#only a year later than planned

[bixels]

Jesus man, relax.

#this was in response to me saying “lunar new year” on the rarity art #personal #delete later #what in insane nonproblem to get this angry about #i asked my parents (taiwanese immigrants) about this and they said we use either but prefer lunar new year #because it's inclusive to koreans and vietnamese people who celebrate on the same day #lunar new year is an umbrella term same as “happy holidays.” this person is basically getting mad i said happy holidays instead of #merry christmas. #my family and i identify more as taiwanese than chinese so. we're not gonna say chinese new year much anyways #i sent this to my mom btw and she replied with basically “die mad i guess.” love you ma #this literally doesn't matter anyways i could have said “chinese new year” to caption that post and it wouldn't have mattered #the only reason i didn't is because i plan on drawing another art including carol (coco pommel) who's korean and celebrates the same day #like. most people in china/taiwan don't care they just say “happy new year” cuz it's the fuckin new year. someone saying lunar new year is #not erasure it's not flattening asian identities into a monolith. it's just an umbrella term. #anyways happy lunar new year happy chinese new year happy tet happy spring festival happy seollal #like i cannot stress enough to you guys that these holidays are on the exact same day and celebrate basically the same exact thing. #this is not an issue.

[dootznbootz]

Odypen definitely and equivalently adore each other BUT I weirdly can't see them as the type to actually say "I Love you".

They still definitely vocalize their love for each other but it's more so in "My Joy", and "Extraordinary Woman", "Strange Woman/Man", etc. And very cheesy lines (both say some cheesy shit in the Odyssey, and he definitely does in the Iliad as well. "Joy like a drowning sailor seeing land" bit???)

I could see "I adore you" but even then, that's probably during very specific moments but the actual "I love you"??? I just typed it just now for fic shit and... It weirdly just didn't feel right and I don't know why. 😅

Idk maybe it's kind of because I see them as over the top in ways, they love wordplay and riddles and I think they'd almost think "...That's not good enough >:( " about it??? I don't know???😂

#I wrote this last night. I'll do the asks I got later. don't worry! :D #I am the cheese god remember?😅 #I think these two would try to “out-cheese” each other and whoever is left speechless first loses #“I would forget my own name before I would ever forget you” bullshit. CHEESY #And yes. “I sleep in our nest with you or outside on the dirt” stupidity >:D #I plan for Odysseus as a beggar to ask why she waits so long. As he's been gone a longer amount of time than the time they had together #(Simply asking as reassurance. He knows his answer. Calypso asked him. but what about Penelope?) but she gets mad at the #“Beggar” and pities him as he must be telling the truth about having a miserable life if he never got the chance to know such devotion #How what they have could never be sullied by #something as trivial as distance and years. How the years with him were the best in her life. Only made better by their son. #'My dear Joy made songs and poems about love a reality as that was simply the life we shared. Even separated our 'song' will always echo #no matter how long it's been. I'LL make sure it always does. And I know he's doing the same... That strange man used to say that #even if he died his corpse would drag itself back to us before he'd ever give up.' #...I'm not one for 'odyssey zombie au' but when I first heard it yeah. :'D Came up with this back then #“His eyes as hard as flint or horn-” Bullshit! The sad lil fuck is hiding sobs with coughs and telling her to keep away for fear of her #catching whatever “illness” he has. The nice thing about being disguised as old means sickly old man works. #... #I'm noticing that Odysseus has a lot of silly oneliners while I write Penelope with a shit ton of set up :'D #They are so silly and I love them so much #...I wrote a lot :'D #Mad rambles #shot by odysseus #my headcanons #odypen #yahoo!!! #sometimes I wonder if I should tag this with more things but I don't want to taint the regular tags with my bullshit :'D I KNOW I'm insane

[pallases]

