#oh my god the ENTIRE show could be read as a metaphor for si oh my fucking god

[dirt-grub]

oh god if you look at otgw the like objective way of the unknown being an in between of life and death that they experienced in the water that means wirt absolutely was just gonna give up but the thought of greg in his subconscious mind was what made him wake up and bring them both to safety

#DONT LOOK AT ME GIVE ME A SECOND OKAY #not to get all therapy on everything but im do that with everything lol #but thats some si wirt my dude... #oh my god the ENTIRE show could be read as a metaphor for si oh my fucking god #literally EVERY time i rewatch it i see it in a new way ARGHFDSKJFD #so fucking good GODDD im cryin a little #wow. wow. like that sounds like an edgy cartoon theory that people have but theyre never based in anything canon usually #like all those X character is dead theories #like okay first of all its not even like theories its like. pat mchale has said the unknown exists between life and death #but the thing is like. when youre a teenager youre much more prone to si especially if youre the outcast sort #and are predisposed in any other way #but like this is a thing ive SEEN and experienced where. in succumbing to your own spiraling harmful ideation towards yourself #you affect those around you who have never even considered that type of thinking before #like. wirt was slipping from the beginning towards giving up #greg never considered it an option #but after things get worse and worse greg gives himself up and is like okay sometimes we just cant get home #and whos example is he following with that? the dude whos been wanting to give up the whole time #like. woah. woah. #it happens a lot and like the power of family isnt enough to cure si but its enough to snap you awake #bc a big part of si is that you feel like you deserve to have it. seeing others suffer bc of it makes you empathize with yourself finally #at least thats how it was in my case #and what im inferring from my interpretation of otgw happened with the brothers #like. when youre in a spiral you think youre in a bubble and once youre smacked awake by friends and family getting hurt too? #youre like fuck. fuck. not only am i hurting myself but i dont deserve to be hurting myself. people love me and i love them #am i projecting or does this fit with the narrative lol #idk i am just talking myself on the tunglr dot com #also regardless of the water the whole thing about giving up is such a metaphor #the beast is those realized suicidal thoughts. he cant get you or even TOUCH you unless you give up hope #you have to go to HIM. if you realize that he has no power #anyways hello. i watch cartoons and feel things about them

[fictionerd]

Good to see you, friends!

Please merciful gods... if any are listening, let me get caught up today. The sooner I can get on a proper schedule the better off I’ll be. Having a single show per day to write about would be great. Pretty please.

If you want it so badly quit praying and get synopsizing already I have some frustrations to vent. 

Full agreement. Less invoking higher powers and more talking about the show. Last time we had a god-thing visit the library it did NOT go well.

Don’t you have the thing suspended in a giant tube full of glowy green liquid powering something in your workshop?

Yes, but the damn thing nearly tore a hole in the library and all but ripped off one of your wings in the process. Remember that?

Yeah... yeah point taken. No more invocations. Time to talk about Kimetsu no Yaiba.

Synopsis: Our hero is the kid who looks horrified in the eyecatch. His name is Tanjiro, and his life is about to be fucked sideways by Murphy’s law.

Tanjiro lives alone on a mountain with his mother and FIVE siblings. Their dad apparently passed away sometime before the series began. One thing I can tell about Tanjiro is that he’s apparently spec’d into every Charisma skill he can. Dude’s a people magnet and seems to be an all-around nice guy. 

One day Tanjiro takes a load of Charcoal into town to sell. There he’s shown to be rather well liked and trusted, as stated above. On his way home, however, he’s stopped by some old dude and told not to go all the way home because it’s dangerous. He’s all like, “Nah, it’s cool my passive perception is BEAST”

“Get your ass in my shack, kid. There’s demons about what’ll use you for bubblegum and the last thing I need in my nightmares is the image of your face stretched over three feet of bubble yum.”

So Tanjiro, being the people person he is, obliges the old man. He wrangles a free meal out of the deal and quietly goes to sleep. He is rewarded for this by getting home the next day to find his entire family torn apart like a bunch of poorly-guarded pinatas at a five-year-old’s birthday party. He, naturally, fails his will save and freaks the FUCK out. However, it seems that not all the eldest of his younger siblings (That was a sentence) is still alive! 

Our hero does what any good TTRPG hero would do in his situation: Grabs his sister and starts booking it in the direction of town looking for a doctor. All’s going well until his GM rolls some dice behind the screen and winces.

So his sister has gone demon. Show of hands who��s suprised? Ah, no one it seems. You must have read the series synopsis same as I. That’d be why I’m leaning into the D&D metaphor so hard here. I need to do SOMETHING to differentiate this bit.

So Tanjiro is keeping it cool. He’s just barely making the strength checks he needs to keep his now demonic sister from using his intestines as sausage casings when the GM does another hidden luck roll and sends in a demon hunter to save his ass. 

Of course Tanjiro is kinda partial to keeping his sister alive, demon or not.. TJ is absolutely no match for the big-dick demon hunter, so he leans into his Persuasion checks and manages to sway the demon hunter just enough to piss him off. Hunts McGee tries to give TJ the “Hard Truths” of the whole demon biz, and taking cues from the NPC TJ goes for complicated set of bluffing tactics to try and catch the guy off guard and save his sister. These ALMOST succeed in decapitating the Demon hunter and ACTUALLY succeed at getting Demon-Sis free. The GM decides to offer one last out and rolls a final luck check... Which resolves OVERWHELMINGLY in TJ’s favor. Demon-Sis, instead of chowing on his face, Turns and starts protecting him from Hunts McGee. 

The GM decides to roll with this as the plotline and tells TJ to go seek out a new NPC who might have a lead on how to heal his sister’s demonitis.

Aria’s Thoughts: I REALLY didn’t like the demon hunter’s “Only the mighty have a chance at success” schtick. He might be right to one degree or another, but COME ON, dude. The kid’s just had the worst day of his life. He’s seen his entire family turned into hamburger helper. He nearly got eaten by his sister. YOU showed up and threatened to kill her. If I were “TJ” as Fic has named him I’m pretty sure I’d be fucked up to the point of begging too. That or so pissed I tore his throat out myself before using the knowledge he just gave me to join my sister in Demon-hood. Could go either way personally.

