#oicu fanfiction

[paper-n-ashes]

The First Move

Characters: Steven Grant x Female Reader (with a small cameo from ultimate wingman Marc Spector)

Words: 3.6k

Warnings/Tags: Explicit sexual content (18+ MINORS DNI), kinda subby Steven/dominant female dynamic, oral sex (male receiving), unprotected P in V, creampie

Author’s Note: I haven’t written anything in three billion years but here’s this thing I wrote. It’s about as canon-divergent as I can physically cope with, set before Steven meets Marc for the first time but he’s there. It’s a little fluffier than what I usually dive into but I’m still a whore so of course smut comes with the meal. (The Marc-focused part 2 of this story can be found here!)

~

“Earl grey, two sugars?” you asked sweetly to the man stepping towards the counter. Steven, undoubtedly your most cherished regular, a name you’d learned from the small badge he continually seemed to forget about taking off outside the confines of his job.

He let out a muted kind of laugh, nodding, not able to have his eyes reach yours.

Oh. Today was a no eye-contact day.

You tried your best to hold back your concern whilst processing his payment, not needing to say the price out loud. “I’ll have it ready for you in a jiffy.”

There was the whisper of an appreciative smile in his lips, but it quickly faded as he walked away, his stare securely trained to the floor. Steven was here every Friday evening, his order never straying from the one single beverage as he sat at his usual table. A window seat, watching the night play out before him in passersby.

In the months since his first visit to this tiny little café, you’d come to spend each week looking forward to this moment, when the clock struck 5:15, expectant of his kind face and curled hair coming through the door. Every interaction was different, and slightly unpredictable. Initially he was simply… cautious. Almost excessively reserved, barely able to fixate his pupils on any part of you. Slowly, you could see the familiarity and comfort grow. He began to return your smiles, speak with words and not movements, linger in conversation rather than want to flee from it.

On the good days, where the anxiety that always appeared to cling to him relaxed its hold, you would delicately initiate some casual conversation. His work, his hobbies, his family – each fragment of information willingly given a precious piece of his puzzle you felt a bizarre impulse to solve. The day he’d posed his own question back had left you nearly too flustered to answer properly. All he’d asked is how long you’d been working here, and you’d never been more excited.

You hoped one day he’d ask a very specific question. If he could see you at a different time, in a different setting. Amongst other people, or alone. Whatever he wanted, whatever he felt most comfortable with. Your fear of pushing him too far out that zone stopped you from asking the question yourself. You just hoped he would, when he was ready.

So now, seeing Steven almost completely revert to his old self, was a little disheartening. He’d slipped back into this kind of state a few times – on the bad days - but never quite this far. Glancing over while you readied the small tea set, he seemed troubled, a flustered kind of kinetic energy seeming to radiate from his sitting figure.

“Busy day at the art gallery?” you asked softy while setting down the porcelain teapot at his front.

Your voice had startled him, breaking him out of a peculiar trance. And he still couldn’t look at you. “Busy. Yeah. Always busy.”

You could have easily walked away, his dismissive answer a clear sign he wasn’t in the mood for a chat today. But a heavy feeling in your chest made you linger, noting the crumpled way in which Steven sat into his chair, like he wanted to appear as small as possible. Something was wrong.

“Is everything okay?”

His head turned, finally lifting his face to meet yours. His expression was tense, forcefully blank, lips set in a hard line. There was only slightly more emotion to be seen in his eyes, a subtle fear within them you were sure you’d never encountered before.

“Fine. Just fine,” he stumbled out, the words coming out unnaturally fast. “Thanks for the tea. It looks… hot.”

There was a twitch of disgust he had at his own comment, and it made you relieved. The Steven you’d come to know was still there, underneath the shroud of distress covering every inch of him right now.

“Just let me know if there’s anything else you need, okay?”

You hoped he would see past the face value of your words, that he might see you as a safe haven in a world you also found a little too overwhelming at times. And while your offer was never claimed as the evening wore on, you’d occasionally peered over to see him quietly studying your movements. Each time you met his gaze with the the same warm smile before he quickly redirected himself away to his long cold tea.

It was difficult not to let the disappointment swallow you whole when Steven, quite uncharacteristically, didn’t even look your way before briskly setting off home. Usually you would have been filled with a bubbly warmth as the door bells tingled, right after the recurring “Laters, gators!” farewell you’d become so accustomed to. Without it, the tinkling metal sound was positively jarring. It made you worry. Did something happen? Had you done something wrong? Was this little fixation you’d centered on one man hopelessly one sided?

These questions continued to control most of your attention as closing time finally arrived, with you being the sole person left under the dimmed lights. With the coffee machine cleaned and prepped for a new morning you’d be waking to greet, you were about to take the keys into your hand when a shrill tone rung into the silent space. The telephone. Who the hell is calling here at this time of night?

It was out of genuine curiosity you scuffled over to the handset instead of letting it go to voicemail, not having a recognizable number show on the small display. Force of habit made your voice delve into its higher pitch as you spouted off the usual greeting with your name, the other line initially filled with a bizarre static alongside its silence.

“Hello?” you repeated. “Is there anyone there?”

Again, nothing. Just static.

“Look we’re already closed, and I’d really like to go home-”

“You need to make the first move.”

The voice stilted you off balance, frozen into as much stillness as the room around you. It was deep, blazoned with intention and… American? What the hell?

“I’m sorry, I think you’ve got the wrong number-”

“With Steven. You’re gonna need to make the first move,” the voice reiterated, somewhat forcefully. “He’s not going to do it himself.”

The mention of his name made you physically recoil, peering around in the almost darkness. “Who the hell is this? Have you been watching me?”

“I’m a… friend of Steven’s. And I’m just trying to… help.”

You should have been more concerned about the complete stranger making it his business to call your workplace at 10pm on a Friday evening with such a cryptic message, but there was suddenly a prospect of hope weaving its way around your chest.

“Wait, has he talked to you about me?”

A pleased exhale crinkled through the speaker. “In his own way, yeah. It’s… kinda complicated. And not important. Look, you’ve both waited long enough, and you and I both know he’s not exactly the brave type.”

To his credit, the stranger must actually know Steven to make this kind of comment, a frustratingly correct one at that. “Who says I’ve been waiting? You don’t even know if I’m interested in him like that.”

“You haven’t hung up yet,” the voice said succinctly. “I think that says a lot.”

Damn. He’d got you. Prick.

“Okay, let’s say I am,” you conceded, leaning into the counter. “What are you implying I do about it?”

“I already told you – make the first move. How you do that? Well, that’s your choice. But I can’t keep watching him slowly turn insane for not being able to ask you on a simple god damn date.”

The heart rhythm that followed was loud in your ears, thumping through your limbs. “Is that true? He’s wanted to ask me out, all this time?”

“He’s wanted to do more than that, trust me,” the stranger grumbled, almost in a huff.

“Excuse me?”

“Don’t worry about it.” A piercing alarm rung out on the other line. “Shit. Time’s up. Okay, I’m going to give you his address. What you do next is your decision, but let me tell you, being bold wouldn’t be the worst option.”

The voice didn’t give you time to reply before he was rattling off a street and apartment number, having to hastily write it over your forearm as the monotone beep of an ended call repeated over and over.

The air felt colder as you set the phone down, little wisps of ice creeping over your skin in direct contrast to the heat beginning to flourish from your insides.

He needed you to be bold? Oh, you could be bold.

*

Steven woke with a jolt, the restraints at his ankles making a rattling sound against the hardwood bedposts. Shit, he’d fallen asleep again. Maybe he should’ve made that switch to coffee by now.

Ugh, no, the heart palpitations weren’t worth it.

To his relief, the sky outside his window was still draped in blackness. Maybe his body hadn’t had enough time to try and wander yet. A quick glance at his phone screen told him it was just past 10:30pm, long after a safeguard alarm should have woken him from any accidental nap. Once again the memory of deactivating it wasn’t one his brain allowed him to keep.

It was getting harder to keep himself awake, that was clear. Every night he was drifting off sooner and sooner, always working at half capacity during waking hours without the restful sleep he couldn’t trust himself to have. Short bursts like these seemed to stave off most symptoms of exhaustion, but there was always that lingering headache quietly thumping inside his skull, the same one making his brow furrow as he unshackled himself from his makeshift snare.

A new deepened purple was noticeable under his eyes as he opened the mirrored cabinet of his bathroom, selecting the mildest form of painkillers in his meagre stock. He didn’t need anything making him more drowsy, even when the peace of slumber was the only thing he wanted right now.

Well, except for you.

The thought made his throat tight. All week he’d spent building up courage, rehearsing the perfect lines, curating a persona much more confident than what he knew he was. Casual. Relaxed. Maybe even a little suave.

It all went to bollocks the moment he stepped through the door. One little tinkle of that stupid bell and all his willpower came crumbling down. He couldn’t help it. It was the story of his life. Too chicken shit to even ask a nice girl out to dinner. Could have been simple. Easy. But it never was.

Knock knock knock.

The sound was startling, making Steven jump with an audible peep. A visitor? This late?

Oh who was he kidding, having a visitor ever was a shock in its own right.

Tentatively he tread over to the triple locked door, stripping off the undisturbed tape lining the frame. A breath sat heavy in his lungs as he stood there, heart thrumming to a quickened beat, releasing the exhale in a single, measured progression. Only when there was no more to give, he opened the door.

You.

It was you.

Standing in his hallway. There to see him.

Ahh, right… So he’d never actually woken up. Just stuck in another vivid dream. Seemed about right.

The realisation was deflating, even while his mind instinctively burst with those happy little chemicals it always shot out at the sight of you. It was interesting though, how sharp your visage looked compared to other times you’d shown up in his dreaming, wearing an expression of eager impatience.

“Hi,” you greeted, your voice unusually clear. And positively giddy. “I hope this is okay. Me just showing up here.”

Knowing you were just a figment of his mind’s conjuring caused him not to question your presence, or how you came to find his address, instead starting to feel a grateful smile spread across his face. “Yeah. Yeah definitely it’s fine. Brilliant actually.”

Your face radiated even more joy, almost a little disbelieving. “It is?”

In his dreaming Steven was starkly more honest than his real life, making it an easy task to answer, “There’s no one else I’d be happier openin’ my door to.”

There was a change in your features after he said the words, a change maybe only Steven would have been able to recognise after so much time looking to you from afar. Jaw tightened, eyebrows cinched ever so slightly. An expression of certainty, of conviction.

Two sets of fingers reached out to grab at his shirt, feet stumbling under him as a hurried connection occurred between your lips and his.

A kiss. You were kissing him. And it felt so… real?

Seconds moved on while Steven’s mind desperately tried to catch up, your mouth beginning to move over his with a fragile balance of hesitancy and greed. It took far longer than he would have preferred to respond in the same way, eventually syncing into the rhythm you’d set, the rigidity in his limbs settling into an embrace with yours. This certainly wasn’t the first time he’d imagined your first kiss, awake or otherwise, but there was something wholly distinct about the one he was experiencing now.

There was heat radiating from where his skin touched yours. A minty tang when his tongue slipped into your mouth. Your distinctive floral perfume sweeping his senses with every inhale.

When a hand slipped over the line of his cheekbone, nails softly scratching into his hair to pull his face closer, it finally clicked.

He broke away from you with a jerk, clutching at your upper arms. “Hold on a minute, you’re real?”

You seemed to need a moment to collect yourself, frankly looking a little dizzy from the sudden retraction. “What? What do you mean I’m real?”

“You’re here? Right now? At my apartment?”

Your nose wrinkled as you scrutinized his utter disbelief. “You literally just opened the door to me.”

“But… But I…” There was that same annoying delay Steven suffered from his brain to his mouth, his thoughts too jumbled to properly curate a sentence. “I thought… I thought that I was dreaming. I dream lot you know. And with you showin’ up here, I just assumed…” He shook you, needing to feel the full weight of you wobble back and forth. “But you’re here. You’re… really here. Right?”

For long, worrying, seconds your expression remained in its state of questioning alarm, blinking a few times to let your eyes focus again. As the narrowing pupils flitted over Steven’s face, he saw how a tempered smirk began to appear.

“Would you like me to show you that I’m real?”

In all honestly, he wasn’t entirely sure what you meant. But the tempting sparkle in your stare had him quickly nodding along to your offer. Immediately you had his heels skidding along the dusty, wood floor, maneuvering him backwards towards the unmade bed.

He might have worried you could notice the pysch-ward shackles still loitering at his bed posts, or the thick layer of sand crunching under your shoes, yet your attention was acutely fixed on pushing him into the mattress to sit, leaning down to secure him in an even more decadent kiss than the first.

Steven didn’t quite know what to do with his hands, having the odd reflex to claw them into your flesh but refraining from doing so in the fear of being, as most in his life would recite, a little too much. So he did his best to smother those reckless instincts, settling to merely drift his palms up your thighs to feel the curve, almost making to your rear when you began to sink down to the floor.

Fucking hell, you were on your knees. Between his. Trying to unlock his belt.

Impulse took over again as his own hands flew down to aid in your effort, working in tandem to unlock and shimmy down his starched trousers, his boxers being clutched along with them until he was on show for you. Fully and completely. So hard it hurt.

He might have let this kind of vulnerable state – one in which it’d been years since he’d faced – jump to overwhelm him, turning to escape in any way possible. But with you, gaping at his erection like it had taken the wind right out your lungs, the fear was purged from his body in a rolling wave, humbly sitting in anticipation for your next action.

Every nerve in his body lit up a spark when you gripped a hand around the base of his cock, already pulling a frantic rasp out his chest when the tip of your tongue swirled around the head. The sound swiftly transformed into a heated groan when you slithered your lips down the breadth of his shaft, enveloping as much length of him as you could adequately handle.

Up and down you started to move, slow by any usual means but quick enough for Steven to shudder through each breath he took, pangs of pleasure ricocheting through his lower limbs. Truly he wasn’t sure how he kept it together, watching your lips glide up and down his now glistening dick, your tongue swirling at the underside in a way he didn’t know existed until this very minute.

In fact, no, he couldn’t keep it together.

“F-fuck,” he choked. “Jesus fucking christ. I need to… I don’t want this to be over until…”

With a subtle gasp you retreated, wiping away the spittle from your chin, looking up to Steven with a single question coded in your stare.

Again his agreement wasn’t verbal, just a rushed bob of his head, very nearly the epitome of subservience. That’s all he wanted to be for you. The vessel of your pleasure.

Just as he answered without words, you responded with your movements, standing only to slink down the pants you wore, stripping off the rest of your ensemble as you straddled onto his lap. Gods, he wished he might have had the chance to glide a thumb over your bare nipple, but you were already reaching down…

And there it was, heaven.

Or as close as he’d felt it.

A moan of synchronicity occurred as you slid down to the hilt of Steven’s cock, clenching around it as you leaned in to kiss him, both palms clutching at his jaw. Nothing could have prepared him for the way you began to grind yourself over his full length, your hips determining their own unique pattern and pace.

Thrills of ecstasy began to riddle through him as your whines became louder with each stoke, each one gliding over with an impossibly smooth friction. No matter how hard he wanted to fight it, the point of no return dragged even closer.

He tried to think of anything that might stave off the inevitable climax. Sand. Mummified human remains. The annoying little beep his barcode scanner made during inventory nights ringing over and over-

“It’s… okay. Just let go,” you hummed into his ear.

“It hasn’t… Shit… It’s not been long enough,” he heaved, occasionally interrupted with shuddering moans he had no control over keeping tamed. “For you… It’s not been long enough for you.”

He could feel the crease of your smile at his cheek, in addition to a pronounced tightening around him down below. “Please Steven. Just let it happen. I want it. I need it.”

Your words, the sincerity in which you spoke them, broke apart all the resolve he had. Every muscle seemed to flex as a somewhat violent orgasm ruptured from his core outwards, continuing flashes of pleasure rolling in aftershocks as he emptied himself inside you. There were hissing curses he didn’t quite himself speak when your thrusting didn’t immediately slow, milking every ounce of fluid from him to your deepest part.

Oh god, was he supposed to do that? No one had ever let him do that before. It was so… warm. In fact, his whole body felt a similar kind of mellowed heat. This sort of afterglow was different to the ones following solo endeavors. More potent and endlessly more relieving.

And here he was laying there like a knob, not affording you the same sensation.

Steven frantically reached up grab onto your torso, unable to properly find his footing with his legs dangled over the edge of the bed.

“Hey woah! What are you doing?” you shot out, propping yourself up to look down over him.

“I was tryin’ to, you know, switch us around. Since it’s, well, your turn. And I don’t want to keep you waiting. I just… want to make you feel as good as you made me…”

The grin that spread across your lips made his chest thump. You looked touched. Usually he hated this kind of reaction in people, where they looked at him like some adorable, naïve soul. Although on you it made him feel… treasured.

“Don’t worry about it. It’s really not necessary.”

“It is to me,” he said unwaveringly. “I mean, it just wouldn’t feel right if I didn’t return the favour.”

Again your cheeks plumped with a smile, irises practically dazzling around their widened pupils. You grazed a set of fingers at his hairline, setting some the unruly curls back into place. “You could return it in a different way, while we take a break first?”

“How do you mean?”

“I like… tea.”

Steven let out a roughened chuckle, leaning up on his elbows. “Well I’m not the tea connoisseur of the room, but I think I can handle a brew. How do you take it?”

“Earl grey. Two sugars.”

~

If you read this, thank you! I love you with my whole heart.

Tagging a few I adore and thought might want to give this a read:

@tlcwrites @roanniom @foxilayde @blackberries45​ @hopeamarsu​ @caillea​ @princessxkenobi @mariesackler​ @sacklerscumrag

#steven grant #steven grant x reader #steven grant x you #marc spector #marc spector x reader #marc spector x you #Moon Knight #moon knight fanfiction #steven grant smut #moon knight smut #oicu #oicu fanfiction #marvel fanfiction #marvel smut

[paper-n-ashes]

sparks and embers - 21

Characters: Kylo Ren x Original Female Character, Poe Dameron x Original Female Character

Story Tags: Explicit (18+), Canon Compliant/Divergent (Set after TLJ), First Person POV, Love Triangle, Slow Burn, Enemies to Lovers, Porn with Plot, Hurt/Comfort, Kylo Ren hates Poe Dameron

Chapter 21 - Taste

Words: 4.4k

Chapter Tags/Warnings: Sexual content, hints of masturbation, hints of sadomasochism, fingering, oral sex (female receiving), orgasm denial/ownership

Author’s Note: Only this gif can really sum up my feelings about this chapter -

Read on AO3 or Start from the beginning

~

I endeavoured to keep my footsteps quiet, following Kylo down the twisting pathway of corridors he’d marched down. However, it was annoyingly hard with my stiletto heels making an echoing clack with each stride.

His frenzied energy was all I could utilise to guide me, tracking his form as it paced towards an almost empty portion of the Finalizer.

The War Rooms. Now currently out of commission without any enemy posing an immediate threat.

Eventually I felt his movement cease. Creeping down the hallway, I prepared for the usual flare of his emotion to be expressed physically, waiting for the unmistakable sound of metal being thrashed against with some type of weapon, maybe even his own limbs.

Yet nothing came, and it intrigued me to feel his aura begin to glow with a strained control.

Maybe this dress hadn’t worked as well as I thought.

Soon I was hiding beside the entry of the room his energy sizzled behind, the door left open in his rush to find a place to clear his mind. A few noiseless breaths left me, filling my body with as much tranquil confidence as I could collect, willing with every bit of strength to calm my sprinting heartbeat.

This was it. No going back now.

Straightening myself into a seemingly effortless poise, I moved to cross the threshold of the doorway. My eyes immediately fixated on Kylo’s hunched form, leaning over a control panel at the far edge of what seemed to be a higher-level meeting room, staring out through the transparisteel window to the darkened space before him.

A long, sleek table sat in the centre of the space, and my composure was briefly weakened when I discovered he had already removed his helmet. My gaze trailed over short waves of ebony hair, noting how the glossy strands were in stark contrast to how I’d seen them the night I spent in his quarters, remembering how unkempt it had appeared while he was in my care.

If he heard the subdued click of my shoes as I sneaked gently towards his shape, he didn’t show it. His form remained unnervingly motionless, continuing to study the vast galaxy spreading endlessly in front of us.

“You know, it’s rude for the host to leave before the end of an evening,” I murmured, breaking the stillness.

Kylo’s muscles tensed in response, the sound of my voice ripping him from whatever trance he’d placed himself into. “I would say it’s just as impolite as following someone who clearly wants to be alone,” he grumbled, palms pressing hard into the button heavy panel. “Why are you here?”

“Why did you leave?” I countered, taking one more step closer.

He exhaled hard, aggravated at my detour. “I hate these things. I’d had enough.”

“Then why allow the Gala to occur? I assumed you’d have some say in these matters.”

“Just because I don’t enjoy them, does not mean the people of my Order hold the same opinion.”

I was glad he hadn’t turned to face me when my expression crinkled into confusion, only to regain my taunting demeanour. “How gracious of you to even show up in the first place.”

“That was a decision made purely on the basis of appearing as dissimilar to the previous leader as possible,” he explained gruffly.

I made a questioning noise. “I was told it wasn’t your decision. Not really.” I’d made my way around the table, leaning gently against its edge, still a few steps away from Kylo’s immense frame.

The sound of leather creaked into the air as he balled his hands into fists, head rising slightly. “And how did you come to know this information?”

“Your Knights aren’t as guarded in their conversation as you are.”

Kylo huffed under his breath. “Of course.”

It amused me to think this wasn’t a shock to him. But I needed to focus. “So, what is it about these events you dislike so much?” I inquired, hoping to uncover more about what had caused him to avoid them in the past. “Or are you simply averse to anything slightly fun?”

Knuckles strained underneath the tight material of his gloves. “There’s a time and place for everything,” he uttered, his voice low. “I am simply not one for the superficial indulgence these nights bring.”

“There’s nothing you enjoy about them? The magnificent decorations? The dancing? The beautiful garments?”

“No. It’s meaningless, and fleeting, all of it. I don’t appreciate my Order’s credits being spent on such pointless endeavours. And I certainly don’t care about the outfits these people wear.”

There was something so bitter about his tone, an indication of how deeply embedded this sentiment appeared to be. I waited a few moments for his stinging aura to descend before voicing my provoking question.

“Not even mine?”

His face turned slightly, now able to see its outline against the black veil of star-filled space. Kylo didn’t answer, but the sudden buzzing of his electrified energy supplied enough hope I still had a delicate hold over him.

“That’s such a shame,” I sighed, assuming his denial. “To think I picked this dress for you, and you don’t even like it.”

His profile moved closer, tempted by the idea of looking back at the piece of clothing I was referring to. “This was a planned ensemble?”

“It was. Although, I guess all my effort was wasted.” I tried to sound as playfully sulking as I could, even if there was the very real worry of that being true.

No. I wouldn’t let it be.

“Can you tell me what you think is wrong with it?”

I watched as his face morphed into confusion at such a trivial source of conversation. “What?”

“I’d like to know. To make sure I get it right next time.”

Finally, I’d incited enough curiosity for Kylo to shift his stance, bringing himself to face me. Darkened eyes gradually scanned down my body, sensing the restraint he held over his invisible desire become as strong as netting, emotion leaking through the openings and into the atmosphere.

Without allowing the opportunity of a response, I lifted a hand to the red fabric sitting over my shoulder. “Is it the colour? Maybe you’d like me better in black?”

He didn’t move.

“Is it the neckline? Too low?” A lone finger trailed deliberately down my chest, tracing over the curve of my breast, all the way to where the exposure of skin ended, his stare following exactly where my touch brushed over.

Still, he was otherwise motionless.

I took a step forward, light material gliding to expose my thigh, the movement making the air around us grow even more charged. “What about the splits in my skirt? Too high?” My hand floated past the corset of my dress to the separated wisps of gossamer. “I mean, with one false move, you could see… everything.” Fingers pulled delicately at the light fabric to reveal the smallest view of laced black panties underneath.

I was subtly impressed at Kylo’s command of his body, barely a spasm in any single muscle. Meanwhile the air around his shape had ignited into explosions of wild craving, an obvious ache amongst the fervour he unknowingly exhibited. It was obvious why he was imposing all concentration in stifling any reaction, our last encounter of this kind leaving him so agonisingly unfulfilled.

Slowly, I edged my stance nearer to his rigid frame, closing the space between us until our bodies almost connected. Looking up to his face, I saw the smallest shake in his inhale.

He couldn’t hold back forever.

“I told you this dress was chosen with you in mind,” I whispered. “Don’t you want to know why?”

Kylo stared down, the amber edges to his irises appearing akin to smouldering embers, the heat of them almost tangible. Finally, after so much silence, he let a reply slip past his lips.

“Yes.”

“I thought so,” I breathed, the air of my words drifting over his face, the only reaction a faint flutter of his lids. That changed when I began to lift a leg to lean against the panel at his side, almost daring to touch our hips together. My following action was slow, patient, a hand grazing over the lower portion of my abdomen, sinking lower.  

His gaze grew wider, feeling the unmistakable twitch of his biceps as he smothered the urge to place his hands on my shape. It was the most guarded he had ever appeared, and there was a stab of concern within, wondering if I’d pushed him too far in our last meeting.

Yet, his defiance only made my resolve stronger.

I was the one with power here.

