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complete-in-ix · 1 year

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This Side Of Paradise

Rated: G Warning(s): None

Description: Yedam has always wanted to be a star, a beacon to light up other people's dark nights. However, there's one drawback to being another's light: No one will be there to be his Polaris—or so he thinks. Enter Kim Doyoung. Distant at first, but bright and beautiful, a star just like him. They're both surrounded by dark loneliness on all sides, but maybe—just maybe, they can find their way through it with each other's shine. (Spoiler alert: They do)

(Read on Ao3)

Ask me why my heart's inside my throat

I've never been in love, I've been alone

Yedam feels strange. Almost eight whole years of balancing school, training, and his second survival show without ever getting so choked—up like this, like his heart has crawled to his throat. It’s not like he would have died without company, he doesn’t need a clique of friends or some cliche teenage love story. His parents and a few of his mentors occasionally express concern over the fact that there are few people that could actually be considered his close friends, but he doesn’t see the issue. He keeps up enough of a social life to not drown in the combined responsibilities of being a top student and YG’s prodigy trainee. It really isn’t that big of a deal to him.

At least, that’s what he tells them.

Feel like I've been living life asleep

Love so strong it makes me feel so weak

In reality, there’s a hollow inside his chest that gets scraped wider every time he watches the people around him, so bright in each other’s presence, so warm. He sees it the most prominently in his hyungs; the way Seunghun will cuddle up to Byounggon after a long day, the way Hyunsuk and Jihoon will bicker as a form of flirting, the way Yoshinori clings to Mashiho and Hyunsuk like a pair of lifelines: one leading back home and the other anchoring him to his new place, the way Junkyu and Mashiho so effortlessly clicked and bonded from early on, the way Jaehyuk so tenderly watches over Asahi. It’s not exactly painful, but there are times where he wishes he could have someone who could awaken his heart like that. The logical, goal—oriented side of him scoffs at their theatrics, finds them weak for swaying to their partners so easily, but the emotional side of him that he does his best to keep neatly tucked away is persistent, whispers to him in his sleep during dark and lonely nights: How strong must their love be, then, to render their bodies so weak?

Are you lonely? (Are you lonely?)

Our fingers dancing when they meet

“Are you lonely?” That seems to be a question he gets a lot, both from other people and from himself. He tries his best to answer, but what he finds only leads to more questions. In a general sense, no. He’s made enough friends to keep himself satisfied, and he’s close enough to them to be able to make deep conversations. One of said friends is even close enough to him that the line between friendship and something else is extremely blurred, yet he still yearns for something . Something more, something different, he can’t quite tell. For now, he’s satisfied with his bond with Kim Doyoung. He treats him well, both as a hyung and a more—than—friend. Their attachment is so deep that they understand each other with just a single word or a glance, and they both have trouble envisioning a future without the other. Yedam doesn’t like thinking about that, determined to make it to the end with Doyoung’s hand in his, their fingers intertwined when they meet at the finish line for the last dance of this godforsaken show. It’s sappy, and maybe a little out—of—character for him, but as long as the cameras aren’t rolling, he can afford to have a little distraction.

Like how Doyoung has been acting a little off ever since he noticed his own strange feelings.

You seem so lonely (Are you lonely?)

I'll be the only dream you seek

His dear friend, the almost perpetual ray of sunshine in his life, has dimmed over the past few weeks. There’s hardly enough time to talk without a camera rolling these days and any slips of truly free time they have is spent either catching up on practice or rest, so a true heart—to—heart with him would be hard to come by. Still, he tries his best to help him, distract him from the rainclouds in his heart for a moment at least. A question in the form of a look from across the practice room, one that not even the keenest camera could pick up on: “Are you lonely?” An answer in Doyoung’s uncharacteristically dark eyes, the way doesn’t smile even as his favourite song is blasting in the small practice room. “Yes. Nightmares again,” they say. Perhaps a daydream in the form of Yedam’s presence could chase away the exhaustion they left behind. He dances his way across the room, holding out a hand for Doyoung to take. “May I have this dance?” he wants to say, but the cameras are rolling and he doesn’t want to show any more than he has to.

So if you're lonely, no need to show me

If you're lonely come be lonely with me

Doyoung gazes at him in confusion as he takes his hand, but no words are needed to explain as Yedam pulls him to his feet. They’ve gotten quite good at communicating without them while they’re living under the constant watch of cameras, and Yedam has enough experience that he’ll know what Doyoung is thinking without him even having to show it. Sometimes it’s hard to pretend that he doesn’t, which is a little hard when he’s cuddled up against Doyoung’s side and he can feel how badly Doyoung wants to kiss him. He’s quick to push those thoughts away; now isn’t the time. As much as he yearns, this moment is for Doyoung alone.

They’re both stars burning bright against the dark backdrop of their uncertain futures, but Doyoung is growing cold while Yedam is still warm and he fears that Doyoung might collapse in a silent heat death, so he pulls him into his orbit and sends off something of a solar flare to light him back up, dancing and jumping about so intensely that he’s sure the viewers will worry for him. He finds he doesn’t care as much as he should; it all pales in comparison to how much he just wants to see Doyoung smile like he means it again. If it takes going a little cold to keep him warm, then so be it.

