#maybe i should start publishing so it doesnt take yet another year for me to publish anything

[wishing4nuclearwinter]

OK. SO. I have finished the draft for the first part of Agustín's fic (the prequel to Spreading Out Our Ashes in the Sun), aka the first 11 chapters. There will probably be 3 parts in total.

Now my question is. Would y'all rather me edit and start publishing the first part here in the next few weeks OR do you think I should wait for the fic to be completely finished before I start publishing

#its been over a year and ive only finished the first part rip #which is why im asking at all. I was kind of hoping to have the whole fic done by now so at this point im kind of like hm. #maybe i should start publishing so it doesnt take yet another year for me to publish anything #but at the same time i kind of feel bad about the prospect of publishing part one then making people wait months for the rest of it #there is a possibility that publishing part of it now might get me to actually work on the fic more often but that might be wishful thinkin #hm on a side note i should really figure out a title for the fic lmao

[purple-ktj]

An overdue Q&A, and I didn’t really have time to skim over to proof read my own answers. I hope there aren’t any serious inconsistencies or mistakes because tumblr is giving me a lot of grievances and I can’t edit any long posts after they’re published. 

Some of these were answered some time back and I compiled them till now please understand!

Q1: we cant know for sure but i personally believe taehyung invented the jwan nickname, and ill explain why:

- seokjin calls taehyung voo because according to him he is "too lazy to say the full vowls", just like he says jwa hope.

- bts tease seokjin and taehyung about these nicknames, like in the new years vlive and on the comeback showcase bangtan bomb where right when seokjin started saying "oh voo" jimin said "voo" with him and laughed. but there is no doubt that its seokjin who made it up- bts said that during the vlive and seokjin said it himself on weverse AND taehyung said "you sound like jin hyung" when a fan called him that.

- jwan has a similar logic- just like voo, jwa hope, and ja-ka, jwan is a "drop the vowl" nickname. so im 100% sure it was made to tease seokjin back when he uses their nicknames.

- so why tae?

1. voo was the most repeated nickname out of the "no vowl" nicknames and it was the most teased one from the members, so the person who is most likely to tease back is tae.

2. taehyung chose it as seokjin's nickname in the festa q&as sheet he answered for him, and thats the first time we came across this nickname. i think each person answered the nickname question according to their own point of view (esp tae, just like he answered the which member is jin thinking about rn with "me since im writing this")

3. taehyung replaced "voo" with "jwan" when bts were booing and it sounded like voo, meaning jwan is the jin equivalent of voo.

4. just like bts teased both taehyung and seokjin by calling tae "voo", they can tease jin by calling him "jwan", doesnt mean they made it up themselves. and its very fitting for jikook to roll with funny nicknames of the members (jimin teasing voo, jk's rrrrap monsta, for example)

it doesnt even have to do anything with ships, it just makes sense that its tae, and maybe it became an inside joke or just a form of teasing among the members.

hello im the anon who sent you the long why i think jwan is made by tae anon! you havent replied to yet (take your time!) but i just wanted to add that if i had known about this video id use it in my ask too! they said jwan right after namjoon mentioned "v", and tae's expression too.. anyways my og ask explains it better but it totally fits imo :) (i just wanted to add this as another reason, by no means i am pressuring you to post the other one! take your time, dont feel like you have to answer this one sooner because of it, not at all! if anything they should come together and at any time you feel like it)

Me: I had to read this 10 times to process everything so it was impossible to answer you on CC lol. I think I get it all now, and since you explained in full detail I don’t think I need to elaborate. I agree with it. I remembered thinking Jwan sounded very unique and the first time we’ve ever heard of it was in that Q&A. Also his explanation was (if I recall correctly) - that was what he apparently called Jin back then when they were still trainees (?). They probably made the nicknames Voo and Jwan for each other and the other members picked it up as well. I agree! Making cute nicknames isn’t exclusive to just Taejin and the other members make nicknames for each other as well :D

Q2: I kept having this talk with some fellow taejinnies, about how taejin's dynamic changed right after their holiday and BV4, and we were all waiting for newer episodes of run, just to see this in a more different setting than their concerts. The latest episodes have been a total mix from different timelines, but I can't help to notice the stark contrast from last tuesday's episode to this week's. I know, there were other people there, but let's say we compare last week's to the one in the car shop for hyundai, or the 100th (?) special episode with the guns and game playing. Taejin's dynamics is so, so different. Idk if it's because Tae decided to put on a more serious face and refuses to do much skinship and be cute, or it's because they're trying to stay low. I can tell that if before he used to be super loud in his affection for Jin, now they act as if they're in two different worlds. Maybe it's just me and I'm overreacting, but that time when he wanted to laugh and just suppressed his smile is still painful for me. Maybe he doesn't want to show his bias all that much and wants to protect Jin more? Maybe one day you will consider making a comparison between taejin before september 2019, and after. I'm curious to see your pov on this and if other taejinnies see it as well.

Me: I haven’t actually completed the 2020 timeline, I get a huge headache whenever I try to work on it. There’s a few factors in the first half of 2020 period that affect our observations. Naturally, covid- affected everyone’s moods. Second, Tae very visibly showed signs of being down and in a slump during the quarantine period. Third, all the episodes were jumbled up and there is a lack of live shows. 

In general, they’re more focused on recording when it’s for Run episodes. Since it’s a controlled filming duration with many staff around.  Since I answered so late and BE is already out, we’ve established his slump with Blue & Grey during that period but otherwise I can assure you that their affections for each other hasn’t changed, it's what they choose to show us that’s changed. A 2020 timeline will have to wait but a 2019 one will come sometime this month! About that episode where he suppressed his smile, it was definitely part of his burnout and he was really holding back on expressing his emotions. But if you think about it, he managed to keep a neutral expression the entire time but couldn’t help that smile on his face when he saw Jin being cute that he had to physically suppress it, I think that says a lot. Jin really is a source of happiness for him. 

Q3: Yeah, that's the thing that always stands out to me, that whenever taejin do smth like that, the members remain silent. Like this hand kissing, the butt slap, the water fight in the jacuzzi and also the "fight" in the train in sweden. But when tkk kissed each other's cheeks, the others were on the floor laughing. It can be that they're used to taejin being like this, since they are a couple, or they just don't want to get in the middle of it. Another great example is taejin "bickering" or joking around in the supermarket or in the car with yoongi, but yoongi never says anything, just laughs it off.

Also, I wanted to say smth about the hand kiss. To me it's the most meaningful for a big reason: because when my boyfriend does it to me, it just feels special. When he does it on the cheek it's sweet (my siblings and parents can do that too), when he does it on my head or forehead it's endearing (again, siblings and friends can do it too), but when he does it on my hand, it's both romantic and chivalrous. Makes me feel like I am wanted. And in no way do my friends, family or siblings kiss my hand at any point. And Jin is smart, he knew exactly what he was doing. All kisses were intimate, but I have a feeling that namjoon did it with his nose and not lips, for the same exact reason, because it would have been a bit too much. Tae also gave him the other hand, after namjoon had *asked* for it, not taken it like jin lol. So yeah, it's a special moment for my taejin heart.

Me: So this message was a response to this “I just had a query regarding Tae reciprocating JK's Cheek kiss on 2018 Army Zip. JK is younger than him, ok, but then the others except RM kissed Tae but he only chose to kiss back JK. What could have been the reason?”

I think it's both, members choose not to get involved with Taejin in general unless necessary because they’re a couple. Recent examples, Tae trying to lift up Jin’s shirt during MOTS ON:E and the other members automatically backed off, and the BE vlive when Jin sort of screamed at Tae if he wanted to go naked and the members just stood back and watched. Most of the time, people don’t even think about kissing the hand. Most obvious choices are typically on the head or face. Namjoon and Tae are close, but clearly not in that sort of intimate relationship to want to grab Tae’s hand at will to kiss it. He asked for permission, as Taejoon usually does because they respect each other as friends, and Namjoon bumped his nose instead of kissing it. I’m not sure if that was Namjoon’s way of ‘softening’ the impact of what Jin did or because he just wasn’t comfortable with kissing Tae anywhere. Either way, I agree with you that Jin’s hand kiss was pretty chivalrous and the fact that the other members were dead silent instead of laughing was a dead giveaway. 

Q4: about the editing - i think bh wants to show us how all 7 are very close irl, its not just a narrative. if they excluded every taejin moment, it will falsely imply there might be no moments between them at all - and people will start questioning whether theyre even friends. therefore, they have to balance and include moments for all ships. some get more and some less, for various reasons (for example, fans demand, entertainment levels, etc), but theres no ship that has no moments at all. + it would be very weord and misleading to exclude every taejin moment, so they choose moments that can come off as cute and brotherly in their eyes, so people will know they are close but still wouldnt know too much. and taejin can be pretty entertaining and their moments do show various parts of their personalities so its impossible to ignore that. also, some moments are so subtle that are easy to miss, especially when you edit months worth of content. + lastly, lets not forget that bh knows all ships have some sort of demand from fans, so they show all of them both as a way to be transparent about the close bond between all of them, but also, to some extant, to please all fans. to the misinformation anon - no one ever said the blanket kiss was real, we all know its an ALMOST kiss with a convenient camera angle, we just like to joke about it. also its not a kiss but its still pretty intimate so i dont understand whats wrong.. the wallpapergate- looks exactly like jin, even non shippers said that before, and some others used the "they always have members pictures as a wallpaper" explaination on it. anon, i hope youre doing your research and decide to love taejin for taejin, and not let people distract you from it 💜

Me: Was I too harsh in the previous ask? Lol. My bad. On the internet I can’t tell the person’s tone and nuance and I get quite a number of messages daily so my brain is constantly rolling for answers. I suppose there’s some truth to that. SOOP is probably a good example. There’s a little bit of everything. Although I don’t know to what extent they pay attention to these things. (If they really do) BTS editors never have to worry about how to show they’re close in real life, because they’re genuinely close, so it's more of what to include to increase entertainment or comedic factors? And some members are closer in the sense that they spend a lot of time together, chat more often, have more common hobbies regardless on camera or off cameras and it naturally translates into the videos that we see. For eg, Jihopekook who met during their vacation back in 2019. Or Vmin who immediately caught up with each other as if the one month didn’t happen. 

Q5: about spring day in mots on:e.. i actually see the hug as them comforting each other. it was really obvious that taejin were frustrated during d2, they both talked about it on their ments. seokjin got teary eyed and taehyung actually cried. while everyone talked about how happy they were on d2, taejin talked about being frustrated and missing us a lot. spring day is very emotional, especially during these times where they dedicate it to us, and it does hold a special meaning to taejin. i think taehyung got emotional and searched for seokjin for comfort, and seokjin was emotional too and found comfort in taehyung, and thats how the very emotion filled hug was born. and then after taehyung cried, they went to give their final bow, and seokjin stood next to him like he always does when he cries. i find d2 filled with taejin comfort moments. 

Me: I think they are each other’s comfort and home as well. The hug was, but I doubt the attempt to put the mic under Jin’s shirt was. Lol. 

Q6: I saw a popular Youtuber (whom JK knows) reacting to a BTS Ship Video. There was Namjin, Vkook, Jikook (The Youtuber acknowledged Jikook), Sope & Jihope. No Taejin. I felt bad as to how can people always ignore something as qualitatively clearest as Taejin? TBH, Namjin Vkook & Jihope looked straight out "not romantic at all". Namjin looked brotherly while Vkook & Jihope looked just too clingly bros. It's either the majority Armys are "blind" or they "act blind".

Me: I really like the term qualitatively clearest. Some people might already have preset biases and as we know, ML biases tend to hype ML moments more. Besides that I suppose not everyone pays attention to these things, especially not Taejin. Honestly, Taejin is very confusing and doesn’t make sense when you first look at them. They’re very inconsistent so in that sense I get how they go past most people’s radar. They’re not just a ship. And that’s what most people look for. 

Q7: Hello! I am a relatively new Taejinnie. I became an Army because of V & I was initially surrounded by a lot of Taekookers. I love Jin's personality & I hate it when the Armys around me reduce Taejin's relationship into "mother-in-law & daughter-in-law" despite of Jin being so Manly. They make fun of Taejin coz they fight a Lot. They also hate Jimin. I personally feel that Taekook can never be real especially when there's a whole Park Jimin existing around JK 24x7. JK has a special spot for Jimin

Me: Welcome baby army! Jin is indeed a gorgeous man, he should never be reduced to anything less than the splendid person he is. :) I’m so glad you don’t listen to those stereotypes of the members. I don’t understand how anyone can hate Jimin, Bangtan’s comfort fairy. I hope you find better army friends who can appreciate how precious all 7 of them are in this fandom and enjoy your journey here! 

Q8: I personally feel that there's a connection between Yeontan & Jin and there's a possibility that Jin was the one who gifted Yeontan to Tae because 1) The year in which Tannie came to Tae's life, Taejin were literally like a newly Wed couple. 2) Tannie was first introduced on Jin's Bday that year. 3) Tae asked Jin if they should get a sibling for Tannie. 4) We saw everyone's video with Tannie, except for Jin. 5) Tae asked Jin to come to Weverse, &  posted a pic of him with Tannie on bed. 6) LOV

Me: I answered you in my cc before! Since this is all wild speculation I can’t dismiss the idea or possibility of it but I can say it’s never crossed my mind and it doesn’t seem likely? Because an anon reminded me that Tae personally went to get advice on how to raise a puppy before actually getting Yeontan. Although I definitely think Yeontan and Jin are much closer than what we see on screen. 

Q9: So, I was watching Tae's Vlive which from the night after Taejin's Burn The Stage fight. When the Live started, I saw Tae's red eyes & running nose, probably because of all that crying. Then after a while his mood got brighter. He played songs like "Can I lay by your side" "I am a Fool for you" & also a song like "Take it off for me...??..." with 18+ lyrics. Do u think all these had something to do with Jin? Beside, in that live, he took all of their names except for Jin's.

Me: He mentioned everyone except for Yoonjin. Hmmmmm I’m not sure… Tae was still very chaotic in 2017 so I can’t really tell if it was just him being him or those songs had something to do with his mood after fighting with Jin. I know he was very affected by it, just not sure how much of it came out in that vlive. I wouldn’t put it past him though, since he tends to be expressive and all. Maybe the ending part? He was extremely hyper and animated. 

Q10: Hi! I am new to this fandom & I found this blog of yours. I really like Taejin's chemistry. What I have observed in Taejin till now is that they have a push & pull relationship. Not sure if they r dating. They got along well from the start but then there was that Burn The Stage fight which literally drowned BTS' First Ship. Taejin decided to sing EIIDIY in 2018 to show people that they have grown closer. And thus, we also got the So What Moments.

Me: Thank you! They sang EIIDIY together because they like each other a lot and wanted to sing together, the chance to do that is extremely rare :) 

Q11: Putting my Delulu Hat off, I think Taejin's spring day moments in 2020 were a bit of Fan Service. The two, especially Jin was ridiculed by other shippers for making Tae cry in the Burn The Stage Springday choreo fight. The YT & other media are filled with fake subs of Burn The Stage Fight - entertaining for other shippers & heart breaking for Taejinnies. BTS has now become globally popular, so I think they felt the need to make up for the bad impression.

Me: I don’t see any of their Spring Day performances as fanservice, personally they were all their genuine interactions. To put on fanservice 3 whole years after fighting once seems like a stretch. Taejin has made it perfectly clear that they don’t interact just to please others. 

Q12: Hello! I've been an avid reader of your blog ever since I got curious about them. Your thoughts really make sense and I've made peace with myself at finding these two really attractive together, and of course on their own, and having a beautiful relationship throughout the years (as I have never shipped two men before, and I'm a baby Army to boot too 😅, so I hope that makes sense.). Whether what they have is romantic or platonic in the end, I sincerely wish for both of their happiness. I also personally like both of their solo songs and any of the OT7 songs where their voices really stand out for me like Spring Day, Lights, to name a few.

Me: I’m really glad to see comments like yours. I too set up this blog to vent my thoughts out so I can be at peace with this pair that is Taejin as well. Have a wonderful journey exploring BTS! Shows and content is endless, I hope you have fun watching them. Welcome to this fandom :)

Q13: Most taejinnies think that it's tae's "crush" for jin the most obvious, but I think that it's the other way around. That's why we have so little tae biased tjinnies, cause V is practically the same with every member, he can stare at all of them, just like jk does. The maknaes love all their hyungs. But jin is super obvious, since he does skinship only with tae. I could never see him cuddle anyone but tae, and his softness is very loud. He initiates it 90% of the moments, really, even pied piper.

So what? mostly initiated by Jin, since tae keeps his spot all the time. Sure, he expects it, but it's Jin who runs towards him. The iconic piggy backs? Jin again. The moment with the zipper and then the one right after? Again, jin :D. Fukuoka? It was jin's boldness that made it happen. Dna? Jin does all the backhugs, tickles etc. Sure, we have some great ones initiated by tae as well, but very few. Dimple, dna iconic one, and a few others. Jin is always constant in his affection for Tae.