“It’s simple really.” Slithering my fingers down, I found the divide in my skirt, slinking them underneath the flimsy material, arriving at the edge of my underwear. “Access.”

Kylo swallowed hard, and it was difficult not to recoil as the glowing flames his unseen hunger felt as if they were burning my skin.

Ignoring the exquisite pain, I slipped under the delicate lace, directly to the line of my folds, a silky wetness waiting for me. Moving two fingers through it, coating them, a muted hum of enjoyment bristled out my throat, the sound making Kylo shudder ever so slightly. I relished in the feeling of my own touch for a few seconds, setting myself up for the next calculated action.

Removing the hand that wandered below, I brought it to the space in front of his mouth. His eyes became instantly transfixed to the two fingers now glistening with a slick moisture.

“Do you want to taste it?”

The last few minutes proved he had more self-discipline than I’d given him credit for, his intense stare unwavering, while the question sent his force signature into overdrive with quarrelling emotions.

I knew that restraint had withered to nothing when he gently leaned forward, lips parted, eager to have the taste of me on his tongue.

“Uh-uh.” I withdrew my hand, causing a ferocious expression to fill Kylo’s features. “You have to answer my question first.”

“Which one?” he enunciated harshly, palpable frustration crushing the air entering my lungs.

I took a purposeful delay with my next breath, his impatience becoming thicker with every second that passed. “My dress. You still haven’t told me why you dislike it.”

“There isn’t anything specifically wrong with it,” he admitted through gritted teeth, his glare still infatuated by the temptation I was holding back. “I would simply prefer you wear something else.”

“Oh? And that would be?”

“Nothing.”

A ripple of pleasure surged at the thought of his hands exploring my bared skin, nails scratching into my naked flesh. I allowed it to overtake almost all rational thought, certain I’d gotten him precisely where I wanted.

“An exceptional answer,” I purred, peering up at him through perfectly curled lashes. “I believe you’ve earned this.” I replaced my fingers at his lips, touching them this time, the smallest connection sending a wave of shimmering electricity down my arm.

He took them within his mouth, the movement gentle, tongue swirling delicately around the flesh. Kylo closed his eyes, evidently savouring the taste when a low moan hummed into the air. The reverberation around my fingers caused the sparks in my limb to turn violent, the current now extending into my chest.

His eyebrows creased when I began to pull my hand away, watching as the digits withdrew ever so slowly, every ounce of my juices sucked clean. Our stares found each other again, Kylo’s tortuous breathing the only noise I could perceive around me. We each became unmoving in the darkness, the world around us dense with an irrepressible tension.

He was waiting. To say the words that would fracture his restraint. To verbalise what I’d previously not allowed him to have.

My consent.

“You can have more, if you’d like.”

I felt the dwindling control he’d attempted to hold suddenly disappear, like an elastic band finally snapping under too much pressure.

Sooner than I could comprehend it fully, his lips were melting into mine, their movement both bold and luxurious, hands gripping roughly onto my shape, pressing me closer against his burly chest. I returned his fevered kiss with an unwavering intensity, nails scratching at his robes to grasp the thick fabric, an immense pulse of relief already beginning radiate from his exterior.

There was barely time for a breath in between each caress of our lips, Kylo's low, moaning exhale setting my skin alight as it echoed into my mouth. His tongue tangled with mine, no sign of hesitation in massaging the wet flesh and I was able to recognise, for the first time, what he truly tasted like.

An intoxicating mixture of salty and sweet, reminiscent of burnt caramel, the unique flavour already making me crave more with every kiss we exchanged in our shared frenzy.

Using a daring courage, my hands creeped upwards, the palms slipping over either side of his neck, drawing him even closer into our embrace. I couldn’t deny a small part of me was left reeling when he paid no mind to having such a large portion of my skin linked directly to his. It almost spurred him further into our spiral of passion, a delicious hum vibrating from his chest, my core clenching hard down below.

With no refusal of my advance, my fingers twisted up into his hair, feeling the softened locks brush past my fingertips, eventually snatching them into fists, pulling the strands with a mischievous tug. Either the surprise or discomfort of it made him wrench his face back, both of our chests heaving quick breaths.

“You like making me hurt, don’t you?” he gasped, his voice enchantingly low.

A sinful smirk appeared. “A little pain makes the pleasure so much better.” I leaned in before he could react, to bite his bottom lip, hard.

He hissed in response, quickly enveloping my mouth into another impassioned kiss, withdrawing again to rest his forehead on mine.

“I can take the pain. Just long as you’re the one to supply the pleasure.”

His longing for that feeling, to tip past the edge into satisfaction, was overwhelming, and it made my legs begin to tingle with excitement.

“I don’t know if you’ve earned that just yet,” I whispered, trying to hide the quiver in my voice. “But you could.”

“How?” he growled, a desperation in his tone I wasn’t prepared to hear. Gloved fingers dug brutally into the flesh of my hips, barely able to smother a squeal at the stinging pain he’d caused.

Hm, karma.

Eventually I grew accustomed enough to the ache for me to speak confidently, glaring at his honey-coloured irises with a challenging intensity.

“Surprise me.”

With that, there was nothing to hold him back anymore.

His hands slid swiftly down to the curve of my rear, dipping slightly to reach it due to our differing heights. Clutching each cheek within a brutal grasp, he lifted me up against his sturdy frame, making my knees hitch around his pelvis. It was with a graceful ease he swivelled around to place me onto the control panel, my feet dangling over the edge.

Again Kylo locked his lips with mine, his lust just as fierce as minutes ago, yet it felt more confident, uninhibited, as if he had clawed back some of the strength in our dynamic.

And that’s what I needed him to feel. For now.

One hand soon curled through my hair, the sensation of his touch causing an unescapable shiver to stream over my skin, my mind already beginning to blur. Through exceedingly ardent kisses, his broad chest pressed me towards the sloped computer station until my spine moulded into the cold metal, erratically positioned buttons now digging into my bare skin.

He steadied himself to keep his torso firmly against mine, hips now at the perfect angle to thrust his hardened length, still confined under his trousers, between my open legs.

As an indulgent sigh left me, I could feel his smirk within our following kiss, a triumphant edge already glowing brightly in his aura. I might have punished his arrogance, but remained too lost in the bliss of his erection grinding over my pleasure point, somehow knowing exactly where to move to create the most delectable friction.

Amid the other places his body connected to mine, I felt Kylo’s other palm stray to the curve between my neck and shoulder, but it didn’t remain there. Instead, gloved fingers slipped under the strap of my dress, gliding it down, his touch immediately drifting to paw at the flesh of my breast, able to grasp it wholly within his large hand, causing a delighted whimper to seep from my mouth.

Kylo’s lips started to trail away from mine, lingering over my jaw and down my neck, all the while he’d begun to play with my hardened nipple, twisting it in-between his fingertips, the sensation setting my insides alight with glittering electricity. Finally able to take a proper breath, my unbridled moan filtered into the air, giving in to the satisfaction that erupted from every second of his touch.

He repeated the action, removing the piece of fabric covering the rest of my bust, yet this time it was his teeth that snagged the material down. Before I knew it, his tongue was skimming across the sensitive skin of my other breast, taking the bud in his mouth, sucking and licking it in the most carnal way, a cascade of pleasured sighs surging past my throat.

It was a burning impatience that I sensed prior to his sudden adjustment, lids fluttering open to see his heated expression glaring back, bringing the tip of his leather-clad index finger to my lips.

“Bite,” he instructed sternly. I immediately followed the demand, teeth clamping down at the edge of his glove. Kylo pulled his hand free from its cover, grabbing the article of clothing out of my hold only to throw it to the side. Without a pause his bared hand made its way to the divide in my skirt, hauling away the tulle over the side of my thigh, snatching the laced panties hidden underneath and effortlessly ripping them away within a singular motion.

I didn’t have a chance to protest his brazen action when his fingers found my entrance, immediately sliding through my folds, filling me until there was no length left, the abruptness making me shriek in delighted surprise.

In synchronisation with his other movements, he began to glide his fingers in and out, the walls of my core feeling impossibly tight around them. It wasn’t long before the swells of spasming muscles begun to ripple outward, a distinct slickness becoming more pronounced with each smooth thrust.

Kylo obviously noticed it too, pulling away from where he’d continued playfully tonguing with my nipple to meet my face, as I struggled to open my eyes through the pleasure he was sparking.

“You’re so much wetter than before,” he rasped, crushing his lips to mine again. “You really want it this time, don’t you?”

“More than… anything in this galaxy,” I panted, and it worried me how that wasn’t a lie. Although I was far too distracted by the charged current running through my veins to give it any more thought.

Kylo shifted to place a delicate kiss at the base of my ear, his heated breath making me shudder. “We finally agree on something.”

I went to smirk at his teasing comment, but quickly frowned when he removed his fingers from the warmth inside me, watching as he wrapped his lips around the tips and sucked. His eyes rolled back in gratification, a husky groan echoing out. “You taste… maker… You taste incredible.”

My centre tensed in response to his words, impatient for him to resume his stimulating movements, words tumbling from my mouth before I could stop them. “More… Kylo please. I need more…”

He hastily sunk down onto his knees, his face now able to view me up close, and I scratched my nails on the metal underneath in sudden shyness. I’d never let anyone see me this openly before. Never allowed anyone to use their mouth on me like Kylo obviously planned to. It was difficult to smother the nervousness that rushed to the forefront of my mind, an instant urge to close my legs now nagging at me.

Kylo didn’t share the same hesitation, one hand placing itself at the end of my left thigh, spreading me open further, the other hooking under my right knee to place my leg over his shoulder, curling around the limb. Immediately he delved his tongue into my slit, lapping at the juices there, as a vulgar moan purred into the flesh, the vibration making my nerves sparkle with erratic energy. All anxiety was forgotten when he directed his attention to my swollen clitoris, swirling over it, and I jerked under him, flashes of ecstasy already igniting within my abdomen.

“Oh fuck,” I groaned.

Kylo drew his face back. “It isn’t dignified to cuss.”

I stared down at him, put off-balance for a moment at the vision of him between my legs, lips wet with moisture.

“None of this is particularly dignified,” I muttered.

“True,” he conceded, running his tongue over me once more while I watched with wide eyes. “But you could maintain at least one kind of decorum.”

Fuck your decorum, pompous ass.

“I’ll remember that when you lose the ability to maintain proper etiquette while I'm sucking your cock.”

Just the thought of it sent Kylo’s energy into erupting streaks of glowing flames, and his mouth was back on me, spiralling and sucking around the stimulated nub, the surges of my impending climax appearing every few seconds. My head rocked back, skull hitting the durasteel, yet I didn’t sense the slightest trace of pain.

Every exhale turned into a breathy moan, becoming more ragged as the minutes passed, Kylo swiftly learning which precise movement of his tongue would elicit the loudest ones to echo through the room. It was when one of my hands clutched onto his hair it became clear I was losing control, unable to stop my grip becoming viciously tight.

If he felt any discomfort, he didn’t react, all focus centred on me and my pleasure, his own indulgence growing fiercer as I proceeded even nearer to my peak, already knowing how much more potent my orgasm would be this time. My thighs began to twitch, abdominal muscles tightening as Kylo flicked his tongue over my clitoris again and again, urgently collecting the wetness that came after each of my helpless whimpers.

He began to tease me, drifting his attention just when I could see the edge I desperately wanted to dive into. It was pure retribution, a cruel form of revenge for my previous actions, prolonging the ache that came each time I descended from the growing high.

Returning to my clit once more, the flat portion stroking over the swollen point in the most delicious way, I felt my climax rise to be within my grasp, already arching my back at the extraordinary bliss that was mere seconds from breaking.

“I- I’m- Kylo I’m going to come!”

And he pulled away.

Falling bitterly from the peak I’d climbed, I opened my eyes to see Kylo shifting back to a standing position, swiping a thumb over his mouth and chin to remove the wetness I’d left, moving to drape himself over my body. A scream of frustration was ready to burst as he brought his face in front of mine, only allowing a barbed scowl to show in my expression. His own was serious, leaning in close, our lips almost touching, a hand replacing where his mouth had been. After dipping into my entrance, he began to circle his fingers over my clit, agonisingly slowly. I shut my eyes, wanting to relish his touch, when my jaw was seized in a vicious grip.

“Look at me,” he commanded, my lids bursting open to his darkened stare. “From now on, you have to ask my permission if you want to come. If you’re touching yourself, and you think you’re going to come, you find me first. Do you understand?”

Coherent thought was difficult to form with his fingers moving so skilfully, barely conscious enough to halt an immediate agreement to his demand. It was too much power for him to hold, to think he’d have authority over that part of me.

But I needed release. So much it was starting to burn.

“Do you understand Alexys?” he snarled, his circled movement becoming even more divine, my thoughts growing more clouded by pleasure. “I’m the only one who gets to make you come.”

He’d cornered me, much like I’d done to him in the supply closet, left fighting between logic and carnal desire.

It was obvious which one was winning.

I couldn’t defy it, my helpless need to feel him bring me past the point of no return. Right now, there was nothing I wouldn’t say or do to make that happen.

“Fine! Yes! I understand!” I cried out. “Please, please let me come!”

“As you wish,” he crooned eagerly, sinking back down between my legs to recommence the luscious swirl of his tongue, this time adding slow thrusts of his fingers. The synchronicity had me enraptured, the peak of my climax racing back so quickly I wasn’t prepared for the moment I finally tipped over the edge.

It was euphoria, lightning strikes of pure ecstasy streaking through my body. The world around melted into nothing but white, hardly able to discern the extraordinarily loud moan resonating from my own mouth.

Kylo held on to me tightly as my hips jolted through shockwaves of the deepest pleasure I had ever felt in my short life, sparks shooting through my limbs as my centre throbbed. His tongue didn’t relent, extending the time I could feel the intoxicating sensation pulse down below, walls continuing to spasm and clench around him.

As the afterglow settled over my skin, Kylo slipped his fingers away, remaining only to savour the essence of my release before scattering delicate kisses over the inside of my thighs, a satisfied hum leaving him as he rose to his feet.

I would have stayed unmoving, basked in the sweetened warmth that weaved through my blood, but enough awareness remained to push myself upwards to meet Kylo’s upright stance, arms shaking, barely able to hold myself up.

Time for phase two.

Kylo gazed down, hands cupping my face, dipping lower to gently touch his lips to mine.

“I don’t think I’ve tasted anything better than you,” he murmured, his energy shimmering with contentment.

Peering up with a tempting smile, I posed a single enticing question.

“Are you going to return the favour?”

~

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[paper-n-ashes]

sparks and embers - 20

Characters: Kylo Ren x Original Female Character, Poe Dameron x Original Female Character

Story Tags: Explicit (18+), Canon Compliant/Divergent (Set after TLJ), First Person POV, Love Triangle, Slow Burn, Enemies to Lovers, Porn with Plot, Hurt/Comfort, Kylo Ren hates Poe Dameron

Chapter 20 - The Gala

Words: 7.3k (I am sorry)

Chapter Tags/Warnings: I think... none? Please let me know if this isn’t the case!

Author’s Note: No longfic would be complete without a gala or ball, so here was my version.

Read on AO3 or Start from the beginning

~

“Risha, I don’t know if I can do this.”

It was early Zhellday evening, two days after I’d been told of the First Order Gala I currently found myself dressed for.

Truthfully, I was starting to panic.

“What? What can’t you do?” Risha called from the ‘fresher, placing the last touches of her make-up before she would have to attempt mine.

Standing in her bedroom, eyes scanning over my form in a full length mirror, I studied the gown now adorning my shape. Risha had insisted I borrow this specific piece from her surprisingly sizeable collection, telling me she’d never had the confidence to wear it herself.

And I could completely understand why.

Made of a delicately sheer fabric coloured to a deepened red - one of the two colours we were permitted to wear - the exposure of skin I displayed was far from demure. The neckline of the bodice was extremely low, two lines of bunched material sitting over my shoulders and contouring very precariously over my breasts, the layers twisting over each other at the cinch of my waist and falling into a loose, flowing skirt.

That alone would have been somewhat difficult to cope with, but the two thigh high slits revealing almost all of my legs whenever I moved to walk were what had sparked a stomach-turning edginess.

I twisted to gaze at the intricate pattern of thick black lace sitting each side of my waist, eyeing the two trains of thin dotted gossamer shadowing down my back, having no doubt I would trip over one of them by the end of the night.

“Wear this… in public,” I fretted. “Doesn’t it seem a bit ostentatious?”

I could hear her muted laugh behind the wall separating us. “You said it was perfect when you first tried it on.”

“I know.” I recalled our own show of dress-ups in the morning after my shift, trying to find a perfect outfit to inspire the height of temptation from a particularly complicated man.

It was during this time I learned I didn’t know anything about what he liked, what he would be enticed by. Hell, I barely knew anything about him at all. Although still an ongoing worry, I was now more concerned about what others would think of my attire.

“We’re meant to be professionals. How is anyone going to take me seriously after they see me like this?”

I could hear Risha’s heels clacking on the tiled floor as she made her way out. With her coming into view, I became caught in a stunned wave of disbelief at how the woman in front of me was the same who slipped calmly into my cell so many weeks ago.

A figure-hugging black gown was draped elegantly over her slim figure, silky velvet extending down her arms, the plunging V-neck making me feel only slightly less self-conscious about my own bust being flaunted. She made a point of gliding a leg out of the singular thigh split in her dress, crossing her arms.

“We’re not just our jobs Alex,” she said sharply. “Just because we dress a little more provocative for an evening doesn’t erase the intelligent women we are, and how good we are at our jobs.”

My eyebrows raised as I smiled, impressed. “I didn’t know the First Order kept such a feminist in their employ.”

Risha rolled her eyes at me. “Don’t tell me you disagree.”

“Of course not,” I insisted, before turning to gesture at the mirror my reflection still bounced off. “But this is a little more than provocative… right?”

She looked at me curiously, moving to join me in front of the mirror, standing at my side. “What’s changed? You seemed enamoured by the chance to wear it yesterday morning.”

“Maybe the idea of doing something is easier to handle than actually going through with it.”

There was simply no denying the fact I was nervous, stomach tumbling at the thought of what I’d planned on accomplishing this evening.

I desperately wanted to transform back into the enticing seductress I’d been in the supply closet, the one who wouldn’t be faintly concerned about stepping out in a piece of clothing like this. A woman who would wear it with all the sophistication and confidence that, right now, seemed so far away.

But she hadn’t shown herself, and I was terrified she never would again.

Risha bumped light-heartedly into me. “Don’t take everything so seriously. It’s just a dress. And you look lovely in it.”

I took a composing breath. “I guess I’m just a little anxious.”

Turning to secure our stares together, I tried to convey in my expression the profound appreciation for her presence in my life, so thankful in this moment it was her who had been sent to care for my blaster wounds.

My eyes wandered, seeing her accentuated features up close with makeup so skilfully set. Lips were dyed a bold plum colour, shimmering silver eyeshadow blended effortlessly on her lids, wings of deep black flicked from the outer corner sharp enough to cut glass.

“Risha, my goodness. You look… incredible.”

She smiled bashfully at me, looking to the floor. Yet again it was obvious Risha wasn’t used to receiving any kind of compliment. “Come on, let’s get started on your make-up and hair,” she subverted, grabbing my hand and leading me to the ‘fresher, the counter laid out with an array of dainty brushes and brightly coloured cosmetics.

“How frequently are these kinds of events held? You seem to be awfully prepared for it,” I noticed, letting Risha guide me to a small stool, settling down onto it. A blank canvas ready to be painted.

She plucked a balm of some variety from the crowd of small bottles and continued to smooth the cream gently onto my face. “Not exceedingly often, seeing as how expensive they would be to hold. The First Order don’t really do things by halves. But that’s why I, and countless others, have been waiting and preparing ourselves just in case another was announced. Haven’t you seen how happy the other staff in the Prestige appeared the last few days?”

My eyebrows crinkled together in thought for a few beats, recalling how delighted the atmosphere was in the ward today. “Why?”

I didn’t want to be too naïve in asking how something as seemingly trivial as a Gala could incite so much anticipation, so I left the rest of that question on my tongue.

“I suppose you haven’t lived on this ship, or with the First Order, for long enough to notice. We don’t observe any holidays, except for Empire Day. Even birthdays aren’t really noted, since so many on this ship are either unable to remember or a part of Project Resurrection. Celebrations of all kinds are few and far between, so events like this are an exciting novelty.”

“I see,” I breathed, mulling over Risha’s words. She didn’t know it, but I’d been living my life in much the same way. It has been so long since I’d enjoyed any sort of celebration or joyful gathering. My own birthday had been but another day in the Galactic Calendar, one I usually spent in completely the same way as the rest.

Alone.

And while I’d been invited to countless weddings and name-days on Raxus over the years, being away from my clinic for too long was too risky, so I’d never made the trip to attend them.

“Also,” Risha added, mixing a heavy white fluid to her darkened foundation, attempting to match my lighter skin tone. “This is one of the few times we get a chance to… mingle with people from the rest of the ship.” I watched as a sly smile crept slowly across her lips.

“So, when you say mingle, you mean…?”

A softened chuckle escaped. “It seems like you already know the answer Alex.”

I raised an inquisitive eyebrow as Risha began to coat the prepared liquid onto my cheeks, my slightly stunned silence making her giggle even more.

“You really think we’re all mindless robots, don’t you?”

I shook my head quickly, worried I’d offended her. She batted my face with the brush, indicating for me to stay still. “No! Of course not! I promise that’s not what I was trying to imply.”

“I know,” she smiled down at me. “I’ll admit, I assumed the same before I began my training here. The First Order likes to evoke a front they’ve created a perfect military force that couldn’t possibly be tempted by basic needs. But we’re humans, and humans like to fuck.”

I coughed out a breath, caught completely off-guard by her cussing, before peering up to her amused expression. “Is that what you’re hoping for tonight?”

She shrugged one of her shoulders. “I’ll see where the night takes me.”

I didn’t have any more of a reply, still in quiet disbelief at the true reason behind the thrill I’d felt in the air around me today. The next few minutes were spent in silence as I pondered why the idea of those who worked for the First Order looking for… companionship, was so peculiar to me.

The concept warred so heavily with all the preconceived notions I’d had about this ship and the people who lived here. I assumed they’d simply adapted to a life without needing to submit to biological urges, learning to live without paying them any attention, much like I had before-

“Stop looking so serious Alex,” Risha interjected. “Tonight is supposed to be the one time we can actually have some fun.”

I gave my best attempt at a cheery grin, trying hard to suppress any thought of the pilot from surfacing. Knowing what I needed to do, what I had to somehow achieve in the hours that followed, I couldn’t bear to think of him and our non-existent future.

She wasn’t fooled. “What’s wrong?”

I inhaled a calming breath, letting the air slither slowly out of my lungs. “Risha… Have you ever been drawn to someone you didn’t actually… like?”

She fell to a crouching position, snatching both of my forearms within her grasp. “Who!?” Although immediately after posing the question, my face obviously a telling image of the person I’d phrased my query about, she shook me, eyes wide with excitement. “I knew it! I knew there was a reason he showed his face to you!”

“N-no! That’s not who I was-”

“Alex, you don’t have to lie,” she cut in, her tone suddenly stern. “You can trust me. I promise.”

Our gazes locked, glistening green eyes staring back at me, my mind tearing at the seams. I was constantly on edge in knowing the First Order were always waiting in the shadows, instinct pressing me to keep my thoughts internal. But there was something about Risha’s energy, sensing only the genuineness in her assertion, that tore down my usual defences.

“There’s something between us… Something I can’t explain,” I whispered, pushing against the voice in my head demanding I stay silent.

She seemed somewhat surprised I’d confessed, mouth slipping open. “Wait, really? I thought I was going mad.”

“You already suspected something? When?”

“The minute he ordered a doctor to care for a hostage. I’ve been here for years, and neither he, or Snoke, have ever asked to have their captives be tended to like that.”

“There’s more to it than you think,” I insisted. “But…”

Risha’s expression fell. “But you can’t tell me, can you?”

“I don’t want to get you caught up in this. If I could tell you more, I would.”

With a gentle smile, she dipped her head in acknowledgment. Rising again, her fingers plucked an angled brush, swiping it across a dark powder before beginning to precisely graze it over my cheeks.

“He must be rather attractive under that helmet for you to be so tense.”

“That’s not the reason why.”

“Sure it isn’t, Alex.”

*

Moving through the durasteel corridors of the Finalizer in my completed ensemble, hair curled into tumbling waves, lips painted a bold scarlet, I was gripped by an unprecedented courage.

I wasn’t able to think of a moment I’d looked more tempting in my life. Every curve and contour of my body and face outlined by fabric or makeup. There was truly nothing more I could do to make myself more appealing. In the physical sense at least. 

We weren’t alone in our journey to the Grand Hall. Countless others sauntered along beside us, all chattering in anticipation for the evening to come. Risha had insisted on making a late entrance, her justification being the first hour of these events were always horribly boring as people relaxed into the unfamiliar surroundings.

My crimson heels clicked on the metal, still adjusting to this particular type of footwear, eyes drifting over the lavishly dressed individuals around me. I marvelled at how many different shades of red and black had been utilised within the flowing gowns and dashing formal coats.

