#looks kinda like shit since i havent drawn in like almost a year

[rvb-is-gay]

of course rvb is the thing to bring me out of my months long lack of drawing

they really needed some closure at the end of restoration

#the brothers ever #mod sol #art #rvb #red vs blue #rvb restoration #rvb19 #rvb 19 #rvb restoration spoilers #for caption mostly #michael j caboose #lavernius tucker #looks kinda like shit since i havent drawn in like almost a year

[goatpaste]

opinions on. fack it. all da fo4 companions.

Ough

Its been dhsjjf a few years since I touched f4 and still haven't finished it so I straight up had to look up the list

I have over 120+ hours in that game and I still haven't met nick valentine properly

Preston Garvey: 10/10

The most perfect man!!! My 120 hours of game play have been lovingly traveling and building settlements with my husband preston Garvey.

I love him very very much and the way the Fandom and game treated him was a fucking crime. The fact that everyone reduced him to that one meme sucks because then NO ONE talked about his very nice in depth character thats really compelling and sweet. Then the game itself should known better than to make your fucking companion the minuteman quest giver! Or at least change how it worked! Or just give to a minuteman at the castle so you would have a reason to go there after the quest

Not to mention how fucking scummy the nuka cola dlc is to him with making him one of the biggest victims to what you have to do to play that dlc

Hancock: 9/10

Big fan I think he's very very funny and also my husband. Its very fun to have mods that let me travel with both him and preston. They don't psychically talk to each other but their general comments are very funny to hear next to each other.

But hancock a good man I care him and his whole like outlook and deal.

Sometimes I feel his story is a lil idk I think there's more personal shit we could do with him. But again its been a few years so I maybe im misremembering

Cait: 6/10

Iv never traveled with cait myself and she's probably one of the companions i know the least about

But from what I do know

Shes my daughter and love to fight and I love that

BuT iv heard some like mixed opinions on how caits drug addiction is written and yeah iv heard mostly its kinda not great!

But I care her shes my daughter a solid 7/10!

Codsworth: 4.5/10

truely no offence to codsworth, but i really just dont care djgh about him. like no reaL strong opinions. and this comes from me! someone who had a bIG robot interest! 

i think codsworth is my friend but more or less just kinda blends into the background for me so much i forget he’s a companion

Curie: 4/10

i also havent traveled or even met curie this is based again on what i know from reading about her

but man fallout 4 sure said were gonna have some real fun robots in the mechanist DLC but all the main story robots are gonna be just not that good

and curie, man i really really dont like her becoming a totally human looking synth. idk her whole deal with doing that but djksg i hate it become i like robot not human skin waman. 

curie seems like she could be a friend but just weird tiddy boob robot horny

Paladin Danse: 3/10

i rEALLY dont get the hype on Danse. i SEE where danse can be a lot more interesting but its not actually there as far as i know. again iv met danse but didnt travel with him because i didnt care about BOS stuff but i know with f4 you kinda have to do that

the other half of danse stans i see just think he’s hot buT LIKE he loOKS like the generic fallout 4 man model! there cuter men in fo4 Danse just looks like the base player character when you start the game. he looks like sturges and every other man 

i do not care about him

i care more about the rest of the BOS if they were written how I wanted them to be written

Deacon: 6/10

iv never met or traveled with deacon, he is probably one of the companions i know the least about in Fo4

he seems fine, i realLY dont have a feel for his character to give a solid opinion beyond im glad he seems like a goober and like a good person. aND his disguise shit is a very fun game mechanic i do love that and wish id known about it sooner i went so many places he apparently is without knowing he does that

Dogmeat: 10/10

thats a good boy! 

Maccready: 8/10

i havent traveled with maccready but im an avid Fo3 lover so i know his deal p well. i love him that is mY SON

i kill for Fo4 to have more intertwining Fo3 characters for a lot of reasons but im happy Maccready is there he is my terrible son who is grounded grounded grounded

as far as i can tell tho like his character seems so contained to Fo4 and almost feels like they dont want any Fo3 characters who were put in Fo4 to ?? like acKNowledge the Fo3 events?? its so weird to me

Piper Wright: 4/10

this is probably a huge unpopular opinion but i sdjkgh dont care for piper. she seems like a good person and everything but i think she is kinda a lot to deal with sjkgh. she just kinda isnt in my wheel house of like characters i enjoy!

also i literally have no idea what her companion quest is beyond how weirdly interested she is in the player character. i couldnt guess what her companion quest is to save my life, i havent traveled with her but i also like feel iv heard NO one talk about her goals and only that shit she mentions having done sounds p neat, wish i could be there

Strong: 6/10

not bad, i like strong he is my friend. but also i very much see the big issues that come with the bad super mutant writing

and i was spoiled with Fawkes and Lily i just love them so much and it just feels like Strong took the most obvious and boring route with a super mutant companion 

X6: 6/10

have not met or traveled with X6 and i have heard a loT of like differing opinions on him

i like him! i think he seems sweet and i like the potential he could be

but he isnt! his character story and writing is just bad because the institute writing is so bad

Ada: 10/10

I LOVE YOU MISS ADA! underrated companion. i know she is a dlc companion but i actually like the mechanist DLC and ada is a sweetheart she is my friend

Porter Gage: 1/10

listen, i havent played nuka world and really dont have full interest in it so im limited to fan interpretations of gage and what i know from the wiki and ect

but he seems like?? a shit head?? like just another raider bastard? like not even a complex multi dimensional raider with opinions, he just seems to be a raider? idk what im missing but i dont get the hype and why i see more art of him drawn than of preston garvey :///

and im not gonna do longfellow because im gonna be real cheif, no idea. i couldnt even start to know shit about him

#goat chatter

[5-seconds-of-fuck-me-please]

I Do. (Post 1/2) (part 1 of ?)

Ashton.

"I just want a nice, normal guy to sweep me off my feet, and support my carmel vanilla coffee addiction. Is that so much to ask?!"

My best friend gave me an amused glance before dropping her gaze back towards her phone. I swear, that girl could hold two conversations face to face, surf facebook, and hold a buisness Skype call, all at the same time. A.D.D., they name is Rae.

"I've set you up on five dates so far, and you havent lasted longer then ten minutes with any of them," she countered. "So how about this...you tell me your dream guy, and I'll work off of that."

I sighed, tapping my foot nervously against the metal rung of the coffee shop table. I was always fidgeting. Whether it was shaking my foot, drumming my nails along the table, or pacing aimlessly around, I was always moving.

"I don't know," I sighed out on a breath. Picking up my iced vanilla, butterscotch, and chai latte, I took a sip before responding. "Dont you know anyone that actually has a life?"

Rae glanced up at me, cocking an eyebrow. "A life? Like, the other 5 were dead?"

I groaned. "The first guy had the ambition of a goldfish. Second guy wanted me to move into his mother's basement with him. Third guy was perfectly content to be a cashier th erest of his life and didnt want to even think about making more than minimum wage or he would loose government assistance.....shall I go on?"

Rae gave a throaty chuckle, causing three random guys to stop their conversations and look her way. She just had that way about her.

"Tell you what," she mused out loud. "Since the last five was a complete disaster, and I thought they would have been perfect for you, the next guy I pick will be the one who I think you'll hate the most. So.... Here's what I want from you. You pick what you want him to wear. You pick if you want flowers or not. And you pick the place to meet for drinks, dinner, movie...whatever. deal?"

I thought about it for a moment, the shrugged. "Fine. I want to come here. This coffee shop. No flowers. No expectations. I'll even pay for the both of our drinks. But he has to have a job. A good job. Or at least have a goal in mind," I amended.

Rae nodded. "Tell me more. Actually, tell me your dream. What's your fantasy date for this coffee. Close your eyes and describe the guy to me. What is he wearing. What does he look like. What is he drinking?"

I laughed, but saw the amusement in her eyes. Deciding to play along, I closed my eyes and tilted my head slightly back.

"White button down shirt with the sleeves rolled back a bit. Nice jeans, probably faded with a hole in the leg," I laughed out. "Gorgeous smile because he laughs a whole lot and has an amazing sense of humor. Eyes that are kind and sparkle. Shaggy hair that probably falls into his eyes...." I trailed off.

"Sounds like quite the catch," Rae laughed out on a breath. She sounded amused, which kind of worried me a bit.

I opened my eyes and glanced at her. "Why do you sound like you just ate a canary?"

Rae's eyes sparkled as she tried to suppress a smile. "I know who would be perfect for you, and...he should be here in about two minutes."

My jaw dropped to the floor. "What?! Theres no way you could have called someone and set it up so fast. You had this planned!" I shrieked. Not because she set me up, but because she didnt warn me.

I was dressed in my -I dont give a shit, today is my day off- clothes. A pair of faded dark grey sweatpants with a hole in the left knee, dark green jumper with a faded brand logo running down the arm, and hair unbrushed and tossed into a messy bun. Plus I was still wearing yesterdays makeup which had faded to a lovely raccoon inspired look.

"This wasnt a setup," she argued lovingly, tossing her hands up to her side quickly. "Swear it. You know i was meeting a few friends here today. One of them would be perfect for you."

I eyed her warily. "The so-called friends that are mysteriously out of the country doing something tha you refuse to tell me, along with their names? The ones who you are best friends with...yet I know nothing about, and we have been best friends since middle school?!" I mused, scrunching my nose up at the thought.

Granted, my and Rae are best friends for over 15 years now, but there was a random 2 year period where were were heavily into the party and drug scene. We kinda split ways and didnt talk for 2 years, then both of us, separately, decided to get our lives in order and somehow reconnected as if nothing had happened.

Strange how life works out.

"They aren't...." I trailed off.

"They were, " she nodded. "Not anymore tho. I used to hang out and binge with them tho. They cleaned their lives up as well. Just took them longer."

I nodded, glancing down at my almost empty iced coffee as I dragged my nails along the styrofoam, making patterns on the cup. "I'm willing to give it a go I guess. Coffee never hurt anyone, right?"

"Right," she agreed, glancing down once again to her phone to resume whatever multi-conversation she was having.

I didnt realize until a few minutes later that I was humming and singing along the the songs playing over the cafe speakers.

"Do you like this band?" She asked randomly, not taking her focus from her phone.

