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opheliasbrokenmind · 5 years

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new chapter - john shelby

requested by: anon said ‘3 from the prompt kiss for John Shelby ❤️’

prompt 3 : A breathy demand: “Kiss me” - and what the other person does to respond.

word count : 2.7K+

a/n: well well well, so i made up the monastery and nursing education thing, don’t know there is something like that lol. btw this one doesn’t include martha and the kids bc i didn’t want to make the reader suffer much more hahaha. enjoy yourselves loves <3333

When you heard a knock on the door, you jumped slightly and closed your book. ‘Who the fuck is that at the three in the morning?’ You murmured and wore your cardigan on your silk nightgown. The person knocked again but you wouldn’t say that knocking, he was hitting the door wildly. You frowned, a little afraid but didn’t worry so much because you knew people can’t dare to come to your house, knowing who you were. In the end, you were a beloved friend of Shelby’s. At least most of them. They knew you since you were a teenage girl, you moved to Small Heath when you were fifteen. After a short time, you became friends with Ada and of course, with the rest of the Shelbys.

Ada was your best friend and you always got on well with Tommy and even his family thought you were something.. more than friends. You always see him as a friend, though and same thing for him. You two supported each other and gave advice, but nothing more. You also got along with Arthur and Finn, even with Polly and his son Michael. The only problem was John Shelby. You had to admit, things weren’t that bad before but now you hated each other. You were at the Shelby house when you first met him, he asked you if you were a whore. ‘Excuse me? You know nothing about how to talk to a lady, do you?’

You shouted and he threw a cocky smile in your way, ‘A lady?? You’re a teenage girl or a whore who looks so young, love. I’ll vote for the second, considering your clothes.’ He said the last part slowly and turned his eyes to your naked legs, you were wearing just a nightgown. You opened your mouth to talk and stop his glances but Ada burst into the room, ‘John! Stop looking at her like you’re about to eat her!! What the hell you thinking you’re doing? She is my friend you lunatic idiot!’ Ada screamed and Polly came in, ‘What’s happening?’ She turned your eyes to you, waiting for an explanation.

‘Well, last night I stayed with Ada and came here for a glass of water and I saw him, h-’ Ada cut off your sentence, ‘John was eye-fucking her when I came in! You need to do something Pol.’ Polly rolled her eyes, ‘You’re not little kids Ada, figure this out yourselves.’ You went upstairs, ignoring John’s eyes and Ada followed you. ‘I’m sorry, y/n.’ You smiled gently, ‘‘s okay, A. You’re not responsible for him, he didn’t know who was I also.’ She let out a heavy breath, ‘Thanks for not freaking out right now.’ You laughed and hugged her, ‘You’re my best friend.’

So your first meeting with John was not great but that didn’t stay like that. Soon, he apologized and when Ada went to a monastery for nursing education, you two got closer. You had blood phobia and you were definitely not a religious person so you didn’t go with her. John took you out of the country sometimes and you had so much fun with him. When that summer ended, you were like twins. Oh, but twins don’t have feelings for each other, do they? Feelings that make your heart flutter, you wanted to scream every time you saw him. You understood you fell for him when Ada asked you questions but all you could think was John.

‘From earth to y/n, what’s wrong with you?’ She asked and waved to get your attention, ‘Nothing, just thinking.’ She smiled, ‘Thinking about who?’ You looked at her, ‘John. No! I mean, Jews. What do you think about the Jews?’ You asked, trying to hide your stupidity. ‘My sweet y/n, you think you can fool me? Don’t tell me you fell for him. You’re not that stupid, he is arrogant.’ You grinned sheepishly, ‘Of course not. We spent some time together when you were away and he is a good guy. That’s all.’ Ada smiled but looked suspicious, she didn’t ask more questions, knowing you won’t answer.

Your friendship with John didn’t end but you weren’t close when Ada came back. You were too afraid to tell him how you felt, what if he ridicules you? You couldn’t bear it, you knew this. He was only two years older than you and years went so fast as you turn to eighteen. You thought your feelings would disappear as you grew up, but you couldn’t be more wrong. Even looking at him became torture for you and seeing him with random girls... You didn’t believe life after death but if there was a place called hell, yours would be just like this.

