#my landlord's coming for a visit at 11 tomorrow and i have nothing to offer him | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

sigritandtheelves · 5 years

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I know you just poste but... PLEASE MORE!!! (whenever you can, this not ment for pressuring you, this is to let you know i love simple and can't stop reading it)

💗

Simple

Chapter 8

Other Chapters: One, Two, Three, Four, Five, Six, Seven

M | 3.3k wds | pre-XF AU | MSR, Melissa/Samantha

A/N: There’s some uncustomary angst here, but nothing too heavy. The good news is, it feels like the story has an actual emotional arc now. 😂

_+_

Wednesday - Stanford

He didn’t call her on Monday, after her terrible day, or on Tuesday, when she really hoped he would. On Wednesday morning before her flight, she tried his apartment, but got only his machine. She left him a message.

“Hi, it’s me. I guess you’re not back yet from your case. My flight gets in in at 7:30 tonight, and they’re putting me up in a hotel downtown, the, um… Hotel Harrington. I guess it’s just around the corner from the Hoover building. Anyway, I hope the case is going well, and, ah… I’ll talk to you soon.”

She hung up and tried not to be disappointed. She reminded herself that he was busy, that he was saving people’s lives, that he could even be in a dangerous situation for all she knew. Dana would not be the jealous type: not of his job and not of his partner. She would do some reading on the plane and she would wear her good suit tomorrow, and she would make a strong impression at the FBI, even if Fox couldn’t be there. So she ignored the mild ache in her heart, the sense that everything was somehow turning sour. She wasn’t even sure why she worried. Because she couldn’t reach him? Because recruitment by the FBI seemed too good to be true? She didn’t believe in signs and omens. She wasn’t Melissa.

Dana double checked her light switches and plugs and gave her single, sickly plant a final splash of water. Suitcase in hand, Dana locked up and went down to meet her cab.

—

Friday - Baltimore

Melissa Scully returned home later than she’d wanted. There had been a difficult case involving a drug-addicted mother and disputed custody: a grandmother trying to keep two sweet-faced children fed and looked-after. As she hung her coat and scarf, pushing down the static of her hair and stepping out of her shoes, she noticed something different in the feel of the house. Its air seemed thicker, and not just with the warm smell of dinner. Then, voices from the kitchen: a visitor.

“Sam?”

The voices quieted and Sam called out, “I’m here.”

There were two familiar bags beside the stairs, but she was still surprised to see Dana perched on a stool, slump-shouldered and tired-eyed. “Hi Missy,” she said.

Melissa felt her mouth drop open. “Dana? Oh my god, are you okay? What are you doing here?”

Dana tried to smile, but her lips trembled, and Missy quickly enveloped her sister in a hug. Dana melted bonelessly into the embrace and breathed in deep. So much fear, she sensed. And an angry wad of shame, balling itself up inside of her. Something must have happened.

Over Dana’s head, Melissa looked to Samantha. What is it? she mouthed, but Sam just made a face that said, I don’t know.

“Day,” she said again. “What’s up?”

Dana shook her head, red hair turning to fuzz against Melissa’s shoulder, words muffled into her sweater. “I took the train from DC. It was stupid. I shouldn’t have changed the ticket, but I thought he’d be there.”

“Who, Fox?”

A nod.

Missy looked again to Samantha, who shrugged and then waved her hands at the sisters, shooing them out of the kitchen to talk in private. Melissa tugged on her sister’s arm. “Come on,” she said. “Couch.”

Dana refused to cry while the whole story came out: Daniel (a name she hadn’t known before this) first spying on them during Fox’s surprise visit, and then confronting her with threats and accusations; her recruitment by the FBI; her fear about their father’s reaction; and finally Fox, promising to be here, or at least to call, but then leaving on a case and not returning her messages for days.

“I know it’s not his fault,” she said. “I shouldn’t have changed the ticket without talking to him, but I would have hated to not change it and have wasted the opportunity for time together.”

“You mean your plane ticket?”

“Yeah,” Dana said. “I’m flying back Sunday.” She looked up at Melissa, eyes wide and blue and sorry. “Can I stay here until then? I don’t want to have to explain to mom and dad.”

Melissa sighed and drooped an arm around her little sister. “Of course,” she said. “But you know you’ll have to tell them soon, right? I mean, did the recruitment go well?”

Dana nodded. “It did. It’s actually really exciting. Scary, but in a good way.”

A little squeeze around the shoulders. “Then let’s be excited. Let’s have a beer and some dinner and I’ll read your cards and then we can watch sad movies, hmm? A cry always helps. You can sleep ’til noon tomorrow.”

Dana laughed and nodded and they went back to the kitchen where Sam was hanging up the phone, a little too quickly.

“Who was that?” Melissa asked, eyes narrowed with a skepticism all the Scullys could do.

“No one,” she said, again too quickly, and began handing them plates piled with vegetables and rice and tofu.

—

Saturday - Alexandria

It was a short flight, but it had been a long week, when Fox Mulder finally unlocked the door to his apartment and dropped his bags on the floor at just after nine in the morning. He’d returned with more questions than answers, and a dead suspect, but the case was by all outward appearances (and filed paperwork), closed. Most of the answers he wanted would require military information, but all inquiries in that direction had been shut down right quick. Fox wiped a hand over his face and went to start a pot of coffee: the dinky cup on the plane had done little to relieve his week-long headache. Good work it may have been, but the non-answers at the end of walking in circles didn’t leave him with much sense of closure. The worst was that Diana had set up long hours of stake-outs throughout the first half of the week, and by the time he’d gotten to a phone with his calling card, he got no answer at Dana’s apartment. He’d missed her before she left, and he didn’t know where she was staying to call her once she got here.

