#literally any reference to New York? Chug it!

[lordmomohismomoness]

My favorite holiday tradition is the Annual Christmas Roast. In which my husband and I try to find the most cheesy, tropey, cringey Christmas movie to make fun of. Usually with alcohol.

Year 7 completed.

Merry Whatever-You-Celebrate y'all!

#christmas #traditions #a christmas prince #the knight before christmas #Christmas tornado #really... there is a movie called Christmas tornado... look it up #Christmas Belle #drink for every trope #snowing? take a drink #lied about your name? Drink! #literally any reference to New York? Chug it! #play a song from the nutcracker...DRINK! #girlfriends of Christmas past

[doomedandstoned]

Doors To No Where Drop Rowdy Grunge-Punk-Desert Spinner ‘Darkness Falls’

~Doomed & Stoned Debuts~

Review by Billy Goate

Before us is the latest record from Santa Cruz heavies DOORS TO NO WHERE, a band new to these pages but which has played alongside many of our favorite West Coast acts, including KooK, Worship, and Year of the Cobra. As May is Mental Health Awareness month, it's good timing to be introduced to 'Darkness Falls' (2021). "This came to me during the pandemic," says frontman Marc Lewis. "I was watching so many folks struggling from all walks of life. Struggle isn’t biased -- it can hit anyone."

The album lyrically was a concept album in a way on the topic of mental health and its impact. I'm truly passionate about this and want it not to be such a taboo thing to talk about or seen as a sign of weakness.

Composed during the pandemic's most clutching moments and recorded with Aaron Cooper of Pylon Productions, the album features longtime collaborators Marc Lewis (guitar, vox), Marc Prefontaine (bass), and Pete Testorff (drums).

"Lie, Lie, Lie," dashes off to a furious Foo Fighters pace as we begin the record, with Pete Testorff's fervor and panache paving the way for Marc Lewis to deliver the three word chorus with all the snarl of a man who just wants to break his rusty chains and run.

"The riff in Lie, Lie, Lie," Marc tells Doomed & Stoned, "was written off something I heard Pete doing one night during sound check. He was playing his whole kit and then doing those snare hits you hear at the beginning of the song."

There's some nice give-and-take between Marc Lewis' guitar and Marc Prefontaine's bass that betwixt the introduction and chorus. I didn't pick it up at first listen, but it definitely grabbed me the next several spins through.

The grungy lyrics match the pissed-off spirit of the music, as the song mourns the loss of a common reference denominator for truth, warning that in its absence there is division, calamity, and ruin. "Together we rise, together we fall." Marc amplifies these powerful moments for us:

This track centers around the idea of false power and how someone could start to believe their own lies and self-hype, while others could fall for it. It can become a toxic relationship or even a cult kind of thing.

It may be hard to remember this far into this surreal "pause" in our world's history, but we too were afraid, alone, and angry for much of the pandemic's wake -- especially in those uncertain early moments when we followed the spread of this strange disease from China to Italy and onto the shores of Seattle and New York.

Darkness Falls by Doors To No Where

The aptly named "Fade" comes next, presenting at a doom's crawl with a sombre arpeggiated motif that summons the spirit of Trouble and Saint Vitus. Or you might hear a twisted, doomed-up variation of Metallica's "Enter The Sandman" in that low-end omen. "Fade was built of the rolling riff and bend," Marc explains. "I wanted it fat and raunchy." Certainly Pale Divine and Dirty Grave come to mind as I seek to match the mood with bands of similar spirit.

Then comes the pained chorus: "Run, run baby," which Marc illuminates in a very personal light:

"Fade" is about a friend of mine who is no longer with us. She was a larger than life personality that was loved by all. She played the personna and role of the happy-go-lucky person. She thought that's why people loved her and why they were friends. She was actually really struggling with mental health and depression though. She would behave in a way that she thought people wanted her to behave, while she was actually suffering. Those around her did not realize her pain or that their influence was making things worse. For years she would self-medicate with drugs and alcohol and that was celebrated by those around her.

I had started to see signs of her pain and tried to reach out. Unfortunately, I was too late. Any time anyone would reach out for help, she would disappear. The chorus line “disappearing one” is a reference to her pushing away and hiding from help. When she passed (sucide) everyone spoke of how special she was and how much they loved her. I was angry and sad. Why didn't more folks try and help her? My perspective was that coddling her addictions and self-medicated escape helped her to the grave.

The lyrics “We all love to see you fade, but don’t you go away” and “We all love to see you soar, but don’t you fade away” are references to the idea that sometimes humans are selfish in their relationships. Meaning that someone may give me the attention and things I need without me being aware of the sacrifices the other person is making.

"Worship The Machine" is another hefty doomer, with some wild guitar noodling contrasted against a rhythm that is quite machine-like as it dances stoically along its predestined chordal path. "Worship The Machine was written to be heavy and groovy," the band notes. "We wanted it to have a certain feel that pushed hard, while still having that chugging along kinda vibe." Closing in on the three-minute mark, Pete turns loose on the drums like a man possessed and the intensity continues when the rest of the band joins in, taking us right across the finish line to a crashing conclusion.

Darkness Falls by Doors To No Where

"I wanna live, but I'm dying" are words I can certainly relate to, not just in 2020, but in 2021, where the lingering impact of such a global (and personal) disruption is still very much a struggle on the daily. Turns out, my intuition was not far from the lyrical intent: "This song is all about the addiction to social media and how it corresponds with one's self esteem, mood, and self-worth. The social media world has become this giant machine and some are literally addicted to it. It creates this tool of status. I think it has truly impacted how people feel about themselves and others."

"Got Mine" is up next and this one is the most punkish track yet. It reminds me a lot of Soundgarden's periodic forays into punk, with songs like "Nazi Driver," "Never Named," and "Kickstand." On this point, Marc is clear: "Got Mine is influenced by the fact that I love old punk rock. I love the energy and the attitude. We wanted it to be loose but with tight stops and control." As to its meaning, we're told:

This song is about a revolution with the main character being selfish and self serving. So the character is done with the revolution or fight once their needs and wants are met. They are not really looking out for the cause or to tackle bigger issues for the good of humanity. They are actually looking for what is best for them. The chorus refers to a cold heart and lack of empathy.

Darkness Falls by Doors To No Where

All you lovers of southern sludge will dig "Policy" with its Goatsnake meets Acid Bath groove and sassy guitar lead. Speaking of Soundgarden, I really dig the Kim Thayilesque breakdown and stinging solo two-minutes in, though some may draw parallels with Crowbar here. These are all, of course, points of reference to try to do the near impossible: put the emotional experience of one listener (e.g. yours truly) into words. In the end, it's up to you to listen and find a favorite of your own. For my money, "Policy" is where it's at. Check out the fantastic dual guitar interplay two-and-a-half minutes in! Down, eat your heart out.

"Policy" is another riff I wrote to play off of a groove I heard Pete do during warm ups. It's got a swing to it but punches hard. Almost a heartbeat if you will. The solo was a direct result of playing the drums.

This track touches on letting toxic people go from your life. At what point do you stop investing in someone's negative energy? Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. It is the idea of surrounding yourself with people that want you to be the best version of yourself.

Up next: "Who Died", which summons all of the band's talents. Beginning with bursts of rapid-fire guitar picking set against a zombie-like beat and chorus, the song has something of a swampy feel. "I won't follow you!" Mr. Lewis shouts defiantly. I wasn't sure where the song would progress from there, and almost thought it was concluded at the false stop barely two-and-a-half minutes in. But the song rallies and the band pulls out its full force, with what sounds like the addition of the synth to present a layered effect that amplifies the intensity. I think this could have been developed even further, but sometimes brevity is the most appropriate option for a song.

"Who Died" was written off the chorus and intro. Zeppelin kinda riff. It's all about feel and giving the riffs room to breathe. This track is about the concept of thinking for yourself and not being an easy victim of mental or physical abuse.

The reverberating echoes of organ-sounding keyboards greet as "New Monster" takes its place next. We get our footing pretty quickly with a kind of "We Will Rock You" bass motif, but the song gets stranger and stranger as the seconds tick off. As with the previous track, there is a sudden atmospheric shift accompanied by furious strumming and ending on the swirling guitar theme we started with.

"Here we are, same ol' thing, round and round, 'ever again...I wanna run, I wanna breathe, I wanna live." This is, for me, perhaps the most relatable song on the record, lyrically speaking. This one especially gave off strong Prong vibes with its strong vocal lead, robust drumming, strong bass play, and industrial guitar feel.

"New Monster" was written in isolation and was originally an acoustic song. Even though the tempo is upbeat it's a dark and murky riff. We wanted the end out of the breakdown to hit hard. I imagine it building like a wave in the ocean.

Another track focusing on mental health with the idea of perseverance and to keep fighting, "New Monster" is the idea of not being perfect is actually perfect. We are all just floating on a giant rock in space and going through this thing called life together.

Darkness Falls by Doors To No Where

At last, we reach the record's namesake "Darkness Falls" -- the gem of this eight-pronged crown of thorns. I've always thought it was a great name. Darkness Falls is also the title of a 2003 movie about a malevolent tooth fairy, though I see no compelling reason to connect the film with either the song or record. I may not be too far off the mark, as Marc Lewis explains:

This concept came to me during the pandemic. I was watching so many folks struggling. All walks of life were struggling. Struggle isn’t biased and can hit anyone. “Please, please shine for me” and “Please, please glow again” reflect on how badly I wanted things to be better. For things to be ok. How I wanted those I love to be happy, safe and loved.

As it stands, Doors To No Where does a superior job of fleshing out the notion of "Darkness Falls" than previous contenders in any medium. The song stirs up a smokey, mysterious Near-Eastern ambience. Four minutes in and it's confirmed: there is indeed a synthesizer at play on Darkness Falls but its hypnotic effect in this song is interrupted by a screaming riffstorm and a gut full of churning bass. This song would make a great companion to "What The Hell Have I" by Alice in Chains. It also pairs well with Portland band A//TAR, whose metaphysical music we've also debuted in these pages.

"Darkness Falls" is special for another reason: Bob Balch of Fu Manchu and Big Scenic Nowhere was a guest on the album closer. "Him and I worked together on the track," Marc reflects. "He is a pro's pro and added so much to the vibe of the song. His playing and tone are phenomenal.

The new album Darkness Falls by Doors To No Where releases to the public on Friday, May 21st via Desert Records (pre-order here). This is its world premiere c/o Doomed and Stoned.

Give ear...

Doors To No Where · DARKNESS FALLS

Some Buzz

Featuring Marc Lewis (Guitars/Vocals), Pete Testorff (Drums) and Marc Prefontaine (Bass). Doors To No Where have been making music since 2010. Their sound is heavily influenced by Santa Cruz and the local beauty it offers along with the rich history of music. Doors To No Where have been called a stoner rock band but also touch on elements of punk, doom, metal and even grunge.

Growing up on a skateboard and surfing has played a huge part on the influences of the sounds Doors To No Where like to include.

The band has toured in and been honored to share the stage with bands like, Mondo Generator, Fatso Jetson, Fu Manchu, The Melvins and many more.

Doors To No Where will be releasing 'Darkness Falls' (2021) via Desert Records on May 21st 2021. The fourth studio album features eight tracks and a special guest appearance from Bob Balch (Fu Manchu). Staying true to their roots, 'Darkness Falls' is a combination of desert rock and punk influences. The band tracked and recorded the album in the unusual quarantine times of Covid-19.

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#D&S Debuts #Doors To No Where #Santa Cruz #California #grunge #desert rock #punk rock #heavy metal #Desert Records #D&S Reviews #Doomed and Stoned

[ducktracy]

136. porky’s pet (1936)

release date: july 11th, 1936

series: looney tunes

director: jack king

starring: joe dougherty (porky), billy bletcher (conductor)

the first of MANY, MANY cartoons to flaunt porky’s name in the title. this is also jack king’s second to last cartoon at warner bros—he headed back for disney as early as april 1936, leaving the rest of his films to run on. porky’s moving day, released in september, would be his last. for now: porky and his pet ostrich lulu are broadway bound, but trouble arises when the train forbids any animals to board. it’s up to porky to find a way to hide his extremely noticeable and indiscreet pet.

a telegram boy is pedaling along on his bicycle, determined to deliver his envelope, bumping all along the way. i didn’t include a photo thanks to the 10 photo limit, but you’ll notice some signs in the background, such as “malaria motel” and “buy burton’s burpo beer”, a reference to producer john burton. the scene runs a little long, yet it’s deliberate so as to show off the syncopation between the animation, music, and sound effects of intermittent bike horn honking.

nevertheless, the telegram boy arrives at his destination by crashing into the sidewalk. unscathed, he jauntily hops onto the porch and rings the doorbell a few times. out comes porky, who answers the door. a telegram just for him. he accepts the envelope and signs off. an amusing little detail as he tucks the envelope in the lip of his sweater, taking it out and tearing off the side.

the telegram reads:

MR. PORKY PIG

CAN USE YOU AND LULU IN MY NEW SHOW $75 WEEK. STOP. (that’s how you ended a sentence, considering there was no morse code equivalent to a period) COME NEW YORK AT ONCE

J. BOTTS

PRODUCER

remember when i said porky would never say “WHOOPEEEEE!” again after gold diggers of ‘49? well, that’s one bet i lost. i totally forgot, but he says his famous “WHOOPEE!” here, too. i THINK this is the last time he says it, unless porky’s moving day has a surprise waiting for me. regardless, porky is ecstatic. he dashes upstairs, telegram in hand, skidding to a halt into his bedroom.

