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ice-cream-nekogirl · 4 years

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would it matter at all? (Spinel X Reader)

Funny how these feelings of depression just hit you so suddenly eh? One minute you’re fine and the next the tears are coming and you’re trying to keep them back and just pretend like you’re okay for others? Yeah... it’s that kinda night for me... I wish I had my own Spinel... I understand her pain...

So I wrote this when I should have been doing something more productive but I had to just do this. I had to write for this lovely gem that I’ve grown to adore and would die for.

Warning: Some intrusive thoughts and implied suicidal thoughts as well so reader discretion is advised.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=82hLvgGuDu8

If I wasn't here tomorrow would anybody care If my time was up I'd wanna know You were happy I was there

The past exists just to hurt the present person you are today. That’s how you always saw it at least.

There was one person who understood that the most though, and that was the new gem that had come into your life. At first you didn’t trust her, she tried to kill your friends, including one of your best friends Steven. And yet, you were amazed that the sweet boy was able to get her to stop what she was doing through a series of mishaps and helping the gems rediscover themselves, for better or worse.

You helped him the entire time, and reflected on your own life before you met Steven. Unlike Pearl, Amethyst and Garnet, you didn’t enjoy rediscovering the person you became today, because you still didn’t like yourself.

Beach City was a good place, but the place you came from before this wasn’t. It felt like you were the only person in the world because you knew you were different from everyone, and they made sure to remind you of it everyday. You felt worthless, rejected and cast out from the others and you actually believed that maybe you deserved it, maybe you shouldn’t have even been here.

At times you started to wonder, would it even matter if you disappeared? Would anything you did from here on out matter at all?

You wondered that, at least until the gem, Spinel was her name, had showed the person she used to be. A sweet, lovely little gem that you found extremely endearing every time she tried to play with you. She actually made you smile as you would giggle and blush whenever she got so close and playfully poked you to try and play a game with you. How could such a murderous clown be such a little sweetheart?

That’s what made you really wonder, but then you got your answers when she started to remember and reveal her backstory, her time in the garden after Pink Diamond… just left her there. For all those millenia, the poor gem stood there, alone and waiting for the person she thought was her friend…

Your heart broke for her, you wept for her as she reformed back to the same, maniacal gem that tried to kill you and Steven. Except she wasn’t just a maniacal gem, she was a broken, self-loathing individual that you saw yourself a lot in. She didn’t deserve what Pink did to her, and you knew that she hated the person she became, you knew that because you hated the person you became too after people hurt you…

But you didn’t want to fight her anymore, you wanted to reach out to her when Steven failed to get through to her for a moment.

“I know what it’s like! I understand what you’ve been through!” You exclaimed after she decided that no, she didn’t want to hurt Steven anymore. She looked up, eyes wide but her expression still had disbelief on it as her eyes narrowed into a scowl.

“How could you know? How could know anything like that?! You’re just some stupid human! Worse than even this loser…” She was skeptical, and you understood why, because you didn’t know who else could understand the feeling of being abandoned.

A sardonic chuckle left your lips, “You’re right… I AM a stupid human…” You almost weren’t offended by her insult though, nor were you deterred by the hateful look in her eyes. “I understand… because I used to be a happier person… I used to smile all the time and I can’t even remember why… but when I got older… I stopped… people just… didn’t want to be around me… I knew they didn’t… they looked at me like I was some kind of weirdo… and they just left… I was all by myself for a really long time…” Tears sprung to your eyes as you recollected the way you dramatically changed from a happy child to a moody young adult as Steven glanced at you sympathetically. He knew your story all too well, and honestly you thought that if it wasn’t for him, you’d probably be somewhere else… not with him or the gems and Connie and Greg…

The pink gem’s glare gradually softened into a mix of shock and confusion, her eyes widening slightly when she heard your words telling a story that were making her feel some type of way that she didn’t understand. All she could understand, was the pain in your voice and your eyes as you wiped the tears away even as they fell.

“I know your pain Spinel… I really do… I mean… 10 years is nothing compared to 5000 years but… I understand… what it’s like to feel… unwanted and… abandoned…” You mumbled with your eyes downcast as Spinel seemed to rethink more on what she really wanted to do after listening to you and Steven…

No. She didn’t want to destroy this planet anymore…

And you couldn’t lie, you were relieved when she and Steven were able to make the injector stop from destroying the planet. Maybe you didn’t want to die today, not when you had friends like Steven, Connie, Pearl, Amethyst, Garnet and Greg still around. You’d live for their sakes…

Yet, you couldn’t get Spinel out of your mind even as she went along with the Diamonds. Your [E/C] eyes welled with tears when she joined the Diamonds when they decided to take her in and you rushed over next to Steven when they shared a good bye peace sign.

If I wasn't here tomorrow would anyone lose sleep If I wasn't hard and hollow Then maybe you would miss me

“Spinel!” You refused to cry, but you couldn’t help as you sniffled and waved your arm out to wave. “Take care! Come back whenever okay?! I want to… be your friend when you decide to come back!!” As tears dripped down your cheeks you made yourself grin as you waved vigorously to the stunned gem.

Her pink eyes going wide as a soft gasp left her, focusing entirely on you as you turned smaller and smaller from where she was at. A small blush sporting onto her streaked cheeks as she looked at you, and you were smiling at her. The human who could understand what she had felt…

You wanted to be her friend…?

She couldn’t even find the words as all she could do was stare and watch you wave with a broken smile and misty eyes with the tears down your cheeks. Spinel didn’t even realize the tears in her own eyes as she picked up her hand to wave back at you, still looking surprised and confused…

Why would you want to be her friend even after all of that…?

TWO WEEKS LATER

Although it had been a while since the entire incident that nearly ended in the world ending and you started to think that you probably should have been surprised that you survived yet another semi-apocalypse. But after the gems invading several times you remembered that had learned to get used to the world almost ending. Except unlike all of those other times, you couldn’t stop thinking about that gem. She wasn’t like the other gems, not even Lapis, a gem you had considered a dear friend.

Spinel was different. From the moment you saw what had happened to her, something tugged at your heart and made you realize that she wasn’t the only person who felt so rejected and discarded from people you just wanted to be with. You lied in your bed under your covers, remembering the way the pink gem would giggle and smile at you before she reformed back to the person she was today. Her innocence reminded you so much of who you used to be, and it was almost too painful to think about…

To have that childhood happiness shattered by the cruelty from another person, and to become a bitter, almost hateful person because of that pain being too much to bear. It fucking hurt…

You hurt just thinking about what kind of pain Spinel must have endured just waiting in that garden for someone who was never going to come back. What if she never got that message and just stood there forever? God you didn’t want to think about it…

You almost wished she was here so you could hug her and tell her that she didn’t deserve that, and that she deserved to be happy. But at the same time, you thought you were kidding yourself. Why would Spinel remember you? You weren’t anything special, she said so herself, you were just a stupid human.

Hell, you were lucky that Steven was kind enough to give you the time of day. Why would Spinel do the same?

Sighing and wiping your eyes you tried to go to sleep, but then you gasped aloud when you thought you heard something outside. Your parents were home, but they slept so deeply you were certain that not even an earthquake would wake them up. Then again, even if they did wake up, it’s not like you couldn’t handle yourself.

Well, you couldn’t really handle yourself well, but you didn’t care about yourself. At this point nothing mattered about you at all. And you told yourself that almost every day.

So you peered out your window to see if it was maybe just the wind, but your eyes went wide when you saw her…

Spinel, standing outside in your backyard with Steven accompanying her and pointing up when he had seen you. Wide eyes met as you gasped quietly. She looked just as shocked as you did, but she perked up when she saw your visage leave, “W-Where’d she go…?” She asked Steven almost nervously as he chuckled.

“Don’t worry she’s coming down.” He could tell you were excited, because he was very observant when it came to people. And he knew that Spinel had been on your mind the whole time, so he was more than happy to lead Spinel to your house when she came for a visit and asked about ‘the human with the [H/C] hair and [E/C] eyes’.

And her worries were put to rest when she saw you open that door, clad in just your (F/C) pajamas with a big smile on your face. “Spinel!” You exclaimed rather quietly, running over to her as her eyes widened slowly in shock at how close you were getting before you stopped right in front of her.

She looked a bit defensive, as if she wasn’t certain how to react to your excitement to see her. The diamonds treated her well and were in fact very good to her, but it’s been a long time since she’s seen that kind of joy directed at her. In fact, usually that’s what she had done in the past to… her…

“Hi… you’re that human.” Spinel remembered you, which secretly surprised you. “(Y/N) right?” She asked to clarify, and heat rose on your cheeks when she said your name for the first time. “Uh huh… that’s me.” An awkward smile came to your lips, something Spinel couldn’t help but mimic since she felt just as awkward as you did.

Something Steven immediately picked up with a small grin, “I’ll just leave you two be for the time being okay? I hope you’re having a good night (Y/N).” He knew when to leave two people alone and you perked up, feeling rather terrible that you forgot that Steven was there. “O-Oh! Thank you… s-sorry Steven…” You apologized to him sheepishly but he wasn’t offended in the slightest.

