#oh and get a job literally any job

[bredforloyalty]

new low

#i report we have reached the bottom below what we thought was rock bottom #new year's resolution: remember this is not your grave get out of there #also finish the semester and then finish the next one and get the degree and pay someone to fix me #oh and get a job literally any job #and if i don't get a job: világgá menni csak úgy világgá tudjátok. messze

[fujii-draws]

OKAY! Chatot rant in tags below! Read at your own discretion.

#okay starting from the beginning of where ppl usually dislike him. apple woods chapter. #he doesn’t give hero/partner the CHANCE to explain themselves despite them being relatively good recruits up until that point. #and that legit might be my only gripe with that chapter bc!!! stories need conflict! I LIKE the conflict in apple woods!!! #hero and partner being punished so something they didn’t do! #the misunderstanding! how team skull (Skuntank) actually outplays the main duo with a clever yet rotten trick. I LOVE that it segways into- #one of the more sweeter scenes of guild members looking out for eachother. I LIKE APPLE WOODS CONFLICT. #but chatot just. not giving them a chance. is so dumb. #I’d personally fix this by having a lil montage of hero/partner fucking up on jobs. A LOT. and chatot giving them a pass every time. #and let the perfect apple incident BE the one where he puts his foot down and doesn’t listen to them. bc he’d given them loads of chances. #and doesn’t want to hear any excuse. #but yeah. I legit dont mind him during that chapter except for that really stupid and frustrating moment. #NOW. CHAPTER 17. #UGGGGHHH WHERE DO I BEGIN #Him not believing hero and Partner about Grovyle and the future being in ruin? FINE. ACTUALLY GOOD. BC CHATOT WOULD BE SKEPTIC. #IT FITS HIS CHARACTER!! #BUT WHAT DOES SUCK. IS HIM GOING ‘Dusknoir isn’t the bad guy. he didn’t do anything wrong’ #WHEN HE LITERALLY KIDNAPPED HERO AND PARTNER RIGHT I N F R O N T OF HIM. #(​NO LITERALLY. HIS CHARACTER IS IN THE FRONT ROW WHEN IT HAPPENED.) #and him. having the GALL to tell hero and partner they must’ve been ‘seeing things’ and downplaying the HELL they went through. #despite them being missing for hours/days. his own guild recruits. and his angry sprite showing up. #like. I think that’s when I genuinely despised him. #that and him going ‘OH I BELIEVED YOU THE WHOLE TIME HEEHOO :)’ shit was so fucking annoying. #just playing it off as a joke the second the guild started to believe hero and partner. #IMAGINE IF HE W A S ACTUALLY TESTING THE GUILD’S TRUST. SHOWCASING HIM AS THE MORE RESPONSIBLE AND RESPECTFUL RIGHT HAND OF THE GUILD. #and yes. Brine cave he saves hero and partner. but at that point I just didn’t care anymore. #he fucked those two over so much. that I didn’t care what ‘valiant’ sacrifice he had. #and he grills Team Skull for what they did OFF SCREEN. they couldn’t even give us THAT. #<<< THAT or him outright saying sorry would’ve been nice. IKIK his ‘actions’ or whatever but. #eughh again this is all imo. I’m not trying to make people hate him or change their mind. #I’ll get into positives in the second post cause I’m running out of tags

[opikiquu]