Then your worst nightmare came, the war. You didn’t want to let him go, you thought of everything to stop him from going there, but you didn’t do anything. You wanted to tell him, write to him. The years were so painful, they were like centuries. You didn’t spend a day without thinking about him, wondering if he was still alive. You prayed to God you didn’t believe for him. You prayed for all of them, every fucking hour of every fucking day. ‘You’re really going.’ You said when he was leaving for the war. ‘I am, aren’t I?’ He smiled widely as your heart skipped. ‘Come back here one piece, alright?’ You told, trying to sound like you don’t care. ‘I’ll be here.’

He looked bemused, ‘You’ll be here?’ You frowned, ‘Of course I’ll be here. I’ll always be here.’ You whispered under your breath, he heard you anyway. You stepped closer and planted a kiss on his cheek, moved away when his hand touched your small one. You ran to the Tommy and hugged him, leaving a shocked John alone. He stood for minutes, his hand on his cheek you kissed. That little kiss was the only thing you did on purpose to show him your feelings, but in your thoughts, he’d think you were just like a sister for him. You never believe that he’ll love you back and maybe that was the reason why you didn’t tell him.

You couldn't sleep when you haven’t heard from him. You couldn’t sleep when you reminded yourself that what could he’s dealing with right now. You couldn’t sleep when the news wrote that there were bodies they couldn’t specify their identities. You couldn’t sleep when the war ended because you didn’t hear from the boys for a while. You couldn’t sleep, you were too afraid. But they came back, they came back to their family. You were helping to Ada and Polly with the business. You went with them to the train station.

You saw the three eldest Shelby boys, you knew they changed before you saw them. They came back as men. When you looked into John’s eyes, you couldn’t see him. You couldn’t see the boy you loved for years, there was a broken man in his eyes. You didn’t know what to do so you greeted him simply and left there, saying that you didn’t feel good. You couldn’t sleep that night, it was like the boy you love was gone. You cried all night and didn’t go to work for a few days. Ada came to your house and found you in your bed, sobbing. She didn’t say anything but she understood you even though you said nothing.

The conversations you had with John was only formal, you didn’t speak to him unless it was necessary. His family noticed but didn’t say anything, Tommy tried to talk but you refused. You couldn’t sleep when you heard that John was going to marry Esme. You didn’t expect anyone to ask you or tell you but it was so unexpected for you. You didn’t go to the wedding, finding pretexts. You heard that he was happy, you didn’t do or say anything but when his lovely wife started to work in the betting shop.. that was too much, even for you.

John was there when you rudely opened the door of Tommy’s office, ‘Can we talk?’ You asked Tommy, ignoring his brother’s eyes. ‘Yeah, I’m listening.’ He noticed you didn’t want to speak in front of John, of course. ‘Alone.’ You insisted. ‘Whatever you’re going to say, you can tell him.’ Tommy pushed you and you did everything to stay calm. ‘Alright, I’m quitting the job.’ John’s lips parted apart, a shocked expression covered his beautiful face. ‘What?’ Thomas didn’t say anything like he was waiting for this. ‘I want to start a business of my own.’ That was all you said.

You cried that day when you left the building. You didn’t bother to pick your things, you knew Ada would bring them to you. You had plenty of money, you bought a place near your house and turned it to a flower shop. There were women to help you and you weren’t so sad for a while. But one day the doorbell rang and you saw the man you never expected, John. He came in and walked to you slowly, you froze. ‘Hey.’ He said. ‘How can I help you?’ You asked like he was a stranger to you. ‘I came here to buy some flowers, for Esme.’ That was enough for you, you called a woman. ‘Can you help this man? I have some errands to run.’

You left the shop, went to your house and after drinking some alcohol, you allowed yourself to break into tears. You wanted to die, to disappear. You’d be thankful if someone came in and killed you. Someone actually came, but he was Tommy. He knew, of course, he knew. He took you into his arms and you cried, stopped holding the tears. The pain you felt made you feel sick, you couldn’t take it. ‘I’ll kill myself.’ Your voice cracked, Tommy held you tighter. ‘That’s not happening, love. Not as long as I live. John was there because they fought. I don’t think they can continue this.’ He explained and you asked, ‘What?’

