#like. past!ambra really believed we had a chance huh.

[astudyinfreewill]

welp, we’re almost there - only 15x19 and 15x20 left to go in the rewatch, and you best believe i will not be sitting through them sober!!

tonight i watched 15x16 and 15x17 for the first time (i have. many thoughts about them, of which almost none are good and almost all are rage)... but more importantly i’ve just rewatched 15x18 and i’m Going Through It in the worst of ways, so i’m bringing back this fic i wrote literally on the night of the finale, before i knew just how dirty they were going to do us, dean winchester, and the show as a whole. a more innocent time if you will 🙃

so here!! the author’s notes aged like milk, but nonetheless, please accept this offering of 5k of grieving, soul-searching dean. it ends on a hopeful note if that helps, which is the best i have until i finish the finale coda i’m working on. (and since it’s past midnight over here, happy birthday, dean, you beautiful bastard. you deserved so much better -- including the chance to speak your truth.)

build me a city and call it jerusalem

15x19 coda; dean/castiel, 5k

warnings: temporary major character death (hey look, i was right about this one in the most ironic way!), internalized homophobia/biphobia, negative self-talk, dean Figuring Things Out

You said I could have anything I wanted, but I just couldn’t say it out loud.

*

They win.

The heroes save the day, and ride off into the literal sunset on their metaphorical horses.

They win. They win. They win.

Then why does Dean feel like he’s lost everything?

read it on AO3

#spn #spn fic #dean winchester #castiel #destiel #deancas #sam winchester #supernatural #reading the tags on the original post is... mortifying. #like. past!ambra really believed we had a chance huh. #anyway dean deserved to accept love and vocalise his love and come out to sam!! #ambra.txt #my writing