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sarahbethimagines · 6 years

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Chapter 14: When It Rains It Pours

Chapter Log!

Sometime later on that same day, I'd found myself having drifted farther and farther from the group I'd been in. The longer we'd all lingered around, the more and more our numbers dwindled down. Sooner or later, the sun had begun to sink behind that great big screen, and now as I sat alone on the hill side, only small fleeting rays peaked out in its cracks. I'd sat up there for some time, left alone to my thoughts. Just collecting all the faces and names I’d learned and sliding them into their appropriate slots in my slow filling brain. But it wasn't long before the last of the ice turned to lukewarm water, and the last sip of beer was slugged back. And it was around the time that the Jeep playing music's gas started to drain that Alex began to find his way up on that hill beside me. "You alright?" He asked me once he'd drawn close enough to hear. Eyes bright against the sunset as they stared up at me. "You had me and Juubie a little nervous when you'd wandered off."

"I'm fine." I whispered. Feeling a shift in the air as Alex lowered himself down onto the dead grass. His thigh brushing up against mine. "It wasn’t too much for you, was it?" He wondered aloud. Concern evident in his tone as he turned to look at me from the side. "No, not at all." I smiled, dropping my head down. Eyes grazing my crooked-up knees, the tanned skin scuffed in spots with dirt and sneaker prints. "It was honestly kind of nice to feel normal for a bit." I saw him nod from the edges of my eyes. Then he turned his head back to where I'd been looking before. Watching in silence as the last few specks climbed into the last few cars. And once the dust cloud settled, only Alex's rusted pick-up was left all alone in that big wide field. "You remembered something earlier, when Jack came up to you, didn't you?" Alex asked after a while. His voice as soft as the summer breeze that had my short hair tickling the back of my neck. I turned my head slowly in his direction, thin brows raised. "How did you know that?" I asked him. "I know everything about you Kennedy," He shrugged, searching my eyes for something even I couldn't quite identify. "Even the stuff you're learning about yourself every day." I felt a blush creep up onto my cheeks at the way he said that. It was soft, and it was sincere, but it ran just inches deeper than that. I turned my head away, praying to God my stumpy blonde strands would be just long enough to hid the color change on my skin. But to whether they were or not, Alex never let on. Instead he inched closer, his thigh pressing flush against mine. "So, what was it?" He asked, breath moving my hair he was so close to me now. I smiled softly to myself at the thought of Jack I'd remembered. Standing on Alex's truck, at the brink of being hammered, trying his best to give his friends a speech to remember. And being grateful I did. I swallowed hard, rubbing the sweat from my palms on my knees. "I remembered the first time we celebrated your album." I muttered. My soft-spoken words hard to make out, but I knew that he'd heard them. He shifted in his seat, and I could practically feel his smile shift the atmosphere. "I remember that day," He stuttered back, "You had a lot of fun from what I recall." I nodded, regardless of not being the star of my all too brief flashback. Every time I got one, while I was consumed in it I could feel everything I'd felt the first time around. And watching Jack drunkenly rant as I sat under Alex's arm all those years ago, still filled me with joy. Even just to think about it now, with the feelings faded and far out of reach. I felt happy. "What do you remember about that day?" I asked Alex. Expecting to fill in more and more blanks. Or at the very least have words to form make shift memories to hold my own's place in line for the time being. But instead I was answered with a brief passing silence, followed by one, single, heavily spoken word. "You" I snapped my head away from my knees and over to Alex, only to find his eyes already watching me. Golden orbs played with the light the same way honey teased a bee. Shiny, smooth and inviting. They sparkled at me. They were large and doe-like as they investigated mine. Innocent and all knowing, all at the same time. "What do you mean?" I questioned. Hardly able to get the words out as I staggered through the maze in his mahogany stare. Pupils never moving as they sunk through my skull. "That was the day I realized without a doubt you were the greatest friend I'd ever have in life." It was so simple, yet so complex in the same construct. His words both amazed and confused me. And I had to fight my head to turn and my gaze to tear away. Looking back down on my knees, a frown formed on my face. "I wish I could remember." "You do," He told me, reaching a hand up and placing it on my arm. "It's just tucked away in a place you can't get at yet." I nodded once again, defeat rolling off my shoulders and down to Alex's hand. Its grip stiffened. "Close your eyes." "What, why?" I questioned, scowling still at the grass between my knees. "Just shut your eyes, and listen to me, okay?" He whispered. I sighed but complied anyways and slowly let my lids hang shut. "Now just picture this, you're seventeen. It's the summer time, still the start of July. You're finally cutting loose, starting to drink a little more each time we all gather together. It's the most exciting day we'd had all summer. And Jack is on the tailgate of my truck rambling on and on with some nonsense spiel, when suddenly rain starts to fall from the sky." The more Alex talked, the harder I concentrated on each word he said. And it wasn’t long before I was drifting back in time to a day I'd briefly began to remember already. "Holy Hell!" I practically yelled as I threw myself into the cab of the truck, slamming to door behind me as fast as I could to get out of the rain. But it was already too late. Droplets ran down my legs and soaked my socks, my shirt drenched to the bone as it clung to my skin. I groaned, scrunching my face when the driver's side door swung open, slamming shut just as fast as mine had. But instead of letting out agreeing whines to accompany my own, the boy began to laugh; loudly. I turned my head to look at Alex, eyes so wide he could practically read the words, 'you're insane' in the depths of my pupils. "Well that was certainly unexpected!" The elder chuckled, shaking his hair that looked almost black with the water soaking through it. Locks lumped together dripped small droplets from their ends and onto his thin button nose. "You're telling me!" I scoffed, rolling my eyes and turning away. I pulled the visor down and sighed, seeing the only hint of makeup I'd even bothered to put on smeared down my face. Long streaks and little lumps of mascara littered my perfect tan all under my eyes. I heard Alex laugh, but chose not to listen. Instead I rubbed my fingers along my thighs, collecting remains of the rain before scrubbing at my cheeks. The skin was rubbed red in a matter of seconds, but still the stubborn smears didn’t budge. Not even an inch. I huffed another groan and slapped the visor back up to its original position. I sat there in a silent pout for a second, arms crossed over my chest so tight, water was beginning to ring out of my shirt and onto the beige seat cover. I only moved to snap my head at the sound of more laughter leaving my friend. My eyes instantly found his to already be staring back at me. He was just as soaked as I'd been, if not worse. His bright yellow t-shirt now looked orange as it stuck to parts of his skin and bubbled up in others. Once fluffy locks were pounded flat by the force of the falling water outside which was still pounding down on the roof of his truck. The sound being the only admirable thing the rain had done that afternoon. That is, aside from deflecting the still shining sunlight outside off the droplets pooled on the windshield. Small microscopic rays bounced into the car and through Alex's amber eyes. Igniting a fire in their golden flecks. "What?" I bitterly asked when Alex didn’t cease staring at me. His stare growing deeper and evolving into something indescribable. "What do you mean, what?" He asked, eyes never budging. The only thing moving on him aside from his heaving chest were his lips as they twisted into an almost less than playful smirk. "Can I not look