"Love them," I remarked, not really paying attention. "I just got their new album yesterday actually."

She made a small chuckle. "Let me guess then...you were always a guitar or lead singer chick. So.... Luke?"

I grinned, breaking my gaze away from all the pretty little designs my nails etched into my now empty coffee cup. " Usually , yes you would have been correct. And while he is hot, as is the othe guitarist...my heart lies elsewhere in the band."

"Bassist?" She chanced, finally placing her phone down and looking up. Her eyes darted over my shoulder, then came back to focus on my face. A grin broke out, smile so wide it reminded me of the Cheshire cat.

"Um, nooo," I drawled. "I actually seemed to be drawn to.....why the hell are you staring a time like that?!" I asked, breaking the conversation. "You look fucking creepy."

Her eyes seemed to dart over my shoulder again to where the cashier counter was, then back to me again. "So the drummer then?" She mused, not bothering to hide the grin. "You have a thing for the drummer?"

I continued to stare at her, trying to puzzle out what the hell was making her act so weird. "Yeah...?" I dragged out.

"Hmmm, and why would that be? I'm honestly curious. Usually you always go for the guitar rock-God type for looks."

I cocked my head to the side. "You really want an answer?"

Rae grinned again. Nodding her head emphatically. "Oh yes. Please, by all means."

I shrugged, taking the last small sip from my coffee. "He always seemed the most put together. Knows how to laugh, but always seems polite. Has an amazing voice, but would rather be in the background playing his heart out. And he gives out total Daddy vibes," I joked. "Plus, he is seriously hot. They all are in that band actually."

Rae burst out laughing, covering her mouth with both hands. I swear, tears started to form in her eyes.

I just stared at her. "Seriously Rae, what has gotten into you today?! What's so funny?"

Her eyes darted behind me once again, but this time she nodded. I didnt even have a chance to turn around to see what she was looking at before an arm snaking over my shoulder, placing a styrofoam cup in front of me.

"You can call me Daddy if you feel the need to, but I prefer Ashton on a first date," a voice said.

I closed my eyes tightly, slowly opening them as panic filled me. My eyes traveled from the coffee, up to a bare forearm dusted in dark golden hair, to a shoulder and chest that had a white button shirt...sleeves rolled back.

Damn, but did Rae tell him how to dress?

He smirked at my dazed expression, while Rae finally got herself under control. "I didnt tell him," she rasped out, still trying to hide the amusement as she spoke. " He really was randomly dressed like that to come here."

Ashton raised a brow as he pulled up a chair, leaning over to give Rae a quick one-armed hug before sitting on the chair backwards between us.

He reached over, palm up while smiling at me. "She did however, demand that I randomly walk in and order you a vanilla butterscotch coffee without even telling me your name, or why I was buying you one. I'm being set up on a date, I take it?" He questioned again, glancing to Rae for affirmation before looking back at me, then down to his still extended hand. "Do I get a name? Or should I introduce myself again?"

I shook my head, trying to snap out of the surreal experience going on. Placing my hand in his, I cleared my throat. "You're Daddy, right?" I smirked, trying to fight the blush rising on my face. God, but do I hope he can take the joke.

His face split into a grin, laugh bursting out of his lips. "I like her," he chuckled, looking over to Rae. " This one actually knows what a joke is."

I grinned at that as he looked back at me. "I take it that Rae has tried setting you up before as well?" I questioned.

He nodded, a faint smile still gracing his lips. "One girl who decided living in her car way her dream goal. One who only ate foods that were yellow. And one who wanted to be a psychologist because she didnt understand how people laughed or why we smile at things."

My eyes went wide. "Wow. And here I thought I had it bad with the guy who only showered on days it rained cause that's how the bathtub got refilled."

Ashton let out another bark of laughter, breaking eye contact to speak to Rae once again. " You suck at setting people up. You know that?"

She raised a brow at that, stopping her cup of coffee in mid air before she could take a sip. "Oh, so should I not have introduced the two of you?" She asked, feigning a look of hurt. "And here I thought you were getting along fairly well."

Ashton shook his head. "Are you kidding me? this girl is horrible! Wont tell me her name, wont call me by mine, and she laughs at everything I say!" He rambled out. A small smile tugged at the corners of his mouth, but he didnt stop looking at her.

"And he isnt the greatest catch either, " I added. "Eavesdropped a private conversation, assumed I wanted him to pay for something. I didn't ask for without asking me. And he wont let me go," I added, flicking my gaze down to our still entwined hands.

Rae nodded, a huge, fake sight escaping past her parted lips. " okay, I give up. Sorry to waste your time, Ash. I'll take her home and be back in a few minutes to catch up with you all. I assume the others are on the way?" She asked, standing up and motioning for me to follow.

Ashton shook his head. " They are on the way. But you cant take her."

Without warning, he turned and licked a wet line up my jaw. "I licked her. Shes mine now."

My jaw dropped open, but rae looked amused. "Are you gunna pee on her too?"

He turned to look at me finally, slightly swaying our hands back and forth. "Is that your kink?"

"What?! No! Why would you ask that?!"

He shrugged. "Well, I know you have a Daddy kink, just had to be sure."

"I do NOT have a Daddy kink!" I hissed out, trying to pull my hand out from his grasp. "And why the hell did you lick me?"

He was having none of it. Keeping hold of my hand, he slowly brought it up to his lips and kissed the back of my hand before finally releasing his hold. "Cause I wanted to see what you tasted like. Vanilla, I like it." He winked.

"You do have a daddy kink," Rae interjected, laughing through her words. "I'm going to go get another coffee and grab 2 other tables for the guys. You two enjoy yourselves."

Ashton glanced at me before looking at Rae. "If I did that, we would be arrested and barred from this shop."

I think my heart stopped. Was I breathing?

"Mind if I go grab myself a drink?"

I blinked, trying to focus on his face once again. "Didn't you just order one while you were up there?"

He shook his head. "Only ordered yours. I wasnt sure if I wanted to stay once she told me she had a girl with her for me to meet."

"And now you are sure you want to stay?" I questioned.

He smiled. A sweet smile that lit up his eyes. "I think you are fucking perfect."

I blushed at that. "Yeah, right. Cause messy girl with raccoon eyes in your kink, right?"

He gave me an amusing look. "Like a guy in jeans and a white shirt is yours?" He retorted. A small sigh left his lips as he pulled out his phone and scrolled through a few messages. Once he found what he was looking for, he stopped and put the phone down on the table in front of me.

Raelyn- her fantasy sounds like you, in a white button down and a pair of worn out skinny Jean's. Just get your asses here!

Ash-and you are so sure I would like her? I sisnt agree to another date with your wacky high maintenance friends. They just want a sugar daddy.

Raelyn- shes sitting here in pajamas, messy hair, and yesterdays makeup. And she insists on buying our coffees every week. Still wanna pass her up?

Ash- ....be there in 5.

Raelyn- get her a butterscotch vanilla iced coffee.

Ash- thought she didnt want people to buy her shit?

Raelyn- then get it for me.

Ash- do I have to buy flowers or anything?

Raelyn- only if you want her to hit you with them.

Ash- I like her already.

I glanced up at Ashton, a small smile gracing my face. "So I guess it's my turn to buy you a coffee?"

He shrugged, swinging his leg back over the chair to sit down backwards on it once again. "If you insist. Pick whatever you think I would like."

I grinned this time. " whipped cream, cherries, and handcuffs?" I joked.

He beamed at me. "Nah, that's the second date. And woulsnt you know it....you already know what to call me then," he teased.

I laughed, walking away to get him a drink. I slid up alongside Rae, elbowing her in the side gently. "Are the other three coming?"

She smiled at me. "Yeah, be here any minute."

The barista asked up for our orders, while I pushed Rae's card back towards her. "I got them."

"That's 7 drinks you are paying for today," she reminded me.

"Glad your good at math," I remarked. "You can get the next round. And if they like me as a friend and we hang out in the future we can all take turns. If not, then I get to say that they are forever indebted to me. Win-win I say."

She shrugged, but didnt argue. "Fair play, that. I'll go shove the tables together and be back to help you carry them all."

But it wasnt her who came back over when the order was ready. It was Michael.

"HI," he practically yelled, squeezing me in a tight bear hug. "I'm Michael. Or Mike. Whatever."

"You seem overly happy to meet a stranger, " I laughed out, hugging him back just as tight before letting go.

"You made ashton happy," he shrugged, a huge smile on his face. "Anyone who can make his smile in the first few minutes of meeting him...especially lately, deserves to be treated like the fucking queen they are."

My brows shot up at that. "I'm a queen now. High praise. Does that make you the court jester?" I asked, handing him a cardboard tray with 4 drinks in it.

He grinned. "Sure. Anything else you wish me to carry, m'lady?"

I laughed and gave a curtsey. "Not at this time, good sir. Go forth and conquer the bistro que!"

Michael laughed, draping an arm across my shoulder while walking back to the now full tables. He set his 4 drinks down, then took one out of my hand and gave it to Rae before distributing the 4 he had.

"They're marked, and we all drink the same shit every time we go out," he explained. "The one you have is the only one I dont recognize so I assumed it is yours."

I shook my head and resumed my seat next to Ashton, with Luke next to me on the other side now. Michael and Calum were sat across from me. "Its for Ashton actually. He bought me my coffee and forgot to get his own."

"Trying to ditch her," Calum asked.

"Nope." Ashton stated. Simple. Direct. One word.

"Finally found a girl that will put up with your crazy-ass for longer than 10 minutes?" Like remarked.

"Gunna marry this one, mate," Ashton laughed out.

"Shit, you move fast," Michael snorted. "And here I was being engaged for over a year already. What am I doing wrong?"

"You actually asked your fiancee," Luke answered. "Ashton will just be standing in front of the magistrate with a blowup doll."

Everyone laughed, including me Ashton fake pouted, poking me in the side before lacing his fingers through mine. My heart gave a little flitter, but I didnt pull away.

"Come on, Love, you're supposed to defend our relationship!"

I chuckled. "Yes sir. Would you like to get married now, sir? I think I still have my old bicycle pump in my garage if you need it. And some duct tape in case your fiancee gets a hole."

He threw his head back and laughed, tightening his grip on my hand. Not hard, but in acknowledgment that it was a good laugh. "Fuck the lot of you."

