#maybe in the end itll be good for me to get it all out

[saddlepunk]

the thing they dont tell u abt writing a piece that cribs a lot on ur own emotional trauma is that writing it will trigger ur emotional trauma

#alissposting #i go through cycles of loving this book and being excited for it and like #hating every inch of it bc im having a bad time with life and its making me feel objectively worse #maybe in the end itll be good for me to get it all out #but right now i sometimes take a gander at the whole thing and just sorta wanna off myself

[arts-i-enjoy]

AHHHHHH

#this post brought to you by: me #i. applied for a preapproval letter for a mortgage yesterday. and spoke to a realtor to start finding me houses #i want to move several states away which further complicated things. but the houses there are CHEAP #like under 100k for a 2 bedroom move in ready #anyways i got approved for 80k with a 20k down payment. and im FREAKING THE FUCK OUT #and because i got that pre app letter i have a loan officer calling me today to talk #and we literally work at the same bank so i can SEE that hes active and hasnt read my message #even though its been 45 minutes. KEVIN MESSAGE ME BACK. IM NOT GONNA BE ABLE TO FOCUS UNTIL I DO THIS CALL #AHHHHHHH S C R E A M. it might happening!!!! i might be finally.mov8ng out in a few months!!! #i mgiht be a HOMEOWNER by the end of the year #i have been saving money for this since i was. 16? 17? #ive had a good well paying job since i was 18. #AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH #once i have a house then i start job searching in that area. and start getting really serious about LEAVING my very good job #which is soooo scary. this job was supposed to be my lifelong career. but then everyone fucking moved to other states and left me behind #so theres no point staying here. #i might never have this kind of job security again. #but also my realtor said that theres a lot of bank jobs in that area so maybe itll be easy to find something #on the fence on if i tell my parents that im Making Moves right now #on one hand its hard to not talk about it becuae im STRESSED TF OUT #but on the other hand when i tentatively mentioned the state i want to move to #richard started yelling and swearing el oh el #might be better to wait and avoid the tension as long as possible? #but also i dont know how they can stay angry when its literally my best option #the other places where my friends live either have 0 opportunity and high housing prices. or are even moe liberal than where im going #idk. why do half of my problems come down to “my parents will be mad” like im a 12 year old or something. shit fucking sucks #this is why i want to get out of here #also it feels weird and bad to talk to my friends about how stressed i am about buying a house when all of them are stressed about #not being able to make rent or something. my problems feel like a brag in a really odd and shitty way. but hey! #if this works out maybe ill start being stressed about how im going to make my mortgage payments! :') yay!

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#i spend so mad god damn time bitching on this website. its bc i dont talk to ppl. whens the last time i had a non functional conversation? #uuuuhhh last weekend or maybe the weekend before that? so like i gotta complain somewhere. so if i stop complaining u can assume i made #friends lmao. ugh. its just. im worried. im worried abt how this semester is gonna go. how this phd program is gonna go #bc i spent the last 2 years destroying myself. realized ive gotta stop doing that. haven't figured out how to stop and now im gonna triple #the amount of pressure im under while trying to do things in a more healthy way. its just like. it objectively doesnt seem like a formula #for good things to happen. im more worried for how catastrophic its gonna b on my brain than i am abt the things i think most ppl would b #concerned abt. like im not worried abt planning and executing a project or teaching beyond fear of the unknown #its like. ive done these things before. theyre difficult but u make due and tackle the problems. but when it comes to: how to maintain a #healthy school/life balance? i dont even kno where to start with that. i just dont bc when u have a learning disability things just take #more time but like how much time is too much? where does it end? i dont kno how to manage it and i dont wanna hate my project by the end #of this. i want to b excited and not paralyzed bc im afraid i cant change my behavior and its gonna kill me #and im worried bc im meeting with my advisor for the 1st time since march before i agreed to join thr lab and have i prepared for this #project which is almost complete unrelated to what i did in my last lab? no bc ive been managing data and im still not done managing data #bc i cant focus bc i collected that data in a way that was actively self destructive. and i mean i kno itll b fine. thr guy seems nice i #just hate that im showing up devoid of enthusiasm bc its all been drowned out by the fear. and thats also gonna make teaching a problem #bc its hard to b excited abt things when there's a hole in your chest and ur desperate for someone to tell u how to fix it. but idk helping #ppl does usually make me feel better so maybe itll b a good thing. forgot how much i feel like im dying when i sit in meetings and #classroom tho lol. god its been 2yrs since i was a student. classes feel like such bullshit now. and yet if i dont get all As i might die #my students better b good. i have the 1st lab section bc thr lead ta couldnt do that time. so im the trial lab and i start fucking Monday #who tf does labs the 1st week of class? ugh. also its an intro bio so like 2/3 of thr class r freshman. lil bby 18yos and some r non bio #majors. and ive been warned that sometimes there r problems with ppl who don't believe in evolution and cause problems. pls let my classes #b good. im not that worried. its just gonna b annoying as fuck. im not good at being authoritative #ugh. i should b reading papers so i dont look like too much of an idiot tomorrow. itll b fine im just an anxious freak. a lil over a week #until i can try to find a therapist. probably seek medication bc i dont kno how else to stop this bullshit. annoying. i grew up with a dad #who gets anxious abt the idea of taking too much medication when he tskes a single ibuprofen. in this household we feel pain and then we #die miserable. this is all his fault. we have the same brain.im just a lil more irradidic than him #its so funny i say that bc im like the least irradic person ever. i do the same things every god damn day. im just irradic in terms of #sometimes i feel like my brain is on fire and im a cry bby lol #whatever. enough bitching. ive got papers to read. or maybe ill just go to bed and read them tomorrow 🙄 #unrelated

