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thechangeling · 4 years

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Lost and Found:

Happy birthday Alex! @catadorass I hope this is everything you wanted, or at least sort of what you wanted lol. I wrote this from Ty's pov because it's really importance to showcase his side of the story.

Nothing about us without us Cassie.

"Hey can we talk" Ty heard Kit ask from behind him.

It was late. Very late, most likely past 12 by this point and they had all just finished doing another late night round of frustrating and pointless research. They being, Ty, Kit, Dru, Jaime, Janessa a wayward Vampire who traveled all over with her band, but was originally from LA, Thais a Brazilian Shadowhunter who was dating Janessa, and Ash, the son of Sebastian Morgenstern and The Seelie Queen who had betrayed Janus, who had tasked Ash with infiltrating the Los Angeles institute and killing Kit. However, Ash and Kit had ended up bonding immensely. This had caused Ash to essentially switch sides and work towards protecting Kit from Janus trying to kill him. There was also The Seelie Queen trying to abduct him in order to obtain control of his powers, and generally anyone else who wanted to get their hands on the first heir.

At first Ty was a little worried that Ash was in love with Kit, but the pair seemed to be very platonic, just heavily invested in one another like Kit and Janessa. And of course Ty had no business being jealous either way. He and Kit had both been engaged in various- well relationships wasn't the right word, but various flings of sorts over the past few months, but he still couldn't help but think of Kit as his.

Which didn't make any sense because Kit had left.

What made even less sense was that Ty still loved him.

Ty braced himself and then turned to face Kit. It was clear how exhausted he was from the events of the past few weeks. They were up against The Seelie Queen, Janus, The Cohort, also several supernatural disturbances that didn't make a lot of sense. Anush, his friend at the scholomance was researching the problem there. It was quite possible that it had to do with Livvy's presence.

Ty really didn't want to think about that.

He also really missed Alyssa, a new friend of his that he had met while she was studying at the scholomance. But she had left to rejoin her werewolf pack in New York. They had bonded over both being autistic, and in moments where Ty was anxious or overwhelmed he wished he could summon her to his side.

Moments like this one.

Livvy was hovering nearby, giving him a look over Kit's shoulder. Ty ignored it.

Ty nodded at Kit without fully meeting his eyes. "Fine. We can talk. Liv can you leave us alone for a moment?" He asked. Livvy scowled slightly, but did as she was told. Looking back at Kit he couldn't help but still be slightly comforted by his presence. And even though Kit was visibly worn out and stressed, he was still the most beautiful thing Ty had ever seen.

Ty did his best to remain as cold as possible. "What do you want Kit?" He asked harshly. Kit flinched slightly in response, and Ty was caught in between feeling victorious and feeling like he had just been stabbed. Kit shook his head slightly.

"Come on Ty aren't you sick of this? Don't you miss me? The way things used to be?" Kit inquired angrily. "I'm sorry I left. But I forgave you. Isn't it time you forgave me?"

Ty honestly had no words. He just continued to glare at Kit. Did Kit honestly not have a single idea what Ty was feeling?

But wasn't it obvious? How hurt he was? How utterly broken he was?

Ty took a long deep breath to keep himself calm. His fingers were aggressively flicking at his sides. Kit took his silence as a sign to keep talking.

"Look. I talked to Dru."

Seriously. Now we're involving my sister in this? As if Livvy wasn't already bad enough?

"She sort of helped me realize some things, you know" Kit continued. "She pointed out to me that I should ask you how you feel, instead of just assuming that I already know." Kit was nervously shifting back and forth on the spot.

"Wow" Ty muttered sarcastically under his breath. He looked Kit dead in the eye and spoke. "What a revolutionary concept. That I should be allowed to speak for myself for once, and not have you, Drusilla or anyone else do it for me."

Kit sighed, his eyes softening. It was in that moment that Ty was close to forgiving him.

He desperately wanted to be able to run to Kit and throw his arms around him. To hold him, and kiss him and tell him how much Ty had missed him and that he was so brave and beautiful and sweet, and that Ty belonged to him.

But Ty couldn't cave now. Not until he made Kit understand.

"I'm sorry ok?" Kit pleaded. "I get why you're pissed but-"

Ty couldn't help it. He laughed. Even though nothing about this situation was in any way humorous. "No Kit." He shook his head. "You really don't."

Kit looked a little angry at that. Fine. Ty thought. If you hurt me then I'll just hurt you back.

"Fine." Kit breathed, his voice sounding surprisingly gentle. "Then tell me."

Ty was instantly brought back to the roof of the London institute. Tell me. Tell me what you need. He willed himself not to cry.

Ty took a deep breath, glaring at Kit. "Alright. Here's the thing. I am angry. I'm so angry that I can hardly breathe and no one notices." Ty snapped.

Kit opened his mouth to interject but Ty shook his head, eyes blazing with fury and tears. "No!" He shouted. "You said your piece already. Now let me say mine."

Kit stayed silent.

"I am quite literally always dealing with everything coming at me all at once, and Kit I know this is a very horrible situation for you, but I am just as stressed as you are, because despite what you might believe, I don't want you to fucking die!" Ty screamed.

Kit looked absolutely horrified. Ty was pretty sure he had never heard him swear before.

"I'm dealing with new people, new dangers, and I might lose Livvy again. I have all of this stress, all of this sensory information bombarding me 24/7. We barely sleep! We're all constantly together when we're awake! There's no time for me to stim, no time to breathe because we are all working to rescue you from your own fate!" He shouted. "And I'll do it too! Because of course I will! "It doesn't matter if I'm angry, or stressed, or tired, or scared! It doesn't matter that you broke my heart when you left me because for some unknown reason, you thought I could handle it!" Ty cried.

Kit was shaking his head. But he didn't look angry, just devastated. "Ty" he whispered, but Ty cut him off.

"Everybody always seems to think I'm either unbreakable or far too fragile and I need to be coddled and I'm sick of it. "I'm furious with you for promising that you wouldn't leave, and then telling me that you wished you had never met me when I thought I was never going to get Livvy back" Ty sobbed.

Kit gasped. Ty noticed that his eyes were filled with tears. Kit shook his head aggressively. "Sweetheart no" he breathed. "I didn't mean that. I swear."

Ty heard himself make an unrecognizable sound. His fingers were now aggressively fluttering at his sides. He clenched them into fists to stop them from moving. Kit began to step forward then stopped himself.