he approaches a birdcage, where we see the beginnings of a big bird head inside. porky shows off the letter to his pet, stuttering “look, lulu! look!” a clever pan reveals that lulu is, in fact, a giant pet ostrich with her head in the birdcage and the rest of her body perched in a rocking chair. lulu gives her approval by squawking hilariously and incomprehensibly. “we’re broadway bound, lulu! we’re gonna be big shots!”

porky hardly wastes any time tying a rope around lulu’s neck and freeing her from the confines of her arbitrary birdcage. with his hat on his head and a couple of oddly places train whistle imitations, porky declares “let’s go!” and together they fly down the staircase, lulu sliding down on the banister. good animation that’s easily mesmerizing. lulu hits the end of the banister while porky runs ahead, nearly choking her as he flies back towards her from the impact. nevertheless she gets down, and porky’s so excited he whips out the door, the door closing on lulu and hitting her right in the face. she chatters porky out furiously, but manages to recover.

some time later, porky and his prized lulu arrive at the train station, seeking out the nearest train. after hearing the sound of the all too familiar whistle, porky attempts to flag down the train, waving his hand and his hat to get it to stop. we then get a shot of the train, hurtling down the tracks at frightening speeds. so fast that the conductor doesn’t take note of porky and his very obvious bird companion. the train speeds by, spinning porky, lulu, and the entire station around like a top, a sequence that would be perfected and stronger in tex’s the village smithy.

both porky and lulu attempt to recover from the impact, porky stuttering “stop!” all too late while lulu has her head buried in a hole in the floorboards. nevertheless, they both recover quickly when the sound of another train approaches. this time, porky thinks ahead. he pulls a lever that flashes a stop sign, and the speeding train literally jolts to a stop on the middle of the tracks. good timing and amusingly stark visuals make the gag work. there’s an intriguing angle from inside the station as we view porky and lulu happily board from outside. silence... until a yokel train conductor yells “YOU CAN’T BRING NO BUZZARD ON THIS TRAIN!”

lulu and porky are promptly kicked out, landing right inside the station. (if you notice, one of the flyers posted advertises millar manor, a reference to story man tubby millar) porky signals for lulu to bend down low, and he whispers a plan in her ear. the plan: lulu wait by the tracks while porky boards, and he’ll pick her up as the train passes by. lulu gives her squawks of approval. porky signals for lulu to go to her post, and he himself boards the train.

sure enough, the train begins to chug, the wheels turning. lulu waits patiently, and just as porky promised, he sticks his hand out the window and grabs her by the neck. her neck is so long that the rest of her body lags behind, flopping in the wind, much to the surprise of one of the passengers looking out the window. porky wrestles her inside, and everything’s good to go.

here we have it, folks! the infamous “porky stuffing an ostrich up his ass” scene. porky realizes he didn’t quite think things through. an ostrich is a pretty damn noticeable bird. he signals under the seat, trying to stuff her in, ordering “hurry up, lulu! get under the seat before the conductor sees ya!” another push, and her head pops out of the crack in the seat, giving some happy squabbles. treg brown’s sound effects turn a puzzling scene into an amusing one with nonstop honking, porky wrestling with how to get both ends of her body under the seat. it’s still a relatively awkward scene, but the sound effects certainly add humor to it. eventually porky opts to sit on the seat himself, stuffing lulu’s body under and hoping he can conceal her head. but, as to be expected, lulu pecks him right in the butt and he jumps up in shock. another stuff beneath the seat, and she’s about as concealed as she’ll get. porky grins at the camera, clearly accomplished with his feat.

but, as birds will do, lulu hardly stays in one place long. she wrangles herself out from beneath the seat and swallows the toupee of a sleeping passenger’s from behind. ham or ex makes one final appearance! if only there was any indication as to how to tell them apart. the little pup turns the propeller of a toy plane and watches it whirl around in fascination. the plane makes its way towards lulu, who promptly swallows it. of course, the plane is still on, and works its way up from her throat all the way to her head, giving her “dog ears”. amusing animation as lulu’s neck loops around itself, the plane in her head directing her uncontrollably as she loops around her own body, flipping and flying around. she crashes right into a door, where the plane just... disappears. she doesn’t spit it out or anything of the sort, it literally just... melts away. nevertheless.

lulu now has her sights set on an accordion, which she also deems a delicious snack. and, predictably, her neck moves up and down and sounds like an accordion. a very predictable gag that isn’t all that hilarious, but porky’s look of pure horror as she strolls past his seat is totally priceless.

just in time for the conductor to ask for tickets. panic-stricken, porky snags a guitar case out from under the seat in front of him and stuffs lulu inside. her accordion neck blares loudly and noticeably, and he grabs her neck and wrings it out, sliding the accordion down to her body where it disappears. first a plane and now an accordion! maybe lulu’s act on broadway is “The Bottomless Ostrich”. she now fits in the guitar case... except for her feathers, which prominently stick out of the bottom. porky steals someone’s pair of scissors (what a thief!) and cuts off the fluff, and instead of returning the scissors hilariously throws them out the window instead, hiding the feathers under the seat. instead of just, you know, tossing them out instead.

the conductor approaches porky for his ticket, but lulu suddenly grows rowdy, giving herself away immediately as the guitar case begins to jolt around and squawk. she wrestles her legs free and barrels into the conductor, who now rides on top of the guitar case like some sort of twisted steed. lulu barrels into the end of the cabin, freeing herself from the case. porky goes to wrangle back his bird, but it’s too late. the conductor furiously throws her out the window, and then throws porky out himself. nice service!

they reconnect on the tracks, porky shrugging dubiously. fortune smiles upon them when they spot a handcar. they both board at opposite ends, preparing to push their way to broadway, yet a cow blocks their path. no matter! porky positions himself on the handles and grabs the cow’s tail like some reins, and they’re off. soon they even manage to pass the very train they were booted from, much to the bewilderment of the conductor, who passes out as porky tips his hat and lulu squawks her greetings. iris out.

with a lot of these rewatches of the jack king cartoons, i’ve softened my perception of them and appreciated them more, but they’re still relatively below average. nevertheless, this cartoon was, if anything, amusing. not particularly funny, but amusing to watch porky’s plight as he works so hard to hide his Very Obvious pet. lulu’s squawking is hilariously obnoxious, which works in her favor and against her at the same time. the animation was very smooth and fun to watch for sure, especially with lulu sliding down the banister and lulu swallowing the toy plane. lulu would make one more appearance in porky’s moving day, which is kinda funny. i wonder, if jack king stayed longer, how many more cartoons she would have popped up in. overall a decent cartoon but nothing to write home about. it wouldn’t kill you to watch it, but i think you’d be fine if you went without.

link!

#lt #porky’s pet #reviews #long post #king

[mayaparker]

Bars in Bars;

Stonefruit Inn Karaoke Night Christmas 2018 - Night One

Katarina walked out of the elevator and towards the lounge. Her blonde hair was bound in a sleek and tight bun. She stopped in the doorway, looking around for anyone she knew and needed to greet. Finding no one, she made her way to the bar to order a glass of merlot. As she waited she turned to the person next to her, "Do you happen to know when this starts?"

Aedan was dressed in his favourite leather jacket, buzzing with nerves about going to this event. He had to come, though. If a leaflet with his name through his door didn't mean he was wanted there, he didn't know what did. He spritzed himself with his favourite handmade cologne and made the long walk into town. He had no idea where the venue was.

Ephram spotted a man basically turning in confused circles about a block from the Stonefruit and grinned, loping over. "Hey there, buddy," he said, "You plannin' on headin' to the Stonefruit Inn for their Solstice party thing? I'm going, if you wanna know the way." He stuck out his hand. "Ephram."

“Huh?” Adean looked at the stranger and threw him a smile. “Oh, yeah. I'm thinking of going to that party myself. Aedan.” He took the offered hand and gave it one firm shake, “Lead the way.”

"Aedan, Irish, huh? I've got Irish way back in my kin. Most of us from Appalachia do." Ephram chuckled. "Way, waaaaaaay back, though. Ain't like I know nothin' much bout the old country." They came upon the inn, lit up and practically sparkling with bonhomie, and Ephram swept open the door as if he was in charge of it. "Bar's right on in there. Best place to start, hey?"

“Few people do know about Ireland, really. And those that say they do, don't,” Aedan nodded his thanks as he entered the bar. The place smelled of mistletoe and mulled drinks. “It's the only place to start! I'm not going to karaoke without at least three inside of me,” Aedan stopped by the bar beside a woman and waited for the barman to approach.

After a moment the bartender returned to hand, Katarina her glass. She thanked him and pulled out her card to open a tab. She was curious about what sort of talents might be hiding in this town, but it was always easier to appreciate with a drink or two. She noticed the two men come up to the bar, but as she didn't recognize them didn't immediately speak.

"Aw, now -- ain't it some sorter rule that if you're Irish, you got a voice that would please the angels? That's what my mamaw always said," Ephram ordered himself a beer and smiled at Katarina. "Tell me you heard of this rule too. C'mon, I need backup."

Katarina turned at the sound of someone entreating her into conversation. She gave a catlike smile "I'm sorry," she replied with a small shake of her head and the faintest note of her Russian accent, "I've knew an Irish gentleman in St. Petersburg who's voice couldn't be described as angelic, but perhaps the exception proves your rule."

Aedan nearly let out a strained laugh and glanced at Ephram, “I might have a voice that pleases the angels but I also have the performance nerves of a wee deer.” Aedan glanced over at the woman Ephram spoke to, “See? I have every reason to be nervous!” He'd not sung on stage for about eight years.

Ephram repeated in delight, "A wee deer!" before picking up on Katarina's comment and groaning. "Honey, you was supposed to help my side of the argument. Now it looks like we're all gettin' a round on me." He motioned to the bartender and said, "My new deer friend here is Aedan and I'm Ephram. You ... from around here? As in settled here?"

Katarina laughed lightly, "I'm afraid that's the risk you take when you ask a stranger for help in an argument." She took a sip from her merlot as the man called over the bartender. "Katarina," she replied and put out a hand, "I've recently settled in Soapberry Springs. I imagine that you, Ephram, are a local and I would suppose Aedan is not?"

“I'm nowhere near a local,” Aedan said as he took one of the drinks the bartender was pouring for them.

"I'm a transplant," Ephram drawled, turning so he was leaning back on his elbows against the bar. "From the great state of Kentucky. But there ain't no place I'd rather be at this point than Soapberry." Waving his glass around, Ephram whispered loudly, "...my sweetheart's a part owner of this place. Neat, huh?"

Katarina nodded as both men explained their relationship to the town. She took another sip of her merlot, about to ask that if it was true in small towns that transplants never truly got to be locals. Before she could though Ephram spoke again. In a stage whisper he announced that his sweetheart was part owner of the inn. It was easy for her to guess who he was referring to. "Ah, you are Freddie's husband?" she asked.

Aedan remained quiet as he enjoyed his free drink. He had no idea who most of the people in town were and much less who owned what.

Ephram beamed as if Katarina had given him the directions to El Dorado. "Yeah! Freddie, he's my lil darlin. I'm glad you din't think it was Cardero." He shuddered, then looked back at Aedan. "You met Freddie yet, Aedan deer, or you jes caught wind of this shindig on your own?”

Katarina smiled at the clear joy that came with her recognition of his husband. However she felt an internal twinge of confusion when he mentioned that he was glad she hadn't thought his husband was Iann Cardero. Given his shudder it seemed a strong feeling. "Why are you glad I didn't think it was Iann?" she asked in a perfectly neutral tone. She looked over to at Aedan to hear how he had found his way to the Stonefruit Inn this evening.

Aedan looked up from his beer like a deer in headlights, “Huh? Oh, someone posted a leaflet with my name on it through my door. I don't think I've met a Freddie, yet. And I thought that I should mingle a wee bit.” 

Ephram scrunched his face up in distaste. "Cardero and me get along about as good as buggies and bonfires, which is to say hardly. Freddie loves 'im, though, so what can you do." He grinned at Aedan, patting the other man lightly on the back. "You should definitely mingle," Ephram approved. "You're minglin' right now! With us. For until you git them three drinks down and sing us all some Danny Boy."

“Oh man, I am not singing Danny Boy. It's Pogues or go home,” Aedan grinned at Ephram. He took a swig of his beer as he shucked off his leather jacket.

Katarina thought there was probably more to the story. However seeing as that was all Ephram said she let it go. Instead she turned her attention to Aedan. She laughed at his comment that it was Pogues or nothing. "Ah, I think you've backed yourself into a corner now," she said with the same catlike smile, "I think before this night is over you'll find yourself singing Pogues for all of us." 

Ephram chugged the rest of his drink and nudged Katarina. "You'll Kirsty for him, right? What is it, Fairytale of New York?" Ephram knew only the vaguest of things about the Pogues, but he was pretty sure on that one. Fairly sure. Well, sorta had an inkling. He ordered another beer.

Katarina laughed, "Will I now?" She could sing and decently well, but wasn't quite as familiar with the discography of the Pogues as she'd like to be before singing in front of all these people. "I think perhaps we should rather consider if any music, other than Christmas music, is truly restricted to one time of year or another," she replied.

“You don't have to sing with me,” Aedan said, protesting. He wasn't drunk yet and definitely didn't intend on a duet with a stranger. Well, yet. He polished off his beer and asked the barman for another round, on him this time.

"Fairytale does mention Christmas," Ephram said loftily, wrapping his arm around Aedan's shoulder. Whatever's on tap, it's certainly potent. "And if it makes you feel better, son, later on we can do Wild Rover together. I ain't no grand voice neither, but I like to sing and I like it even better with company."