‘When I forced him to marry Esme, I thought he’d love her and I’d win. I didn’t expect him to act wild, he hates her. I mean, he always tells that he can’t be with a woman he doesn’t love and I’m tired of this, you know. If he doesn’t want this, I can’t control him for years. I just want to ask you one thing, are you going to tell him how you feel?’ You looked at Tommy and gave a shaky breath, ‘No. I stayed silent for too long and I’m not willing to reveal my feelings now. Do they even matter, to him? I don’t think so, Tommy. This is a thing that should have ended years ago, I’m just being childish.’ He didn’t say anything and left after comforting you.

It’s been two weeks since all of these happened, you continued to work and Ada came to see you nearly every day. You didn’t see the other Shelbys, at least you didn’t see John. Finn brought you some pastries from the cafe you used to go when he was a little boy and Michael asked you if you needed anything. You also spent some time with your other friends but you weren’t expecting anyone. ‘Hello?’ You asked as you opened the door and you were speechless when you saw the person outside your door. Your jaw dropped to the floor as you stared at him with wide-open eyes. ‘W-what are you doing here?’ You forced yourself the speak.

‘Can I come in?’ was all he said before stepping in, you closed the door behind him. He walked and sat on the big sofa you were reading on until he came. ‘What’s happening?’ You talked again, trying to put a stern expression on your face. You walked to where he sat slowly, dragging your feet. You stopped when you stood in front of him and couldn’t speak when you saw his face. John Shelby’s beautiful face was covered in tears, you brought your hand to your mouth as you stepped back. A new feeling attacked you, fear. What could make him came to your house at the three of the morning and cry? ‘I’m sorry.’ He whispered as a tear fell down from his cheek.

His hand reached for you and then you saw that his wedding ring was nowhere to be seen. You didn’t protest when he pulled you to sit next to him. ‘Why are you sorry?’ You asked but didn’t wait to hear an answer and hugged him shyly. ‘Jesus, y/n. I’m so sorry. I should have known.’ He cried softly on your chest and you squeezed his shoulder, tried to show that you were here. ‘Shhh, you don’t have to talk if you don’t want. You can tell me later.’ You spoke kindly, reaching for the thin blanket without leaving him. ‘No. I have to speak, you have a right to know.’ He stopped you and you gestured him to speak.

‘I.. I don’t know where to start. You probably don’t know, we divorced with Esme cause I couldn’t stand anymore. Tommy told me something... something that I should know before. I thought you hated me y/n. You always seemed nervous whenever I came. You didn’t even look at me, you didn’t speak to me when we came back from France. There was always a distance between us and I thought that was what you want. I wanted to be with you, I wanted to tell you that I love you but I was scared! I was scared because I thought you saw me as a friend, as a brother. How could I be so stupid? I should have talked to you. We lost years, y/n and I broke your heart countless times, didn’t I?’

You couldn’t say anything when he stopped talking, you were stunned. You knew that he was telling the truth and the truths... are bitter. You didn’t realize that you were crying until a big hand covered your cheek and his thumb wiped the tears away. You tried to stifle a sob but you couldn’t.. You sobbed as he took you in his arms and hugged you but you escaped from him. ‘I can’t believe.’ You whispered to yourself and closed your eyes, ‘I love you, John. I loved you since the day you took me to picnic the summer when Ada wasn’t here. But... I don’t know what to do right now.’ Then, the first time that night, you looked at him. You saw the deep meaning behind his ocean eyes, you saw how different he looked.

John looked at you, your lovely eyes still shining with tears but they were looking at him directly. His stares fell from your eyes to your lips, your mouth parted slightly as he licked his dry lips. He thought how vulnerable you looked before talking and then, a breathy demand fell from his lips, ‘Kiss me.’ You felt the feelings in his voice and you didn’t hesitate for a second before touching to his lips with yours. You kissed him softly at first but passion took you over and he responded to you, capturing your lips. You took off his cap as his hands cupped your cheeks and he deepened the kiss. When you parted away, both of you were breathless. You didn’t open your eyes and John rested his forehead on yours.

He moved away from your face a little to see you better, he was mesmerized with the sight. That was the face he wanted to see every morning when he opened his eyes. ‘I love you since I saw you that morning, in the kitchen. You were the most natural and innocent girl I’ve ever seen in my life and I was captivated. I want you since that day, y/n. I’m sorry for not telling you how I felt earlier.’ You opened your eyes and smiled brightly, ‘I’m sorry, too. But we wasted enough time.’ He looked nervous and you continued, ‘I told you I’ll always be here when you were leaving for the war. I’m still here and I won’t leave.’ A small smile played on his lips, ‘What do you want me to do now?’