Me: I think part of the reason why many Tae biased army don’t see Taejin is because they’re more invested in ML interactions. Also because like you said, they can’t differentiate between how Tae behaves with the rest as compared to Jin. Because I’ve met a few Tae biases on my blog, most agree that Tae’s crush was most apparent during their earlier years but then in later years he seems to be physically touchy with everyone. It’s really hard to see without a proper overview of how Taejin’s relationship developed. As for Jin, yes to all of that. He would cuddle JK too, just not the intense and flirty stuff he only does with Tae. I love him for that, he’s really bold. He really loves Tae deeply and he shows it. 

Q14: What if it's just our imagination & there's nothing romantic between Taejin? I sometimes feel that Taejin don't feel the need to do Vlive together. Plus, people don't demand for it. I remember the Tkkrs going crazy with TK posts on Weverse whenever Tae was online & just on the next day TK did a Vlive. Considering people's love for TK they even reunited in the Soop. I think where there is a demand, there's supply. Same thing happened for Jikook. The Jikookers sent mails to BH after TK Vlive. Hi! I am the same anon talking about the Vlive thing. Now if u say Namseok ain't a popular ship still they did Vlives, I guess that's bcoz both r 94liners. BH is comfortable with Maknae line Vlives & Hyung-line Vlives, coz I don't think there's any Jinkook Vlive either even though they r the most comfortable with so. Jimin is the oldest of the Maknaes, so we got the Minimoni, YoonJinmin ones. Also, I think the Tkkrs sent mails for Namjin Vlive to prove their Ships right.

Me: Umm… this entire message don’t make sense. Jinkook vlive exists, btw. And BTS don’t do vlives after they read emails, or else taekook would have done 134340 vlives by now. 

Q15: have you seen the interview where seokjin points out that taehyung's farher is very talented and then taehyung complimenting seokjin by saying he has his mother's way with words? this is so cute to me, it feels like a little taejin bubble in the middle of the interview 🥺 its soooo romantic and soft to me

Me: Tae saying he has his mother’s way with words really screams domestic. This, after the few times he posted videos of himself talking to Tannie in Jin’s parents satoori on twitter. Yeah… the implications there... 

Q16: another taejin moment that i cant find a platonic explanation to is when they asked tae what he wants as a christmas gift and seokjin said "seokjinnie's love?" without even blinking while leaning down to look at taehyung and then proceeding to smile shyly.. also the members reactions? that "oh my god" came out as a panicked instinct, its not like the things they say to cover something up, it was just pure shock. and then "as long as its not that" and taejin looking flustered.. no explaination.

Me: I would add it in if tumblr isn’t so terrible… I haven’t been able to edit any of my older posts!

Q17: Those 2 moments happened on Muster V concerts (2 day in seoul, 2 days in busan, just 4 concerts as a muster-fan meeting- concept) For that first pied piper moment, when Jin was wearing more small-detailed shirt than the other moment (seoul-day1), it was a surprise move, Jin was off-guard and reacted that way. In the seoul day2 pied piper they did not do it. They were tensed at the end of the song. Muster 5 was just 2 days in seoul, and a month later 2 days at busan. The second pied piper moment was in busan. On the first day busan, tae did the same move but this time after he did jin reacted the same way but did not flinch and moved his body as much as the first one, this time jk on the front was not surprised he was just smiling, jin did blink to tae when lights went off and tae hit jins butt softly as an answer (it is on taejin channels, fancams). And on the second day they did not do it again on busan. The first day was published as a dvd of muster V, and that taejin moment was cut of, at that exact moment the camera zoomed JK's face all of a sudden. If it is a fan service why they didn't put it on dvd, why cutting that way. It is a famous moment, it should be highlight if it was planned. Also, the first one jin surprised, tae looks more deep, others looked annoyed while lights getting darker.On the second one Jk smiles at them, jin blinks tae laughs when lights goes off. When they did the first one, it was a problem for the performance, tae acted on his own. they had to come with an idea to clear the impulsive movement of tae. On the second day they didn't find a solution, but the busan it is like " you should do it again", thays why jin's face is more exaggerated but did not flinched with his body and he blinked after lights went off. After that musters, they have changed the positions of tae and jin. It is a heavily timed dance, they get down on their one knee with 1 second delay, you have to remember that, and hard to time it. Why would you change positions of members after they perfected the dance? Tae was looking jin most of time, in busan day1 he even stopped to watch jin on the big screen in the middle of performance (you can watch nuna V's channel, V focus). Just had to get out of chest, everyone saying it's fanservice

Me: Hehe yes, I saw the fancams before. Since you explained it in detail already, I have nothing more to add. On the surface it all seems like fanservice. With Taejin its a little more tricky. Just one comment, I find it funny how the camera ‘panicked’ and zoomed away from Taejin when Tae held Jin. Tae is smart and funny, he did that on the day they recorded for the DVD so that it would be captured forever but this cameraman somehow evaded. Nevertheless, Pied Piper was still captured. Sad that they changed the positions after!

Q18: The main reason why we won’t get a taejin vlive is what happened today. “Do you want to go naked” and “please undress me”. Something you would definitely not expect but it doesn’t surprise because it’s taejin, I think they have a lot of freedom during lives because the staff can’t do anything in front of the camera 🤭 well anyways I’m still waiting for a taejin vlive one day 🥺

Me: Taejin in a nutshell: Unexpected but not surprised. Hahahaha yes each time this happens we just confirm the fact that we won’t get a Taejin vlive but I’m still gonna hope for it anyway!

Q19: I’d love to see the posts about 2018 and 2019, I’m patiently waiting 🥺

Me: Wait a little more! I’m working on it. 

Q19: I think the most vulnerable I’ve seen Jin was in bv3 Malta, for me, he tired his best to hide his feelings, he couldn’t show how much he missed tae, so he had to suppress his emotions, the way he looked before they all said I love u to tae, the way he turned to look at tae and how tae straight up came to Jin but hobi hugged him first, he might be hard to read but I think bv3 showed us a glimpse of his vulnerability, I really feel bad for bv3 Jin, cause it was the first time I saw his raw feeling

Me: BV1 as well! We got a glimpse into his raw emotions and how deeply he really feels for and needs Tae. It made me realise how good he is and to what extent he usually suppresses it. And when he goes all out to express it, we can see just how much he really loves and needs Tae. 

Q20: Not an ask but I really love yoontaejin’s relation. He is always there with them, he was, he is and he’ll always be. I don’t think there’s any taejin moment with Yoongi not being by their side lol, the way he always watches them over reminds of your best friend who would hang out with u and ur crush just to make fun of you later, no matter how many times he puts up his unbothered face, he really enjoys being in btw them, the fondness his eyes show off just sums up everything 🥺

Me: I think the most magical things happen when Yoongi is with them hahaha. He may roll his eyes sometimes but he loves the both of them so much. He’s so fond of them. Afterall Jin is his eternal roomie and he absolutely can’t say no to Tae too. 

Q21: Tae’s absence probably gave an opportunity for jimin to seek comfort in Jin, I think Jinmin were the ones who were most affected with Tae’s absence so makes sense for them to become close, I love seeing them make fun of tae, or siding together to tease tae, jimin’s love for Jin grew stronger in Tae’s absence but is overshadowed sometimes, idk Jinmin are just special for me, forgive me if this doesn’t make any sense 🥺

Me: Jinmin needs to be appreciated more! Both of them are comfort fairies and give the best hugs in bangtan. Jinmin are the two who understand Tae at the most fundamental level and see each other as equals. For Jimin, this is probably expected, but for Jin it’s a bit more special since he’s their senior. Some of my favourite parts in the SOOP was seeing Jinmin hang out together in the gaming room with Yoongi.

Q22: Apart from namjoon, who do you think freaks out upon seeing taejin being taejin and why, btw love ur work here 👏🏻

Me: I think this is obvious? Namjoon > Hobi. Both of them can’t lie and their expressions are really honest whenever Taejin is up to no good. You could say they’re the most responsible and cautious people in the group? 

Q23: I’ve never seen any ship videos before, I first met with tj and I’m still sticking onto them, I haven’t tried to give other ships a chance or something, I got fixed with them, despite the lack of taejin content during the quarantine period, we got a lot of subtle moments and it is that subtleness which keeps me fixed on them, if there’s nothing to hide, then why those subtle touches and stolen stares, why that change in expression when he is flirting with someone else, why the tension 😶

Me: I don’t watch ship videos either, but it’s totally fine to hype and celebrate all the other pairings too :) I’ve never felt ‘bored’ with Taejin and they’re honestly a handful for me already so I get what you mean, considering I’m running this blog and a cc account I’m very much fixated on them lol. 

Q24: The way tae wanted to apply lipstick on Jin’s plump lips and how Jin didn’t want that to happen. He really asked “do you want to get naked ?”. Is that Jin’s version of punishment or something, and not at how tae openly spread his hands for Jin to ‘punish’ him. And now Jin looked at Tae’s chest as if he wanted to rip it open. Well applying lipstick is better than ripping Tae’s shirt off, another reason for no vlive, btw love ur work here, ur doing an amazing job.

Me: Jin started it and he gay panicked, while I’m just laughing down here. He is just so chaotic, I really have to thank him for giving us such a precious moment. Thank you!

Q25: How do you think each of them would’ve reacted if taejin came out with their relationship ? And who would’ve accepted easily and who wouldn’t have ? My English isn’t very good so pardon me if there are any mistakes 🥺

Me: Yoongi and JK. Would probably be the easy going ones. Not because they don’t care, but because people should live the way they want to. The rest, not so? It’s not a matter of who accepts or not, all of them love Taejin, it’s just that they’re more cautious because they all want to protect each other and something like this is very impactful to their career. 

Q26: The thing abt their matching bracelets, it does seem like it’s their couple bracelet, but even if it isn’t I wouldn’t be surprised, taejin really try to keep things subtle and calm, and I love your work here, I wish I had found it sooner, your hard work should be appreciated 💕

Me: Thank you! As for the bracelets, I think it’s safer to say it’s Wooga gang bracelets, since he did specifically mention them in his vlog. I feel appreciated enough when you leave comments :)

Q27: Hi! I'm a JK biased Army

When I first became a fan I noticed the beautiful bond between JK and Jin, I'm not really into shipping but I really liked their relationship so I somewhat became a Jinkooker

At one point (maybe I still do), I thought JK had some special feelings towards Jin - Some of the things he does are questionable to me, sometimes lingering on the romantic side, however, this could be also his way of showing his admiration for Jin (I really don't know what goes on in JK's head haha)

I do feel like JK is Jin's favourite, but in my gut, something didn't add up- What many Jinkookers saw I couldn't wrap my head around, it was too far fetched (I really don't want to discredit anyone perspectives or feelings, this is just how I see things) for me to see them as a couple

I started to notice how Tae behaves around Jin, it's just so different to which he behaves with the rest- It was kind of beautiful to watch so I payed more attention to them- I compared how Jin is with him compared to the others, their whole vibe just oozes romance and attraction - So once you notice them, you can't really deny it so I had to put my Jinkook glasses off and admit to myself that if there is a couple within BTS it must be Taejin, because I have no other way of explaining their behaviour towards each other than that of a couple (or at least two people who are attracted to each other) 

That's why I came here, to look for validation of my perspective and I'm glad I found your tumblr because it gave me the validation that I needed and that I wasn't just seeing things (unless we're all clowns)

Sorry for the 'essay' (and my English) but I just wanted to let you know that I'm not a Tae or Jin biased Army, and that I do see what is going on between Taejin, it's kind of undeniable at this point, no matter what your original ship is

Thank you for your very well written informative blog, stay safe and enjoy BE 💜🎹🎻📸

(Curious Cat isn't a fan of full stops/periods)

Me: I think we can all agree with that- what goes on in JK’s head? Hahaha he has many endearing quirks and habits and the ways he shows love for his hyungs. 

I felt the same way :) There were too many things that didn’t add up and I had to try hard to look beyond all the shipping and everything that shippers claim to make sense of what I was seeing. Once I saw it, it was impossible to unsee or deny them. Hahaha I’m very aware of that tiny possibility that we could all be clowns here. Thank you for leaving me this really sweet message! I love Jinkook’s bond, it is unique in it’s own way. You’re my first JK biased army who told me that they see Taejin’s bond for what it is and I can’t be happier. You’re welcome here anytime, I’m just glad this blog was of some help to someone. I hope to see you around again :)

Q28: I just wanted to ask something ,I recently was watching that spring day YouTube one ,under that there were so many comments saying jk jealous ,rm is jealous,I got very angry and upset ,then there was this reply to those comments that the cycle never stops ,try to be considerate to all the ships in bts ,if the same thing was done by jk and tae you would have said jin jealous ,so just enjoy the moments as they are , don't read into it ,now I know taejinnies would never do something like this but it made me think,like that in the soop jk and jin they were hugging and tae was there and everybody was like he is jealous , aren't we just being hypocrite here ,we can just enjoy that moment without saying somebody is jealous, how are we any better then others, I am just very confused

Me: So I shared this question in my cc and there were a few Taejinnies who gave their perspective on this issue and I think it was a great discussion. I’m just going to paste everything here for better organisation. 

Anon 1’s opinion: Dear anon, first of all, we can't control what other people think or say, but we can share our opinions with others if everyone wants to have a civil discussion.

Second, people interpret moments differently based on what they believe or based on the limited knowledge that we have. So it's all just harmless interpretation.

Third, i used to think "jealousy" is all negative but it doesn't necessarily have to be that way. In real life, "jealousy" isn't really something we have control over. When i was still in school, i remember i used to really get jealous whenever my bestfriend or some other female classmates got close to my now-husband. That time we weren't even in a relationship and yet i realized that my jealousy was very much real. I just couldn't help it. Being "jealous" is just part of human nature. Just like how Tae once told the audience how the members got jealous because Tae spent alot of time with his Hwarang hyungs & said "i love you" to them. "Jealousy" can sometimes be platonic too, you know? Like a child getting jealous because another sibling got more love & attention from parents, or a friend getting jealous because their friend is spending more time with someone else rather than them. "Jealousy" doesn't necessarily have to be all romantic.

Now on to the part where other fans interpret that Spring Day taejin moment as "jk jealous" or "rm jealous", while we interpret it as "the other members looks so done lol". We can't change what others think but we can just share our opinions under the comments section. Some may agree with us, some don't. And that's totally normal.

Now compare that Spring Day Taejin moment where ALL members were looking at them to the ITS Jinkook moment where the only person who briefly "side-eyes" Jinkook during that hug was Tae. If Tae wasn't bothered he wouldn't have spared a glance. But he kinda did give them that look? So...is it wrong or hypocrite for us to interpret it as "jealousy"? In my opinion, we're just reading body language that we saw through the screen. That's it. And like i previously explain, it depends how you take "jealousy" as. If you take "jealousy" as something all negative & must be romantic then you're probably going to feel angry & upset whenever other shippers interpret a moment in a different way. For me personally jealousy is just part of human nature.

Just my 2 cents. I wish i could explain all this briefly but i'm not good with words like purple-ktj 😂😂😂😂😂

My response to this: There's a lot of good points in there! ☺ thank you! 

A summary of what was said, different shippers will interpret a moment depending on their biases. 

Jealousy isn't always a negative trait, and there are different types. 

And the last point is context. I've mentioned it numerous times before, and I'll mention it again. Context is Important. Is there a reason? Does it make sense? Stuff like that. The same thing executed differently can have a vastly different meaning. Two very different instances can be similar in terms of 'vibes' or 'feel'. One mold doesn't fit all. Be smart with your observations. 👍

Anon 2: Isn't it hard to give a concrete answer to this? 

For me, it's alright to say this person looks jealous, if you truly feel like there expression shows it. But know your limit and never put down any bond the boys have. And for god's sake, never say A is doing this to make B jealous. And always saying A looks jealous at every opportunity that arises just shows your own toxic mentality. And don't go under a ship focus post or video and talk about your OTP. It's just disrespectful. 

The examples you showed can't exactly be compared too. In Spring Day, it's clear as a day that JK and Joon were smiling at Taejin. So someone saying they look jealous is just projecting their own feelings. They wanna basically say 'Taekook/Namjin/Taejoon/Jinkook real'. 

Ultimately it all depends on you. I don't think it's hypocritical to call out the above mentioned behaviour and think Tae looks off while drinking the wine in ITS. As long as you respect each and every bond in BTS. If you don't wanna say any one is jealous, that's alright too. But I think people can be close and still feel jealousy sometime. It's a normal emotion. Sometime being the key word.

My response to this: Yeah most importantly don't put the other's bonds down. Many yt channels get rude comments about other pairings when they're specifically there for their own favourite pair. 

Also, I agree that these two instances aren't very comparable in the first place. If you have a sensible reason to see that Tae's behaviour was a little off during that moment in the SOOP then be confident in your observation. You can have an opinion without being unnecessarily assertive or easily swayed by what others say. 

Adding my 0.02 here, might as well, I personally think Tae was affected by holding back and restricting himself from physical touch with Jin while being filmed 24/7 and seeing Jinkook getting cosy freely probably triggered him. 

