#not even close to all of his cool stuff like his bioshock designs... | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

jasperrollswrites · 7 years

Text

Tome of Another Realm

Another one for randomwolf91 - this time he wanted a TF into his Roegadyn character from Final Fantasy XIV.

———————

If you're not one to use a computer much, it's hard to really explain how much it sucks when it breaks. It's an escape, a way to relax, and catch up with the world. It can feel like you've been cut off from something very important in your life - even if you don't do stuff considered particularly important by most people.

This was Loez's situation now. His computer had gone on the fritz - been that way since the weekend. He still wasn't totally sure why it had happened. He'd been playing Final Fantasy XIV, when the whole thing had just suddenly cut out inexplicably. The screen went black, the fan of the computer shut off, all the lights on the tower went down. There hadn't been any sort of power cut or anything, it hadn't overheated. It just wouldn't turn back on at all. At least one saving grace was that he hadn't been doing anything majorly important when it had cut out.

He'd taken the computer to a shop on the Monday, and they said they'd let him know what they'd found by next week. So here he was, 4 days without a computer. No games, no important files...in the modern age of smartphones it wasn't too bad. He still had access to social media and IM chat clients, but it's never quite the same. So here he was, at home, frustrated and bored out of his mind. All he wanted was his computer back.

He was lying on his bed, fully clothed, his phone lying at his side. He couldn't really think of anything to do...well, not quite. He could think of things he could be doing, he just didn't want to do any of them. Even the things that otherwise sounded like they might be fun seemed unappealing and boring. He scratched his belly through his red t-shirt.

He stifled a yawn, even though it was the middle of the day. Maybe if he just curled up and slept now, he could sleep through to the next week, when he already had his computer back. If only it were so easy. Slowly pushing himself up, leaving his phone on the bed, he walked over to the window and stared out at the street below. Surely anything would be better than just laying in bed all day.

What could he do? Something he hadn't done in a while maybe. Nice as a computer was, by its nature if you spent too much time with it, it left you kind of a hermit. He should go out somewhere. Somewhere he hadn't been before...or maybe somewhere he had, but not in ages. Where, though?

He scratched his beardy chin, trying to think of a place to go. Maybe a restaurant or something...nah, that'd be kind of weird, going on his own. What was a good place you could go to on your own? He glanced around the room looking for ideas. Most places you went with someone. Not that he didn't necessarily have people to go with, just...

He caught himself absentmindedly staring at a bookshelf with a few books placed on it. He considered reading them, but he'd read them all already, and he didn't feel like looking at them again right now. He should probably buy some new books...or...

The library. It seemed kind of obvious, when he thought about it. They were places designed for you to be alone in, practically. Maybe he'd go, spend a few hours there. It couldn't hurt. Might make him feel less like he was trapped in this place. He pulled up his jeans at the waistline, looking around for socks to put on. It was sounding like a better idea all the time.

---

The walk to the library wasn't too far, but it was long enough for Loez's mind to drift, inevitably, back to the night his computer had shut off. He'd donned a pair of converses and a blue hoodie for his short outing, and was walking along the main street now. The sun was shining, although it was a little weak, as summer was starting to end. He adjusted his glasses. What had caused the sudden outage was still a mystery to him. He tried to remember exactly what he had been doing when it had happened. He'd just finished a mainline quest - luckily the game had saved, so he hopefully hadn't lost all that much. As far as he could remember, he'd just started a new one...something about forgotten memories or something, and then the whole thing had shut off.

He supposed what he missed the most about not having FFXIV around to play right now was his character. A handsome, stylish roegadyn, with grey skin, and muscles to spare. They were a very attractive race, he thought - a little beastly, but not too much, and naturally powerful. It was nice to play pretend at that kind of thing.

Realizing he was getting close to the library, Loez stopped thinking about his PC for once. He stopped for a moment, taking in the building. It was a pretty small local library, all red brick with some windows set in the walls. The electric sliding doors admitting entrance to the building looked a little out of place. He headed inside, getting out of the heat that was starting to make him sweat a little bit.