“It’s no problem! Spinel wanted to see you again, and I was happy to help.” He said cheerfully as he waved to the two of you, not subtly winking at Spinel as she was taken aback slightly at this gesture. And you blushed a little bit harder at such a thought, she wanted to see you again?

“You wanted to see me again?” You were so shocked you didn’t even realize what you had asked, and Spinel’s eyes widened even more as a flustered expression overcame her features. “W-Well uh… I… yeah… yeah I suppose…”

She felt strange. She hadn’t really felt this curious about anyone, not even Pink Diamond. She knew Pink Diamond, and she knew that she was her playmate, and other gems were just fun to play with too because they were all neat looking. You were different. You weren’t a gem, you were a human being and yet your feelings weren’t that different from the feelings gems could feel.

And your feelings apparently weren’t that different from Spinel’s own feelings. Which is what really made her curious.

“Let’s… sit on my bench… it’s… more comfortable.” You couldn’t get rid of the corny smile on your lips as you gave her the offer, “Oh… thanks…” She couldn’t turn it down though as you lead her to your bench, allowing the two of you to sit down.

It was uncomfortably silent for at least 5 minutes, but you didn’t know what to say. Which was ironic because she’s all you could think about for the past couple of weeks. Why the hell couldn’t you say anything now?! Come on (Y/N)!

“So… um…” You started off, badly though. It wasn’t even a damn sentence…

“So…” And you were sure your uncomfortable energy was rubbing off on Spinel since she couldn’t quite muster up a sentence herself.

No. You couldn’t be an idiot. You sucked it up, exhaled and then cleared your throat a little bit. “I’m… glad to see you again.” Finally, you said something that actually made sense and was an actual sentence. “You are?” But this confused Spinel, since she knew she didn’t make the best first impression by trying to hurt you and Steven.

“Yeah.” You replied simply with a smile and shrugged your shoulders. “Why?” The gem asked you somewhat bluntly though, trying not to look amused by the simplicity of your response.

“I liked you. You were… an interesting gem… and… don’t tell the other gems but you’re actually more interesting than any of them…” A little snicker left you as you covered your mouth, feeling kind of bad for putting the other gems down like that but Spinel really did interest you. This further surprised her though, her eyes wide with shock because even after all of that, how did you still like her even a little bit.

WHY did you like her?

I know I'm a mess and I wanna be someone Someone that I'd like better I can never forget, so don't remind me of it forever

“Why?” She asked bluntly again, a wry smile on her lips. “I tried to kill you. I tried to kill Steven. Tried to destroy the earth. Why do you like me?” For a minute there, she swore that you probably liked her old self better, because she remembered having a lot of fun with you before the past came back to her…

“Is it my old self that you liked?” Spinel’s tone became a little bit colder, yet the sadness was still there. “I’m flattered… but that’s not me anymore… I wish it was but… it’s not me. I haven’t even pulled myself together yet either…” She looked down, her gloved fists starting to clench as she tried to hold back the anger bubbling in her. Not at Rose, but at herself. She still hated the person she was, and she hated that you were here, telling her that you liked her.

There’s no way you could like something like her…

“Of course I liked your old self.”

She knew. She fucking knew it. God she wanted to cry and feel betrayed all over again so she could get away and not have to be hurt again, but you didn’t stop talking.

“Because you remind me of me when I was a kid.” You smiled ruefully and looked in the distance. “I smiled a lot before I started growing up. I was so happy… so eager to impress my peers. I wanted nothing more than to feel included, and feel like I was someone’s friend.” As you talked, Spinel looked at you intently as she took in all of your words and the feelings behind them. The feelings that Spinel still had lingering in her even after Pink Diamond. That’s exactly what she felt like, all she wanted was to be a friend.

“I did everything… everything I could to impress them and make them happy, even if it meant not doing what I wanted… I just… wanted that so badly.” Your smile was still there, but it was clear to the gem that you weren’t happy at all.

“And then… the older I got… the more I started to realize… I’m not what people want… I’m nothing more than an amusement at best.” However, the more you thought about the past, the more your smile started to curve into a soft frown. “And some people didn’t even like me at all… they avoided me just so they could be amongst themselves and kept me out of their picture… I didn’t realize it til later that I wasn’t anyone’s friend, I was just… nothing.”

A small, empty chuckle left you as you wiped your eyes when tears were threatening to fall as Spinel looked at you in shock, feeling more feelings that she had never felt for anyone else other than herself. She was angry, hurt and unable to believe that this happened to you, you seemed like a decent person, why did those people avoid you?

“Those… those…!” Spinel couldn’t help it, she shook her head as her fists trembled, “I… I hate that!” She exclaimed as you jumped a bit, not wanting her to wake your parents but you didn’t really want to set her off any further. “I hate it when people do that… it’s… why…? Why are they so cruel like that…?”

She asked you questions that you asked yourself everyday in your moments of solitude as you put your hand on her shoulder. “I don’t know… I ask myself that all the time and I can never find the answers.” You gave a sigh as you looked downwards. “But… I know this sounds selfish of me but… I… I couldn’t help but like you because I understood you…” You admitted, no shyness in your tone, just honesty despite how sad you were.

“I used to be happy… until life and people started to kick me… and push me aside like something that didn’t matter at all… I know… that’s probably how you felt… and I just… I hated hearing what Pink did to you… you didn’t deserve it Spinel… you’re a good gem… I don’t know why Pink had to go and hurt you like that…” Voice cracking you squeezed your shoulder as gobs of tears started to stream down your face as you shut your eyes, unable to see the tears welling in Spinel’s eyes as she tried to hold it all back.

Steven was the only other person who took pity on her, but hearing another person tell her that NO, she didn’t deserve what happened to her… was like some kind of validation that she didn’t know she needed to hear until right now this very moment.

But at the same time, it made her feel even worse when she thought about how she still hurt you and tried to bring more hurt to you when she first fought you and Steven as she cried. “But I’m NOT a good gem! I had to have deserved it! I hurt you! And Steven! You can’t tell me I didn’t deserve that! Not when I was the one who hurt you when you didn’t deserve that… or what they did to you… you didn’t deserve that at all…” She hung her head as she wept for you, and all you could do was watch her in shock as a sob hitched in your breath.

“S-Spinel…”

You were touched by her sympathy, and how she seemed to genuinely care about her feelings. No one other than Steven and Lapis have ever really cared about your feelings, but Spinel… she understood you more…

“I don’t know…” You couldn’t fight the self-deprecation though, it was a horrible trait you picked up on the older you got and realized that maybe you were avoided because there was something wrong with you.

What if I just pulled myself together Would it matter at all? What if I just tried not to remember Would it matter at all? All the chances that have passed me by Would it matter if I gave it one more try Would it matter at all?

“Maybe I deserved it too…” Spinel gasped when she heard you say that, no, no you couldn’t have believed that. “I mean… you’re great but… I’m not… I’m a loser… I sit in my room all day, watch anime for the sake of comfort, and listen to music by Lana Del Ray, My Chemical Romance and Stevie Nicks, and write bullshit stories for god’s sake… if I wasn’t here today it probably wouldn’t even matter. I might as well not even exist… who knows? Maybe I’m just better off gone because I don’t think anyone would even care… I’ve thought about it… but never could go with it…” You admitted some of your darker thoughts as your eyes started to dull with the misery you’ve carried around the past 10 years of your life and maybe even longer than that.

Of course Spinel wasn’t familiar with the concepts but all she knew is that no, she didn’t want you to disappear. “No! You can’t… You have to be here…” Her voice croaked a little bit as she grabbed your shoulders, “If you weren’t here… I wouldn’t have gotten to hear you say that I didn’t deserve what happened to me… even though I think I did… if you just disappeared or went away I would care (Y/N)! I… I would care… it matters to me! It would matter to me!” She sobbed to you and held onto your shoulders tighter as if she was trying to make sure that you were still here.

She didn’t know you well, but she wanted to. And she didn’t want you to leave.

You had never opened up about this sorrow to anyone before though, Spinel was the first person you completely opened up to. She was the only one who knew about what you were really feeling, and you were almost relieved that she didn’t quite understand the deeper parts of what you tried to say.

However, hearing her say those words were comfort to you as you sobbed and you couldn’t help but pull her into a hug. “I’m… glad to hear that someone would…” You shakily said in between soft cries as she sniffled. “You’re… you’re not bad (Y/N)… if you think… I’m a good person… I don’t know why you do but… thank you… please… you’re really here right? If you are… I’m glad… that someone else knows what it’s like…” Spinel almost sounded shy as she admitted to this newfound happiness she couldn’t help but feel talking more about what happened to her.

“I am… and… I hope you’re here too… Spinel I really like you… I missed you… I wanted to get to know you more… so… I meant what I asked… would you like to… be my friend…?” That’s what you wanted to ask her, despite these other feelings in your stomach that were flurrying about as your cheeks turned hot.

Spinel was hugging you, stretchy arms around you tightly as she perked up at the question, and she looked up at you with surprise in those rather adorable pink eyes of hers. She was a bit hesistant and yet she felt like she could really trust you, so she gave you a little smile.

“Yes… I want to be your friend too (Y/N)…” She answered you slowly, but sincerely as she nodded up at you. (E/C) eyes widening as you beamed and you tightly hugged her again, earning a small surprised squeak from her, but she couldn’t help but hug you just as tightly. Even stretching her arms even more all around your figure like a snake almost as you gasped with wide eyes as she pulled herself away with a goofy smile.