"Damn, already cheating on me. And with three other men no less," I crooned, pouting my lips.

That caused another round of laughter.

"I think I'm in love with your girlfriend, " Calum huffed out. "She knows how to give back shit we dish out."

"Dont be hitting on my wife," Ashton fake growled. "I worked hard on this relationship!"

"Oh yeah? What's her name?" Rae jumped in, bemused laughter lacing each word.

A slow silence fell across the table, followed by abrupt laughter for everyone.

"Oh. My. God. You didnt even ask her what her name is yet?!" Michael bellowed, tears forming in his eyes. "I can see it now. The priest standing there like do you take this girl for your wife? And you being like, who's that?"

"Fuck all of you," Ashton gasped out through laughter again. "I'm gunna marry her one day and then shes gunna kick your asses for making fun of me."

I grinned, reaching over to poke my finger into his dimple. "Yeah? I'll kick their asses for you if you ask, darling." I agreed. "Just as soon as you get my attention and ask me. Oooh, right. You can't. Dont know my name," I beamed.

He threw back his head and chuckled. "Fuck you too, sweetheart," he remarked, leaning over to place a quick kiss to my cheek.

"Only if you scream my name out while you do," I joked.

"Fuck, but do I love a smart mouth," he agreed.

The conversation flowed easily. Two more rounds of drinks were bought over the course of a few hours, until the cafe was getting ready to close.

We all agreed to meet up next weekend, have enjoyed each others company and realizing the six of us were going to be amazing friends.

"Can we bring our girls next week?" Luke asked.

"Hell yeah " I agreed readily. "Me and Rae need all the help we can get against you four."

[ssj4]

Sorry to bother you, but I keep seeing posts about a future Goten AU and I keep getting really curious! However, when I try to find links to anything about it I end up at some abandoned URLs.

SECOND TIME TRYING TO ANSWER THIS CAUSE MY IDIOT ASS FORGOT I HAD ONE TYPED OUT AND CLOSED EVERYTHING :)

some disclaimers im getting most of this from an old draft i had written about the au, i havent watched the specific scenes in dbz and dbs that these are based on in well over 2+ years so i dont remember the timeline of events that well so im sorry if some of it just straight up doesnt make sense lol

this whole thing did start out as an excuse to replace the romantic scenes with mai in dbs with goten actually so the truten themes are pretty significant but that aside future goten is a very good boy with a much different personality and outlook on things… much like how future trunks is compared to his main timeline counterpart :3c the whole thing was developed by me and my gf together and we never rly posted too much about it and the broken links you did end up finding were probably from like the one or two times we did but here u go im glad u asked 

I HOPE THE READ MORE LINK WORKS ON MOBILE IF NOT IM SORRY

the big change is it starts out with chi chi getting pregnant before goku dies of heart disease or whatever in the android saga instead of the cell saga, so even after he dies in that timeline she still has their 2nd son and he grows up in the future timeline with trunks.

when they were kids (like 10-15) goten was stronger than trunks just bc gohan and chi chi were there to teach him just a little bit. trunks and goten sparred a lot though so he was able to keep up but never really passed him. (that part isnt really important but i figured it was a nice detail that made sense)

thats when history of trunks comes into play, and they both get really serious about gohan training them. the scene in the movie where gohan knocks trunks out before flying off and getting killed is the same except now he just knocks out 2 kids instead of 1 i guess. 

i feel i gotta add that this au was created when the future trunks arc in dbs was airing, and mai was introduced as his love interest, and honestly in my opinion the scenes were written really well but i just wasnt digging the fact that before she was granted a younger appearance she was already middle aged, like she was old enough to be his mom if that makes sense. so it really isnt a dig on mai at all cause i love her and id die for her its just the romantic plot that i didnt like. so when that was airing i thought “WELL what if that was someone else” 

she’s still with them though in this timeline and she still has her younger appearance! 

the future timeline is still progressing the same as it did in canon, the androids still wrecked the place and no one was strong enough to do much about it so trunks is still set up with a time machine to meet with the other timeline. goten stays back and does his best to protect everyone while hes gone just in case

some stuff happens in between here but skip ahead to trunks coming back from the trip after the cell games i guess! lots of stuff happened obviously like trunks literally dying, spending years in the time chamber with his dad, meeting a whole gaggle of clowns that he’d only heard stories about, seeing gohan as a preteen. hes got a lot of stuff to share!!! now hes back and he can take care of the androids + cell + and goten can catch up and lifes pretty good over there! 😇

during the rebuilding period goten would spend a lot of time with chi-chi and ox-king and still slept over there occasionally which she really appreciated, and he invited trunks and bulma over there with him frequently.

despite this he wasnt present when she died as no one really expected goku black to wipe out the landscape so far from the city, but she and ox-king died along with more than half of the population. (ugh god im so sorry queen i love you😓)

as i said before mai is still here and she’s still the leader of the resistance!

events of future bulmas death is the same as well as mai originally intending to go with trunks when they meet up together in an abandoned building. goten is already there as the three of them rest up a bit and start making their way to capsule corp. goten was planning on staying behind anyways but he wanted to see the two of them off. when goku black interrupts them as they arrive, trunks and goten encourage mai to escape, seeing as she only has a gun and everyone already knows bullets arent gonna work. 

this scene is the same as it was in canon, where trunks tries to rush black but gets beaten quickly. mai trying to buy him time to let him escape is replaced with goten actually fighting him and taking a hit for trunks but getting knocked out as mai did. trunks under extreme stress from already losing his mom today assumes hes dead instantly, (he has dumb bitch disease, he didnt even check for a pulse in canon!🤔) and fires a masenko to escape into capsule on his own 

after trunks pops back in time and black is focused on searching for him, mai sneaks back in to retrieve goten (even though they told her to leave she really just ducked behind some rubble and stayed close, because she wasnt just gonna leave them!)

she takes him back to an underground bunker with other members of earths resistance and when he wakes up she tells him that trunks made it to the time machine and that hes presumably in the other timeline now. 

idk if yall remember it well but i rewatched some of the episodes just for this, and trunks in the main timeline believing goten was killed and mai is alone and he wont be able to get back is so sad. and when he spent that day with gohan and his family and cried thinking about how if black hadn’t have shown up, he couldve had a family too… he doesnt deserve to be this sad 😥

skip to when he’s finally able to get back home with goku and vegeta with him and they make their way to the bunker where he sees mai and goten together! the scene in canon where he rushes over and starts spilling his heart out is the same, with him telling goten he thought he died

they get a really sweet hug moment here when theyre both happy to see the other is still safe and it gives both goku and vegeta some Food For Thought, because goku actually didnt know there was a goten in this timeline, and he doesnt really recognize him at first. vegeta has the idea in his head that this is probably goten.

goten never really had any sort of real attachment to his dad. it makes sense hes never met him, hes only ever really heard about him through others, (his mom, his brother, trunks, and probably bulma has mentioned him as well) so he definitely knows OF him its just that, he doesnt know him. so when he sees the real goku standing there for once a lot of thoughts run though his mind, like, “that looks A LOT like goku black!” “thats definitely my old hairstyle” and “holy shit is that my dad?” but the first thing he actually says out loud is “Holy shit its goku orange” and vegeta really almost loses it because cause any doubt in his mind about this kid being related to kakarot just went right out the window cause only someone related to him would say that

and as you probably know a lot happens after that with them all finding a way to defeat zamasu but i dont want to include all of the rest when you can probably just interpret which scenes were changed  

ANYWAYS now instead of trunks surviving the apocalypse its trunks and goten surviving the apocalypse. thats why its not a really super romantic deal like Who has time for dates when goku black Might possibly be hiding in this abandoned olive garden?? so theyre just very close and privately affectionate

the ending where trunks and mai get to live in a new world with their counterparts is the same except gotens there with them of course, dbs left their ending pretty open 

so that takes care of the story changes, heres some additional details and information on gotens character in this au! 

heres his design, drawn by my girlfriend @ssj2 uwu !! 

he kept his natural hairstyle for a while, but i think he changed it sometime during the rebuilding period after the androids and just let it grow out a bunch. up until then he kept his natural style purely to honor the guy he’s heard so fondly of even if it brought him a lot of mixed feelings when people said he looks just like him. a really distinct feature about his new hairstyle is that the spikes look like horns and i love that a lot !!

and the shawl he wears was the same one chi chi wore 

some personality traits for future goten is that he has a habit of bottling up his negative emotions and has trouble taking care of himself, as hes always more focused on the well being of his loved ones. he can be mischievous and cocky but hes not overconfident (or he hasnt been since gohans death) however in some situations he can be charismatic and assertive which works really well imowhen their timeline is erased and theyre temporarily in the main timeline, goten gets to meet a bunch of people like gohan and his family, chi chi, and even his counterpart 

sorry if this post was messy i wasnt really sure how i wanted to make it look and im kinda bad at dumping information out so if any of its confusing just redirect me to it and ill try again gdjfksjdgsfk 😭❤

hmmm anyways thank u for reading!! its an au we made years ago and we love a lot and i hope u do too! be nice pls!! and send asks about it if you’d like cause its fun to think about! 