"Sweetheart" Ty whispered under his breath in awe. Alyssa had once told him that what he was doing now was called sub-vocalizing. He could hear her voice in his head. When our brains get stuck on a word or a phrase because it was so shocking or we can't stop thinking about it, or it brought out a huge emotional reaction in us, then we mouth it or we say it out loud over and over again.

"Sweetheart" he mouthed, warmth overflowing his body.

"I'm- I'm sorry" Kit stammered. "I didn't mean to upset you." Ty recovered himself quickly, shaking his head.

"No it's fine" he said firmly. "You just surprised me." Kit looked down at the ground. He looked embarrassed, defeated. He looked exactly the way he looked on the beach three years ago.

No. No don't go there. He doesn't really love you.

Ty continued on. "And at least I got Livvy back in a sense, but you still left me and I didn't survive that." There were fresh tears running down his face. Exhaustion was definitely catching up with him. Ty partly just wanted to let it go and go to sleep, but he needed Kit to understand.

"You cannot under any circumstances ever tell an autistic person that you're never leaving and then go back on your word Kit!" Ty exclaimed. "This is why we all have trust issues! Because we're naive, so we let our guards down because we just want someone to choose us. Not out of pity but out of genuine love. And it wasn't like this had never happened to me before but you were supposed to be different." Ty said defeated. He looked over at Kit and waited for Kit's eyes to meet his.

Ty had always hated eye contact. Mostly because it physically hurt and made him feel really awkward, but also because it felt too open. Too vunrable. As though someone could see into his soul and know all of his secrets just by looking.

Well he had never felt that way with Kit. Or maybe he just had never cared about letting Kit really see him. All of him. And they didn't have any secrets from each other. At least not anymore. Kit looked back at him and Ty could see it all. Hurt, exhaustion, longing, and love.

Love? Ty shook his head, physically willing himself not to be sucked in.

But there was no point.

"And that's why I fell in love with you" Ty admitted.

Kit's eyes widened almost comically. He inhaled sharply staring at Ty with an expression Ty was having trouble placing. Up until tonight, Ty hadn't actually looked at Kit. He had been avoiding it for some time now. Most likely because he was afraid of what he might see. Would he recognize the person that Kit had become?

But all Ty could see now was what he had actually been avoiding from Kit all those years ago. It was that look of complete awe and adoration. Like Ty had all of the answers to the secrets of the universe.

And Ty really really really didn't.

It was painful, because as much as he was angry with Kit, he also didn't want to hurt him or let him down again.

Ty fought to keep his voice steady as he spoke. "The worst part is, in the end I know i'll probably forgive you eventually. I will do what I always do. Take the high road. Be the bigger person and let it go because I have to. Because I'm never allowed to be angry Kit, and I'm not allowed to hold grudges because everyone is always convinced that I'm overreacting." Ty said bitterly.

"So it doesn't matter that you hurt me. It doesn't matter how many nights I spent crying myself to sleep at the scholomance or how many bad decisions I made during some futile attempt to feel something other then pain, and it doesn't matter that you might hurt me again" Ty lamented. He was fully aware that he was crying, but that didn't matter anymore.

Kit was staring at him dumbfounded like Ty was speaking another language, but the pain in his eyes was clear.

Ty shrugged slightly. "I'll still love you Kit, no matter what, because that's just how I am."

Kit took a deep breath, wiping away at his tears. "Ty- I'm so sorry. I- I didn't know" he stammered. Kit slowly began to approach Ty, carefully as if he were a wounded animal. "I'm sorry I didn't think about it like that. When I told you I loved you and you didn't say anything back, I just assumed you didn't want me, that you didn't care." He was standing directly in front of Ty now, and Ty couldn't help but stare into his eyes.

Suddenly, Ty was overwhelmed with the powerful urge to touch him. To reach out and comfort him. For Ty it was almost as instinctive as breathing. Instead he just shook his head.

"That's not true, it never was" Ty said adamently. "I was torn apart. Everything with Livvy was just too overwhelming and I just couldn't lose her Kit!" He protested forcefully. "But I always cared about you. I honestly just thought you knew."

Kit paused for a moment, then slowly reached for Ty's hand. Ty didn't fight him, only watched as Kit traced the lines on his hand. After a pause, Kit looked back up at him. " You're right. I shouldn't have assumed. I should have just asked you how you felt" Kit admitted. "I'm so sorry Ty." His voice broke. "I'm so sorry for leaving, for making you feel like I didn't care." Kit lifted his other hand, the one that wasn't holding onto Ty, and placed his palm softly on the side of Ty's cheek. He shook his head, almost in disbelief.

Ty fought the urge to close his eyes and lean into it.

Kit continued. "Honestly the truth is Ty, I fucking adore you. I love you so much." Ty heard himself inhale sharply. Kit was so close now, only centameters apart. It wouldn't take much just to lean over and kiss him.

Wait.

No. Not yet.

We're not done.

Ty scoffed slightly. "Yeah you say that Kit, but at the end of the day those are just words. Pretty, empty words." Ty almost regreted it as soon as he saw the look on Kit's face. Up close he could see the heartbreak in his eyes. Ty could also see the dark circles under his eyes which were a little red. He could see the dried tears smeared across Kit's cheeks.

Ty couldn't help but look at the broken boy in front of him and hate himself a little for the damage he had clearly caused.

Look at what you did to him, a cruel voice inside him whispered.

This is what you do. You hurt people, break their hearts and make them regret ever knowing you. This is all that you are. Selfish, cold and cruel.

Ty shook it off. It wasn't true. He loved Kit, just as he loved his family and his friends. It didn't matter that there were some people who refused to see that, refused to see that just because he felt differently, didn't mean that he was unable to feel. Some days, the sheer strength of what he felt for Kit threatened to break him in half it was so powerful. It was almost too much to bare. So Ty squashed it down and pushed it to the side, molded it so that it was more manageable and less scary.

Kit let out a soft breath of air and closed his eyes, he let go off Ty and dropped his head forward so that it was resting against Ty's shoulder. Kit was slightly shorter then Ty which Ty had always found amusing. Kit, less so, but secretly one of the things Ty had always loved about their height difference was that he could tuck Kit into the nape of his neck. Ty loved the feeling of Kit's curls against his skin.

"This isn't empty Ty" he murmured, nuzzling the side of Ty's neck. "This is everything."

Kit's voice was so quiet that Ty almost didn't hear him.

Kit pulled back slightly and tilted his head up to look at Ty. They were so close that their noses were slightly touching. Kit was staring up at him through half-lidded eyes. His hands were trailing up Ty's arms, pulling slightly at the fabric of his sleeves. His lips were parted slightly, staring up at Ty with so much love in his eyes.

