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soliyra-the-sunbringer · 2 years

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Soli’s wishlist for Our Flag Means Death Season 2

Hey, so why not: I'll try typing up my ofmd s2 wishlist. Some of these are improbable and/or unpopular. You don’t have to agree with everything, but I’ve been encouraged to share my thoughts. OFMD Season 2 wishlist, in the order in which I thought of them just now: 1. THAT THERE BE ONE. Things are looking very good as of May 2022 but cruel and senseless things happen all the time and nothing is assured. 2. Re: the reunion: THAT THERE BE ONE. Some of you have never had your onscreen kiss and love confession take an immediate hard right into bury-your-gays and it fking shows. Furthermore the writers and actors on this show are amazing and I want to see how they do it. 3. Abshir returns! That dude is an absolute legend. I need to know what he and his friends got up to after 1x05 and I am dying to see Oluwande's 'investment' pay off, hopefully at a point when the crew are at their lowest. 4. Hornberry joins the Revenge crew. He obviously likes them (he and Stede have a 'rapport') and there is no way that man is straight. I want to see the Brittish officer -> pirate pipeline happen in real time. And I want to see him involved in Stede et all getting off their feet/getting a ship. LET HIM KISS BOYS. (Is he sleeping with Wellington? Maybe we’ll find out!)

5. Ghosthoney joins either the Revenge crew or Blackbeard crew. I could honestly see it working either way and either way is pure gold. 6. "You're STEDE'S Ed???" The many people on Tumblr calling for this are right and should say so. Every drop of Ed & Mary content gives me life, particularly the moment she finds out he and the 'Dread Pyrate Blackbeard' are the same person, regardless of how exactly that goes down. 7. Lines for Ivan (in this economy) Ok, so it looks like this one isn’t going to happen, which is tragic but it does seem to mean that there is going to be a Season 2 for Ivan to not be in, so...great?? Anyway, so the way I would deal with this is for Ivan do die in an absurdly dramatic way off-screen. It is somehow both heroic and cool and also stupid and hilarious. The actors can probably improv this one, idk. But no body, no crime, and leave it just open ended enough that he can just show up down the line (in an equally absurd and ridiculous way) if something changes wrt Guz’s schedule or w/e

8. Jemain Clement as Benjamin Hornigold. This has been hc’d so hard by so many fans...are we sure it’s not already canon? Pirate-hunter arc would be epic. 9. Captain Thomas EDWARD’S. What can I say except that historical stuff is only cool if it’s funny and/or romantic and this sh is both.

10. Doug comes out as trans, giving us bisexual (or otherwise wlw) Mary and transfeminine rep in one fell swoop.

11. Speaking of which: Izzy Hands tries on a dress and experiences gender euphoria for the first time, which serves as a major turning point for the character. (Ed and Izzy are lesbians together; I don’t make the rules).

12. Ed kisses a girl (and likes it, a la Katie Perry). Please I am dying for explicit bi rep in OFMD.

13, and this is an important one: STEDE KILLS SOMEONE ON PURPOSE. --13a. that person is a dick. --13b. and preferably a racist. This is an important point on Stede’s white-guy journey to active anti-racism.

13. Anne Bonny and Mary Read, obviously. Mary is Tig Notaro but I can think of literally dozens of actors I’d like to see as Anne and they’d all be great for different reasons. MOAR WLW

14. My favorite actors from the last major fandom I was involved in, because why the h not, is this a wishlist or what?

15. Harvey Guillen as someone extremely flamboyant and completely unhinged. He’s been the uptight, contained one on wwdits for so long. Let that beautiful little man be ‘round, brown, and proud’ and completely bonkers. Let him get in a knife fight with Jim. Maybe he’s part of the Siete Gallos, maybe he’s Jim’s long lost brother, maybe he’s just some pirate, idc. This may or may not be a Harvey Guillen stan account.

16. A new wig for Jim. Or maybe just Vico’s hair? I do not like the current wig.

17. CREW. FLASHBACKS. The people (including Samba) on multiple platforms who are calling for this are right and should say so.

18. Geraldo appears in flashbacks. He is an underrated character and Fred Armisen is delightful. I said what I said.

18. STEARD NATION. Murray Hewitt was a LOOK and I would like to see more, ty.

19. We all know that Lucius is alive, but have you consider that his life was somehow saved by the wooden finger, AKA the power of ~love~?

20. The people calling for Rory Kinnear to return as increasingly distant members of the Badminton family who all, improbably, look exactly like Rory Kinnear are right and should say so. But male family members only; we will not be doing the ‘man in a dress’ trope on OFMD.

21. SHOW US THE TALENT SHOW YOU COWARDS. The people calling for this ar-- you get the idea.

22. (can’t believe I almost forgot this one) Gnossienne 5 played on an unlikely instrument like electric guitar or something.

23. GIVE FANG A DOG. Another popular one that is also empirically correct.

24. Explicit ace rep. I don’t really care who but bonus if it’s someone we already know.

25. One time I read a post somewhere that said s2 should start with Stede standing in his dinghy with his hand upraised and he sees the crew and they see him and he is immediately hit in the face by the red silk and. Yes. That. I agree. that’s all I can think of for now, except for the general idea of ‘boys kissing,’ which really should be a given but, again, the world is cruel and senseless and we can take nothing for granted.

#ofmd #our flag means death #our flag means gay #ofmd season 2 wishlist #soliyra #wall of text #actually I think I'm just so so but I've decided to carry myself like I'm funny #spoilers #ofmd spoilers

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itsclydebitches · 3 years

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(WLW anon) I really don’t like the “bad rep is better then none at all”. I hate that. We should want good rep, because bad rep has been used time and time again by homophobes as to say we shouldn’t get representation. To me it’s not “gay can have the same flaws as het”, it’s “fix the flaws in the het”. Also I know Renora being independent was a good, I was just saying in comparison BB. Also, yes, they were separated, but also didn’t stop thinking about each other. Especially bad with Yang.

Indulge me for a moment because I want to take a trip down memory lane and list some—just some—of the queer rep that has been important to me over the years:

Ellen comes out both as herself and as her character… years later, she’s a hated millionaire who is criticized for how she treats her staff

The wildly influential Buffy gives us two women entering a loving relationship… except then Tara is killed off, Willow goes evil for a time, and Buffy comes under fire for Joss Whedon’s everything

The beloved and respectable headmaster of one of the most popular book series ever published is revealed to be gay… except it doesn’t count because it wasn’t in the text and now all of Harry Potter is cancelled because JKR is transphobic

Kurt is an unambiguously gay teen in a hugely popular TV series, acting as one of the first overt representations a generation has seen… except he’s way too stereotypical and Glee is a joke now

Orange is the New Black gives us a number of queer women, including one of our first trans characters… but isn’t it problematic that they’re all criminals?

