#mostly bc i haven't been in the mood to catch up

[halstaed]

i've seen random bits of cpd spoilers in terms of jay but just know that i'm ignoring everything... mostly bc i never know anything about the show anymore.

#mobile. #mostly bc i haven't been in the mood to catch up #that & i have barely energy to do anything #so either way jay is super divergent #bc west doesn't know anything ever

[lcngliive]

below the cut, you'll find my combination plotting and starter call! i absolutely did steal sunny's lil thing for this, ily sunny xoxo - but here is my call! I will be dropping a good number of the threads that I have in preparation for this bc I am overwhelmed at the sheer number that I have in my threadtracker and haven't been able to fully catch up - so I'll be using this as an excuse to get some fresh threads for my characters!

I'll be capping my starters at four per character and three per mun, please be specific when asking for a starter! ( just a note, any threads for blind dates don't count towards this number! )

so if you'd like to plot, give this a lil like! I will also be sticking it in the plotting channel in discord and will be messaging people about plotting in the morning!

anakin skywalker going with padme amidala

anakin is absolutely not in the mood for a ball or anything of the sort, but he's here to be with padme, despite everything that's going on in his head. he will be avoiding the rest of his family and just sticking with padme and when she's busy he will be standing around awkwardly. he used to be up for things like these, mostly so he could spend time with padme and let loose a little, but now, it just puts him on edge.

drinking || dancing || general chatting || exploring the museum || people watching || snacking in the corner || flirting || looking for an out || chaos

starters: 0 / 4

annie james going with chris hartley ( blind date )

annie loves any excuse to throw together a fancy dress and wear tit just so people will ask her about it. she signed up for the blind date thinking it would be fun and it probs will be - she's never really done anything like this and hasn't actually dated since coming to the city. she will be drinking (even tho she's not technically allowed here ) and dancing the night away. will be just up for a good time tbh.

drinking || dancing || general chatting || exploring the museum || people watching || snacking in the corner || flirting || looking for an out || chaos

starters: 0 / 4

ansel of briarcliff

ansel is admittedly not a party girl, but she's recently aware after being unaware in the city for a few years so - they're looking for anyone they might know. might even be convinced to dance if someone cute comes along, who knows.

drinking || dancing || general chatting || exploring the museum || people watching || snacking in the corner || flirting || looking for an out || chaos

starters: 0 / 4

astraea illen going with sheev palaptine

astraea loves a good party and the excuse to wear a fancy dress even more. they're going with sheev, which imo is a match made in hell lmaoooo - but they're both hot so ? let them have fun. will 100% be being his arm candy for the night and will probs force him to dance with her. they'll also be keeping an eye on any jedi, making sure they stay away from kore and her friends.

drinking || dancing || general chatting || exploring the museum || people watching || snacking in the corner || flirting || looking for an out || chaos

starters: 1 / 4 sheev

ben solo going with ariana dumbledore

parent night out! ben is glad for just something nice and chill for once, he actually wants to spend some uninterrupted time with his fiance without three kids lmao. will probably be forced to dance with ari, not that he's complaining, he actually does kinda enjoy it but will never say that out loud :).

drinking || dancing || general chatting || exploring the museum || people watching || snacking in the corner || flirting || looking for an out || chaos

starters: 0 / 4

bo katan kryze

bo absolutely hates parties like this, always has and they always will. it reminds her too much of the parties her parents would have as a child - but she's still here. will be standing in the corner drinking and may even be convinced to flirt if a pretty girl comes around so who knows, you might get them to dance.

drinking || dancing || general chatting || exploring the museum || people watching || snacking in the corner || flirting || looking for an out || chaos

starters: 2 / 4 hera, ellie

cami o'connell going with alani tiure ( blind date )

cami has been on a few blind dates in her time, but this one seemed interesting - the whole idea of the masked ball. also means that there's some room for chaos when no one can really tell who she is. will be drinking (probs both kinds) and dancing the night away while probs causing trouble with her date.

drinking (maybe both kinds :) ) || dancing || general chatting || exploring the museum || people watching || snacking in the corner || flirting || looking for an out || chaos

starters: 0 / 4

cassian

cass is just praying for one normal night where he and his fam can just have fun and not have to worry about any problems that they might have. will be getting drunk and dancing (sorry to the ic who needs to deal with him) he just wants to spend some time without having to worry about everyone so this is perfect for him.

drinking || dancing || general chatting || exploring the museum || people watching || snacking in the corner || flirting ( with nesta exclusively) || looking for an out || chaos

starters: 1 / 4 aluma

cerridwen going with parvati patil ( blind date )

cerri is def more of a stand to the side and observe kind of person, they aren't really one for dancing - so she will just be standing chatting to people tbh? will also not be drinking to keep an eye on the inner circle just to make sure no one breaks anything (this is absolutely @ cassian and it's hilarious bc i play him and he's an idiot)

drinking || dancing || general chatting || exploring the museum || people watching || snacking in the corner || flirting || looking for an out || chaos

starters: 0 / 4

eros vane

eros has never been one for a party, but he does love any excuse to get drunk so, this is right up his street lmao. he is lowkey still annoyed abt his kid not knowing who anyone is, so will be getting blackout drunk to forget about that for a while - also might flirt a lil, most of it won't end up going anywhere, but he is not against leaving with a handsome person if you know what i mean, wink wink.