‘Now? Oh, kiss me.’ You said and he attacked to your lips as his smile widened and you laughed into the kiss. It was like you were sixteen again, the boy you loved was in your arms and kissing you. Yeah, you waited for too long but it worth it. It was the beginning of a new chapter and both of you were ready for it.

#peaky blinders #peaky blinder fanfic #peaky blinder imagine #tommy shelby #john shelby #peaky blinder headcanon #thomas shelby #thomas shelby imagine #alfie solomons #john shelby x reader #john shelby imagine #michael gray imagine #michael gray #polly gray #ada shelby #finn shelby #arthur shelby #peaky blinder #joe cole

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opheliasbrokenmind · 5 years

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trying to move on - john shelby

a/n: heey! i know it’s not a request but the idea just popped in my head so i thought i should write this. i’m always open for your requests, feel free to share your ideas with me. hope you like this one <3

p.s.: i still didn’t study for my fucking biology exam and it’s two days later, hope i won’t faint when i saw the questions lmao

‘It hurts more than you think.’

‘Let me help, then.’

‘I'm fed up with your bullshit, Tommy. Fuck off.’ John said and the other members of the family stayed in silence. Thomas buried his face into his hands, sighed heavily.

Everybody knew John was a total mess after what happened. Changrettas killed his wife, Esme. The last time he was like that was when his first wife died. He looked awful with the dark lines under his eyes and he was paler than before.

‘I don't approach this marriage, too. But it has to be done, John. You are the only one who can marry her.’

John froze with Tommy’s words, how could he expect this from him? He kicked a chair, ‘Don't you fucking understand? It's been only two months since Esme died. You just can't fucking come to me and tell me that I'm marrying a woman for your business. First Martha, then Esme. How many women have to die until you understand it's dangerous?’

‘I do know what it feels like, John. Losing a wife, losing a woman you love. But I also know that we have to move on. I understand that you know nothing about her but you'll learn. You didn't know Esme, but you two loved each other. You can try again, you should.’ Tommy's voice softened and his eyes looked directly into his brother's.

‘You’re living in that fucking house and drinking all day, is this how you move on? Stop lying for fuck’s sake. Besides, she doesn’t want this marriage and she is too young for me.’

‘She’ll get used to it, John. Trust me, I heard some about her. She will understand and you two will get to know each other better by the time.’

Polly was right, you had the kindest heart John has ever seen. Your soul was pure and you looked so innocent. He had to admit, you were a natural beauty in her 20s and you were full of love.

John couldn't control the little smile on his lips when he saw you for the first time. The maiden told him that you arrived and when he went downstairs he found you laughing, talking with his children. His shy daughter was holding your hand, telling you something.

You stood up when you saw him and your smile became smaller, ‘Hey.’ you said and he nodded, ‘Hi.’ It was an awkward moment, you two stayed silent until Tommy came there.

The wedding happened hurriedly, you didn't even wear a proper bridal gown. There weren't many people, just your families and some allies of Tommy. You hadn't spoken to John after your meeting. Then you got married and moved to his house.

He didn't come home for the first weeks, Polly said that he was busy but you knew the truth. You knew he hated you and you understood him, it was hard for him but you couldn't help but feel sad.

You tried to avoid your bad thoughts and give your attention to other things. You took care of the garden, planting new flowers. You spent your days drinking green tea, reading books, playing the piano and pacing in the house.

Every evening, you asked housemaids to prepare dinner for two people. You waited for him every time but John never came. After a few weeks, you started to eat with housemaids.

You were alone for too long, friendless. Even a cat lightened up your mood and you became more sincere with the people who worked in the house.

John heard how were you, of course. He felt bad for what he had done but he just didn't come to the home. One day Tommy called him to his office and talked about you.

‘What you're doing is wrong, John. She is all alone in that house for fucking weeks, I doubt about her mental health. Go today, don't speak if you don't want but at least be there.’

It was the afternoon he came home. He saw you in the kitchen but didn't go in, he stood there to eavesdrop.

