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onceuponaloonatic · 10 months

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“Mom?” Nayeon sighed from where she was doing dishes. She loved her daughter, she really did, but her head hurt and she knew her daughter was going to ask her questions Nayeon didn’t want to think about the answer to.

“Yes sunshine?” Nayoen set the dish she was doing down and quickly peeled off the bright yellow dish gloves that she had been wearing for the past fifteen minutes. She had let the dishes pile up again, and it had caused another argument between her and Jihyo. Nayeon really didn’t like being the one to cave, to be the one who did the dishes, to be the one losing. But, Jihyo did have a point, it was starting to get ridiculous how many half washed dishes were sitting in their sink.

“When is mama going to be home?” Nayeon knew this question was coming, but she really really did not want to answer it. It was always hard to explain what was going on to Hyemi. She was sure the girl had noticed there was something going on between her and Jihyo, but she hoped to god Hyemi hadn’t figured out the truth. “She said she would be home early today.” “I don’t know Hye.” Nayeon sighed. “She does important work-”

“But she promised we would work on my science project together.” Hyemi whined. Nayeon did faintly remember her wife promising that.

“I can help you if you need it, lovebug.” “It has to be mama.” Hyemi insisted. That was the answer Nayeon was expecting, but that didn’t stop her from offering. “Well, bedtime is coming up soon, so you might just have to wait until the weekend to work on it.” Nayeon eyed the clock with a sigh. It was already well past eight pm, and there was still no sign of Jihyo. No text. No call. Nothing. Hyemi was right, she was supposed to get off early that night. “The science fair is next week mom.” Hyemi did her best to stifle a yawn, but it broke through her little lips. Nayeon’s heart ached a bit for Hyemi. Lately, Jihyo had been picking up more and more shifts at the hospital. And while it did give Nayeon more space and time to think, it was having devastating consequences on Hyemi. “Mama said she would help, but she’s only been here to help once. Does she even care?” “She does sunshine.” Nayeon opened her arms for Hyemi. Her daughter ran into them instantly, hugging Nayeon as tightly as she could. “Mama loves you, and she wants to help you with your project. There’s just a lot of people who need saving.” “I know.” Nayeon could hear the way Hyemi was choking up. Nayeon felt sick to her stomach at the thought of Hyemi crying because of Jihyo.

“I’m sorry.” Nayeon whispered, kissing Hyemi’s head. She bent down and picked Hyemi up slowly. It was a lot harder than it used to be, her daughter had grown a lot since the days Nayeon used to pick her up with ease and comfort her. Hyemi settled into her arms, holding onto Nayeon’s shirt the same way she used to when she was a baby.

The minute the sound of the front door being unlocked was heard though, Hyemi was immediately jumping off of Nayeon. “Mama!” “Hyemi!” Nayeon could hear their giggling from the other room. There was a time the sound of that used to fill her with so much happiness. She doesn’t remember when the sound of Jihyo being home started to fill her with dread. Nayeon could hear Hyemi’s giggling getting closer as she stood in the living room. She wasn’t entirely sure what to do with herself, if Jihyo even wanted to see her.

“Hi.” Nayeon was pulled out of her internal debate when she heard Jihyo’s voice.

“Welcome home.” Nayeon forced a smile on her face. “How was work?” Neither could look each other in the eye anymore. Really, Nayeon had no idea how they had come to this. They used to be so in love, it made all their friends gag. But what they had now, the inability to look each other in the eyes and the stupid fights started over petty thoughts, could barely be discribed as love. “It was good.” Jihyo nodded. “Mama! We need to work on my science project!” Hyemi whined.

“Oh shoot. I’m sorry I forgot Hyemi. Let me get some dinner and then we can take a look at what you have okay?” “Jihyo, it's already almost her bedtime.” Nayeon pointed out, looking over at the clock. Hyemi was supposed to be getting ready for bed right then, not getting ready to show her mama her project. “Please mom.” Hyemi begged.

“Okay.” Nayeon nodded. “Thirty minutes.”

“Yay!” Hyemi let go of Jihyo and followed her into the kitchen, excitedly talking about her potato clock and how it worked. Nayeon decided to retreat to her office for a bit. Jihyo would keep Hyemi more than occupied, and she did have some work she did need to get done. She had made the decision to start working from home when Hyemi started elementary school, since her old office was too far away from Hyemi's school for her to be able to get there on time to pick her up. Jihyo usually worked until dinner, so picking Hyemi up was never an option for her. Nayeon had liked working from home, at least at first. She got to spend extra time with Jihyo in bed and she got the afternoon to be with Hyemi. But now, she sort of wished she had an excuse to leave the house every day.

Nayeon settled at her computer after finding her glasses. Jihyo had surprised her with the home office when they first moved in. Nayeon used to love the office, but now looking at all the little things Jihyo had done for her made her stomach churn.