It was cool inside, thanks to the AC. The decor was pretty simple - dark blue carpets, white wallpaper, with some colourful leaflets and such pinned up on notice boards. The corner for kids books had some colorful paint on the walls, but otherwise, the rest was just simple wood furniture and shelves of books. It was a nice thing he'd sort of forgotten about libraries. No-one would bother you here unless you asked them to, really.

He began walking through the library, mainly sticking to the fiction section. Thinking about Final Fantasy had put him in the mood for something fantasy-based. There was a lot of books that seemed interesting, that he'd never heard of before. Some weird takes on Alice in Wonderland, a darker version of Who Framed Roger Rabbit, but about holiday mascots instead. He raised an eyebrow at a small manga section, surprised a little library like this would have something like that. He guessed it had been a while since he'd been here.

Now he was finding licensed books - books based on videogames in particular. Stuff like Halo, and BioShock, spin off books and graphic novels. He didn't feel like reading any of them in particular...then one particular book caught his eye.

It stood out, mainly by having nothing immediately identifiable about it on its cover. Unlike the hard, plastic cover of the books that surrounded it, this cover was leather, with straps bound around it. It looked very out of place. He reached towards it, pulling it out of the shelf. He was surprised to see that the straps binding the book were for real - he suspected they might have been drawn on, at first glance. He tugged at them - they looked like simple belt buckles to unstrap.

He looked around for a reading area, and saw one of the little cubicles set aside for quiet reading. Walking over, he sat down in the chair and set the book on the table - it was quite heavy, and landed with a thump. He unstrapped the bindings, and was surprised again - the book seemed to have no title. Just a nondescript, brown leather cover. Maybe there was something on the inside. He opened the cover up. There didn't seem to be any publishing information, which seemed odd. He turned a couple of pages, until he saw the first words, in a classical, somewhat large font.

"Tales of Adventure - A Realm Reborn A record of recent Eorzean history."

Loez raised an eyebrow. Figures. He'd managed to pick up a supplementary book about Final Fantasy XIV. Although, it was a little strange. Usually, Square Enix couldn't resist putting the logo all over anything related to Final Fantasy. It was a surprising amount of restraint they were showing. Maybe to make the book feel more "authentic"? He turned a couple more pages, with fingers that had thickened slightly...but only very slightly.

The book seemed to be acting as a sort of primer for the game, but as if the book itself was directly from the game, being written by an Eorzean historian. The opening section talked about the initial, infamously bad version of the game - although it didn't seem to be making as many jokes about it as Square Enix were more prone to do these days, given how bad the original version of the game was.

This section was pretty short - they seemed to be talking about it as if it was long ago, mythical times that no-one really knew all that much about. Of course, Loez, knew how it ended, with Bahamut destroying the old world, and the adventurers being sent of the world to the "realm reborn". As he read further, reminiscing about the couple of weeks he'd spent in the old version of the game, his body was changing.

He was starting to lose weight...no, that wasn't quite right. He was losing fat. His belly, which would normally push out against his shirt, was beginning to...well, it looked a little like it was deflating, at first. This wasn't quite the case, however. The fat was being converted. His stomach was losing its softness, the abdominals beginning to harden. His hips widened slightly, and he felt a warm feeling over his body. It wasn't too much, not really all that noticeable, just...pleasant.

Loez read on, to the "Realm Reborn" part, which was a bit more dense than the preceding section - mainly because the writer seemed to know more about it. As he read over the creation myth and early history, his hands were thickening further now. His digits gained extra mass, the palms of his hands broadening. There was a very slight tickle, as the tips of his fingers became more calloused, and small scars split the hand open, before the skin knitted back together. A black mark appeared around the inside of his right hand, between his thumb and forefinger, as well as on the tip of his thumb - the mark of someone who used a weapon such as a gun relatively frequently.