After all, it’s better to be lonely with someone else than to be lonely alone, right?

Lonely (Are you lonely?)

Passion is crashing as we speak

He doesn’t have to wait long, catching the ghost of a smile on Doyoung’s lips as sneaks into his room a few days later. Yedam’s presence is unexpected but not unwelcome, if the way Doyoung lifts the covers for him to get in says anything. He’s quick to pull Doyoung into his embrace as soon as he’s comfortable, barely resisting the urge to press a kiss to his forehead in the process. He’s lonely, Yedam can tell, and it hurts his heart.

“What are you doing here, hyung?” Doyoung asks, a soft whisper that sends Yedam’s defenses crashing straight down.

“I noticed you seemed a little off earlier today, I thought you could use some company,” Yedam murmurs, equally as soft and tinged with ten times more love. “If you want me to leave, I’ll go.”

“No, don’t leave,” Doyoung whispers. His hand comes up to hold Yedam’s, oh—so—shyly guiding it to his waist and Yedam feels like he’s drowning, but it’s fine, the water’s warm anyway. “Hyung, I…”

You seem so lonely (Are you lonely?)

You're the ground my feet won't reach

“... I want you.” I know, I know, I know. Yedam can tell by the way Doyoung won’t meet his eyes, the way he bites the inside of his lip. Yedam is so, so tempted to lean in, kiss his sorrows away until the whole world has disappeared and it’s just the two of them. He could, and Doyoung wouldn’t resist him. He just has to take that one step, but neither of them are stable right now and taking any steps in this low gravity might mean their feet never touch the ground again.

Space is dangerous. They can’t drift off now, not until they have a sound shuttle at least.

So if you're lonely

Darling you're glowing

If you're lonely, come be lonely with me

“Sleep, Doyoung—ah. I’ll still be here in the morning.” He whispers, “Tell me then.”

Doyoung hums and buries himself deeper in Yedam’s embrace, too tired to protest. Yedam waits and watches as he falls asleep, finally relaxing in his arms and content for the first time in weeks. He’s glad his heart no longer races in Doyoung’s presence, or else it would have taken much longer to see him glow like this again.

That isn’t to say that Yedam no longer loves Doyoung, heavens no. It’s just that he’s grown past the infatuation that had collapsed the both of them when they had first met. Stars can be formed when molecular clouds collide with each other, sending shocked matter through said clouds and throwing off their thermodynamic equilibrium, triggering a collapse and the birth of a star cluster; and that’s how Yedam would describe their relationship.

They had been content on their own in the beginning, until one fateful meeting sent them into a spiral of tension and intrigue. They had been storming inside during their every meeting, emotions crumbling and reforming as they drew each other into their gravities. Now, they shine together, bright against the dark backdrop of their futures. It does get a little lonely being on separate teams sometimes, but just being able to see each other or sneak off to the studio to compose and be alone together makes it bearable.

Underneath the pale moonlight

Dreaming of a circus life

Yedam dreams that they’re dancing on the Han River that night. The moon, bright and tranquil, hangs low in the sky and provides a dance floor on the water for them; a pleasant break from the solar intensity of their mutual longing. Almost no words are exchanged, and the music they dance to is something he won’t remember upon waking, but that’s alright. All that matters is Doyoung smiling with that special sparkle in his eye that’s only for Yedam, leading him down the river with one hand in his and the other on his waist.

A carnival appears by the riverside after a while, and maybe it doesn’t make sense, but then again, dreams are never really supposed to.

Carousels and Ferris heights

I'll be yours if you'll be mine

Doyoung gives him a look and all of a sudden they’re in the carriage seat of a carousel running full speed ahead, fast enough that Yedam has to cling to Doyoung’s arm like the meek protagonist of a cliche romance drama, but it’s alright because Doyoung in his dream is laughing and holding him tight and the Doyoung in reality will never know what happens in Yedam’s dreams about him.

Another look and three words that Yedam only hears in his dreams and they’re at the top of a ferris wheel with the moon smiling down at them. Doyoung looks so gorgeous like this, bathed in pale light and watching the river below them. He lets Yedam curl up against his side as usual, pressing a kiss to his head in that shameless way he always does. Something feels different about this dream as they sit in silence, building and building as they ascend to the top of the wheel. Doyoung seems unaffected, so Yedam doesn’t speak on it. Better to keep this dream quiet than turn it into a nightmare.

It stays silent until the very top of the wheel, where it comes creaking to a stop. There, Doyoung says the only words that Yedam will remember when he wakes up.

“Hyung, I want you to be mine.” God, of course Yedam would be, there’s no universe where he wouldn’t. Still, to protect his heart, there’s one condition.

“I’ll be yours if you’ll be mine in return. Will you?”