drinking || dancing || general chatting || exploring the museum || people watching || snacking in the corner || flirting || looking for an out || chaos

starters: 1 / 4 alastor, kore

ewan mckinnon going with maddie mckinnon

alexa play one normal night from the addams family. all ewan wants is one normal night to not worry about anything but having a good time with his wife and dancing with her. he's trying to forget all of the problems and just going to have a good time. but will that happen? who knows.

drinking || dancing || general chatting || exploring the museum || people watching || snacking in the corner || flirting || looking for an out || chaos

starters: 1 / 4 maddie

feirge going with leslie macher ( blind date )

feirge absolutely has no idea what any of this is? but regardless of it, she's enjoying herself. does she know what drinking and dancing is? absolutely not, but will she be doing it? yep. sorry to anyone who interacts with her, she might get really drunk. she might even be a weepy drunk, so uh sorry to anyone who knows her. signed up for a blind date, has no idea what it is lmaoo.

drinking || dancing || general chatting || exploring the museum || people watching || snacking in the corner || flirting || looking for an out || chaos

starters: 0 / 4

godric gryffindor going with addison montgomery ( blind date )

it's been years since godric has been to a party like this, and also years since he's had any sort of date. but he's interested in everything that's happening. can be persuaded to dance probably and will be exploring the museum to see what's around all while drinking.

drinking || dancing || general chatting || exploring the museum || people watching || snacking in the corner || flirting || looking for an out || chaos

starters: 1 / 4 sylvie, helga

hades

hades is absolutely only here out of formalities because of his position amongst the elite of Washington dc. he's not here for any other reason other than to say hello to the right people he needs to and then he is absolutely leaving early.

drinking || dancing || general chatting || exploring the museum || people watching || snacking in the corner || flirting || looking for an out || chaos

starters: 3 / 4 feng yu, jane, apollo

imogen cardulo going with garrick tavis ( they forced him )

im absolutely dragged garrick here with them and will be forcing him to have a good time, and if that means getting plastered - so be it :). imogen isn't really a party girlie, but they're here to forget about everything that's going on in her life for a night at least and maybe dance around like an idiot for a while with her friends.

drinking || dancing || general chatting || exploring the museum || people watching || snacking in the corner || flirting || looking for an out || chaos

starters: 1 / 4 garrick

jiang cheng going with wen qing

okay this man is absolutely as stiff as a board, def does not mix well with others - so who tf knows why he's at something like this??? but he's trying to be better at interacting with people. will probably be lightly drinking and networking with people. he's going with wen qing, idk why either of them thought it was a good idea, but here they are. also me and kasey did not plan their fits lmaooo.

drinking || dancing || general chatting || exploring the museum || people watching || snacking in the corner || flirting || looking for an out || chaos

starters: 2 / 4 wei wuxian, jiang yanli

jing xi going with cullen rutherford

she's never really had the chance to experience anything like this before, so part of her is excited, but the other part is also nervous. she'll most likely be dancing the night away and just enjoying herself without any cares in the world. will also be exploring the museum.

drinking || dancing || general chatting || exploring the museum || people watching || snacking in the corner || flirting || looking for an out || chaos

starters: 0 / 4

kaltain rompier going enid sinclair ( blind date )

parties and balls are what kaltain was brought up on, but after everything that happened back home, they're always on edge, scared that something will happen - so she will be sticking close to the walls and 100% looking for an out. has a blind date, but doesn't know why she even signed her name for it - so will be possibly sticking closer to those they know before most likely leaving early.

drinking || dancing || general chatting || exploring the museum || people watching || hiding in the corner || flirting || looking for an out || chaos

starters: 0 / 4

kirei monsula going with omega ( just besties )

absolutely just two besties going to the ball, platonic af, no feelings involved. kirei absolutely has feelings for omega but does not know it yet. they're absolutely getting drunk (sorry mom and uncle kasil) and making out with her bestie ( that's what besties do wdym ). will be dancing and exploring around the place and is also up for a lil chaos as well.

drinking || dancing || general chatting || exploring the museum || people watching || snacking in the corner || flirting || looking for an out || chaos

starters: 0 / 4

lan sizhui going with brittnay matthews ( blind date )

sizhui is absolutely not a party person, but this looked like fun, so he's going to at least attempt to enjoy himself and spend the night either exploring or just chatting with different people. he signed up for the blind date thing and isn't 100% sure about it yet lmao.