#future goten au #goten #trunks #truten #i GUESS. im shy #long post #made an edit cause i rewatched the android saga a few days ago and i forgot trunks fucking died lol #tumblr stop deleting my tags challenge

[acidwaste]

hey so it seems i’ve forgot to do a l o t of tag memes, and i’m lucky i drafted a big bunch of them! lots of questions overlapped so i did my best to answer in different ways, sorry for the lateness! also @ the people that tagged me here, i wouldn't hesitate to kill for you

@natcaptor / @gayspaced

name: leon or lionel!

nicknames: literally the only nickname I’ve been referred to is “big gay” and like. word!

gender: im pretty sure im a guy, i have been kinda 🤔🤔🤔 abt my gender identity since around november-ish though

star sign: sagittarius!

height: 6’1! i’m told that I’m tall but my uncle is 6’7 so...

time: 3:36pm rn! ive been watching video essays and binging music all afternoon

birthday: december 9th!

favourite bands: animal collective, beach house, camp cope, car seat headrest, death grips, fleet foxes, florence + the machine, gang of youths, glass animals, gorillaz, hop along, iceage, idles, kero kero bonito, mgmt, miike snow, modest mouse, run the jewels, superorganism, the avalanches, the cat empire, the go! team, the mountain goats, the wombats, xiu xiu

favourite solo artists: alex lahey, anderson .paak, ariana grande, billie eilish, bjork, cashmere cat, charli xcx, courtney barnett, cupcakke, d.r.a.m, eric taxxon, frank ocean, gfoty, hatchie, janelle monae, jeff rosenstock, joanna newsom, jorja smith, jpegmafia, kacey musgraves, kali uchis, kendrick lamar, khalid, kimbra, lorde, mac demarco, madeon, mick jenkins, mitski, oneohtrix point never, perfume genius, ravyn lenae, rina sawayama, serpentwithfeet, sophie, st. vincent, sza, vince staples

song stuck in my head: caramelo duro | miguel // kali uchis! its a bop, miguel is one of the few singers that can convincingly make sex jams

last movie i watched: deadpool 2! it was even better than the first, which is a feat in itself ngl

when did i create my blog: december 2016??? i only started using it properly in february last year tho

last thing i googled: “im in my mums car broom broom.” dont @ me

do i have any other blogs: yeah, plenty actually!! i have blogs for aesthetic (@moltenstar), general inspo (@wverns), flight rising (@szarising, kinda inactive?), and overwatch (@blackhardts) tbh the vast majority of my ‘sideblogs’ are just saved urls H

do i get asks: when i say stupid shit like “rung has the ass of a dilf but the dick of a cockroach”

why i chose my url: that one panel where kobd have a vacation at the acid wastes because fuck its finally canon babey!

following: 1,767, which is kinda horrifying!!

followers: 890?? somehow??? thats almost One Whole Thousand and i don't even make content

average hours of sleep: around 6 or 7!! n e v e r more though

lucky number: 43 and 64!!

instruments: i'm too poor to afford music lessons or instruments jsbddsjknfs

what am i wearing: a grey shirt and nothing on my bottom half so my [redacted] is hanging tf out, i should put on some damn clothes

dream job:  oooo uhhh, i’m studying to get an education degree rn because i’d love to teach children (around grade 3-4s preferably because i'm too jittery to handle anyone younger and older kids probs won't listen to me as much as i lack plenty of assertiveness), but!! i’d honestly love to be a musician, one of those underground ones that get lots of critical acclaim

dream trip: one day i wanna gather up some friends and just go on a road trip! idm where we go to, as long as we just have fun and just! adventure!

favourite foods: rare steak, mashed potatoes, eggs, and energy shakes made with like. fruit / cheese / yoghurt / oats / chia seeds ! protein is a large part of my diet

nationality: new zealand, but living in australia

favourite song right now: best part | daniel caesar // h.e.r - gosh i need to re-listen to daniel’s album again, i don’t remember this beautiful song being there and that’s a crime

@damndesi / @novarebel / @luciform-philogynist

APPEARANCE - I am 5'7 or taller - I wear glasses - I have at least one tattoo (but I am getting a tā moko in December, I believe) - I have at least one piercing (planning to get a nose ring, like a bull!) - I have blonde hair - I have brown eyes - I have short hair - My abs are at least somewhat defined (b a r e l y) - I have or had braces

PERSONALITY - I love meeting new people - People tell me I am funny - Helping others with their problems is a big priority of mine - I enjoy physical challenges - I enjoy mental challenges - I am playfully rude to people I know - I started saying something ironically and now I can’t stop saying it - There is something I would change about my personality

ABILITY - I can sing well - I can play an instrument - I can do over 30 pushups without stopping (barely) - I am a fast runner - I can draw well - I have a good memory - I am good at doing math in my head - I can hold my breath underwater for over a minute - I have beaten at least 2 people arm wrestling - I can make at least 3 recipes from scratch - I know how to throw a proper punch

HOBBIES - I enjoy sports - I’m on a sports team at my school or somewhere else - I’m in an orchestra or choir at my school or somewhere else - I have learned a new song in the past week - I exercise at least once a week - I have gone for runs at least once a week in warmer months - I have drawn something in the past month - I enjoy writing - Fandoms are my #1 priority - I do some form of Martial arts

EXPERIENCES - I have had my first kiss - I have had alcohol (tastes like shit) - I have scored a winning point in a sport - I have watched an entire TV series in one sitting - I have been at an overnight event - I have been in a taxi - I have been in the hospital or ER in the past year - I have beaten a video game in one day - I have visited another country - I have been to one of my favorite bands concerts

MY LIFE - I have one person that I consider to be my Best Friend - I live relatively close to my school/work - My parents are still together - I have at least one sibling - I live in the United States - There is snow where I live right now - I have hung out with a friend in the past month - I have a smart phone - I own at least 15 CDs - I share my room with someone

RELATIONSHIPS - I am in a Relationship - I have a crush on a celebrity - I have a crush on someone I know - I’ve been in at least 3 relationships - I have never been in a Relationship - I have admitted my feelings to a crush - I get crushes easily - I have had a crush for over a year - I have been in a relationship for over a year - I have had feelings for a friend

RANDOM - I have break-danced - I know a person named Jamie - I have had a teacher that has a name that is hard to pronounce - I have dyed my hair - I’m listening to a song on repeat right now - I have punched someone in the past week - I know someone who has gone to jail - I have broken a bone (do fractures count?) - I have eaten a waffle today - I know what I want to do in life - I speak at least two languages (not fluently) - I have made a new friend in the past year

@smstransformers

age: 16

birthplace: auckland, nz

current time: 4:19 pm rn!!!

drink you last had: i just skulled half a liter of water whoops

favourite song: jesus etc. | wilco if we're talking abt an all-time favourite

grossest memory: accidentally swallowing a bee when i was seven years old (somehow nothing bad happened?)

horror, yes or no: not unless it’s an incredibly tame horror t b h, my threshold for scariness is very low

in love: i believe so!

jealous of people: lots of times, over really dumb things

love by first sight or should I walk by again: i believe that infatuation can exist at first sight but true love not so much. wish that could happen tho :C

middle name: shane!

siblings: my sister is eight years old, and my brother is seven!

one wish: EZ, make my anxiety disappear, i’d have a much more productive life

song i last sang: jupiter | haiku hands

time i woke up: 7:13, woke up immediately because i usually like to wake at 6:30

underwear colour: blue + purble

vacation destination: auckland / kingston / sydney!

worst habit: not remembering to make my goddamn bed, it looks like garbage

favourite food: mashed potatoes….

zodiac sign: sagittarius !!!

@alyonian

relationship status:

at the moment i’m single! and while being in a relationship sounds brilliant, the last two relationships i was involved in? didn’t work out to say the least, lucky i’m still young

favourite colour:

it’s been emerald green for the longest time but orange seems to be dethroning it at a steady pace

lipstick or chapstick:

i haven’t used chapstick since i was six but i probably should use it again, water is my substitute rn fdghdgh - and i haven’t ever used lipstick in any capacity? so i’d have to go with the former

last song i listened to:

the space traveller’s lullaby | kamasi washington - i’m trying to get through his second album rn (i left off on the second disk yesterday) and while everything he makes is undeniably amazing, it’s? a three hour album? i don’t have the attention span for his spiritual jazz, as great as it is

last movie:

monsters inc is playing on the television right now, i’ll go with that! the animation aged kinda badly but it’s still such a fun movie! sidenote: james p. sullivan? a childhood crush, so this gives me memories

top 3 tv shows/podcasts/comics:

i rarely, if ever, venture into these forms of media but! if i had to answer, i’d say;

unbreakable kimmy schmidt / parks & recreation / luke cage

taz / mbmbam (i havent like. watched a full episode of either but they seem cool,)

tf idw / …………. yeah that’s it, i’ve never read anything else. probably should!

additional favs:

my friends, writing (in theory), listening to video essays, learning music theory + instruments and understanding audio production software

top 3 bands / artists:

HHH okay if i had to limit my choices to just three artists, uh. lorde, the mountain goats, and sophie. i couldnt even fit janelle in i hate th is

----------------------------------

@alyonian

color(s): light colors are always nice and pleasant, though anything peachy and sandy are the best! orange (specially pastel orange) is like. the best thing

last band t-shirt i bought: usually merchandising is very expensive and i dont have the money to accommodate that, but like. i do recall having a wiggles shirt when i was five. i wore it all the time, shjdjgsksd im sure that counts

last band i saw live: i almost went to splendor in the grass last year with family, which wasn't only cool since i’ve never been out of the state since i immigrated - the festival was in queensland, which is around a two hour flight from victoria - but the lineup was pretty fuckin lit too! the xx, haim, peking duk, tash sultana, future islands, vallis alps, a.b original,, i was p excited! unfortunately my uncle fell ill and so they had to give the tickets to extended family :( otherwise, i haven't been to a single concert in my life

last song i listened to: street fighter mas | kamasi washington - up to this song on the album and i really fuckin dig this! also the video is hypnotizing

last movie i watched: monsters inc is about to finish and up next is monsters university! which like…. honestly, this is an extremely unpopular opinion but, i like it just as much as the original? my opinion might be skewed because i’m a monster [hugger], but i like everything abt the movie! except for the finale of the scare games and the last five minutes of the movie, both were just. dreadful.

last three tv shows i watched: if aggretsuko counts that’s the last series i watched of my own volition, which is a miracle in itself considering that’s legit only the second anime i’ve watched to completion (the first being shirokuma cafe, which i probably need to re-watch). otherwise, the last two shows i had beared witness to were thirteen reasons why and queer eye bc my cousin put them on! that first show i could completely do without but queer eye is iconique

last 3 characters i identified with: grimlock (legit. all of them), urdnot grunt (mass effect) and vector the crocodile (sth), i’m not sure what this says about me other than Big

book(s) i’m currently reading: i’m reading ‘maus’ by art spiegelman at the moment, for the third time i believe? i believe my classmates are supposed to be writing an essay on this next term and shit, this novel is heartbreaking, i haven't been this emotional when reading a book than… ever, really. it’s a recommendation of the highest caliber

@victorion

name: leon / lionel, i picked up the second name because i was in a server with an admin that was also a Leon™

nickname: besides ‘Big Gay’ i also have the nickname ‘lemon lion’ which is! nice!!