The two of you bursting into laughter through your tears as you actually felt like there was this weight inside of you that had been slowly lifted off of you. This was the first time you felt actually happy, and the first time you’ve laughed in a long time and it was because of this sweet gem.

She did bad things yes, but she was broken too, and you understood that completely. And she understood that about you too. As the two of you pulled away, you couldn’t help but put your hand in hers as she looked up at you, a blush on her streaked cheeks as she locked her fingers with yours and smiled at you.

Warmly you blushed brightly with an equally bright smile on your face.

You knew that you truly did matter. You mattered to your friends and your family. And you mattered to her, and she mattered to you. Spinel knew this too, after everything she had been through, she finally learned that she really did matter to the new people she accepted into her life. She mattered to you, and you mattered to her too.

Both of you did, both of you mattered.

And YOU matter too. To anyone who read this, if you have any suicidal thoughts, or have had suicidal thoughts or even just need someone to talk to about intrusive thoughts or just need to talk to someone about anything don’t hesitate to call 1-800-273-6255, the Suicide Hotline.

And remember that your life is important and that your life matters. YOU matter.

#spinel x reader #steven universe spinel #su spinel #spinel #su x reader #steven universe x reader #steven universe #su #spinel angst #spinel is babey #spinel imagines #spinel appreciation #spinel needs a hug #spinel deserves better #spinel headcanons #1 800 273 8255 #spinel x fem reader #reader insert #i love spinel

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silverbastardgoldenfool · 5 years

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Realm of the Elderlings Ask Meme Thing

Created by @hermitknut and brought back by @elderling-magic

Thanks @blackandwhitemotley for tagging me :) this is gonna be unnecessarily long because I’m a messy bitch with too many feelings and not enough brain cells

Favourite RotE Book: God it’s impossible to choose properly so let’s just go with the one that always gives me flashbacks when I see it on my bookshelf: Golden Fool

Why: I was already deeply obsessed at this point and had laughed, cried and panicked countless times throughout the series BUT Golden Fool stands out because of the Fitz/Fool confrontation which all but gave me a panic attack. Sure, I’ve been overly invested in book characters my whole life but the fact I was like physically fuckin sweating just because these guys were having a verbal fight, which had nothing to do with the actual plot, is fuckin wild my dude. Also despite my distress I was thrilled in a way because I never expected Robin to address the homoerotic tension in the actual text - and I was even more impressed that she makes the Fool the winner in this fight. You feel for him (ouch!!!!!!!!) but he gets the last word and the whole time you’re on his side and wishing Fitz would just keep his goddamn mouth shut (unless he’s gonna use it to kiss the Fool). She makes you empathise with the Fool without compromising his dignity, without making him a pathetic pining gay stereotype. He is hurt, he is human, but Fitz is the fool in this exchange (forgive the unintentional pun). It’s crazy how this one scene defines this whole huge book for me but it overwhelmingly does. Man it fucked me up.

Top Three Favourite Characters: I’m excluding Fitz, the Fool and Nighteyes cos that’s just a given honestly and there are too many incredible characters to choose from. Also I’m going to choose three characters I think are exceptional on a technical level since that’s the easiest way for me to pick a few out.

1. Burrich - Forever fascinating to me because I disagree with him probably more often than not AND YET I love him so much. It’s seriously like I have the same relationship with him that Fitz does - and/or the same relationship many of us have with father figures. That weird thing where you can fundamentally disagree on some pretty important stuff, and he makes a lot of mistakes and probably irrevocably fucked you up in a lot of ways but you can’t help but love him because you know he’s not doing anything from a place of malice or pettiness or selfishness. He simply knows what he believes and is righteous to a fault. He’s always doing his best - whatever that looks like to him. There are so many things he says or does that make me amazed that I don’t hate him. I think in another series he is the kind of character I would hate. The fact that Robin makes me love him - and conflicted about that love - is a marvel.

2. Malta - I won’t harp on about this too much because we all know the deal. Malta’s early POVs were a tween nightmare. I had to skim them because they were so viscerally irritating. I guess it’s a huge testament to the writing that it really did feel like you were stuck in a tween girl’s head; the problem is that is the worst hell imaginable. It’s an even greater testament to the writing that, through some of the most masterful character development I have ever witnessed, you actually end up loving this girl.

3. Kennit - He’s such a monster that I hate actually saying he’s one of my favourite characters but it’s true. Especially from a writing perspective; it’s fucking witchcraft how Robin has you judging everyone around Kennit for falling for his charms even while you are in some way charmed by him. He’s intelligent, charismatic, enigmatic. You know he’s not a good person yet you enjoy spending time with him, you’re kind of rooting for him just because he’s interesting and you want to see what he’s going to do next. You even know - the narration straight up tells you - that most of his successes are down to pure dumb luck yet we still kind of buy into this persona of his. Absolutely brilliant writing. Not to mention his backstory, which is so tragic and compelling, and manages to explain his actions without excusing them. Without a doubt one of my top five favourite villains of all time.

Top Three Least Favourite Characters: Okay so again going for the writing angle; characters I just felt weren’t handled all that well on a technical level. Keep in mind that this is suuuuuper subjective. Also I can only think of two.

1. Molly - I’ve seen a lot of people assume that people who dislike her feel that way because she “gets in the way” of Fitz/Fool but that’s not true for me. I’ll try and keep this shortish because I have way too many feelings about this topic lol. Having read the whole series I wouldn’t change anything, but for a long time I really felt like the story would have been better if she wasn’t in it, or especially if she had not come back after Assassin’s Quest. Maybe that’s harsh, but I honestly just generally dislike the whole “first love, last love” trope (and in my personal experience have found it v toxic). I never found her character particularly engaging, but by the end of Farseer I had made my peace with her role in Fitz’s story; the way I saw it, she represented the life Fitz wanted but could never have. Of course you could argue then that it makes sense for Fitz to get her back once he is allowed to have a window of normal life - and that would be true EXCEPT the whole reason I saw her as a symbol and not a real love interest was because their relationship was TERRIBLE. It was seriously toxic and literally based on lies. I really felt what would have been healthy for Fitz at the end of Tawny Man would have been to find peace in realising that Molly was his past, not his future, and that what they’d had was teenage lust and not the stuff of soulmates. I don’t like the implication that Fitz was right to idealise this tumultuous, dishonest, immature relationship he had as a teenager all these years. Honestly this is why I was FURIOUS when I finished Fool’s Fate lol, even though I knew this wasn’t the ultimate ending. Now that I know where Robin went with this and that Fitz wasn’t really fulfilled in his life with Molly I don’t mind it as much but I still don’t love it. There was never enough of an honest, genuine, selfless connection established between the two of them for it to feel like anything other than an unhealthy fixation that Fitz projected all his unattainable fantasies onto. He never seemed to see Molly as a fully realised person which made it hard for me to do so. Also seriously, if I had been pining after my high school fling for the last ten years everyone would agree that the best thing for me would be to move on, not get back together with them. I’m not saying Fitz didn’t deserve his little bracket of peaceful years, but it just didn’t have to be with Molly. Sometimes not getting what you thought you wanted is the happy ending - I guess it’s just really jarring in a series that’s generally so subversive to get a standard fantasy trope like this. I really truly was shocked when Fitz got his feelings back from the stone dragon and his realisation was not “Molly is kind of just a girl I used to know a long time ago and our paths have long since diverged” but “yes no actually that girl I haven’t talked to in over a decade is my soulmate” like, wig in the worst way. ALSO SHE WAS FUCKING HIS DAD ALL THAT TIME. SHE BORE HIS DAD CHILDREN. HIS DAD HAD TO DIE SO THEY COULD BE TOGETHER. BRUH. Seriously it did feel like Burrich was sacrificed solely so these two little shits could get back together, and again, that was so infuriating and so not like these books. This and Burrich not being canonically in love w Chivalry are the only two points I actually get riled up about from a writing/critical perspective lol, every other flaw and quirk in this series I will absolutely pardon but for some reason these just get to me dude.

2. Starling - Promise this one is simpler lol. I always found Starling quite irritating “as a person” but didn’t mind her as a character. What I didn’t love was the way her lifestyle (promiscuity, independence, nomadic etc.) was kind of justified when it didn’t need to be, with the typical explanation that she’s only like this because she can’t have kids. It just felt really unnecessary, and it was even worse when she did get pregnant and basically just became a completely different person. But I’m generally touchy when it comes to female characters and fertility/pregnancy storylines as I just feel like they’re rarely done well. And I just really don’t like it when infertility is implied as a justification for character traits (usually traditionally male traits) that don’t need justifying.

Favourite Ship (of the floating kind): Paragon of course, we love a problematic fave.

Top Three Favourite Ships (of the people kind): Fitz/Fool, Sedric/Carson, Althea/Brashen (the only heteros whomst deserve rights)

Would you rather be Witted or Skilled: Honestly wouldn’t want either but if I had to choose I guess the Wit? I’d much rather be inside an animal’s head than another human’s no thanks bb

If you were Witted, what animal would you bond with?: If I’m still living in my current situation in this hypothetical then I guess a house cat. If I really get to go wild then I am absolutely bonding with a big cat, like a tiger or a panther IMAGINE THE SNUGGLES.