The book went on, about wars throughout the history of Eorzea, the various rulers and classes, races that populated the realm. Loez wondered if they were going to talk about the stuff you did in the game, and how they'd handle it. His forearms were bulking out now, gaining in muscle, any fat they had being converted. As before, there was a warm feeling going through him, but it wasn't breaking his concentration. His biceps were bulking out now, connecting up with his shoulders and back, which were getting wider - if anyone was to watch, they could see him getting bigger in the cubicle, gaining in muscle spontaneously.

His skin was beginning to lose its colour, the pink fading from his skin. He was becoming paler all over, his skin beginning to turn almost white. His back muscles were piling on the strength, that warm feeling going through his shoulder blades. It was like a pleasant massage, and the front of his body wasn't long in trying to catch up. His pecs were pushing out now. Before, they'd been soft, and kind of plump with fat, but as with the rest of his body, that fat was being converted to more muscle, the muscle of someone who spent a lot of time around physically taxing jobs.

Loez was starting to get to the actual "recent history" part of this book...and as he did, it was now his clothes turn to start changing. It started with his hoodie, the blue colour draining from it, as the soft cotton was toughening up, becoming a harder leather, the colour becoming more of a dark brown. The sleeves were riding up, exposing his much bulkier arms for a brief moment. However, they were then covered up by his undershirt, which was doing something like the opposite of his jacket, the sleeves there lengthening, but only up to the lower part of his wrists.

The zip of the hoodie simply seemed to fade away, the material knitting together into a solid piece of brown leather. Buttons were pushing out instead, marking the starts of straps that were hanging loosely down off the former hoodie. The sleeves had now come all the way up to his shoulders, before pulling back over them making his hoodie more like a tough leather vest. His shirt, meanwhile, was losing its colour. The red turned to a soft pink, before turning white. The collar rose up around his neck around the back, but the front of the collar opened up, folding back on itself. Buttons bloomed underneath the leather vest, becoming undone at the top, exposing his collarbones, and the tops of his pectoral muscles, the skin turning back from white, to a darker shade...more of a grey.

Loez pushed up his glasses with his right hand, oblivious to the changes, exemplified by the fact that the hand he'd just used was having a glove formed around it. It started simple enough, around his wrist, a similar brown to his vest. White markings drew themselves in, as the leather of the glove raised up around his hand, before stopping around his knuckles, leaving his upper fingers bare. A metal plate shimmered into place, a bit of blue light surrounding them briefly, before setting into the glove, to protect his hand.

"Eorzea has many adventurers - some may even call them heroes," the book read. "The next section of this history concerns itself with the 7th Umbral Era, an era in which there are many notable adventurers. However, perhaps the most notable would be one no-one at the time would have expected - a roegadyn by the name of Loezkirz Sykursyn."

That line made Loez stop. Because that was his name.

No, it was...the name of his character...in the game. Of course. Where had that come from? It wasn't the point. Why was his...character's name in this book? He'd figured they would just use the generic "warrior of light" nickname for anything the player did, but here it was. It was his...his...character's...name...here in the book. It wasn't drawn in. It had definitely been typed in the book. Why would they put his...character's...name...why was he getting hung up on that? With his right hand, he turned the book over to the back cover, hoping for an explanation - and noticed the glove.

"Uhhh..." Loez stammered, in a noticeably lower voice, jumping with surprise. The realisations came quick and fast - the glove, the skin, the size of the hand, then down along his bulked out forearms, biceps triceps, his pecs pushing out, the strange new clothes. No, not new clothes. He knew these clothes, they were his clothes! Uh, his character's clothes, he meant. In Final Fantasy XIV. Which was...a game. Wasn't it?

Except...that didn't feel quite right any more. His head was getting fuzzy. He was...just...a human, right? He had a computer, and stuff, and he just lived a normal life, and he played video games? That couldn't be right. He remembered it, but it didn't sound real to him. Then what was he? The roegadyn? The adventurer the book spoke of? That didn't sound real either. He looked around, but it made his head hurt more. The walls were spinning, the wallpaper was shifting...one moment it was plaster, the next it was ancient, stone brick. What was happening to him?