Do we need to talk about some shit, Aria?

I’m being realistic here. It’s not like the Demons are particularly evil. At the very least Nezuko (Whose name you never said btw) just seemed to be hungry. Also, before Justine can bring it up: Yeah I know that the Demon Hunter was just testing TJ. They did a decent job making it clear that was the case, but still fuck the whole “Only the strong survive” bullshit.

Justine’s Thoughts: This was a fantastic show. Despite hand-drawn characters being placed in at least partially CG backgrounds nothing seemed too out of place. I do have questions what time period this is supposed to be taking place in since the town they showed in this episode appeared to have power lines. As far as atmosphere goes, however, the episode did a great job delivering. They telegraph the shift in tone hard, but it doesn’t feel forced. The way the music shifts when Tanjiro discovers what’s left of his family struck some mainline of emotional resonance and really sold the moment. Personally I’m looking forward to more. Can we just go watch some more? Like right now?

Actually yeah. We’re a week behind on this one so it’s double feature time.

Oh, sweet. To be continued, folks.

See you in a bit!

#Anime #Let's Talk Anime #Kimetsu no Yaiba #Blade of Demon Destruction #Demon Slayer: Kimetsu no Yaiba #Demon Slayer #Fictionerd #Aria White #Justine Beacon #In-Character #Spring Anime Season

[othercat2]

fic: (they flow from form to form) 15/?

==>Karkat: consider the possibility that the dragon is metaphorical

He doesn’t really know what to do with himself once Ms. Pyrope leaves. Is he just staying put, out of danger? Is he technically babysitting Terezi who “isn’t doing too well?” Probably not babysitting, he thinks, even though Si seemed to be implying that when they’d spoken. Latula had been so careful about letting him know that he didn’t have to stay if he didn’t want to.

The Pyrope living room is stuffed full of bookshelves with furniture and an entertainment center shoved in as an afterthought. The books are a mix of mythology, criminology, sociology, mystery, history, fantasy, science fiction novels and roleplaying manuals. He grabs a book at random and settles on the couch. The book turns out to be about a prince who goes off to rescue his boyfriend, also a prince, and has various adventures while trying to unlock his Untapped Powers of Magic. Karkat’s up to the part where the prince rescues a fire elemental from a rainstorm when he feels that he isn’t alone in the room.

He doesn’t see anyone at first. It’s the same nebulous not-quite-there “shape” the other Gods assume when they aren’t bothering with a human form. There’s a sense of presence, limbs and dark green eyes arranged around a central column. His brain kept trying to make sense of what he wasn’t really seeing. One moment he saw a tree with eyes, the next he saw a winged lantern shaped like a skull with coiling tentacles.

Karkat set his book on the arm of the couch, open and face down to mark his place. “Hope,” Karkat says. “Hello.” He might have said “hey,” but he wasn’t sure how that would go over. He’d seen and spoken to Hope before, but only briefly. (And the last time he’d been pretty snarky so it might be a good idea to tone that down a little bit this time around.)

“Hello yourself,” Hope says in a voice that sounds like a smile. “I didn’t mean to interrupt your reading. I probably shouldn’t have been watching you so closely. I only meant to take a peek.”

“Why were you?” Karkat asks.  

“I could hear you being uncomfortable and unhappy,” Hope says. “And well, you’re here.”

“Is that a problem?” Karkat asks, frowning.

“Oh no,” Hope says, brightening in an uncomfortably literal way. Karkat feels a sense of cheerfulness radiating from Hope, as if all the morning people in the world hopped out of bed and flung open the curtains and wished all of the songbirds good morning. “Quite the opposite, really. It’s good that you’re here, though the reason leaves much to be desired.”

“Yeah,” Karkat says. “So you’re here because I am?”

There was another sense that Hope was smiling. “That should go without saying. I may not be as forward as other members of my family, but rest assured we are all much taken with you, Mister Vantas.”

“As usual I have no idea of what to say to something like that,” Karkat says. “It’s kind of terrifying.” Karkat was willing to admit to something the Gods probably already knew.

“Due to circumstances, we weren’t able to reveal ourselves in a more gentle way,” Hope says. The column-shape pulses and contracts, then folds up into a dark haired boy with glasses wearing a yellow long sleeved shirt and green short pants with suspenders. Hope’s feet are bare and strangely shaped, more like paws than feet, with sharp claws.

“Circumstances involving me being chained up in a freezing cold cave,” Karkat says.

“Not the most romantic first meeting,” Hope says, sitting on the other end of the couch. “I would have preferred, oh, to be some strange and mysterious creature you followed into the woods or a stalwart chap drawing you into strange adventures.” He smiles. “Or you brought to Us as an offering instead of for judgment.”

Karkat can see what He means; Hope is showing him what He means. A gaudy and brilliant temple, and Karkat in gold chains and not much else, chained to an altar. The Gods appear in almost human forms to surround him on the altar. They bend to kiss him, Their hands sliding over skin that feels heated, electric as an aching urgency begins to build within him. He can’t stop himself from arching up, from making soft needy little sounds, begging for more.

Then he’s out of it, back in the living room and shivering with left over sensations and a sense of acute embarrassment. He’s breathless for a second, the sound of his heart beating loud and fast in his ears. “Is that how the wedding thing usually goes?” Karkat snaps when he can speak. It feels as if his entire body is blushing; a rush of embarrassed and aggravated heat.

Hope laughs. “No. But it might be fun to play at.”

“I think that’s a little too kinky for me just yet,” Karkat mutters. “Holy shit.”

“The marriage would take place in the Temple, that part’s true,” Hope says. “You walk to the altar, which is up on a little stage. You say your piece, and the High Priestess says her piece, and then there’s a party.”

“Do You say anything? Any of You?” Karkat asks. No one had really brought up the wedding yet. Not in any kind of detail.  

“Not really. The ceremony is acknowledgement and blessing for the people, not the part that binds.”  Hope wiggles his eyebrows. “We’re there for the wedding nights of course.”

“Nights?” Karkat asks, not able to help himself. He wasn’t sure he wanted to know about “wedding nights,” plural. At the same time, if he didn’t it would just be kind of lurking there in the background.