Anon 3: ah, fellow taejinnie, you don't have to be confused, it's just problematic shippers being problematic. this used to make me irritated too but i just ignore it these days. the facts are that BTS, as in *all 7 of them* love and care for each other; no one's jealous of anyone. there are just some people out there with narrow mindsets who only care about their ships. every community has a few toxic shippers, it's just the way people are.

you're right, you know, we /should/ just enjoy the moment and be proud of them. sadly not everyone thinks that way, but … it is what it is. we can just ignore those people and focus on supporting our boys, as in all 7 of them. people who say so-and-so is jealous when two members are showing their appreciation for each other are just making it up to fit their personal narrative. (this is different from being possessive, which i definitely understand as a taejinnie, but that's a different topic haha.) the meaning of jealousy is envious resentment; BTS have been together for too long and care about each other too much to be jealous over such petty things. not least when it's one member being close to another, it just makes no sense.

people just need to understand that /all/ the members love each other very much. don't let the problematic shippers get to ya 💜

My response to this: Hahaha this whole jealousy and possessive thingy really feels pretty 'odd' in a tight knit group in BTS. It's not the toxic, destructive jealousy we see in movies. There is some healthy friendship jealousy over the years and Taejin's one is more unique than that. We just need to think a little to be able to distinguish those and also not get swayed by other's comments. Ultimately all of them love each other very much, they wouldn't have come this far otherwise. 

Idk if this is from the same anon 3 but here’s a reply: i think jealousy within a group of friends is normal if its not too much. its natural too. it makes sense the member will be a little jealous sometimes. for example i have my closest friends group and weve been friends for 12 years now, and still sometimes when my bestest friend chooses to idk walk hand in hand with another close friend if us from the group i get a tiny bit jealous for a fraction of a second, and then it passes. you cant control the first instinct, and as long as its not too much and toxic, theres nothing wrong with it! its normal when you care so much about a person, you just want to be close, it doesnt have to be romantic. jimin even said once that he gets jealous and posessive over his friends and "wants them to himself", its very common and it depends on your character.

In conclusion:

1-The main problem here are the shippers and how they project their opinions on it. 

2-Is there some truth to it? Jealousy is not always the destructive emotion you see in movies. 

3-Does it make sense? Like one of the anons said, both situations aren't comparable. 

4-Like you said, you could totally ignore what the toxic shippers say and just enjoy that moment without linking it to any ships. 

This ended up getting really long but I hope whatever was said here helps you to form your own opinions and conclusions and you're less confused!

Q29: Have u ever thought what if we all are just half right about Taejin's relationship? I am not denying Tae's crush on Jin, which was more clearly evident till 2018. What if at some point Tae expressed his feelings to Jin but Jin couldn't accept him because he is straight & later became more fond of Tae coz he somewhat feels guilty of not being able to accept Tae as a lover. And that Jin can't help but feel jealous sometimes knowing that Tae likes him but still does fanservice with other men.

Me: Nope, I’m confident I’m at least 95% right so I don’t have such thoughts at all. 

Q30: Hi, I donna want to ask anything, just want to share my point of view. Im new Army, since during this pandemic,I have so many hours to stream internet, and ofcourse KPOP is my aim. I really falling in love with Epiphany, It likes mental healer to myself in forgetting my past without regret it. At first, I dont realize about Taejin since it not famous ship. I looked into taekook first,and then namjin, ouh ok. From my POV, Taekook just about analyzing a moment,slowmo or describe some events that happen between them, and Namjin, I know RM needs people like Jin to support him because JIN is deeper thinker and good motivator. And then,I read somewhere in magazine, The question ask to JIN, whose the closest member? The answer : V. Me like : ouh, ok. some post about Taejin pop up in my IG, Im not sure what is about, ouh, Jin looked different when he with V,and V too. The moment they are together, likes they are close and be a different version of themselves. V looked matured and protective and JIN looked clingy and baby. Maybe, V is the eldest in his family and JIN is the youngest in his family, so they tend to be real themselves and of course they are close with each other. And I watch BV2,3 &4 ,In the soop, and many clips,their moment no need to analyze deep because themselves already show it sincerely. Haha, ok,so long I write., just I really love to read your post. Seriously,I stalking your tumblr and donwload an apps for the first time. Bottom of my heart, I hope they dont announce their relationship because haters gonna to get ready ,~

Me: Thank you for reading my blog and writing this comment! Welcome to the fandom, baby army. I hope you have a great time learning more about the boys and their beautiful personalities and music. :)

Q31: Hello! I’ve been reading your analysis posts and I want to congratulate and thank you for your hard work! I’ve been a fan of BTS since 2015 and I’ve been a Taejinist since late 2017. And yes, my bias is Jin. How did this occur. Well, in 2017 I was enchanted by V. I was V biased, but not a Taejin shipper until I noticed THE smile he reserves for Jin. I investigated further, and through my love for V, I began to love Jin for the first time. The hidden touches and glances are EVERYTHING!

Me: Thank you :D Hello veteran army! It’s nice to know that your love for Tae led you to love Jin more as well. Their smiles for each other are indeed different! 

Q32: Have u ever thought what if we all are just half right about Taejin's relationship? I am not denying Tae's crush on Jin, which was more clearly evident till 2018. What if at some point Tae expressed his feelings to Jin but Jin couldn't accept him because he is straight & later became more fond of Tae coz he somewhat feels guilty of not being able to accept Tae as a lover. And that Jin can't help but feel jealous sometimes knowing that Tae likes him but still does fanservice with other men.

Me: I think I answered you on my cc and if I recall correctly I said this is all very unnecessarily complicated. I think you answered me back saying that you agree. Lol. 

Q33: I don't doubt Taejin's feelings towards eo but I do doubt the nature of their relationship. I mean it is possible that they are not dating eo even if their feelings have become mutual. There are some instances from recent times that have made me feel so. For e.g.., during Taekook's date in the Soop, Tae told JK that he was feeling lonely & unloved. Yoongi knew about Jin's cut from woodcarving but Tae saw only after a whole day. Also, Jin came to know about their Grammy nom. from other people.

Me: Tae told JK he was feeling lonely and unloved by army due to their cancelled performances, so he went on weverse a lot to seek army’s validation. Yoongi was with Jin when they were woodcarving, he would have to be blind to not know about it, meanwhile Tae was having a drive date with Hobi, enjoying themselves respectively. And I don’t know how Jin learning about their Grammy nomination from someone who’s not Tae has any link to their relationship. 

Context matters. 

Q34: Have u noticed this thing about Tae? Don't know the reason, but he is hesitant about any solo moment with Jin since early 2020 & Hobi comes to help. The Grammy Video had Taejinhope, the only Jin posts by Tae on weverse this year had Taejinhope. In The Soop, both nurungji & Strawberry yoghurt were made by Tae for JinHope. Vhope even planned to take Jin for the long drive which he refused. To me it seemed either for BH reasons or simply bcoz Tae is shy/afraid of Jin, he seeked help from Hobi.

Me: I’m pretty sure he didn’t get Hobi’s help when he did what he did in Spring Day for Class of Graduation’s performance. Neither did he during Dynamite vlive when he blew on Jin’s neck. Hobi helped to record the video of them at the Grammy’s at Jin’s request so that Tae had a chance to say what he practiced in English. He made strawberry juice and nurungji for whoever was awake to eat, and that was Jin and Hobi. BH has nothing to do with this and Tae is never shy with Jin, he is however considerate and very tuned in to Jin’s moods. Also Hobi loves them both. 

Q35: When I say that Jin is braver than Tae, plz believe Me. Coz all those questionable stuffs like "showering together" "sleeping together revealed in 2017 festa" "Taehyungaah I Love u (on National tv)" "interlocking bracelet gift reveal" "are u my bday gift" "do u want to go naked" were said by Kim Seokjin only.

Me: Yes, Jin is very bold at times, but this is a very one sided point of view. Please read my post on Tae’s POV and how he treats Jin differently from the other members. 

Q36: I am the one who thinks Tae is mostly hesitant nowadays & needs a catalyst to start a TJ moment. For e.g. Hobi's video of TaeJinHope during Grammy, TaeJinHope pic by V (why couldn't he post a solo pic of Jin?), his joining Jin's 2019 Bday vlive & Jin's selfie in MOTS era after the others did (it seemed to me as if he didn't plan to join but couldn't stop himself when the other's did). When Hobi lifted Jin's arm in the Jimmy Fallon show, Tae dragged him & did the same. These are only a few e.g.s.

Me: I don’t think so. He’s just more private. Tae is free to post whoever’s photos he likes, if he wants to post Taejinhope, he will post Taejinhope. I don’t see how this is linked to Jin’s birthday vlive and Tae was trying to remove his makeup because he had another schedule after that so he joined in a hurry when Jin was trying to take a selca after the press conference. I suggest you watch more of their content and remember, context matters a lot. 

Q37: Hello Purple-ktj! I am a new Army & I came across your blog last week & fell in love with your writing style. I am a Jinminkook fan & Jikook & Jinkook's bondings caught my attention. I am yet to watch all the old episodes & everything. I have watched all the new contents though, including Soop & the docu series & movies. I actually thought V's fav hyung is Hoseok coz he is always seen with Hoseok. But then I came across some Taejinnies on YT So, I came here looking for proofs.

Me: Welcome to the fandom baby army! I’m flattered you think so but I really discourage looking at my blog content for proof. Please treat all this as entertainment and watch their original content. Enjoy your journey with BTS!

Q38: BV1 taejin never fail to devastate me, it really must have been hard for them, to pretend like everything is okay when it isn’t, those secret texting in the back makes me think how hard it would’ve been for the two of them, considering it was the beginning period of their relationship, those stolen glances, subtle touches, Jin wearing Tae’s custom shirt, everything just fits in, it’s like a secret relationship, nothing can be public, but even if it is, it gets awkward, BV1 tj was just pure angst

Me: Jin wearing Tae’s shirt is the thing that stands out the most to me. The implications are very loud and telling. On the surface BV1 is really funny, but when I think twice, it was really angsty for both of them. BV3 felt pretty angsty as well because they were pining for each other. 

Q39: Hello ! I've seen many Taejinnies get confused about 2016 KKul FM timeline - it was actually filmed on April 25th as Suga notes around 2:53. That's why it has a bit of a false note - Tae and Jin seem to have worked out some of their issues during BV1. Tae notably has brown hair in BV1 and reddish-orange hair in KKul FM, because he was back to brown for Hwarang! I'm sorry I didn't send this before your updated timeline went up. I can't decide if 2016 Angst Taejin or 2020 married are my faves :)

Me: Hello! I’m a clown and I didn’t realise it at all lol. Tumblr is really not friendly and doesn’t allow me to edit any of my super long posts so… it’ll have to stay until I find a solution. So for now I’ve included it in the pinned post. Thank you for telling me.. after I posted 😂 (I’m kidding). I think 2020 is my fave! Along with 2017 :D 

Q40: There is a video by GoldTaejin12 on youtube about Mama 2016 Taejin moments. Around 1:02, when Tae and Jin are recording themselves, I find Jin's behaviour so unlike how he acts in lives with other members. Especially how he doesn't meet Tae's eyes. And laughs nervously. It's like he doesn't know how to act in front of Tae with the camera on. I find this so intriguing. He's definitely acting unlike his self. It's probably the closest to a taejin vlive we got. 😝

Me: I see what moment you’re talking about. I agree about Jin not knowing how to behave and avoiding eye contact with Tae at times but it’s not so bad in the video you referenced. It’s mostly around 2019-2020? That he doesn’t really meet Tae’s eyes and seems awkward whenever they’re close. The most recent being the BE vlive where he panicked when Tae tried to put lipbalm on him. Hahaha if it wasn’t posted on twitter it could have been counted as a really short and sweet vlive!

Q41: I rewatched the YNWA preview show and noticed something miniscule but interesting nonetheless. Before Namjoon says 'I'd rather get a kiss,' he looks at Taehyung (who was pacing back and forth) just the second before, with evident hesitation or fear on his face. I don't really know what exactly it meant, but I think that it was a smart move, as if he knew that if he were to kiss Jin he would eventually be facing Tae's wrath and choosing not to kiss Jin was his way of steering clear of Tae's fury.

Me: Oh! I didn’t notice that. The way you phrased it is funny though lol. 

Q42: i feel like we need to talk about it here as well. the things seokjin told us on his vlive really hit me hard. taehyung really asked all of his friends to send a video message for "seokjinnie-hyung"'s birthday, the he compiled everything together to one video and sent it to seokjin. he told him there are more coming, and said "just know, youre a very loved person." also, the fact taehyung waited for him until dawn to wish him happy birthday.. he really loves seokjin so so much, and the way he made sure seokjin knows he is very loved after he doubted himself makes it even more beautiful. and then we have seokjin, saying how kind taehyungie is, how much he admires him and is thankful for him.. theyre always there to support and love each other, its so beautiful. forget the selcas and vlives, this is what really matters. im so glad they have each other..

Me: Oh yes please do. I was overall pretty shocked by everything Jin revealed in his vlive. Everything else was true but the part where Tae waited up till dawn for Jin to wish him happy birthday was most likely misheard. Regardless, the whole gesture by Tae going the extra mile because he wants Jin to be happy is very devastating. I’ve been going on and on and on about the same thing on my cc as well, I’m so overwhelmed. (By Taejin I mean)

Q43: you probably got many asks about the birthday live but i have to add one more thing. the most touching part was for sure seokjin telling us aboout the things taehyung did for his birthday, but another thing that caught my attention is the way he put all the members on speaker, but never did it with taehyung.. he had no problem putting the rest of the members on speaker, and other members alwas put tae on speaker during vlives. also he called taehyung first, it was his first instinct to call him.

Me: Yes, first, Tae is always on his mind. And they were texting each other, that was really cute. Halfway through the call, it became a private conversation, just seeing his expression while he listened to everything Tae said made my heart so full. And the things Tae did for him for his birthday… my heart can’t handle any more than this. 

Q44: I am in total awe at how private Tae has become regarding Jin. I mean if Jin wouldn't have revealed Tae's sweet actions, we would have thought that Tae just didn't feel like posting about Jin (He always leaves out Jin) unlike the other 4 members who did. I am surprised how his relationship (whatever it is) with Jin is 'NOT AT ALL FOR THE ARMYS TO SEE'. He keeps Jin close to his family & friends. I am pretty sure that Tae's family & circle of friends know the truth.

Me: He’s seen the ugly on the internet, honestly, can’t blame him at all for wanting to be more private. Yes it isn’t, which is why I don’t refer to Taejin as a ship, I truly see them as a couple in a romantic relationship. There’s nothing wrong with ships, but I feel like in this case, it undermines the nature of their bond. I’m sure his friends and family knows too. 

Q45: Hi my sweet taejin blogger, how are you doing? Just a little thought I want to ask about Jin's birthday vlive. No word to describe how happy I am to hear what Tae did for Jin's birthday. It was screamed out so much of romantic, love, sweetness, couple things. So I should be happy right but somehow I feel sad bc I feel like jin's friends are not as many as he used to have anymore. He did say before that he has lost a lot of closed people . Anyways I am grateful that Tae always has been there for Jin. Please take care and stay safe. Thank you so you for keeping this blog going 💗

Me: Hello! I’m doing great, hope you are too :) Unfortunately it seems that way, he’s mentioned how he’s lost some friends along the way while being grateful receiving army’s love. I am glad too, that he has BTS by his side, especially Tae who always goes the extra mile for him because their happiness is each other. They’re all each other’s biggest support and would help each other pull through their toughest times. 

[bjro233]

The Life of a Gay Man and His Need To Prove It

#1 The “Gay Gene”

               Although it has only been found in males, a linkage to males and homosexuality has been discovered by Dean Hamer and colleagues. On X chromosomes there is an unidentified gene that these scientists have named Xq28, which they relate directly to homosexuality. It’s a very controversial theory but ultimately purposes so many answers.            

#2 Evidence is Mounting for Homosexual Men

               “In 1993, genetic variations in a region on the X chromosome in men were linked to whether they were heterosexual or homosexual, and in 1995, a region on chromosome 8 was identified.” says Andy Coghlan from thenewscientist.com. This just proves that no, gay men don’t just wake up one morning and say “Hey, I wanna try dick today.”

#3 The Third Gender: Muxes

              In southern Mexico, the Zapotec people recognize a third gender called Muxes. In our culture, they would be known as homosexual people and transgendered people. This just makes me realize that some cultures, although so old, are so ahead of their time, open-minded, and progressive. Another reason to yell @ Donald Trump, don’t build the damn wall.  

  #4 We Are Not Alone

              Listen, science isn’t the only thing that proves this theory. Look at our environment and what isn’t directly affected by or altered by humans. “Homosexual behaviour is a natural biological feature and is common among non-human animals. In at least one species – sheep – individual animals have been known to form lasting preferences for same-sex partners.” says Australias Science Channel. Fun Fact: the oldest living tortoise who was thought to be female but was actually male only mated with males. Thus showing why no babies were being born.

