#not that i dont want to its more like this was so prettily written and just so beautiful i fear if i responded id just ruin it lol

[elegyofthemoon]

In the cool, plush core of the moon sleeps a mouse as we speak, dreaming of a world lush and green, then golden and undulating, then chopping and churning, a world of many surfaces with skies of many moods.

When it awakes, it will poke its tiny head out of a crater and bask in your glow as it does every morning. Here, all is still and silent. On that sparkling planet in the deep black distance, the sun seems capricious. But the mouse lives in the abyss of the body and therefore with a unique perspective on its essence. The mouse sees what other life does not see.

One needn't worry about unbecoming for the sake of containing a sun. Clouds may blanket the atmosphere of a planet, but still there burns a sun. The spots on the sun's surface may grow and shrink and shift, but still there it burns. And if one decides to cool it down like a waning flame or expand it in a cataclysmic supernova, still there it burns, and one has the right to revoke the state of their existence and become new.

Because perhaps the truth is you are not the sun--not alone--but it is rather a part of you. Your body is the solar system, each planet a world within the body, and each knows this glow in different ways. Some are nurtured by its warmth, others by its distance. Regardless of the sun's changes, they stay the course encircling it.

The universe cannot be held back, harnessed, fully comprehended. It pulls at the seams of solar systems as it pulls on its own seams. In that unstoppable shifting, we stumble. Sometimes it feels like our love and light slips from our fingers, shattering irrevocably in our falls. But what makes us cannot be seperated from us, even in times where our essence is obscured.

There is always another life to appreciate your life, no matter what happens. And in the least, there is always a little mouse in you that understands you in telescopic clarity and offers forgiveness for every change--no matter what, right into the end of time.

❤

#answered #this was sitting in my inbox for a little while #and i wanted to answer properly but i fear that responding back is a little...hard #not that i dont want to its more like this was so prettily written and just so beautiful i fear if i responded id just ruin it lol #so im responding in the tags bc i feel better about doing that #i appreciate whoever decided to write all this up and leave it here for me it means a lot #more vent in the tag #not really vent but ig just reflective i suppose with the last week: #i think i may have actually talked about it before but you have no idea how happy i am with just. the people im surrounded with these days #because even if im going through something ill always push my feelings down in order to make someone else happy #because idc what happens to me overall. if i can make someone else happy thats all that matters #but ik a lot of people take advantage of it so when something bad happens when im unable to help someone they used to get mad at me for it #so more reasons to kinda push my feelings aside to cater to them etc etc etc #but i think the past week has been nice too in realizing that the people around me are patient and just overall kind -- not really expectin #much of me #ig theres this understanding that we all have busy lives now and maybe thats just the gift of maturity as a whole #even if im not the super positive or comforting presence people put me as at least people still care and thats how i know im loved at least #ig in a way this ramble is just a very big thank you to everyone for that #theres a lot of kindness and warmth in this ask that i appreciate and only want to spin back to friends. i hope they can feel it #or that it reaches them #anons #kind messages

[txtistheloml]

sub!yeonjun + dom!yeonjun drabble - (nsfw) (written separately !!)

word count: 955..!!

note: might have gotten a lil carried away w the dom part its very obviously longer than the sub part but what can i say \( v )/ its my nature hehe~ also if its shit quality mb it was literally 1-2am when i wrote this..!!

sub!yeonjun :

no one can change my mind i just know yeonjun isnt much of a groaner like maybe whiny moans and whimpers GODD it doesnt matter whether hes subbing or domming its the samee @.@ im just thinking ab when you are sucking him off because he deserves it right? (or not thats up to you..!!)

when you suck yeonjun off, he just gets so so whiny, hips bucking up into your mouth once every while, saying cant help it, feels so good.. whenever you fixate your attention on his tip, kitten-licking it and swirling your tongue around his head, he’s in literal heaven. he could prob get off with just you sucking and licking his tip tbh.