at you?" I huffed, turning my head back forward. Staring now at the wall of rain crashing down on our once clear day. I wasn’t planning on feeding into his foolish antics. He was drunk, or at least mildly buzzed, and I was already too annoyed at the weather to play. But soon enough, the holes he'd been burning in the side of my head drilled a little too deep, and I looked over at him again. Finding his stare right where I'd left it. "Why are you looking at me like that?" I snapped at him. Deflecting my annoyance, but he didn't seem to care. "I'm not looking at you in any particular way..." He shrugged, scooching an inch or so closer to me on the truck's bench. My eyes jumped down to glare at the space between us he'd just lessened. As though in warning. "This is just how I've always looked at you." I rolled my eyes before staring blankly at him again. My expression not radiating even an ounce of amusement. "If you're going to make a joke about my makeup just do it." I muttered. And Alex clicked his tongue, eye brows scrunching as he scooted even closer, his knees now brushing my thigh. "Why would I do that?" He questioned, and I looked to him with my own brows furrowed. I could feel his breath against the chilled trails on my face as he breathed heavily. Hesitantly almost, and slowly lifted a hand to cradle the questioning expression I was shooting at him. "I don't see anything to joke about." "And what is that supposed to mean exactly?" I challenged. Trying my absolute hardest to appear composed under his close proximity and weighing gaze. But it was hard to do anything but focus on the way his calloused thumb rubbed the agitated skin on my cheek so gently. "Just that I think you're beautiful." He whispered, my eyes not even being able to help the way they softened. He didn't dare to move again, keeping his face inches from mine which he held in his hand. "I've always thought that, Dee." "Since when?" I tried to ask, but it came out in a breathless hush. Leaving me to bite my lip as I stared into Alex's eyes. Orbs so close to mine I could have gone cross-eyed. "Since the first day of freshman year, when you walked into me in the hallway." He said, my eyes lowering to watch his lips change shape while he mumbled his quiet words to me. "I thought it was so cute, how nervous you were, how you refused to meet my eyes, just like you are right now..." I could feel the lump in my throat form, but I fought myself to rebel against his words and look up. Regretting it instantly when I immediately got sucked back into his big doe-eyes. It was getting increasingly harder to breath with each passing second. But my breath nearly stopped all together when I suddenly began to notice his eyes growing bigger, slowly shutting with each millimeter closer they drew to me. All the same anxiety began to fill me from the night he'd drunkenly kissed me in my kitchen. A night we had never once discussed or even as much as acknowledged. But here I was again, too late to stop it as I felt Alex's lips brush mine. And instinctively my eyes fell shut, reciprocating it no matter how wrong the little reasoning voice in my head was telling me it was. It started out so innocent, his hand on my jaw, his lips on mine. A pure peck waiting to be released. And just when I thought he would with his hand leaving my jaw, I started to pull away. Only to be tugged right back in as his hand knotted in my rain-soaked hair. Something took over inside me then. I don't know what it was or where it came from, but I certainly had no control over it. Because the next thing I knew, I was tangling my own boney digits in the back of his head, deepening the kiss in my own wrong doing. Soaking in how perfect his lips felt pressed flush against mine. And just like the first time, when I felt Alex's tongue brush against mine. It all faded away. Just as fast as it came. "Dee... Dee... Kennedy!" Alex shook me from my thoughts, literally shook me with his hands on my shoulders. But he really didn’t need to with the way I felt my bones trembling on their own. "Are you okay?" He quickly asked me when I started to blink myself back into reality. "Kennedy, you're crying." I attempted to catch my breath for a moment. My chest heaving, my head spinning, and my nose running as I felt the tears in mention as they dripped down my face. Haunting me of the way the rain had felt on my flesh in the flashback. Slowly, and hesitantly I turned my head. Meeting the eyes, I'd just looked at so closely. Only now they stared back at me completely absent of hidden desire, and instead full of worry and concern. I chocked on the words in my throat for a while. Scattered mumbles and misplaced words fumbled from my mouth till I finally gathered up the strength to spill the one question that had been left to linger on my mind. "Why are you lying to me?" I tried to ask, but it came out more as a strangled sob than an actual question. Confusion beginning to build up, drowning me slowly from the inside out. "What?" He coughed, confusion of his own soon replacing his concern, but not entirely. "Kennedy, what would I have lied about?" "Being my friend!" I sobbed, my hands instinctively moving upward to cradle my throbbing head. "You said you knew I was your best friend that day, but it was a lie! You didn't want to be my best friend anymore." He hung his head at my words, buried his face in his hands and sighed. Leaving me there, sitting next to him in silence, sobbing and confused. I knew in Heinz sight, kissing your best friend wasn’t something to hysterically cry about right in front of them. Especially after they were the one who helped you remember it happening in the first place. But I really don't think those tears were coming from a place of sadness. Above everything else flooding my brain, the most prominent emotion of all was confusion. I was confused, and hurt, and scared. Up until that point, all anyone had lead me on to believe was that Alex was my best friend and nothing more, including him! But now, among everything else that didn’t make sense to me, even that I couldn’t count on as being the truth. It was hard enough as is to try and piece back a life I didn't remember living. But to have to navigate conflicting stories with memories and information I'm given made it all that more troublesome of a feat. "You remembered our fight, didn't you?" He quietly muttered into his hands. So quite in fact, I almost hadn't heard it over my own hiccups and sniffles. "What, no Alex!" I all but snapped, propping myself up on my knees and turning towards him as tears continued to rapidly spill down my cheeks. Completely disregarding his words. "I remembered what happened once it started to rain!" Alex's head slowly lifted at the sound of the sudden anger flowing into my tone. Confusion taking over his once defeated expression. Looking at me now as I stared back at him, pinch lipped and teary eyed. "Best friends don’t just do that!" I hissed once he finally met my stare head on. "What do you mean?" He hurriedly asked, "What are you talking about?" "You kissed me, Alex!" I wailed. My head pounding even harder now with all the emotions building up inside it. Conflicting and confusing me. "Just like you did in my kitchen, you kissed me. Friends don’t kiss friends!" His face suddenly softened once again, resorting back to that confused and worried daze as he gazed back at me. "You remembered that?" He asked, voice dropping dramatically in volume. "Yes!" I hissed, "So, I don't know why you keep lying to me if I knew all along we weren't justfriends." "Kennedy, we were just friends." Alex stressed, "We kissed yes, but we never became anything more." My head was spinning faster and faster with each conflicting sentence he threw at me. I couldn't keep it all in a straight line. Everything I'd gathered about myself was now scattered across the floor. A pile of messy confusion I once again couldn't even begin to comprehend. I looked at him, hurt and anger filling my soul to see nothing but disappointment and something I couldn’t identify clouding his eyes. "I have to go." I suddenly muttered. Not giving him a chance to stop me, I clambered to my feet and took off running back down the hill. Not a clue of which direction to go or how to even get home. I could hear him calling after me, his voice growing softer and softer the further I ran. and I continued to run till his screams faded away and all I could hear was my own conflicted sobs, and my heart beating away. I guess it's true what they say. When it rains, it pours.