He looked down at the book, and his head seemed to get less fuzzy. Did the book have the answers? It seemed so strange that he should forget who he was in this way, but...just looking at the book seemed to make him feel better. He took it in his broad hands (did he have those before? He couldn't remember), and opened it up, trying to find his page again.

"...a roegadyn by the name of Loezkirz Sykursyn." The name that made him stop. Why had it bothered him so? He hadn't expected to read it...maybe if he read further it would explain. He began reading the next section in earnest, slightly fearful of what might be coming. It talked of the events of the 7th Umbral Era, the exploits of this roegadyn with the name that had made his head hurt so before. As he read on, his hair darkened in shade, going from chestnut brown to a more jet black shade. His beard was growing out, becoming fiercer, but finely combed, like he took extensive time making it look good. As he read about encounters in dungeons with fierce enemies, his softened jawline began to harden, becoming squarer. He licked his dry lips, as they thickened.

His lower body wasn't exempt from changes. His legs had packed on the muscle now, powerful and strong, his endurance and stamina increasing as he read. His jeans had gone from denim, to the brown leather of his vest. A belt snaked it's way around his waist, the left side beginning to bulk out and hang down - a large pouch attached to the belt. Anyone else might have trouble carrying it around, but his powerful leg muscles were more than up to the job of carrying the items that were beginning to fill the pouch.

As he read on, learning more about the adventures of this roegadyn, the more it...felt right. He was beginning to recall these adventures, with much more clarity than the historian. Descending into the dungeons - he could remember fighting the monsters the book spoke of. He remembered the kick of the gun in his hand most vividly, as a strap wound its way around his body, and the gun in question shimmered into place, not unlike the metal plate on his gloves. The double barrels of the weapon pointed at the ground, as it slid into its holster, strapped to his back. The weight of the gun on his back felt familiar...felt right.

His nose was broadening, his skull getting wider - his glasses stretched to accommodate, and he felt no pain, as they refit himself to his reshaping face. His brow came lower, harder set, as he frowned at an inaccuracy. His hair became shorter, closer to the nape of his neck, finely combed, just like his beard...he stroked the beard in question, fondly remembering some lighter moments in his adventures. The jet black colour went through all of the hair that adorned his head, save for the tips of his hair, which had streaks of light green complementing it.

The final touches fell into place. His converses hardened out into large boots, with metal spurs. Two markings drew themselves in under his eyes, light green ink pressing into his skin, becoming a permanent, tattooed feature, and as he came to the end of the section about himself, earrings pierced through his lobes, settling lightly into place. He smiled, and closed the book with one hand.

Perhaps a bit self-indulgent to read about oneself, but the way Loezkirz saw it, if you didn't know your own history at the very least, then there was nothing to stop you repeating mistakes in the future. It was very nice of someone to write out his history for him, at least - not everyone had that luxury. Standing up, he looked for where he had taken the book from, and returned it to its shelf, walking past the old stone bricks that had seen so many days pass.

Some people would see it as a shame that perhaps the book could not see into the future, but as Loezkirz exited the old guild building into the sunlight of Limsa Lominsa, he figured that would spoil things. Half the fun of adventuring was never knowing what might come next. To him, the future wasn't something that was prewritten, to be determined by the divine. He took matters into his own hands, and made the future he wanted to see.

He took a moment to admire the beautiful coastal city he called his home, the stunning stark white buildings and pavements that he knew so well. He wandered towards a bridge, simply enjoying the scenery, and stopped on the side. He closed his eyes, letting himself listen to the sound of the waves crashing against the rocks far below, and feeling the coastal wind blow through his hair. He couldn't be happier to be back where he belonged.

Back in the library, a blue light surrounded the book Loezkirz had returned to the shelf, before flashing. The book disappeared, the name of the handsome young roegadyn being erased, and replaced with the name of a different hero, before appearing in another library, in another world.