Brooklyn Nine-Nine hosts an out gay captain and gives us a bisexual coming out story that resonated with many, myself included… except now we’re supposed to hate all the characters on principle because they’re cops

Korra and Asami walk off into the spiritual sunset together… but they never kiss or anything, so that doesn’t count either

Steven Universe gives us a queer relationship and a wedding… but it’s an issue that this is just a kid’s show and, really, does it count when the rep is embodied by space rocks whose entire species only creates a single gender? Feels like a cop-out

Same with Good Omens. Yeah, Crowley and Aziraphale clearly love each other… but you never see them kiss or declare their intentions. It’s great ace rep though! Unless you want to level the criticism that asexual characters are always nonhuman

A character intended to be a minor guest becomes a show staple and eventually declares his love for one of the two main characters… except then Castiel immediately dies, Dean doesn’t respond, and they never meet on screen again

I finished Queen’s Gambit the other day and the main character had a one-night stand with a woman! … but everyone is talking about how bisexuality is used to represent her lowest point, so that’s bad too

I could go on for literal pages. Some of these arguments I agree with (Dumbledore), others I’ve pushed back against quite strongly (Crowley and Aziraphale), but all of them are valid criticisms depending on what part of the queer community you’re in and what your expectations are. My point here is that it’s all “bad rep.” I mean that seriously. If anyone reading this is scrambling for the comment section to say why [insert media title here] is actually fantastic rep, I guarantee that someone disagrees. Or if they don’t, give it some time. Just wait until the characterization becomes offensively outdated, or another part of the story ruins the relationship, or it comes out that the author did something truly horrific, or the terminology changes and it’s labeled as “problematic” now… just wait. At some point, any rep we feel is good rep now will be criticized, cancelled, and dragged through the mud. The rep that I personally haven’t seen much push-back against—like the beloved Captain Jack Harkness in Doctor Who, or Schitts Creek that just won a ton of awards—is wrapped up in the criticism, “So it’s all just about able-bodied, cis, (mostly) white dudes, huh? :/” Even the argument that queer characters need to be written by queer authors doesn’t hold up. I absolutely adored Sense8. “Wow, a gay main character in a loving relationship with another gay man, both of whom enter a loving poly relationship with a woman, another lesbian trans main character who marries the love of her life on screen, an entire cast arguably queer due to them sharing orgy scenes centered around the emotional intimacy they share, everyone survives, and this was written by two trans women! Great, right?” Well, not according to the wealth of opinions explaining how Sense8 is horrible rep, actually. Every piece of rep we’ve got is either currently flawed or will become flawed in the future.

So what do we do with that?

That’s where my “I’d rather have bad rep than no rep at all” comes in. For me, that’s not waving the white flag. That’s not an oath that I won’t expect better rep in the future (I do) or that I won’t criticize the rep we get (BOY DO I), but rather just an acknowledgement of reality. The vast majority—if not the entirety—of rep is “bad rep” in one way or another, but I’d still rather have it than nothing at all. Because I’ve lived just long enough and studied media just enough to know what nothing looked like. It was watching all queer characters meet untimely deaths. Before that it was watching queer characters be derided and treated as jokes. Before that it was nothing but coding, where queer characters didn’t exist except in our own headcanons and interpretations. Obviously “bad rep” covers a very large range of issues and “They haven’t even confirmed this relationship yet” is a bigger issue than “This queer character embodies one or two, mild stereotypes,” but ultimately I’d take any of it over nothing at all. And enjoying what we’ve currently got doesn’t mean I’m willing to settle for it indefinitely.

To use an iffy analogy, imagine there’s a factory. This factory makes plates. So. Many. Plates. Big plates, small plates, plain plates, decorative plates, plates for every possible occasion in your life—and everyone with a steak for dinner is pleased as punch. You though? You’ve got soup. You need a bowl. Your entire life you’ve been struggling to eat your soup off a plate (it doesn’t work) and listening to friends and family claim that the plate with a slightly raised edge could be a bowl if you squint (it’s not). To say it’s frustrating is an understatement.

But then, one day, the factory starts producing bowls too. Hurray! Except as soon as you get your hands on one, you’re told you really shouldn’t be using it, let alone praising it. Look at the state of that bowl! It’s cracked right down the middle, ugly as hell, shoddily made all around… you’re not really going to settle for that, are you? And no, you obviously still want the factory to produce better bowls, but at the same time, this is a bowl. You’ve never gotten one before and you can finally enjoy your meal, even if the soup leaks at times. Sometimes a lot. But you’re still feeling better about your meal than you ever have before. And what you then begin to realize is that lots of the plates are a mess too. They also have cracks, they’re also ugly, many are also shoddily made. The difference is that the factory is producing so many plates at such a rapid pace that every steak eater is able to get by. One plate breaks completely? You’ve got a thousand fallbacks. Don’t like the look of this one? A thousand other options. You disagree about what “shoddily made” means? Luckily there are enough plates that everyone can find what they prefer! But the bowls… there’s only a few. Some are really expensive. Others are only available for a limited time before they suddenly disappear. Your bowl breaks and you have to wait months, years sometimes, to get another one. You’re constantly told to go buy this one obscure bowl no one else has heard about and yeah, you like it... but you’d also like to buy one of the bowls everyone is already enjoying. You find yourself looking at the plates and thinking, “I’d like that. I’d like to have so many options that the flaws, while still a problem, are much more bearable.” You’re still going to demand that the factory get its shit together, you’re still going to (rightly) complain about the awful quality of your bowl… but it’s still nice to have a bowl, period. There are still things you like about it, even if it’s a mess: the color, the size, the beauty of the shape of it. Its potential. You’re still pleased you have something to enjoy and that helps serve the need you’re looking to fill, even if that something is imperfect.