"I'm not certain that alone makes it a Christmas song just as taking place during Christmas time doesn't make Die Hard a Christmas movie," Katarina replied. Turning to Aedan, she added, "Thank you. Although after a few more glasses I suppose we'll see what I think of singing duets." She wasn't planning on performing, but it was how people always left the door open for that sort of thing. After a sip of her merlot she added, "Although I'd hardly want to be the poor person who has to follow up the two of you doing a duet."

“I've literally never heard of Wild Rover. But as long as there's a cue screen and enough drink,” Aedan turned to Katarina, “And Fairytale of New York is THE best Christmas song. Anyone who says otherwise needs to listen closer!” He grinned and accepted the next beer. It barely touched him, yet. He preferred whiskey, after all.

Ephram's jaw dropped. "No, nay, never!" he said mournfully. "Ahhh, well. Reckon this is one of the ways us long-ago Irish and you modern Irish got to be different along the way. We still got plenty of the oul' songs up in the holler." He nodded at Katarina. "C'mon, there's gotta be some sorter traditional winter song that your people sing, right?"

Katarina sipped her wine as Ephram lamented the fact that Aedan didn't know what she guessed was a Irish folk song. She nodded when he asked if there was traditional music from 'her people'. "Yes, we have traditional folk music like anyone," she replied, "However it's all in Russian."

Aedan buried himself in his drink as he was scolded for being a poor Irishman. He was about to say something but was glad the conversation turned to Katarina, “Mmhm, you should definitely sing in your language. I can sing in mine!” 

"See now, here's where you both got it over me. I speak hillbilly and ain't no call for that in song. Unless it's Cotton Eyed Joe, of course," Ephram said. 

Katarina laughed, "Here I thought it was Pogues or nothing. Perhaps I missed it, but I don't think they sing in Gaelic."

“I can translate Pogues into Gaelic and Old Irish... on the spot!” Aedan gave him a cheeky grin.

Ephram looks puzzled and interested. "Old Irish? I thought Gaelic was the same thing as Old Irish. It ain't?"

“Now that," Katarina replied, "is absolutely not an act I would want to have to follow." She didn't comment on whether or not Gaelic and Old Irish were the same language as she had no idea as to the answer.

“No, not at all. Gaelic is the older more traditional form. Ireland's bloody complicated,” Aedan replied before he hid himself in his beer, again.

Ephram patted Aedan on the back, not quite sure if he'd embarrassed the man somehow. "Ain't no big deal, wee deer. I jes don't really know much about Ireland apart from the stereotypes and the murals. You want somethang stronger'n that beer?" He called to the bartender again, saying, "Let's git a bottle of, uh -- let's git one of Irish whiskey, one of Kentucky bourbon, one of Russian vodka. How's that?"

Katarina filed away the information about languages in Ireland, curious about it in the same way she was curious about most things. Seeing as Aedan seemed somewhat uncomfortable with the topic she didn't ask anything further. Ephram piped up next, offering to buy a bottle of liquor from each of their respective homelands. She showed no change in expression although she found it curious as well that he assumed that was the liquor each would prefer. He did just say that all he knew of Ireland was from the stereotypes and murals. She smiled and said in a conspiratorial tone to Aedan, "I think Ephram intends to get us both drunk enough to sing."

Aedan couldn't help but laugh at that, “Don't worry about it. Most people seem to not know that there is a Northern Ireland and a Republic. And seem to think Danny Boy is our national anthem.” He grinned in appreciation at the offer of whiskey to show that there were no ill feelings. “As long as he's paying…” he added.

"Damn straight I'm payin'. Freddie can take it out in trade later," Ephram gave a hooting laugh and poured himself a generous shot of bourbon when it came, "I'm aimin' to git everbody drunk enough to sing. No wallflowers allowed, them's house rules."

Katarina laughed, "Well, at the risk of sounding like a Russian stereotype myself I'm afraid you'll need more vodka than this."

Aedan poured himself a glass of the whiskey and raised his glass in a mimicry of the 'cheers' and sipped the drink. ”Hmm we're all stereotypes, I think,” he said as he drew the glass from his lips, “Most of us will get more drunk than you intend if Katarina is any example of our mindsets.”

Ephram squinted suspiciously at Katarina, "So what's your deal? You like ... Black Widow, or some other sorter superspy? Come to track down a supervillain in sleepy lil' Soapberry." He pointed at Aedan. "We already know wee deer is here to guard his pot o' gold, and I'm takin' a break before I gotta head back and marry a cousin, but what's your story?"

Katarina raised an eyebrow, "What's my deal?" She paused to take a sip of her wine and consider her answer. "If I were sticking with stereotypes, I think I would be the supervillain myself. However I am not this exciting. Simply, I moved here from Portland to get away from an unfortunate situation."

Aedan slipped off of his stool, “'I'm gonna go to the bathroom. I'll see you both in a wee bit. If I'm not back in five, someone tried to nick my pot o' gold.” He chuckled and wandered off shaking his head. Any other way, he'd have been offended. But this seemed to be all good fun.

Ephram took the opportunity to nick a slug of Aedan's whiskey instead, and returned to his conversation with Katarina. "Supervillain, huh?" he said, figuring that unfortunate situation wouldn't be much fun to talk about. "That's sorter dire. What would your MO be? And more important, would you talk in that exaggerated accent?"

Katarina shook her head, "I suppose, I would probably use poison, but no, I wouldn't speak in an exaggerated accent. It would too easily give me away. Besides I'm certain you've seen the acting in those old Bond films, behaving in such a way would render me ridiculous."

Ephram grinned, helping himself to a (more modest) shot of her vodka. "Naaaaaw. I cain't see any scenario in which you'd end up lookin' ridiculous."

Katarina shrugged, "I'm certain there are one or two, bu I do try to avoid them" She took a drink from her wine, intending to finish it before starting in on the vodka.

Aedan took his time in the bathroom, cooling his cheeks down and checking for any damage the snow might've done to his hair. He then took his time wandering back, letting the other two have their wee conversation. After all, he still needed to explore this place before it got too crowded and he was too drunk.

Ephram wrapped his hand carefully around his bottle of bourbon, saying, "I'll jes bet you do. It was nice meeting you, Katarina poison villain. I'll see you later. When you're up on stage." He chuckled and sailed off into the crowd.

Maya arrived late on purpose. By doing so she intended to avoid any requests that she sing too. She had absolutely no intention to sing. As she walked into the lounge she saw a few people she knew. Clearly she hadn't managed to arrive as late as she intended though. She therefore headed first to the bar to order a Long Island Iced Tea before scanning the crowd more thoroughly.

Aedan found his place back at the bar with his bottle and glass. “Where's he going?” Aedan glanced over his shoulder to watch Ephram disappear into the slowly growing crowd. He had not noticed the new visitor appear at the bar.

Katarina gave him a nod and said, "Nice to meet you as well Ephram." She watched him disappear into the crowd. As he went she thought briefly that old saying about opposites attracting was true. Turning to Aedan as he returned, "I'm not entirely sure, although I might guess to find his husband." She took another sip of her wine before saying, "May I ask how long you've been in town?" 

“Barely a week, even. And I've already met quite a few people around here,” Aedan gave her a smile as he sipped his whiskey, “And you?” 

Katarina had to think for a moment. "I've been here since a little bit before September," she replied. It surprised her in fact how long it had been.

“Sounds like you're still settling in,” Aedan smiled at her and watched the barman work. It was only then he noticed a familiar face around the bend in the bar, “Holy shite! Can you- will you excuse me a wee second? I think I recognize someone!”

Katarina gave a smile and a small shrug, "I've been doing something like that I think." She finished off her wine and poured a shot of vodka. She nodded as Aedan asked her to excuse him. "Please, go say hello. I have plenty of company," she said with wink and a gesture to the vodka bottle

Aedan gave her a good-natured grin and wandered over to Maya with his bottle of whiskey in one hand and glass in the other. “Fancy seeing you here Cake-Girl!”

Maya thought she saw Aedan on the other side of the bar, but he seemed in conversation with a blonde woman she didn't know. She therefore chose to make a mental note of it and say hi later. Movement a few moments later caught her eye. She looked over to see Aedan coming her way. As he approached she gave a smile that turned into a laugh when he greeted her. "Fancy seeing you here Duped By Werewolves Guy," she teased.

“There's drink,” Aedan said in a conspiratorial tone, “What kind of man would I be if I turned down a drink and a good sing-song?” He set his bottle on the bar. “You want some or are you happy with your... what the hell is that?” He looked at her Long Island Iced Tea with playful disapproval.

Maya had to laugh. "Well, I certainly can't disagree with that," she replied, "And I'm never one to turn down offered booze. Although this is a perfectly acceptable drink in and of itself." She turned slightly to ask the bartender for an extra glass.

Aedan poured her a glass of his Irish whiskey the moment it hit the bar, “It's only fair. I didn't buy it.” He winked at her and then took a swig of his own.

"Well in that case I'll have two," Maya replied with a laugh. She tossed back the first drink easily and set down the glass beside the bottle again. 

Aedan poured her yet another and topped his own up. “Give you an inch, eh?” he said with a playful nudge.

Maya shrugged, "And I'll take a couple of miles." She didn't throw the second drink back with quite the same vigor. Instead she sipped it like a mildly responsible kind of person. "So, we going to be hearing you sing later?" she asked.

Fane had been sorting last minute celebration bits and pieces back at the estate gardens, the stalls were coming together and the bonfire was stacked for the solstice get together he'd been planning. With everything falling into place he'd popped inside changing into an appropriate fitted slim-jeans and black knitted jumper with the words merry christmas you filthy hobbitses on the front and a few Lord of the Rings pictorial references before heading over to town and the Stonefruit Inn and heading inside.

Aedan playfully rolled his eyes, “Good God, what is it with everyone in this place? You all think I can sing.” He cast her a smirk and sipped his whiskey. “Mmhm, maybe. I've not sang in public in years. Not counting the nake-” He caught himself from saying something wholly inappropriate.

Maya laughed, "I have no idea if you can sing. But that's irrelevant to my question and I think to karaoke in general." Her eyes lit up at his almost admission. "Not count the naked what?" she asked with a devious smile and a long drink from her whiskey.

Fane glanced around once he was inside, spotting a couple of familiar faces and walking over. He grinned at Aeden and wrapped an arm around Maya's shoulders pressing a fatherly kiss to her head, "what's this about naked shenanigans? Nothing too inappropriate I hope," he quipped having no clue what he was walking into.

“I will not be telling anyone that, because it's wholly inappropriate for everyone. Even me!” Aedan grinned at her before he caught sight of the sweater. “Holy Hobbitses,” he said, with a broadening smile on his face, “I didn't even know those existed!” He pointed at Fane's amazing jumper.

Maya glanced up at Fane when he slung an arm around her shoulders. "Please, I'm an adult. I can handle inappropriate," she replied. She turned her attention to Fane's sweater when Aedan pointed it out. With a laugh she added, "Aww, we almost match. Cute."

Fane nodded his head sagely in agreement with Maya's point. "All adults here, more or less, emphasis on less," though as Aedan commented on his jumper Fane winked "just have to know the right dragon's horde to search to get one. Also, no using jumpers to divert the conversation. We're owed a wholly inappropriate story now."

Aedan gave a look of 'oh shite' and sighed, “Fine! But you'll owe me a wee drink for it.” He shook his still half-full bottle at him, “And you better sit down.”

"Sit down for what? You tellin' a story here?" Ephram came wandering back, having completed his circuit of the room and finished off about half of his bottle of bourbon. "Oh hey, Fane, Maya. I shoulda guessed youn's knew each other already."

“Is my wee naked story becoming a spectator event?” Aedan said with laughter in his voice and a deep pink flush on his cheeks. It wasn't clear if that was the alcohol or the embarrassment of an audience.

"Awww, c'mon now -- don't refer to it as a wee naked story. That's jes settin' yourself up," Ephram said.

Maya glanced over at Ephram as he arrived. "Hello Ephram," she greeted him before turning back to Aedan. "Just think of it as your head start in stand up," she replied. She would've offered to tell an embarrassing story of her own in return, but decided against it.

Fane looked amused though whether it was putting Aeden on the spot or poking fun was questionable. Still he moved over to the bar indicating for a drink in the meantime before a familiar voice sounded nearby. Looking over once his order was made he offered Ephram a smile leaning an elbow on the counter "evening Ephram, having a good time?" Though not wishing to be rude and intrude over Aeden's moment he looked back to the Irishman "I mean sounds like you have spectral audience enough at your place - no doubt there's plenty of naked stories they've got on you, what's a living audience by comparison hm?" he joked playfully.

Ephram nodded at Fane, returning the smile easily. "Gettin' better and better," he said, and left it at that as well, interested in hearing Aedan's story. He felt a little rush of warmth, though, at Fane's friendly greeting in response to his own; maybe this was the right time for them to finally get along.

“Ouch,” Aeden chuckled and shook his head. 'Fine thank you Fane, for reminding me. Fine. Well, the last time I sang in public I might've been as bare-arsed as the day I was born.' He cleared his throat and took a long sip of his whiskey as if building tension. Instead he was just buying time. 'Well, one day I was more than a wee bit drunk with my Welsh friend, Jack. And he decided he had this amazing idea to try getting in the local newspaper of this small French town. So he tells me to whack my clothes off and stand on a mural in the middle of town. I was two sheets to the wind at this point, so I decide it's an amazing idea, too. So there I am, naked as a babe and a crowd start to gather. I panicked and tried to climb down. But I realise Jack's stolen the ladder. To get it back, I have to do this whole song and dance number. Everything of mine just... out for the rural French folk to see.'

