#mazzy makes a giant ramble

[m0tel6mxzzy]

actually that era of mental health recovery where u think of mitski and fiona apple and aren’t like “omg sad girl music” but see mature grown women who’s since reflected on past experiences and have processed them and that trying to make an attempt to feel what you are feeling instead of repressing it and pretending everything is fine is much more beneficial to u. and that such self reflection as they have made is also possible for u and u do not do be deeply suffering to make beautiful art.

#mitski #fiona apple #mental health recovery #mazzy makes a giant ramble

[m0tel6mxzzy]

rue bennett, ginny miller, and lack of nuanced perception in how mental illness in black women works

i think the tragedy of euphoria (if i had to list just one) is partially the fandom’s lack of understanding of rue, leslie, and gia…cultural attitudes in the black community have a lot to do w why leslie acts the way she does. and then race is never mentioned bc sam levinson doesn’t comprehend the nuances of race and mental health in the black community.

he can comprehend addiction, but nothing like the fact rue being a black woman will have her heavily stigmatized by the black community as well as the predominantly white one she lives in as her “proving black stereotypes.”

he can comprehend addiction, but nothing like the fact rue being a black woman will have her heavily stigmatized by the black community as well as the predominantly white one she lives in as her “proving black stereotypes.”

that just hits a lot harder knowing in the beginning of s1, she has zero hope and so it feels very hollow when lexi encourages her sobriety, and again in s2 from jules when she’s going thru withdrawals. she is tired of being the scapegoat by everyone around her, even if they have valid reasons for wanting her to get clean and she is making decisions that harm others. and she feels during the s2 interaction with cassie that she is being pitied, simply cannot take it anymore, and retaliates bc she is just so tired of everyone around her being believed to be innocent and pure when they are not, and her being expected to be even in the throes of addiction and it being perceived as “not her.”

bc in a sense, rue is not her addiction. however, she’s lived with it so long that she is used to it, practically revels in the deviant label her entire schools mocks her with, and thus feels like she cannot leave. jules conflicts with this, because she cares for rue as a friend and romantically but is not going to associate with her if she continues. but even when she is sober, people like nate are shit talking her efforts to stay clean when they simply have no idea what she’s gone through, yet jules is proud of her despite rue finding it hard to stay clean. cassie only does the same as nate because she needs a defense for having gotten with him but not taking accountability for how that hurt maddy, even if she was right rue’s friendship with lexi was incredibly toxic and transactional. the issue here is everyone has valid points abt rue except for nate, but no one is seeing the nuances of her situation. it’s either “she’s good because she’s clean” or “she’s bad because she’s not” and jules seemed to be the only one blurring that line because she’s dealt with addiction in her family before.

leslie kind of reminds me of my mom in that she did help me thru mental issues, but it was a very “deviant” thing to do bc of how in most of black american society, racism is seen as something you need to be “stronger” than and thus stronger than any other obstacle. so realistically, some black ppl in rue’s extended family might actually ridicule her or attribute her addiction to personal flaws or solely her father’s death. rue is an atheist, but also her mother was this religious church girl in her youth and rue is seen in church settings during rehab. there’s a possibility leslie didn’t even tell others abt rue’s hospitalizations or if she did and word got around, she had to fabricate some sort of lie so rue would not be judged for her addiction.

and ppl perceive leslie as “overreacting” as they do gia and that’s very suspicious to me. idk like, as compared to ginny and georgia ginny has severe depression and georgia is like, praised for a lot of the manipulative shit she says to ginny when that’s a huge contribution to her mental issues not being resolved for as long as they were in the first place. i personally think a lot of the g&g fandom missed the point of the show—georgia is not perfect. loving your kids does not mean they don’t get to feel traumatized when you admit to murdering their step father. generational trauma is a thing and you cannot love someone into not acknowledging or feeling their extent of their own.

ginny and georgia somewhat makes that distinction in the therapy sessions by explaining bc georgia is white there is a lot of experiences she cant understand ginny has, so she cant just invalidate them. however the fandom is so corny and anti black that they will compare ginny’s trauma to georgia’s to undermine her. and then praise georgia for doing what she should’ve done as a parent which is support ginny and complain how ginny should be “more grateful to have her.” and say the same abt her father. that truly just paints an insidious lack of compassion for black women dealing w/ mental health issues. bc abby and marcus, dealing with their own, have quite never been given such animosity for having mental issues, they’ve actually been given much more sympathy.