“Nights,” Hope says. “At least eight. Maybe more. Like a honeymoon!”

He can’t help wondering how that would go. Would it be one of Them each night, or all at once? He’d really like to ask Kanaya or Si about what it was like. (This was in no way going to happen. He’d die of embarrassment before a word got out.) Where exactly would this “honeymoon” be taking place? His face heats as he thinks of the “temple,” image Hope showed him. The “temple” reminded him of old sword and sorcery movies from the eighties; villains with slave girls hanging off of them, or lounging around on cushions.

Then he finds himself in a big room with fountains, huge arched windows and a bed that’s mostly pillows and furs that he’s lounging in the middle of, naked except for an elaborate gold and ruby necklace, gold bracelets, and two panels of bright red fabric embroidered with gold thread, held in place by a jeweled belt. There’s also something resting on his brow, wrapped around his head. He takes it off and sees it’s a circlet set with diamonds and rubies, the Blood symbol suspended from thin beaded wires between the arches of stylized thorny branches. He blinks and he’s back in the living room. “The hell?”

Hope gives him a look that would be almost innocent if not for the thin, wicked grin that stretches his mouth a little too wide. “People who make virginity sacrifice and harem jokes shouldn’t be surprised to find that their words were inspirational.”  

“So my honeymoon is going to be on the set of Conan the Barbarian?” Karkat asks, face heating up.

“It could be on the moon, if you wanted,” Hope says with a brilliant smile.

“What if I don’t want a honeymoon, or a wedding?” Karkat asks. “What if I don’t want any of this?”

“I’m afraid you’re a bit stuck with us,” Hope says. “As We’re a bit stuck on you. You could leave, but we’d follow after you.”

“That kind of showed up a lot in the spell Dad cast,” Karkat says. “You following us if we managed to leave.”

“Even if you wanted nothing to do with Us, never spoke to Us again, never touched Us or allowed Us to touch you, We would follow you,” Hope says.

“Is that even an option though?” Karkat asks. “The no contact thing.”

“It’s an option, though it would be unpleasant for both sides,” Hope admits. “Is that what you want?”  

Karkat thinks about it. It wouldn’t be as if everything had gone back to normal. They’d still be there, and he’d be aware of Them. There’d still be figuring out his “Blood” powers. “What I want is that we hadn’t gone camping in the crow woods,” Karkat says carefully.

“Not ‘I wish’?” Hope asks with a grin. “I’m not a monkey’s paw, you know.”

“Yeah, I’m not taking any chances,” Karkat says understanding the reference after a second. He read the story in junior high. Wishing seemed to be something that was inherently dangerous. At least it was in stories.

“‘I want’ could be just as dangerous,” Hope says. “And we would have noticed you eventually, even if you hadn’t gone camping and stumbled onto an initiation.”

“Yeah but it would have been a completely different pile of bullshit. Not the pile of bullshit where--” Karkat breaks off, voice shaking. He scrubs at his eyes, which were watering now. “Someone I’m friends with leaves me tied to a rock so I can get ‘judged.’ She just left me. Like that was an okay thing to do. Like we weren’t friends at all.”

There’s a noise from the hallway then, a sound like a sob or gasp, and then a couple of thumps. Terezi. She had heard him, had been listening for who knows how long. Karkat scrambles off the couch, heart thumping away in his ears. It’s half guilt that she heard him, and half embarrassed that she heard him almost start crying that makes him head for the hallway. He gets there just in time to see Terezi running for her bedroom door in a blur of white robes and bare feet. She slams the door behind her, and shouts something incomprehensible, a series of sounds that he can’t chop up into individual words.

“She says, well, it would translate loosely, ‘he shouldn’t be here, why did you bring him?’ ” Hope says, coming up behind Karkat.

Karkat feels a chill at that, like ice down his spine. He knows how careful and respectful the Believers are about their Gods from what he’s studied so far. A flat “why did you bring him?” like that should have been unthinkable. Karkat glances back at Hope, more than a little worried about Terezi.

“She’s a bearcat, isn’t she?” Hope asks cheerfully. He doesn’t sound angry or the least bit insulted.

“So, no smiting?” Karkat asks cautiously. “Could smiting be a thing that doesn’t happen?”

“Why would there be smiting?” Hope asks with a sort of wide eyed innocence Karkat immediately doesn’t trust.

“It seemed kind of blunt. And from what I’ve read that kind of blunt usually results in someone becoming a greasy smear on the pavement,” Karkat says.

“There are a few who can get away with being ‘blunt,’” Hope says, a spark of amusement in His green eyes. “Or even irascible!”

Karkat stops himself before he can respond to the teasing. Hope is talking about him, Karkat’s pretty sure of that. He’s also pretty obviously hinting at something. It isn’t hard to figure out what He’s hinting at. Who generally gets away with being blunt? “Is.” Karkat pauses for a moment. “Is Terezi like me? A chosen bride or whatever?”

“You’re a bridegroom, not a bride. Well, if you identify as masculine you’re a bridegroom,” Hope says.

“How do you acknowledge transgender identity and still use the term ‘mongoloid’?” Karkat asks, distractedly.

There’s an odd sense of confusion coming from Hope, paired with a frown. “What you wear doesn’t have much to do with whether you’re masculine, feminine, both or neither. It’s an Outsider notion that Our People can’t help but be at least a little influenced by, but really it doesn’t matter.”

Karkat rubs his face with one hand. He had a strong feeling Hope was conflating terms, and if he tried to explain (when he wasn’t exactly an expert) things would just get more confusing. “Okay,” he says.  “Is Terezi a bride?”

“We’ve been courting her,” Hope says. Hope looks toward the closed door, radiating affection and concern. “She and my priest found you, you know. She was ready to grieve, but you were alive, surrounded by flowers and marked by Our Favor.”

“Ready to grieve,” Karkat echoes. He remembers Terezi and Eridan taking him to the Temple. The way they talked about what was going to happen to him. Eridan trying to be sinister and the matter of fact way Terezi made sure he knew he couldn’t escape. He remembers hoping that Terezi would help him, and her saying, “You committed a spiritual crime, and the only way your soul can be cleansed is through sacrifice and the blessed intervention of the Gods.”