"Beautiful" Ty whispered under his breath.

Kit looked utterly beautiful, and before Kit had the chance to answer him Ty was pressing his mouth to Kit's in a deep passionate kiss. The moment their lips touched, Ty almost let out a sigh of relief, sliding his hands up to Kit's face to cup his cheeks. Kit made a sound that was somewhere between a gasp and a moan, opening his mouth to deepen the kiss. Ty could feel Kit's hands all over him, rubbing across his back and then finally settling on Ty's waist. Ty pulled back slightly, noticing that Kit was straining himself to reach Ty's height, pulling himself up on his tip toes.

Ty couldn't help but laugh. "You really are quite short aren't you?" He teased. Kit looked like he was about to cry so Ty kissed him again, attempting to pour all of the love he had for Kit into the kiss. He slowly moved his hands down Kit's body, then bent down slightly to lift him up. Kit wrapped his legs around Ty's waist and threw his arms around Ty's shoulders kissing him sensually. Ty clung to Kit even tighter, afraid of what would happen if they let each other go.

He remembered way back when he and Kit had first been getting to know each other and Kit had told him that he was pretty sure Ty was autistic. He had given him a bunch of articles and official clinical descriptions and terms that made Ty feel distant and afraid. But then he had recommended Ty check out posts on social media sites made by autistic people and Ty had been completely swept into it. There was an entire tag on tumblr dedicated to autism, and Ty had spent hours scrolling through the posts feeling overwhelmed in the best way possible by a sense of community and belonging.

He had come across this one blog dedicated purely to autistic love and lust and how it manifests differently. Ty remembered reading one quote in particular that had made him feel hot and shivery all over, and painfully aware of Kit's presence next to him. It had stayed with him all this time.

I want to ink myself underneath your skin.

Ty gently put him down for a moment and leaned his forehead against Kit's. They were both breathing heavily.

"I missed you" Ty whispered. Kit smiled at him beautifully.

"I missed you too sweetheart."

Edit: This is old but I'm tagging @ti-bae-rius in this because I honestly just want your opinion lol.

#kit x ty #tda #twp #tsc #kaitlin'swriting

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thechangeling · 4 years

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Be wise enough to wonder. Be brave and let it go.

Mark had no idea what time it was when he was woken up by the sound of his daughter crying. He heard an exhausted groan beside him as Cristina moved to pull herself up. Mark put a hand on her shoulder to stop her.

"No it's alright," he whispered, his voice hoarse from sleep. "I'll go."

Two months ago Cristina had given birth to their first daughter. Her name was Gianna She was the biological product of Kieran and Cristina with her pointy ears and blue hair that changed with her moods, and Tina's chestnut coloured eyes and copper skin. But the trio fully considered her to be theirs. Blood was unimportant.

Mark was half asleep as he stumbled his way down to the room they had set up Gianna's crib in. He missed Kieran and he knew Cristina did as well. Kier was currently stuck in Faerie with his royal responsibilities. Cristina and Mark were visiting the LA institute to help with a recent uptake in demon activity around the area. It was amazing to see his siblings again (minus Ty, he was in Devon visiting Kit since the two of them were now dating long distance.) However he knew it was strange for Gigi to be sleeping in an unfamiliar environment.

Hence lots of crying.

Mark heard his daughter's crying getting softer as he came to the doorway. He could also hear another voice, cooing to her, calming her down. As he got closer he could see it was Helen. Mark smiled at the sight of his big sister gently rocking his daughter in her arms.

"Thank you" he whispered, trying not to startle her or wake Gianna. Helen was wearing her sleep clothes, with her hair tied back. There were also very prominent dark circles under her eyes.

"You should get some rest" Mark said as forcefully as he could without raising his voice. "Seriously you look exhausted Len, hand her over and he back to bed." Helen just gave him a stern look. The one that she used to use when he was trying to sneak extra cookies as a kid, or the first time she caught him trying to come home past curfew after being out at a downworlder party that he was way too young for.

The funny thing was that even though Helen had started calling Eleanor "mom" around the age of 8, Mark had never been able to do it. It had absolutely nothing to do with an attachment to his birth mother. He barely remembered her. Maybe it was because he had always had someone looking out for him since day one, and that person wasn't Nerissa or Eleanor.

And it certainly wasn't his father.

I think you're punishing yourself, is what Helen had told him one night. You're punishing yourself for being different, so you won't let yourself get attached.

Helen placed Gigi back in her crib and put her hands on Mark's shoulders. "Sweetheart you are more exhausted then I am" she reprimanded him gently. "You and Cristina both need help and I'm more than happy to do it." Mark put his hand over hers, gripping onto Helen to avoid passing out.

"She has Kieran too remember?" He insisted firmly. "Just because he isn't here right now doesn't mean that he's not her dad too." Helen's eyes widened.

"Oh no! No that wasn't what I was saying at all." She said frantically. Her voice was starting to slur a little like she was drunk. She really needed to go to sleep. "I was just trying to be useful you know? Like I always used to when we were younger."

Mark knew what she was referring to. When the twins were born, in order to help out Eleanor and their dad, Mark and Helen starting taking care of them so their parents could get more sleep. Julian was still very young, only two, so it was up to them as the older siblings to step up.

Livvy was a relatively easy baby. She cried when she was hungry or needed changing, and then she was fine. She was pretty good at sleeping through most of the night as well. Ty on the other hand was not. When he was drinking formula from the bottle he would only ever take a little and then refuse to eat any more. This lead to him always being hungry half an hour later and as a result, not sleeping for very long.

The family would take shifts when looking after the twins to avoid being too exhausted. But there were some nights where Ty would just refuse to sleep and nobody knew why. Eleanor wanted to go to the silent brothers, but thankfully Helen had talked her out of it.

He's just different, she had said. It's fine, we will figure it out.

At a certain point Andrew had just refused to try, and Helen and Mark had to step in. Unfortunately these were bad habits of Ty's that seemed to have carried over into adulthood. But at least now he could get up and feed himself at 2 in the morning.

Mark shook himself out of his stupor. "No it's ok. I'm sorry. I just worry about you Len" he murmured. Helen shot him a tired smile. "And I you, brother" she replied, slipping into a very fae way of speaking. Mark turned to look at his little girl, who was still sleeping. Thank the angel.

Thank the gods, his brain supplied.