The call to adventure was waiting for yet another, and the gateway was through a tome of another realm.

#writing #transformation #roegadyn #final fantasy xiv

4 notes · View notes

askshalvanic · 7 years

Text

Yume Nikki rant/thoughts

Ahh, Yume Nikki, one of the most renowned RPG games in history. While certainly not as nearly as popular as Undertale, it does have its spot within the RPG community, and some people like the game, hell, there’s some who find it inspirational or even life changing. Now, the problem is… I don’t really share this opinion or thoughts on it. In fact I don’t like the game very much. I didn’t really enjoy it, and to be honest, I immediately uninstalled it and wanted to forget about it the moment I was done playing it. The reason for this was that it was mostly a negative experience. I did have a few moments that I enjoyed here and there, so it wasn’t all that negative, but about 80% or so of it did make me think “can’t wait for this piece of shit to be over”. Now, I know this might be an unpopular opinion, but I really, REALLY don’t like Yume Nikki.

I may draw some comparisons to Bioshock Infinite in the sense that this masterpiece of a game that almost everyone and their grandmother consider worthy of a TEN OUT OF FUCKING TEN doesn’t really bode well with me either (I say this mostly because I feel that I’m in the minority when it comes to the people that have played this game and not loved it), and I honestly consider these two the games that I am not willing to play ever again in my life. But this ain’t about Biocunt Integrate, it’s about the dreadful world of Yume Nikki.

Also, I guess as a fair warning, SPOILERS AHEAD IN CASE YOU HAVEN’T FINISHED IT. This was more than anything meant to be a self reflection on what I thought was wrong with the game, and thus ended up mentioning a lot of spoilers, so if you want to play it blindly, go ahead before reading this, you might take a while though.

I’ll start with the things that personally I liked or made me have some form of respect for the game because it’s easier to list those reasons given there are very few positives, and because I want to get that out of the way first. I guess the positives would be that I liked the atmosphere the game had. It was unnerving, and scarier than most games that claim themselves to be horror games and only rely on cheap and predictable jumpscares and nothing else. And Yume Nikki literally just has some fucking sprites and dark rooms, and yet it’s one of the most disturbing and honestly creepy things I’ve seen. The soundtrack’s just a bunch of looped sounds that doesn’t last too long, but it still adds something to the feel of each world that makes it different from the others. The world designs too are amazing (except for Hell) and each of them looks interesting in their own way. The fact that each effect had its own little details whenever you used them was also pretty cool. The lack of a conventional way to tell a story and just leaving things for you to interpret was an interesting choice from the dev, and the fact that Gast- I mean, Uboa, which is one of the most interesting things about the game isn’t central to the story or you don’t even have to see it to beat the game is actually really cool. Overall I guess it is safe to say it is a pretty unique and well thought out game in general, and I respect it from an artistic point of view.

Now, for the obviously much bigger list of negatives. See, my first problem with the game is how overly complex some things in it are. Several of the events are RNG based, so you basically have to get lucky for some of the most intriguing or interesting moments in the game. Then there’s also the fact that not only events, which are completely optional so there’s not too much of a problem, but also one of the fucking effects that you need to get is tied to an RNG, meaning that you better get lucky and get it at the first try because otherwise it’s gonna be waking up, going to hell, go through the previous world before that one and then get to the actual world again, hoping you get the right one this time. I get it for events that you don’t even need to see to finish the game, BUT FOR ONE OF THE STEPS TO GET TO AN EFFECT TO BE RNG? I sincerely find that pretty bullshit and unnecessary. But that’s a minor issue I had.

