#male pornified versions of women

[balkanradfem]

#comic #feminism #radical feminism #male dominated media #male perspective #isolating women from their own perspective #making women feel isolated for having a normal way of acting and thinking #radfem #male fantasies #male brainrot #male pornified versions of women #being broadcast as the norm #when its anything but #and women being forced to play it feel uncomfrotable and isolated from their own bodies and minds as well #male bs #written by a man disease

[the-rainbow-lesbian]

listen every movement with white people in it is gonna have a problem with racism so I am not even gonna pretend that radical feminism is perfect, women of color have to fight against racism in every feminist movement, but if TRAs are gonna keep parroting the same argument that womanhood is exclusive to white women or they are the standard and being a woman is some colonialist idea enforced by europeans then you’re in some way saying that women of color are significantly different than white women in a biological sense. it’s almost as if they are saying women of color (from many ethnicities and regions) are a different species with our “male” features and characteristics and if that’s not some racist bullshit that specially dehumanizes black women idk what is, I’ve never seen a movement as stupid and as ignorant as TRAs, racism but make it woke to make men feel better about not looking like their pornified version of what a woman is.

[yuri-for-businesswomen]

I strongly disagree with you on a number of issues, but I did want to say that I respect the fact that you focus on loving women as a bisexual woman and don't try to appropriate lesbianism. It's a simple thing, but unfortunately, many bisexual women do it, giving the impression that bisexual women can't be serious about being with other women and that they all prefer men.

i feel like that first part wasnt necessary but im glad to hear that.

yes, i really wish more bisexual women would consider dating women and actually see other women as viable partners, not just sex objects.

i feel the latter is more unconscious for most women and a product of heteronormativity, where women can admit and in parts act on their attraction to women but not in a romantic way. men are still seen as the only romantic option.

i also know many bisexual women who only make out with other women - not that they owe anyone sex - which might again be because women kissing is fetishised, but actual love and sex between two women (not the pornified version) is still taboo.

and i dont see many bisexual women talk about this even though it‘s a bisexual only issue. we have to realise in what ways we are still male-centered.

#that was an unnecessarily long answer but its an important topic #ask #bisexual

[lavenderfeminist]

Do you think writing mlm as a woman is immoral? I'm not asking accusingly or as some sort of gotcha, but rather as a genuine question. Do you think women who write mlm erotica contribute to real world harm and perpetuate homophobic stereotypes? I've seen some radfems say that women who write mlm hurt themselves by not dealing with internalized misogyny enough to feel comfortable writing wlw (assuming they're bi/lesbian) and they hurt gay men via their fetishism. Or is it using that pornified version of gay men to feel entitled to sexually harass them/catfish/rape by deception where the line is crossed? Hope this isn't antagonistic I am just curious about your take.

When it comes to writing about sex you're incapable of having, and which is written to arouse (rather than to what, move the plot along?), I'm not sure how you can confidently do so in a way that guarantees you're not perpetuating harmful stereotypes or blatant inaccuracies to your readers, or how you can consume media about sex you cannot understand, with the intention of getting off, in a way that isn't simply voyeuristic. I'm not inclined to believe the majority of the women writing that material are asking the gay men in their lives how, in explicit detail, they have sex, and I'm not sure how many gay men would be comfortable with that line of questioning. When it gets down to writing sex, not just a slow fade out or vague descriptions of feelings and sensations, I find myself unable to understand why women would not find themselves at least insecure, at most disturbed, by the prospect of writing an explicit sex scene between two men when they are literally incapable of understanding that type of intimacy. Maybe I'm making it too deep. Maybe women having a warped view of how gay men have sex would just be an unfortunate/weird/gross but harmless inevitability to me, if I didn't think it was bleeding into the societal treatment of gay men. Maybe my opinion would be different if I didn't think there was clear evidence that the increasing prevalence of women harassing gay men for not being attracted to them is tied in a significant capacity to their consumption of female-written gay male erotica and explicit fanfiction, similar to how men's consumption of lesbian porn is exacerbating their fetishization and harassment of lesbians (though clearly pornography has far more dire physical consequences). If I thought women could write and get off to it without it coloring their thoughts and treatment of gay men, then I guess I'd have to say I found it pretty uncomfortable but not something worth dedicating energy to. Clearly that's not the case because what people consume is directly tied to their worldview whether they like it or not.