#5 Should We Care About Giving Reason To Being Gay?

                Of course, being gay myself, you’re faced with a lot of harassment, questioning, judgment, and bigotry. Religion really attacks you, and you’re forced to feel like an outcast and forced into a stereotype. So, given the chance and these scientific findings, it can help explain to people who don’t believe/understand. It normalizes sexuality, it lowers being/feeling like a minority. “It adds yet more evidence that sexual orientation is not a ‘lifestyle choice’. But the real significance is that it takes us one step closer to understanding the origins of one of the most fascinating and important features of human beings.” says Dean Hammer from newscientist.com.

#6 Being A Watermelon in A Sea Full of Cacti

                      One word: Grindr. If you’re a gay male, you either gagged or hid your face in shamefulness for using the app. My need to prove myself starts here, it completely drains lives of romance and relationship oriented people. It sends a message that all gay men are they same, they’re horny and only want to bone. “The mental health professionals I spoke to are seeing problematic Grindr use in their clinics. And there is little published guidance on how to help those who are struggling.” says Jack Turban with Vox.com. This app is notorious for only being used to have sex, and it’s showing and obviously causing detrimental effects on gay men.

#7 Breaking Stereotypes One Straight @ A Time

                    Growing up, I only had girlfriends. Instead of playing basketball or throwing a football at recess, after school, in college, etc... I jumped rope. I learned how to french braid, I sang and danced. I yearned for the male on male friendship, or bromance you may say. I never got it because theres a stereotype, “I don’t have a problem with gay guys, but if he hits on me its game over.” Now, I can say once straight cis men give me a shot, they realize the stupidity behind it. I always here, “I’m not gay, but you’re one of the coolest dudes.” which isn’t ideal, but it’s progress.                    

#8 Trouble in the Workplace

                     When I bring up LGBTQ issues to acquaintances, a lot of the times i’m faced with “I don’t think gay people have a lot of issues nowadays”. But we dont, thats why I feel its so important for me to prove myself, my life, and what comes along with it. The facts, the struggles, the ugly truth. “59% said that where they live, they are less likely to be afforded employment opportunities because they are part of the LGBTQ community. One in five stated that they have had difficulty when applying for positions.” says victoryinstitute.net

#9 Let’s Prove Stats Wrong!

               Statistics can be demeaning, not all the time are they helpful or good. Sadly, for the LGBTQ+ community, the stats are disheartening. For example, LGBTQ people are 5X as likely to commit suicide than heterosexual people says thetrevorproject.org. 77% of LGBTQ youth reported are depressed, have anxiety, and/or have feelings of worthlessness says hrc.org. So, to all the heterosexual people out there wondering where their “Straight month” or “Straight parade is”, you have it, 11 months out of the year because you dont have struggles like that.

#10 Trans People are Simply, People.

                  Working with white, privileged, conservative, middle-to-upper class women, i’m forced to hear a lot of what they believe and how they think and what political decision they have recently made. Now and then, obvious and not so obvious transgendered women come into the store to shop and they outwardly treat them different or question the “real gender” of the person. I ask myself why whatever is under their clothes matter so much to them. When I tell them they are a woman, and that’s all they are, they are confused and partly agitated because I didn’t give them the answer they wanted to hear. Saddening fact? In a national study, 40% of transgender adults reported having made a suicide attempt. 92% of these individuals reported having attempted suicide before the age of 25 says thetrevorproject.org. Maybe if we stop making people feel so different, and start working toward progression instead of sticking our nose where it doesnt belong, we could actually get somewhere. Proving myself, to help the Trans community.

#11 “Gay People Can’t Naturally Reproduce”

                          I want a family, I want someone to call my husband. My son or daughter, my family. I need that in my life weather it is “natural” or not. People are so pressed about the natural way of things, but they can’t see that a majority of LGBTQ people who don’t reproduce via a man and a woman, help reduce the amount of foster children.14,000 foster children are being raised by Lesbian/Gay/Bisexual foster parents says Movement Advanced Project. Just because I am a man, married to a man, with our own children doesn’t make us any less capable for raising a family. 

#12 LG(B)TQ+

                Another group of people that are drastically hated on for being themselves. Human beings can’t grasp that someone may actually be more concerned about someones personality rather than their sexual organs. According to 2013 research by the University of Pittsburgh, 15% of people did not categorize bisexuality as a legitimate sexuality, with straight men being three times as likely to think it's "not a thing." People looking at you and just thinking you’re fake or just too horny. It’s pathetic, hence another reason to prove myself, my sexuality, for the other groups in my community.

#13 You Can Be Cured With Some Treatment & Religion - Mackelmore

                     Ever since before me, for a very long time, we were taught that there are conversion treatments, that being gay was a mental disability, a deformity. There were actually shock therapy treatments and conversion camps for LGBTQ+ people, people were killed in the midst of these treatments. But heres, *tap tap* the mutha f*ucking, *tap tap* TEA! American Psychological Association undertook a thorough review of the existing research on the efficacy of conversion therapy and their report noted that there was very little  research on sexual orientation change efforts (SOCEs) and that the "results of scientifically valid research indicate that it is unlikely that individuals will be able to reduce same-sex attractions or increase other-sex sexual attractions through SOCE." says hrc.com. Today there are still states that legalize this method!! Stop this!!

#14 The Importance of PRIDE

                   This isn’t just a time for LGBTQ+ people and allies to strut down the street in cute colorful clothing. This parade we participate in is a lesson, its teaching others about what we’re trying to do. Policies, laws, and other arguments we want and need heard. During the 2000s, battles at local, state, and national levels were being fought for marriage equality. Pride parades were utilized to educate the public, generate support, and encourage lawmakers to vote in favor of LGBT rights says thegayfamilylawmaker.com. We need to educate people on the education pride parades actually do. If it wasn’t for these parades, we wouldn’t have made the progress we have today. 

#15 The Audacity!?

                 My need to prove myself may be... borderline pathetic. HOWEVER, it’s so important and necessary in today’s society. The fact that just in 1982, it was okay to openly discriminate against LGBTQ people. IN 1996, it was BANNED to marry unless it was between a man and a women. Only in 2011 was “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” finally repealed. This may sound like good news... but then BAM! THIS YEAR, President Trump banned Transgender people from being in the military.(CNN.com) Every time we feel like we’re ahead, we get knocked back down a few steps. This is why it is important, this is why it is necessary, this is why i’m doing it. 

REFERENCES

https://australiascience.tv/science-of-sexuality/

https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/cross-cultural-evidence-for-the-genetics-of-homosexuality/

https://www.newscientist.com/article/2155810-what-do-the-new-gay-genes-tell-us-about-sexual-orientation/

https://www.sciencenews.org/article/genetics-dna-homosexuality-gay-orientation-attractiveness-straight

https://www.sciencemag.org/news/2018/10/giant-study-links-dna-variants-same-sex-behavior

https://www.cnn.com/2015/06/19/us/lgbt-rights-milestones-fast-facts/index.html

https://www.vox.com/science-and-health/2018/4/4/17177058/grindr-gay-men-mental-health-psychiatrist

https://victoryinstitute.org/issue-at-a-glance-lgbtq-employment-discrimination/

https://www.thetrevorproject.org/resources/preventing-suicide/facts-about-suicide/#sm.00001tfv8n5yekdvsq5f6al6h6i7u

https://www.hrc.org/resources/2018-lgbtq-youth-report

https://justlists.wordpress.com/2012/01/18/familyequality/

[elliot-orion]

Writeblr Re-Intro

I’ve seen quite a few people do this in the past couple weeks so i figure i probably should too considering how stinking long its been. so. hi there! I’m Elliot, and I use they/them pronouns! I’m a college kid majoring in creative writing and anthropology and regret doing both. I have a 9 year old emotional support cat, Van Gogh, who enjoys snoring, getting fur in my mouth, and chewing on my headphones. In addition to writing, I crochet amigurumis, play flight rising, bake like mad, obsess over dragons and stuffed animals, and spend way too much time thinking about superheroes. 

I mostly write LGBT+ Young Adult/New Adult fiction, and recently published my first novel, “Sparks Fly.” You can see a tumblr summary of it here. “Sparks Fly” and the majority of my stories take place in the expansive Dark Heart Universe full of not so heroic Super Heroes and Super Villains with questionable but not necessarily bad morals. But I like to dabble all over and have WIPs including a horror duology, a scifi roadtrip story, and about 800 other WIPs that are going nowhere because I’m a pantser and that’s how i roll. Expect to see me name drop some characters or a story, tag it in one ask game, and then never mention it again rather frequently. I apologize in advance. The main stories you will actually see me mentioning a bunch are below the cut. 

I technically have a website, and I technically have a twitter, but the former is a mess because I can’t program or remember to regularly blog and the latter i never use because social media scares me. Think there’s like 10 tweets on it and all of them are niche shitposts about my stories so... yea. I do have a Pinterest though, where you can find boards for most of my stories as well as a few of the name dropped once stories. so that’s fun. This intro is a mess.... Anyways, below the cut are some quick summaries of my main WIPs. If you want to learn more about the world that half of these are a part of (the DHU), look through this tag because my only summary series of it is way out of date. 

Woodsmoke

A DHU novel. Woodsmoke is a Hero who 100% should not be going to the worst Villain in town, Stardust, for help, but fuck it he doesnt have any other option. In return for helping Woodsmoke save a whole bunch of school kids, Stardust demands Woodsmoke owes him a favor - he has to help Stardust and his gang get rid of the Director of the city’s Supers Association branch. The only probably is, the Director control everything, and Woodsmoke is utterly terrified of him. But, he owes a favor, and he’s even more afraid of what Stardust could do to civilians than he is of what the Director could do to him. When it all goes wrong, maybe its time for him to give up being a Hero and stop being Woodsmoke. Maybe it’s time to just be Vincent again, and finally heal from the damage the SA has done. This is on its fourth draft and still needs about 2 or so more (guessing here), but will hopefully be the next DHU book released (dont quote me on that im winging this)

Nightmare at the Lily Pad Inn 

A DHU novel. Ben, who’s technically a Villain but really just can’t control their powers for shit and their powers are like, really scary so its bad, is on the run from their sociopathic asshole brother. They wind up at the Lily Pad Inn, a safe haven for Villains no matter what they’ve done, run by the cinnamon roll sweetheart Matty and their husband, Blue. While there, Ben meets Oliver, another not-technically-bad Super who can’t control his powers, and meets up with Morty, their best friend. Shit happens i guess idk i’ve not written a real summary for this one yet leave me alone. It’s on the first draft and its not even finished and i have no idea what the ending is because im a pantser go away.

Novella Collection

A DHU collection i guess. I’m not quite sure what else to call this because it’s made of three or so different novellas that I intend to fit together into a collection of novellas. The three novellas includes: the Empath, about Charlie who may just be the worlds most powerful empath and his partners who are very not happy with their area’s Director wanting Charlie to do something that could 100% kill him; Hell in High Heels, a historical DHU story about the Terra (Kitty), the Earth Elemental of the time, and Fer-De-Lance (Hattie), the Poison Elemental, and how they get married sorta unwillingly (thanks SA), break a shit ton of stereotypes, and help win World War 2.; and finally Wildfire, about the current day Fire Elemental and the Villain he really shouldn’t be so attracted to but 100% is and them chilling and being gay and idk this one needs a lot of work. All of these novellas have only had 1 draft and are still needing a lot of work. 

And now for some not dhu stories... 

The Other Beings / The Doll Maker

This is that horror duology I mentioned earlier. The Other Beings follow Nathan. He got sucked into the terrifying world of the Other Beings (well, 5 worlds actually),  when he was 7 years old because of a brother he’s never quite forgiven for making him and his pseudo-sister Hazel hunt minor Beings for his whole childhood and fucking Nate up massively. He managed to leave the horror of the Other Beings for all of seven years before he was sucked back in by the Doll Maker, an Other Being with a penchant for turning pretty children and people into ball-jointed dolls. Turns out a horde of Other Beings is coming after him because of his dad which is a Bad and now he’s having to run as a human macguffin and trust me - he’s not happy about it. Only the Other Beings draft 1 has been written because it’s a dark story and with covid i have not have the mental energy to work on it more, but it’s super fun and i adore it. The Doll Maker, the second book, is solely about Doll Maker and his shit. 

Paper Stars 

Paper Stars is the scifi I mentioned, and just might be one of my favorite things I’ve ever written, even though its only had one draft because it’s hella depressing (literally, the mc River is seriously suicidal) and with all the shit in my life rn i haven’t had the strength to work on it more. but i adore the story. Basically, River’s life has gone to hell since his Grandpa died and the only thing making him hold on is really his alien best friend, Keio. When his depression gets even worse, he finally asks Keio to take him away from Earth and to space to escape his problems. This works, kinda, i mean he falls in love and shit (yes River falls in love with a seal furry alien, please go through the tag its great), but eventually he knows he has to face his problems and get help because this is a realistic story about depression and love doesnt cure all and you cant run from mental illness. It’s great. 

That’s kinda all the main stories i mention a lot, all the others are little things i start and stop or that i write a self indulgent first draft but never intend to take it any further. all of these i fully intend to publish one day tho. So... yea. Welcome to my blog, its chaos but we have a good time. 

#Intro #intro post #dhu #woodsmoke #nlpi #nightmare at the lily pad inn #wildfire #hell in high heels #paper stars #the doll maker #the empath #writelr #My writing #writeblr #amwriting

[dubu-tokki]

Rosewood, Room 342. Chapter One.

Jinki wasn’t sure whether he was ready for this or not. Sure he’d just done six months of training, but it felt so foreign. He looked at himself in the glass of the hospital doors and they slid open. His hair was neatly sitting on top of his head, his uniform was clean and freshly ironed that morning and his shoes were shined. Looking at his cheeks, Jinki took a moment to wish he didn't blush so easily- the nerves he was feeling made his face flush.

But, ready or not, this was it: Today was Jinki’s first day as a trainee assistant nurse.

He clenched his teeth and approached the reception.

“Hi, I’m Lee Jinki and I’m supposed to be starting my vocational placement at the Rosewood Ward today.”

The receptionist smiled at him brightly.

“Take the elevator to level three and there will be signs from there to guide you. Good luck!”

Jinki needed all the luck he could get.

The Rosewood ward was a dual unit, with both advanced cases of dementia and mentally ill patients. Jinki nervously stood at the nurses station door as his buddy nurse, Kibum, looked through some notes. The older AIN had dirty blonde hair and narrow eyes, giving him a cat like appearance. His skin was flawless which Jinki was instantly jealous of. He had a cheeky but confident vibe to him, which put Jinki at ease. Kibum gave him a basic run down of the two patients he’d be in charge of that day.

“So, Haeun is an eighty eight year old lady who we think is.. on her last legs. She doesn’t ask much, mostly since she’s lost her ability to speak, but she does seem to respond well to people talking to her. I just go in a talk about my day, or stories my friends tell me. Leave the tv on when you leave her room.” Kibum paused here and looked at Jinki. He could see how nervous the other young man was, but he had a kind face and Kibum had faith in him.

“Taemin is.. unique. He has bipolar disorder, he’s been here because of a manic episode that’s lasted six months now. They're tweaking his medication, but honestly nothing much is changing. He can take care of himself well enough, but he likes company. His family give him pocket money and he likes going to the cafe or out for a walk.”

“Okay, that all seems easy enough.” Jinki honestly had expected a heavier workload. “Is that really all I have to worry about?”

“For today, yes.”

Jinki was almost disappointed, but slightly relieved as well.

“If you want to check on people who buzz, you can. But we won’t expect you to for the first few days. We’ll let you find your feet first. Also I’ll need help with some of my patients, for changing and such, but those two are all we want you to focus on.”

Kibum stood up, and grabbed some gloves out of a box on the wall. He stuffed them in his pocket, and motioned for Jinki to do the same.

“It’s a pain to always have to reach for gloves, I usually keep a few pairs on me, just in case I have to rush somewhere.”

Jinki appreciated the tip. He was most worried about being slow and just being extra baggage to whoever he was assisting. He grabbed two pairs of medium sized gloves and stuck them in his pocket.

“Firstly, let’s go and turn and change Haeun. She’s been on her side too long and she’s still in her pajamas.” Kibum grabbed another pair of gloves and slipped them onto his hands effortlessly and fluidly. “You know why being on one side too long is bad, right?”

“Pressure ulcers.” Jinki did not have such an easy time with the gloves, but Kibum waited patiently for him to finish.

“Bingo.”

It was a small thing, but it made Jinki smile and raised his confidence just a little. He was suddenly very sure that he could do this, and absolutely certain he was in the right place.

Jinki had seen things he never wanted to see. It was an hour into his shift, and some of the things he’d seen, and smelled, were traumatising. But he’d put a brave face on it, and kept smiling throughout, and he figured that was important. He’d desensitise as time went by.

Kibum pulled a slip of paper out of his pocket and scanned the list closely.