It settled more of my unease to see other women baring a similar amount of skin to what I currently had on show. Although, a sizeable amount covered the exposure with ornate jewellery wrapped around their arms and ankles, chests glittered with twinkling gems encased in silver or aurodium, giving the illusion of a more modest, yet captivating, appearance. 

Risha had offered some pieces to me, but I hadn’t picked this dress only to cover what I was trying to accentuate.

As we neared the hall, I could hear the beginnings of orchestral music emanating out the large double doors. A small contingent of armoured Stormtroopers stood guard, scanning over guests as they entered, checking for weapons. I was chuckling to myself at how redundant it was for them to scan me, being utterly impossible to hide anything underneath this small amount of thin fabric, when I heard a turbo-lift slide open behind us.

I sensed the buzz of recognisable energies hum in the space, one of them giving off a particularly petulant atmosphere. The breath I took was prolonged as they moved closer, fortifying as much strength and determination I could muster within my body.

I can do this. 

While the group of waiting guests, including Risha, began to step back and make an unobstructed path for their Supreme Leader, I maintained my position, waiting for the perfect moment to shift and face the advancing enclave.

My movements were slow, precise, brushing the bouncing waves of my hair over my shoulders. A charming smile spread across my lips as I looked towards the masked man. It took the flicker of moment for Kylo to notice my figure, another to fully comprehend the woman who now stood before him.

His reaction, while physically unseen under metal, quickly billowed into the air around his shape, before rushing to pull it back under the cover of his mind. Evidently, he hoped to conceal it from the Force-sensitive entourage behind him. Even with his prompt retraction, I’d felt it so intensely, so clearly, the animalistic craving suddenly clawing at him. The longing to touch a single finger to the skin tantalisingly exposed.

Perfect.

My heart thumped through a few pounding beats, relieved all of this effort had brought about exactly the outcome I’d hoped for.

Kylo stopped his march a few steps from where I stood, each Knight behind him following suit within the next instant. I caught the gradual tensing of his right hand as he balled it tightly into a fist.

“What are you doing here?” he seethed, the words coming out harsh and bitter, making the unmasked men at his rear vaguely confused. I saw Vicrul roll his eyes, while Ap’lek shifted to whisper something into the ear of a Knight I hadn’t been introduced to yet, his angular face fraught with suspicion.

“I’m here to enjoy your festivities, Supreme Leader,” I answered sweetly.

He was already struggling to hold down the aura that longed radiate out. “I don’t recall including prisoners as part of these celebrations.”

It was interesting, even with all these people around us, that he didn’t bother to hide the fact I was his captive.

“I was under the assumption this Gala was to honour the medical personnel who worked so tirelessly to keep your Order alive. A group you made it a strict directive I be a part of.”

I eyed the man I remembered as Ushar putting an impressed smirk onto his features, his energy emitting subtle amusement.

Kylo couldn’t have been further from that mood. “You haven’t earnt the privilege of being here.”

I had to stop myself from smiling wider, knowing the word he’d used wasn’t a coincidence.

“Uh, she did technically keep Cardo alive,” Vicrul pointed out.

“Yeah she did!” Cardo concurred, his voice finally clear of the roughness he’d had on his discharge from the ward. “That not worth a night off?”

Kylo’s head shot towards his subordinates, anger flaring at their audacity to involve themselves in the conversation. “Anyone could have done what she did.”

“Then why tell me to get Cardo directly to her?” Vicrul questioned, caring very little about the silent threat Kylo posed, staring back at him with a taunting eyebrow raised.

If there weren’t so many witnesses still circling us, I was sure Kylo would have launched a charged physical attack on his Knight for daring to undermine him. Yet, with unusual restraint, he exhaled a steadying breath.

“She is one of the few who had dealings with that category of virus. Purely a strategic move to give Cardo the highest chances of survival as possible.”

“Would you look at that,” I marvelled mockingly. “A compliment on my work. Mustafar must have frozen over.”

A muffled chuckle slipped from Ushar’s mouth as Kylo’s helmet snapped back to meet my face. Again, the lustful energy surged just above his frame, before he willed it behind a similar wall to my own.

Ap’lek seemed to notice this, his eyes flickering from his leader to me, the lids narrowing as he grew absorbed in thought.

“Don’t misconstrue my calculated decisions as praise for knowledge you stumbled onto by chance,” Kylo protested.

Hm, Vicrul hadn’t been exaggerating. Grumpy asshole indeed.

I didn’t let the offense show on my face, crossing my arms to frame my bust. “Well if you’ve sufficiently exploited this fortunate area of expertise I have, can I finally be allowed out of your service and off of this ship?”

The chatter around our strained discussion grew more alarmed at my question, an increasing domino of hushed whispers released into the air.

“No.”

He didn’t extrapolate on that answer, and I never expected him to. I was simply curious to see if he would openly express the reason for my imprisonment in front of all these people.

“I’m sure these guests of yours would like to know why you’re keeping me here as your slave.”

I saw Kylo’s stature tense, and it became clear he was more focused on my closing term than the rest of my statement, his hold on the fervent aura he wished to keep hidden from his comrades rapidly weakening.

Vicrul’s eyes were widened in fascinated shock at my boldness. Ap’lek tilted his head back with a cold wariness in his expression. Cardo looked towards Kylo in eager anticipation of the volatile man’s next move. It was Ushar who finally moved through the troupe of bodies to clasp a gloved hand around his leader’s arm, tugging his body around to face the older Knight.

“This is not an exchange you should be having with so many ears listening,” he advised, voice hushed, giving Kylo a meaningful look. “If you keep provoking the tooka, it will bite.”

There was a noticeable stillness as Kylo contemplated Ushar’s words, before he forced his stance to relax. His silence continued as he suddenly made his exit from of our stand-off, storming past me into the Grand Hall without another glance in my direction.

As the Knights followed his retreat, the corridor was a flurry of whispers, Risha finally making her way back to my side.

“That was… interesting,” she remarked, a worried edge to her voice. “Are you alright?”

I turned to look at her concerned expression. “I feel great,” I grinned, leaning in close. “He doesn’t scare me anymore.”

Risha searched over my face, wondering how this brash confidence had appeared as if from nowhere. “Are all your interactions as… charged as that?”

“No,” I laughed, watching as the bodies around us started to crowd around the entry, although still keeping a wide berth around my figure. “But it’s not an uncommon theme in our dealings.”

“He seems a little angry at you,” she noted as we took our place in the line-up.

“That’s not unexpected.” I began to examine what I could of the hall as we stepped closer to the entry, already able to catch a glimpse of the exquisite red drapery hanging in elaborate arrangements on the impossibly high ceiling. “He doesn’t particularly enjoy being challenged.”

“No kidding,” Risha affirmed. “I don’t know how you keep so calm when he speaks to you like that.”

I took a deepened breath. “When someone has made several attempts at ending your life, their words don’t incite so much fear anymore.”

Risha’s energy turned uneasy, yet she didn’t voice her concerns, giving a comforting squeeze of my arm as we gradually moved ahead in line.

Entering the Grand Hall, I was lost in quiet awe at the lavishness on display around me, the walls of the immense space decorated in richly coloured red and charcoal pieces of material, all elaborately embellished with thousands of dazzling gems.

Many extravagantly sculpted silver chandeliers hung over our heads, the glow from hundreds of tiny lights making it appear as if the ceiling was sparkling. Numerous large, rounded tables filled most of the room, save for a sizable piece of floor pairs were already gliding through as they danced along to the soothing orchestral music I could hear over the chatter of hundreds of voices.

I was quickly mesmerised by the couples twirling around each other, flowing fabrics of women’s skirts and men’s robes rippling elegantly around their bodies as they moved. Being so engrossed caused me to lose my footing, gripping into Risha’s dress as the heel of my shoe slipped on the exquisitely patterned floor.

She giggled, helping as I steadied myself. “Still getting used to wearing heels?”

“I mean, it’s been a while. But it’s more that I was distracted. Risha… This is all so… beautiful,” I admired, my eyes skimming over the stylishly placed black roses adorning every table, small obsidian ornaments weaved through their twisting vines.

“Not bad for a violent militant regime huh?”

Risha chuckled to herself as we began to walk again, but I couldn’t join in her light-hearted amusement. It began to occur to me then, the offensive nature of the affluence implied within this occasion.

The fact the First Order had enough credits to pose such a consistently devastating threat to the galaxy and also throw these types of lavish events, it made a previously dulled anger rise inside.

On Raxus, a small blip in the vastness of space, I’d seen so many go without proper medical care simply because they couldn’t afford it, losing everything they had after fleeing from war torn planets.

Planets now under the rule of this heartless organisation.

It made me feel dirty, being here, being a part of this, the sour taste in my mouth difficult to ignore.

Looking over the room, contempt stung me, my mind unconsciously calculating the millions of credits that’d been spent to bring together this scene. I found myself searching over the head table sitting at the far end of the hall, wishing I could cause each High Command member sitting there to burst into a ball of flames with my vision.

Suddenly my eyes were focused on a scarlet lined helmet. I could tell Kylo had fixated on my form too when his face followed the path Risha was leading me towards. It was the only time I’d ever wanted to let down the shield around my thoughts, just so he could uncover the searing disdain for the Order he claimed leadership of now occupying my mind.

Without observing them, I could sense his eyes holding a fierce glare, our stares locked for more than a few moments before my vision of him was blocked by the many bodies moving between us. His energy was impossible not to take note of, it’s intensity so much greater than any of the other forces swirling around this room.

Irritation was potent, but his hunger is what burned more passionately. However, in this moment, I didn’t want it.

I didn’t want to him to lay a single finger on me. I merely wished for another way to get the hell away from all of this.

Finally arriving to our table, I saw my full name written in a skilfully curved script on the place card, indicating my reserved seat.

“Oh!” Risha suddenly sounded. “I think I see some of my colleagues from my old assignment! Want to come along and meet them?”

I began to pull out the chair, my bubbled-up emotions making me feel heavy. “I’ll catch up with you in a little while. I just need a second to… take this all in.”

“Are you alright?”

I nodded, sitting down, and looked up reassuringly at her. “I’ll be fine. Just have to adapt to my surroundings again.”

She twisted her mouth in reluctance, but soon let it settle back into the tiniest of frowns. “If you’re sure. I’ll only be over there if you need anything, okay?”

Dipping my head in acknowledgment, I waved her off as she flittered away towards the small group she’d eyed through the crowd.

I tried to keep my expression calm as I concentrated on my breathing, letting a sweet floral scent filter into my nose. My eyes traced over the roses perched before me, focusing on nothing else other than the dainty shape of each dark petal, allowing my mind a moment of peace so it might settle back into equilibrium.

The faint squeak of the chair to my right interrupted my meditation, looking over to see Vicrul hastily sitting down beside me, his smile beaming.

“Well aren’t you just the biggest troublemaker at this party?”

Pushing through the initial shock his sudden presence had caused, I couldn’t help but smirk back at him. “So much for slipping under his radar.”

“Ah yes, a slight miscalculation on my part. But you’re here now! I’m still surprised Ushar managed to subdue the temper tantrum before it happened.”

“That’s right, he did…” I recalled. “How did he do that? I assumed Kylo Ren listened to just about no one.”

Vicrul nodded knowingly. “While technically correct, over the years we’ve all learned how to… deescalate his outbursts.”

“Are you taking students?” I asked eagerly, not completely joking.

Vicrul let out a booming laugh, slapping me endearingly on the arm. “You’re actually kinda funny Alex.”

“Uh, thanks,” I replied uncomfortably, not having been described like that before. “So what actually happens at these things? You said you’d been to a few before.”

“To be truthful, not a whole lot. Drinking, dancing, maybe a little debauchery,” he winked playfully at me. “Speaking of…” His head spun around in searching, before leaning closer. “Who was that woman? The one you walked in with?”

My face dropped. “No, Vicrul.”

His hands flew up in humorous defence. “I was just curious! Although I do remember you promising to introduce me to some of your colleagues.”

“I didn’t make any such promise,” I muttered. “She’s my supervisor, and too smart for your undoubtedly cheesy pick-up lines.”

“Well, we won’t know unless I try them on her,” he countered, making the move to exit his chair.

I immediately grabbed at his robes, making him plonk back down on the seat. “You’ve been here five minutes around you’re already on the prowl?”

“Why else do you think I come to these things?” When he appeared serious about his statement my face morphed into an unimpressed scowl, watching as Vicrul’s grin appeared again, barely containing the snicker under his breath.

“I was kidding! Relax! Come on,” he piped, gesturing his head away. “Come and join us at our table for a little while. I promise it will be much more entertaining than sitting on your lonesome. Plus, it’ll annoy the frack out of Ren.”

One side of my mouth curled into a half-smile, both at the thought of Kylo displeased at me being in the company of his Knights, and the enjoyment Vicrul seemed to get out of that idea.

“Lead the way.”

I followed behind as he guided us through the small pathways between tables, edging around the enlivened guests, watching as he picked up a short glass of honey coloured liquid, obviously alcoholic, from the tray a waiter was carrying around. I was offered a champagne in my passing, shaking my head curtly, knowing I needed to have all of my wits about me this evening.

“I’m surprised you’re not at the same table as His Royal Highness,” I hollered.

Vicrul turned back for a moment to smirk at me, yet again amused by my sarcasm. “It was us who made that decision,” he explained. “Spend the night with a stuffy bunch of High Command leaders who have to maintain their overly pretentious decorum at all times? No thanks.”

“Hm, understandable.”

It wasn’t long before I could eye the familiar tarnished robes all of these Knights seemed to wear, obviously caring very little for upholding the dress code the rest of us had adhered to. As I appeared from behind Vicrul’s figure I immediately eyed Cardo’s delighted expression. He rushed up to meet me with arms wide, enveloping me in a tight embrace.

“Look who it is! My saviour!” he burst, moving to stand beside me, his arm pressing on my back, pushing me closer to the dark clad men. “Trudgen! Kuruk! This is the doctor who saved my life!”

As much as I mockingly applauded Kylo for finally affording me some kind of recognition of my skills, it still made me uncomfortable to have Cardo give me such an accolade. While I stayed in my awkward stance, a dark-skinned man with a deep green hue in his eyes stepped forward with his hand outstretched.

“Trudgen,” he introduced. “Kuruk’s over there, by the wall.” His head pointed toward a lone shape that seemed to be standing guard, watching quietly over the area. “He doesn’t really do much socialising.” His eyes moved down my figure before focusing on my face. “It’s Alexys, right?”

“Yeah, that’s me,” I squeaked, his firm grip around my palm unsettling me for a moment, before a white-toothed smile took over his features.

“That was quite the interaction you had with Ren before. I’m starting to understand why he’s been such a pain the last few weeks.”

I recalled hearing Ap’lek mention Trudgen being a victim of one of Kylo’s flareups. It was hard not to feel a little guilty knowing I was almost definitely the cause of it.

“Oh, uh, I’m sorry.”

Cardo squeezed me tighter into his bulky frame. “You got nothin’ to be sorry for! It’s his own fault for bein’ too weak to break through that block the Jedi put on you.”

I didn’t know why, but hearing this particular word spoken of Kylo sparked a sliver of insult to course through me. He was the last person I would call weak, and for Cardo to say it so casually seemed almost… cruel.

“To be fair,” Ap’lek interjected, skulking in from behind Trudgen. “We don’t know if that’s quite true yet. That it was the Jedi who managed to execute this feat.”

“Oh not this again,” Vicrul grumbled, taking another sip of his drink.

Ap’lek shot a scornful look in his direction. “I’ve looked into the Jedi texts myself and Ren was right. There’s nothing to substantiate any Jedi had this ability.”

“As if that proves anything. You still haven’t given us a plausible alternative for the block. Maybe bring it up again when you do?” Vicrul provoked.

I felt my insides contract during their bickering, wondering why Ap’lek had formed this extremely suspicious, and worryingly accurate, attitude towards me.

I needed to throw him off my scent.

“I was told she trained with Luke Skywalker, before he… uh, left this universe. Maybe he taught her something the texts never defined,” I posed, hoping I sounded more assured to the men around me than I did to myself.

Trudgen contemplated my idea, pursing his lips. “Not the most unlikely scenario. It’s well known Luke cut himself off from the Force not long after his disappearance. He could have learned how to apply that ability to someone else.” He turned to Ap’lek. “Could that be a good enough explanation for you?”

“It’s noted,” he uttered. “I’m getting a drink.” He slipped past my figure, his frustrated aura brushing my skin as he walked by.

“Seems like it’s not just the Supreme Leader who dislikes me,” I commented, as Cardo finally let his hand on me fall.

“It’s not you. Some days I think he barely likes us,” Vicrul reasoned. “He detests being without all the answers. Knowledge is power in his opinion.”

“And the rest of you don’t think that way?”

“Power is power,” I heard Ushar finally remark as he rested at his seat, facing away from the rest of us. “Knowledge. Determination. Strength. You can have all three and still not be powerful.”

I was too intrigued by his sudden poignant entrance into the conversation to stop myself from asking, “So what does? Make you powerful I mean?”

He shrugged, turning to face me, recalling his icy blue irises from the training arena. “Who knows. Ren is still figuring that out himself.”

Vicrul huffed. “Enough with the serious talk. This is supposed to be a night off for all of us, remember?”

Ushar agreed silently, turning back to the drink he was nursing. Cardo soon helped to guide me to what was evidently Kuruk’s empty seat, as the Knights I now found myself completely surrounded by launched into lively conversation, prompting me with countless questions about my past, a whole different type of interrogation than what was conducted by their master.

I didn’t find myself lying too often, simply skirting around the truths I didn’t wish anyone on this ship to discover.

*

Speaking with the men was oddly fascinating, their differing personalities making for somewhat erratic discussions. I found myself relaxing, almost enjoying myself as time floated past.

Suddenly a hand unexpectedly grasped my shoulder, almost squealing in shock as I spun in my chair to see Risha looking down at me, relieved yet extremely alarmed.

“I’ve been looking for you everywhere Alex!”

I heard a chair screech out from my right, knowing immediately who had made that action.

“Well, you’ve found her,” Vicrul crooned. “But who might you be?”

I turned my face away long enough to roll my eyes, seeing Trudgen chuckle at my exasperated expression, joining them both in standing. “This is my friend, Risha. A doctor that works with me on the Prestige med-bay. And Risha this is-”

“Vicrul,” he finished himself, presenting a hand towards her. To my surprise, she took it and allowed him to touch his lips to her knuckles gently. “One of the Knights of Ren.”

I noticed Risha’s cheeks turn a subtle shade of pink, obviously not as deterred by Vicrul’s tawdry attempt at being charming as I was.

“Ah,” she breathed, letting her hand slip back down to her hip. “You’re the one Alex had to treat after being stabbed with an electrostaff.”

Vicrul nodded, the smile not fading from his face. “And I still lived to tell the tale.”

“Thanks to me,” I muttered, sincerely hoping Risha wasn’t the type to be won over like this.

She sensed my mood easily. “Well, we better get back to our table. I’m sure they’ll be serving dinner soon.”

“I believe we’ve still got some time left before that. What about you join me on the dancefloor until then?”

A Knight of Ren wanting to dance? This night was already one of the most peculiar I’d lived through.

Risha looked at me for confirmation, her eyes sparkling at the chance to be whisked away by the stranger.

“Go on then,” I huffed, though internally filling with glee at seeing Risha so enthused.

Vicrul swiftly offered his arm, and she weaved her own through it, the two of them strolling off towards the space where other couples were swaying along to a rhythmic waltz.

I stood back, ready to watch how this scene was about to play out, when fingers curled into mine, Cardo pulling me along the same path.

“Oh! Uh, I don’t really know how to dance!” I objected, my heels speedily clicking under me.

“Neither do I! But we can’t let them have all the fun!” he trilled.

Before I could protest any further, Cardo had already pulled me into the fray of twirling guests, setting his palm at my upper back and bringing my right arm up to meet his, clutching it tightly.

As soon as I managed to remember to place my own hand at his shoulder, he was immediately leading me around the floor, surprisingly in time with the music, placing his steps more skilfully than mine. Eventually I matched his movements, a wide smile spreading across my face, almost falling into a jovial giggle, cold air gliding past my legs as the skirt and train of my dress fluttered around me with each stride.

I was... happy.

Likely for the first time since I’d been captured, until my senses felt a prickling energy from the front end of the room.

It wasn’t the same fury-filled aura I’d felt from Kylo before. It wasn’t even the same type of envy he’d projected in the past.

There was jealousy, but it was more subdued. Almost… sad.

No, that couldn’t be right.

I tried not to make it obvious to Cardo when my eyes began to search for Kylo’s mask at the High Command table. I needed to make sure it was truly his Force signature emanating the emotion I hadn’t sensed in him before.

Hearing the music coming to a slow conclusion, I was about to make an excuse to leave Cardo’s hold and investigate, when an eerily familiar voice chimed in beside us.

“Might I cut in?”

A uniformed man with curled blonde hair and amber eyes greeted me, his palm facing up in waiting for an answer.

“Sure thing!” Cardo answered enthusiastically, stepping back for the man to immediately take his place. I was positive I saw him wink at me as he sauntered off the dancefloor, but I was so startled by my sudden change in partner I couldn’t be completely certain.

Promptly I was back into the same embrace I held only moments ago, although this stranger made an effort to pull me in closer, our faces not far from touching.

“It’s nice to see you again, Alex. Under better circumstances too.”

“I’m sorry, should I know who you are?” I questioned, still noting how identifiable his voice was to me.

He exhaled a soft laugh. “No. We’ve met, but I’ve never introduced myself formally. And I’m still unable to now.”

“Why?”

He leaned close to my ear, his words only barely audible above the music. “Just in case the Supreme Leader figures out how to get past that mental wall you’re keeping up.”

My eyes grew wide, the grip I had on his shoulder clamping down hard. “H-how? How did you know about that?”

“It’s alright Alex. I’m not here to expose you. We actually have some mutual friends...”

“It’s you! You’re the-“

“Shhh,” he hushed. “Best not to say that word in this type of crowd.”

“Right, sorry.” I was momentarily distracted by the rising simmer in Kylo’s energy that’d flared, riddled with a fervently possessive nature. “Can I at least ask how we’ve met before?”

“Let me say this before anything else. I’m truly sorry for those blaster wounds on your leg.”

My teeth clenched. A memory of the man - the Death trooper who’d cornered me on Raxus and ruined my chance at fleeing with the Resistance - flashed into my mind. Wrath was swift to course through, my immediate reaction wanting to wrench myself from his grasp.

His strength clearly surpassed mine, keeping me within his hold, lips close to my ear again. “Keep calm, Alex. I promise I’m not the same person who tried to kill you and your friends. I’ve been the one helping them to keep an eye on you, giving you opportunities for communication.”

I tried to keep my tone even, but it was still saturated with contempt. “They wouldn’t have had to do that if you hadn’t attacked and captured me in the first place.”

Another burst of Kylo’s energy exploded from behind me, able to feel the radiating heat touch my skin.

“I know,” the Death trooper conceded. “But you saved my life. I’m just trying to return the favour.”

I scoffed lowly. “I patched up the hole in your knee. That’s hardly life-saving surgery.”

“You don’t know what they do to men in my line of work when they’re unable to perform their duty, do you?” His eyes found mine then, not needing my answer. “I would have lost my leg if it weren’t for you. And if that had happened, I would have been made… redundant.”

I was quiet while we still continued our dancing, thankful my feet had figured how to unconsciously move themselves while I was so bombarded with differing emotions.

In those moments while no words were spoken, my thoughts were heavily diverted again by Kylo’s immense surge of frustration, knowing he was hitting a breaking point.

I’d wanted this to happen, I’d planned for it, but this was undoubtedly the worst timing possible.

“So why meet with me face to face now?” I asked impatiently.

“I have a message. From the pilot.”

My lungs halted their progress mid inhale, heart stopping along with them.

“What? What is it?” I was the one to lean in closer then, nearly touching my cheek to the Death trooper so I could grasp every word of his reply.

As he began to speak the words, I was hit by a wave of unseen infuriation, knowing immediately Kylo had just tipped past the edge of his temper.

“He’s coming for you. Soon. A plan is in motion.”

“What? The Resistance is getting me out of here?”

“No. The pilot is. Alone. He said he was tired of waiting,” the stranger whispered.

I was torn in the middle, desperate to speak more of Poe and this suicide mission, yet also sensing Kylo begin to march away from his place at the head of the room.

The opportunity is here, Alexys. You need to take it.

“Frack!” I hissed under my breath. “I have something I need to do.” My expression grew stern, voice weighing with importance. “You tell that pilot, whatever plan he has, to stop it now. Tell him he doesn’t need to save me. I can do it myself. You got all that?”

The Death trooper nodded, and I immediately withdrew myself from his arms to dash out of the crowd, heading towards the exit Kylo had already stormed past, heart pumping searing blood through my veins.

~

Next Chapter

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[paper-n-ashes]

sparks and embers - 19

Characters: Kylo Ren x Original Female Character, Poe Dameron x Original Female Character

Story Tags: Explicit (18+), Canon Compliant/Divergent (Set after TLJ), First Person POV, Love Triangle, Slow Burn, Enemies to Lovers, Porn with Plot, Hurt/Comfort, Kylo Ren hates Poe Dameron

Chapter 19 - Future

Words: 6.3k

Chapter Tags/Warnings: Descriptions of medical procedures, minor threats of violence

Author’s Note: I admit this is a bit of a filler chapter setting up future plot points and it is LONG. I was still figuring out appropriate word counts at this stage of my writing, but there’s some very important things said in here. 