That’s “bad rep is better than no rep.” To bring this very long response back to Blake/Yang, I don’t think their problems negate their benefits. Is their relationship currently non-canonical and filled with a number of writing issues everyone has a right to be angry about? Yup. I express that anger a great deal. Are they still half of a team on a very popular show that is (presumably) set to be canonized as queer? Yup. I’d much rather live in a world where big shows like RWBY try to include queer rep and fail in a multitude of ways—with the expectation and hope that they’ll continue to improve—rather than in a world where authors a) don’t care or b) are too scared to try. Because that’s where a “good rep or no rep” stance leads. The danger isn’t homophobes because they’re, well, homophobes. It doesn’t matter if the rep is good or not, they hate it on principle. But if queer authors writing for other queer identities, or allies writing queer identities, or even queer authors writing their own experiences (like in Sense8) continually come under non-stop fire for their attempts… there’s a good chance that many people won’t ever try. We’re already seeing that here on tumblr with young authors admitting that they wouldn’t touch [insert topic here] with a ten-foot pole because just look at what happens when you get it wrong. And authors will get things wrong because authors are fallible people forever unlearning their own ignorance. So though it might sound strange coming from a blog that has turned into such a RWBY critical space, I am glad that RWBY’s queer rep exists, despite all the frustrations that I share about it. I think a RWBY with various types of “bad” queer rep is better than a RWBY with no queer rep at all, particularly when “bad” or “good” is so intensely subjective. There’s a middle ground between passively accepting whatever we’re given, and tearing into rep with such ferocity that we end up rejecting it all. There’s a space where we can be critical of rep and embrace the parts that work for us, simultaneously.

I hope and expect the het rep will get better too, but… that’s never going to happen instantly. To quote RWBY, there’s no magic wand we can wave to fix all our problems. Rather, it will take slow, plodding, meandering, lifetimes’ worth of work to see that change occur and I personally don’t want to spend the one life I have waiting for that perfect rep to show up. Because it’s unlikely that it will. While we work, I’d rather find the good in what rep we’ve already got.

#rwby #queer #mymetas #Anonymous

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parasighting · 3 years

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Top 20 albums of 2020

New place for Parasighting (here you can find the old blog), as it seems that Facebook and several social media platforms in general don’t very much agree with Blogger. Oh well, if we don’t change we die, isn’t that what they say? So, this will be the new place for posts from now on, including the Rodon Underground playlists (that is, if I manage to wrap my head fully around how Tumblr actually works). For now, and as a fitting starting post, here are the best 20 albums of 2020, always in my opinion and always in a mood for fisticuffs:

1. Fontaines D.C. - A Hero's Death

This normally shouldn’t come as a surprise, but it’s not like we haven’t had our fair share of scares in our lifetime when we’re dealing with a sophomore album following after an explosive debut. Last year’s Dogrel gave everyone what they wanted/expected, since basically it was, more or less, a gathering of all the great singles Fontaines D.C. had released in a 2-year period prior to that. As it seems, we are indeed dealing with an absolute gem of a band that, this time around, did anything but staying safe with an already tried-out and successful formula. Instead, they chose to give all weight to feeling, proving their songwriting genius at the same time. A Hero’s Death doesn’t contain intended typical radio hit songs (although it plays a lot on today’s radio, something hopeful for the music industry in general), instead it’s full of meaningful introvert compositions saturated in melody and atmosphere, while Fontaines D.C. themselves, despite their huge and abrupt success the last years, keep a low profile and support their material exemplary. This record is music history, and one to be mentioned for years or even decades from now in music in general.

Listen to A Hero’s Death

2. C.O.F.F.I.N. - Children Of Finland Fighting In Norway

Many have wondered about the air in Australia. Or the water. Or maybe it’s the crazy wildlife that makes one either to be on their toes all day or to “yolo” it like there’s no tomorrow. These lads right here sure seem to be the latter. It would be futile to try and get right now into the history of Australian music and what this country has offered the world, especially when it comes to garage/punk. So, it shouldn’t surprise us that C.O.F.F.I.N. have released this record this year but, then again, uncontainable excitement gets usually mistaken for surprise. It’s not that they had been under the radar or something until now, but Children of Finland Fighting in Norway is the flag all Turbojugends around the world should gather behind this year. This album is the Apocalypse Dudes of the band and, mind you, I’m not talking about copying Turbonegro or anything like that. I’m talking about the spontanity and the pure energy that is emitted here throughout. The band, although they surely step on the foundations of (especially the scandinavian) rock ‘n’ roll history, the final result can’t be mistaken with any other band. A look on the videos the band has put out will give you a total idea that here we’re dealing with original Aussie craziness, and that is something not to be messed with, if you ask me.

Listen to Children of Finland Fighting in Norway

3. Napalm Death - Throes Of Joy in The Jaws Of Defeatism

I don’t think that the name Napalm Death needs much introduction, even to those who have little contact with the extreme sound in general. Pioneers of hardcore punk, grindcore and so many sub-genres at their birth, they have been shaping much of the contemporary extreme music scene through the years. And, in order for this to be achieved, it couldn’t be without constant musical unrest and experimentation. Shane Embury & co returned in 2020 with their 16th album, in which they push their (and music’s in general) boundaries to new territories. Of course, this in no way means that it is a soft or mellow record, even for Napalm Death standards. Instead, the band incorporates even more diverse elements from bands that one could say have been their followers, only to prove once again that they are the true pioneers. Throes of Joy in the Jaws of Defeatism is a full record where something exciting happens each minute, and this is the chance for any listener that (maybe has been living in a cave up until now and) hasn’t yet captured the grandeur that a band like Napalm Death exhales.

Listen to Throes of Joy in the Jaws of Defeatism

4. All Them Witches - Nothing as the Ideal

What is “rock” anyway? If there was a faceless recipe, then everyone would be able to just follow the rules and do it. Instead, through the over-production in today’s music, it’s damn hard to find something original and spontaneous, as most bands can’t do anything better than copying a “recipe” or reverse-engineering their idols, at best. And this is why bands like All Them Witches shine brightly and justly from within the pile. Nothing as the Ideal elegantly showcases that this band basically carries a significant amount of all the weight of today’s rock music. Yes, they started off having been labeled as “stoner” or “desert” or whatever, but the signs were always there. Dying Surfer Meets His Maker was the first blast, but, with this one, All Them Witches establish themselves among the leaders. After all, how can you go wrong with a band that sounds better playing live than on their studio recordings?

Listen to Nothing as the Ideal

5. Hurula - Jehova

It’s safe to say that the name Robert Petersson is nothing short of a landmark when it comes to Swedish punk. Showcasing some fine moments of hardcore skate-punk with Epileptic Terror Attack, hardcore rock ‘n’ roll with Regulations, melodic punk with Masshysteri (among others), finally Hurula is his personal musical vehicle, where he is in absolute command of everything. And, although this is already his fourth full-length release and, thus, it’s not like we had no idea about the potential, Jehova proves to be his grand opus so far, in a sort of unexpected way. The general orchestration remains “rock”, but the multiple melodic layers all over make for a unique experience for the listener who is not limited within specific musical genres or styles. The Swedish lyrics throughout might make it a bit unaccessible to many, but don’t let this minor detail keep you from discovering an incredible record.