Maya held her composure until Aedan finished his story with the help of sips from her drink. At the end though she had to laugh. "Okay," she replied, "But did you get into the newspaper?"

"I git the feelin' a wee bit drunk means a LOT bit drunk," Ephram laughed, shaking his head.

Fane hooted upon the completion of the little story. "Hey better the French than the English and their damn refined sensibilities right?"

“You bet your sweet arse I got in the paper! And not just of the local paper. Everywhere I went that summer I was called the Naked Irishman,” Aedan sipped his whiskey, his flush deepening red. 'And yeah, I don't think it really matters who sees your balls when you see them pixelated in black and white.'

Fane shook his head, "Naked Irishman? Classic, that's it, official nickname garnered right here."

Ephram solemnly says, "That's gonna be my new motto in life.“

Maya laughed again. "If it helps," she replied, "I've had much worse nicknames that stuck around longer than a summer Although I managed to avoid getting photographed."

"Er, the part about the balls, not the Irishman part,” Ephram added.

“Christ above, I just moved here and now I have that nickname! Okay, now you all owe me a wee drink,” Aedan tapped his glass on the bar.

With an easy smile, Maya turned and ordered him a double of well whiskey. "My penance," she said as the bartender set the glass down on the bar beside them.

Ephram holds up his hands with a laugh. "You got all you're gonna git outta me, wee deer! These two can take care of your libations."

Fane nodded and gestured to the barkeep, "once he's finished that one fill up his glass would you mate? Open a tab and keep it coming I think he'll need it to survive mortification." 

“Agh, you weren't part of the deal I guess,” Aedan said to Ephram, “And I think these two can handle it.” He gave a playful wink at the group, the whiskey softening the blow of having that old nickname come back to haunt him.

Maya turned to Fane. "So," she asked, "What cheesy duet have you and Faye cooked up for tonight? Don't Go Breaking My Heart? Islands in the Stream?" She faked horror, "I Got You Babe?" 

Ephram looks interested. "Did she manage to convince you to do somethang more bluesy instead?"

Fane raised a hand to his heart, an expression of over the top mock offence registering on his features. "How dare you! They're not cheesy at all, gosh youth these days it's clearly going to be Lou Rawls - You'll Never Find Another Love Like Mine" he drawled giving her a little nudge though his eyes crinkled fondly. Ephram's question caused him to shake his head a little, "blues is okay, she's tried to convince me but I'm not completely converted. Jazz is way more my sort of speed."

"So long as she ain't hammered enough to try sprawlin' out on the karaoke keyboard, I reckon," Ephram chuckled. "And I've Got You Babe is a classic karaoke song! Especially when you got a girl singin' Sonny and a feller singin' Cher."

Maya shook her head and turned to Aedan, "I'm pretty sure you can't find anything cheesier than Fane here and Faye outside the entire state of Wisconsin." She rolled her eyes affectionately for good measure 

“Can’t you now?” Aedan said as he nursed his free drinks, “The trick is to try out-cheese them.”

Maya glanced over at Ephram with confusion in her expression, "What makes that more classic?" She then turned back to Aedan to shake her head and say, "That's a very dangerous game and one I personally am always guaranteed to lose. Although Ephram and Freddie may be able to give them a run for their money."

Fane chuckled at the mental image that provoked, "don't give her any more ideas. I have enough trouble with her and the one at the house. But I don't know," he said of I've Got You Babe "that one never hit me really. Honestly, on a day to day basis I'm way more into Scorpions, Guns 'N' Roses, Metallica and AC/DC. Give me a solid riffing guitar anthem you can listen to when you're cruising down the roads, you know?" Fane keyed into the other conversation and shrugged, "don't get that woman involved in a competition I swear none of us will survive it if she loses... Either that or she'll be pouting for days and I won't hear the end of it."

Ephram said with great seriousness, "Because karaoke is really goddamn camp. So the chintzier the song, the better. I mean, hell--" he gestured at the burly atronach currently doing a baritone Que Sera Sera -- "if he was singin' some serious song, it wouldn't be half as fun." He grinned. "Me and Freddie doing Sonny and Cher would be hard to beat. What would you do? Lemme guess .... uh ... Sk8er Boi?" Ephram attempted to pronounce the number and spelling, making it hard to discern what the hell he's even referring to.

Maya let the point go. She still wasn't convinced that a dude singing Cher's part was somehow more classic. Instead she turned to Fane to laugh and tease, "Yes, back in the day you were quite the rocker." As far as whatever song Ephram was referencing she shook her head, "I'm just here to cheer." She took a drink from her Long Island Iced Tea.

Ephram didn't press either, nodding at Fane's list of bands and saying, "There was this girl I considered goin' out with once but Thunderstruck came on in the car and she was like, ~na na na na na na na na na SUNDAY! and I couldn't take it, man. Sunday."

Aedan had polished off yet another glass of whiskey listening to this lot bicker over ‘classics’, “Y’know, you’ve not heard a classic til you’ve had an old woman sing in Gaelic at you. Those songs are the classics.”

Ephram poked Aedan good-naturedly. "Yeah, but they ain't cut out much for makin' a monkey of yourself in front of folks when you're too toasted to be on-key."

Maya shook her head, "Then I think only a very few people have heard the classics." She was teasing his hometown superiority a little, but good-naturedly Having lived in New York she'd heard it plenty and had a little bit of it herself.

“Bah, you'll all see. You'll all see,” Aedan said as if he was some cartoonish villain scheming to overthrow the doubters.

Fane huffed a quiet laugh at Maya's jibe, "back in the day, rude" he tsked lightly "I still am thanks though I never could rock a guitar like I can the piano." Fane raised a brow at Ephram’s rendition of AC/DC but shook his head in amusement, "dude that's a total keeper right there I have no idea what you mean." Though when Aeden spoke Fane just grinned a little slanted, "you and your Gauls, I raise you little old Romanian washerwomen from the hamlet singing rather questionable things when they had a few too many."

Maya laughed, "Wait, if we're playing who has the best singers its obviously drunks in New York, especially on the train."

“Bah! Your Romanian washerwomen! I’m talking druids,” Aedan hung onto the S, now clearly drunk. Not drunk enough to strip naked and climb a monument. “And most of those drunks are ex-Irish!”

Ephram raised his hand, "I got toothless grandmaws and granpappies rockin' on their front porches while they sing, how's that?"

Bella headed inside, her dress trailing slightly on the ground behind her as she immediately headed in the direction of the bar, she couldn't see Iann or Freddie and figured they were off working the background for a while but so far as she could tell no one was singing, hoping she hadn't missed anyone. Least there were a few familiar faces.

“What’s the state of their teeth got to do with anything? Are ye saying that if I lost my teeth my singing will mean more classically?” Aedan sounded ready for a fight but he was wholly enjoying this random debate about how classic was classic.

Ephram bristled, although similarly fakely. "That there's the proud tradition of my kinfolk! The fact they can still sing even though they cain't eat corn no more is classically classic and no mistake, wee deer. Way more than your old druid women singin' round Stonehenge or whatever."

“Then the Pogues are classic too! Shane Macgowan has donkey teeth. Or did... once,” Aedan said.

Ephram spat in his hand and held it out. "Deal."

Aedan mimicked him and clapped his hand on Ephram’s. He immediately regretted it.

Ephram furrowed his brow after a moment. "Hey, bartender," he called. "A couple napkins here?..."

Maya shook her head, "And once again my theory that all men are really just twelve year old boys gets proven right." She turned her attention briefly to the rest of the room to see if anyone else she knew had arrived.

"Nothing beats a good washerwoman's sing-song whilst she's fulling cloth, neither of you will ever convince me of that" Fane tsked at the other two reaching for his glass to take a sip. Though the mention of Stonehenge made his inner historian ruffle if only because it was a generally held misconception "hey hey, stonehenge is a burial ground built by-- Neolithic Britonians not druids that's that damn antiquarian Stukeley's fault for that one."

Ephram paused in scrubbing the napkin against his palm to blink at Fane. "Uh. Okay, uh ... sorry?"

Fane waved his hand, not meaning any offence by it more just wishing to clarify a widely held false fact "doesn't matter point is god I hated Stukeley."

"Well then, in that case." Ephram lifted his glass. "Fuck Stukeley!" 

Maya laughed. "Fuck Stukeley!" she agreed raising her own glass as well.

Fane raised his glass in turn, "damn right, fuck that guy."

“Fuck everyone! Wait…” Aedan checked out for a moment, “I once got naked there, too. Who's gonna sing first?”

Ephram bellowed, "YOU!"

“Oh God above. I'm not going up unless I've got my Kirsty MacColl. And seeing as none of you seem to have the fluty pipes to pull her off, I won't be singing,” Aedan poked his tongue out and sipped his whiskey with a smug smirk.

"Yeah, it's going to be a no from me too," Maya replied with a shake of her head.

Ephram made a disappointed noise, but then rallied when he saw Ruby bopping around near the bar. "Hey, Ruby!" he shouted. "C'mere, sing a duet with this guy! He's nice, I promise!" Ephram patted Aedan's chest, assuring him, "You'll love 'er. We used to be a thing. Sweet girl."

Fane rolled his eyes at Aedan's refusal to sing "I might not be Kirsty MacColl but I'm game to sing a song with the famous Naked Irishman if no one else will."

“Looks like I have two offers, now,” Aedan seemed to sighed with a fake apathy, “I guess I'll have to, now. Don't I?”  He polished off his drink and stood, “So, which of you actually wants to get crucified with me?”

Fane knocked back the last of his glass, "Well, if I'm going down I'm totally going in a crown singing Queen."

Maya took a sip of her drink before saying, "Or going down swinging as I'm sure they say in the karaoke business."

Fane wagged a finger at Maya giving her a look. "Swinging or singing? 'Cause in my book those are two veeeery different activities..."

“You can sing what you want, but I think a Queen, Pogues mashup will make my ears and EYES bleed,” Aedan took a steadying breath and nodded, “And my grandparents were swingers.”

Maya tried and failed to stifle a laugh. "That was information I very much didn't need," she said, "But more power to them I suppose."

Fane clicked his tongue, "wow and there was me thinking it would be a goddamn amazing mashup-- but fine," he said in a long-suffering but joking sort of fashion. "Let me guess, Fairytale of New York?"

Miguel was quickly realizing that the silly and cozy image of him and Iann singing bad karaoke to each other wasn't going to be a reality. Or if it was, it was going to be a reality in front of a ton of people in a very full Inn. It wasn't the kind of crowd Miguel would sing in front of, but it was the kind of crowd he could knock back a few drinks with. At least he saw people he recognized. Including Fane, Ephram, and Maya. He slid up to them, trying to be nonchalant, a Moscow mule in one hand.

“Would I need a Kirsty if it weren't? C'mon Legolas, we're going,” Aedan beckoned Fane to join him on the now waiting stage.

"Have fun storming the castle," Maya said as Aedan and Fane headed towards the stage. At the sound of someone approaching she turned to see Miguel. "Hey Miguel," she said with a smile, "You here to grace us with a song?"

Fane scoffed under his breath "I'm clearly Aragorn thanks." Regardless he walked towards the stage and stepped up picking up a microphone and handing the other to Aedan as the system booted up. "Alright then, take the lead Shane."

Ruby was a bit late, but better that than never. She made her way through the crowd, shouldering up to the bar to order a drink before finding her friends.

Katarina didn't mind being by herself at the bar. She enjoyed watching the townspeople mingling. While she had been in town for several months she didn't know anyone all that well. She was brought out of her people watching by someone trying to reach the bar beside her. "Oh, sorry," she said to the brunette woman who she didn't recognize as she moved out of the woman's way.

Ruby waved at the others as she waited on her drink.

Miguel chuckled a little and smiled at Maya. "Not a chance in hell." He drank from his copper cup and smirked. "At least not until there's more alcohol in me."

Aedan swore under his breath and took the mic, “I swear to god, I'm blaming you if I die up here.” He cleared his throat and the intro music started up. The started to sing along to the song, loosening up with each word.

Fane stepped up on stage with a seemingly natural confidence his shoulders and body loose as he held the microphone. It was a full minute and a bit before the music cued up and Fane raised the microphone and while he was no Kirsty he hit the words and beats near perfectly for a first-time go swaying a little in time to the beat and grinning throughout the course of the verse.

"At least not until you have more alcohol in you?" Maya said with that mischievous glint in her eye. She turned to the bartender to say, "Vodka and make it a double." When it arrived she handed it to Miguel with a smile.

Both men were fantastic together. It helped that Aedan could pull off the accent and slurring tunefulness of a drunk man who could sing.

Miguel rolled his eyes, but he was grinning the whole time. He picked up the vodka without putting down his copper cup - he could double hand it. "Gee thanks, Maya." His eyes narrowed and he looked at the stage. "Is that Fane singing?"

Maya flashed him a brilliant smile, "You're welcome." She nodded at his question with a roll of her eyes, "There's a stage and music. Yes, its Fane singing," despite her eye rolling though there was a warmth to her tone.

Miguel sipped his vodka, then his mule, "Hmm, he doesn't sound half bad. Who's that other fella with him?"

Maya took a sip of her own drink too before replying. "Aedan," she said, "He's pretty new to town. Witch from Ireland."

Fane hooked an arm around Aedan's shoulders as they belted out the tune together, Aedan's drunken enthusiasm just feeding Fane's own enjoyment not that he particularly cared about being up on a stage in front of a crowd. He knew he could hold a tune after all. Eventually the song came to a close and Fane patted Aedan on the back. "See? No one died I'd say the Naked Irishman's making his comeback hey?"