[howaboutalittlehelpneos]

Girl help I think I may have accidentally written a fic that wasn't the giant multichapter one I've been working on since last year

#i just. i just had the idea hit me this morning and it all came flowing out #its not very long but its only meant to be a brief snapshot into a characters mind during a specific event in canon #you ever put off reading something that everyone insists is the best and then you read it and it really is that good? yeah #im obsessed and i May end up posting this once ive had time to look over it because you know. was sleepy when i wrote it all this morning #oops #zen texts #its not for ygo but im putting this here for my ygo audience anyway to prove that i do still be writing #maybe if i get this little one out itll make progress on the big one go faster #we will see

[sanchoyo]

general lil life update!! trying to refill my queue the past 2 or 3 days so it actually seems like I'm Online, despite still kinda bein on an Internet Hiatus in general lately. but! I felt very productive today out of nowhere and was able to clean, journal, work out and cook a bit after like 2 weeks of not being able to do much bc Sick (which, I need to go to the dr about, but have been piddling on for a few reasons...) so that random burst of energy felt super nice! also its rainy out so that def is a mood booster. my dog and I sat on the porch and just enjoyed the rain together this morning and that was super sweet 🥺 I just took him and my journal and a blanket and we cuddled and I wrote down a couple recipes and stuff <3 I ended up starting a new journal thats different from my regular one that I treat as a diary and. I realize carrying 3-4 notebooks everywhere is EXCESSIVE probably, but also, it's SO FUN. I'm really grateful to be able to have journaling as my low-effort creative outlet lately while I haven't been able to draw or write much ;w;

hope u guys are doin okay too!

#sanchoyorambles #also I had some kind of strawberry frenzy earlier in which my mom bought a container of strawberries #not a small container! #and I ATE THEM ALL IN ONE SITTING LIKE AN ANIMAL #THEY WERE SO GOOD. SO SWEET #anyway i will end up dragging myself to the dr next week maybe depending on like #how much i have left from vet appointment on tuesday #feels like ive been waiting a MONTH for his appointment then i realize. yeah i kinda have lol #ill be glad when thats over too OTL. him being old makes me nervous anytime we gotta take him #im sure itll be fine but . i worry . anxitea #just also mildly worried ill drag myself to the dr and pay exorbitant lab fees or whatever only to hear back #'oh we dont know whats wrong lol'...since all the symptoms seem so random n unrelated when i list them out #i have my own personal theories but doctors do not like to hear those ive learned #so i will probably keep them to myself #even tho i think im Right #and the dr i have to go to is the one who told me it was just HORMONES when i was severely low on vitamin d and had had mono... #like...ok king... #not gonna put much faith in u...but i would kinda like some tests if possible to figure out if im right #i will feel vindicated then possibly see if like. i can have smth to fix it. if possible... #or at least get meds to manage it since uhh. been goin on for a few yrs now dont think its gonna go AWAY #but would be nice to hear its real and treatable in some way from a professional yknow

[be-good-to-bugs]

UGH why does eating always make me feel like throwing up :/ that is the opposite of what i want

