#my mom is like dont say you hate it you have to come at it with a positive attitude or every shift

[skunkes]

#prefacing this with I Know Spanish. i cant not know spanish‚ my parents don't speak english #but im the only one of my siblings that didnt get to go to school over there 🇲🇽 (just pre school) #adn the thing is like. my siblings wld talk to me in eng of course #(if they talked to me at all! what do u say to a baby when you're 9 12 and 15 yrs older.) #and my parents wld similarly jst not talk to me? i did not have conversations with them from birth to now lol. #thjere is something about how like. my sisters kids are also learning the languages at the same time #but when they mess up in spanish theyre corrected‚ by my sister (their mom)‚ my other sister‚ my parents #why not Me. why wasnt that extended to Me as a child... #the same reason I have the least amount of baby pictures while my siblings all have one full book each i bet #the same reason why my and my eldest sister are 15 yrs apart LOL #igts so crazy to me. i hate mentioning this bc people assume #im one of those ppl who isnt fluent bc their parents speak english and spanish and never taught them #my parents dont speak english❗❗❗❗ #my nephew thats older than me who is my fave family member and also only speaks spanish #is coming up on sunday idk that i can fully carry convo with him! #pure spanglish bc i didnt grow up having convos in it writing it reading it #thats why im so desperate to read books in spanish now. im so deeply ashamed #igts so crazy. i hate it. #saw a comment on smthng the other day thats like ''idk how u can have parents that only speak spanish and not know it lol'' #well can you take a guess. can u take a guess as to how that would happen via interactions. lack thereof. #idk why but its even more embarrassing this way. genuinely how cld u not know...? #its like i was born to feel isolated from my family in every single way...youngest by so many years #the language thing. the Hates Eating thing. the trans thing. most severe failure to launch #im so embarrassed to be alive....! #and i dont belong anywhere. and i am Alone wherever I am. #abandoned by direct and distant relatives. ancestors.

[keirawantstocry]

.

#i have multiple discord servers for vent shit but unfortanely my sister is on all of them and i dont wanna bother her so #yeah everyone ignore this i just need to fucking explode #my mother is pissing me off so fucking much rn #she never shuts the fuck up #only cares about her own damn fucking problems #shes going on about how she cant find a book and she needs my help and im like mom #i just spilled water on my laptop can you stfu #and you know what she fucking says? #well maybe if you didnt always hide in your room with your computer #first of all im a fucking adult and istg once i have enough money im blowing this fucking stand in a heartbeat #and second of al #I WAS OUTSIDE #BECAUSE FOR ONCE IN MY FUCKING LIFE I WAS TRYING TO GET SOME FRESH AIR #IM SICK OF BEING INSIDE #BUT WHEN I GO OUTSIDE SHE CAN COME TO ME WHICH I HATE MORE #so i try to go outside for once and what does it fucking get me #well the fucking water on my computer and audio issues #which thank God i fixed but ugh am i still pissed the fuck off #and my fucking “best friend” can barely give me the fucking time of day #leaves me on delivered for days at a time #and then straight up ignores my questions and wont fucking talk to me #but oh they'll call me randomly if they need my help #like is that all i fucking am to you? #UGH #trying to breathe #im going to put on headphones and writing gay fanfiction that always cheers me up

[levi-dayne]

being autistic -> 🫠

vent in tags

#im so fucking burnt out #its so frustrating bc according to my parents im 'high functioning' and 'shouldnt let my autism impact me that much' #beyond that being outdated like they didnt just slap an autism label on me for FUN. its bc i fucking have autism #so yes i have difficulties related to my autism. they dont understand and its so frustrating theyre always on my ass about things i CANT do #or struggle doing bc im autistic and burnt out and i hate this so much #and i called my mom out on it and she said 'well i didnt say you dont struggle just that it should be manageable' #okay but its fucking not??????? #like i stg they think my autism is JUST special interests and sensory issues. which its fucking not. #i struggle taking care of myself. i struggle interacting with people. i struggle with keeping up with things or switching between tasks #and dont even get me started on my DAD he doesnt even believe the doctors that im autistic #he compared my inability to understand social cues to wanting to be a bitch but being forced to repress it #like dude. when people perceive me as being a bitch its not bc im failing at hiding it #its bc i genuinely cant tell if my words or body language is coming across as bitchy even when i dont have any underlying resentment #he doesnt even think im autistic which is so frustrating #my mom begrudgingly accepts it but my dad thinks the LICENSED PROFESSIONALS are wrong #he hasn't done ANY research on autism EXCEPT to correct me when i say autism instead of autism spectrum disorder #which is also bullshit bc he and my mom use outdated terms like aspergers all the fucking time #(and ableist slurs) #im just so overwhelmed and i cant function #personal posts 😌✨️✨️