"Aedan? Sounds pretty Irish." Miguel actually had no idea about anything having to do with Ireland, but it just seemed like one of those things that people would say. Besides it might help him remember the guy's name. As the song came to a close he put down his (two) drinks and clapped.

Aedan took the last few lines with a great enthusiasm, his singing background showing up. When they were done, he grinned over at Fane, “That remains to be seen! Back to the bar!”

"Ha! My sentiments entirely,” Fane said.

Ruby waited for her drink - the bartenders were working overtime tonight it seemed - and surveyed the crowd. She couldn't see the stage from where she was, but whoever was singing had a great voice. They both sounded vaguely familiar.

Katarina shook her head, "It's perfectly alright. I should probably move further into the crowd, but then I'd have to carry around an entire bottle of vodka." She gestured towards the bottle Ephram had bought or put on his husband's tab or the like. "You're right though. It is quite crowded in here," she added.

Maya gave Aedan a smile as he returned to the bar. "See from the way you resisted it I thought you were going to suck. I'm perfectly happy to be wrong though," she said, "Also have you met Miguel?"

Aedan gave Maya a huge grin, “I used to perform for pennies every one and a while. Use to. Meaning I didn't know if I would be any good. But Thank you.” He looked at Miguel and shook his head, “Can't say I've had the pleasure.”

Fane trailed back over a little time after Aedan and upon seeing Miguel's appearance broke out in a grin. "My main man, I was wondering where you'd gotten to."

Faye finally made it over to Stonefruit. The sitter had been running late, so she'd sent Fane on ahead, since there was no reason for them both to miss the beginning of things. She hung up her coat and headed into the crowd in search of Fane and their friends.

Miguel smiled at Aeden, the new witch, and held out his hand for a shake - a litmus test if there ever was one for other witches. "Nice to meet you." He glanced at Fane and grinned. "Main man? That's a new one. I like your sweater," he said easily. The love of Tolkien was something they shared.

Aedan took the offered hand and gave a shake. “Hello,” he turned back to his whiskey, wincing as someone sang Simply the Best onstage.

Maya sank a little bit into the background as the men introduced themselves. She used it as a chance to glance around and spotted Ruby at the bar, talking to the same blonde Aedan had been earlier. Her attention then turned to the stage to watch the next person.

Fane glanced around the group figuring they knew each other and then spotting Faye "well, since we're doing introductions I think you know Maya, my daughter, already if earlier is anything to go by--" He pointed out the other blonde witch across the room making her way through the crowd in a similar Lord of the Rings style jumper to his own his gaze growing far more affectionate. "And that gorgeous lady is the Faye you were hearing about earlier."

Miguel mulled the feel of Aeden's magic over for a few moments after the handshake, there was a feeling of mud, blood, and tree sap. It was a writhing chaotic feeling full of potential energy, but not quite kinetic. The image of roots tangled underground came to mind. His magic reminded Miguel of the feeling of his yet untrained niece. That was interesting. He filed the information away for a later date. And then he realized that he was still treating people like ingredients for a spell and his stomach rocked for a moment. It was time to stop doing that. But it had been his reason for playing nice and shaking hands for so long. Not knowing what else to due, Miguel quickly finished his vodka. No use being guilty and melancholy, might as well have fun.

Faye finally spotted who she was looking for and made her way over to Fane and Maya and a few others. "Hey..." she smiled, standing on her toes to kiss Fane's cheek before turning to the others. "I miss anythin' newsworthy?”

Aedan felt a wee bit disturbed by the sensation of shaking Miguel’s hand, immediately trying to tug away. He felt like he’d just been exposed of some bad secret. Instead, he gave one last swig of his whiskey, “Is this a karaoke or what?”

Ruby grinned at the blonde. "True enough. I'm Ruby, by the way. Are you new to town?"

Katarina smiled back, "My name's Katarina." She offered Ruby a hand to shake. "I suppose I'm fairly new to town. I arrived in September."

Fane slipped his arm around Faye's waist drawing her into his side and beaming after the buss to his cheek but taking a moment to kiss her properly in greeting. "Hello love, everything okay at home?" he murmured in her ear, voice soft when he spoke to her. Though while he cradled her against his side he looked back to the slightly disturbed look Aedan wore wondering what had happened after his introduction to Miguel. "Have you met Aedan? He's our new resident Naked Irishman."

Maya shook her head, "Not especially." She gave Fane a friendly swat on the arm, "Fane, I'm not sure Aedan wants us to resurrect his old nickname and certainly not until we also see him naked."

Miguel looked at Faye with big hopeful eyes. Her presence had started to soothe him ever since she got her original magic back. "Hi Faye," he said, smiling around his copper cup.

“Only way you're getting this Irishman naked is if you get him drunk-er,” Aedan waved for the barman to top his glass up. God, he was going to regret it in the morning.

Maya shook her head again, "You can't make it sound like a challenge, dude. The whole family can't resist a challenge."

“I am a very sore loser,” Aedan said.

"Everything's perfect," Faye said back just as softly. "And no, I haven't," Faye said a bit louder of Aedan. She glanced between the new face and Miguel's familiar one, smiling softly. "Hey, Miguel. Nice to meet you, Aedan."

Fane scoffed, "Well, I say if you have a title you should own it, especially if it's good enough to make a headline in a newspaper. Though I can't tell if that's a challenge or not, it certainly sounds like a challenge. His grin was sly and a tad playful, but in a relaxed and nonchalant fashion settled into the mood of making jokes and poking fun at people.

“Hello, Faye?” Aedan said, unsure if he caught Faye's name right. He then turned to Fane, “It might be a bloody challenge! I like being naked and I like being drunk.”

Maya shrugged, "Fair enough then. Challenge him away."

Miguel turned his head and took a moment to appreciate Faye's LotR jumper. Then he took a second look at Maya's sweater. "Wow, did all three of you plan your outfits?"

Faye nodded at Aedan. "Faye's right, and you should listen to her," she said of Maya. "Don't make challenges around this lot..." she grinned.

Ruby shook Katarina's hand. "Nice to meet you." She nodded, thinking back on what she had been doing in September, and couldn't quite remember. So much had happened. Her drink finally came, and Ruby gestured to the crowd with it. "Big turnout."

Katarina nodded, "It is nice to meet you as well." She turned to glance at the crowd. A few people out of the crowd she'd recognized, but not terribly many. "Yes, it is," she agreed, "Have you come to sing?"

Fane snapped his fingers and pointed them at Aedan, "well, then everyone deserves another drink if that's how this is going to go." Though he grinned at Miguel's question wiggling his fingers at his friend, "well, we did" he gestured to Faye and himself "but that one was a total awesome coincidence," he pointed at Maya's, "and shows that we totally are related and have awesome taste.”

Ruby nearly choked on her drink as she heard the words 'naked and drunk' used in rapid succession. She coughed as she turned to Katarina again. "I'll probably sing yeah. It's pretty much the only talent I have..." she laughed.

Faye nodded at Miguel. "A holiday party without matching sweaters? Never," Faye laughed.

Aedan cheered and raised his glass. He was only a few drinks away from being very stupid.

Maya had to pipe up. "In the interest of not confusing you later, we' re not actually related. I'm their adopted kid, but clearly they picked the right weird adult to take in.

Katarina waited a moment as Ruby regained her composure. The words at least didn't appear to phase her. At her old job she'd heard far worse and far more often. "Did someone tell you that?" she asked.

"Me? Oh... no," Ruby shook her head. "It's just... it's the only thing I'm really good at. Ain't I bad thing I guess. I'd rather be real good at one thing than shit at a dozen of 'em."

Katarina considered Ruby's statement. She could understand it on its face. For a great many years, she had worked hard to be remarkably good at one thing at the exclusion of others. However, she would never say she was only truly good at ballet. It certainly wasn't true these days. She didn't think any of the other ballerinas were that way either. However Ruby was a stranger and hadn't asked for Katarina to boost her ego. "I suppose," she said, "Is there a particular style you excel in?"

Miguel glanced between the (adult) 'mother' and (adult) 'child' and smiled warmly. He loved this silly family. "Maybe Maya and Faye should go sing a song together, since Fane's already done his."

"Related," Faye stage-whispered to Miguel, making a circle with her finger to indicate the three of them. "Oh, I missed it? Damn." Faye gave a mock pout. "You'll just have to do another one then. Maya... wanna sing?" She gave the other woman a poke in the arm.

"I super don't. Thanks for asking," Maya replied to Faye, trusting that the older woman would understand her issue was with the activity not with Faye herself.

Aedan checked an email from his work and was tempted to drunkenly reply. He didn’t though, simply because he couldn’t tolerate drunk typing.

Fane looked at Maya and then Faye with a proud happy sort of affection that might just be overly sappy regardless. "I might need some convincing to go again, but if anyone can manage that it's you..." Though he looked at the others in the group "you guys planning on coming by the Yule festivities at mine later in the week?"

“I am,” Aedan said, not looking up from his phone.

“Alright then, I'll just have to go all alone then..." But Faye wouldn't press Maya to do something she wasn't comfortable with. "Though I need a few more drinks before I get up there."

Ruby shrugged. "Not really. I just... sing what I like. I guess I'm better at... folk songs though?"

Katarina sipped her vodka. From what she could tell Ruby was not a classically trained singer. If she was she would probably have a preferred genre. The knowledge didn't make Katarina think less of Ruby, only differently. "Ah, I apologize if I sound interrogating," she said, "I've known many musicians and always found them interesting to talk to."

"No, it's alright, I don't mind," Ruby didn't consider herself a musician, and she certainly wasn't classically trained as Katarina realized. It was simply something she'd always been able to do. "Are you a musician?" Ruby asked.

Katarina shook her head, "No. I'm a dancer."

"Oh, a dancer? What kind?" Ruby asked, clearly interested.

Katarina smiled, always happy to talk about her dancing, "I was a ballerina for most of my life, but until recently I was a stripper."

Ruby hummed around her drink at Katarina's answer, not blinking an eye as the other woman said she'd gone from ballerina to stripper. "What made you stop? Either of them? If you don't mind me askin'? "Though feel free to tell me to be quiet. I sometimes forget that most folks that come to town are here for a reason. And not always good ones." 

Katarina finished off the rest of her vodka before speaking. "I was asked to leave the company and there was a bit of an unfortunate situation in Portland that was easiest to solve permanently with my leaving," she answered. It wasn't a terribly specific answer, but it was technically a fully one.

"But," Maya added, "Miguel, you said you might sing once we got you drunk enough. In which case you could be Faye's duet buddy."

Miguel coughed on his Moscow mule and looked at his friends. If Faye wanted to sing with him... maybe... it could be fun. He didn't feel drunk enough, but he trusted Faye and Maya enough not to make fun of him. "Maaaybe."

"Duet!" Faye said, pointing at Miguel. "I love it!"

Miguel sighed but put his drink down and got up. There was no fighting it. "Alright, duet."

Maya cheered as Miguel gave in to her suggestion, "Yay duet!"

Faye downed the rest of her drink and handed it to Fane, asking for another as he said he was going to the bar. She linked her arm with Miguel, giving him a squeeze. "What'd'you wanna sing, partner?"

Miguel blinked and his mind froze. All he could think of were show tunes, and none of them duets. Okay the duet from wicked, but his voice had (thank god) dropped enough that THAT song wasn't very possible. "Uhm... I can't think of any songs. You pick."

"I'm sorry," Ruby said, genuinely sympathetic. "Sometimes though... leavin's easier. Unfortunately." She took a long pull of her drink. "What d'you do now? In town that is?"

Katarina gave a slight shrug, “I’m not sure yet. I’ve been dancing my whole life and thought it might be time to consider other careers.” 

Ruby hummed. "Nothin' wrong with that. I've done... hell... six or seven different things since I got here? Only startin' to settle just recently on what I think I wanna do."

If Katarina was perfectly honest she wasn't entirely concerned what Ruby thought of the fact at the moment the former ballerina wasn't doing anything at the moment. It was kind of Ruby to say it anyway. "What is it that you finally settled on?" Katarina asked.

Ruby hadn't commented to get any particular reaction or response from the blonde. It was merely her own thoughts, probably more related to her own issues with finding a steady job than anything. "I think I'd like to be a PI. Find missing people

Katarina was about to respond when Sonya, her fox familiar, came running up to her. With a smile she picked Sonya up and placed the fox on her lap. "привет, где ты был," she asked. The fox yipped to tell Katarina that she had been exploring. Turning back to Ruby, she asked, "You wish to be a private investigator rather than a detective? Is there any reason for this?"

"You're gonna let me pick? Really?" Faye hummed thoughtfully. "Okay... first off... what do you absolutely not wanna sing?"

Miguel thought a minute but could only come up with a joke. "Anything from Sesame Street."

Faye grinned, "Don't think I won't..."

Miguel laughed and unlinked their arms so he could straighten up and take one of the microphones. "Whatever you'd like Faye, really."

Faye took the other microphone and grinned over at Miguel. "We'll knock their socks off no matter what we sing..."

Ruby smiled down at the little fox at Katarina picked her up. She was getting better at picking out the species by scent, but with so many people around tonight, it was hard. "Hello, lovely," Ruby smiled, acknowledging the little fox before she looked back to Katarina. "Let's just say a good friend inspired me," Ruby grinned, thinking of another fairy she knew. And missed.

"Ah, I forgot, people here know about familiars," Katarina said, "This is Sonya." She scratched the creature behind its ears. For her part Sonya looked over at Ruby and after deciding that she was more interested in her fairy's vodka started trying to drink that. With a good natured roll of her eyes she requested another glass from the bartender. "I assume this friend was a private investigator?" she asked, just to be sure.

