#like a fucking salmon

[nonconstories]

Someday, I will buckle down and write my sexy monster fucking version of King Lindworm, where the prince stays at least semi-dragonfied. But see, I'm torn. Do I make the monster prince cis and he's semi-dragonfied from the wedding night, and now he's just the heir to throne and also a traumatized, aggressive monster boy married to a Very Weird peasant girl who's THE FUTURE QUEEN NOW and also yeah she's kind of a witch and oh by the way the prince is VERY MUCH not a regular person and oh by the way you know all those princesses he ate? Yeah their dads are like mad.

Or

OR

Is he only called 'the prince' because dragons are all intersex and their gender is always self-selected? Is his human form female and the peasant girl actually does complete the ritual and EVERYONE is surprised? And the king and queen just chuck their new 'princess' in a dungeon to rot out of sight and send peasant-queen home to her goddamn mill like you didn't see shit and she's like actually no I am angry AND fearless AND very horny for dragons and her trans dragon husband is all I WILL break out of here I WILL learn the magic it takes to get my real body back I WILL find my wife and the human prince is sweating goddamn bullets as Deranged Peasant Witch and Deranged Trans Dragon Prince and Idiot Moron Queen are all plotting different plots and several of these plots end with him dead.

#Juliet the Swift is a fairy by blood and a witch by learning and a Grim by trade and she is owed a debt #she took binding vows of marriage and performed a dangerous ritual risking her life for a kingdom that she does not belong to #she did this because it was the right thing to do and she honored her word to the highest possible degree #and now those owing the debt are NOT doing the right thing at all and will not give what is hers by right and might #she does not think is owed a crown or a throne or a title #merely her husband (and all that might come with him) #Sollen is just angry #Sollen was born angry and Sollen has lived angry and Sollen knows he will die angry #he does not know what he wants nor does he cared what he is owed #he knows the hunt he knows pursuit he knows blood and combat and speed and survival #and he will not survive this dungeon he will not survive this renewed horror they seek to punish him with #at birth they hurled him into the deep dark forest to die and he grew strong there and he returned to his spawning ground #like a fucking salmon #and he is too Angry to give up here #Prince Kasper is hiding in the belfry leave him alone

[blueskittlesart]

everyone look at this fish i had to draw for my illustration class. for a grade. i am going to get a good grade in therapy salmon, something which is both normal to w

#just did the calculation and this class costs me 8k a semester. btw. money well spent #new york times hire me to do your spot illustrations since i am clearly so fucking good at it. god i hate editorial assigments #skribbles #the worst part is i KNOW im going to go into crit and people r going to be like umm therapy salmon doesnt really fit the vibe of the articl #OK SHUT THE FUCK UP. MAYBE I LIKE DRAWING FISH HAVING MENTAL BREAKDOWNS. HUH. DID YOU EVER THINK OF THAT

[mag200]

hey :) if we were salmon would you stop eating and swim over a thousand miles upriver with me crossing from saltwater to freshwater facing down grizzly bears battling the rapids and jumping up waterfalls all to reach the lake where we were born and our bodies were mutating and turning cherry-red and our mouths were turning into horned beaks and still even as we finally reach the warm waters we have to evade seals, all to mate with each other and then die? filling the lake with our bodily nutrients to feed the next generation? would you do that with me? be honest

#not to be asexual but that sounds like so fucking much. i respect the commitment to sparkle motion tho. #salmon poll #<- putting it in the tag since it inspired me to make that #salmonposting

[hopefulqueer]

I Have To Eat One Billion Salmons

#smoked salmon is so fucking GOOD #and im craving it like air rn #i think i hauve a deficiency of some sort #literally couldnt stop thinking abt salmon at work today even right after i ate lunch #what is wrong w me

[vixie-sticks]

Single Flyfish spawns in salmon run, 14 dead 37 injured.

#splatoon #splatoon 3 spoilers #salmon run #flyfish #fuck this salmon I stg #it's like actually the worst boss salmonid because its so disruptive and you can't fucking kill it 80% of the time

[way2gosuperrstarr]

ough ignore this ive been thinkin abt this idea for ... a couple days ..... yn who loves collecting antiques . they know next to nothing about electronics and dont collect them usually, but one day something of the sorts catches their eye . pieces of an old fazco animatronic . it speaks to them for some reason, so they buy it. maybe it's just the faceplate/head, so its not too expensive. its disgusting and dirty but yn brings it back to their knickknack filled home anyway. give it a lil clean. it fits right in, to their surprise. its a bit freaky, but they love it and it was just what was missing their home. a lovely centerpiece to the strange displays of random objects they have in their house. theres not really a theme to what they collect; just stuff they like.