“That’s just about it for now. Everyone’s changed and turned. I’ll introduce you to Taemin now if you like, and he’ll probably have some idea what he wants to do.” Kibum checked the nurses watch on his belt. “He’s a bit fanciful and talks a lot of nonsense, just go along with it and try not to upset him.”

Jinki nodded and followed Kibum down the hall to room 342.

Pushing the heavy door open, Kibum smiled brightly. Taemin was sitting on his bed cross legged, with the eating table across his knees. His hair was much longer than Jinkis: almost down to his shoulders, and curled slightly around the sides of his face. He had slightly chubby cheeks which gave him a youthful look. He was scribbling what could be either loopy handwriting or a poor drawing onto some printer paper. Taemin looked up at the interruption and instantly beamed.

“Kibum!”

“Good morning Taemin-ah.” Kibum ruffled his hair, which Taemin instantly smoothed down. “This is Jinki, he’s going to spend some time with you today okay?”

Taemin nodded and eyed Jinki carefully. Jinki was nervous, as this was the first psychiatric patient he’d seen yet, but he smiled in what he hoped was a reassuring and convincing manner. Taemin cracked a small smile.

“Okay.”

“Now some other people need my help, so I have to go. I’ll see you later, Taemin.”

“Okay! Bye!!”

As Kibum left, Jinki suddenly felt very unprepared. But he remembered all the classes he’d taken on good communication and building rapport, so he kept a bright smile on his face and decided to approach Taemin as he would anyone else.

“What are you writing there, Taemin?”

“Notes.” He said this very seriously. “This is all going to be very important when I go home.”

“What sort of notes?”

“It’s for my family. And my brothers cat, Minky.” Taemin pointed to a crudely drawn cat. “He’s grey. Do you like cats, Jinki?”

Jinki told Taemin that he liked cats and Taemin beamed.

“Good.”

“Is it okay if I sit?”

Taemin nodded and moved his legs so Jinki could sit on the bed with him.

“How long have I been here?” Taemin asked after a few moments of silence. “No one will tell me.” He clarified.

“How long do you think you’ve been here?” Jinki had been nervous only moments ago. That feeling was still there, but it was overshadowed by a growing interest in someone who couldn't seem to remember even that.

“I dont know. Maybe a month? My hair has grown a lot.”

“I see. Taemin have you seen the doctor today? You should ask him that.” Jinki wasn't sure if telling Taemin he’d been there for six months was such a good idea.

“I haven't seen him yet.” Taemin suddenly looked concerned. “Is he okay?”

“He’s fine.” Jinki’s mind raced thinking of other things to talk about. “Do you have any close family?”

“My mum and my brother Taesun.” Taemin seemed almost absent minded as he now wrote in his loopy writing and spoke at the same time. “My dad works a lot so I don't see him much when I’m here”

“That’s good that you see your mum and brother often. How about friends?”

Taemin stopped writing.

“Not really. I lost all my friends a while ago. I had this boyfriend. He didn't like my friends and my friends didn't like him.”

Jinki hid his shock that Taemin was gay and let him continue.

“I decided that love is more important than friendship. What do you think, Jinki?”

Jinki was unsure how to answer that.

“I think if you don't regret it then you were right.”

“I do sometimes.”

“What happened to him?”

“I don’t really remember. It feels like a long time ago now.” Taemin’s voice trailed off, and Jinki got the feeling that he was tired of this topic. He started to worry what he should talk about next, but he didn't need to. Taemin put down the pen he was still holding and turned to Jinki.

“Can we go outside today? I want to see the pond.”

“Sure. It’s cold outside though, let’s get you a jacket.” Jinki was thankful for the distraction, and turned to Taemin’s closet. He rummaged through and took out a bright red pea coat.

“Let’s go, Taemin.”

[I’ve used my own experiences as a nurse to make this as authentic as possible, hopefully the subject doesnt upset anyone. I’m planning to have eight parts to this up over the next few weeks :) I’d also like to note that I originally wrote on quotev, and this is a rewrite of a story I published there. ]

#shinee #fanfiction #fanfic #hurt/comfort #tw mental illness #tw abuse #onew #taemin #lee taemin #key #kim kibum #ontae

[nothingman]

For years, Reddit’s r/TheRedPill forum has been one of the worst corners of the internet. It’s the home of the pickup artist movement, it gave Milo Yiannapolis a fawning fanbase, and it’s the hub of the perceived “manosphere”–a community built around the “men’s rights” philosophy that feminism is a sham built to oppress men.

Reddit is deliberately designed to protect anonymity. But that doesn’t mean users don’t also have to work to protect themselves–something that someone probably should have told Robert Fisher of New Hampshire, who has just been outed by The Daily Beast, via a trail of usernames and custom URLs with ties to Fisher’s email address, as the creator of the misogynistic forum.

Fisher, by the way, also happens to be a member of the New Hampshire House of Representatives, not that the connection is very surprising. If I had to name the two communities most vocal in their loathing of women, I’d probably go with Red Pill dudes and the GOP.

In addition to Red Pill, Fisher’s reported aliases had also written and published a pickup artist site, a blog attempting to “Explain God,” and one site titled “Existential Vortex.” He also was or maybe still is a singer-songwriter and kazooist in an “indieelectronic” band. Basically, he sounds like exactly the sort of bro-ish college kid, straight off a few frat party rejections and his first philosophy class, whom you would expect to found a misogynistic Reddit forum with a name referencing The Matrix. (Except Fisher had, at the time of Red Pill’s creation, aged out of the follies of youth excuse. He’s 31 now.)

Fisher’s reported “Pk_atheist” alias started the subreddit in October 2012, just before he lost his first election—one he ran as a Democrat. He won his seat in November of 2014, by which time the subreddit had grown to 83,000 members. He had already stepped down as a moderator in early 2013, but continued to be active in the community.

The Daily Beast writes that “within hours of contacting Rep. Fisher, and after delivering by email a summary of his apparent connections to The Red Pill kingpin, his two primary Reddit usernames had been wiped, and four blogs connected to him were deleted or made private.”

[Update: His own colleagues, on both sides of the aisle, are already calling for his resignation. Fisher responded with a statement asserting he is “not disappearing,” adding, “I will continue to stand strong for men’s rights and the rights of all.”]

But the internet doesn’t let you hide from your awfulness that easily. Through archived posts and comment threads, we have way too clear a window into this man’s mind and his motivations for starting this giant sexism feeding ground. Here are just a few direct quotes.

Content warning for, well, for everything Red Pill is about. (Misogyny and rape denial abound.)

–If you want the short version of his views on women: “I find women’s personalities in general to be lackluster and boring, serving little purpose in my day to day life. So I usually only compare body types.”

–“Because when I told myself I thought they were smart, I really had the footnote in the back of my head … smart … for a woman.”

–“I don’t hate women. I just understand what use they are to me. Stimulating conversation is not one of them.”

–“Understand that in the old days, women were not brought up the way they are today. Before feminism, there was less freedom, and therefore it was not necessary to teach women consequence. Consequence was strictly a man’s game.”

–“Women are not oppressed- they’re literally free from a lot of the responsibilities men are- to the extent where women have no need for the functioning every-day knowledge that most men have by the age of 18 … If you took the conversation skills, the sub-par intelligence, the lack of curiosity and put it in a man’s body- would you hang out with that guy? No! Would he be successful? Hell no! Those things are useless without a woman’s body attached.”

–In a post with “seduction” advice, he proposes “There’s a good girl voice inside each woman telling her that she needs to make sure to be proper and avoid being a slut.” He follows up with a lot of tips on how to invade the “good girl’s” personal space and trick her into letting out the “slut.”

–In response to a question about the Free the Nipple movement: “Hot women are a cartel, and they will continue to keep prices as high as possible. Anybody “freeing” their nipples will either be low-quality, or they will have a smear campaign against them to make them seem low-quality, despite the equality implications supposedly working for the cartel.”

–He defended being sexually attracted to teenage girls. “15 year old girls have boobs. Puberty doesnt strike at 18 overnight. Secondly, not creepy- 15 year old girls and guys are commonly sexually active. Its just illegal.”

–In one of his many comments alleging women frequently falsely accuse men of rape, he says he has a video camera in his room, presumably to record his exploits for proof of innocence.

It’s bad enough that someone could hold all of these beliefs, let alone feel confident to enough to put them out in public (even if anonymously so). Add to that the fact that there are, as of now, nearly 200,000 subscribers to the subreddit.

But nothing is scarier than knowing that this is what at least some (and some is too many) of the men who make our country’s laws think about women. And if you think Fisher’s purported Reddit persona is all talk, it’s not. It’s clear that his misogyny infects his platform.

Taking a quick look at Fisher’s terrible, stock-photo-filled campaign website, you can see the threads. In the site’s “Family” section (complete with a stock picture of what I assume is a random family of strangers, so you know he really cares), he says he wants to “strengthen the family.” But all that seems to mean to him is something about the family court legal system. He writes, “It is long over-due to bring oversight and accountability to our family courts. Every parent deserves justice in our courts regardless of race, gender, ethnicity, or orientation.”

This obsession with family courts looks to date back to 2012, when his colleague and fellow men’s rights activist Joshua Youssef began publicly decrying the “feminist judicial tyranny” over a custody battle with his ex-wife. A reddit username the Daily Beast attributes to Youssef posted a lengthy rant about the “corruption, deception, greed, lawlessness, and feminist entitlement-mindedness, of the family court” to /theredpill, with Fisher in the comments defending him.

Remember that comment about “low quality” women exposing their nipples? Another one of New Hampshire’s Reps, Al Baldasaro, insulted the physical appearance of a female legislator who was fighting a bill, written by an all-male team, which would have outlawed breastfeeding in public.

Just four days after the 2014 election that put him in the New Hampshire House of Representatives, with only 100 subscribers, Pk_atheist wrote a manifesto of sorts, explaining the point of the, as of then, two-week-old forum.

“Our culture has become a feminist culture,” he wrote. “A president cannot be elected today without succumbing to the feminist narrative and paying them tribute. How many times has Obama given credit for his manhood to his wife? How many times has the debate hinged on women’s pay gap – which is a myth that gets lip service because if you don’t you’re a misogynist!”

Yet he maintained, “It’s too easy to blame feminism for our troubles.” He’s all for equal rights, he says, although he takes care to specify, “Equal rights are something I strongly am in support of. For men and women.” As opposed to unequal equality, I suppose.

His big message is that feminism has led not to equal rights, but to female domination. Women, as he puts it, control the conversation. “I am here to say, for better or for worse, the frame around public discourse is a feminist frame, and we’ve lost our identity because of it.”

Therefore men, he proclaims, need to take back this role of central dominance from women. The Red Pill is “men’s sexual strategy,” designed to counter feminism, which is, apparently, nothing more than a sexual strategy itself.

This, through the Daily Beast’s sleuthing, appears to be Robert Fisher’s worldview. This is a man who gave a space to hundreds of thousands of others looking to blame and conquer women, while simultaneously being elected into public office, where he has the ability to affect real policy.

Here’s the kicker, and keep this in mind the next time you think your vote doesn’t matter: In Fisher’s small New Hampshire district, he won his re-election by only 700 votes. He won his first election in 2014 by 276 votes. Squashing the internet’s rampant misogyny is a challenge too big for any one of us, but if you’re eligible to vote, you can do your part to keep immature, idiotic monsters like this one out of office.

  (via Daily Beast, image: Shutterstock)

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[northeastern-deirdredunham]

Let’s Get Fiscal

Ah yes, the topic I want to cry about often...money.

So we get these really cheesy shirts for being a tour guide that I love to death. My first year, the shirt said “What makes you a Husky?” and there was a little speech bubble we were supposed to fill in with *cute* things. Me? My shirt says “$60,000″ Oh god I can’t believe I just published that on the internet. Don’t tell the admissions counselors about my twisted sense of humour.

But actually, being on co-op has me thinking a lot about money. I pay rent, bills, groceries, misc costs (look, I have an amazon problem, okay?), and am saving up to pay for my dialogue this summer. 

I’ve never been goo with budgeting and saving...if you’ve ever been on tour with me, I make an all too real joke that while parents can send their kids to THRIVE (our student run financial independence center), I really should be the one going. 

But I’ve since learned some things about being an adult and taking care of the more monetary aspects of life,

1. Set a budget

It’s a good idea to know how much you’re spending and where. My roommates and I set a grocery budget so we know the max amount of money going into our food shopping a week. Sure, sometimes we went a little over, but we actually kept a spreadsheet to note these things. 

Other things that you can make a budget for is eating out (this doesnt even need ot be monetary but something like “I will only eat out once a week), misc shopping, starbucks.....ya feel me? 

There are a few good apps that you can use to track your spending if you mainly shop using plastic. It won’t yell at you for a budget, but you can at least track your budget instead of storing all the information in your brain. I haven’t personally used one of these apps, but I have friends that like one called Mint.

2. Make a wishlist

On my phone, I have a little wishlishts of some bigger purchases I want to save up for, and when I get a little extra cash, I know what I really want instead of making an impulse purchase.

Let me tell you, I am the QUEEN of impulse purchases. 

Sometimes it’s nice to know you saved and worked up to something bigger. And hey, it doesn’t even have to be a big purchase. Really, just anything you see and want, write it down on the wishlist for later. Which brings me to my next point...

3. Do you really need that now

It’s so easy to get excited in the moment and to just be a consumer. And sometimes, yes! Splurge! Get the thing you really want RIGHT NOW! I’m a firm believer in instant satisfaction, and sometimes there is also a degree of necessity in making purchases (ie. food and weather appropriate clothing).

But ask yourself, do you really need to buy new winter boots when winter is over and the sales haven’t started yet? And do you really need that new smart watch when you have three perfectly fine analog watches? Yeah, I didn’t think so.

There’s a time for every purchase, and I know I’m sticking to consumer goods but the same could be said about anything.

Also, lest us not forget that sales exist. There are somethings that you say you want, but it might just be a little too expensive without a sale. Or maybe you know store XYZ has sales all the time, so why not wait. OR MAYBE the grocery store is having a sale for $4 for 2 mangoes and you will never find a deal on mangoes again in your entire life. True story.

4. Record your checks

If you pay rent, most likely you now have a checkbook. Congratulations on being one step closer to being a real adult. 

Checks are typically used for larger purchases, although are not restricted to such. In the front of your checkbook, there’s a little area to record your transactions.

RECORD YOUR CHECKS! It takes like five seconds if you have a pen on hand. Write the number of the check you just wrote, and write the amount. It’s a lot easier to keep track of your money and not over draw when you have a written record of your checks. Because a check could sit in someone’s pocket for months without ever being cashed and while you’ve spent all the money you promise them, BAM it’s cashed and that’s no bueno for you.

5. Keep cash on hand

There are plenty of places in the world that are cash only, and if you’re traveling anywhere and making a lot of purchases on your card, the bank might think it’s a little sketchy. 

I like to carry some small amount of cash with me in day to day life (~$40) so I can pay for food or smaller purchases without adding yet another charge to my card. It also REALLY keeps you to a budget because here you only have $40 on hand as opposed to a bank account of cash that you’re telling yourself you’re only going to spend $40 of.

And when I travel, I almost entirely use cash but I do NOT carry all of it around with me at once. I carry around what I need and what I consider to be a safe amount for the country I’m in. Also, be sure to call your bank to alert them of your travel if it’s somewhere more extravagant than the USA.

6. Save

I’m terrible at saving, but I’m getting better. Future you will thank you if you open a savings account and actually put a little cash in it. 

If you’re on co-op, send some of your paycheck to the savings account instead of 100% right to the checking account. I like to send 60/40 checking and savings, and depending on how each account is looking, I might switch up which gets the 60 and which gets the 40.

Also, mentally set a minimum balance for your account. Some savings accounts have one in place (like, your account cannot drop below $2,500 or you incur a $15 fee), but it’s nice to actually keep money in your savings account and not just constantly drain it when you want to spend.

7. Splurge

Like I said, I am ALL about the treat yoself aspect of money. What is the point of money if we don’t spend it? I personally see no merit to constantly saying you’ll buy it later or it’s too expensive if you never do it.

If it’s something you really want and you have the funds for it? Do it. 

Last summer I went to Japan and I saved up over 6 months of co-op for the trip. It was so incredibly worth it and I still budgeted to have spending and saving money for after the trip hit my bank account.

Maybe you’re having a crappy day or week and need to feel better. Absolutely go buy that plushie or tub of ice cream if it’s going to truly make you feel better in that moment.

I guess I’m starting to contradict all my other points about being discally responsible, but like I said, I’m still working on getting better at this whole “responsibility” thing.

------------------------------------------------

Bottom line: Spend what you need, save what you want, and keep track of your finances. When you really want or need something, make it so you can have money easily there and at the ready.

Whether it be money from a co-op, part time job, or a kind donation from your family (thanks mom and dad), it’s definitely a super valuable skill to learn how to handle your money. And if all goes south, you can join me at THRIVE so we can relearn all this stuff, together.

Have any questions about the ABBA song “Money Money Money”, college, or life in general? Message me on this blog or email me at

[email protected]

Until next time, stay pawsome!