"Nice to meet you, Sonya," Ruby said, grinning as the little fox started drinking the alcohol from the fairy's glass. Familiars were singular creatures, and Ruby didn't mind that the vodka was more interesting. "And she was, yeah," Ruby nodded. "She's a journalist now."

TBC

#[christmas 2018] #[bars in bars] #ephram pettaline #fane savin #faye andrews #aedan o'ruaidh #miguel ojeda #ruby devereaux #katarina romanova #//night one as in Thursday Dec 20 #bellamy barnes

[tevotbegotnaught]

Dubov's Last Jump-off pt 2

During the second rehearsal, Dubov made a pitch. He sent Mo Bedbug, still ambulatory, out to meet the manager of the club. Mo returned with an unshaven young white dude in a skinny black suit. Sitting next to Dubov, the guy crossed his legs, knit his brow and listened amiably. Dubov giddily introduced our Italian medley, emphasizing a tie-in with the restaurant's cuisine and making labored gangster allusions. It was incomprehensible he needed to sell this guy on a twenty-minute cover band set. Dubov, an early investor in the club and its parent business, for years treated the room as his semi-private, gentleman's lounge. After a fifteen minute pitch, skinny suit shook everyone’s hand and left. Our brain trust never mentioned him again. The gig was on.

Start time begat a long text chain from Mo, who never included Dubov in band communications. Mo planned on 11, a typical agent strategy to cover client indecision and get the talent in early. The musicians fought back. Dubov, who planned to wait for a packed house, asked for 12:30. The club needed every available inch for patrons and countered with 12. Mo just wanted to get back to Bushwick and relax with a cannabis nitecap. The negotiations whipsawed me, so I deleted everything, waited, then asked Mo to set a time, any time. Eventually, he confirmed midnight.

The club was two stories above the restaurant, a ridiculously over-priced Italian joint. First, I passed a velvet rope, manned by two pro-wrestler types: a white guy with a clipboard and black guy with folded arms. Then a metal staircase wrapped in bird crap-splattered canvas. Violent winds compressed that sheath, its seams popping and wheezing. Designed by Escher, the whole construction ended in a tiny doorway. Inside: goldleaf, massive chandeliers, potted palms and huge paintings of Ché and Vieja Havana. Cubanismo for cool kids. In lieu of a bandstand, we’d play just inside the entrance. The club’s heating system was set to neutralize the constant temperature flux of a swinging door and accommodate scantily clad faux club-kids. It felt like standing in front of a burning building with wind whipping off a glacier just behind.

In a stairwell above the club, the singers were doing dance warmups and gabbing. At the top of the stairs, a narrow hall and off it, an open room. A typical multi-use restaurant space, it combined security camera bank, liquor/wine storage, and business office. While I changed, inches away a stone-faced manager clicked a mouse and slipped Hennessy. Straightening my tie as I walked down the steps, the girls stopped their preparations to hug me and wish me luck. I’d been onstage with legends and countless gifted, dynamic professionals, but they clearly knew my good fortune had run out.

Downstairs, a half-dozen tall beautiful young women provided table service. Their uniform: short tuxedo jacket, ruffled white shirt and hot pants. Our waitress towered six feet without her skyscraper heels. She told us we could order one free alcoholic drink only after our set, then brought a tray crammed with liter bottles of sparkling water. The drink menu priced them at 20 bucks each. Before we played a note, Dubov handed her a three-hundred dollar tip, not necessarily for professional competence.

Pianist schlepped a small keyboard from home, rigged it on a shaky rack, then piled music on our stands; 13 pages for the horns, double that for him. He leaned over and said gravely, "play the parts, I know they’re correct, but no matter what, follow the singers"

Stage left, in the corner of a long, plush couch, Margherita sat on Dubov’s lap. He fingered his phone while she giggled and tapped her heels on the tile floor. A drum kit squeezed into the corner. Above the drums, on a chalk board, Mo had written “THE NEW YORKERS", the name Dubov chose for his new act. When the ladies introduced themselves, their repartee descended to self-parody as neither was from anywhere near New York.

Off icy slopes, night lifers entered in twos and threes. The clientele wasn’t so hip; tourist families with matching college hoodies, brittle couples on awkward dates, girls’ night cliques chugging twenty-five dollar Cosmos. As the room filled up, our show, 15 minutes of music fluffed with patter and mugging, attracted scant attention. Singers lost the form in "Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy". The concept of instrumental solos never made sense to them, anyway. Pianist gave a sweeping gesture which they made a two bar rest. Then we returned to "Uptown Funk", their theme, and took our bows. The singers were sweaty and happy, replaying their foibles and firsts. Mlle Unitard made the trip to watch her student perform. Mo was pleased, mainly because Dubov was satisfied. When I said goodnight, Mo asked if I sent my invoice to Dubov’s people. Did I cc him, as well? They were doing PayPal to him. Then, he would PayPal us.

After the first night, a tabloid picked up our story. Photos of Dubov, a sexy young girl in his lap, rock-skipped across the world. A major US daily quoted one ‘Margherita Slice’ about Dubov: "I feel sad. Really sad. So many lies out there about a good guy. He just really helps people". The article also mentioned Karolina as "former girlfriend". The other musicians sent me links to more stories.

Night two was even colder, freight train winds slammed the car as I drove across the Brooklyn Bridge. When I gave the palooka at the door my name, he ran a bare fingertip down his clipboard list.

"Nope. Don’t see it"

I told him Dubov’s name, he didn’t speak nor look up, unlatching the rope just enough for me to get through. Upstairs, on a couch, the girls sipped wine with Mo. He wore Chucks and an ankle-length black denim coat hand-painted with spray-can graffiti.” The New Yorkers” rocked stilettos and sparkly gowns, showing plenty of cleavage. No Dubov. Mo took me aside. Despite excellent English, Mo’s voice hummed and burbled unintelligibly, a weedhead’s inheritance.

Last night's show was great, he said. Pianist would update me on set changes for tonite . Management asked Dubov to stay away. They didn’t want more attention. He shook his head. “About payment…PayPal fees are outrageous!” He was scandalized.” I think Harry's people don’t have to pay them. So, can I just send you a check? I’ll need your address. Email me everything, ok?”

I fired off the email from my phone and waited near the door, dressed, instrument packed. A young woman in business attire approached me and asked what i was doing. I told her. She was a manager, concerned about our start time. I referred her to Mo. “I already talked to him" she said, annoyed. With supreme elegance and efficiency, she turned quarter-profile away and lit a cigarette, an indoor action so provocative (and potentially expensive), my mouth gaped. The cigarette burned at arm length while she listed all the problems created by our little three-night clambake. Her woes made sense, though I couldn’t offer concrete help.

While the singers primped, Mo introduced me to Julie, Dubov's assistant, recipient of my payroll emails. A solid, small-town gal in a dark pantsuit, she seemed pained when we discussed her duties. Possibly, she saw her job disappearing soon beneath a judge’s gavel.

We went on shortly after. The Friday night room packed quickly. Frat boys took pictures using the singers as foils: Karolina, busy singing her heart out; Margherita, a good sport with plenty of downtime. An undertow of high-pitched shrieks, bro-signifying and cackling swamped the music. Absent a PA with a dedicated set of monitors, we had to deal with it.

Our set worked a bit better and a bit worse than the first night. After, the ladies told us we sounded great and thanked us. We said the same to them. Mo was sleepily effusive and told us: I gave Dubov a good report; there's food waiting for you; one more night to go!

Trumpet player and I took the indoor stairs down. A gigantic man stood watch at the first floor. He heard us coming and stepped aside. At the window, our meals sat ready, packed for a Himalayan trek. We grabbed them and headed through the restaurant. Even at one am, diners lingered over remnants of their meals. On the sidewalk, street signs bombilated in the wind and trash scuttled under parked cars. By the velvet rope and its snaking supplicants, an idling black SUV. In the passenger seat, Dubov hunched over a phone screen, its blue nimbus around his puffy brow and eyes, mouth lost in shadow.

[theonceoverthinker]

Crazy Ex-Girlfriend: Top Ten Season 1 Songs

Welcome back to the third of my eight list discussing the various numbers of Crazy-Ex Girlfriend. As I’m sure you know by the title, today, I’m covering the best of Season 1!

This was a damn near IMPOSSIBLE list to make. Seasons 1 and 3 are stuffed to the brim with not only good musical numbers, but GREAT musical numbers! Many of these songs are classic staples that are to this day celebrated as the best of the series and cutting down my top picks into ten entries was anything but easy. 

Now, if you’ve seen my past lists, you’ll know that bit songs (Songs that clock in at or below one minute and fifteen seconds) as well as reprises and theme songs are ineligible because they have lists of their own. No, this list is celebrating the meatiest of meat songs!

So let’s get to it!

10. Cold Showers

I know that this isn’t exactly the most popular song choice, nor is it really as character-infused as other numbers, but hey, it’s number 10 for a reason. I love this number. “Trouble” from the Music Man is one of my favorite show tunes from that time period and this song acts as a great homage to it. You see the absurd reaches that Rebecca goes for with just a lack of hot water to go on. And because of that, here we get to see the charisma that makes Rebecca such a good lawyer on full display. While she’s great at creating awkward situations, she also knows what makes people ticks and just how to exploit those fears. And we get to see all three major parties of the Whitefeather Law Office working together. We see just how good of a team they are and how well Daryl and Paula support Rebecca’s talents, showing how Daryl managed to own his own law firm and foreshadowing Paula’s desire to be a lawyer. Additionally, I love high energy songs and this song has a stellar rhythm that chugs along and builds all the way to the ending! It’s like being at a New Years Eve party and you’re seeing all of the energy circulating as people watch the ball drop! Overall, this is just a fun number that allows for some cute character moments and fun dynamics, and that’s why I love it!

9. After Everything I’ve Done For You (That You Didn’t Ask For)

Paula might just be my favorite character in the series, and when she gets a phenomenal number, she knocks it out of the frack-a-lacking park! And here, getting the last main character number of the season, she leaves the season on a memorable as heck! I love numbers that allow Paula to just BELT. Donna has a chest-heavy voice like myself and Gabrielle and when she gets to do that, her songs go from good to great! Okay, but I can go on about the singing forever, so let’s talk about the number. All season, we’ve been building towards this flip of the perception of craziness between our two female leads. While Rebecca’s been learning more about herself and the world, connecting with Greg, and realizing the harm she’s doing to both Josh and Valencia, Paula...hasn’t. She hasn’t had that level of growth and instead of distancing herself from Rebecca’s love life, she’s infused her identity with it and her perceived “right guy.” And here, that all comes to a head. Just as Rebecca seems on the verge of her own real stride towards reciprocated romance and happiness, Paula’s blasts at her with displays of insanity. We are freaked out -- though on some level, unsurprised by the increasingly absurd lengths Paula’s gone to to push Rebecca and Josh closer together, so much so that Rebecca becomes less of a friend to her as something of a reality TV star. Because of that, the song homage to “Rose’s Turn” hits its bulls-eye so well and to this day remains as a striking number in the series that I love!

8. West Covina

West Covina is a straight up spectacle! From the visual gags (My personal favorite of which is the “Josh” sign from right before she leaves New York) to the giant group number to the funny lyrics, how could this NOT make the list? Just like Rebecca’s journey, there’s more nuance to the song as a whole. First, musically, I love how the song builds up. We hear the music build from light orchestrations to light woodwinds to a swelling band! Second, just as the music builds up, we see the company grow from just Rebecca to bits of the people she encounters along the way to the band and finally, to everyone she encountered in the number. Third, the song is just funny. The deep denial Rebecca digs herself into is complemented marvelously by the visual gags and her non-substantive interactions with the people of West Covina. It’s hilarious seeing how Rebecca romanticizes an initially mundane if not a little gross town, producing magic out of insurance signs and anime wigs! You can tell that it’s a stretch, but one that’s not too hard and shows that just as much as moving to West Covina was a poorly thought out idea, it was also a necessary change that benefits Rebecca in some ways from the moment she arrives here. Finally, while I can’t say for sure if the creators knew how important pretzels would be towards the end of Rebecca’s journey, the benefit of hindsight gives this scene a retroactive bit of foreshadowing that’s really awesome, on top of it already being a random, but not nonsensical set piece! I don’t even think you need me to explain this number any further. You know that it attracted your eyes to this show like a fly to a lamp: It sure did it for me! But thankfully, there’s so much more substance to it that made this number a permanent classic of the series!

7. JAP Battle

I grew up in a very Jewish community. Because of that, I got literally every joke that was made and they made me laugh hard! But referential jokes aren’t enough to make a list and here, they’re just the toppings of a stellar number! And thankfully, I feel like the references don’t have to be fully understood in order for those not acquainted as strongly with Jewish communities, which makes the number more accessible. I discussed in my top reprises how the JAP Battle reprise showed a more positive outlook on Rebecca and Audra’s frenemyship, but that’s only as strong a point as it is because this was the song that it mirrored. The vehement frustration and one upping that these two spend the song doing is so childish and petty, but hilarious in its execution. It sucks you right into their rivalry.  There’s also some great visual components here. Just like the rap numbers of the 80′s and 90′s, there is this low quality aspect layered onto what the camera captured, making the number so dynamic and interesting! Additionally, both Rebecca and Audra’s backup dancers add a layer of personality to the number. Daryl, Paula, and Josh are more confused by the references that the rivals are making, but are far more energetic towards Rebecca’s attacks, contrasting Audra’s posse nicely as the more subdued, but knowledgeable group. It builds on the tensions of this case and adds additional characterization to the two teams, especially Audra’s. Finally, there’s just a great rhythm to this number. It’s not stagnant, but there is a consistency as the number progresses through all types of twists and turns, and that’s not always easy to do! This is a great song and has more than earned its place here!