#salmon jibberish #and on from here ..... i thought maybe one day it just wakes up. inexplicably. #not plugged in or anything. or maybe yn did somehow plug it into an outlet with some random cord #just thoought it would be funny. freaking fucking robot head you bought suddenly turns on and starts talking to you and now youre like wait #what the fuck #anyway um #this was just me daydreaming at work for the past couple days ougghhhhh #filling my time #i like collecting things so oughshtkw #stupid silly stupid /lh #dca community #dca fandom #my talkin tag should be shut up worm instead tbh 💀💀 /lh

[toytulini]

whys it so hard

#toy txt post #yknow. just. everything. whys it hard to do things #like maybe im not going to enjoy the things but i know i need to do them. i want them to be done. i want to do the things and have them be #done. so whys it so fucking hard. my executives are dysfunctioning. i am incapable of starting shit. i am doing nothing and sitting here #sad and scared and angry #for what. why #i know the answer is like. brain dont work + capitalism bad and exacerbates brain dont work but like. why #whys it work like that. @god or whoever or whatever. whys it hard. things should be easier. fuck you #okay enough serious venting im silly now #whys it hard. fucka you. booyah bomb in your house. 3 times #crab tank twice on a small fry during lowtide fog. fucka you #you know what maybe squidciety would be fucked too but at least in squidciety i get booyah bomb #wait. i have 1 braincell and its connecting dots that dont make sense. dungeon meshi splatoon. lets send the squids into the dungeon. #they get revived. salmon dinner i guess #lets give marcille a crab tank

[cloudysfluffs]

i think getting tickled would fix him

(ns//fw and/or fetish blogs please dni🙏🙏)

#sorry i havent posted tk art in 300 million years. u know how it is #nyway cartoon network hire me i NEEEEDD to kill simon /lovingly #i dont know how to tag this uhh #tickle art #my art #fionna and cake tickle #adventure time tickle #< probably more accurate .....but i fucking LOVE marcys fac des she is CUTE!!!!!! #i have so so so many tk ideas about this show (foaming at the mouth) #everyone whos reading this legally has to go follow tickletails bc they make the BEST content for this fandom. best content in general tbh #tickling #ok thats it i guess #OH OH people have been telling me to make than snm art.......SO MAYBE I WILL #i have a sketch done already. take this for now tho #ill probably post one art of salmon macks themsleves and then one of my obscure little blorbo #so that people who like snm but odnt care about him can chave their own thing. yknow #well see #lee!simon petrikov #ler!marceline abadeer

[gobstoppr]

they call me fish mcgee

#its not even salmonids at this point i just really like drawing big fucked up fish #ive got art block rn (no big hyperfixation atm) and so i just default to more fish practice when idk what to draw #art #salmon run #splatoon #salmonid

[vegance]

Tunas are giant but also really fast, they get up to sush a speed that the friction in the water creature sush heat that it would give you heat burn. Dolphins could theoretically get faster but bc tuna lack pain resepters in there fins they break no sweat. Big, speedy, agile, work in packs and the best vision of any bony fish. There the raptors of the sea

Salmons are just so hardcore, after living most of there life in sea they will return to were they were born of rivers to spawn, they will return to the exact small location only being guided only there nose think this fish left that spot when they were born haven’t been there in 6 ish and know exactly were it is by a faint smell miles and miles and miles away(doesn’t that remind you of how you will come across a smell and it will take you back to a childhood memory) this instinct is so strong that even whey they are half way dead they will still power trough to get back to start the next generation. This natural behavior is stripped from them when they live there life in fish farms.

I don’t mean to be bummer but even as I was looking up more facts most of them was also companied with how to best catch and kill and best to cook them. Imagine reading 10 fun fact about cats and one of the fact being how good they taste smoked. It’s disturbing, these creature are dead in are eyes before they are alive.

These are actually cool facts! I love that tunas are so fast, somehow I did not imagine they would be considering their size and shape.

And while I knew that salmon always try to go back to where they were born, I still somehow fail to appreciate just how amazing that is. How strong their sense of smell/direction/location must be for them to do it.

And I just can’t imagine wanting to eat these sentient beings after learning this :(

#tunas are fucking cool #I mean so are salmons #but I liked the tuna fact more #I just imagine them going nyooooooom in the water #🐟 🫧 🫧 🫧 #ask #thank you so much for sharing these facts

[moe-broey]

Not your favorite! Not even your least favorite!

Like that could have been avoided. That should have been avoided. It's so easy to avoid that. And Yet

#splatoon #splatoon 3 #salmon run #i WAS gonna disqualify flyfish bc i thought there was a 10 option limit. #and also flyfish are like. the most boss salmonid to die to. it can be frustrating but there's no shame in it #alas!! i have MORE than ten options!!!!! also not including special wave salmonids (eg goldie) #WHICH i don't think i've died to but. well maybe i have??? but still. it has a funny factor to it #but functionally it's just a chum. #also i DO know the air coolers from mothership CAN kill you LMFAO #anyways my answer is flipper-flopper. LIKE. BEYOND ANY BULLSHIT #(jet packing and then landing RIGHT into flipper-flopper danger area after special 😭😭😭) #like. if you die to flipper-flopper. 9 times out of 10 that is entirely on you. #a close second is steel eels those guys are like. deceptive. you THINK they're no big deal. you think they're easy enough. #but somehow idk if it's just me and my skill issue but i keep dying to them. i get steel eel jumpscared #or i get overwhelmed while trying to run. or there's like three of them swarming the basket. OR #AND THIS IS THE WORST ONE. when it just bumps into you and you get LAUNCHED into the fucking water 😭😭😭 #now THAT'S embarrassing!!!!!!! 🧍

[songofwizardry]

had about half of the most recent critical role episode left, decided to watch some to calm down before sleep.

that was two hours ago bc holy shit was i uh. not expecting the whole last hour. holy fucking shit, did ashton ever push that damn red button. we got the perches. we got sam hiding in the hood. we got the book-on-the-head. we got the yelling. we got what i am now referring to as matt's 'molly face' every time he rolled. i have not been this tense since the otohan fight and... this felt like a different kind of tense? also it's been a while since then i hadn't realised!

what an absolutely fucking wild series of events and rolls and i cannot believe that worked.