Read on AO3 or Start from the beginning

~

I had to give it to the First Order, they were nothing if not efficient.

Just as the message from the Bio lab had described, rollout of the viral cure and vaccine began within the hour, countless medical droids sent out from the laboratory with med-injectors at the ready.

While the vaccine provided immediate protection for those who received it, the medicinal treatment for patients already afflicted worked a lot slower. From the closest estimates, individuals who required ventilation would still take up to 48 hours to fully recover, simply depending on how severely damaged their organs had become. Bacta infusions would help to repair their heart and lung tissues after the virus was fully cleared from their system, but there was still the issue of possible brain injury in those who had suffered through a cardiac arrest. Even the highest quality bacta wouldn’t fix that kind of injury.  

Knowing this, it was difficult not to hold my breath each time a patient finally woke from their unconsciousness, unsure if they would even remember their name.

Some did, some didn’t.

It was just another problem those left of us staffing the Prestige ward had to confront while the next 24 hours ticked over. As the time passed, my exhaustion grew more difficult to suppress, even with the shortened naps I was afforded. Soon, I was merely the shell of a human, certain my blood had been completely replaced with caf by the time the next night rolled around.

The light at the end of the tunnel came in the return of a handful of doctors and nurses recently cured of their viral symptoms and immediately ushered back into work. Under normal circumstances I would have been horrified at these workers being made to attend to their duties so quickly, but Risha, myself and the rest of the Prestige staff who somehow made it through the worst of this epidemic, were close to being incapable of forming fully coherent sentences, let alone saving someone’s life.

I didn’t completely remember the shuffled walk back to my quarters, letting my feet guide the way while my eyelids remained heavy. The fatigue was almost painful, my brain throbbing hard inside my skull. Thankfully the ache wasn’t intense enough to keep me awake, slipping easily into slumber as soon as my head hit the lumpy pillow of my bed.

*

When I woke many hours later, having barely moved from the laying position on top of my quilt, I was still dressed in the uniform I’d worn for nearly three full days. Sitting up to look at the chronometer, it was early afternoon, calculating I’d remained asleep for at least 14 hours straight, a possible reason I felt a dizzying haze hover over me as I tried to stand. It took more than a few moments for my vision to become clear again, my muscles extremely displeased with the new movement, groggily making my way to the ‘fresher to wash the preceding 72 hours off my skin.

Leaning my forehead against the solid tile in the searing stream of the shower, I became lost in thought, my mind drifting back to the encounter in the supply closet.

Feeling the way I did now, so drained and subdued, it almost felt as if the Alexys who had stood so confidently in front of Kylo was a different person altogether. The power I had begun to feel in those minutes was somewhat foreign to me again, now struggling to comprehend how I’d been able to place my hands onto him without withering into panic.

It was worrying, how easy it was to handle him like that. I couldn’t remember any time in my life where I’d been so brazen in what was essentially a public place.

Replaying the scene as I finished my cleansing routine and wrapped myself in a towel, vivid images of his face arrived to overwhelm me, relishing once again the way he had melted at my touch. I couldn’t deny, as much as I desperately wanted to, that I’d enjoyed every helpless moan that rumbled into my ears. And I was already hopelessly impatient to hear more.

The way my heart hammered in my chest when he was near. How even the whisper of his breath hitting my skin sent delicate shivers through my nerves. The iridescent current that shimmered every moment we connected by touch alone.

All of it, impossible to forget.

It was clear, now more than ever. I wanted more of him than I was willing to admit.

“I’m glad you’ve finally come to that realisation,” her recognisable voice chimed in, interrupting my meditations.

Shock rattled in my bones as I came to a stop just outside of the ‘fresher, the hooded woman standing in the middle of my living space, eyes still concealed by the same tarnished brown cloak I recalled from her last visit.

“Am… Am I dreaming?” I blurted out, darting my vision around the woman’s figure, trying to sense anything amiss in the room surrounding us. Nothing seemed to be, and I let myself quickly study her shape in an attempt to understand how she’d appeared here so suddenly, looking so real.

She chuckled softly at me. “No Alexys. You’re not dreaming.”

“How are you here? Now?”

“I’ll explain it to you one day,” she began. “It’s not something you need to concern yourself with at this moment.”

I scoffed out loud. “I’m still pretty concerned about it.”

The woman laughed again, seeming genuinely amused. “Well, I do apologise, but it is not a discussion we can have yet.”

“Is there one we can have?” I sneered. I didn’t need more vague notions of a future to come, I just wanted to get dressed and settle the hungered ache in my stomach.

“Why else would I be here?” She gestured to the two lounges sitting opposite a small table, signalling for me to sit with her.

I shuffled awkwardly where I stood, questioning why she chose this as a convenient time to bring about such a conversation, wishing she’d at least waited until I had something more than a towel to cover my body.

“Wait!” I exclaimed suddenly. “There’s security cameras watching my every move. Aren’t they going to see you and I having this conversation? Because I’m too tired to deal with having Kylo’s goons back here again.”

With an effortless grace, the woman sat down on the stiff pillow of the grey sofa, unaffected by my worries. “It’s taken care of Alex. They won’t see you, or me, and they won’t hear a word of what we say.”

“But-”

“Alex, sit down,” she snarled, reminded of how terrifying her voice could be when her temper rose.

Following her instruction, I wondered what could be so important she decided to meet face to face, and somehow make our interaction private. I struggled to sit in a comfortable position on the lounge, my towel refusing to cover me properly, eventually finding a posture that allowed some of my decency to be maintained. Although, bothering to in front of this woman seemed a little silly, not entirely sure if she was an actual human being, or something different.

I waited for her to speak first, as the only thing floating through my mind being questions she would likely have no willingness to answer.

“There’s been a change in you, one I’ve been waiting to observe for a long time,” she eventually stated, her tone serious.

I huffed. “Let me guess. Are you absolutely thrilled my attention is on anyone other than Poe Dameron?”

“Anyone? No Alexys, it can’t be just anyone,” she corrected, her head slightly tilting upward to the faintest view of her eyes. “But that is not what I was implying.”

I glowered at her, cursing at the innate ability she had to make her answers multiply into more questions with so few words. 

Maker this woman was infuriating.

Her mouth curved into a smile, only then remembering she had access to my thoughts.

“I know you are frustrated. I am sorry I cannot remedy that feeling.”

“Can we just get this over with? I want to go back to real life.”

The woman’s smile dissolved, her somewhat light-hearted mood with it. “This is real life Alexys,” she pressed, seemingly already irritated with my uncooperative attitude. “I wish you would realise I’m trying to help you, and the person you so deeply care about.”

I recalled what seemed like a distant memory of a warning she had given, right as I held back the urge to rush into Poe’s arms after the admittance of his feelings for me, feelings we shared but I remained afraid to embrace.

‘Don’t give in Alexys. His life, and yours, depend on it.’

“Good. You remember,” the woman remarked. “But you still chose to ignore those words in the end.”

I tried to find her eyes under the shadow her hood casted, a familiar bitterness beginning to flourish towards this constant burden on my thoughts. “You said before that you can’t interfere with my free will, but you seem to constantly want to control it.”

“It’s guidance, not control,” she countered, feeling her energy flare with irritation.

My glare became venomous. “I don’t consider driving me into submission by threats against our lives as very helpful guidance.”

“I am not the one who threatens your lives.”

“Then, who, or what, is?”

“You.”

I gritted my teeth in frustration. “Just tell me what you want me to do.”

“I have. You simply haven’t been listening.”

My resentment couldn’t be contained, having the immediate instinct to stand and vent my exasperation. Before the balls of my feet could plants themselves on the floor, I was completely locked into place by an invisible restraint around my limbs.

“Your anger is not beneficial in this conversation,” the woman scorned, barely an ounce of movement in her frame.

I’d not seen very many Force sensitive people in my lifetime, only having Kylo’s powers as a reference for how their abilities appear when utilised. He continually needed to apply gestures towards his targets, his hand always pointed in my direction when wanting to cause any type of physical attack or restriction. Which is why the sight of this stranger remaining perfectly still while her hold on me stayed crushingly strong, caused a profound surge of unease to trace through my body.

The hooded woman waited until I’d stopped trying to struggle against her invisible grip before speaking again, her only motion the exhale of her breath.

“Your choices are so important from here. And it is only you who can make them.”

I tried to calm both my temper and anxiety, wishing I had more control of my emotions. “The way you speak… The things you say… It feels as if the choices have already been made. That I’m going to be forced to walk a path that is already laid out for me,” I said quietly, a solemness to my voice I hadn’t intended to be there.

She dipped her head lower, conceding to my statement. “It is true, you have a destiny to fulfil. The path to it is winding and intricate, a journey only you can walk. And it will be so easy to stray… As you’ve already done.”

“I was only following what I knew, in my heart, that I wanted.”

Visions of Poe simmered into my mind, recalling how excruciating it had been to keep my desires for him at bay, the lightness I’d felt when finally able to let the barrier crumble. There was such an undeniable rush of enchantment I could still feel deep inside when I thought of his face, his smile, his voice.

A sudden thought bloomed. A compulsion to dream of a future. I hadn’t allowed myself to consider it before, too frightened of the possibility it would never come to fruition.

If we were able to overcome all the obstacles standing in our way, if somehow the war came to an end and we could live in the calm surroundings of a tranquil planet together, just like his parents did.

I saw me gently patching up his wounds when he was inevitably caught in the middle of some kind of conflict. Placing soft kisses over his injuries as if it actually helped to heal them.

I envisioned sitting before him in the pilot seat of an X-wing, having him guide my hands over the controls, attempting to teach me the thing that brought him the most joy. Hearing him chuckle at my initial panic while he slowly released his grip from the flight stick, leaving the ship under my command.

I pictured waking up to a new morning with him every day. Having his arms wrapped tight around me, the warmth of his breath brushing over my skin before placing a gentle kiss on my neck, clutching me closer into his chest, feeling as peaceful and whole as I had fleetingly on Raxus.

Each visualisation made my chest throb harder with despair, realising how truly unattainable it all was.

“Why is it so wrong of me to want that? To want to be with him?”

“It shouldn’t be Alex, I understand that. But the future you long for doesn’t exist, and it never will.”

The remaining slivers of anger began to melt into sadness, tears threatening to leak from my eyes. “Is it my destiny to live a life of solitude? Never being able to experience real and lasting… happiness?”

There was another word I wanted to say, one I knew I was beginning to feel the roots of planting itself within. All I wished for was to let it grow, to be given the chance to nurture it, allow it flourish and take over the previously barren desert of my soul.

“You will. That I can promise. But it will not be with him.”

A lone tear spilled from the duct. “Please. Please tell me why.”

“If you continue forging this bond, the one that pulls you away from your true path… he, and so many others, will perish.”

She said the words so certainly, full of significance, and they caused an intense weight to crush down on my frame, making me breathless, as if all oxygen had escaped from my circulation.

“He… he will die? People will die? Because of me?”

She nodded slowly, my lungs harder to fill with air, the overwhelming thought of Poe’s life being ripped from existence filling me with a searing agony that extended to every part of my body.

“The power you command, it will be incalculably important in the time to come.”

“I don’t want this,” I lamented. “I don’t want any of this.”

The woman sighed in a melancholy way, peering towards the floor. “Some of us do not get a choice in our fate.”

It was difficult not to be drowned by the flood of gloom sweeping in. Hopeless, dragged to a fate I didn’t want to meet. Caught in an overpowering river current, gradually losing my will to fight back against the stream.

I was so sick of feeling this way, so overruled by emotions. Tormented by them. Maybe, with this woman’s help, I might be free of the suffering.

It was time… Time to give in and let the flow take me wherever it was leading. 

“What do I need to do?” I questioned, striving to bring myself back into equilibrium against the sorrow pulsing inside. The pressure over my limbs began to retreat, allowing my movement again. While I still couldn’t see her eyes past the cover of her hood, I could feel a firm gaze press firmly into mine.

“Make your escape, off of this ship. That is your first move.”

It was difficult not to scoff at her statement. “Like that’s meant to be easy? The Resistance aren’t exactly racing to help me.”

“No. It will not be easy. And, it’s true, they will not assist you. I said to make your escape.”

“But… I have no idea where to start, how to begin,” I insisted.

The hint of a smile touched her lips. “You already have.”

My mind was quickly saturated with memories of the darkened supply closet. A singular thought, a fleeting concept I’d had no time to dwell on now simmering to the surface. 

Kylo.

His infatuation, his jealousy, and my denial of his craving. There was an inexplicable power I had over him, an innate ability to break down his usually constant guard.

I needed to figure out how I could use it for my own gain.

“The one who’s keeping me here? He’s my way out?” I confirmed, wondering if I would even be able to continue the perplexing hold of fascination he had towards me.

“Wonderfully ironic, isn’t it?” the woman mused.

I scowled, not finding the notion the slightest bit as amusing as she did. But the expression faded into worry as I began to feel a creeping edge of doubt.

“I don’t know if I can keep deceiving someone, even him, like… that. It’s not something I’ve had to accomplish before. Pretending to have those desires… I’m not sure it’s something I’m capable of.”

She let out a vexed exhale, along with a subtle shake of her head. “Oh Alexys. I wish you would finally let yourself embrace it. Stop pushing away what you’ve already come to realise.”

I swallowed hard, eyes narrowing. “I don’t. I don’t want him.”

“Stop it,” the woman scolded, rising out of her seated position, the table between us being thrust away like it weighed nothing as she moved gracefully to tower over me. I caught the smallest glimpse of her eyes as she looked down, believing I could see her irises shine a shimmering green. “Stop trying to refute what I have already observed within your thoughts.”

Seething a breath through my teeth, I knew I couldn’t deny what she had seen. “It’s not the same! The way my body reacts, it’s chemical, completely biological. Whatever I feel for him, it doesn’t go deeper than that.”

“Does it need to?”

Her question made me suspend any attempt of a response, not having anything to contradict it. I glanced away from her stare, trying to come up with an appropriate reply, soon beginning to realise there wasn’t one.

“You’ve matured into an impeccable liar over these years. Living your life under the cover of constant deception, you’ve become an expert in this skill to keep yourself safe. Now it is time to employ it for a greater benefit.”

Was that true?  

I thought of the countless lies I had spoken over my lifetime, trying to think of a time I was unable to convince someone of the fabrication I needed them to perceive. It had never occurred to me I’d become so… good at it.

“So that’s it then? Make him believe I want him? That will get me out of here?”

The woman nodded, but I could see her serious expression even in shadow. “You will need to keep the advantage in your dynamic. He needs to be vulnerable, and you need to be the one he deems worthy of causing it. And that, Alex, will be the most difficult task.”

“I… I think I can do it,” I affirmed, trying to fill myself with a deepened confidence, one I would need to grow if I ever had a chance of seeing this through.

“I know you can,” the woman reinforced, her voice strong with determination. “You will know when the opportunities present themselves. Be calculated about your actions. Do not waste them.”

I peered up at the woman, eyeing the features of her face that I was afforded to see, noticing the slimness of her jaw, the petite shape of her nose, the delicate outline of her lips. There was nothing particularly extraordinary about these characteristics, yet they felt memorable to me, like I’d seen them in my dreams all my life.

“Okay,” I breathed. “I’ll do what I need to do.”

“That is extremely reassuring to hear. I do hope that resolve holds strong. I will be here to remind you of the consequences if you choose to stray away again,” she cautioned, her menacing tone sending a lasting tremor of dread through my muscles, even when she slipped out of existence in front of my eyes.

All trace of her energy was gone, but the effects of her words were now reverberating inside, my hands gripping tightly into the cushions I was sitting on to keep myself stable.

But it was no use, the bleakness I had begun to feel knowing I could be the one to bring about the deaths of beings I’d sworn to save from harm, including the human I would never be allowed to see a future with - it made me feel overwhelmingly nauseated.

I ran quickly back to the ‘fresher, fingers grasping into the metal as I dry heaved into the sink, having nothing to expel from my stomach. Tears started to sting my eyes as the sickening feeling refused to relinquish its influence over me.

This time I allowed the salted droplets to fall without obstruction, surrendering myself to the grief for a future I wish I’d never imagined, an existence I’d never even comprehended having before Poe crashed onto my doorstep. Yet now, I wanted it more than anything else in the universe.

How was I ever going to face him again, knowing what I knew now? How could I ever begin to let him go, leaving behind what might have been the beginnings of our life together?

As my sobbing eventually began to diminish, chest feeling tight with anguish, I pulled one of my hands to wipe away the still seeping tears, and peered towards the mirror, taking in the miserable image looking back at me. My cheeks were flushed with a splotchy redness, the same one spreading around my eyes, hair still slightly damp from the shower and horribly dull in the harsh light of the ‘fresher.

The face stared back wasn’t one I recognised.

I wasn’t this person. So weak, so pitifully controlled by her emotions.

My years on Raxus felt so distant, wondering how I spent so long being able to maintain my detached demeanour.

Was I happy then?

No. I wasn’t, not really.

But I certainly wasn’t ever drenched by these waves of sorrow, the ones pounding against me in this moment.

If I were ever going to accomplish what the woman wanted, what so many people allegedly depended on, I had to cast aside this pathetic being I’d somehow let myself become. I needed to be stronger. Stronger than I’d ever been before.

The type of person Kylo Ren wouldn’t be able to resist.

*

I offered my assistance to the Prestige ward later that evening, having received enough sleep to render me capable of resuming competent work again, while also feeling too restless to stay within my quarters for too long. They accepted my offer enthusiastically, knowing I had a background knowledge of almost all of the patients the ward currently accommodated.

On my arrival, a fresh uniform wrapping my frame, I noticed how many of them were now breathing of their accord, the staff numbers flittering around the space also having significantly risen from when I was here last.

“Alexys!” I heard Irwin call as he exited from behind a curtain. “Back so soon?”

I noticed the slight sallowness of his usually tanned skin, a dusky colour in the skin underneath his eyes. It was actually comforting to see him, glad the virus hadn’t managed to impact his health too significantly.

“I should be saying that to you,” I smiled. “How are you feeling?”

“Well enough to be here apparently,” he replied cynically, though I could sense in his tone he was relieved to be one of the few who’d made it though unscathed. “But yeah, I’m feeling a lot better. I heard you guys had a pretty low death rate in here. Nice work.”

“That wasn’t my doing,” I stressed. “The skeleton staff who were here before me did all the work. I just happened to be here after the worst of it.”

“Mmm, that makes more sense,” Irwin mocked, chuckling softly.

Normally I would have rolled my eyes at his childish ridicule, but I genuinely enjoyed his effort at lightening the dampened mood around us. “These people should be grateful you were incapacitated. Who knows what our mortality rate would look like then?” I playfully patted his shoulder, and Irwin imitated an offended grimace. “I’m glad you’re okay, truly.”

He dipped his head in appreciation. “Me too. Wasn’t a pleasant experience, to say the least.”

“At least it’s over now.”

We both regarded each other in silent relief for a moment, before Irwin gestured towards the surveillance station. “Come on, I’ll give you a run down of everyone’s current status.”

Walking together to the main holoscreen, I felt an inquisitive aura around Irwin’s body, as if poised to ask some kind of question. But he didn’t raise it, soon turning his attention to bringing up the patient information files on the display and launching into a full handover of how everyone was travelling after their viral remedy.

Only 3 were still left to be extubated, which was likely to happen within the next couple of hours. Bacta infusions had been set up at almost every bedside, the vitals I saw showing remarkable improvement, barely an observation out of normal parameters. There were still a few patients who were having cognitive symptoms from unavoidable brain damage the virus had caused, with memory and fine movement being the most common issue.

It was the most stable I had seen the ward since before the virus had first started to appear, the warm glow of relief trickling though me as Irwin spoke.

Eventually I was shown the updated progress notes of Cardo, who’d woken earlier this morning, and my attention was immediately tempted by the thought of visiting the Knight under the excuse of a routine examination, eager to see what he was actually like without illness rendering him comatose.

“I might start with the patient in Room 2,” I informed Irwin after he’d finished speaking, picking up one of the datapads before veering to make my way to the private room.

“Okay, I have to ask,” Irwin started, making me stop and turn. “A few of the nurses were saying we had a visit by the Supreme Leader while you were on duty. That true?”

I narrowed my eyes in suspicion. 

Damn gossipy nurses.

“Yes, that’s correct. He wished to check on the status of his Knight.”

“They said he’d actually asked for your whereabouts, not that patient’s.”

I didn’t let the interest in that fact show on my face. “He also had a small matter to discuss with me.”

Irwin waited for me to continue, his hand gesturing with his palm upwards as if to prompt further explanation.

“And that matter was…?” he verbalised.

“Private,” I answered flatly.

I understood why he was so puzzled about Kylo wanting to speak with me directly, since it was still only Risha that knew the status of my captivity. But I continued to be under strict orders not to let that truth be common knowledge.

Irwin looked at me curiously, obviously a person who didn’t like to be left out of the loop. “Risha told one of the nurses he took his helmet off in front of you, is that true?”

Dammit Risha. Not you too.

I hoped it was sleep deprivation that caused her to divulge that piece of information.

“Yes, that’s correct.” In my tone I tried to imply I didn’t have anymore to say about this topic, but Irwin either didn’t recognise it or simply didn’t care.

“Why are you acting like that’s not a big deal?”

I shrugged casually. “He has a face, and I saw it, so what?”

“You really don’t see how bizarre that is, do you?” Irwin stressed, his eyebrows creasing together.

“I guess I don’t.”

It was clear his nosiness wasn’t even slightly abated by my answer, but I assumed he’d finally figured out I wasn’t about to confess anything more about our interaction when he was silent for a few moments. I was about to leave again when Irwin chimed in with one more tentative question.

“What… What does he look like?”

I thought of Kylo’s face, reminded of the strikingly attractive man who hid his visage under the cover of metal.

“Angry. Just… angry.”

Irwin seemed vaguely annoyed with my answer, clearly hoping to have even more salacious rumours to spread around the ward. I was simply glad no one had managed to catch the sight of Kylo and I retreating to the closet for the rest of our discussion, feeling entirely sure I would have struggled to explain my way out of that scenario.

Taking the lull in conversation as an opportunity to leave, I made my way quickly to Cardo’s room, hearing a muffled exchange emanating from the space as I got closer. Cautiously, I stepped towards the open door, stopping next to the entry, trying to listen for who might be visiting my patient.

“Supposedly we’re set to descend in a week’s time,” I heard an unfamiliar male voice inform, too unblemished to be Cardo’s.

“Hope Ren knows what he’s getting himself into. An attack like this is going to piss off half of the galaxy.”

I knew instantly this was the voice of the man I’d worried about keeping alive, his speech gravelly and hoarse.

“It was going to happen sooner or later. This doesn’t seem like one of his usual impulsive decisions,” Vicrul pointed out, the recognisable tone slightly mocking of his leader.

I heard the unknown person let out an amused exhale. “You’re not wrong. Maybe he’s finally adapting to his new role. He has become a lot more level-headed nowadays.”  

“I might have agreed with you if I hadn’t been around him the last few days,” Vicrul grumbled.

While the unnamed voice hummed in agreement, Cardo seemed confused by the statement. “Huh? What’d I miss?”

“Something’s eating him. He’s been…”

“A grumpy asshole,” Vicrul finished bitterly. “It’s not taking much to set him off at the moment.”

“Could be because of this whole virus situation,” Cardo croaked. “Reckon’ it would have annoyed the frack outta him havin’ to deal with half this ship being out for the count.”

“That didn��t seem to be the problem. He appeared perfectly fine when I asked about the status of the outbreak yesterday.” The unfamiliar voice sounded thoughtful, almost concerned.

“Well whatever it is, he needs to get over it already. I really don’t need him reverting back to that volatile 23-year-old we had to deal with on Varnak,” Vicrul muttered.

Cardo laughed, the crackles in his lungs still evident. “None of us need that. So... Anyone gone an’ asked him what the problem is?”

“Kuruk did make an effort to speak with him in private after he knocked Trudgen unconscious in training this morning,” the unnamed man explained. “It was obvious he was taking out whatever frustration he has on us.”

“And?”

“He refused to admit anything was wrong.”

“Well, I think he’s still bothered by the doctor. The fact he hasn’t figured out how to weasel inside her mind yet must be driving him insane,” Vicrul declared. “Never seen him so angry than after he first interrogated her.”

The other two men rumbled a sound in agreement, Cardo soon recalling a memory after our first meeting I wasn’t privy to. “Poor droid never saw that temper tantrum coming.”

“Hm… You could be right Vicrul,” the unidentified Knight concurred. “But I don’t think it’s something we can pry out of him this time.”

There were a few beats of thoughtful silence between the Knights before they began to speak about other matters, and I was stuck in my position against the wall, digesting the information I’d captured without them knowing.

As much as I wanted to, I couldn’t stay secretly listening forever, a nurse no doubt coming by soon to eye me warily. Waiting another few minutes while the men casually conversed, I made the few steps to appear in the entry way, setting myself in my most professional disposition. Before I even got the chance to introduce myself properly, Vicrul was already bursting out with my name.

“Ah! Alex! I was wondering if you were lurking around here somewhere.”

“It’s nice to see you again Vicrul,” I nodded at him with a smile. “I’ve only just come back on shift.”

