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feuilleszuyu · 5 years

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Letter Stranger | Lee Felix

ok so, it was exams season, and oh boy were you stressed

like you can’t remember the last night you ACTUALLY got the amount of sleep you need for your developing body instead of just living on caffeine

but!!! you needed to focus!!! and study as hard as you could!!!!

SO, as any normal human being, you decide to go to the only place in school where you wouldn’t be bothered by any of your crackhead friends

also known as: the school library

ok look, it’s not like your friends didn’t like reading, they did!!! you were pretty sure seungmin and felix were even a part of the literature club!!!

but quiet places......... they really aren’t for them :///

read as: they weren’t allowed in the library anymore because of how loud they were last time

and there you were, minding your own business, trying to book a library table,,,

UNTIL

YOU SEE THIS BOX WITH A SMALL PAMPHLET RIGHT ON TOP OF IT

little curious y/n couldn’t help but take a look ok ://////

as it seems, the literature club was trying to recruit more members and to show people how fun writing was they decided to make a small thing for the students!!

it basically consisted of you putting your name into the box or giving the letter to a literature club member and then, in the next morning, the club would have selected someone who also entered to be your pen pal! They’d either deliver your letter to someone, or deliver you someone’s letter

and !!!!!! it seemed so fun :((( and something so different :(((( and you couldn’t just let it slide ya know!!!!

plus, your friends are in the literature club so it’d help them in some way right?? and the stress was KILLING you, you really needed something else to focus on :///

you take a small piece of paper and write your name down on it since you didn’t have time to write a whole letter and didn’t really feel like talking to people, and went back to your studying!!

Next morning you were greeted with a smiley felix at the front of your first class’ door!

“Good morning Felix! I believe you have something for me, right?” you greeted, already looking for the letter the boy held in his hands

“Ah, yes! I’m so happy that you entered!! I didn’t think anyone would actually do it, and if so I’d have to be the one trying to convince everyone that it’d be fun”

you loved Felix

even if he wasn’t your closest friend (since you didn’t talk much with each other), you’d still trust that boy with your life!

you met when you were small kids and you also shared a friend group, and you knew well that he had the purest heart of all humanity!!!

but he wasn’t really,,,,,,,, a book person ya know

tbh, you’d bet that he was only a part of the literature club in the first place because he was obligated to and he thought he finally had an excuse to read comics at school :///

but seeing him so excited over the fact that someone actually entered!!!! made you believe that he was finally invested in anything other than mastering all fortnite dances

so you take your letter and enter the class where you read it as you sat down

“Hello stranger! It’s my first time writing a letter so I’m not sure what I should do...... should I say who I am? probably not :/// it’d take away the suspense effect haha. Um should I ask about you.....? I think I will anyways! What grade are you in? Maybe we share some classes! That’d be crazy....... anyways, I think this is enough for a first letter, I’ll look forward to your response!”

Ok this person seemed actually nice aw ;(

but who the hell uses faces on a letter

When you finished your classes for the day you went right to the library to study, so you took the opportunity to write your response!!! you couldn’t leave letter stranger on read, could you?

“Hi stranger! It’s very nice to meet you, even if we aren’t really meeting since you don’t want to tell me who you are >:( I turned a freshman this year! and I must say I didn’t except it to be this stressful haha, but it be like that sometimes. I guess it’s my turn to ask a question? Um, since you want your identity to remain secretive for the sake of the suspense effect, I’ll ask you maybe........ what clubs are you in? If you are in one of course! If not, you can just tell me your favorite classes or some of your interests! Anyways I need to study now! Exams have been killing me lately..... I’ll wait for your reply!!”

yeah it was enough

I mean, it wasn’t like letter stranger had written you a fancy letter or anything but you wanted to make a good impression ok >:(

You went to the place where the box where you had put your name previously was, but this time you give the letter to a literature club member so they’d know who to deliver it to!

ngl the next day you were kinda sad because since it was the day your letter got delivered you didn’t get anything :((

you started talking to letter stranger everyday and it was very nice tbh

it became a daily thing y’know!!

every other morning Felix would deliver you a letter from him and then you’d go to the library when the classes were over and write yours!

he told you a lot about him in the middle of those the fact that it was a him and so did you! and you two have become closer over the times

still you somehow??? always felt????? like you knew him?????? the way he writes was very familiar but it easily just be you overthinking it to find out who it was :///

regardless of who he was, you were certain of one thing: he was the SWEETEST GUY IN THE WOLRD OMG :’((((

he like??? genuinely cared about you

he’d always ask about what had happened recently and he somehow always noticed when something was wrong just by your writing??? that’s some soulmate energy right there my dude

but!!!!! life can’t really let you enjoy things can it :((((

because the literature club thing was almost over which meant those would be some of your last letters with him and it made you so sad :(((

BUT THEN IT HIT YOU

you enjoy talking to him, and he seems to enjoy talking to you so......... why did it have to end?? you brang up you guys meeting sometimes during your letters which you had all in a box in your room uWu so you decide to do it!!!

but it kinda made you sad still :////

because yeah you’d find out who he actually was!!! and you guys could hang out in school and stuff!!!! but :((((( it would take away the whole ~ m y s t e r y ~ thing and besides saying multiple times in your letters that it was frustrating spending so many hours trying to find out who it was, you still loved playing detective!

anyways

you decide to meet after classes in the library for obvious reasons

so there you were, waiting, doing your thing ya know

“Y/N!”

“Felix!” you say as you see your friend approach you

“Are you here for studying? Exams season is over”

“Not this time! I’m actually waiting for someone!” a wide smile was already creeping your face, just thinking you’d meet the guy you’ve been talking to for months

“Ah, by your smile, I’m guessing it’s someone important?”

“is it very obvious?”

“Hmmm could it be.... perhaps..... letter stranger?” a smile grows once again, but this time on felix’s face

“Yes! I’m finally meetin— wait a second, “letter stranger”? how did you know I called him that? I don’t remember mentioning it”

felix looks down, hoping that the blush on his cheeks wouldn’t be as noticeable that way

“I may or may not be..... the letter stranger?”

“LEE FELIX OMG YOU ARE THE PERSON I’VE BEEN TRADING LETTERS WITH OMG WHY DIDN’T YOU TELL ME BEFORE!!!!!!!”

“I-I’m sorry! I was...... shy?”

“FELIX WE’VE BEEN FRIENDS SINCE FOREVER WHY WOULD YOU BE SHY??? I K N E W HOLY SHIT I ACTUALLY KNEW THAT THE WAY YOU WRITE WAS FAMILIAR I’M SUCH A GREAT DETECTIVE!!! SHERLOCK HOLMES I’M COMING FOR YOU!!”

“hEY LOOK HERE I’M THE ULTIMATE SPY OK I FOOLED YOU FOR MONTHS!”

“LET ME BE HAPPY FOR ONCE FELIX FUCKS SAKE!”

you two bursted into laughing as you left the library before you became part of the librarian’s “not allowed” list

you decided to go get some tea to calm you guys down

mostly you tho

and as you were sipping on your tea you decide to ask the question that wouldn’t shut up in your brain

“Ok Felix, this is very nice and all but.... why did you do all of this? I mean, it was cool but we’re literally childhood friends????”

“do you promise to not judge me? or stop being my friend after this?”

“How could I stop being friends with you dude? And you know damn well I’d never judge you >:( Just tell me!”