Cause I'm lonely, I'm so lonely

If you hold me, I'll be your only

Yedam wakes up alone before he can get an answer. The sheets are still warm, and he wraps himself up in them to pretend like he had gotten one. Hmm, perhaps he’s lonelier than he first thought. Pondering his dream, a sudden burst of emotion catches him by surprise. All this time, all the hours in the studio, all the breakdowns on camera, all the soft words exchanged in darkness behind closed doors, even the few cheek kisses he had managed to push the limit of platonic for… He had already done everything needed for something to finally come out from this game of longing that they’ve been playing. Perhaps another collapse is needed, because Yedam’s star—shaped heart is growing heavy under the weight of his emotions and it’s going to break down into a supernova soon if they keep going like this.

Maybe it won’t be so bad if he does. Neutron stars sometimes remain and glow on after novas, so maybe he could move on and set Doyoung free if Venus decides to spare him. However, it’s the other possibility that he fears. Black holes are indiscriminate in their destruction, sucking in everything and warping them beyond recognition or salvation on their way down to hell knows where. Yedam has always considered himself a calm, rational person, but if things go wrong enough that he breaks… He doesn’t want to think about it.

Are you lonely? (Are you lonely?)

Our fingers dancing when they meet

The bed dipping behind him as Doyoung returns finally snaps him from his spiraling thoughts. He undoes Yedam’s cocoon of blankets to hold him properly, entwining his fingers with the hand that Yedam’s holding over his heart, warm and safe. Yedam could cry.

“Hyung, what’s wrong?”

Oh. he already is.

He can’t speak, scared that he’ll open his mouth and fifteen times the mass of the fucking planet earth’s worth of feelings are going to drop down on Doyoung, and he can’t do that to him. He just squeezes Doyoung’s hand a little tighter, hoping to convey the words that he can’t say.

“... Are you lonely, hyung?”

You seem so lonely (Are you lonely?)

I'll be the only dream you seek

Yes. God, yes. But that isn’t something he can say, not when Doyoung needs comfort more than him. He’ll keep Doyoung in his orbit, but only seek him out in his dreams. It’s better that way, safer for both of their hearts.

Still, Doyoung is insistent, sighing softly and pulling Yedam's back flush against his chest. He's so warm it shakes Yedam to the core, his fragile heart threatening to crack under the proximity. Please, stop… You can’t know how much I love you. I shouldn’t want you to love me back this badly...

So if you're lonely, no need to show me

If you're lonely, come be lonely with me

"You don't have to say anything, it's okay. I know." Doyoung whispers, his thumb gently caressing the back of Yedam's hand. "You've always been there for me when I'm feeling down. It's my turn now." It’s everything that Yedam needs to hear, the spark that he needs if he wants to keep burning, yet it pains him just as much as if Doyoung had violently spurned him. He whimpers in pain and Doyoung hums in sympathy, pressing a kiss to the junction between his shoulder and neck. “I’m sorry it took me so long, hyung. I’ve been scared, but you’ve given me the courage to finally tell you, I… I’m in love with you, hyung. I’m so sorry it took you being hurt for me to quit being so complacent.”

Yedam finally manages to breathe, ragged and stuttering. Every word, every little action that he had received from Doyoung since he had returned to him was a thundering rain cloud over the drought—ravaged riverbank of his heart that had been crumbling under the solar wrath of his yearning. Unaccustomed to the sudden rapids, his banks swell and burst, shattering the damn that had held back the tears he had been trying to stop. Doyoung holds him through the flood, whispering soft apologies and affirmations until he can calm down, let his love sink in and steady him.

“No fair,” Yedam chokes out, “I’m supposed to be the one holding you together when you’re hurting.”

“Not when you’re hurting more than me, hyung,” Doyoung murmurs. “I should have noticed sooner… Both your feelings and the way you’ve been falling apart for me.” He plays with Yedam’s hands as he speaks, melting him further.

“I hoped you wouldn’t, to be honest. I didn’t mind being lonely as long as I can be there for you.” The way Yedam clings to Doyoung’s hands greatly contrasts his words, and Doyoung sighs.

“That’s a lie and you know it,” Doyoung grumbles, though his voice holds no venom. “From now on, if you’re lonely, you have to come be lonely with me, okay? I want to love you more than I do now, to make up for me hurting you.”

Maybe it’s cheesy, maybe it doesn’t exactly eliminate Yedam’s problems at the root, but god, it’s just so Doyoung. The same Doyoung whose meteor showers of affection always seemed so distant and unattainable, but now have him bracing for impact. He always figured he would go down like Cassini, de—orbiting and confessing once he started to break down under his feelings and burning up in the atmosphere of Doyoung letting him down easily, but being knocked into romantic orbit by Doyoung’s own confession is decidedly much better.

“Okay. Let’s be lonely together, then.”

Are you lonely?

Passion is crashing as we speak

Enduring this god—forsaken competition becomes a little easier with Doyoung's light by his side after that night, if not more high—stakes. They already hide their friendship from the cameras well, and a relationship is no different; if anything they hide so well that their fans worry there was a falling out. If only they knew how much time the two lonely souls spent together, crashing into each other after spending the day apart. It’s getting to the point where Yedam worries he’s being a bother, but Doyoung always welcomes his clinging. Admittedly he’s gotten better at handling distance between them now that there's no risk of getting separated, but his touch is still an anchor after the absolute hell they had gone through together.

Like now, the night before their debut.