Listen to Jehova

6. Wailin Storms - Rattle

Wailin Storms are a “where had they been hiding up until now?” case. Although they released their debut album not before 2015, Rattle is already their fourth one, and what a kick in the head it was for me discovering them last year! Going through their discography in retrospect, one should not be surprised, of course. The North Carolina rockers always carried their certain and specific type of lyricism amid their heavy and, at times, almost noise/sludge guitars. Fitting all this alongside the mystical atmosphere and Justin Storms’ agonizing vocals, the speakers exhale a strangely attractive as well as condemning dark beauty through the speakers. Many things come to mind as to what one could say Wailin Storms sound like through their definitely personal identity; in my ears, it’s kind of like the Black Angels jamming with Unsane and smoking whatever Electric Wizard passed them through. If this doesn’t make you want to check out Rattle, I have no idea what could.

Listen to Rattle

7. The Hawkins - Silence Is A Bomb

All those that know me, also know what a huge sucker for swedish rock ‘n’ roll I am. But, ever since the great scandinavian rock ‘n’ roll revolution by Gods like the Hellacopters and Gluecifer started to happen, a lot of things have also happened in the meantime. Especially to the younger rockers, the aforementioned bands now carry a “classic rock” label, but then again that kind of makes sense if you were born around the years Supershitty to the Max! was released. Time for the new generation to show what they’re worth, then. Through the flood of copycat and mediocre bands (justifiably, in a way), luckily from time to time there will be one or two cases to stand out, and these four kids from Arboga, Sweden surely make the cut. Although their debut album three years back was definitely a beautifull high-energy record, Silence Is a Bomb is what adds a special kind of maturity in rock ‘n’ roll, while still maintaining its edge. The Hawkins take their Hellacopters, but they also add several doses of Queen in them, maybe making the final mix too soft for purists; but who cares about them anyway?

Listen to Silence Is a Bomb

8. Chubby & the Gang - Speed Kills

It feels like nothing short of a fresh breath of life, a feeling that there is still hope in this damn world, when debuts like this one right here appear out of nowhere. Chubby & the Gang are just some kids from West London who, with Speed Kills, give you, if not something else, a feeling that here we’ve struck pure gold. Carrying a hardcore tone, apart from that they’re just a bunch of absolutely fresh and fun punk rock ‘n’ rollers, and, if this is not exactly what we need these days, I just don’t know what is. With gang vocals throughout the whole record and with the average running track time below two minutes, this band has automatically climbed near the top of my bucket list of bands I want to see live at first chance.

Listen to Speed Kills

9. This Is Nowhere - Grim Pop

Plainly put: In a fair world, This Is Nowhere would be globally greeted as one of the greatest bands of today’s psychedelic heavy rock; and this is not an exaggeration. Then again, them being from Greece and their members being scattered in three different countries are not factors that objectively help. Even at that, it’s astonishing how they’ve obviously achieved a certain chemistry between them through the years in order to achieve such a feat, like Grim Pop definitely is. Their two previous albums contained a significant amount of all the mystical energy the band emits on stage, but, if you ask me, there was always something missing; something I couldn’t quite put my finger on. Well, with Grim Pop, it’s like everything is finally falling into place. This Is Nowhere have irrevocably and definitively left terms like “stoner” or “psychedelic rock” behind; instead they have unrepentantly dived into the ‘60s, distorted everything they found there through their personal prism and created an inviting sound vortex ready to suck you into its very own black hole. Who cares if we never return?

Listen to Grim Pop

10. Στράφι (Strafi) - Παραδομένοι στη Γιορτή (Paradomeni sti Giorti)

If you asked me some years back, I could never imagine myself including a street punk record in a yearly music list. I have to admit that Strafi being from my hometown Larissa played its role; but this role played a part only for me to take note of them. Because genre-wise, the band’s sophomore release is just perfect. Having gone over the somewhat general “shyness” of their beautiful debut album, here the band presents an absolutely confident and sturdy face. The sound production contains no faults, the compositions are meaningful and inspired, the lyrics carry a level of poetry rarely found in the genre (and yes, one would have to speak Greek in order to enjoy them, unfortunately for many). Really, this is one of the cases that there’s not much to be said, as music takes over all the talking. We need more music coming straight from the heart, and Strafi are here to deliver exactly this.

Listen to Παραδομένοι στη Γιορτή

11. Minerva Superduty - In Public

Another Greek entry, one that the world definitely has to discover. I find it a bit strange how Minerva Superduty started their discography, which was with an instrumental metal record that, amid its creativity, left the listener with a somewhat lack of closure and fullness. 2016′s Gorod Zero came to showcase a new potential for the band, and In Public, coming just days before last year’s end, fulfilled this potential to the fullest; well, until their next album, at least. Minerva Superduty merge their mathcore foundations with Converge-like hardcore and, under just 20 minutes, they deliver the absolute soundtrack for the chaos 2020 has left the world with. Do not let this gem pass by.

Listen to In Public

12. Yovel - Forthcoming Humanity

Blackmetal is a genre that has been through a lot. Of course, through its extremity, it has given way to experimentations that could never have taken place within other kinds of music but, on the other hand, this very extremity has always served as a twisted fortress for far-right and generally fascist ideologies. Yovel emerged in 2018 to rectify this problem and restore part of blackmetal’s infamy. Hɪðəˈtu had made clear of these intentions of the band, but Forthcoming Humanity drops like a milestone to declare that this was anything but a one-time wonder. Yovel take blackmetal forms and orchestrations but add atmospheric (not shoegazey) elements borrowed from folk music and create a concept album that speaks loudly against racism, fascism, bigotry, oppression. Interludes dressed with poetry and melody give place to wrecking sound outbursts and, if there is one thing they do, that’s passing on the message clearly and successfully. Yovel are here to stay, and that’s one encouraging thing about extreme music today.

Listen to Forthcoming Humanity

13. Oily Boys - Cro Memory Grin

Ahh Australia again. And a debut that has surely turned heads. Oily Boys come from Sydney and this is their hopeful debut, that being an understatement. This new band delivers an outburst of a record, bringing to mind New York hardcore at one time, taking you to sick psychedelic noise rock at the next. It all feels so cold and unhospitable in here, yet something urges you to look at it straight in the eyes. Of course, there are a lot of Converge elements in here, but this never stays in that place, as, before you know it, it jumps to post-punk and to other experimental lengths, always maintaining a chaos that may be baffling but, then again, you don’t exactly want for it to fall into order. Fans of Old Man Gloom will also find many things they like in here. Bizarre listen for bizarre times. It’s an uncomfortability we just cannot ignore.

