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complete-in-ix · 1 year

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Hide And Seek

Rated: M Warning(s): Major Character Death, Graphic Depictions of Violence, Cannibalism(?), Suggestive

Description: Junghwan only wants to find his friends after they ditch him without even taking him to the party they were supposed to go. He does find them, but also much more than he could have ever bargained for in the progress.

(Read on Ao3)

Honestly, there was no way that Junghwan could have predicted how tonight was going to go. Meeting Yedam and Doyoung at the edge of town for a party at some friend of a friend’s was supposed to be the plan, but he should have known that something was wrong when neither of them showed up to pick him up at 10:00 like they had planned. Doyoung, he could excuse, but Yedam? He was never late. Junghwan didn’t think much of it at first, scrolling through his phone until his parents leave, reassuring them that his friends are on their way.

By the time half an hour passes, Junghwan knows that something is wrong. Neither of his hyungs are answering their phones, and none of their other friends know where they are. Haruto-hyung had seen them heading through town earlier, but they had been going in the opposite direction of the party. Junghwan wracks his brain for a potential answer. There’s nothing in that direction of the woods other than an abandoned building that might have used to be a low-rise apartment or something, now known as a hotspot for teenagers to do… Whatever it is that teenagers sneak out to do. Junghwan, freshly fifteen, only has a vague idea of what his hyungs might be ditching him to do, and he decides that he wants nothing to do with it.

For some reason though, his entire being burns with curiosity. Sure, it might be wrong to intrude on their private time as a couple, but they do deserve it for ditching him. It’s not like there’s anything else he has planned for tonight, and he can still make it to the party tonight even if he goes over to sneak in on his hyungs… No, no, that’s not right. He isn’t interested in that, he never will be. So why…?

He tries his best to shake the sudden temptation out of his head. That place has gotten dangerous anyway. Every year, at least one person disappears or turns up dead around that area, and Junghwan has no intention of being the next. Then again, what if they’re next? He has to go now, if only to make sure they’ll be okay. What? No, they can handle themselves. Junghwan’s supposed to be having fun at the party, anyway.

He makes it three steps out the door before his resolve breaks. It doesn't matter how well they can handle themselves, he has to make sure they'll be okay—if only to soothe his own conscience. Damn his soft heart.

Despite the late hour, the streets are still decently populated and any silence is broken by the distant sound of conversation or a pet barking. For some reason, this doesn’t reassure Junghwan at all. He’s jumpy as he makes his way through town, flinching at every sound and scrambling to hide every time a car passes by.

It’s strange, really. He’s done his fair share of sneaking around in his life, but none have felt as high-stakes as this, like he’ll be killed if he’s caught. He’s never been one to have these kinds of thoughts. He nearly trips over himself to cram himself into an alley as he hears a car approaching from behind, pushing himself between the tight walls as if its shadows are pulling him in. Without meaning to, he lets a slightly deranged laugh escape his lips.

“Jeez, I must be possessed…” he mutters aloud.

Somewhere in the alley’s corner, something smiles as Junghwan slips out to continue his creep to his friends.

Junghwan finds his resolve starting to crack as he approaches the abandoned building that his friends are supposedly ditching him to be in. The light from the streetlight he stands under seems weaker than the rest, barely illuminating the outer walls. The forest beyond it shrouds it in darkness, and it gives Junghwan a distinct impression that it’ll swallow him whole if he goes in.

He’s just about to chicken out and run back home or to the party when he spots something that cements his feet to the floor—another shadow next to his. He knows damn well it can’t be his own shadow cast by a different light source, the next streetlight is too far away and this shadow is much more defined than his own—darker and sharper around the edges.

When he turns his head to look at it, it moves with him, but in the wrong direction.

A scream bubbles up in his throat and he clamps his hands over his mouth to stifle it. The other shadow follows.

He doesn't know how long he stands there, frozen in terror and starting at a fucking shadow , but his joints crack when he moves again, startled by a whisper.

Follow me.

No fucking way in hell.

Follow me.

Follow who, anyway? Junghwan just has to find out where that voice is coming from so he can go in the opposite direction.

Follow me.

Hold on. Did that other shadow just get bigger?

Follow me.

FUCK THAT.

Junghwan finally manages to snap out of his fear-induced paralysis when the shadow takes a step, and he bolts. His feet feel like they’re being yanked around by some invisible force though, and resisting the pull is like trying to pull them out of a block of concrete. He unwillingly runs himself straight into the building that he had been trying to avoid, his hand shooting out to pull the door open and slam it shut behind him before he can stop himself. He tries the door again as he catches his breath, but no matter what he tries, it won’t open despite the lack of a lock.

Well, shit.

He holds his breath to listen for anything else that might be following him or puppeteering him or whatever other weird possession straight from a fever dream that might happen, but there’s nothing except for faint voices coming from somewhere upstairs.

Could that be his hyungs?

Well, he’s past caring about that now. Something just possessed him out there, and if it isn’t his hyungs then he might as well be dead where he stands. Still, the temptation to find his way up to check if it’s them persists, like a serpent weaving its way in and out of his mind and whispering in his ear.

“Fuck it, let’s just go,” he mutters to himself, though he has a distinct feeling that he isn’t the only one who heard.