“You were friends, and she had to send you to judgment,” Hope says. “She did what she had to, and blames herself for what happened.”

“It wasn’t her fault,” Karkat says immediately.  “It’s the fault of whoever set me and Dad up.” It felt strange to defend her so automatically. He was still angry--still felt the sting of betrayal--but he couldn’t help defending her. It wasn’t her fault, and she hadn’t come to school or said anything to him since, but he hadn’t said anything to her either. Hadn’t tried talking to her, hadn’t even called her up to yell at her. (He wasn’t going to feel guilty about that. He wasn’t.)

“You could tell her that,” Hope says. (Hopefully?)

“I don’t think she wants me to talk to her,” Karkat says. Despite his words, he finds himself moving toward the closed door. Hope follows after him, silent now. As he gets closer to the door he can sense where Terezi is, in the room. She’s sitting on the floor in front of her bedroom door, leaning against it. He puts his hand on the door. “Hey Terezi. Um. Dad tried to cast a spell and it kind of backfired. Si sent me here while he and your mom fix things. Ms. Pyrope didn’t tell you?”

There’s a silence, stretching into several minutes. “I was asleep. I didn’t know you were here until I heard voices,” Terezi says, her voice muffled by the door.

“Yeah,” Karkat says. “Are you okay?” It was a stupid question to ask. Obviously she wasn’t okay. “I mean, do you want to talk, or should I go away?”

“You want to talk to me after what happened?” Terezi asks in return.

Karkat presses his forehead against the door. “Yeah. I mean, I’m still talking to Sollux after all.”

“Sollux didn’t leave you chained up in the dark,” Terezi says.

“But if he’d been there instead of you, he would have done the same, right?”

Terezi says “yes,” so quietly Karkat almost couldn’t hear it.

“Sollux was pretty sure I’d hate him, you know? Just because he was one of you guys. But I didn’t. I told him were still friends.”

Karkat hears a soft thump against the door. “But I actually did leave you for judgement, which could have killed you or worse,” Terezi says.

“Worse being hallucinations, dementia and permanent brain damage, which you don’t really try treating. Give me a minute; I can come up with a Dad-style rant about ableism,” Karkat says.

There’s another thump, a little louder against the door. “I don’t want to hear it.”

Karkat sighs. “Yeah, I’m not sure I could really manage it. I’m tired and apparently had a really weird Groundhog Day weekend.”

“Groundhog Day?” Terezi asks, as if she can’t help herself.

“Have you seen the movie? The main character keeps repeating the same day over and over. Dad tried some kind of ‘scrying’ thing I guess? It didn’t go so well. Breath pulled me out and I called Si and he sent me to get your mom. I could have gone to Sollux’s house I guess but…I wanted to see you.”

“Even after what happened?” Terezi asks.

Karkat swallows, throat suddenly dry. “Yeah.”

“That’s not what you said before,” Terezi says. “I heard what you said.”

“I figured,” Karkat says. He thumps the door. “Let me in? I don’t want to talk to the door.”

There is a pause, and then he could hear Terezi get up. Karkat steps back as the door opens with a click. Terezi looks pale, her eyes bloodshot and tired, her hair tangled and sticking up. She is wearing the same kind of clothes that Feferi had worn when she’d gotten back from the Temple, and her feet were bare. She stepped out of the doorway to let him in.

Karkat enters and looks around. Terezi’s bed is unmade, and her room was a mess of schoolbooks and looseleaf paper and binders. Karkat sits down at her computer desk, and Terezi sits down on the edge of her bed. Hope enters as well, a diffuse sort of presence that somehow seems to indicate both concern and a desire to not interfere. (Terezi’s shoulders hunch, and her fingers tangle and twist as she stares down at her feet.)

“I’m sorry I didn’t come see you sooner,” Karkat says after a silence that felt long, but might have only been a minute. “I was angry, and then I was trying to figure things out. There was too much happening all at once, and then psychic kaiju are looming over me and crows are screaming ‘Blood for the Blood God,’ at me.”

Terezi chokes on a thin little laugh. “So you’re okay with me almost getting you killed?” Terezi asks, her voice tired and brittle.

“No, that was pretty messed up,” Karkat says. “But it wasn’t your fault. You got set up.”

“I should have seen it,” Terezi says sharply. She look up, and her blood shot eyes are vivid, tear bright teal-green. “I should have seen you! I should have known!”

“You got set up, Terezi,” Karkat repeats. “Me and my Dad got set up. Neither of us blame you for what happened.”

“You should,” Terezi said. “I didn’t See anything about you. Even if a more powerful priest or adept interfered with the ritual and set you up, I should have known about you.”

“About me?” Karkat asks, a little surprised.

“If I’d known, if I’d realized what I was sensing from you, I would have told Feferi and she would have made contact, and this wouldn’t have happened,” Terezi says. “You and your Dad wouldn’t have gone up to the crow woods, and I wouldn’t have had to leave you for judgment.”

“Feferi’s enemies would have just done something else to try discrediting her,” Hope says. “They would have set someone up who wouldn’t have survived judgment at all, and that would have been worse.”

Terezi hunches her shoulders again and the words But I wouldn’t have hurt Karkat! ring in Karkat’s ears. For a moment he sees the line connecting him and Terezi, it pulses with a rapid, almost painful beat. She’s twisting it, it’s hurting her. (It’s hurting him.)

Karkat  touches the line--

--he slips out of the chair settling on his knees between Terezi’s feet. He reaches out and catches Terezi’s hands. “Terezi,” Karkat says. “You know I’d be just as freaked out as I was when you left me.”

“I thought about it. I thought about it a lot,” Terezi says, her voice broken into pieces and full of tears. “I could have made it work. You wouldn’t have known.”

“Want to bet I wouldn’t have?” Karkat says. “I’m seeing a lot, just from here.” There was so much. Terezi’s mind was ticking along in tightly wound circles, trying to figure out where she went wrong. She saw him, over and over again, in the Temple, taking him to the Chamber of Repentance. In her mind she had ruined everything, destroyed the sacred marriage before it could even happen. Karkat would never come to love the Gods (the way she did). She had done the unforgivable; she was a false Seer, a false Beloved. She tried to pull away from him, wanting to escape him (her thought).