Welp, now I've thought about this to the point where I'm philosophizing rather than stating my initial thought, which is: homosexual relationships don't exist for the sexual gratification of heterosexuals, and I don't know why fiction can be considered exempt from this attitude without there being obvious negative consequences for homosexuals. Do ask a gay man about it.

#asks #basically yeah I think it's weird to write voyeuristic fantasies about gay sex and get off to them #and I think it's obvious that the treatment of homosexuals is affected by heterosexual consumption of that material

[destructrice]

My attraction to women is not the sanitized sapphic tiktok version, not the pornified straight male version, but a secret third thing (homosexual and normal)

[rantingcrocodile]

Hi Croc! I'm just gonna say it. Learning to deal with my attraction to men and allowing myself to feel it fully without guilt or feeling like it tainted my love for women or made me less worthy of love and support for my sexuality has been so hard for me! Hard enough that I've cried over it and lost sleep over it, and even friends! But I don't care because now I've acknowledged it as a neutral fact of bisexuality that isn't going away anytime soon I can enjoy men just as I do women! I can look at a man and think he's hot and it doesn't make me stupid, doesn't make me a "handmaiden", and it doesn't mean I love women less, and it doesn't make me less deserving of support and community for being bi! I love how gorgeous both sexes are and I love being able to appreciate both of them 💜

I am so glad that you've been able to fully embrace your bisexuality!

It can be incredibly difficult. Offline, there are a myriad of different experiences when it comes to not being able to accept bisexuality, and because there's so much biphobia out there, bisexuals simply don't talk about it the full way that we should, so some bisexuals might get a little (conditional) support, and then others are either silenced or just outright shamed, and that toxic kind of mix leaves bisexuals trying to come to terms with their full bisexuality even more confused and alienated.

The myth is that the only kinds of "coming to terms with bisexuality" is either the, "I'm mostly OSA, so I convinced myself I was straight" or the "I'm mostly SSA, so I convinced myself I was a lesbian/gay man" and that's it, but it's just not true.

I'm 50/50, I've had around equal experiences with women and men, my first sexual experiences were with other girls my age, but I still convinced myself that I was straight because in my case, same-sex attraction between women that isn't pornified is seen as childish and "not real," as opposed to society's "you can only lose your virginity if you have PIV sex with a man" male-centring when it comes to sex.

Centring US-centric and European-centric experiences also means forgetting cultures where any kind of female sexuality is taboo, where a woman showing sexual interest in a man at all means she's "bad" and that feeling is shameful, so coupled with the idea that same-sex attraction between women is "childish," then that same-sex attraction can be better accepted than attraction towards men.

It all depends on the individual and the context, and the context hurts all of us because we're struggling with our own individual bisexuality while the world has two boxes for us, where we don't fit in either, and it ends up being mentally damaging and creating feedback loops of self-hatred and hatred for other bisexuals when we shove ourselves into a box that doesn't fit.

There are a lot of posts and scoffs about bisexual women defending themselves in regards to their attraction to men and male partners, who are dismissed and treated badly, with others rolling their eyes and saying what amounts to, "log off! Touch grass!" and it's just not as simple as that.

I can't help but think of what other, younger, more naive versions of myself would think, what she would feel, and it leadens my stomach.

I imagine the younger me, who was convinced I was straight, stumbling across this space. The me who didn't believe in my same-sex attraction, who hated it to the point of denial, before I found any support about it.

If she came into this space and read and internalised even some of the so-called "bi positive" blogs, then she would end up hating herself even more. The only thing that she knew for sure was that she was attracted to men. If she accepted that she was bisexual in this space, then she would end up internalising the same hatred and disgust for her attraction to men as she did for her same-sex attraction. She could be open and explore her same-sex attraction online, but she would know that she wasn't accepted offline and couldn't be honest.

She would learn that every part of her bisexuality was something to hate for different reasons, and she would be more damaged than before she found this space. There would be women she would look up to telling her that the only part of herself that she knew was real was wrong and made her bad and even talking about it to compare it to her same-sex attraction to try and discover herself was derailing and shameful and hateful.