as much as you like seeing him get all fucked out when he cums, sometimes you just cant help being a lil mean and edge him. your hand wrapped around his dick so prettily, moving up and down so so quickly it has him releasing the whiniest, prettiest moans ever, breath hitching and with shaky breaths, hes prompting you to not stop bc he feels so so good. dont stop please? when you bring him so dangerously close to his orgasm, you cease the movement of your hand immediately, causing him to buck his hips up into the air as hes brimming up with tears, so so sensitive and pretty boy just wants to cum :(

when you edge him multiple times on end, his cheeks are dusted pink, tip all swollen with precum collecting at the top, begging to be touched. of course you give in at the end and when hes cumming, hes letting out broken wails and loud shameless moans but when you dont stop he gets so overstimulated, tears staining his pretty face as you simply coo at him, good boys take what theyre given hm? you wanted to cum and now im letting you. so take it like the good slut you are, all for me yea?

dom!yeonjun :

yeonjun who always tells you to go to him if you have any problems at all, even if its ab the tiniest things - he dont care, just go to him if you ever need someone to rant to or someone to comfort you. well other than that he has his other ways..!!

one day he sees you coming back from work/school looking like you have a thunderstorm cloud over your head, hes whipping up your fav foods (or takeout lmao) and asking you if youre okie and if you need help. even after you rant (more like bitching but) to him, he could still feel you didnt quite feel better yet so he pulls out his master plan. let me help you feel better sweetheart? he would coo into your ear, oh so sweetly, as he cups your face.

it would start of with kisses that turn messy and sloppy as he leaves feather light touches under your shirt, on your waist and back. i can see him stripping you completely and tying your hands up above your head with a pretty satin ribbon. ill do all the work yea, princess? just relax for me~ , whispering into your skin as he leaves hickies on your sweet spots that he has memorised at the back of his head, trailing down to your wet pussy. he cant help but look at you like that, the view from between your thighs showing him his pretty girl all sprawled out for him, anticipating his touch.

he starts his abuse on your pretty pussy, licking and lapping at your arousal, sucking so harshly on your clit it has your brain going into meltdown already. sticking his tongue into your hole as he thrusts it in and out quickly, nose rubbing against your clit as hes eager to make you cum, relieve you of your stress. definitely makes you cum multiple times on his tongue and fingers before giving you dick.

yeonjun would go hard and rough from the very start !! slamming into you like no tomorrow. boy is so invested in making you cum, his thrusts being so hard the sound of skin slapping skin is radiating off the walls. he literally has you sobbing on his dick, broken wails coming from you as you keep cumming over and over again.

his long and girthy dick making you feel so so good, you can feel the veins of his dick moving in and out of your walls. hes always so big - sometimes too big even. it felt like he was splitting you into half, his dick already stuffing you full to start with, and his cum was just being forced out as he releases load after load into you to make space for his dick in your cute lil hole. youve lost count of how many times hes made you cum this night tbh, too many to count. bro has insane stamina, keeps going despite your protests for him to stop, feeling too overstimulated from everything.

shh, i know you can take it, take it like the good girl you are sweetheart. hes not stopping until you are completely - when i say completely mark my words - fucked out, babbling nonsense and tears staining your cute cheeks, cum dribbling out of your hole, folds and clit all puffy and sensitive, and of course, forgetting why you were having a bad day in the first place.

he loves being able to help you out, railing you and absolutely blowing your back out because surely fucking away a bad day is the best solution right? you letting yourself all loose, leaving yourself vunerably in his arms, knowing he will take good care of you even though you may end up not being able to walk properly for the next week or so <3

taglist!: @huckleberrykai , send me an ask if you want to be added into my perm taglist and make sure to specify if you want to be added into sfw or nsfw..!!

feedback along with likes and reblogs are deeply appreciated !!

#yeonjun drabbles #yeonjun fics #yeonjun smut #yeonjun hard hours #yeonjun hard thoughts #txt drabbles #txt fics #txt smut #txt hard hours #txt hard thoughts #evelyn’s works ⭐️

[hyunjinspark]

anything u write will be amazing, not one bit of ur writings have ever been anything less than that!! anticipation isnt bad at all, i dont mind waiting (i can just reread parts) so dont be sorry! im happy u enjoy writing as much as we do w reading slwy >.< even if we r a bit hurt rn, its so prettily written we cant be upset abt it plus it makes the story more human n deep!! anyway i could go on abt slwy forever, ill stop here haha just wanted to tell u not to be sorry n not to pressure urself finishing any quicker!

ahh you are so sweet and so kind. i love writing so much so this is just as exciting :) im sorry for the hurt, itll be over soon ❤️‍🩹 thank you for writing me beautiful messages like this.