“Terezi. Terezi no,” Karkat says. “Terezi, stop it!” His throat ached with the force of the words. Terezi froze, wide eyed, staring. (There’s a sense that she’s fighting him. He has a sense that teeth are bared and wings mantled at him, a fierce and terrible something-that-is-her-and-not-her.)

“Please, Terezi, it’s okay. Stop beating yourself up. You already did all the penance crap. You don’t need to do more.”

Terezi drew in a breath to start protesting, but Karkat squeezes her hands--

--and runs right over her with his own words.

“I mean it Terezi. You don’t need to fix me. You don’t need to fix whatever mess you think you made between me and your Gods. I probably would have been just as freaked out if Light gave me a tentaclehorror Valentine’s Day card, or I don’t know Hope put Green Mansions in my Netflix queue. I don’t hate you, I don’t hate Them, okay? What happened was fucked up and weird and I am not okay with it but I am also not okay with you holing up in your room like this because of me. I mean, you can hole up if you think you need to, but it’s been a long time and I’m worried and confused and I can feel how bad you feel about what happened.” He tries a spell, a small one, sending calm through the connection while he talks, half begging half bullying. He shows her how he feels. He visualizes the frantic pulse slowing, the tangles coming out smooth and straight. It was slow, very slow going, but he saw/felt the tension and misery fade, go hazy and blunt.

“I’m so sorry,” Terezi says finally in a small, miserable voice.

“I know,” Karkat says. He rises to sit beside her on the bed, and pulls her into a hug. “You want to get something to eat?” he asks.

“Yeah,” Terezi says.

She doesn’t move to get up, and he doesn’t move either for several minutes.

<==

==>

Books referenced: I make a reference to Karkat reading Diane Duane’s The Door Into Fire. It is a very good book.

I also make a reference to Green Mansions which is a book that has been thrown across the room because the ending is sad and I want to kick the protagonist in the balls until he walks with a permanent stoop for the rest of his miserable life. It’s also a movie. I have not seen the movie due to my antipathy for the novel. (And the protagonist. Who I despise.) Hope would like the movie because it’s ~~Romantic~~

I have a Patreon! If you like my writing, please consider becoming a patron! Or you could buy me a coffee! Donation links are in the sidebar of my blogs! I am having a Continuing Financial Crisis and could use the help as being homeless = no writing.

#homestuck #eldergodstuck #karkat vantas #fan fic #writing

[idealisticrealism]

Blindspot 2x15 recap

(aka the one where the team does their own version of WifeSwap and also takes down a trafficking ring)

So I don't know if anyone is still interested in these (other than the couple of anons who have been gently reminding me about getting this done haha) but in honour of the new ep this week, here's my recap of last ep aka ~The Dream Team Reshuffle~

Okay so are these Kurt/Roman sparring sessions a spectator sport?? Because if so, seriously sign me up right now for a lifetime membership haha. Goddamn. And I just-- I mean, the level of trust here? The kindness? Weller understands that Roman needs both freedom and an outlet, so he gives him both, under the guise of 'triggering memories' for information on Sandstorm. Sure, that's the official explanation, but lbr he really just did it because he knows how he would feel being in Roman's shoes. And plus, what better way to get to know the brother of the woman he's in love with? ~Brother-in-law bonding time~ Aaww yeaahhh. I also love that he actually pins Roman-- Roman may be a trained warrior, but Weller's no slouch either. Just because he wears a suit most of the time doesn't erase the fact that he's literally one of the best agents the FBI has. And then ughhh Jane comes in just as he's got Roman pinned and I love that the vibe is instantly like "uh-oh, busted" haha. I love the shock in Jane’s voice though and the way she says 'Kurt'-- tbh I think it's both a "Kurt don't hurt him" and "Kurt is everything okay" because in that split second she doesn't know if this fight is just sparring or has turned real and there's just a flicker of panic where she doesn't know what to do and then Roman is all "we're fine" (aka ‘chill sis we're just engaging in manly bonding’) and she just stares, even more shocked, as Weller grins and pulls Roman to his feet. Like literally this scene has been going for like 30 seconds and I just love everything it has achieved-- Roman is proving to Weller that he can be trusted, bc he didn't try to hurt him or escape while they were sparring, Weller is proving to Roman that he understands and respects his needs and that they can be allies despite coming from opposing sides, and Weller's proving to Jane that he's good hubby material :P and obviously that he cares enough about her to go out of his way for the people she loves. Ugh. And when she suggests Roman going out into the field, he's so gentle and apologetic about why they can't allow that. And then he leaves her to take Roman back to the cell, showing trust in them both. Ugh. What a genius scene, to be so packed with meaning in such a short space of time. I also appreciate Roman trying to convince Jane to tell Weller the truth about Emma bc it’s the right thing to do (seriously woman he’s right, hurry up with that! I'm so annoyed about the lack of learning from past mistakes that's happening here like seriously this can only go badly ugh)

Wait Nas' source-phone is ringing?? Good thing she remembered the code phrase after all these months haha. Also considering that I'm still on the 'Remi was the source' bandwagon, I feel like this meet-up is a trap...