Nayeon doesn't even notice how much time has passed until she hears the door behind her open. She feels arms wrap around her from behind, and instead of relaxing in them like she used to, she found herself more tense.

“I put Hyemi to bed.” Jihyo whispered against her ear as Nayeon typed.

“Thank you.” Nayeon finally allowed herself to relax. It seemed Jihyo was ready to pretend like everything was perfect again. This was the cycle they had fallen into. Some days, everything was fine. Others, they couldn't even look at each other without fighting.

“I'm sorry about the dishes. I know you also have work and I shouldn't have gotten mad. I was actually going to do them for you this morning, but I got called in super early.” Jihyo put one hand over Nayeon’s arm.

“It's okay.” Nayeon couldn't help herself from falling into her old habits. Even if she pretended like she didn't, she still loved Jihyo. “Really. I’m sorry for being a little aggressive.”

“It’s okay.” Jihyo reassured. “I saw Sana today.”

“Oh really?” That made Nayeon stop typing.

“Yeah. Her and Momo are still fighting I think, but she did stop by to give Momo some lunch and visit Nico.”

“Oh well that's an improvement. How is Nico?”

“I think- I think she's doing a little better.” Jihyo nodded. “She started a new treatment recently, and I think it's helping.”

“That's amazing.” Nayeon saved her code and closed out the window on her computer, satisfied with what she had done for the night. “I’m sure it’s hard for Sana and Momo. I don't know what I would do if Hyemi was in Nico’s place.”

“I don't either. Momo is really really frustrated about the whole thing, which honestly I think I would feel the same. They did all that research on a donor, only to find out later that the person lied on the application.” Jihyo sighed.

“I agree. Sana is so torn up about the whole thing. She comes over a lot while you are at work. She acts like she's fine, but I know this whole situation is eating at her.” Nayeon knew all too well what this had done to their friends. She had held Sana while she sobbed to Nayeon about how unfair everything was; how much their daughter was suffering, how much their marriage was suffering, all because of one person's negligence.

“Momo is the same. She's been working so much lately, I think so she doesn't have to go home. I’ve offered to let her stay here, but she says she would rather stay with Nico.”

“As much as I think Nico needs the company, I don't think that's very good for Momo if it's every night. I mean, I’m sure it's hard to sleep with all the anxiety and beeping of machines and such. Plus I don't remember there being an extra bed in there. It must be uncomfortable.” Nayeon commented.

“She says she's gotten used to it. I heard the recent fight between her and Sana is bad.”

“Yeah me too. I mean, it was a little much of Momo to ask Sana to quit her job to take care of Nico. I know what Nico has is really serious and she will probably need someone to take care of her at least until her condition is a bit more stable, but it's still a big ask on Momo’s part.”

“I- I don't know. Blood disorders are... Complicated.There isn’t a cure for what Nico has, and the life expectancy is so all over the place. Some days, Nico is a normal kid, and others we have to sedate her because she won’t stop screaming how much it hurts. If Hyemi were in Nico’s place… I would probably want someone we trust here with her. Sana’s and Momo’s families live in a different country, and since Jeongyeon left, there aren't really many other people for Momo to turn to.” Jihyo’s arms loosened on Nayeon. Nayeon was sure this wasn’t going to end well.

“I just think that Momo shouldn’t expect Sana to just drop everything because Momo asked her to. Sana has already cut her hours back as much as she can for Nico. All Momo’s done is add more hours to her schedule and complain Sana isn’t doing enough.” Nayeon failed to mention how they were in a somewhat similar situation. Not nearly as extreme, as Jihyo still came home most nights and Nayeon still was able to work as many hours as she wanted to from home, but Sana’s job as a lawyer made it harder for her to work from home. “Plus, if I remember correctly, doesn’t Momo hate her job?” Really, Nayeon feels like she’s playing with fire the more she speaks. These are all sensitive topics, and a part of Nayeon knows she shouldn’t be bringing them up the night after they had a huge fight. “Momo doesn’t hate it.” Jihyo rolled her eyes. Her arms slipped from Nayeon’s side, and Nayeon was starting to regret bringing these things up. “She just- it wasn’t her first career choice. But she likes being a physical therapist. Even if she used to complain that her parents forced her to go to medical school, she likes the decision now.”