zodiac sign: archer man

height: Tall™

language(s) spoken: english / some maori + italian

fav fruit: watermelons (only when in season)

fav scent: the smell of a freezer tbh? it just smells Nice i don’t know how to properly explain it

fav season: spring! the breezes are welcoming without being overbearingly freezing

fav color: ornge,,,,

fav animal: SHARKS + CROCS + FERRETS

coffee, tea or hot chocolate: tea! with some milk tho

average hrs of sleep: too little

fav fictional character: One character?????? uhhhhhhh……. like. biggest cc right now is either idw skids or oz from monster prom

no. of blankets you sleep with: depending on my mood but i’d say the average is like, 3??

fav songs: i quickly whipped up some songs i listen to

fav artists: i came to the realization that i like acts that are considered ‘bad’ like maroon 5/drake/lil yachty etc in specific doses… i wouldn't call them good yet, but! i have no beef and thats good

fav books: remember ‘where the wild things are’??? that shit was like. literal childhood, man.. :happytears: i really need to look for a copy again

@thonany-klieme

name: leon / lionel, interchangeable really

gender: male, im probs an nb guy

star sign: sagittarius!

height: 6’1

sexuality: gay??? im not sure, im mostly attracted to other guys but i have had very brief crushes on girls + nb people? sexuality’s confusing so im gonna just latch to the gaybel (gay label) for now

lock screen image: its the album cover of 1992 deluxe by princess nokia, tho it was “T Hanos” a few days ago since i change it often - my home screen is venom but his torso says ‘fuck machine’

ever had a crush on a teacher: no??

where do you see yourself in ten years: ideally i’m teaching kids math n english, realistically i’m probably going down with the political climate

if you could go anywhere, where would you go: new zealand!! or the netherlands

what was your favorite halloween costume: halloween is not big at all where i live, the only time i tried trick or treating was when i was like 7?? i threw a bedsheet on myself and pretended to be a ghost, though since there were no eyeholes + the sheet was blue, it looked more like i was just a moving lump

last kiss: never had one

have you ever been to las vegas: nah and i dont plan to?? how do you handle regular days of 40C wtf

favorite pair of shoes: i have this pair of jandals that ive worn for a fair bit longer than my other pair of shoes, tho i only wear them in summer + very warm nights

favorite book: ngl its. ‘the very hungry caterpillar’ by eric carle. i just, love it alot and i cant explain w h y

#acid.txt #this took a while but :wahoo:

[chickenfetus]

all moongan

thank you for asking falen tbh i love u sm and i love doing these 

omg is this ask for this ask meme i literally almost posted this along with the wrong ask fml

1: when you have cereal, do you have more milk than cereal or more cereal than milk?

more cereal than mik because.. i dont eat cereal with milk……… i love the crunch

2: do you like the feeling of cold air on your cheeks on a wintery day?

as someone who lives in a tropical country is that what its called idk we dont have seasons and it never gets lower than 25 degrees so yes that would be ideal

3: what random objects do you use to bookmark your books?

hrmmmmm… i just remember the page number?? or try to lmao if i dont remember i just skim through the pages and try to recognise where i left off

4: how do you take your coffee/tea?

with at least 2 packets of sugar tbh…. i dont drink coffee

5: are you self-conscious of your smile?

omg story time i went 2 get my braces removed and the dentist wanted to take pics so he was like “smile with your teeth!” and i was like ok! but then he kept saying i wasnt doing it right lmao… guess whos never smiled b4… (me) so he told me 2 practice my smile lol i didnt answer the qn but ya,,, i am probably

6: do you keep plants?

i used 2 be very against plants… now theyre okay i guess i dont rly keep any

7: do you name your plants?

refer 2 6

8: what artistic medium do you use to express your feelings?

art??? i havent drawn in awhile

9: do you like singing/humming to yourself?

no LOL

10: do you sleep on your back, side, or stomach?

on my side!!!! i cant sleep on my back bc i gotta hug smth.. and my stomach is out of the qn

11: what’s an inner joke you have with your friends?

🅱️… and .. same brainwaves…. poor mans ____…. this is all from the shady hq im so sorry my other pals

12: what’s your favorite planet?

the moon for no real reason

13: what’s something that made you smile today?

hMMm, watching astro and mx perform??? and just being shady with bell lmao

14: if you were to live with your best friend in an old flat in a big city, what would it look like?

this… question,,,..so im thinking of a bright place with white walls and translucent curtains so the light call fill the (living) room perfectly and everythings really ??? sunny and shit idk its warm… the floor’s made of (fake?) wood and theres a small kitchen bc i cant cook and idk if my friend would be able to lol.. theres 2 bed rooms both are painfully small but it works.. theres one other room with a closet for clothes… the bathroom is just a shower, sink and toilet… theres no washing machine rip and ?? thats about it poor mens life

i watchd the like we used mv again and i realized ...... that is literally where i got this imagery from thanks the rose i love a relatable band

15: go google a weird space fact and tell us what it is!

heres a fact (?) from me first: it rains diamonds on one planet ?? mecury maybe?? mars??? whomst.. this isnt even a fact its ,me trying to recall shit

ok real fact: There are thousands of other planets out there. sorry lads this website doesnt wanna have fun

16: what’s your favorite pasta dish?

is spaghetti bolognese a pasta dish

17: what color do you really want to dye your hair?

im chill with my current hair colour??? bc its brown sometimes idk shitty hair

18: tell us about something dumb/funny you did that has since gone down in history between you and your friends and is always brought up.

i asked my irl friends (group name: panic support group) and this is what they said

K: everything

E: when u were one hour late (i dont remember this happening but i do know im always late but never for an hour past me wyd)

19: do you keep a journal? what do you write/draw/ in it?

goDD i dont but i sure want to

20: what’s your favorite eye color?

this is strange but every eye colour is my favourite although ppl with two or more colours in their eyes are so cool

21: talk about your favorite bag, the one that’s been to hell and back with you and that you love to pieces.

its just my school bag lmao i got it 4 years ago and i take it everywhere even if the event is “small” and they ask us to bring “smaller bags” ill bring my big ass school bag anyway it looks like this (i dont have to but linking stuff is so fun)

22: are you a morning person?

technically.???its the holidays but i still manage to get up before 10 (most of the time) and … even if i have like 5 hours of sleep i manage to feel awake really easily????

23: what’s your favorite thing to do on lazy days where you have 0 obligations?

tf i just use my phone lmao this is what ive been doing for like a month now… i could watch every vlive i havent watched yet, i could make video compilations i could practice my art but… even though im out of school im still procrastinating.. legends only

24: is there someone out there you would trust with every single one of your secrets?

mmmm falens the closest to that

25: what’s the weirdest place you’ve ever broken into?

my classroom

26: what are the shoes you’ve had for forever and wear with every single outfit?

white converse??  i have 2 get new ones every like 2 years since theyre also my school shoes and break easily….. other than those i have my blueblack converse too (i dont wear them as much so theyre still in one piece)

27: what’s your favorite bubblegum flavor?

i dont eat bubblegum bc im always afraid ill swallow it and die and im p sure its illegal here

28: sunrise or sunset?

sunset but i dont look outside enough for either

29: what’s something really cute that one of your friends does and is totally endearing?

hm……… with jen its when she sends me asks on anon despite it being super obvious like im not a Fan when my friends send me asks on anon bc sometimes i cant tell and i get a sense of false hope but w/ jen its okay but i know its her

with bell its when they reply to my keyboard smashes with their own keyboard smashes lmao and when they just??//?? say smth cute abt their faves (lately its been sanha thank u sh)

30: think of it: have you ever been truly scared?

ya lmao when i have 2 sleep alone and its completely dark i have half a mind 2 believe some random supernatural being is out for me

31: what is your opinion of socks? do you like wearing weird socks? do you sleep with socks? do you confine yourself to white sock hell? really, just talk about socks.

hmM. socks are great i always wear them bc i wear shoes almost every time i go outside… i dont have any weird socks bc im Boring but i have 3 pkmn songs and 1 gudetama socks/.. bUT I DID buy my friend those socks with individual toe pockets… it was so funny when my other friend saw it she choked on her drink and almost spat it out. we laughed so hard we hit our heads against each other i love friendship.. i have 2 wear white socks for sch bc… aesthetic? god if i know lmao….. i only ever wear ankle socks bc….. socks any higher than that? cancelled.

32: tell us a story of something that happened to you after 3AM when you were with friends.

listen ive never stayed up later than like 1am ok maybe 2am??? but i was working on like a project that was due the next day for school with my groupmates (friends) so does that count lmao

33: what’s your fave pastry?

bread………. sugar donuts…….. i am Aware that thats not how u spell it but wtv

34: tell us about the stuffed animal you kept as a kid. what is it called? what does it look like? do you still keep it?

why does this ask so many qns in 1 qn……. i had a cat?? it had pink stripes and it didnt have a name bc i dont name my stuff… even my pokemon.. and yeah i still have it except its in a big dusty bag where all my other toys are kept

35: do you like stationary and pretty pens and so on? do you use them often?

i kinda have to use stationary for school so ya.. p often is correct… pretty pens??? i dont rly see the point whoopS!!! in exams u can only use black or blue so

36: which band’s sound would fit your mood right now?

im listening 2 day6 so like day6

37: do you like keeping your room messy or clean?

my room isnt even my room i just go there to sleep .. the place im always at is like a study area except its open?? so everyone can see me lol and . its not messy?? if u look at it from far but the shit on the desk and shelves are so fucking messy god i need to pack those

38: tell us about your pet peeves!

aLRIGHT LADS welcome 2 megans ted talk

(skip this if ur not fond of drama)

so something (refer to the song he said suits myday) happened with jae recently and ive seen fans trying to defend him by @ing him and saying that they love him which is fine - great even! but what i dont approve is how everyone’s basically forgotten about the whole matter because they had concerts so instead of @-ing him and asking him to explain himself, they tell him what a great concert it was which is also great bc their concerts are honestly amazing. basically my pet peeve is when ppl dismiss the problematic action of some people just bc they like them.