#y’all. this took me 45 minutes to write #euphoria hbo #ginny and georgia #rue bennett #ginny miller #mazzy makes a giant ramble

[m0tel6mxzzy]

i hate “dark psychology” tiktok NO!!! as a psych major, psychology can be such a beautiful resource for basic coping and time management as well as study skills. u don’t need elaborate terms to manipulate people to make it sound cute, you clearly wanna do it anyway so you don’t need to come off smart to justify it. knowing what love bombing is is useless if you understand why it’s bad but continue to do it for your own pleasure at the expense of others.

what’s “fun” for you could scar someone else for life and effectively make them anxious around others over your behavior bc they’re now fearful of the threat of your behavior from other people. if you have to do xyz animal mermaid siren triangle eye trick for someone to “like” you, you probably shouldn’t be in a relationship atm because you don’t yet know tools for open communication which is vital for one to survive. you have to communicate your feelings for one to work, not do whatever you want and expect the person you like to be a mind reader when you put zero work into communication to foster trust and honesty. not everyone is going to see you look at them and do ur makeup a certain way and think “they like me, i should reciprocate.” you have to do the vulnerable thing and accept the possibility of rejection. not avoid it at the expense of yourself and others. that’s human life.

psychology is supposed to be understanding of human thought and behavior so you can help others, not make their lives worse. and if u get off on hurting other ppl enough to brag abt it w/ a guide that’s literally a sign you lack self awareness and could benefit from the coping tools in psychology more than anyone else

#psychology #mazzy makes a giant ramble #mxzzy.txt

[m0tel6mxzzy]

mixed thoughts on black female rage

i understand the want for “feminine rage” to be inclusive to black women and then i remember the only black actresses some ppl know are angela bassett taraj p henson and zendaya, but also a lot of those white “feminine rage” female characters were never meant to be liked or sympathized w in their awful actions. taraj p henson in hidden figures is supposed to be bc she’s dealing w racism in a segregated time.

dre from swarm is the only character i can think of where she’s allowed to be hurt and angry but that doesn’t justify her committing serial murder. she’s the only character to the extent of say (90s film) lisa rowe or whatever where mental illness does not excuse her incredibly harmful behavior and there isn’t some barrier where there is an attempt to excuse her actions to make her “palatable.”

ginny from ginny and georgia expresses her anger and upset at her upbringing stemming from hidden depression, but again this isn’t palatable enough for fans of georgia who thinks she’s a golden egg who can do no wrong, so once again we’re rather limited in what’s considered “female rage.” it has to be palatable and excusable and stemming from trauma—racial or otherwise, and cannot impose on well liked white female main characters who may equally make rash decisions based on emotion that harm others.

ginny can be angry because hell yeah we’re progressive and love female rage, but it can’t be at how georgia refuses to communicate as a parent and keeps secrets that impose on her ability to have a normal school experience. ginny should be also marcus’s therapist for his depression and be able to notice something he has hidden, but ppl have called ginny spoiled for opening up to her father abt her own when she was struggling because she “doesn’t appear grateful enough.”

rue was also not supposed to sympathized w for her abusive behavior toward gia and jules in 2x05, but to justify her anger at feeling betrayed from the intervention, many ppl will minimize gia and jules as characters and act like their concern for her and feeling of hurt and fear is unfounded which goes against their whole idea “women need to be free to feel negative emotions.”

but then that goes down to the idea that for black women to fully express negative emotions, the people hurt in the process of feeling ours fully in a less than docile manner (even if they’re also women in minority groups equally under-represented in “female rage”) don’t matter. that we have zero responsibility for our actions and thus no agency over them when angry.

that rue is not at all responsible for her actions and who it affects if it means she gets to express being upset. which makes zero sense to me. but also, if it’s not for a reason we feel we want to identify w (ex: ginny being depressed from her mother forcing her to constantly move) suddenly they’re ungrateful, being a brat, and spoiled. because ppl can’t identify as closely w/ gia or jules who’ve dealt w/ the fear and betrayal in having a loved ones exposed to addiction, this is the exact terminology used to minimize the emotional and physical harm rue causes them when she’s incredibly violent and/or cruel with them during her withdrawals.

it can be equally true “rue lied to her loved ones because she was sick and that doesn’t excuse insulting and screaming at them to deflect from her actions” and “rue felt isolated bc her entire life she’s been seen as this poster child for sobriety she feels she can’t fulfill and is too much pressure, and not one is listening to her, making her feel all the more forced to hide her issues except from ppl who are familiar w drugs and understand why she’d turn to them” such as fezco or elliot.

which is much more complex of a way to analyze rue as a character than “because rue has mental illness, she suddenly has zero agency over her actions and can harm people however she wants and it’s by no means an active choice she’s choosing to make.” or just saying ginny is ungrateful and georgia is a perfect parent who’s done nothing wrong in raising ginny ever.