[skyburger]

im probably never gonna watch the kenobi series but i did just find out there was a qui-gon scene so i went to find that. it was awesome btw i have a soft spot for qui-gon. but then in the recommended i saw it... vader vs. obi-wan in that series and i watched it and

#I HATE STARWARS #!!!!! #cant even put my feelings on anakin and obi-wan into feelings #do not form bonds with people do not make friends or find people you call family!!!! it will only end in PAIN #anyway. apart from that. #i always had (and still have) a soft spot for qui-gon like #i watched the prequels first (do not get on my back about this i was 9 years old at the tops) #and then i didnt watch the OT for?? years?? #need to stress i wrote a star wars themed mystery play i acted out on stage with friends and my teacher like #let us use the school stage. and my whole class and my mom and siblings came to watch #I DID THAT WITHOUT EVER HAVING SEEN THE ORIGINAL TRILOGY 😭😭😭 #i was in like 5th grade for the record #i played. yoda. i think my costume was wearing a green shirt backwards so you couldnt see the graphic on the front #and a beige bath towel as the robe #I WISH I STILL HAD THE SCRIPT ITS JUST ROTTING ON MY ANCIENT LAPTOPS HARD DRIVE #and in case you were wondering? i also played a character called ''president narwhal'' i dont remember his deal. he had a paper horn #he also had a bath towel robe #anyway all that to say. #i had not seen the original trilogy so baby me's first character death that made me sad #was qui-gon in the phantom menace </3 #i forgot where i was going with this. my tldr of that is that qui-gon was like my fave as a kid for some reason #so seeing him come back even just for a scene made me like YEAHHHHHHHHH

[pageofheartdj]

It feels like I am wasting life, but I don't know what else am I supposed to do.

I feel… content where I am. Sure more money would be great, but with the amount of actual work I am doing it could have been worse. I am not seeking second job to fix it, I need lots of me time to not go crazy.

It's just that my every day goes the same. I don't hate it, but I grow wary that my life will just fly by as if I never actually lived it… But I can't come up with anything I would want to change or add.

I don't seek partner nor do I believe I can get along with anyone. So it stays in my dreams only.

I do not want children, I don't have enough patience and energy. I already have a pet to make me less lonely..

I don't like going outside, so no traveling or walks or cinema. I don't care for most material possessions, so no shopping.

My life feels dull and empty and monotone, yet there is nothing I would want to do to help with it. Nothing feels like something I would geniunely want.

All I have is my show obsessions when they come. That's all I spend my time on. Daydreaming, listening music, rewatching, reading fics, seeking art, discussing. I enjoy it. But that's all I have. All day, every day.

Am I this lazy to search for a way to help myself? Or am I just this passive. Something feels missing, but nothing actually fits to fill the hole. So I just keep existing like that.

I am at loss.

#but I am also scared of change #because it cant go better #so it wil be worse #I want to preserve my current for eternity #I dont know how I will be with my mom gone #we have rocky relationships but she is only constant in my life #I feel like a child #completely unequicked and utterly alone #I want time to stop #there will be nothing better than it is now #but worse things will come anyway #I hate living #I hate this fear and pain #none of it is worth it #people say that time after death and before birth are the same #maybe when you are in those moments #but I am here now I am alive #I did not have anything before #I will lose everything after #the experience to perceive from present makes difference

[saddlepunk]

i really didnt think of myself as being much of a travel/city person but

i think i just dont like most of the people i do that shit with ajdhhdhdg

"i dont just like to walk around looking at shops" ...in the walking around looking at shops district..?