They’re in Yedam’s room this time, the door closed and locked against any knocking hyungs. Doyoung technically isn’t supposed to be here, but a pout and a few words about inspiration for a new song got him past Hyunsuk at the door easily. Yedam has half a mind to scold him for it, but Doyoung crashing onto his lips and lap easily extinguishes the words on the tip of his tongue. Like an asteroid getting dragged away from Earth by Jupiter, Yedam easily switches all his attention to Doyoung, his homework be damned.

He hadn’t realized how much he had missed kissing Doyoung, the tension of weeks of being too tired from practice and schoolwork and TMap filming and his own solo debut for anything other than a lingering hug finally bleeding from his shoulders. He sighs and Doyoung tilts his head just so, and all of a sudden he’s reeling from the impact of all the passion he didn’t know he had been repressing.

You seem so lonely

You're the ground my feet won't reach

Doyoung smirks against his lips, pulling back with a purr of “I knew you missed me.”

“S’lonely without you,” he huffs, meeting Doyoung’s self—satisfied grin with a half—lidded glare. He’s so close, Yedam can see the mini galaxies in his eyes. As if he couldn’t get any more gorgeous…

Doyoung kisses him again before he can think of anything else, cupping his face and disconnecting them from gravity just like how Yedam had longed to do months ago. They had kissed before; quick meteor—like moments stolen during precious seconds of unsupervised free time—bright, but never long enough to truly capture and savor. This, however, is an aurora: languid, intense, vibrant, and utterly breathtaking. Funny how just a press of the lips and the occasional swipe of a tongue will have Yedam so dazed that he can’t feel his feet reach the ground, clinging to Doyoung to ground himself, but then again it’s Doyoung , and Doyoung has impacted him in so many ways that their souls have become entwined, so there’s no use trying to resist.

So if you're lonely

Darling you're glowing

If you're lonely, come be lonely with me

They have to separate for air eventually, though they stay close in each other’s orbits, close enough that they can still feel the heat from each other’s atmospheres. Yedam drops his head onto Doyoung’s shoulder, his chest heavy with the hollow that’s no longer there. He has to collect his thoughts before he can bear to look at Doyoung again, connect the dots to form the constellation that is the epiphany he had finally come to realize in the past week of missing him. He presses a kiss to Doyoung’s neck for good luck, not missing the way his breath hitches as he does.

“Doyoung—ah.”

His pupils are blown wide when Yedam meets his gaze, glowing with anticipation and unadulterated love at the call of his name. He’s so bright that Yedam nearly falters until he remembers that he would probably see that same glow if he looked in the mirror.

“Damie—hyung?”

“You know, I’ve always loved thinking of myself as a star. Not just like an idol, but like a real star, up in space. My passion and dreams are my gravity, and it’s strong enough to generate my drive to be who I am now and improve that, my light and heat. I see everyone as stars, really, but you were one of the first to pull me into your orbit along with Hyunsuk—hyung and Jihoon—hyung. All of us, we’re orbiting around the same dream of debuting, our barycenter. You, though… We have our own, the one that I found the day I saw you leaning by yourself against the practice room wall. It was there the whole time, drawing us together. I think it was our shared loneliness, at first, but now it’s something different... ” Yedam pauses to lean forward and press his forehead against Doyoung’s so he’ll feel the weight of his next words. “What I’m trying to say is that I’m orbiting around how much I love you, Doyoung.”

Doyoung is blinking back tears at this point, his breath shaky and coming in sobs. Yedam watches him swallow, watches the way his tongue darts out to wet his kiss—swollen lips before he speaks.

“You don’t have to be lonely anymore, hyung. You’ve been there for me at my worst, and I promised I’d be there for yours. I know it took me a long time, and I should have loved you more than I did when I realized—”

“You didn’t—”

“—but now I finally understand. I know what true love is, and it’s the gravity that pulled me in, it’s the way you still keep shining even when your light is flickering and any normal person would have blown out by then. It’s the way you look at me when no one else is looking, the way you can never get your hands off me whenever I’m within reach. You may be orbiting around your love, but I’m getting bombarded by mine. Now I know how the moon felt, constantly getting hit by asteroids.”

A moment of silence passes between the two, the calm after a pair of supernovas. Twin neutron stars are left in their wake, tears streaming down their faces as they return to Earth, back down to two boys in YG’s idol dorms, one in the other’s lap. Yedam recovers first, pulling Doyoung the rest of the way down with a kiss. They both smile against each other’s lips, still exhilarated from their confessions. The exhaustion will catch up to them soon, but Yedam still has one last question.

“Be my boy, Doyoung?”

“Only if you’ll be mine.”

#this side of paradise #treasure #dodam #canon compliant #annual #i remember trying to hide the song lyrics with html tricks on ao3 but that didn't work lmao #anyway i wrote this like mid-pandemic so I'm sure you can spot all my issues through this fic

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kyuus4ku · 3 years

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𝗪𝗜𝗡𝗘 𝗔𝗡𝗗 𝗦𝗢𝗔𝗣 𝗕𝗨𝗕𝗕𝗟𝗘𝗦

chuuya nakahara

genre: minific ; fluff

warnings: mentions of blood, a little bit of profanity

word count: 2.1K

Your head throbbed with a dull sting as you carried your aching back to sit upright on the bed. Rubbing your eyes in exhaustion, a sharp sigh escaped your lips. You had a long week, and the missions the boss sent you on weren't easy ones. As one of the Port Mafia Executives, the number of reports you had to write and dirty tasks you had to deal with were numerous, but it seemed as if the pressure that initially weighed on you was subsiding, or perhaps you were just slowly getting used to it.