The bigger issues are more or less tied to the existence of Hell itself. I mean, it does justice to its name, its a fucking torture to go through it, not only because if you take the wrong turn at any point or don’t have any reference of where you are going or are constantly looking at a fucking map you WILL get lost, but also because it’s so stupidly bright red that after a while of being there your eyes will scream for mercy, and you will more than likely spend a long time in that place, if not because you got lost, then because you essentially need to go through it more than once if you want to actually beat the game. Some people may think it adds to feeling of adventure and danger and excitement, but I simply find it annoying and a nuisance. Essentially, this game isn’t for overly impatient people. You complain about loading screens? Boy, get ready to meet HELL. Admittedly, you do get to do a lot more during the travel from point A to hell to point B, and there is danger there, but I would rather sit through a few moments of a loading screen than have to deal with the bright as the sun red tone in the background designed to either drive you insane or to completely fuck up your eyes, and once you get the stop light effect, the toriningen becomes kind of irrelevant at the price of walking at a normal pace. It can be fixed by just looking at a map but even then it’s still an eye sore and even with the map you can get lost, which happened to me a lot, and the fact that you NEED to go through hell in order to get to other worlds for their respective effects makes it all the more annoying and sigh inducing whenever you see the multi-shaped little shit portal that takes you there.

Another major issue is perhaps the fact that if it wasn’t because a wiki exists or because I had help through most of the game, I would have never figured out where to even get the effects, which ones I was missing, how did they look like or how to get to neat little events that were honestly quite interesting and well made. I know that’s what some people might find charming or the whole point of the game really, to find it out by yourself, but to be honest I would have given up eventually after being unable to find any more stuff because it is all so hidden. I can appreciate when a game goes out of its way to be mysterious, when there’s stuff to find, when it is challenging, but honestly, most of the stuff in this game is far too convoluted for me to give it a pass on that. Aside from the instructions, you are pretty much on your own and therefore entirely fucked. Hell, I would have thought the minigame with the console was somehow important or it would give me something interesting at the end, but reading “nah it’s just a jumpscare” made me realize a lot of this game would be confusing or I’d believe something would be important when really its not. And having somewhat of a trolly person as your guide doesn’t help much either.

Speaking of which, my guide and friend also took part in what makes me not want to play or hear anything about this game ever again. Because of the way he hyped up the ending, even when I started to hate the game a part of me thought “the ending will probably be worth it” to keep going on. The ending, do it for the ending. I’ll talk about the ending later, but needless to say that part of me was wrong, and the ending was somewhat overhyped him. This was a minor inconvenience however when compared to the one thing that even made me stop mid stream and say “I’m done” and then close the game out of the blue. The god damn insistence on me having to play the game one way, as opposed to how I want to play it. Yes, I might have missed some events that were interesting, but given the fact that he tends to trick me into thinking something when really something else is going on already had me mistrust his guidance to a certain degree, and had me looking up shit on my own to confirm if he was saying the truth. I honestly felt after a while that I was being forced to do things one way instead of doing them by myself and the way I wanted to do it, that is why it was more of a chore than a game, I felt like I was doing some sort of homework that I had to finish at some point, I felt obligated to do it and that made me hate more than anything, the fact that I felt like I HAD to finish it as opposed to wanting to finish it. Feeling forced to do something makes you not want to do it, especially when someone keeps banging over your head “DO IT THIS WAY, DO THIS BECAUSE YES EVEN THOUGH ITS NOT IMPORTANT, DO IT MY WAY NOT YOURS” was a tad overwhelming and made me feel like I was being manipulated and like I needed to do it one single way. Feeling like that sincerely made me want to rush to game, to be done with it, to not have anything to do with it again, and so I did. I started regarding it less like a cool but fucked up game and more like one fucked up homework that I had to do because I had no choice in the matter (sorry if you see this, but you did influence my views in this game a lot).