“Okay, but do you know who also likes her job? Sana. She actually wanted to go to law school. Momo can’t just force her to throw away all of that work. It’s just ridiculous. I know Nico needs someone, but can’t they just fucking take turns or something? Why does Sana have to give up everything and Momo has to give up nothing? How in the hell is that fair? If this happened to Hyemi, would you ask the same thing of me?” Nayeon hates the silence she gets in response. She feels white hot anger run through her blood stream at the thought. “Seriously Jihyo- you would expect me to give up on my entire career and everything I’ve worked for just like that?” “I-” Jihyo’s response is cut off by a familiar loud beeping in Jihyo’s pocket. “You're on call?” Nayeon asked. “You told me you weren’t going to be on call at night anymore. You know it wakes up Hyemi.” “I know- I had to trade with someone.” Jihyo sighed, taking the infernal thing out of her pocket. “I have to go.” “Go then.” Nayeon rolled her eyes. Two distinct parts of her start to wage an internal war at the thought of asking Jihyo to stay. Part of her is upset at her wife. Jihyo had said she wouldn’t do this anymore. Not only does it wake up Hyemi, it usually makes Jihyo so exhausted she can’t wake up and take Hyemi to school in the morning. Which fucks up the entire routine they have down, and guarantees the day is going to be horrible. Jihyo had promised when Hyemi was six she wasn’t going to take any shifts that had her on call at night. And Nayeon feels angry that she broke it. The other part of her is hung up on the fact she’s almost too tired to care anymore.

“I’ll be back as soon as I can.” Nayeon doesn’t say anything else as Jihyo leaves. She hears her try to be quiet, try to not wake up Hyemi, but their loud front door and the loud beeping in Jihyo’s pocket made it nearly impossible to not wake up everyone in the house.

“Mom?” Nayeon sighed when she turned to see Hyemi standing in the hallway, by the open door to her office.

“Hey sweetheart, let’s get you back to sleep.” Nayeon stood up from her office chair, closing her laptop screen and going to hold Hyemi’s hand.

“Did Mama leave?” Hyemi asked, stifling a yawn as Nayeon led her towards her room. A quick glance at her watch told Nayeon it was almost eleven thirty.

“She, got called into work, yes.” Nayeon hated how much she struggled to get the words out. “She will be back soon, but you need to sleep okay?” “Okay.” Hyemi yawned again as they entered her room. Hyemi immediately crawled into her bed and got comfortable before Nayeon could even give her a good night kiss. “Mom?” “Yes?” Nayeon asked.

“Do you miss mama too?” Nayeon hated how much her chest tightened at the question. Hyemi’s eyes were closed as she cuddled close to her favorite stuffed sheep her Aunt had bought for her.

“I- Of course I do Hyemi.” Nayeon sighed. “But, it’s time for bed.” “Okay.” Hyemi seemed to accept her answer, closing her eyes. Nayeon made her way out of her room as quietly as possible before going to the master bedroom. She didn’t expect Jihyo to be back for a while.

Nayeon hated the dissonance brought about by the deafening silence of the bedroom and the loud screaming of her thoughts.

Sana remembered the first time the pain started.

Nico was only around five months old at the time. It was a night Sana was happy her daughter wouldn’t remember.

Nico had been a little lethargic the entire day, so they had assumed she was coming down with a fever and put her to bed early. A few hours later, they were woken up to pain filled sobs. Sana still can remember the fear pulsing through her, the way her heartbeat felt like it was going to burst out of her chest any moment, it still remained the worst day in her recent years. Sana hated feeling so helpless watching her precious daughter be in so much pain.

Momo’s specialty was physical therapy, so she tried to stay calm and figure out what was wrong with their daughter. Nico was too young, and in too much pain, to explain what was happening beyond cries of utter agony. When Momo moved to pick her up, she screamed even louder somehow. Sana couldn’t help how panicked she felt, and both of them agreed the best thing to do is let Momo drive while Sana held Nico. Sana did her best to try not to touch Nico more than she had to, as it seemed to make her pain worse.

Sana remembers finding the smallest amount of comfort in Momo’s arms as the doctors ran tests on Nico. She felt like the entire world was ending, and Momo was the only thing keeping her grounded to reality.They were in the room for most of the testing done on Nico, and Sana remembers holding her tiny hand after they sedated her. Apparently, Nico was moving around too much for them to take proper samples, and it would be in everyone’s best interest if she was asleep. Sana remembers being thankful that the pain wrenching sobs that made her heart feel like it was shattering stopped.

Momo barely spoke as she held Sana. Sana was sure she was just as frazzled, but Momo was doing her best to keep her calm for Sana.

A few hours later, they were given a diagnosis that made no sense. Sana was the one who had carried Nico. When they talked about having a baby, Momo had expressed little interest in the prospect of carrying. She loved dancing too much and since her job required her to be on her feet more often than Sana, Sana seemed like the natural choice. Sana had gone to her parents before they started IVF treatment, and had asked them if there were any genetic conditions they would have to worry about, and her parents told her that besides anemia, which Sana already knew about, they were all healthy. The donor had said the same thing on their application, so they had been expecting to have a healthy baby. However, they diagnosed Nico with a condition she only could have gotten through genetic inheritance. It didn’t take long to realize someone was lying.