Listen to Cro Memory Grin

14. The Good the Bad and the Zugly - Algorithm & Blues

The Norwegians with the funny and long name (one can only wonder after how many beers it was conceived) struck for the fourth time in 2020. Although their debut Anti-World Music in 2013 made an impact in the scene breathing Turbonegro with a hardcore twist, personally I can’t say the same for the next two albums; it always felt to me that something was amiss. Maybe it was that humor was taking over a bit too much or something. Mind you, the Good the Bad and the Zugly are not a joke band by any chance, but the playful sarcastic elements were always a basic ingredient in their overall sound. Coming on to Algorithm & Blues then, I think this time around thay have managed to balance it all out perfectly. With Ivar Nikolaisen being the lead vocalist of the mighty Kvelertak for a couple of years now, this might be a factor that has made the band mature compositionally. Algorithm & Blues is more melodic, more substantial, more sing-along-y, but it never loses its humorous charm, preserving the band’s identity. And with song titles like “Fuck the Police” and “The Kids Are Alt-Right”, you know they’re also on the right side.

Listen to Algorithm & Blues

15. Pallbearer - Forgotten Days

One of the most tired genres of extreme music is definitely doom metal. Ever since the “stoner” plague came into existence, the world has been saturated with kids that, discovering the pentatonic scale, thought they were the new messiahs drowning us in a sea of boredom. It was not all bad of course, but, having to surf through oceans of mediocrity in order to find something that stands out, can be quite tiresome. Pallbearer from Little Rock, Arkansas surely did stand out at the start of the last decade but I think it’s taken them a while to perfect their craft. Alas, Forgotten Days. The monster riff that starts off the opening title-track is more than enough to set the mood straight. Black Sabbath riffology, Candlemass atmospheres, even Electric Wizard and Cathedral hooks; all done in a modern manner breathing life into the genre which, with bands like Pallbearer, can look hopefully into the future. The incredible cover artwork and the lamentful lyrical themes revolving around family loss surely add to the big picture. This is the definite release of 2020 for doom fans.

Listen to Forgotten Days

16. Video Nasties - Dominion

Another debut of another band to definitely watch out for. Video Nasties from UK start off looking like they know exactly what they’re out for. The whole image is brought out from ‘80s horror video tapes and this is enhanced by the movie samples all over the place paying homage to John Carpenter. Musically, here we have some exceptional death/black ‘n’ roll, and what a pleasure it is when done right. Yes, the band takes a lot from Swedish melodic deathmetal but, to my relief, they surely sound like they detest metalcore and its sub-genres as much as I do. Dominion is an absolutely enjoyable record that flows beautifully, always maintaining its theme and atmosphere and calling for repeat plays. Fans of death, black, thrash and extreme genres in general will surely feel at home here. Sometimes it’s as simple as that.

Listen to Dominion

17. The Frights - Everything Seems Like Yesterday

The Frights from San Diego, California started in 2013 as garage surf punks carrying their own distinct feeling and melody. They were always enjoyable with the lyrical themes being more esoteric, something that set them apart from the usual stuff in the genre. At first, the songs of Everything Seems Like Yesterday were intended to be released by the band’s main man Mikey Carnevale as a solo effort, but something apparently changed his mind. Many were obviously surprised by this new acoustic direction the name Frights has taken, but, setting aside specific expectations, the best thing one has to do is appreciate the artistic worth independently. And how rewarded they’ll be doing that with this album! Everything Seems Like Yesterday is a beautiful introvert, substantial and entirely acoustic album, ideal to keep you company after a hangover or through many types of hard times. It’s one of those times that this type of quiet sounds just liberating.

Listen to Everything Seems Like Yesterday

18. Umbra Vitae - Shadow of Life

With Jacob Bannon from Converge and Jon Rice from Uncle Acid & the Deadbeats on board, here we’re dealing with nothing short of a super project. And especially when Bannon (apart from all his many other musical projects) decides to venture into death/black metal areas, this is absolutely something you don’t want to miss. Shadow of Life is anything but your average deahmetal fix, and it demands your undivided attention throughout. Explosive in its grim and dark temperament, and with stunning artwork dressing it perfectly, this is an album that grabs you by the throat. Not that you haven’t offered it willingly in the first place.

Listen to Shadow of Life

19. Idles - Ultra Mono

Unless you’ve been living under a rock for many years, there is no way that you’re ignorant on the Idles phenomenon. After Brutalism and Joy as an Act of Resistance, I don’t know what we all expected from them. It’s not the easiest task to surpass two albums that have set new standards in today’s punk music (”punk” being used as broadly as possible, as a term). And, to put it bluntly, Ultra Mono doesn’t do anything like that, like, it would be something impossible, especially so soon. Then again, Idles are a band just incapable of releasing a bad record and, although it didn’t make it to the top spots of 2020′s list, Ultra Mono is an Idles-trademarked sharp and edgy album (musically and politically) that preserves them at the top where they indicate to the rest of the world where music is going.

Listen to Ultra Mono

20. Protomartyr - Ultimate Success Today

Protomartyr from Detroit have always served their unique blend of post-punk. In Ultimate Success Today, they continue their gloomy journey in symphony with this dark world. Joe Casey, always carrying a Nick-Cave-like vibe in his tone, delivers his grim lyrics atop the heavy basslines, the strange drumbeats and the almost free-jazz saxophone. Always melancholic and dystopic, Protomartyr is the band this world needs and deserves.