Naw Jeller walking to the lab together and then WAIT WHAT HE ASKED ABOUT THE DATE. Omg. The awkwardness level just shot through the roof (and probably continued up several floors) and Jane is staring at him bc lbr the ~thing~ between them is like the elephant in the room that goes carefully ignored and then suddenly he's asking about something that's directly elephant-adjacent and it's like is this really happening? and then she's still speechless and he assures her she doesn't have to talk about it with him (while looking like he's practically about to cry jesus christ what are you two doing to me) and then he tells her that her whole date thing got him ~thinking~ and her eyes go wide and she stops breathing because is he about to acknowledge the elephant and lbr she's so stunned at even the possibility that this could be happening but she's SO READY for it and ugh I bet her heart is racing rn and ugh ours certainly are because we're all like YES TELL HER ADMIT YOUR LOVE KISS HER KIIISSSSS HEERRRRRRR, and then--- "we need to be careful. Sandstorm is everywhee" and oh man. All that buildup just goes poof! and disappears. Goddammit, Weller, you stupid boy. Couldn't you see how loudly her eyes were screaming 'kiss me'?? Or maybe you could, and that's why you look so sad, because you believe that you two can/should never be together again. But more likely he just assumed that her stunned look was her being uncomfortable about discussing her love life with him. Ugh you two are IDIOTS. Idiots, I tell you. But lbr I do love the fact that Weller is telling her to stay away from Oliver to protect her, which I'm sure is entirely genuine-- or at least, he's convinced himself of that. I wonder if he's aware that he also just wants her far far away from any other man. And then omg Nas appears, interrupting their private moment (I love the look they exhange like they're not quite ready to let go of their connection just yet) and lol I just love that this single moment is like a total metaphor for Nas' involvement in this show, her very presence interrupting their progress back towards one another. Ugh. But anyway sidenote, it looks like when they head to the lab they actually all head back in the direction they had just come from in the first place?? Unless I got all turned around while I was focusing too closely on Jeller's intense eye contact lol, I mean that’s certainly a possibility

Anyhow they head into the lab and there's a conspicuous absence-- Reade is nowhere to be seen, which is no surprise to us, because that dude has become flakier than old paint, but it is to Weller, who has been a little too distracted in the recent weeks to have the team totally in grip like he used to. And luckily for Reade, he has Zapata to cover for him, who gives a hurried excuse of train delays. Ah, transport troubles. An oldie but a goodie. Patterson unwittingly helps by just getting straight down to business, directing all their attention to a photo of Jane's hip and thigh, meaning that they all have a clear view of the curve of her butt as well. I wonder if Jane is so used to this team seeing her body that she just doesn't even register the invasiveness of it anymore? Does Weller ever feel weird about looking so clinically and professionally at something that he would very much like to look at in a non-work setting?? But anyhow. I love that when Patterson's talking about the tattoo being a coin that has the date 1776, a hint of sarcasm creeps into her voice as she says 'the birth of our great nation'. I hope Ashley herself put that slight inflection (and social commentary) on it. Also yay Rich gets a small shoutout since he recognised the symbol from the center of the coin, which relates to some smuggler dude. I hope he’s happy back in whatever prison he’s in. And then there’s some complicated puzzle-solving involving another related tattoo that points them to some fancy medical clinic/heatlh spa thing. Jane reads the Greek off the tattoo because of course she can, and when she asks how it all ties together, Patterson quips, "It's all Greek to me!" and looks at big bro Weller with like an 'eh? eh??' expression. He's not amused, but dw Patterson, because we are. You're the cutest and it's great to see you getting your humour back. And then Weller decides they need to all split up-- a team to talk to some dude that has a connection to the smuggler, a team to check out the medispa, and a team to stay behind and coordinate everything and chase other leads as they arise. Naturally Patterson is the latter, and he pairs Jane and Tasha (yaaaaaasssss) to talk to the dude, but then rather than taking Nas with him to the medispa, he says he'll be taking Roman instead. I love that everyone's like 'whaaaaa?', especially us lol. And then he says that he got a call from Pellington threatening to give Roman to the CIA unless he starts giving them useful info and ugh I so want to know if that's true or if he just made it up so no one would try to fight him on his decision to take Roman on the mission?? Zapata's kinda against it but not firmly against it like she would have been a couple of weeks ago, and I'm super interested to see how she and Jane will work together given their conflicting opinions over Roman and their rocky relationship in the past. I have high hopes for some quality bonding time so please don’t let me down, show 

Ooh we're doing another timejumping episode like the college shooting one back in S1. Tasha is leaving a (well deserved) angry voicemail for Reade  while Jane delivers Roman to Weller and tells Weller to be safe out there. Which is her telling him to look out for both her brother and for himself and ugh I love being back to a place where these two are allowed to openly care about each other again rather than pretending like they don’t. And then naww speaking of caring, Jane checks to make sure Zapata is okay when she hears her sounding upset on the phone. Ugh yaaaayyy at them being friends aain. And then ugh they work together so well as they interrogate the prisoner guy (sidenote, I love the way Zapata says her own name. It’s hot.) and they're just so in sync and so great and just ugh. And then when they come out of the room Jane tentatively asks about Reade-- she knows something is going on and she wants to help because she cares. But she also knows that Zapata is protective of Reade and might push her away for pyring and ugh my little baby Jane just wants all of her family to be safe and happy and ughhhh she's the sweetest. I'm glad Zapata doesn't lash out, she just plays it off as no big deal, saying he just slept in. Jane knows it's not true but accepts it anyway (after making it clear she would help if help was needed). And then a new lead comes in and so they head out-- and omg Zapata is the one to reach out first, admitting it's kinda nice having Jane with her instead of Reade for a change, and then making sure she knows that she doesn't have anything against Roman anymore, she’s just worried about his former Sandstorm ties. Whaaaat. Zapata noticing that Jane is quiet/possibly upset and makes an effort to sort-of apologise to try to make her feel better? Amazing. And then Jane is honest with her about what's really bothering her-- that Weller (who is almost exclusively 'Kurt' to her these days ugh) warned her about trusting Oliver and risk of ties to sandstorm. And omg Zapata's immediate response is 'ooooh you're seeing someone?" and ugh I KNEW the ~supportive girlfriends~ connection between them was still in there. My beautiful supportive lady friends are back. She's happy for Jane, though she acknowledges that it's possible Weller has a point. And then omg they bond over the impossibility of having a life outside the job and Zapata tells Jane about her grandparents’ love story and how she has being single down to a science (me too girl, me toooo) and UGH THE BONDINGGGGGG THIS IS EVERYTHIG I'VE EVR WANTED. Anyway they arrive at the auction house place and tbh I love how small Zapata looks in this ep?? She's such a teeny pocket rocket haha. Then the blonde lady who just sounded very stressed on the phone shows them through to the back area (literally guys it's hard for anyone to believe that you're just two random peeps looking for a coin for Jane's 'dad'. You both have ~Badass Warrior Woman~ written all over you. But lucky they are so badass, because now they're in the middle of a gunfight. Which Jane has literally broguht a knife to. Help, I'm dying over the subtle comedic genius of this writing loll. Also Jane just used that knife to make a dude stab himself in the chest and then she threw him through a window. Good lord, have I mentioned lately how incredible this woman is?? Of course Zapata has held her own very well too, taking out the other dude with a crack shot before the two of them regroup and are like 'what the hell just happened??' lol