He creeps up the stairs, sticking as close as he can to the areas lit by the moon. After a few flights, he starts to pick up faint voices from a room in the distance. His heart starts to race as he gets closer, though he can’t think of any reason why. He should be relieved that he found his friends, because there’s no mistaking that laugh as Doyoung’s, but he only feels dread.

The whispers lead him straight to the end of the hall, and he debates bursting in with a few select words to have with them about leaving him behind to look for them at an old, dangerous, probably haunted hideout, but an invisible force yanks him into the room beside theirs instead.

His throat closes around his scream before it can escape him, and he spends a few moments trying to catch his breath in silence. When he regains his bearings, he notices a rather large split in the wall dividing the rooms that gives him a perfect view of his friends inside.

All his previous fear leaves his mind when he takes in the sight of Doyoung on Yedam's lap, wearing a skirt that looks to be tied on with some kind of sash.

Well.

He can't deny it looks good on him.

Yedam’s smiling at something Doyoung is whispering in his ear, a soft giggle leaving his lips that resonates eerily in the dead silence. He turns away from his boyfriend, playfully dodging what would have been a kiss to the cheek—a normal sight, if it weren’t for the way his grin glinted in the moonlight. Junghwan frowns—he’s seen Yedam smile like that a million different times at almost every hour, there’s no reason this should be any different.

Then again , maybe it is a little different this time, since he’s hiding behind a cracked wall in an abandoned building at the edge of town watching his hyungs flirt like some kind of creep. What had even possessed him to come, anyway? They’re the ones who had ditched him, and yet here he is, peering through the crack to see Doyoung squeezing Yedam’s exposed thigh through the hole high up in his ungodly ripped jeans and ghosting his lips over his neck—yeah, he should really get out of here before things get weird.

As quietly as he can, he gets up from his crouched position on the floor. He internally thanks his dancer’s joints for not cracking as he stands, not wanting to give away his presence and have to explain why he’s here to his two hyungs who are obviously here to do… Whatever it is that couples do in abandoned buildings on the edge of town. He really doesn’t want to know. Right as he tiptoes one step towards the empty doorway, a movement in the halls catches his eye. It's too dark for him to make anything out clearly, but it looks suspiciously like a human shadow. Is someone else here? Forcing himself to keep his breathing steady, he takes another step out. It was probably nothing.

Then again, "nothing" doesn't soundlessly dart down the hallways towards him at a speed too fast to be human. Startled, Junghwan stumbles backwards, nearly tripping into a crumbled section of the floor. The exposed rebar makes a traitorous creak as he steps on it, much too loud to be drowned out by the couple’s sweet nothings to each other in the next room. Frozen in place, Junghwan has a clear view through a wider gap in the wall right at eye level. He glances through it just to check if either of his hyungs had heard, though there's no way they hadn't.

Sure enough, he makes direct eye contact with Yedam. The older boy just stares up at him, grinning with that oddly wide smile. Perhaps it was the moonlight playing tricks on Junghwan's eyes, but had Yedam's teeth always been this sharp? And had he always had that many? He doesn't have any time to dwell on it as the silence stretches on, broken only by a low growl that Junghwan feels more than hears.

"I hear something.”

Doyoung sounds about as tense as Junghwan feels. What had any of them been thinking, coming out here in the middle of the night? Images from the past two years flash through his head—Hyunsuk-hyung and Jihoon-hyung’s closed-casket funerals, Mashiho-hyung’s broken and bloodied hand hanging out from under the sheet on the gurney, Yoshinori-hyung’s lifeless eyes during Junghwan’s last conversation with him… Whatever had gotten to those four is still around, and all three of them might be next.

"It's probably just a mouse," Yedam soothes. The older boy finally breaks eye contact with Junghwan to reassure his boyfriend, but Junghwan can’t find it in him to move. His fight or flight response is jammed on “freeze” instead, the cold grip of horror keeping his feet rooted to the floor.

"A mouse? I'd see them in this light!" Doyoung hisses—how he would manage that is beyond Junghwan, who can’t see anything beyond what the moonlight touches. Junghwan watches as he brushes aside Yedam’s hand on his cheek to survey the room and can’t help but notice his eyes shine strangely in the moonlight, just like a cat. Human eyes don’t do that. Junghwan must be hallucinating

"I only saw a shadow," Yedam murmurs, his soft smile morphing into another creepy grin as he locks Junghwan into another silent staring contest.

Speaking of shadows… Despite the way the moonlight falls over his face, Yedam doesn’t seem to cast one. The light bends around him, like some kind of constant 360 spotlight. Either Junghwan is going insane or something is very, very wrong. Junghwan’s chest starts to tighten up the longer he holds eye contact with what might not be his hyung, unable to move even while all his senses scream at him to run.

"I know there's someone there," Doyoung growls. His eyes flash again as his gaze sweeps the room again, bright silver in contrast to the almost pitch black that they were before. Another growl rumbles through the room and Junghwan wants to scream. Yes there is, something’s here and we all have to get out of here now!

If only he could, but his throat refuses to work under Yedam’s gaze, barely expanding enough to let him breathe. His hyung’s eyes pierce into his soul, rooting him in place and muzzling his screaming instincts, leaving a cold calm behind in their wake. Stay, they seem to say. No way, I’m leaving, Junghwan wants to respond, but his feet won’t move.

"Not as far as I'm aware,” Yedam lies, his gaze still rooting Junghwan in place.