drinking || dancing || general chatting || exploring the museum || people watching || snacking in the corner || flirting || looking for an out || chaos

starters: 0 / 4

lucien vanserra going with elain archeron

lucien lowkey has mask trauma after having to wear one for a fucking long ass time, but they're here to have a good time with their wife and not to think about all of the shit that's imploding within his life rn so. also @ feyre do not make a fox mask joke, that's supposed to be ur bestie :(((( .

drinking || dancing || general chatting || exploring the museum || people watching || snacking in the corner || flirting || looking for an out || chaos

starters: 0 / 4

marion lochan

marion used to love parties when she was still back home, the idea of putting on a fancy dress and just enjoying herself is something she hasn't had the chance to do in a while, so she's excited. she's probs going to be exploring the museum trying to learn everything she can while she's there also while dancing and drinking a lil.

drinking || dancing || general chatting || exploring the museum || people watching || snacking in the corner || flirting || looking for an out || chaos

starters: 1 / 4 lu junyi

mira sorrengail going with keelan cardulo

mira just wants one normal night to dance with her girlfriend and just have some fun without anything happening. so she'll be getting drunk - might cause some trouble lmaooo. but she's out here just having a good time, so she will be getting drunk for once and just enjoying herself.

drinking || dancing || general chatting || exploring the museum || people watching || snacking in the corner || flirting (just with keelan lmao) || looking for an out || chaos

starters: 0 / 4

na'rena zenn going with cindy moon ( blind date )

rena is still trying to get used to how she looks now, but is absolutely a sucker for a party so - catch her getting drunk af and flirting with pretty people and dancing. she will be exploring the museum and will be up for some chaos so :)))) also rip to her friends, bc ur probs gonna need to find someone to carry her home.

drinking || dancing || general chatting || exploring the museum || people watching || snacking in the corner || flirting || looking for an out || chaos

starters: 0 / 4

parker halliwell going with roxanne weasley

parker is absolutely going to lose her mind if she doesn't get one normal night out with roxy - all she wants is to dance the night away and spend time with them without things going wrong. will be exploring, dancing, drinking and having a great time.

drinking || dancing || general chatting || exploring the museum || people watching || snacking in the corner || flirting || looking for an out || chaos

starters: 0 / 4

penelope garcia

penelope loves parties and she loves getting to wear cute and fancy clothes, so this is right up her street. they'll be networking and speaking to people all while drinking and dancing - will be making friends with everyone and anyone, so good luck to people bc pen will talk ur ear off.

drinking || dancing || general chatting || exploring the museum || people watching || snacking in the corner || flirting || looking for an out || chaos

starters: 1 / 4 alex

ridoc going with alicent hightower ( blind date )

ridoc is here to have a good time, not a long time lmao - will absolutely be getting drunk so sorry to anyone who knows him. you might find him passed out in one of the exhibits lmaooo. but other than that, he'll be dancing, exploring the museum and annoying his friends.

drinking || dancing || general chatting || exploring the museum || people watching || snacking in the corner || flirting || looking for an out || chaos

starters: 0 / 4

sarra palpatine going with with nigel thornberry ( blind date )

sarra is here mostly out of formalities, since she works in the white house, but is actually determined to have somewhat of a good night. considering the last gala had monsters, she's going to be on edge, but will try and have fun. signed up for a blind date, but she's not sure about the idea of it lmao.

drinking || dancing || general chatting || exploring the museum || people watching || snacking in the corner || flirting || looking for an out || chaos

starters: 1 / 4 sabina

shin hati going with needy lesnicki ( blind date )

this is absolutely not shin's scene, they do not like people and don't know why they're here. will probably just be standing in the corner and drinking. will be keeping an eye on people as she goes.

drinking || dancing || general chatting || exploring the museum || people watching || snacking in the corner || flirting || looking for an out || chaos

starters: 1 / 4 zash

sidney prescott going with rosalie hale ( blind date )

sid is absolutely on edge with all of the ghostfaces around, but she'd going to attempt to have a good time - will that happen? who knows. is absolutely packing under her dress so, rip to anyone who tries her. but other than that, she'll be trying to enjoy herself and probably drink a lil and dance.

drinking || dancing || general chatting || exploring the museum || people watching || snacking in the corner || flirting || looking for an out || chaos

starters: 2 / 4 rosalie, monica

silena beauregard going with clarisse la rue

did silena force clarisse to come with her? yes xoxo. silena loves dressing up and wearing pretty clothing, so this is right up her alley - esp with being a daughter of aphordite, the goddess of love, even tho they have no idea that's their mom lmao. but she loves the idea of valentines day and love in general. will desperately be trying to ignore the feelings she has for her best friend, but might blurt them out after a drink or two who knows.