Sana just remembers being angry. She wasn’t sure if the person genuinely didn’t know or if they just didn’t care, but she couldn’t help but feel frustrated at their donor. The worst part was the fact they didn’t even know who it was. Some anonymous person caused her daughter pain, and Sana knew she would never forgive them.

Momo didn’t take too well to the diagnosis. Both of them were angry, not at each other, but for the circumstances that caused their daughter so much pain. Nico was suffering, and was going to continue to suffer, because someone didn’t mention a familial history of blood disease. It was hard to not feel frustrated by the entire thing.

And truthfully, Sana had no idea if the frustration had faded at all over the years, or if they were still the two frustrated parents with no proper place to direct their anger.

Sana hummed as she walked down the hallways of the hospital. In one hand, she had a medium sized teddy bear she had gotten on the way home from work the other day; and in the other she had a pink hello kitty themed lunch. Really, she was in a good mood today. It was nice, she hadn’t been in a good mood in a while.

“Mommy!” The smile on Sana’s face only got wider when she saw Nico.

“Hey baby.” Sana kissed Nico’s forehead. She wasn’t attached to many machines today, which was great. Sana had heard she was doing a bit better lately. “How are you feeling?” “Good! Mama gave me a sticker cause I was really good for Doctor Song.” Sana sat next to Nico, smiling at her as she talked.

“Oh yeah? Well Mommy got you a gift.” Sana handed over the bear, Nico looking at it excitedly. “Do you know what animal this is?” “Kuma-san!” Nico giggled. She had many other stuffed animals, including bears, so Sana knew she knew what it was. She just wasn’t expecting her daughter to blurt it out in Japanese.

“Yeah, did mama teach you that?” Sana asked.

“Mama said kuma means bear in Japanese.” Nico nodded. “Wow. You're so smart.” Sana kissed Nico’s forehead. “I brought you some food too. It’s the salmon onigiri you said you liked last time.” “Salmon!” Nico giggled with a huge smile. Sana couldn’t help the elation that she was able to bring Nico a small amount of joy.

“Sana?” Sana felt herself freeze when she heard her name. She was halfway through peeling an orange for her daughter, and her hands dripped with the sticky juice of a ripe orange.

“Hi love.” Sana let out a breath she didn’t know she was holding in. “I didn’t know you were stopping by.” Momo moved to the other side of Nico’s bed, her scrubs from yesterday still on. Sana wondered if she slept at all since the last time they saw each other.

“I was bringing Nico some salmon onigiri. I have extra if you are hungry.”

“No I… Just ate.” Momo nodded, watching as Sana resumed peeling the orange. “Mama!” Nico turned to Momo. “Want one?” “No, it’s all for you kiddo.” Momo pat Nico’s head. “Thanks for sharing though.” “Mama shares her food with me.” Nico shrugged between bites. “Mommy these are yummy.” “Yeah? I’m happy you're enjoying them. I know the food here isn’t the best.” Sana put the oranges pieces in with the rest of Nico’s food. Really, cooking was not her strong suit. But recently, she had been making a lot of salmon onigiri. Nico loved it, Momo loved it, and it was easy. It was something Sana could make during the suffocating silence of the hours spent at home by herself. She wished she could spend more of them with Nico, but because of visitor hours, she could only come for a small part of the day. Sometimes, she found herself really frustrated by the hospital rules.

“Mommy’s food is way better.” Nico giggled. “Well, Mama’s food is the best.” “What? No way.” Sana acted offended as if she didn’t already know her wife’s cooking was better. Momo used to be the only one who cooked for them, but it had been a while since Momo had been home long enough to make dinner or really anything.

“So mine is better?” Momo gave Sana a teasing smirk and for the first time in a while Sana felt like the old Momo was back. It was just for a small moment, but she couldn’t help the beating of her heart and the excitement at the concept of her wife’s old self being back. She missed a Momo who could stand to look at her for more than three seconds. A Momo who would come home for anything but laundry and the occasional times her boss forced her to. A Momo who would come home for her.

“Mama makes the best food.” Nico nodded, taking a bite of orange. “But Mommy’s is good too.” “Oh, you're all here.” Sana was surprised when she heard another voice. She immediately felt like the moment had been broken. “Good, there’s something I need to talk about.”

“Of course.” Momo’s face dropped as she turned to face Nico’s doctor. “Nico, I’m going to be talking to your moms, so you can go ahead and finish your lunch okay?” The doctor addressed Nico, who nodded and focused on the food in front of her. Even after years with her current doctor, she had never quite warmed up to her. “Some of the other doctors and I have been discussing Nico and we think she might be a good candidate for stem cell treatment.” Sana noticed the way Momo tensed at the statement. She didn’t entirely know what it meant, but she didn't like Momo’s immediate reaction. “We know there are a lot of risks, but she’s young enough the risks are a lot lower than they would be if we tried to do this later. Of course, it’s up to you guys, but it might be the only shot we have at possibly curing her.”