Felix clears his throat before he started to speak again

“So..... um..... you know this already but.... I’m very shy and stuff...... and I started to become more and more awkward around you over the years...... I started to worry more about what you would think..... and overall you would be on my mind all day everyday...... but I couldn’t really get myself to talk to you as much as I wanted to so when I saw that you had joined the whole letter thing I just thought it’d be the perfect opportunity!”

“Awww Felix :((( why would you be awkward around me?”

“Because.......... I might........ MAYBE....... have a........ ᶜʳᵘˢʰ ᵒⁿ ʸᵒᵘ”

what

just

what

excuse me?

excusez moi?

JUST????? WHAT??????

Lee Felix

your childhood friend Lee Felix

the guy you’ve been sending letters to Lee Felix

the sweetest, nicest, most precious guy in the world Lee Felix

had a crush????? on you??????

you were sH00K

“I-I’m sorry if that makes you uncomfortable!! That’s exactly why I didn’t tell you earlier..... it’d make things weird and stuff......”

“No!!!! Not at all!!! I actually might..... ᶜʳᵘˢʰ ᵒⁿ ʸᵒᵘ ᵗᵒᵒ”

“Wait like seriously? not lying? not joking? not only trying to make me feel better?”

“Yes! For real! All honesty!”

“ Does that mean that we’re like..... dating?”

“I mean......... if you want to of course it’s cool with me”

“Of course I want to omg y/n I love you sm don’t even say that twice >:(“

“what about kissing me then, idiot >:(”

“HHHH if you say it like that I G U E S S I’m obligated to shower you with kisses and love and affection >:(“

“ok too cheesy, it’s enough”

“Y/N HHHHHH LET ME BE CHEESY FOR THE SAKE OF THIS RELATIONSHIP”

#stray kids #felix #lee felix #stray kids imagine #Felix imagine #Felix scenario #stray kids scenario #stray kids reaction #skz

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robininthelabyrinth · 7 years

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Watching the Legends episode. Pretty good episode, for once! Still probably only a B, maybe a B+.

Rip is investigating vampires, while pretending to be Sherlock Holmes.

Poor Jax. I’m amazed he didn’t try to break up sooner. Ray, it’s very rude not to tell people about side-effects in advance.

Amaya heart-eyes Zari. Zari finally has an articulation of what we all knew she was there to do, good! Interesting to see where they for this.

Did Nate really just “wazzup” the crew? Does he even know how out of date that is? Also, Mick is reading Dracula BEFORE they find out about the vampire plotline of the week! Which means he’s literally just reading it for fun! One of the most dense works of fiction out there! Mick <3

Why does Nate know anything about math, exactly? He was supposed to be a historian? Except they don’t care about that.

Nate says vampire. Mick: *perks up* *randomly has a stake* I carry it around my whole life! So much fic potential here... and he wears garlic <3

Nate’s accent is awful.

The gag with the smartwatch is funny.

Sara waits until AFTER mind-wiping the guy to announce that they’re going to break the law?

How did Rip get into the grave...? Though this actually supports the idea of an alternative plotline where Rip isn’t as much of a bureaucratic asshole.

Amaya: *heart-eyes Zari LIKE WHOA*

Rip always goes straight for “THIS IS THE BIG BAD IT’S SO BAD LET ME TELL YOU HOW BAD IT IS”. Always.

“The Time Bureau is too bureaucratic to understand this” = this would have been a good place to start. Unfortunately, Rip only bringing it up now - AFTER he was so pro-Bureau the last few episodes - makes it come off less as sincere and more as outright manipulative. and then he offers to call off the pursuit only AFTER Sara starts negotiating, not before? even more manipulative. He was holding that back deliberately so that he could use it as a trading tool.

Good on Mick for not trusting Rip.

Stein gets to play dress up even more in this episode. Evil ancestor, I assume.

Nate = potatoes. I dunno, guys, maybe keep the potatoes?

Yep, evil ancestor. Sir Stein, an actor AND a Renfield.

...Order of the Shrouded Compass. Okay. You know what, I’ll go with it.

I really enjoy how into the vampire hunting Mick is.

Do you think the mystic is from America because the actress couldn’t do a British accent?

RAY SUGGESTS CALLING SOMEONE??? Good lord, it’s like they actually listen to us sometimes.

Sara enjoys hitting people. Rip enjoys watching. If they didn’t have such an awful start, I’d ship ‘em.

Demon eyes - I’ve always loved that effect. Oh, interesting! Zari was the older sister.

Damien Darhk, who literally no one wants to see again. *sigh*

Okay, Sara, he’s still asleep? Literally all you need to do is, like, slit his throat? cut off his head? stab him in the heart? YOU’RE IN A ROOM FILLED WITH SHARP IMPLEMENTS. THIS WOULD TAKE YOU LESS THAN THREE SECONDS AND THEN YOU COULD GO RESCUE THE OTHERS. WHY DO YOU NOT DO THIS??? (also, Rip is ALWAYS saying “don’t worry about your own issue, worry about mine - I mean, the greater good”)

...wow, I wrote that BEFORE Rip starts defending not killing Darhk. “Personal prejudice”. Wow, Rip. You’re being a real bitch here. But at least he eventually admits he’s wrong?

(okay - how many people want to vote in Rip to be Mallus? it’s pretty typical for the obsessed hunter to be revealed as the bad guy. Though that’s probably too advanced for this show...)

Zari has even more tragic backstory. Also, her view makes no sense. He had magic powers, she didn’t? but okay, okay, whatever, grief makes things weird.

Stein is right; Jax shouldn’t be sneaking around behind his back. He should’ve just presented it to his face. What is WITH CWverse and a complete inability to tell the truth?

SERIOUSLY? No one has removed Rip’s controls over Gideon yet? NO ONE? after last season? are these people STUPID?

Mick: “told you so”

Can we all agree that Rip is being an unmitigated jerk here? He deliberately agreed with Sara in order to lull her suspicions while planning on stabbing her in the back, he gave her the captaincy only to undermine her while pretending to support her, he’s deliberately keeping them helpless using their own ship (THEIR ship - he turned it into a training ground! he turned off Gideon!) because he sees it as his own private property - he sees the Legends themselves as extensions of himself, really, “I made you I can break you”, “you disagree with me, fine, then I’m going to force you to sit in time out”, etc. He’s being a reall dick.

Obvious con going on with Zari here.

Though Eleanor being able to use the totem is...weird. I thought it was more specialized a tool than that?

At least it seems like they TRIED to do something about the secret commands, but seriously, you can’t just ask Gideon; she’s incentivizd to lie because of her programming.

I love Mick just reading the entire time. I have been there. When you’re into a book, fuck the world. Mick reaffirms himself as my favorite.

Another claims-he’s-a-God character? Really? We’re going with that again?

*laughs* Okay, Darhk’s vampire-esque rising is just too silly to take seriously. And the “who stole my watch” is funny. I would like him if he wasn’t, well, a Nazi.

Okay, the music cue and Darhk’s brand-new power set is funny. But seriously, where is the music coming from? (as in - he lost his watch. The Legends took it. Where is it now? he certainly doesn't have it. So the music can't be from the watch.) and why haven’t the Bureau picked up some anti-magic skills at this point? Especially if Rip knew about Mallus?

...what the fuck. What...the...fuck? If Rip has a time freezing device, why doesn’t he use it more? or ever? or anything? Though the “I’m going to walk slow” thing obviously backfires. If you know you have a time limit, then seriously, just shoot the guy?

Interesting, Darhk remembers everything, even post mind-wipe.

Why couldn’t Zari pull the totem back earlier in the fight? If this was meant to be a reclaiming moment, it was a bit too understated. Though I approve of her doing it to defend Amaya (at least obliquely).