"Why don't you believe me?" Doyoung huffs. Yedam holds eye contact for a second longer before turning back to Doyoung with a honeyed whisper of “It’s just the two of us.” It drips off his tongue straight onto Doyoung’s lips, and Junghwan pointedly looks away while he gets pulled in, no longer weighed down by any eye contact. He tries his best to tune out Doyoung’s muffled groan, beyond uncomfortable at the sound of his friends making out. The only good thing about the noise is that it disguises his slinking out of the room, pressing close to the wall. A few steps down the hall, he hears a soft “Maybe you’re right,” breathless and slightly muffled. Junghwan nearly sighs in relief.

"It's just another night," Yedam affirms, his voice so sweet that the hairs on the back of Junghwan’s neck stand up. Sure, there’s something off about both his hyungs tonight, but Doyoung’s weird eyes hadn’t given Junghwan the bone-deep chill that Yedam’s… everything had. He forces himself to keep moving, hyper aware of every sound that reaches his ears—which unfortunately includes Doyoung’s shaky sigh as Yedam presumably kisses his neck. He speeds up ever so slightly, which proves to be a mistake as his foot disturbes some crumbled bricks. He nearly stumbles again in his haste to duck out of sight, hiding behind a doorway across the hall.

"But I swear I heard a creak," Doyoung grumbles, though Junghwan can tell by his breathy tone that whatever Yedam is doing has softened his resolve. He cringes at the thought, he really doesn’t want to know what they could be doing.

"Just kiss me." Yedam’s purr only solidifies Junghwan’s thoughts further, and he slips from the room and continues down the hall. This time, he figures he’s far enough that he doesn’t have to hide until their sounds and just focuses on getting the hell out of dodge, until a loud creak and another set of footsteps catch his attention.

"I’ve always been paranoid, I can’t let something that I’ve heard go even if I can’t see it,” Doyoung mutters, mussed and restless as he storms out of the room. His hair is a mess and his now—unbuttoned shirt hangs off one shoulder, but for some reason he makes no move to fix anything, instead untucking it from his skirt and—Junghwan looks away before any more observations can be made. There aren’t many other places to hide, so Junghwan goes with his next best option: running a few steps down the stairwell and hoping that they don’t come any closer. From here, Junghwan has a clear-ish view of Doyoung’s shadow on the walls as he stalks from room to room.

"Why won’t you just listen to me? Just come back here.” Yedam’s footsteps join Doyoung’s, but there’s still no shadow. Junghwan holds his breath as they draw closer, directly to the stairwell instead of checking every room like Doyoung is. Yedam had been helping Junghwan hide earlier, so maybe he’ll cover for him again, at least long enough for him to get away...

… Until Yedam reaches the top of the stairwell, grinning down at Junghwan with nothing but malice in his eyes. “Wait—now I hear it~"

Run.

Junghwan doesn’t spare himself any other thoughts, doesn’t linger on how Yedam—still without a shadow—whispers the same word that blares in his mind like a goddamn siren at the exact moment it occurs to him, doesn’t notice the disembodied shadow flitting across the walls towards his own until it’s too late. A single missed step is all it takes. His ankle rolls, unable to take the harsh impact, and he slams into the railing. The only thing keeping him from tumbling backwards down the stairs is a tight grip on the back of his hoodie, pulling him up to his feet, then off the ground. He chokes and flails, lashing out in a blind panic at whatever’s holding him. His feet connect with nothing.

“I knew that sound meant someone was there. Did you really think the shadows could hide you from us?”

Junghwan barely recognizes the voice as Doyoung’s through his own panic. Even if his head had been clear, that guttural, hoarse growl is a far cry from his friend’s silvery tone. Yedam says nothing, just smiles serenely down at Junghwan and locks his jaw shut yet again. Then again, it’s not like he can be in the right mind to say anything as Doyoung shuffles into view.

The first thing that Junghwan notices is the way he’s shirtless and hunched over, bent almost double. His spine protrudes painfully far, almost splitting off from his body. His shoulders look tense, bunched up to his back and pulling his elbows against his sides. He sways as he approaches, as if it hurts to walk. As he gets closer, Junghwan starts to hear sickly wet cracks and pops every time Doyoung takes a step. What the hell had happened to his friend in those rooms? He had just been checking if someone was there—and there evidently had been, if he could walk in looking just fine and walk out looking like… This. How could they be so calm? Yedam still hasn’t said a word, just smiles down at Junghwan with those too-many teeth. Doyoung finally reaches Yedam’s side, and Junghwan nearly gags at the sight. His once-flowy skirt is soaked through with blood, dripping onto the floor at his feet. It sticks to his legs, which now bend at an angle that no human can achieve. It’s a miracle that Doyoung’s still standing, really, with the way his knees knock together while he stands on tiptoe. The stench of iron chokes Junghwan further, permeating every breath that gets past the collar of his hoodie digging into his throat.

“Is that Hwannie I see? How nice of you to invite him over for dinner~” Doyoung rasps. His mouth cracks in a twisted grin, so wide it tears his cheeks open. He barely flinches, even as more blood runs in rivulets down his face. Junghwan's legs no longer feel like his own, refusing to move no matter how much he wills them to.

"The shock is gonna wear off soon. Don't play with your food, babe," Yedam chides. Shock. Yeah, that would explain the ice creeping down his back and paralyzing his limbs one by one. Doyoung huffs, a rough, rattling sound, and Junghwan internally begs his legs to move.