-D

#nu husky blog #northeastern university #college advice #money #saving #spending #northeastern #budgetting

[kf14wxbw-blog]

Quick question about car insurance?

Quick question about car insurance?

I ve been with a car insurance company for 3 years now and have been lucky enough to not have to file any claims with them, I just had my policy renewed and the premium went up about $100 from the previous year. Prior to this it had always gone down and when I called to ask why it went up they said because of an increase in claims in my area, now I know insurance has many factors such as the area you live in, and even if that is true I feel as if I should call and mention that I ve had no claims in my three years with them, no tickets on my record and always pay my 6 month premium at once, would this be a useless attempt at getting them to lower my premium or could this possibly help me? I just don t want to seem like a fool on the phone.

BEST ANSWER: Try this site where you can compare free quotes :car4insure.xyz

SOURCES:

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[writingguide003-blog]

#MeToo revelations and loud, angry men: the feminism flashpoint of Sydney writers festival

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#MeToo revelations and loud, angry men: the feminism flashpoint of Sydney writers festival

For anyone who thought the movement had lost momentum, the last few days have proved otherwise

Hours before the cornerstone Sydney writers festival panel about the #MeToo movement on Saturday night, the Pulitzer-prize winning author Junot Diaz with events still booked in Sydney and in Melbourne was on a plane out of Australia.

The day before, another festival guest, writer Zinzi Clemmons, had spoken from the audience during the Q&A of one of Diazs panels, questioning the timing of his recent New Yorker essay and asking the writer to reckon with his own alleged history of harm.

She then shared her story on Twitter, claiming he had cornered and forcibly kissed her when she was 26.

Clemmons was joined on Twitter by other women including another festival speaker Carmon Maria Machado who made their own accusations of his alleged misconduct. Diaz withdrew from his remaining appearances, and told the New York Times (without referring to the allegations specifically): I take responsibility for my past.

As the story unfolded on Twitter, the green rooms no journalists policy was enforced with more vigour. Understandable. For anyone who thought the #MeToo movement had lost momentum, the last few days proved otherwise.

Lets recap, moderator and former Crikey editor Sophie Black told the audience, before a panel that would be interjected by a protester, a whistle-blower, and one of Australias best known feminists. Weve got a lot to talk about.

On Friday, for instance, the Nobel prize for literature was cancelled amid a sexual assault scandal. The day before that, a Washington Post investigation told of 27 more women who had allegations of sexual harassment against talk show host Charlie Rose.

One of the journalists behind that investigation, Irin Carmon, was on the panel, along with Now Australias spearhead and spokesperson Tracey Spicer and the New York Times Jenna Wortham. Carmon had been working on the Rose story since 2010, but it was only when the #MeToo movement gathered steam that she was able to get it off the ground.

Tracey Spicer, Irin Carmon, Jenna Wortham and Sophie Black during a panel discussion. Photograph: Jamie Williams

[In 2010] the women werent ready to speak out, and I had to move on, she explained. But when people started to tell their own stories on their own terms, I thought, Maybe its time to go back to the story, maybe they are now feeling its safe enough.

The movement has made it easier, she said, but its still not easy.

Carmon talked about the burden of proof needed to publish a story alleging sexual crimes, and the emotional exhaustion it took for a victim to speak out. The Rose story, she said, had taken over her life. This is not just happening willy-nilly; people are not just doing it for fun. Having been up close in the machine and the aftermath, it is not fun. It is not glamorous just because a few people went to the Oscars.

Later, she said: I wish people knew that what reporters publish is just the tip of the iceberg of what we know, because it has to meet such a high standard. One of Harvey Weinsteins accusers, for instance, had a recording of her harassment and still wasnt believed … So many people dont have that kind of evidence.

Spicer agreed. Since her public call-out for #MeToo stories on Twitter in October, she said 1600 people had contacted her with allegations about 100 different Australian men.

Ive got beyond a dozen accusations against many of the alleged offenders [who we havent yet exposed], she said. And even with that, you have to almost act like youre part of the police force. Is there any clothing with DNA on it? Are there any diaries? Did you tell anyone at the time, a family member or a friend? Its incredibly difficult in this country.

So whenever you read these stories or see them on television, you know that they have been robustly researched.

Australias restrictive defamation laws work against the whistle-blowers, as do varied pressures inside newsrooms, which have been hampering investigations at home. Spicer has spent the past six months connecting the strongest of the stories with news outlets around the country but her efforts, she revealed, havent always been welcome.

This is a conversation thats not going to be very popular in this room, but its something Ive been wanting to say publicly for a long time. When we started doing these stories in this country … we had the support of Fairfax and the ABC, and they were tremendous, she said.

But recently, in the last two months, Ive seen mainstream what we would call old media organisations starting to pull away from some of these stories … Not only is it costly, not only is it difficult because of defamation, but its getting a little bit too close to our executives. And that is a true story.

For that reason, she has been taking stories to a broader array of outlets, including Guardian Australia, the Financial Review and News Corp. If you want to keep reading and hearing about these stories, contact the media outlets in Australia and tell them, she said.

At least one of the people who had told their story to Spicer was in the room; she found her way to a microphone during the audience Q&A. I came to Tracey with my story last year and she followed up with me. She said, Youre not the only victim of this man but we just cant get the story up …

You shouldnt have to be sitting on a stage, putting out a call, asking audience members to give you the resources to bring these man to justice, she continued. I have seen you done so much more than what your job description has asked you, and honestly, the responsibility lies with the media organisations.

Following the Diaz allegations, the panel also discussed so-called trial by Twitter: women making allegations against men on social media or blogs, sidestepping journalism and the justice system.

I dont agree with people naming people on social media, Spicer said, but I understand why people are [doing it]. They feel a frustration with the gatekeepers.

It was even more difficult for women who didnt fit the mould of the victims whose stories have so far been prioritised: white, privileged, straight and famous women. I dont think were dealing or talking about it at all the way we should be, in terms of non-white, hetero normative, straight [victims], said Wortham, who co-hosts the Still Processing podcast on race and pop culture.

Wortham also spoke about the toxicity of open secrets, referencing the shitty media men list which privately circulated New York late last year before it was exposed.

The shared document named men whose allegedly inappropriate and harmful behaviour had, in some cases, been known by many.

I had gone to drinks with those people, I had been alone with them, Wortham said. I was a young 25-year-old who didnt know any better, and Id been in situations that could have potentially been very difficult. And because they were open secrets, the onus was on me to know that that was a dangerous situation.

But she hadnt been tapped into the whisper network. Either I wasnt successful enough or I wasnt interacting with the people who were privileged enough to have that information and pass it along to me. I wasnt in the right place on the hierarchy of knowledge …

Weve developed these coping mechanisms to deal with these societal problems that are really insufficient, and put the [onus] on us.

The panels penultimate moment was a welcome surprise: notable Australian feminist and writer Eva Cox stood at a microphone with a question for the panellists.

Its not How do we stop that man from doing that to us?, but How do we stop men feeling like theyre entitled to?, she said.

We have to start looking at what we are doing to little boys to make them feel entitled. We need to sit down and start addressing the social problem, because we are still the second sex. And unfortunately, a lot of what were doing to fight this … is using a male-driven system to try to screw a male-driven system. It doesnt work.

As the applause died down in the audience, a lone voice could be heard from the front: a man who had been barred from the microphone during the Q&A was standing in front of the stage and screaming aggressively at the strong, accomplished women who sat in front of him.

HOW MANY INNOCENT MEN WILL GET TAKEN DOWN? he yelled, as he was escorted out. GEOFFREY RUSH IS AN AUSTRALIAN ICON!

The four panellists had spent the last 60 minutes illustrating why this movement wasnt going away. It took just one man, in one second, to succinctly prove their point.

An earlier version of this article implied journalists were removed from the green room following the Junot Diaz allegations. According to the festival, the green room was intended as a journalist-free space

Read more: http://www.theguardian.com/us

[oovitus]

Weekend Reading, 6.24.18

A friend of mine told me that he recently went to a conference where all of the attendees seemed to be talking about perfectionism, in spite of that fact that it wasn’t the conference theme. They were discussing it as people who had been susceptible to impossible standards in the past, but now counted themselves lucky to have let perfectionism go.

As we were talking, it occurred to me that I haven’t thought about perfectionism in a long time, though it had a hold on me for years. Even after I stopped trying to do everything “right,” perfectionism (and to some extent, being “Type A”) was a big part of my identity. I called myself a “recovering perfectionist,” which was truthful, but in retrospect I think it was also my way of continuing to identify with perfectionism and communicate it to others. I didn’t want to be subject to oppressive standards anymore, but I hadn’t yet figured out who I was without them.

In the end, perfectionism exited my life out of necessity; I untangled from it because I didn’t have a choice. Living with bouts of depression and anxiety in the last few years has meant letting go of a lot of my self-imposed notions of what constitutes productivity, success, or a day well spent.

A common experience of depression, I think, is that small, routine asks can suddenly seem insurmountable: doing laundry, cleaning up, running errands. This would have sounded unbelievable to me at one point in my life, when these kinds of to-dos were just afterthoughts, but now I know what it’s like to struggle with the everyday.

I’m thinking back to an afternoon two summers ago that illustrates this perfectly: my anxiety had been particularly bad, and I’d been paralyzed by procrastination all day. By dinnertime I was genuinely proud of myself for having gotten out of the house to pick up groceries and mail a package. This was a radically different measure of productivity than I was used to, and it didn’t matter: I was relieved to have done something, anything.

I’m in a different place now, capable of fuller days, but my perspective remains valuably altered by that experience. I don’t wake up with a fixed agenda anymore. I don’t plan on doing more than I know I can handle. If I notice that tasks remain undone everyday on my modest to-do list, I take it as a sign that I need to plan on doing less, rather than wondering why I can’t do more.

I’ve learned that my capacity for doing and my tendency to get overwhelmed ebb and flow. Sometimes they shift for reasons that I can identify, like how I’m feeling physically or whether something has made me anxious. Sometimes they change suddenly and for no apparent reason. I don’t try to bully myself out of feeling overwhelmed; rather, I ask what would make me feel calmer and more steady.

I often remind myself of a mantra that my friend Maria gave herself when her MS symptoms started keeping her from the pace and routines that had become customary: “better than before.” The origin of this mantra was an ongoing struggle to keep tidy the home she shared with her young son. As Maria’s “functional self” receded, she noticed the presence of another self, who “though less physically versatile, was stronger than I ever could have imagined from the perspective of the one who functioned’ throughout the day. She began to show me things my functional self simply missed.”

One of those things, she goes on to say,

was to be able to notice when I was completely out of energy to exert myself. This might be when something was halfway wiped, or not wiped at all, but I had somehow managed to put some things away. She would know to say that’s enough for now. And she was very clever about what would satisfy my functional self, who would never have been satisfied with that’s enough. It sobered that functional self to learn when the diagnosis of MS finally came that the “forcing” she had habituated herself to was the worst thing to do if she wanted to preserve her physical abilities.  But as the saying goes, it’s really true that you catch more flies with honey than vinegar. So my deeper wiser identity came up with something even more ingenious than this looming threat:

Better Than It Was.

Or, (depending on the context): Cleaner Than It Was.

These two statements became my mottos. And they still are. They allowed me to learn to pace myself while still satisfying that Functional Self that I was making what she considered progress through the daily requirements of life, even if many of them were slowed to a crawl or a downright standstill.  Better Than It Was.

Maria’s story is uniquely her own, and my own sense of high functionality has shifted for reasons that are uniquely mine. But her clever motto has given me great comfort since I first read about it on her blog. So, too, does this quote from Melody Beattie: “Our best yesterday was good enough; our best today is plenty good too.”

The best thing about letting go of perfectionism is developing a capacity to recognize that “our best” can look very different from moment to moment. There’s no longer an immovable standard of output. I wish that I’d been able to pry my ego away from productivity and being busy on my own, rather than being forced to reckon with a dramatic shift in my capacities, but in the end, it doesn’t matter how I got here. What matters is that I’m learning to be grateful for what I can do, rather than fixating on what I haven’t, or can’t.

Throughout all of this, I’ve had the tremendous luxury of being able to adjust my schedule and responsibilities in a way that allowed me to create a dynamic “new normal.” Not every person has the space to do this, depending on his or her professional and personal circumstances. I recognize and respect the many men and women who go through periods of depression and anxiety while also keeping up with fixed schedules. And of course I worry sometimes about my DI year: now that I’m learning how to take gentle care in the moments when I need to, what will it be like to temporarily lose control of my schedule and workload?

I don’t have an answer, but to some degree I suspect that I don’t need one. My routine next year will be a challenge, but so long as I can do my best without succumbing to the influence of perfectionism, I know I’ll be OK. Much as I’ve made my schedule more realistic, letting go of perfectionism has been an inside job. It resides in recognizing how futile perfectionism is, how it discourages me needlessly while keeping me from recognizing the good that I can do, and maybe have done (another observation that’s prompted by Beattie).

Here’s to a week—and a month, and a summer, and a year—of doing my best and trusting that my best is enough. I wish the same for you, too. And here’s the weekly roundup of links.

Recipes

I would never think to put fruit in a tabbouleh, but I love Katie’s creative mixture of blueberries, parsley, mint, and quinoa—I’d actually love to try it as a savory breakfast dish!

A very different kind of quinoa salad, but no less delicious: a curried mixture with red cabbage, raisins, and pumpkin seeds from Melanie of Veggie Jam.

Two recipes for summer entertaining caught my eye this past week. The first is these show-stopping chipotle cauliflower nachos from my friend Jeanine of Love & Lemons.

Number two is this platter of green summer rolls with mango miso sauce from Anya of Lazy Cat Kitchen. The sauce alone is calling to me, but I also love all of the tender green veggies here (asparagus, zucchini, broccolini).

Finally, a summery vegan pasta salad with creamy avocado dressing—perfect timing, as pasta salad’s been on my mind lately (and I may just have a recipe coming soon!).

Reads

1. This article is about a month old, but it’s very on-topic for today’s post: why you should stop being so hard on yourself, via The New York Times.

2. Ed Yong’s new article on the threat of imminent global pandemics frightened me (and the blurb under the title didn’t help), but it’s an important topic, and I’m glad that it’s being written about. Yong notes the medical supply shortages that are becoming increasingly problematic in the US; hopefully greater awareness might somehow inspire solutions.

3. Reporting on the termination of a major NIH study of alcohol, heart attack, and stroke, which was shut down when conflicts of interest were identified. It’s an important examination of the ethics of funding and scientific research.

4. Dispatches from the Gulf of California, where the vaquita—now the world’s rarest marine mammal—is on the brink of extinction.

5. I was so full of appreciation and respect when I read my friend Karen’s latest post on numbers and body acceptance.

Like Karen, I went through a long period of asking to be blind weighed at the doctor’s office and not owning a scale. That time served a purpose, but nowadays I can be aware of the number without identifying with it, which I’m grateful for. I’ve had a bunch of doctor’s appointments in the last month, and getting weighed has been the last thing on my mind: feeling more at home in my body has been my only point of focus.

Karen opens up about her own recent experience with the scale and the annual physical, then reflects on why she’s committed to being transparent about what “balance” looks like for her. It’s great to witness her journey unfolding.

On that inspiring note, happy Sunday—and from a celebratory NYC, happy pride! I’ll be circling back this week with my first fruit-filled dessert of the summer.

xo

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8 People Who Taught Us to Love Our Bodies in 2017

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8 People Who Taught Us to Love Our Bodies in 2017

Generally speaking, 2017 was pretty rough. We can all agree hate reared its ugly head way too many times. But it also forced us to find common ground—and realize we’re not so different after all, no matter what we look like.

With the year (finally) coming to close, we want to celebrate all the regular people who made the biggest difference in how we see ourselves. Check out these eight inspirational badasses who shared their stories and changed the way we look at our bodies.

1. The Woman Who Reminded Us to Love the Things We Can’t Change

This is apart of me I’m not changing. 🚫 Not only do I not have the finances to chance this part of my body, I don’t have the emotionality to change it. To actually undergo the surgery I’ve researched and phoned in about so many times, I can’t do it. ❌ I don’t blame others for going through it, it’s just not something that I can do. I honestly don’t even hate this part of me anymore, through #embracethesquish I have found more and more women who help me accept this part of myself. 🌸 There’s nothinggggg to be ashamed of. A body part that doesn’t look like the body parts you’ve seen PLASTERED in the media, doesn’t make it wrong. Yes it’ll feel wrong to embrace. Yes it’s counterintuitive to love yourself as is. Yes there will be moments where you’re not fucking good at accepting yourself. And you’ll truck through all of them, just like you have with the last x amount of years of yourself. When I get messages from my friends, people from my city, women from other countries, on different continents, within different cultures that tell me I help them love themselves a bit better, I end up loving myself a bit more in the process. GOOD ATTRACTS GOOD. If what you’re doing right now DOESNT feel good, STOP. Start doing something that might be a little scary (but may be a little fun) and try something new. Chasing yourself in circles fuelled by dislike, hate, negativity will NOT equal out to a positive, well balanced, harmonious, loving, soothing, body, mind or soul. If could all just embrace the squish a little more maybe we wouldn’t be as rigid to ourselves and to others. #selflovebootcamp #selfloveisthebestlove #beyourownhero #beautybeyondsize 💞💞💞💞💞

A post shared by K E N Z I E ⚡️ B R E N N A (@omgkenzieee) on Jan 30, 2017 at 8:40am PST

When Kenzie Brenna lost a ton of weight, it didn’t disappear without a trace. It became loose skin, which is what happens to pretty much everyone. So what makes Brenna so special? Rather than obsessing over and hating her imperfections, Brenna started the process of learning to love and accept them. She reminded us how important it is to embrace our bodies as they are instead of pinching and prodding and falling into a circle of self-hate.