PASSED ALL MY CLASSES YIPPEEEE

#personal #the engineering chronicles #on the one hand how the mighty have fallen etc but on the other. thank FUCK this semester is over #it wasn’t even that bad objectively like if i hadn’t had the musical im pretty sure this semester would have been a breeze. but w the #musical everything was so scattered i never had time to do hw and i had to skip classes to meet w ppl for group projects bc the only time #any of us were available was in the mornings except then the meetings would go later than planned and i wouldn’t be able to make it to #my morning class and. etc. rehearsals till 10 like 5 times a week just did not work on in this regard. BUT WE DID IT <3 scraped a b- out of #physics w my highest test score in that class and will likely end probability w a b #<- he put in my final exam grade (88 🥳) but there are still three labs that need to be graded so technically my grade could fall to a b- or #c+ but neither is likely #still mad abt that 60 i got on the last exam bc if i had done as well on that exam as i did every other exam for this class i could have #ended w a b+ or a- but. whatever i’m just relieved this courseload is over with. even if i will be thrown right back into everything in a #week at least there is this week for me to relax and not feel awful for failing even more classes this year lmao

[mediumsizedpidegon]

thinking about Shang Qinghua as a calamity again...

#svsss #shang qinghua #technically counts as tgcf? #just the idea of sqh dying and coming back is so compelling because in canon he literally just going through the motions. he's given up. #he doesn't WANT to die (from mbj's hand– from cang qiong's fall) but that's all he sees. it's the only end he can imagine to his story. #so the act of getting him to the point where he WANTS to stay– where it doesn't matter that death has come to take him he's not DONE YET is #revolutionary to his character (his ‟character‟– his role as well) in of itself and requires some canon divergence to justify it #and it's INTENSELY interesting to imagine him getting there #Imagine: An Ding is cruel. It is cruel and inefficient and its cruelties only make it more so. Sqh is ‟awarded‟ with the role of Peak Lord #of An Ding (this crown of barbed wire). And sqh doesn't MEAN to change the plot but– it's awful here! It's so awful that it's OFFENSIVE #and before sqh knows it two years have passed and An Ding is a mess of growing pains: of infrastructure torn down and rebuilt #but it's... better. It's hard work. It undeniably sucks and makes sqh cry from frustration all the time! Balancing the fixing of all the #shit his shizun left broken while staying on top of his usual duties is a procession of sleepless nights and little pains. (perhaps sqh has #growing pains too. change is hard for all that it's necessary.) #and then– and THEN! He's on his way to a trade meeting or spying for mbj or something else: it's doesn't matter. #And however the stage is set sqh dies and– sqh's life is finally starting to NOT suck! yqy has been asking for his future plans and sqh has #been answering. qqq found a scrap of a picture book he wrote when he was a senior disciple and demanded he finish it because it #‟had potential to increase literacy‟! He has a second command that he trusts won't stab him at the slightest provocation! His life is busy #and more than a little hellish but it's HIS. He's changed things even he didn't mean to. #An Ding's HIS. he got rid of the assholes and poured so much WORK into the people left and then the people who came later. #All of it boils down to this: it's unfair. it's too soon. it wasn't supposed to happen like this. #and so sqh dies for the second time and screams himself back to existence if not life. #the system cracking beneath his teeth– puppeteer turned to power for the puppet to consume. #(So there is a ghost on An Ding for all that only the ghost knows it.)

[strawberrysamara]

Being Jewish during winter in North America is like. You just got out of class. Everyone else is getting ready to party or doing their homework. Hope you're ready to eat dinner right now, at 4 in the afternoon!

#samara speaks #jumblr #planning 4 shabbat dinner and we got the second earliest candle-lighting time of the year tomorrow #I assume other people are smarter than me and make a roast or smth that can stay in the oven until later and only do candles on time #but not me. i'm 100% pure dumbass and just eat like i'm my grandparents

[dutybcrne]

Forever love the idea of Kae being an absolute nerd once you get to know him. Dude acts all suave and charming, then upon getting home, his time is most preferred spent reading the latest rec Jean’s given him with a cup of tea in hand and a plushy tucked under his chin. Or is constantly abt .5 seconds away from infodumping or smth, esp the more he gets attached to sb.