#star lost with you

[kokonoisgf]

Reaction to you wearing crotchless panties ft. TR boys

⋆ ⋆ ⋆

+ characters : Shinichiro Sano, Kokonoi Hajime, Kazutora Hanemiya, Chifuyu Matsuno 

+ tw:  fem reader - sexual explicit content, degradation kink, praise kink, fingering, oral, cursing. and to be clear these are all TIMESKIPS well besides for shin LMAO

+ this was requested by anon <3 initially either for Chifuyu or Shinichiro- so I did both and added Koko and Kazu mwah <3

⋆ ⋆ ⋆

✻ Shinichiro  ✻

Tongue dipping between your folds, the hot muscle collects some of your nectar - He hums, long fingers digging into the plush of your bare waist. He’s pussy drunk, living and thriving between your legs, refusing to stop eating your pretty cunt out- why would he when you were sprawled out so prettily under him. Utterly bare under his gaze, aside from the crotchless panties you had opted for wearing this morning, Shinichiro devours you whole. Eyes glued to the way your pretty little cunt drips with cum, a bead rolls down your fluttering hole, almost hitting the satin bedsheets before Shinichiro’s skilled tongue catches it. “Taste so good baby” He can't get enough of you, with each passing minute buried into your pussy, he feels himself unravelling, needing more, more of you. “Wearing these just for me, hm? My perfect girl” A broken moan of his name slips past your lips, chest heaving as he tore another orgasm out of you with pure words. Snickering, he delves back in to aid you with your high, Fingers leaving crescent moon indents into your skin. “That's right pretty- Cum for me, All mine” He blabbers mindlessly, mind solely focused on making you feel good. Your moans pierce the night, head thrown back as you cum for the 4th time in Shinichiro’s mouth. Dark locks stuck to his forehead, sterling chain glittering under the dim light of his bedroom and lust-filled gaze never leaving your clenching hole. “So pretty” His voice isn't above a whisper, as he looks back at you, chin slick with your juices, his usual grin on his face: “Can my pretty girl take it, one more time?”

✻ Koko ✻

Soft palm hits your rear, contrasting with the pure harshness of his slap - tearing another moan from you. “Dirty slut” Sultry voice slips past his lips, dark sterling eyes flickering between the crimson imprints of his hand on the subtle skin of your ass and your exposed cunt on display for him. “Wearing such things-” He pauses, one finger collecting the slick that was oozing out of your cunt, bringing it to his mouth. He hums, lashes fluttering, feeling his auburn dress pants become incredibly tighter. “That desperate for my attention hm? Want my cock that badly, you whore?” You whine and plea on top of him, shaking your ass slightly, as if to entice him to finally give you what you want. He clicks his tongue, dark gaze zeroing on your pussy, sliding one long digit inside drawing the softest mewl of his name out of you. 

“What's wrong pretty” He coos, angling his finger just - perfectly, so that he teasingly graze against your gummy walls. “Cat got your tongue?” Even if you wished to answer, you mentally couldn't - your mind hazy, building up with the thoughts of Koko granting you another orgasm. You knew damn well those agile fingers could work pure magic between your folds, pulling orgasms after orgasms out of your body. “So wet” His voice resonates in the room, you sprawled on his thighs. Curling the tip of his digits, he angles them just right to make you see stars - feeling your cunt flutters around him. “Cumming already? Pathetic” Koko’s body betrays his words, biting down on his lips to stop any moan from escaping his lips, his own cock twitching against the material of his underwear. “Cum now, before I change my mind” His voice is sultry, like the sweetest melody as it rings through your ears. Mindless chants of his name slips past your lips as you let go, creaming around his long digits. Your juices dribble coating the soft material of your crotchless panties, which almost stirs a moan from Koko. Riding out your orgasm, by fucking yourself on his fingers, his gaze never leaves your cunt gripping him so tightly, breath coming out in short pants. It’s not long before he has you up, straddling him, grasping your hand to put it on his clothed dick : “Now, be a good girl and ride me.”

