#oops jaskier is immortal now

[bounce-a-coin-off-your-witcher]

Have you ever written immortal Jaskier? I feel like I’ve read most of your stuff, but I don’t recall that? I’d love your take on it. I’m all for immortal Jaskier and Witcher Geralt ☺️

Oh gosh I’ve written immortal Jaskier a handful of times. In my longer fic “Thomas the Rhymer” he becomes sorta immortal. I also write him as a vampire and a Fae a lot... but this has me goofy so let’s do it again!!

Jaskier accidentally becomes immortal when he trips and falls into a witch’s cauldron on one of Geralt’s contracts.

The witch doesn’t know how it happened either, she was just making soup!

Our favorite pair of himbos figure it out when Jaskier is stabbed directly in the chest by a bandit and his first instinct is to punch his attacker in the face and yank the dagger out.

Geralt is both terrified and giddy.

1) cause now he can bang the bard and not feel sad about his forthcoming doom

2) shenanigans!

Jaskier becomes Ye Olde Deadpool

They put on an entire show for Yennefer, including Jaskier’s untimely and rather gruesome death at the hands of a wyvern

TA DA THO 

NOT ACTUALLY DEAD

She does not speak to them for several weeks but she IS present at Jaskier’s bridal shower

So. Many. Wolf. Games. Are. Now. Bard. Accessible.

All those weird foods he couldn’t eat before because he was allergic/they weren’t human friendly? SCARFING.

Jaskier is having the time of his everlasting life.

#bounceacoinoffyouranons #prompt fill #geraskier #immortal jaskier #oops jaskier is immortal now #geraskier fluff #jaskier #jaskierposting

[stolensilmarils]

so maybe it happens like this.

maybe there are fae living in the Upside-Down and Other Side of Things and Places in their sunlit halls and starlit gardens unbothered by and uninterested in the plagues beyond the borders of their dwellings. but the humans who now so selfishly shape earth and claim everything they touch as their own are so delightfully fun to play with and torment and maim

so maybe it’s just a common sense to keep a sprinkle of salt or an iron nail in your pocket when you go about your work in the fields or walk through meadows. steps careful, eyes sharp

except maybe there’s an unattended toddler stumbling through rings of mushrooms and chasing bees, giggles and clumsy jumps over rain puddles, whom no one cared to warn

(and human children are such marvelous little creatures - you can’t really blame the fae when this one is practically banging on their front doors)

maybe they don’t even bother to place a Changeling in julian’s place as the wind and tree roots lead him from his bed and through the window, bare feet ankle-deep in mud

maybe there is a Fae King to whom all the twisted creatures bow, who’s in a sour mood that night. maybe they seek entertainment (or maybe they just plan to tear the child’s head off)

but maybe the crown they wear is studded with buttercups and even if the child has only now learned to walk and talk, he knew singing even before he took his first breath and the poison yellow flowers do so inspire a song and oh.

maybe instead of unwilling blood taken there is a gift freely given. maybe there is the gift accepted and maybe there is a Boon bestowed

(and what boon is more gracious than the taste of grin sharp, black lips, teeth too many?)

and so maybe the child is returned home that night with dreams filled with pollen and starlight and bitter taste of summerwine. and where julian went to sleep jaskier wakes up none the wiser

his oh so dear parents have never cared, his oh so tired governess - circles of black under empty eyes, fingers like a bow, wrapped around a bottle neck. and the boy is a child whose memories still haven’t learned to cling, so maybe the days and weeks turn to months and years and life goes on

and it may not even be his singing or musical talents, that all can be him still. but maybe there are the little things that no one cares to notice or consider. because after all, who really knows how well exactly does a human eye see in the dark. who really pays attention to how fast small wounds heal

and is it not obvious? maybe the poison accidentally drunk was just a dose not lethal

ordinary people often have unordinary talents so is it really worth a notice if someone learns just slightly too fast, if under someone’s hands flowers grow just a little more lush and if at someone the wild dogs don’t dare to bark?

and if his fingers tingle while holding iron, well. he’s a poet not a smith. and if he tastes blood and ash in the back of his tongue when he’s about to tell a lie, well.  growing up, every village woman, grandmother and hag made sure to remind him that lying is bad and well. the taste of it is bad, they must have meant. it seems unnecessary anyway.

after all... the meanings of truth and honesty are not even closely related

(songs don’t count, of course. when lyrics rhyme and fit the note then they ring true, that’s a fact any poet knows)

and maybe he likes to know the names of people he meets, maybe the sound of them said out loud sparkles, taste of ripe peaches on his tongue but what of it. names have power. that’s a known fact, for names or enchantments, it must surely be the same for all

and maybe under the glow of pale stars, in the flare or fire spark or between the green spots that cloud one’s sight on a day too bright the shining eyes and teeth too sharp appear just s flash. A dream. A trick of light. (if a glamour has never been acknowledged or asked to be lifted, how could one then say it even exists?)