#hc; kaeya #//Sb in the knights brings up an obscure fact & Kae has to restrain himself from dumping MORE on the subject #//And/or giddily making plans to investigate it with Lisa later first chance he gets #//I love the idea of him Immediately after finding out Jean loves romance stories; he tries his hand at penning one under an alias #//Then subtly suggests it to her; and just Anxiously awaits what she thinks #//It’s canon that he does love making up stories so; so much #//Dude loves learning things; and the more he likes the person sharing/is intrigued by them; the more he’d wanna #//Love the idea of him specifically learning all abt things his favorite like just to have the connection with them #//Only to genuinely end up interested in the subject for himself and his own whims too; sometimes obsessing more than them initially #//Also loves collecting things; if I remember correct #//Has a lil stash of things he would LOVE to ramble on and in abt given the chance #//In my mind; it’s either collected feathers of birds he’s found over the years #//Or it’s dried/pressed flowers he’s managed to acquire through various means #//Maybe even both #//Do like the latter tho #//Maybe the feathers thing was something he started with Luc as kids; then kept to it out of nostalgia #//Then the plants was just his own interest throughout his journey with his dad before being left at Dawn Winery #//Everything he had collected in a little bag or hastily pressed in a book before an showed him to properly #//Wants to go back and get new flowers so they look prettier now that he actually knows how to preserve them #//And to learn abt them from people who ACTUALLY know them best; not just from books

[dezwade]

started thinking about Marcus too hard again. 50 dead, 100 injured

#!!! #like he was just a KID. he was fucking FIFTEEN and he died because his own DAD didnt see him as a person #he was too human to complete his missions because again he was a fucking kid #of course he was going to be petty and let his emotions get in the way #but he wasnt human enough for his dad who literally refers to him as a weapon and only saw him as a convenient replacement. #a means to end that could be discarded once he fulfilled his purpose #douglas knew he was going to die but did fuck all to stop it #but marcus doesnt know that and doesnt know families arent supposed to be full of thinning ice and conditional love #he thinks that their pizza nights and douglas' stage dad behavior actually MEAN something #and its not just douglas using him as a way to temporarily fill the void donald made when he took ab&c #so he dies in a last ditch attempt to see his dad's plan through and prove hes good enough #and then #hes not dead? #hes not dead and its two years later than its supposed to be and his dad never fucking came back for him #his dad went off and reconciled with his brother - therefore making marcus' very EXISTENCE obsolete #- even though it was supposed to them against donald. them against the world #but it turns out that was just another fucking lie #and now the world's moved on without him and he doesnt even recognize his own body #and theres this woman who says that she saved him and is offering revenge and (to him) a new family in one fell swoop #and heres the thing: she saved him. she went out of her way to find him and repair him which is more than douglas ever did #so what is supposed to do? say no? #shake off years of being taught that when someone wrongs you you have fight tooth and nail for revenge? #douglas has had two years to grow as a person but from marcus' perspective its only been a couple of days #hes never been given the time or chance to learn anything besides bloodshed and violence. #to see himself as anything beaides a force of destuction #so of course he says yes and of course it all goes wrong #and he dies and no one grieves and his own dad CELEBRATES his murder like this whole thing wasnt his fault in the first place #and just #yeah he did some fucked up things but he wasnt worse than douglas #and how can you hold a teenager to higher standards than the man that raised him

[thundertide]

Linked to: @yoroiis

Although Kagota thinks she's human with abyssal abilities, she's come to learn this may not be the case after Fontaine - And in truth, it really isn't. Caught up in an endless cycle of rebirth, she is far from a typical human, and it's taken severe trauma building up and finally breaking her in half to realize just what she is.

Her original life ended well over 2,000 years ago; born an abyssal being from a raw, primal source into a realm populated by countless factions seeking power and their own sense of control, she spent her lifetime much like she has this one, growing up alongside her partner and eventual lover, Childe, despite their recruitment by rivaling factions. Though she was trained by a close friend of theirs, a Frost Fall Herald by the name of Leandros, and more than capable of holding her own on the battlefield, she was horribly unprepared for the wiping out of much of her faction, with a fixation on any close to her aside from Leandros. With the clues pointing towards Childe, now the head of his faction, being the one to order the attack, she turned on his side, returning the favor until he managed to stop her.