While the coffee pot dripped, he went to his answering machine where the number 6 was flashing at him in anxiety-inducing red. First was a call from his landlord, reminding him about some work on the smoke detectors. Then one from Dana, letting him know about her flight and her hotel—he grabbed a pen and paper to take down the name, but then realized it was Saturday and that he’d probably already missed her. “Shit,” he said. Then her voice came back in a second message from early yesterday morning:

“Hi again. I’m sorry to bug you. Just an update: I’m touring Quantico and the labs this morning and then I was supposed to have an afternoon flight home, but…” There was a brief pause, and her voice was a bit cooler when it returned. “I’ll be checked out of the hotel in a few minutes. I’m sorry I missed you.” And then a quick click and the message was over. But what? He thought. “Goddamnit,” he murmured. He had fucked this one up good. She’d been here, just minutes away from where he now stood, and then at the same airport he’d flown into less than an hour ago. But they’d missed each other like ships in the night.

Two more messages played, first a hang-up, and then an automated call offering new long-distance pricing. He took a deep breath and started to do the math on when he could reasonably make a call to California, when his sister’s voice emerged from the machine in its final message:

“Fox, you dope. Your girl is here and she looks pretty fucking sad. What did you do? She flies home late Sunday morning. Don’t be an idiot,” and then the click of the receiver as Sam hung up in a hurry.

A smile spread out over his face as his heartbeat caught up to his mind’s realization. He hadn’t missed her. She’d just gone to Baltimore (and not told him). He could be there before noon. Fox barely waited for the machine to stop dripping before he sloshed some coffee into a travel mug, grabbed his keys, and ignored his still-packed bags on his way out the door. He thought maybe he could still salvage this mess of a week.

—

Saturday traffic in February wasn’t bad, but he may have committed a few minor misdemeanors on his way. He pulled up in front of his sister’s house at 11:48, swallowing the last of his now-lukewarm coffee. He thought for a moment, popped a mint into his mouth, then hurried for the front door. He was going to scoop Dana up, take her back to his place (six hours of travel today be damned) and make love to her until they both fell asleep from exhaustion. When they woke, he would feed her (preferably by hand, preferably naked) and listen to every single minute of her life over the past week.

“Oh hey,” Samantha said as she opened the door, looking smug. “Got my message?”

“I did,” he said. “Is she here?”

Sam stepped back to let him enter. “Mmhmm. Couch.” He was already walking toward the living room, but Samantha caught his arm before he could plow past her. Her eyes were brown and serious. “She’s had a week, Fox. Be gentle, okay?”

He frowned at that, a little confused. “Okay,” he said, wondering if the recruitment hadn’t gone well, if some jackass had said something to her. God knew there were enough sexist pricks at the FBI.

In the living room, Dana was curled around a throw pillow on the couch, eyes glued to the TV, freckled and beautiful and still in pajamas. Fox stood awkwardly a moment in the doorway before she caught sight of him and her eyes went wide.

“Oh my gosh,” she said, pushing herself up to sit.

He smiled, letting the warmth of her proximity wash over him. “Hey you.”

“You came back. I thought… How’d you know I was here?”

He pulled off his coat and tossed it over the back of a chair. “Sam left me a message. Mind if I sit?”

She shook her head and shifted to make room. He lowered himself beside her and hooked his index finger over her pinky, gave it a little tug. Something seemed off, he noticed. She seemed… hesitant, a little less excited than he’d hoped. He thought of Sam’s warning: be gentle.

“I’m sorry,” he said after a moment of her fiddling with his fingers with her left hand: rubbing them, staring down as if she were nervous.

“For what?”

He tugged again at her hand, trying to get her to look at him. “For missing your calls.”

Dana shrugged and moved her eyes to the coffee table, to the remains of her breakfast cereal and a worn paperback. “You were working, it’s not your fault. I shouldn’t have… anyway, it doesn’t matter. How was your case?”

“Frustrating. Too long. Hey.” With that, she finally looked at him, and he could swear she looked afraid. Fox raised his hand to her cheek and was relieved when she leaned into it. “Tell me about you.” He leaned in and touched his nose to hers. She smiled, just a little twitch of her lips, and it warmed his hopes. He braved a kiss, and she responded with a gentle pressure of her own lips. There she was. “Hello,” he said with another little kiss. “I missed you,” he murmured, and he let his fingers toy at the hem of her top. “I’m sorry I wasn’t here.”

“Hi,” she said. “I missed you, too. And it’s okay.”

“Were you sufficiently wooed by the FBI?”

Dana smiled again. “I think so. I toured the Hoover Building first. Very impressive. Many important men in suits.”

“Hmm, yes.”

“And then the labs at Quantico.”

“And?”

“Amazing.”

“They let you slice up any dead bodies?”

Dana sighed, in mock regret. “Unfortunately no. I brought my own scalpel and everything, but I guess they want me to go through training first.”

Fox laughed and tugged her into his arms. She fell heavily against his chest with an “oomph” and a little laugh. He squeezed her tight, relieved at the warmth of her, here and solid and his. “And you will, you think? Go through training?”

She leaned her head back to look at him, and though she smiled, there was some distant and foggy look in her eyes. “Yeah,” she said.