another thing is that there were some fans who started guilting others for wanting to drop day6 completely because of what jae did and in my opinion i think it is totally cool to want to drop a group if they did smth bad like??? its ur life???? u can choose who you want to like. what is not cool is pulling out all the good things the person has ever done in their entire life and try to remind others about the positive sides of the person. yes. they’re an encouraging person, etc. but that does not cancel out the bad things they’ve done until they explain/apologise. what is infuriating is just the manner some people took it?? they literally went ahead and tweeted shit like “would your parents drop you if you did smth wrong?” and “you’re seriously gonna drop someone whos been nothing been nice because of one incident?” yes. people will and you dont have any fucking right to stop them? so dont go pulling out receipts.

another thing. its also okay to want to stan the whole group even if someone has done smth problematic. like? to me youre cool if youre able to see and acknowledge the bad shit someone has done and still stand by their side while educating them at the same time its nice to have faith in your idols. however, i wont say much when your idols dont respond and/or respond in a way that shows absolutely no remorse. its cool if you want to support them too, despite that.

tldr; dont fucking excuse someone’s behaviour/action just because youre so far up their fucking ass. dont pull out shit from before either, be it good or bad. and lastly, its okay to want to drop/continue supporting them, its your life.

i just wanted to talk about this tbh,, it was nice to see a few mydays trying to urge jae to explain the whole situation but seeing as he still hasnt and couldve it really irks me :-/

okay update its been a day and i havent really thought about this but im kinda conflicted now bc jae still hasnt talked about the song and im probably just making a big deal out of smth that will never happen again but it really doesnt sit right with me knowing that jae recommended that song to his fans and said it suited mydays?? bc looking at the lyrics... i SURE hope not... idk i have neither forgiven or forgotten but he’s okay now.? i cant stay mad at someone for that long anyway ill never forgive him 4 it though lmao petty ppl only

another thing... jae’s still an amazing person to me with all the encouraging words he says to mydays but this one incident is just soOOOOO hrm and i did go off tangent with the question as usual lol

39: what color do you wear the most?

i wear a lot of colours tbh??? but bc its rly hot out ive just been wearing the same shirt every time i leave the house and its black so

40: think of a piece of jewelry you own: what’s it’s story? does it have any meaning to you?

i dont wear jewelry rip

41: what’s the last book you remember really, really loving?

challenger deep

42: do you have a favorite coffee shop? describe it!

hm,, ive only ever visited this coffee shop like more than once bc the girl i used 2 like showed it to me b4 like 2 years ago and it was nice i liked their mocha frappe and its cozy i guess??? sometimes i go there with friends to study/just eat but i havent gone in awhile.., its two stories and it has an open air sitting area too i prefer sitting inside bc the sun is a big no thanks.. the ceiling is kind of like?? going downward?? like the kind iin attics???? idk man it was nice

43: who was the last person you gazed at the stars with?

u cant see shit here sorry

44: when was the last time you remember feeling completely serene and at peace with everything?

cant relate

45: do you trust your instincts a lot?

yea?? sometimes i just gotta bc my brain wont shut the fuck up

46: tell us the worst pun you can think of.

suddenly all of the puns i know have left my mind thanks @ me

47: what food do you think should be banned from the universe?

vegetables

48: what was your biggest fear as a kid? is it the same today?

the dark and whats basically in it???? like ghosts zombies and shit u kno the scary shit

49: do you like buying CDs and records? what was the last one you bought?

i like buying albums?? theres a CD in those so it counts lmao i bought sunrise by day6

50: what’s an odd thing you collect?

boxes??? like containers????

51: think of a person. what song do you associate with them?

boxy and letting go by day6

52: what are your favorite memes of the year so far?

YOU KNOW I HAD TO DO IT TO THEM and oh worm

53: have you ever watched the rocky horror picture show? heathers? beetlejuice? pulp fiction? what do you think of them?

me: rocky.. ?????? from astro.. /?? no ive never heard of any of those and i saw the word horror so u wont hear abt those from me any time soon

54: who’s the last person you saw with a true look of sadness on their face?

i literally havent been outside for 2 days

55: what’s the most dramatic thing you’ve ever done to prove a point?

be petty aka yesterday i changed my twitter icon from jae 2 brian bc jae’s being a child rn so hes out

56: what are some things you find endearing in people?

when they ramble abt smth they like thanksk buds

57: go listen to bohemian rhapsody. how did it make you feel? did you dramatically reenact the lyrics?

is this the song from p!atd i have it in my playlist lmao oh i fucing hate this song i always skip it im not listening

58: who’s the wine mom and who’s the vodka aunt in your group of friends? why?

idk what either of those are but bell and boxy

59: what’s your favorite myth?

idk any

60: do you like poetry? what are some of your faves?

anything that eunwoo has ever written

61: what’s the stupidest gift you’ve ever given? the stupidest one you’ve ever received?

ive given eggs for karissa’s birthday b4 and i got a kermit its not stupid tho its just the closest thign i could think of

62: do you drink juice in the morning? which kind?

i drink water juice everyday every minute every hour

63: are you fussy about your books and music? do you keep them meticulously organized or kinda leave them be?

my books are all in shelves lads i just  heard the fucking keys rattle im not doing this shit im logging off night

ok day 3 and im back like i said previously my books are on shelves i tried rearranging them by series b4 but my housekeeper rearrnaged them randomly the next day so i gave up

i make playlists for songs that i like, really like (i still skip them sometimes rip) and songs that my friend recommends me i have a seperate playlist for the songs i like in japanese 2

64: what color is the sky where you are right now?

light blue?? like its actually p white bc its cloudy

65: is there anyone you haven’t seen in a long time who you’d love to hang out with?

m not rly

66: what would your ideal flower crown look like?

just. leaves maybe??

67: how do gloomy days where the sky is dark and the world is misty make you feel?

Horror Movie

68: what’s winter like where you live?

oh winter is fucking fantastic it never gets colder than 25 degrees celsius here and if it does rain it lasts for like 10 minutes

69: what are your favorite board games?

i used to rly like snake and ladders and monopoly :-o

70: have you ever used a ouija board?

im not ready for that kinda death

71: what’s your favorite kind of tea?

english breakfast or earl gray??? those r like the standard right

72: are you a person who needs to note everything down or else you’ll forget it?

ya but i never do bc i either forget to or am just 2 lazy

73: what are some of your worst habits?

being lazy + procrastinating :-D

74: describe a good friend of yours without using their name or gendered pronouns.

okie :-o ..

they’re great ok ive talked abt them like 10 times in the span of 2 months but whatever folks

they’re super nice, kind and just all of the positive adjectives out there in the dictionary ...... they’ve helped me multiple times and they’re always there 2 lend me a listening ear (or in our case, eye lmao) idk??? im just super comfortable around them always and im honestly so thankful we became mutuals (and subsequently friends) last year!!!! i cant say a lot bc ill just get v repetitive but overall they’re an awesome friend and im glad we still communicate daily via twitter and sometimes our skype sessions even if they’re kinda awkward bc i never know when 2 talk bc im scared ill speak and theyll say smth and itll turn into a MESS which actually happened lmao  

im looking forward to the day our skype sessions become super smooth and easy going!!!

75: tell us about your pets!

i have none but id die for boxys cats

76: is there anything you should be doing right now but aren’t?

well yeah always tbh but its not smth i have to do but more like want to do im just 2 lazy to get around doing it

77: pink or yellow lemonade?

?? i almost said lemons arent pink but i Remembered...... yellow lemonade

78: are you in the minion hateclub or fanclub?

i feel like this is an Attack? okay LISTEN so story time again.

on the flight back from japan i watched the alien covenant and i couldnt even get past the scene where the baby alien was gonna kill the poor guy who ended up being locked up with the infected dude as soon as i saw the blood and the alien emerge from the guy’s back i bolted lmao

so to calm myself down nd block that memory from my mind i went ahead and watched despicable me 3.. which HONESTLY im the worst critic ever but in my humble opinion.... the movie was good????????? idk i didnt watch minions the movie though i got lazy again whooopS!

anwyay i sidetracked but im neutral im not a fan but i wouldnt go out of my way to call minions annoying?? bc they really arent? i feel like its only seen that way bc of how people make posts abt how annoying minions are even tho.. they arent??

79: what’s one of the cutest things someone has ever done for you?

my memory hates me so every specific thing my friends have ever done for me has left my mind but .

the cutest thing? everything my friends do for me

80: what color are your bedroom walls? did you choose that color? if so, why?

theyre yellow and no i didnt theyve been there ever since i could remember

81: describe one of your friend’s eyes using the most abstract imagery you can think of.

lava cake

82: are/were you good in school?

yeah i was good in school for like the first three years and this year i just flopped so badly lmao and its my important year too oh well my exams r over and i still dont have a backup plan in mind

83: what’s some of your favorite album art?

all of dance gavin dance’s albums have awesome art

84: are you planning on getting tattoos? which ones?

back when i was really into 5sos i thought of getting a tally since that was their logo at that time but now no not really unless i decide to get lance’s face tattooed onto my forehead on impulse

85: do you read comics? what are your faves?

im keeping up with hq, bnha and tg manga!!!!

86: do you like concept albums? which ones?

idk what those r but sure

87: what are some movies you think everyone should watch at least once in their lives?

big hero 6

88: are there any artistic movements you particularly enjoy?

who wrote this whats up with these questions

i googled and.. not really?? they all look nice

89: are you close to your parents?

close enough to stand being in the same room as them but not close enough to want to initiate conversations

90: talk about your one of you favorite cities.

tokyo was really cool (literally) and if i ever go again id love to go with friends so we can explore more??

91: where do you plan on traveling this year?

japan was supposed to be the only plan for this year but my grandad passed away so i had to go to malaysia multiple times earlier this year ik this wasnt the qn but ive already went to the planned destination tm so

92: are you a person who drowns their pasta in cheese or a person who barely sprinkles a pinch?