#listen #i dont want to say shes having a bad time because she expected me to hate it more than i do but #genuinely this is all shit she generally enjoys and now my mom is acting like its the worst thing in the world #and im gonna start biting #she didnt do ANY prep for this trip herself #just kept waiting for me to come up w ideas #and i dont do itineraries like that im happy to just go to a place and be there #now she doesnt wanna do any of the shit im tryna do and its like.... #well you had six months to plan otherwise! #now this is my party! #get on board or stay at the hotel but dont get crabby w me for wanting to go out into the city while theres city to go out into #wont say outright if she wants to do something #just says i dont know or i dont care if i offer smth up #i have to do this shit w my boyfriend too why do i have to deal with it w my mom as well #its really funny that theyre kinda positioning themselves as opposite ends of a spectrum like #both tryna make these ultimatums abt my loyalty to one or the other #hi ill ditch both of u if u dont chill a lil #i have other options

[stuck-in-the-ghost-zone]

I FUCKING HATE MEDICAL FACILITIES!!!!!!!!!!

#GODDD WHY CAN NOTHING BE EASY #i call a place last weekend. im like hey i need a physical for work can you do that #yes we can! #awesome can i schedule an appointment #oh dont worry we take walk ins you dont need one #great! cool! #fast forward to this morning. i fucking hate doctors offices i hate thinking about them i hate going to them. #i psyche myself up for like an hour. i drive the 45 minutes to this place. i get inside hand them the paper tbe lady is like #super frustrated. doing that awful thing moms do where theyre like. doing things more forcefully than needed and sighing #she goes. we dont do this here. im like. oh well i called last weekedn and someone said i could come here #shes like. idk what to tell you we cant do this. im like ok do you have any suggestions for places that do. she says no. i leave. #i call like THREE DIFFERENT PLACES and all of them are like. lol you need a pcp. i dont have one of those yet. #head in hands. i just wasted two damn hours of my weekend for nothing AND NOW I HAVE TO GO GROVERY SHOPPING. i fucking #hate it here everything sucks im so mad. #i literally just need someone to go “yeah youre healthy” and sign a paper. thats IT

[kafkaesqueer]

This is what it feels like to be a closeted queer in a homophobic household hearing your family talking shit about lgbt while you're slowly dying inside (but you gotta smile through the pain because you can't blow your cover)

#can't wait to move out #but economy is shit and rents are sky high :') #i have no money no prospects and I'm frightened #i know im gonna get disowned if i come out #and im financially not ready for that. yet. #dont think its sth you can be ready for emotionally. i mean i say idc but like. i probably do. a lot. even though I hate my parents #its like whenever my mom tells me she loves me no matter what im like no you dont. you think you do but you don't #you dont know shit about me. youll never accept who i am and i hate you for that #but you're still my mom and part of me still loves and wants to be loved by you even though I hate you #gonna watch people coming out to their supportive parents and cry like a baby #im so envious and bitter #rant

[feluka]

i'll say it again. every SWANA girlie should be entitled to one free patricide per lifetime no charges no jail time no nothing

#devastating news today. #i learned that 1- my dad wanted to start a bet on me dropping out of uni before the end of the year. #he was serious too. thankfully my mom told him to shut the fuck up :)that's exactly what i need while struggling with my studies thanks dad #2- he's now spreading lies about me to my mom to make me look bad #he told her i lie when i say I'm going to sleep and instead i keep the lights on and stay up all night #and that he sees me frolicking around playing and having fun while claiming to be asleep #my mom called him out on being a shitty liar because when i can't sleep i still keep the lights off because i fucking hate the lights #and also she comes to check up on me at night and sees that i am asleep so she told him he's a liar #and now 3- he's claiming my whole mental health lapse thing was me faking depression to get away with having poor grades #which is funny because he took me to the psych hospital himself and told our entire extended family that I've gone crazy. #funny how he changes his story all the fucking time! #and his proof? he 'sees me chatting with people and laughing all the time so i can't be that depressed' #what people you fucking dickhead. do you know how debilitating lonely i am. do you have any idea how much it kills me. #and when my mom tried to stand up for me and say that i don't talk to people #his reasoning was that i'm being secretive about it because i must be talking to boys 😐😐😐😐 #i truly dont understand him. like my guy YOU put me in a girls school and follow me outside everyday to make sure i take the girls' train. #like what boys have i conjured out of thin fucking air. literally what the FUCK are you on about. #also now he's using that as an excuse to 'keep an eye on me' and look in my stuff and follow me around #i know he opens my phone because that absolute idiot accidentally took a photo of himself with it #and i know he follows me this isn't news to me. i just. idk. i thought we were on better terms these days???? #like i truly thought we were being friendly and cool with each other lately??? #then he explodes out on nowhere with this stuff and goes on and on about how much of his money is wasted on me!!!!! #i'm just so sad all the time and i'm truly trying to hold on and not end everything and i dont need him to do this to me right now #i'm so so sad and tired! really i don't see an end to this! #one day i'll walk into the ocean and have him fish my corpse out of the water