aventurine pl. Plea s e . PLLEEEEEEASE

#★ arin rambles #‘here we go again’ you think everytime you see my ramble tag. I dont blame you #AVENTURINE AVENTURINE PLEASE SAVE ME WHITE BOY #OH MY LORD #OH MY GOODNESS GRACIOUS OH MY GOODNESS. #MY JSOE IS RUNNING HES RUINNING MY LIFE I CANT DO THIS ANYMORE IM SO ILL PLEASE I #AVENTURINE. im so serious i can talk about this man all day. and more specifically this video #‘it was just posted 30 minutes ago arin youre scaring the kids’ SILENCE. I NEED SPACE #I NEED A. A MOMENT. EVERYBODY PLEAS GETA WAY FROM ME IM GOING TO GET SO SCARY #Please. Im so sorry. Im begging you . I love this man oh my gish please hes so cute #HES SO CUTE. HES SO CUTE IM SO SICK OF HIM WHY???????? WHY IS HE SO PRETTY HES SO PRETTY HES GOREGOUS HES SO STUNNING. HELLO. HELLO. #Im going to. Slam my head against the wall im overwhelmed with joy and happiness hes everything ive ever wanted ever #any minute not spent talking about him is a moment wasted i promise you MY PRINCESS IM COMING TO SAVE YOU #IM HIS KNIGHT IN SHINING ARMOUR EXCEPT ITS NOT SHINY #IM COVERED IN DIRT #IM STILL COMING FOR YOU AVENTURINE RUN #oh goodness me oh my #im so happy hes so prettu im so happy i cant do rhis im sweating geniumnly i feel so sick #Im cant . Do this anymore. I CANT TAKE IT. I HAVE TO… AAUGH… AAAHH… I HAVE TO…. DANCE! #guys…. he my favorriet… #my slinky….. my krimpet… my teacup i think. My doc mc stuffins doctor playset. My dishwasher. My italian coldsteel cinquedea . atp anything #hes my EVERYTHING. MY EVERYTHING…!!!!!!!! *MY TELEKENISIS THROWS EVERYTTHING ACROSS THE ROOM* #yall i dont think ive had a hyperfixation this horribly bad since. Since the. Since. MAN I DONT KNOW #IM COOKED. HE WOMT LEAVE ME ALONE. I LITERALLY DREAMT OF HIM LAST NIGHT LIKE IM SO DOOMED? ACTUALLY? #oh to be medicated and focus on . Things like cooking. Or idk. Getting a job. No i just think about some messed up blonde all day im absolut #ly DOOMED #yes im still yapping i got 30 tags u gon stick through them all. Every single one of them. Dont leave me please i want to talk about him ton #TO SOMEONE. I WANT TO TALK ABOUT HIM TO SOMEONE ALL DAY. ALL MY FRIENDS ARE TESTING. IM LEFT ALONE ALL DAY I JUST WANT TO TALK ABOUT MY WIFE #i womder how crazy i look right now #Sighs lovingly at him..

[fellhellion]

Something something the spot’s goofy antics distract from how dangerous his own entitlement and resentment is

#I don’t want to be that guy but I feel a little bit like spot gets sanded down a tad into just the fact he’s funny #and he IS funny I get it. but what makes him scary is the power to lash out with his entitlement and resentment towards miles #it’s you did this TO ME (miles didn’t #he was busy getting pummeled by kingpin and then venom shocking him back and the building was being EVACUATED it’s literally no one’s fault #but spot’s that he was there AND miles didn’t even know he was there when the collider exploded) #so I’m owed the role that you made me into <- miles literally didn’t do this #I’m OWED being your nemesis because I created you <- when all of itsv is about its miles own choices that make him heroic and not the bite #spot can’t even take ownership of his own actions. he’s like oh IM not robbing you that’s the bank. well buddy I don’t see you robbing the #bank I see you harassing some guy owning a corner store #like I get it. ur a cosmic horror and it sucks capitalism is pushing u down and u can’t get a job but like OWN UP TO WHAT THE HELL YOU DO #LMAO #and even miles trying to genuinely reach out and say look I’m sorry I made u feel bad (even though this isn’t an owed apology) and spot #STILL is hellbent on breaking miles back for an imagined slight #I AM GOING TO KILL YOUR LITERAL FATHER BECAUSE I BLAME YOU FOR SOMETHING YOU DIDNT DO #like god lmao. he’s a fun silly villain but there’s legitimate anger and spite and RESENTMENT motivating him purely to try hurt miles back a #as* badly as he imagines miles hurt him. when it’s like dude. own tf up to who’s responsible here #I’m not angry at the spot btw I actually think he’s a fun villain but I think recognising that resentment is what makes him effective as a #*​frightening* villain and one that poses legitimate danger #tunes talks spiderverse #apologies xinakwans ik u said you didn’t want to read any spot posts hopefully this snags on ur filtered content block shdjfjfk

[anervousmirrorball]

why is it easier for some people to think they're good at what they do and harder for other people to believe they have something of value to offer? im struggling and i don't know why