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nho-jungle · 3 years

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i really agree with the whole diagram except 1.. also i found jack baraket cute like... maybe 6 years ago idk and now when i saw it on your post i thought wow long time no see and now I'm looking up pics

fksdhf GUESS WHAT HE JUST GOT CUTER!!!!!

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5sosspicedrosey · 5 years

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hey! could i get a poly ship? my name is violet and im 5" 5. I've got long red hair and green eyes. im a semi professional figure skater so i spend a lot of my time training and competing. i am vegetarian. people tend to assume im very innocent because im soft spoken and look younger than i am, but thats definitely not the case and i often express a sexier side with the costumes i wear on the ice. i love champagne and fancy parties, exploring new cities, bright red lipstick and eating candy! ty!

Know what?

Muke

This is some Muke material right here!!!

Luke calls you his little squish because of how soft you act and look but both definitely appreaciate when you pull out the sexier stuff

They both 100% support your training and all the time it takes because you do the same for them when they are in the recording studio

Can you imagine them arguing about who get’s to leave the studio early to go pick you up from the arena you are practicing in

“You got to last time.”

“Doesn’t count, I went to the wrong one and didn’t even get to see her in the end.”

They both end up coming

Michael insisted stopping for pizza on the way

They bought two large pizzas but they only came in with one because they’d already eaten the other one in the car

Luke scoffs when Michael tells you that it was him who ate most of it

Luke tells you that Michael is lying because “he was the one who wanted pizza the most so it obviously was him”

Luke bundles you up in his jacket as Michael offeres to help undo your laces for you

They’re always sweet to you like that

Luke pretends to be offended my your vegetarianism and how “vegetarian is just another word for a lazy chewer” (IDK Luke???)

But in reality he is the one who makes sure you get enough protein

He always makes sure you have veggie burgers and whatever meat alternatives you like added to the grocery list and that those items are never in short supply

Michael loves your red hair

He actually died his back to red for a few weeks just to match you

Both of yoiu tried to convince Luke to do it with you guys but he wasn’t having any of it

Actually he came very close to caving several times

Michael is trying to get you to change your hair colour to violet just so that it’s the same as your name

Both boys love the fact that everybody thinks you are a sweet little angel but when you guys get home it’s easy to see who really wears the pants in the household

Michael makes a point to buy you two types of candy for every city they tour in

He get’s on exotic candy or one that’s iconic for the area and then he gets one generic kind

Altough he does make you share

Tickling you until you share when you decide to be playful

Luke couldn’t help but roll his eyes the day Michael brought back candied bugs as your exotic candy

“Michael, a) that’s disgusting and b) she’s not going to eat that she’s a vegetarian”

Michael literally makes an “o” with his mouth when he realizes that Luke is right

“We eat weird stuff all the time…”

“Yeah, on interviews and stuff like that when we are promoting albums, not just for the hell of it.”

Exploring new towns and cities with a boy on either side of you

Luke really wanted to take you to this restaurant that’d been recommended to him

Michael wasn’t as keen but he couldn’t resist you

Your left hand fit into Michaels warm soft one while Luke held onto you by placing an arm over your shoulder

Ashton snuck a quick picture of you guys when nobody was looking

He sent it to Luke and Michael that night

They added it to the group chat that consisted of the three of you

You loved the picture so much and told them that it was “the one”

They both knew what “the one” meant

The three of you’d been talking about it for weeks but were waiting for the right picture opportunity

The next day twitter blew up

Your ships name was the hottest hashtag

You guys used the picture that Ashton had taken to announce your relationship to the public

All three of you were a little worried of how the fans would take your relationship it being a poly one and all

Instead of massive abouts of hate you receive massive amounts of love and support from the fandom

Other celebrities sent in congratulations and their best wishes

Jack Baraket sent in a slightly lewd comment about the bedroom

You all knew that even of things had gone south and people weren’t as thrilled that you three would have been alright because you were meant to stick through thick and thin

Ironically that was the caption for the announcement

“Together with the people we love, we will continue to love together, through thick and thin.”

-xx Reetz

Sorry this one was super long I didn’t mean for it to get that long

#5sosspicedrosey ships

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bitterbeebo · 6 years

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hi i did another thing!!

#all time low #alex gaskarth #jack baraket #zack merrick #rian dawson #cover #singing

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domestic-bands · 6 years

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Jack: *uses “have you heard about Pluto?” as a pick up line exclusively*

#jack baraket #atl #all time low

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hopelessrecords · 8 years

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All Time low has announced Straight to DVD II!

Preorders are now live at http://smarturl.it/STDIIPreorder

#all time low #jack baraket #alex gaskarth #straight to dvd #straight to dvd II #rian dawson #zack merrick #hopeless records #live dvd

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sarahbethimagines · 6 years

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Chapter 13: Get Along

Chapter Log!

Michelle had shown up at house unexpected, and uninvited later on that same Friday. And somehow, someway convinced me that going to the gathering would be a good thing. Sitting in the passenger seat of her 8-year old Camry. I was still trying to decide if she'd been right or not. KISS 95.9 was currently playing on the radio. Love in This Club by Usher blasting through the speakers. And at just number eight on their top-forty countdown, it had me counting the mile markers on I-83. Just praying each one would be the last we'd pass.