Would you rather live in the Outislands, the Mountain Kingdom, the Six Duchies, Bingtown, the Rain Wilds, Kelsingra, Jamaillia, the Pirate Isles, or Fool’s Homeland?: Dude I am so bad at visualising locations so idk lol, I guess queer utopia Kelsingra although obviously it has its drawbacks.

How were you introduced to the books? My mum had been telling me for years that if I liked A Song of Ice and Fire I would like Realm of the Elderlings. I was putting it off because there are so many books and I also knew how much she loved them so I was worried I wouldn’t like them and she’d be let down. But I eventually got so close to rereading ASOIAF (which I swore I wouldn’t do til Winds of Winter is released) that I decided to finally give RotE a go in its stead.

Share a quote you love: I don’t have a book on me rn but that part in Fool’s Errand when Fitz is talking about how the Fool has wandered into the place he’s been living for years and immediately, effortlessly made it a home is TENDERNESS BEYOND COMPARE ARE YOU KIDDING.

Tagging: if you see this and haven’t done it yet, consider yourself tagged!

Take the thing, copy and paste it into your own post, tag it “elderlings” and then tag as many people as you can that you know in the fandom.

#rote #Realm of the Elderlings #robin hobb

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girlbookwrm · 5 years

Text

AVENGERS: CIVIL WAR

THE MIGHTY PRE ENDGAME REWATCH

it took us two entire days to watch this, back in whenever we were watching this. I’ve got a Bundle of Papers here in front of me, and the CW Bundle is by far the thickest, and that’s with minimal salt content.

Speaking of Salt: The Roommate and I had to approach this as an Avengers movie. Because otherwise the salt levels in this would be toxic, possibly fatal. Even so, ppl with high cholesterol be warned

LET’S DO THIS

1991!

Winter Soldier:

what is this

what is this please

dat beef tho

what is this op sec

honestly

NO mask

SHINY FUCKOFF ARM just HANGING OUT

CCTV???

~ooooooo he’s a ghooooooooooooost~

he’s got an extremely dedicated and very harried cleanup crew is what he’s got

OH! OLD LOGO ILU!!!

LAGOS!!

The Roommate: That’s a lot of sugar

i ain’t judging

what, you think her powers run on optimism?

is there an accent? is there not? Shroedinger’s accent.

droney the drone

sam’s lil sky roomba

i love him

guhhhh this scene every line shows character and growth and i just *clenches fist*

did

did falcon just throw steve

just yeeted him at the enemy?

god i love that

also: has steve bulked up since TWS?

that’s also on Sam, yeah?

CUT THE CHEEEEECCCCK

is this fucking NEUROTOXIN? STEVE WHERE’S UR MASK?

Steve, throwing himself into a room full of an unknown poison gas without a mask: I bet i can survive this

Bucky, in Bucharest: *breaks whatever he’s holding without knowing why*

god i love sam

“I don’t work like that no more” Means ?????????????

PARKOUR NAT

is also BRUNCH MOM NAT

“both grunting” is always one of my favorite subtitles

2 white boys fighting in the middle of the street like it’s a video game

god someone took the murder strut to heart wow that is some. that is some something that’s for sure.

give me even one (1) heterosexual explanation for "your pal your buddy your bucky"

there’s no way that bucky ever said this, right? this is just Rumlow fucking with steve, and the screenwriters fucking with us

because IN CASE YOU WERE NOT IN THIS FANDOM IN 2016, WE ALL THOUGHT CAP WOULD DIE IN THIS MOVIE

WE WERE SO SURE

wow i wonder if that will be relevant to anyone’s emotions here in the year of our lordt 2019

anyway, what bucky actually said was:

“please tell rogers... that he’s a big dumb dildo and he should wear a gas mask and also a parachute.”

listen i love this opening scene but also wanda is not at all responsible for this explosion and the fact that they act like she is undermines my ability to suspend my disbelief.

DIGITAL ENYOUTHENMENT ALERT

also, tony the fact that you are using your literal dead mom as an actual therapist is

wow

BARF feels right to me

too real, tony

it’s too real

how ARE you getting around the strings and taxes tho

Also can i say that i actually love that Pepper’s absence is this profoundly important to the story. The hole where pepper should be is a huge part of this story and i like that. i like that a lot.

WOW THAT EXTRA IS LIKE A MASHUP OF NAT AND WANDA. SHE IS THE GENERIC MARVEL WHITE LADY

more a+ visual storytelling with the elevator

I’m just so mad that they blame wanda and play that straight?

all they had to do was outright acknowledge one (1) time that the media is picking on her because she’s a woman/a foreigner

imagine that speech coming from nat instead of steve

though i do love Steve’s pep talk

again. give me one (1) heterosexual explanation

though why not have Steve say “they’re just bullies, you did the right thing” and hearken back to smolsteeb

The Roommate: Remember how i was mad at his Oscars Velvet Blazer? I am also mad at this sweater.... it looks... so soft... i don’t know if i want it on him or off him... just wanna tuch....... and wear..........?”

Vision’s Ascot is. Something else man.

The Roommate: Why is ross secretary of state?

Me: Why is Trump President

Me: I bet Ross is vegan

the roommate, who has vegan-related trauma: UUUUGGGHHHHHHHH

Nat's reaction to vigilantes: Bitch please. she is Unbothered.

you don’t have to show us footage we’ve got the ptsd nightmares

400 pages in 3 days

[tired american sighing]

we honestly can’t even criticize this plot point anymore just

[my longest and most american sigh]

CLEVELAND!!!

hail hydra continues to be the Most Terrible last words

but WHY does ross have the congressional medal of honor

do you know how HARD it is to get one of those????

yeesh

sassy black friends sassing at each other

is definitely a

thing that is happening rn

Vision: Well Actually

no one cares, vis

ok like

a kid is dead but

3.6 is an okay GPA

maybe all my friends are overachievers

maybe it’s just because most of them are women but like

it’s an okay GPA

i’d have 8000% more respect for Tony if he was more upfront like “look this is on me” especially here

are we supposed to be picking all this up as subtext, actually?

because i know that this movie ALSO had a Troubled Youth ala ant man

and i really do appreciate the Russos for relying on a smart audience but there’s a lot going on

and it’s very obvious to me that they had to shift gears 18,000 times in the script writing phase

so like, you’ve got old man vet steve

but it’s painfully obvious that he missed vietnam right?

it’s painfully obvious

and he’s v egotistical and self righteous too

it IS a battle of the egos

and no one is right

except natasha

Steve: i have to go

me: mood

LONDON!!!!

oh god

oh god no

steve god no steve oh god

gfhskfdjjjksjdjjhrrrrhrhhrhfhh [wailing and rending of garments]

Re Peggy’s age:

SURPRISE IT’S ACTUALLY PLAUSIBLE

so the True Hallmark of a Cap Movie is Peggy telling steve what to do.

so weird to have that in an avengers movie

i do love this. GOOD BRO NAT CONTENT

Um. is vision a minor? is wanda?

again, nat is the only Correct one here

stay together guys

it might be

reeeeeeaaaaally important in

*checks watch*

two years’ time.

~hug~

VIENNA!!!!!

CHAD WICK! CHAD! WICK! CHAD! WICK!

god i love the xhosa in this

There is a level of worldbuilding in this that we p much only get from the russos/markus&mcfeely. i mean -- internal consistency worldbuilding? if that makes sense? we get a lot of visual worldbuilding in black panther, but this is distinctly different and hard to articulate and it has to do with the way they approach things and how they assume audience intelligence

it just works for me

oh no chadwick boseman don’t be cry

Sharon deserves better

than being cockblocked by her own aunt

and also sam wilson (who also deserves better)

cryptid!bucky

Nat did you get that suit from jenny agutter?

LA Brunch Mom Nat

mah girl

she’s just so tired

steve (bless him) is just so exhausting

couples date sam and steve dressed to match

“at the gym”??? really? the arm is... a bit of a giveaway

i do feel bad for zemo in this one specific case

russian IS hard

how. did he get that in there?

Soft Plumboy Bucky

BEEF

Captain’s Log: Buck’s place is a shithole

Sergeant’s Log: Steve’s face is pretty

surprise bitch

“That’s Smart, Good Strategy” is an excellent phrase to use in everyday conversation in order to weed out who Knows and who Doesn’t.

What i have learned from civil war:

Captain America is a projectile weapon

further query:

did bucky ever hurl small steve at assailants?

Bucky: *punts steve down an alley*

Steve, 90 lbs of rage at 90 mph: GET WRECKED

Bucky’s got big tommy wiseau cryptid energy here

And now there’s a cat

bucky:

I love this vampire running and also bucky’s thighs

Steve Rogers: Excuse me sir I need to commandeer this vehicle. YEET.

Bucky Barnes: Excuse me sir I need to commandeer this vehicle. YOINK.

Bucky and Steve: Wrecking your morning commute since 2014

WAR MACHINE!!!

god vis has the biggest dorkiest crush

so vis are you a child prodigy? or? what?

The Roommate, a cinnamon roll, too good for this world, too pure: vis have you eaten anything between CW and IW?