“This is the doctor,” he clarified to the others, looking directly to Cardo. “She’s the one who stuck the tube down your throat.”

My eyes widened at the Knight, his brazenness alarming me for a moment. Settling back into composure, I walked forward to Cardo’s bedside, my hand reaching to greet him with a handshake.

“Alexys Jago,” I introduced. “I’m the one who happened to put you on a ventilator.”

He gripped my hand and wrenched me into a squeezing embrace, his short, auburn beard tickling my neck as he hugged me. After letting go, I gawked back at the man, glancing over his shaved hair and lightened skin, seeing for the first time his hazel eyes looking back at me.

“Thanks for keeping this heart tickin’!” he smirked. “Hope I didn’t cause too much trouble for ya.”

“Nothing I couldn’t handle.” I stepped back from the bed, still slightly unsettled by Cardo’s easy-going greeting, and looked up to the man who’d been the third participant in the conversation I’d overheard.

The slender figure learned upright against the wall across from me, dressed similarly to Vicrul, blackened fabric of a slightly stained cloak draping over his shape, the hood sitting atop his head. I’d seen his face from a distance, remembering it from the training session I witnessed, pointed features currently set with an expression of intrigue.

“So this is the doctor we’ve heard so much about,” he surmised, grey eyes scanning me up and down, before bluntly addressing me with his name. “Ap’lek.”

I dipped my head curtly at him, sensing a cautious edge in his aura. Focusing back to Cardo, I smothered the urge to fire off an infinite cascade of questions regarding the mysterious men I was surrounded by.

“I just wanted to check in on you. See how you were traveling after extubation.”

“Hurts a little to talk, other than that I’m feelin’ alright,” he described. Numbers on the monitor verified his statement, grasping the stethoscope from around my neck.

“Do you mind if I take a listen to your lungs?”

“Go for it.”

It was evident he’d already been through this process a few times, quickly leaning forward in the bed to allow me access to his back. Without hesitation I pulled up the fabric of his hospital shirt and placed the chestpiece against the skin. There were still the remnants of crackles inside his chest, but significantly less pronounced than when I’d first listened to his breaths.

I moved away once finishing the assessment, letting him settle back into his sitting position and moving to check the machine running his bacta infusion.

“Well, you’re almost ready to be discharged,” I confirmed. “Just have to let the infusion finish, then you’ll be good to go.”

“When can he start training again?” Ap’lek interjected.

My eyes darted to his serious expression, his face careful not to indicate any emotion. “I’d give it another 24 hours, at the very least.” I twisted to face Vicrul. “Although, I can speculate my advice will be taken as a guideline, not an order.”

“I didn’t rip your sutures,” he defended with a subtle smirk. “That’s all that matters, right?”

I rolled my eyes. “Anyway, I’ll be back when the infusion is completed. You’ve only got two hours left.”

“Sure thing,” Cardo smiled, and it filled me with a noticeable relief to see him looking so healthy again.

Just before making my way out of the room, Vicrul’s voice caused me to pause in the doorway.

“I assume we’ll be seeing you on Zhellday then?”

“Huh?” I queried, swivelling my head back towards him. “What are you talking about?”

“The Gala. The one Hux is insisting the First Order throws to commemorate the end of the outbreak.”

Ap’lek sighed. “It’s actually to reward the medical personnel for their hard work during the epidemic.”

“Whatever, it’s a celebration all the same,” Vicrul countered. “You're one of those ‘medical personnel’, so you’ll be coming, right?”

My eyebrows wrinkled in confusion. “I hadn’t even heard about it. But I presume the Supreme Leader wouldn’t allow a hostage to partake in those kinds of… festivities.”

“Oh he’ll be too irritated at having to finally show up for once to care. I think you’ll slip under his radar,” he affirmed.

I knew instantly that wasn’t true, but I was more distracted by the opportunity I could sense presenting itself. “He doesn’t usually join you for these things?”

I saw Ap’lek shake his head. “This will be the first. But ascending to the rank of Supreme Leader comes with its own set of undesirable responsibilities.”

I hummed in contemplation, trying not to show the commotion of thoughts running through my mind.

“So? We’ll see you there?” Vicrul reiterated. “I was hoping you could, uh, introduce me to some of the nurses.”

“I’ll see what I can do,” I smirked, somewhat charmed by his eagerness to mingle with the staff I’d come to feel affection for.

 My feet were quick to move under me once I’d calmly exited out of Cardo's room, scurrying towards the main holoscreen and accessing the comm-link. Risha’s face soon appeared on the display, yawning out of her sleepy haze with an expression of worry.

“What? What’s wrong? Is everything okay?”

“Everything’s fine Risha. I just have a favour to ask,” I said urgently, slightly guilty I’d disrupted her sleep. But right now, I was too impatient to start putting my plan into motion.

Another yawn escaped her, and she rubbed her eyes to coax them into opening properly. “Sure Alex, what can I help you with?”

“I need to borrow a dress.”

~

Next Chapter

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[paper-n-ashes]

sparks and embers - chapter 18

Characters: Kylo Ren x Original Female Character, Poe Dameron x Original Female Character

Story Tags: Explicit (18+), Canon Compliant/Divergent (Set after TLJ), First Person POV, Love Triangle, Slow Burn, Enemies to Lovers, Porn with Plot, Hurt/Comfort, Kylo Ren hates Poe Dameron

Chapter 18 - Dynamic

Words: 4.5k

Chapter Tags/Warnings: Sexual content, Kylo Ren actually adhering to consent (Within fanfiction? In this economy!? It’s more likely than you think), dominant female/submissive male (These characters switch a lot in this story okay? Don’t @ me. Art imitates life.)

Author’s note: I haven’t been any measure of ‘okay’ lately, and have kinda been taking an indefinite hiatus from fandom and writing anything new. But I recently had some wonderful, uplifting comments written on AO3 for this story and it made my heart so full, enough to at least keep the reposting going for Tumblr. Once again, this is one of the chapters I look back on with a smile for how much fun I had writing it. 

Read on AO3 or Start from the beginning

~

Kylo's entire body remained unmoving. Stilled as stone. Although, in his energy I could sense his struggle to maintain such a frozen composure, determined not to show any sign of reaction to my words.

It made me curious, to soon feel the slightest hint of… envy in his aura.

I was oblivious to the rhythmic beeping of Cardo’s heartbeat on the monitor as a drowning silence hung in the air between us, waiting for him to supply some kind of response. Through the lingering hush, I was tormenting myself over another moment I’d granted Kylo to sense the failure of my shield, every fragment of my focus having been centred on the pleasure Poe has ignited with his words. I had assumed, so wrongly, that distance would have prevented my captor from noticing a break in the mental wall.

I wanted to know exactly what he’d felt, if he’d been permitted to see the images that flooded my mind, like the last time I’d lost my control. The assumption I was imagining him in that moment seemed to imply he hadn’t been afforded that ability in this instance.

I couldn’t be sure just yet.

It was an extremely long time before I heard his modified voice finally address me again.

“Who?” he seethed.

I almost recoiled at his choice of question, surprised at the one he would have bothered to ask.

Thank the maker.

The last thing I needed was more angered attention on members of the Resistance. I glared at him disobediently, feeling a little more confident in knowing I still had some secrets I could keep close. “Why do you care? My personal life should be nothing of your concern.”

“It usually wouldn’t be, but when my technological defences have been breached, I require the motive as well as the means.” While the voice that came out of his vocoder was concentrated with control, it wasn’t hard to feel the energy around him become erratic, each emotion sparking so quickly I couldn’t discern exactly what he was feeling.

“You think I’d make the effort to orchestrate this to allow some… time to myself, without any witnesses? You think I needed privacy that badly?”

He straightened his spine, emphasising his height, most likely in an attempt to appear menacing again. “Maybe I don’t believe you were alone.”

It would have been easy to refute his insinuation. To scoff at the thought of having a secret rendezvous with anyone on the Finalizer. However, an impulsive part of me wanted to know what his reaction would be if I didn’t.

“Would that trouble you?” I queried, raising my eyebrows in challenge.

I could hear the grinding of Kylo’s teeth through his mask, noticing the tensing of his hands into balls at his side. Abruptly they moved to his helmet, releasing its locks and hauling it off. His eyes were vicious as the fragmented metal dropped to the floor, a sharp clanking sound reverberating through the room.

“Kylo!” I shushed before he had a chance to answer the question I’d posed. “Do you want this conversation to remain private? Because it won’t if you make that kind of noise.”

Perfectly on cue, Risha’s figure rushed into the frame of the doorway. Kylo shifted slightly to keep his face out of her view, his eyes still glaring at me darkly, sending a clear demand to wave this intruder off.

“Alex? Are you okay in here?”

I placed a poised smile on my lips. “Everything’s fine. I’m just discussing this important patient’s condition with the Supreme Leader.”

Her eyes darted from my face to the back of Kylo’s head, clearly shocked to obtain even the smallest view of the unmasked man who led their Order.

“Are you sure?” she prodded, her following stare carrying a silent message, giving me the opportunity of an exit if I needed it.

I nodded firmly. “Absolutely.”

Risha’s mouth twisted in reluctance, being obvious an explosion of questions had erupted by the expression she wore. But the insistent look I shot back was enough for her to slink away from the room and back to the task our interaction had disturbed.  

The second her footsteps began to fade from earshot Kylo completely closed the space between our bodies, his features set with a smouldering temper that seemed barely restrained under the surface of his skin. “Find a place where this discussion won’t be further disrupted. Now.”

Hearing his natural voice again was startling, my heart racing as I felt the breath of his words brush against my cheeks.

“Fine. Follow me.”

I moved around his figure and walked out of Cardo’s room, making a quick right turn into the hallway that led away from the main ward. Kylo’s energy burned hot behind me as I guided us to a locked supply closet, keying in the code and slipping quietly into the small room filled with shelves stuffed full of common medical consumables.

A finger flipped the dimmed light on as I walked past the entryway, stepping towards the back wall before swivelling around to face Kylo’s forcefully unemotional expression, watching the door close behind him. With my arms folded in waiting, I tried to steady myself through the panic rising at being in this cramped space with him, alone. I hated that my eyes wouldn’t stop from roaming over his face, reminded once more of the alluring man that kept himself hidden in front of others.

Kylo kept his jaw clenched as his own gaze slid down my figure, the atmosphere sparkling around him still too chaotic to interpret properly.

“Have you been fraternising with my personnel?” he asked, a cold tenor in his voice.

I knew what I should be doing. I knew it would be smarter to follow the path of honesty, let this conversation end much sooner and return to my much-needed rest. But his reaction, this immense surge of emotion that continued to pulse in the air around him, had a strong hold of fascination over me. It was pushing me into reckless territory.

“You seem to be awfully concerned with the thought of someone other than you getting to touch me.”

The muscles over his cheekbones tensed harder. “Answer the question.”

Hm, he didn’t deny it.

“No,” I said firmly. “I was alone.”

“Why insinuate you weren’t?”

“I didn’t. You made that assumption. I simply wanted to know why the answer would be so important.”  

Lifting his head, I saw a slight relaxation in his features, picking out a small wave of relief trickle through his aura. “You’re a prisoner. Your interactions with my staff need to be monitored. And professional.”

“You’re a complete control freak, you know that right?” I snipped.

Kylo’s eyes darkened. “Your evidence?”

I took a bold step forward, surprised at my own confidence in front of who I used to find the most intimidating person in the galaxy. “It’s not enough you’re holding me here indefinitely, and manipulating me into undertaking work for your Order, but you also want to keep me from having any type of freedom? Maybe even form positive connections with the people you employ?”

Kylo following glare was icy, frustration seeping into his expression. “What do you expect? Stay here as a hostage and still be allowed to pursue your every whim?”

“You and I both know I’ve done nothing to warrant imprisonment,” I objected. “You’re punishing me for something I don’t have any influence over.”

My intrigue grew when his pupils flickered away from mine, however it wasn’t long before his menacing stare returned, his tone delving lower. “This is my Order, my ship and you’re under my command. You don’t get choices or freedom here.”

I let myself take in a cooling breath, trying to settle the rage that threatened to lash out at him. “You might be able to keep me as your captive. But you don’t hold any possession over me. I am not yours to do with however you please.”

“I’m not sure that I agree,” Kylo countered, his mouth daring to turn into an arrogant smirk. “You've let me do as I desired before.”

Memories flashed of feeling his hand go down, the heat of his breath on my neck, the touch of his lips on my skin.

I could have been flustered by the images flooding my brain, yet a growing resilience helped my demeanour remain unconcerned. I moved even closer to his taught frame in the same way he always did, sensing his energy resonate harsher with unease the closer my body was to his. “Did you feel how much stronger it was this time, when I was alone? When I wasn’t thinking of you?” 

The skin under Kylo’s left eye twitched, the sinister amusement he’d shown fading as he forced back a scowl.

My voice hushed, I let a wicked smile spread across my lips. “It was better. Without you. Did you see that in my thoughts this time?” He still didn’t respond, his features tight with restraint, edging his stance backwards as I stepped nearer. It made me feel so powerful, to have this formidable man speechless, pushing me further into the compulsion of keeping him so tense. “Were you disappointed you didn’t get to hear it?” I whispered as Kylo’s back hit the durasteel of the closet door. I knew in the pounding of his energy he recalled the sound, the moan I couldn’t suffocate as I’d unravelled in front of him.

Soon, our bodies were almost touching, the air around us thick with an irrepressible tension, as I wondered how much further I could push him until he cracked. “Well, it’s probably better you didn’t,” I breathed. “You only would have heard me gasping someone else’s name.”

Suddenly my spine was slammed against the surface Kylo had been pressed against, the change of positions so quick I barely had time for a breath. Gloved hands were gripped around my upper arms, shoving me harshly into the metal, locking me into place.

My amused smirk didn’t leave my face through the shock of his movement, keeping my composure even with his eyes sending sharp daggers into mine.

“The name. Give me their name,” he threatened, his fingers digging brutally into my flesh, a severity to his voice I hadn’t heard before.

“Do you really want to know who I imagined being with? Who’s kiss I thought of while I touched myself? When I came harder than when I was with you?”

The flare of invisible emotion that burst around Kylo in the following moment was so dense I could feel the streaks of his jealousy skate across my skin.

He thought I was his toy to play with. And he didn’t like sharing.

It occurred to me, deeper than ever, that I had gained an advantage. His possessiveness, whatever it meant, was a tool I needed to wield if I was going to get off this ship without help.

Seconds were fleeting as our eyes fastened into an unyielding struggle, still waiting for a reply to slip from Kylo’s mouth. Instead, his hands released their hold, only to creep over the curve of my waist, shifting to press his body onto mine against the solid door, face leaning in close.

“I could make you feel so much more.”

As soon as the words left his mouth, his hips were rolling into mine with a slow thrust, the action precise and controlled. Even through bulky clothes I could feel his arousal rub against me, a gentle exhale slipping past his lips and over my skin, sending an inescapable shiver through my nerves.

Kriff. He wasn’t playing fair.

My face clung to indifference while my core clenched at the recognition of how hard he was. I needed to focus, both on keeping my mental protection wound firmly around my mind, and holding off the craving that surged within.

“I doubt it,” I disputed, eyes unblinking.

Kylo ever so slightly lost control of his expression, striking features twisting into an image of subtle fury. His left hand rose to grasp at the braid of hair laying over my shoulder, fingers coiling around and giving it a small tug.

“I will just have to show you.” His face drifted closer, lips poised in waiting, ready to connect into an impatient kiss.

“No.”

“What?” he growled through gritted teeth.

“No. My consent has proven to be a valuable concept to you, and I’m telling you right now… You don’t have it.”

The air around us grew thick with a frustrated rage as Kylo tensed against me, his chest heaving a slow, uncomfortable breath. My heart was sprinting through a stammered rhythm, waiting for the moment he would inevitably snap.

Would he hurt me again? Would I be punished with stricter imprisonment?

Truthfully, I didn’t really care.

Seeing him like this, so off balance, would be worth whatever injuries or verbal lashings I might receive. There was an obvious turmoil boiling behind Kylo’s intense expression, and I began to sense the internal debate swirling around his mind.

Through his life there was no doubt he’d done an exceeding number of unspeakable things. Disregarding the morals and beliefs that most humans in this galaxy held close, aggressively advancing through whatever barrier he needed to get what he wanted. Yet, it appeared this was a line he wasn’t able to traverse. Using his power this way, it was something the darkness that dominated his mind couldn’t force him to do.

It was painful, the struggle visible in the aura he radiated, his desire becoming more and more severe the longer I stood in front of him, defiant. A thrill of excitement pulsed through my limbs at the certainty making itself known within this moment.

He wanted me.

There was no ulterior motive. No inquisitive smoke brushing against my form. No theory to test. He simply wished to embrace the longing clawing at him so harshly.

The same one I felt stir down below.

Restraint was beginning to lose its strength as I finally allowed myself to acknowledge the genuine lust I felt for the man in front of me, that made me eagerly return his kiss in the early hours of yesterday morning.

Purely physical, and deeply overwhelming.

It would have been easy to give in. But I refused to lose the newly gained supremacy in our dynamic, one that could possibly serve me in the future to come.

Calculated determination fuelled my next action, fingers reaching to graze against Kylo’s thigh, tracing up slowly, edging them closer. Not a word was spoken, forcing my breathing to remain steady as my hand moved under the thickened fabric of his black tunic. I waited for him to shift away, to wrench my hand from where it wanted to go. And yet, he remained motionless, save from the slight tremble of his inhale. His silence was enough of an agreement for me to continue.

As soon as I made contact, skimming silkily over the firm outline of his erection covered by the heavy material of his pants, I felt it twitch underneath my touch, Kylo letting out a muted sound of surprise. The noise only spurred me further, my hand curling around as much of him as I could grasp through the fabric, beginning to run my palm delicately up and down. As I moved, I was startled by how big he felt, the recognition setting scorching flames alight in my abdomen.

Kylo shivered, his lids reluctantly squeezing shut, noticing the energy around him had been replaced with a warm glow. It felt extremely familiar - an aura I couldn’t exactly name the emotion of.

A subdued moan rumbled from his throat, it’s hum making my skin feel like it was on fire.

“Does that feel good?” I purred, fighting the quiver wanting to disturb my confident tone. I saw him nodding slowly, his breaths becoming shallow as I continued caressing my hand over his length. “Do you want more?”

His eyes flickered open, their colour somehow seeming much lighter than what I'd observed previously. He drew his face close, the grip he had around my hair becoming tight enough to make my head tilt upwards.

“I want all of it. All of you.”

I felt my centre throb at his words, the flames inside crackling and exploding embers into the rest of my body.

“We’ll see,” I breathed. “But for now…”

My voice trailed off as my other hand found its way to the border of his trousers, locating the clasp that held them closed and swiftly unlocking the fastening. Kylo’s breath hitched as I stopped my motion, only to navigate my fingers through the layers of clothing that shielded him.

Underneath it all, I finally grazed against the skin of his hardened cock, the sensation sparking a charged current through my arm, coursing ruthlessly through my bloodstream. Steadying the panic threatening to burst once more, I gripped my hand around and began to move smoothly over his flesh.

The new motion ripped a pleasured groan from Kylo’s chest, his eyes closing as he rocked his head back in relief. Nails dug brutally into where they rested at my waist, already knowing the tissue would be bruised from his grasp. Somehow the pain of it, how strong his hold was on me, only made my indulgence grow harsher.

Pulling his entire length free from the covering of fabric, I continued to stroke him, his moans becoming more frequent, more passionate, energy pulsing with delectation.

I’d never felt stronger, having this man quite literally in the palm of my hand. It was utterly intoxicating, watching him pant through the pleasure I was providing through each concentrated movement of my fingers clutched tightly around his cock.

“Let me have you,” he gasped. “Let me have you now.”

While every part of my body screamed with agreement to his plea, it was eclipsed by the assured resolve to preserve this new-found power. “You haven’t earned it yet.”  

Kylo suddenly loosened his grasp at my side, forearm springing up to press against the door behind me. His face dipped into the space beside mine, feeling the delicious warmth of his accelerated breaths down my neck.

“You’re being cruel.”

I couldn’t help but let a gentle chuckle slip out at the irony of his statement, my grip around him becoming slightly harder.

There’s no one crueller than you in this universe.

But now was not the time to voice that opinion.

“Maybe,” I smirked. “I think you like it that way.”

An intense moan reverberated directly to my ear, and it made the wetness between my legs become even more pronounced. I couldn’t deny it. At this single moment in time, there was nothing I wanted more than to make Kylo tip over that same edge he’d made me fall into.

It wasn’t going to be now.

Just how he kept me as his prisoner, I was about to lock him within his longing for me.

My motion over his length become faster, twisting and squeezing my hand over the skin eagerly, pulling even more delectable noises from the pit of his lungs. I knew it was without conscious thought that he yanked harder on my hair, sensing he was getting closer to release by the stifling thrum of his bliss filled aura swirling around him.

It was so hard to pull myself away, but I had to.

I couldn’t let him win like this. Not yet.

As if answering a silent prayer I’d cast into the galaxy, I heard the ward’s medical emergency alarm ring out through the room. Releasing my hold, I took the opportunity of his weakened state to push Kylo’s sturdy frame away, his feet stumbling backwards, face shooting up to meet mine in distressed shock.

“Sorry, duty calls,” I said boldly, turning to press my hand on the lock of the door, it sliding open as I darted out into the corridor and towards the cause of the alert. The pulse of frustration that exploded behind me almost made my steps falter from its force, also causing a smile to melt into my lips.

I’d achieved exactly what I’d set out to do, for once without falling to the whim of my emotions.

Hurrying back into the open space of the ward, I rushed to the bedside Risha was hovering around, noting how unusually calm she seemed, the alarm suddenly cutting out.

“Everything okay?” I asked, my voice still a little over-excited from the surge of accomplishment sizzling through my body.

“False alarm,” Risha stated. “A short bout of VT that resolved within 10 seconds, vitals returning to normal directly after.” Her voice was hoarse with exhaustion as she stifled back a yawn.  

I moved to the hand washing basin, quickly cleaning any trace of Kylo from my skin. “Go and get some sleep Risha. I can handle things from here.”

“Are you sure?” she slurred.

I stepped to her side, eyes wandering over her weary face and patting her arm in sympathy. “No offence, but you look terrible. Take as much time as you need.”

She turned to leave, feet dragging under her, before suddenly circling around to face me. “Are you going to tell me what you were discussing with the Supreme Leader back there?”

“It’s not important right now,” I assured. “We can talk later, when you’re not severely sleep deprived.”

Risha didn’t disagree, shuffling out of the ward towards the break room. Picking up the data pad with the patient’s information, I tapped through the tracking of their heart rhythm, seeing the irregular lines of ventricular tachycardia start from seemingly nothing, only to revert back without any intervention.

It wasn’t as if I’d never seen it before, a patient self-resolving out of dangerous heart sequences, but something felt off. I didn’t have the energy to ruminate about it further, simply grateful to have this person still alive and hopefully healing.

Sitting down at the surveillance station, I was barely able to process the movement of nurses floating around the area as they made their evening rounds, my focus directed to feeling out if Kylo had shifted from where I’d left him so unsatisfied. It was only a few minutes later I began to feel his advance towards Cardo’s room, with a rapid surge of effort I speculated was the Force pull of his helmet he’d left on the floor. Then he was storming back into ward, his footsteps pressing hard into the durasteel.

I leaned back into my chair, folding my arms, waiting for him to single out my profile in the room. When his blackened figure returned into my view, I watched him hunt through the large room, curious murmurs of several nurses echoing softly through the air. Finally in his scanning he found my face, pacing towards the counter I was seated behind, his mask hiding his own once again. Still, I could feel his scowl behind the cover his helmet, sinister vines of manic hostility swelling around his form.

A subtle smirk drew across my mouth, staring at him, letting my teeth bite down enticingly on my lower lip. Kylo stayed frozen in his halted stance for only a few moments before turning to march away from my sight, taking his heavy energy with him.

For the first time since he’d appeared, I felt like I could properly breathe again, my lungs able to expand and fill with unaffected air. Although now I was faced with the realisation of what had just transpired, what I’d done, the shift in power I’d snatched into my grasp. It was impossible not to feel a cold dread, worrying how Kylo would make his attempt to restore our previous dynamic.

I pushed the fear away. I couldn’t allow myself to be the helpless victim anymore. If no one was going to help me find an escape out of here, I had to do it myself.

Switching my attention to the job I still had to perform amongst the disarray in my mind, I moved to the main holoscreen, sifting through the current circumstance of each patient, taking note of the changes in their condition. To my relief, most of their vitals were trending upwards.

With little I needed to do in the immediate future, I decided to brew a few cups of caf for myself and the staff working with me, making my way to the dispenser in the break room. Risha was already snoozing soundly in one of the more comfortable chairs, and I made an effort to keep my sounds as light as possible, preparing each serving within the preference of the 2 nurses and one doctor who would be taking on the night shift with me.

Walking carefully back into the Prestige ward with 4 cups in hand, there was radiating ache of pleasure that began to ricochet from my core outwards, illuminating my veins with a hot glow of molten blood.

But… it wasn’t mine.

It was difficult to understand the infiltrating thoughts enveloping each of my senses, somehow only recognising they weren’t my own. Obscene images, moving visions of explicit entanglement, flashed inside my mind. I was hypnotised, unable to stop how my body reacted to them.