I'd asked Michelle just about a hundred and seven times since she'd shown up at my door where we were going. And each and every time I did, she gave me the same cookie cutter response. Just a small smirk, and a "you'll see" that had my eyes rolling and my brain contemplating just ending it all. But in Heinz sight, if shitty radio play and a sketchy best-friend were the worst things I had going on in my day, I guess I was doing okay. Still, I impatiently tapped my fingers on my tanned knees the entire remainder of the drive. Only stopping when she suddenly slowed down and pulled off the main road and onto an uneven dirt path. One that certainly didn't look like it was meant for any form of recreational use in the past generation or so. "Okay, where on Earth are we actually going?" I asked at the sight of it. Our small bodies bouncing and swinging around in the cab of her car as it jumped and jostled. Thanking God for the second time in my life for inventing the seatbelt. "Lord, is your patients as thin you are!" She joked, rolling her eyes. And I couldn’t help but start to mutter under my breath for a greater power above to give me some patience. Because if I was handed strength in that moment I probably would have just up and punched her. She was the one that dragged me out to the middle of nowhere and wouldn’t tell me where she taking me to probably get wacked and left for dead. But thankfully for both me, and Michelle's arm a second later she somehow managed to round a brushed corner without bottoming out her little gold car. Pulling into a large open field. We rode down the grass and destroyed patches of road, kept in a straight line by sporadic metal posts till we passed a small white structure caving in on itself. Other cars soon came into view. An array of varying vehicles from little ones like Michelle's to large pickups were parked in a semi-circle, people gathered in the middle. And soon I spotted the most bizarre thing just beyond the group. A towering fifty-foot-tall screen stood sky high. Small white panels pealing at places and completely missing in others leaving nothing but holes or exposed plywood. We were at an old drive-in movie theater. My eyes were probably the size of bowling balls by the time she'd parked her car and turned to me, calling my attention back to her. "You good?" She asked simply. And I looked out through her windshield at the group of people wandering around. Unable to make out exact faces. "I'll be right beside you the whole time if you get overwhelmed." I nodded thoughtfully and chewed on my lip. Not daring to make moves to unbuckle myself, even when Michelle did. There were about twelve or so people in the group if my math was correct. And all things considered, there was probably one person I knew for certain, and only two to three others whom I'd just recognize. "Tweedle Dee?" She called again, probably noticing my internal debate. I looked over to see her now up and out of her car, standing in its open door. "Just remember, all these people are your friends, whether you remember them or not." I nodded my head and forced my hands to move. "You're right" I muttered, crawling out of the car. I tried to repeat Dr. Walker's words in my head, telling myself how this would help me remember. But it was kind of hard to once Michelle ran around to me. She hooked her arm in mine and lead us off towards the crowd, rambling the entire time about how excited everyone would be to see me. But I didn’t need her assuring words for long. Because the second we drew close enough to identify, a long-legged, skunk haired kid was running right at us. "KENNERS!" He screeched, straggly arms waving through the air. A trail of dust being kicked up behind his brightly colored Nikes as he stormed towards us, throwing himself at me the second he could. His sternum crashed into my cheek with full force, knocking me back a few steps and clean into a memory. "Allright, everyone! Listen up!" Jack shouted, from behind me. Causing everyone in our small huddle to turn around and see the raven-haired boy by Alex's truck. His long limbs contorted in strange and certainly uncomfortable ways as he swung himself up onto the dropped tailgate and rose to his feet. Bible in his left hand he'd swiped from the glove box, was then used to tap the beer bottle clutched in the other. Once a gift from Alex's grandmother after his confirmation was now just a prop. His feeble attempts to make any sound fell short. But still, everyone around who hadn't already been watching on turned to see what the commotion was. The air was warm as it swirled around us, ice cold Coronas and Busch Light cans were in everyone's hands as we gathered in the center of our favorite spot in town. The old abandoned Timonium Drive In. It was the core of the summer, and the usually scorching sun just begun to set, dipping slightly behind the large screen which somehow still stood. But Alex's skin was still speckled with sweat as he threw a bare arm around my shoulders. Warm sun-tanned skin sticking to my own. I knew just as well as the boy beside me that the fleeting light wouldn’t stop that twenty-person party from raging on into the night. And as the golden hour shined down on Jack where he towered above us, it was as good of an assumption as any. "Tuesday, July 15th 2005 will be a day for us all to remember!" He shouted, beginning to walk back and forth across the rusted bed. "A day greatness was released from the womb of the greatest band to ever come from the suburbs of Baltimore, Maryland and out into the world!" "Pretty sure were the only ones in the area!" Rian hollered from behind. His arm slung causally around Kara's waist. "Shut up, I'm giving a speech you, turd licker!" Jack laughed, "Today, we as a band, released our first ever full-length album, The Party Scene!" And on that note, everyone started to cheer. Hoots were hollered and beers were sipped but Jack wasn’t quite done there. He kept on talking, pacing and swinging his drink as though he here Charlie Champlin. And our small group of friends were watching his movie. "You don't get much for certain in this life, and we sure as Hell didn't think this little garage band would make it this far, that’s for damn sure!" He drunkenly rambled. "But as I stand here, managing to convince you all somehow that what I'm about to say may have some hidden wisdom or be sweet and meaningful to hold onto and laugh about in years to come. I'll tell you right now, you're dead-fucking-wrong." "Oh, then just get on with it!" Another friend yelled. "Well," Jack popped, coming to a stop and turning to face us all. "I would, but to be honest I forgot what I had to say the second, I climbed up onto this truck. So, I'll just say what mamma Merrick always has. All you're really given is the sunshine and your name!" "My mom doesn’t say that?" Zack chimed in, and not a second later the most miraculous thing I'd ever seen started to happened. As though mother nature was toying with Jack's mention of the sunshine pouring over us all. Not a second more passed before small drops of water began to fall from the sky. And I couldn't even begin to describe just how magical the chorus of our laughter sounded in that moment of time. "Look what you've done now, you fuck!" Rico manically yelled as one drop became two, and then three. And before we knew it large rain drops began to fall all around us from the still sunlit sky. In a matter of seconds, the mere drizzle was a full-blown downpour and people began to scatter. I was ripped from the memory almost as quickly as I'd been knocked into it. Looking up once I could to see Alex holding Jack by the shoulder and rolling his eyes. "You're going to crush her to death if you squeeze her like that!" "Well, I'm not going to apologize for it!" He laughed, turning to me and letting his black and bleached hair fall into his eyes. "I've missed you Kenn, like the dessert misses the rain!" His small, clueless remark made me laugh a little too hard at its relation to my memory. But still, my shoulders instantly rolled back. Now free from his death-like grip and much more relaxed than they'd been just moments before in the car. "I've missed you too, you crazy." I smiled. Not knowing exactly what I'd been missing, but the words felt right as they rolled off my tongue. He smiled at me, big brown eyes glistening in the fading sunlight. I could practically see the sporadic thoughts bouncing through his skull as he tossed an arm around my shoulder