Nevertheless, it was easier than before since you could work alongside Chuuya.

It seemed as if you both shared each other's burdens of the stress imposed on you everyday. Other than that, it was nice having a partner who knew exactly what you had to deal with at work. It sort of saved you the trouble of explaining and elaborating on details of how your day went, since the both of you stuck together most of the time. Even your colleagues were well-aware of how close you were. Disregarding the countless times Dazai, who was your esteemed colleague but also your close friend, had mockingly declared that you both acted like 'a pair of pathetic, lovesick teenagers,' the fact still remained that you and Chuuya were highly respected at the Port Mafia because of what your ideal duality was capable of accomplishing.

But today, you didn't bother thinking about work. It was the last thing you wanted on your mind. You turned your head to your side, and found that Chuuya was not sleeping next to you. You got out of bed and started humming a tune whilst making your way to the bathroom to freshen up. Your head was cluttered with thoughts about what your plans were for today, since it was one of those rare opportunities to spend some quality time with Chuuya, who wished to do the same with you, too. Just as you were about to get out of the bathroom to look for him, you heard a voice coming from behind the shower curtain.

"Oi," Chuuya's morning voice rang groggily, "what happened to wishing your boyfriend a simple 'good morning'?"

You tittered lightly and proceeded to open the curtain, only to find Chuuya comfortably relaxing in the bathtub with a glass of wine in his hand. A grin broke through his expression as your eyes rested on him.

"Good morning, idiot," you chimed sweetly, "how long have you been in here?"

Before he could respond, you held your index finger up in realisation as you recognised that strong scent hanging in the air. Chuuya looked at you innocently as he tried to think of a way to justify the fact that he used too much of your favourite vanilla soap in the bath. You also realised that there were more bubbles than usual, so you quickly deduced the situation and frowned at him in fake disappointment.

"I'll get you more soon," he added awkwardly before you could say anything.

"How much did you use?" you inquired seriously, attempting to scare him.

"Half the bottle... sorry... it took a while to bubble up... I was really confused," he scratched the back of his head guiltily.

"I'm kidding, Chuu~" you chuckled softly. You proceeded to remove your clothes and carefully slid into the tub to sit across him. He had prepared another glass just for you. Pouring a portion of one of his most expensive wines into it, he checked to see if you were seated comfortably.

"What's the occasion?" you asked as the sweetness of the alcohol washed over and soothed your tastebuds. The bitter aftertaste and the way it flooded over all your distressing thoughts about work summed up just how much you liked it.

"I'm a great boyfriend," he said airily, a smirk curling up the corners of his lips.

"Nah... admit it," you replied nonchalantly, "you just love spoiling me."

Chuuya laughed at this, not bothering to differ with your statement. The both of you sat in silence for a bit, casually sipping from your beverages and engulfing yourselves into your thoughts, while slowly getting a little light-headed from the gradual intoxication of the wine. The alcohol seemed to be doing a great job of relaxing your sore joints, and bringing Chuuya into a flurry of lukewarm emotions which stood in contrast to his usual agitated mood.

However, this changed as Chuuya broke his train of thought when he noticed the bruises lining your right shoulder. His eyebrows furrowed in concern, so he leaned forward and reached out his hand, gently brushing the tips of his finger against them and catching you off-guard at the same time.

"What happened here?" he asked, observing it carefully as your hand reached out to push away his. You didn't really like it when he showed too much concern over such trivial things, even though you deeply appreciated it. Since working in the Port Mafia often posed threats to the both of you physically, these sort of minor injuries were normal, but he never failed to dote after you. He took care of you as best he could, and you did just the same for him. This was one of the million reasons why Dazai often referred to you both as 'the cheesiest couple to walk on this godforsaken planet.'

"It's nothing," you held your hand over your shoulder, pressing the bruises lightly to see if they still hurt as much as they did a few days ago, "It's just from that dumb fight that broke out a few days ago. Remember?"

"Where was I?" a look of annoyance replaced his concerned expression, "why didn't you ask for help?"

"I managed it just fine," you replied rather abruptly, trying your best to brush it off. You two often argued about such things, but today, the last thing you wanted to do was fight over something so minor.

Chuuya stared at you seriously while you tried to avoid his gaze. Your heart raced a little at the thought of a potential argument breaking out, so you decided to diffuse the tension since it was supposed to be a day of rest, and... slight inebriation.

"Chuuya," you subtracted the ego your expression held, and assumed a calmer, more tender tone, "it's nothing to worry about, okay?"

He pursed his lips as his eyes travelled down to your bruises, then back up to meet your gaze, "please, be more careful, for fuck's sake."