My breath caught as the decadent feeling throbbed harder, wishing I had something to lean against, my legs now trembling at the sensation. It wasn’t long before the bliss reached its peak, making my muscles tense, barely able restrain the whine that waited in my throat.

I lost my strength, cups dropping from my grasp, hot liquid splashing onto the floor while I struggled to stay upright through the ecstasy racing through my bloodstream.

One of the nurses, Larena, a younger woman from the planet of Falucia, was quick to scurry over with a towel at the ready, diving down to the floor to pick up the shattered ceramic.

“Are you alright Dr Jago?” she exclaimed.

I sunk to the ground with her, straining to bring myself back into calm. “Yeah… I’m fine,” I mumbled. “I’m so sorry. I’m just… a little too fatigued I guess.”

A hand touched my arm. “It’s alright,” Larena smiled soothingly. “This has to end sometime. We’ll get through it, one way or another.”

I made an effort to set an appreciative expression on my face, warmed by her kindness but still hopelessly rattled by what had just occurred. I had a presumption about what it might have been, but couldn’t let myself believe it was a possibility.

What is happening to me?

While picking up the pieces of broken porcelain, I heard the comm-system at the surveillance station ring out with an alert.

Larena and I both shot our faces towards the sound, then to each other.

“Sorry, I have to get that. I’ll be right back to clean this up,” I promised, rising unsteadily to a standing position and walking to the main holoscreen where an urgent message was blinking on the display.

‘Viral cure synthesis complete. Pharmacological treatment and vaccine approved for use. Rollout to begin within the hour.

 - Bio lab.’

“Oh thank the maker,” I heaved. “They’ve finally got a cure ready.”

~

Next Chapter

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[paper-n-ashes]

sparks and embers - chapter 16

Characters: Kylo Ren x Original Female Character, Poe Dameron x Original Female Character

Story Tags: Explicit (18+), Canon Compliant/Divergent (Set after TLJ), First Person POV, Love Triangle, Slow Burn, Enemies to Lovers, Porn with Plot, Hurt/Comfort, Kylo Ren hates Poe Dameron

Chapter 16 - Reconciliation 

Words: 6.1k

Chapter Tags/Warnings: Verbal and physical intimidation, choking, a twisted Star Wars version of phone sex (holo-sex if you will), mutual masturbation

Author’s note: I have been significantly side tracked and not been focusing on this AO3 to Tumblr transfer, so I apologise if the next few chapters come out in quick succession. And a reminder to everyone who reads this story, my baby, I love and adore you. 

Read on AO3 or Start from the beginning

~

I wanted to leave, desperately. To exit past the blast doors without looking back.

But I didn’t.

Instead, I treaded to one of the uncomfortable charcoal coloured sofas and sat down, lost in a trance of confusion and embarrassment.

Why was this becoming such a running theme in my life, being so horribly unprofessional when looking after vulnerable men? Men who were my patients? With Poe I came to understand all I thought and did eventually brought about an inevitable outcome, our connection forged quickly but deeply, developing feelings for him that I’d never experienced for anyone before - feelings I knew he had for me too.

But this? This growing something for Kylo that’d clawed its way past my usual indifference? It was greatly concerning.

I didn’t know what came over me, what influence the energy I felt when touching my skin to his had over my behaviour. There was a fading echo of my thoughts during those moments, his kiss feeling right, exciting, pleasurable even. Now those notions seemed bizarre.

I didn’t feel that way for him. I couldn’t.

His presence in my life had already brought so much burden with it. The threats of violence and evil intent couldn’t easily be erased from my memory. Ultimately, he was the one keeping me here, keeping me from my patients and my home, keeping me from Poe.

And for that, I still held hatred for my captor.

Although… it was a different man I’d just shared such an intimate scene with. Thinking over how it occurred, the seconds leading into our embrace, I realised something. 

He’d kissed me.

Kylo initiated the connection. All seemingly without the guise of trying to break through into my thoughts. There was something so innocent about the way he first touched his lips to mine, the usual intensity of our exchanges gone for those few fleeting minutes. I was overwhelmingly curious to find out why.

A part of me noticed the irony of wanting to desperately look inside his mind for even a moment, to gain some kind of indication of his real intentions. I understood now more than ever why he was so obsessed with his endeavour to delve into mine.

I remained sitting in contemplative thought for a little while, procrastinating the inevitable task of continuing Kylo’s care, knowing I wouldn’t be able to leave until that was well and truly over. The prospect of entering back into his bedroom to endure the predicted awkward interaction was only slightly more appealing than being tossed back into my cell.

With a purposeful breath I stood, hesitating slightly before gliding my hand over the lock and slipping back into the room.

Hoping Kylo might already have fallen back to sleep, I was unsettled when I saw him still sitting in much the same position as when I’d left. Again, our stares found themselves secured into one another and I was quick to notice the hostile expression he wore.

“I thought I told you to leave,” he muttered, his tone sour.

“I’m following orders. And you’re still under my care,” I countered, stepping towards the bedroom bench where I’d left the datapad.

“I am more than able to care for myself now.”

I didn’t look up from the screen while surveying his vitals from the past hour. “You weren’t able to do that a few hours ago.”

“Exactly my point. It seems the worst is over,” he huffed. “Your treatment has been… adequate. But it is no longer required. A medical droid can fill your place easily.”

I could feel my teeth grind together, narrowed eyes shooting back to his face.

Adequate? I just saved your damn life.

“You didn’t seem to think that when you called for my attendance here. Amongst all the other qualified personnel you keep on this ship, you asked for me.”

Kylo looked away, his lips settled into straight line. “I assumed you would do a better job, knowing your punishment would be more severe if you didn’t.”

“I do my job well no matter what,” I hissed. “Even when I’m forced to treat an unappreciative tyrant.”

I could sense the barbed energy vibrate outwards from his body, even when his disposition barely faltered. “You expect me to be grateful? For doing the job I called you here to do?”

My voice became callous, offended by the thought I hadn’t extended myself to keep his thankless ass alive. “Considering I helped you avoid death, all on my own, yeah. I do consider that something to be grateful for.”

Monitor lines were ripped away, Kylo’s figure storming towards me, expression tight with contempt. “Do not begin forgetting your place here,” he snarled. His energy became wild with wrath, pulsating harder with his close proximity. “You are nothing but a hostage of the First Order. Your existence means nothing to me.”

“Yet you still wanted me,” I challenged, standing tall against his intimidating stance. The instant I’d let the words escape my mouth, his hand clamped hard around my neck, thrusting me backwards until my spine hit the wall. Even through the pain of his hold at my windpipe, I kept my eyes focused on his, defiant.

“A moment of weakness, brought about by my worsened health,” he condemned, the forceful air from his words hitting my face.

“Keep… telling… yourself… that.”

His grip grew even tighter, an enflamed growl escaping from his throat. “I could kill you now, and no one would know. No one would care.”

“Do it then,” I wheezed with the last of the air in my lungs. I continued my attempts at breathing, gasping while his clutch on me refused to waver. The fog of unconsciousness was looming around my brain, the inside of my chest prickling with the pain of oxygen deprivation. I rallied against it, pushing harder against the overwhelming urge to fall into nothingness.

I could only barely see Kylo’s violent expression through my lowered eyelids, only able to identify the erupting chaos of his aura. The sound of my heart was beating hard in my ears, trying to push what little oxygen I had left to my brain in a desperate attempt to keep me awake. It was difficult to hold back the heavy blackness, my eyes forced closed, the beginnings of tears stinging at the corners.

In the next instant Kylo’s strangling grip was gone, and I was faintly able to hear his infuriated growl through the loud, rapid breaths I was now permitted to take. I kept my back steadied against the wall, the new flood of oxygen making me feel faint. Collecting as much air as I could, I eyed Kylo pacing aggressively back and forth, his frame tensed while remaining focused in maddened contemplation.

“How many attempts on my life is that now?” I rasped. “Three? Or four? I’ve already lost count.”

The unemotional monster that covered his face with a mask had returned, his humanity fading fast. “There’ll come a day it won’t be an attempt.”

“I’ll remind myself of that the next time I have the option of treating you or letting you die.”

“There won’t be a next time.”

“Fantastic. So I can assume I’m being thrown back in that cell? Seems like the type of gratitude you’d show to someone who did all they could to keep you alive,” I replied, making my tone as barbed as possible.  

He strode toward me, slow and deliberate steps hitting the durasteel floor. “Oh no. You’ll still be working under my command. Like the slave you are.”

“I am not your slave,” I seethed. Hot blood tingled my cheeks, an irretrievable anger shooting through my body.

“But that is exactly what you are. A lowly nobody being forced into work to avoid punishment. A slave for the First Order. For me.” Kylo dared to curl his lips slightly upwards into a cruel smirk, his antagonising words built to inflict as much damage as possible.

It was difficult not to send out my own thrashing of insults, yet somehow I managed to hold the festering bitterness down. “Maybe I might report to General Hux, tell him exactly why you’re keeping this slave here. I think he would be interested to hear that the Supreme Leader isn’t as powerful as a newly trained Jedi.”

Kylo let out an amused exhale, looking to me like I was foolish. “General Hux is already aware of my predicament.”

I couldn’t stop my eyes from widening, an exhale becoming stuck in my lungs.

“The General, as well as the rest of High Command, have already been made privy to this information. And it encouraged them to approve of my increased focus on finding and killing the Jedi. Keeping you here, and alive, until I can find out what she’s hidden inside your mind, was something they also concurred with.”

Frack.

I had to concentrate so as to not let the distress appear in my expression. “And they didn’t care she’s found a power you haven’t heard of? They weren’t troubled about the weakness this revealed in you?”

Indifference settled onto his face. “A mildly inconvenient ability born from the light wasn’t deemed a great concern. And my inability to break through it doesn’t diminish the strength I already have. One that could force their death if I wished it so. They understand that.”

“Seems to me they don’t actually respect you, or your strength. They’re simply too fearful of their death at your hands.”

“Fear and respect can be one in the same. They bring about the same outcome, in the end. Order. Control. Conformity. All of it leading to a safer galaxy,” he pronounced, an irritating arrogance in his voice.

“Oh come on. Don’t pretend you’re somehow this gracious leader guiding the galaxy into a time of peace for the benefit of all who live in it. You only want more power, simply because a voice within your head tells you that you do. You want order because the inside of your own mind is constantly in chaos.”

Kylo’s face remained passive, but I felt in his energy the frenzy of rage flaring out from his body. “You think you have me all figured out? That you know exactly the type of person I am?”

I lifted my chin, trying to seem bold against his incensed stare. “Maybe not. But, I don’t think you even have yourself figured out.”

That statement seemed to madden him further, now unable to stop the ferocity from seeping into his features. “Get out,” he fumed, opening the bedroom door with a wave of his hand.

Hm, struck a nerve there.

“As you wish.” I smiled derisively at him, making my way to the exit. “You’re welcome for keeping you alive!” my voice called just before the durasteel door slid shut. Even through the walls I could feel his crazed fury burst outwards, making an unavoidable shiver of panic ripple over my skin.

Finding my still dampened sweater hung on one of the dining room chairs and wrapping it around my torso, I rushed out of Kylo’s quarters, filled with a storm of differing emotions.

Anger. Fear. Humiliation.

All swirling through my mind, making me feel nauseous. And amongst it all there was still a bothersome part of that held great concern for leaving my patient before I was finished with their care. Although, when I was reminded exactly how valued my treatment was by the ache still pulsing around my neck, my worry began to fade.

He wasn’t that helpless person I’d witnessed so fleetingly, the one who felt enough guilt to apologise for a small injury, the one who wanted to kiss me so sweetly. That person didn’t exist. Merely a by-product of a few hours spent in rare vulnerability. He was right, it was a moment of weakness.

But not just for him, it would seem.

Walking through the darkened corridors there was little movement around me, still being in the early hours of morning. I became stuck in deliberation about the fact that Hux, along with the rest of High Command, now knew about the block on my mind. From what I’d overheard in the conversations of command leaders I’d treated as patients, most of them had been fairly dismissive of Kylo’s obsessive focus on the Jedi. They deemed it a waste of time, effort and credits just for the capture of one person. But Kylo made it seem like they were more understanding of this fixation now. More minds in agreement could only mean it was going be easier for him to convince them to use the full force of his military fleet in finding her, and the rest of the Resistance.

An intense remorse buzzed in my chest with the realisation I’d forced an even brighter focus over Rey once again, worrying I could very well have another person loathing me for the lies I couldn’t stop telling.

My body was shivering when I’d finally made it back to my quarters, the moist fabric of my sweater making me feel horribly cold. I threw it off as soon as I stepped inside and immediately noticed a new batch of laundered clothes, including my First Order uniform, had already been delivered, the load waiting neatly on one of the side tables. Picking the pile into my hands, I carried it with me to place inside the drawers of my bedroom, lids already drooping as I longed for sleep.

After hanging my uniform up in preparation for my next shift, which I still needed to check would actually occur, I began to put away the rest of the clothes, mostly casual pieces I wore the minute I was allowed out of First Order emblazoned attire. Fingers had plucked a pair of trousers when I felt something heavy within it, opening the folded pant legs, noticing a large lump in one of the front pockets.

I reached inside, pulling out a thickened metal disc about the side of my hand, a few buttons twinkled along its base. With it came a small card, and it struck me as bizarre, barely ever seeing any kind of paper products being used on the Finalizer. Turning it over there was an unusual type of handwriting spelling out three words.

Say your name.

My stare wandered over the card curiously, turning it backwards and forwards as if it would gradually show more of an explanation for the instruction, before moving my attention back to the disc to see if it held some kind of answer.

It was silly, to feel shy with no one around, yet I was hesitant for a few moments, worried for what exactly I might be unleashing in doing what the note had said. But my curiosity was too overwhelming, desperately hoping this was another way in which the Resistance was trying to contact me.

“Alexys Jago,” I spoke clearly towards the metal. A blue stained light blinked into life, the image of a connection signal playing on what I could now identify as a portable holoprojector. My feet stepped backwards, settling onto my bed, the projection showing me the attempt it was making to link with a pre-determined target.

 A voice-coded holoprojector. Smart move.

I could only assume the signal out would be encrypted, although how long that would last until the First Order comm-network unscrambled the code, I didn’t know. My heartbeat kept moving faster, pacing in anticipation for the people on the other end of the link. Maybe there was news of a rescue plan. And even if he wore the same hurt expression as the last time I’d viewed his face, seeing Poe again, alive, would still make my whole week.

An agonisingly long minute passed while the small machine initiated its signal, and a horrible dread began to hum inside that something might have happened to the people on the other end of the line. My worry snapped away as soon as the connection icon faded, the outline of a figure slowly coming into focus.

“Alex,” Poe greeted, with a levity to his voice that almost sounded like relief.

“Poe,” I replied warmly, my chest swelling at hearing him sound happy to see me. His image soon became clearer, again viewing only the top portion of his body. He appeared vaguely dishevelled, wearing a rustled white shirt, his curled dark hair gently messed, eyelids slightly droopy. Even in this state I was entranced by his features, reminded of how handsome he was. I was silently thankful I’d made my own appearance more presentable in the night, cleaning away the blood that’d leaked from my head wound and brushing out my water tangled hair. “Did I… wake you?”

He chuckled softly. “Yeah. It’s the middle of the night here. I was told you wouldn’t be receiving the holoprojector for another day at least. Something about a special assignment.”

Hearing him laugh made my skin tingle with delight. “I was released from that particular duty early.” A shiver of guilt was the cold reminder of what had happened in the early hours of this morning, what I frantically wanted to erase from my memory.

“Well, I’m glad,” he smiled, my heartbeat rising even higher at the sight of it. “I’ve been waiting to talk with you.”

“No one else is with you?”

He shook his head, turning serious. “I organised this holoprojector alone, so we could get a chance to speak, just the two of us. Thankfully we’ve got more than 15 minutes this time. And I was able to get our spy to make sure no-one is watching through the security cameras.”

“Good. That’s… good.” I felt myself becoming a little anxious at his intentions behind the conversation he’d worked so hard to bring about. There was so much I wanted to say, so many apologies I wanted to express, but I was made so hesitant by the solemn look on his face that the words wouldn’t form on my lips.

A long silence followed, making me more fretful as the seconds ticked over. Poe’s gaze appeared to study my face, seeming just as cautious to speak as I was. “Alex…” he murmured.

Oh no. This was it.

“Alex, I am so sorry.”

“Wait… what?”

“I’m sorry. Sorry for making you feel so ashamed in disclosing your abilities. That I made it about me. About us.”

I was locked in a stunned silence, not having expected this shift in attitude.

Poe ran a hand through his hair, an uneasiness now evident through his movements. “I had some time to think after our last transmission, time to go over everything. It wasn’t long before I realised what an asshole I had been.”

“No Poe, you weren’t-”

“I was,” he interrupted quickly. “I saw you concealing it as an implication you didn’t trust me. And that wasn’t fair. You weren’t to know what would happen, especially with us. You kept it hidden because you were afraid of the consequences, the danger, it could bring.”

“Rey talked to you, didn’t she?”

He smirked softly before turning sombre again. “She may have helped me understand a few things. How terrifying it can be to come into these types of powers, not knowing what they really are, or how people might take advantage of it. She knows more than anyone the target it puts over your head.”

“I really hated lying Poe, I swear,” I insisted, leaning in closer, my eyes pleading. “But the fear has just… eaten me alive for most of my life. I didn’t want to trust anyone. It’s… hard to get out of that mindset.”

His expression turned comforting. “I know. And you still threw all of that fear away, saving a stranger connected to the people you were hiding from.”

“Of course I did. I wouldn’t have ever let you, or anyone else who crashed on my doorstep, die because of my fear. It’s just… the Resistance is one side of a war I don’t want to be a part of. Years of seeing what it’s done to innocent people, how many lives its taken and ruined. Hiding kept me from being caught in all the death that rebellion brings, and I couldn’t be obligated to join a cause I don’t believe in. I know how selfish that is…” I hung my head, feeling a shame that squeezed my lungs tight.

“Self-preservation isn’t selfish,” Poe disputed, his voice soft. “You held a stranger’s life in higher regard than the risk to your own. Something you said you’ve done many times in the years past. I think that’s the opposite of selfish.”

His reply made my chest heave in relief, his understanding setting another cascade of reprieve stream through my blood.

“And… I understand what obligation feels like,” he continued. “I’ve spent years serving under General Organa, and it’s common knowledge how well she can tug at a persons’ compulsion to help those who are victimised, for the benefit of a safer galaxy. She’s a hard woman to say no to.”

“I can imagine.” Thinking of Leia’s face, her earnest and entreating disposition, I knew I would have never been able to refuse her request to help. There was hush in the holo then, only the usual crackle of static caused by the vast distance our transmission was likely covering. Again, Poe seemed a little troubled, noticing he was twisting his fingers in between one another, something I’d recognised he did when he was nervous. “What’s wrong?”

I could see his jaw tighten, the apprehension showing clearly on his face. “I’m… scared to ask.”

“You’ve stared death in the face, countless times, and you’re scared to ask me something?”

He nodded, not able to look up. “As a pilot, even as a Commander, I know what I’m doing. I have a goal, and I generally know what I have to do to reach it. It’s straightforward, logical. But this… This is so much harder to navigate.”

“I’m not sure I know what you’re trying to say.”

He took a deep breath, obviously building confidence, forcing his eyes back to my concerned stare. “I know that after everything that’s happened, how it might have changed things… between us…”

I felt my breath hitch in my throat. Swallowing hard, I knew now was the time for me to be brave. “Poe,” I breathed. “My feelings… They haven’t changed. But I would completely understand if you didn’t feel-”

“No, Alex, I do,” he blurted, now beaming with his perfect smile. “I still feel the same way.”

“Really?”

“I’ve barely had a minute where I haven’t thought of you. Missed you.”

“Me too,” I cooed. “I’ve missed you too.”

I stared back at him longingly, wishing only to be able to reach out and touch him, to feel the warmth of his skin under my fingertips.

Poe looked back in much the same way, a subtle frustration glistening within his eyes, still obvious within the sputtering holo image. “I wish I didn’t let them leave you there, on Raxus. You could’ve been here, with me, right now.”

“I know. I can’t deny I’ve wished for that too. But, maybe… we couldn’t have stopped what happened. Maybe it was always going to turn out this way.”

Indeed. Coincidences are rare in this galaxy.

Poe immediately noticed the jolt in the holo as I recoiled in alarm at the voice appearing again.

Right on cue.

“What happened?” he questioned, face filling with concern.

I did what I could to settle the sudden tension developing within my muscles. “Nothing. Just thought I heard something. Being in this place, it’s hard to not feel on edge all the time.”

Frack. I was lying again.

Should I tell him about the spirit that constantly visited me? The voice that haunted me throughout our time together?

Consider that notion again, and you will regret it.

I felt my throat become viciously tight, an invisible grip crushing my windpipe closed, seconds passing with its powerful clutch around my neck, only for it to vanish.

Keep your mouth shut. Or next time, I will not let go.

“Alex, what’s wrong?” Poe demanded frantically, noting my abrupt breathlessness.

“I’m fine,” I assured him, fighting through the terror that’d seized its hold over me. “I just… breathed the wrong way. It’s been a long day. Well, night really.”

Poe only let some of the distress fade from his face. “Are you sure?”

I nodded quickly. “Absolutely.”

“I can leave you to get some rest, if you need it.”

“No! I don’t want to give up a second of being with you, even if it’s like this. How long do we have left?”

He looked off to somewhere at the edge of his view. “Another hour.”

“And you think I want to give that up for a little bit of extra sleep?”

“Agreed. Sleep can wait,” he smirked.

*

I’d made myself comfortable against the wall above my bed, still holding the holoprojector in my hand, near enough to view Poe’s enchanting features up close, watching his face intently we chatted about the happenings since we’d last seen each other in person. Poe had to be increasingly vague about his mission, with the ever-present risk of Kylo Ren slipping his way past my mental block at any time. It had obviously been a difficult undertaking, telling me he still wasn’t sure how he’d made it back alive.

As the conversation flowed, he’d been extremely curious about what my young life was like with my gift hidden. A sizeable amount of time was spent explaining what I could achieve with my ability, now being able to give an accurate recount of how I’d prevented him from bleeding out.

“You can visualise the vessels? And repair them, just by concentrating on the area?” he asked, impressed, albeit a little disbelieving.

“Most body tissues, yeah,” I explained. “I started with healing my own small cuts and minor injuries. During medical training I found myself having to fix bigger wounds. It’s a little more than just concentration. It takes an immense amount of energy, hence why I fainted after my attempt to fix your severed artery.”

A memory of that next morning obviously flickered through Poe’s brain. “That’s why you were still covered in blood when I’m came to.”

“Well, I didn’t exactly get the time to clean myself up before you decided to dramatically exit out of unconsciousness.”

He exhaled in amusement. “It would have been the same painful wake up, blood stained clothes or not.”

“That is true,” I laughed, my limbs feeling light.

Poe took a few moments to observe my lively expression. “I’ve missed your smile,” he whispered sweetly.

I looked down, the hint of warmth at my cheeks, unable to stop the grin from fading. “It’s been a while since it’s felt so easy to. Not since…” My voice trailed away, the blood in my face getting hotter.

Poe raised an eyebrow. “Since when?”

I could have played coy, but a sudden boldness made itself known at his mischievous tone. “Since just before that damn doorbell went off.”

There was a noticeable shift in Poe’s demeanour, appearing startled before he nodded in agreeance. “Don’t remind me. The timing really didn't work out for us.”

As a few beats of stillness passed, my courage surged through, bypassing the timid nature I’d spent years shrouding myself in. “Have you thought about it? What would have happened if we weren’t interrupted?”

“Uh…” Poe faltered, his eyes widening. I could see him swallow hard, trying to cool the shock my question had evidently provoked. Although, it quickly melted into a heated determination. “I have. Often.”

I welcomed the recognisable kindling of fire down below. “Me too,” I whispered.

“I still wish…” he started, an adorable bashfulness taking over his features, once again running his fingers through his hair.

“What? Tell me.”

“I wish I could have heard you… come for me.”

I didn’t know what it was that possessed me to divulge my next statement. “I guess I was the lucky one in that sense.”

Poe was physically startled. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

If I could be honest about one thing, it would be this.

“The night we played Sabacc. I went to take your vitals later, in the early morning. And I heard… you.”

The memory seemed to hit Poe like a lightning strike. “You heard me?”

A new confidence settled under my skin, desperate not to waste any more time under the dragging weight of inhibition. “I did.”

“I didn’t hear you exit your quarters.”

“You were understandably distracted,” I smirked.

“Well this is completely humiliating.” He pushed his face into his hands, and I could imagine the crimson blush of his cheeks. “You must think I’m an absolute pervert!”

I reached a hand towards his image as if to soothe his embarrassment, purely out of habit. “No, Poe, it’s okay! I… kinda loved it.”

He slipped his palms down, exposing his eyes, seeing me express an enticing smile. “You did huh?”

I nodded. “It wasn’t long before I followed your lead.”

Poe’s hands dropped immediately to the desk he was sitting at, staring at me with an excited surprise. “Right there?”

“In the hallway, yeah.”