drinking || dancing || general chatting || exploring the museum || people watching || snacking in the corner || flirting || looking for an out || chaos

starters: 2 / 4 clarisse, jester

sirius black

sirius is absolutely not having a good time, but they'll be getting drunk as a skunk and will probs end up passed out somewhere, but what's new for him lmao? might even be convinced to dance or they'll just be standing in the corner moping mostly bc marlene is unaware as has no idea who he is lmao.

drinking || dancing || general chatting || exploring the museum || people watching || snacking in the corner || flirting || looking for an out || chaos

starters: 1 / 4 ramona

varian going with amren

varian is just excited for a normal evening with amren, no chaos happening and he's hoping that nothing does happen, bc they deserve a normal date night pls nd thanks. will be drinking and probs exploring the museum, seeing what this world is really like.

drinking || dancing || general chatting || exploring the museum || people watching || snacking in the corner || flirting || looking for an out || chaos

starters: 0 / 4

vesta blackbeak going with anastasia tremaine ( blind date )

vesta loves chaos, they are a lil demon and will cause as much trouble as she can. will be drinking and probably dancing. is going to be ignoring that some of the thirteen don't know who they are and will probs be dragging the ones that do remember her to dance, so soz to them. is def up for a lil chaos, so if ur up for that, vesta is the witch to see.

drinking || dancing || general chatting || exploring the museum || people watching || snacking in the corner || flirting || looking for an out || chaos

starters: 0 / 4

winter celchu going with paige swanson ( blind date )

winter absolutely put her name down for a blind date as a formality with the white house. she will also be spending time with her sister and helping her get to the #presidentflorgana state again, she will absolutely be no better - will be dancing and drinking just to forget all of the stuff that's happened in the last year, will also be steering clear of people she doesn't like. will need to be carried home, sorry ahsoka xoxo.

drinking || dancing || general chatting || exploring the museum || people watching || snacking in the corner || flirting || looking for an out || chaos

starters: 0 / 4

zoe nightshade

zoe is absolutely not a party person, but they will be there just to keep an eye on the demigods in the city - despite the fact that they're not a hunter anymore. she still feels obligated to protect demigods, even the men, but they will probs be sticking close to thalia, the only person that they know very well, despite them having no memories.

drinking || dancing || general chatting || exploring the museum || people watching || snacking in the corner || flirting || looking for an out || chaos

starters: 0 / 4

#hw: starter call #hw: plot call #finally after 500 years #i'm done lmao #will be messaging people in the morning bc i need to be up early

[zeeckz]

Pls give us ur thoughts on kazquiet!

See, I don't know much about Quiet (...nor most of gz/mgsv lore anyway) just yet, so it's mostly me guessing and pretending

So, to begin with, I think if not for the context, Kaz would've been more than open about her joining them; she already checks all the boxes by being good-looking, but it just so happens that she's also a remarkable soldier

I find her features really adorable, meaning I choose to believe he would too

My guess would be their favorite feature is each other's lips. They're really soft.

I haven't seen a proper comparative, but it seems she's a bit taller than him given that she's almost as tall as Venom? I think Kaz would be the type to be more into women shorter than him (doesn't even need to be a big difference, just that they're shorter), so it'd catch him a bit off-guard to feel interested in her despite that

Afaik she communicates solely on hand gestures, so if they had modern day phones, she'd only use emojis. Which ones, you ask? These: 😺😼😽😾💯💢💥💬👁️‍🗨️🗨️🗯️💭💤🫥+all the hand/s emojis. Furthermore, Kaz has to hear that awful robotic voice describe them to him (the text-to-speech thing).

She'd share all of her music discoveries with him, the two of them sitting next to each other in a somewhat secluded place, leaning their heads on each other... Nobody bothers them during this time because everyone already fears Kaz's average angry mood and they are Not risking their lives to interrupt him nor his Absolutely Lethal & Avid Music Enjoyer Girlfriend

Kaz is a noise/industrial/ambient type of music enjoyer to me; since I know absolutely nothing about Quiet's music taste, I'm assuming it's similar to Venom's. I don't know much about his either LOL but based on the few songs I remember hearing on videos, I'd guess it's kind of soft rock. Thus, Kaz would try to reciprocate her wish to share music but would 100% fail at it because his tastes are just too niche. Some ambient song perhaps, the rest is pure uncomprehensible noise to her

Quiet loves chocolate, the milk chocolate type with nuts or similar. He'll sometimes bring her a bar to cheer her up. He'll also get some Pocky box/es to play with when he's in a particularly good mood

She's just so silly to me, she'll do so many adorable things unawaredly; Kaz is mad because he knows she's not doing it on purpose and he keeps finding himself entranced by her

She does purposely steal his beret though, she likes to annoy him a little bit and also likes to wear it herself

I find her to be like a (cropped) Doberman, as in - misunderstood, has intimidating look, actually very loving and goofy. This being said, i just imagined her going on a mission and coming back with a rabbit or some other animal she specifically hunt for him to eat. She's very happy about it. She looks scary to the rest (except Venom bc he likes her and Ocelot bc he's deranged).