Upon finding the truth - that rebelling members of his side had taken issue with their bond and sought to remove the opposition if he refused to - and calming her anger by handing her the true culprits to deal with herself, the suggestion was put forth by Leandros to merge the remains of their respective factions, and right their wrongs by taking control of the abyss. The plan was a good one, and quickly implemented, and with Leandros as their right hand, Kagota and Childe quickly took to laying waste to any others who stood in their way. If betrayal was so easy of a thing for abyssal beings, they would trample it and claim their rightful place on top, wipe it out and change the abyss itself-

However, even the most carefully laid plans can come undone, and theirs was no different. Even though they succeeded in conquering much of the abyss, becoming nightmares of the battlefield and making a solid name for themselves, they were still blind to the very thing that had brought them together - Betrayal. Namely a betrayal from their own men, working with the enemy to overthrow them, and killing them though literally stabbing them in the back during battle, forcing them to watch the other's end.

Nobody knows how the laws of the world took pity on them after their deaths, nor why. All was know was that their soul was taken on their passing and cleansed of the abyss, carefully placed into a cycle of rebirth that would see them able to begin again, united yet human... And yet even this would refuse to go smoothly, as the abyss refused to release full control. Unable to be fully removed from their soul, it splintered fragments off to reclaim and prevent them from being whole - Fragments caught by Leandros, who stubbornly and forcibly removed himself from the cycles of the world and even Fate itself to install himself as the guardian of these fragments. Unable to save his friends, he refused to allow them to be consumed by the very realm that saw fit to harm them so much throughout their life, and made sure these fragments would return to him until their rebirth. Not the abyss, not to the darkness, not to demise... To him, where they would be safe until he could return them to where they belonged: Kagota and Childe.

While the legacy of the two beings later known as Heraldic Tempest and Foul Legacy would be remembered and even feared, few would ever know of the full story - Or that Tempest and Legacy had never truly perished as assumed.

More than 2,000 years have passed since their original lives, and Kagota has seen hundreds more since, every one of them by the side of her literal other half, Childe.

For most of her lives, Kagota is completely unaware to the fact she's been reborn countless times, each life's memories locked away in the depths of her soul to give her a fresh start in each - Same Kagota, but no memories, shaped only by the time and place each life she finds herself in. There are several things that have carried over despite this; she's been trained by Leandros in each, found by him in his constant search to return the fractured fragments to the soul they belong to, time and time again, returning them to a 'whole' state. She and Childe have developed a means of tending to the health of their soul and caring for it, and have even learned a last ditch type of ability to retreat into their soul when it's damaged or completely overwhelmed by trauma, and she has been by Childe's side in every one of them constantly drawn back to him time and time again, allowing the two halves of their soul to fuse back together and form back into one like it should have been right alone, with their old friend's help.

But it is in her current lifetime alone Kagota has been forced to retreat into her soul, fractured and in danger of not only shattering, but killing the both of them all over again due to overwhelming trauma neither of them can handle - and it is in this lifetime alone she has learned they've been through many lives prior to it. While she isn't aware of just how many, the reason why they seem to be reborn over and over again, or just what their original lives were, she has gained access to some of her previous memories, and learned Tempest and Legacy, things she had thought to be abyssal power lingering within them, are not what they seem.

Legacy and Tempest... Are just another side of themselves.

Since returning to Snezhnaya with her family and gaining some help in pushing through the overwhelming, soul-breaking trauma they faced, Kagota now struggles to sort through the things she's learned, and is actively trying to make sense of it and learn more. Talking about it is difficult when she's sure even her own husband won't believe her, but... Oh, if she can just make sense of it when it makes so much else make sense-!

But... Can she...? That's the question, now... Even if she's determined to make it all make sense.

#Let The Thunder Roar [Kagota Headcanons] #Linked to Yoroiis - It's her Childe this applies to and only her Childe <3 #We've been thinking a lot about this and studying canon and the like to make sure this makes sense #Without breaking canon #And Kag's still learning a LOT about herself from it? Like her adaptability IS because of her need to survive #But it's also because she's been heavily trained for 2k years to make sure she can defend herself if needed #She's ALWAYS been a step behind Childe and that's okay? #She fits in where his skills falter and vice versa #But there's SO MUCH MORE than this - I just wanted to get up a basic outline #While it was on my mind <3 #Especially since Leandros is going to be a guest muse soon - more on that later #There's a LOT planned <w< <3