#the bin #i feel less bad todaynthan i usually do. i think. but physically my body feels terrible. i am also still super stressed and sad but. i dont #feel as utterly horrible as i usually do so thats good i guess. i wish i could turn it into something productive but thats fine #i mostly wishbthat i could being myslef to do something fun like watch something or whatever but my brain still says no #and i wishbi could draw but my brain says no to that too #well. i can probably actually afford some weed after all bc itll peobs mostky be gas i gotta pay for for thw trip so #idk when ill see my sister next but ill have to fully figure this out then. and i gotta measure the inside of her boyfriends car so i can #know how much i can pack. i can also probably afford to get the things i wanted for my siblings from here before i leave. maybe. #gas will be a lot but they still owe me $300 so that helps a lot. i should be able to afford the trip fine. im really sad i have to leave #most of my stuff though. i dont trust my sister with it. but i dont have a choice so whatever. ill just have to deal. #well. im glad i dont feel so empty and horrible now. i hope it lasts and i can do something with it. its probs bc i had a meltdown honestly #ive felt like maybe thats what ive been needing to feel better. things still suck but i feel marginally better #usually i try talking to my mom just to get an ounch of social interaction and also i can complain abt stuff to her and she doenst tell #anyone. she has issues but shes pretty good about my privacy i think because shes scared id stop talking ti her if she broke that trust #which is true. i would probably stop talking to her. that was originally the plan before she stopled being such a bad mom anyway so #but idk. i havnet talked to her since she asked if i was coming to the funeral and i said no. she wasnt mad at me or anything but i havent #talke to her about non dad dying related stuff in a bit so. i shouod tho. im moving and i need to find out when a good time for that is. #and make sure she knows around what time i had been planning. and i need to know if she got an update about some stuff too. #also helath insurance stuff. im assuming she didnt end up getting a chnace to add me yet considering what happned. shes been busy #but my tooth pain has gotten even worse this past week so id like to see a dentist in june if possible bc god this thing hurts so bad

[toastsnaffler]

this assay is so fucking fake......

#same one ive been working on for like 3 months. every other assay ive trained on took me a couple goes to get but ive done this one ~45x #and i keep getting 2 good runs and then 1 fail. which SUCKS bc i need 3 passes in a row to sign off on it #and its so sensitive that changing even tiny things like using a different brand same volume beaker. or a 0.5cm longer flea #anyway i had another 2 good runs this week so this was my 3rd but bc its a friday afternoon im tired as fuck and keep making dumb mistakes #like overstirring it + one of my samples leaked which is soooo embarrassing bc ive already had to ask for more before bc its taken me- #almost 50 fucking attempts already #anyway. hour and a half into prep and im at the most crucial time sensitive part which is pipetting thr enzyme into the substrate #and i manage to do it all w even time spacing (u have to replicate the exact same pace at the end of the timer or it doesnt work) #and then realise id picked up a different identical model pipette that was set to half the volume i was meant to put in FUUUUCK #by that point i was like fuck it im almost 2 hours in and nothing else to do the rest of the day. so ill work around it + see what happens #i figured well its half the volume. so if i add the same half volume again at the 5 minute mark and leave it for 12.5 instead of 10 mins #then itll hydrolyse the substrate to the same degree. IN THEORY in practice this stuff never works bc of error margins etc #bearing in mind this js like 30 seconds of thought bc it took me a couple mins to realise what i did #but the thing abt working in a lab is u make these split second decisions constantly bc everything is so time sensitive #so u have to be quick thinking on ur feet #anyway long story short got to the end of the 3 hour process. which i was carrying out v sloppily bc the chances of it working were- #slim by that point lmao. but lo and behold it was completely fucking fine. all cvs less than 5% and averages <5% of spec #which is awesome bc it means after THREE MONTHS and like. 45x3 whats that AT LEAST 135 HOURS OF FOCUSED TIME ON IT #not counting attempts i gave up on halfway thru bc id alreaady fucked them up bad #i can FINALLY sign off on it lmfao. but im just so mad like why does it play these mind games with me. it shouldnt have worked #whatever chemistry is such a fickle stupid science. anyway wahoo weekend time baby #gorgeous weather here + im gonna get pizza on the way home...... maybe life doesnt suck sometimes 😇 #mutuals if ur still at work stay strong soldiers #.diaries

[dawntheduckrb]

Home from my trip, I managed to navigate the city capitol interstate in the dark+rain mostly on my own :D (not without a death grip on my steering wheel the whole time, but that's okay)

Wasn't actually able to take any pictures, which is rare bc I usually come back from trips with at least 20. All I got was a picture of a miniature deck of cards I won in a game and the pretty state welcome sign on my way back in (taken with no other vehicles around me but my dad's, of course) (and theres one of these at every possible entrance to the state so i dont think this really says where i was at). Trip blab in tags but tldr; it was fun :)