Dead Time Bureau agents. Lovely. Rip, you’re the WORST leader. Ever. Everyone who follows you is just a pawn to you, aren’t they?

Amaya: *EVEN MORE HEART EYES TO ZARI*

Amaya, Zari is 1000% a step up from Nate.

Rip doesn’t care about the dead agents. Sara has a good point about how Rip goes rogue all the time from everyone who ever trusted him.

Hahahahahahahahahaha, Rip creates a legal system and is surprised that it applies to him. Oh, sweet justice. He always did think he was above the rules - from the very first introduction scene of season 1, when the Time Masters literally designed an entire plan that counted on Rip breaking the rules and being a selfish asshole. That was literally the plot of season 1 - “let’s assume Rip will do this breaking the rules thing”. At that time, it seemed like his justification was his grief over his family - understandable! even I thought it was understandable - but the more we see of him, the more we see that it’s not. If only this show goes in full-fledged into making this Rip’s character arc, rather than just his characterization, that would be cool.

Now if only the Flash would realize this whole “law” thing applies to everyone...

Though seriously, they just undermined it. If the other Director approved the mission, the blame falls in part on him. He who authorizes can’t suddenly blame he who suggested. That’s not how responsibility works!

Oh, well. It was a decent attempt at a moral.

Though I don’t really like how Sara characterized it as being “cold”? It’s just...law.

#lot liveblog

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writingsofawanderingwonderer · 6 years

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Katy's Everything Wrong With Bob's "Everything Wrong With CinemaSin's 'Everything Wrong With Sherlock Holmes'"

vvv Read more line here. vvv

Alternate title: Why CinemaSins shouldn't be destroyed.

Another alternate title: That One Controversial Essay That's Finally Going to Lead to Me Getting Eaten Alive by People on Twitter. Maybe.

Okay, so to get you old corks up to speed: Recently, there's been a surge, and absolute pandemic, of YouTube videos cropping up titled something along the lines of, "Everything Wrong With CinemaSin's Everything Wrong With _______", wherein the video nitpicks (their words, not mine) CinemaSins' nitpicks of a film. There have also been a bunch of comments on Twitter and YouTube saying that CinemaSins should pack up their things and hop it. To stop making their videos.

This is where I come in. And you reading this comes in.

It's hard for me to explain why I'm making this essay. Maybe it's because I want to play the Devil's Advocate in a contained, spaced environment. Maybe I want to give everyone reading this a different perspective on the matter; something to mull over and consider and take away before we decide to write something off as "bad" or "useless" or of low quality. Maybe I consider CinemaSins an old friend and I'd like to speak up for them, even though it's hard because I'm not used to voicing an unpopular opinion out loud, and I'm super-nervous about this. Maybe it's because I want to give a meta statement about how you can nitpick a nitpicker who nitpicks another nitpicker, and that continually nitpicking the next nitpicker will either create a wondrous nitpickception that we can all learn from, or spiral out of control into a lesson that nickpicking nitpickers nitpicking is a futile effort...

But for some reason, I've been overcome with a fierce desire to write this.

So, there you go. I'm making this now.

To structure this academic essay, I'm going to use an "Everything Wrong With CinemaSin's Everything Wrong With _______" video to make several counter-arguments. I'll be using Everything Wrong With "Everything Wrong With Sherlock Holmes" by Bobvids. (Thank you, Bobvids, for letting me use your video as an example. You're quite a trooper and a good sport! And I love your editing style!).

To add upon Bobvid's video's goal, this essay's goal is to nitpick a video nitpicking another video.

Nitpickception?

*cricket chirps*

Ahem. This essay's goal is also, like all my essays here, for educational purposes. Albeit, in a roundabout way.

To keep track of things, I'll add timestamps and quotes from Bobvid's video as I comment on them. I will skip over some parts of the video to prevent this essay from being over a hundred years long.

0:49 Bob: Why call them "movie sins"? One of the CinemaSins guys said it was "[...] because it's a more flexible & nebulous definition." But I guess they never realized "sins" has an extremely negative connotation. Of all the words they could've used, "sins" is the least flexible or nebulous.

Me: They're called "sins" because "no movie is without sin," as their slogan goes (the implication being that any film, no matter how beautiful, wonderful, and perfect it is, has flaws and should be discussed and acknowledged on some level. Because that's how future films grow as an art form. By learning from the past's mistakes). The word "sins" is nebulous because we all contain it, no matter how good or bad we are. He sins. You sin a little. They sin a lot. And I'm sinning right now. So it really is a flexible and nebulous definition.

1:14 Bob: Why have a movie sin timer when YouTube tells you exactly how long a video is?

Me: Because it's a reference/homage to the "gate" used in filmmaking. The "gate" is a black border placed around a piece of film or storyboard that lists the time, scene number, and name of the person who submitted the shot. When I'm animating professionally, I'm given a gate that lists these things, and every time I hand in a shot, I have to "check the gate" as the old filmmaker's term puts it, to make sure everything's in order. The gate even times the frame number (like the CinemaSins' timer and unlike YouTube's video timer), which is super important to include, because it makes it easier for a supervisor to give feedback ("Katy, could you please fix the foot-clipping issue that appears on frame 298? Thanks!"). So YouTube actually doesn't tell you exactly how long a video is (which is very, very frustrating if, like me, you like using YouTube videos as animation reference and want to scrub between individual frames without using an app like Reeview.it Player or Anilyzer)

Me: Here's an example of a film gate:

1:24 Bob: Why is the text of what's being said showing up at the bottom of the screen? Not only is it redundant, but YouTube lets you upload subtitles which is easier to do than premiere titles, lets viewers disable it if they don't need it, and also lets you edit text after the video's uploaded.

Me: Because, 1) the average YouTuber genuinely doesn't know all of YouTube's features, including toggling closed captions (seriously, I've seen several YouTube commenters complain that a person in a video was talking too fast, not realising that you can turn on subtitles and/or adjust the speed of the video. Youtube kinda makes it a wee bit tricky to find all its hidden features. Did you know that you can change the sub's font typeface, colour, and size? Did you know you can scrub through video frames using "," and "." but only sometimes? Well, now you know. You're welcome.)

Me: And, 2) Because YouTube's subtitles do not properly time (nor fit) all of its text onto the screen in full sentences if the speaker is talking fast or saying a lot, making the subtitles cut off midsentence. It is this for exact reason why it was so challenging and annoying for me to transcribe what you were saying throughout this video! And why is was MUCH EASIER for me to transcribe CinemaSins' subtitles in comparison (my typing fingers hurt soooo much right now). CinemaSins' method lets the viewer read subtitles in full and complete sentences, taking things in in a easier-to-digest way. They've also used it for gags where they change the font typeface or size midsentence to add emphasis.

Me: First image: Bobvids subtitles for CinemaSins (note how it's cut off midsentence). Second image: CinemaSins' subtitles (see how they're easier to read?).

Me: Also, why the Dickens did you subtitle CinemaSins if their subtitles are already in their part of the video? Isn't that hypocritically-and-ironically-redundant?!

1:37 CinemaSins: This film production logo is so ballsy I straight up have no idea what company it's for. But good job on being ballsy enough to NOT include your name, mystery production company.

Bob: That's Silver Pictures. You may know them from producing Weird Science, Lethal Weapon, Predator, Die Hard, Road House, Demolition Man, and The Matrix. They're allowed to have some balls.

