#literally just: i dont have internet. cant post. wont have internet for like 2 weeks more either | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

tylerwritez · 3 years

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Saturday, June 19 2021

I dont know how I feel about the day yet cos right now its only 10:13. I dont post these exactly on the days I write them, but I write them on these exact days nonetheless.

My throat still hurts, my ass hurts, oUch,.... I'm sure you know why. Like, when you suck dick, it takes throat strength to make sure you don't fucking vomit everywhere and like. I OBVIOUSLY dont have that strength since I had to wash vomit outta my hair this morning

Hes so hot tho oh. My god.

Whatever. New day. So we talk about new things.

Star seems kinda sad but I dont really know why? She said on her story that people dont really go outta their way to talk to her... idk. I shot a good morning dm and now I'm here. I made my bed. Packed up my shit. Every time we pack things up my parents rage cos they always find shit they dont want to see: monster cans, evidence of my self harm, etc.

We have 1 more week then school is OVER and I move outta this house cos of the divorce. Jay will be gone too... I still have his insta, but I might ask for his number... just in case. I always get weirdly attached to people I fuck even if there was never any romantic part of the relationship. We are just friends.

Apparently we are going to the pick n pack today with my friend let's call her Zara. It's notfar off from her real name but whatever. Basically pick n pack is where you go to a vegetable garden and pick vegetables

I have a test soon but idk if I'll study for it. I NEVER really put work into studying or pay attention in class and I'm holding an 82 average. I got a 39 once, so once I retake that quiz I might be in the 90s. Sorry Mr. Renal, I simply can't bring myself to care about your class 😢

I LOVE my art class tho. It's just doing ART!!!! ART TIME!!!! Art is the best and I would post some of mine but my irls would proabably find me then. Like my name isnt ACTUALLY Jude Shepard. I'm just using it as a penname and also cos that's what they called me in my dream. But other than that everything I tell y'all is real. I'm making buttered toast rn.

3:38 p.m. sat june 19th

I've decided to include a song recommendation with every entry. Today's recommendation: A Match Into Water by Pierce The Veil

Okay so it turns out we didnt go to pick n pack with Zara. Instead we went to downtown... White Ave. It was sunny n we walked a bit, got lemonades and a bit of candy, went into stores, idk. BUT. The notable part of this is that next to the farmers market there were all the usual activist groups: falun gong, vegan, whatever... but one of them looked like it was a LEFTIST GROUP, possible marxist.

I wanted to talk to them so badly and wanted to see how I could help the cause. See, I'm a communist. AND IM NOT HERE TO DEBATE THAT. I'm here to talk about my days. Anwyays I wanted to talk to them sO BADLY. but my parents wouldn't leave me alone. And like. I hate political discussion with them. They just upset me and they get mad and I CANT AFFORD TO MAKE THEM MAD. I play everything that goes on with me on the Down Low, I dont talk about anything about myself because if I do, I get less freedom in my life. They have control in my life, so I have to appease them. Because of this, I unfortunately did not get to talk to the communists :(

Hopefully they're still there next time... I'm kinda mad >:(

Also Star replied to my good morning text... I told her to have fun shopping since that's what she told me she was gonna do... she just said "thanks" and I was concerned because THATS NOT HOW SHE TYPES? I feel like shes sad over something but i dont know what.

The day me and Jacob did stuff, I was supposed to walk her to her bus stop like I always do. But I didnt (duh) I took Jacob home.

But IT WAS ONE! DAY. And I told her my dad called me over so.... I apologized too and she seemed mad at herself, but in the way that's intended to make you feel bad.

I dont understand her sometimes. I LOVE HER. DON'T GET ME WRONG. I love her so so much shes such a great supportive funny attractive girl! But soemtimes she gets upset and I can never tell why: is it the depression? Is it me? Is it soemthing else entirely? And she'll never tell me.

Whatever, I'll ask her how she is tonight and maybe we can Talk :/

I might never tell her about Jay... :P I might never tell ANYONE about Jay. It's our little secret I guess >:))))))

Man see? I'm no saint. I guess that's what'll make this blog worth reading. I'm a bit conflicted about the whole thing cos I KNOW this is morally not right but. I'm doing it anyways. What can I say? I'm used to lying and hiding things for my benefit. I had to do it to survive and now? Now I do it for funsies.

I'm gonna pack some more stuff, TTYL ♡

UPDATE: we had to go look at houses for the move (since my parents r divorcing) and I didnt get to pack much of anything yet

I'm definently over my cal limit today...

Cold sweet or carbonated drinks help with my throat pain so I'm downing them like they're NOTHING and since we have no zero cal cold drinks I'm DEAD... and no, water does NOTHING.

Jeez, its raining out.

And FUCK JAY cos hes still on my mind.

Its 4:11 p.m. now.

Its now 7:56 p.m.

I kinda feel like an edgy main character in an edgy movie rolling up to the park and sitting #alone in the Treez like the emo band music video protagonist I am.

Sometimes its exhausting to talk to people I care about in a serious way or that I talk to in a more sincere manner like Star and Jay and others. Even if they're just friends. If our interactions are serious and not really casual and usually play out like long deep conversation, I feel like to respond to or even read their messages, I need to have like an hour allotted to conversation. Soemtimes I see the messages early and have to pretend I didnt see em cos I dont have internet to respond or time to respond its. Funny. Idk.

Anwyays I'm binging chocolate in a park alone and like. Rotting my fucking teeth OH WELL 🤷🏻‍♂️ whatcha gonna do.

Its 8 now so I should head home. I just biked to the s4ve 0ns to get my dad white choclate but. If I'm going to s4ve 0ns... YOU BET YOUR ASS IM GONNA STE4L SHIT. THAT PLACE IS EASY AS FUCKKK.

Also I'm kinda addicted to sh0pl1fting. The THRILL I get from it is so insane. It's fun! And you get free stuff! I know If i get caught I'm risking a lot. I'm aware. But I dont really care. Every step I take nowadays is risk taking. So why not take more?

I dont care about nonsense therapy. Fuck that.... actually I'll explain why i dont go to therapy for my shit:

1. I cant

2. I don't trust it

Anwyays yeah.

My throat still hurts. Idk, I just like to be in the sun and shit ALONE.