#rue bennett #andrea greene #swarm 2023 #black representation #film #tv shows #euphoria hbo #ginny and georgia #female rage #mxzzy.txt #mazzy makes a giant ramble

[m0tel6mxzzy]

random ramble about making friends in my 20s

tldr: if u find urself picking out friends for aesthetic reasons aka just to not be seen alone, don’t do that. not everyone who makes you look less alone makes you feel less lonely

i notice in a lot of “aesthetic” friend groups there can be an issue of egging each other on to become more pessimistic and unhealthy in friendships bc all that matters is how having your friends around you makes you look. to the point where parts of your personality change to fit in with your friend group until it hits extremes and everything falls apart.

i’ve mostly had this happen in friend groups where a lot of time went into crafting a certain persona they to an extent identified with bc they all had insta and snap. laid back and easy going, but pride themselves on being stoic and unemotional, so having healthy communication with them is hell. if you ever try to effortfully communicate, ur seen as overdramatic, as if you’ve lost an argument.

i’ve been in friends groups where i noticed i was changing entire parts of myself to please other people rather than feeling accepted and wondering why i felt so incomplete. usually this manifested in me being made fun of and constantly being the butt of someone’s jokes because i was seen as shy and reserved.

#mazzy makes a giant ramble

[m0tel6mxzzy]

i feel like a lot of ppl think they’re level headed when really at the sign of any sort of boundary being set, they just get dismissive of others and on top of that subconsciously believe reacting with less emotion means they’ve “won” an argument then wonder why any sort of conflict they’re in becomes confrontational. a lot of “emotional” people actually do a lot better with communication because they take time to process what they feel and articulate in a healthy way to set boundaries with others.

there’s nothing wrong w either detaching from a situation until you’re able to calm down and process it, or taking time to think about what you feel and share it. but the idea that ppl’s feelings toward ur actions don’t matter bc it’s an inconv to you then expecting them to appease yours in response is so entitled. that is still cause for confrontation even if you aren’t saying so.

if it’s a common occurrence that whenever someone says “hey what you did kind of hurt me, i know that wasn’t your intention but this makes me feel x y and z could we come to some sort of compromise” and your response is belittling their emotions and saying they should feel more like you, you really need to consider why someone explaining their feelings even in the most basic sense drives you to diminish them and act superior to them.

that’s not healthy behavior and not feeling the same way as another person doesn’t mean their feelings are less important. if ppl are constantly explaining how they feel toward u out of defense, maybe it’s bc u act in a way that accuses them of being over dramatic and defensive and that’s why all your attempts at “avoiding confrontation” don’t work

#no bc it’s so exhausting seeing adults do this u can’t be accusatory then wonder why ppl get defensive #mazzy makes a giant ramble #mxzzy.txt

[m0tel6mxzzy]

🎀: i’ll be leaving my blog for a little bit. i’m not deactivating, just deleting the app for a little while (a few months, likely coming back when my semester ends or the new one starts in december/janunary) bc i’ve been through a lot the past few weeks and i have to prioritize my mental health and all. i don’t think it feels healthy if this is supposed to be a “safe” place for me but rn that doesn’t really translate to real life and i’m kinda tired of feeling positive when i’m not??? in general all this flowery shit on my blog which was initially just creative and fun when i feel anything but that atm. when i feel better ill come back. to all my mutuals and others who interact w me ilysm thank u for a wonderful last 2yrs <3

#also any post after this is queued #mxzzy.txt #mazzy makes a giant ramble

[m0tel6mxzzy]

we need more amazing pg teen shows that occasionally step into pg-13 like degrassi. boy meets world etc. like i don’t think every teen show needs to shoot straight for 16 years old whatever happened to growing up at 13 and having a show follow u all the way to college??? i feel like the age of 16 is heavily dramatized in tv when the teen years before that can be just as vital to show