maybe people notice somehow. children tug on his sleeves, eyes wide, fingers reaching for his lute demanding a song. adults bite lips and flutter lashes, his music welcome in their ears, his breath welcome on their skin. but there’s something, something shifting beneath on the Upside-Down and Other Side, and it’s what soon after makes their steps away a little faster. he’s sweet, the bard, but talks too much. he’s sweet, the bard, but like his music he’s just a fleeting thing, an enjoyment for a night. he’s sweet, the bard, and he is as human as they come.

geralt, of course, doesn’t realise. amber eyes watchful and bright don’t even see dragon scales underneath the wrinkles of the old man with whom they dine. but after all, the medallion is quiet when there is no magic casted. no spells, no curses, no monsters. (a boon. a gift. a blessing, nothing more.) jaskier is as human as they come.

yennefer frowns when reaching into his thoughts, the walls of his mind sticky like honey, sweet like tree sap. (but maybe the bard just found a new way to annoy the pure hell out of her, why wouldn’t he?) she pays attention but all he does is trip over his words and feet, please. he’s as human as they come.

maybe, in the end, it happens as it often does, with the last man standing.

maybe it’s creatures, maybe it’s soldiers, doesn’t really matter what form the monsters take. but geralt is down and bleeding, yennefer is helpless and screaming and ciri, oh gods, ciri -

and jaskier’s hands are empty and trembling and he’s

useless, useless, useless bard. human as they come.

and maybe that’s when there’s the ever softest sound of hope lost, tears spilled like dew

and maybe that’s when there are insects buzzing, tree roots cracking, air filled with the scent of rain on fresh leaves, the skin-crawling hum of Other

and maybe that’s when there are the too bright eyes and the too sharp teeth and fingers all claws and after?

after.

after, when the ground is sated with fresh blood spilled, when wounds are treated and healed, then maybe all there is left is a lot of confused shouting

(‘how did you not know?!’ and ‘how did you not know?!’ and ‘of Course only you could get yourself snatched by fae!’ and ‘how dare you! i don’t even know what that means!’ and ‘precisely, you moron!’)

and after, maybe the world stays richer for one trickster, one immortal, one bard

(to his own delight)

(to many others’ misery)

and maybe. just maybe.

maybe there is a laughter in the air like clinking of wind chimes, like flutter of wings, like creaking of rotten wood, like the last sigh of a man dying. the Fae King cackles, the buttercups on their crown gleaming.

‘Now the real fun begins’

#nat wrote a thing #the witcher #jaskier #nonhuman!jaskier #nonhuman jaskier #fae!jaskier #fae jaskier #fey jaskier #kinda #creature!jaskier #creature jaskier #jaskier exactly 0.25 seconds after finding out he has power over ppl whose names he knows: 'oh neat! and now on a completely unrelated note #has anyone happen to see my dear. dear friend ~Valdo Marx~? :)' #i'm burried deep in my witcher brain rot and nonhuman!jaskier AUs #saw another post about fae!jaskier and i thought like yes! but consider: #jaskier is human. just slightly to the left #my favourite headcanon always is that he's human but gets immortal on accident somehow by always getting in some kind of trouble like oops #my also favourite headcanon is jaskier being a supernatural creature without anyone realising. him ofc including #i know exactly fck all about fae lore but who cares #like i Know there are the seelie and unseelie courts and whatnot etc but dumb posts don't need researched facts i hope #maybe one day soon or not so soon i'll go do a deepdive into fae societies. maybe not #anyway #is jaskier fae? no #is jaskier human? also no #what is he then? #he's blorbo from my shows :') #anyway my brain is incapable of writing anything of value on this topic other than whatever tf this is but! it was fun to write down so ye

[stayinurlaneboi]

FIC RECS

Pics Text Masterlists Gifs Videos Audio CGs

last updated: April 14, 2022

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Asra 

mornings 

picking outfits for the ball 

general headcanons 

home sweet home 

touch starved 

mc finds a starving cat and brings him in 

things he would definitely do 

can’t let go yet kisses 

drunken convos between asra and nadia

wintertime 

maybe it’s the magic in the air and the stars in your eyes 

lazy morning kisses 

asras tired so mc takes care of him 

he takes care of mc when theyre hurt 

something about your bleary eyes and messy hair 

baby its cold outside 

one frigid winter day  

soft hugs cold hands 

accidentally calling mc my love

cuddle hc

OT3 

domestic life 

stealing mcs blanket 

OT6 

sleeping habits 

hella affectionate mc 

they realize they’re in a game but they fall anyway 

spell gone wrong

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Humans Are Space Orcs 

rage and wrath 

fueled by hatred 

duality of the soul 

rage 

the heavens wept 

i remember

humans dont notice that there are reality bending infestations everywhere 

Prompts

fey prompt list

fairy writings

Heros and Villains

a courtesy

it was cruel of them, you could have never won

superhero and villain has a mutual friend group

a villain love story is simply superior

come to the dark side we have insurance

Cpop

bf!xukun

jealous/drunk kun

yanchen + cuddle time before deadlines

yuhua groupchat imagine

xukun + soulmate au where emotions can be seen as colors

nine percent + being protective

Kpop

bias + firsts

astro + types of affection

eunwoo + baby its cold outside

eunwoo + sweet dreams

summer dream + bias of choice

Dangerous Fellows 

short s/o

zion + touch starved

Shadowhunters

dating alec

alec + prom

camping headcanons

alec + its not jace

Teen Wolf 

skintight

cuddle puddle 

Court of Dreams 

another what if au

at the moonstone palace

drabbles

what ifs…. 