“Come on, Damie, loosen up a little!” Doyoung whines, “let’s have some fun this time!” His fingers jerk and twitch as he speaks, another series of cracks ringing out through the abandoned hallways. Junghwan can’t even scream when Doyoung’s arms break themselves, bones piercing through his skin and contorting his hands almost beyond recognition. Junghwan’s gut twists violently at the sound. If his hands weren’t occupied with keeping himself from being strangled, he would be trying to claw the sound of squishing flesh out of his ears.

“Alright, if you insist,” Yedam sighs, that hopelessly endeared one that means he’s resigned himself to being his boyfriend’s keeper despite his best efforts.

Doyoung jerks upright like a puppet with its strings pulled taught, a garbed groan leaving his throat before his chest explodes outwards. All Junghwan can see is a mass of red, flesh and bone cracking and crunching as another pair of arms unfold from the space where his organs should be, ribs rearranging to accommodate the new pair of limbs. He collapses onto his knees, somehow catching the weight of his mangled upper body on twisted fingertips. His knuckles crack as his fingers dislocate and pop back into place, the entire structure of his hands rendered completely unrecognizable by the time it stops. At this point, they along with the extra limbs that had burst from his chest look like… paws. All over his exposed body, his skin splits open to make room for fluffy red fur, though Junghwan can’t quite tell if his fur is actually red or if it’s just stained with blood. His spine rips itself from his back, cracking down behind him like a whip and Junghwan realizes that it’s not his spine, it’s a fucking tail . It leaves a line of red splatters along the floor and ceiling, and a small, delirious part of Junghwan’s mind wonders how his hyung can handle this amount of blood loss.

Too late, it finally hits him that his friends never had to worry about whatever had been killing the others. His friends are what’s been killing the others.

Yedam reaches over and unties Doyoung’s skirt before Junghwan can think of looking away, and all hell breaks loose.

Junghwan hits the ground, his ankle smarting when he lands, and Doyoung—what used to be Doyoung—launches itself straight down the stairs at him, bloody jaws split into three. He ducks to avoid it and it flies over his head, crashing into the wall and sliding a good way down the stairs when it's momentum overtakes it.

"Dumbass," Yedam sighs, still somehow impossibly fond as if his boyfriend hadn't just turned into a monster and made an attempt on Junghwan's life. "Don't let your hunger get the best of you!"

He casually strides down the stairs, hands in his pockets as a twisted roar resounds from somewhere downstairs.

Junghwan tries to stammer out something, beg for his life, ask what the hell is going on, anything—but only a pathetic whimper escapes him.

"What's wrong, Hwannie? Not up for hide and seek? If you win, we'll leave you and the rest of the town alone~" Yedam singsongs. "I can't tell lies, you can trust me on this."

Despite his best attempts to resist, something takes a cold grip on Jungwhan's head and forces him to nod, jerky and unnatural.

Yedam's grin grows impossibly wider at the "response", holding up three fingers as he approaches Junghwan, slowly folding them back down as he speaks.

"You'd better hurry and hide, then. You've used up your head start."

Whatever force that had been holding Junghwan's feet to the ground finally releases him, and he takes off the right as Yedam swipes at the air where his head once was with viciously clawed hands.

Junghwan blindly flings himself down the stairs, his ankle screaming in pain with every step. The rough scrabbling of claws down the hall warns him of Doyoung's presence and he banks to the right as soon as he reaches the bottom of the stairs.

He isn't a second too soon, if the hot breath from Doyoung's three-sectioned jaw just missing his foot is anything to go by.

Sharp claws rake across his back a second later and he hits the ground hard, his entire body lighting up with pain. A large paw holds him down, claws piercing through his skin. To his surprise, Doyoung doesn’t kill him immediately. No, he reaches down and clamps his jaws around Jungwhan’s arm, rows upon rows of razor-sharp teeth easily slicing through his flesh.

“Come on babe, you promised me the first bite!” Junghwan can barely hear Yedam over the sound of flesh tearing and his own screams. Doyoung stops to growl in the direction of the stairwell, a familiar low rumble that Jungwhan can feel more than hear. So, he’s been a dead man this whole time.

“Fine, fine. Go ahead, then,” Yedam grumbles, still as casual as ever as he steps down the stairs. He stops right next to Junghwan, kneeling down to meet Junghwan’s eye. The darkness around him seems to melt into him until they form the shadow that he should have. He smiles at Junghwan, his lips pulling back to reveal teeth that reach his ears. “Just be nice this time, make it quick.”

Junghwan’s scream dies in his throat with nowhere to go, his head crushed between Doyoung’s triple-hinged jaws.

Somewhere at the edge of town, two monsters have a feast. The more beastly of the two crunches through an unfortunate young human’s rib cage, brutally enough to crush the bones but delicately enough to leave the organs underneath relatively undamaged. It nudges the monster next to it, a more humanoid one that’s busy gleefully ripping through the human’s liver.

“Hmm?” the second monster asks. The beast gently paws aside the human’s lungs to reveal his heart, pushing it toward the monster, who coos and kisses the beast’s bloody muzzle.