#like for some people selling their art is just another tjing they do #and for me its a huge boulder i cant seem to push aside #genuinely believing i dont know why i exist. no one will ever hire me for a jov #any job for that matter #i literally have no skills #and no plans #and when i rant about myself evrryone is like oh everyone goes through that no one knows what theyre doing with their lives #but atleast youre doing something????? #all i wanna do is go back to feeling bad and suicidal #atleast i had a plan #and a thing to look forward to. #what am i even doing right now? #the uncertainty is so horrible #plus my fear of things makes me so avoidant #it's just something i cant seem to get rid of #sorry for the rant. i pushed everyone away and isolated myself for years so now i dont really have friends i could talk to when things r bad

[vanveronicango]

i miss being here and posting incessantly about my obsessions.... the old guard.... robert sheehan and his little niche roles..... umbrella academy..... barry........ my special interests are all over the place these days i wanna talk stupid shit w yall again

#and i felt so connected to yall and we had so much fun!!! oh my god i MISS IT #if any old (or new) pals wanna reach out i'd love to talk :') #about literally anything ANYTHING even if it's about something i've never even heard of!!! #i logged into my second google account and found that old poll #the one where i asked yall your fave tua characters #and i made gifsets counting down to number one that i never finished #i should get back to that ... that was fun #between living in korea and full time school and two jobs and being tired all the time #i wind up just vegging out and i really wanna get back to things that make me happy #shut up andie

[angorwhosebabyisthis]

[pericky; a look into ricky's head during their meeting.]

---

"I'm glad you came, I wasn't sure you would." The wine pours, the sound of it drowning out the missing word in that sentence: back.

Of course, is the response, and the part of Ricky that's spent twenty years tearing itself apart to understand why vibrates with relief. It doesn't matter anymore. Of course, of course, he thinks giddily along with the words. He never needed to wonder why Pericles wasn't coming back in the first place; he was always going to.

I'm happy you invited me, and of course he thinks again. A lifetime of pretending he wasn't always going to either falls away. However harsh and lonely the world has been, all's right with it again; and the shy voice of the boy inside him that he's tried so hard to kill says, so quietly, I missed you.

#sdmi #scooby doo: mystery incorporated #pericky #ricky owens #professor pericles #anyway fucking end me actually. lay me down to die #i said i was gonna write more pericky and by fucking god i did #the 'why did you do this to me' to 'oh thank god you didn't actually do this to me' pipeline of abuse folks 🥲 #which like. their last conversation is yet another devastating example of ricky finally standing up to pericles' bullshit Too Late #ricky denounces him in the strongest terms he knows; based on his own feelings and opinions and the way he sees the world #(which: even then he can't bring himself to say 'i don't love you anymore') #(the closest he can get is 'i chose you and i can't take it back; the only way i can imagine not loving you is if i never had at all') #and pericles tries to go 'nyeh nyeh whatever i don't care' (and does a real bad job of pretending he is not obviously hurt lmao) #and ricky doesn't try to understand his logic; he doesn't try to reconcile a world where pericles didn't *really* mean to do anything wrong #his response is MAYBE YOU *SHOULD* CARE. #pericles' view of the world and what's right and acceptable are warped and *wrong* and he's the one who needs to get his shit together #'you shouldn't have abused me you shouldn't have killed cassidy you shouldn't have murdered a child in cold blood' #that is MASSIVE and i think it is really telling that pericles' response is to shut him down with force instead of trying to argue any more #and that in the end is the real true fucking tragedy of it all #ricky is making huge strides one after the other to take back his freedom from pericles emotionally #....and materially it makes no difference to improve his situation in the moment; because pericles doesn't have any less power to abuse him #he never has a triumphant moment where he Overcomes His Abuser and Breaks Out of His Control #there's nothing he can do to fight back until pericles is too Literally Dead to control him anymore #it is one of the rawest depictions of the reality of abuse i've ever seen and just. God. i love it so much #(at the same time i REALLY want to explore a version of events where he got the chance to expand further on that growth) #(the 'all witches are selfish; make all things yours; i have a duty' speech from the wee free men comes to mind) #whosebaby makes things #whosebaby writes #SDMItag #dyn: when i die i want you to die too