ALONE! It's so funny to me how now I like my time alone but as a kid I'd proabably kill for some positive attention. Well... it's more complex than that, but I wont go into it tonight.

Pls watch me die of diabetes soon from eating all this fucking chocolate.

My parents said to stop drinking monster and I wANT THEM TO TRUST ME so i can go out with my friends... but also I shoulda got monster outta spite. Heart palpitations my ASS.

Tonight I'll be talking to Jay AND Star. At the same time. Which is awkward... Which is MY OWN MESS TO CLEAN UP. I actually accept full responsibility. But also its awkward.

Whatever. I'll sort it out.

My parents arent being as complicated as usual. I guess they're tryna reverse all those years of... emotional neglect i guess? Something.

Something. Which isnt nothing.

But also I think they're guilty over the divorce. Like. Today my dad was like "do u ever feel sad? Blah blah blah... how do u feel rn" and I was like smiling tryna play off his question like it was absurd and I said "uhm idk... *fake laugh* normal?"

THE TRUTH WAS THAT I WAS A BIT CONFUDDLED ABOUT WHAT I WAS GONNA DO REGARDING. LITERALLY CHEATING. ON MY GF. WITH SOME DUDE IN MY ART CLASS. JUST FOR SEX.

But then he was like "this isnt normal." And he looked all sad. But on my way to the park here, I thought about it a bit more. And actually... it IS normal. The divorce rate is smthn like 60 percent in the states and 40 percent in canada... which is where I live.

Yknow... if my irls find this,,, all I have to say is sorry. Be as mean as you want.

I've already accepted my fate as a degenerate scumbag anyways lol.

Actually... how DO I feel? Hmm... laying in this field.

Urgency.

I have a lot of stuff to do.

Physical pain, but that's not. A FEELING.

I guess anticipation to TALK TO PEOPLE.

Regret from my binge... I better get home.

You know what's so funny to me? I cant purge on my own... but dick makes me vomit. Like the one time I DONT want to throw up, I do. Damn okay.

Well its 8:18 so I'm going home maybe. Soon. For now, I think I'll stay a little longer.

Yknow one thing I didn't expect to be sore was my arms... which I used to prop myself up to... yknow, suck Jay...

I still remember he said: "you're trembling." And I was like FUCK because I thought the trembling was HIM... •_• it's okay though I'll learn to do better.

Idk tho... I feel comfortable with him. Even as nervous as I am and embarrassed to be. Naked. In front of soemone else. And such. He makes me feel comfortable. Look, I did my best, DUH of cOURSE I did my best, I'm the type who will work hard at stuff even if they're getting hurt. I didnt mind honeslty. My goal in that part was just to make him feel good. Equal exchange, yknow? He did the same thing to me.

But like, he can tell when I gag and he tells me not to hurt myself and of course I keep going, I'm not about to SToP. But. I dont kNOW. Him talking to me like that makes me feel a lot safer doing stuff like that you know?

I like when he starts kissing me and touching me like he cant contain himself its almost animalistic and VERY FUCKING HOT

I feel like I talk about him too much but you gotta realize that was my FIRST time

1. Sucking dick

2. having MY junk sucked

3. Having anything put. Inside me. (It was just his finger but stILL)

So yeaH. Of course I'm gonna talk about it. A lot.

He said I was adorable. He said he likes how, when he leans over me, I take in a breath... how he could make me flinch.

THATS HOT ISNT IT.

I feel like I'm getting lost in his charm when I shoULD be tryna fix shit with my girlfriend. She seems sad and I'm worried.

But there isnt much more to say until I DM her tonight...

I really fucked up, didn't I? I totally fucked up and now my brain is all confused. But I have to remember that Jay is only about sex. He would be nice to cuddle, since hes fucking HUGE and I'm kinda on the short side, but he doesnt talk to me out of love. He does it out of lust. And yeah... I really only want sex from him too. But like. Star and I are COMMITTED. We got our feelings wrapped up together. Emotionally and romantically.

So. I should proabably like... stop fucking with Jay. Tell Star what I did. And hope she forgives me. That's the morally correct thing to do.

But like... do I EVER make the morally correct decision? No. Not really. I'm a piece of shit. Whatever. Its highschool anwyays we arent mating for life. IM NOT SAYING WHAT I DID WASNT BAD. IT WAS. VERY BAD.

but I'm gonna keep making bad decisions.

I DO FEEL BAD.... but look. If we're being logical about this and tryna maximize my benefit here,, I should keep Star as my girlfriend and TREAT HER WELL... but with Jay as a fuckbuddy on the side. Hes leaving the school soon anwyays so then we'll hang out less...

That's my plan, anyways.

I KNOW I'm a bad person. I'm aware. But it's just a fact of life.

I'm cheating with my cards here in so many places: stealing, lying, cheating, disobeying my parents, not paying attention in class.. IM KIND OF AN ASSHOLE KID. Idk. It's kinda whatever to me. I'm fucking harry Houdini, okay? I can get out of anyhting. This isnt me being cocky... I have historically gotten out of MANY tight situations, even some that risked my life, and I'm still here. I think I'm a walking lucky charm or SOEMTHING

Welp, we know if gods real I'm going to hell.

I dont really care. Idk. I guess I'm just at that risk taking phase in.my life. That doesnt justify anything... but it explains it. And it's possible to explain without justifying.

Man,,, I guarantee whoever reads this blog is gonna hate my guts.

Whatever. It's my fucking journal/diary lol.

I can sorta say whatever I'd like.

It's funny because I always thought I was trustworthy and had no commitment issues BUT HEY I GUESS NOT.

I keep telling myself, cut him off, YOU AVE A GIRLFRIEND, FESS UP AND APOLOGIZE... but then I picture his STUPID smirking face and I CANT.

Maybe I am in love double.

Doesnt matter if I am... i still did a bad thing.

DAMN.

Well... I'm headed back home now. 8:41. I'm gonna pack my shit, change, watch youtube,,,, I guess I should check my google classroom and like. do my fucking homework... cos I haven't done it yet.

Then I'll update yall.

11:51 p.m.

Hey guys I'm back with an update.