“Thanks, babe.” The beast affectionately licks the monster’s face, it’s tongue curling around the monster’s jaw and leaving a mess of blood and drool. The monster only giggles and rips the human’s heart from his chest, taking half in one bite and offering the other half to the beast. It gladly snaps it up, blood dripping onto its red fur.

The beast stands up and shakes itself after a few moments of silence—broken only by the squelch of flesh tearing, spattering its companion and the walls and ceiling of the hallway it’s in with blood. It takes off down the hall without waiting for the monster, the front four of its six paws leaving bloody prints as it goes. It disappears within seconds, leaping through a broken window at the far end of the hall and retreating, unseen, into the surrounding forest.

The monster cradles its victim’s face for a moment, smooth fingertips leaving red streaks on his cheek as he stands up to leave. It finishes the last bite of his liver before he goes, calmly walking out in the same direction the beast went.

“Goodbye, Hwannie,” it whispers over its shoulder, “You tasted the best out of them all.”

#hide and seek #treasure #dodam #not dodam-centric tho #slaughterbeast!doyoung and vampire?yedam #annual #wrote this for halloween after hearing that one fnaf song on tiktok one too many times #so if you spot the lyrics in there that's why

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complete-in-ix · 1 year

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This Side Of Paradise

Rated: G Warning(s): None

Description: Yedam has always wanted to be a star, a beacon to light up other people's dark nights. However, there's one drawback to being another's light: No one will be there to be his Polaris—or so he thinks. Enter Kim Doyoung. Distant at first, but bright and beautiful, a star just like him. They're both surrounded by dark loneliness on all sides, but maybe—just maybe, they can find their way through it with each other's shine. (Spoiler alert: They do)

(Read on Ao3)

Ask me why my heart's inside my throat

I've never been in love, I've been alone

Yedam feels strange. Almost eight whole years of balancing school, training, and his second survival show without ever getting so choked—up like this, like his heart has crawled to his throat. It’s not like he would have died without company, he doesn’t need a clique of friends or some cliche teenage love story. His parents and a few of his mentors occasionally express concern over the fact that there are few people that could actually be considered his close friends, but he doesn’t see the issue. He keeps up enough of a social life to not drown in the combined responsibilities of being a top student and YG’s prodigy trainee. It really isn’t that big of a deal to him.

At least, that’s what he tells them.

Feel like I've been living life asleep

Love so strong it makes me feel so weak

In reality, there’s a hollow inside his chest that gets scraped wider every time he watches the people around him, so bright in each other’s presence, so warm. He sees it the most prominently in his hyungs; the way Seunghun will cuddle up to Byounggon after a long day, the way Hyunsuk and Jihoon will bicker as a form of flirting, the way Yoshinori clings to Mashiho and Hyunsuk like a pair of lifelines: one leading back home and the other anchoring him to his new place, the way Junkyu and Mashiho so effortlessly clicked and bonded from early on, the way Jaehyuk so tenderly watches over Asahi. It’s not exactly painful, but there are times where he wishes he could have someone who could awaken his heart like that. The logical, goal—oriented side of him scoffs at their theatrics, finds them weak for swaying to their partners so easily, but the emotional side of him that he does his best to keep neatly tucked away is persistent, whispers to him in his sleep during dark and lonely nights: How strong must their love be, then, to render their bodies so weak?

Are you lonely? (Are you lonely?)

Our fingers dancing when they meet

“Are you lonely?” That seems to be a question he gets a lot, both from other people and from himself. He tries his best to answer, but what he finds only leads to more questions. In a general sense, no. He’s made enough friends to keep himself satisfied, and he’s close enough to them to be able to make deep conversations. One of said friends is even close enough to him that the line between friendship and something else is extremely blurred, yet he still yearns for something . Something more, something different, he can’t quite tell. For now, he’s satisfied with his bond with Kim Doyoung. He treats him well, both as a hyung and a more—than—friend. Their attachment is so deep that they understand each other with just a single word or a glance, and they both have trouble envisioning a future without the other. Yedam doesn’t like thinking about that, determined to make it to the end with Doyoung’s hand in his, their fingers intertwined when they meet at the finish line for the last dance of this godforsaken show. It’s sappy, and maybe a little out—of—character for him, but as long as the cameras aren’t rolling, he can afford to have a little distraction.

Like how Doyoung has been acting a little off ever since he noticed his own strange feelings.

You seem so lonely (Are you lonely?)

I'll be the only dream you seek

His dear friend, the almost perpetual ray of sunshine in his life, has dimmed over the past few weeks. There’s hardly enough time to talk without a camera rolling these days and any slips of truly free time they have is spent either catching up on practice or rest, so a true heart—to—heart with him would be hard to come by. Still, he tries his best to help him, distract him from the rainclouds in his heart for a moment at least. A question in the form of a look from across the practice room, one that not even the keenest camera could pick up on: “Are you lonely?” An answer in Doyoung’s uncharacteristically dark eyes, the way doesn’t smile even as his favourite song is blasting in the small practice room. “Yes. Nightmares again,” they say. Perhaps a daydream in the form of Yedam’s presence could chase away the exhaustion they left behind. He dances his way across the room, holding out a hand for Doyoung to take. “May I have this dance?” he wants to say, but the cameras are rolling and he doesn’t want to show any more than he has to.

