns,” and this adult woman just kind of stared at me for almost forty seconds before going. “Well. You can do that.” Like she was so obviously trying so hard to avoid saying that I was pretty enough to do that but this other girl wasn’t because even she could tell it was kind of a shitty thing to say when it was that plainly put, but she was also having a lot of trouble getting over this “wearing makeup is the way for a woman to respect herself (and the people around her)” hump and it was honestly genuinely funny.

#i was eighteen at the time and not especially confrontational #i probably shouldnt have been shit talking the girl but listen she was horrible to work with #i never intended for the conversation to go further than #'i dont like working with her' 'me neither shes annoying' #but such is the nature of such conversations they often go further than you meant #anyway tho her makeup habits had nothing to do with why she was hard to work with #i think the woman thought it was another symptom of her personality flaws? but like genuinely there are so many reasons #to not wear makeup or to wear it #you cant make assumptions across the board about why someone does it or what it says about them #but yeah #i wouldnt say im lucky to look like this because i cant go to a corner store without the cashier asking for my number #but then i also dont have to hear random makeup lectures from older women who arent my mother so #you win some you lose some i guess #its not super comforting when i know theyre mostly only refraining from the lectures because they think im wearing makeup #i did actually wear quite a bit of foundation/eyeshadow/lipstick in college #i was experimenting #also the foundation had acne medicine in it and it was fantastic #some of the best ive used #but after i ran out i couldnt find the same brand again so i stopped doing that #sometimes i get wild colored lipstick and wear it tho #esp blue

[samuraisharkie]

girl help I’m experiencing that common yet elusive late night motivation to get my life together knowing it will fall apart in the morning </3 girl fucking help me

#I hate ittt #I’m always like ‘I’m gonna start doing this’ or ‘I’m gonna finally try and get myself in a place where I can maybe take college classes’ #and ‘I’m really gonna try and fix my sleep schedule and stop getting distracted instead of getting something accomplished’ #and then in the morning evil me is back and they hate me and everything else #and would sell the world to hell for five more minutes of sleep #and my executive dysfunction has its claws in me again #man it sucks being so behind. I don’t want to like complain and make it sound like I’m worthless bc I’m not but man it’s hard #it’s hard watching ppl younger than you achieve your dreams of learning and getting better and breaking through that mental fog #they’re not always much younger either just like. two years is enough to make me wonder what would have happened if I was there #I know it’s not all in my control why I’m here either— there’s a lot of factors at play #but one of them IS that growing up I couldn’t never beat that executive dysfunction plus mental fog and procrastination #and then I shot myself in the foot by saying I waited to long and shouldn’t even try #and now I’m realizing I could but the years I spent fighting with myself weigh me down now and then #I can’t let it get to me because if I let myself get weighed down by it all I pull others down with me #but sometimes it does make me sad. and frustrated. when I feel this motivation when im lying in bed tired at some ungodly hour #suddenly struck with wanting to change my life and not having the daylight nor the physical/mental ability to get it done right then #not to mention the privacy. if I chose to get up at the buttcheeks of midnight and morning I would be not only destroying my own schedule #but disturbing a bunch of others too #anyway this wasn’t supposed to turn into a rant sorry #I haven’t talked a lot lately so it’s all bubbling inside I guess

[manchestereyes]

alright my fellow queers i need your opinion.

if a girl:

a. gets you flowers bc she “feels bad that your mentor teacher never gave you anything at the end of student teaching”, and

b. writes you a really sweet note about how glad she is that you met and how proud she is of all we’ve accomplished this year and how she’s always a text or call away, and

c. sprinkles in several compliments during your lunch together that totally make you blush (but also you blush at any compliments sooo)

does that mean she likes you? asking for a friend 🫣

for reference, she really is the sweetest and most thoughtful person ever. like, she wrote individual notes to each of her students for her last day of student teaching talking about how proud she is of them and the potential she sees in them and stuff. she’s also complimented my queer stickers and rainbow shoes so i’m 95% sure she’s not straight but i’m still so confused! and to be clear, i also tell everyone they can contact me whenever even though i often get into *introvert moods* and don’t always feel like replying to someone. but she also said she’d love to hang out and do anything through the summer, soooo??

#she also like… never reaches out herself over text but is always happy to hear from me #so maybe she’s just nervous to text first? #i get it since we only message through snapchat right now and that’s terrifying since you know when someone’s typing #i do finally have her number now since our graduating class exchanged contact info so we could move to actual texting #but that lowkey sounds terrifying too if she doesn’t like me like that #i mean i get the vibes but also i have no idea :((( #why does being a gay girl have to be so HARD #claire chatters #claire’s college crush #idk if anyone is even up but if someone is #your advice is deeply appreciated! ❤️