Oooh okay we've jumped back to 9am now, where a gorgeous woman is creeping out of Reade's coke-palace, while he pretends to be asleep til the door closes then groggily listens to Tasha's voicemail. Meanwhile, Patterson has been working hard because she's amazing and not flushing her life down the toilet despite the horrible things she’s gone through, and she cracks the tatt just as he gets there. She knows he's lying about his dentist appointment but she’s just like 'whatever bitch let's go, we got bad guys to hunt'. And then lol I love the fact that she's the one driving. She looks so tiny in this huge car. It's probably a good idea though-- are we sure he's sober enough to drive? But anyway she fills him in, and then gets interrupted by a call from Dr Sun, which makes me nervous. No one should be trusting Dr Sun ever. Therapy is great and I fully support it, but please honey go find a nice therapist faaaaaar removed from anything to do with Sandstorm or the FBI or Nas. Like how about my mother?? She'd love to go back to NYC for a while lol. But anyway I appreciate that Reade actually asks her how she's doing and genuinely cares about the answer. He might be living in an emotional trashcan at the moment but he still loves his team. But sigh, for a moment I was hopeful that Patterson's healthy approach to trauma would inspire him but instead he just tries to tell her she needs a night out. No Reade, your form of therapy is not good for anyone. Though I would be supportive of Patterson and Jane and Zapata having a nice little girls’ night in at some point... but anyway my genius baby can tell Reade's off but there's no time for that bc they're at the bad guy's house. But of course he walks up, talking on his phone to the blonde coin lady, just as they're at his door. So now we know who she was talking  to just as Jane and Zapata got there... Also man everyone's life would have been so much easier rn if this was the 80s and no one had mobile phones to coordinate with haha. Still, if Reade had been keeping a proper lookout... and then he gives chase and catches him, but somehow the guy mesmerises him with an emotional speech on hating himself and oh geez. Come on, Reade, you’re better than this. But nope, like an idiot he lowers his gun and is about to get shot when Patterson saves his ass (yeahhh, girl!). Back at the lab, he awkwardly thanks her and she responds by asking him if he's okay and trying to get him to get help with his problems. But of course he's not interested, and then someone comes and interrupts anyway, and now they have info on the smuggler person helping a cartel with something. Also lol Reade shows her a bill he found in that dudes apartment for some building, and its printed on perfectly clean, unfolded paper. Idk how you guys get your bills, but they sure don't look like that after being through the postal system. But anyway they send a raid on the building, finding a bunch of empty beds with handcuffs attached-- and then we see the people chained up in a van with the smuggler guy watching over them. Right, human trafficking it is...

Back to 9am (lol it's like a mini groundhog day for us) and Weller runs into Nas in the corridor, telling her to take backup to her meet while she's all 'yeah, nah' then tells him to watch his back with Roman. Bitch, he's much safer with Roman than he is with you! Ugh. And then Roman and Jane are in the elevator and he's so worried about letting Weller down and not remembering anything and being sent to the CIA and ugh my poor baby puppyyyy. And then naww Jane promises that she won’t let them take him away from her. Also it's interesting that the camera followed Jane there for a minute, showing us what we've already seen, rather than just following directly after Weller and Roman after Jane hands him over. Seemed kind of like unnecessary doubling up. But anyway ugh Roman and Weller getting into their cover outfits and talking about the plan and just overall working together and I'm so happy about it. But not as happy as I am about these GLASSES omg. Weller. Be still my heart. Lol but I’m laughing at “No weapon for me?" "Just act like you have one" bc now I'm picturing Roman with his hand hovering over his hip like a gunslinger, and like a balled up pair of socks shoved under his belt to make a bulge under his jacket hahaha. But then omg Roman thanks him for bringing him out and giving him a chance, and Weller says it's all about getting them closer to Shepherd so they can take sandstorm down and move on, but lbr that's only part of it. Part is that he feels for Roman and what he’s going through. And a big part is his feelings for Jane :P And aww I love that they made up a backstory for Roman, aka the bodyguard who is not even meant to speak. Who's gonna quiz him? Other than Weller, I mean lol. I love these two getting along. And lol "you're security, open the door" haha, he's already behaving like a pampered rich guy. Oooh this place has exactly the same security as the auction house, and the guy has the coin displayed on his desk?? Seems kinda arrogant when it's apparently the symbol of your shady dealings. And then Mr White Teeth gets all distracted by Roman's scar which is stupid bc he would never risk offending a rich client by wasting their time focusing on their bodyguard instead. And then Roman gets pissed and grabs him which earns them a timeout in the meditation room haha. A place that is clearly not very tranquil for Weller bc this time he's the one getting pissed and grabby-- and then Roman smugly presents the key-fob for the restricted area and Weller is all '...damn. I think I like this kid' lol. And then when they sneak into the area, Weller gets a call and the whole team does an adorable little conference call to update each other on what they've found out so far. While they're chatting Roman uses broken medical instruments to pick a lock on a cabinet and while that totally wouldn't work (trust me I'm a lockpick now lol) it's super cute that he opens it and then steps aside like it's an offering to Weller. And then he reappears a moment later with some medical files, allowing Weller to put together the answers-- that the cartel is trafficking people to be used as organ donors at this medispa. Then ta-da, the blonde woman appears, but by the time Roman and Weller get there, she's killed the doc and made a run for it. The badass bros-in-law chase her down and find her-- only to be tazed and kidnapped. Oops.