[bmpmp3]

after six years of the game being out and after three and a half years of me actually playing the game i have finally beat botw. did u know finishing video games is. fun,,

#hey its not as bad as norn9 where im only a third in after six years. and rhythm thief took me a genuine decade #im very good at taking my time #MY IMPRESSIONS its a good game :) i think i had a little over 100 hours by the end. one thing about the final boss fight though - #it made me kinda miss like true classic zelda scripted boss fights LOL but lots of fun! #some of the dlc stuff i couldnt do like the champions ballad and the sword thing RIP had to look up the cutscenes later~ #theyre tough! but also my playstyle has always been a bit of. just run and go for it #planning and stealth is not my strong suit. by the end i was running directly up to guardians and just killing them before they killed me #i can eat kebabs faster than they can shoot lasers. i am unstoppable #the soundtrack was nice! subdued obvs since its open world #but the standout tracks are really standout. of course i love rito village night ver being dragon roost island #and the hyrule castle theme turning into zeldas lullaby in the internal parts hit me #and of course the main theme is iconic. i like the version with the hard break in the middle the most i love that cut so much #i know people edited it out and in the live version its not as harsh because its live #but i LOVE IT i love it so much. mix of synthetic breaks with a fantastical and traditional sounding theme. awesome #that whole 3 and a half years before i got a copy of the game (i wanted to beat skyward sword first) i didnt look up like anything #didnt pay attention to anything people were saying. heard something about it being open world. heard some speedruns were like an hour #and i heard the theme. and i listened to that theme on repeat for all those years. so so good #now i will probably do that for totk- not knowing anything about it for three years until i finally play it LOL thats how it is so far #people have told me about it. but truthfully i wasnt really listening. sowwy. i was focused on botw orz #but i wanna play something different now. take a break. also wait until i can find someone selling totk used for under 70 cad KJDLJFKDSJDKS #i am NOT paying nearly a hundo for a videoed game nintendo you cant make me #maybe now i should finish all the other games in my backlog. or i could start 5 new ones. hmmmmmmmm

[cryptidm0ths]

Thisng that are being manifested : kaname changes state (preferably wakes up and maybe joins the cast) during the graduation events very quickly followed by himeru fs2 as they scramble to gather an understanding of themself to project outside of their self imposed role of HiMERU

#as moth ahs been saying to anyone who s willing to talk to thwm for more than 5 minutes um the only way for meru to significantly evolve in #their character arc is for kaname to not be in a coma as himeru is currently just stalling in the grieving process full of regrets that #they cant mourn for obvious reasons but they cant act anyway outside of the preset parameters of HiMERU just in case so they are stuck #they cant move on(?) #bc of the constant cloud of regrets and selfloathing/blame #and um while slowly watching them open up to crazy b is fun and all moth loves fictional characters in intenseemotional distress #and so with kaname waking up you get the relief of well kaname not being almost dead + a very direct callout of himerus plan being fucking #illogical and fueled by the worlds least healthy coping mechanism #+himeru not wanting to sacrifice the relationship theyve made with crazy b + but also just the whole mes s of youve been lying to us for a #year and the mixed feelings that come with that #and and and um moth is tired but majnly they just feel like meru is stalling in their development not really allowed to change almost just #survival instincts #oh and also if kaname dies idk it feels cheap almost like himeru and kanames relationship never gets fixed or atleast flattening out to a #more normal sibling dynamic #bc himeru regrets how they treated kaname and just need them to sort that out #god #moth is sorrybthey are rambling words have been difficult lately #hope this made sense as always #moth chitters #might delete later #oh this is vvvv himeru centric but honestly at this stage we can safely say teh si is specifically on himeru so no otehr characters exist #anyway the younger himeru sprite from obligato is wrong they re not a carbon copy of kaname and and mmm trust mlth they are happy elements