#so it was my mom's side of the family (who are all extremely chaotic people) and they loooooove planning games at these get-togethers #one of them was a christmas trivia game we did last year with candies as rewards for getting stuff right #and my grandparents put together the questions this year and pawpaw came out like 'hey these are all really easy but itll be fun anyway' #every. damn. question. was about the story of the birth of jesus. #obscure shit too like 'who was the prophetess that told about jesus' birth in the old testament' (which was unfortunately asked to me :') ) #and out of all 35 of us only two people got any questions right #mind you; one family there was a PASTOR'S FAMILY #ive never seen such a look of disappointment from pawpaw; he was losing faith in all of us #I think the only other funny thing that happened was; i went to grab some food and had to walk over people that were sitting on the floor #i guess i stepped over them too dramatically bc i heard my siblings behind me go 'why's she walking all fruity like that' and honestly #i was internally wheezing (I guess they didnt realize i heard them but it was still so funny) #maybe its one of those funny things thats funnier in person/in the moment it happens but still lol #otherwise i ended up dozing while people played cards and its a good thing i did bc i felt great driving home #it started to rain as soon as we got to nashville #i hate going through there bc theres ~4 major lane changes that happen while everyone else seems to forget the speed limit exists #and my dad has one of those big ass trucks so he was kicking up water in my windshield and i couldn't see #i ended up zooming to get in front of him and tried to figure out city traffic on my own (which i did very well and without a hitch :D) #I'll put together the music i was listening to omw home if anybody's interested #six hour long playlist of the most random shit #🥜🥜<-tasty snack as thank you for reading this far #not rb

[arolesbianism]

Mark meeting ded is just gonna be him going btw have you heard of the music producer 8ballin' 👉👈? And ae is just gonna sit there like I've been in every wrong place that you can imagine for the past half a decade you tell me

#rat rambles #splat posting #just wait until he figures out hes talking to the guy who was putting out all those sick beats during the lowest point of his life #hes going to be inconsolable #also sorry for the self indulgent mark posting Im just excited for him to get to do things again #despite technically having a lot going on Ive always felt that his limited relationships have made him the weak link of my agents #I love him sm and I love his dynamics with the others sm but he just doesnt have the bond with either of off the hook that I wish he did #but its kinda inevitable because he definitely was way too up his own ass during octo expansion to willingly talk to marina much #and pearl by extention #in fact cuttlefish is who he ended up closest to but hes been busy being off with his favorite children #so Im hoping thisll give me more ideas for him and pearl especially in the modern day when hes much more stable mentally #bestie survived the horrors of being 14 nothing will ever get as bad as that <3 #now would probably be a good time to read octo expansion retranslated tbh make sure Im not missing anything super important #itll probably also be good to make sure Im satisfied with the current state of marks octo expansion stuff and rework some stuff maybe #I probably wont touch it too much but I think maybe adding some early on mark marina interactions could be good #basically give him a frame of reference for what talking to her felt like before his old grudge starts to return to him #oh yeah btw for mark his temporary memory loss was from too much exposure to sanitized ink #he did in fact go there to sanitize himself the only reason he wasnt able to was because the fumes from the shower caused his movement to #get kinda fucked up along with his vision so he fumbled about for a bit as his body fought the bits of sanitized ink that got in his system #he thought he was straight up dying so he tried to retreat but ended up running into cuttle and sash and the rest is history #his mental and physical state would worsen a bit more and only after that would his body start to slowly but surely flush the stuff out #it wasnt nearly enough to properly sanitize him or cause any coloration but it was still very much enough to effect him poorly #part of the reason that the trials helped with the memory loss was that all that movement and moving ink through his systems helped a lot #but he still struggled a Lot with it initially due to his struggles with balance and coordination #even post oe he has worsened short term memory and has some nerve damage #so yay chronic pain time #despite this he's still a duelies squelcher main because ofc he is #but in all seriousness he often does have to wear wrist braces and has had times where hes had to take extended breaks from ink sporting #its smth he struggles to accept is a limitation for him especially since the whole reason he initially wanted to get sanitized was to focus #more on his combat skills and prove himself as a soldier of great importance

[arodrwho]

the best way to write is however ur little heart desires obviously but personally subjectively pettily i think that most of the time people would be better off just writing how they talk