[sga-owns-my-soul]

i love waking up at 4am crying bc i'm having an existential crisis about my life

#don't mind me #just sobbing over realizing that my longest friendship is basically over #realizing that every single one of my interests has been attacked or belittled by my 'best friend' #realizing that she's insulted every one of my other friends #on top of screwing me over in our job for months #i literally don't know how to bring any of this up without ending our friendship #bc i know her #and i know calling her out for this will cause her to blow up #bc she can do no wrong #and me telling her that's she's being shitty will cause so many issues #and she's my fu king cousin. so i'll basically be cutting myself off from. everyone #if i get mad at her #so yeah no it's fine #my chest and throat hurt #im doing So Bad!!! #anywyas fuck being an adult #im having the worst fucking morning #thank fuck i don't work today oh my god #im so fucking tired #ignore this #personal rambles #don't mind me just being negative and sad at 429am on a monday #not stargate

[on-a-sunbeam]

So please correct me if I'm wrong but I don't think Alias ever really talked about how awful the whole doubling process would be? Like, the actual process itself would probably be pretty painful, sure, but remember going through puberty and having your body adjust to all that? Except this time your entire DNA is being changed. But not your brain, apparently. (WHICH, while I'm rambling, according to this report, you 100% can identify different brains from each other. In Alias, however, they say you can only tell if someone's a double through their eyes, which means that the person's actual brain is also changed, so I guess Alias just casually tried to tell us that souls or something of that ilk do, in fact, exist, and then never mentioned that again)

Which puts us in a very unique position! Because your brain's shape is now different, it's literal dna is different, and that does affect you as a person, except no?? It doesn't effect the doubles? As far as we see they're the same person. Ignoring the way more fun option of this does effect the doubles and maybe they start to show traits that the original had which would've been SO much fun but whatever, let's just say that your brain shape/makeup doesn't matter. Everything you do, everything that makes you you comes from something else. Your soul, your spirit, Rambaldi controlling you like a video game character, whatever.

This would make being a double really, really suck. Because your consciousness just got poured into this new body, essentially, which means that you have ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA HOW TO USE IT. The proportions are just wrong, first of all. Maybe the original's legs are a little longer. Now you have to walk up a flight of stairs, and not only are their legs longer, maybe they're a little thicker. Maybe they have a bad knee that you never knew about. Maybe they work out a lot and their legs are way stronger than yours were. Even if you guys were exactly the same height and lived exactly the same way, you would still have fundamentally different legs.

But for the sake of argument let's give them the benefit of the doubt and say okay, so maybe you still have your soul/consciousness/whatever, but that just contains your memory and personality and what not. All of the physical aspects are controlled by your brain, which should be suited to your body either way because that's how the process works. (Disclaimer: I am not a scientist and have no idea what I'm talking about) Okay, fine. That's fair. Except...even if your brain can move your legs perfectly, wouldn't it still be terrifying to remember that this isn't how they normally move? Your body might be perfectly functional, but your mind still wouldn't be used to functioning it.

(And this is all very sudden, too! I mentioned puberty earlier, but that is something that a) still takes place in your own body, with your own brain. It's hormones changing, not DNA. And b) might come faster for some people, but you know, generally takes a little longer than a couple-hour long surgery)

Also if we were to go that route, what would happen if the original person say, had some mental condition? That's a brain thing, not a soul thing. Your physical brain is now the same as theirs, so would you inherit that too?

In conclusion: local idiot rambles about how Allison should've misjudged a step and fallen down a flight of stairs and gotten adhd from Francie.

#i um. don't know that any of this is coherent. #i just think about it sometimes #alias #but sometimes i want SO BADLY to see allison do something and go ??? #and then be just absolutely terrified when she realizes that hey this is something francie used to do #just!! losing your sense of self but it's STILL YOU!! #and other people say ah yes. this is right. this is how it ought to be #and i get it. i know that irina was having her do a job #but sometimes it's just like oh wait no this is literally the trans experience (tm) #you're just living your life comfortably until something or someone says no. you have to change (in this case irina) #and you do not get a choice!! so you do #and it's still YOU. but you look different and it's wrong and IS it? #and it can be terrifying! #and some people will say no this is right and some people will agree with you and say this isn't right actually let's get you back #but see that's the thing also you can't ACTUALLY go back. you can go forward sure you can go towards something else #but if you're trans you can never go back to how you were as a kid! that's not how that works you HAVE to go forward! #but allison is so tragic bcos she never gets to go forward either! she's stuck looking like that until she dies! #I JUST. #anyways. my incoherent rambling is over. (for now)

[arsonist-chicken]

I think my university should pay me for emotional damages for having to write a thesis exposé. To the amount of whatever I need to go on a short trip to Helsinki to recharge from this bs and to get a tattoo and a coffin full of Fazer chocolates.