“Can you explain a little bit more about the entire thing to me? Sorry, I’m not a doctor.” Sana forced herself to let out an awkward laugh.

“Oh yes of course. Stem cell treatments involve taking stem cells from the bone marrow of a matching donor and replacing the bone marrow Nico currently has. It’s a very new treatment, and finding a perfect donor could be difficult, but if everything works perfectly, her body should be better at producing healthy red blood cells. I can’t guarantee it will cure her, but at the very least her symptoms will be significantly improved.”

“In the short term.” Momo butt in. “There isn’t much research about stem cell treatments in the long term. Plus, the mortality rate is high.”

“In kids her age, it’s only around five percent.” Sana hated how casual that sounded. Five percent? There was a five percent chance Nico could die? That was much too high of a chance for Sana. “In kids under sixteen, the success rate is over eighty five percent. You're welcome to think it over, but as her doctor, I’m going to recommend this as the best course of action.” Sana watched as the doctor left, closing the door behind her. “We’re not doing that.” Momo sighed once he left. “The risks are too high.” “I mean I know the risks are high… But it’s something we should think about isn’t it?” Sana took one of Nico’s hands. Nico looked at her with a little smile, keeping her mouth shut as she chewed on some orange slices.

“I don’t want her to get hurt.” “She’s already hurt.” Sana sighed.

“She could die, Sana.” “She could die anyway Momo.”

“I would rather take my chance knowing we aren’t the ones killing her.”

“Look, let’s not do this here.” Sana looked over at Nico, who was staring at both of them with wide eyes. She looked terrified. “All done?” “Uh-hum.” Nico nodded and then yawned.

“Tired?” Nico nodded as Sana pushed her bangs back. “Let’s get you to sleep then.” Sana kissed Nico’s forehead and moved the lunch box away. She helped Nico lay down and kissed her forehead, pulling the white hospital bed sheets over Nico. “Sweet dreams baby.” “Night Nico.” Momo muttered, watching as Sana gave their daughter another kiss before moving to turn the lights off in Nico’s room. Once she was done, Sana stood up and walked out, not even bothering to say anything else to the wife she barely recognized anymore.

“Sana please don’t lay on my floor. I’m trying to clean.” Nayeon rolled her eyes as she poked Sana with the vacuum cleaner. It was turned off, but Nayeon was trying to get everything clean before her daughter got home.

“I don’t know what to do, Unnie.” Sana whined, rolling onto her side.

“Well, you aren’t going to figure it out lying on the floor like that.” Nayeon rolled her eyes. “If you are going to mope, do it on the couch so I don’t vacuum you.” Sana whined, but moved onto the couch. Nayeon could tell Sana was trying to get her attention, but she wasn’t going to break her concentration on the task at hand. They had needed to vacuum for ages and since Jihyo had decided to take another Saturday shift, the task fell to her. And she wasn’t going to be interrupted. Nope. Not even when Sana whined like a kicked puppy. Or when she mopes on the floor. Or when she continued to make the saddest noises-

“My god Sana, what is it?” Nayeon sighed, setting the vacuum down. She went over to Sana’s side, letting the younger girl rest her head in her lap. Sana had always been like a little sister to her, and even if she was in the middle of something, she couldn’t ignore her when she was distressed.

“Momo is being stubborn.” “When is she not?” Nayeon rolled her eyes. “No, but this is about something really important to Nico.” Sana nodded. “Her doctor wants to do stem cell treatment on her. It’s some new treatment where they will replace all of her bone marrow with a donor’s. Momo thinks it’s too dangerous, but I did some research on it and while there is a risk, I think it might be worth it.” “Why?” “Well, cause we never know if Nico is going to get worse. I don’t want to go to the hospital one day and for them to tell me my daughter only has a few days left to live. I don’t want her to be in the hospital at all anymore. The procedure has a success rate of over eighty five percent. Am I crazy for thinking it might be a good idea?” Nayeon sighed, brushing Sana’s hair out of her face.

“No, you aren’t.” Nayeon muttered. “That’s… Complicated. I can understand where Momo is coming from. She’s probably just worried that there isn’t guaranteed success.” “So she’s just supposed to be in pain forever? The doctors told us her life expectancy could change at any moment. I’m just scared that if we don’t act now, we might not get a choice later. Momo just cannot understand. She won’t even talk to me right now.” “I’m sorry, Satang. I know this is hard.” Nayeon sighed. “I mean, I can’t tell you what to do about the whole treatment thing. It is truly up to you and Momo. But if you think the risk is worth it, I do believe talking to Momo about it again would be for the best. Maybe there’s something she knows and you don’t. She did go to medical school.” “And she specialized in physical therapy.” Sana added. “I know she still had to learn other stuff, but let’s be honest, blood diseases aren’t exactly her forte.”