Me: In all fairness, I literally haven't seen any of those movies you've mentioned (Weird Science looks interesting, I'll check that one out. I've now added it to my library list.) except for The Matrix, which I didn't really like due to its lack of humour and its tonal issues. So using a nameless logo really doesn't help you get more people to know about your company if they're unfamiliar with it or have forgotten what your logo looks like. So why do it? Pointless! Mad as a hatter!

2:25 CinemaSins: Robert Downey, Jr. is a handsome, fun, charismatic lead actor... who cannot do an English accent to save his life. Is it too much to ask that SHERLOCK HOLMES actually be British?

Me: I think CinemaSins is making note on "cultural appropriation," a prevalent thing in Hollywood (an American actor playing an English character), rather than literally how well an actor can do an accent. I mean, when oh when are we going to see a film where Simon Pegg plays Sherlock Holmes?! We're waiting!

2:58 CinemaSins: I don't know how good at deductive reasoning he is, but he wouldn't have been able to guess that that guy had a floating rib.

Bob: It's easy to guess considering floating ribs are the last two sets of ribs on your rib cage and are a natural part of human anatomy, which Sherlock is proficient in.

Me: It's NOT easy to deduce, considering the GUY IS WEARING CLOTHES, THEREBY COVERING HIS RIBS SO YOU CAN'T TELL IF HE HAS FLOATING RIB SYNDROME. Also, SHERLOCK IS CURRENTLY ENGAGING IN A FIGHT WITH SAID GUY. Have you ever tried to assess the state of a guy's ribs while having a fisticuff with him?

Me: Also, you used like the third Google image result that appears when you search "floating ribs," and I don't know how to feel about that, because I think you should have used the fourth Google image result instead, as that diagram illustrates things more clearly in my opinion (it shows the ribcage from the front, which was how Sherlock was viewing the man, rather than from the back).

3:21 CinemaSins: This guy seems to be late to the ceremony. He also didn't get the memo that they all didn't have to wear the hooded robes.

Bob: It's explained later that this is Lord Coward, who is using a robe to hide his identity.

Me: Yes, but WE, the audience, don't know that at this point in the film. So as we watch this for the first time, we're all thinking to ourselves, "Why aren't all the people wearing dark robes?!" Confusion that's resolved through later context is still confusion.

Me: Also, that joke made me laugh and reminded me of that absolutely ridiculous "robes scene" from the movie Dungeons and Dragons.

Me: And let's address the elephant in the room. No one like to be the one to yell "The Emperor has no clothes!" so please let me be the one to do it for you (and get eaten alive for it). The reason why so many people are jumping on CinemaSins right now in particular is because they did a Wonder Woman video. It doesn't take Sherlock Holmes to see that the timelines add up.

Me: For those people who are like me who don't really watch American superhero films* (because we're too tangled up waiting with baited breath for The Adventures of Tintin sequel, because that's the comic book hero we grew up reading), Wonder Woman was a film that was well-received after what one reviewer described as "a long line of waiting apologies."

*Me: Footnote: I've watched The Incredibles and Batman 66, and I really liked those.

Me: Because Wonder Woman was a film that's popular, CinemaSins got in a lot of trouble because... apparently, people can't handle other people poking fun at something they like.

Me: Really, people. I'm disappointed in you. You're better than this.

Me: I hope I'm wrong about this, and people are just upset over CinemaSins' fact-checking. But one has to wonder why all the nitpick comments/videos started appearing now at the same time.

Me: Maybe I'm just weird, but I love it when people poke fun at stuff I like. Even my own work. I like watch LPs of my game played by others who are making cracks at it. I've been waiting for CinemaSins to do a video on one of my favourite films, The Adventures of Tintin: The Secret of the Unicorn, but to no avail. Even CinemaSins pokes fun at itself before other people did. But many people don't seem to be able to handle neither criticism of a work that is near perfect, nor laugh at a joke at the expense of a film they like.

Me: And, not to put too fine a point on it, Bertie, but that's part of a bigger problem.

Me: CinemaSins has a right to exist. Critiquing a video game creator's work is fine, I love getting criticism, in fact. It helps artists grow. But please, stop making posts and videos saying that CinemaSins should die. It isn't decent. And stop making comments like, "CinemaSins doesn't watch the films they cover." They would have to watch the films at some stage to edit the video together.

Me: Now, Bobvid also points out some flaws that are genuinely flaws in CinemaSins' videos (to the best of my knowledge), and that's something that CinemaSins can work on to improve and grow their repertoire. It is not, however, a good reason to have CinemaSins wiped off the face of the Earth.

Me: Just because I don't like something doesn't mean it shouldn't exist. I don't like something doesn't mean it should exist. I don't like strategy games, but I'm happy others enjoy them. I'm happy strategy games are becoming successful again.

Me: And yet, some people think that visual novel games shouldn't exist. Why? Because they don't like them.

4:46 Watson: How did you see that? Sherlock: Because I was looking for it.

CinemaSins: Sherlock doesn't say, "because even though it's clear, it reflects light and is still visible to the naked eye."

Bob: Yes, you and I can see it, but that doesn't mean Watson was able to see it from his perspective. Watson was rushing Blackwood and wasn't paying attention.

Me: Due to the Kuleshov Effect, and because Watson and Sherlock are standing next to each other by the end of the sequence, we can assume that Watson can see what Sherlock sees in this shot. Crumbs, due to the magic of Prevalent Film Language, we conclude to this thought without even registering it on a conscious because of the way the sequence is shot (shot of object, followed by shot of Watson and Sherlock looking offscreen in the same direction = they are looking at said object).

Me: Also, I noticed you labelled Sherlock and Watson as "Sherlock" and "Watson," respectively, in the subtitles. For proper design unity, shouldn't you have labelled them both by their first names (Sherlock and John) or their last names (Holmes and Watson)? I'm nitpicking, but that's the point.

5:44 CinemaSins: Yeah sure. You're totally under arrest, but you can walk around without anyone holding on to you to make sure you don't try to escape.

Bob: This is showing that even police fear Lord Blackwood. Though I guess it could be a setup for one of your sh**ty jokeyjokes too.

Me: *Still sniggering from CinemaSins' gag.* *Pauses.* *Put hands on hips.* What's wrong with jokey jokes?! Even if they're afraid, they're the police. It's their job to apprehend this guy, so it looks ridiculous when they don't. It's reaching Thompson and Thomson-levels of police bumbling in an otherwise darkish action film.

Me: Details add up. If a film has a ton of tiny details that don't work, they can add up and wreck the enjoyment of the film (see videos that analyse shot-for-shot remakes, like Psycho and Beauty and the Beast to see what I mean). I know artists who have worked on Rick and Morty and have talked about meetings discussing the design of a paper cup that a character has to hold. A paper cup.

Me: I've seen Twitter people make the argument that films are not meant to be totally logical, and instead are meant to hit you on a metaphorical level (that's why Disney's Snow White works). And that CinemaSins uses logic and literalisms too much. But (at the risk of explaining a joke, which I don't like doing) remember that we as creators often pose a statement that we don't agree with to make our viewers both laugh and self-reflect on whether we are telling a truth or not. I hope this makes sense.

Me: Also of note: Bob doesn't censor swear words in the audio nor the subtitles of this video. I had to do that myself. Even though CinemaSins censors swear words. And both CinemaSins and myself have stated publicly that we're fine with swearing used in videos. We just censor them in videos/essays respectively out of consideration for others who may not like hearing them.

Me: It's also sometimes important to censor video essays in case someone wants to use the video in an academic environment, such as being shown in a film school class that has strict profanity regulations (for example, Games As Literature's YouTube videos have been known to be showcased in academic courses on Video Game Theory, which is why he tries to exclude any swearing or gore in his videos).