merther 

the dragon circlet

a different first meeting

pining!arthur and oblivious!merlin

arthur is so so in love with merlin he’s barely even hanging in there 

sorry, dropped your coat! 1 2  3 4

↳ first steps 1 2

The Witcher

what if jaskier was immortal lol

jask is part elf and geralt is like wbk

jask is rly good at throwing knives

immortal!jask modern au

jask and his ye olde yelp reviews

jask can see ghosts

yen is going around and invoking the law of suprise 

jask buying geralt matching hair ribbons

modern au where everythings the same except for jask

Concepts/Imagines

characters who don’t get phased by things suddenly have smth bad happen to them

imagine waking up in a fictional world

imagine killian and peter at disney world

fake married is the best trope prove me wrong

phan +  platonic relationships

being with hiccup when he meets his mother

characters eyes glow when they use their powers

the “who did this to you” trope

a death thats on the side of the good guys bc death is inevitable

fake relationship au ver2

fae are just real mad that we can lie and they cant

the fae said trans rights

some dope ass tropes

peak fantasy environment designs

free boys + youtuber s/o

i enjoy being with you turns into i want to be with you

when 2 people have been separated for too long

feral!tomoe relationship hcs

fake married/dating is the best trope

Percy Jackson

percy jacksons popular but Not Like That  part 2

percy is kind of an enigma at school

pjo mini comic

demi god conspiracy theories

lifeguard!percy

rachel is one of the richest people in the country

Short Stories

every 20:17 you become impossibly productive for just 60 seconds

your heroic nemesis is a teenager and your their emergency contact  round 2

date a selkie but dont hide her cloak

you’re a powerful magic being except you’re not

star wars alternate universe

local house ghost adopts some kids

give me your name child...

you’re now a earth parent now oops

dating mr frost and being a guardian

aliens have taken over but they didn’t plan on the old gods returning

beauty and the beast au where belle falls in love slowly

crowleys replacements dont last very long

vulcans and touching hands 

agnieszka of the wood and her dragon 

city girl!mulan 

once there was a witch who lived in the woods… 

a couple of witches decide that they’d make a better chosen one then a 15 y/o 

an old tale 

fey: give me your first born human: ok when do we start 

anakin and padmes kiddos and how much of them are in them 

magic sandwich nonsense 

morally grey captain is cursed to die and the only cure is.... 

candles are just fire pets 

pumpkins left out on a full moon turn into vampires

everyone can teleport within 10 feet of the person they love most

once “defeated” demon king

a detective and a thief walk into a bar..

the story of Eowyn

wei wuxian and what he gets away with

baskin robin commercials as unsent love letters

Text Posts

mafias and their restaurant fronts

plants producing actual poisons and humans coming around be like yum:)

pirate queen elizabeth

star trek and two dumbasses

the addams family rents out rooms in their house to students

the swan princess turns feral

dont live your life looking back 

but what if the princess went into the tower because shes the dragon

sorry but if i saw a ddoor to another world id go rip to you but in different

old lobster quote

stupid leftists and their intrinsic value of human life

the idea of showing someone the worst parts of yourself and still being loved

gordon ramsey and his various sides

me: i have nightmares about school school: this is normal

if you think you can go anywhere in europe easily have never been to italy

secretly in love with your roommate? your not the only one!

my ancestors are proud of me

jack sparrow: he’s been through it all

alignment chart

i am kind because i cannot allow anyone to go through what i did

hi yes i have your long lost statue.. do you want it?

“your fathers darth vader” “haha very funny” “its true” “no its not”

the plot of yuri on ice is just too fuckin ridiculous

science people are losing it

goofus the murder peacock

birds are really fuckin smart and you should fear them

quotes that hit different and their origin stories

art for arts sake

amateur comes from the latin word for love

matchmaking service to find a dragon his hoard of people 

lesbian fake dating au

types of stupid characters

how to subtly name your kids after comic book characters

there is nothing more human than to play

the best adaption for a christmas carol

ily in any other language is too fuckin intimate to say out loud

educating people on their pets

this lady and her mom an aunt are bamfs

tolkien went to war and based his books off of his experiences

the council of retired white moms gets a scare of a lifetime lol

children v religion is so funny

if you dont think people will document historically significant events then...

the story about the RMS Carpathia and the the tragedy of the Titanic

“scam artist” caought selling immortality in a bottle

your most important survival skill is asking for help

competitive found family

when you are effectively are a cryptid but all it brings you is minor troubles

elizabeth swan was a lot of peoples gay awakening

nude modeling is not as sexy as you’d imagine it to be

hanging out with old people rock 

its a taboo to admit that your lonely

jurassic park except they have proper enrichment programs

the aadams family rents out rooms in their mansion for broke college kids

vegans need to make peace with honey

#archive