He scraped both sets of fingers through his hair, seeming lost in a trance of disbelief. Only a few seconds had passed when his face snapped up again, expression fierce with craving. “Did you…?”

“Hard,” I purred.

His head rocked back, letting out a frustrated sigh. “Fuck. You’re killing me here Alex.”

I let a sly grin spread across my lips. “Should I be sorry?”

“You should,” he scolded, his voice delving into a scintillating tenor. “You should be sorry for being quiet. For not letting me hear you. Or see you."

I bit my lip, the wicked temptress that’d been forever confined far beneath the surface finally getting the chance to show herself. “Would you like me to remedy that for you?”

I could see Poe’s chest heave, lips parted. He nodded only once, dipping his head slowly.

Keeping my gaze focused directly to his, I brought two fingers to my mouth, gradually having them enveloped by my lips, tongue covering the skin with moisture. Poe stared eagerly as I pulled the digits slowly outwards, sucking gently, not once letting my eyes flicker away. With a small pop my fingers were free again, and I watched his breathing quicken while I began to move them down. Eventually, I reached the border of my pants, slipping my hand past the two layers of fabric that stood between their destination.

He wouldn’t be able to see this lower half of me, but that’s exactly how I wanted it. I wanted him to keep all of his interest towards my face, on my reactions, the sounds I would make.

My fingers skimmed over my already sensitive clit, closing my eyes and humming silkily in response to the touch, a delicious burn beginning to swelter in my abdomen. Knowing Poe was watching me made it grow hotter so much quicker, feeling my own breath hasten as I steadily moved over the centre of my arousal, an indulgent sigh escaping my throat. Allowing my lids to pull open, I caught the sight of Poe’s piercing eyes, his jaw tense with restraint.

“Maker, I would give anything to have you with me now,” he murmured.

“Yeah?” I said breathlessly. “Tell me what you would do, if I was there, right now.” I raised my eyebrows in challenge, not stopping the movement of my fingers, producing a craved moan whilst glaring right at him.

“Fuck,” he swore again, exasperated. “Alex… You are making this so much harder.”

I allowed a luscious smile to form on my lips. “Well I would hope so.”

Poe couldn’t stop himself from smirking, yet there was a serious edge to his voice when he spoke again. “You have no fucking idea.”

My front teeth bit hard on my bottom lip, visions of his erection throbbing underneath the material of his underwear holding all my attention. The thoughts made my centre clench, a rising feeling of pleasure now sparkling brightly from below. “Tell me Poe… Tell me what you’d do,” I pleaded, knowing his voice was a crucial component of the intense release I wanted him to witness.

I heard his shaky exhale crackle through the holo as he continued to watch my face intently. It took a moment for him to gather enough composure to form his first words. “I... I'd kiss you so hard your lips would be swollen for days.”

I hummed in response, a memory of the sting in my lips after being interrupted on Raxus.

“And… I’d brush my lips over that sweet spot at your shoulder, the one that made every muscle in your body tense against me.”

My eyes closed again, imagining the sensation he described, recalling the delightful shiver it ignited.

“But I… I wouldn’t stop there this time. I’d pull off your blouse, take off your bra, getting to squeeze those perfect, little tits in my hands, licking your pretty nipples, making you squeal for me.”

“Oh maker… Poe… You’re so good at this,” I gasped between heavy breaths, the flames burning within scorching my insides.

“I’ve had too much time apart from you to think about it, Alex. Imagining all the ways I’d make you come.”

A short explosion of passion rippled its way through. “Oh fuck. Keep going. Please.”

There was a rumbling groan that flowed from his throat before he resumed. “I would finally get rid of those fucking panties and slip my fingers into the wetness you’d made, just for me. And I’d bring them back to my mouth and taste it, taste you… Fuck, I would give anything just to taste you.”

I moaned, rocking my head back, fingertips continuing their silky motion, my arousal growing harsher with every passing moment.

“I’m struggling Alex,” he rasped, causing my lids to flutter open to his strained expression.

“What’s wrong?”

“Watching you, it’s making me… hurt.” His eyes flickered downwards through forceful breaths.

“I never said you couldn’t join me,” I panted. “Just don’t stop talking.”

Within the blur of my ecstasy-filled haze, I saw Poe shifting in his chair, able to observe the slow repetitive tensing of his right arm, his eyes scrunching closed in relief. The sight nearly tipped me over the edge right then and there.

His words grew more breathless as he continued our imagined encounter, low moans slipping into his pauses. “I’d kiss every inch of your naked body… Making my way to your sweet, swollen pussy… Licking at the juices dripping from you…”

I felt my entire figure tremble at the word he’d spoken, a small part of me shocked to my core at its use. But hearing it from this man, the way he groaned after it, I was dragged further inside the storm of pleasure thundering through my body.

“I… I wouldn’t be able to hold myself back anymore… desperate to take you… Make you mine… I’d press myself against you… Coating my cock in your wetness… Sliding over your slit… Getting you ready…”

Restraint left me, letting a powerful whine break free from my lungs, a shattering climax so close within my reach. But I furiously held myself back, desperate to hear more of Poe’s perfectly described visualisations.

The sound that escaped past my lips only made him more impassioned. “I’d fill you slowly… Pushing deeper into you… Having you stretch around me… Clutching your body even tighter… Hearing you moan just as hard as you are now.”

My head slammed against the wall behind me as a violent spike of pleasure made me begin to lose control. “Yes… Poe… I’m… I’m so close.”

I could tell he was edging towards his peak too, his breathing ragged, a fevered growl rising at my admission. He still continued to speak, using his words to push me further into bliss. “I’d thrust into you… Making you feel all of me... But I… I wouldn't be able to hold myself back… Fucking you harder… Deeper… Feeling your pussy get even wetter… Moaning louder… Filling you with my cock over and over again…”

“Poe! Oh fuck! I’m… I’m going to…”

And that was it.

I unravelled so swiftly, so deeply, crying out in uninhibited ecstasy, the fire below erupting into a white flamed blaze that raged through my limbs, setting my skin alight, my insides pulsing in satisfaction.

In the midst of my release I heard Poe come crashing into his own, the unreserved moans only extending the heavenly sensation of my orgasm. I let the feeling linger for as long as I could, wishing time didn’t have to move me away from this perfect moment.

There couldn’t be anything better than this. Better than him.

There is Alexys. Give it time. You’ll see.

~

Next Chapter

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[paper-n-ashes]

sparks and embers - chapter 15

Characters: Kylo Ren x Original Female Character, Poe Dameron x Original Female Character

Story Tags: Explicit (18+), Canon Compliant/Divergent (Set after TLJ), First Person POV, Love Triangle, Slow Burn, Enemies to Lovers, Porn with Plot, Hurt/Comfort, Kylo Ren hates Poe Dameron

Chapter 15 - Heat

Words: 4.1k

Chapter Tags/Warnings: Descriptions medical care/procedures, mentions of a flu-like illness with severe symptoms, mentions of physical injury/blood

Read on AO3 or Start from the beginning

~

It was glaringly obvious Kylo had fallen into hyperpyrexia, his severely increased body temperature now rendering him comatose.

None of my usual checks for responsiveness yielded any positive results, not even a slight whimper when I rubbed my knuckles into his sternum. I was already cursing at myself I hadn’t pushed harder to get that cannula placed, his blood pressure now falling into dangerous territory with all the fluid seeping from his burning skin.

But that was still a secondary priority. Right now, I needed to cool him down before the fever damaged his organs.

Putting him under a cold stream of water was the most efficient option, but I had yet to figure out where his refresher was located. Scanning the room, my eyes locked onto a door sitting in the corner of the room. Leaving the bedside and swiping over the entry button, I was relieved to find my assumption was correct, the glimmeringly clean ‘fresher somewhat different to the ones I was used to, the dark tiles creating a bizarrely ominous atmosphere.

Rushing back to Kylo’s shivering body, I immediately ripped off the monitor lines, hesitating while I tried to formulate a plan of how I was going to move him. I didn’t know how I kept finding myself having to haul heavy, masculine bodies around to save their lives, but there wasn’t much time to dwell on that thought.

Kylo remained unmoving as I lugged his torso upright, the weight of half his body already difficult to handle on my own. It concerned me during this struggle he still didn’t rouse, and a cold fear began to stir deep down, that I was already too late. 

No. There’s no way. He couldn’t die this way.

He won’t. As long as you’re fast.

The voice steadied my fear, a strong resolve pulsing through me.

I had my arms wrung under Kylo’s armpits, having already pulled the top half of his form around to make his back face me. With my hands clamped together in front of his chest, I heaved hard to drag him off the side of the mattress, my muscles aching under the stress of his hefty figure. I was able to guide his body to the ground, still hearing his quickened breaths escaping, and began to drag him around the frame of the bed, my strained movement agonisingly slow.

There was an unmistakable warmth radiating off his skin, his shirt moist with sweat, and I couldn’t help but wonder how long he’d been like this. I thought I’d made it clear he should communicate any worsening symptoms, that I was only a room away if he needed something.

Eventually I tugged Kylo past the entry of the ‘fresher and pulled him haphazardly over the recess of the shower, hoping I didn’t bruise him on the way. Annoyingly, his shower was four walled with glass, making the small space difficult to manoeuvre around without bumping into each side multiple times as I finally managed to hoist his whole body inside. Stepping over where I’d placed his limp figure, I pressed the start button, ice cold water pounding into me as I moved past its potent stream.

The water began to rain down over Kylo’s form, quickly soaking every portion, his black hair saturated against his scalp. Worry gripped me further when even this didn’t elicit any form of response, sure that the frosty temperature would shock him into awareness again.

In pure desperation, I knelt down with him on the shower floor and began to peel the water sodden fabric of his shirt up his chest, having to pull his toned arms up to strip the sleeves from the skin, throwing the soaked material away. I already knew he would be severely displeased with my course of action, but there was simply no other alternative. The more surface area exposed to the cooling effect of the shower, the quicker I might bring his temperature down.

It was different this time, seeing his exposed chest, only noting how vulnerable he seemed, shallow breaths still short and sharp, his face flushed with a deep crimson. Kneeling with him on the floor, also being drenched by the chilled stream, I placed one hand to his wrist, feeling for a pulse. Still exceedingly rapid, but regular. Pushing back the strands of hair that’d shifted over his eyes by the shower’s flow, I noticed a flicker of movement behind the lids.

“Kylo! Open your eyes!” I pleaded, a part of me searching out for his energy signature. It was there, I could still feel his life force emanating from the unresponsive body in front of me. But the energy pulse was subtle, dimmed so much more than I was used to, usually sensing it easily even if we were separated by walls. With a hand still resting at the side of his face, water pouring down over both of us, I grazed my thumb over the skin of his cheek, silently waiting, hoping that I’d acted in time to drag him back to this reality.

In these surreal moments, with his mask removed, simmering fury suppressed, he seemed so much more… human. Just another being clinging onto life. I couldn’t pull my touch away, a soothing glow rising from the points where my fingerprints brushed his skin - a sensation I hadn’t felt before, one that I couldn’t recognise.

In the next instant, a burst of his energy surged outwards in a flash of panic, darkened eyes flaring open. My body was immediately shoved away, flung out of the shower into the tiled wall of the ‘fresher, the side of my head slamming into the ceramic. Even through the painful haze, I couldn’t be surprised that he’d pushed me away this time. The scene he’d woken up to was significantly more startling than simply rousing from sleep.

Quickly collecting myself through the headache throbbing inside my skull, I placed my hands up in submission, watching his face dart around, frenzied eyes trying to comprehend how he’d arrived in this location.

“Your fever grew so high it caused you to lose consciousness. I was trying to cool you down,” I described slowly, attempting to convey in my expression the seriousness of his condition. “Please just take a second to breathe. I’m here to help you through this.”

Kylo remained suspicious, yet fortunately did as I asked, and breathed. I could see how hard it was for him to inhale properly, noting the heave of effort visible in the accessory muscles around his ribs and neck. He went to shift his arms, placing them at each side of his legs, trying to force himself up. The effort was wasted, the pushing motion creating no lift, a strained expression now settling on his face.

“I feel… so… weak…” he puffed, looking to me for an explanation.

I tentatively crawled towards him, palms still up, kneeling just out of the shower recess. “It’s the fever. Your body’s working so hard to fight the virus that it can’t provide the energy it needs to give strength to your limbs right now. But I don’t want you to worry about that. Just keep breathing and let the water do its work to bring down your temperature.” My eyes grew softer, wanting to exude some sense of composure and calm. “Please let me do what I need to do to help. I’ve got a plan, and I’ll explain everything as we go.”

Kylo stared back, searching over my face, and I thought for a moment I could see the trace of fear dash over his features. But it was fleeting, and so foreign for him that I wasn’t sure I saw it at all. As a few seconds passed he simply nodded, head then leaning onto the tile in exhaustion.

“I’m going to get a few things ready. But I will be right back,” I promised. Knowing he was awake, breathing and seemingly orientated was enough reassurance for me to leave him for the few minutes it would take to get a proper treatment strategy underway.

There was a haze of wooziness that overcame me when standing up, stumbling slightly as I went to exit the ‘fresher. Before leaving, I spotted my face in the mirror and noticed the dark red drip of blood leaking from a decent sized cut on my forehead, a by-product of crashing into the hard, black tiles. 

Dammit. That would need bacta. 

I hurried to the medical supply cupboard and pulled a stronger anti pyretic and hypertensive from the pharmacy section, along with several bags of IV hydration and towels. Setting the vials to where I had my cannula kit set up, my feet took me out of the bedroom and into the kitchen. Opening the conservator to the freezing chamber, I stuffed the fluid bags and thick fabric inside. The chill released from the compartment was quick to make me shiver, my soaked sweater increasing the sting of cold against my skin. After closing the conservator door, I pulled at the bow on my back and unravelled the fabric, leaving me only in a white singlet undershirt.

I would have worried about looking unprofessional, or even a little too exposed, but I wasn’t about to cause my own hypothermia.

On the way back, I attempted to run a set of fingers through my hair, the strands having been tangled into a sodden mess from the shower’s stream. I’d already forgotten about the painful gash on my head, a hiss bursting past my lips when I’d wandered too close to the wound. I popped back into the supply closet and snatched the bacta-infused anaesthetic salve I’d eyed earlier in the night, smearing some blindly over the laceration, only to alleviate some of the discomfort while I dealt with Kylo’s health first.

He was in much the same condition as when I’d left, slumped awkwardly against the corner of the shower, his lids scrunched hard, still heaving through each breath. I moved to turn the flow off, his eyes opening as I dipped down to his level again.

“All I want you to do right now is focus whatever energy you have on slowing your breathing, okay? Breathe along with me.” I glared at him while beginning a long inhale, my hands motioning upwards with the movement of my chest, and held the breath. He followed my instruction, although it was clear the action wasn’t as easy for him, a subtle strain burning behind his dark irises. After a few seconds I let the hold on my lungs go, making it obvious to Kylo to take the extra moments to allow for an adequate exhale. After repeating the process several times, his attempts became marginally better.

“Focus on keeping that rhythm,” I insisted. “Now, I’m going to get you back into bed, and place that cannula we talked about, alright? And it’s also time for that breath mask to get your oxygen levels back up.”

I waited for the refusal, to view the same disgruntled expression I’d seen hours ago in response to my suggestions, yet he simply nodded, the movement causing a few droplets of water to drip from his soaked hair, the beads wriggling down his chest.

“Is it alright if I help you to stand?” I asked gently as I shifted into an upright position, reaching a hand out with my offer. Again, I presumed he would wave off my assistance, so it was difficult not to be startled when he lifted his arm to grasp a large hand into mine, holding it tightly as he began to pull himself up, pushing his back against the tiled wall to steady his shaky movements.

Even when I began to lead him out of the shower space, he didn’t let go, gripping hard around my fingers, even leaning into my more stable stance as we walked. His shuffled footsteps were slow and measured, obvious he was still extremely weakened and pained by the effects of this illness.

Eventually we completed the short journey to his bed, guiding Kylo to sit at the edge. His head hung down, and I felt a twinge of true sympathy for the man, recalling a distant memory of surviving through the same type of sickness and how miserable it’d made me.

“Just stay in this position for a moment, I’ll be right back,” I told him softly, rushing out of the room. I pulled the towels and one of the IV bags back out of the freezing chamber, noticing how much stronger this one was compared to the one I lived with on Raxus, the items already icy to the touch. Returning to the bedside, I opened one of the towels and spread it over the mattress. “You can lie down now.”

He followed my order, albeit slowly, slumping down onto his back. There was a slight hiss that escaped, likely from the contrast of the frosted material hitting his overheated skin, yet his expression soon melted into one of relief. I handed him the other towel I’d prepared. “You can put this wherever feels most comfortable.”

He plucked the fabric from my grasp and splayed it sideways over his torso. I couldn’t be sure if this area was where he felt the most heat, or if he was simply uncomfortable being on display. Either way, I was more than content if he felt even the slightest bit more relaxed for my next task.

“I’m going to place this cannula now, alright?” I asked, giving him one final opportunity to refuse. He’d seemed so focused on the idea of consent in the past that I wanted to prove my own point in providing him the same level of respect.

“Just be quick about it,” he muttered.

I grabbed the kit, having everything opened and prepared to reduce my time making him uneasy. Kylo’s eyes never left me as I worked in silence, seeming only curious. It was the second I touched my fingers to the skin of his arm, pulling the tourniquet around his bicep, that his mood changed. The aura around his shape suddenly shimmered with an intensity I couldn’t exactly explain as positive or negative. It was just… there, my attention hard to snag away from it’s confusing strength.

With forced concentration, I pierced the guide needle through the skin on the inside of his elbow, the veins predictably easy to navigate given his toned form. He didn’t flinch at the insertion, barely a waver in the energy around him, making it even more obvious my connection to him was causing the most pain.

The cannula patent and line attached, I turned the flow on and stepped away, Kylo’s unusual energy fading soon after. Collecting the strewn monitor lines, I silently offered them to him to position back on the conducer dots still in their correct arrangement. Even in this weakened state, he was eager to do the task himself, clipping them back on one by one.

His vitals were much the same, glancing at the results once before going to seize the pulmonary resuscitation kit from where I’d settled it on one of the draws. He didn’t make the slightest motion of denial when I handed him the breath mask, stretching it over his face and taking the next few seconds to consume the high flow of pure oxygen. Seeing his oxygenation level rise was reassuring, glad that he’d avoided intubation for the time being.

Preparing two separate med-injectors with the medication I’d selected, I showed him each one before pushing it through the IV line. “This one’s to push your blood pressure up. This one’s to help bring your fever down.”

He nodded in understanding, closing his eyes through more deepened breaths. And with that, my treatment plan was in motion, and all I could do was wait until the next crisis. If there was one.

I picked up the data pad I’d flung onto the cushioned bedroom bench sitting at the foot of Kylo’s bed, resting down on it while beginning the long task of inputting all that had occurred. I wanted every piece of evidence I’d done all I could to support his care, refusing to give Hux any reason to scold my measures in treating his Supreme Leader. In the midst of my furious typing, Kylo’s voice broke through the silence.

“Sorry for making you bleed,” he murmured, the words muffled by the mask over his face.

My hand shot up to the cut, feeling where the skin had been sliced apart. I looked at him questioningly, wondering at what time he’d turned from someone who had threatened to slash through my throat with a lightsaber into the man in front of me now - one who was apologising for a small wound on my temple.

“It’s fine,” I assured him. “I understand how strange it would have been to wake up to… all of that.”

He made a noise resembling a laugh. “That does put it lightly.”

“I wouldn’t have done it if not absolutely necessary.”

“I know,” Kylo agreed, his voice almost too quiet to hear.

A few beats of silence passed, my eyes flitting to the monitor screen. “Your vitals are already looking better. Just try to rest as much as you can.”

“Are you going to stay?”

I looked back to him, his stare somewhat entreating. “I can leave if me being here makes you uncomfortable.”

“No.” He took another breath, now with less exertion. “It would be preferable if you stayed.”

“Okay then. I’ll be right here.”

Questions bubbled to the surface like boiling water, simmering inside my mind, the heat extending out to the rest of my body. The pace of my heartbeat picked up, a feeling somewhat akin to satisfaction curving through my blood, his request implying a degree of trust between us that’d arrived without my awareness.

But, as it always seemed to be, the timing wasn’t right. I couldn’t bring myself to bother him with my wonderings, now that he’d already settled his head on the pillow, lids shut and breaths slowing. As severe as my curiosity burned, it couldn’t overcome the image of seeing Kylo drift back into a more peaceful sleep.

*

I’d turned the lights down, just enough so I could easily navigate the space through another deterioration. While I’d managed to stay awake during the next few hours, the hypnotic beat from the monitor constantly threatened to make me doze off.

Kylo had thankfully fallen into slumber, but since thrown off the cooling towel covering his torso during his dreaming, evident in the occasional tossing and low murmurs. The breath mask had been pulled off too, but when he maintained an adequate oxygen level on room air, I decided against waking him to replace it.

Being faced with his bared chest again was unusual to me now, feeling the call of two sides echoing through my mind. While it was difficult not to let my eyes wander and admire the sporadic tensing of his muscles, I was nagged by a part of my psyche that knew how much he disliked being so exposed. How disrespectful it was to his privacy.

The realisation made me smother any urge to peek at him several times during the early morning, even when I knew he would be oblivious to my attempts at maintaining his dignity.

Some time later, as the previous night continued to fade into a passing memory, my hands worked to exchange the IV hydration bag, having injected a mild pain reliever into the infusion with the aim of keeping Kylo’s sleep as undisturbed as possible. Although, that would need to be after I checked his temperature again.

A more agreeable patient might have allowed me to place an internal temperature probe on the inside of their nose long ago for continual monitoring. Yet, being more invasive and how downright irritating it can feel, I gathered Kylo would think this as the lesser of two bad options.

He was curled over towards the middle of the bed, the side he favoured now an open area I settled down onto, one leg still dangling over the edge of the mattress. Leaning over his body when I’d woken him yesterday evening seemed to startle him more, as did trying to shake him awake with my hands. This time I wanted to avoid yet another knock of my head into a hard surface.

“Kylo,” I called, not hushing my tone. “I have to wake you for a temperature check.”

I let a few seconds pass, and it was a deliberate exhale that indicated he was alert again. His torso turned to the direction of my voice, eyelids struggling to flutter open, and began to move his arms to his side, pushing himself into a sitting position against the headboard.

I gave him an apologetic smile. “Sorry. It’ll only take me a moment.”

He nodded groggily, still in the residual haze of weariness. I waited for him to move his hair back in preparation for the probe, yet he remained motionless.

Guess I’ll have to do it myself.

My movement was slow, careful, giving ample time to refuse my touch. But as fingers inched closer to his face, a stirring inside my chest began to make itself known, telling me that… I really didn’t want him to.

I found myself caught in another moment of charged emotion, sensing a profound longing to simply graze my fingers against his hair. His eyes shot open as I neared his temple, our stares suddenly locked with a growing intensity, embers inside my stomach crackling to life.

Yet… he still didn’t stop me.

My fingertips gently sunk into his softened, dark waves, the connection swiftly turning the sparks into wild flames. If Kylo sensed the change in my disposition he didn’t express it within his face, only noticing the tautness of his jaw. But it was different this time. I couldn’t recognise any pain in his features, the discomfort I’d become used to now nowhere to be seen.

Shifting the hair over his ear, brushing the skin behind it, I relished the thrilling sensation it pulsed through my arm and into the rest of my body. I became lost in it, this intimate moment formulated from nothing spectacular. 

Although when my hand began to fall downwards, the connection severed, a callous shame began spiralling around my mind, humiliation soon saturating my thoughts. There was no doubt Kylo would have felt so much discomfort from the encounter, his expression remaining stern and taut.

When his own hand began to rise, finding its way to my cheek with his thumb skimming tenderly over the skin, I felt the blaze held deep within my abdomen erupt into an inferno, my body tensed in anticipation for something I wasn’t aware I had been waiting for. Without warning, fingers became laced through my hair and Kylo drew my face closer, leaning in to touch his lips to mine.

It was gentle, the motion of his mouth slow and cautious. I responded just as carefully, moving my lips only when he did. It was sweet, unassuming, an utter dichotomy of the man I knew him to be.

It was when I felt his spirited energy begin to flow around us, with absolutely no hint of probing smoke, that his kiss became more urgent, reaching his other hand to my waist to wrench me flush against his chest. I let my mouth part wider in between kisses, tongue skimming the inside of his top lip. A restrained groan rumbled from his chest, causing me to relinquish all control over conscious thought, shifting to straddle his hips, not letting our lips separate.

I felt it instantly, the hardness obvious underneath me, but I was more focused on the passion of Kylo’s kiss, his energy spiking into waves of fiery pulses that were tangible against my skin.

Everything else was forgotten. Everything I knew, everything I felt, gone. My senses completely ensnared by his magnetic force around me. Kylo continued in his desperation, now swirling his tongue over mine, greedy. The hold he’d captured me into grew tighter, our chests pressing hard into one another, the radiating warmth of his skin flaring into my body.

Suddenly, a piercing thought carved its way through my mind. A reminder of the last time I’d felt this way, so deeply trapped in desire and fervour.

I pulled my face back, and it became immediately clear Kylo had done the same, his hands jerking away from me in the same instant. I scampered off his figure, backing away, our eyes linked in a shared disbelief at what had just transpired.