“Would you maybe want to talk to Jihyo? I know she specializes in heart surgery, but it’s closer to what you're looking for right?” Nayeon offered. She didn’t want to mention how she didn’t even know the next time Jihyo was going to be home. She guessed if she texted though, Jihyo would come home immediately. That was one of the more frustrating things about all of this to Nayeon. Jihyo was still a good person, despite their slowly deteriorating marriage, Jihyo would still do almost anything if she asked.

“Maybe?” Sana sighed. “I don’t know. She and Momo are like best friends.” “Jihyo wouldn’t let that cloud her judgment.” Nayeon started gently braiding Sana’s hair. “She’s not… That’s not how Jihyo is.” Nayeon chose not to mention that really, she has no idea what her wife is like anymore. “I can ask her if she has any friends that specialize in blood disorders, that might be helpful right?” “I guess.” Sana whined, rolling so her back was on Nayeon’s lap and she was looking up at the older girl. “How is Jihyo?” Nayeon hated how Sana’s eyes got soft as she asked the question.

“She's fine.” Nayeon avoided Sana’s gaze as she stormed a hand through Sana’s hair.

“How are you two doing?”

“We’re fine.” Nayeon tried to make it obvious she didn't want to talk about it. Sana seemed to catch on, taking Nayeon’s hand in her own and squeezing it.

“If you ever need to talk about it, I’m here.” Nayeon almost melted over the sincerity in Sana’s gaze.

“Thanks.” Nayeon let out a breath. She wanted to let it all go, to let all of her frustrations and tears spill over, but all she could let out was a small sigh.

“I miss Momo.” Sana said after a few beats of silence. “I miss her wanting to come home. I miss being able to talk to her without fighting. I miss my wife, Nayeonie.” And Nayeon knew that feeling all too well. She missed Jihyo too. She missed when Jihyo would look at her like she was everything in the world. She missed when Jihyo’s arms didn't feel like a weight around her.

“I’m sorry.” Nayeon sighed, putting a hand on Sana’s cheek. She really had no idea what to say to her friend to make her feel better. After all, she was going through the same thing. “You're too pretty for Momo.”

“Where is that coming from?” Sana giggled.

“Nowhere.” Nayeon smiled back. She knew Sana loved casual flirting, and she missed the days it was commonplace between them. They never meant anything by it, but it was a way in which Nayeon and Sana showed love.

“Thank you Nayeonie.” Sana smiled, placing a kiss on Nayeon's cheek as she stood up. “You're not too bad yourself.”

“Oh?” Nayeon raised an eyebrow. “Just not too bad?” A teasing smirk came across Nayeon’s face as her hands reached for Sana’s sides, causing the younger girl to erupt into giggles.

“Nayeon Unnie!” Sana screamed, falling back onto the couch as Nayeon tickled her. Nayeon smiled, feeling lighter than she had in a while as she joked around with her closest friend. She had missed joking around with Sana like this. Nayeon abruptly stopped when Sana pushed her off. Confused, it took a second for Nayeon to see what had happened.

“Nayeon.” Nayeon looked up to see her wife, an unreadable look on her face.

“Jihyo, I didn't know you were going to be home early.” Nayeon stood up, offering Sana a hand to help her up.

“Hi Hyo.” Sana gave Jihyo a small smile, but the look on Jihyo’s face was less than friendly. “I was just leaving, but it was nice seeing you.”

“Sana-” Sana had already left before Nayeon could address her friend. She was confused by the look on Jihyo’s face. She looked angry.

“What?”

“How long?” Jihyo asked.

“How long have I what?” Nayeon asked.

“Been, you know, with Sana?”

“Jihyo what the hell?” Nayeon asked. “We were just playing.”

“Didn't look like it.”

“Jihyo, Sana and I have absolutely nothing going on.” Nayeon was confused more than anything. Her and Sana’s friendship had always been casual flirting and playful touches. Sure she was practically on top of Sana tickling her but that wasn't out of the ordinary for them.

“Are you sure?” Jihyo’s eyes seemed glazed over as she stared at Nayeon.

“Park Jihyo.” Anger was starting to cut through Nayeon’s confusion. “We’ve had our fair share of petty arguments, but are you really going to stand there and accuse me of cheating on you?”

“Were you?”

“Jihyo!” Nayeon snapped. “I was just trying to make Sana smile. I was tickling her, something you have watched me do before and you have done with Momo and Jeongyeon.”