I talked with both of then... star doesnt seem interested in having an actual conversation,,, shes just talking about random bs. Which is fine but I dont rly get what shes saying half the time COS SHES NOT BLUNT ENOUGH. and then the other half shes going on about how much she hates life. Like.

I do love her. We've bonded. I AM concerned about her. But sometimes I feel like she doesn't really try. Like I can talk her down from suicide all I want but everything I say is wrong and cliched and based off my own experience with suicidal thoughts and like... my mentality has always been sorta toxicly masculine. Push through, and push through alone. I CANT ALWAYS HELP! And it makes me feel shitty. Idk. She'll be okay, I know so cos of her story posts and drawings.

I feel bad but I know I can't help much. We talked a little. Idk, we didnt get anywhere. I love her but shes acting in a way that tells me soemthing is wrong but I CANT FIX THAT THING. SO. yeah, theres not much to say. I wish I could take away all her pain but I can't.

I talked to Jay as well... I DONT KNOW WHATS HAPPENING BECAUSE I LIKE HIM SO SO MUCH. SO MUCH. HES LITERALLY PERFECT. sexy, kind and super considerate, he always makes sure I'm comfortable... I dont KNOW,,, hes sweet.

Hes not romantically interested in me. Which is a bit sad. Sometimes I want to tell him "I love you!!!" But then I remember that we are, in his words, friends with benefits. Fuck buddies. Two horny teenage boys who just wanna fuck... and be friends. That's all. That's us. We aren't romantically involved nor will we ever be. I hate how my brain gets so attached to anyone I fuck... especially since I kinda see Jay as an "older brother" figure, which makes no sense until you actually meet him and vibe with him... and like,,, I've always wanted that?

Tommorow I'm gonna ask for him to come over to watch a movie... but idk if I should actually ask because my parents kinda hate me now for fucking up so much. I'll do my homework and clean my room first... which will take up all my time proabably :( it's okay. Maybe some other time :(

I dont want him to lose interest in me though.

.... its 1:56 a.m.

Okay. Okay. I'll say it. I love him.

Goodnight, tumblr.

-Jude

#JudeJournals #jude shepard #tumblr diary #journal

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sanhatation · 6 years

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ri’s thicc 2017 reflection post !

its still quite a few hours away from 2018 for me but i just wanted to take this time to reflect on my absolutely Lovely 2017!!! yay time 2 get sappy as i word vomit and overshare about my year on tumblr.com !!!!

thank you loads to all of my LOVELY followers !!!!!!!!! yall are the cutest, make my day on the daily ! i wish you the best 2018 that the world can offer !!! stay healthy, take time for yourself, love yourself, love others, and be kind! 💓💓

this Riley Rant here, is gonna be here for me than anything. like a Fat journal entry !! and i am an Oversharer so here she goes [jeopardy music]

to begin, i have met and befriended so many amazing people on here this year and WOW!!!!!! lovely and supportive and talented, beautiful aroha friends??? it doesnt get better than that!!!!! i would attempt to tag all of u but yall know who u are ;)) im endlessly grateful to those of you who have really made being on here worth it. heck ya sometimes im like “why do i even spend time on here” but then!!!! idk sunny comes swingin in with just a heart full of love or sara comes swingin in with her eggs or marian comes swingin in with her rare pairs or j comes swingin in with her baking posts and thats not even HALF of it !!!!! seriously.....love you guys tons.

to my friends who i have had the pleasure of remaining your friend this year and getting closer to u !! i love you. i really dont know how yall handle me especially 2015/2016 me?? a MESS! yall are the REALEST. again, yall know who u are ;)) i hope we can continue to talk and have fun in 2018, i wish yall the best.

and lastly....heres a THICC shoutout to my six shining stars.

as for me as an individual, 2017 was a freaking Whack year. it was incredible....dare i say, iconic. and now its time for.....RILEY’S 2017 HIGHLIGHTS !!!!!! (also includes: the sucky parts bc even those allowed me to grow !)

- man, did 2017 start out pretty rough when my country decided it was a good idea to elect a freakin cheeto for president. however! i had the lovely opportunity to attend the women’s march at my capital the day before inauguration !! and it was powerful!!!! truly an experience ill treasure forever!

- binch....thank u Winter Dream for my whole life. tbh i wont forget sobbing at my best friend’s house when it dropped. thank u Miss Again Dance Practice. thank u Miss You & Me MV. thank u Miss Cotton Candy Choreography. thank u.

- ah.....when some pinhead started that tr*mp chanting at a basketball game lol! so iconic that we made the new york times! gotta love that....

- OMG !!! HOW TO SUCCEED !!!! an absolutely amazing experience. granted, the male lead was a Snake, but i had a blast. Rosemary will forever be close to my heart and ill always cry a little when i hear Brotherhood of Man or Paris Original !! such an awesome opportunity. i learned a frick ton about myself as a performer. i improved a ton in acting and dancing, and also came to learn that i am very good at receiving instructions and memorizing lines quickly. i learned that i need to work on some of my facial expressions and i also learned some of my habits ! i miss u Queenie H2$ :’’)

- had my first tap dance performance ever??? i really enjoyed learning tap, and i hope to pick it back up in the future !!!!

- BIIIIIINCCH i had the opportunity to visit my sister in korea!!!!!!! wow.....truly the BEST week of my entire year, maybe even LIFE! i went to the dog cafe, the sheep cafe, mcountdown, the lunar festival kick off, gwanghwamun palace, dongdaemun, shopped a ton around hongdae, ate food by the han river, visited namsan tower (but not without getting lost), hit the noraebang TWICE, walked into a private Fantagio board meeting, ate delicious chicken on a STIIICK, ran in the rain, ordered delivery mcdonalds, had the BEST fried chicken, met a bunch of monks, was led around dongdaemun by a very old korean man, SAW EUNWOO AND DOYEON AND RECEIVED MUCH LOVE AND NEARLY DIED, hit the convenience store literally every day, snuck out, GOT A WAVE FROM KEY :((( , bought Winter Dream and lots of skin care products and lots of cute clothes, had the clearest skin ive ever had in my life, went to a buddhist temple, witnessed a drunk man fall into the splits inbetween the ground and the subway, ran up and down 1000 subway stairs, fell in love with a man named Peanut, drank too much banana and strawberry milk, sobbed my face off at the festival as korean grandmas bowed to me, tried tons of new foods (including the nastiest bowl of cheese ramyun ive ever had in my life), bought lots of socks, rode an airplane for......like 40 hours in total? literally the best week of my Life

- had my junior vocal recital ! it was a cute girl. i felt my acting had really improved since sophomore voice recital !!