#mazzy makes a giant ramble #and this is t me bashing euphoria or riverdale euphoria is based on a 2012 teen show and rvd is it’s own thing #but the few teen shows that do exist aren’t doing this grow w the cast thing anymore #tv shows #television

[m0tel6mxzzy]

i think the problem w fashion today is ppl are too afraid of having a plain outfit (which can be timeless) but also too afraid of not fitting exactly into a mimicry of popular trends based on an aesthetic they like (which can be dated.) i get dressing “balletcore” if its fun for you (i do appreciate the acceptance of ppl starting ballet in their adulthood too, i only took contemporary dance in my high school years and the ballet portion was fun) or grunge inspired but not necessarily “ballerina sleaze” bc it just seems,,, idk fake??? like it doesn’t feel natural or authentic it feels like a very hyperspecific costume to fit in to whatever is popular on tiktok and not bc u actually enjoy it. this emphasis on looking like a “cool girl” who doesnt care when in fact u care so much ur molding ur entire wardrobe and online persona based on whatever is trending?? i also think microtrends esp based on already well established online subcultures are preventing ppl from finding their own personal style 

#fashion #mazzy makes a giant ramble #im sorry idk how else to further elaborate on this

[m0tel6mxzzy]

i don’t even want a romantic relationship atm but there’s some sort of status in being w someone else that you don’t get while single. “oh, you’ll find someone.” but it’s never about if the relationship is stable, it’s about having someone just to say you have someone, yk? all i want is a few consistent friends i can always talk to. i feel like it would be easier to date someone than it would to be their friend, because at least they care abt staying in contact with you more than they do anyone else. i just want a strong, active friendship means a lot and not a surface level relationship just to barely accomplish that.

#mazzy makes a giant ramble

[m0tel6mxzzy]

tbh after spending 3 months working at forever 21 there’s nothing brandy melville doesn’t have that f21 also doesn’t. literally all the basic tops/bottoms, pleated skirts, floral dresses, small pendant jewelry, etc. f21’s sale section has all of these things for $3-$12 and i find that it’s even better than the full price collections sometimes. they also have activewear and apparently “lululemon tights” customers keep asking abt but apparently we have dupes of???

#like i’m just saying spend ur money however u want but i personally do not think a plain tank should be $20 #fashion #mazzy makes a giant ramble

[m0tel6mxzzy]

ngl i feel like we gotta stop associating all fandoms and subcultures w the romanticization of eds when it doesn’t inherently have anything to do w it, it’s pro anas interjecting in non ed communities then playing pikachu face when ppl are upset w that. #alanachampion #lilyrosedepp #lanadelrey are not ed tags, but so many pro ed blogs use them for that! bc then we start hurting ppl by assuming their interests = pro ed even if they may be in recovery and their interests have nothing to do w the promotion of ed’s, but rather self expression.

already ppl associate skins uk and girl interrupted as undercover ed tags bc one character who’s not even the center of the plot has an ed. i think bc i have a lana del rey related username, pro ed accounts often flock to my acc bc they assume music taste = pro eating disorder acc bc they only associate lana w that period of her life she expressed being depressed which relates to their ed struggles, and not the periods she healed from her depression despite still struggling w it and hell even a song alluding to the media body shaming her for her weight and her accepting herself as she is.

literally the whole “coquette = pro ana” thing is reminiscent of “all emos romanticize depresssion” when it’s ppl who are sick using their mental illness as an excuse to latch onto creative subcultures having nothing to do w promoting self harm??? if u agree w the phrase “eds aren’t an aesthetic” then u should kinda realize that besides aesthetics discreetly saying they promote eds, no awsthetic subculture is inherently pro ed.

bc i literally had never heard of this community before and then i realized “oh shit, the ppl here having their entire community butchered when it’s actually so diverse and celebrating of all types of beauty is fucked.” bc the black/wlw coquette folks are some of the sweetest ppl i’ve ever met and yet some of the most excluded. there’s also the issue of poc being excluded from every subculture and aesthetic in general but i digress and that’s semi related to this attitude.

like it feels so wrong to me??? esp bc it’s mostly young ppl expressing themselves trying to be creative and happy and then there’s pro-ed ppl telling them “ok u have to look xyz way to be valid in xyz subculture i clearly haven’t read up on considering i’m butchering it like that” and other ppl going “yeah this entire subculture is exactly what the pro anas who are latching onto every and any aesthetic even celebs related to their curated mental illness romanticization aesthetic say it is.” hell even stuff like “luxury fashion aesthetics” and nepo babies are rife w pro ed shit bc ppl associate rich = thin = access to finer access to exclusive items.