He leaned his head back and closed his eyes. The pace at which your heart was beating slowed down to keep up with the alcohol's minor effect on your body, and Chuuya's sharp features, with its present undisturbed guise, had a strange way of setting you at ease, too.

Maybe it was just the wine talking, but you didn't let anything stop you from soaking up every fibre of this moment.

"Hey, don't act as if you didn't come home with blood all over your clothes a few weeks ago. It was a fucking bloodbath over here, and all I got were a few bruises," your playful teases overtook the silence which the both of you were too captivated by for a while.

"Shut up. Don't make me remind you about how you were freaking out," he mentally mustered up the theatrical skill hidden deep inside him to imitate your voice, "'Fuck, there's blood everywhere! Chuuya, how are you feeling? It's okay, I'm going to patch you up... where the fuck are the bandaids!? Oh my- okay, wait, I'll be back, don't move. Oh, wait, you can't- sorry, just give me a moment-"

"I had all the right to freak out, dumbass!" you cut him off and giggled as he shook his head dismissively, trying his best not to smile but failing all the same.

"On a serious note," Chuuya uttered after some contemplation, "if something like that happens again, call out my name."

"In the middle of a fight?" you tilted your head, perplexed.

"Yeah," he responded plainly.

"What are you going to do? Bitch-slap them?" you asked with a mischievous grin, unable to take him seriously.

"Make them regret it," Chuuya replied bluntly before a devious smile broke through his serious expression, "of all people, you know what I'm capable of."

"I do," you assured him, "but why?"

The question was genuine, and he decided to respond with brutal honesty.

"I don't take people's wellbeing lightly," he said, sipping on his wine while keeping his gaze locked onto you, "especially the people I give a damn about. So if anyone ever crosses that line— I'll kill them."

You felt something shift inside you.

His aggression and fierce loyalty seemed to overwhelm you. No one had ever spoken for you like that.

He took note of your silence, and wondered why you became quiet all of the sudden.

"What's wrong?" he asked you, gesturing for you to come over to his side. You did accordingly and made yourself comfortable in between his legs by stretching out your own, so that the both of you made good use of the space in the bathtub. The back of your head rested on his chest as the two of you blankly stared at the bubbles that surfaced the soapy water decoratively. He took away the wine glass from your hands and placed both the glasses on the cabinet nearby, where your essential oils and premium soaps were housed. He reached out to the lowest shelf for a pack of cigarettes and a lighter.

"Nothing," you replied calmly, "thank you."

"For what?" he asked, slowly getting a cigarette out of its box, careful not to get the tobacco rod wet.

"Don't know..." you replied dreamily, "no one's ever..."

Your voice trailed off. Chuuya sensed that you weren't in the mood to respond, so he reached his hands in front of your face with a cigarette in between his fingers, and placed it in between your lips carefully, with his face peeking over your shoulder to ensure that he had the permission to do so. As he gently handled your jaw in one hand and the lighter in the other, he lit it up for you.

"There's no reason to thank me," he leaned back once again as you painted the air with wisps of smoke. You remained silent as you handed him the cigarette. He held it in his hand and opened his mouth again, "this job really sticks a fuck ton of needles up the soles of your feet, so I can't help but feel worried about you."

"I'm worried about you, too," you replied as he passed you back the cigarette, puffing out clouds of smoke smoothly, "you know that, right?"

"Of course, I do," he scoffed, surprised at your question, "you're the one who doesn't seem to get that."

"Huh? What do you mean?''

Chuuya took a while to come up with an answer because he was trying to pick out words that he meant from the bottom of his heart.

"I signed up for this shit. I signed up for worrying about your dumbass and wanting to slice the throats of anyone who hurts you, let alone, touches you. So there's no reason to push my concern for you away; it won't go away. I'm just like that. I just care for you that way."

You giggled at his statement; that was the only way you seemed to know how to respond.

"What's so funny?" he growled grumpily.

His statement rewinded and played itself over and over again in your head.

"I feel like the luckiest person alive when I'm with you," were the words that came out of your lips breathlessly.

"Damn, it took you that long to realise?" he chuckled lightly and wrapped his arm around your abdomen to bring you closer toward him, "I'm going to keep you safe... whether you like it or not."

You turned back to peek at his casual smile and leaned towards him to place your lips on his; his fingers travelled up the back of your neck and into your wet hair as he pulled your head closer to his. Your body was physically enchanted by his embrace, to the point that your fingers started playfully drawing curly, deformed doodles on his bare chest. The essence of tobacco and wine were exchanged as your lips continued kissing his.