Listen to Ultimate Success Today

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banchoaniki · 4 years

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Multiples of 4 then ☠

4: Talk show host: Imma be real w you I havent watched a talk show since attack of the show on g4 and that got cancelled years ago 8: Yankee candle scent: Fresh Balsam Fir. Smells like christmas and being cozy. Pine scents in general are god tier 12: Thing to cook: Anything that puts a smile on the face of those who eat it. Or Steak, Mashed Potatoes and Asparagus. Its easy, nutritious, and delicious. (That’d make a good dating profile header) 16: Book: Hard question. I’d have to go with Colorless Tsukuru and His Years of Pilgrimage by Haruki Murakami. 20: Holiday: Thanksgiving! I was born on it, so I have to like it. Other than that, toss up between Halloween and Christmas. 24: Movie: Uhhhhhhh, for live action, its a toss up between A Clockwork Orange and Apocalypse Now. For animated, Mind Game 28: Band: I dont follow a ton of bands, so Death Grips I guess. Its not like I dont listen to other music, but its mostly individual songs as opposed to deep diving into their discography 32: Athlete: I dont follow sports dude. Maybe like Usain Bolt cause he also has a pet tortoise like me. 36: Vehicle: Triump Bonneville T-100 40: Last person I got mad at: Uhh my former friend who’s girlfriend left him for being a piece of shit basically 44: One person that you wish you could see right now: I’m not missing anyone a whole ton rn. Wish we could meet tho jaz! 48: Ever been in love: Of course, its great and terrible 52: My room is: Fairly messy rn but I’ll clean up soon. 56: Favorite web site: Certainly not tumblr dot com. Idk dude probably like youtube cause I spend a lot of time watching videos or listening to podcasts. 60: I lose all respect for people who: Treat their partners like crap 64: My friends are: Great people! Things have been getting better for a lot of people in my circle of friends recently, and they really deserve it! 68: The worst sound in the world: Nails on chalkboard. 72: Today: Pretty ok day. Need to get a few things under control and still need to work out a bit, but studied hard and met up w a classmate to work on a project together! 76: Right now I am talking to: No one in particular, but ive been talking to friends throughout the day 80: The first person i talked to today was: Probably my dad when he woke me up 84: People call me: a lot of things im sure. Depends on who you ask. 88: Something I will really miss when I leave home is: Connection to where I live. My family’s owned my house for almost 100 years now, living elsewhere lacks that certain je ne sais quoi 92: Got a peircing: Never! maybe in the future tho... 96: Changed a diaper: also never! didn’t have any siblings or a close connected family growing up so I never had to. When I’m a dad, I’m sure I will though 100: Cried in front of someone: Oh jeez, not really sure. Maybe a few months ago, but I can’t recall what for 104: The future: Its filled with infinite possibilities, I just have to work for a future I want. I’m not too worried about stability, but you never know. Always try to have contingency plans for your contingency plans. 108: Designer Clothes: Generally overpriced trash. I’d rather buy from a local artisan that makes clothes specifically for me. Not like I don’t shop for clothes or like looking good, but theres a lot of issues in the fashion industry that I take umbrage with and like to look for alternatives. 112: Facebook: Boomerbook is convenient website that I use on occasion but I find to be fairly toxic, like most social media, so i rarely post on it. I just use the messenger app to talk with friends. 116: Reality TV: Utter trash! There are a billion other ways to spend your time that are more productive and beneficial to yourself and others that getting caught up in some fake drama with celebrities. 120: Gay Marriage: I don’t believe any kind of marriage should be regulated by the government, as its a religious sacrament. If churches want to allow it, that’s their prerogative that I won’t infringe on, but that’s in an ideal world. As it stands, I don’t have any strong feels for or against it, insofar that I think most marriages are fairly toxic. 124: Disney or Six Flags: Didney Worl 128: Manicure or Pedicure: I’ll take both, thanks 132: Kat McPhee or Taylor Hicks: Whomst’d’ve? 136: Hillary or Obama: Both are genuinely terrible people like most, if not all, government officials in Washington. 140: Mac or PC: I built my own PC but iPads do be kinda fresh tho I can see why people who don’t have the same hobbies or interests prefer macs, their visual design blows most PCs out of the water, and they’re functional for work and video editing. They’re obviously overpriced for the performance, but you’re buying it for the label and the well designed UI (generally, theres obviously some UI designs that are/were less than great by apple) 144: Oranges or Apples: While I like oranges, I FUCKING LOVE apples. So yeah, apples, particularly Fuji apples. 148: Summer or winter: Winter. I live in Los Angeles. Our winters are mild and maybe drizzley. Our summers are hellish. Easy choice. 152: Phone or Online: Uh I mean I like talking on the phone but texting or instant messaging is super convenient and, really, a very different form of communication that I engage in more. 156: Orbs: Do i believe in orbs? What kind of orbs? idk dude this is very nondescript and im too lazy to research this. Orbs as a geometric object do exist yes. Jury is still out on whatever the fuck this is asking tho 160: Soul mates: A distinct possibility that I’d love to be true 164: Heaven: I’m catholic, pretty sure I have to believe in it. 168: Luck: Yeah, I believe in it, but I also believe we make our own luck most times. 172: Are you taller than your mom? yeah shes like 5′2 176: Last YouTube video watched: Sure hope you like smooth japanese jazz fusion https://youtu.be/6GEI3PpXEAo 180: Marriage is: A great responsibility I hope to be ready for one day. It can be incredible and life-affirming or it can be soul crushing if you rush into things or just have a bad partner. I don’t mean to be cynical, I genuinely believe its a beautiful thing, but so many marriages today end up horribly, so I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t afraid of it at the same time. 184: Xbox or ps3: Whichever game console can give me a better user experience with better games and services. Right now that’s playstation, but I sincerely hope microsoft steps up to the plate next gen. 188: My bed is: A queen. Kinda messy rn. 192: I am allergic to: Nothing in particular 196: My eye color is: Green! I’m actually pretty proud of them, its the rarest eye color in the world, so its part of what makes me who I am. 200: My crush’s name is: Jaz (no homo) But also I’m not single so I don’t necessarily have any rn

PS: I sincerely apologize for this wall of text y’all

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your-dietician · 3 years

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Health Awaits: Spirit Adrift's Nate Garrett on Conquering Alcoholism Through Physical Fitness

New Post has been published on https://tattlepress.com/fitness/health-awaits-spirit-adrifts-nate-garrett-on-conquering-alcoholism-through-physical-fitness/

Health Awaits: Spirit Adrift's Nate Garrett on Conquering Alcoholism Through Physical Fitness

photo: Dillon Vaughn

Nate Garrett (Spirit Adrift, ex-Gatecreeper) is a survivor. We’re all survivors of something, but Garrett’s something was as big as it gets, a 15-year bout with alcoholism that left him at death’s door. At the brink, he chose to live.

Living is a struggle, and out of struggle comes strength. Today Garrett is in top shape and writing music nonstop. He tells us how he got this far, and what he does to stay on the straight and narrow.

(A good companion to this interview is BJ Fogg’s book Tiny Habits: The Small Changes That Change Everything, which teaches techniques for things Garrett mentions, such as starting out small and replacing bad habits with good ones.)

Given the epidemic, let’s start out with mental fitness. Do you “work out” in that way?

The primary reason I work out physically is for the mental effect. One of the main things I’m trying to mitigate by working out so much is the latent rage that I have. I guess it’s from traumatic events in my life. It takes a lot to get me to the point that I get extremely angry. But when I do, it’s really bad.

My anxiety is at an all-time low. I’ve always struggled with anxiety so bad to the point that it would give me insomnia, and I would have panic attacks. I can’t actually remember the last time I had a full-blown panic attack. So I’m doing really good, man. I mitigate all that stuff with physical activity, writing music, staying busy with music, reading. I’m getting really into stoicism. I’m getting better and better at practicing that, day to day.

The drug and alcohol recovery work that I do every day – that helps immensely. I’ve found a new group of guys that I’ve been hanging with on Zoom that’s awesome. I do it every morning. It’s a multi-tiered approach. That shit can sneak up on you. No one thing for me is going to fix my mental issues. I have to stay fluid and vigilant with it.