and started to walk. "Well how 'bout we say hi to everyone else who's been missing you almost as much as I have." I could hear Alex and Michelle's steps as they followed close behind. Talking softly to one another as Jack lead me by my neck towards the crowd. A few slowly turned around one by one to our direction. But not everyone had seemed to notice us approach, most just carried on with their loud conversations over the even louder music flowing from a Jeep. But one boy seemed to pick up on my presence instantly, a smile spreading across his face I could see clearly from even a foot away how bright and perfect his teeth were. He was a broader man, his head was buzzed, and subtle tuffs of scruff lined his jaw. He didn't look like anyone I'd pictured before, but for some reason my brain drew a connection I didn't even know was there upon seeing that smile of his. "Hey Rian," I waved. His already large smile growing even bigger as he managed to pull me out from under Jacks arm. Tugging me instantly into a brief, firm hug. "How are you?" "I'm good!" He nodded and let go. His smile still so wide I was beginning to think he would start to catch flies soon enough. "How are you, how have you been doing?" "I mean, I've certainly been better." I shrugged, trying to laugh it off like I'd been getting in the habit of doing. He just gave me a knowing nod. "I'm sure, but hey, Alex has been telling us you've been coming along pretty good!" He said motioning to the singer who'd stepped up beside Jack. Already blushing profusely by the time I'd looked over. "Is that true?" "It is..." I dragged. Watching for a second with a smile as Alex kept his hidden before I looked to my other side at Michelle. The shorter brunette shooting me a grin. "I didn't know Alex talked about me so much." "No more than he used to!" Rian laughed, receiving a swift smack to the arm by his shaggy-headed friend. "Alright, well that's enough of a re-introduction to Rian, I think!" Alex cut in right after, deciding that conversation was dead and buried. Being quick to replace Jack's place at my side as he grabbed my hand and hauled me off to the others. Being dragged around that makeshift party and being re-introduced to person after person in my life was a lot of things. For starters, it was outright just a lot. A lot to take in, a lot to digest, a lot of fresh names in the bank, a lot of faces I just straight up didn’t recognize, and a lot that I vaguely did but had no idea of why. It was confusing at times, but fun at others. For instance, when I was put in front of a boy with a rather interesting last name, I remembered him. Not much, but now at least I know Alex Grieco. And that I was assigned to be his guide when he came into Dulaney High just one year after the rest of us. And how we'd laughed the entire time at the fact that even I still didn't know how to get around that damned high school. And the entire time I had someone with me by my side walking me through it all. Either Alex, sipping a beer and sharing a story of something ridiculous and borderline unbelievable I’d done with someone. Or with Michelle, which I almost preferred, not that Alex wasn’t helpful. But purely because anytime someone that didn’t even begin to ring a bell would walk away, she'd turn to me and whisper a juicy bit of gossip on how I'd felt about them back in high school. All of which had the two of us laughing and snickering like immature school girls again. Eventually we'd all found ourselves gathered around Alex's truck. Zack was sat on top the truck's cab. Someone who I'd recognized almost instantly despite his drastic change in appearance from the dark and stormy kid I’d envisioned. I was perched on the tailgate, legs swinging over the edge. Wedged between Michelle and Alex while all the others wereeither sat in collapsible chairs or standing around. Each and every one having a story to share of a time they'd spent with me they just couldn't wait to get out. "And I just stood there, completely shocked," One kid Timmy, a rather robust individual told. "You just slapped the dude clean across the face, no warning or nothing!" "There is absolutely no way I did that!" I laughed along with everyone else. Leaning over and hiding my head in Michelle's long hair once Timmy was done telling his story of me. Large hands up in the air the entire time he explained it. "Oh, but you did, my little fire-cracker!" He pointed at me, exposing my bright red face to the whole group in the process. "Yeah that's a good one," Zack laughed from behind me, hopping down and making the truck jolt just a bit. "But not quite as good as the time we went to Dick's Last Resort!" "Oh, my gosh I almost forgot about that!" Michelle laughed, turning around to look up at Zack as he placed a hand on my totally confused shoulder. Everyone around me beginning to chuckle and nod. Each and every one seeming to recall the moment with ease. I on the other hand was having a much more difficult time. "Why, what happened at Dick's Last Resort?" "Well you know how the whole point of Dick's is that you go, and get those funny paper hats and the waiters basically just pick fun at and mock you the entire time?" Michelle excitedly asked, staring cheerily into my lost eyes. "I mean, kind of, I guess." I shrugged, trying to recall. Still not really seeing how this could lead to a memorable story. Unless my friends really thought a waiter laughing at me was just that hysterical. Which they just might of, honestly. "Well we all went there to celebrate something-" "My birthday!" "Yes," Zack sighed at Michelle's interruption. "And were just downright miserable the whole time! Our waiter was basically bullying you the entire meal. Calling you Scrooge, saying you could drive a preacher to drink with an attitude like yours all this crazy shit!" "Eventually you basically snapped!" Jack chimed in with a chortle. "What did I do?" I asked, genuinely a little worried to hear their responses. But I of course was only immediately answered with a wide variation of laugher. "You made some absurd remark about being able to charm the dew off a honeysuckle or something bizarre like that and went on this hilarious little rant about how cheery of a person you were!" Zack started again, "But then you made the big ole mistake of spewing out that you used to be a cheerleader!" "I was a cheerleader?" I asked, not believing it for a second as I turned to the grinning boy. Scrunching my nose up at his smile. "Not that we knew of!" He chuckled, shrugging a bit. "You cheered for a little later on in high school and hated it they were so bad, but I guess in Boston you were really good at it." "Yeah, you were smoking at the ears practically when our waiter only started to pick on you more, saying that you probably couldn’t get your scrawny legs of the ground!" Michelle laughed, borderline crying she was giggling so hard. "Hey, this is my story for Kenn!" Zack snipped, smacking her lightly on the top of her head. "But yeah, like she said, you were pissed as all Hell, and you made a bet with the guy that if you got up on their stage right then and there and did a back flip that he couldn't say one more word to you the rest of the night!" "I didn’t know I could do a back flip!" I chocked, looking wide-eyed at my boney knees swinging over the tailgate's edge. "Yeah, neither did we!" The boy continued to laugh. "We all thought for sure you were about to eat hardwood when you got up on the platform, but crazily enough you landed it! Still probably the coolest thing I've seen you do." "We did get banned for a year though because of it..." Rian muttered. And everyone started to laugh again. Including me this time. "I don't know, Zack..." Jack sang, taking his turn as he sloshed his beer around in its can. "I think the concerning number of drunk backflips she's done in Gaskarth's back yard would have that story beat!" "I did not do back flips drunk!" I laughed, shaking my head in utter disbelief. "Oh, sweet pea," Michelle sighed, "You've done so many, so far from sober we lost count after fifteen or so." An eruption of laughter exploded through the friend group after that. And I laughed along ever so slightly and I fell, red-faced into Alex's side. "I didn't realize how crazy I was growing up..." I chuckled. So soft probably only the singer had heard. He just sighed and wrapped his arm around my back. Pulling my blushing form closer into him. "It's one of the many, many things we all love about you. Kennedy Paige."