It was interesting thinking about the way she would grow up. It would be so different from Mark and Helen. Gianna had access to Unseelie culture through Kieran, as well as the privilege of being raised by a full blooded faerie. She was already being read fae stories (accurate ones) and sung fae lullabies. She would be taught fae languages by Kieran and Cristina mostly, because as Kieran loved to point out, he was terrible with languages. She would also be taught Spanish and English when she was older.

She would be raised as a shadowhunter and as a faerie in a better, more understanding world that he was trying to help build. Mark couldn't help but be a little envious of her.

He turned back to Helen who hadn't left, but had sat down on the floor, bracing her back against the wall. He sat down beside her.

"Hey" he whispered roughly. "Do you ever feel like we were robbed?"

Helen looked up at him slightly dazed. Her Blackthorn blue-green eyes were starting to glaze over. "Huh?" She muttered sleepily. Helen rubbed her eyes and cleared her throat, trying again. "What do you mean exactly?"

Mark sighed as he slowly felt all of the thoughts and feelings he usually tried to keep buried. He really didn't want to deal with them. Because if he delt with them then he would have to acknowledge what happened, and acknowledging it made it real.

Something that Magnus always said was that you had to go through the pain and not around it, because going through it was the only way to get over it.

Mark took a deep breath and looked Helen in the eye. "I mean think about it. From the moment we arrived at this institute, our father always talked about how evil and wicked and manipulative our mother was. And yes, I would argue from the sound of things he was probably right, but I was four years old and she was the only faerie I had ever known. So it seemed as if everyone around was establishing a baseline of, Faeries. Wicked. Manipulative. Cannot be trusted.

Helen shook her head "but that's not-" Mark interrupted her. "I'm sorry but I'm not done." Helen sighed and looked to be fighting the urge to roll her eyes, but she didn't protest. "Ok fine. Go."

Mark continued. "And the thing is we were bombarded with that information all our lives. From our instructors, from our father, from our peers. So eventually I think you and I started to believe it Len! I think we started to think of ourselves as evil, and in order to not be evil we had to distance ourselves from being fae as much as possible." Mark's voice was beginning to shake.

Helen shook her head. "No I don't think it was that so much as we were trying to prove that we were real shadowhunters. Me personally, I didnt want to be considered a downworlder because I'm not, I'm a shadowhunter. " Helen explained, but her voice sounded unsure. "I didnt want to be treated differently."

Mark chuckled humorously. "But don't you see? We are different! That is precisely my point, and everyone made us feel ashamed of that. Remember how you used to braid your hair like a faerie until girls started making fun of you and trying to pull it out? And then you started wearing your hair to cover your ears. Did you honestly expect me to believe that you preferred the style, sister?" Mark was trying to keep his voice lowered but it was becoming increasingly difficult.

Helen was silent. There was a pause where neither sibling spoke and then Helen's defeated voice. "I don't want to talk about this Mark." He felt a pang of guilt.

"I know. Forgive me please, it was not my intention to upset you." He spoke elegantly. Helen laughed softly. "You know it's weird how much it comforts me, hearing you talk like that" she said.

Mark smiled sadly at her. "But that's exactly my point Helen. I mean think about it? How much did we give up or refuse to pursue just because we were scared? You know I've been reading far stories to Gianna and some of them are actually really incredible. There are stories about brave female warriors who go on adventures to save beautiful princesses and stories of people who couldn't decide which one if their suitors they liked best, so they just chose them all. They are stories about people like us, written for people like us." Mark could feel himself beginning to cry .

Helen reached over silently and placed her hand on his to comfort him. She looked like she was holding back tears as well.

"Imagine" Mark whispered brokenly, tears running down his cheeks. "Imagine what it would have been like if we read stories like those when we were younger.

Helen closed her eyes, trying to block out tears. "We were trying to keep ourselves safe" she whispered. "It was self preservation."

"It was assimilation" Mark said firmly. "And that really wasn't fair." Helen let out a harsh breath.

"And it didn't even do any good," Mark continued. "They still kicked us out."

Helen laughed in spite of the situation. Then let they weight of the conversation wash over them both, soaking them in despair and self pity.

Helen finally broke the silence.

"You know, she began, Magnus Bane loves to share stories about past shadowhunters in a more accurate way because the Clave's records are usually very white and straight washed, and when Aline and I mentioned potentially adopting a child from abroad, he told us a story about this one shadowhunter Ariadne Bridgestock. Apparently she was a lesbian and in a relationship with Anna Lightwood but she was also originally from India. Her parents adopted her and brought her back to England."

Mark shrugged "So? There's nothing inherently wrong with that." Helen gave him another look.

"Well yeah, but the problem was they didn't let her retain anything from her culture and they didn't give her the opportunity to branch out and learn more. They stripped her of all of that and basically taught her to behave like the typical white British girl." Helen readjusted her position, straightening out her back. "He wanted to make sure that if we ended up with a child who had a different cultural background, we would understand the importance of nurturing that connection" she explained.

Mark nodded "Well yes, but Aline would never do anything like that given how important her culture is to her." Helen was silent for a moment.

"Yeah I know. It's just that I'm not exactly the poster girl for self love and acceptance now am I? She said I'm a self pitying tone.

Mark shook his head. "It's not really the same thing though Len" he reasoned.

"No I know that, but it's similar" she mumbled, tiredness seeping into her tone. "Anyways, that's why I'm so happy Gigi has you and Kieran." Helen finally stood up "Especially you. When she feels like her mom is too much of a shadowhunter to get it, and her dad is too much of a faerie to get it, she has her papa to understand her." Helen said wistfully with a smile.

She extended her hand to Mark and pulled him to his feet. They both stared at Gianna who was moving around slightly in her sleep. "Yeah she will be fine" Helen mused softly. "She's got Cristina to teach her spanish and Kieran to teach her faerie. You can tell her stories about the wild hunt and Cristina can tell her stories about living in Mexico." Helen paused, her expression looking a little sad. "Her life is going to be so different from ours."

Mark felt another pang in his chest as well as the boiling of anger beneath his skin.

"How do we get past this?" He whispered. "How do we deal with this Helen? This anger?"

Helen was silent for a moment. Mark turned to face her and noticed she was shaking slightly. Helen gulped and looked up at him.

"We can't feel sorry for ourselves. That gets us nowhere. We need to confront it and then we need to find away to move past it," she said determinedly. "We need to be brave enough to let it go. We can't change the past but what we can do is try and change the way we approach this now. I know it's hard but we can do it." Helen smiled at him "As long as we have each others backs we can get through this."