So if you're lonely, no need to show me

If you're lonely come be lonely with me

Doyoung gazes at him in confusion as he takes his hand, but no words are needed to explain as Yedam pulls him to his feet. They’ve gotten quite good at communicating without them while they’re living under the constant watch of cameras, and Yedam has enough experience that he’ll know what Doyoung is thinking without him even having to show it. Sometimes it’s hard to pretend that he doesn’t, which is a little hard when he’s cuddled up against Doyoung’s side and he can feel how badly Doyoung wants to kiss him. He’s quick to push those thoughts away; now isn’t the time. As much as he yearns, this moment is for Doyoung alone.

They’re both stars burning bright against the dark backdrop of their uncertain futures, but Doyoung is growing cold while Yedam is still warm and he fears that Doyoung might collapse in a silent heat death, so he pulls him into his orbit and sends off something of a solar flare to light him back up, dancing and jumping about so intensely that he’s sure the viewers will worry for him. He finds he doesn’t care as much as he should; it all pales in comparison to how much he just wants to see Doyoung smile like he means it again. If it takes going a little cold to keep him warm, then so be it.

After all, it’s better to be lonely with someone else than to be lonely alone, right?

Lonely (Are you lonely?)

Passion is crashing as we speak

He doesn’t have to wait long, catching the ghost of a smile on Doyoung’s lips as sneaks into his room a few days later. Yedam’s presence is unexpected but not unwelcome, if the way Doyoung lifts the covers for him to get in says anything. He’s quick to pull Doyoung into his embrace as soon as he’s comfortable, barely resisting the urge to press a kiss to his forehead in the process. He’s lonely, Yedam can tell, and it hurts his heart.

“What are you doing here, hyung?” Doyoung asks, a soft whisper that sends Yedam’s defenses crashing straight down.

“I noticed you seemed a little off earlier today, I thought you could use some company,” Yedam murmurs, equally as soft and tinged with ten times more love. “If you want me to leave, I’ll go.”

“No, don’t leave,” Doyoung whispers. His hand comes up to hold Yedam’s, oh—so—shyly guiding it to his waist and Yedam feels like he’s drowning, but it’s fine, the water’s warm anyway. “Hyung, I…”

You seem so lonely (Are you lonely?)

You're the ground my feet won't reach

“... I want you.” I know, I know, I know. Yedam can tell by the way Doyoung won’t meet his eyes, the way he bites the inside of his lip. Yedam is so, so tempted to lean in, kiss his sorrows away until the whole world has disappeared and it’s just the two of them. He could, and Doyoung wouldn’t resist him. He just has to take that one step, but neither of them are stable right now and taking any steps in this low gravity might mean their feet never touch the ground again.

Space is dangerous. They can’t drift off now, not until they have a sound shuttle at least.

So if you're lonely

Darling you're glowing

If you're lonely, come be lonely with me

“Sleep, Doyoung—ah. I’ll still be here in the morning.” He whispers, “Tell me then.”

Doyoung hums and buries himself deeper in Yedam’s embrace, too tired to protest. Yedam waits and watches as he falls asleep, finally relaxing in his arms and content for the first time in weeks. He’s glad his heart no longer races in Doyoung’s presence, or else it would have taken much longer to see him glow like this again.

That isn’t to say that Yedam no longer loves Doyoung, heavens no. It’s just that he’s grown past the infatuation that had collapsed the both of them when they had first met. Stars can be formed when molecular clouds collide with each other, sending shocked matter through said clouds and throwing off their thermodynamic equilibrium, triggering a collapse and the birth of a star cluster; and that’s how Yedam would describe their relationship.

They had been content on their own in the beginning, until one fateful meeting sent them into a spiral of tension and intrigue. They had been storming inside during their every meeting, emotions crumbling and reforming as they drew each other into their gravities. Now, they shine together, bright against the dark backdrop of their futures. It does get a little lonely being on separate teams sometimes, but just being able to see each other or sneak off to the studio to compose and be alone together makes it bearable.

Underneath the pale moonlight

Dreaming of a circus life

Yedam dreams that they’re dancing on the Han River that night. The moon, bright and tranquil, hangs low in the sky and provides a dance floor on the water for them; a pleasant break from the solar intensity of their mutual longing. Almost no words are exchanged, and the music they dance to is something he won’t remember upon waking, but that’s alright. All that matters is Doyoung smiling with that special sparkle in his eye that’s only for Yedam, leading him down the river with one hand in his and the other on his waist.

A carnival appears by the riverside after a while, and maybe it doesn’t make sense, but then again, dreams are never really supposed to.

Carousels and Ferris heights

I'll be yours if you'll be mine

Doyoung gives him a look and all of a sudden they’re in the carriage seat of a carousel running full speed ahead, fast enough that Yedam has to cling to Doyoung’s arm like the meek protagonist of a cliche romance drama, but it’s alright because Doyoung in his dream is laughing and holding him tight and the Doyoung in reality will never know what happens in Yedam’s dreams about him.

Another look and three words that Yedam only hears in his dreams and they’re at the top of a ferris wheel with the moon smiling down at them. Doyoung looks so gorgeous like this, bathed in pale light and watching the river below them. He lets Yedam curl up against his side as usual, pressing a kiss to his head in that shameless way he always does. Something feels different about this dream as they sit in silence, building and building as they ascend to the top of the wheel. Doyoung seems unaffected, so Yedam doesn’t speak on it. Better to keep this dream quiet than turn it into a nightmare.