And this takes me to my final point as to why I dislike this game so much, and this is where I start comparing it to Biodrug Ultimate and its the ending. See, both games have this feeling to me that for some reason if you miss anything or if you don’t do something in specific you will get a bad ending out of however many there could be, because being games that look so creative and unique they probably have more than one ending, right? Well, that is a lie for both of them, but unlike Bioterrorist Influence I didn’t have my expectations high for Yume Nikki. I was already expecting the worst, without much hope for anything because I had Hyoko to tell me at least that there was one and only one ending. And even then the ending still fucked me up, because I didn’t know what, out of all the horrible things that could happen, to expect. And while it was leagues better than the shit show Biodunked Ontimate had to offer for one of the most disappointing endings I’ve ever seen, it doesn’t make it any less depressing or empty. By the time I had finished the game I felt like absolutely nothing that I had done was worth it, like the journey to get here had been void and meaningless. This wasn’t disappointing because I was already expecting nothing from the start, but it did upset me because I had learned nothing and I left with nothing but a bitter taste. Yes some events were pretty cool, same with most of the worlds, it was an interesting concept of visiting a girl’s consciousness through her dreams, and since most dreams tend to be fucked up it would make sense for hers to be pretty bizarre as well. But what was about the effects and about her dreams that drove her to suicide? What did she feel like after exploring all over her own mind and dreams that would make her do that? Why? WHY?! To top it off, I actually felt like it was me the one that drove her to it. Digging so far deep into her consciousness that she felt the only way to deal with her problems was to end with her own life, and that I was the one that pushed her off. I don’t care that she doesn’t actually exist, I don’t care that this all a videogame that I ended up hating, it’s still all so fucked up and it feels awful that with the press of one key I was the one that made her jump into the abyss, never to return again or dream again. I felt empty, sad, upset, thinking about why did things have to turn this way. I hesitated for a while to even make her go up those stairs, but I feel like in the end my own desire to be done with it all, to close the loop, to never come back to this game again made me do it, because I know this is a game, I know many others before me and many more after will press that key to send Madotsuki crashing against the pavement down below, but that doesn’t make it any less horrifying or fucked up that I sent a little girl to her own death. I never did the Genocide Route in Undertale because I felt that after having establishing a bond with such lovable and interesting characters I’d be guilty of not only betraying their trust for my own amusement but that I would also take away that feeling of uniqueness and of having such well thought out and caring characters that sincerely made me cry at the end of the Pacifist Route and turning it all into dust, into void, only to get to that one boss battle that everyone keeps praising and that turned Sans into the actual joke that he’s become now within the Undertale Fandom. But that is a rant for another day. The point is, I didn’t do it because to me Undertale is much more than just an RPG, more than just a game, it meant a lot to me and I cared deeply about the characters, to the point of not wanting to murder them, even though I know its a game and it won’t matter either way in the real world, I feel like not caring would make me even more of a twat, and even though I didn’t enjoy Yume Nikki, that still doesn’t mean I wanted Madotsuki to die. Even when I sent her forward I had hoped for there to be something that saved her or for her to actually not jump out of the balcony even if I told her to. Fuck me for having nice thoughts I guess. Oh I also did make the choice to be a nice Madotsuki that didn’t murder anything even though my friend was insisting that I should be the exact opposite of that but whatever.

In the end, I guess the bad things do overweight the good things for me as far as this game goes, and I still feel this sense of emptiness when I think about it. If there is a message, I am unclear about what it is. The world of dreams is incomprehensible? If you dig too far into your unconscious you won’t like what you’ll find out? No matter what you do the outcome of things is inevitable? That death is the true ending for everything? Life and dreams are meaningless? The more I think about it the more it feels like I’m straying away from whatever meaning there is because it all felt so pointless and just not worth it that I can’t find a meaning to all of it. Like, what was the point of driving Madotsuki to suicide? What was the whole point of gathering the effects if she was going to end up dead anyway? Would anything have changed if I hadn’t looked for the things? Nothing changes no matter what you do in the game, so then what does it matter? Did it happen because she was on a quest to find herself and who she is within these dreams and was unable to find it so she then killed herself? I just don’t really know what the point of it all is, and this is exactly my problem with Bioshock 3: The Electric Boogaloo too, after all I did, and all I went through it seems as if thought it was pointless, like I shouldn’t even have bothered if I wasn’t going to be able to change anything for better or for worse.

#Yume Nikki #Rant #Not quite a review #Bioshock Infinite #thoughts

3 notes · View notes