Me, sinnamon roll, not to be trusted: *dying* *thinking about how Vision’s got schroedinger’s dick. does it exist? does it not exist? who knows.*

Me: Y. Yes. I th. think he has. eaten something. between now and. and IW. something.

The Roommate: *betrayed look*

Me: DEEP FRIED KEBAB MAYBE? I DON’T KNOW.

The Roommate: *is so disappointed*

BERLIN!!!!!!

Bucky is. So tired. Let him rest.

fucking up the morning commute again i see

u like cats??

I love the ratio of overkill:ineffectiveness with this glass box they put him in.

why did tony bring these fancy pens

the time spent explaining them could’ve been spent doing literally anything else

*i still don’t understand the accords*

GOD STEVE WANTS TO BE AN UNCLE SO BAD

“my fault”

there it is

“truth is i don’t want to stop”

THERE it is

“i thought the accords could split the difference”

THERE IT IS

"no, i don’t.”

THERE IT IS

“IT’S INTERNMENT.”

THERE! IT! IS!

gah.

wanda’s accent et al -- MAKE IT EXPLICIT MARVEL YOU COWARDS

no but really what are the accords

here followed a 20-30 minute convo about the accords

basically the summing up was:

Nat is 100% Right Ross is 100% Wrong Everyone Else is In A Grey Area

look this is actually a really good avengers movie

but

this is a moment when the back catalogue works against them because this conversation is so -- it implies a lot of friendly interactions between these two. they seem to have a relationship

but i keep looking at all the other movies they’ve interacted in like

BITCH WHERE? WHERE IS THE TONYSTEVE FRIENDSHIP? WHERE???

i am anticipating this will cause me A Grief later

The Roommate, looking at Steve in his Grey Shirt and Jacket: Damn, sir. Stop wearing clothes.

“BIRD COSTUME???”

“j a m e s”

big holt talking to rosa vibes there

“I don’t wanna talk about it.”

A VAST AND MIGHTY MOOD

Zemo’s plan is so ridiculous i genuinely don’t have time to get into it i still have two pages of notes to get through holy shit.

this fight scene. does things. for me.

hhhHNNNNHGH BEEFSTEAK

(oh tony left with no suit? growth dot gif)

THIGHS

T H I G H S ! ! ! !

CHADWICK!

Sam out here, serving looks, casually modeling

B I C E P S ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !

TOO SEXY! *crashes helicopter*

I need twelve more scenes of steve and bucky faffing about in the water.

A more effective restraint than the custom made bucky bottle

(BRIEF 1991)

haaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAa biceps u stop that

Is Tony having a heart attack???

he has no concept of how to treat children because he never was one oh no i gave myself a sad feeling

QUEENS!!!!!!!

“I’m having a big fight in a parking lot with my superhero friends better go pick up a child as backup.” - tony stark

tony he doesn’t have a passport and if he understood what was happening he would not be on your side

Now That’s What I Call Vigilantism.

Why are you bringing a CHILD to a gun fight

Tony’s face, to me, suggests that he knows EXACTLY what he’s doing

also? it’s painfully obvious to me that these scenes were copypasted in late stage when they finally found out that yes they would have the rights to spiderman lol

for some reason they don’t feel the need to tell is that this is avengers compound in 400 point font

i’m so lost

where are we?

without the 400 point font i can only assume we are on mars

THAT’s a fine way to greet YOUR FATHER, WANDA

hawkeye is in fact the team lynchpin

is it

ugh

is it because they listen to him but he listens to natasha

ugh

i bet it is

UUUUUUGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH

Vision: I have been FALLING! for THIRTY MINUTES!

“i know someone who does”

i’m confused by the cut here, because it seems to imply that Sharon, deliberately or inadvertently, rats them out to natasha?

Birds and raccoons do not get along

steve

steve no

steve

ur timing is shit steve

Scott Lang might be the best thing in this movie

well except for Dat Bone Structure

CUT THE CHEEEEEECK

*costume change in a parking lot to the yakkety sax soundtrack*

Thinking about the coming battle i am forced to concede that Iron Man Has A Point?

“do you really want to punch your way out of this?”

Steve: I ALWAYS wanna punch my way out

god scott’s such a fukkin nerd

tiny quibble but Scott “got punched by hope van dyne” lang would never say that to the black heckin widow

“gimmick”

people in falcon houses shouldn’t throw spider stones, samuel

wanda

those cars belong to people

oh god iron man has a point

LET’S GO LESBIANS! COME ON LESBIANS LET’S GO

*catfight sounds*

“then why did you run?”

dude you attacked me in a catsuit

Tony’s true superpower is that he knows steve, that’s how spiderbabby gets the upper hand

althought god

Tony was pre-gaslighting peter

he was pilotlighting peter

*my longest UGH yet*

“Queens?” “Brooklyn”

MAXIMUM NEW YORK ACHIEVED

ant man is the MVP

hmmmmmm “we don’t trade lives” HMMMMMMMMM

why did that truck explode

also *omg iron man has a point*

tony tedward stark how did you not know how old this child was

also peter stop pretending you don’t know what Empire Strikes Back, AT-ATs and Hoth are.

why doesn’t Vis get more flack for this

hey. hey tony. you know what sam is? A MEDIC. maybe let him LOOK AT YER FRIEND THERE instead of SHOOTING HIM IN THE FACE.

zemo’s plan is noooooonseeeeennnnnnsssse

guh these two beautiful men emoting in different directions KILL ME

this doctor is just like “yup there’s a giant purple robot here seems legit”

natasha is the only one who’s 100% right

did... did the russos kill themselves in this movie? did they cast themselves as dead extras? was this a statement of some kind?

HOW did ross get the congressional medal of honor. H O W.

“you read it”

NO ONE READ IT, IT’S 400 PAGES

tony this is Some Nonsense

ffflslkds he’s taking one of Nat’s guns KILL ME

one (1) heterosexual explanation.

rode back in a freezer truck

got pneumonia

already had pneumonia

and you blew three whole dollars on some slut

(seriously. gimme one. i’m waiting.)

srsly tho, whether you ship it or not, these two are old marrieds

the red star looks weird on his beefcake arm. did they forget to scale it up?

KITTY

listen zemo is just really turned on by cam and he didn’t mean to say that and that’s the most relateable thing he’s done so far.

It’s not just that bucky killed his mom. it’s that bucky killed his mom AND STEVE KEPT IT FROM HIM.

life alert a senior citizen has fallen

T'Challa, observing this White Nonsense™: I truly should... check myself. Before! I wreck myself.

agism is what it is

god this bit

steve dropping the shield

look at him

he is Stick A Fork In Him D O N E

Rhodey really deserves better than this? He deserves development showing the evolution of his opinion between here and IW

i wish we could get more of him grappling with this

that said

gosh wouldn’t it fucking suck if Cap and Bucky got relegated to End Credit scenes in their own got damn movie to make room for Iron Man to emote at his buddy his pal his rhodey?

*looks directly into the camera like i’m on the office.*

Anyway.

Steve rogers: getting the last word in every argument since 1918.

“from the bottom of my heart: My Bad.”

#The Mighty Pre Endgame Rewatch #cacw

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justanotherwannabeclassic · 5 years

Text

Awhile ago, I made a post on Tumblr discussing that we never saw see Steve find or emote about Sharon's miscarriage, and how I was basically writing a fanfic in my head to deal. A few people messaged me asking for me to post that fic, so here we are. (Also lol @ me for writing fic for a story that’s 12/13 years old.)

Push Away the Unimaginable

Steve finds out about the baby. (Captain America V. 5)

He finds out from Sam — a pure accident on Sam’s part, born from the assumption that Sharon had told him when the two had discussed everything that had occurred since she had pulled the trigger and he had gone down, down, down.

(He doesn’t use the word ‘death’, doesn’t like the shadow of guilt in her eyes, doesn’t ever desire for her to shoulder blame.

Besides, death implies peace, and his time gone was anything but.)

“Honestly, it’s just good to see her to really smile again, you know? Between what happened with you and losing the baby, I never thought…”

What Sam says next, Steve cannot tell. It’s as if the entire world blurs around that moment as he processes the words “losing the baby”. Three words, enough to upend his world and drastically restructure the way he has thought about the past year.

Sam registers this — Steve’s surprise must be apparent — and his face morphs into a mixture of worry and regret.

“Shit, I thought you knew,” he says. Sam does not reach out and place his hand on Steve’s shoulder in comfort as her normally might, an act — a lack of — that Steve appreciates as he continues to digest the sudden revelation.

He’s learned a lot over the past few months. Friendly faces have taken over his shield. There have been secret invasions and the fall of SHIELD. This is what knocks the air out of his chest.

Perhaps the reason is because Sam has inadvertently reminded him of a life that has once again slipped through his fingers, a future that he wants so desperately, but can never have.

“What happened?” Steve asks, when his tongue no longer feels like lead and he stops tasting bile in his throat.

“That’s not my story to tell. You’re going to have to talk to Sharon about that, but don’t be too upset at her, okay? She did everything she could,” Sam tells him. “Go to her, Steve.”

And so Steve does, an apology on his lips that Sam waves off.

(What did he do to deserve such good friends?)