Tell me about the morning work.

I found that during this whole [pandemic], routine has been awesome for me. I’ve been doing sun salutation for a really long time. It gets your breathing going. It centers you in the morning, stretches everything out. And then I’ll walk the dogs. It’s kind of a core workout because they’re really strong, and they pull because they’re still puppies. Then I get home, and at the same time every morning, I meet with the group of guys.

Again, it’s about centering yourself. It’s about being vigilant about your thoughts. Your thoughts begin to dictate your actions, which begin to dictate your habits, which over the course of weeks and months and years—then that’s your life. Your thoughts become your actions become your habits become your life. Your life is essentially habit on a long enough timeline. The key is breaking bad habits or reducing bad habits and increasing good habits.

When you got sober, did you stop one big habit cold turkey, or did you gradually stop small habits?

The gradual thing didn’t work for me, and I don’t think that works for a true alcoholic. My drinking career was about 15 years. I started when I was 12 or so, stopped when I was 27. Throughout that drinking career, there were countless times that I was like, “I’m going to stop.” But stopping forever never seemed possible or appealing in any way. The first time I got drunk, I was like, “I’m going to die drunk, because this fixes everything wrong with me, and it’s worth it to live a shorter life and die a horrible death if I get to be drunk every day and all of my problems are solved.” But the problem is, eventually you find out that dying a physical death from alcoholism is not good. It’s not quick. It doesn’t just end. It’s really shitty.

Your situation had a name, alcoholism and drug addiction is its sibling. But I would argue that most people have something similar. It just doesn’t look as dire. Maybe one is trapped in a bad relationship or in a job from which one needs money. What would be your advice to people wanting to drop that monkey off their back?

You just have to recognize the internal window of opportunity for action. It might take years for that to come. For the last two or three years of my drinking, I didn’t want to do it. I was trapped. And, yeah, it’s not just drugs or alcohol that can convince you that you need them. But I think we all have an internal gauge for our true selves and our true purpose and our true path to serenity and peace in this life. It’s been called different things by different people. Crowley calls it the holy guardian angel, our truest version of ourselves that’s connected to our purpose in this life.

Any day that you wake up could be the day that you are given whatever chemical reaction in your head that creates some kind of mood or some perspective shift where you say, “Fuck it, today is the day that this ends.” You don’t have to change your whole life in that moment. It’s corny, but you just take one step. Like Harley Flanagan, whom you just spoke to, said, if you’re sitting watching Netflix, get down and do a few pushups. And don’t feel bad if you can only do five pushups, or one or zero. And then just do that the next day, again.

Dude, six years ago, I was dying. I was basically in a state of paranoid schizophrenia. I had drunk myself into a complete mental illness that I didn’t even know was in me, or that I didn’t even know it was possible for me to experience. My internal organs were failing. I couldn’t eat. All I could do was drink alcohol. And if I stopped drinking alcohol on my own at home, I was going to die. Talk about an impossible condition. I really truly didn’t see a way out of it. I was certain I was going to die miserable and insane. But six years later, I’ve never been happier. And I’m not special. I just took a little bit of action.

Garrett in his home gym.

Did you pursue fitness when you were a drunk?

Hell no [laughs]. I was too fucked up.

Do you think physical fitness filled the space that alcoholism left?

Yeah, partially, and re-engaging and falling back in love with the stuff I was doing before I got in such bad shape. Falling back in love with listening to music and writing music. Falling back in love with interacting with people. I wasn’t interacting with any people at the end of my drinking at all, except the people in my head that didn’t actually exist.

When I was growing up, I was very active in sports. I always loved doing outdoors stuff. I played baseball for a really long time. I was a really good pitcher. My best friend growing up was a state champion wrestler in Oklahoma and a Golden Gloves boxer. We started a little amateur boxing group between our friends. We would just box each other in the front yard. I started lifting weights in high school. I really dug lifting weights and listening to Carnivore or Black Flag. That stuff always helped me with dealing with trauma and pain in my life, even from an early age.

But when the drinking and craziness took over, all of that stuff took a back seat to the real priority, which was staying out of my mind 24 hours a day, for years. By the end of my drinking, I wasn’t capable of doing anything. I couldn’t even eat. I was weak and dying. I had a terminal condition, and I still treat it to this day.

One of the first things that I did coming out of detox—we went to Target, and I bought running shoes and a pair of shorts. And I just started running, and running, and running. I was running all the time, every day. I think that helped me physically from the damage I’d done to myself. But it also burned up a lot of that obsessive excess energy that had no outlet. Alcohol had been my outlet for all this obsessive, crazy energy. So I wanted to make sure I didn’t just stop that obsession and sit there with no new obsession and no place for that [energy] to go.

After you got sober, you got back into lifting weights. Tell me about that.

The first serious weightlifting memory that I have was two years later, on tour with Cannibal Corpse. Alex Webster—who you should definitely talk to for this, he’s a fitness guy, a big runner—he came out with the sectioned dumbbells from which you can pull out different weights. A couple of guys on the crew busted out a fuckin’ bar and plates and all this stuff. And like I said, when I was 17, 18, I was big on compound lifting, like bench press, squats. But these dudes got me into deadlifting. And I was hooked immediately, to the point that we were doing it every day. And on subsequent tours with Gatecreeper, Eric Wagner and myself would bring a bar and plates and rack, and we would do deadlifts and squats and bench presses every day that we could.

Are Cannibal Corpse putting the rack and weights below the bus?

Yeah, underneath. For us, it was way more of a pain in the ass. There was skepticism from some of the other guys in Gatecreeper at first because we just had a trailer. But it worked out. We figured out a system. We put the plates up in the front corner. We put all the weight stuff in the front of the trailer so that we could unload the gear, bust the stuff out on the street, work out real quick, and put it back. At the end of the night, it’s already in there, out of the way; we put the gear back in and go.

When you say street, you mean next to the venue.

Yeah. We played House of Blues in New Orleans, which is right in the middle of the French Quarter. We had this motherfucker set up on a main street in the French Quarter. We were doing heavy squats, and, man, it was fun. We met some characters doing that, all over the world. In Canada, we had some drunk guy fall into the bar and almost knock it over because he was trying to show us how it was done. In New Orleans, there was this dude from Oklahoma who was a former football coach. He came over and started talking shit to all of us about our technique. I just kept calling him, “Coach”. That was fun. A drug dealer came over and did some squats with us.

When are you doing these workouts before the show?