‘I know Maisy, believe me. I do know he won't come but I couldn't help but hope for it, y'know? But Polly told me that he doesn't like his chicken like that so you shouldn't do it. Maybe we can try something different? But what if he is allergic to something? Let's stick with the chicken, then. Don't fry it, okay? He likes it roasted. Eh, and if he doesn't come we can eat all together, like always’

John was shocked after your words, he couldn't believe his ears. Did you really care about him this much? He compared you with his previous wives and hated himself for doing that. But none of them gave a fuck about what he ate.

He was confused about the way you spoke to the woman, too. He didn't know the housemaids' names but you looked like you knew them and you treated the woman like she was your equal.

He hid when he heard your footsteps, still didn't want you to notice him. He waited for a few minutes and decided to go to the living room.

John found you on a coach, your face buried in a book. You were listening to classical music and drinking lemonade. Your hair was messy and you wore a shabby chic nightgown. He couldn't hide his smile. ‘Hello.’

You jumped a little at the sound of his voice and looked surprised, ‘Oh, hey.’ He walked to you and you closed the book after putting the bookmark, watched him sitting next to you.

He threw a look at the book, ‘French? Didn't know you knew.’ You smiled a little, ‘I studied there for seven years.’ He remarked how little he knew about you.

The silence grew bigger and you stood up, ‘Sorry for the dress, didn't think you'd come. I'll change it.’ He stopped you, ‘'s okay, feel at home.’ You laughed sarcastically at his words.

‘Are you staying for dinner?’ You asked curiously. ‘Actually, I'm staying here for a few days. So, yes.’ He looked at you and saw your eyes, shining with happiness. He liked your smile, ‘By the way, the flowers look pretty.’

You thanked him and Maisy came there to say that the dinner was ready. ‘Mr Shelby, welcome. Is there anything I can do for you, sir?’ John looked at you, ‘Would you mind joining us?’ Your mouth opened and the woman's eyes went wide, ‘E-excuse me?’

‘I think you heard me, please don't make me repeat it.’ You arched an eyebrow when she left the room, ‘What was that?’

He looked at you with that mesmerizing ocean blue eyes, ‘I heard you have company here and didn't want to discomfort you.’ You smiled a little and you two headed to the dining room.

You ate in silence until he spoke, ‘I was thinking that it's time to bring children here, is that okay for you?’ Your eyes twinkled, ‘Of course it is.’

After dinner, he went to his office to do some paperwork. He came back to the living room almost at midnight and found you on a sofa, still reading a book.

He walked quietly, ‘When are you going to admit that you need sleep?’ You looked at him and closed the book, ‘When will you stop acting?’ With your words, he looked astounded. ‘What?’

‘I know I don't know you at all but I can feel it. You're pretending like everything's okay but it's not, John. You hate seeing my face, I know. And I understand, I really do. But please don't act like it's okay for you. If Thomas asked you to do this please don't.’

‘It's not like t-’

‘Listen to me. It's okay for me if you don't want to live with me, I can go. I don't care what people say, if this is what you want then I'll do it.’ Your eyes were shining with tears, he saw how upset you were and sat next to you.

‘I didn't want to hurt you, I'm sorry. This isn't how I want to live, trust me. I'll tell you the truth, I hated you at first. But when I saw you for the first time, with the kids... I noticed I was being selfish and judging you unfairly. You didn't do anything bad to me but I acted like a fool. You have the softest heart and I keep breaking it.’

‘It's not your fault, John. I know how hard it is for you, trying to move on after what happened.’ You looked at his face and saw the pain in his eyes.

‘It hurts more than you think.’ He whispered.

‘Let me help, then.’ You hugged him slowly and he hugged back to you tightly, making you feel smaller. He didn't say anything but you understood him.

You yawned, closing your mouth with your hand. ‘I can sleep in the guestroom.’ He frowned, ‘What? You're not sleeping there.’

‘Are you sure it is okay for you?’

‘You're my wife.’ You rolled your eyes, gaining a laugh from him. ‘I'm not joking, y/n. C'mere.’ It was the first time he said your name and after that, he embraced you in another hug.

#peaky blinders #peaky blinder imagine #peaky blinder fanfic #peaky blinder headcanon #john shelby #john shelby imagine #thomas shelby #tommy shelby #joe cole #arthur shelby #finn shelby #alfie solomons #polly gray #michael gray #peaky fookin blinders #thomas shelby imagine #alfie solomons imagine #john shelby x reader #ada shelby

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