He makes his way back to Brooklyn, back to where he knows Sharon will be. He doesn’t pay attention to which route he takes, too busy turning over recent revelations and past conversations.

He recalls the scar on her belly, the one he didn’t recognize that night he laid her out bare on their bed for the first time since he’d returned. She had tensed when his fingers had ghosted over the jagged line, and when he asked, she told him with a smile that didn’t meet her eyes, “I got into a few scrapes while you were gone. But don’t worry, I lived.” He hadn’t pressed then, his mind too foggy with arousal and the desire to make her feel loved. So he let it go, and continued his quest down, down, down until she was grasping the sheets and gasping his name as she fell into a sweet oblivion.

Steve realizes now he should have been more perceptive.

He can roughly pinpoint about when the baby might have been conceived, and doesn’t entertain the possibility that it might not have been his — his heart can only break so much. Back when he had been on the run, when a target had been on his back and she’d been the bait, they’d been sloppy, so very sloppy with when and where and whether to use anything at all. Protection had been the last thing on his mind during those stolen moments, when all he wanted to do was feel and fuck and hold onto the only thing the world he was sure of anymore.

(Her, it has always been her. Even when they weren’t together Sharon has always maintained that special place in his heart.)

Sharon is on their sofa when he returns home. Her cheeks are ruddy, and when Steve’s gaze catches her red-rimmed eyes, he realizes she knows why he came home so soon.

“Sam,” she says by way of recognition, her voice brittle and oh so sad. In that moment, Steve also recognizes that the bounds of Sam’s loyalty have extended beyond Steve himself, now encompassing Sharon in a way that he could never touch.

(The past year has been hard on them all, and Steve is so, so glad they didn’t have to wage a war with grief alone.)

He crosses the room quickly. His heart clenches when Sharon flinches the moment he sits by her side. She’s always been so strong, so resolute when it has come to her encounters with him. Steve can’t deny that the move hurts, but he understands it all the same, all of their past conversations about children and parenthood racing through his mind.

He takes her hand in his, threads their fingers and presses a kiss to her knuckles with the hope that she will relax against him, that she might be able to finally trust him with this.

“I’m not— I’m not mad,” he says, because he needs her to know this. Heartbroken, perhaps, and feeling so incredibly helpless, but not mad.

“I love you,” he says next, because he thinks she needs to hear that too, because he believes it with all his heart, and he doubts anything could ever change that. Not even this.

She turns to him, eyes searching like she doesn’t quite believe him, and that breaks his heart, as well. He’s fought many battles and overcome an untold number of obstacles, but Steve Rogers still struggles with erasing her doubt in his love.

(Sometimes hates Nick and SHIELD leaving her behind, for throwing her into a situation that forced her to throw up these walls.

Sometimes he hates himself for believing them.)

“I love you too,” she finally replies. She takes a deep breath, before continuing. “It’s why I…”

“Didn’t tell me?”

“Wanted it so badly,” she finishes. “I didn’t deserve it, but it was all I had left of you. And you wanted kids, I know you wanted kids so badly. I felt like I owed you.”

“You don’t owe me anything,” he stresses, because the last thing he wants is for her to feel as if she is indebted to him.

She shakes her head. “For the briefest moment, I allowed myself to picture it, you know? How ridiculously blonde it would be.”

“Very,” he agrees, allowing himself to picture it for a moment, a small child with Sharon’s eyes — he loves her eyes — and a crown of golden hair. A knot forms in his throat.

“And then...and then…”

And then she tells him. She tells him about taking the test, about how she wanted to die. She tells him about used a pawn by Faustus, about trying to escape and believing for the briefest moment that Burnside had actually been him. She then tells him how she learned what they wanted to do with their child, the torture it would experience in those monster’s hands. It’s why she fought. It’s why—

“You must hate me.”

“I hate them, and maybe myself, but not you,” he says instead, because that it what he honestly feels. Rage boils in his belly as he thinks about Faustus, the Skull, and his daughter. Hates that they took this away from him, from Sharon, and the trauma they put her through.

Steve hates that she experienced it because of him.

It’s not the first time that the shield has done a number of his personal life. He’s lost loved ones because of it, but this is a special kind of hurt. Sharon had been a target because of her proximity to him, brainwashed to hold and aim an gun at the man she loved and to pull that trigger, forced to weigh the life her unborn child against inevitable torture.

“Don’t hate yourself for this. There was nothing you could have done.”

“Exactly. There was nothing I could do.”

“And that’s because of me.”

“Because of them,” he replies, falling back into the same circular argument they’ve been having since his return, whether or not she should carry the blame for her complicity it his apparent death. He wonders if they’ll still be having this debate when they’re old and gray. “Regardless, that — that doesn’t matter right now.”

“Doesn’t it?”

“No,” he says softly. He rakes his free hand through his hair and sighs. “I just wish you would have felt comfortable telling me, that’s all.”

Because that hurts too. Not as much, but he can’t ignore the sting that he had to learn this from Sam. A dark part of him can’t help but wonder what else she might not be telling him, a thought he pushes away because is neither the time nor place to think these things.

“Because you knowing or not knowing doesn’t change what happened. You’re home. I didn’t want — I just wanted to focus on being happy while we had the chance to be.”

“I don’t want you to compartmentalize your happiness for mine,” he argues.

“Steve, for the first time in a very long time, I’ve been happy,” Sharon insists, and Steve can see it in her eyes that she is being honest. “And ‘forget’ is the wrong word, but I had been distracted from thinking about it, you know? Until…”

“Until today.”

“Yeah.”

“I’m sorry,” he says. Perhaps he had misjudged in his decision to go to her, to ask her about what Sam had said. Perhaps she didn’t need his wallowing.

“Hey, you know what you said about compartmentalizing my feelings? That goes for you too, buddy.” She gives him a teasing sort of smile, the first one Steve has seen since walking into the room. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. I was only trying to protect you, and selfishly, me.”

“I know.” This is something the serum couldn’t have prepared him for, he thinks. Steve untangles their fingers so that he can wrap his arms around her, and pull her against his chest. “And I still love you.”

“Good,” she replies, snuggling closer to him. He can still feel the dampness of her cheeks even though his t-shirt, and he tightens his hold. “What now?”

I want to kill them all, he thinks.

“I want to hold you for awhile, if that’s okay,” is what he says.

He feels her nod. “It’s okay.”

So they sit, and as Steve is soothed by the warmth of her body and the rise and fall of her chest, he daydreams of the child he might have had, the one that was lost and oh so loved.

#stevesharon #staron #s writes fic

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belladonaofylisse-blog · 7 years

Text

A NIGHTMARE COME TRUE: Iole & Eion Recruitment

@felostheir

After searching for Maxwell, Iole encounters someone from her past...

CONTENT WARNING: Gender slurs and Death

RECRUITABLE UNITS:

Iole — Level 5 War Cleric, Equipped with a Killer Axe, Mend staff, and a concoction, starts as allied unit ( Talk with Maxwell to recruit ) Eion — Level 3 Valkyrie, Equipped with an Elwind tome, a Mend staff, and a concoction, starts as a allied unit ( Automatically recruited with Iole ) Issak — Level 7 Sage, Equipped with an Arcthunder tome, a Physic staff, and an elixir, starts as allied unit ( Automatically recruited with Iole )

BOSS: Askari — Level 5 Musketeer, Equipped with a Musket and a Dracoshield ( Dropped when defeated ) ENEMIES: 7 Dark Mages, 6 Duelists, 1 Thief, 2 Sorcerers, and 3 Assassins

SCRIPT.

Pyrros: About what exactly? Uh… If you don’t mind me prying, sir. Maxwell: ...You said that Iole left Ylisstol to look for me, correct? Maxwell: How long ago was that again? Pyrros: ...It’s been three weeks, she left after we were briefed on Lord Lucien’s death. Maxwell: And no one’s received word of where she is since then? Pyrros: No, sir… Not since she left Rhea. Maxwell: … Maxwell: To think she would put herself in harm’s way solely to find me… Pyrros: Yes, it was extremely rash of her. I tried to convince her stay, but… Pyrros: Nothing could’ve changed her mind. Pyrros: Your frustration is understandable, sir. Maxwell: I wouldn’t say I’m frustrated… I feel more guilty than anything...

Soldier: Sir Maxwell! Lieutenant Vallis and Private Ài along with a sage were spotted being pursued by a large group of bandits! Maxwell: What!? Pyrros: Then that scream… I-It was Iole’s!? Soldier: They’re towards the cliff side, just ahead of us! Pyrros: We have to hurry and get Elene! Pyrros: W-Wait! Sir Maxwell, what are you doing!? Maxwell: Go find Elene, I’ll meet you both ahead. Pyrros: But you shouldn’t- Maxwell: I SAID GO! Pyrros: Y-Yes, sir! Pyrros: (What did they mean by not deserving her…?)

• • •

Eion: Iole, you’re being paranoid! You haven’t slept in days, the exhaustion is getting to you. Iole: ...I’m sorry, y-you’re right. Iole: There’s no way he could’ve-

➸

ON MAP ( before battle ):

Maxwell: Gods, why did she have to go through all this trouble just because of me…? Maxwell: No matter, I need to find her and make sure she’s safe… Eion: Iole, get behind me and Father Issak! We’ll protect you from these bastards! Iole: N-No, I refuse to cower behind you like I did with my mother! Issak: Iole… Issak: W-wait… Is that another enemy? Iole: N-No! That’s… That’s Maxwell!! Eion: W-wait, Iole! Don’t run off again, g-get back here!