—

The sight of him in the doorway should have overwhelmed her with joy, as it had three weeks ago when she’d found him waiting for her. But it was as if the earth had undergone a tectonic shift, or a tilt in its axis, that changed their orientations toward one another. Or hers toward him. She wasn’t sure. The feel of his palm on her cheek still set beating the small wings of her heart, but it was with anxiety now, as well as excitement. His lips on hers still felt exactly, perfectly right. And yet, she was afraid. Seeing FBI Headquarters, imagining herself there, stiff-backed and strong under the daily onslaught of authoritative men and their rigid expectations, was a thing difficult enough. Imagining him there, too, as one of those wielders of authority, who could sway the opinion of those who judged her… He could touch her in a hallway out of only affection and accidentally ruin her.

(Are you fucking him to get a place there?)

Daniel’s voice was a poison in her memory that she tried to shove away. But her recruitment by the FBI changed them, she realized. It gave Fox a kind of power over her she hadn’t considered at first, even if he would never use it. She would be, once again, sleeping with a colleague, and that recent burn still stung. Now, as she rested her head against his chest and felt his arms around her back, she wondered once again if she’d been too hasty with her affection. Take a step back, Dana. Armor yourself.

They both said goodbye to Melissa and Sam. She thanked them for the cozy room and dinner, and let Fox bring her back to his apartment. She was quiet on the ride, listening to him unravel the details of his case. She tried her best to offer words that didn’t want to come.

When they pulled up at his apartment building, Dana felt the tingle of nerves again, all the way into her fingers. She tried to carry her own bags, but he waved her away from the trunk. She bit her lip, surprised by her own irritation. This small gesture, meant with affection, now felt weighted down with assumptions and misguided chivalry. Inside, he juggled the bags and his keys to unlock the door. His apartment was much larger than hers, but a bit dim, even with the lights on. Well-decorated, though. Her lips twitched up at the sight of his fish tank. Fox nearly tripped over his own bags on the way in, then carried them all, waddling awkwardly, into his bedroom. When he came back, he stopped and stood before her, watching her watch him there in his foyer, still in her coat.

“I won’t bite,” he said after a moment, a little sheepish. “Mi casa, and all of that.”

She tried to smile, and tugged off her coat, hung it on the coat rack.

“Dana,” he said while she fiddled with the pockets and straightened the fabric. Slowly, she turned, and the worry on his face hurt her heart. “What’s wrong?”

She shook her head. “I’m okay.”

“You’re not okay. Sam said you had a week. Will you tell me?”

Dana closed her eyes and breathed. Telling him would mean explaining the situation with Daniel, the whole situation. And what would he think of her then? Fox stepped closer, and his fingers brushed her elbow.

No, she thought. She wouldn’t break in front of him. She wouldn’t cry and tell him about her mean ex and beg his comfort and let herself be held, she who had stupidly thought he might rush back to see her. He couldn’t want this much complication, not so soon, and she suddenly couldn’t imagine letting herself seem so weak in front of him. So she swallowed and put what she hoped was a smile on her face. “Work stuff was stressful, that’s all. Because I had to take the three days off.” She tucked hair behind her ear and tried that smile again, but she could see that he didn’t quite buy it. It wasn’t a lie, she thought, not exactly—the trip had set off some trouble… which had unfolded at work. “And I’m not great at flying,” she added. “Cross-country trips stress me out a bit.”

Fox nodded, lower lip tucked between his teeth. “Okay,” he said, and ushered her into his living room with his hand on her back. His fish tank burbled and his couch was green. She sat down on it and looked out over his desk through the window. “Should I order us some lunch? I don’t have much here.”

“Okay,” she said, not looking back from the window. “That sounds good.”

So they ate in unfamiliar awkwardness, their noodles and egg-drop soup and chicken, and Dana felt she had maybe ruined everything. Here was this man who seemed to genuinely like who she was, not who she might be or who he wanted her to be, and she would either ruin it all with her neediness or push him away with her coldness. Dana swallowed a lump of baby corn that felt like a brick in her esophagus, knowing suddenly that she had done wrong. She had loved too much too soon at a time when she was too unsettled. Now, she was sure, they would suffer for it.

They spent the afternoon watching TV, and she clung to him wide-eyed, face against the warm cotton of his shirt, while he kissed her head and she convinced herself this might be the last time they shared this kind of quiet comfort. He hummed pleasantly against her scalp while she fought back tears he never saw. They took a walk to a small park down the street, and she twined her fingers around his like they were a lifeline, like they could save her from ruining this.

Shouts echoed on the playground until clouds purpled the sky. Children on skateboards and bikes wheeled home to their dinners, and soon she and Fox turned back, too. When it grew late, they swallowed leftovers and she curled into his bed in the dark. His fingers found her. His words poured into her ear: Dana, you feel so good, while skimmed his heavy palms over her body and she pressed her flesh to his. He slipped her panties down, and god she wanted him to, more than anything. She was glad of the dark that hid the depth of her love and sadness: the crease in her forehead, the wobble of her lips. She moaned into his clavicle, arched against his fingers, spread her legs and accepted him inside of her, all while thinking she could not keep him.

At the airport, she managed not to cry, and if he mistook the shine of her eyes for the sadness of temporary partings, she did not correct him. Again, she wanted to tell him she loved him, but hadn’t the courage. He palmed her cheek and kissed her lips in that way he had, like he was holding a secret. “Call me when you get in,” he whispered. And though she nodded (feeling ripped open, feeling hollowed out, feeling like she’d stepped on something beautiful in her clumsiness and broken it), she did not.