✻ Kazutora  ✻

His face is flushed, tinted with a scarlet hue as his sandy-orbs zeroes on the picture you just sent him - your pretty cunt on full display for him, adorned by peachy crotchless panties. He gulps, mouth agape as he stares and stares, cock hardening against his loose sweatpants. His mind goes blank, thinking about how badly he wished to rearrange your insides, moulding you to fit his cock. To have you cream all around him, pussy fluttering as moans of his name cascade from your mouth like a waterfall - that is, until his ringtone stirs him out of his daydream. “A-Ah!” He gasps, fumbling with the touch screen before answering, embarrassment washing over him. Your voice is sultry asking him what took him so long, mindlessly telling him how badly you needed him; needing his tongue, skilled fingers and most importantly his cock. “Baby I-” He's flustered out of his mind, gaze flickering between his alarm clock showing a 11:45pm in red neon color and the keys to his motorcycle laying by his bed. “Want me that badly, angel?” He questions voice husky, even though the answer is written in the stars. Cock deliciously aching against the thin material of his pants, one of his hand rubs himself a bit, a long-drawn-out sighs escaping his parted lips. Your moans on the other end of the line stirs a gasp from your lover, who knows damn well your fingers are buried deep within your cunt, imagining it to be his cock. You plea and moan for him to help you, begging for his help to cum, to cream all over his cock. “Need me to cum pretty?” You mindly chants a series of “Yes”, as Kazutora’s breath hitches, hips bucking against his palm. Your sweet lover isn’t one to refuse you, not when you’re literally craving every centimeter of his being. Getting up, he grasps his keys: “F-Fuck baby, Ill be there in 10” 

✻ Chifuyu  ✻

A lock of the door was all it took for Chifuyu to pounce on you; like a predator cornering its prey. “Fuck baby, didn’t know you had that kind of stuff” His voice is sultry as his large hands slowly slithers up your thighs, a digit collecting your slick, wasting no time into rubbing circles unto your pearl with it. The pet shop had just closed, when you had opted on paying a surprise visit to your boyfriend as he counted his cash for the day. When you bent down for him, picking a coin that had slipped from his grasp, that's when Chifuyu lost it. Those crotchless panties, your cunt so deliciously on display for him, it was like a switch clicked inside him. 

“ Naughty little thing” He coos, pressing a serie of kisses down your neck, making quick work of lifting you up on the counter, dropping to his knees. Face now at eye level with your core, he snickered, opal eyes flickering up to yours. “Already so wet” He remarks, quick to burry his face into your slick, tongue darting out to lick a clean stripe. He clicks his tongue, noticing your leaking arousal on the counter, “Dirtying everything- who's gonna clean this mess hm?” His body obviously betrays his words, cock aching and throbbing at the thoughts of taking you right there in his shop. You mewl and beg for him to eat you out, hands tangling into his raven locks, earning s chuckle from him. He shots you a small earnest smile, pressing a chaste kiss unto your clit: “ you dont even need to ask, princess”

⋆ ⋆ ⋆

back to masterlist? 

#tokyo revengers smut #tokyo revengers fanfiction #tokyo revengers #tokyo revengers hcs #tokyo revengers headcanons #smut #tokyo rev hcs #tokyo rev smut #tokyo revengers fanfic #tokyo revenger smut #tokyo revenger #kazutora smut #shinichiro smut #kokonoi smut #chifuyu smut #tokyo rev x reader #tokyo rev x you #tokyo rev x y/n #tokyo revengers x y/n #kazutora fanfiction #tokyo revengers fanfics #tokyo rev fanfic #shinichiro sano #shinichiro sano x you #shinichiro sano smut #koko smut #chifuyu matsuno smut #shameless smut #anime smut #fluff

[awanderingtortoise]

no wait also. 🧑‍🏭 🍰🖊️ (just answer all those in this ask itself sorry I didn't read the entire ask prompt fbdndks)

ahahaa np ok letsgo 👩‍🏭 If one of your fics was going to get you arrested, which one and why? - its definitely that one where i decided 'no plot; only mcd' then wrote like 1k words of pure pain. even id arrest myself for that tbh (fic is here on the off chance you want to read it) if you want an honest answer as to why i wrote that; its probably because i feel putting characters in extreme situations allows me to get a better grip on them? When its something like literally DYING the exteriors are stripped and youre left with just their core so its easier to figure them out? at least i think so lol (the best part was it was my first fic so the idea of someone reading that fic then never reading anything else i ever wrote again is always in the back of my mind )