Mark nodded. "I know. You're right. I want to keep moving forward. I want to learn more, discover more. I want to figure out who I really am." Mark spoke steadily. "The things that happened when we were younger were horrible," he felt his voice breaking again. "It's painful, but we can't just stay on our knees. We have to move on or it'll consume us."

Mark took Helen into his arms and hugged her tightly. She sniffled lightly, wrapping her arms around him. Mark let out a sigh.

"It's ok," he whispered. "I've got you, you're not alone."

You are not the only.

Be wise enough to wonder, be brave and let it go.

Nothing is everlasting.

Have mercy on my soul.

#tda #the dark artifices #tsc #helen blackthorn #mark blackthorn #kierarktina children #kierarktina #kaitlin'swriting

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thechangeling · 3 years

Text

Night blooming

Ok so remember when I said I was gonna write another wlw one shot about my OC and Thais Pedroso? Well I finally finished it. This is a sequel to Only Love. I reccomend you read that one first. It's on my Ao3. Also there are two Buffy references in here. If you catch them you get a cookie.

She was beautiful. Utterly stunning. Like a shining becon of angelic radiance and power. But what honestly made Thais so alluring was her kindness and selflessness. She was the kind if girl who held her heart out before her for everyone to see. You could see it in her smile, hear it in her laugh, you could see it reflected in her paintings.

Janessa was the kind of girl who had thought she had given up on the goodness of humanity a very long time ago. She had seen how cruel people could be first hand during her human life and even now as a vampire. Only now she had power to protect her and a dangerous appetite that was never full.

In theory maybe this was a bad idea. Maybe in theory a lot of Nessie's ideas were bad ideas. But after that kiss in her room. After Thais had slept in her bed and asked Janessa to sing to her. Nessie couldn't lie to herself anymore.

"So where are we exactly?" Thais asked, stepping of Janessa's motorcycle, eager to be done riding it. Janessa hadn't had a helmet available since she never road with one. Thais was shocked when she told her.

"Don't you need one?" She had asked her.

"Nope I'm dead remember? Plus vampires are pretty much indestructible unless-"

"Unless you get them in the heart," Thais had chimed in. She sounded as if she was reciting something taken directly from a textbook.

She probably was.

It was a little unsettling.

They had pulled up to what looked to be an abandoned building. It was dark and worn down, with crumbling broken edges.

"It's a surprise," Janessa answered playfully. Thais rolled her eyes good naturedly. Janessa laughed.

"Come on angel, dont you trust me?"

Thais deliberated this for awhile then finally nodded. "Ok fine, lead me to my death." She held out her hand for Janessa to take.

If Nessie was alive, her heart would probably be racing. She smiled in spite if herself and took Thais's hand.

Thais instantly tensed up. "By the angel you're cold!" She complained. Janessa rolled her eyes fondly.

"I am once again, reminding you that I'm a vampire," she pointed out. "Come on."

She led Thais towards the entrance of the building. Thais seemed to notice something of to the side and gasped excitedly.

"Look!" She pulled Nessie towards what appeared to be a patch of flowers. "Jasmines! They're night blooming!" Thais let go of Janessa's hand to pick one and handed it to her.

"Just like you."

A shadowhunter had just given Janessa a flower. A pretty girl had just given her a flower. Janessa needed oxygen. She didnt need to breathe but somehow she felt like she was suffocating.

Janessa felt really strange. She had been for weeks whenever she was around Thais. There were all kinds of new emotions that she wasn't really prepared to deal with. Nor did she want to.

Janessa shook it off. She reached forward and took the flower from Thais. Nessie felt her shiver slightly when their fingers touched. Thais was smiling at her, her expression was open and warm the same way it always was. Janessa wished she could be the same way.

She wished she knew how.

Janessa made an effort to stop gaping and smiled. "Thanks angel. It's beautiful." Thais shrugged.

"I know your probably not a flowers type of person-" she started, ducking her gaze shyly. Nessie shook her head adamantly.

"No shut up, I like my flower!" She protested jokingly. "And I actually am a flowers person, it's just that no one's ever given me them before." Thais smiled at her shyly, lifting her hand to push Janessa's hair back behind her ear.

"Me neither," she admitted. Nessie found herself instinctively leaning into her touch.

She was warm. Janessa grinned unselfconsciously for a moment before realizing she was showing her fangs. "Sorry!" Janessa exclaimed. But Thais appeared to be unfazed.

She shook her head smiling. Thais's eyes were shining like bright beautiful obsidian stones. Her fingertips felt soft against Nessie's skin. She gulped.

"I didn't even notice," Thais whispered.

Janessa held her gaze for a moment then remembered why they were there in the first place. She shook herself out of her stupor.

"Come on let's go inside." She took Thais's hand again and guided her towards the building. Thais groaned reluctantly, but still followed.

"I swear this is how horror movies start Nessie," she grumbled. Janessa laughed.

"Well if there's anything big and bad lurking in the shadows angel I promise to protect you," she teased.

"Oh please I'll be the one protecting you. I'm the one with combat training."

"Yeah but I'm the one with the scary teeth," Janessa countered playfully. Thais rolled her eyes and allowed Nessie to lead her into the building.

It was crumbled and run down with weeds growing out in every direction, but when they finally made it down to the center wall, Thais gasped.

The entire wall was covered in street art. More specifically street art like looked like it belonged in Brazil. At least according to pictures Janessa had seen.

"Oh by the angel, it's beautiful!" Thais exclaimed. "It looks just like the stuff in São Paulo!" She traced her fingers across the bumpy cement. "I used to paint like this sometimes."

Janessa raised an eyebrow. "You mean spray paint?" She asked skeptically. "I have a hard time picturing a shadowhunter doing graffiti art for some reason." Thais laughed and it made Janessa want to laugh as well.

"Yes I could see why you would think that," Thais admitted, the smile leaving her face. Shadowhunters usually aren't encouraged to pursue the arts. But I love it." Thais turned away from Thais and continued tracing the outline of one of the drawings. Nessie followed her as she walked.

"When I was a kid, everytime I would be super excited and happy and have a ton of energy, I used to run around and destroy the house by drawing all over the walls. At the time the consequences, or the concept of right and wrong, wouldn't faze me," Thais explained. She sounded a little nervous to be telling Janessa this.

Janessa carefully walked up behind her and placed a hand on her shoulder, gently spinning Thais around to face her. "Why not?" She asked.

Thais looked haunted. "Because I didn't realize what I was doing at the time. I didn't know and I don't know why. Sometimes I have these moments where I just get really depressed and heavy for no reason and I dont leave my bed for days and other times it's like I'm on top of the world and I feel like I'm floating on clouds until I run out into traffic and nearly get run over," she murmered. She was avoiding Janessa's gaze.