It stays silent until the very top of the wheel, where it comes creaking to a stop. There, Doyoung says the only words that Yedam will remember when he wakes up.

“Hyung, I want you to be mine.” God, of course Yedam would be, there’s no universe where he wouldn’t. Still, to protect his heart, there’s one condition.

“I’ll be yours if you’ll be mine in return. Will you?”

Cause I'm lonely, I'm so lonely

If you hold me, I'll be your only

Yedam wakes up alone before he can get an answer. The sheets are still warm, and he wraps himself up in them to pretend like he had gotten one. Hmm, perhaps he’s lonelier than he first thought. Pondering his dream, a sudden burst of emotion catches him by surprise. All this time, all the hours in the studio, all the breakdowns on camera, all the soft words exchanged in darkness behind closed doors, even the few cheek kisses he had managed to push the limit of platonic for… He had already done everything needed for something to finally come out from this game of longing that they’ve been playing. Perhaps another collapse is needed, because Yedam’s star—shaped heart is growing heavy under the weight of his emotions and it’s going to break down into a supernova soon if they keep going like this.

Maybe it won’t be so bad if he does. Neutron stars sometimes remain and glow on after novas, so maybe he could move on and set Doyoung free if Venus decides to spare him. However, it’s the other possibility that he fears. Black holes are indiscriminate in their destruction, sucking in everything and warping them beyond recognition or salvation on their way down to hell knows where. Yedam has always considered himself a calm, rational person, but if things go wrong enough that he breaks… He doesn’t want to think about it.

Are you lonely? (Are you lonely?)

Our fingers dancing when they meet

The bed dipping behind him as Doyoung returns finally snaps him from his spiraling thoughts. He undoes Yedam’s cocoon of blankets to hold him properly, entwining his fingers with the hand that Yedam’s holding over his heart, warm and safe. Yedam could cry.

“Hyung, what’s wrong?”

Oh. he already is.

He can’t speak, scared that he’ll open his mouth and fifteen times the mass of the fucking planet earth’s worth of feelings are going to drop down on Doyoung, and he can’t do that to him. He just squeezes Doyoung’s hand a little tighter, hoping to convey the words that he can’t say.

“... Are you lonely, hyung?”

You seem so lonely (Are you lonely?)

I'll be the only dream you seek

Yes. God, yes. But that isn’t something he can say, not when Doyoung needs comfort more than him. He’ll keep Doyoung in his orbit, but only seek him out in his dreams. It’s better that way, safer for both of their hearts.

Still, Doyoung is insistent, sighing softly and pulling Yedam's back flush against his chest. He's so warm it shakes Yedam to the core, his fragile heart threatening to crack under the proximity. Please, stop… You can’t know how much I love you. I shouldn’t want you to love me back this badly...

So if you're lonely, no need to show me

If you're lonely, come be lonely with me

"You don't have to say anything, it's okay. I know." Doyoung whispers, his thumb gently caressing the back of Yedam's hand. "You've always been there for me when I'm feeling down. It's my turn now." It’s everything that Yedam needs to hear, the spark that he needs if he wants to keep burning, yet it pains him just as much as if Doyoung had violently spurned him. He whimpers in pain and Doyoung hums in sympathy, pressing a kiss to the junction between his shoulder and neck. “I’m sorry it took me so long, hyung. I’ve been scared, but you’ve given me the courage to finally tell you, I… I’m in love with you, hyung. I’m so sorry it took you being hurt for me to quit being so complacent.”

Yedam finally manages to breathe, ragged and stuttering. Every word, every little action that he had received from Doyoung since he had returned to him was a thundering rain cloud over the drought—ravaged riverbank of his heart that had been crumbling under the solar wrath of his yearning. Unaccustomed to the sudden rapids, his banks swell and burst, shattering the damn that had held back the tears he had been trying to stop. Doyoung holds him through the flood, whispering soft apologies and affirmations until he can calm down, let his love sink in and steady him.

“No fair,” Yedam chokes out, “I’m supposed to be the one holding you together when you’re hurting.”

“Not when you’re hurting more than me, hyung,” Doyoung murmurs. “I should have noticed sooner… Both your feelings and the way you’ve been falling apart for me.” He plays with Yedam’s hands as he speaks, melting him further.

“I hoped you wouldn’t, to be honest. I didn’t mind being lonely as long as I can be there for you.” The way Yedam clings to Doyoung’s hands greatly contrasts his words, and Doyoung sighs.

“That’s a lie and you know it,” Doyoung grumbles, though his voice holds no venom. “From now on, if you’re lonely, you have to come be lonely with me, okay? I want to love you more than I do now, to make up for me hurting you.”

Maybe it’s cheesy, maybe it doesn’t exactly eliminate Yedam’s problems at the root, but god, it’s just so Doyoung. The same Doyoung whose meteor showers of affection always seemed so distant and unattainable, but now have him bracing for impact. He always figured he would go down like Cassini, de—orbiting and confessing once he started to break down under his feelings and burning up in the atmosphere of Doyoung letting him down easily, but being knocked into romantic orbit by Doyoung’s own confession is decidedly much better.

“Okay. Let’s be lonely together, then.”

Are you lonely?