To actually be "bi positive" is to embrace all of our bisexuality, for both women and men. Offline, the usual from heterosexual oppression is to silence our same-sex attraction and try and force us to deny ourselves and be "straight." Online, where we're supposed to be safe, when we're supposed to be surrounded by critical thinkers who prioritise and care about all women, we're told that any part of our opposite-sex attraction needs to be silenced, and appease others who we listen to and look up to, we have to deny it and hide it.

It's very easy to say, "It's just offline! Log off!" as though we don't know that radicalisation happens online, that men who were mildly misogynistic haven't become terrorist incels, or have become violent and dangerous thanks to their exposure to porn and the like, but then there's pretending that being exposed to people that you think know better than you, who everyone else is listening to, somehow isn't something that can ravage self-worth and self-esteem? We know that ROGD happens through online interactions, but it's going too far to suggest that bisexuals will hate themselves more reading constant hate about us online?

It's bullshit. It harms us. Especially thanks to covid, where we've been separated and there's even less in-person support over the past few years, but even without that, there are hardly any spaces for bisexuals to be able to come together and actually support each other for their full bisexuality.

A denial of part of ourselves is still a denial of part of ourselves. Swapping an embrace of one for a denounce of the other doesn't help anyone but the type of monosexual that feels more "comfortable" with one or the other.

Fuck anyone who says otherwise, quite frankly.

#crocodilian answers #I love you and I'm proud of you! <3

[booksofwhynot]

Quit calling trans women men who want to rape lesbians. You can say you personally couldn’t have sex with someone who had biologically m@le genitalia without being a bigot. Just say you hate trans people and go

-Sincerely, a pissed off ally 💕

I will never quit, because that's exactly what the "transwomen" who want to date lesbians ARE. No lesbian - not one - wants to have sex with a male, so the only way that could happen is by coercion or force. RAPE. They know this, you know this, anyone with half a brain cell knows this. Why the fuck should I have to say "I personally couldn’t have sex with someone who had biologically male genitalia" (did you seriously censor MALE?) when "lesbian" covers that perfectly for me and every other homosexual girl and woman? It's not bigoted for an oppressed group to defend our right to keep the terms we use to define ourselves. I spent too much of my life feeling ashamed of the word and its meaning to give it up now to appease entitled, lesbophobic, misogynistic men with corrective rape fetishes. Absolutely fucking not. It's our term, not theirs. Men have ALWAYS hated its true meaning. The only time they're okay with "lesbian" is when they can fetishise us, pornify us, when they can believe "lesbian" doesn’t truly exclude them, and "transbians" are only the latest (and most manipulative) version of that. It's not bigoted to be homosexual. It's not bigoted to call out predatory men and pro rape, pro conversion therapy rhetoric. It's not "hate" to be against homophobia. You sound exactly like those bigots who cry "calling out my bigotry is the REAL bigotry!" It's not bigoted for lesbians to stand up for ourselves and each other, and to speak the truth. It's not bigoted to want all the lesbians out there staying closeted out of shame and fear - hiding, not just from conservatives, but from what used to be their own community - to feel safe and to know there's nothing wrong with them. To know their sexuality EXISTS and is natural and beautiful and not just some "personal preference" they could perhaps "work around" someday. To know there are many others just like them. And guess what? There always will be, no matter how hard you abusive fucks try to erase us and scare us into in silence. You’re an “enby” and an “ally”, so I’m guessing you’re female. How about you try being an ally to lesbians and stop throwing other women under the bus for men, for a change?

#ask #tra bullshit

[taylorafergus]

Pornification: a justification or implication of Instagram? - Week  8

The ‘image first, text second’ ethos that underpins Instagram's platform generates a universally understood emphasis on a visually-oriented culture and reflects society's simultaneous growth into such a climate (Lee et al. 2015, pg. 552). The significance placed on this visual culture within the platform "influenc[es] the operations of consumer culture as both a commodity form and [as a] site for new consumer behaviours, such as selfies" (cited in Toffoletti and Thorpe 2018, pg. 300). Instagram, however, isn’t just a place for connecting with friends and posting personal pictures with family, it’s a big business marketing and advertising tool. 