The rest of the day was similar to that morning you spent in the tub, except that it involved a slightly more chaotic type of drunkenness by which you two wreaked havoc wherever you could in the comfort of your home. It was an activity you two started looking forward to every weekend: just the two of you, drinking wine in the bathtub lined with vanilla-scented bubbles.

author's note: Heyo! This is pretty much my first post on this blog. I'm not very new to writing but this is my first attempt at drabble/short story writing revolving around an established character lol I hope you liked it! I'll make up a masterlist after I've written more fics/drabbles so I will do my best to come up with good content! Thank you for reading(◡‿◡✿)

#bsd fanfic #bsd #bsd chuuya #chuuya x reader #chuuya x y/n #chuuya x you #chuuya scenarios #chuuya headcanons #bsd headcanons #bungou stray dogs hcs #bsd hcs #bungou stray dogs chuuya #chuuya fluff #bsd drabble #chuuya drabble #chuuya fanfic

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runwithwolvcs · 3 years

Text

You Know I'm No Good - four

First Day

Warnings: mentions of drugs and alcohol, mentions of sex

[photo of Tallulah and Lina]

don't call me kid, don't call me baby, look at this godforsaken mess that you made me

Tallulah was the first one awake in the morning, the sunrise just peeking through her blinds as she laid in bed on her side, staring at the wall. She struggled to get back to sleep and tossed and turned, feeling an uncomfortable pit in her stomach that she decided had something to do with it being her first day at La Push Tribal School.

Starting a new school in the second semester of her senior year did not bother her as much as it should have, what concerned her more was that she was walking into a school that never gets new students, let alone mid semester. All eyes were going to be on her, and she was sure that some of them had already conjured up their own preconceived notions of her. Oh the joys of small town gossip, she thought to herself as she climbed out of bed, grabbing her clothes for the day. She told herself that making friends was not a must here, because as soon as she graduates she will be back in Seattle with her old, real friends, living the life that she wants to live. She could let herself be picky, or else she’ll end up with a Josie, who seems trustworthy on the outside, but isn’t in the end. Tallulah rolled her eyes at the thought itself, if that's how she wants to be then so be it.

Tallulah quickly changed into her black tank and oversized flannel shirt, before pulling on her jeans, she tried to tame her hair without ruining her natural waves into a frizzy mess. She wasn't one for much makeup, especially not for school considering the frequent rain on pacific northwest.

Rushing downstairs to the kitchen, the uncomfortable pit curbing her appetite, Tallulah settled on just coffee, as she poured it into her mug she had grabbed from the cupboard, she heard footsteps entering the kitchen. Glancing over her shoulder, she saw Lenna out of the corner of her eye, all dolled up as if she were going to Paris Fashion Week.

“I heard about what Josie did.” Lenna stated as she searched through the fridge, “you’ll get used to it.” This made Tallulah scoff audibly, “get used to being thrown under the bus for doing absolutely nothing wrong beside talking to some guy I’ve never even met before yesterday?” she asked sarcastically, turning to face her younger sister, mug in hand. “No, well, yes. It just means she did something she doesn’t want to get in trouble for, so she throws gasoline on someone else's fire to make it seem bigger than the one she started.” She keeps her eye on the tall, raven-haired girl as she closes the door, “She means well Tally.” I bet, she thought to herself. Maybe this is what sisters do, and she's the one that's being unreasonable. To be fair, she's never had to deal with someone snitching right in front of her face to her mother. At least she had the guts to do it at the dinner table.

She watched as Lenna looked over her outfit, making a face that Tallulah couldn’t quite comprehend, “is there something wrong with my outfit?” she asked, eyebrows raised in challenge. Lenna shook her head, “Nope, not at all. Between that, the tattoos and the nicotine addiction, I’d say you’ll fit right in with a few groups at school. I can point them out if you’d like, I heard dad tossed your vape maybe you can snag one today.” Tallulah shook her head before taking a sip of her cooling coffee, “I can make my own friends, and I’m not addicted” she fought the urge to roll her eyes again as their dad walked into the kitchen, clearly dressed for work. “Tally, Lenny, ready for school? Dakota picked up your sister already this morning, something about a project that's not finished yet” the short laugh that came from Lenna did not go unnoticed by Tallulah, but she said nothing, nodding her head at her fathers question. “I have to go to a tribal meeting tonight with Kira, so it’s going to be pizza for dinner, Lenny can pick it up on her way home from work, right Len?” he asked as he filled his to-go mug with coffee, even though he really wasn't asking, “Tal,” he said, looking directly at his eldest daughter, “I know this has been a big change in just a few days, but you’re doing great kid, but let's keep those rules in mind when making friends today,” clearly referring to something she has no clue about. “So, you mean I can’t skip school and sneak Paul through my window while you’re gone?” she joked half heartedly. She had no intention of ever speaking to him today, but seeing the looks on Lenna and their dad's face was probably the best start to her day she was going to get. She finished off her coffee and placed her mug in the sink, grabbing her book bag from the counter and heading to the front door, yelling ‘kidding!’ over her shoulder as she left, while her dad yelled ‘have fun!’ right back at her.

Tallulah drove in silence to the school, following the directions Josie had shown her during their day out, for once wanting to be early. She wanted to scope out all her classrooms beforehand to minimize the amount of interaction she would have to have with anyone in order to just keep her head down and float by as unnoticed as she could.

As she pulled into the small parking lot there were very few students and teachers mulling around. The school itself was small, only two stories, with a few portables that were quite run down. Nothing like her old school of 5000 students, every hallway crowded and parking lot full every day.

Tallulah parked her car and pulled out her phone from her pocket, checking the few messages she had, despite it only being 8 in the morning. One message was from her mom, wishing her well on her first day, telling her she had shipped the rest of her personal belongings that she may want or need and that she loved her. Tallulah rolled her eyes, she loved her so much she didn’t want to deal with her anymore. She checked some more of her messages and replied to those that warranted them only stopping as the incoming call notification lit up her screen.