#generally. the way u talk will sound correct in a way that sentences u write down and consciously try to make Correct or Fancy will not #the more complex and poetic u try to get with it the less good ur words r gonna sound #theyre gonna be Off bc u are not used to speaking that way and the grammar doesnt come naturally to u #also generally like. elevated language and whatever is like. theres a time and place? and when ur just getting started #its really hard to tell when is an appropriate time or place #protip tho the correct place is generally not an ao3 summary u wanna be plain as hell there #itll sound better and itll grab my attention personally which is obv your main concern always all the time #obv im speaking from a very particular perspective and experiences vary based on this n that #nd like.. grammars made up yknow. if ur words sound weird to me bc the grammars off that doesnt make the writing BAD #but in the exact same vein tho just bc the way u talk isnt grammatically perfect doesnt mean thats a BAD way to write at all! #far from it! #and i feel like thats a big part of why ppl dont just write how they talk is theyre like. well i dont talk correct i talk casual #and like sure but whats wrong with casual in writing? u can still convey a hell of a lot w casual #nd maybe its harder to convey what u want or to strike the right tone writing that way nd that's fair but like #dismissing that sort of writing style out of hand on the basis it isnt proper writing is so silly #when like i said originally it often sounds MUCH BETTER than going for a really formal poetic high fantasy or oldtimey kind of vibe yknow #anyway. end yell

[irregodless]

dude this game sucks so bad im gonna kill everyone on the planet then myself

#i have avoided talking about this game but this is my exception lemme walk you through this #that mf is a guy named ed zoff he was the last guy i needed to unlock a legendary #you can only get him from a (nearly) endless dungeon from a selection of 3 possible prizes #i get to floor like 50 of a total of 60. very tedious identical levels constant traps annoying me #but its okay ive collected like 30 chances at pulling him #im told you get him if you clear the dungeon so im like maybe you have to reach the end to get the chance #ive also spent resources to get increased odds for pull chance items right #boss cheaps me out and i lose everything like i get literally nothing the game might as well have frozen on me #i lose a couple hours of playtime and all 30 pulls #a lil real life depressed over this #i say fuck it im going back in but the MINUTE i get a pull im leaving the next opportunity #grab three pulls and book it #i think to myself what if all fucking three are just ed zoff #can you fucking believe #those resources all that time and annoyance and i could have pulled him like first floor #not to mention there were only 3 possible things to pull so imagine if id made it to the end now with like 50 pulls #and i just have to deal with 50 ed zoffs #im gonna kermit #keep in mind this game doesnt just use rng but its over reliant on rng #itll be like theres a 1% chance to find something but then a .01% chance you get to keep it. good luck and fuck you!

[austinsastrology8991]

Saturn the father you always wanted and always have. Saturn in da houses, and why your life sucks. Im blunt here so don't complain don't read if you can't handle the reality of saturn. Saturn in the first house - okay you don't like to try when you present yourself, you think people should just instantly respect you because youve been through many trials in life... well people usually dont know how to talk to you because you have a stick up your ass. Saturn in the second house - everyones greedy, but when you are, its not cool. Well it isn't because when you are greedy you act like a goblin. be more mature its okay to be greedy but your acting like its a virtue stfu. Saturn in the third house - everyone thinks your dumb af, and you are only because you lack confidence to drive your points home. you just need to learn how to communicate better, your not dumb but you act like a dumbass. Saturn in the fourth house - sad boy/girl now everyone knows you had a rough childhood but would you grow up already, everyone else has but your still stuck being sad about how life has treated you (or your momma/dadda) grow up your not getting any younger you can't change the past stop wallowing. the past has taught you well, use it to your advantage or let it hold you back. Saturn in the fifth house - pretend players who get played everytime. Always gotta pretend like they are fun but whenever you do try to have fun with them they are annoying. yes you could be fun in the bedroom simply because everyone knows your too sensitive to break someones heart... because your heart is the most broken. Saturn in the sixth house - the real try hards always putting in 100%. suck ups to there boss or whoever is above them. but when there authority disrespects them they go rogue and try even harder just to spit in there boss's face. i respect it because i got cap here Saturn in the seventh house - if your a bad person good luck in this life, because your karma is received ten fold by your partners, they always like to complete your karmic cycle because thats just how it works idk. so better act right or your partner will ruin it before you ruin yourself.