- had prom on my 17th birthday and had a jolly good time !!! my mom made my dress and i felt like a Stunner

- dream pt. 01...she rly is that Bad Bih. best era. miss her loads. none of us ever deserved her.

- les mis !!!!!! two whole weeks.....another Best Time. i learned so much, made so many lifetime friends, had a blast, sang my heart out.....such a freaking good time. i miss her

- got to spend the ENTIRE summer with momo!!!!!!!!!!! literally the ENTIRE!!!!! and what did we do? hit the park, watched lemonade mouth and fantastic beasts and starstruck and that random unicorn movie, made the Best slime, made that ICONIC weki meki video, laughed a ton, cried a ton, stayed up all night for the sunrise, stayed later for the sunset & thunderstorm, walked home in the pouring rain & lightning (IT IS VERY WET), went to the beach, met many dogs, got me hairs cut, befriended that Cat, and went to a painting class

- cabin week !!!!!!!!!!! whatta lovely time

- my brother’s wedding !!!! honestly? my best outfit of the year... had a bangin time. his wife is truly a cutie and i love her tons!

- there was that Mess in august and i still feel sorry to those who felt hurt because of it. i learned a lot about how things especially on the internet can be easily misunderstood and misinterpreted, so u gotta be EXTRA careful with your words !

- through that i also came to accept that u cant get everyone to understand or like u, and tbh that is okay for now. all we can do when we make mistakes is try to understand & learn, apologize, and try to better ourselves. and sometimes even when u do that, u still may not be liked. and thats okay. as long as you are trying your best and recognize mistakes, its all good.

-skinny dipped at girls time wow what a freaking TIME

- woah dude i dropped out of my arts school lmao!!! the BIGGEST change in my life since 2014.;..wow! i dont even have the words to say how much stress was lifted off of me and i love senior yr !!!!

- momo came to CT!!!!!!

- seeing svt live !!!!! but tbh the best part was seeing momo, “I LOVE A MAN WHO CAN SEW”, “I!!!!!!!!!! LOVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! JIHOON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”, “IM UNDERAGE”, and when Mo BLASTED to that other line

- LAKE COMPOUNCE LMAOOOOO I LOVE JIHOON PT2!!!!

- my mom, sister, and i took an eight week painting class! i finished two paintings and learned a ton!! honestly a good time

- dream pt. 02.....shes that other Bad Bih....absolutely adore her

- i also learned that its okay to cut people off who are toxic. especially if you have already informed them that they make u feel bad, they are not worth trying to please or keep around. take care of yourself. similarly, its okay to block people, and you dont owe them an explanation

- MADI CAME HOME !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! my other half...missed her so much :(((

- riley’s calligraphy christmas !!!!! was so much fun and i loved people’s reactions and i loved learning arohas favorite astro lyrics !!!

- ah...............one of the hardest weeks of my whole life. the pain still lingers, and i know itll hit me again like a boulder the next time we see only four of my angels standing on stage. for four months, i was worried sick about another member, and i even knew he was hurting, that his mental illness was real. my heart aches and there is a piece of it missing, but it will never be replaced. i know you are much happier now, jjong. i love you.

- and also because of that, i have been able to think a lot about how i live my life. thoughts like ‘am i watching out for my family and friends enough?’ ‘am i listening enough?’ ‘is this funny comment worth it?’ ‘am i happy?’ im trying to be better. to not take things for granted, to only be kind, to always be there for those i love, for those who love me. and i will try my hardest to not complain about small or petty inconveniences. to try harder to be optimistic.

- christmas was with my whole family for the first time in five years ;;; she was such a cute girl!

and now on to the next act !!!! its called RILEY’S NEW YEARS RESOLUTIONS !!!!!!!!!!

1. lets start with the basic stuff that im 99% not gonna pull through on: keep ur room clean. keep everywhere u go clean, it makes mom upset. eat better, u know there is other foods in this house besides peanut butter and pepperoni and popcorn.

2. send out at least one Lovely Ask per day. i made this goal sometime over the summer, and i did it for a few months until i started to forget ;; its not that hard, u just gotta remember to do it !!

3. sis.....quit Procrastinating.......GET ur FREAKING application done...do ur homework the night before lmao! call who u need to !!! write those thank u cards!!!! go get them scholarships!!!! enter that graphic design contest lmao!!! just DO IT!!!!!!!!!!!! time is wasting

4. just be happy

#hot frick this is four pages on google docs FHFJJDSLASJ #anyway heres a word dump #if u actually read this......ur insane................and i love u #about me !#riley's thicc 2017 post #riley really really rambles

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cake-of-awesome · 7 years

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i’ve got 99 problems and a good 95 of them could be solved if i just fucking opened my mouth and said something

thats literally it. thats my biggest problem. its a simple problem. but its a big one and a hard one to solve for me mainly because at some point in time i got it drilled into my head that no one cares/i dont deserve to speak up i guess

the reason im so apparantly depressed? because im isolated and lonely all of the time. why am i so lonely? well its a complicated answer but mostly to do with the fact that i cant connect with people in this area

and the reason behind that is 1) im terrified of any sort of negative backlash, main reason i have yet to even talk to any family members on sexuality or gender issues (when it comes to me personally) 2) im terrified of people just isolating me not because they dislike me but because they just dont understand/arent interested in the subject

either way its fear and anxiousness thats a huge driving force in basically all of my social interactions. i dont want to appear vunerable at all.

not sure if thats just a reaction to still being embarassed when basically the entire county came together to help me get through cancer via fund raisers when i was 13 or just the fear that if i be myself people wont like me and ill be isolated in this rural pitstain and become a cat person or what but its a thing that basically drives my entire interactions with basically everything minus online interactions

and none of thats healthy. like at all. i do need to open up and like. at least connect with some people on some sort of levels. but god its hard.