— end chapter eight —

Go to Chapter 9

#i have the world's worst post timing #anyway here's this #a thing i wrote #simple #chapter eight #melissa/samantha #au #msr

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nonmillennialstruggling · 4 years

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Pissed

For some reason now I’m really really angry that my friend is still here. The thing is I have my 40th birthday next week and was really really looking forward to having my place to MYSELF this month because it is a difficult month for me. THIS IS NOT HOW I WANT TO BE WELCOMING IN MY 40th BIRTHDAY AND I’M PISSED THAT HE HAS PUT ME IN THIS POSITION. Asserting having my place to myself felt/feels like an important boundary for me/about self-care. (And I kinda want to let him know this but also don’t want to make him feel bad.) Than this ridiculous elder abuse allegation came up and my friend said that he thought it would show greater stability if he staid put. Honestly part of me wonders if it’s legit. I mean it seems a little weird that his friend who works for “the state” (technically the bureau of prisons) would have access to notes on the case and it is weird to me that he was talking about moving out but then clearly never mentioned anything to his grandmother. And I hate that I’m questioning the legitimacy of this and feel taken advantage of but I am and I do. I do wish that I was firm about him moving out by the end of September or October. I mean we never really discussed it in advance so I felt bad about saying “get out now” at the end of October, especially if there’s this elder abuse allegation going on, but honestly I never thought that he would try to stay past October. I thought it was a given. I get that moving is a pain but if it were me and I could afford it I would not be staying with a friend who I was displacing onto an air mattress for six weeks now. And he said that he would be out by the date that I said I had permission from the landlord but that’s tomorrow and I told him that was the date last Sunday but clearly he is not tracking that. I JUST WANT MY PLACE TO MYSELF AT THIS POINT. I WANT THEM GONE. And I feel like I have to censor myself around them. There is a reason that I didn’t get a roommate after my old roommmate moved in with her boyfriend. I am an introvert and need time/space to myself. I like to swear and curse and growl and feeling like I have to put a muzzle on that is really annoying. If I knew this is what it would be like/how long they would be here there is no way in hell I would have offered my place up. He has enough money to afford a hotel. I am pissed that I am in this situation. Now I’m not sure if I should tell him about having wanted my place to myself this month because it is a hard month for me and that next week is a big week for me and that felt like an important boundary to have my place to myself but I didn’t say anything before because I thought he would be gone already and then he did say that he would be gone by the date that I said the landlord gave but that is Sunday and clearly he has not made plans to move out and I naively thought that the elder abuse investigation would be closed after the wellness visit that was supposed to happen last week that didn’t. On the one had it feels important for me to let him know this just as a matter of principle/asserting myself. On the other hand I don’t know that there's really anything I can do about the situation and don’t want to make him feel bad if there’s nothing that can be done. But with this supposed investigation, I don’t know how long it may take and don’t want to host them until they can buy a place, which who knows how that may take. So I kinda do want to let him know that I expected them gone already and that this is NOT how I wanted to be spending this very stressful month for me and that I am annoyed with the situation. I’m not sure if I’m positing here just to vent or if I really do NEED to say something to him. I just hate that this important date is coming up on me and it feels like I’m running out of time and there’s nothing I can do about it and as is I’m not excited about it but then I really wanted to do good self-care around it and with this situation I just feel like I have less control and feeling like I have some control is really important for me for this date. After writing this I feel like I should say something tomorrow. Maybe say that I didn’t bring it up before because I thought he would be gone and then naively thought that the case would be closed but that then again he did say that he would be gone by the date that the landlord gave and that is Sunday so wtf gives. I’M JUST SO ANNOYED THAT I’M IN THIS SITUATION. I really wish I was firm about how long I could host him and his grandmother and his dog and that I was upfront about that time period from the beginning. I just honestly never thought he would push things this far. One thing that does feel important to me is that if I get a job offer next week and negotiate a December 2nd start date, I do want to have my place to myself for a week before I’d start. I may go right from working to a grad program and am giving up my desk downtown after the lease ends early next year: this is time that I won’t ever have again and having at least one week in my “old” routine (e.g., working downtown and then coming home to solitude) feels really important to me. So I shouldn’t feel bad about asserting having a week to myself before starting but part of me does. I mean if I say I just need one week and say that I’m not asking them to move out until the case is closed, I think that’s more than enough. At any rate, writing helps me sort through my feelings and I have been using tumblr to vent about things to help keep me clear headed. If it’s something that really is going to bother me then I will say something. So far I have been fine with venting on tumblr and my feelings have not spilled over into my interactions with them. If I feel like my feelings will spill over into my interactions with them then I need to say something before that happens. I may be getting to that point with next week. So I think I will let him know tomorrow about having wanted the place to myself and why it’s important for me, and that while I’m not asking them to move out until the investigation is closed (or maybe December 1st?), that I will want a week of having the place to myself before starting a job if I get an offer.

Edit: OK I was just posting this to vent so that I could process my feelings and stay clear-headed and so that it wouldn’t affect my interactions with them. I did ask if I could have the week to myself if I get the job offer (did not mention about November being a triggering month or why... I don’t really want people who know me to know about it) and he understood it. So that feels good but I didn’t really feel good about the conversation during or afterwards. I feel bad about asking them to give me a week because his grandmother doesn’t have a power wheelchair and so has more mobility limitations that would make a week get away more difficult. I guess the situation is what it is. Honestly I don’t expect to get the job offer though. I think my evil former adviser will throw a wrench into things. I did message my career center contact asking about resources on job term negotiation and she messaged back referring to “when I secure the position,” which was honestly a bit triggering since I’m pretty sure that my evil former supervisor has it out for me and that I won’t get the position as a result. Honestly because of her I don’t see myself being able to get anything other than $11/hr jobs through the one temp agency that seems willing to work with me since they didn’t contact her (the temp agency that presumably did contact her I have not heard from). So essentially I have wasted about the last decade of my life on degrees that I cant actually use but whatever. I think am just over everything at this point.