Saturn in the eighth house - will do anything to get to the top. no pain is too painful. well it all is, but the ends justify the means. when they put there foot down the whole room shakes. so when your making a move make sure its the right one because your power plays are on display for everyone and itll make or break you more than the other placements. Saturn in the ninth house - lazy asses, always looking for an easy way out. they know what the right thing to do is, but the likelihood of them doing it is never. its because saturn restricts there luck/ mind and they just have woe is me energy and its annoying make better choices, and if you dont stop crying about it. but if they act right saturn blesses them the fuck up. Saturn in the tenth house - okay these people think they are better than everyone and deserve everything, but they never receive the applause they crave. its never enough even if the whole room is looking at them they suddenly don't want it anymore. there karma everyone can see, and if its too good it feels like a curse, and when its bad and reality comes crashing down they just want to hide but they cant. own your life or it will own you. Saturn in the eleventh - there community will give them there karma, always these people dont have a place where they feel safe. because they never make anyone feel safe around them, then cry when no-one gives them that favour. stfu and treat us better and maybe we will do you better. Saturn in the twelfth - okay apparently this is where saturn is in its joy, and i guess its because god/ spirits judge you. and i guess thats a good thing because if anyone should judge you its him. except the pain here is you have ultimate freedom, you rarely get signs on what to do. will you make the right choice or the wrong once? well they are lucky because they always get there karma quickly so they can always recover fast. but these people struggle to empathise because they don't feel the energy of the room. sooooo just grow up you got the best saturn, and your karma resides is in your empathy. disclaimer - saturn wants you to be the best. and no one is.... so i like to think if you want a sense of direction (where are you going wrong) look at the saturn house and if you are successful congrats your doing saturn right. but be careful he always thinks you can do better, and he loves to humble you. so be-careful out there.

#house placements #saturn aspects #astrology observations #astrology notes #astrology houses #astrology placements #astrology blog #astro community #astrology

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#school im gonna visit: hi! so the plan for the grad student weekend is for u to do tours and meetings friday #and then Saturday were gonna take u to a mountain pass where u can go cross country skiing or snowshoeing #me: WHAT???!! i live in the middle of the desert???? i have no snow gear???? its like 50 degrees here in January??? #all my snow stuff is back in ohio 😭 so i guess i have to throw a bunch of money into buying snow gear so i dont freeze 😭😭😭 #bc like im not gonna pass up the oppertunity to roll around in the snow. i loooove laying down in the snow with full snowgear on #but like fuck im gonna need pants and mittens and maybe boots. i mean itll b and investment bc those r probably good things to have anyway #if i end up going to that school especially. god i fucking hate shopping tho #whatever. it should b fun and ill get to see some snow #i guess there was snow on the mountain tops out here for a bit but i havent seen any actual snowfall this year. tho we did get a 2hr delay #bc it was supposed to snow and didnt. bc the southwest is weak to snow #hhhh im tired. i should sleep. and read papers. but mostly sleep bc i gotta run around a lot tomorrow morning :-P #and pray that i havent already broken a machine #unrelated

[kuni-is-daddy]

Fear.

DOM!Shouki no kami x SUB! lessor lord Reader

Trigger warning: non consensual, corruption?

lowkey filth in the smut part. 1.2k words

Scara fic list

PART 2: IN FIC LIST.

MINORS DO. NOT. INTERACT.❌❌❌

You we're no combatant. Fighting to your last breath alone in the joururi workshop. A bitter cold domain underground that made your hairs stand on end. Yet here you we're alone 1000+ feet in the air dangling by the grip of your celestial written weapon against a reformed god.

"Pathetic. now your a waste of space, as useless alive or dead. No wonder your the lessor lord." I can try to help you, even give you a real home. Real love. "I never mistook you as some sort of fool 'God of wisdom' everyone's abandoned me. You think I care or need your sympathy because your scared of your little green house of a nation being destroyed? That itll justify the selfishness of you GODS and those that betrayed me? Your no different then them."

"N-No that's not what I meant. I'm genially trying to help you. Sure i won't give you the revenge you want but-" he cut you off. "Then your useless. I will take revenge upon the Raiden shogun. No.. my creator. And Im starting with you, lessor lord Y/n. My mother always talked about how she admires your humility. I want to see you crumble in the face of a True God. Your era. Is coming to an end.

Fear. In that moment you we're truly scared for your life. You went into this fight hoping you would win, maybe to even convince the New god's mind. But You we're defenseless. Weapon in the hand of the enemy. Kunikuzushi laughed at your fear. "Look at how you tremble y/n. How does that feel? How does it feel to be nothing. To not have control of your own piece of shit life?" You we're brought up to the god within contact. He placed his cold hand around your neck. Rubbing slowly. Then pressing. A cold smirk emerged..along with a visible tent in his pants. Enjoying how your eyes tear and roll back. How your tight grip around his arms slowly lessen

"I..is this..what you wanted..? Your all strapped to-to tubes and electro energy like some sort of....of...puppet..." you choked out as he raised you against the internal walls of the no kami.