[snekdood]

Im never even really upset about losing the things people steal from me, im always more upset that they feel the need to do that and all the deception and destruction of trust that goes along with it. Its genuinely upsetting for me, and so far, none of the shit anyones stolen from me has been for like. An actual justified reason. At least steal some fuckin food or something.

#yall come in here probably believing the shit ppl say about me being rich #not for a second coming to me to figure out my situation personally #only to come into my house and learn i have nothing to fucking eat. which is prolly why you steal shit you dont need but know it will hurt #me emotionally still for you to take. like its an abuse tactic sweetie you're not the revolutionary larper you pretend to be if ur robbing #from people who are what. slightly above you because i have a place to stay? #i guess we're ignoring that where i live isnt exactly the msot Expensive apartment in the world? #given the many bug infestations and everything falling apart and this place being built back in the fucking 60s or some shit #like idk what world yall live in that you think doing this shit to me is somehow you Kicking It To The Rich People #bitch you! do! not! know! my! fucking! situation!! eat fresh shit!!! #but yknow. i guess im just the richest man in the world because i love in a shitty single bedroom apartment intstead of with a roommate #or whatever dumb backglips we're making today #live*. backflips*. i hate my phone. i miss small phones #like. sometimes my mom helps me. but i need yall to underatand that the only money i have control over is my own #i desperately need you to understand this. im literally fucking begging you to THINK about this situation more. #i dont get to decide what my mom thinks is worth helping me with or not.

[perenlop]

.

#can my mom like. please not jump to conclusions and be all weird about me #so bit of context for earlier post is that i was eating breakfast and i just woke up and my mom walked in and greeted my happily #and i just gave like a casual ''hey'' bc my mouth was full and she was like ''LOL wtf thats so rude! lets try again. hey!'' #and i said hey again but tried to make it sound more chipper but failed bc im tired and she just groaned and walked into the other room #and we're supposed to go to the river today but shes trying to make plans to go today and tomorrow bc my aunt is coming today #and aunt has a tendency to try and keep people around for very late despite previousplans and my mom always goes with it #so she wants a day with just us. issue is i have to go into college tomorrow to do a meeting and i wanted to study #which. btw i told my mom abt earlier in the week saying id ask to attend virtually but she shut it down and INSISTED i go in person #and whatever plans we have dont matter so i should just go ahead and dedicate the day to schoolwork #so i remind my mom of this and suddenly shes like ''wtf. ur staying the whole day? cant you go for just the meeting and leave?'' #which i didnt want to do bc the meeting is less time than the drive and she literally told me to stay the entire day #so i remind her and she gets frustrated and mad telling me i ''shouldnt limit myself and i should decide to go either today or tomorrow'' #but probably should just study today bc ''well youre clearly in a bad mood for how u greeted me today so maybe you shouldnt come'' #and basically ''come when youre in a better fucking mood tomorrow'' and like. well i WASNT in a bad mood i was just tired #but damn ok now i fucking am bc now youre getting mad at me for plans YOU fucking suggested i do #when i had a completely different plan at first that u tried to make out to be ridiculous #fucking hate it when she does this she also did it on vacation where she got snappy and passive aggressive and rude to me #bc she THOUGHT i was in a bad mood at the park when i wasnt. i just hadnt woken up all the day and wasnt talking #but instead of asking abt it or anything like that she got pissed and basically treated me like shit the whole day #and then when i confronted her she was just like ''ok we BOTH messed up i GUESS can we put it behind us'' #it makes it hard to talk to her when theres an actual problem bc i try to communicate and she just takes it as a personal attack #so now i dont want to go out today just bc my moms being shitty and accusing me of not liking her sister (which ngl i really dont) #and yeah i dont want to stay out late when i did want to get at least one reading done today #but i had everything prepared and now i have full obligations to tomorrow bc she insisted i go ahead #and now shes acting like i did that to spite her #its so exhausting. probably gonna take like separate cars tho tbh so can leave even i f they get sucked in #and use the work as an excuse #echoed voice