Me: While we're on the subject of nitpick-jokes, I'd like to take a moment here to point out that that bit where CinemaSins points out that in one of the background areas of a two-second scene in Kingsman has a paper towel roll is hung the wrong way is one of the funniest things I've seen in a long time. Seriously, I was howling when that popped up!

Me: Several people on Twitter were asking why CinemaSins was funny. While I'm highly, highly against explaining jokes ("comedy dies quickly under the microscope"), I can try to maybe go point-to-point and explain why their jokes touch the funnybone. I'll bring Powerpoint slides.

8:12 CinemaSins: While I appreciate the way this movie uses boxing to show off Holmes' superior mind, the idea that a reclusive, agoraphobic investigator would regularly participate in chaotic grimy street fights. Is beyond what my suspension of disbelief can bear.

Bob: Holmes' penchant for boxing comes straight out of Arthur Conan Doyle's original stories, so suspend that disbelief because people have been doing it since 1890.

Me: While Sherlock being a skilled boxer is indeed canon in the novels, many Doyle fans (including myself, screenwriter Max Landis, and co-creator of BBC Sherlock, Mark Gatiss) consider this to be a flaw in the Sherlock novels, as it often totally imbalances the foil relationship between Holmes and Watson. Watson is meant to be more of the brawn than Sherlock because Sherlock is more of the brains than Watson. Making Sherlock a skilled fighter makes Watson less useful. Because of this, it's perfectly accepted (and often considered an improvement) among many Sherlock fans to re-write Sherlock as being flawed at fighting (in BBC Sherlock, Sherlock is terrible at using a gun on numerous occasions, and fails miserably at trying to box the Golem in season 1, episode 3.) and even works that are heavily-inspired by Sherlock Holmes use this dynamic (Max Landis is the creator of BBCA's Dirk Gently, where Dirk can be taken down in a fight very quickly and is surrounded by friends who are physically stronger than him; and I am working on The Butler Detective, which has the detective character Mel Ambrose being physically weak in a fight, and Tuski Brown being surprisingly strong from buttle-ing).

Me: The following images are from Max Landis' Twitter account:

9:59 Preacher: You are sentenced to death for the practice of black magic.

CinemaSins: Victorian London was pretty backwards, but not that backwards. Were they? Were they?

Bob: Considering a [demonic ritual abuse] panic of our own happened in the 1980s, it's not that strange at all.

Me: Yes, but Reality is Unrealistic. There have been written accounts of farmers seeing cows spontaneously exploding, but if I had put a scene in my slice of life farming video game (The Journey of Ignorance) where a cow explodes, no one playing the game would say, "That's improbable, but realistic." They'd say it was unbelievable. As the saying goes, "Truth is stranger than fiction, because fiction has to make sense." If you want the audience to believe something that's improbable, you either have to create a fictionalised world where it seems less improbable, or you have to do what Fargo does and write a disclaimer at the beginning saying that the events are based on a true story... Even when that's not true.

Me: Also, ritual panic isn’t strange? What?

10:58 Bob: It's pronounced "sh*t," not "[BEEP]."

Me: -_- And you say CinemaSins does jokeyjokes?

Me: I feel like I need to add a swear counter or something to this video at this point. 0_o

13:27 CinemaSins: Pretty sure there would be a separate woman's jail. Right? Right?

Bob: Up until 1902, men and women were held in the same prisons in London. Quit asking rhetorical questions. And. Do. Research.

Me: What, am I supposed to crack open a bally history book every time I finish watching a bally episode of Jeeves & Wooster?

Me: Look, critiques come in all shapes and sizes. Some write in an academic style (Roger Egbert), some candidly (Jeremy Jahns), some scathingly (Ebert again), some focus on the editing side of things (Folding Ideas), the animation side (AniMat Reviews), and others write like they're a modernised version of a PG Wodehouse character from the 1930s (me).

Me: My point is, some critics, like CinemaSins, critique films as they are, as the film is playing, in the moment.

Me: You know. Like the way an average audience member watches a movie?

Me: Let them. And let CinemaSins. It's a valid method to judge a film. "It takes all sorts to build a world." There's room for critics who review films by how they captured people emotionally, but there's also room for critics who observe films on a more literal level.

Me: I feel bad about critics like who critically assess both good and bad films. They make me laugh the most with their snarky with, yet they get a lot of flak for it. One independent gave development team (we dare not speak its name, unless in hushed whispers by candlelight on a full moon) even went as far as to try and sue several critics for negatively reviewing their games. This attempt to silence the critics all led to... well... Let's just say that the Streisand Effect amuses me to no end.

Me: I know there's this dislike towards negativity and "caustic critics," but it's actually healthy to have a good whinge.

Me: If you honestly can't stand CinemaSins' negative tone, then check out their sibling channel, CinemaWins. It takes good and bad films and points out the good or awesome elements in those films.

13:50 CinemaSins: You might be thinking "Amazing sense of smell doesn't make a good superhero," and I would respond by saying, "Remember Hawkeye? He gets to be a top tier avenger and all he can do is shoot a [BEEP]ing bow and arrow."

Bob: Hawkeye has a hoverbike, f**k you!

Me: Having a hoverboard is not a skill. Shooting with a bow and arrow IS a skill. I actually have to state this? I mean, he could give that hoverbike to anyone with a compatible drivers license and they could fly it in Hawkeye's place.

Me: Or was that another one of your jokeyjokes? *Wiggles eyebrows.*

Me: Also, WHO THE HECK IS HAWKEYE?!

14:23 CinemaSins: Movie repurposes "old-timey" footage from Les Mis and Shanghai Knights.

Bob: Les Mis, Shanghai Knights and Sherloch Holmes all filmed in Greenwich. I guess it's a sin to shoot in the same location. Is this just a sh**ty jokeyjoke or a legit piece of criticism? I honestly can't tell.

Me: It's a reference/homage to Hollywood constantly filming in certain locations to do film shoots (especially Canada, due to its tax differences). You see camera crews filming stuff all the time and even handing out notices that give info on what film/show they're working on and how long they'll be there. I'm probably in the background of 257 different films and television shows simply because I'm Canadian.

Me: Canadians have very, very mixed, passionate feelings about being used to film American movies that are virtually never set in actual Canada, so I'd count this as a movie sin, yes.

14:48 Bob: Why are jokes about ejaculating allowed in these videos but cursing isn't?

Me: For the same reason double entendre jokes were allowed in 1971's "The Two Ronnies," but cursing wasn't: Because double entendre has a layer of subtext that hides its taboo nature from younger audiences (making it often "go above their heads"), but swearing doesn't. Unless you censor it in some way.

Me: The Two Ronnies' comedy sketch "Crossed Lines" literally has every other line a sex-related joke and it's considered to be a masterpiece of English double entendre. Check it out.

17:46: CinemaSins: The three main characters take down all-20-plus henchmen without the slightest injury.

Bob: By "20-plus henchmen" do you really mean six dudes?

Me: Hey, we're all allowed to hyperbole. I've been doing it like 50 times in this essay alone. :D

17:53 Adler: Moriarty. Please don't underestimate him.

CinemaSins: Irene is just saying "and we need a plot for the next movie."

Bob: Would you prefer the sequel to have a villain that comes out of nowhere, or is teased a little bit? Do all those Marvel post-credits scenes with Thanos make you really mad?

Me: I would prefer a film to be restrained enough to not sequel bait and allow itself to be its own, self-contained story.