BARELY SPRINKLES A PINCH im anti cheese

93: what’s the hairstyle you wear the most?

um. like?? i tie the sides of my hair that cover my face back??? bc i dont like hair in my face

94: who was the last person you know to have a birthday?

bell

95: what are your plans for this weekend?

hopefully something useful

96: do you install your computer updates really quickly or do you procrastinate on them a lot?

i also click remind me tomorrow lmao

97: myer briggs type, zodiac sign, and hogwarts house?

infp-t, capricorn, hufflepuff (same as falen nd jen yay)

98: when’s the last time you went hiking? did you enjoy it?

uh ive never been hiking and i dont plan on it sorry body

99: list some five (or id never shut up) songs that resonate to your soul whenever you hear them.

currently......

when you love someone - day6

like we used to - the rose

crazy sexy cool - astro

death of a strawberry - dance gavin dance

if it means a lot to you - a day to remember

idk if these actually “resonate to my soul” they just sound nice

100: if you were presented with two buttons, one that allows you to go 5 years into the past, the other 5 years into the future, which one would you press? why?

oh worm.. i wouldnt miind either???

i know i have 2 choose but like

if i go back into the past i could be less annoying?? but the past has actually helped me be the way i am today and i think im learning to be a better person?? im definitely way better than how i was previously 5 years ago and im just grateful i was able to learn from my mistakes???

so i wouldnt go back to the past.

if its in the future i can see how ill end up and if its not good i might end up being able to change myself so i dont get my “bad end”..???? maybe or i can just see what happens in the future and i can look forward to it

itll also give me a chnace to have the most fun while i can if its not too nice

so my decision is to go to the future

thank you so much for asking falen god this got so long lmao

#if anybody read through all 100.. thank u and have a good day!!! #softshouyous #asks

[haeroniel-doliet]

thbleugh but what bich is gonna fight me for me

idk im just gonna rant again, im sorry if youre on mobile just like, give it a big flick and fly past this i tried i actually have a read more this time

anywy im feelin shitty an dumb n weird an its not fun?? like do we try categorize these feelings: 

1. i have 3 days to pass a course and all the course work i failed to do in fucking march 

1.b. all those emotions to do w unis great! but also ive been solow and sad and dysfunctional its not rly even funny, grades dropping many levels in half a year like. sure grades dont define my life but considering how easy it is for me to get those grades to see them consistently and kinda dramatically dropping isnt helping (even though like i actively know i got lower grades bc i didnt fucking attend class or take in any knowledge. i realise hahah im making a psychology reference bc im a smart psychology uni student.... hmh oh yeah we, we learned about this, i dont know it. my peers do. oh. oh i didnt, i didnt learn anything. oh no. im here to learn abt the subject im supposedly loving and thats the best fit for me bc like hell id be an artist. anyway i have a lot of shit down here i havent figured out who to talk it out to. the mental health advisor didnt have the time for it rly and w counsellors its been different topics but now were in summer and id rather spend the spare money i can rattle off my parents on ballet than a psyhc i could see 2 times best. im just gonna have to wait till septembet bc my dumb white wall subscitption expired too damnti. ugh im just, okay lets move on

2. inadequacy thats not justified? like it is obvs bc it bothers me and i know i can do better and i am better than this all and i clearly have smth stopping me. while to others im doing just fine if not better than them who are really struggling and kinda dont have sympathy for me who goes ‘ugh im doing so badly and struggling, i mean i write perfect essays in one go but its just so hard to do thattt and i know im smarter and better than this’ esp bc say putting words together in that way is difficult on them and not been good at school

2.b. like being good at school but noot being good now, classic phenomenon or has my school system always been the softes most coddliest and where in the normal or worse school 1would have performed average and maybe learned to study and the worth of it to do better, ive just been good enough that caring became so unnecessary i need to waste my time on pointless but constant other things. like youtube and rpchats. constant monotone stimulation for hours. andhours. 

2.c. asking for help bc im struggling w actually getting over the fuzzy and struggle and self hate and blegh feelings to do some work thatd allow me to pass the coursein my 3 days of the very last extended time. and then realising, ah either youve slaved over your work and stressed and panicked to have it good and on time and have no pity left for me and my foolishness, or you never got to uni/struggled to go to uni and think im wasting my opportunity by being an ungrateful lazy piece of hsit. and i know ia m. and 2.d. its the reason why im not doing extra volunteering or serious extra curriculars thatd give the headstart in my lfie. bc, even tho on one side i wanna be that kid and owuld scoff at ppl not doing it who are here for fun and get a degree on the side, rn i see it as not stealing away dedicated good peoples spots who deserve to get the extra recognition for being clever and independent, meanwhile knowing htat probablyill be just fine. worst case scenario for me is literally (ok theres worse but v unlikely) living w my parents and ending up at a mediocre service job to another mediocre office job or smth and never get to a lab bc i wasnt sufficient enough and i never got the cotton balls out of my head and cleared up again to be smart enogh

okay what next, shitty privilige, crying abt my cotton ball head or not being smart

3. okay were gonna do the smart first bc my chest hurts and i kinda feel like crying or smth abt it. like in a dumb (fun) chat im playing athena known for wisdom and all this shit, and though i can throw out a quip or two or cleverly use smth to keep the smartass wisdom stick going on, every now and then i realise how dumb i am and not smart enough that another person could clearly fill this in much better. like. you know all the hilarious posts abt mansplaining and women being pushed out of their fields by dumber men who think they know better bc the others a woman and like, yeah? things where they are confident enough to say, actually i am way smarter than you and i know this bettr. here i am feeling like even if i spent years researching smth i wouldnt have the confidence to feel smart and knowldegeable abt it. like rn, i cant even hold arguments anymore bc im a fool. and i come off as dumb and i dont want to be, i still wanna be the smart kid, but im not working my brain im not doing work or research or learning, im jsut floating by w my cotton ball head thats getting fuzzier and fuzzier and though i can do tasks and would probably b v compeittive if it came to that and need to prove myself as smart, i can no longer feel like id hold my own, esp when people poke holes so easily, trap falls, “hah you dont know what to say ive bested you you dumb bitch” vibey things i just. its horrible? i wanna be smart and be confident in my smartness and feel recognized as smart by other people and live up to that expectation of actually being clever. and not just, knowing im smart enough in some ways bc school ive  passed so easy w always good remarks and participate well in class discussion and all, and im sure nobody thinks im rly dumb bc if i have to ask things im v friendly and try to be attentive. and idk if nobodys expecting more than me, bc again if i cant answer ive developed to be v chill about it and come off as average i guess. 

anyways 4. privilige; like thers multiple inc. the fact im fucking finnish aka my education system was supposedly one of the best, i grew up international so i wasnt even confined to one shitty school in one shitty town, ive had varied school experiences and switching so much i think has given me confidence in myself and shit like that. also bc im finnish i get grants in uni, like free money. and so far i have barely had to use it bc surprise my parents are togther and decently well off bc they got lucky w a job being fancy ppl for 3 years and my older brother is already  adulting and slowly doing his own thing so i can have more money from them. aka. catch my dad paying all my rent and food and everything i need/ ask for on the condition we keep a good releationship. and im reasonable bc he raised me smart apparently idk. but that still means im living at home i have no intentions of becoming an independent home owner bc idk how i would esp since ill be with my parents most holidays for years to come and idk even when or how ill become a real adult being in a real home w real comapnionship. bc rn idk who im even gonna live with, hopefully be civil w them maybe even make a bit of friends but im not gonna have a significant other to move in and support me for a while bc thats a thing idk if were getting into today in this why im feeling shitty rant. 

4.b. so im priviliged in everyway to go to uni for free (damn i gotta apply for that again) in a nice country and a nice and supportive school and get funding from both my parents and my country and not worry abt money and just get a degree all supported and babied again. im also, idk. priviliged bc, fuck writing comes easy to me, i know nayone reading my rants would be like... yeah this is barely legible and terrible writted and mind blurts so i say it is yes bc its mind blurts but i can organise my htoughts into fancy essays surprisingly easy and critical stuff like psych and english came  mad easy to an extent. sure, i wasnt talented in math but i still made it, i am not talented in science but sometimes the concepts click and i can . but then, im also talented in art. and im not ashamed to say its privilige disposition or talent or smth, bc damn. i do not practice or dedicate enough love to claim that. sure, ive drawn always, sure, ive practiced more as a kid thatn other kids and thats probably carried me thru pretty far, but i think ive just had a natural disposition to be good at art technique (creativity maybe not so, or inspiration) but i know what looks good and sometimes how to achieve that. cue montage to art class where i sit w my friends who are talking about bands or making outlines w nut shells bc there i am beside them doing the work in half the time twice as good. mostly bc the teacher wasnt great and would assign essentially copying a picture from a4 to a2 u know like drawing the same thing. and thats not easy. and youre supposed to build up really light layers and slowly refine it.  and ppl who listened only ended up w shitty light drawings that either look like potatoes or vaguely like the picture, while i with boosting confidence would go, we only do one super light sketch one medium sketch and one dark layer. bc by the medium one everything is in its place and looks abt like everyone elses and i need the dark hues to show it accurately even if it isnt perfect, and my work would like almost always stand out on the wall bc it was so different/advanced. i wont lie it influenced my friends to not draw as well or as much sitting next to me, and ofc id feel bad and i could never boast bc i felt bad that they didnt try bc they saw me, thought mines not gonna be like that so im just gonna fuck around and do whatever. and i obvs needed praise but would always feel bad bc it was obviously me who was the best in that class and its so self conceited but, it kinda just was true in that small class half of whom didnt want to be there. me butt kissin and trying to impress myself w my skill. catch like, that first day he asked us to draw the person next to us, and i made my partner draw me first, bc i just knew if i went first theyd look at it and draw me a potato stick figure in 5 seconds and say i cant draw like you. and true. while the rest of the class made sketchy circle guys, some looing so childish, here i went and said, okay i find it awkward having you stare at me and if  you move a lot it makes it harder to be accurate, so, like take out your phone and get comfortable and look down at that for a while hence drawing3/4 unlike anyone else w eyes cast down and damn if i dont remember it being beautiful and identifiable as that friend, even tho the teacher told ppl around me like, ah yes she did it this way, 3/4 not face on which is much easier. which is true but bitch you never said. sides it looks so much better and was so much less frustrating. anyway, even now in that chat i go and like drop my drawings in bc partially i just wanna draw more and showing people makes me draw? u know. and i kinda wanna get compliments. but ive figured im pretty humble abt it. and sure i get comments that are like god i wish i could draw like that from someone that doesnt draw arms or legs and theyre v bublehead cartoon. and im like. you could. but yours is still middle school level, so just, keep working at it, get confidence to break your mold. 