Back at the NYO, the team is set on finding the boys (especially Jane, which is unsurprising since it's the two people she loves most in the world). Nas has to go to meet her source and everyone is like "k, byeeee" and immediately forget about her the moment she leaves the room. Jane realises that the guy they interrogated earlier must know more than he let on so she and Tasha and Reade lean on him with their new info-- turns out his gf was doing all the trafficking stuff without his knowledge. I kinda feel sorry for the guy. Also I was gonna say he reminded me a little of Lin Manuel Miranda somehow and then I realised that it's because he's from Hamilton haha. Sigh, I will see it someday.... Anywho, he helps them by giving them a location where they can find the truck and therefore rescue the victims and their boys :)

Speaking of which, both Weller and Roman are chained up inside the truck with the others, and Roman is freaking out bc it's giving him flashbacks and ughhh Weller pulls him out of the memory and reassures him and ughhhhh my boys. And then the other prisoners help them figure out a way to escape and we find out Roman can speak Spanish bc he really is Jane’s brother (man I gotta start learning spanish so one day I can just randomly whip it out like that). Anyhow the team is at the site and are all spreading out ready to take down the bad guys and then ugh Jane sees Weller in the truck and there's a second of eye contact and then the team dives into a gunfight with the baddies (bc it's not Blindspot if there's not multiple epic showdowns per ep) and while they're engaged in that, Weller chases down the blonde and Roman goes for the smuggler, and Jane runs after them both bc she's gotta protect her boys. I love that Weller goes all Assassin's Creed and jumps from truck to truck, then pauses as he sees the blonde fleeing one way and Roman fighting a losing battle the other way-- so he directs Tasha and Reade after the woman and dives to Roman's rescue, shooting the bad guy a second before he cuts Roman's throat. And Jane is there a second later and ugh the fear in her voice as she yells Roman’s name and then ugh the way both she and Weller crouch over him ughhhh I know he's her brother but in a way they're both parent-figures to him and ugh I get emotional about it. Meanwhile Tasha and Reade are still searching for the blonde, who shoots Zapata in the freaking back, like seriously how dare she do that to my precious baby. Thank god she was wearing a vest. Reade is as pissed about it as I am, so he shoots the blonde in the back too which has just a hint of poetic justice to it tbh

Ughhhh Jeller finding each other in the hallway and she checks if he's okay and he immediately asks after Roman and she tells him that Roman's fine thanks to what he did (yes boy are you figuring out that the way back to this woman's heart is by caring about and protecting those she cares about?? Which includes yourself btw so no foolish business please). And then awwww he admits that he kinda enjoyed hanging out with Roman and he kinda likes him and she's THE CUTEST as she teases him about playing it cool so he doesn't come on too strong and ugh she jokes about it but I bet that his acceptance and liking of Roman means EVERYTHING to her. And then omg Weller brings up Oliver AGAIN (booooooiiiiii whatre u doingg) and then he tells her that though she should be careful she doesn't have to give up all aspects of her life for this fight and she's all 'so you think I should give him a chance?' (aka 'so you've definitely moved on then?') and he's all 'well that's up to you' (aka 'I literally want every man bar me to stay as far from you as possible but I can't even admit that to myself right now let alone to you so I'm gonna hedge hedge hedge') and then what the HELL is THIS bc he genuinely compliments her about always looking for the best in people and then says that it's ONE OF HIS FAVOURITE THINGS ABOUT HER. ONE OF MULTIPLE FAVOURITE THINGS. ABOUT HER. LORD SAVE ME FROM THIS HELL. AND UGH HER WHISPERED 'thank you' AND THE WAY HE SMILES AT HER WITH THE CRINKLY EYES AND THEN EVEN AS THEY WALK AWAY SHE LITERALLY PAUSES AND ALMOST TURNS BACK AND UGHHHHHH WHAT IS THIS BEAUTIFUL TORTURE I LOVE-HATE IT SO MUCH

Omg then the next thing Jane does is go to Tasha and ask for her help doing a background check on Oliver which is adorable and then they find out he changed his name (so he CHOSE the last name 'Kind'?? Literally what kind of damn pretentious... sigh nevermind) and Zapata tells her not to jump to conclusions about it and Jane just looks at her and is all 'would you' and she's all 'oh yeah' and ughhhhh these two cuties ughhh

Speaking of cute pairs, omg Weller is literally visiting roman in his cell with beers and asking him if he's okay and tells him he did good work and ugh they smile at each other and joke about the spanish thing and then Roman is honest about not wanting to remember the bad things he's done and ugh Weller shares some background on his shitty childhood and ugh LOOK AT THIS BONDING. LOOK AT IT, ANAKIN. And so clearly all the pairs are having a little post-mission ~moment~ rn bc now Patterson and Reade are talking in the locker room and firstly oooh Weller's having some drinks at his place tonight, I bet Jane is gonna be there. Ugh wait I wonder if that's why he brought the beers to Roman, bc he knows he couldn’t let Roman come but he wanted to share the moment with him somehow and ughhh help me. But anyway unlike the sweet bonding of the last two pairs, this is Patterson basically calling Reade out on his shit, which I am SUPER supportive of. Then he gets defensive and says she's being stupid, which I am not at all supportive of. But she ignores him and continues on, making it clear she knows what's going on. And omg she has a brother who's an addict and maaannn this is such fascinating backstory I want to hear 100% about this. But ugh then Reade gets even more defensive and basically tells her to shut up and bugger off and grrrr Reade I am really not a fan of you these days. I miss the Reade that was sweet and sassy and supportive and stupidly in love with Sarah Weller. I loved him, but I really don't like this guy much at all. Sigh.

Speaking of guys I don't like, Oliver shows up at Jane's apartment, and yet again when he speaks I'm reminded of that terrible terrible accent of his. But sigh I will acknowledge that he's kinda sweet and they are cute with their little hand-holding thing and whatever. But oooh she goes for it an asks him about the name change and he gets pisssssseeedddd. Lbr there's probably going to be some completely legit reason for it like he had a really terrible family situation or whatever, but lbr I don't really care bc it means it got him out of her apartment (a dinner-at-home date seems like the prime situation for some lovin', so I'm very glad that it crashed and burned lol)

Aaaand speaking of crashing and burning, the basically-forgotten Nas has reached her meet-point and is now being garrotted. Oh well. But then lbr we all know she doesn’t die so no point in getting excited. Er, I mean ‘worried’...               

#Blindspot #Blindspot recap #Jeller #sooo late but also appropriately timed for the new ep so...? #Ugh I loved this ep though #the bonding was just the beeeessstttt #and the jeller is getting closer and closer I can feel it #I'm so ready