🍰 Name one of your fave comfort fics (doesn’t have to be your all time fave).

one???? ONE???? shame on question im doing at least 3 (these are all zoyalai lmao im sorry)

in no particular order:

the map of my heart by koiis dude this. this. its just brilliantly written and clever and so gentle and perfect and agghhhh its one of the first fics i read and is in my thoughts 24/7. the language flows so well and so prettily its like reading art

marvel and destruction at its finest by nabrizoya

soft zoyalai, as i always always say, is something this world lacks, but this fic exists so short and sweet, i love going back to it whenever i miss those two and want to feel all the fluffy feels again. i love the banter so much and the writing style is so so gorgeous. read. read it. right now.

if i loved you less/ i could talk about it more by hyperspecificplaylists Kaz being a matchmaker, all the best grishaverse couples getting together, kanej pining weaving underneath? everyone written in character even in a modern au? literally HILARIOUS lines everywhere? this is such a great fic, left me smiling the whole time. long and 2000% worth it

🖊 Post a snippet from a current WIP.

oh crap SLFJS ive literally run out of banter to post so- angst? less confident in that but seeing as i dont know what else to put here yall have to take it lol

" Nikolai’s eyes stray towards the city spread below them, rows of houses and darkened streets where his people lay sleeping. The sight is one that should be tranquil; but all he feels is the weight of the crown on his head, a responsibility to which others whisper he has no claim. The rumors are hardly new. He’s grown up hearing them, grown up blocking them out before learning to embrace them. If he is the bastard king, then so be it. He has told himself he cares not, that he isn’t so shallow as to let any of it dissuade him. And yet today there remains the smallest, most stubborn part of him that twists at the talk; whispers to him of his bold-faced lies. Fraud. Pretender. You have no right.

Zoya’s lips press into a thin line. “They are fools, Lantsov; if they believe bloodline is what makes a great king,” she says. His smile very nearly falters, because- well, she’s practically read his mind. He had been silent for no more than the space of a breath, but considering he is Nikolai Lantsov, lord of endless chatter, it must have been enough to tip his general off.

And what does? He very nearly asks. What does, and might you see it in me? "

#thank you for the asks HAHAHHA #this is fun

[read-weep-repeat]

UGH I SHOULDVE KNOWN TUMBLR ATE MY ASK KAJDHFHKA IT WAS SUCH A LONG ASK TOO 😭😭😭

But here…imma try to recreate or at least send a similar ask about letter mc (bc i am in love with letter mc bc thats me in an au)

SO letter mc isn’t only a published author…her story writing has its root in fan fictions. And one of the people who she wrote fan fics about is obvs BTS. But because her job has become writing novels & has become a published author with affiliations with a publication company, she no longer types her fics up in fears of sending or emailing the wrong document to her editor (bc yes, she has done that before and she wanted to yeet herself away but thankfully her editor was chill but like bby didnt want that accident happening again…) so she resorted to just writing them. Often, she wrote it in a notebook. Kind of like a story telling journal of some sort but make it fanfic…but sometimes, when she gets a burst of inspiration and doesn’t have her notebook with her in the room, she writes it on stationery paper so that she can stick it or attach it to her notebook prettily. And since she writes it in stationery, she accidentally sends the wrong stationery to namjoon. 😗

The fic was, for the most part, soft bc it was about being a hybrid of some sort (im sorry i love hybrid aus and it felt like since mc is a soft babie, she would want to imagine fluffy bts with their cute hybrid or smth) BUT her oc was kind of a reimagination of little letter mc and her daydreams of caretaker! bts. And it also had some more er— rated r scenes…which mc has never really spoken about with with joon so joon was like omg soft and this is so cute but also omg she actually is also attracted to me / us in that way. He writes back excitedly & kind of in a dreamy, exhilirated state to mc AND WHEN LETTER MC FINDS OUT SHE ACCIDENTALLY SENT HER FANFIC TO JOON, SHE’D BE 🙃🙃🙃 but then when she continues reading joon’s message, she realizes that he kind of wants to make her dreams & fantasies of being taken care of & cuddled & loved to come true. 🥰