RECRUITMENT:

Maxwell: Have the dastards harmed you? Iole: N-No, I’m fine… but someone’s harmed you, it seems… Iole: ...That scar doesn’t look like it’s healing well. Have you been taking care of it properly? Maxwell: I have done… some things to deal with it, but it is a frivolous matter. Especially with this battle at hand. Iole: It is not a frivolous matter, not in the slightest! Do you know how easily scars can get infected if you don’t properly care for them? Iole: After this battle is done, you’re going to allow me to take care of your wound. And I won’t take no for an answer! Maxwell: … *chuckles* Very well. Once we route the enemy, I suppose I have no choice but to submit to your care. Maxwell: As long as it does not interfere with anyone else's. Iole: I’ll be able to do both, trust me… Iole: But you’re the one who will be my top priority. I came all this way to find you and make sure you were safe, after all. Iole: Though, my priorities need to shift for the time being. Especially with who is on this battlefield. Maxwell: Wait, is this an enemy you have encountered before? Iole: Yes… He’s my birth father… Iole: You must be careful around him, he won’t hesitate to shoot you where you stand. And if he realizes that you’re here to help me, he’ll show you no mercy… Maxwell: … I no longer plan on showing any mercy to him, anyway. So, it is quite fitting. Maxwell: He can do his best, but if he gets near enough, he will be feeling my axe. Iole: M-Maxwell, that’s not… Just… stay safe, please… Iole: I don’t want to lose you either… Maxwell: Do not worry, Iole. This battle will not end me. Maxwell: Let’s end it quickly, since that man does not deserve a second thought. Iole: ...Yes, let’s. Iole: But I’m staying by your side from now on, someone has to be there for you now...

SPECIAL TURN CONVERSATIONS:

— Issak & Maxwell

Issak: Ha ha! No, no, we haven’t. But I’ve been rather excited to do so! Issak: Iole’s awfully fond of you, after all. How could I not be? Maxwell: E-Excited… Oh. Are you her father? Father Issak, correct? Maxwell: I was unaware that Iole talked about me with her father. Maxwell: (That is quite nerve-wracking) Issak: Yes, I am her father. Very proud of that fact, as well! Issak: And of course, she’s told me about you. You come up in her letters home constantly! Issak: I was not exaggerating when I said she’s fond of you. Maxwell: Constantly? That is kind of her, but I am hardly worthy of her fondness… Maxwell: She is a wonderful soldier and woman. I can see why you are proud of her. As her friend and superior officer, I am proud of her as well. Maxwell: I will say, it is unfortunate that we must meet in battle instead of in a more peaceful setting. Issak: Agreed. It is truly a shame… Issak: But you shouldn’t say such things. I would say you are the most deserving of her fondness. Issak: You burst onto this battlefield because you heard Iole scream, right? That shows me that you are definitely worthy of her. Issak: Anyways… I won’t be able to take care of her much longer, I’m glad that there seems to be someone that would care for her just as much as I do… Maxwell: Father Issak, just because she may be far away from you, does not mean you need to worry. She is a very capable woman… and she will visit you often. Maxwell: But, we must finish getting to know each other better after the battle. It is only fair that if you know so much about me, that you share a few things about Iole as well. *chuckles* Issak: ...You’re right. I’m sure she’ll visit often. Issak: But that’s not exactly what I was implying. Eion did mention that you’re a little slow on the uptake. Issak: Well, my blessing still stands. Ha ha! Maxwell: B-Blessing? Father Issak, what--

— Issak & Pyrros

Pyrros: Is there something wrong with my face? Issak: H-huh? Oh, no. There’s nothing wrong at all. Issak: I just find it curious that you look like… Issak: Wait a moment. Might you be… Pyrros? Issak: The boy that’s the captain of the platoon that Iole looks after? Pyrros: Yes, that’s correct. I didn’t know Iole would talk about me to you. Pyrros: And...who do I look like? Issak: … Ha Ha, don’t worry about it! My imagination must be getting to me, is all. Issak: Not surprising, I’m an old man, after all! Issak: Ah, yes! She has mentioned you before, a few times actually. She says you’re quite the capable captain and a rather nice kid! Pyrros: I-I see. I’m honored to hear that… Pyrros: Your daughter is quite a dear friend to me so I will do my best to help her. Pyrros: ...So, I guess I would help you as well for her sake. No matter how odd you are. Issak: I am rather odd, aren’t I. Issak: (He’s just like you, isn’t he…? ) Issak: Well, boy? This battle won’t end itself, we’ve got plenty of work left to do! Issak: Tell me if you need any healing, alright? Pyrros: Understood, sir. Pyrros: (...Why does it feel like he knows something about me that I am not aware of?)

BOSS ENCOUNTER:

— Default

Askari: Oh, how cute. You’re trying to protect my fly-by-night daughter? Askari: What a shame that you’re about to die, you won’t get to enjoy the sight of her bloodied body…

— Issak v. Askari

Issak: Yes, I’ve heard quite a lot about how you tormented my wife and daughter… Askari: YOUR wife and daughter? AHA HA HA! Askari: Oh, Nura. You little whore… Issak: DON’T YOU DARE CALL HER THAT, YOU BASTARD! Askari: Ohoo~! Did I happen to strike a nerve? Issak: Enough talk, I will not allow you to insult my family any longer!

— Iole v. Askari

Askari: You don’t intend to hide behind someone like you used to with your mother? Askari: My, I remember how much you would cry and tremble as you cowered behind her… Askari: It was so cute… Iole: SHUT UP! JUST SHUT UP! Askari: Not so quiet now, I see! Your rage is far too amusing! Iole: ARGH, THAT’S IT! Iole: PREPARE TO SUFFER AS MUCH AS I HAVE!

— Defeated

Askari: Y-You think this is over? I’m far from being done here!

➸

Askari: Oh, you haven’t changed in the slightest… Askari: Tell me, are you still frightened of guns? I still remember how you would tremble when I would point my pistol at your mother’s head… Askari: Do you remember that, dear? Do you remember how much your mother would sob as I pressed on the trigger? Askari: It was so amusing to see you both like that… I miss it.

Askari quickly brings his musket to point between Iole’s eyes, she freezes in place.

A gunshot goes off, echoing through the battlefield, as Issak pushes Iole out of Askari’s line of fire. The bullet hits Issak directly in the chest.

Eion: ISSAK! Askari: Huh? Askari: My, what an interesting turn of events! It almost brings a tear to my eye! Askari: I wish I could relish in this, but I believe I’ve overstayed my welcome. Askari: But, don’t fret. Askari: I’ll be back for you, Iole…

Askari turns and vanishes with the few words of a hex. Iole quickly rushes to Issak’s side while the others look on in horror.

Issak: *Coughs* Iole... Iole: D-Don’t worry, f-father. I-I’ll heal you, y-you’re going to b-be okay. Issak: Y-you know as well as I do that bullet wounds like this don’t heal… Iole: *Sob* F-Father, please don’t say that! Y-you can’t die, I can’t lose you! Issak: Iole… My sweet child…

Issak places his hand on Iole’s cheek.

Issak: I k-knew that this day would come soon. T-that’s why I decided to c-come with you. Issak: I-I wanted to spend m-my last moments with my beloved daughter… Iole: *Sob* Oh, father... Issak: I-Iole, know that you and Eion brought so much light into my life… You kept me going after your mother passed... I love both of you so m-much. Issak: I’ll finally get to see her again, w-won’t I? And Willa, too... Issak: Before I go, p-promise me something. Promise t-that… that you’ll k-keep yourself safe… Iole: O-Of course.

Issak’s hand falls to his side as his eyes close.

Iole buries her head in Issak’s chest as she sobs. Eion falls to the ground, clasping a hand over his mouth.

Pyrros: E-Eion!? Eion: *Sniff* T-this c-can’t be h-happening… Eion: *Sob* Please… T-This all has to be j-just a nightmare…

• • •

Soldier: The arrangements have been made to send Father Vallis back to the city of Rhea, sire. Elene: Yes, good. Thank you very much. Maxwell: … Elene: Maxwell, you’re staring off in the distance again. Maxwell: ...I apologize. Maxwell: Ah... Could you excuse me for a moment? Elene: Don’t apologize, Max… Elene: You can go talk to her. Maxwell: …Thank you.