Kazquiet is pretty much non-sexual to me, but I'm under the impression that Kaz would still manage to do things in a way that appears suggestive to others (like licking ice-cream and showing off his "hidden" abilities) (I guess it's just the way he is) (she's looking away)

Quiet definitely teases him though, to a certain extent (like breaking the pocky stick right before they are about to kiss)

Kaz braids her hair, she holds her strands of hair for him

They both use DD to bring stuff to each other if they're busy on base (dw he gets lots of treats and pets for it)

Quiet will sometimes invisibilize, sneak into his room and (lovingly) look at him sleep for a bit, maybe tuck him and give him a little kiss on the forehead or the tip of his nose or on the lips, depends on her mood

They're slow kissers. They're kissing slowly, gently, and caressing each other.

#having ppl ask about my hcs was unexpected.. #was i not annoying enough. really. was i not. #i think i was (am) #anyway hope this is enough #kazuhira miller #quiet #kazquiet #ask #txt

[sweettsubaki]

A few days ago I finally took the step to catch up on Natsume Yuujinchou which I haven't read in over ten years.

I watched the first ep when it came out and when I looked it up I realized the 2nd volume was just gonna be released a few days afterwards (don't ask me more, that was almost 15 years ago). Which I bought (well my mom bought me, I was barely 16 and had no money), then procedeed to catch up on the translated chapters (I don't know if it's still the case but back then I think there was something like a 6 chapters/6 months up to 10 chap/months difference between the chapter release in Japan and the fantrad).

I stopped reading around the time my mom died at the end of 2012 bc it was monthly and I already have a hard time keeping up with monthly releases and back then I wasn't in the mood for this kind of waiting.

I also never went past season 2 bc keeping Sasada around wasn't a change I cared for. I didn't really mind but it didn't make things more interesting so it was meh and I didn't care for the OP/ED of s3 (look after s2's opening, s3's OP was disappointing and since I didn't have the curiosity of what will happen next? For the main arcs and I was mostly indifferent to the characters added/reused for fillers ('xcept fox kid) so there wasn't enough to keep me around).

So I thought: why not go back through watching the anime since there are lots of seasons now and a few filler characters won't be too bad. Which I did, and it was...good at first, then nice...

And the more I watched, the weirder some things seemed to be (like Natori, Taki and Tanuma's personalities, or Natsume being weirdly open when I remembered how closed off he was and how opening himself up was harder than that or the weird shippy vibe between Taki and Natsume (or even Taki and Tanuma) which was even weirder because I remembered shipping TanuNatsu because of Tanuma's role as an anchor and the developing trust between them and his role in helping Natsume opening up).

But I thought that maybe I just didn't remember it that well as it has been 10 years since I last read it, but while I started the manga, I also browsed tumblr and I stumbled upon metas explaining how the anime to... Basically stereotypicalize the characters so they'd fit in the cases these characters would normally fit (heroic MC who saves his friends, soft and empathetic girl(friend of the MC), wise big brother who is touched by the younger, more naive MC, and the protective and assertive best friend of the MC who's useless and gets in the way but is still loved).

So 1. I was glad I actually remembered it fairly well, especially since I remembered liking it because of the fact it went about it differently. And especially because human (and yokai) connections were pretty much at the center of the story.

2. I was sad that they basically no homo-ed a story that was so queer I read big metas on how queer-themed it was on several websites both in English AND French back in 2009 (it was a lot harder to find these kinds of métas in french if you weren't already part of queer communities back then). And I'm not talking about TanuNatsu but of everything else. One of the métas I read yesterday showed how heteronormativity literally twisted the themes of the story, the characters, and their development.

3. They tried to have some characters make nice so that they wouldn't be as wary and aggressive towards other characters yet the fact that the author allowed her characters to feel like that toward people who felt hurt by the other's actions and/or beliefs was something that was important to me so I'm glad it wasn't just in my mind

#Natsume's Book of Friends #Natsume Yuujinchou #Natsume Takashi #Tanuma Kaname #Natori Shuuichi #Taki Tooru

[txxfiles]

youtube!

why is she going on about youtube i hear u cry? well it’s on my mind and idk what else to talk about so here i am to tell you all about how i’ve recently rediscovered my love for the fucking eboys and ponder upon why i am here once again. but anyway what does it mean? who am i? what is going on? if i knew we wouldn't be here so let's take a trip, shall we? 

for anyone who doesn't know the eboys are 4 youtubers who made a short live youtube channel and podcast back during lockdown. it was a culmination of 4 guys i really loved so obviously, i was in. i loved their content separately so having them all together was a dream. their content was the sort of dumb shit i always enjoy so what a fucking win. and then, like all good things, it died within just over a year and i was obviously heartbroken but understood why they decided to call it quits. i don't think i realised how much i missed it until i started watching it again so now there's a small hole in my chest wondering what could have been. i know they won't come back together again like they haven't even made a video all together since so that dream is dead which is sad but whatever. 