Thais shook her head as if she was clearing dust from it. "Anyways the point is, spraying and painting has always helped me feel better. More human. One of the things I hate about shadowhunters is there's so much focus on death and violence and war," she said bitterly. "We're trained that our emotions are distractions. To feel is to be weak, and stuff like art, music or dancing, they're made from feelings. I think that's why shadowhinters are persuaded not to pursue them."

Thais sighed, glancing back over to the wall of street art. Janessa stayed silent, allowing Thais time to think.

Thais turned back to look at Janessa her eyes were shining again as she smiled slightly. "But I mean, who wants to live in a world without feelings?" She asked, stepping closer to Janessa.

Nessie was suddenly hyper aware of Thais's proximity to her. Her lips were curved and full and soft looking. She could remember their first kiss quite vividly, the way Thais tasted, the feeling of her warm body pressed against Janessa's.

The smell of Thais's blood overwhelming her.

Nessie reached out and cradled the sides of her face, rubbing her thumb against the edge of Thais's cheekbone. "You're right," she whispered in response to Thais's earlier statement. "There's nothing without feelings." Janessa lowered her head so that their lips were almost touching, paused for a moment to see if Thais would back out, and when she didn't, Nessie kissed her slowly.

Janessa heard Thais's heart sped up the same way it did the first time they kissed. She smiled slightly and deepened the kiss, pushing her tounge against Thais's as she felt Thais grip her arms tighter, pulling against the buckles on Nessie's leather jacket. She continued to kiss her feverishly pushing Thais's hair back. It was incredibly thick and curly, so Janessa couldn't really run in fingers through it very well.

Nessie ran her arms down Thais's shoulders to her waist and Thais made a squeaking type noise and jumped back.

"Cold Nessie!" She cried out. Janessa laughed.

"Aw I'm sorry angel. You're just gonna have to get used to it," she cooed. Thais playfully rolled her eyes.

She was silent for a moment then, studying Janessa carefully with her dark eyes. "You know it's interesting," she mused. "I used to believe that vampires couldn't feel things like love and compassion." Janessa narrowed her eyes.

This was a strange thing to be admitting on their first date but sure, why not?

"But then I heard you sing," Thais continued. "I heard you sing and it was so beautiful. Not just because you're good, because you are very good. But because you sing with so much passion and emotion," Thais exclaimed. "And that's when I knew that I was wrong, and that I care about you."

Janessa couldn't help but grin. "God you are so cute," she giggled.

Thais shrugged. "I'm not that cute. Also another thing happened that night when I saw you perform that I thought you should know about," she said innocently.

Nessie was curious. "What?"

Thais smirked in a way that was very not angel like. "I'll tell you once we get back to the institute." Janessa bit her lip to avoid letting out a moan.

"Well fuck then snap some pictures of the wall and let's get out of here," Nessie exclaimed, rushing towards the exit. Thais laughed and raced after her.

"Its fine. We can always come back," she pointed out. "Maybe this could be our special place."

Janessa felt another overwhelming rush of feeling overtake her. She tried not to let it show.

'Yeah," she answered, feeling light and fluffy and on top of the world, just like Thais had described before.

Just be careful, a voice inside her said. Make sure you don't go running out into traffic.

Keep your guard up Nessie.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Just for frame of reference, this is my idea of Janessa.

@eutony-in-whisper @swordwifes @ti-bae-rius @dianasarrow @stxr-thxif @thelandunderthehilll @magnus-the-fabulous-entp-bane @talia-lightwood

#twp #the wicked powers #tsc #Kaitlin's oc #Thais Pedroso #wlw #kaitlin'swriting

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thechangeling · 4 years

Text

Your heartbeat is disguised as mine.

This is a platonic oneshot between my OC Janessa Williams and Kit Herondale. Full disclosure, I am a nonbinary person writing about a binary Trans woman. I pulled all of the information for constructing Nessie's background and character profile from other peoples stories both fictional and real. If I have spread misinformation of any kind or written anything that members of the community find offensive, please let me know! I will fix it immediately. Also I'm a useless Demisexual so sometimes I blur the lines between romantic and platonic too much, but hopefully this reads as platonic. Enjoy!

Janessa Williams was in trouble.

It wasn't like this was an uncommon occurrence. Nessie had spent the majority of her life weaving in and out of dangerous situations, but in her defense it usually wasn't her fault.

Kids picking on her when she was younger because she was wearing "girls clothes." Angry people yelling obscenities at her while she was walking home and men threatening to beat her up in the middle of crowded places when she was still transitioning and looked more "obvious" according to some people. Whatever the fuck that meant. And Nessie knew it probably would have been even worse if she hadn't been white.

She relished in the fact that now she was a vampire she was essentially invincible. Like many other people, becoming a downworlder was a source of safety. Which is why it was so painful to hear shadowhunters talk about how "tragic" the creation of vampires and werewolves was.

There were girls whispering behind her back in high school. Just trying to go to the bathroom without there being some sort of public debate amongst her teachers and principal was also a factor.

Jenessa was certainly no stranger to conflict or adversity. But this? This was something else entirely.

Before she had died. Nessie had actually made a decent connection with other members of her community. Even making casual acquaintances was comforting. The queer community overall could be a bit of a shit show at times. With exclusionists, TERFs and biphobes rampaging about. But getting the chance to talk to other trans people was incredible. Especially Bi trans people like herself. But despite that she still felt as though something was missing.

Janessa still felt distant and isolated despite the fact that she now had everything she wanted. It was like a dark black cloud had plagued her for all of her teenage years. Depression. It wasn't just due to being in the closet or not being able to be her true self. It was just there. Corrupting her brain and dragging her down into despair.

It was that same despair that had lead to her death. And when she was reborn as a member of the undead, at first she hadn't exactly been grateful. But in time she had found her footing. Music, therapy, a new community of downworlders who were diverse, powerful and brilliant. She moved from LA to basically all over with her band. All of these things helped Janessa re shape herself and her new life into something better. Something stronger.

But yet she still felt a little isolated at times. A little incomplete. Like she was waiting for something.

Fuck that sounded so pathetic. But it was true. Or at least it was true until a wayward mess of a shadowhunter had wandered into the bar Nessie and her band played regular gigs at, looking for information on a particular downworlder.

Janessa was not pleased. She knew she needed to get this asshole far away from her and her people.