#i've been in the library since 6pm or so and have not gotten a single letter done #because i genuinely Do Not Know what to write about this #i don't WANT to write a thesis; having to write a thesis will be my last straw to a break-down if that terminography seminar doesn't do it #and i don't get the point of a thesis anyway. no one but me and my advisor and maybe two examinors will read it #i'll not bring forth any important new knowledge to use #even if i did magically discover some groundbreaking new way to teach second languages - which is not the focus of my paper #like i wanted because the head of institute said no - it would still mean nothing because no one's gonna read it anyway #i'm literally just some rando with subpar grades and papers and motivation and dedication to my studies except for the classes i like #and feel like i'm actually learning something important #which is another point: I'm studying translation and interpreting. I'll do a final translation exam in both language directions. #why is that not enough for a degree? it's literally what I study. i couldn't give less of a shit about scientific theories about translatio #yes you should hear about them sometime and it can be useful. but i don't give a single fuck about research etc. #i want to translate and subtitle and maybe at some point interpret. and add a second language besides english because well #the job market but also very importantly my own interests #can't take the swedish course because it interferes with another class; can take a ukrainian class but it's very low-level #can't take a polish or bosnian or serbian or croatian class because they only have higher levels right now #could take a chinese or japanese class but it's... a lecture? with 40+ people in it? how are you supposed to learn a language from a lectur #tried a portuguese class once but the teacher was absolutely awful. nice but so bad at teaching. #and every now and then i think maybe i should learn how to teach a language to someone because oh my GOD would i love to help people #coming here to learn german in ways they'll actually use and see them improve and help them be excited about learning! #or go somewhere else and teach german maybe while also learning the language of the country i'm in #and i thought maybe writing a thesis about second language acquisition and teaching would be a nice way to find out how interested #i am in that actually. but no. my topic now is... hold on. hmmm. #man i'M not even sure. i submitted something and my advisor wrote me an email with a different suggestion for the title #and idk what i'm supposed to write about. not saying the depression isn't playing a role too but damn am i not excited about this #which is. a great start to writing a thesis when 90% of your work ethic comes from being excited about something or interested init #'The preparation of translation-oriented language competence at school using the example of English lessons at Austrian High Schools' #ah yes. someone help me write an exposé about that. #i don't know how and what to include and I don't want to either #come onnnnnn two days ago being at the library helped at least a little bit but now i've been here 3+ hours and i've got nothing

[bangcakes]

.

#.... seeing him monday NDNDNDJJDJFFJJF #personal #with other ppl but still !!!!!!!! #n ive been like. twisting everything in my mind like oh you know maybe he liked someone else n not me. but #theyre not even in the country. and he had previously told me he didnt wanna see any of them again #and so. the logical conclusion is that. hes going. for me NDJJDJDJDJZJZM #I JUST. UNLESS HE REALLY LIKES SUSHI?????? #idk im freaking out. ive never got this far. im just NDJJDJDJDJDJD #the past few days..... tellin me his job news.... confiding in me.... now goin to a dinner with ppl he doesnt like.... to see me.... #i cant handle it NFJDJJDJDJDJDJDMX #like god this is so weird. i never thought this would happen to me im just NDJJZJZJZJZJDJZJ #hes so cute..... #i hope we get to sit near each other at the dinner NNDNZMZMZMSM #im not gonna overly try. and like with his bad luck JDJDDJMDDJSJSJ idk idk lmao #but...... GOD. he was just some guy with a seagull icon and a name on zoom.... then like he was just some guy that sat near me #then just like a guy i talked to sometimes and now we're friends and i JUST....????? MAYBE GONNA BE MORE???? ITS SO WEIRD. IDK. IDK #i cant believe we're this close. im literally NJDJDJFJXJMXMMM #HHHHHH #i like. ... i also looked at job stuff today. bc u know. i could actually FOCUS. bc i wasnt like. sherlock holmsing whether he liked me or #not bc i think its pretty clear at this point. im just NDJJDJZJZJJZJZJZMSMSMSMSMMZMZ IDK. IDK. ITS SO WEIRD. #I CANT BELIEVE THIS IS HAPPENING TO ME #AND WITH HIM???? SO WEIRD. IDK JDNDJJDJDJDJXJ I NEVER WOULD HAVE GUESSED IM JUST. YA. GONNA TRY TO STAY CALM.