Instagram is arguably the birthplace of a concept called 'influencer marketing' (Drenten et al. 2019) - a billion-dollar phenomenon that refers to the utilisation of influential individuals, who are active users online and are willing to share brand messages with their virtual following (cited in Léa et al. 2018, pg. 7). These influencers sometimes referred to as 'microcelebrities', alluding to “a new style of online performance in which people employ webcams, video, audio, blogs and social networking sites to ‘amp up’ their popularity among[st] readers, viewers, and those to whom they are linked online” (Senft 2008, pg. 25). Additionally, the visually-oriented ethos that underpins Instagram fundamentally normalises and encourages ‘microcelebrity’ culture.

Figure 1. Candice Swanepoel Instagram GIF. Source; Giphy c. 2020.

To create a commodified and celebrified version of oneself on Instagram typically requires an individual to conform to aesthetic templates that are endorsed by microcelebrity culture (Mavroudis 2020). For female influencers, this refers to the act of adhering to aesthetic templates that define what is considered attractive, sexy and feminine and is thus fundamental in gaining mainstream attention (Drenten et al. 2019). For male influencers, the expectation is that they will contribute to, and engage with, aesthetic templates that assert masculine ideals such as athleticism, strength and dominance (Mavroudis 2020).

Western culture and social media have become saturated with sexual imagery (Ward 2009, pg.3). In conjunction with the proliferation of digital technologies and its accompanying social media platforms, western culture has mainstreamed the pornification of mainstream culture and its ‘porn chic’ aesthetic (Drenten et al. 2018, pg. 41). Pornification refers to the increasing normalisation of displaying one's sexuality and projecting explicit sexual themes in popular culture in a way that reflects the aesthetics of commercial pornography (cited in Mavroudis 2020). Additionally, porn chic refers to “a style that reflects the mainstreaming of the aesthetics of commercial pornography within western societies” (cited in Drenten, Gurrieri and Tyler 2019, pg. 42).

Figure 2. @oabramovich [image] Source; Sociologylens 2019.

To adhere to these aesthetic templates female users are exerting aesthetic labour through the conscious and purposeful posing of their bodies, as well as the editing of their physical appearance - through both online photo-editing tools and/or plastic surgery - to present a hyper-sexualised version of oneself according to the relevant porn chic branded ideals through performing acts of sexualised labour (Mavroudis 2020). Sexualised labour refers to a form of work that "becomes associated with sexuality, sexual desire and sexual pleasure" (cited in Drenten et al. 2018, pg. 43). Further, The adoption of these porn chic ideals as an aesthetic template for "self-expression and lifestyle choice has come to be known as raunch culture" (Ward 2009, pg.4). Drenten et al. (2019) found "a continuum of pornified self-representations... [by female] social media influencers on Instagram. This ranged from “softer” references – where influencers pose to highlight sexualised body parts and employ “porn chic” gestures such as gently pulling their hair, touching their parted lips and squatting with legs spread to the camera – to images that were hard to differentiate from mainstream commercial pornography" (Drenten et al. 2019). 

These endorsed ideals and aesthetic templates can be unhealthy for users and can indulge fame labour seeking behaviours. Fame labour refers to "the work of managing dissonance between online brands and offline brands" and can result in users striving to emulate aesthetic templates promoted by celebrities and influencers (Mavroudis 2020). In 2017, statistics released by the American Academy of Facial Plastic and Reconstructive Surgery denunciated that 42% of surgeons are reporting that their patients are actively seeking aesthetic surgeries to improve their appearance for the purpose of appeasing social media ideals (Dorfman et al. 2018). Ultimately, the cultures that underpin Instagram and similar platforms allow for the idealisation and romanticisation of certain aesthetics and ideals that objectify and degrade women.

Figure 3. Music Video Plastic Surgery GIF. Source; Giphy c. 2020.

References:

'@oabramovich' [image], in Sociologylens 2019, Sexed up online: Instagram influencers, harassment, and the changing nature of work, Sociologylens, viewed the 11th of May 2020, <https://www.sociologylens.net/topics/communication-and-media/sex-online-instagram-influencers-work/25039>

'Candice Swanepoel Instagram GIF' [GIF], in Giphy c. 2020, Instagram, Giphy, viewed the 11th of May 2020, <https://giphy.com/gifs/fashion-show-washington-jsQFWmfr405KE>

Dorfman, R, Vaca, E, Mahmood, E, Fine, N, Schierle, C 2018, ‘Plastic Surgery-Related Hashtag Utilization on Instagram: Implications for Education and Marketing’, Aesthetic Surgery Journal, vol. 38, no. 3, pp. 332–338