"I want you. Y/n. And I will, have you."

SMUTT

"F-fuck yeah.. Thats it y/n. suck my cock. Just like that. embrace it." Your hands we're tied via a electro binding he put on your neck, the trail of his energy flowed through your body. You couldnt do anything but make him feel good. nor save yourself. He gripped tighter on your hair. "Back and forth..backk..and..forthh" He chanted as you sucked the gods cock "ah~ this is how your going to celebrate my rebirth. Suck your gods cock just like that. Make your fucking pathetic self useful just f' me." Continuous tears poured down your eyes at how used your little throat felt. How useless you felt. "Ngh shit.. im gonna cum. F..fuck....FUCKK~" He grabbed your head hard and slammed his cock deep down your throat. You internally screamed and choked on his cum oozing down your throat. He pushed you back and you fell against the wall. tongue gaping out and breathing hard. "K-kuni.." you moaned. he liked that. "Say my name again." This sick fuck was getting off to you being helpless and begging for him to stop. "Say it. Say your gods name y\n"

You kept your mouth shut and looked away from his eyes. He grabbed you by your cape, holding your dendro vision and jerked you towards the floor. "Say. My. Fucking name y/n. Or ill make you say it." he stared at you. "Then make me you bastard." you said coldly and spat at his face. realizing what you did. you tried to make the most of your abused throat "y-you make me feel so f-fucking dirty. why- why would you do this to me. I wanted to help you." He laughed. "Because thats what you are y/n. My slut. your gonna make daddy feel good, thats how you'll make yourself useful to your people" He turned you around and wasted no time putting two of his fingers inside of you "AH~ K-KUNI. IT HURTS-" realizing you said his name you tried to cover your mouth, but got shocked by the electro seal for "Disobeying"

"its only two fingers y/n... if your like this then how are you going to take my load inside of you. how am i going to breed you." he sighed. "N-NO KUNI- I DONT WANT IT.. P-PLEASE AH~" suddenly his fingers pulled away and it was silent. You slowly turned your head to be greeted by his hand pressing you hard face down ass up on the floor of the no kami. His cock pushed deep inside of you making you see stars in an instant. "Im gonna make a pathetic archon like you, Drunk on my cock. Some god of wisdom you are~"

He thrusted inside of you slowly as your tight hole adjusted to his big length. "Kuni~~ P-Please.." Your tongue stuck out again at how his cock stretched you inside. "S-shit you feel so fucking warm y/n..How did you feel when i choked you? Did you get fucking wet for me? Was this your pathetic idea from the start? to fight me knowing you cant win just to get my cock shoved inside of you and make you my cum dumpster?" he slapped your ass. "Y-YES KUNI!!! i- mPh.. I wanna be your cuHm dumpster daddy." You started to loose hope and fall into the lustful feeling he gave you. It was wrong, but it felt so fucking good. The way you'd get shocked when moving too far with your arms. The way his cock filled you perfectly. Just imagine how his warm seed would feel inside of you. filling you up. "Mmm Daddy..K-Kuni.. Please. Please.. give me your cum. Ah~ I want it. I want it~" you moaned pathetically. "Fuck.. Submit to this cock Y/n. Beg for me. Beg for my seed. Like the fucking animal you archons are. Take your god, Your majesty. Your everythings cock. As you should. Beg for me to cum inside you."

#yandere genshin x reader #scaramouche smut #scaramouche headcanons #scaramouche #scaramouche x you #scaramouche x yn #genshin smut #genshin headcanons #genshin x you #genshin x y/n

[kekisu]

a very popular headcanon people have (i Think its popular. at least a lot of my twitter mutuals agreed with me a while back) is that joker comes from inaba, and if youve played p4 you know that theres literally nothing to do there

so a big headcanon that i used to be obsessed with is that he would spend a lot of his days skateboarding or biking around listening to music and exploring old dirt roads.. and he ended up getting a special interest in bugs and reptiles because hed come across so many during his little solo adventures. hes also very well versed in fishing its not a fixation or anything but just something hes pretty good at

this is why i tend to draw joker like some sort of skater boy. i think hes always stood out a lot in this small town even before the false assault charge, like he wasnt disliked or bullied but he just didnt really fit in. and this didnt bother him. i think he only realized how boring his life was when he became a phantom thief and got all these new friends in this new big city that understood him despite the circumstances that led him here. like man i really used to live like that and see nothing wrong with it? i didnt yearn for more?