Kit certainly had other ideas. It would not be the last time they disagreed on something.

But she had noticed something that day. Something in his eyes. That same lost look of despair she recognized in herself. This of course hadn't stopped her from calling him an angelic, inbred, self righteous asshole and he had thrown his head back and laughed.

Despite Nessie's better judgement, she had decided to trust him that day. He had complemented her t shirt which said "In my defense, I was provoked" and her leather jacket which had the trans symbol on the back with the Bisexual flag as the background.

So she had helped Kit with his mission that day, which turned out to be pretty harmless, which then led to hanging out at the park after dark and eating fast food on the balcony of Ciernworth. He asked her questions about her life and her unlife. He asked the questions that she usually got about hormones and discovering her gender identity, and less common questions about becoming a vampire. She in turn asked him questions about his past and his coming out. Her fate was sealed that day. Janessa just didnt want to admit it.

And now, several weeks later that shadowhunter she had chosen to trust was currently sobbing into her arms.

"Kit it's gonna be ok alright? Just take some deep breaths" Janessa cooed. She was running one of her hands through his blond curls, and another along his back attempting to soothe him.

Kit gasped for air against his sobs as he pressed his forehead closer to her neck. "I mean-. Nessie I just-" he gasped, unable to properly get the words out.

Janessa shook her head. "Shhh no it's ok" she reassured him. "Take your time."

It broke her heart to see Kit like this but all she could do was focus on helping him. Not once did it occur to Nessie that she currently had a live human being pressed up against her, viens full of rushing blood.

She rubbed his shoulders. Kit sighed and began to speak in a more calm tone. "It's just that when I gave Magnus the necklace to give to- you know to him, it brought all of those old feelings rushing back you know?"

Janessa sighed. Him was Tiberius Blackthorn. The boy that Kit was hopelessly in love with. The boy that had broken his heart.

Janessa was most certainly not a fan. Anyone who made her friend cry was instantly on her shit list. Nessie was more then a little protective of Kit but she couldn't help it. He was always getting himself into trouble. Like the other day, dealing with the Devon Vampire Clan which Nessie was kind of a part of now that she was living in Devon temporarily. Kit was picking her up from a meeting so they could get Midnight snacks and play video games at her place.

The Devon Clan was really not happy to see a Shadowhunter. They antagonized her over trusting one of the nephilum. They called her a traitor to her own people. Janessa personally thought they were being a little overly dramatic. It led to a fight that most definitely put the accords in jeopardy.

Janessa also discovered that day that she and Kit fought beautifully together. Almost like Parabatai.

Whoah. Where the fuck did that come from.

Janessa heard a light snore from below her. Kit had fallen asleep in her lap. She snorted fondly. The emotional labour of crying must have tired him out. She didn't really blame him for that. As Nessie stared down at him, this shadowhunter who had become so significant to her, she wondered if this was going to end badly for her.

She could hear the words of hundreds of downworlders echoing in her head, including her own. Shadowhunters can't be trusted. Shadowhunters are selfish. Shadowhunters hate downworlders. They don't believe we're worthy of life so why should we be nice to them? Fuck them all.

And all of that was what she firmly believed.

Kit snored again.

Well for the most part.

It wasn't like she was in love with him. That much she knew. The thought of kissing Kit or dating him or anything like that made her quesy. But the idea of holding him while he cried, or laughing at his jokes, or even staying here watching his chest rise and fall and relishing in the fact that yes, he is alive, that sounded perfect.

Janessa scooped her arms under Kit's body and pulled him up off of the floor. "Come on Kit-Kat" she muttered. "Let's get you to bed."

Kit moaned in protest but didn't try to fight her as she pulled him over to her bed. Nessie could only hope that Kit had told his parents where he would be. Kit smiled sleepily at her and opened his eyes.

"You're my best friend you know?" He murmered.

Janessa swallowed down a sob. "Really?" She asked, trying to keep her voice steady. "I've never had a best friend before."

Kit closed his eyes. He was probably nodding off again. "Me neither" he whispered. He probably didnt want to count Ty considering all of the romantic angst.

And in that moment Janessa made a choice. She made the decision to lay down next to him and relax. She made the decision to forgive him for things that were out of his control.

She leaned over and pressed a soft kiss to his temple. "You're my best friend too ok?" She said softly.

And when she saw the slightest of smiles appear on his face, Janessa made another decision as well.

She let herself love him.

Your heartbeat is disguised as mine.

My lullaby.

The song I used for this fic is Always be together by Little Mix.

#tda #the dark artifices #kit herondale #twp #the wicked powers #tsc #my oc #kaitlin'swriting

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thechangeling · 4 years

Text

The Fall

This is a one shot I wrote about my OC Gianna Blackthorn-Rosales, one of Kierarktina's kids. Full disclosure, I don't have bipolar, but I do suffer from depression and I did some research to fill in the blanks. Thank you to Halima and Ellie from helping me with the Spanish.

Tw for Depression and suicidal thoughts.

When Gianna woke up, she felt as though she was under water. Her limbs were heavy as if they were weighted down with led. Her alarm was blaring from her phone with zero sympathy. Gianna groaned and fumbled around for her phone to turn it off.

Shit. She felt like absolute garbage. Everything hurt. Everything felt hallow and empty like a great big hole had been carved out of her chest. Mornings were never fun, but today especially sucked. The idea of moving to get up, or even keeping her eyes open felt like absolute torture.

Gigi had recently come down from a manic episode and now she was sinking, unable to stay afloat. Not that she even really wanted to. Not right now at least.

That's when she remembered. Today was test day. Of fucking course. Testing day was when every shadowhunter under 18 had to undergo a series of skill tests, with weapons and also hand to hand combat. They were given scores based on how well they did and then those scores then were sent back to the Clave.

Of course it had to be today of all days. That was the problem with mental illness. It didn't care if you had a schedule to keep or things you needed to do. It just bulldozed it's way through your life, screwing everything up and then leaving you to clean up the mess.

Gianna grabbed her phone and typed out a quick message to her brother Nico.

I'm sick today, tell mama I can't do it.

Her therapist would tell her that avoidance wasn't healthy, but she would argue that sleeping right now was definitely the best thing for her. Unfortunately in fights such as these, the professionals usually won.

Gianna felt guilt and shame start to trickle in, greeting her like old friends. You're pathetic. You're a pitiful excuse for a shadowhunter. That's what everyone else is thinking and they're right. You're worthless. Everyone would be better of if you were gone.

Her phone vibrated next to her with a text from Nico. Gianna picked it up, already knowing what it would say.