Drenten, J, Gurrieri, L, Tyler, M 2018, 'Sexualized labour in digital culture: Instagram influencers, porn chic and the monetization of attention', Gender, Work & Organization, January 2020, vol. 27, no. 1, pp. 41-66

Drenten, J, Gurrieri, L, Tyler, M 2019, 'How highly sexualised imagery is shaping ‘influence’ on Instagram – and harassment is rife', Mumbrella, 8th of May, viewed the 11th of May 2020, <https://mumbrella.com.au/how-highly-sexualised-imagery-is-shaping-influence-on-instagram-and-harassment-is-rife-578396>

Léa, C, Malek, P, Runnvall, L 2018, 'Influencers impact on decision- making among generation Y and Z Swedish females when purchasing fast fashion.', Jönköping University: Bachelor’s Degree Project in Business Administration, 21st of May, viewed the 11th of May 2020, <https://pdfs.semanticscholar.org/f5fa/d75c4891a71b6c9f3781f75a13f4666ff846.pdf.>

Lee, B, Lee, JA,  Moon, JH, Sung, Y 2015, 'Pictures Speak Louder than Words: Motivations for Using Instagram', Cyberpsychology, behavior and social networking, September 2015, vol. 18, no. 9, pp. 552-6

Mavroudis, J 2020, ‘Lecture 8. Digital Health and Cosmetic Surgery on Visual Social Media', Learning materials via Canvas, Swinburne University of Technology, 6th of May, viewed the 11th of May 2020

'Music Video Plastic Surgery GIF' [GIF], in Giphy c. 2020, plastic surgery, Giphy, viewed the 11th of May 2020, <https://giphy.com/gifs/music-video-beyonce-visual-album-4n4jt9OPcNMyI>

Senft, T 2008, Camgirls: Celebrity and Community in the Age of Social Networks, DigitalFormations, New York: Peter Lang

Toffoletti, K, Thorpe, H 2018, 'The athletic labour of femininity: The branding and consumption of global celebrity sportswomen on Instagram', Journal of Consumer Culture, May, vol. 18, no. 2, pp. 298-316

Ward, M 2009, 'The production and consumption of the sexually explicit: a painterly exploration into the pornification of culture', OPEN ACCESS REPOSITORY: University of Tasmania, viewed the 9th of May 2020, pp. 1-99 <https://eprints.utas.edu.au/22230/>

#mda20009 #digitalcommunities #pornification #sexualised #instagram #aesthetic template #expectations #reality #expectations vs reality #sexualised labour #aesthetic labour #microcelebrity #emotional labour

[communityclicks]

Digital Health Campaigns

Week 8 lecture concepts 

What is a microcelebrity?

It involves creating and maintaining an online identity, users self-brand in order to increase status online visibility and ‘influence’. 

Curating images for social media platforms adheres to aesthetic templates endorsed by microcelebrity culture which often leads through to product campaigns. 

Self-branding explained...

Self-branding within platforms such as Instagram establishes a unique aspect to the individual becomes the product themselves. Self-branding is considered as a self presentation strategy that is a by-product of microcelebrity culture.

“Morphing yourself into an online brand is now presented to social media users as a necessary component of internet participation” (Mavroudis, 2020; Robinson, 2019; Marwick, 2013a).

Endorsements which can lead to selling their audience clothing, skincare etc can actually create brand deals as their social media presence becomes a selling point. 

Self-branding and social media presence, a case study of KKW X Winnie 

Kim Kardashian-West beauty and makeup line collaborated with Winnie Harlow in 2019 to create pallets and lipsticks. The globally recognized model stated that “Instagram got me noticed by Tyra Banks”, leading to her being a contestant on American’s Next Top Model in which her vitiligo created a unique and desired look for the Canadian Jamaican (Harlow 2019). Harlow currently has 7.7 million followers on Instagram alone, with her following and visibility rising through the brand-deal with 172 million dedicated followers from Kardashian West (Instagram 2020).  

So, what does visibility really mean?

In terms of digital communities concepts, visibility labour relates to strategies used  both microcelebrities and non-microcelebrities (such as Kardashian-West and Harlow) to increase their high popularity and influence. 