[buppypuppy]

.

#vent post essay ahead lol #having complexes about talking about your emotions is literally the fucking devil . its miserable. it sucks so bad. #the aamount of damage that is caused to someone by like #i mean im talking abou t me here obviously. #being the person whose like. overall ultimately tends not to feel horrible as often is like. #it's nice not feeling bad emotionally all the time but also it's like. i develop this complex about being like able to help. #i don't feel bad anywhere near as often as my friends so i can help them out and listen to them vent i can have the mental room to #like listen to them talk about their problems. yeah. but it makes me feel like. well this is my job now so i shouldn't fucking talk about m #i shouldnt vent when i feel bad because that's not what i'm known for. plus my friends already all feel worse than me more often than me. s #i don't want to dump any more on their plate than they have to deal with. i don't want to burden them anymore than i have to. and like it's #it's hard. i hate fucking talking about it and it's made so much worse when its like people i love . always been a fucking problem becaus #i just feel fucking horrible admitting that i feel bad i hate that so much. i don't want to like turn away people who care about me but li #i feel like if i tell them what's wrong with me i'll like do it anyways. i feel like i come off as super normal and happy go lucky and like #ostensibly fine. so when i admit this shit its like. oops the facade is cracking!!!!!! uh oh uh oh you can't help people so you feel bad!!! #because your fucking npd has made you feel self centered in a way that means you want to help people or some shit i dont fucking know #and so when i feel bad or get mad over something unreasonable it's like. well i hope i fucking keel over and die or something i dont like . #i don't want people seeing me like this or whatever. and my stupid fucking personality disorder just ruins every god damn thing its so bad. #my past experiences giving me complexes that lead to me feeling fucking left out over like small stupid stuff but god the worst part is lik #my brain categorizing something as being ''My Thing'' so somebody else talks about liking my thing AFTER my brain has designated it mine #makes alarm bells go off and feel like theyre fucking. i don't know encroaaching on my turf or what the fuck ever? it SUCKS ASS #it makes me feel HORRIBLE . and it's like i'm not gonna fucking bring it up because i don't wnt to be like a dick but also it's like well. #i feel fucking miserable about this but it's just like mean and unnecessary and cruel to like stifle people's fucking fun because of my dum #fuckin complexes. it's fucking constant. like oh look at you girl you feel fucking left out because you never get characters who really gri #you mentally and so now you have one but oops! someone else talked about them and now you're seeing red! you like this person though #so you're gonna feel fucking MISERABLE about this . you're gonna feel HORRIBLE because of this. and there's nothing you can fucking do #and it controls my goddamn life and i HATE IT i fucking HATE IT i wish i knew how to fix it. ghghrgurghrughruhg i want to fucking explode #and then you feel bad about feeling bad because you are fucking sisyphus. you're sisyphus. and your own anger is your boulder. you ingrate. #i hate this. i just wanted to have a good day. #jane mary cry one tear

[13lizardsinatrenchcoat]

So torn about season 3 of Netflix's Sex Education. On the one hand, really great nonbinary representation. On the other hand, really bad dog agility representation.

#ADAM!!! ADAM YOU HAVENT TRAINED YOUR STOPS #YOU CANT JUST PUT MADAM ON THE DOG WALK IF YOU HAVENT TRAINED YOUR STOPS #SHES GOING TO GET HURT ADAM!!!!!!! #literally felt my heart pound out of my chest during that scene #i was like. oh ok maybe the course will stick with tunnels and jumps i can accept a beginner training for that without fancy equipment #but the DOGWALK???????? #that being said the canine actor did a wonderful job and im so proud of her #now if i was the writer i would have had Adam get a DQ (extremely common for anyone at any level to get a DQ) #the rules can be especially obtuse to a beginner #but then maybe have a dog trainer recognize his passion and invite him to some classes as a setup for S4 #once again. the nonbinary rep was very good. sex education is a very good show. im just insane about dogs #trenchcoat reviews