- 🤡 anon

(I tried my best to recreate what I had written in the past 😅 and im sorry its quite long…mustve been why tumblr ate my ask last time but oajhjkakfhja pls let me know if you get this even if you dont reply 😭)

This is amazing I’m so sad it got eaten the first time 😭

Fanfic roots is actually amazing (I’ve been toying with rewriting oh,brother! Into a novel so it makes me think of that 🥴)

Her notebooks of fics are probably so thick and piled so high. And def cute stationary with chapters when she can’t get to the notebooks.

I think MCs hybrid fic would be bear! hybrid! Bts. Her mc (which is just her tbh) stumbles into their den, and basically has to stay with them for the winter. Which ends up in the boys becoming papa bear to mc, with all the cuddling and caretaking mc could dream of.

Mc would be mortified at him reading it, but he’s just “🥺 lemme be your papa bear” and shows it to the rest of the boys. (One of them then starts calling her baby bear, I think Taehyung)

And the r-rated scenes 🥴 I feel like namjoon is a pretty good writer, so he might even write some smut back. Just as a kind of “I would love to do this with you, btw here are my fantasies played out on paper too.”

The other boys would start to hint at sex with her too, which makes her 😳 when she gets her letters.

Basically after she sends that fanfic? Sealed her date of being their little cub. They all want to make her cuddly dreams come true. (They probably send a ticket to South Korea in one of the letters soon after, cause they’re ready to take care of their baby bear.)

#letter mc #🤡 anon

[minveor]

the power a name held.

it’s mere a bunch of random letters thrown into a corresponding sequence which created into a word.

it’s supposed to be meaningless alphabets. his. hers. theirs. mine. yours.

well yours held a little more weight than the others. because sometimes i hear them in the back of my mind each time the radio plays pink sweat$’ 17. sometimes i hear myself calling for them in my sleepless nights, wishing for your warm hugs which seemed like a great idea to fall asleep to. sometimes i hear them in random objects i see on the streets—oh [redacted] liked those; oh remember when [redacted] spilled that coffee one time; or when [redacted] got into trouble for that.

i forget people’s names easily but i don’t understand why yours stuck. why yours is painted permanently small place somewhere in a piece of what’s left of myself.

i remember one time i catch up with a friend after being so long and far apart from each other; i saw a huge random billboard reminds me of you. unwillingly, my mouth betrayed my sanity and your name spilled out of my mouth.

i remember my friends’ laugh, letting out a “after all these years, i expected a different name from your mouth.” he says before adding, “it’s jimin. it’s always been jimin for you isn’t it?”

that time, i bitterly laughed. but i was facepalming myself. i didn’t realize i think about you much more than i should. all these time i thought i was just lonely and i missed what we used to have, not you.

i thought i just missed how perfect we were for each other. how you held me when i cried. how i wiped your tears and cuddled you close. your good morning texts. my weird selcas you always call cute with a sickening amount of heart eyes emojis. but it seemed like your name has imprinted much more deeper into my skin than i anticipated.

parts of me wants to scrape that out of my skin. the pathetic part of me are too afraid to type your name too, scared of the rumbling emotions i am able to feel at the mention of it. its your name that i still write poems about. never explicitly mentioned but always heartfully felt. i was afraid if i write yours down then i wouldn’t be able to hold myself back.

this day though i kind of want to pat myself in the back and at the same time punch myself for the years i held back. for the people i didn’t date wholly, as a piece of me still belonged to you.

i read the envelope on my hands over and over again. it’s hot. it’s suffocating. my tears are betraying me. i think i unconsciously bleed my lip for biting too hard. i tremble, and i suddenly forgot i held my breath for too long.

i watch the words that is engraved carefully, beautifully. it’s your name, written in cursive and in gold. along with other words i can’t seem to get in my head.