Additionally, the high visibility of the pair for the KKW Beauty campaign highlights the power of connecting to influencers, as Kardashian-West wasn’t considered close friends with Harlow prior to this collaboration. 

Concept relation to The Rise of the Prosumer, suggesting that Instagram users are simultaneously producing and consuming celeb-rified brands (Ritzer, G., & Jurgenson, N. 2010). This can be further highlighted through Kardashian-West’s Skims brand. 

Aesthetics, why are they so important?

Aesthetics play a vital role in curating a social media presence, as it attracts people to your brand and shows an audience or a possible business partner how you want to be perceived.  

The power of aesthetics in a visual media landscape establishes sophisticated branding strategies normally used by large corporations and are easily and swiftly broadcasted to the world (Senft, 2013; Wood, 2010).

Definitions to further explain...

Aesthetic templates: Aesthetic choices of the content user posts to their profiles, presented alongside product promotion. 

Aesthetic labor - focuses on poses, accessories, props or superficial work on the body's surface rather than emotion work. Has been described as an aspect of sexualised labour (Mears, 2014; Drenten & Gurrieri, 2019).

Femininity in aesthetics 

Femininity is suggested to be of the most influence, as exerting aesthetic labour to create a ‘porn chic’ branded ideals subsequently effects the performing of sexualised labour.

Female brands that appear to be most influential follow the pornification template or enhanced features or emphasised femininity (E.g. Larger lips, large breasts, small waist, large buttocks).

Body as a form of influence: involves a range of behaviours that change a person’s physical appearance either online through editing or physically in the offline world 

eg. Kylie Jenner posing in a photoshoot, BTS posted to Instagram during 2019 receiving 7million + likes.

Over time, displaying specific elements of female bodies has enabled and normalized sexualized labour  within western societies to display sexuality that reflects the aesthetics of commercial pornography.

Sexualized labour: Displays of female sexuality through sexualized social media content, is a powerful means of gaining visibility.

“For social media users, selfies are often the result of work understood as sexualized labour” (Drenten & Gurrieri, 2019).

“In a digital context women are suggested to be presenting a highly sexualized version of self-online” (Mavroudis, 2020; Herring, 2015; Carrotte, Prichard, & Lim, 2017; Kapidzic & Ringrose, 2011).

eg. Brand enabled Insta-porn!f!cat!on - Fashion Nova uses pornified templates as do influencers themselves including Victoria Villarroel (https://www.instagram.com/victoriavillarroel/?hl=en)

Masculine Aesthetic Templates 

It can be argued that many male influencers mostly strive for a more muted display of sexuality, however I disagree with this as captions as Westernised ideals of beauty shared in Calvin Klein Campaigns etc highlight a string emphasis on bicep, chest and core muscles being consider as sexy.  Bodies appeared to be actively performing tasks that relate to masculine ideals of athleticism, strength and dominance.

Bradley martin conforms and heightens this ideas of traditional male gender noms... (https://www.instagram.com/bradleymartyn/?hl=en) 

Here is James Charles and his...ummm. This contrasts major ideals of masculinity within the media, as a openly gay man Charles dresses freely and in a flamboyant fashion. This video has received 40.1 million individual views... (https://www.instagram.com/p/BwP3UfpAFUm/)

Scholarly References 

Carrotte, E. R., Prichard, I., & Lim, M. S. C. 2017, ‘Fitspiration’ on social media: A content analysis of gendered images. Journal of Medical Internet Research, 19( 3).

Drenten, J.,Gurrieri, L.,Tyler, M 2019, ‘Sexualized labour in digital culture: Instagram influencers, porn chic and the monetization of attention’, In: Gender, Work and Organization, Gender, Work and Organization, pp. 1 – 26

Ritzer, G., & Jurgenson, N. 2010, Production, consumption, prosumption: The nature of capitalism in the age of the digital ‘prosumer’. Journal of Consumer Culture, 10, pp.13– 36.

Senft, TM 2012, Microcelebrity and the Branded Self.  In Hartley, J, Burgess, J & Bruns, A (Ed.), A Companion to New Media Dynamics, Blackwell, UK

[aeroposter]

it’s really evident that tumblr’s ~lesbian positivity~ culture is all about praising women who are attracted to femmes and femininity. that they’ve absorbed a male-gaze version of what a lesbian is--schoolgirls in short skirts and long hair and lipstick, hairless bodies and lace panties, girls who are “soft” and pretty and barely-legal, weakness and frailty and submission. 