like if my theory is right everytime i do something social that ends up on some level of being nice/me connecting with someone i end up having an anxiety attack and if anything thats probably just me freaking out for being vunerable! which is fucking great

and on the flipside y’know. ive basically been using the internet/social media as a huge old crutch for basic social needs/emotional support and like. on some levels i really needed that cause i had a lot of bad times especially in college. but at the same time. its. not a long term solution.

i can basically say whatever the fuck i want wherever and people i may or may not know may see this and they may or may not respond. these vent posts. theyre not an actual conversation. there just vent posts. its a one way street. yet i keep writing this garbage for. some reason. this isnt helping other than acting as an archive for a future me who is hopefully better to have written proof of when things were bad.

i could go into chatrooms and do the same things. and sure, its a conversation then since im talking to a stranger or someone i know but its still not the same. im not really talking to them. im just writing words and i dont care what they think i just want validity i guess. the person could be a fucking bot. and if they werent who says theyd care after a week or month either. sure i could visit a chatroom everyday for a few solid years but the one month im not there im basically dead. because thats how the internet works. time goes so fast and if youre not plugged in 24/7 then who cares.

i cant handle being plugged in 24/7. and i dont think my habit of being locked up in a room with my computer is health physically either. i need to get out and do something and meet people and connect with them but its so hard

its so easy to befriend people online. you just look up similiar interests shoot a dm and then just talk and text and do whatever when you have time. real life its so much harder. people have different work scheduales and family and other hobbies they like to enjoy

and heres me being desperate for deep connections and solid friendships while at the same time refusing to give anything that would even remotely count as a friendship offering

i wish i had the confidence to do better. im so amazed at people who are able to speak whats on their mind and stand by it when people disagree or laugh off any social mishaps that happen along the way.

i need to get better at this and learn to be more forgiving of myself when i mess up

#whispers

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soggycupholder-blog1 · 6 years

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Three online business myths busted

Marsha MaungThree installed business myths bustedHome function Articles | November 10, 2005I prevail here to bust a few parable about producing it online as honest online trade owners. alive online or earning an income from an wired business is not impossible, if watch movies free re expecting me to claim that, yourser wrong. behind all, I AM making money connected and I would alone be statement I breathe a enormous fat breakdown is I said that online field are goods of.well, a bunch of lies. Theyre not. mine possible to find an income online, keep a family afloat, feed children, live stately lives online. With the growth of the Internet, anything is possibleso, why not originating money? In fact, with just the Internet (albeit, a contact line, a modem and a computer), you bucket literally not move all aside from your fingers and compose money every single month! And peacefully too.The isolated problem is that a lot of people are jumping within the online bandwagon expecting to form money the next week, the alongside month or the after three months. The nonsensical claims by unscrupulous netpreneurs who suit that they can service people be authorized tons of money (along the edge of hexagon figure incomes) instantly doesnt help great either! Oh, Ive had my unbiased share of mistakes. capture in and lapped aggregate up, ingest hook, streak and sinker a set of times. I last sure there are abounding successful netpreneurs today who would receive that they fell for quite a few scams themselves ante and LEARNT FROM IT.Well, here are a duo of linked business story for you to digest:-1. There is no burning money on the InternetNow, think around it, on the Internet, everyone is faceless. You dont perceive the seller, cant recognize the seller, cant square hear him/her and the only fashion you recognize that POSSIBLY someone individual is abaft all of this is the fact that your email was answered. during the time that an online shopper, would you chunk with a single loved dime for anything that they say they jar deliver after proof? outwardly testimony that this employment is genuine and wont run away with your money the moment you click the pay forthwith button?Nothing. Theres absolutely zero that contract you that the employment is legitimate. Theres nihility to satisfy you that theyre post you any they say theyll send you. So, its a business that is generally based on trust, sanction from others, honesty and professionalism. along with believe you me, to build the kind of reputation for your linked business will not return hours. It may return even years!2. A website takes workWith a website, yes, you have a shop linked that bountiful people from all everywhere can stopover and acquisition stuff from. But your domain flag and the visibility of your website plays a huge character in the success of your online business. whereby do they find you if you dont exhibit and free advertising is possible. climactic problem is doing it and waiting for appeal to happen, to hit your website and to bring willing-top-pay customers to you.Thats location search power plant come toward play. You have trial hard to helping hunt engines and directories symbol your website. Even meanwhile youve acknowledge your website URL to all the search appliance you know, itll share months for them to even series your website. And next theres the issue of ranking. effective are total upon lot of sites, what manufacture you consider they would want to list YOUR website as the preeminent 10 or top 30 websites for your favored keywords?Getting to the primary of investigation engines share work and some inventive planning. during its possible, it takes time.3. Recommend a acquaintance online businessSome viral selling businesses DO work this I have to say and they work elegant quickly too. But the fizzle out really speedily too. So, the juncture youve contrived your money, like gambling, you have to glimpse for a new one. Not abundant consistency and reliability there, is there?The wonderful material about the particular viral marketing businesses is that if you hankering to make a monstrous chunk of money one time outside to opening a trade or fee off a loan or something, you could shot this one out. through feed your kids from month to month, you might wish to find something extra consistent. Marsha Maung is a freelance work at home graphic designer and copy writer. She put on below-the-line advertising and marketing. More information bottle be raise at http://www.marshamaung.com and http://www.creativejooz.com

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French Creek West Virginia Cheap car insurance quotes zip 26218

"French Creek West Virginia Cheap car insurance quotes zip 26218

French Creek West Virginia Cheap car insurance quotes zip 26218

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I'm 14 about to turn 15 and get my restricted. I've been looking for a car and I found a 2000 Toyota Celica GT for $5,000 list price which is well within my price range. The car is a manual which I'm fine with, The only thing I'm worried about is the insurance cost for a teen driving a sports car and wanted your opinion on the price of insurance and on how good of a first car a Toyota Celica would be. Thanks for any and all help, Grant""

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Im in the market for a new car and I need a car with low full coverage insurance payments. Any suggestions? Thanks!!!

""My family makes 80,000 but can't afford health insurance. I have loans and all, what do I do?""