“But that smile-”

“God Jihyo, what smile?” Nayeon asked. “This smile? The one I use with my friends?” Nayeon forced herself to smile but knew her own point was getting a little lost. “Just because you haven't made me smile in weeks doesn’t mean I’m cheating on you with the first person I smile at.” Nayeon regretted the words as soon as they came out of her mouth. Jihyo’s face morphed into pure grief, tears coming to Nayeon’s eyes at her own words.

Yes, she was upset with Jihyo. And yes, she had absolutely no right to accuse her of cheating, but Nayeon had taken it too far. Even she knew that.

Jihyo didn't say anything as she walked out of the house. Nayeon let her leave without protest.

Hyemi comes home to Nayeon stuck in the same spot on the floor. Tears were clinging to Nayeon’s eyes, but she didn't allow herself to cry. She wants to scream and shout and let every ugly emotion stuffed inside her out, but as her daughter is eyeing her with wide eyes, she knows now isn't the time.

“Sorry sunshine. I stubbed my toe.” Nayeon quickly apologized when her daughter found her on the floor. “It hurt before, but I’m okay now.” Hyemi just nodded, clearly shaken up by Nayeon’s state. “Why don't you start on your homework?”

“Is mama home?” Nayeon felt her heart shatter for the second time at the question.

“No… She's… Still at work. Sorry kiddo.” Hyemi just nodded, walking over to the kitchen. Nayeon picked up the vacuum, and sighed at how little progress she had made.

Jihyo doesn't come home until midnight. Nayeon had expected her to come home late, but was surprised when she felt arms wrap around her and tears soaking the back of her shirt.

“I’m so sorry.” Jihyo sobbed. “I’m so sorry Nayeon.” Nayeon doesn't know what to say. “I shouldn't have accused you of that. That wasn't fair, god i don't even know why I thought that. I’m so sorry.” Nayeon feels herself torn between two options. One, she could ignore Jihyo and hold onto the anger still clawing at her insides. or two, she could roll over, wrap her arms around Jihyo, and pretend like she forgave her.

Nayeon knew she was still mad. And she knew sweeping this under the rug wasn't going to make her anger go away. But the sound of Jihyo’s broken sobs and promises to do better broke her faster than she liked to admit.

“It's okay Jihyo.” Nayeon rolled over and wrapped her arms around her wife.

“Are we okay Nayeon?” Jihyo sounded so broken asking. Nayeon hated the answer.

“Of course we're okay.” Nayeon muttered. “It's just a rough patch. We’ll be okay.” Jihyo muttered a sleepy I love you as Nayeon placed a kiss on her wife’s hair. Both of them knew Nayeon was lying.

“Momoring!” Sana knew she shouldn't let her excitement show too much. Since their argument about Nico’s treatment, Momo had been avoiding her entirely. Before, they rarely saw each other. Now, Sana hadn't seen her in over two weeks. She still visited her daughter, but every time Sana was at the hospital Momo miraculously happened to be missing. Sana was going crazy at home. Ever since the incident at Nayeon’s, she had been a little scared she had started something between Nayeon and Jihyo. Nayeon assured her it was fine, but she knew their marriage was already fragile, and Sana didn't trust herself enough to keep the casual flirting at bay until things went back to normal.

If they ever went back to normal. Sana was getting scared this rough patch in their lives was never going to end.

“Hi Sana.” Momo looked exhausted. “Did you make that?” Momo pointed to Sana’s dinner.

“No, I got take out.” Sana sheepishly grinned. “There's some left overs, if you're hungry.”

“Sure.” Sana was elated with how much Momo was talking with her. Since their big argument about Sana’s work schedule, they hadn't talked much. But now, Sana was seeing pieces of her wife in the woman standing before her.

“How's Nico?” Truthfully, Sana didn't know what else to ask.

“She's okay. She was in a lot of pain today, so she went to sleep early.” Momo made herself a plate with various leftovers.

“Oh no.” Sana sighed. “I hope she feels better tomorrow.”

“Me too.” Sana could tell they were both walking on eggshells. Momo looked to be exhausted, the bags under her eyes clear as she sat across from Sana at the table. “Hey, I’m sorry we've been fighting so much.” Sana couldn't stop herself. She just hated being so far apart from Momo. Even with all the fighting and cold shoulders, she knew she still loved Momo. “I could have behaved better, and I’m sorry.”

“I’m sorry too.” Momo whispered. “I shouldn't have avoided you for two weeks.”

“Can we just be Momo and Sana again for tonight?” Sana asked, her heart literally aching for the woman in front of her. “No fighting, no ignoring, just Samo for one night.”

“Sana…” Momo trailed off.

“Please Momo.” Sana looked into Momo’s tired eyes, tears gathering at the corner of her eyes as she begged.

“Sure.” Momo put her chopsticks down.

“Thank you.” Sana could feel the firm stretching across her face. As she reached over for her love’s hand, she couldn't help the void that filled her when Momo flinched at her touch.