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musicandpuppies-blog · 9 years

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Jalex gives me life

#jalex #all time low #jack baraket #alex gaskarth

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sarahbethimagines · 6 years

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Chapter Eleven: See The Light

Chapter Log!

After some time, Michelle and I managed to let our sobs subside and detangled ourselves from the other's arms. But Michelle was quick to slap her hands to my cheeks, her eyes running over what was left to see of my now squished face. Investigating it closely. So close, I could have sworn to you she'd been counting every pore and freckle on the skin. "Well look at you," She smiled widely, slowly lightening her grip and letting my face start to reshape, "I haven't seen you in a month of Sundays!" I smiled back at her, laughing softly as I searched all the new records in my brain to remember I in fact hadn't seen her since winter break. "I'd been wondering how long I'd have to wait for you to find your way back here." Her hands finally dropped and she took a step back, her smile never budging an inch. "Well here I am!"

"There you are..." She breathed, suddenly pulling me into yet another tight hug. Huffing a hefty sigh as she did and burrowed her small head into my shoulder. "Lord only knows how happy I am that you're back." Smiling still, I returned her hug knowing exactly what she'd meant by that. And we stood there like that for a moment in a tearless embrace. Michelle thanking God I'd somehow remembered her. And me just basking in the same thing. Feeling more than grateful that somehow, someway I now had someone I truly knew to talk about everything to. Someone I remembered to help me navigate all that I didn't just a little bit better. That hug didn't last nearly as long as the last, and soon she was pulling us apart and taking a hold of my hand. "C'mon, I have something I've been waiting to give you!" She excitedly explained. Damn nearly pulling my arm clean out of its socket as she all but ran to the back of the shop. I'd always thought I was short in comparison to my father and Alex, and well everyone else in my other memories. But even at my short stature, I still had her beat by an inch or so. But that sure as Hell didn’t stop her from pumping those stumpy legs. Like she was Usain Bolt and the door she swiftly pulled us up to was the finish line in the Olympics'100-meter relay. The sign on the door read 'Authorized Personnel ONLY', and I guess that Michelle fell under that category now as she pushed it open with ease and uncovered the strangest yet most perfect little break room I'd ever seen. Once she'd dropped her death grip on my now probably broken hand, I followed in after her slowly and took in the room in its entirety. There was a small, paint smeared and wood chipped table off to the side, a single chair pulled up to it. It was pretty much empty spare a few napkins, a large, gaudy, borderline out of date boom box, and a small microwave. Diagonal from it in the corner were two oversized bean bag chairs that looked like they'd been used as punching bags for Rocky at some point or another. But by far the most impressive part of that oversized storage closet were its walls. Every inch covered from floor to ceiling and wall to wall in a wide range of posters, photographs, and record casings. There were band posters, album art, and torn off covers of Rolling Stone magazines. There were photos of Micah and Michelle at varying ages plastered everywhere. Photos of bands that had rolled through town, or those surrounding. Even photos of the Michelle and I, and the guys. Some were normal, and some were of Jack, Alex, Zack, and a third boy I assumed to be Rian playing all together. A full-blown band. I wandered around the room with wide eyes all while Michelle fumbled around in search for something. Taking the moment to soak it all in, even spotting a small polaroid photo of me. I was smiling widely, clearly laughing whilst holding a crumpled piece of paper that read 'EmpLoyEE of the mONth' in purple crayon. And I laughed softly, remembering Michelle doing that on the one-month anniversary of me working at that very store with her our Junior year in high school. "There you are, you little fucker." Michelle groveled under her breath making me laugh. I turned around to see her just barely miss smashing her head on the table's edge as she rose to her feet, tiny blue plastic bag in hand. "Only took a million and a half years to find it!" I furrowed my brow, propped myself up against a wall and watched. Giggling quietly at my friend as she tore the bag away its confines and was quick to rip the plastic film off a brand-new CD. "What are you doing?" I finally asked in an overly amused voice as she haphazardly tossed the scraps over her shoulder and popped the freed disc into the boombox. "Just being the coolest friend ever." She mocked me, turning around with a roll of her eyes and tossing the now empty CD case through the air. "Consider it a belated birthday gift, or very belated depending on which birthday you celebrated this year." I let out a bellowing laugh once I'd managed to catch it, only fumbling it in my fingers for a second. A questioning, yet still amused look in my eyes as I turned the disk over and tore my eyes from Michelle's to look down. My baby blues instantly tripled in size at the sight of what I was now holding in my hands. The black faded halo, the burnt orange bricks, the black, white and yellow spray-painted art. All physical attributes used to describe Green Day's, 21st Century Breakdown. My eyes were the size of moons when I looked back to her. My jaw slack, but my smile wide. "I've been waiting for this since they announced recording it in October!" I practically squealed. And she matched my excitement perfectly. "How do you have this?" I questioned, running the few feet over to her, "I don't even remember this being released!" I could see a flash of something in her eyes when I'd said that. But she quickly covered it up with a casual smirk and shrug. "We got right on the order and stalked up the second it came out, I've been holding onto this copy for about a week now for you." "Oh my God, thank you!" I yelled, wrapping my arms around her neck in the tightest hug I could muster. "Alright, alright I know," She coughed, pushing me off, or at least attempting to. "I'm the greatest best friend in all of existence but get off me so I can play it!" "Say less!" I huffed, pulling myself off her in an instant and allowing her to turn around and press play. As the first track began to spin, I returned to my place by the wall, leaning into it and scanning the back of the CD case. Taking in each and every one of the eighteen song titles. And Michelle pressed herself up onto the break table, swinging her legs ever so slightly as she watched me. For a while we just sat in silence listening to the music and taking it in. But it was hard for me to ignore the way her eyes were burning two little holes in my skull once I'd finished listing the tracks in my head. I knew she must have had a million and one questions, there was something about the way she'd been looking at me before. So shocked, and yet so happy. She must have been just as surprised as I'd been at the fact that I so quickly remembered who she was. And I'm certain she had a laundry list of things she wanted to ask me. About the incident, about what I'd remembered so far, probably even what I'd specifically remembered about her. But if I'm to be honest, it was nice for once to not have to think so hard about what had been going on in my life the past two weeks. Just being able to sit in a room with someone I knew everything about was all I ever wanted and felt just as good as I'd hoped. That is sparing the small hints of guilt I'd begun to feel about not remembering anyone else. But I didn’t want to talk quite yet. So, I held off, never meeting her stare and instead began to wander aimlessly around the room in circles, taking in everything that was stuck to the walls. Feeling memories tug at my mind just out of reach when I saw certain things. Letting my hands graze the scattered collection of posters and photographs, I stopped at one that caught my eye. Leaning in to get a closer look with squinted eyes. The poor-quality photo captured an image of Alex that had something tugging just a bit harder than before in the back of my brain. Standing in a dark room with broken ceiling panels. He had a pink electric guitar slung over his shoulder and a white bandana wrapped around his visibly sweat slicked hair. Even through the grain I could easily see the expression on his face as he hung his jaw wide and was singing into a microphone, thick vein bulging down the length of his neck clear as day. They were probably playing some form of a show. Zack could be seen ever so slightly behind him, the only thing keeping the shorter boy from fading into the darkness of the photograph was the bright red t-shirt stuck to his chest. "How much do you remember of him?" Michelle suddenly asked from behind me when she noticed me staring. Careful tone to her words. "Not as much as I'd like to." I admitted, dropping my hand and head in synchronization before turning around to see her staring up at me. A somber look to her pressed smile. "He's been keeping us all in the loop, you know." She told me, still swinging her legs. Eyes never leaving me as I made my way over and flopped down into one of the worn bean bag chairs. "Ever since you'd shown up at his house." "All good things, I hope?" I inquired. She nodded and I did too, biting down gently on my lip. "He said you're doing a lot better the past few days, that you remember more than you think." "I doubt that!" I scoffed, shaking my head and letting my eyes fall to my swaying knees. "Don't doubt Alex." She practically warned me, though with a playful twang. "He's known you better than you've known yourself since ninth grade. It's just a much easier competition for him in the time being." "Well, that's one wat to put it." I laughed half-heartedly. But only for a moment before a frown formed between my cheeks. "It kills me you know, not remembering any of them. Not remembering my dad, or my best friends." "Well you seem to remember me just fine!" She pointed out. Clearly searching under rocks for a silver lining to show me. Only finding rattle snakes hidden away. "Yeah, well you're actually the only person I really remember." I bitterly admitted. "And even that is a new discovery." "Oh, boo who!" She whined, and my attention instantly snapped up in time to see her rolling her big doll eyes at me. "Dee, do me a solid and tell the negative committee that meets in your brain to sit down and shut the Hell up!" "Excuse me?" I practically choked on my shocked excuse for a laugh. "You heard me." She said, narrowing her eyes. "This whole negative nelly, woe is me crap isn't you! You were bright and bubbly ten minutes ago until I asked about your progress. Look on the bright side!" I couldn’t even begin to help the way my eyes rolled at that. "Where is the bright side to forgetting your entire life." "How about getting a chance to remember it again." She said. And I looked to her again at the sound of her hardened words, only to see a cold glare looking right back at me. Things seeming to make a fast and drastic turn in a whole new direction. "Look Dee, something terrible happened to you. Probably the worst thing that can happen to a person. But in the bigger picture of things you got lucky!" "How?" I genuinely asked now, not as sarcastic as before. More curious per say as to where she was going with all this. She sighed and shook her head. "You were in a car full of people that played chicken with a tree and lost miserably. Not a single one of you walked away with just bumps and bruises. So, all things considered, if I were you, I'd start to just be grateful you walked away at all instead of focusing on smaller things." "I am grateful!" I quickly defended. "I know you are deep down..." She said, "But you're letting your memory cloud that. You're so focused on the fact that you can't remember that you're forgetting to count the biggest blessing of being able to remember anything at all." I bit my lip and looked away from her for a moment. My hand subconsciously running its way up to the back of my head where a line of small scabbed staples sat hidden beneath my hair. One of the last remaining bits of physical evidence. All that time at home I’d been trying my hardest to remember my life and think as little as possible about how I’d lost the ability to do so. I didn’t remember the crash. All I knew about it was what I'd seen on the news before the nurses would turn it off. And the few conclusions I'd drawn from the doctors questioning me. The biggest thing I had been blocking from my thoughts, now with Michelle's words in my head seemed like the biggest thing I should have been focusing on all along. That not everyone survived that night. And I was one of the four lucky ones who did. "Your memory will come back to you." Michelle whispered, pulling me from my thoughts. "And we are all going to be here until you do, helping where we can." I looked up to see her slowly sliding off the table she'd been sat on our whole exchange. Letting me nod before she grabbed me by the arm and pulled me up into another tight hug. "You know I would never be hard on you unless you really needed a kick in the pants." She muttered as I wrapped my arms around her and took a deep breath. "But Dee, you just have to remember, you are here, you are alive, and you are slowly remembering things." "Thank you." I whispered, holding her closer. "I love you Tweedle Dee, you stupid stubborn bitch." She laughed, "Just, stop being so hard on yourself." "I love you too JuJuBee." I whispered back to her, closing my eyes to conceal the tears that were slowly beginning to form. "I'll try my hardest to remember that."

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f-uente-s · 9 years

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#alex gaskarth #all time low #jack baraket #zack merrick #rian dawson #atl #black and white band blog

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atljalex · 10 years

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All Time Low by Beyond The Barricade Photography on Flickr.

#all time low #alex gaskarth #jack baraket #rian dawson #zack merrick #maryland #dirty work #warped tour #vans warped tour #2012

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sarahbethimagines · 6 years

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Chapter 9: Hangin’ On

Chapter Log!