like idk u don’t have to personally like certain subcultures/online communities but associating it all w pro ana and white supremacy instead of calling out racists and pro ed folks interjecting into any sort of community known for its diversity and inclusion and inclusivity of poc and fat ppl where often otherwise excluded excludes them from the few places they feel comfortable and welcome ig???? like i feel personally that saying “xyz space is only for xyz exclusive group that hates poc and fat ppl” also excludes them??? that’s all

#mazzy makes a giant ramble

[m0tel6mxzzy]

models in fashion shows don’t do the little stop pose and strut anymore everything is so uniform and robotic now,, and then there’s the ones w really great walks but they still don’t get to do the pose anymore,,, what i love abt fashion brands is the fantasy in their promotion but i feel like they’re all taking themselves too seriously and it’s what kills the imagination???

#fashion #mazzy makes a giant ramble

[m0tel6mxzzy]

i think there’s a difference between “sad girl pop” and being a female artist who sings about a wide range of emotions, including negative feelings. think abt how many e-boy tiktok artists make being a “sad boi” their entire persona and collab w blackbear or mgk who basically pioneered that gimmick, then artists like fiona apple or mitski who never called themselves “sad girl music” but get forced into that label anyway. and then even younger artists like billie eilish and olivia rodrigo writing one or two sad hit songs amidst a bunch of other upbeat or mellow and not entirely sad tracks then also getting that label stuck to them. who also never called themselves that

#like idk i think it’s a little disrespectful to all those talented girls to reduce them to being ‘sad’ just bc a few songs are #mazzy makes a giant ramble #mxzzy.txt

[m0tel6mxzzy]

is anyone else non religious but grew up in a religious household so u literally just keep all the cross necklaces/other religious objects you’ve been given? i think the reason i’m not open abt being a “spiritual” believer is bc ppl have such strict views for how ppl should believe in god they impose onto others so i feel very hesitant to give beliefs that are any more abstract abt an already abstract concept???? it tends to be atheists who are most tolerant of my religious beliefs.

like, idk in my personal opinion u don’t have to have read the bible to be a “better” christian believer it’s just a good guide if you want to teach others. i notice the ppl preaching christianity in a hateful manner to justify their hatred toward minorities tend to be the least “love thy neighbor” and thus the most hypocritical. i met a gay pastor on my campus and really he’s quite literally the only religious authority who made me consider going back to my faith in a religious sense bc for once i was being given a more open and loving view of christianity. didn’t tell me “you need to believe this or you’re going to hell,” but “god loves you whether you believe in him or not and that should be a form of security, not an obligation to conform or a threat to change how you feel.”

but ultimately what matters most is how you treat people, life is too short to close yourself away from others bc they don’t love how you want them to and spread hatred under the guise of claiming what you believe involved love. believe in whatever makes you happy as long as you don’t shame others for not feeling the same or make them feel less than.

#he was a very nice guy i liked him :))) #religion mention #mazzy makes a giant ramble

[m0tel6mxzzy]

i love my friends but i feel like i’m not even worth talking to now that that they’re in relationships….like i try my best to stay in touch but yet they don’t do the same. and the one time i do hear from after months of not responding to a text (the only way i can usually get to them) them it’s abt how much fun they’re having w their partners. i’m just saying i must be an after thought in comparison. i just have to be. i saw a friend of mine w her gf and i felt relieved she was leaving to a different college in another city bc i always had to be the one reaching out and getting flaked on. it felt nice that i don’t even get to see her and go through the disappoint of her being so close that there’s no reason for me to make plans she’ll just cancel anyway. and no me “finding the right person” and doing exactly what my friends did to me and flaking on plans for someone else would not make me feel better. a romantic relationship can’t fix platonic ones that need more effort put into them

#friendship #i swear i don’t mean to sound like a bitch but it’s really hurtful to feel like ur friends don’t prioritize u the same #mazzy makes a giant ramble #i made one new friend and he actually cared abt making plans w me he could follow thru and when he couldn’t he told me asap and didn’t wait #last minute to tell me he could t go and get my hopes up. like all i’m asking is to be the smallest bit of a priority to someone #i shouldn’t have to be in a romantic relationship to be deserving of that your friends should do that at bare minimum