#pissed #taken advantage of #difficult dates #unwanted house guest #40 #asserting boundaries #running out of time #self-care #introvert #solitiude #vent #venting #new job

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littledonkeyburrito · 6 years

Text

I need to start coming up with more creative titles for these.

Ever kissed anyone with a nipple piercing? Not that I’m aware of, but there’s a couple of people that I’ve made out with and never seen shirtless, so who knows

What about a lip piercing? No

Nose piercing? I don’t think so

Did you sleep alone last night? Yep

How are you sitting? Cross legged on the couch

Where is your family? Probably in their respective homes

Do you plan on sleeping in tomorrow? Always

What were you doing at 12 AM last night? Sleeping

Waiting for something? A call back from any of the companies I’ve sent resumes to

How many people did you kiss last summer? I think it was only one actually, but there was a couple more that were summer adjacent.

Was yesterday terrible? Yesterday was fine

Did you reject or accept your last friend request? I accepted it but I probably shouldn’t have bc tbh I think she’ll get pretty annoying on my facebook (ex work colleague)

Do you like pretzels? They’re fine but they’re totally overrated by america

Do you wait until you’ve completely finished a certain makeup product before you buy a new one? I don’t buy makeup products

Would you say that people consider you a major flirt? I don’t know. You would have to ask “people”

Do any of your friends have children? Not yet

If you have a girlfriend/boyfriend, how long have you been together? I do not

Did you wake up before 8 AM this morning? I sure as fuck did not.

Do you wear eyeliner? Nah

Whose wall have you wrote on today? Nobody

Would you rather cry in public or make someone else cry in public? Neither, both are super awkward for me

Would you rather sleep for 3 days or stay awake for 3 days?   I feel like I’ve done both before. Depending on what I’m doing, both have their pros and cons

Would you rather be just rich or rich and famous? Just rich

Who will you be sleeping with tonight? Nobody

Last person to make you laugh? The internet

Do you look at older pictures and laugh? Depends on the picture

When will your next kiss be? no idea

Have you ever truly thought you knew who you were going to marry? No

Do you have anything that belongs to a partner or an ex partner? No

What would you say if someone told you they were in love with your sister? That I don’t have a sister

Has anyone called you babe or baby in the last two days? No, I’m not sure anyone’s called me that ever and I’d prefer it stay that way

Do you still talk to the person you last kissed? Currently waiting to see how long it’ll take him to message me first for once. So, kinda I guess

Who was the last person of the opposite sex to be in your bedroom?   Um well technically my apartment is a studio and my landlord was here like 20 minutes ago so I guess it was him. But the last dude to go in the actual bedroom area was the guy who stayed with me a few weekends ago from Madrid.

Did you see your best friend today? No. We live on different continents

Are your ears pierced more than once, if at all? Just the one in each ear

If you wear skirts, are you more likely to wear leggings, or go bare? I don’t wear skirts

Are you addicted to texting? No, but I do prefer to message at least one friend every day

How many times do you knock on the door? I don’t. I stand outside and text them and wait for them to open it.

If you could move somewhere else, would you? Well I’ve sent a couple of resumes to companies in Panama and if I get offered a good job with a decent salary then I’ll definitely consider moving there.

Did you kiss or hug anyone recently? No

Does your phone ring in the middle of the night? Not since I left Australia. Was a pretty common occurrence there with my job though. The worst was when I was really tired but had to take the work phone home with me and one of my staff would call just after I’d fallen asleep and I’d still be confused as fuck when I answer but have to try to play it cool and not let them know they woke me up. Was even worse when it was a client calling...

Is there anybody you’re really disappointed in right now? No..?

Is there someone you will never forget? Many people

Can you live a day without TV? Yeah

Do you swallow gum when you’re done with it? I don’t like chewing gum

Any plans for this weekend? Nope

Have you seen anyone lately that you don’t get along with? No. There’s nobody that I don’t really get along with, especially not in this country.

Who was the last person you rode in a car with that’s not family? I think the last time I was in a car was my transfer to the airport in panama. I don’t have a car here and nobody I know has a car. I always just walk or get the metro. I don’t even usually get cabs here.

Would you be able to date someone who doesn’t make you laugh? Nah

Is there anything stressing you out currently? My bank balance is gradually getting lower and lower and I don’t have a job yet.

What kind of mood are you in today? Average. Not happy, not sad

How late did you stay up last night and why? Maybe 10 or 11. I was pretty tired from doing nothing all day

Have you ever slept in the same bed with the last person you kissed? I think the longest I ever actually slept with him was like 4 hours. Always had to go sneak back into my room before anyone woke up.

Are you mad at anyone? No

Did the last guy/girl you kissed have any piercings? No

What is the name of the last band you discovered? Not a band but I came across Alvaro Soler and I really like his music

Would you rather go to a Katy Perry or Taylor Swift concert? No thankyou

What pattern do the sheets on your bed have? The sheets are white. The doona is white with blue diamond patterns on it

Are your days full and fast-paced? Only when I travel

Do you call any of your friends by their last name? Yeah, my old flatmate usually goes by his last name. Made it a little weird when he had family visiting because I could either 1) refer to him by his first name, or 2) use his last name and have everybody he’s related to turn around and look at me

Have you ever gotten lost in a department store? El Corte Ingles. The floors are too big. I usually end up giving up which isn’t necessarily a bad thing because it’s kind of expensive there.