I rolled over beneath my heavy covers, scrunching my eyes at the hint of sunlight that had tried to creep into them as I did. A few nights had passed now since I'd had my worst memory yet, and the lingering thought of it still left me on edge of what other horrible things may be lost in the back of my brain where my conscious couldn't quite reach. But regardless I'd somehow started to manage getting rather decent night's sleep. Without crippling thoughts or flashbacks. Not much more had come back to me since then, small almost meaningless things like flashes of Emily and days back in Boston, or bits of me and my dad working on the car that now sat completed in our driveway. Nothing huge, but still memories nonetheless. And as wrong as it felt to actually admit, for the time being I was okay with that.

Of course, I wanted to remember my life, and I wanted to remember it all right now. But I guess after the vivid trauma I'd watched myself go through, the break from the chaos was nice. It felt like laying in a body heated bed on a weekday morning, knowing you didn’t have to move anytime soon and could bask in the sunlight that was so rudely pouring through the windows. Something I would have had every intention in doing myself had it not been for the boisterous grumble that sounded from my stomach the second I rolled to my back and started to sink back into the foam of the mattress. A bodily request that I knew would be persistent and pestering if I did not comply to it, and immediately. It growled again when I sat up, rolling my eyes, I held my stomach. Begging the thing to silence itself as I reluctantly rose to my feet and made my way out of my bedroom. The idea of breakfast not wasting any time in making its way from my abdomen up into the very front of my mind. It was the only thing consuming my thoughts as I skidded down the steps and hastily made my way into the kitchen where I was warmly greeted by a plate already sat on the counter. Loaded with mouthwatering food and a note propped up beside it. 'You're welcome, Kenn' it read in childlike script. I smiled at my father's chicken scratch and playful banter. "Why, thank you!" I giggled aloud, snatching a fork from the drawer and digging right in. Stuffy my cheeks like a hamster might with scrambled eggs, toast, and bacon. It was a breakfast fit for a queen as far as I was concerned, and it hit just the right spot. Fore had my dad's well thought out plan not been in place, I probably would have remained too hungry for too long to notice his voice off in the distance, around the corner and down the hall. Lips pinched, I slid my now empty plate into the sink and quickly wrapped around in the direction his voice had been coming from, being sure to stay tucked behind the edge of the wall. Out of sight and out of mind. I could see his office door propped open ever so slightly from where I stood, peering around the corner and listening closely trying to make out the words he was saying. What I understood first was that he must have been talking on the phone, but to whom I couldn't quite figure out. Most of his sentences were lost in the distance, muffled and indecipherable. Daring to take a step closer, I moved out into the small corridor and soon I started to make words out of the muttered sounds he'd been making. And a name I recognized was soon after dropped. Alex's to be specific. "Yeah, I mean he'd mentioned she'd shown up at his house the night before when he'd helped me unload her car." My dad explained to the stranger on the other end of the line. Listening more intently now, I propped myself up against the wall. "She didn't say anything to me about it, but I thought it best just not to push her. After all he made it out to seem like she didn't even mean to do it, I just assumed she'd tell me about it once she was ready." The other voice must have responded next, as my father paused for a moment. Building silence giving my own thoughts a chance to try and catch up before he continued on again. "Yeah, her and Alex have been hanging a bit when she feels up for it, and from the few things she's shared it's seemed to be helping her quite a bit!" I couldn’t help the small smile that played on my lips at the subtle smear of joy in my father's words. "I just feel so terrible for him." He sighed, causing my short-lived smile to falter into a slightly confused frown. "I mean, after I got the call and word spread, I knew he wouldn't lighten up on me till I caved..." My dad paused again, releasing a sigh so heavy I could both hear and feel it from my safe distance away. "But just the fact that after all these years, he flew out to Arizona to see her after hearing what happened and had to turn around once they discovered she didn't remember anything. It was awful even for me to watch, he was devastated." What did he mean by all that? I thought to myself, looking down at my hands crossed over my chest, trying my absolute hardest to dissect what I'd just discovered and yet understood nothing about. I didn't remember much at all about what had transpired after the crash. I'd all but entirely blocked it out of my head. The scratchiness of the hospital gown, the persistent beeping of the machines that bore through my skull, the horrid lighting that stung my eyes, and the paralyzing fear of being asked seemingly simple questions I couldn't even begin to find answers too. It was a horridly confusing experience I'd been trying my hardest to push to the side. And now I was even more confused about it than ever as I ease dropped on my father's clearly private conversation. Had Alex really been with my dad the day I woke up? Had that seemingly goofy boy really flown halfway across the country, just to turn around? And what did my dad mean by after all those years? From what I'd been gathering, Alex and I were as close as two friends could be before my memory fled me. Why would doing something like coming to see me after an accident which rendered my mind basically useless be so shocking to someone like my dad? None of that was making sense to me, and my head was slowly beginning to ache from all the questions I'd been throwing into its interior walls. Just hoping and praying an answer would bounce back at me instead of another humbling question. Biting down hard on my lip, I heard my father sigh and bid whoever he'd been talking to goodbye before the walls soon grew silent again. And in that quiet my curiosity prospered, quickly getting the better of me and moving my limbs on their own toward the door without my permission. "Hey dad" I mumbled after knocking and pressing the door open a bit more. Leaving my hand to graze the soft grain. I watched my senior swivel around in his office chair and instantly perk up at the sight of me in the entry. "Hey sport! Did you see what I'd left for out on the counter?" His eyes were bright and his smile was big as he laid his palms on the tops of his sweatpants, clearly not headed for the work office today. "I did, it was very good, thank you." I told him, making my way slowly into the cramped space and toward the small blush colored futon in the corner. He just nodded silently at me as I lowered myself down and folded my crossed knees under my body. His grin never quavering as he watched. He took in my string of movements and processed them correctly. "Something on you mind, kid?" "Uh, sort of," I admitted, "you know how I've been kind of remembering more and more?" I inquired, scratching at the back of my head where my hair had begun to mat up in my sleep. He nodded thoughtfully. "Well, there are still some things that don't really make that much sense to me." I explained to him, watching his countenance carefully. "And I guess I was just kind of hoping, if you had a minute that is, that I could ask you some questions and try and fill in some of the bigger gaps, you know, about my life." "Ask me anything if you think it'll help!" He grinned, watching me closely as I nodded. Biting down on my lip once again, I started to search my head for some of the bigger holes that had surfaced in my slow forming memory. The first big one coming to mind as I began to fiddle with the tips of my fingers. "Well, we didn't always live here, right?" I asked, as if I was uncertain of my recollection till my dad nodded. As though urging me to go on. "Why did we move?" I asked, genuinely curious, "Did I grow up here mostly?" He folded his hands over his round stomach and pondered his answer for a moment. "Not really," He started, "You were born in Providence, Rhode Island up in New England. Your brother Jake was seven at the time so the two of you sharing a room in the shoe box we'd lived in wasn't much of an option. So, once you were old enough not to sleep by our bed, we moved up north of Boston." I nodded, most of that seemed to make sense to me. I remembered Jake. Not much about him, I couldn't quite picture him on my own yet. But I'd put that name to his face in a number of photos my father had shown me when he'd first brought me home. I knew he was my older brother, and that he didn't live with us and probably hadn't for some time. But that was the extent of it. "Your mother and I split up when you were twelve, Jake was eighteen and already shipping off to college." He said, his smile starting to slip the longer he talked to me. "You didn't take it the best, and a year later when the house payments started to rack up I took a job opportunity down here in Baltimore and we moved. I thought it might be better for the both of us to have some form of a clean slate." I