Want to know 6-1? Meet me under the cut!

6. I’m The Villain In My Own Story

Just as Naomi will always be a Camp Kavetcha girl, I will always be a Disney girl! And while there were two numbers that really evoke that good ole Disney feel (This and “One Indescribable Instant”), the visual gags and elaborate witch set piece give this number the ultimate advantage between the two. And who doesn’t love a good villain song? Is the number on the nose? Yes, but in that good way where it’s still entertaining. Okay, let’s talk about the number! First, I like the narrative significance of the song. While maybe a touch too hard on herself, Rebecca’s taking a real step forward as she realizes how she’s gone way too far in her efforts to make Josh fall for her. She’s hurting Valencia --  someone who, while not nice, is a relative innocent in all of this and is someone who loves Josh and has put real effort into their relationship! That kind of storytelling really turns the narrative on its heels in a nuanced way! Second, as I said before, I like the visual gags and set pieces that the number has, particularly the witch’s house. The green and purple lighting really adds to that over-the-top sinister feeling that’s plaguing Rebecca and the cage, cauldron, and shelves in the background only help to make it so striking and funny! And I LOVE the poster that Rebecca’s in the corner of! Third...I don’t know how the show does it, but they have to have some kind of machine where the writers throw in a bunch of songs and it spits out the most spot on parodies and homages. That’s not to diminish or throw shade at the show writers, but to give credit to just how unbelievably talented they are! Like, how did they do this?! The slow and devious melody of the song just steeps itself in all things evil! But honestly, seeing as how this is only number six here, they’re just that good! 

5. Settle For Me

This is probably Greg’s most famous number. It’s certainly the song that comes to mind when I think of him, and I get the feeling I’m not alone here. I still remember the initial ad for this song’s episode and how the lyrics were jumbled in the promo (For admittedly good reason)! But enough about how memorable the number is -- let’s talk about WHY the number is memorable! First, the music. This number is so smooth. The old classical/showtune/sort-of-jazz genre suits Santino so well, gliding us through the song just as Greg glides Rebecca across the dance floor. Second, the lyrics are just plain funny! Unlike a song like “What’ll It Be?” Greg’s self loathing is played for laughs and it really works. The lyrics as well as Santino’s more tongue-and-cheek delivery invites the audience to join in on the joke and see Greg asking Rebecca out so meekly as funny. The bridge especially gets the audience in this perfect state of discomfort where we’re stopped from completely supporting this song despite how nice it sounds and take a step back for a moment to reflect on what we’re listening to and realize that this ship still has a long way to go. And that’s furthered by Rebecca reflecting on how practical Greg is as a choice -- something is still terribly off about them, so we shouldn’t get as swept up in this romance as the nice music asks us to do. It’s at once really good musical work as well as great character work and it’s something to be truly admired! And that’s why this song settles itself at the number 5 spot!

4. Women Gotta Stick Together

Toxic masculinity has really messed us up. In addition to all of the other horrors that women have to go through, it’s also put us in spots where we feel the need to compare ourselves to other females, both positively and negatively. That’s where Valencia comes in. Valencia is a character who has been so clearly molded to be what society perceives the “ideal” woman to be, and this number presents us bluntly with the consequences of that. Even initial attempts at feminism are completely undermined by a desire -- whether conscious or not -- to sabotage each other. The song is so cruel, and like “Settle For Me,” it invites the audience to be a part of the joke while also clearly not condoning the lyrics. The selectivity of Valencia’s views on sisterhood and other women as a whole is so overt as to be absurd. We clearly don’t believe in the lyrics of this song, but Valencia at this point in the series absolutely does -- making this such effective characterization for her. It’s not just Rebecca that got under her skin, but there’s a much deeper layer to how she feels about other women. That makes this such a strong character moment for Valencia, stronger than possibly any other one. Also, I love how Gabrielle gets to use her diaphragm here. Like I mentioned earlier, she has a chest-heavy voice and her best numbers utilize that. It complements the acoustics of this song so well, allowing for this nice balance of voice and instruments! And the lyrics contrast well with the kind of music that female empowerment songs are often sung to! Finally, I love the background jokes in this number. We see that every woman just dampens after Valencia insults them. And remember when Valencia tattled on that one woman whose boyfriend cheated on her with her best friend? If you keep an eye on them for the rest of that extended shot, you see that they’re still fighting about it! Overall, this is just a great number!

3. What’ll It Be?

"What’ll It Be?” does something for me that other Greg songs tend not to -- rather than just list things Greg hates, it contextualizes Greg’s disillusionment with everything in his life -- his distaste West Covina, his self loathing, and his fears for the future. This song presents all you need to know about who Greg is. And honestly, it does more to garner sympathy for Greg than any other number he stars in. The tone of desperation, frustration, and the desire to be able to more inwardly reflect is present throughout the song and is tough to witness, especially considering how Greg nearly escaped, but had to deny himself what he thinks would make him happy. I’m sure we’ve all had these moments where we needed to hold onto some larger part of our lives that we wanted to be rid of...just because that’s what being an adult means. And we ask ourselves if this is going to be the rest of our life and not be able to give a positive answer. I think this number succeeds in showing how we often feel about these moments -- just like this song is a ballad and not an angry number like “I Could If I Wanted To,” we’re not mad at anyone because it’s not really anyone’s specific fault -- it’s just life. Over the course of this song, we get a sense of what he wants out of life just as much as we go over once again what he doesn’t want. This is basically a Disney Princess song sung in the style of a Billy Joel number -- and by virtue of being a New Yorker, I really love Billy Joel! The homage is clear through the musical presentation, the melody, and the sense of melancholy that fills the number. The piano practically invites us to listen to Greg -- as if we were the bartender listening to him. And that’s what it does -- really has the audience listen to who Greg is. And because of that character work, it’s here at number 3!

2. The Sexy Getting Ready Song

Just like “Women Gotta Stick Together,” this song unashamedly presents a detailed picture of what the patriarchy has put women through in search of that “ideal.” I’d say that this is more effective for two reasons. First, it is a LOT more graphic than “Women Gotta Stick Together.” All manner of things that women do for men and the physical pain that’s caused in that endeavor are shown to us. We see “ass blood,” the multitude of hair, makeup, and skin care products that women use, and the difficulty of putting and keeping on spanx. Secondly, we see that contrast between women and men. First, it’s shown through the “let’s see how the guy get ready” joke where Greg is casually sleeping on his couch, showing that contrast between the expectations of women and men. We also see it with the rapper, and I like this more because we get to see this guy’s reactions. From the rapper’s few lines, we can tell that he was someone who overtly oppressed women to at least some degree (Not the worst guy -- he knew one of the ladies he worked with wanted to go to college -- but definitely in need of a perspective change), and when he sees how much women have to go through, he immediately resolves to change his ways. That’s not only funny, but really highlights just how unfair it is for women in this world to look the way that men often want us to look. But let’s talk about the number musically. I love the use of R&B music here. It has this smooth romantic feel to it, which makes the twist of how gross the number gets so funny! And it maintains and embodies that feeling throughout the song. It’s like someone hearing the funniest joke in the world, but still performing a eulogy in a completely appropriate tone. The number itself feels like a champ! And that’s why it’s here!

1. Getting Bi

This song is not just good -- it’s actually revolutionary. It’s a giant middle finger to the mainstream media’s depiction of bisexuality and its very essence fight every bit of how fiction bisexual have been shown for forever. Bi contrast (pun intended), his number is so PROUDLY full of Bi energy! From the costuming (Daryl’s in purple while his background dancers are in pink and blue) to the flag in the background to the very title of the song, this song SHOUTS at the audience that bisexuality is a thing. And not only that but it then proceeds to shoot down every harmful stereotype about bisexual people! It’s so comprehensive, talking about feelings about sex to a lack of confusion about his orientation to decrying slut shaming to blowing up any notion that his bisexuality is in any way a phase! This is basically the unacknowledged anthem for bisexuality! And honestly, sometimes a number is the best because of what it means more than how much I like it...BUT that having been said, I love this song more than any other season 1 number! I love the Huey Lewis and the News feel to it! I love how Daryl has a trumpet and this casual suit! I love the lighting and how it makes me feel like I’m at an 80′s concert! This number is so energetic! There’s some humor to it with Daryl’s uncomfortable co-workers. And you can tell that it’s not a matter of anything like homophobia, but jsut because Daryl’s constantly in the show’s top 5 most extra characters and right now, he’s at an 18 when he needs to come back to a 7. BUT as an audience, we’re having fun with Daryl’s song and want to see it play out! I talked about the presentation, but I did want to discuss the cuts from “our world” to the “abstract theatre space” world. The lines really blur in this number because of the lighting in the office and Daryl’s dance moves. And I like it because it shows how colorful and happy Daryl feels about this revelation. It’s such a spirited and comfortable coming out and it makes the number feel like it’s a big grand party that we’re all invited to! ALSO, it has a pun for a title! Do I need to explain any more? No, I do not!

That’s my top ten list for you! Thoughts? Let me know! This took a lot longer to make, so let’s hope my foray into Season 2 won’t be as long! See you then!

#crazy ex-girlfriend #cxg #rebecca bunch #greg sorrano #paula proctor #valencia perez #daryl whitefeather

[newssplashy]

Paetyn, an impish 1-year-old, has two fathers. One of them gave birth to her.

As traditional notions of gender shift and blur, parents and children like these are redefining the concept of family.

Paetyn’s father Tanner, 25, is a trans man: He was born female but began transitioning to male in his teens and takes the male hormone testosterone.

“I was born a man in a female body,” he said.

His partner and Paetyn’s biological father is David, 35, a gay man.

Their daughter, they agree, is the best thing that ever happened to them.

“She’ll grow up in a very diverse home,” David said. “We surround her with people who are different.”

In addition to their day jobs — David works at an insurance exchange, Tanner at an auto-parts store, a cleaning service and a bar — Paetyn’s fathers are both drag performers at a local club near their home in upstate New York. To protect their privacy, only their first names are being used.

Trans men have conceived on purpose, but Tanner isn’t one of them. In his case, it happened by accident after he missed a few doses of testosterone, and he didn’t suspect he was pregnant until the morning sickness hit. It was a shock, but he and David said that from the start, there was no doubt that they wanted the baby.

“We get to have a child that’s biologically ours, which is an opportunity a lot of people in our community don’t have,” David said.

The first time they saw the fetal heartbeat on ultrasound, they wept.

“I can still see it as clear as day in my head,” David said. “It was a life-changing moment.”

Tanner said, “On the first one, she looked like a little peanut. Next time, boom! It was a baby. You could see the spine and everything. It was so cool. I saw her hands, and it was like, ‘You’ll be a drummer or learn sign language.’ It blew my mind.”

Tanner had to stay off testosterone until the birth, but he had no interest in ever identifying as female again or dressing as a woman.

“Yeah, I’m a pregnant man,” he told friends and acquaintances. “What? I’m pregnant. I’m still a man. You have questions? Come talk to me. You have a problem with it? Don’t be in my life.”

Starting in his teens, Tanner’s transition from female to male had been a series of steps over a number of years. As a child, he was a tomboy who preferred boys as friends and played tackle football. “I always felt different,” he said.

Puberty, and the changes that came with it — especially the developing breasts — were torture. Suddenly, he was no longer allowed to play outside without a shirt. His first bra, a happy rite of passage for most girls, brought him to tears.

He began struggling with anxiety and depression connected to “gender dysphoria,” the sense that his body and outward gender did not match his identity.

“It’s a constant battle,” he said. “Being uncomfortable in your own skin makes for a negative life. You’re suffocating in your own body.”

He felt attracted to girls, but had been brought up to believe that being gay was wrong. Still, he came out as bisexual during his freshman year of high school, and then as what he called a butch lesbian.

During his freshman year in college, he saw a drag king performance for the first time — women performing as men — and thought, “I need to do that.”

He tried it — and sensed he’d found his identity at last. To hide his breasts while performing, he would wrap his chest painfully tight in duct tape.

He began to transition socially — to live as a man, asking friends and family to refer to him as he or him. After a year, he began taking testosterone. Gradually, his voice dropped, facial hair grew in, his periods stopped, his neck and jaw thickened, and his body fat shifted, giving him a more masculine build. It felt right.

“When you transition, you’re free,” he said. “It was the best decision of my life.”

He did not expect to fall in love with a man, but that is exactly what happened with David, a longtime friend — who had not quite envisioned himself with a trans man as a partner.

“David came out of left field,” Tanner said.

Tracing his own path — from bisexual to lesbian, drag king, trans man, gay man, pregnant man — Tanner laughed and said, “I’m literally every letter of LGBTQ.”

David and Tanner have a big network of friends and family — straight, gay, trans and every other possible variation — but both have encountered hostility in their hometown often enough to make them wary.

As his belly expanded into its unmistakable shape, Tanner spent more and more time at home, fearful that out on the street, the sight of a pregnant man would invite trouble. And, he said, “I just didn’t want to be judged.”

When he did go out, he wore an enormous black hoodie of David’s. “That hid it well,” he said.

He had always hated his breasts, even before transitioning, and as they swelled with pregnancy, he wore a tight sports bra to try to conceal them.

“The chest, that was what really messed with my head,” he said.

As fathers to be, they got some of their most enthusiastic congratulations from the drag world — the regulars at the club where both men perform, dancing and lip-syncing, Tanner as a drag king and David as a sassy, 6-foot-tall drag queen in a tight skirt and size 12-wide high heels.