• • •

Iole: I tend to put on a smile whenever I’m upset… Iole: But you know that already, don’t you? Maxwell: Iole… Maxwell: I know that you want to be strong for everyone, but- Iole: Don’t try to convince me to go home, Maxwell. Iole: If you think I would ever leave your side again, then you are sorely mistaken. Maxwell: ...I wasn’t going to suggest that at all. Iole: You… weren’t? Maxwell: No, not at all. I don’t blame you for not wanting to go home. Maxwell: We all need something to help distract us from our grief… Maxwell: Perhaps, I could be that something for you... Iole: M-Maxwell? Maxwell: Iole… You’re very dear to me, I’m willing to do anything if it means that I could see you happy… Maxwell: So… Please, allow me to be a shoulder for you to cry upon. I want to be there for you… Maxwell: A-As your friend. Iole: Ah… Iole: Yes, as a friend… Iole: ( Ha… I thought for a second they were… ) Iole: Thank you, Maxwell. I’m truly blessed to have someone like you in my life… Iole: But please don’t fret over me, I don’t matter in the slightest. Iole: All that matters now is that I keep the few people that I care for alive… Iole: And that includes you. Maxwell: Iole- Iole: I apologize, but I need to start making preparations for taking care of that scar of your’s. If you’ll excuse me… Maxwell: Iole, wait- Maxwell: Ah… She’s gone. Maxwell: … Maxwell: *Sigh*

#fire emblem #felh #fe lost heir #fire emblem lost heir #felh : recruitment #oc : iole #oc : eion #WELP AFTER 50 TRIES OF UPLOADING THIS #hopefully this will work #ALSO I AM SO SORRY

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into-the-demimonde · 7 years

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Season 7, Episode 3, “The Queen's Justice" Review

This week on Game of Thrones, Ice and Fire come together for real as Jon arrives at Dragonstone. Meanwhile Sansa shows her leadership skills at Winterfell and a familiar face returns. Jorah departs the Citadel in good health, Euron presents Cersei with the spoils of war and Jaime leads the Lannister army to Highgarden.

Virginia: I was actually somewhat disappointed by the meeting of Jon and Daenerys. She was really getting on my nerves with the way she was talking to him. I know, I know, it’s her birth right. Just like it’s everyone’s birth right; since the show’s beginning, that’s what everyone’s been arguing about. That being said, she was really pissing me off.

Alex: I never thought I’d say this in a Daenerys Targaryen vs. Jon Snow scene, but I agree. It felt like her character had regressed back to the crazed conqueror she’d seemed to have mostly gotten past last year. There’s always room for a little regression, but her insistence that Jon “bend the knee” got a little grating. I’m glad they’re dealing with it, though, and pointing out that she’s acting like the lesser of two evils rather than the breaker of chains.

V: I don’t think the old system of one ruler of seven kingdoms is going to work, or ever be the case again.

A: That’s what I figured the ending would be, but I was hoping she was already on that page. It’s funny, because the rest of the show is really steamrolling ahead, but this feels a little like wheel spinning.

V: it’s true. Her behavior towards Jon and Davos seems like something out of last season, something we should have been done with by now.

A: On the plus side, it lead to some good stuff from Tyrion. Instead of working his diplomatic gifts on their enemies, he’s now trying to negotiate peace between the good guys. He’s stuck between a rock and a hard place, but it’s fun watching him get them each to give a little.

V: There hasn’t been enough Tyrion this season. I hope later episodes give him more focus. It was a little humorous to hear Dany’s introduction followed by Davos simply naming Jon.

A: That had me rolling. Davos is perfect for deadpan humor. I hope Tyrion has more to do going forward too, and I imagine he will. If Daenerys’ numbers keep getting depleted at the rate they’ve been, maybe he’ll be forced into the field again like in the Battle of Blackwater.

V: although she didn’t get a lot of focus, this was a good week for Sansa. It was great to see her shine in giving directions in Jon’s absence.

A: She’s really stepping up. The previous couple of episodes showed that she’s grown harder than Jon, and she may be a necessary balance to him, just as Jon and Daenerys likely are for each other.

V: that reminds me, a lot of people online and some people I know personally think those two will end up together. However, last season they implied that Rhaegar was Jon’s father. We’ve had incest before obviously, but always with villains. Surely they wouldn’t pair two of the most popular characters who happen to be related?

A: I don’t think so, and I certainly don’t want them to. I don’t really know who I think will be paired – I actually wouldn’t mind if they resisted the urge to pair everyone up with someone in the end – but I can’t see her with Jon. The family link makes it creepy, and I think it would detract from them learning to work together if they just became lovers. But honestly, the only guy I’m 100% sure won’t end up with Daenerys is Jorah.

V: oh, definitely. He’s so far in the friend zone that even Sam can’t help him. I don’t see it as being very likely anyway, as this isn’t a show about people being happy or living in wedded bliss. I don’t think Dany will find love again, and why should she? Although Jon deserves a second chance, as Ygritte was a bitch anyway.

A: I’d be fine with either one of them finding someone if it felt natural and right, I just don’t know who it would be for either of them. Outside of Ygritte (and I agree, I didn’t like her much either), the only woman he’s spent much time with is his sister. There was the Wildling girl in “Hardholme” that I really liked, but she’s a White Walker now, or a White Walker zombie henchman or whatever they turned her into. He’s shared all of five contentious minutes with Daenerys; if they put those two together it would feel like fan service.

V: I also feel like she’d be the dominant partner in any such union, and that kind of creeps me out. All of the scenes involving the Lannisters were amazing this week. And like you said earlier, that’s not something I ever imagined myself saying.

A: Oh, boy, were they! I love Cersei as a villain, and one of my favorite things about her is that they often put her in a situation where you’re actually rooting for her, despite how evil she is. They did it last year and the year before with the Sparrows (although that was all really her fault anyway), and this week they did it with Ellaria.

V: she couldn’t do anything to those bitches that would make me feel sorry for them. I was waiting for Ellaria to die, but this was so much more satisfying. And what you say is true of a lot of the show’s villains, including Ellaria. Although in her case, knowing her motivation doesn’t make her any less intolerable.

A: That scene was brilliant because, while it was obviously reminiscent of Cersei’s revenge against the Sparrow nun, replete with the Mountain standing there to intimidate, it also acts as a mirror to Cersei’s imprisonment by the Sparrows. Ellaria brought this on herself by poisoning an innocent girl, and she was so full of herself she never thought she’d have to answer for it, as Cersei did when she let the Sparrows loose. And, again like Cersei, her children are paying for her sins.

V: that’s a running theme in this show, people suffering thanks to their families. And in this episode they stated outright that you can’t judge someone for their family’s behavior. As an aside, this was the first time Jim Broadbent’s character said anything nice to Sam.

A: I like how that played out. It would be a little hard to swallow if he completely berated a guy who just revolutionized modern (for them) medicine and cured an incurable disease.

V: at first, I thought that’s exactly what he was going to do. One of my favorite characters died this week. Olenna Tyrell is the only one I can remember who died and yet still seemed to be the winner. Did you see Jaime’s face?

A: That was terrific! It was exactly the way she’d go out too; making sure it was as painless as possible for her and as painful as possible for her killers. It’s a real shame to see her go; she was always fun when she showed up, and I liked her being part of Daenerys’ team.

V: me too. And I loved the way she talked down to annoying people. She never disappointed. At the same time though, she was probably OK with dying. Her whole family is gone.

A: That’s true. It’s sad to think about; she lived through both of her grandchildren dying, and now the people responsible for it are killing her. Her parting shot at Jamie is all the revenge she’s able to muster.

V: and even something so simple as telling the truth was so satisfying.

A: A Quantum of Solace, to invoke another franchise involving Diana Rigg.

V: Speaking of her death, wasn’t that magnificent when Jaime led the troops to Highgarden? So well shot, and the music was positively haunting.

A: That whole sequence was wonderfully played. It’s excellent writing too. At the end of last season they ended on a note that made it seem like Daenerys was going to swoop in and annihilate evil as easily as she’d done in in those slaver cities. Between Euron taking out the Greyjoys and the Sand Snakes, and now Jamie playing bait and switch with them to destroy the Tyrells, the heroes have become the underdogs while the Lannisters have been revealed as a threat unlike anything Dany’s ever faced. That’s as it should be, and I imagine after her attitude towards Jon this week her ego will be put in check a little bit.

V: and that’s going to be quite cathartic when it happens. This season has to be a reversal of last year’s setup or else next season couldn’t exist. However, I must say that I was genuinely shocked when the Unsullied were surrounded by the Greyjoy navy. By the way, Bran’s back and he sucks.

A: That was so lame. It was treated like this huge deal, but Brann is so goddamn weird. He talked to Sansa like he was a serial killer or something.

V: that was sooo creepy. I get that he’s a god or whatever, but this lack of empathy for his sister isn’t cool at all. We have to deal with this kid’s boring story for years and this was the payoff? Boo!

A: Now that he’s back at Winterfell, II hope he just kind of fades into the background until he has an actual purpose to serve. Something other than getting innocent people killed to protect his own boring ass would be nice.

V: I hated that last season. I understand that was supposed to be this grand reveal, and I was shocked. But it just made me hate Bran.

A: Same for me, and I was never even much of a Hodor fan. It isn’t even just that Hodor sacrificed himself, but he spent his whole life knowing that was what he was there for, and Brann went back and did it to him in the first place. I never cared for Brann before, but when that happened I started actively hating him. Jamie was right to push him out that window.

V: again, making us sympathize with the villains. I never thought much about Hodor until then. What bothers me is that he didn’t volunteer his own life, Bran mind-raped him into the situation. What the fuck.

A: That’s exactly it. And now he’s acting like a pretentious, entitled little jerk on top of it.

V: since this show likes to subvert expectations,what if they kill the three eyed Raven?

A: I’m in.

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