[icharchivist]

so about the xxxholic posts it just brought back SO many memories like holy shit

i haven’t read the manga in over ten years (about the time it crossed over with TRC and i was super lost, and then it’s when i fell out of manga all together)  and i haven’t been thinking too much about it ever since

and there were reasons i don’t really want to get into bc it’s pretty bleak where i convinced myself that perhaps i completely imagined Watanuki and Doumeki’s chemistry and that i was only shipping them for shallow reasons, so i never really looked back

and the gifsets from the movie just hit me violently in the face and now i have so many memories about the manga and especially the whole Eye arc and i’ve been unable to stop thinking about it ever since like holy shit. holy shit. Like yeah no i didn’t imagine shit it was peak romance over here. Like what the hell. No WONDER i was obsessed with them when i was 16. 

i need to plan a big reread of both xxxholic and TRC at the same time so at least i can vindicate my younger self, but for now i’m just. goodness. Those two. 

And perhaps i should watch the movie bc the aesthetics are on point and the DouWata scenes are making me lose my mind.

#i'm still so mad bc i did use to own all of xxxholic on paper but i sold everything at some point bc of financials difficulties #(i bought them with pocket money from my dad for years but then years later my mom got in debt so. well.) #(and the manga edition of xxxholic are more pricey than regular manga since they're drop dead gorgeous with the color pages) #but so now ten years later i wanna reread them and it's just oh right i can only just. hunt them online if i want them i guess. #bc it's too pricey to buy it all back #unless i find a bundle deal on a reseller site.... #i'll think about it though probably after December is over #since the christmas period's gift planning is going to take up most of the budget huh... #ichatalks

[itoshi-s]

one last time by jaymes young + sae : ( why did i remind myself of this song . . my tummy hurts now ajkhfs

#i'm thinking childhood friends 2 lovers #being his first and only love #sticking to him when he goes to spain #joining him two or three years later #:( he's changed so much. he's miserable and he needs u more than ever #but it's okay you weren't ever planning on going anywhere #< / 3 #sae <3

[smirk47]

dissertation whining - feel free to ignore

#AAAAARGH #HOW #HOW am I still discovering more stats/tests to include in this fucking dissertation article #I need to be done with it LAST MONTH and/or like 4 fucking years ago #and yet #!?!?! #I am in ADHD hell - everything takes 10x longer than expected and I can't seem to figure out what actually NEEDS to happen #vs what new tests my brain decides to pointlessly fixate on only to realize 4 hours later that it was actually not important at all #and like - the stuff I did today was very basic (and I THINK necessary?) ... but i just already thought I would be DONE with this now #I did 5 things today - only ONE of which was in my original plan for today #and the MAIN thing I thought I would finish today? #didn't even start it! #woof. ok. time to be done for the day and order something wildly unhealthy for dinner.

[gilfrespecter]

I love the shower I love showering I love being clean.

IGNORE TAGS ITS BEEN FIXED

#it speaks #first shower in a week bc of Top Surgery and i feel So Good #now to watch Avatar and see if im getting paid this week hahahahahhaaaaaa #my boss fucked up my vacation time that i had saved up all year for and is kind of the only reason i stayed at my job so uh!! #i might b more than a little fucked but our landlord is super chill and understanding so im not tooooo worried and hopefully my boss can #fix it before payday friday #if he cant im gonna open emergency commissions and shit and see if my parents can help but they have done so fucking much for me this month #anyway its the secret tunnel episode #im trying not to stress too much about it bc its not my fault and i had this all planned to b ok and its not :)))) but its not my fault #i feel so much better now that im clean tho so im just focusing on not worrying too much and going to the store later to get dog food

[techmomma]

Facts about your body after you turn 25, AKA things I wish someone had told me:

you will get hair in fun new places. this is normal and fine.

these places include (but are not limited to) if you don't already have them: your asscrack, your back, your ears, and moles. it's fine.

some of you, dick or not, will also lose hair. this is normal, but also if you have ovaries maybe get this checked out for PCOS.

your acne will probably change. some people get better. some people get worse. it's fine.

your nails will probably get an infection or a fungus at least once in your life. this is fine. (but also let your doc know).

how you gain and lose fat and where you do so will change. this is fine.

how you smell will change. this is fine. (fishy or rotten smells mean doctor time though)

if you have a prostate: it gets harder to pee. prostates enlarge as you age (get this checked regularly). this is fine.