[yappacadaver]

and it's like despite all the awful shit he's done and continues to do, like, i get it. he's employed like 24/7/365. he never got to live a life, despite spending a childhood clinging to the hope of having one someday. He knew companionship and love but lost it and can't ever get it back. His circumstances are so anomalous and gruesome that it completely isolates him from pretty much every other human being on the planet. he knows hell is real and he is basically guaranteed to go there if he can't break this demon curse thing.

like it doesn't make the kidnapping and spreading the curse around any better, but i do get it.

#like personally i don't blame him for the actual murders #and it's hard to blame him for hiring people without telling them because like lol. #anyone who's like 'oh he should just tell ppl about the demons' like what are you onnnnnn if you went to a job interview with a creepy old #guy and he started talking about demons and hauntings and shit you would think you're being pranked or that he's lost his damn mind #and fuck offffff with the 'ohhh not me im a quirky bean i'd love to take a job if the interview was like that' like sure. ok. maybe YOU wou #but what are the odds that milford in 1998 coming off the satanic panic has a thousand yous running around waiting to be hired #like i honestly dont have any suggestions for how he could have handled the hiring situation any better #now the actual JOB i have plenty of feedback #like yea he should be there to train your ass against the demons lol we got more hands-on guidance for the embalming (the non deadly part) #but like the whole 'raymond is evil cause he kills possessed ppl and hires people without telling them abt demons' #do you think that old man can run the whole mortuary by himself and also have time to teach classes #until he inevitably dies from either stress or the demons and is sent to hell (which he knows is real)? #it's my understanding that by having others around who can help him fight the demons he'll have the spare time to figure out how to #break out of the demon curse or break possession or literally any useful information that could treat the disease and not the symptoms #he is running out of time!!! he is only getting older and the demons are only getting more frequent and someday he won't be fit enough #to properly banish them!!! if you even care!!!!!!!!! #fucking tag essay lmao #mr delver i wont u...

[toxooz]

Hi Toxooz, how do you get yourself to draw so frequently? 👀👀👀

bc i have literally 84 things going on at once in my brain at all times that my highly visually obsessed brain Has To physically get in front of my eyes so that i can see or else will i think abt it over and over again and Brother I'm always envisioning things characters scenes scenarios outfits designs colors all of it in my cranium like angry itchy itchy ITCHY bees until i draw them out lmfao even if i don't know what to specifically draw at the current moment imma still end up drawing somehow ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ I think at this point it's literally hardwired into my brain that I Gotta draw its what I've been doing since I could hold a pencil tbh it's how i cope with being -gestures vaguely- Here and alive, i actually gotta force myself to take a day off and schedule days where I DONT draw bc I know it's wearing on my hands and wrists 😬 I guess physically drawing grounds me in a way and keeps me (mostly) sane like if I don't draw for a few days i start getting Vaguely Antsy it's fukkin weird and i think at this point my love for my characters has surpassed like any form of art block if that makes sense??? like they literally take up 92% of my brain if not more, and the only way to see them is to draw them but yeah it's just what i do it's my jelly n my jam which is why I'm literally so glad i realized that i don't want to make drawing a job/career bc God help me if i start dreading drawing bc of the stress of money I've been drawing like crazy for like 2 decades straight and I only wanna draw more man idk!!!!! It's just one of them 'how the brain formed around what you do an assload of times' thangs