that andtheres this one chick that,,,, gawd, well they admit to being a sociopath in chat which is great and seem real attention seekery in general (theres a surprising amount of people, while in midst of rp and getting compliments go “well i guess im a shit rpr because nobody wants to rp with me ://) post art and then be like dramatically UGH i hate it it looks so bad im terrible at art, literally poster girl for fishing for compliments. and even if i dont like the style at all, i try give in anatomical pointers or smth abt the drapery or smth technical i can complement. bc id want the same i guess? and i dont love let alone like the art itself. and then, while getting so many of those theyre like “yeah well nobody likes my art, say it reminds them of this character (jessica rabbit while all hers have big hips big tits tiny waists massive lips massive eye, but just one eye bc the otehrs covered by hair like theres obvious similarities) which means im totally not original like i thought so why even try!” and other melodramatic things that i can argue, but they dont wanna hear it they want attention and praise and i just ughhh i could preach you about how no art is original and its all from influence, or how someone doesnt have to like your style to appreciate it, or someone might love your style and like. basic stuff ive figured out myself. and it gets frustrating trying not to get a superiority, or to start shoving my own art in there to try compete or smth. and its just. hard. idk. id k. i know theres people who are averse to art and never tried to be good at it who are obvs gonna be omg thats so good i cant even draw and ill be like, hah yeah sure dude if you tried maybe btut thanks. 

also drawing man its so weird, whenever i see someone elses drawing a part of me goes “we must draw so that we can show were better than that” like, either to get complimetns and shift it to me? or to just show them off. to be like. i can do it better. which i kinda hate about myself? that i draw mostly bc of that and a need to show off? like amxxs art or smth, them talking like yeahh ugly art is good art, drawing is so healing i feel great or im so proud of myself for improivng so much look at my art, and a part of me goes, awh yes! my theorys proven working on art for yourself improves and can cheer you up, another goes, yesnow i must draw to show how good i am and show how i too feel fulfilled by drawing but also make it about me by weeping how i hate drawing myself. literally smths wrong w me seeing others pot abt their midrift, or learning to accept their curves or drawing themselves or smth, and theres a gremlin of me going like yeah but i cant draw myself bc i tried once and it looks like shit and ill only highlight my flaws and im slightly afraid of someone saying it looks exactly like me or other dumb shit, or i dont have curves to accept bcim not big hip big thic thigh girl im just. my legs are big but mostly ugly bc of the skin on them not bc of their size (ankles tho oof) and i have no hips i have no butt bc it allwent to my stoamch thats also ugly and my broad   badly postured back thats also ugly w these spots and marks and scars soon probably. and saggy boobs dont forget those. bc theyre literally fat sacks aiming for the ground i guess. anyway. no cute curves,  no beautiful skin no nth its just tough and i cant help but feel the negativity towards myself in almost every glimpse of someone elses positivity. i dont always air it which would be horrible of me to do, but its still there. making their happiness about my misery. maxx loves their boyfriend?> i hate them bc i dont like him and its rining it> i hate them havingsuch a dreamy but fake seeming ‘soulmate’ relationship bc its not true and i think itll end up terribly> im neveer gonna have that and im jealous of them i guess having someone theyd dedicate so much to and who loves them so much theyre all over the place making sappy things> well theyre an oveer romantic whod do it over the smallest things this wasnt a great example. 

anyway yeah extra note, even if i felt comfortable enough for sex im not comfortable enough in my body for that and idk how thats relevant to anything but i guess thats smth id also talk w a therapist abt whod probably tell me, then dont have sex! like yeah thats my plan.but im talking never gonna be able to form a relationship bc even having a friend for a sleepover makes me uncomfortable having them see me in an uncontrolled clothed position. u feel. 

anyway i have a lot of little problems that amount and i guess when i start addressing one the rest pop up their ugly heads and this is why i never getanywhere. this all comes from  how shitty i feel from how i have literally not even 3 full days to complete those tasks and pass, and i know i need to, though nothing in me actually feels like itll actually do the work u know, that spiraled through that chat into privilige of being at school and how i should tryy a bit that turned to im priviliged to be smart to pass and in my talent in art despite not being an artist that spiraled to another way i disliked myself and thats my fucked relations to myself my body and relationships (esp including me that dont exist)  

side note, though no surprise if for some ungodly reason youve read this shit i wrote at 8.30 am when i have a docs appointment abt my very ugly skin at 12.45 i over share. easily. if somseone asks id give them all. look at this. even in that chat i spiraled from, hah fun fucked up thing im almost failing my course bc im a shit, to my  heads filled with fuzz and i hate that i cant live up to my potentia. and im surprised how much i like this one guy, though who with his character ripped into my athena and make me question all my smartness, really makes me feel better ooc??? like theyre genuinely nice and just too informed and funny and playing the dick for a very well thought out reason (drunk doesnt mean it etc) and while the sociopath gal is giving me the side eye after they tried to help but figured out im a prviliged kid whos in school for free and not making the most of it and how easy school has been forme when for them despite their hard efforts they failed high school.u know not reallly helping kinda making me fele worse bc i know i should be doing better and could be and not only bc i have a priviliged opportuntity to and ability, i would benefit so much more if i did it for myself. but here comes by weird guy who slips on a freudian approach and claims they love helping ppl through their problems so i drop another overshare paragraph if he rly wanted to help but lighten it by taking thetopic off, he doesnt return and never address my post bc now its onto talking abt the big rp thing. im not mad. i just, idk i kinda wanted their support, another poor stranger to inflict w my extremely troubled wordy lengthy and i guess complex thoughts and feelings and lack there of sometimes and other shit. 

anyway im not doing great but im gonna grab 3 hrs of sleep before the doc, come back, nap, go to ballet again, come back, ad.... do smth.. work. maybe. one can hope. i hate it will it actually work only time can tell and i hate myself already.ugh. i hate i hate im not okya with this why cant someone else deal w me for me. deal with all these feelings and botherings and make me do my work and be satisfied doing it and do it all in time and feel a little success and reward myself like i should for work done and not just when i want. idk. someone,t ake over my life, you might be better at it. help me dela with school that i currently hate the most even if im meant to end up a scholar or smth

#rant time #bc i guess i need to vent out my feelings that are just annoyingly complex and i cant actually deal with them #aka i hate myself #but not like actively or aggressively #i prefer not think i exist but thats not even covered up above #just bullshit #dont read if youd like to keep your day being nice

[parhelionwave]

17

-started okay. Sleepkver I thought one for the better one for the worst. But not really bar just I guess compatible si cheap and no too unhealthy. Muy body is lime a trapbox that limits my inner self forma being fully but Also oh im affraid of the things in my brain so look at what ice done. Cant Hear the ñame of a disease ir ill feel something Weiss like Almost real that im feeling it, called hypochodriasis? Ir i thankful it through it was since last Hear it changed me, not only the pressure of being out, (Also a constant fear of dying young of knowing everytime the re out the y could die and i picture the next res days. But anyways it wasever since i got that horrible infection and wAs pre convulsión cant ever write that calmly, and Also the eh said like reuma of what ever and this like is not greát i altas think what id it happened to me. Not only wicha Tefa but merely close people. Why tho? Also cant finish projects if si called becase well still figuring this out but perhaps if i dont i cant fail of i cant be exoected to or cant screw up so sometimes uni seems senseless Also cause i do like things form it but others aré really shit and i really hope i couldve been from that other uvg. But whats the plan ?? Maybe masster plus work héroe while after that there musa be dr or master outside everything you do must strive towards it, how can a quitter be better? Guess moré motivation to be since it didnt work out i just figured it was work out somehow and okay and not perfect was okay but Numbers aré shit but counts what you do with them. Then Also i guess im ver y insecure, no yes, be acertive, i am insecure, starting with my fragile vulnerable weak earthly body. It se perfect cause it work but i dont like what my brain and feelings and the undealing of stuff has shaped it once more, guess i lied Shenny i liked it but overall is ok is just when you. Look at details that all is shit. But that not the origin is It? Whereeee well dunno pi was prettier young but still comp,exes sometimes fundsmented, like other times bro told me like unformed an nonose and other said sAggy and food and others said corn which i agree but of ocurre this not Who i am as a person. Except what am i really? Im really fucked up as it seems well at least it has been the most revealing couple of years of me what has Benín better? Not beso not fa the Maybe the s word tho not entirely, i admití have. Trouboe in. Rlationships invilvijg male, cause havent really been nesr them like healthy ones. Ive probs tresspass my resentment towards closest men to humEn an men of course, like not everything is destinen to fail but i Also have friends accordingly we dont really talk or i a out families or future or more deep intome stuff. Maybe my bonos are glass? But how wouldnt you just love that yeh? Even the comedy i like. Also ive never felt more close to a definition that not knowing one,is an excuse obvi. When it comes it will Riight? But afterwArds what ever you say sounds resentment like i just said im boring but really i mean i dont have enough confidencer or knowledge or criteria or e en interest like i lose attention quick cause dont really care just is smalltalk and se i forget i was going with this yes it was i don think i can ha de it becase of my self and i relationshio and dont really know what i want if im atteacted to people like my on close males im screwed and thinking of the other sido disgusts me mostly. Im projecting my feelings in Heras and she doesnt deserte that. It Also applies but honestly how can you not be find of him i just cant be intimate dis made me leaks like wiki. There s al was somethn innit. I gajes profesional sucesos Nd trying to be a parent but how can we fiñx it after all this time, leaks again with marshmellow colored buttons of letters whatever they be called. Dont think ive ever told him lik M like im weak or love u or scared i always guess dont i but, My heavy heart is made of stone but not really it ismt. Ever my pet is lovehTe shit Who would u love him? Cause you know is unreachable meaning want like you mesning on his feet and smarter mesning das not wati want but it kinda is tho, dreamed of telling him hey i like you not in that way but so i admiee u and example and likeu tho ive drawn you hehe. Want a ask someone but the. Comes compromise right and dunno disapp guess stop guessing tho, how can i know what i want? Disgrsce welcome to the human race. Try cause stillll die. Forgive, leadme to yogur love, dont les the esrthly stuff sbsorb me, when i was up al one but Also lonely thought almost due date but way should i need that ? I need you forevver snd always this is for you, i want you, feel giod for the right reas. Its whats missing but still dunno what i avoid seenit? Cause failue surely. Sorry and thanks are powerful.