if you do not have a prostate: it gets easier to pee but not in a good way. as in as you get older, your pelvic floor muscles tend to lose some of their strength. this makes it harder to keep pee in. this is fine.

all breasts and pectorals eventually sag, with the rest of your body. this is fine.

a decent percent of the population will experience a cyst at least once. some of you will make up for the rest with multiple. this is fine, but keep them checked out by a doctor. (sometimes this is a condition! get checked for that too!)

almost half of everyone gets hemorrhoids. it's a good idea to just expect them since your chances of getting them get higher the older you are. your toilet will look like a murder scene. definitely get your booty checked out BUT this is almost always perfectly normal. just eat more fiber. "but I already-" eat more fiber. and maybe suck it up and buy some hemorrhoid cream, you'll thank me later.

yes, this means you will probably need to make an appointment for a doctor to see your butthole. it's okay. not only do they really not care but 1. they've seen weirder that day and 2. they'd far rather you see them now than later when it's been going on for forty years and now it might be colon cancer. it's okay. consider it a rite of passage.

adults need more sleep than children. don't believe the myth that you need less than they do. that is capitalist propaganda to make you give up more of your life to the work grind, comrade.

vitamins and medicine, something you are more likely to take as you get older, sometimes make the toilet turn weird colors. it's okay.

if you still have your tonsils and get those little stones and get sore throats more than once a year you should plan on getting those suckers out before the tonsils cause an infection and go septic. if you're getting stones at all you should get those reevaluated every year, especially if the stones are bigger than a needlehead (or get bigger over time). it's gross and yucky. I don't care. get them looked at before you end up in the hospital.

you'll probably need to add foot support to your shoes if you don't already do. this is fine.

your body changes. sometimes it can feel sorta weird and upsetting that it isn't what it used to be. that is okay, and it is okay to be upset. just know that this is normal, it's normal to be upset or not upset, but don't let it hinder your quality of life. trans or cis, there is a certain level of acceptance you just gotta give your body and forgive your body for as you get older. it's okay.

it's okay. I promise.

[myriadsystem]

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#must not text him texting him is the growth killer #must not text him texting him would be bad because it will make us feel bad and its my fucking bday this weekend #im not letting me do that to us #but fucking god i miss him rn and a lot lately 😭😮‍💨 was there a traumaversary i didnt know about?? #the only him related traumaversary already happened in feb and we handled it pretty fairly well (mostly due to the ffected being dormant) #but still like. what did i do last year for my bday? what did we do the year before he was probably there then but i dont remember feeling #this way around last bday? which he prroobbabblyy wasnt there for? time is not easy for me #idk its driving me crazypants lately like i miss him so much i thought he was my everything forever he told me he would be #but hes not and he never was and hes done a lot to hurt me but none of it was on purpose he was never mean or violent #and looking at old pictures we look so fucking good together and old chats the way he talked to me was so sweet and but that doesnt change #the fact that at this point in time and probably never again is he actually here #fuck this noise man ive got a cute outfit ready im going to the local museum with my grandma for my bday day #and ive got weed and tunes planned for the evening there are so many things to look forward to coming soon why #why do i seem to be stuck in the past lately. like not in active ptsd mode im not triggered as the kids love to say but i just cant stop #thinking abt him and the whole relationship and wishing he was here. wishing he never left? or more like wishing hed come back #hoping that hes changed enough and that i have too to make it work. i keep having awful visions of him coming to my door after a life attemp #and im so mad at him but i cant leave him out here so of course i invite him in to care for him and make sure hes ok #and its awful because it feels like a whisper away from being reality. its too close to what could be real #and its awful not because its a dream but because the closeness to what could be reality hurts so much when logic kicks in #and i know its not reality no matter how dang close it seems #personal #i think im splitty lately. im losing more time than usual and i cant get this boy outta my head. #i hope hes a lingering thought and not a permanent resident oh that would fuck us up so so bad #idk. idk dude! everythings fucked up atm im doing a lot of personal growth but im also behind on so many other things #i just want him out of my brain. its my fucking goddamn birthday and im making this one a good one for fucking once #i can handle the other shit later but this one do be fucking me up in a major way lately the last few days. weeks? who knows