A photo of Lina, her best friend, and her graced the screen, she quickly hit accept before placing the phone to her ear, breathing out a quickie ‘hello’. The two haven’t been able to have a conversation in days to discuss the tragedy that had unfolded the night her mom caught her sneaking into her bedroom, the dramatic gasp on the other line made her smile, “You picked up!” Lina all but shouted excitedly, before saying to someone else ‘told you she would’, clearly she wasn’t alone. “Of course I did, Li. Just because I've been shipped off to the middle of nowhere doesn’t mean I dropped out of school.” she said looking at the tiny building, that more students were now filing into. “Besides, I always answer your calls.” she stated, which made Lina laugh into the phone, “Right, right. Well I was just calling to see how you were, Kits here too.” she said and she could hear Kit bid a hello in the background, “and we wanted to invite you to this party that's happening at some club in Port Angeles next Friday. We figured it would give you some time to ask your dad if you can come or plan an escape. He can’t keep you from us forever.” she rambled, clearly excited.

She knew what club she was talking about, they had been planning on going once they had all turned 18. As exciting as it sounded, she knew her dad would never go for it, and sneaking out to Port Angeles and back would be next to impossible. “I don’t know about that, Li, but I'll try. I’m sure I could convince him to let you guys come out here if he doesn’t budge?” she asked absentmindedly, hoping she’d take the bait. Tallulah listened as Lina talked to someone away from the speaker before hearing the phone be passed to someone new, she furrowed her brows at the silence before the new speaker breathed out, “Luie.”

Xander.

The only person on planet earth who was allowed to call her ‘Luie’. The nickname started with him and ended with him. She hated the nickname when he had first started using it, he would say it in such a condescending way. Like he was reprimanding a child, but it grew on her as her relationship with him developed. They had never dated, but everyone assumed they were with how touchy-feely they were with each other. But, they both hated commitment, saying that it was the root of all sadness, and they had enough of that in their life already. As if that stopped them from hurting each other anyways. Xander was all of her firsts, first friend, first kiss, first time drinking alcohol with him, first cigarette, first time sneaking out, and first hookup. It's why she always went back to him after a fight, no matter how bad it was, all her good memories are tied to him.

“Hey, Xan” she said softly, “Are you coming to Port Angeles for the party?” he asked in a nonchalant tone, knowing she could never say no to him. “I want to..” she started, “But no promises. My dads a lot stricter compared to my mom.” Tallulah heard him grunt in acknowledgment. He wasn’t going to beg, or plead her to come like Kit or Lina would, he knew he didn’t have to. “Well, let us know, ya?” he stated, voices in the background signaled that they were most likely getting ready to take the train to school, like she would be in normal circumstances. “Oh, and Luie, have a don’t do anything I wouldn’t do on your first day.” she could practically hear the grin that she knew he had before the line went dead, he wasn’t much for formal goodbyes.

Sighing, she shoved her phone in her pocket before exiting her car, grabbing her bag off of the passenger seat and slinging it over her shoulder. She made sure to lock the car before placing her keys in her bag and grabbing her timetable as she walked towards the entrance of the school. She was too busy trying to figure out what classroom she needed to head to first that she wasn’t paying any attention to any of her surroundings. Hence why she walked head on into someone, dropping the white sheet of paper in the process. Hot hands steadying her by the arms. It felt as if she had walked straight into a brick wall, she would’ve laughed it off if it wasn’t the root of all her problems so far in La Push.

“Are you stalking me?” she asked the older man, everywhere she went, there he was. Paul shook his head with a chuckle, causing the teen to glare up at him. “Well aren’t you a little too old to be hanging around a high school?” she questioned, arms crossing over her body as the heat from his hands had made her realize just how cold it was outside once they were off of her. “Relax, I was just dropping someone off.” he stated, his voice was deeper than it was the day before, like he had just woken up. She averted her eyes from him as she could feel the blush heat to her face at how silly she must have sounded. Of course that's why he's here. She hadn’t realized he had picked up her schedule for her until he read out a name from it, “First period: Miss. Young.You’ll like her, everyone does.” he said while handing her back the slip. She nodded her head, “right, well i should go find her class then.” she mumbled as she took a step back from him, he responded by giving her the directions to the class, which made her want to question how he knew that but Tallulah wasn’t sure if she wanted to know the answer, so instead, she thanked him and walked away heading towards the front doors, each step closer she filled more and more with dread, wanting to turn around and get in her car and drive away as far as she could.

She turned back to where she had left Paul standing to see him still there, only now he was talking on the phone. His whole demeanor had changed, he looked rigid and frustrated. Before she turned to completely walk through the doors, he caught her eye and gave her a small smile, the feeling of dread dissipating in that moment as she entered her new school.

#paul lahote fanfic #paul lahote #paul lahote imagine #paul lahote x oc #twilight wolf pack #twilight wolves #twilight #leah clearwater #seth clearwater #emily young #embry call #sam uley #you know im no good #chapter 4

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