Me: Also, sequel-baiting is slowly growing to be a hugely frowned-upon trend in films. It can smack of the creators being over-confident that they'll get enough money to warrant a sequel (The Last Airbender film anyone?) and well as manipulating the audience in an underhanded way. People are getting upset over sequel hooks, especially this year (2017) with films like King Arthur: Legend of the Sword (which was revealed to be a setup to six more films. I kid you not.), The Snowman (which was planned on being possibly a franchise. Which is ironic, since the film is literally incomplete but was released anyway), The Dark Tower (which was meant to lead to a television series), and Murder on the Orient Express (which ends with a sequel hook that, if you've read Agatha's Christie's Death on the Nile, creates a staggering plotting issue that I honestly have no idea how the writers will get around if the sequel does get made).

Me: I don't watch Marvel movies, so I don't know if Thanos makes me mad. Would he make me mad? Probably.

18:55 Bob: (Final Tally) Closing remarks: I have never seen someone simultaneously watch and not watch a film before. So thanks for that I guess.

Me: I've never had to type so much nitpicking-related stuff about a nitpicker before. Not since last Tuesday. So thanks for that I guess.

Me: No, really, thanks for that, Bob. This was cathartic. Genuinely.

Me: If people want to nitpick my nitpick of nitpicking and nitpicker who is nitpicking another nitpicker who's nitpicking a movie, please fell free to. Whatever you title it is bound to be hilarious, and I could do with a jolly good laugh.

-Katy

Also, here's Bobvid's YouTube Channel. *cough*Shameless plug he didn't ask for but I'm adding it anyway.*cough*

Bob, you've been a sweetheart. Keep making your videos.

"I hated this movie. Hated hated hated hated hated this movie. Hated it. Hated every simpering stupid vacant audience-insulting moment of it. Hated the sensibility that thought anyone would like it. Hated the implied insult to the audience by its belief that anyone would be entertained by it."- From Roger Ebert's review of North (1994)

Gee, I hope I don’t come off as too narky in this essay. This is such a big experiment. I’m so nervous about this ahhhhhhh--

#films #literature

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rosieandthekangaroo · 7 years

Text

Last days of winter

I started this post in Catalan and then decided to translate to English because I am a mess. And it ended up being very long, so let’s go!

So, here I will be talking about the last days I spent in Australia and, even though *the feeeeeels*, I will try to narrate what happened without boring you with sentimentalisms (is this a word?). I have been postponing this moment for a few days but if I have managed to have a blog for an entire year, I am not going to leave it unfinished.

The title is both literal (I went from winter to summer) and a kind of reference to the second album by Noah And The Whale, “First Days Of Spring”, but don’t read too much into this.

So, let’s go as it happened. I will go by topics or groups of people because we all know everyone loves reading about themselves so this way people can find the activities they shared with me all together :D

The day I left + the trip will be at the end of the post and in chronological order because I decided so.

UNI.

Exams: blahblahblah, boring, I am excellent, very good grades, boring boring. bye.

Things with 1206 girls and friends:

We went to the beautiful Grounds Of Alexandria.

We walked around for a while, took some cute pictures and then sat for lunch.

We also enjoyed a walk around The Observatory, where we took some pre-teen pictures of our feet that I am not even going to upload because I am too old for that.

But as you can see, the views were cool and my camera dirty.

The same night we went out and woke up very fresh for a beautiful sunrise at Circular Quay:

A post shared by Rosie (@sitagram) on Jul 1, 2017 at 2:58pm PDT

The next day was Katie’s last Sunday (and las day) in Sydney, so we did what people are supposed to do in their last day: Manly by ferry and Bondi walk!

I didn’t take many pictures in Manly because I was very busy buying this jacket:

A post shared by Rosie (@sitagram) on Jul 2, 2017 at 4:24am PDT

I had been trying it on forever but I never ended up buying it because it was too expensive, so when I saw it was 30% off I took it as a sign and got it. In the following days four (4, quatre, lau) people told me they liked it without me asking so that’s a win.

The waves were amazing that day. Sometimes I wish I was a better swimmer... But we are not, and it was cold, so we decided to just stare at them:

A few days later was Lydia’s last day in Sydney, so obviously we did some of the last day musts. In this case, we did Coogee to Bondi.

Gordon’s bay was pretty pretty:

And I sat on a rock south of Bondi pretending to be cool:

A post shared by Rosie (@sitagram) on Jul 5, 2017 at 7:45pm PDT

With half of the girls gone came the time for my last days... Maisie, my true savior in life, came with me to do some hikes I had never done and helped me discover new spots in Sydney.

We did a hike around North Sydney and Watson’s Bay, very pretty <3

She also came with me to do Coogee to Maroubra

We love each other but don’t sit together in the bus because having a window is important.

My last day was a Sunday so we followed the rules and did Manly by ferry and Bondi to Bronte. I don’t have any good pictures because I was focused on enjoying it, but you have seen it so many times that you can probably imagine it. Thanks Maisie for being there for me so much. Love you.

Since it was a Sunday, it was also infusion day! It’s not my favorite day of the week, but it was slightly better because I got Jarnae to cook my remaining frozen fish for me and I ate it in the sofa and then got Kate in charge of the sauce:

Change in people:

TXOKO THINGS!

First of all, let’s go with San Fermin:

The Txoko organized it Saturday the 8th of July, the day before leaving for Uluru. Or maybe I pressured Uluru friends to leave the day after San Fermin so we could enjoy both. Who knows... (<3)

San Fermin is a tradition that has many things I don’t like but, luckily, the Sydney version didn’t involve them. I dressed up in white

And ended up in not so white.

And you’ll be wondering what happened. Well, we’ll have to go through the pictures to figure it out.

It started with a cup of kalimotxo and a delicious lunch.

It looked like a promising night, even the TV was there:

As you can see, and all Australians could see because this is a still from the piece of news we were in, I was sitting at the end of the table, between the people and the kalimotxo.

Therefore, I was in charge of all the table’s refills and obviously took my 3% every time.

All good.

And it got even better when I found my true self. My spirit animal. She approached me and asked me to avoid standing next to her. I was very confused until I realized we were both wearing the same jacket.

I am no Sherlock Holmes, but I think the stains in my clothes appeared just before this picture:

I do have other pictures that could help us solve this mystery, but maybe the public eye is better without them.

The morning after San Fermin we went to Uluru (see the previous post), and the same day we returned to Sydney Montgarri and I went to my last Euskara lesson (straight from the airport!).

We played some games and learned some words and then more people came and we ate dinner all together <3 It was very nice and I am very thankful for the great moments we shared, and I am pretty sure that in September I will start looking for a place to keep learning Euskera! A part from the lesson and the beautiful dinner, they gave me a t-shirt and a handmade plate that I will keep forever. Eskerrik asko!

My last Saturday was also spent at the Txoko because we celebrated a Castellers lunch, CHRISTMAS IN JULY! The menu was a traditional Catalan Christmas menu

But a down under version: the pilota (meatballs) were of kangaroo meat (or that’s what I was told).

We also had delicious canelons and sorbet the llimona. And to finish, homemade Suchard!!! (Montgarri, this was excellent!).

I had a personalized balloon as a farewell present (and I actually took it all the way home!).

It was also Maria’s farewell and we both got a Castellers de Sydney bandana signed by everyone

It was nice and sad, thanks for so much, colla!

But let’s not cry, for now.

Later we played some canalla-friendly games and said goodbye to the canalla and to the Txoko :_(

And held the tears to enjoy a fun night out! We started at Frankie’s Pizza (I could not leave Australia without going to the fucking famous secret room!)