it makes it even more painful when he has to leave and they naturally drift apart. because they all have dreams and ambitions, and the best years of their lives are waiting for them around the corner. but joker is back in this small town where theres nothing to do but hang out in some food court or poke around in the woods. i imagine this newfound loneliness is really hard on him, not to mention the guilt for feeling like hes somehow to blame for. well, whatever happened with goro

to me personally i think goro lived. i think he mustered up the perseverance to bite and claw his way out of shidos palace after seeing that even someone like him has a chance at being loved, he just didnt really remember this in marukis reality because it was all a blur. so both goro and joker were completely clueless as to what his fate would be if they went back to their true reality, which is what was so scary. the uncertainty. he could very well be dead but how could they know for sure? i just dont like the thought of him dying before he could truly live, even though i understand the tragedy of it can be poetic, i just cant stand for him going out like that because i relate a lot to his struggles. and i think it would go against the overall positive message of p5r. sure not everybody gets to have a second chance or a happy ending, but. man. anyways

joker fully believes goro is dead though. he wouldnt be crazy to assume this considering how they parted ways in shidos palace. but it eats away at him and maybe he really does go crazy. maybe his life feels like its stuck in time and while his old friends are out chasing their dreams, hes stuck. broken and shattered over feeling like he couldve done something to save him, knowing jokers savior/martyr complex

im running out of steam and i didnt mean to ramble on about my post-p5r headcanons but, to wrap it up: goro is in rehab somewhere and has a service dog to help with his dissociation and mood swings. and a couple other stuff. he feels like if he walks back into jokers life itll mess something up like joker will just break down or something. so he keeps his distance until they cross paths again. im just very obsessed with the idea of goro getting his life together vs joker wanting so badly to chase that high of phantom thievery again but failing and being actually so depressed

man morgana must be exhausted

#persona 5 #idk might as well tag it? DFJHNJDMKSNDJ #I WANT PEOPLE TO SEE MY RAMBLE. #pleaseeeee tell me what you think i love to think about post p5r shuake <- literally running a zine about it

[be-good-to-bugs]

i need to go to bed but i dont wannnaaaaa

#the bin #i work at 7am and its 1:23 am i have GOT to go to bad but ugh. if i go to bed then that means ill have to go to work as sokn as im conscious #so the longer i stay up the more time i have. but km gonna be so tired at work. hhhhh. #i dont know why but ive felt so horrible today. super anxious. miserable and really sad #im trying to just deal with it. soon enough things are gonna change. its only 34 days till my planned moving date. i will only bave like 20 #more shifts at this job. maybe less depending on what i get given. including tomorrows shift. and tomorrows shift is only 5 hours long #and the day after its only 4 hours and then i have 2 more days off. itll be ok. but i still feel so anxious and depressed and awful #i just wanna stay home and be high all the time. i feel so lonely always. literally the only thing that helps me not feel completely crushed #and paralyzed by how lonely i am is getting high. i know its not healthy to rely on getting high to feel better about stuff but idk what #else to do so who cares. when i dont do anything about it i i stead end up relapsing or worse so i think its an ok option #i hope i can meet nice people this year. year after year it doesnt happen but so much has changed! #it makes sense i havent met people since i moved out. and everything is so different from wwhen i last lived with them #all my siblings are in school. they have people over at the hair a fair bit afaik. my dad wont be there to me make feel awful. my sister #also wont be there to me me feel awful. i can figure something out. itll be ok. it has to be. #i just want to squeeze someone. i just want like. a hug. a good cuddle. and i need to talk to someone. its been so long since u had an actul #fun time hanging out with another person. i need to watch a movie with someone and joke around and. ugh. #how did my life reach this point? what happened that resulted in me spending ages 10-19 all alone. im not even 19 yet but i will be soon #and theres not a chance ill meet someone before then esp bc im moving. when i was little i didnt have mych friends but i had some #i had such high hopes for the future. i also thought the future would be terrible but i imagined id still have friends and peopwl to talk to #all ive wanted sincei was 10 is just to have people to talk to and hangout with. but i dont have a single friend. i can hardky name anyone #besides my family and coworkers. and like aa couple of my sisters friends. there isnt even like people i know who i dont really consider #friends but we talk sometimes. if i dont go to work. call my mom. or tex a sibling. i dont see or talk to anyone period #i guess unless i go to the store. that doenst really count tho. #i want to have a friends group. i want to have A friends. just like. a person. to interact with. what happened that made mw spend the past #8 years just not interacting with anyone? whats wrong with me. #its fine tho. becausebit will change. i acan heal from this and i can meet people. even if half my conscious life has been spent all alone #it will get better. it has to.