Shadowhunters don't get sick. No one will buy it. Come on Gigi you need to try. He wrote.

Gianna fought the urge to scream. Try? Like she wasn't trying? Did they all think she was pulling this crap on purpose for shits and giggles? She was really getting sick of most people.

She was sick of her parents, sick of her siblings, sick of her cousins Ellie and Anthony even though they didn't get to see each other very often.

She was even sick of Anabla. Which made Gianna very scared. She loved her girlfriend but sometimes everything just became too overwhelming. Her father was always busy running his kingdom and whenever she went to Unseelie, many people always made it very clear that she was not welcome. Her father didn't even really understand how mental illness worked, but then again neither did her mama and papa.

Shadowhunters weren't supposed to be sick and neither were faeries.

Suddenly there was a banging on her door. "Gianna!" She heard her mother's voice on the other side of the door "¿Qué esta pasando?"

Gianna shut her eyes. Maybe if she pretended to be asleep her mama would leave her alone. It was unlikely but still. Her mother pounded on the door again. "Alleya!" She shouted angrily.

Well fuck. That was never good. As soon as her mother used Gianna's fae name, it meant that she was in big trouble.

"Ok yeah I'm coming!" She yelled back. Gianna took a deep breath and pulled herself to her feet.

I can do this. She thought to herself. It's gonna be ok. Just get though this then you can go back to bed.

She put on her gear and began to braid her hair into a faerie style. It was a personal tradition of Gianna's, to braid her hair like a faerie and pull it back so that her pointy ears were exposed whenever she had an offical shadowhunter event of some kind.

Outside she could hear the sounds of Shadowhunters arriving at The New York Institute by portal. Gianna and her family had slept over at the institute so they wouldn't have to travel. She could instantly hear the cheerful loud voices of her cousins, as well as her aunts and uncles greeting each other.

One big happy family.

Gianna could feel the aches in her muscles as if she was sore from a good work out. Getting through testing would be absolute hell.

But she would do it. She grabbed her bow from it's hook on her bedroom wall as well as her quiver of arrows, and marched outside to meet her fate.

The wave of liveliness hit Gianna like a truck. There were older shadowhunters gossiping and catching up with one another, while teenagers and kids of all ages darted excitedly around each other gathering their weapons and gear. She noticed her mama and papa talking with her tías, Helen and Aline. Nico was being bombarded by hugs from their tìo Jules and tìa Emma. Even though they were all on her papa's side of the family, her mama had no siblings. In fact she didnt have any family she was in constant contact with since they were all in Mexico. So at her mama's request, Gianna called all of her papa's siblings tía or tío as a way to keep her connected to her culture.

As for her father's side of the family, it was basically just a long string of "these people want me dead", so nobody was getting any names of any kind.

Then there was Kit and Ty, who Gianna called by their first names because they were so close. She had always felt better connected to them for some reason.

Speaking of.

She spotted them over by the corner if the room. Ty had his headphones on and Kit was hugging-

Oh great.

She was here.

Mina freaking Carstairs.

Wonderful.

Which begged the question, what was she doing here exactly? She was 18. She was supposed to be done with these sorts of tests.

Gianna watched as perfect Mina rushed over to great a screaming Ellie, who was her Parabatai, and Anthony and that was when it dawned on her. Right. Of course.

Mina had come to watch them.

The perfect supportive friend and Parabatai. Always smiling. Always ever so sweet and polite.

Yeah Gianna really wasn't a fan.

Nico would tell her that she was being irrational, and she probably was. But Mina Carstairs had always looked down on her with that familiar expression of pity and disgust.

It might have had something to do with the time Gianna had tried to steal Church during one of her manic episodes. Or the time when she woke Mina and Ellie up by blasting heavy metal at three in the morning while making brownies at the LA institute.

In her defense, she couldn't sleep.

Gianna knew lots of people always assumed she was doing these things on purpose. Like she was purposefully trying to sabotage everything in her life. That was probably one of the most irritating things about having a mental illness, being blamed for the things that you had no control over.

Being held to neurotypical standards was also shitty.

"You look like you're about keel over and die on us" said a voice at her shoulder.

Gianna whipped around and breathed a sigh of relief.

Magnus.

Gianna couldn't quite managed a smile, but she instantly flung her arms around him in a hug which he returned.

"Hey there little shadowfae" he cooed. It was the nickname he had for her ever since she was a kid. "Are you taking your meds?" He asked her with his head still resting on her shoulder.

Gianna groaned, lightly pushing him away. "Why can't you just greet me like a normal person? What ever happened to, "How are you?" Or, "What great weather we've been having lately!" She rolled her eyes.

Magnus looked sympathetic as he placed a hand on her shoulder and squeezed. "I'm sorry Gigi. I'm just worried about you." He said softly.

Magnys was essentially the one who had jumpstarted her treatment, the same way he did with Thaís. He contacted Caterina, who contacted a doctor with the sight to get Gianna diagnosed, on medication and into counseling.

Her therapist was actually half Unseelie, half mundane. She was fairly sweet, and she and Gianna got along pretty well. It could have been a lot worse.

Gianna nodded, "Yeah I know. I am." She protested.

That was mostly true, although there was one week when she had gone to Unseelie to visit Anabla and forgotten to bring her meds with her. She was paying for that now.

"Everyone! Could I have your attention please!" They were interrupted by the voice of the consul. Alec Lightwood-Bane was standing in the middle of the room. Several members of the council were standing with him. "We will begin testing in five minutes! If all of the perticipents could please make their way down to the institute's training room. Thank you."

Magnus caught Alec's eye and smiled at him from across the room. He then sighed and squeezed Gianna's shoulder again. "Well. I should go join my husband" he said matter of factly. "Good luck little one."

Gianna managed a small smile. "Thanks Mags."

Gianna stood in place for awhile, willing herself to move. People passed by around her like waves moving around a bolder. No one played her a second glance, not her cousins, and certainly not Mina Carstairs. Her parents were probably busy with Nico.

The living room filtered out and then she was alone. Standing in the middle of the room with a bow in her hand.

See. The voice told her. You're all alone. You're always alone. No one really cares about you.

She tried to protest, tried to fight it but she was just too tired. And there was that old familiar feeling again. A feeling beyond exhaustion, beyond despair, and beyond hopelessness.

Inevitability.

The feeling that at the end of the day this is all that you are, and all you ever will be.

And there's nothing that can change that.

#tsc #tda #twp #kierarktina #kierarktina children #my oc #kaitlin'swriting

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