“this includes trans lesbians and never terfs” what exactly do you think a lesbian is? can you explain it without referring to some sort of pornified aesthetic? 

#every time i resolve to shut up about htis i see another bad post #so many bad posts #lesbophobia #lgb

[warmbeebosoftbeebo]

So hi there i don’t know who to talk about this stuff and u seems like a wise person. So the thing is I’m 19 and I’m pretty sure im bi? By pretty sure I’m mean I’m attracted to boy romantically and I see myself being in relationship with a boy and with girls it’s more of a sexual attraction like I’m not really interested in romantic relationship with a girl but a sexual one yes, also the thing is in virgin and I’ve never been in relationship before so I’m just genuinely confused, 1/2

Also the thing is I cannot get wet when I think about boys, but if I think about the girls kissing boom I’m wet?? For example sometimes I try fantasizing about men when I’m already wet and I cannot cum, but soon and I think about girl I have an orgasam. Like this bothers me i know it’s seems stupid but I’m confused and mad at myself 2/2

sounds like one of three main things: 1) you're bisexual and cannot/won't (yet, this isn't inevitable) connect sexual and romantic/emotional attraction. so, if you're emotionally attracted to one sex, you're not sexually attracted to them and vice versa. possibly to do with splitting the body and mind, seeing the body as base, women as for sex/valued for their body, men as for emotion/domesticity/relationships/valued for their mind. that if you sexually desire someone, you can't emotionally want to be with them, and vice vera. 2) you are a lesbian and have internalized lesbophobia and possibly fear of women generally. wanting males for the normalcy they can give you. the acceptable life path. while actually desiring women but feeling like women are fundamentally abnormal in a same-sex context, or lesser than men generally. men can confer social worth to you, so you want to be in a relationship with them, but you long for women in your bones and vulva, telling yourself it's not in your heart too. or being that blocked at the idea of being with a woman that you don't yet long for them in your heart.3) do you have the same types of sexual thoughts about men and women? for an example, if my thoughts about men were aligned with mainstream porn/if i thought that's what sex with men was and all it could be, with my feminist consciousness, previous trans identification, etc i wouldn't desire men either. the pornified thoughts would leave me distressed/grossed out/bored/fearful/etc. (in my case, it contributed to my desire to be a gay man when i was 12-16. prior to that i had a "lesbian phase" that lasted a few months before my own het porn consumption and having fantasies aligned with that.) for example, do you fantasize about receiving pleasure clitorally/vulvally with women but have different thoughts about men? if the thoughts are quite different that could explain the lack of arousal, ability to come, etc. you could just be interested in the same types of sex with men and women (eg thigh riding, giving and/or receiving oral, rubbing genitals together without penetration, vibrators, using fingers on the clit, using fingers inside, entering him too or instead with a dildo/vibrator/fingers, masturbating in front of each other, etc). if the thoughts are already the same, 2 is likely. you could also not be interested in penises unless you are specifically interested in the guy who the penis is attached to, while finding vulvas inherently interesting/attractive, but being able to be attracted to other aspects of men regardless eg do you find men beautiful? pretty? handsome? sexy? what parts of them? their overall persona? can you look at a clothed man and think "fuck he's gorgeous", with a tummy flop and a tingle/ache/tickle/other pleasurable sensations in your vulva? topless one? do you see a boy swimming and think... god my heart's pounding, n i so shouldn't be getting too turned on right now :P? have any male friends that you crush on? come to find attractive, sexy? think about doing sexual things with? think about them whispering in your ear how much they want to see you feel good, want to know how to make you feel so fucking good? and so on. in my general opinion, i think women and girls already deserve someone focused on their pleasure, orgasms, comfort, etc but guys should have to earn it from women/girls in large part because we live under the reverse (eg sex is defined as piv, most other sex acts in hetero contexts whether seen as a kinda, halfway version of sex eg pia (penis in anus), fellatio, usually done violently and causing pain, or just foreplay are focused on males esp in porn). that could come into play with you too. guys should earn your sexual devotion/interest by being so fucking good with you you can't come anymore or think straight but women already deserve and need it.