[iloveyoumorethansoup]

Me: wow someone was really nice to me about this thing i do that has been insulted my entire life. This is such a nice feeling!

Me a day late: oh someone just insulted it again I’m gonna sob actually

#girl I just wave when I say hi and say hi to you every time I see you bc lots of time goes by in between when I see you ! #it’s a greeting! #it’s a way to get your attention to tell you something! #i come up to you say hi and wave. and then I tell you whatever I need to tell you #2 second greeting that makes you look at me or say something so I know you can hear me #i was trying to find someone today to tell her something and she looks at me and goes you dont need to greet me every time you come up to me #and I’m thinking like oh ok yeah sure if it bothers you that much #and then she goes. it’s annoying. and someone’s like hey!! in the tone of that was uncalled for #and she’s like what it is! #and oh my god. i wanted to literally cry for 5 hours straight #and I mean. to most people. that would just be a really mean comment #like come on. that was uncalled for you could’ve left it as hey you don’t need to say hi every time or be like hey sometimes I’m in a hurry #just tell me whatever you need to say. but like. ouch #i think if it would’ve been anything else I would’ve been offended instead of hurt #but it’s specifically that hi and wave that I’ve done all my life that my parents have insulted all my life #my parents hated it. never passed up a chance to tell me that. my dad doesn’t comment on it anymore but my mother does #and it always hurt! they were mad I didn’t like to be touched or give hugs so there were always comments #we would be getting ready to see people and my mom would pull me aside and tell me I wasn’t allowed to wave and I had to give hugs #and like. obviously my coworker is not at fault for my childhood traumas I don’t blame her for me wanting to cry all night #but still a mean comment. and its such a shallow hey that’s annoying that I’m not gonna come into work tomorrow like hey that really hurt #i looked like a ghost at work today bc I was so upset. and she like tapped the side of my face to distract me from my sulking and it’s like #thank you. but you are the reason. i know u didn’t mean it that way. but I’m still about to cry #also I realized later that part of the reason I was upset was hormonal things and I was like oh you’ve got to be kidding me and immediately #was like cool cool I don’t care anymore. that was a waste of my time. and was numb to it. i gotta text my friend what happened lol #literally snapped out of it as soon as I realized. but yeah that the comment and some real bad memories threw me for a whirl today #soup talks

[papus-clown-enclosure]

Hmmmmm want to ramble vent about my moms asshole sister but also like

😶

#papuka rambles #sometimes i wonder if my mom doesnt get it or is in denial #like i get understand trying to keep the peace for her family because there are enough problems #and there a lot of them going on #but like actual child abuse went on cause by her sister #mostly my brother went thru that bc i dont think what i wnet thru probably was #tho my bro says im obviously traumatized #shes too trying to be optimistic sometimes #she says you cant hate someone forever its not good for your health. #bruh #i love my mom dearly but i think shes only gonna get it if someone else explains it to her #its frustrating that i have a hard time articulating my thoughts but even worse when in spanish #personal vent #sort of #uh ask to tag #child abuse mention #dont worry she kicked her sister out #or allowed to come over #but moms side doesnt know im guessing #and i had to write a letter of recommendation essentially bc the asshole aunt is trying to get papers #mom says ur not supposed to deny people trying to get papers #and like would it be assholeish and not okay to deny my aunt 🤔 #in the end i had no choice tbh