“You should leave," he ordered, his voice low.

“Gladly,” I whispered back, turning to escape out of the room.

~

Next chapter

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[paper-n-ashes]

sparks and embers - chapter 14

Characters: Kylo Ren x Original Female Character, Poe Dameron x Original Female Character

Story Tags: Explicit (18+), Canon Compliant/Divergent (Set after TLJ), First Person POV, Love Triangle, Slow Burn, Enemies to Lovers, Porn with Plot, Hurt/Comfort, Kylo Ren hates Poe Dameron

Chapter 14 - Care

Words: 5.2k

Chapter Tags/Warnings: Descriptions medical care/procedures, mentions of a flu-like illness with severe symptoms, Kylo Ren being a grumbly little shit

Author’s Note: Yeah, we’re doing a deep dive into the ‘protagonist takes care of vulnerable love interest’ trope and I am not sorry. I have always said this story was a messy festival of literary tropes and this is just another example. (Don’t lie, you know you love them.)

Read on AO3 or Start from the beginning

~

I edged further into Kylo Ren’s bedroom, a place I wouldn’t have imagined myself ever being allowed to view, eyeing the continuing theme of red and black shades that coloured most of the space.

There was little else to see other than a few sets of draws and the bed itself, all just as cold and minimalistic as the rest of the quarters. When I looked back to General Hux, he was still standing at the edge of the door frame, seeming somewhat impatient.

“What exactly do you expect me to do for him?” I asked, keeping my voice low.

“Just keep him alive,” Hux replied flatly, glaring down like the answer should have been obvious.

I desperately wanted to roll my eyes. “Yeah, I get that, but I’m sure a medical droid could keep an eye on his condition.”

“You’ve seen for yourself how severely this virus has incapacitated some of our Command leaders.”

“Well sure, but he’s hardly the type of person I’d deem at risk for those level of symptoms,” I pointed out. “He’s young, fit, assumingly healthy. I mean, I’m genuinely shocked that he’s contracted this illness at all.”

Hux creased his eyebrows, curious. “What makes you say that?”

“I don’t know,” I shrugged. “I assumed he could prevent stuff like this from happening. With you know… his powers. I mean, he’s Kylo Ren, one of the most proficient Force users there has ever been. To think he can still become unwell like any other being is… surreal.”

The General became more puzzled then, moving closer to where I stood. “He’s still a human, made up of all the same things as you and I. If we can become ill, so can he.” He paused for a beat, thinking more about my words. “Why do you seem to think his use of the Force would matter in this sense?”

Kriff. Think before you speak Alex.

“Do I look like someone who knows how it works? I’m a doctor from an Outer Rim planet. All of that stuff is completely out of my scope.” Self-deprecation seemed to work better on Hux.

Relaxing his expression out of its suspicious state, he straightened his posture. “In any case, we are currently in the situation where he is indeed unwell. You’ll find a store of medical supplies in the closet to your right. Anything else you may require can be requested through the comm-link in the lounge.” With my nod of understanding he quickly turned to leave, before halting suddenly, head swivelling to face me. “Don’t try anything funny,” he threatened, his voice sour with danger. “If he doesn’t survive through this… Neither will you.”

I swallowed hard, for the first time actually disturbed by Hux’s menacing tone. With that final word of warning he was gone, stomping out of the quarters, his energy sizzling with its usual bitterness.

As I stood in the dimmed light of Kylo’s bedroom, now alone with his scrunched figure in the bed before me, I looked around in disbelief, wondering how I’d found myself in this predicament. I didn’t even know where to start, how to go about treating a man who had almost murdered me multiple times, a man whose obsession with power had kept me here as a working slave. A part of me didn’t want to help him back to full health, to intervene while he suffered under the hold of the virus.

Yet as I stepped slowly forward to his form, his large body taking up a great deal of the mattress space, I noticed his fevered shiver, heard his shallow, shaky breaths, and was once again taken over by the persistent need to soothe those in pain.

I’d been telling him I would always treat anyone who’s in need of my care, and right now, I just couldn’t bring myself to be seen as a liar in anyone else’s eyes.

I decided to take a look at the medical supplies Hux mentioned before attempting to wake Kylo from his slumber. Preparation would be vital for my initial assessment, wishing to keep him awake for as little time as possible. Not only for the fact he needed as much rest as he could, but because the less I would have to interact with him the better.

Inside the cupboard there was an impressive range of equipment and medicinal stock, obviously having only recently been placed here. Everything appeared new and completely untouched. I would have done some unspeakable things to have this kind of hoard on Raxus, some of the singular medication vials being more expensive than my whole pharmacy stockpile. Frustration flared at the waste of having these valuable resources put here for one person, when I could have made use of only a quarter to benefit tens, if not hundreds of people. Most of the things here would be redundant for Kylo’s illness anyway. Complete overkill.

In my arms, I gathered all I thought I would need for the night ahead, mostly monitoring equipment and medication to help with the high fever, harsh coughing and limb pain brought about by the sickness the virus instigated. I was unsure if Kylo would ever allow me to stick him with anything sharp, but I still prepared a cannula kit just in case dehydration appeared as another problem. And in my own form of overkill, I assembled everything I might need in the highly unlikely scenario he would require intubation, Hux’s threat still ringing in my mind to keep the Supreme Leader alive at all costs.

Luckily for him there was even a ventilator at my disposal in the cupboard. Whoever had arranged this had really wanted to prepare for anything.

With everything primed and ready for use, and Kylo still barely stirring with my movement, it was time for the inevitable task of waking him up.

I stood at the side of the bed for many minutes, my arm stretching out only to recoil again seconds later. I didn’t know why I was so nervous. Rousing patients had never been my favourite thing, but the thought of shaking Kylo Ren out of his unsettled sleep made me horrendously anxious. The only thing that pushed me past that fear was knowing he’d asked for me. He was expecting to see my face when summoned back into consciousness.

With a trembling hand I reached towards his shoulder, still covered by blankets, my fingertips eventually connecting to the smooth fabric. My fingers splayed out to grab the muscles hidden underneath, trying to shake him as gently as possible.

Suddenly I was shoved backwards into the wall, my spine hitting the dark durasteel hard enough to make a small yelp escape. I’d scrunched my eyes closed during the movement, teeth snapping shut in reaction to the pain now pulsing out into my limbs.

When I flickered my lids open again, I saw Kylo sitting up in the bed, his arm extended in my direction, palm open to me. I watched as the realisation hit him, his expression turning from one of retaliation into shock. There were strands of black hair stuck to his skin, a gleam of sweat evident over his face and neck, cheeks flushed with red.

“Ow,” I grumbled, rubbing the back of my head where it had slammed against the metal.

Kylo lowered his hand slowly, breaths still short and ragged. “Sorry,” he croaked, voice worryingly hoarse. “You startled me.”

“Obviously.” With the pain fading I stepped closer, scanning further over his form. His torso was covered in a black long-sleeved night shirt, the sleeves of which he’d pushed up to expose his forearms in an effort to provide some surface area for heat to dissipate. “I just wanted to take some vitals.”

He forcefully relaxed into the head of the bed, still in a sitting position. “Alright then,” he agreed, his darkened brown eyes now avoiding me.

I was caught in a wave of disbelief at his easy acceptance of my request, the words Hux had said now confirmed not to be a lie.

Kylo really had been expecting me.

“Right. So,” I stumbled, moving to organise the lines of monitoring equipment. “I’ll need to place these on a couple of points of your body.” My heart suddenly quickened at the unwelcome thought of his skin connected to mine again.

Kylo glared at me. “I’ll do it. Just instruct me where.”

Should have guessed that was coming.

“Uh, okay then. But you know I can’t do my job right if you won’t let me assess you properly. And that does include... physical contact,” I urged, handing over the conducer dots.

The discomfort on his face was obvious, his face tensing. “Just do what you can without it.”

I sighed under my breath. “The sooner you stop obstructing me the easier this will be.”

“Easier for you maybe,” he muttered lowly, before waving the dots in an inpatient flourish, reminding me to dictate where they needed to go.

“One each on your wrist, neck and temple, then three on your chest.” I motioned to the areas, pointing to the separated positions of the torso dots slowly. He watched me, quickly placing the three extremity dots before stopping.

“Turn around,” he ordered, a long breath before his next word. “Please.”

I cocked my head, slightly exasperated. “Seriously? I mean for one, I’m a healthcare professional. You don’t need to feel shy about showing your body. You know, the thing I’m here to treat? And two…” My voice faltered, a memory of his muscled chest popping into my brain uninvited. “I’ve already seen it.”

“Without permission,” he uttered, his left eye twitching. “In any case, I’m perfectly within my rights to ask for some privacy from my doctor.”

I huffed, conceding, and turned around to face the wall.

This was going to be a long night.

I listened to the rustling of fabric behind me, picturing his hand pulling up the dark shirt, exposing the pale skin of his chest. It was somewhat of a relief I was facing away from his stare in this moment, unable to stop from biting my lip at the envisioned image of his chiselled torso. “When you’re ready, you’ll need to attach the lines to the conducers,” I explained, assuming he wouldn’t let me do that either. “They’re colour coded and numbered. Start at the temple and move down.”

He followed my instruction, hearing the familiar click of the metal clamping onto the dots several times. “Does it matter which order the torso leads go?” he asked, a question I was expecting.

“I could do it for you-”

“No,” he growled. “Just tell me.”

“Number three goes on your right pectoral, number four on the left,” I snapped, his sharp tone flaring my irritation.

After three more clicks, and the sound of material moving over skin, he spoke again, his voice slightly lighter. “Ready.”

I turned, stubbornly refusing to meet his eyes, focusing solely on connecting the lines to the monitor, setting appropriate parameters and silently waiting for the results to show on the projector screen.

While his readings weren’t nearly close to critical, it was clear he was unwell. His heart was beating at an alarming rate. Oxygen levels only just sitting over the optimum level. Blood pressure worryingly elevated considering his young age. And as evident by his quick heaving breaths, his respiration rate was worryingly rapid.

In my periphery, I saw Kylo watching expectantly as I noted the results in the provided data pad.

“Tell me how it feels to breathe,” I asked succinctly. “Be as detailed as you can.”

He took a few defined inhale and exhales. “It’s… more difficult than I’m used to. My lungs feel… heavy, like there’s less space inside my chest.”

I nodded, typing out his answer. “Is there any pain during inhalation?”

“No,” he replied. “Its more that I feel unable to catch my breath.”

“What about pain elsewhere?”

He looked towards his limbs, moving them gently as if to test the reaction. “There’s a small ache, focused more throughout my extremities.”

I hummed in understanding. This was all pretty textbook viral symptoms. Placing the data pad down at the bedside table, I grabbed the thermometer, looking to his eyes again. “I assume you won’t let me do this either right?”

He looked back with predicted irritation. “You can stop with the attitude,” he scowled.

“I’ll do that when you stop scolding me for trying to do my job.”

Kylo responded with a seething glare, yet behind his eyes there was obviously a thoughtful moment, glancing away as he attempted to relax back into the bed.

“Fine,” he stated sharply. “Just do it.”

Though slightly taken aback by his sudden lack of resistance, my feet quickly stepped to his side, seizing this opportunity while it was within my reach. I lifted my hand to the side of his face, pushing through the apprehension that pulled at me, knowing this was the first time I was ever going to touch of him of my own accord.

Why is that such a big deal?

When my fingers connected to his hair, wanting to tuck it behind his ear to expose the place I needed to utilise, I noticed the subtle tensing of his muscles, his jaw locking tight, the strain obvious in his profile. The beep of his heart rate began to build, but I chose to ignore the sound, shifting to push the strands of hair away. Placing the tip of the thermometer in his ear canal, I pressed the ‘assess’ button, numbers appearing within a few seconds. Immediately my feet stepped backwards under me, giving him the space he clearly wanted, reading the numbers that indicated his fever was getting dangerously high.

“I’m done for now.”

Kylo exhaled hard, head turning to face me again, a large hand shaking out the portion of hair I’d slid behind his ear. “And the results are?”

I picked up the data pad to input the temperature result, something I would need to track regularly from now on. Hopefully the process of obtaining it wouldn’t be this uncomfortable again.

“Not exactly good,” I replied frankly. “While it’s clear you’ve manifested the illness the virus causes, it’s difficult to tell where exactly in the virus cycle you are without any previous vital tracking. So, it could get better from here, but it also could get worse.”

He nodded with my answer, quietly deliberating the assessment.

“When did you start feeling symptoms?” I questioned.

“I woke feeling unwell this morning, and it appeared to incapacitate me further as the day wore on.”

My expression turned to concern. “I would prepare to feel a lot worse over the coming hours. Other viral patients seemed to hit their peak symptom burden within 24 hours, unless they unfortunately fell into respiratory distress. Then consequences of the viral damage seem to last significantly longer.”

Kylo studied me, somewhat fascinated. “You seem to have a suitable grasp on the details of this sickness.”

“I have actually been doing the job you’re forcing me to do,” I sneered, before reigning in my irritation. I needed to be professional. “But this is also not my first time dealing with a contagious disease.”

“Ah yes. I remember reading of your appointments on the New Republic’s medical camps and hospital ships.”

I almost dropped the data pad. “You what?”

His eyebrows furrowed in confusion. “Did you assume we wouldn’t perform any background checks on you? To confirm your qualifications?”

“I… uh….” I stammered, only now realising it wasn’t such a wild concept that the First Order would have been able to scrounge up the details of my past. “I suppose I didn’t think about it.”

“It is curious to me though,” he started, wandering over my nervous expression, “That you seemed to disappear off of their staff data banks so suddenly, just over 4 years ago.”

It was difficult to stop the beginnings of dread sparking inside my chest. “I decided it wasn’t for me anymore. Being involved in war relief efforts. It was too… emotionally demanding.” I went back to typing on the data pad, hoping he wouldn’t notice the shift in my mood.

“I can assume the years spent performing that kind of work is what made you so critical of war.” Kylo’s face appeared stern, yet still inquisitive.

“I thought I already mentioned my refusal of discussing war with you.”

“A good leader wants to hear from both sides, to know the arguments against his point of view.”

I snorted, making a dark scowl appear. “The First Order hasn’t exactly got a reputation of caring for anyone else’s wants, needs or opinions, particularly when it comes to war.”

His eyes turned serious, purposeful, before flickering away. “That was before,” he murmured.

I waited for him to keep speaking, appearing as if he had thoughts moving through his mind, staring out into the space of the room. There was an unusually tense silence that hung over us, both having parts of this conversation we didn’t wish to discuss further. I jumped on the opportunity to change the subject, with the important matter of his health still an immense priority.

“I’ve got a couple of options for your treatment, if you’d like to hear them.”

He nodded slowly, watching me set down the data pad and walk around the end of the bed so I could face him.

“For symptom management there’s three medications I want to prescribe for now. A mild pain reliever, a bronchodilator, and an anti-pyretic which works to control your fever. All of these can be administered orally,” I explained. “Would you be alright with that?”

Kylo nodded again, seeming responsive.

Probably wouldn’t last for long.

“Now personally, I would like to put you on some intravenous hydration, which means placing a cannula. Having that there also gives me the option to use a larger range of medication if your condition deteriorates.” I looked at him expectantly, waiting for his reaction. It wasn’t exactly positive.

“Is it absolutely necessary at this stage?”

“Technically no. But the longer you refuse, the riskier it might get if your condition worsens.”

“Can we discuss the option again if my health does indeed decline?” He was looking at me earnestly, and it began to truly dawn on me how averse he was to physical contact. I wanted to ask why, to delve into the reason why my touch seemed so uncomfortable to him.

I could only think of the times he’d made his own attempts to connect his skin to mine, the most recent one significantly more puzzling than the other. He hadn’t appeared hesitant at all when tracing his own fingers over my face, my neck, my body, seeming almost eager to move his touch lower…

“Alex?” he prompted, shaking me out of the deviation.

“Uh, yeah. Sure. That sounds like an adequate plan. For now.” The questions I longed to ask were still there, but it didn’t seem exactly the right time to ask them. “So given your last answer I’m inclined to think that you won’t be allowing me to give you any oxygen supplementation.”

Kylo’s head dipped in agreement. “Is there a level you would consider setting as a limit?” he offered.

I moved to the monitor screen, which had been beeping away throughout our conversation, and turned it so he could see. “You can see your oxygen levels are hovering at 94%, which is pretty poor already. Delving any lower than 90% is extremely damaging to the rest of your body, so if it slips past there I will likely be forcing a breath mask onto you.”

“That’s fair,” he approved. “Is there anything else?”

I deliberated for a moment, making a checklist of his concerns, not having anything further come to mind. “I think that’s about as much as I can advise, for the time being.”

“Thank the maker,” he whispered, his tense position finally easing.

I moved to pick out the doses of medications I had previously mentioned, each having been already pulled from the supply cupboard. I could feel Kylo’s eyes follow me as I placed the tablets into a small pill cup, noticing for the first time since my entrance into his room a flash of his energy buzzing into the atmosphere around us both.

The smoke wasn’t there, assuming he was simply too fatigued to be bothered with rattling against my shield right now. The weight of this new aura was tangible, dense, filled with a liveliness I hadn’t witnessed with him before. Although when I turned to hand over his prescription, it immediately snapped from my senses, like it had never even been there. Handing the glass of water at his bedside to him, I watched as he swallowed the pills.

“Alright then. I’ll let you continue trying to rest.” I picked up the data pad again and programmed it to have the live vitals transmitted from the monitoring system, alerts set for any severe deviations of his condition. “I’ll be just outside if you require anything. Otherwise, I’ll see you in a few hours for another assessment.”

Kylo attempted to express appreciation in his features, the result being his lips barely moving upwards. His eyes were more revealing, a softness to them I didn’t think I’d seen before.

I paced quickly out of the room, his gentle expression actually making me feel a little uneasy, only because of the way it made my chest swell with a subtle exhilaration.

The door slid shut quickly behind me, noticing the code-lock was now disabled, and walked out into the space of Kylo’s quarters. I sat down at one of the dark grey lounges, only now succumbing to the genuine shock I was here, right now, doing this. The professional manner I’d exuded when in his bedroom was now gone, replaced with a surging disbelief at how this day seemed to be concluding.

Why had he asked for me? The singular question was plaguing me above all the rest, since our last encounter didn’t exactly imply he was all that confident in my abilities to care for patients of the First Order.

Was this another bizarre form of punishment? Another way to toy with my psyche? I didn’t know. I would probably never know what was really happening inside his head.

As I sat in quiet contemplation, unsure of what to do with myself, this bland living space not exactly providing much in the way of opportunities for passing time. My only inclination to any type of diversion was the rumble in my stomach, looking to the chronometer on the data pad and noticing it was around dinner time.

I assumed Kylo wouldn’t mind me fixing myself a meal, considering I was going to be stuck here until he recovered. Sure, I could just call for whatever food I wanted to be sent here, but the thought of filling some time with cooking was the only option I felt like I had.

The conservator was filled with a huge variety of food items, a great deal I didn’t recognise. My hands pulled out some of the non-threatening looking vegetables and leafy greens, hoping to form some kind of salad, then eyeing what I guessed was Bantha steak on one of the shelves. The idea of real meat was tantalising, not having been given any since I’d been captured, immediately deciding to use it for my meal.

It took an annoyingly long amount of time to orientate myself to this kitchen, and it was evident early into the endeavour it had never been used. Fortunately, I was able to gather most of the equipment I needed, even able to find some spices to enhance the flavour of the Bantha.

Eventually I was at the nanowave stove, the meat searing wonderfully on the heated pan, the smell of roasted potatoes spilling from the gasser, when the data pad I’d left on the kitchen counter began to alarm. Rushing to it, I saw the wavelengths had suddenly become flat. I began to dart towards Kylo’s bedroom, assuming the worst, when the door opened, his towering figure almost hitting the top of the entryway, face set with bewilderment.

“What are you doing?” he asked, moving his nose up to sniff the scent of Bantha meat still sizzling away.

His sudden unaffected presence had caught me off-guard, having to catch my breath before answering. “You scared the heck out of me,” I wheezed. “What are you doing out of bed?”

Kylo looked to the now brightly illuminated kitchen. “I heard you making a commotion out here. Slightly difficult to sleep though that.”

“Sorry,” I mumbled. “I was hungry.”

He continued to peer at me quizzically. “You know you can have whatever you require sent to these quarters, don’t you?”

Knowing he wasn’t dying made me relax enough to return to my meal-prepping, shuffling back quickly in the hopes I hadn’t burnt the meat. “I was also bored,” I called from the kitchen.

Kylo’s expression seemed to reflect an acceptance of my answer. He stepped forward from the doorway, studying the scene of my attempt at cookery, the conducer dots still attached to his skin. He stopped when he’d reached the counter dividing the kitchen from the rest of the living space, examining the salad I’d already prepared inquisitively.

I could only assume it was the manners my parents instilled into me as young child that made me ask him, “Would you like me to prepare you a meal?”

His head shot to me, further perplexed. I avoided the intensity of his gaze, looking back to the pieces of Bantha meat with forced interest, moving them pointlessly around in the pan, wishing I hadn’t let the words slip from my mouth. Only the constant crackle of grilling meat filled the air, my question still unanswered after more than a few seconds of time.

“I suppose I should probably eat something,” he murmured, making me almost lose grip of the spatula in my hand.

“Sure. No problem,” I replied with false confidence, hoping he didn’t notice the widening of my eyes in surprise.

He was continually silent as I began to finalise my, well… now our, dinner preparations, bringing another plate onto the counter and dividing the portions evenly. I pushed a serving towards him, along with a set of cutlery, looking up to his face with a softened smile.

Without words, I moved to the dining table that sat next the transparisteel wall, the six seats positioned around it I’d already deduced had never been sat in before. I situated myself at the end that faced the endless twinkling space, quite content to stare into that somewhat comforting abyss as I ate my meal. Kylo preceded to follow my lead, taking the opposing chair, both the furthest away yet directly facing me.

The nervous energy in the air was thick, both distinctly aware of the peculiar nature of this scene, a long minute passing by before we directed our attention to the meal in front of us. The silence was relentless while we picked delicately at our food, my only comfort being in the taste of what I’d made, thankfully turning out better than I predicted. Kylo didn’t exactly indicate his opinion on my cooking, but he didn’t seem disgusted by it. I claimed that as a small victory.

There was no conversation made while we ate, struggling to think of any kind of suitable conversation starter. From my few awkward glances at Kylo, he appeared to be having the same kind of apprehension.

Minutes passed, soon leading us each to the end of our dinner. I was locked in a dazed quiet when he stood with his plate and continued to make his way to where I sat, scooping up my own and taking it with him to the kitchen. My eyes grew wider as I watched him nonchalantly place the dishes into the auto-washer, continuing to collect the used bowls and utensils and settling them into the same location.

“You don’t have to do that,” I assured him, rising from my chair. “I made the mess. Go and get some rest.”

He waved me off, turning the water faucet in the sink and laying the pan under the stream. “You made the meal. It’s only fair.”

“You’re not well Kylo,” I reasoned softly. “You don’t need to worry about being well-mannered right now.”

His eyes immediately darted to mine, snatching his hand away from the bubbling water. It occurred to me then, that I’d never spoken his name in his presence before.

He coughed harshly, the sound sending a shiver of concern over my skin, and preceded to exit the kitchen area. “I’ll leave it to you then.”

Moving swiftly through the living space, Kylo refused to look back as he paced back into his bedroom, the door slipping shut behind him. I would have used the moment to take check of the situation that just unfolded in front of me, but the water in the sink was getting dangerously close to spilling over. I rushed to turn the flow off, focusing hard on the act of cleaning up to prevent myself from chewing through the bizarreness that was this evening.

*

It was hours later, with mindless studying of research articles and First Order authorised news the only thing helping keep me occupied. Kylo had thankfully replaced his monitor lines on the return to his room, and his vitals had remained similar to when I’d first assessed him.

Although, his oxygen levels still concerned me greatly. They’d now fallen to 92%, and it was only the agreement we’d made earlier that kept me from storming in and forcing an oxygen filled breath mask on his face. I hoped to wait another hour before disturbing him for another physical assessment, thinking sleep was significantly more beneficial than my prodding.

It was when the haze of sleep began to pull, just past midnight, that the data pad alarm began to sound. Scrambling to the small screen I saw his heartbeat was elevated to a dangerously increased pace, respirations now critically quickened, oxygenation levels falling below 90% right in front of my eyes.

I picked myself up from the sofa and ran to the bedroom, the door opening immediately at the wave of my hand over the code-lock. The room was swathed in a blanket of darkness, Kylo obviously having turned off the lights to aid in his sleep. Rushing to what I could see of his bedside, my fingers fumbled around, searching for the switch to softly illuminate the room.

When my eyes glanced to Kylo’s figure he was shivering in his slumber, exhales escaping from his lips with a whimper, bed sheets completely ripped away, clothes noticeably damp with sweat.

Hands lunged for the thermometer, caring little if I woke him, unconcerned with his aversion to being touched. He barely roused as I shoved the tip into his ear, the results soon indicating he was suffering from a severe high-grade fever.

I needed to cool him down, quickly.

With both palms placed on his chest, I shook him hard. “Kylo! Wake up! I need to get you to the ‘fresher!”

His eyes didn’t open, head rolling lifelessly toward me.

Do something. Now.

~

Next Chapter

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