Park Jimin.

wedding. forever. happily ever after. invitation. wedding. wedding. wedding.

and then there was my name too. written in small black letters, stamped on the outside;

Dear Kim Taehyung, we cordially invite you to- and then it was a blur. just stream of tears.

your name is stacked prettily with another name I seem to bitterly be jealous of.

i used to dream of our names on an invitation too. with the words forever and love and probably a happily ever after somewhere on the page.

i dreamed of a wedding, a vow, beautiful flowers, people crying happily. I dreamed walking on your handsome smile, probably a little teary.

my dream did came true.

but instead of our names written in cursive gold, mine is on the invited and you’re the invitee. instead of walking down the aisle, i walk on the sidelines. instead of walking toward your handsome face, taking your hands, saying the vows i memorized the night before, i walk in on the far end seat, my hands claps cold at the sealed vow, and i finally say my congratulations.

the teasing was also present. our friends who knows our history smiled knowingly at me.

pitiful, i know.

as the night ends and i dread to go back home, i walked up to you. my hand reach out to yours for a handshake. you smile at me, thanking me for coming. i trust myself to have control, and not let your warmth burn my skin.

i pull my hands back and i keep them in my pockets. i shouldn’t long your touch like this.

then i say your name, hoping you won’t see past the eyes.

“Jimin,” i say it easy like i’m used to it, “congratulations.” i say it easy with a smile. “i’m happy for you.” i say it easy like i mean it.

“thank you.” you answer. i want to avoid to look at you, but lord knows i dont have any strength left for that. so i meet your gaze. and there it is, the pity in your ambers. i hate it. i hate that i’ve seen love in there before and i crave to see it again.

i know it’s selfish, but the question leaves my mouth anyways. “are you happy?” i sound bitter. i sound like a pathetic ex that hasn’t move on.

your gaze softens. but your smile tells otherwise. “yes, i am.” your gaze wanders, finding your significant other, watching him from afar. there’s adoration and warmth in your eyes. you used to look at me like that too. “he makes me the happiest.”

“good for you.” i say. good for him, indeed. no good for me, however.

your sigh sounds heavy. we stare at each other. silent conversation on our heads. like telepathy. we reminisce, we remember. we recall. but there is only silence, an intent look shared. tons and tons of unsaid words.

“we- we were happy too.” you say.

i hold my breath. you don’t talk like that to your ex that hasn’t got over you on your wedding, jimin. you shouldn’t. you don’t talk about the past on your wedding day. it took all of me to not do it and here you are, doing it so soo effortlessly.

“but he makes you the happiest, don’t he?” if you want to play this game, then i’ll play with you.

“yeah,” you answer, delight dancing in those pupils. “he does.”

i nod like a dumbass. “good.”

you realize how awkward the situation has turn. “uh- uhm.” you clear your throat. “i hope you find the one that’ll make you the happiest too, taehyung-ah.”

don’t call my name like that. i hate the way it rolled out of your tongue like it belong there. i hate the way i want to melt on each syllable. i hate that the simple sound crashes my stomach, making knots and knots of pain.

“yeah, i do too.” i say. and before i burst, i decide i should take my leave. “i have to go. thank you for the party, and congratulations once again.”

you hum. “okay.”

i smiled, i turn my back, and head to the wooden door. i can feel your intense look on me. do i walk out like this? something doesn’t feel right.

so i stop in my track. “jimin?” i called out after i turn my head. i call out your name, getting used to the foreign feeling of it being not mine to hold dear anymore.

“yeah?” you sound like you expected it too.

“i’m happy for you, really.” i say. fake it till you make it, maybe. or maybe just a slightest hint, to answer your wishes. you’re the one that makes me the happiest.

if i can’t be happy with you beside me, then i decide i should be happy for your happiness.

you smile, and you blink slowly. your gestures are hard to read. your facial expressions are hard to read. i’ve always had a hard time back then, to see through you. until now, apparently.

but then you nod, to my surprise. “thank you.” you answer. i assume my message is delivered well. thank you for being happy for me.

as i walk out of the venue, i exit the doors and i see the standing poster.

there’s your name on it.

and his name under yours.

mine is nowhere in sight.

mine is for me to keep. as as well as the regret and bitterness, which is also mine to keep.

park jimin, it says. engraved gold and pretty, like it’s mocking me. like it knows that somewhere deep in what’s left of my heart, there is also the same letters engraved as gold and as pretty as it is.

p

a

r

k

j

i

m

i

n,

but in pieces.

#vmin #vmin one shot