Then we took a cab to Soda Factory and pretended to be fine. YAY.

Then we said goodbye. And it was bad. Actual images of me crying on the way back home.

Good thing I was with Maria. Or bad, I don’t know, because she was also crying.

Tip: don’t say goodbye while drunk.

Ok let’s change topics.

FUN PART CALLED: THINGS NOT CLASSIFIED!

This first one is from castells, so it is linked to the last section, but it’s not a txoko thing... whatever. Last day of castells was fun and I am lucky it was the last because Montgarri broke my pants. I have to say that Anna started breaking them a while ago when she confused pocket and faixa, but Montgarri made the hole ten times bigger and did it in the middle of a tower, so I couldn’t move to cover myself. We laughed a lot, so it’s alright.

The search for new strings became ridiculous because I went to too many stores and they were “out of strings”, “don’t have this kind”, “never had strings”, “closed for whatever”... BUUUUT, it led me to one of the most beautiful music stores I have ever been so there ya go.

I also ended up going to enjoy the sunset at the Opera and it was bananice.

On one of the days I went with the girls to the Bondi area I went for a walk with Bruno. While I waited for him the sky was falling red and super nice.

After that, they invited me for dinner (after my absurd intentions to pretend I wanted to leave) and we ended up sharing a nice meal and beautiful evening. We even sang the song I wrote for them (this one) with a ukelele. I have a video but don’t know how to upload it here. But here you have a screenshot:

It was nice, thanks Ocean People.

And now... LAST DAY + TRIP.

To be fair, we’ll start with the last evening.

We did a nice reunion home. We didn’t do a dinner because of logistics (I was getting my infusions and stuff), but all 1206 (minus Katie, plus Liz) spent a nice evening together. We saw a very entertaining tv show and shared some good laughs.

While I was getting my infusion I was chatting to Montgarri. She wanted to come say goodbye but she lives in the North Pole, so I told her it was ok, we could call or skype. I thought she was home so we thought skype was better, but then she called me. I could not get it on time so I texted her: skype or call? And she answered “hug!” with a selfie in front of my door. And now tell me, what have I done to deserve people like this around me? Seriously, Montgarri, you are the best. We stayed home for a little while, chatted, even sang a little bit, and then we said goodbye. I didn’t cry because I wasn’t drunk, but it was sad. But we’ll see each other very soon, right? ;)

That evening I finished packing and had to say goodbye to Liz, my beautiful crazy friend, so I went to sleep with the weirdest feeling on Earth.

The next morning I woke up very early and finished packing and cleaning. Then I met with Coti and Beñat for a coffee, since we hadn’t had a chance to say goodbye.

After the coffee, they came to pick up a yoga mat that no one in my flat wanted. On the way home, we stopped at free store because I was told there would be a guitar case in the morning (and I badly needed one to take Daisy home safe).

The case was not in the free store but, on the way to the elevator, we saw a guy with a big trolley full of things and, I think it was Beñat, spotted the case. So lucky they saw it before anyone else could take it!

We took the case upstairs, Coti took the yoga mat and we went back downstairs to say goodbye.

Very thankful they came so early in the morning, I feel so lucky to have these two crazy (haired) people as friends!

After saying goodbye I went to check out and said the first goodbye of the morning to Jarnae, my beautiful singer and wall mate. Then I finished packing and got Maisie and Kate to help me carry my luggage to the uber.

Then we said a quick goodbye to avoid crying. Or that’s what we thought. The poor uber guy had to deal with my ugly sobbing.

But when I got to the airport I had to have a clear mind: I was taking too much weight and a guitar!

Have you seen this face? This is the face of a lucky bastard.

I was allowed 2 suitcases of 23kg each. Well... I carried one of 18,5 kg and another of 30,5kg and DID NOT PAY. I also begged to take the guitar to cabin with me and they let me. Well, they told me that they might have to check it in last minute, but they didn’t, they stored it in some kind of lockers they have next to where they keep the food.

So, once I left the security check behind, I went for the important stuff: spending my last dollars on TimTams. The guitar case I got was soo cool that had side pockets that could fit two TimTam boxes!!!

Once I got the cookies I found a quiet corner where I played some guitar (very quietly, just enough to distract myself), and I ate the fish leftovers I had.

The first flight was bad. I was supposed to stay awake for most of it and I did, but ugh. I saw Hidden Figures and Dr Strange. Movies were good, but staying awake is hard!

Then we stopped in Singapore and I chose the wrong toilet.

I was also supposed to stay awake for the first 7-8h of the second flight. I rewatched the last Sherlock episode and Pulp Fiction, but I ended up falling asleep too soon.

Then in London, the transfer was easy, but the flight was packed. On the boarding line, I saw small suitcases being checked, so I panicked. A guitar is was bigger than that!

When it was my turn the lady didn’t even look at the guitar so I walked without saying anything. While waiting at the gate chairs, while the rich people were already boarding, a woman approached me pointing at my guitar. I froze. I was ready to not-so-fake cry if necessary. But then she said “get in line with the business people to ensure you have space for that”. Oh la la. So the guitar got home safe. And me too.

When I went to pick up the luggage my two suitcases were the first to appear in front of me. The trip back home was like suspiciously good, especially compared with the way there!

And finally, the meeting! My mom, sisters and sister products (Lluc) were waiting for me with personalized t-shirts!!! They even had one for me. And for some of my friends woohoo!!! They are so cool!!!

So that’s it. That’s the end of my experience in Australia, for now. But this is surely not the last post. I am keeping this blog for other Australia-related activities and thoughts and stuff.

Thank you to everyone who has helped me make this year so fucking cool. I hope we meet again soon. Like really soon. I am not saying this just to say it, I really mean it. I have met very special people and, even though we will not be talking very often nor sharing moments, I am sure you’ll always have a special place in my brain (fuck the heart), and I really want to see you all.

Now I am almost crying, mira per on.

Dw.

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platatoandsoquoquediscovern-blog · 6 years

Text

Soquoque discovers:

My thoughts while watching twilight breaking dawn part 2, in 100 sentences or less

1. WHY ARE THE OPENING CREDITS SO LONG?

2. Lol Bella is a vampire now, SURPRISE.

3. AAAAH CGI PANTHER IS CGI

4. Also, a panther? Really Bella? Way to overachieve

5. Ew ew, CGI baby is CGI and really fucking weird looking

6. Bella is about to beat Jacobs butt (also why does he take so long to tell her that he imprinted on her infant. Bruh this is not the moment to be vague)

7. Kristen Stewart angry is only slightly more expressive then everyday Kristen Stewart

8. Baby had feelings for Jacob in the womb

9. Ah no Seth… Sam..? the brown werewolf

10. Shortest fight EVER

11. Also, anyone notice how he calls her Ness once and then literally never again.

12. Aaaaah CGI baby is still heavily CGI

13. I feel like part of Bella’s reason for being in this movie is to just point out all the stuff about vampires we already know since this is the fifth fucking movie. E.g. “vampires don’t sleep”

14. Tbh this movie has a really good soundtrack, and a lot of sparkle effects

15. There she goes again pointing shit out “we don’t get tired” yeah Bella, we fucking know

16. Directors message to Jacob was “eat this sandwich and stare out of the window longingly” and Taylor Lautner was like “I got this”

17. Why didn’t Jacob know the entire plan? Like what did they expect him to do. I would totally go and wolf out in front of Bella’s father if I got this totally out of the blue news

18. I fucking love Charlie man. And Taylor Lautner’s work out programme.

19. Was the acting always this bad? Also did Edward always sound like he was from Boston, New York?

20. Lol these vampires seriously overestimate what we as a human species notice about each other. Move your shoulders so it looks like you’re breathing? You know how often I notice if people are breathing? Never

21. Carlisle got tan-ish. I like it

22. Kristen Stewart pretending to be Bella pretending to be a human-being-like Kristen Stewart is a sight and a half

23. Charlie took all of this crap a lot better than they gave him credit for. Also, was he even in the Part 1? Or is this whole concerned dad act only present when the script calls for it?