Answer translation: idk I just like to draw a lot lmfao

#its like the kids say ✨💅its how i express myself✨💅 #and dont get it twisted im aware this is not healthy lmfao #dont aspire to b like me just draw or dont draw man its abt the want #like i said drawing is just What I Do at this point i didnt train theres not some ''oh draw for at least 30 minutes a day' shit #i draw fast as shit (probably obviously ) and so much its probably unnatural AHA #the secret is make drawing the only outlet for your brain to not completely self implode at the mere idea of existing #for 24 years!!!!! :) #honestly thats why im getting progressively more Tired when every mf and their grandma tries to convince me to sell my shits #like brother this is a part of me how can i give away something i created and inevitably formed a bond with for like 100 bucks #i caint do it and so if i go in with the expectation to imediately give it away then man i dont even want to be making art in the first pl #like for me Personally if im not going to make something that i fall in love with and want to look at occasionally then #Literally what is the point of me making anything #what is the point of me making my body and mind create a piece if not for my own personal joy??? #but thats just physical art ig #like digital stuff and selling it for money if some1 wants it im aight but physical paintings??? that shit is Me and Mine #like just bc i Can make art doesnt immediately mean i need to make money from it yknow #my brother in christ when it comes to the the only true outlet for me to find joy and inspiration in living i Do Not care about money #i will take any amount of shitty job abuse if it means i conserve my passion #ill get a scarring accident from welding before i will stress cry over a deadline for a project that i dont even want to do #absolutely terrified of that path and feeling it is The Worst for me #like literally thank FUCK i realized this when i was just in a community college and not balls deep in debt at some fancy university #granted late as all hell and all my opportunities of taking free welding classes in my early years have long passed but still glad #just stick me on an abandoned island with canvases n paint n shit and ill b fine #god knew if i managed my time better and wasnt Really Fucking Exhausted all the time i would be unstoppable #like ofc making money while drawing what i want is the dream no doubt but the chances of that are slim and the road to get there is even #slimmer #ANYWAY holy shit not to get hella preachy but i have Thots

[anotherpapercut]

when I was in 8th grade I had the same teacher for physics and geometry and he was like one of those dudes who always wanted to be one of the cool kids but never was so now he got to be the cool teacher that all the cool kids loved so he would like straight up bully the weird kids (me and my friends lol ✌️) and I thought it was wack as hell that a grown ass man was calling my friend, a 13 year old girl, stupid in front of the whole class for asking a fucking question so I constantly told him to back off and would get in full on screaming matches with the man about why he was not allowed to treat us like that (at one point I basically told him that if he ever made my friend cry again I would not rest until his teaching license was revoked lol) and it got to the point where he was like. actually for real beefing with me during class and in the hallways when he saw me and sometimes after school

anyway I just wanna say first of all fuck you Mr. Glasson, second of all what kind of like 28 y/o man has a fr beef with a fucking 13 year old. I literally wore a cloak to school. he was having beef with a child with pink hair, in a cloak. can you fucking imagine jsbdksbdndmdbnd

#one time i was early for class and i was in like the advanced program so most of us had the majority of our core clases together #so we were all talking abt the history honework due later today and i told my friend that i had made drawings for my answers #and showed her and my other friends and then my other classmates wanted to see so they were like passing it around #then like literally the second the bell rang‚ right as it was being handed back to me to be put away‚ he snatched it out of my fucking hand #and ripped part of it and crumpled it up and threw it in the fucking trash! #and fucking said 'class has started no other work is allowed' #which was bullshit because he used to help the jocky kids with their fucking other classes homework during class so fuck him #anyway i was really upset because i had worked really hard on it and i was afraid i would get a 0 on the assignment #then after class this kid that was one of the cool kids who had like never talked to me in any sort of kind way before #walked up to me and gave me the assignment back #he had dug it out of the trash (glasson actually made sure to put it under food that was in there :)) #and hed wiped it off and smoothed it out and taped it back together #and he couldnt really meet my eyes but as he handed it to me he said 'im sorry. that was really messed up. you didnt deserve that' and left #it still stands out to me as an unbelievably kind gesture #shout out to horned (his last name) #oh and another time id finished literally all my class work and my homework and id helped my friend finish hers #and there was like 20 minutes of class left to i decided to practice my circular gallifreyan and the mother fucker did the exact same thing #bitch what did you want me to do? i completed my work and then did your fucking job for you and helped my friends #should i have stared at a wall???? #FUCK you mr glasson i hope ur wife left u #also i stole his personal copy of his favorite book AND a textbook AND a graphing calculator #bc he told us once he had to pay for them out of his own pocket and they were really expensive ❤️ #i also did manage to kick him in the shin once and stomp on his foot another time without getting in trouble #amd i always wondered why he didnt have me suspended #but now im p sure it was to cover his own ass because he had 2 classes of witnesses who'd seen him say nasty shit to me #as well as an entire hallway of teachers who once heard us fucking screaming at each other #that was the time i threatened to get his license revoked ❤️❤️