How long have you had the shirt you’re wearing? A few years I guess. I don’t remember when I bought it

Are you a slut? Depends on definition

What happened last time you got drunk? I drank beer with people from the office and then I went back to their apartment which was kind of like a staff apartment and a couple of the bosses lived there too. Drank some more beer, did some cocaine, patted a dog and cut my thumb on a beer can.

When’s the last time you straightened your hair? I don’t think I ever have. My hair is pretty straight on its own.

What do you want right this second? I wouldn’t mind a glass of coke

What were you doing at 10:00 this morning? Sleeping

What cell phone company do you use? Vodafone

Do you wear a bath robe? No

Do you know anyone autistic? Yeah, a few

How about someone bipolar? I think so

What do you want your job to be when you’re older? Please offer me suggestions because I have no fucking idea

What are you listening to? Nothing in particular

Does the last person you texted smoke pot? Idk. Probably, a lot of people here do bc it’s legal. He’s my landlord though so it’s not like he’s going to tell me that information

What did you wear to bed last night? My pyjamas

Who’s in the room with you? Just me

Have you ever liked someone older than you? They’re generally older than me

Do you like men with beards and goatees? Stubble is goooood. Depends on the guy though

Where do you live? Spain

Do you always lock your door? Yes. It auto-locks anyway, but I deadbolt it too.

Do you smoke cigarettes? No

Is your birthday in a winter month? In Australia, yes. Here, no.

Do you have siblings over the age of 21? Yes.

What is the last letter of your middle name? L

Have you ever skipped school just because you were tired? I skipped plenty of lectures at uni in favour of sleep. Probably a contributing factor to the failing of classes and dropping out.

Do you wear your seatbelt in the car? Yep

When was the last time you were told you were cute? Probably in Panama

Do you like Chinese food? Yes. The food when I was travelling in China was insanely good.

Have you ever trusted a guy when you shouldn’t have? Yeah I guess so

Do you have a brother? What’s his name? Sam

What time is it? 7:44pm

Is your phone close to you? It is under my left thigh (almost my buttcheek) so I can feel if anyone messages me.

What woke you up this morning? I suppose I had enough sleep

When did you last use a straw? I have no idea but you just reminded me that I bought straws recently and haven’t used any yet so I’m gonna start drinking my alcohol with straws now. Well, not right now bc I don’t want to drink tonight, but whenever I next drink at home I’ll use one.

Have you ever driven without a license? I originally learned to drive in a Mini Moke in my Dad’s backyard (he had 3 acres) when I was maybe 10 years old. So obvs I didn’t have a licence then. Also the brakes in the car didn’t work so we basically had to make sure the dogs weren’t near us

What color shirt are you wearing? Grey. With a red/black checked hoodie over it

Do you have a ceiling fan located in your bedroom? No

What are you most looking forward to tomorrow? My life is super boring so the only thing I’m doing tomorrow is going to the post office to pick up whatever I was left a slip for.

Have you cuddled with someone today? No

Have you spoken to a relative on the phone today? No

Do you use the toilet paper with the colorful designs on it? I use the cheapest toilet paper that doesn’t feel like sandpaper. I’m not going to pay extra for colourful designs when I’m literally just going to wipe my ass with it.

What was the first thing you ate today? Spicy noodles

Do you have anything more important you should be doing right now? No

Have you set an alarm today? No

Do you keep up-to-date with current news and events? I don’t. I made a decision during a low point a few years ago to cut negative things out of my life. So I unfollowed a bunch of people on tumblr and I stopped keeping up with news because it was just making me depressed. Occasionally I google to see what’s up with my province and that’s about it. Otherwise I see what I really need to see on facebook/tumblr.

When was the last time you visited relatives? I visited my dad a few days before I left Australia

Is chapstick a necessity for you? Sometimes, yes. But if I stay hydrated enough then it’s not really an issue.

Name the last 6 people you texted/messaged:

Gabriel

João

Maggie @aturinfortheworse

Aman

Anna @intimidatethevoid

Bear

(this is a slightly unusual bunch since only half of them are people I regularly message)

How did you meet #3? Highschool

What’s #6’s middle name? No idea

Who have you known the longest out of your 6? Maggie

Who have you known the least out of your 6? Anna

How do you know #5? Through the group chat we’re in with Maggie and Bear

Where does #1 live? Somewhere nearby. I don’t know exactly

Is #1 your best friend? No, he’s my landlord

Who on your 6 doesn’t have a job? Maggie I think..? Not sure about Bear and Anna. Also not 100% sure on João

Does #5 have their drivers license? I believe so

Would you ever live with #2? Lmao I almost do. He’s my next door neighbour.

Why did you text #4? Because he messaged me first so I replied obvs

Do you miss #3? Yeah, come to Spain you loser

Is #6 a stoner or alchie? Not anymore I don’t think

Have you ever danced with #2? No, I’ve met him like twice for us to pay our bills (our apartments run off the same metre for water and electricity)

Have you ever done anything sexual with any of them? Well Aman is my ex so yeah

What would your life be like without #1? I would probably live somewhere else

Is #2 your best friend? No

What do you love about #3? So many things

What do you dislike about #3? So many things. (kidding)

What is #5’s weakness? Difficulty sleeping?

What kind of car does #4 drive? I remember it’s a little black sedan but I don’t remember what type of car it actually is

What would you do if #3 & #6 were dating? Uhhh nothing probably. I’d be surprised but they’re both good people so I’d let them go for it.