#critical role #cr spoilers #critical role spoilers #bell's hells #c3e077 #salmon watches cr3 #for the record it's a very positive 'holy fucking shit' #like was it a stupid decision that was *very clearly telegraphed* by the dm? #yes! of course! #was it also completely in character for ashton and did it make sense for them? 'big risk big reward' 'nobody is going to miss me' etc? #yes! #and like look #big decisions make the game right #that's how the story works #good story is built on the tense shit and the conflict and the terror and BOY was it good (but also oh my fucking god) #GOD what an episode what a night #i need to attempt to sleep now. apparently #incredible work a+ no notes #'an unprecedented creature' indeed #how's aabria doing tonight between the ring of temporal salvation #and the titans she both caused and saved this mess #also i am SO glad i caught up in time for this episode my god #yes i know the episode aired on thursday night #but like. timezones. and i didn't finish watching it last night bc i was dead tired #incredible episode. very much looking forward to rewatching the last hour again sometime soon. gotta try and sleep now.

[sprinklina]

BASED OFF OF A BIG RUN SHIFT I HAD WITHH @usarinnpa !!!!!!

ID: three ms paint drawings arranging a comic. the first panel has two salmon chums, which are standing upright and wearing t-shirts. the one on the left has a shirt that says "HE'S MY YAOI" with an arrow pointing right. the one on the right says "I'M HIS YAOI" with an arrow pointing left.

the second panel has the two chums awkwardly kissing. the back of two octolings' heads are seen looking at them.

the third panel has the octolings facing forward. the one on the left has big eyes and a single purple tentacle falling in the middle of his face. he's looking left towards an off-screen entity. he has the salmon run official uniform on, which consists of a mining hat, a combination vest and 'slopsuit', and a life preserver on his back. there is text next to his head reading "Mr. Grizz, We can't kill them!" and in smaller text underneath, it says "They're yaoi.." the octoling on the right has longer purple tentacles, framing their face. they're yelling and holding up gloved middle fingers towards an off-screen entity. they are wearing the same uniform. the text above them says "YEAH!" in especially big letters, and "Love is Love!" in regular sized text. end ID

#splatoon 3 #splatoon fanart #salmon run #splatoon big run #salmon runner voice This will affect my grizzco shift #two salmonid chums makig out in the corner of inkblot while we teacj the smallfry how to finger paint #I THINKK STEEL EEL WOULD REALLY LIKE THE UMM #you know when people put animals on a canvas and giv them paint #i think steel eel would FUCK THAT SHIT UP!!!!! #honey (8) #<- MY SPLATOON OC #meth duo #<- ALSO SPLATOONsort of HIII FUTABA!! GET SOME REST!!!!! #sprinklina art tag

[samarecharm]

Fighting for my FUCKING life man.

#chattin #video #(hopefully) #LOUD #bc salmon run is always so fucking LOUD. #i had to pause my music to focus and it barely helped bc i couldnt fucking see and i couldnt hear past the foghorns #that fucker didnt even use their ULT. im so upset #and they had a normal gun for that wave too. like cmon. come one man. #i cannot believe we got through any of this round. tbh. #they were like. weirdly good. but also so fucking reckless. so it was a constant struggle for like 3 matches straight

[way2gosuperrstarr]

i might make another super impulsive decision.

#salmon jibberish #oh my fucking god i already have two plushes of these guys on the way #THEYRE SO UGLY /POS #im about to make another horribly impulsive purchase because oh my god i need them #i was looking for fucking. spiderverse merch. how do i always end up here #shaking like a rabid animal in my enclosure

[crescentfool]

hello tumblr... does anyone know who yosuke p4 is in splatoon.. they used to be autism on my friends list... and now they're yosuke p4... and i think that's the funniest coincidence ever (they don't know that their name change made me laugh)

#splatoon 3 #splatoon #THIS IS SO FUCKING FUNNY YOU HAVE NO IDEA!!!! #awhile ago at the start of november i did a round of sockeye with axel and cat and we were vcing #and we were like 'omg autism!! love this guy!!!' #and then i was forcibly dc'd. and then we all added autism to our friends list #then for splatfest we realized that all of a sudden we had a guy named yosuke p4 on our friends list #turns out yosuke p4 was autism. the same autism as us!!! #yosuke p4!! thank you for joining our salmon lobby!!! i am minatoast!! i hope you are having a great day!! #lizzy speaks