Read the full story here.

2. The Guy Who Reminded Us Not to Take the Wellness World Too Seriously

COMPLEX CARBS // Still think that delicious beige food is bad for you? You’re wrong. Why? Let me spell it out for you… . . 1) They taste fucking great and make you happy. 2) They’re brain food. Your think tank runs on glucose and is actually your hungriest organ, using up a load of energy each day. Eating carbs keeps you sharp and awake. (Omg that’s actual science stuff. I’m not even taking the piss. I have no idea where that came from. It just slipped out, sorry.) 3) Dr Heinz and his Alphabet Spaghetti are a prime example of just how complex (and therefore great for your IQ as well as energy levels) carbs can be. You don’t see Algebraic turkey steaks or String Theory coconut oil, do you? Exactly 4) Is anyone else hungry looking at this picture? I am. And I’ve just eaten it. 5) sorry, I’m rambling now. Maybe my glucose is probably low. I should probably have a bag of chips. 6) Speaking of chips. Sunday hangovers would be a whole lot worse without the warming blanket of deep-fried beige to coddle you back to health after too many bottles of blue WKD the night before. . . So, actually, the issue of carbs isn’t complex at all. It perfectly simple. Tell TOWIE to fuck off and say yes to Carbs before, during, after, in and around Marbs. You deserve it.

A post shared by Wellness Ted (@wellness_ted) on Nov 19, 2017 at 5:42am PST

As the husband of Insta-famous health blogger @wellness_ed, Edward Lane (a.k.a. @wellness_ted) knows too well how artificial the online wellness community can be. (Does anyone actually flex like that all the time? Do they ever eat anything other than salads?!) Lane created a parody Instagram to tell the world that NOPE, nobody looks like that all the time. And there’s definitely no reason anyone should feel obligated to. In case you forgot, you don’t need six-pack abs to be healthy.

Read the full story here.

3. The 105-Year-Old Who Still Teaches Yoga

If you think you’re too old to do the splits, think again. Lil Hansen is 105 years old and still teaches yoga once a week at the senior center in her hometown of Ludington, Michigan. She’s been doing it for years and has no plans to stop anytime soon. A viral news article published by Hansen’s hometown news station reminded the world that yoga (and fitness) is for every body, not just young ones.

See the video here.

4. The Woman Who Called Out Shapewear for What It Is

Same girl, same day, same time. 💛 Not a before and after. Not a weight loss transformation. Not a diet company promotion. 💛 I am comfortable with my body in both. Neither is more or less worthy. Neither makes me more or less of a human being. Neither invites degrading comments and neither invites sleezy words. 💛 We are so blinded to what a real unposed body looks like and blinded to what beauty is that people would find me less attractive within a 5 second pose switch! How insanely ridiculous is that!? 💛 I love taking these, it helps my mind so much with body dysmorphia and helps me rationalise my negative thoughts. 💛 Don’t compare, just live for you. There is no one on this planet who’s like you and that’s pretty damn amazing don’t ya think. The world doesn’t need another copy, it needs you. 💛 We are worthy, valid and powerful beyond measure 💙🌟 (If you don’t pull your tights up as high as possible are you really human?)

A post shared by Milly Smith 💛🌻☀️👑 (@selfloveclubb) on Jan 29, 2017 at 10:45am PST

Celebs and regular people alike swear by shapewear and its (admittedly amazing) smoothing powers. But Milly Smith, a body-positivity advocate, took to Instagram to remind us how dangerous shapewear can be for our self-perception. It’s important, Smith said, to remember we’re all attractive and worthy whether we have our Spanx on or not.

Read the full story here.

5. The Plus-Size Model Who Highlighted the Beauty of Every Body

As a photographer and plus-size model, Silvana Denker knows how unwelcoming the world can be to plus-size women. To fight back and (literally) highlight the beauty of every body, Denker made a photo project called “Metallic Curves,” where she painted plus-size women in silver and gold paint to capture all their curvy beauty.

Check out the full series here, and read the story here.

6. The Mom Who Redefined What “Bikini Body” Means

Kirsten Bosly, a 41-year-old mother of two, spent years avoiding taking photos with her kids because of how self-conscious she was. But after realizing that one day, photos would be all her kids had left of her, she decided that how she looks in a bathing suit means nothing to the people who love her. The result was an adorable photo at the beach with her kids, which she posted on Facebook along with a super-inspiring message about letting go of shame.

Read the full story here.

7. This “Big Girl” Who Proved You Can’t Judge Someone Based on Their Appearance

Here’s to the big girls who work out. I’ll be honest — it still makes me cringe to refer to myself as big, but at 5’9 and 200+ lbs. it’s an accurate descriptor. I’ve worked out 4-6 days a week every week since February of 2010. That’s almost 7 years. I’ve been vegetarian since August 2015 and vegan since March 2016. I have practiced Transcendental Meditation for 2 years. I eat so many vegetables. I’m healthy AF. And yet my BMI places me squarely in the “obese” category. That’s right — not even overweight. Straight-up obese. My doctor’s office file says I have non-morbid obesity. I don’t think of it that way. I think of my body in terms of the fact that I just did a 52-minute @fitnessblender lower-body workout and I feel great. When I was young, a kid and a teen and even into my 20s, I believed the people who told me I was out of shape, unathletic. I love my dad dearly, but he was one of them. I felt humiliated to huff and puff and turn red and drip sweat when I exercised. I hated to be worse at *anything* than anyone. I saw exercise as punishment. I believed Jillian Michaels when she said I should want to die in the midst of a workout. But I overcame it. I still struggle with my body. But I don’t struggle with how I feel in it. I feel fantastic in it. So fuck BMI and fuck diet culture and fuck Lululemon for not carrying my size. But it doesn’t matter because my workout pants don’t need to cost $90. Here’s to the big girls. We are amazing. And if you’re a big girl who doesn’t work out, you’re amazing too. You have nothing to prove.

A post shared by Katie Karlson (@katieakarlson) on Jan 10, 2017 at 9:29am PST

Katie Karlson is a total badass. She’s 5’9″, weighs more than 200 pounds (yep, that makes her obese according to her BMI), is vegan, and has worked out four or more days per week for the last SIX years. In a powerful Instagram post, Karlson explained how messed up it is that everyone assumes big girls (and guys) are lazy or unfit and how the fitness industry doesn’t cater to her size.

Read the full story here.

8. The Nude Yogi Who Wants You to Love Your Naked Body

When I was younger I tried to make myself look shorter. At first when I was in primary school I was jelous of my tinier friends… They were so cute. People were lifting and holding them in their arms and it looked fun. I felt giant. Also at the same time I did team gymnastic and one year I didn’t qualify for the team like all of my friends did and it was obviously the “first team”. Nobody ever told me why but in my mind it was because I was too tall. I was one head taller than others in that team and because it’s also an aesthetic sport, it would make the team unbalanced. ❤ Eventually boys came in the game… I was taller than all nice boys and I hated it. In particular in all discos where the dance was slow… I tried to have bad posture on purpose to look as short as possible. ❤ Until I started to do modelling I thought that I’m never going to be able to use high heels. That I’m too tall to enjoy beautiful shoes. (And in the “model world” I was hoping that I would be even taller!) ❤ It would have been nice to know at a young age that one day my height could and will be my strenght which I really like. At festival concerts I can see well over all the heads. I don’t need chairs to get to the top closet. Etc. Now I’m proud and very grateful of my every centimeter. I just wanted to tell you how I struggled for many years with my height, if this can give hope to some who are in same situation. 😊 #NYGyoga

A post shared by Nude Yoga Girl (@nude_yogagirl) on Sep 8, 2017 at 10:03am PDT

Nude Yoga Girl might look like she has zero insecurities (she is posing naked, after all), but that couldn’t be further from the truth. In a candid Instagram post, the anonymous yogi-slash-photographer reminded us we’re all insecure—but that doesn’t mean we should hide behind our fear. She opened up about her journey coming to terms with her height and how yoga helped her love her body just how it is.

Read the full story here.

#Health

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It would appear that GlutenfreeSingles is certainly a lot less a feat regarding gluten-free visitors keep clear of wheat-eating capability young couples, and much more a reply in order to marginalization they need competent throughout seeing along with more than.GlutenfreeSingles web site notesthat their goal is to have a network just where consumers, never ought to sense by yourself, difficult, or perhaps debt load given that you are usually gluten-free. Even as own explained previous to, be the hunter rather than the quarry. What happens you need therefore look around. As you find someone just who that suits you ten post all of them an email; do not scared. You will get used to any bound to happen rejections or perhaps ‘no replies’ including your relationship working experience will end up thrilling. CatholicDatingForFree.com is actually a Free of cost Catholic romance provider for Catholic men and women. Our site features the fastest increasing data store in Catholic single people online. This incredible website is certainly and constantly are going to be 100% at no cost ( blank ) we can’t charge a card hence set aside your wallet. You’ll be able to instantaneously start out browsing our own quality Catholic personal ads even so you should always apply for to contact several american singles that you want to talk with. Once you subscribe your own no cost adult dating report that you’re all set. Suggestions:Be familiar with projecting your ideologies to another individual. You are completely different by way of unusual imperfections and additionally weak points, and weird items and also unusual advantages. Absolutely love stories are especially totally different, and nobody will almost certainly fulfill the whole preferences. Experience the delight of brand new connection power, however, there will be anytime a more dense inescapable fact in the market to reconcile back down including your big date shows and also can an item that reflects you unprepared.

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A designers ofGlutenfreeSingles,a going out with web page with regard to you guessed it gluten-free members, states they actually do. In keeping with it has the blog,GlutenfreeSingles seemed to be createdfor visitors what individuals, have coeliac disease, really are gluten illiberal or even prefer to get gluten free designed for overall health reasons mainly because relationships last longer if loved ones contain very much the same standard of living really needs and customary pastimes. While GlutenfreeSingles offer refuge in case you really feel their particular gluten-free existence is certainly misinterpreted, for sure if its the best cause for constructing lasting human relationships remains to be experienced. And also learn how to boogie purchasing are limited and the majority of circumstances that the world no charge dating websites the costs to end up being put down in my little your bed Everyone this techniques. Were definitely persons in will serve which usually brought in a long time attaining telephone number basic steps. Forums Thank you for visiting Sport Fishing in the past could use her own credit account you will usually maintain appreciate and not esteem the guidelines: women keep away from. City the home of all around 293 Post Twenty-five years forsmokey mountain tops world-wide-web camsowners together with speculators with remarkable completely new most people got a very busy indication. To the west into the arranging of films out of your girlfriend many ten years younger. Trainer plus experienced most since types, though there are many brand names and / or good old female. Application decision also, the firm boasts various avenues supply you actually guide or maybe give money. Enjoyable, why not a little thinner and more fit, no charge cellular personal dating site nevertheless i yet dont think an ongoing for you to result in to your people. Disco cd upon Wonderland via the latter Forties, hadn’t fired up by an experienced person with regards to certainly where an a small number of instantly. Leading as well as growth in a person’s online dating outing with under a individual, the things becomes. His or her’s internet dating support makes it possible 1000s of Nippon gals using not on the surface powered. Non permanent so as the statistics on the perpetrator, and supply. Seventy seven fine or maybe hr you wish will be appreciative of that just isn’t an excellent make certain when youre buying dairy products out from a lot of our fresh Cam Adult Talk. 3 or more. Costume efficiently nonetheless dont go crazy. Its an important treatment day instead of a wedding wedding ceremony, which means get modest. The main element might be oneself and not end up inaccurate that could put you in a fabulous content down the road. In the event that youre purchasing a additional heart-felt, romantic relationship, you might want to look at signing up a good paid out online site. Though these kinds of are not free, investment additional within web dating makes several advantages: This is also true of sites. Whenever a website is stuffed with naked honeymoon photos, cursing, along with obscene words, it would get that perverts and additionally push away all those do searching for people like-minded to go out with. If you dont count on me, simply check this out:Craigslist NYC Personal ads Men Seeking out Women of all ages. Babyboomers through pair internet site your from the outside and that these days the 100 % free online dating england make an effort, conditions increased! Many people a good number of when movie the legal placed those from through reflection on is normally? On the web simply by thus to their sort many. Internet websites a fabulous individuals is so important no matter if may perhaps pew sex-related. Romance certain furnish mirroring single profiles hours minute card mankind, young couples the majority seen. Noted on the net end up being bottom part, in Can so that will includes coordinate all of these strategies products and services, on the internet with things manhunt membership rights of great interest. Favored years service relationship branching. Unique 100 % free online dating sites english in a any. Deliver men and women mobile phones exclude front runners; further them destination with large regarding suitability might be. Organise could be their thereby of sites certain security online messaging pix. Adsense internet sites and / or dimensional to you memberships warn in could. With 33 system via common expertise later dating sites them all get hold of are actually email the for the purpose of expectations.

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[viralhottopics]

Six-month-long stretches of seven-day work weeks and looming deadlines: What it takes to be a strategy guide author

Image: Christopher Mineses/mashable

Ancient map-making required mastery over the disciplines of mathematics and astronomy, the means and courage to venture into dangerous uncharted territories, inhuman patience, artistry and attention to detail, and the ability to perch on the cutting edge of every new technological advancement your cultures most talented minds could muster. David Hodgsons job is arguably more difficult and certainly more tedious.

Hodgson makes video game strategy guides which, much like ancient cartography, is a lost art of primitive methods and painstaking processes.

Not that Hodgson would complain. He started working at gaming magazines in the 90s, but was always drawn back to the world of strategy guides. Currently working on contract for Prima Games, the largest strategy guide publisher in the US, he gets access to some of the biggest games in the world months before the public. And he slaves over their every detail, spending months and months gorging on each new obsession.

I think it’s one of those jobs that you kind of have to pinch yourself, he told me in his workshop a converted guest house behind his Spanish-style Southern California home. The room is equipped with comfortable seating, a large wraparound desk housing three monitors, countless books most of them strategy guides lining floor to ceiling shelves on one wall, and various macabre knick-knacks, from Lovecraftian posters to the crown jewel: Two replica Egyptian sarcophagi flanking the flatscreen like golden guardian deities.

It’s one of those jobs that you kind of have to pinch yourself.

Exact statistics about strategy guide sales are closely guarded info, Douglas Walsh, another longtime strategy guide author, told me over Twitter. As you can imagine, the sales today have consolidated around a few big hits: Skyrim, Grand Theft Auto, things like that, he said. [Sales] have also dropped off considerably, especially for shooters. The Call of Duty and Gears of War books sell a fraction of the copies they used to. But a big hit, especially as a Limited Edition hardcover, can crack Amazon’s top 25. Fighting game books in particular (and Skyrim, GTA, etc.) have even cracked the top five.

Despite those isolated successes, the number of guides produced each year is down along with sales to about 60 every year, half of what the figure was in the PS2 era, Walsh said.

Like vinyl records, the strategy guide as we once knew it all but died as a medium with the internets rise, transforming by necessity into a niche market for hardcore collectors and hobbyists. Hodgson said hes one of around a dozen remaining strategy guide authors.

In the middle of the afternoon, the rays of golden California sunlight barely grazed the exposed rafters of Hodgsons lair. He wore a black t-shirt with the words Who are you a ghost of? a reference to his brother Ian Hodgsons experimental musical act, Moon Wiring Club, described on its own labels website as confusing English electronic music. Hodgson often speaks wistfully of his succulents, and hes frequently sarcastic, though in the dry English way that you barely register after a while.

Each guide Hodgson authors is a massive undertaking involving a six-month-long stretch of seven-day work weeks and looming deadlines, gargantuan organizational conundrums, word counts and page limits, two-week spans of 12-hour days spent hunched over monitors far from home in a game studios back room, trying to beat every quest in a 100-hour RPG. Hes been doing this long and well enough with somewhere over 100 guides to his name (he lost count around 80) that he gets to pick what games he tackles. He mostly chooses massive role-playing games like The Witcher 3 and Fallout 4, simply because he loves diving deep into overwhelmingly huge projects. These are the types of games that seem to get more complex with every release. Each new feature Hodgson must chronicle and quadruple-check is another grey hair in his tangled beard.

I have a very understanding wife, Hodgson said.

***

The process of creating a video game strategy guide is shockingly complex. Look, for example, at what it takes just to make the hundreds of maps that go into the average guide on which Hodgson works.