i’ve come to realise i have very ‘immature’ taste when it comes to youtube, i don’t watch cool video essays very often or like educational or life vlogs or anythng like that, i like commentary videos and ‘i ran a marathon in heelys’ videos (love u will if ur reading this i’m free literally all the time) and i’m not saying this is a bad thing before anyone starts, it brings me joy so it’s fine but having fallen off youtube and come back to it, it’s really made me think. 

i was out ALL DAY in central london by myself the other day and had been catching up on george’s (memeulous) videos bc there was nothing else in my sub feed that morning and to be honest, i had missed him. call me lame all u want but that lil man has charmed me for several years at this point and he is exactly my type in terms of personality. he even reminds me of that last person i had a crush on which is hilarious, both in terms of personality and stature (HA.) but anyway, i was out alone and the music wasn’t hitting so i turned to podcasts. the sunny podcast has been on hiatus forever and i’ve listened to that enough and the majority of the other podcasts i listen to are fiction ones which i wasn’t in the mood for. so, i went back to the boys and just had so much fun. they’re so silly but i love it, it’s like sitting in a room with your mates and listening to them chat shit. so now i’m sat here writing this with them on in the background slightly upset the channel died (looking at u will) but i digress. 

i was in a major youtube slump last year, apart from my bestie tomska who i have religiously watched for over 10 years now (yikes) i really haven’t kept up with anyone. and then dan and phil games came back and i had a bit more reasons to keep up with it. but I’d fallen out with the eboys for reasons beyond my comprehension. i think something in me was like ‘you’re too old for this’ or something but that’s just so not true. i think part of it was trying to move on from a certain part of my life. i found george and alex specifically through the literal worst person ever so i wonder if leaving them behind was a subconscious effort on my part to put the whole thing behind me which is a lot of what i focused on in therapy. but why let someone else ruin something you love? if i wanna be a teenage boy watching commentary youtubers whilst i play fortnite i will, fuck you. 

i never understand why my hyperfixations die, like i can’t put my finger on it but I’ve had several youtube ones. way way back i was a big dan, phil, chris, and pj girlie but also a big fan of tomska and his crowd at the time. never really been into any of the american youtubers tbh but i was SO into all of that specific british crowd for the majority of my time in high school/college. mostly because i was incredibly lonely and watching their videos made me feel like i had friends. but as with everything i fell off it and into k-pop and kinda moved on from keeping up with any of them religiously. and then i got back into it with george and alex and then kinda went out from there and really reconnected with youtube. especially during lockdown when the eboys and their podcast were big, i loved it. i used to watch them when i had to go to work by myself and be socially distanced from everyone for like 8 hours so again, it was like having my friends there. maybe that’s it, maybe its loneliness. maybe i’m lonely at the moment. idk. but anyway, when the channel died, they all drifted and i drifted too. other than keeping up with last month (tomska) i didn’t rlly pay attention to anything unless i wanted to watch a game play through (big up jacksepticeye.) and then we come to now and it’s like going back in time. dan and phil are back and i’m rewatching 4 20 something men talking about butts. it is like a time capsule actually because i’d forgotten about half the stuff they bring up in the podcast episodes so it’s kinda nice being reminded of all the shit that went down. 

i think i owe a lot of my want to go into like media to people like tomska, because seeing them make videos and stuff with so little that do so well is so inspiring. and he’s genuinely the longest standing youtuber i’ve kept up with, i’ve never dipped off him. i might now tho bc elliot left and i miss him. idk. it’s weird growing up with people you don’t know but feel like you do. like tom got engaged at christmas and that’s just mental to me. 

these people are my friends at this point in my life and yeah i know, parasocial relationships are bad i get it, but i’m not delusional. i’m not stalker level obsessed with any of them and i never have been but i feel a connection to them because i found every single youtuber i love when i was at a horrible awful lonely point in my life so of course it makes sense for me to be connected to them on a slightly deeper level than maybe your average bitch is. but thats not a bad thing i don’t think, like these people arent giving you their ACTUAL lives or personalities, it’s just a small part of them like george doesn't even show his face for fucks sake but that mans my buddy. he doesn't even know me but he’s been there for me when no one else was so of course we’re connected on some level, even if it’s one sided. 

i don’t really know if this has a point, i just wanted to talk about it i guess? i think there’s a part of me that’s ashamed of going back to something like this? like it’s not exactly high media is it. how can i at my ripe old age look someone in the eye and say ‘yeah i’ve been watching a man who wears a bandana chat shit about peoples tattoos for the last 18 minutes, how’re you?’ who in my real life is interested in that? lmao. i said at new years i was going to have less shame about the things i enjoy but this feels like step toooooo far. i guess it is loneliness in a sense, everyone feels like they’re moving on and i’m stuck in a rut of trying desperately to move on too or wondering if i should just die instead. returning to something like this brings me comfort. makes me feel safe. life is so weird man. i’m nearly 27 surely things should be getting better? 