nodded. Thinking back to the conversation I'd remembered having with Emily. This time small flashes of moving boxes and plane tickets flashed across my eyes. I just sat there for a second, ringing my hands as I absorbed this new information, sliding the mental note cards into the open gaps in the timeline of my life for time being. But I couldn’t ignore the question that was burning a hole in the back of my tongue, begging to be asked since the other night. My head lifted and tilted to the side. "Why don’t you ever talk about her?" I asked him, furrowing my brows, "Mom, that is." And instantly I saw a shift migrate across his face. His seemingly ever-present smile giving way for a frown to form, as the light slowly dissipated from his eyes. And I watched as he turned his head away from me, trying to hide the sight of their bright blue color fading to a subtler shade of gray. I could physically feel a thick cloud of tension start to settle between us as he cleared his throat. "You know, Kenn," He coughed out, rubbing his neck. "I had brewed a batch of coffee earlier; would you mind fetching me a cup?" He deflected, quickly changing the subject and looking over at me once again with an unreadable plea in his eyes. And despite how badly I really did want to know the answer, something tugged at my brain telling me not to press any further. That this was something we, as a two-person family, had constantly avoided discussing in our day to day lives before everything had happened to me. Reluctantly, I listened to it, quitting while I was ahead. "Sure" I nodded through pinched lips and rose to my feet. Making my way into the kitchen where I pulled the glass pot from the coffee maker and went to fetch a mug from the cupboard. I stood staring into the shelves for a moment or two, contemplating which of the hundred brightly colored mugs I'd wanted to use that day, something that felt normal to do. Selecting a bright red one that said 'BU' in a familiar looking logo and placing it down on the counter. But when I reached up again to slap the door shut, something I'd exposed in the back corner of the cabinet caught my eye, and I couldn't stop my hand from reaching for it had I wanted too. Fingers mindlessly wrapped around a small white coffee mug, with lilac colored polka dots. Pulling it free, I instantly noticed it's condition. Poorly reconstructed, the disheveled thing had been smashed, and put back together piece by piece with thick ragged lines of clear hot glue. A smile formed on my lips without warning as I ran a finger down one of the sealed cracks, being pulled back in time to when it was once whole and pristine. Keys fumbled and steps staggered, Alex and I pooled up onto my porch and through my front door in a tangled mess of drunken giggles. Our muscles were exhausted from running around and dancing poorly all night as I pressed a hand to my friend's shoulder for support. Stabling myself as I kicked off my sneakers and flung them into the closet door with an echo, shrugging out of my winter coat. "Is your dad home?" He asked, shaking the fallen snowflakes from his hair as he followed my lead and pulled his coat from his long arms. Letting it fall to the floor beside mine as I shook my head. "He's off in the city all weekend for work." I smiled, tucking the ends of my long sleeve over my hands and vigorously rubbing the fridge air off my arms. "So, I could use the company, and something warm to drink!" Alex laughed loudly at my distracted train of thought. The sounds from his throat bounced off the walls and bounded ahead of me as I scurried on clumsy feet into my living room. Muttering something probably ridiculous or rude as he followed after. "I swear! The cold made me sober." I practically wined, "Because around this time in the night I should be wanting to rally, and yet all I want is hot cocoa." "That might just be the bud light talking." Alex joked, coming up beside me now where I'd stopped just short of the kitchen. Wanting a change from the repetitive hip hop that had been pumped into our beer-soaked brains all night, I'd begun to search from something different on the towering CD rack by our media consul. My eye balls felt like individual bobble heads were rattling around inside their sockets as I pulled the first thing I found that could be classified as the farthest thing from Missy Elliott. Wasting no time, I popped it into the make-shift surround system and let soft country music fill the air of my otherwise empty house. I shut my eyes gently as my favorite Dan and Shay song started to play, and I started toward the kitchen, hearing Alex chuckle and his footsteps trailing close behind. I hopped quick on fulfilling my mission, and instantly started to make my way around the space, collecting all the necessary ingredients. But I couldn’t help but notice when I glanced over at him the way Alex's eyes lingered on me. Watching as I pulled the hot chocolate mix from the cabinet. Leaned up against the counter, arms crossed tightly over his chest. "Are you checking me out?" I asked him, a drunken giggle leaving me as I felt my cheeks heat regardless of my joking tone. A blush which only deepened when I glanced again to see him smirking at me, "What if I am?" "I'd call you a creep." I tried to shrug off. Biting my lip and rolling my eyes at my ridiculous friend. I hastily turned my attention back to the ingredients laid out on the counter before me. Tapping my finger on the counter for a second, trying to collect my scattered wits before remembering what it was I'd been looking for in the first place. "Oh, right!" I scoffed aloud to myself and reached up to flip the cabinet over my head wide open. A wide range of glasses and mugs were pulled into view and I began to search for my favorite one. It took me no time at all to spot and retrieve the bright purple polka dots that had been gifted to me by my dear friend Michelle at Christmas. And just as I went to place it down, a long straggly arm snaked itself around my waist. Pulling me from the counter and out into the center of the kitchen from behind. "What are you doing?" I giggled having not noticed him move behind me. But what I did notice was Alex's head dropping down to the crook of my neck, feeling him smirk into my liquor warmed skin. "Dance with me..." He mumbled simply. "You're drunk Lex." I rolled my eyes, spinning in his arm to face my flush cheeked pal. "So are you," He pointed out. "Dance with me, Dee." I could smell the mixture of whiskey and beer on his breath as it rolled down my face. The alcohol making his hands feel clammy to the touch as he dared to release my waist and pull the hand that wasn't clutching the mug up and around his neck. Both his hands finding my hips soon after as he slowly started to sway our intoxicated frames. "When I taste tequila, baby I still see ya." He sang softly, the lyrics to the song sounding ragged as they slipped up through his thickly coated throat and down onto me. "Cutting up the floor in a sorority t-shirt." I bit my lip and hung my head to try and hide the vibrant blush I could feel forming on my cheeks, chocking it up to my drinking. I stood there in my kitchen, my small socks brushing the tips of still damp sneakers as he swayed and spun us gently to the music. Humming the lyrics that he knew at my tilted down nose. The rest of the chorus passed like that, and then the second verse before I felt a single hand trail slowly and hesitantly up under my chin. Lifting my head up gently to look at him. "When I taste tequila," He whispered again, his eyes meeting mine and I watched a change take place inside them. Something new, something I'd never seen before was growing inside his golden eyes and making butterflies form in the pit of my stomach. His hand never moved from my jaw as I felt cross-eyed. Watching his bubble gum pink tongue peek out from between his lips and lick at their cracked texture. It was a look I'd never been on the receiving end of before. Not from anyone, and certainly not Alex. It had me frozen like a deer in headlights. Glistening irises making like Medusa's as I stood stone-like in my place, unable to move even a fraction of an inch. The only change in me being my breath catching in my throat as Alex slowly leaned down and caught my chapped lips on his own. I should have freaked out! I should have pulled away and tried my hardest to quickly find something, anything at all funny to say to brush off the moment and pretend like it never happened. But I didn’t, and the moment continued. I even melted into him at the soft press of his hand on my spine, the tender kiss deepening as our lips molded together. Bringing the heat of my cheeks to an all-time high as I stood there in my kitchen, drunkenly kissing my best friend. I felt his tongue slip from his lips and not a second later did the slick ceramic I'd been holding glide from my grip. Falling to the tile floor with a crash and shattering into a million pieces. The sound tearing us apart, and me back into my thoughts. "Everything all right in there?" I suddenly heard a voice call. My fathers. And I shakily looked at my feet to see the mug I'd held just a second before once again scattered across the tile in a trillion tiny shards of clay and hot glue. "Uh- yeah," I called back to him, wiping the tears that had fallen from my eyes. "I'm fine."

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dizzymosher · 10 years

Photo

All Time Low by Vans Warped Tour on Flickr.

#jack baraket #all time low

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