Does #2 have a boyfriend/girlfriend? No idea

Have you ever seen #1 cry? Fuck no that would be weird

Have you ever kept a secret from #5? No

What is something special about #4? He’s very attractive.

Does #2 have any special talents? No idea

In one word, describe #6. Teddy

Has anyone in your top 6 hurt you? Who? Uhh no..?

Have you ever fought with #6? No

Is #1 a musician? Not that I’m aware of

How old is #4? He’s 27

Would you ever kiss #5 (if you haven’t already)? Probs not, soz bro

#Maybe I should take the most out of context quote from my answers and use that as the title #yeah I might start doing that #this one would be #They’re fine but they’re totally overrated by america #The floors are too big #It is under my left thigh (almost my buttcheek)#Also the brakes in the car didn’t work #I’m not going to pay extra for colourful designs when I’m literally just going to wipe my ass with it #These are all valid potential titles

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zmduelist74 · 7 years

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So I noticed this thing.

Call it coincidence, arithmancy, destiny. Anything, really.

I met this person on 11/17/09.

We officially stopped talking to each other on 09/11/17.

11/17/09.

09/11/17.

Haven’t seen this type of thing happen in other relationships, or maybe I just wasn’t paying enough attention.

Either way, she was a narcissistic, manipulative, emotionally abusive whore. She keeps begging for death, and I’m tired of begging her not to jump off the proverbial ledge, so hopefully They come visit soon. Tomorrow, maybe. Perhaps gods of death like slutty mac n’ cheese and Coke as offerings?

As for the things we talked about; I’ll keep those and make my own use for them. Hopefully my creative flow will return with one less negative presence floating around. If she tries using our ideas, it’ll be interesting to see what she can create with 1/18th of an archive, compared to my 8/9ths. Regret writing off the position of scribe, bitch?

Good luck toting along that idea of accomplishing anything with it. You say you’re too busy being a housewife, and too anxious to work on anything, and how some days you’re too disabled to get out of bed. Yet you still wanted to take my half of the work, as if you’re somehow entitled to it? When I’ve been putting in 175% more effort, the entire time? What a self-absorbed jerk. And she said that I lacked empathy.

Oh, and that box you so badly want me to send? If you want it, come and get it. After all, isn’t that exactly what you told me when I asked you for your portion of the archive - like a true scribe - and the debt you owe me - like a responsible adult? Oh, and my asking for status updates once a month was asking too frequently. How frequently am I supposed to go off of when you say ‘I’ll pay you back as soon as I can’? How in the world do I lack empathy when you say you’re too ‘disabled’ to get a job, and I come up with the perfect compromise, saying you draw your way out of the hole? I’m not heartless, I can be accommodating. That’s why I said you could draw stuff for me in the first place, rather than coughing up $500 out of thin air. But making someone wait 18 months is way over the line, even for you. That’s not me pestering and lacking empathy. That’s me holding you accountable for your shortcomings, and demanding resolutions. Welcome to adulthood, honey~ If the utility companies and landlord can pester you for money once a month, why the fuck can’t I?

Bitch, if I had treated you the way you treat me, our friendship would have died when you cheated on me in 2014. I don’t care if you’re a Leo; according to NASA, you’re a fucking Cancer, and you certainly acted like the disease you are.

You set up the dynamite on the strong bridge we had, and this time, I’m done cutting wires. Burn down the bridge; I’m the last solid one you had, and we both know it. You burned the bridge with your parents, older brothers, friends from high school, family in Mexico; heck, even your current girlfriend’s family doesn’t like you all that much, and your bridge with her isn’t all that stable either. Why would you get back with someone who dumped you three days before you leave on a three month trip, and then three years later started talking to you as if nothing happened? You dumped me for that type of terrible person.

You said you could deal with only one emotionally unstable girlfriend. Now your current one is too unstable to hold down a decently paying job, couldn’t care less if you had health insurance, decent glasses, therapy to deal with whatever issues you’re still carrying in life; now we’re adding onto that list a roof over your head, a bed to sleep in, and food to eat. Both of you are at risk of ending up in a shelter. No support system, no pets, no money. Had you stayed with me, you would’ve been provided for, kept healthy, surrounded by your chosen pets, receiving much-needed therapy to get over your abusive tendencies, but nope. You decided to go with the person you could more readily fuck on any given basis.

You tried bowing out five times over the eight years we’ve known each other. I never tried bowing out once. You burned me, and wounded me, and shattered my heart, but I never thought about cutting you out of my life. I never abandoned you, I never cut you down, but guess what? You’ve lost a very loyal friend with your antics. You called me an aggressor, you called me a passive-aggressive dirtbag, you implied I wasn’t honest with you about my feelings, you stated that I was not looking out for your best interests, and that I was intentionally trying to keep you from ever being happy. Never, in the long on-going conversation with you, did I ever call you names, did I ever give you suggestions that I thought were outside your control or were malicious in nature; heck, most of my good ideas you never entertained or dismissed without explanation. I always offered my support, or tried to distract you with our work in an attempt to keep you happy. But no. You’re tossing all of that aside because you’re too narcissistic to swallow your pride, set aside your anxieties for a bit, and care for yourself, and show a shred of humanity for me. All of that comes from a very twisted mind with a very clouded worldview.

You made your bed. You can lay in it. I am not going to save you anymore, and if you lose your bed, the only one to blame is yourself. You can’t burn me with your inaction any longer. You left it up to me to call it quits, and I’m fucking done with your heaping helping of nope. Good luck on the streets. I hear that skinny Mexican girls are a niche market down there.