We are currently living in Pleasanton CA because I want my daughter to go to a good public school (cant afford private schools)We have no family here in California, its just the two of us with our 5 year old daughter.(my husband is an only child, both of his parents died) It is very expensive to live in Pleasanton, but we rather live someplace nice where the school system is good and we are also interracial couple. We have credit card loans,(25,000) and my husband has a student loan. My daughter is on a Kaiser individual plan which is 300 a month. We have a car payment of 312 a month and still have 6000 left to pay off. We have a low interest rate on the car loan like 4%. We tried consolidating our loans but it did not work. Now my job offers health insurance, but it is very costly, 280 a month which I can't afford, and we are not qualified for the covered California. Please anyone has any advise we would love to hear some feedback.""

About how much do you think insurance would be for a teen for state farm?

the car would be anywhere between from 1997 and 2002. I'm 16, a girl, had drivers ed, and have grades that qualify for the good grade discount, and am going to get my license soon. im looking at cars and want to know how much it would cost for insurance...do you have any idea how much it would cost?""

Will my insurance go lower if i buy a older car?

I currently drive a 2003 honda civic coupe and i was wondering if the insurance will be cheaper if i traded it in for a 1998 maxima sedan?

My insurance is over 1000?

i'm 16 and my insurance is so much now that i'm getting my full license, and my parents can't help me pay for it.""

If i buy a fully comp insurance can i drive my friends car ? Im 17.?

If i buy a fully comp insurance can i drive my friends car ? Im 17.

Hi all.......car insurance!!!.?

hi all.......car insurance!!!. is it legal and possible for a person who lives in england to look anywhere in the world for car insurance. so to put it clearly can i insure my car from any insurance company anywhere in the world - could make payments cheaper cheers

The least expensive type of life insurance is _____.?

whole-life insurance term insurance endowment life insurance limited-payment life insurance

What is the cheapest car insurance and what company for a 17 year old?

also can i use a motorbikes 1 year no claims for my cars insurance thanks

What happens if your auto insurance gets canceled because you couldn't make the payment?

I have Esurance and I live in Florida where it is required to have car insurance. The policy is for 2 cars (mine & my husbands) and I can't afford the payment of $460 right now, which is due on the 13th, otherwise, they will cancel my policy. They can't give me any extensions. What happens if the policy gets canceled? How hard is it to reactivate it again? Is it harmful go have a lapse in coverage for a week or two (hoping of course that there are no accidents during this time). Both cars are financed and the finance companies require insurance as well... How bad will this screw me up? Has this happened to anyone? What did you do? Any advice would be great, and please don't tell me to just pay the bill, because I can't right now and it really sucks. I hate being broke.""

Why do insurance rates vary so much between states?

Sometimes states that are right next to each other have totally different insurance rates from the same company for the same car and driver. It's not like driving magically becomes more dangerous when you cross the state line, so why does this happen?""

What is required for a new resident in England (from Canada) to get car insurance?

Moving to England shortly, and it will be so much easier to find work and move into a new place if we have a car first. What information will we need to get insurance? We will be living with friends, so we could use their address and phone number until we get our own place. But will we need a national insurance number before we can get car insurance? British bank account? We'll be getting those things, but it would be so much easier to have the car first. Basically, what is required for us to provide in order to get a car bought, insured, and on the road? (We'll be paying cash.)""

Affordable health insurance? My husband's work does not pay for mine nor our son's insurace so we pay out of?

pocket. We have Aetna right now but they just keep jacking our prices up. My husband has not been to the doctor at all this year and they have raised his prices too. Does anyone know of a good health insurance plan that is affordable please?? Thank you!

How come muscle cars are cheaper to insure than japanese tuners?

It would cost me 179 a month to insure a pontiac firebird trans am, but it would cost me 620 to insure a subaru WRX. Another example is it would cost me 152 to insure a 89 camaro IROC-Z v8, but 213 a month to insure a mitsubishi eclipse gsx, I'm pissed off""

Does a teen have to pay extra car insurance if they get their own car instead of using their parents'?

I'm 17 and have a license. We currently pay something like $800 / year for car insurance which allows me to use both my mom's and my dad's cars. If I got my own car, would our rate stay at $800 / year or would it increase because of me being the primary driver / having an additional car to drive / etc?""

French Creek West Virginia Cheap car insurance quotes zip 26218

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/renee-d-schiffhauer-advisor-affordable-american-riley-mcclain/"

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mitsurichan3 · 6 years

Text

scroll past, long af post

UGGHHNNNNKDFFD I need to vent. Normally I dont do this on a text post or just on the internet in general, i just go to my friends but rn I do not want feedback I just want to scream into the void and be over with being dramatic™️ so i can get my shit done but at the same time like I know deep down i wont even be done ahahaha rip I’m really losing it holy shit uhh

I’m that point in the semester after midterms where its DEADLINE DEADLINE DEADLINE DEADLINE!!! Where I cant even breathe and like I’m super hella behind ON ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING (Dont call me out for posting this long af vent I need this so i can like get it out of my system smh)

1. I’m behind in ceramics cause we were supposed to have 6 cylinders done and trimmed so the bottom doesnt look ratchet af, 6 bowls with the feet done and carved, have 50 sketches of different kinds of cups so we know what to do for our 2 final cups to turn in, and sketches and a final proposal of a kind of serving plate or something functional for the final. That and get all our stuff dry, bisqued, glazed, and second firing for the final. we need to get all this done by the 13th built, and done by the end of the semester, which is later in april i believe? Out of the ceramics thing i got my 6 cylinders (but might need to throw a few more) got 9 bowls (gotta trim them and make the feet for them and let them fully dry), make more sketches for the cups (I got the 50 but they are all so dumb idk i feel like i need more to get good af cups) and start thinking on the serving platter. idk, all needs to get like set in stone by next class to everything else is streamlined.

2. The writing class. Gdi that fucking writing class. Oh my god. Like don’t get me wrong, I love the topic i picked for all the semester papers. I’m a huge as weeb so i decided to write about anime, manga, and videogames. The research is really interesting and some of the topics other scholars talk about are really cool. ITS JUST READING ALL THAT SHIT, UNDERSTANDING, AND CRANKING A PAPER WITH LIKE, 12 SOURCES OR MORE. Like i cant, not rn. Im trying so hard to catch up mainly cause ik that ive been struggling with depression and general anxiety really badly and academic anxiety and just not being able to be focused and im super disorganized. Yeah, its because of all of that, that im hella behind. I’m trying so hard to like sit down and just do the work but something ALWAYS comes up or i just cant focus for long periods of time or i just pass out cause of how exhausted i am. I got 3 papers to turn in by next week and honestly i dont even know if i have the time to save my grade from failing the class altogether. Im hella stressed.