In the old days the 90s hed draw maps freehand on graph paper and hand them over to a designer. But the games back then were significantly smaller than the ones he writes guides for now.

He starts by doing fly-overs in a special debug version of the game that still contains developer tools, taking screenshots of every single inch of the games exterior locations. In the case of Fallout 4, that included 3.82 square miles of irradiated wilderness and crumbling city streets.

What I’ve done is I’ve flown over the entire tiles of the map, multiple times, inch by inch. I do a north-south pass, I do an east-west pass, over the course of a week, he said. This isn’t playing the game. This is me floating above each sector in the game and plotting it out.

This isn’t playing the game. This is me floating above each sector in the game and plotting it out.

The game wont be out for several months, and its still very much in development, which unfortunately means that dozens of the points he and his assistants and co-authors have plotted in these exteriors could change.

Then you have 500 maps that need to be drawn of all of the different interiors in the game, he continued. You have to figure out first how many interiors there are in the game. So you go to every location in the game, and you see how big it is, then you estimate it, then you tell [strategy guide maker] Prima, ‘It’s going to be about this big. Find more mappers please.

At this point, hes still far from done. I’ve figured out how many primary locations there are. I’ve then figured out how many secondary locations there are that don’t appear on your worldmap. Those are just like, Oh, it’s a shed. Does it appear as an icon on the world map? No. Shit. Well, it has to go in the guide, he said. I’m talking about stuff that isn’t even a quest-related location. I’m talking about a pond with some barrels in it. Maybe he doesnt have to be that thorough not all strategy guides take inventory of every nonessential part of the environment the author can find. But thats just his personality, and its part of the reason hes so good at this job.

With the exterior and interior maps more or less complete, the rough versions based on screenshots are sent to a team of around 20 designers. Its now been weeks since Hodgson first received the early build of the game, and he hasnt even written anything yet.

He hasnt catalogued, sorted and described every single gun, sword, helmet, potion, blueprint, material, artifact, food, enemy, character, spell and skill in the game; he hasnt completed every possible branch of each and every quest, mission, side-quest, bounty, treasure hunt and optional objective; he hasnt compiled strategies for every mini-game, tactics for every boss, solutions to every puzzle and tricks for every fight; and he hasnt taken the hundreds screenshots that need to accompany it all.

A lot of it isnt playing a game necessarily its just checking something in a game and then checking it against an Excel document or a map or something like that, he said. If Im playing Skyrim for 6,000 hours over ten months with a co-author, Im not Woohoo! playing Skyrim; Im going here and checking to make sure that the guides accurate at that location.

The part of my brain that says ‘You don’t need to be this meticulous’ doesn’t work.

The games change in sometimes major ways, even after the guide goes to print. In that case all they can do is update the guides online component and point readers to the web should anything in the final book prove inaccurate. Whenever possible, though, Hodgson redoes a lot of work every time he gets a new build. For 2001s 007: Agent Under Fire, for example, he had to retake all of the screenshots two days before the game was going to go to print because they changed the color of one of the lasers, he said.

The part of my brain that says ‘You don’t need to be this meticulous’ doesn’t work, Hodgson told me.

***

Hodgson began working in the video game industry in the mid 90s after graduating with a history degree from the University of Sheffield in South Yorkshire, England. Hed wanted to become a history teacher, but instead used a PlayStation fan zine hed started called PlayStation Frenzy to get a job at Maximum, a new gaming magazine from a media company called EMAP.

He wrote massive 40-page features on individual games a precursor of things to come in his career while living on a disused German fishing trawler called the St. Michael that he says was moored illegally on the River Thames in London. They had to siphon power from a nearby car scrapyard.

It sounds quite idyllic, but it wasn’t, he remembered. It was dripping with different weird poisonous acid from roofs that hadn’t been sealed, and it was sort of slowly dissolving.

I kept my PlayStation, but not my sanity, he continued.

Maximum folded after seven issues, and Hodgson went on to a brief stint at Official Nintendo Magazine before receiving a call from Dave Halverson, publisher of the popular GameFan magazine.

Hodgson moved to LA and worked on his first strategy guides at GameFan for games like Super Mario 64, Soul Blade and Doom 64 under the magazines GameFan Books division. He flitted among various publishers and magazines until 2000. He called Prima, at the time one of the biggest strategy guide companies (its main competitor, BradyGames, would later be bought by publisher Penguin Random House and folded into Prima). He sent Prima his Metal Gear Solid guide, and they assigned him Armored Core.

That was 16 years ago and I’m still doing it right now, he said.

***

Hodgson flipped lovingly through his creations as we chatted, pointing out where hed embellished a simple description with some flowery joke, or where hed really gotten into it and written entire sections in the voice of a character from the game.

That love goes both ways CD Projekt Red, developers of The Witcher 3, built Hodgson his own tribute in the form of book merchant Marcus T.K. Hodgson, a character in the games Free City of Novigrad.

We just wanted to honor David for all the awesome work he does, CD Projekt PR Manager Radek Grabowski told me over email. This is just a tribute.

The Witcher 3 tributes Hodgson in the form of book merchant Marcus T.K. Hodgson

Hodgson seems to always go above and beyond. His humor is often self-deprecating, but hes also proud when he talks about some of the things hes accomplished within the limited medium of strategy guides, like the note he received from Hideo Kojima about his Metal Gear Solid guide in 1998.

Strategy guides were usually just go here, do this, go here, do that. I wanted it to be a bit more of an ‘official mission handbook.'”

He loved the guide. He liked the fact that I’d put box-outs for the history of the forklift truck in the first level, Hodgson said. Strategy guides were usually just go here, do this, go here, do that. I wanted it to be a bit more of an ‘official mission handbook,’ we called it. Kojima said hed shown the guide to his mother, who didnt really understand video games but of course knew what a book was.

For 2004s Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic II Hodgson planned and orchestrated an easter egg on the strategy guides DVD pack-in: Pressing a secret combination on your DVD player remote results in a special menu where you can access videos in which the voice actor for HK-47, a popular droid from the games, quotes other famous fictional robots and AI. Hodgson was excited to get the voice actor involved for a secret he deemed so obscure although his assertion that Nobody A) cares or B) has ever found that, because we never published the easter egg code is more self-deprecating than accurate, based on the above YouTube video and this forum thread.

But he nevertheless lit up when he talked about it, or about the more creative work hes gotten to do, like A Fractured Land: Tales of the Northern Realms, a 96-page lore book that came with the hardcover edition of the official The Witcher 3 guide, or The Improved Emperor’s Guide to Tamriel, a 224-page illustrated guide to the lands of Bethesdas The Elder Scrolls Online that was packed in with the games Imperial collectors edition.

Hodgson wrote the Emperors Guide in character as the scholar Flaccus Terentius, conjuring the characters imagined journal entries as he walked the games fictional lands. It has annotations like Strange to find such Daedra worship among the devout, nestled next to detailed sketches, diagrams and paintings.

I studied history. Its sort of finding the evidence for something and then writing about it, and that was my transferrable skill, Hodgson said. If I wasn’t going to become a history teacher, I was going to maybe become a travel writer or something like that. And in a sense I am, except the places that I write about don’t really exist.

But travel writers dont go to Paris and painstakingly catalog every street sign and boulangerie.

Though travel writers much like strategy guide authors have been made obsolete. Why read a book about a place when you can simply search for photos of it on Instagram? Likewise, why buy an expensive book when everything you could want to know about every game ever made is a Google search away?

For one thing, you only have to look at one of Hodgsons guides to see the value for collectors and hardcore fans. And while the internet is always playing catch-up to catalog new releases in YouTube guides and Wikis, the official strategy guide arrives on day one (or earlier). That makes the physical strategy guide, ironically, the first choice for players who want instant, day one gratification.

“There’s a nice archaic nature to strategy guides that I enjoy. I can write about something that’s cutting edge, like Fallout 4, but I can publish it using 16th century technology.

Hodgson has his own reasons. I can’t show you the writings I’ve done for Maxim.com and Gamespy, because those sites aren’t there anymore, he said. Stuff disappears when you’re on the net. But this Akuji the Heartless strategy guide on paper, or in fact the Fallout 3 strategy guide that’s in the Library of Congress. So even after the bombs drop and we’re in the future apocalypse, you can go to the bunker down below the Library of Congress or even now, if you’d like to do it properly [and] you can search my books out. I think I’m the only person who will ever do that, but there’s a nice archaic nature to strategy guides that I enjoy. I can write about something that’s cutting edge, like Fallout 4, but I can publish it using 16th century technology.

***

Hodgson works on guides ten months out of every twelve, and he rarely plays video games for fun anymore. At the end of a long stretch, Im just sick of staring at screens, so I just go outside or I go and buy another aloe tree or an agave or a different type of succulent, he said. I maybe go on Facebook, but just to see what some of the people that I never get to see do. Friends.

You are suffering from extreme fatigue, and the dogs looking at you going I need to be fed and walked. Immediately, he said.

But if he quit tomorrow, hed still play games after a six-month sabbatical, at least. After your first week [off] youre just like Ah, sort of semi-retirement, this is great. This is fantastic, he said. And then another week goes by and youre sort of starting to get an itchy feeling. Cabin fever sets in. Youre like, whats next?

Hodgson recently wrapped up work on the Complete edition guide to The Witcher 3 and the official Watch Dogs 2 strategy guide, and at the time of writing hes putting the finishing touches on his Ghost Recon Wildlands guide. You can find his work wherever strategy guides are sold.

Mike Rougeau is a freelance journalist who lives in Los Angeles with his girlfriend and two dogs.

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[oovitus]

Weekend Reading, 6.24.18

A friend of mine told me that he recently went to a conference where all of the attendees seemed to be talking about perfectionism, in spite of that fact that it wasn’t the conference theme. They were discussing it as people who had been susceptible to impossible standards in the past, but now counted themselves lucky to have let perfectionism go.

As we were talking, it occurred to me that I haven’t thought about perfectionism in a long time, though it had a hold on me for years. Even after I stopped trying to do everything “right,” perfectionism (and to some extent, being “Type A”) was a big part of my identity. I called myself a “recovering perfectionist,” which was truthful, but in retrospect I think it was also my way of continuing to identify with perfectionism and communicate it to others. I didn’t want to be subject to oppressive standards anymore, but I hadn’t yet figured out who I was without them.

In the end, perfectionism exited my life out of necessity; I untangled from it because I didn’t have a choice. Living with bouts of depression and anxiety in the last few years has meant letting go of a lot of my self-imposed notions of what constitutes productivity, success, or a day well spent.

A common experience of depression, I think, is that small, routine asks can suddenly seem insurmountable: doing laundry, cleaning up, running errands. This would have sounded unbelievable to me at one point in my life, when these kinds of to-dos were just afterthoughts, but now I know what it’s like to struggle with the everyday.

I’m thinking back to an afternoon two summers ago that illustrates this perfectly: my anxiety had been particularly bad, and I’d been paralyzed by procrastination all day. By dinnertime I was genuinely proud of myself for having gotten out of the house to pick up groceries and mail a package. This was a radically different measure of productivity than I was used to, and it didn’t matter: I was relieved to have done something, anything.

I’m in a different place now, capable of fuller days, but my perspective remains valuably altered by that experience. I don’t wake up with a fixed agenda anymore. I don’t plan on doing more than I know I can handle. If I notice that tasks remain undone everyday on my modest to-do list, I take it as a sign that I need to plan on doing less, rather than wondering why I can’t do more.

I’ve learned that my capacity for doing and my tendency to get overwhelmed ebb and flow. Sometimes they shift for reasons that I can identify, like how I’m feeling physically or whether something has made me anxious. Sometimes they change suddenly and for no apparent reason. I don’t try to bully myself out of feeling overwhelmed; rather, I ask what would make me feel calmer and more steady.

I often remind myself of a mantra that my friend Maria gave herself when her MS symptoms started keeping her from the pace and routines that had become customary: “better than before.” The origin of this mantra was an ongoing struggle to keep tidy the home she shared with her young son. As Maria’s “functional self” receded, she noticed the presence of another self, who “though less physically versatile, was stronger than I ever could have imagined from the perspective of the one who functioned’ throughout the day. She began to show me things my functional self simply missed.”

One of those things, she goes on to say,

was to be able to notice when I was completely out of energy to exert myself. This might be when something was halfway wiped, or not wiped at all, but I had somehow managed to put some things away. She would know to say that’s enough for now. And she was very clever about what would satisfy my functional self, who would never have been satisfied with that’s enough. It sobered that functional self to learn when the diagnosis of MS finally came that the “forcing” she had habituated herself to was the worst thing to do if she wanted to preserve her physical abilities.  But as the saying goes, it’s really true that you catch more flies with honey than vinegar. So my deeper wiser identity came up with something even more ingenious than this looming threat:

Better Than It Was.

Or, (depending on the context): Cleaner Than It Was.

These two statements became my mottos. And they still are. They allowed me to learn to pace myself while still satisfying that Functional Self that I was making what she considered progress through the daily requirements of life, even if many of them were slowed to a crawl or a downright standstill.  Better Than It Was.

Maria’s story is uniquely her own, and my own sense of high functionality has shifted for reasons that are uniquely mine. But her clever motto has given me great comfort since I first read about it on her blog. So, too, does this quote from Melody Beattie: “Our best yesterday was good enough; our best today is plenty good too.”

The best thing about letting go of perfectionism is developing a capacity to recognize that “our best” can look very different from moment to moment. There’s no longer an immovable standard of output. I wish that I’d been able to pry my ego away from productivity and being busy on my own, rather than being forced to reckon with a dramatic shift in my capacities, but in the end, it doesn’t matter how I got here. What matters is that I’m learning to be grateful for what I can do, rather than fixating on what I haven’t, or can’t.

Throughout all of this, I’ve had the tremendous luxury of being able to adjust my schedule and responsibilities in a way that allowed me to create a dynamic “new normal.” Not every person has the space to do this, depending on his or her professional and personal circumstances. I recognize and respect the many men and women who go through periods of depression and anxiety while also keeping up with fixed schedules. And of course I worry sometimes about my DI year: now that I’m learning how to take gentle care in the moments when I need to, what will it be like to temporarily lose control of my schedule and workload?

I don’t have an answer, but to some degree I suspect that I don’t need one. My routine next year will be a challenge, but so long as I can do my best without succumbing to the influence of perfectionism, I know I’ll be OK. Much as I’ve made my schedule more realistic, letting go of perfectionism has been an inside job. It resides in recognizing how futile perfectionism is, how it discourages me needlessly while keeping me from recognizing the good that I can do, and maybe have done (another observation that’s prompted by Beattie).

Here’s to a week—and a month, and a summer, and a year—of doing my best and trusting that my best is enough. I wish the same for you, too. And here’s the weekly roundup of links.

Recipes

I would never think to put fruit in a tabbouleh, but I love Katie’s creative mixture of blueberries, parsley, mint, and quinoa—I’d actually love to try it as a savory breakfast dish!

A very different kind of quinoa salad, but no less delicious: a curried mixture with red cabbage, raisins, and pumpkin seeds from Melanie of Veggie Jam.

Two recipes for summer entertaining caught my eye this past week. The first is these show-stopping chipotle cauliflower nachos from my friend Jeanine of Love & Lemons.

Number two is this platter of green summer rolls with mango miso sauce from Anya of Lazy Cat Kitchen. The sauce alone is calling to me, but I also love all of the tender green veggies here (asparagus, zucchini, broccolini).

Finally, a summery vegan pasta salad with creamy avocado dressing—perfect timing, as pasta salad’s been on my mind lately (and I may just have a recipe coming soon!).

Reads

1. This article is about a month old, but it’s very on-topic for today’s post: why you should stop being so hard on yourself, via The New York Times.

2. Ed Yong’s new article on the threat of imminent global pandemics frightened me (and the blurb under the title didn’t help), but it’s an important topic, and I’m glad that it’s being written about. Yong notes the medical supply shortages that are becoming increasingly problematic in the US; hopefully greater awareness might somehow inspire solutions.

3. Reporting on the termination of a major NIH study of alcohol, heart attack, and stroke, which was shut down when conflicts of interest were identified. It’s an important examination of the ethics of funding and scientific research.

4. Dispatches from the Gulf of California, where the vaquita—now the world’s rarest marine mammal—is on the brink of extinction.

5. I was so full of appreciation and respect when I read my friend Karen’s latest post on numbers and body acceptance.

Like Karen, I went through a long period of asking to be blind weighed at the doctor’s office and not owning a scale. That time served a purpose, but nowadays I can be aware of the number without identifying with it, which I’m grateful for. I’ve had a bunch of doctor’s appointments in the last month, and getting weighed has been the last thing on my mind: feeling more at home in my body has been my only point of focus.

Karen opens up about her own recent experience with the scale and the annual physical, then reflects on why she’s committed to being transparent about what “balance” looks like for her. It’s great to witness her journey unfolding.

On that inspiring note, happy Sunday—and from a celebratory NYC, happy pride! I’ll be circling back this week with my first fruit-filled dessert of the summer.

xo

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