Momo is gone the next morning. Sana can only sigh, roll out of bed, and look into the mirror to prove to herself that Momo was indeed with her last night. She thought the little bites and marks would feel good the next morning, would make her feel like she belonged to Momo again, that Momo wanted her, but Sana teared up at the realization that the marks dotting her skin only made her feel emptier.

She calls out of work that day, and spends the whole day sobbing into Momo’s cold pillow.

“Mama is going to be so happy to see us!” Hyemi giggled as she skipped towards the hospital. Typically, Nayeon and Jihyo weren't huge fans of Hyemi visiting Jihyo at work. Hospitals weren't places for kids to be running around, and they had agreed early on that Nayeon would stop her impromptu hospital visits to see Jihyo.

But Hyemi had been asking for Jihyo all day, and it was driving Nayeon up the fucking wall. She loved her daughter to death, but listening to her ask when Jihyo was getting home every five minutes was tiring her beyond belief.

“Hyemi we agreed that you have to behave okay?” Nayeon called. She had texted Jihyo to let her know they were coming, and had even called to make sure her wife wasn't in surgery before she left, but Nayeon still couldn't help the mounting anxiety.

“She's so cute.” Sana giggled from next to her. Sana had tagged along under the guise of visiting her own daughter.

“She's a handful.” Nayeon rolled her eyes. “Hyemi what are the rules?”

“No wandering off, no getting in someone’s way, and no bothering mama’s patients. I know what to do mommy.” Hyemi giggled.

“If you say so.” Nayeon sighed, hearing Sana’s laugh from next to her.

“We’re here to see Dr Park, I called you a little while ago.” Nayeon had grabbed Hyemi’s hand as soon as they were inside, but Nayeon had stopped her before she could talk to the receptionist.

“Ah yes, you must be Dr Park’s wife and daughter. Let me get visitor passes.”

“And I’m here with them. But I’m also going to visit my daughter.” Sana flashed the receptionist a smile.

“Hi Mrs Minatozaki, of course. I’ll get you a pass as well.” The receptionist smiled as she got their passes, Nayeon helping Hyemi clip hers to her bright yellow sweater. “Dr Park should be in her office, I trust you know where it is?”

“Yes.” Nayeon nodded. “Sana, are you coming with us?”

“Sure.” Sana nodded. “I might not stick around for too long though.”

“That's okay.” Nayeon smiled as she led them toward the elevator.

“I’ll click the button!” Hyemi giggled, running up the elevator panel. “Which one?”

“Floor 20.” Hyemi nodded and clicked the button, practically bouncing with excitement as the elevator went up. Nayeon couldn't help the mounting anxiety as they went. Jihyo hadn't answered her text saying they were coming to visit, and while Jihyo could get sucked into work sometimes, she usually responded if it had to do with Hyemi. Nayeon couldn't help but feel like this whole excursion was going to cause another argument between them.

When they reached the twentieth floor, Hyemi practically sprinted out of the elevator.

“Hyemi! No running off!” Nayeon followed her. Sana only giggled at the interaction. “This way.” Nayeon led them down the hallway. Thankfully, it didn't seem too crowded today. Nayeon was worried the huddle and bustle of the hospital would scare Hyemi, but it seemed to be pretty calm. No people were dramatically being wheeled around and there wasn't any blood out in the open. Nayeon was happy Hyemi wasn't going to have to see any of that.

Once they reach the door, Hyemi wants to run inside, but Nayeon reminds her to knock.

“Mama!” Hyemi yells, but Nayeon immediately shhs her.

“Baby we are in a hospital.” Nayeon blushed at the glares from the nurses at Hyemi’s screaming. Hyemi pouted, but knocked one more time. When she didn't get an answer, she immediately went to open the door. Nayeon sighed, but knew her wife wouldn't be mad at their adorable daughter. The receptionist had said Jihyo should be in her office, but Nayeon guessed she might be out or wearing headphones.

She never would have guessed what happened when Hyemi threw the door open.

It all felt like it was happening at double speed. One second, they were knocking on a closed door, the next Nayeon was slamming it shut, hurt and anger smeared across her face. Hyemi, who was standing next to Nayeon, looked terrified and confused as Sana’s frame shook. Nayeon felt her entire heart shatter as she processed what she had just seen.

“Mommy? Why was Aunt Momo kissing Mama?” Nayeon couldn't answer her daughter. Her heart felt like it was working overtime as emotions flooded through her. Pain, anger, sadness, anger. They all flooded her system faster than she could think. All she could hear was the sound of her own heart and Sana gut wrenching sobs as her entire world fell apart.

#twice #minatozaki sana #im nayeon #park jihyo #hirai momo #the ships will be kept secret for now :)

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