3. Drawing class. Got a 20″ x 18″ piece of drawing that I need to fully charcoal it and get it all pretty and such by next tuesday cause we got critique day there and i havent even gotten all the guidelines down for me to like sit down there and just struggle through the values and get the perspective and lighting right dsfdasf kill me

4. art history class. OH my god, today we had the second exam over roman and greek art and i KNOW, IN MY SOUL I KNOW I FAILED THAT. Ugh i couldnt make the time to read the chapters all through the last couple of weeks. Mainly cause im so exhausted from the stuff listed above. Like I would need to read about 5 chapters and do their respective quizzes to pull my grade up somehow and also we got like, an essay to do and this bitch of a teacher really is being extra with all these instructions and idk. i just *MUFFLED SCREAMING INTO THE VOID*

5. I’m so fucking stressed that I cant sleep properly so today ive only gotten like 3-4 hrs of sleep and somehow im still awake (halleluyah but also dont approach me i will literally kill something i am that cranky holy shit) and idk i dont have the patience for ppls shit today like i get it but also like i dont have the patience nor composure to like be patient with ppl and try to just be a good friend/partner and not flip out for really insignificant or ridiculous shit like i just. TODAY IS NOT THE DAY. Not only that but i just couldnt throw for shit today in ceramics and that exam killed me and i still got to call the goddamn clinic to confirm my appointment and get the whole drivers certificate done and printed for tomorrow so i can drop shit off at the dps store and schedule my appointment and just IDK. KILL ME ALREADY DFJKSJLJ Legit everything is crumbling and i cant i dont even know where to begin to get my shit together aahdhhdfhh. I’ll just, idk i’ll start somewhere but im probably gonna have a full on emotional breakdown sometime soon if not by tonight. idk.

#long post #long rant #vent post #pls skip #pls scroll over #student life #life problems #student life problems #first world problems #i dont even know

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aliceinwonderland2017centur-blog · 7 years

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Pat Handy /North Eastern Library

Disclaimer--- Um this is actually not a complaint. Im pretty sure me not being able to get into my account was done purposefully maliciously and illegally. No matter how white you are you still have to follow the law someone has mistakenly told you because you hold authority you can use a platform to conspire in criminal behavior. Please dont come after me with a gun. Another thing about white people I didnt care that you existed I didnt want to get into a war of brains with you I want to be another anonymous user but no you turned criminal got a negative reaction a verbal asswhooping that all 6 year old gets when they show their ass and yet you claim to be mad. Dont comphrend that when you misbehave an asswhooping follows. Sadly you are more than likely in business attire in fucking stray jacket white skin believing you are somehow entitled to act recklessly and there not be consequences. Its just not true. Im sorry no sir WAKE THE FUCK UP. Be a fucking business professional. You like a civilized proefessional annonymous world right. Imagine if I coudl track you down. and posion your food. Fuck with your phone youre internet done even know you. You do. You will not pick me out the fucking crowd and then say I need to watch my fucking MOUTH. Something something ---Yourself. iNAPPROPRIATE.

SO lets start with Pat Handy.

Pat Handy is a shelter for women. When I first arrived I wasn’t entirely impressed with their intake process due to the long wait. But Neither hear nor there. Its over and done I got in. A short while later it comes to my attention that Pat Handy has policies that are not productive to homeless women or women period. Productive to human beings. Their behavior is so the last thing everyone was thinking. No matter fact no one was thinking it. Ive threatened a suit numerous of times actually written out a complaint and it will be posted in this post. Ive actually gotten this line a few times from police as well. But there are probably atleast five policies or regulations that need fixing overnight. Like not putting them in place was equal to it was done purposefully. Im in a shelter for a reason. Im down on my luck. Im in a time of need. I find it perplexing that people went out their way to build a shelter but they didnt take the proper steps to have a functioning shelter. Its really not my jobs to be on twiitter and tumblr doing someone else's job to get things done. I don’t have the means the money or the time much like the SHELTER implies. Homeless. How you expect people who need help to one do your job but two get out of this TEMPORARY situation and Maintain where they lay their head without the help of the shelter is Crazy. I will admit I’m one of the luckier ones. I have money. Limited but I have money. Sadly Ive spent money just trying to maintain what I'm use to. What I would do if I were home. And protecting myself from outside things. Surprisingly enough it adds up to alot of money, which takes away from the money I need to leave. I’ve written numerous of emails to staff and the Managers of the building but they seem unphased by what I consider unsettling situations. At the very least very unaccommodating and uncompromising for sensitive situations. I did for the time being before recent events walk away from the suit for numerous of reasons. Among them a safety concern. People make you scratch your head when they go out of their way to cause problems. Sadly there are NUMEROUS OF unsettling things wrong with Pat Handy. But the one that has come to my attention as of recent I cant stomach. Over and Over again Pat Handy's staff has shoved their unchangeable uncompromising policy down our throats. The biggest one that has me scratching my head is that all residences have to leave the building at 7 am and return at 4 pm on weekdays and leave at 9 am on weekdays and return at 4 pm on weekends. Its a policy I have adjusted to out of sheer necessity but there are alot of bad mornings bad days. But Sunday is still a hard pill to swallow there is absolutely no where to go till 1 pm. Just recently I became sick. I was diagnosed with gastritis due to some bad food (MORE ON THIS LATER) Two staff members saw that I was sick vomiting and diaherrea. I then went to the hospital. After returning from the hospital on the 13th I asked one of the advocates on my floor if I could go lay down. I also showed her my ER paperwork. Suprisingly I was fought on bedrest and was told that I had to have some long DRAWN out thing stating HOW LONG the bedrest was suppose to be and for what reasons. Obviously I'm not feeling well so I didnt plan to be sick I don't know to ask the doctor for a book on my recovery process and quite frankly its an emergency room I saw the doctor for 10 15 minutes. Sick. PRESCRIPTION. Why are you going out of your way to fight me on bed rest? Firstly IM NOT GOING ANYWHERE TO ask for anything in the heat RETURNING from the hospital because im what? sick. That makes no sense. And to be quite honest its tacky Im actually sick but how tacky is it that a doctor needs to jump through hopes to convince a shelter something they should already be providing SHELTER. lmao. It really gets no better. The ER paperwork didn't go into detail about bedrest but it was stated that bedrest is suggested. Everything was vague and should have been taken with a grain of salt. No one person is the same. I actually have asked 4 times since my hospital visit for Bedrest. the last one being when Police were called on the 17th. I wont lie about the situation became exacerbated when I realized there were women staying in doors who are not sick while the rest of us sit outside in the heat looking like zoo animals. Unfortunate for the shelter these women are light and white its offensive and disrespectful. It really sends the wrong message. I am sick and I need to prove to them im sick before I can lay down and rest these women have nothing wrong with them and they are inside. I will post emails between me and the shelter. What's even more offensive the white woman Ive had problems with. It looks alot she was rewarded. I had no idea ANYONE was inside during the hours of 7 and 4. I was aware there are people on bedrest, people who are sick but I was under the impression the POLICY applied to everyone. They way it should be.