Passion is crashing as we speak

Enduring this god—forsaken competition becomes a little easier with Doyoung's light by his side after that night, if not more high—stakes. They already hide their friendship from the cameras well, and a relationship is no different; if anything they hide so well that their fans worry there was a falling out. If only they knew how much time the two lonely souls spent together, crashing into each other after spending the day apart. It’s getting to the point where Yedam worries he’s being a bother, but Doyoung always welcomes his clinging. Admittedly he’s gotten better at handling distance between them now that there's no risk of getting separated, but his touch is still an anchor after the absolute hell they had gone through together.

Like now, the night before their debut.

They’re in Yedam’s room this time, the door closed and locked against any knocking hyungs. Doyoung technically isn’t supposed to be here, but a pout and a few words about inspiration for a new song got him past Hyunsuk at the door easily. Yedam has half a mind to scold him for it, but Doyoung crashing onto his lips and lap easily extinguishes the words on the tip of his tongue. Like an asteroid getting dragged away from Earth by Jupiter, Yedam easily switches all his attention to Doyoung, his homework be damned.

He hadn’t realized how much he had missed kissing Doyoung, the tension of weeks of being too tired from practice and schoolwork and TMap filming and his own solo debut for anything other than a lingering hug finally bleeding from his shoulders. He sighs and Doyoung tilts his head just so, and all of a sudden he’s reeling from the impact of all the passion he didn’t know he had been repressing.

You seem so lonely

You're the ground my feet won't reach

Doyoung smirks against his lips, pulling back with a purr of “I knew you missed me.”

“S’lonely without you,” he huffs, meeting Doyoung’s self—satisfied grin with a half—lidded glare. He’s so close, Yedam can see the mini galaxies in his eyes. As if he couldn’t get any more gorgeous…

Doyoung kisses him again before he can think of anything else, cupping his face and disconnecting them from gravity just like how Yedam had longed to do months ago. They had kissed before; quick meteor—like moments stolen during precious seconds of unsupervised free time—bright, but never long enough to truly capture and savor. This, however, is an aurora: languid, intense, vibrant, and utterly breathtaking. Funny how just a press of the lips and the occasional swipe of a tongue will have Yedam so dazed that he can’t feel his feet reach the ground, clinging to Doyoung to ground himself, but then again it’s Doyoung , and Doyoung has impacted him in so many ways that their souls have become entwined, so there’s no use trying to resist.

So if you're lonely

Darling you're glowing

If you're lonely, come be lonely with me

They have to separate for air eventually, though they stay close in each other’s orbits, close enough that they can still feel the heat from each other’s atmospheres. Yedam drops his head onto Doyoung’s shoulder, his chest heavy with the hollow that’s no longer there. He has to collect his thoughts before he can bear to look at Doyoung again, connect the dots to form the constellation that is the epiphany he had finally come to realize in the past week of missing him. He presses a kiss to Doyoung’s neck for good luck, not missing the way his breath hitches as he does.

“Doyoung—ah.”

His pupils are blown wide when Yedam meets his gaze, glowing with anticipation and unadulterated love at the call of his name. He’s so bright that Yedam nearly falters until he remembers that he would probably see that same glow if he looked in the mirror.

“Damie—hyung?”

“You know, I’ve always loved thinking of myself as a star. Not just like an idol, but like a real star, up in space. My passion and dreams are my gravity, and it’s strong enough to generate my drive to be who I am now and improve that, my light and heat. I see everyone as stars, really, but you were one of the first to pull me into your orbit along with Hyunsuk—hyung and Jihoon—hyung. All of us, we’re orbiting around the same dream of debuting, our barycenter. You, though… We have our own, the one that I found the day I saw you leaning by yourself against the practice room wall. It was there the whole time, drawing us together. I think it was our shared loneliness, at first, but now it’s something different... ” Yedam pauses to lean forward and press his forehead against Doyoung’s so he’ll feel the weight of his next words. “What I’m trying to say is that I’m orbiting around how much I love you, Doyoung.”

Doyoung is blinking back tears at this point, his breath shaky and coming in sobs. Yedam watches him swallow, watches the way his tongue darts out to wet his kiss—swollen lips before he speaks.

“You don’t have to be lonely anymore, hyung. You’ve been there for me at my worst, and I promised I’d be there for yours. I know it took me a long time, and I should have loved you more than I did when I realized—”

“You didn’t—”

“—but now I finally understand. I know what true love is, and it’s the gravity that pulled me in, it’s the way you still keep shining even when your light is flickering and any normal person would have blown out by then. It’s the way you look at me when no one else is looking, the way you can never get your hands off me whenever I’m within reach. You may be orbiting around your love, but I’m getting bombarded by mine. Now I know how the moon felt, constantly getting hit by asteroids.”

A moment of silence passes between the two, the calm after a pair of supernovas. Twin neutron stars are left in their wake, tears streaming down their faces as they return to Earth, back down to two boys in YG’s idol dorms, one in the other’s lap. Yedam recovers first, pulling Doyoung the rest of the way down with a kiss. They both smile against each other’s lips, still exhilarated from their confessions. The exhaustion will catch up to them soon, but Yedam still has one last question.

“Be my boy, Doyoung?”

“Only if you’ll be mine.”

#this side of paradise #treasure #dodam #canon compliant #annual #i remember trying to hide the song lyrics with html tricks on ao3 but that didn't work lmao #anyway i wrote this like mid-pandemic so I'm sure you can spot all my issues through this fic

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