#Dear John letter #Dear Jane letter?#Either way #her name starts with J #so it doesn't really matter #breakup #breakups #burn notice #break up letter #bad blood #tainted history #excerpt from the book I'll never write

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anne1066-blog · 5 years

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31st January 2019

My last post did actually continue beyond the limit of what the post allowed so to recap:

Feeling rather unwelcome in Suffolk, I was happy to accept the offer of work at Mons Cheesemongers to work Christmas retail and also after that a couple of days a week working on their stand with the idea that after May when their new shop opened, this would be increased. Timing-wise it should also have worked that I was honouring my initial commitment to carry out cheesemaking work until the friend I was working with had had an operation to relieve ongoing back pain.

It was a relief to be back in somewhere as cosmopolitan as London after the rather Royston Veasey nature of Suffolk but it wasn’t without its complications. I was staying with my partner in Maidenhead and commuting in to and from there at the beginning and end of the shifts. Saturdays were particularly tiring as they are a standard 11 hour shift (since reduced actually on certain shifts) with an extra 2 and a half hours travel time a day. Retail is working on your feet which is nothing new if you’ve been cheesemaking but the temperatures are a bit different. A cheesemaking dairy is kept at a standard temperature for the drainage of the curd whereas market stalls are very much subject to the environment. There’s a reason I didn’t pursue retailing and market stalls as a main career idea - extremes of heat and cold. However on the plus side, I’m working with people I’m genuinely on the same wavelength as unlike the cheesemaking work, biting my tongue as Leave voters expressed anti foreigner prejudices, myself included. Even the main manager from Norfolk was teased for not being from Suffolk. The counties are right next door to each other.

Before Christmas I had been helping both cheesemakers in the dairy which turned a job of 2 days a week into something workable. I actually helped finish training their cheesemaking manager and frankly he acknowledged wholeheartedly that I had helped him make the cheese better and gave him some of his first successes. It was gruelling. I would work from 6am to 9 or 10pm regularly albeit usually with a break mid afternoon to walk the dog and eat something but it was all subject to the acidification of the curd of my friend’s cheese and that was sometimes a law unto itself. In November, my parents had come to visit and take the lovely dog Percy, a devoted and affectionate Labrador who made me smile on the roughest of days just by his tail wagging enthusiasm back to Marple. It was only fair on him. My partner’s house isn’t well suited to a dog and I would have been working such long days that he would barely have seen us. My retired parents would give him company and could walk him at regular times and play with him and he had lived in Marple before I moved to Oxfordshire so for him it was just another place he felt was home. That is not to say that my house didn’t feel extremely empty without him. My partner’s house felt less strange being dogless but I still missed him and felt and frankly still feel guilty at having had to leave him with someone else even someone I trust absolutely.

After their Christmas rush, it was made clear I wasn’t needed anymore on the second cheese. Although it had been manic as they had had staff shortages and I had worked extra hard in order to cover that, I was very sorry not to have the chance to actually turn this into something more permanent. The manager explained on various occasions that if he had to choose his dream team to make cheese with, I was absolutely part of that and indeed integral but to no avail. The farm manager wanted someone who knew less about cheesemaking than him. He felt a little threatened and as such couldn’t make the decisions he wanted to and learn from his own mistakes. I had contacted him about working there before and he had turned me down for those reasons at the time. I hoped that the experience of what i could do to help the cheesemaking might have changed his mind but unfortunately not. I was pretty gutted to be fair and my friend who had invited me to make cheese with her was very disappointed too and thought he had made the wrong choice. No matter, the choice was made. It did feel like a kick in the teeth and it also meant my future was definitely in London.

After Christmas we rationalised the time I would spend cheesemaking so I could commute from Suffolk to London and work 2 days a week retail then 2 days a week cheesemaking. My hours making the one cheese only had spread out over the week - even if only a couple of hours a day to try and fit something close to what she had initially proposed but it was a struggle when the orders just weren’t there and milk problems, starter problems and maturing problems weren’t resolved quickly enough to increase the sales during my time there. This was rationalised to a couple of making days a week after which I drove to Maidenhead (5 hours each way) and then commuted in to London to work a retail shift. In retrospect I am not sure now how I managed it without collapsing. It was a ludicrous situation in terms of practicality. I suppose it shows you can do more than you imagine when there’s no other option.

After April and my friend’s operation, I had begun to move things to Maidenhead and some of my things were moved back again to Marple. There was a frustrating tussle with the landlords of my rented property in Suffolk but ultimately it was resolved if not entirely satisfactorily and I got most of my deposit back.

And so I worked retail, I learnt about French & Swiss cheese which kept me interested and I was among longstanding friends and obviously family who have known me for a very very long time. This has its good sides and bad sides of course. People can know you too well sometimes and they may make exceptions for you (paying me weekly for instance where no other consultant is paid that way) that eventually become a trial for them. And when I was living a bit hand to mouth until I could sell my house in Yorkshire, there were some nasty moments where I had to get my lovely partner out of bed at 6am on a Saturday to come and lend me enough money to travel to London on a Saturday so I could earn the money I would need to pay him back! Consequently I was badgering to be paid as soon as possible and my sister who was in charge of the payments and was extremely busy found this situation frustrating. It’s not nice when you aren’t getting on with family and it’s worse when there’s nothing you can do about the behaviour they are finding extremely annoying because you can’t fulfil your obligation to work unless you hassle the hell out of them. Continued tomorrow,,,,

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