These women are still sitting up in the shelter as we speak. Are required to go no where in the heat. The shelter tells on themselves if you are suppose to be there you are not in the mirror putting make up on in your pajamas as a COVER five minutes before departure time. You are sick you are employed you don't need a cover right? Exactly Goodbye. A lie. White. Thinks things magically falls from the sky. W e are talking about Pat Handy so they are aware Im upset about light bright and spoiled milk sitting inside while we squats on fucking bricks and on cement for an hour and half pointless while business professionals walk by for the morning communute.

Let me put here We are treated like humans when hyporthermia alert comes on but for cold weatehr its I believe 32 and below and for hotweather I think its like 95 and above r something likethat. Watch PH top me. We missed it by a degree and we are outside on cycles. Fucking sad and ridiculous and they touting A FEMALES names

Moving on to Problem Child Number 2

Northeastern Library 7th street NE Washington, DC

Ive been going to that library for the past little while maybe a few weeks maybe a few months. Outside the no phone calls at the computer There were no issues. And even that was business related. I mind my business and im in and and out. Im looking for work. Don't know anyone beyond a familiar face. Around maybe a few days before the 11th of July maybe a week im not sure. Im noticing my computer is having suspicious activity that disrupts my work. obviously its very possible for technical issues to arise but three is too many times and noone else is having issues. I send a complaint via the website computer is messing up too many times and noone else is having problems. I literally have to closeout all programs three times. And I wont lie its not the best day but the library was none the wiser. Minding my business haven't said anything to anyone. I get an email following that incident days later. The woman who intercepted my message via the library's website tried to imply she didnt know what library I was referring to. This is possible but I personally find it unlikely. It was sent from a Library computer and I typed in Northeastern Library so I find it hard to believe she doesn't know what library Im referring to. AT that point it would appear like she is playing a game or attempting to cover for whomever. But she could have covered for whomever and just kept her mouth closed. She messy end of discussion. I respond with this message

Start Emails

Please excuse me for the tone of this email but quit frankly I wasn't expecting to have to hold the hand and do your job. I really didn't want to have to respond at all. Ive written two emails. Ive enclosed pictures to show you--whether or not someone incompetently put together a website or it;S DC policy TO hire stupid people and make it MY JOB TO figure our your JOB or YOU KNOW PRECISELY and this is another game I am hesitant to call and put a stop to. It came from A dc library computer. You have my card number. I really hate to jump to conclusions. But people make it hard these days to come in and do mind their business and leave. I don't have time for this. I'm here for a reason to conduct business my business that has nothing to do with you. I don't have time to write complaints. Ive enclosed pictures. Hopefully someone gets paid to CONNECT DOTS.

-----Original Message----- From: Ward, Deborah A. (DCPL) (DCPL) <[email protected]> To: --- Sent: Mon, Jul 3, 2017 10:00 am Subject: RE: [General Topic] Computer Freezing

Which library were you visiting on Friday, June 30?

Thanks

-----Original Message----- From: [email protected] [mailto:[email protected]] Sent: Friday, June 30, 2017 2:52 PM To: Fayemi, Temitayo (DCPL); Ward, Deborah A. (DCPL) Subject: [General Topic] Computer Freezing

----sent a message using the contact form at https://www.dclibrary.org/contact.

So I've been on this computer for about maybe an hour to an hour half and its frozen maybe three times in the last twenty minutes. I did ask someone else if there computer is freezing and there's was not. I'm not sure if its a technical issue but Its off my computer is freezing three times in an hour.

End Emails

Surprising enough this happened the same day as the emails on the eleventh. I did not send the emails until after I returned on the 13th. The emails were going to be sent should another situation arise. One presented itself the same day whether they are responsible I still am not sure. The library is not cooperative which places doubt on them and due to their behavior following the incident and after I filed the police report I start leaning into asshwooping territory unfortunately.

Following the incident with the library the email pasted above sent to Ms. Ward on the 11th was the last email I sent before being sick by food poisoning the same day. I sometimes go to 7 eleven that next door But that day I stuck to my usual a croissant which is packaged. Later that day around the time im doing laundry I go to Walgreens (Nesquick) and 7 eleven (beefpattie) (one usual beef pattie is sporadic) . I'm doubled over sick by the end of the night. Ive talked to 7 eleven while nothings certain leaning towards Walgreens.

The library is boldy unapologetic and even if they had nothing to do with still very much up for debate You are A business you are being paid to be a business professional which I have not seen. Not only does the situation demand a response I requested a response. To your fifty cent credit thats how much its worth considering I was poisoned and You are a likely candiate. Im mean. ANd disrespectful AND IM NOT apologetic. Look AT HOW YOU behave. They all need new lives that's how bad those emails were. LMAO it makes me feel better. Nose in the air. And im still taller then you I dont see anything. You are being paid. These are rules and policy you have to follow. So sorry about it. Sucks for you.

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