24. Bella makes promises she can’t keep

25. Bells? Bells? Nope don’t even try to pull that surprise nickname thing Chuck. Also, aaaaah CGI baby is back. Again I ask, why couldn’t they JUST USE A NORMAL HUMAN BABY. YOU MADE A SHIT TON OF MONEY TWILIGHT, BUT YOU COULDN’T SPRING FOR A ACTUAL BABY (ASSUMING THEY ARE ALSO PAIID ACTORS OBVIOUSLY)

26. The movie has time for a Bella vs Emmet arm wrestling match in case you forgot that new-borns are stronger than their aged vampire counter parts

27. “That’s right bitches, I sparkle too now” – Bella, circa 2012

28. “we shake hands now you forgive us for trying to kill the girl you loved and her baby. Yes?” “Yes.”

29. Also, wtf is Reneesme and why do we only see this really high jumping power once and never again?

30. Also, also, fuck Irina.

31. Also, also also AAAAAAAH CGI EIGHT-YEAR-OLD IS CGI

32. Yay, the Edward piano solo I was waiting for… said literally no one ever

33. Damn she got to Rome fast.

34. Also, the Voltari man. If you look up creepy old guys in the dictionary you will see their picture, posing like Charlie’s angels

35. Can we run through Alice’s plan really quickly? She has this vision that the Voltari are ‘coming for them’ and then she, the fucking future see-er just bounces? Leaving them all to their own devices? Like what a dick move Alice- and yeah yeah I get that she needed to go find that other vampire-human hybrid and shit but a heads up would have been nice

36. Also, “Vampire sex?” “No, too graphic.” “Throwing babies into fires?” “Yeah, that should be fine.”- the producers, probably

37. Does Rosalee… Rosaline… Nikki Reed’s character, only have like five lines in this entire movie?

38. Oh, look it’s those two shock ladies and that one brunette lady.

39. AAAAH CGI 8-YEAR-OLD- YOU GET THE POINT

40. Wow do all vampires overreact like this

41. she touches their faces and now everything’s fine (even though they tried to kill her like 2 seconds ago)

42. Yaaaaay Rami Malek. Look at the nature man go.

43. Benjamin is the bestest

44. Random safari ladies are fucking random… but appreciated

45. Mentions the unpredictability of the nomad Peter… nothing happens ever again

46. We have eighteen people, yay

47. You don’t want to fight Allister? Then why are you here dude

48. Its CGI jungle within a CGI jungle- its CGI-CEPTION

49. Ooooooh, she’s a shield…. We knew that but okay

50. The Russians are coming, the Russians are coming

51. I thought Jacob was supposed to be the smart wolf… why is he hopelessly jumping at trees he can’t climb?

52. Cedric Diggory: Hufflepuff, piano player, vegetarian, prize speech giver.

53. Lol Bella stood up like she has a choice in whether to fight or not. Its your child babe, you best fight.

54. Sudden introduction to Jane’s psycho brother Alec is sudden

55. You’re telling me the Voltari found this one chump who couldn’t get to Carlisle house in time? That’s convenient

56. And thus, commences Bella’s training, which lasts like five minutes before she totally has that shit down. And henceforth to the battlefield

57. Also, Edward and Emmet make this scene… and the entire movie really

58. Oh right, Reneesme is in this movie… forgot about her. Thanks for the bedtime story reading time thing twilight makers

59. Bella: new-born, question-asker, part time Sherlock Holmes. Also, Edward GET YOUR HEAD OUT OF THE GUTTER MAN. YOUR CHILD’S LIFE IS AT STAKE

60. Ah Charlie, poor, hopeless, oblivious Charlie.

61. Bella sits in a restaurant while her child’s life hangs in the balance

62. Also, AH, ITS RACHEL ZANES FATHER

63. Bella has some seriously crappy handwriting… also goodbye Allister, we all knew you wouldn’t last

64. Look at that, Charlie has a girlfriend. And I don’t care

65. Uhm I got up and left for like 3 minutes and now… campfire? Okay cool.

66. These stories are really freaking depressing…. anyone know any good Dracula stories?

67. Father- son bonding moments for the win.

68. But side note, Edward never thanked Carlisle once for saving his life? Not even once? Dick move Cullen, dick move.

69. Dum dum duh dum… landscapes, snow, so…many…vampires

70. I love how they all stand in nice little groups just to really emphasise how pathetic the Cullen Army is compared to the monstrosity that is the Voltari

71. Remove the hoods of our coats so they know we mean business

72. Hey Carlisle, if you move closer you won’t have to yell

73. If there was ever a time to vampire speed run, IT WOULD BE NOW EDWARD

74. Question: what exactly is Aro’s ability again? He can read a persons past? Their minds? Their hands?

75. “Emmet, you and Jacob in the back. Edward and I will protect her from the side. Ready? Break” – Bella probably

76. Dude, I will never get over Aro’s creepy as shit laugh. Like we get it dude, you’re batshit crazy, no need to scare the kids.

77. These Voltari don’t play around… they brought torches and everything. Also, oh no that lady that betrayed the Cullen’s is dead…but on the plus side Bella is actually being useful for once so yay?

78. “Suck on my awesome shield making powers bitch”- Bella, probably again

79. Lol Aro stopped Alec from unleashing his slow ass fog on the Cullen’s like it was going to make a difference?

80. Such…a long…speech

81. Alice is back yay… took her sweet ass time getting here though. Also, WHY IS NO ONE VAMPIRE RUNNING?

82. Okay so a summary of the events taking place right now: everything is going to shit. Carlisle is dead (not gonna lie, the first time I watched this movie I lost my shit when that happened) and basically everyone is killing everyone. But obvs the Cullen’s have to win or else what is the point although all logic would say that they really shouldn’t because they have eighteen fucking vampires and the Voltari have like…a lot more than eighteen but hey, Cullen’s for the win

83. “Aaaaaaaaand it was all an illusion suckers. Fuck you for thinking we would kill Carlisle, we love that guy” – the maker of twilight, probably.

84. Hey there’s that Brazilian vampire-human hybrid dude that’s going to save the day. Woohoo

85. Oh, so NOW they vampire run. Fucking stupid ass Voltari

86. Lol another father-son bonding moment. Easy there son Jacob, respect your dad

87. Aww look at the happy family on the CGI beach.

88. And now folks, a recap of the past four movies… you know, just in case you missed it.

89. Is it just me or are they just making up Bella’s ‘abilities’ as we go along. What, now she can remove her shield and let Edward read her mind. Fuck off twilight people.

90. Also, AAAAHHHH its younger, creepier Edward

91. And just like that, the end of an era. So long you sparkly sons of bitches

92. So…many…end credits. (I do love this song though)

93. Wait, is Booboo Stewart related to Kristen Stewart? Please hold while I Google this

94. He’s not.

#twilight breakingdawnpart2 teamedward honesty funny allgoodfun

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caityamyvr-blog · 6 years

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My thoughts while watching Breaking Dawn Part 2: in up to 100 sentences