god help whatever i end up writing when it’s my fucking birthday. 

i realise this isn't the most comprehensive thing i’ve ever written but that's not the point so hope u enjoyed the inner workings of my mind! 

peace out homies

eucalyptus xoxo

[redjennies]

by popular demand (two people who challenged me), the official Nott the Brave/Veth Brenatto (alt) country playlist:

Hard Out Here by Hayes Carll: starting off with the song that directly inspired this nonsense. the unofficial Nott the Brave theme song. mvp lines: "nobody's listening so we might as well scream it / OH GOD WE'RE ALL OUT OF BEER / it gets hard out here."

Fuck Up by Sarah Shook and the Disarmers: admittedly I see this one as mostly a Beau song but the lyrics "I'm lousy in a fist fight even if I have a knife" is a little anti-Beau. this song could be one they bond over relating to. mvp lines: "there ain't a thing I can change to get my luck up / god never makes mistakes he just makes fuck ups."

Copper Canteen by James McMurtry: absolutely heartbreaking song with strong Veth/Yeza vibes. mvp lines (bc I can't pick just one): "honey, don't be yelling at me while I'm cleaning my gun." OR "we grew up hard / and our children don't know what that means / we turned into our parents / before we were out of our teens." OR "hang on to your rosary beads / and leave me to my mischievous deeds / like we always do." OR honestly the whole goddamn song, I love it.

I Swear (To God) by Tyler Childers: I'm going to be honest a lot of these are taken directly from my personal hangover playlist and that's a Nott mood. mvp lines: "pay no mind to the words I say / cause they ain't no count anyway / I been ramblin' around and led astray / by the paths that I been choosin' / cuttin' paths like a forest fire / pupils wider than backhoe tires / throwin' my money on a funeral pyre / but it sure feels good abusin'."

Ain't Living Long Like This by Waylon: another off the hangover playlist. also this is where we get into the been to prison themes. mvp lines: "i live with Angel, she's a roadhouse queen / makes Texas Ruby look like Sandra Dee / i want to love her but i don't know how / i'm at the bottom in the jailhouse now"

"Bus Station" by Dave Alvin: yeah so this is a little widobrave, but it's also just kinda a good representation of Nott and Caleb in the early episodes in general. mvp lines: "bus station, at sun-up / she reads the ticket in her hand / it's a different name for the same old town / and this ain't the life that they had planned / and so he tries to tell her / it won't be like the times before / it's a different town and a brand new start / and he's gonna work a whole lot more."

In Spite of Ourselves by John Prine and Iris DeMent (rip, johnny): okay so I had to put a cute Yeza/Veth to counteract that sad one. plus this song has the exact energy as Nott saying "he's not a looker, but he is to me." mvp lines: "she thinks all my jokes are corny / convict movies make her horny / she likes ketchup on her scrambled eggs / swears like a sailor when she shaves her legs / she takes a lickin' and keeps on tickin' / i'm never gonna let her go."

False Eyelashes by Dolly: i couldn't leave my mom out. wanted to get a little of the "i'm off doing other things and can't go back to Felderwin" in here. mvp lines: "mom wonders why i don't drive back in that big fine car i own / the truth is i don't have a car and i'm ashamed to go back home."

the next four songs are just classic country "mommas, drinking, and jailhouses" vibin because i'm about it. if you haven't heard that version of Redneck Mother you should listen to it because it's hilarious. it's just Ray roasting his own song.

Mississippi Nuthin' by Shovels and Ropes: this is me being entirely self-indulgent. who knows why I put this one on? is this Veth and Yeza? is this Caleb and Nott? i don't know. i just like the "country kid that gets famous and also missing someone close to them" feel. mvp lines: "you always think i'm bluffing / like i'm some kind of Mississippi nuthin [...] and you tried to drive and wrecked your car / and i had to help you wash the blood out of your hair / cause i've always been that kind of 'go to' friend / or maybe it's true / maybe i'm just the blue collar version of you."

Sunday Morning Coming Down by Kristopherson: yeah, yeah, a lot of these are alcohol/hangover songs but what else did you expect from a country playlist for a character who's canonically an alcoholic? also consider the mvp lines: "in the park i saw a daddy with a laughin' little girl who he was swinging / and i stopped beside a Sunday school and listened to the song that they were singing / then i headed back for home and somewhere far away a lonely bell was ringing / and it echoed through the canyons like the disappearing dreams of yesterday."

Sleeping on the Blacktop by Colter Wall: I just liked the chaotic "on the run" vibe. mvp lines: "hey darlin'! / leavin' for the next town / less'n my sense catches up with me."