Tanner, fluent in sign language, signs the lyrics as well — Bruno Mars, Michael Jackson and Pentatonix are among his favorites — and has a big following among deaf drag fans.

Apart from home, his only real comfort zone while pregnant was the bar where he and David performed.

At first, Tanner hoped the baby would be a boy.

“I thought it would be easier for me,” he said. “I’m not in tune with being feminine anymore. I’ll have to explain the transition. I don’t want her to feel that being female is a bad thing. ‘Dad used to be a girl. Now he’s not.’ I don’t want her to feel being a girl is wrong and you have to transition to fit in.”

They had one baby shower at a rented cabin and another at the club, with more than 150 guests, who gave so many diapers that Tanner and David didn’t have to buy any for months. They asked for books, as well, and got enough to fill a bookcase.

Being pregnant was difficult. “I didn’t enjoy it,” Tanner said. “I kept to myself.”

In the obstetrician’s waiting room, other patients, especially older women, gave him strange looks.

He spent most of the pregnancy fighting nausea and heartburn and was put on bed rest for the last trimester. Toward the end, he developed pre-eclampsia, a dangerous complication that landed him in the hospital — a man on the maternity floor.

He had pounding headaches and saw spots before his eyes; his blood pressure shot up to 187/111. The only cure for that condition is to deliver the baby.

It was not an easy birth. Doctors began to induce labor on a Friday, and Tanner struggled through labor all weekend. He had an epidural while watching the Super Bowl. It did not work.

On Monday, monitors suddenly showed the baby’s heart rate slowing, and doctors rushed him to the operating room for an emergency cesarean.

“Do you want to cut the cord?” a nurse asked David.

“They gave me scissors, and it felt like cutting a rubber band,” he said. “Then they gave Tanner the baby, and we cried.”

Tanner recalled thinking, ‘This is not real life. It’s some crazy soap opera.’ He felt close to passing out, but struggled to stay conscious. “It was awesome. Happy awesome.”

On the birth certificate, he is identified as Paetyn’s mother, something that he and David hope eventually to have changed so that they are both listed as fathers.

Tanner could not bear to nurse Paetyn: Breasts epitomized the gender he had abandoned. A few months later, he underwent “top surgery” to have them removed.

After Paetyn’s birth, he went back on testosterone.

“Once I started taking my T again after the baby came, it was kind of like a relief, because for me taking it makes me feel like I’m at the level where I should be mentally and emotionally,” he said. “It helps chill me out. I still have anxiety and depression, but not as much.”

They’d like another child. David hopes Tanner will become pregnant again. Some days Tanner likes the idea, and other days not — depending on his body dysphoria. Sometimes he thinks they should adopt.

“It’s what gay and trans people do,” Tanner said. “There are kids that have crap lives, and we could help them.” But he has mixed feelings: He knows couples who started the adoption process, only to have the birth mother take the child back.

“My parents and family and friends have had to transition right along with me,” Tanner said.

Tanner, whose father is a drummer, has taught himself piano, guitar, drums, beat box, French horn, tuba and saxophone. He plays by ear. Music is everything to him, and Paetyn seems born to rock.

At the first note, she is grinning, twitching her hips and waving her arms to the beat. She even manages to dance sitting down.

She’s a smiling, curious, easygoing baby. Her fathers dote on her, scrambling eggs or cooking cereal and mixing it with yogurt for her breakfast. She chugs bottles of formula. When David comes home from his day job, he scoops her up and cuddles her. She grins at his kisses.

“She is so awesome,” he said.

Their lives match those of most families with young children: an exhausting jumble of work, cooking, diaper-changes, endless piles of laundry and the wrangling of baby sitters.

About 65 people joined them to celebrate Paetyn’s first birthday. Her favorite gift was a Daniel Tiger’s Neighborhood band set from Tanner’s sister. But a big empty cardboard box was still hard to beat.

What do they imagine for Paetyn?

“I hope she’s independent, has a successful career and an amazing family, and I hope she runs some sort of movement at some point for equality,” David said. “I think she will because of having two gay parents and a dad that had her.”

He also wishes for her to have a better childhood than he had.

And, David said: “I hope she’s a lesbian. Then we won’t have boys coming to the house and we won’t have to worry about her getting pregnant.”

“I hope she’s straight,” Tanner said. “It’s hard, to struggle with coming out, not feeling safe. Anyone in this community, they’re always walking around looking over their shoulder. There are people who will hurt you just because you’re gay or trans. It’s scary. If you’re straight and white in this society, you’re kind of better off. I’m half-black. People would pick on me because of my skin color. I didn’t fit in. I was too dark for the whites and too light to hang out with black kids. So I just made friends with everybody.”

He added, “My hope for her is that she learns to face fears and stare hatred in face and not be intimidated by it. I want her to overcome and not let people bother her. I want her to raise above all of it and prove everyone wrong, and make something of herself.”

“She’ll feel how she feels,” David said.

This article originally appeared in The New York Times.

JACKIE MOLLOY and DENISE GRADY © 2018 The New York Times

via NewsSplashy - Latest Nigerian News Online,World Newspaper

#IFTTT #NewsSplashy - Latest Nigerian News Online #World Newspaper

[thewanderingmacy]

Prague

We’re almost caught up as I was in Prague under a week ago, from the 18-25.

Prague was really pretty. it met all my high expectations in terms of architecture and visual appeal. 

The first day I visited the medieval Jewish Quarter. It was surprisingly busy (like packed, wait in a lineup for 30 minutes busy) but I think it’s because I came at a time when a lot of tour groups were arriving. I saw the old synagogue and then walked a bit further (not much though because, as per usual, the jews were confined to a small space) to a memorial for the Czech victims of the holocaust, an old (massive!) Jewish Cemetery and 3 more synagogues/museum type spaces. I didn’t expect it to take so long but I was exploring the Jewish territory for about 3 hours before I headed to the city square for a tour. I actually had to rush, too (good for me for getting my Jew on). I was actually looking for a souvenir for my Jewish grandmother but I didn’t recognize any of the things. It was confusing me because I couldn’t tell if something was a Czech souvenir being sold in a synagogue or it was a Jewish icon. (Don’t worry, Huna- I’ll find something!). I arrived in the town square which was very pretty and lively and felt very Renaissance-y with a lot of pastel colours and decorative fronts, with a large Medieval cathedral in the background and the famous Prague clock providing the only dark buildings. I joined the walking tour for about 30 minutes (20 of that was the company just organizing us into two groups to start). My tour guide had a mullet and made us touch the cobblestone ground to “feel the beating heart of Europe”. That, combined with the fact that it was like 7 degrees in the middle of April, was too much for me and I left. I also really wanted to explore the town square, as their Easter market went on for a week so all the stalls with cute gifts and food were open. I got myself some apple cider. They also had a hot apple wine and for a second I thought i accidentally got that but I was in the clear. I chugged that down and then got a sausage for lunch. I took about 8 million photos before heading to the old town hall where the history of the town hall was laid out. I bought a ticket for a tour an hour from then and explored the tower, with the famous clock. I walked up the top and satisfyingly read all the cards explaining the detailed history of the town hall. I gotta say, I have a weird obligation to fully understand the place I’m in/the history I’m in, even though, most of the time, I don’t really want to read the plaques and what not, or see the statues, or sometimes even the cathedrals (I must have seen at least 50 by now), but I do it to satisfy my future self, knowing that I properly grasped the place, if that makes sense. Whenever I see a hill, I don’t want to climb it no matter what’s on top but I always suffer just to check it off my list of sights, and I always feel guilty when I don’t go through with something. Speaking of not going through, I never did the tour of the clock tower that I had a ticket for. It came with the ticket to visit the tower and was at a weird time, as I still had exploring to do. But I did walk up (elevator down, though) and get a great panoramic view of the town square. After that, I explored the surrounding area, did a wee bit of shopping (I found a shirt that I’d been looking for in Ireland so I figured I had to buy it), before heading back to the hostel.

I spoke a bit about the girls in my dorm room. There was a nice, normal British girl above me whom I spoke to for a bit. She was taking a week off from her job, as it was Easter so she had a long weekend and just extended it. I think the following night I met the two other girls I mentioned, the one from New York and the party girl who was English, but raised in NYC so she sounded American. She’d just completed her degree in Switzerland too and was headed to Miami in July for a job in hospitality. The (full on) NYC girl was nice and very friendly but she spoke strangely. She kind of sounded like a dumb person trying to sound smart all the time. She’d make comments on Jews, and Israel, saying you can’t claim something you left behind but I was I don’t think the Jews left voluntarily? I don’t know, she was kind of innocent and simple and overly open, as in she told her all about her family. She was nice and offered me a place to stay if I’m ever in New York, and I could tell she was like a decently aware person in terms of liberal views but she just tried really hard or something. It’s hard to describe her but overall, she was friendly and had a good core, though seemed a bit misinformed whenever she spoke. The British-NYC-party girl seemed decent enough (I don’t really care about the partying thing so much as a character defining trait, while it does admittedly make relate to her less) but then she started talking about how she hates fat people and I was like Ok? so you’re a bad person, I can see that now. The most normal girl, the 100% british girl said she hated fat people too and me and the NYC girl were silent as they gushed over how much they hated fat people. Like first of all, that’s super offensive and inconsiderate because it literally has nothing to do with you and second of all, you were “blessed” (for lack of a better word) with being thin so you have ZERO idea what someone who wasn’t is going through. The reason I say that last part is because the party girl actually said “I don’t have an appetite, I don’t even like to eat most of the time”. Like bitch, that isn’t something to brag about. It is super mentally and physically unhealthy to treat eating as a trivial. Also, that fact that you say that to strangers is an obvious power move (as we were talking about our favourite foods, a conversation I was actually happy to participate in) to assert yourself as above us who are subject the horrors (read: gaining weight) of eating. Anyway, she just pissed me off and, at the time I didn’t say anything because I wasn’t sure what to say, but I thought about it a lot and determined that she’s a fucked up, privileged and just downright unintelligent asshole.

Alright, now back to Prague. one day I went to the Castle quarters where I explored the old cathedral and the government buildings, and the old palace. I bought a ticket for a tour there, which I actually went on, and got a decent understanding of the space as it had purposes beyond housing royalty such as the government being situated there as well. I also saw a cute area of it called The Golden Lane which was made up to look like an old medieval street with artifacts and rooms decorated as they would have been. I’m not sure if the buildings were actually authentic as well, though, and I had to rush to catch my tour. Another day, I explored the Charles Bridge and around the west side of the bridge were a lot of cute art shops were, as well as parks and a stunning 17th century garden with more great pano views. Another day, I went to the Troja Palace and the Prague Botanical Gardens, as well as a memorial on a MASSIVE hill that almost killed me. The palace was empty except for the fresco ceilings and walls but man were they gorgeous. I also got in for $0.20, I don’t know why the ticket guy charged me the price of a child under 5 but I’ll accept it. I took so many photos of the interiors and of the gardens, I keep posting them on instagram because they really took the cake in terms of bare interior design. I also climbed a massive hill to the botanical gardens, as well as a greenhouse though I don’t know why I did that- I thought it’d be more adult oriented but it was just filled with small children and butterflies. The memorial that I hiked to was so steep, I remember wanting to sit down on the paved road. And, by that point, I’d seen enough good views so I was just tired. Oh, also on this day (damn I was busy that day), I went to a mall and had some amazing Chinese food- fried chicken and rice with a sweet sauce, and saw the movie The Lost City of Z. I can’t tell how I feel about it though because, as I was watching it, I kept thinking the pacing is strange and the character isn’t very dimensional and then at the end it said “based on a true story” so I have to reevaluated everything I processed with that new context.

A different day, I’d planned on going to a market and visiting the New Town (for reference, the old town was surrounding and including the town square and the New Town, though still a couple hundred years old at least, was south of there) but I woke up and, after trying to update my phone, it stopped turning on. It was a Saturday too, of course, so nothing but an apple store in a mall was open, so that’s all I did that day, really, besides visiting an antique fair where everything was expensive. But! at the fair, there was a booth for fashion from the 1850′s-1920′s with a flyer for a museum space by the castle that showcases clothing items from those periods. The employee at the booth spoke at me in Czech for a few minutes and I just nodded because, at that point, it was too awkward to tell her I didn’t understand. I did end up going to the fashion museum and had a good time. The employee there spent about 30 minutes with me, going over the pieces which I enjoyed.

On the last day, I visited a massive park west of the river, where the library and monastery were. Again, it was a hike but this time it actually had some sicker that usual views. I had to wait for some hoes taking photos at one stop and, after waiting for literally 5 full minutes, I just snuck in beside them and took them because they were being rude and inconsiderate, so I was too. I visited the sites at the top of the hill, including the very pretty libraries for mother. I’d been trying to get to a nice library for a well. There was one in Oxford but it was only accessible by tour so I didn’t go, I tried to go to one in Dublin but the doors were locked when I got there, and at another place in Prague, the library was closed for renovation, so I was glad to see at least one beautiful library.

I mostly (pretty much only) eat in now. I treat myself maybe once every week to a meal out. I got a chicken schnitzel and some potatoes in Prague which were delicious and cheap ($5!). I had a lot of PB and J sandwiches and testing out some pasta dishes. I tried an Alfredo sauce which was nasty (I also got the wrong milk- some Slovenian bs and some gross, tart cheese which looked like feta but was clearly not), as well as some butter and mozzarella but the butter is weird, and, later on, I tried tomato sauce that was gross. I was struggling to say the least. I’ve gotten a bit more used to my options here- hot dogs and, today, mac and cheese. Snack wise, I’ve been going to town on Nutella and pretzels. 

Well, I think that’s it for now.

Macy