I Was Drunk by Alejandro Escovedo: closing song for my tiny sad cursed goblin girl. mvp lines: "i was summoned / by the angels / to be hung beside your picture / not allowed to feel / to touch / to hold / forever imprisoned at long / i called out your name."

#nott the brave #i spent entirely too much time on this #critical role #cr2 #veth brenatto #joke tag #redneck bullshit #music tag

[luvdsc]

hi miss cat, i've been well !! kinda stressed bc of school :(( but i've been worse & it's been okay recently :)) wbu ??

my parents are SCARY strict and all of my friends are scared of them :(( i think i have a good amt of trauma & trust issues bc of that, n that's probably why i also haven't really told him anything personal :/ is that a good or bad thing? when we talked, it was mostly like joking around about shit or roasting our school HAHAHA

he's never really been dry, unless he's not in the mood i guess? but he ends convos every time. the convo length usually depends on him. i'm not sure tho, i don't want to get hurt, esp since i take a long time to open up to others. (i want to have more fun in hs, since i've already spent 1.5 years online 😔😔)

i would ask him to prom,,, i wouldn't be scared to ask if we were friends, but we aren't friends so idk if i should :/ ALSO i was thinking about confessing on april fools 😳😳 i truly believe that is the ultimate power move LMAO. (& the problem is that he never initiates the first text, so we could go months w/o talking if i don't text, which is why we haven't in a while)

so far, he's been giving me pretty mixed signs, like besides all the iffy stuff up there, he kinda stares at me in class & passing periods, like sometimes i'll catch him looking at me (i sit in the back + he sits in the front), but maybe he's looking at the clock 💀💀. he also parks his bike next to mine now?? and mentioned before that he has a good memory (?? am confused) it was after i texted him this semester and he just mentioned that i'm in his class (i'm probably overanalyzing this), etc. his vibe is confusing :(

also i think my crush gives off mixed vibes of jisung and haechan 😌😌 like in the way he's kinda quiet most of the time but has a p deep voice HNSJDA ,,, but he's really funny and definitely a vibe, disregarding all the weird signals he gives me

another long ask ... i apologize

- 🦊 anon (miss cat i love you sm you're so helpful 💚)

(p.s. i have a name for you, miss cat !! queen bee, bc you're the queen of us honey bees ✨ but if you don't like it i won't say it hehe)

hello, m’love !!!!! 💞💞 I know this is long overdue and I’m so sorry, but I’ve been reading all your crush updates and it makes me so happy ashsidksldkdkd so I will be addressing the other parts of your ask since you’ve been making new progress with your crush :’)

I hope school isn’t stressing you out still ): I hope it’s gotten better for you !! mental health is so important, and I hope you’re able to take some breaks and dedicate some time to yourself 🤍 I know it may seem like the end of the world if you don’t get the grade you’re hoping for, but trust me, sweetpea, you will get past it and it won’t even matter years later. I got a 28% on a midterm my junior year of college, and the class average was like 26%. My grade took a plunge, but guess what? I still have got a good job and life is going pretty well still. please don’t stress too much about school, honey bee, you’re doing amazing and I’m so proud of you for working so hard and doing your best 💜💜

I feel you about the parents ): I have a tiger mom and it was really scary growing up tbh and I know what you mean about the trauma and trust issues… I’m so sorry to hear that you’re going through all of that, lovebug ): I don’t think it’s a good or bad thing necessarily, I think you’re growing at your own pace and figuring out how comfortable you are with this boy, and when the time comes when you feel ready to talk to him about other things, then that’s that. People are all different, there’s no definite good or bad with this!

I hope that since you’re talking to him more often now though, that you’re having fun !!! And living out your high school life to the fullest especially after the 1.5 years of online school !!!! 💛💛

and omg I would say you two are friends :o you have one on one convos with each other and talk a lot, so I would think you’re at least friends already 💘 also YES LOL omg confess on april fool’s !!!! That would be so fun aaaa :’) And I hope he’s been initiating more text convos between the two of you 💝

aaaa I feel like he’s also trying to gauge how you feel about him ??? like maybe he’s also scared to find out how you actually feel about him, but it’s also so nerve wracking to just ask him point blank 😖 based on your updates though, everything seems to be going well and I’m so so soo happy for you, honey bee 🥳

ALSO THAT’S SO CUTE !!!! 💕💕 jisung and haechan vibes :’) that’s such a nice combo, and the way you describe him sounds very 🥰🥰🥰

and no need to apologize, lovebug, thank you for always sending me updates and taking the time to write to me !!! 🥺🥺💛💛 I’m always so happy to see your asks in my inbox, and I’m trying to answer faster from now on since I have a break before busy season starts back up at work now 🤧

ANS PLSS IM BLUSHING you want to give me a nickname, honey bee ?? uno reverse card 😳 that’s the cutest nickname ever, and I’m so touched and honored that you want to call me that, lovebug, thank you so so much🧎🏻‍♀️💕

#asks #anonymous #🦊 anon