On the tour that we had all that equipment, it would be after load-in and before doors. On the last Spirit Adrift tour, I would do resistance band stuff and shadowboxing. On the last tour I did with Gatecreeper, I would actually find the closest boxing gym and go fuck around, which was really fun, to see each individual city’s boxing gyms. If I couldn’t find a boxing gym, I would just go to a regular gym and run or lift weights. I did that every day of that tour.

Garrett with Maleek Jackson at his boxing gym in Philly.

Tell me about staying sober on tour. Obviously, you’re seeing drinking and substance abuse around you.

It might actually make it easier. We run into people that probably shouldn’t be drinking and doing drugs the way that they are. A lot of fellow musicians and fans will talk to me when they’re fucked up about not wanting to be fucked up. So it’s a good reminder.

The program that I’m in, if you do it right, it works. I’ve never seen it not work with somebody that actually puts the effort in and does it. One of the things that happens early on is that the obsession is lifted. No one knows how far into sobriety that will be. But it’s happened to every single person that works the program that I’m in. At one point the obsession was lifted for me. It was well before I went back on tour.

Another thing that helps is seeing people. I know a few people that have kind of followed in my footsteps. There’s people whose footsteps I followed in also. It’s inspiring to see somebody that’s struggling and know that by saving my own life and improving my own life, that it may lay some groundwork for somebody to follow suit. That’s all way better than whatever fleeting experience I would have by getting drunk, which would inevitably ruin my life in the end.

Nita Strauss said that calories count on the road. Would you agree with her?

Yeah. I’m probably more active on tour than at home, despite all the sitting in a van. There’s a lot of walking. I load the gear every single night. I think I might eat more frequently on tour than I do at home. But I try to be super mindful. Thor from Swans wrote that thing about touring years ago, and one of the things he talked about was eating oranges for fiber, or just eating a piece of fruit. And I’m real big on that. You can get an apple and a banana almost anywhere—at a truck stop, in any state.

It’s a mental health thing. I don’t like feeling like shit. And there’s enough stuff on tour that builds up to make you feel like shit that you don’t need to be adding on to it in any way, shape, or form. You’re not going to get the right amount of sleep, which is really difficult for me. I read that a lack of sleep leads to an increase in negative thoughts, and I was like, “Oh, wow, that explains a lot.” I don’t have a capacity for an increase in negative thoughts. On tour, sometimes I’m like, god, I literally want to fucking kill everybody, and I don’t know why. So, I definitely don’t want to exacerbate an already fucked up, twisted brain by eating like shit.

Sometimes you have to. We eat a lot of Taco Bell on tour because I feel like it’s the lesser of the fast food evils. Even if the quality is shit, beans and rice will provide you with some protein and stuff like that. I eat as much fruit and vegetables as humanly possible. I hit grocery stores as much as I possibly can. I like to keep a stock of fruit and vegetables and kombucha. Kombucha is huge. I drink that stuff every day if I can.

What does it do for you?

Part of it is that it burns my throat and my esophagus in the same way that whiskey did, which is really nice. It just makes me feel good. It makes my blood feel a little on fire. I joke that it’s like a microdose of alcohol. I’ve been drinking kombucha since I got sober, and it hasn’t led to anything bad happening, so I think it’s OK.

What’s your diet like at home?

Pretty good. I’m not that strict on anything. My wife works for Whole Foods, so she’ll bring home good groceries. We do a lot of smoothies and fruit in the morning, usually some kind of chicken thing for lunch, just basically experimenting with all the different ways you can eat chicken. Lots of rice and veggies and stuff like that. We’ll plan a meal out where we’ll go fucking insane. But for the most part, simple meals at home.

Where do you get health and fitness cues from?

Right after I got sober, I started listening to the Joe Rogan podcast. I really enjoy it, man. I do get some of it from following MMA fighters. I’m really, really obsessed with MMA and boxing, more so MMA these days. David Goggins—when I found out about that guy, I started religiously following him.

Tell me about stoicism. What have you been reading?

A couple years ago I read Marcus Aurelius’ Meditations, which is kind of *the* book for stoicism. Before that, Marcus [Bryant, Spirit Adrift drummer] gave me the Tao Te Ching, which is proto-stoicism in certain ways. Most recently, I went and got Ryan Holiday’s books. There’s three of them. I read all three of them real quick. They’re almost like “Stoicism for Dummies,” and I don’t mean that as an insult at all. I think he would probably agree with that. I’m going to keep reading, because I like it a lot. Also, the recovery program I’m in, it’s an amalgamation of a lot of different things, but it draws heavily from stoicism. It took me a while to realize that. I think that’s where it started creeping into my life, through recovery.

For working out at home, what do you have, and what do you do?

I have a—I think PRx is the company—it’s a foldout rack. And I got a foldout bench in the garage. I do squats and overhead press, pullups, deadlifts, any sort of super-heavy compound lifting out there. We have a workout room which is more where my wife does her thing. I have an Aqua Bag in there, which is great. It’s just a big bag filled with water that you punch. So I work on my boxing in there. We have kettlebells and that sort of thing.

Do you write out your reps and sets?

It’s just kind of based on how I feel. I keep a loose track in the back of my mind about not doing anything two days in a row. If I feel like I’m good to go, I’ll do something. And if I feel like I should do something else, I do something else. If I feel like I should go run three miles, I’ll do that. If I feel like I’m slow, I’ll go do something that doesn’t require dynamic muscle movements, like I’ll go deadlift or something. If my back is hurting, I’ll do pull-ups and try to stretch my spine out a little bit. I don’t really adhere to anything all that tight. What I do is I make sure that I’m doing whatever I need to do every day to maintain consistency and discipline and also my mental health.

How do you handle rest and recovery?

Unfortunately, I don’t rest or recover enough. I keep saying I’m going to start doing yoga and stuff, but I really don’t do it. I went back to Arizona for a week to record an EP that we just did, and I didn’t do any working out for a week. And I was amazed at how good I felt. Because of the fact that my primary motivator for going so hard physically is to mitigate my mental issues, I don’t like to rest. When I rest, I sit there and I think.

With Austin kickboxing crew (featuring Blk Ops’ Champ Morgan, second from left)

Maybe recording filled that space for that week.

It did 100%, yeah. A lot of people don’t realize that thinking and mind activity burns calories. It literally burns energy. So, you can sit and be working on a record for 12 hours a day, and you’re not doing anything crazy, you’re not lifting anything heavy, your heart rate’s not being accelerated—by the end of the day, you feel physically exhausted, not just mentally exhausted. It’s because your brain is on overdrive.

Would you draw any connection between physical performance and musical performance?

I know that the more in shape I am, the better I sing. Singing is a very physical activity. And, playing, too. You just have more stamina. There’s a definite connection there, absolutely.

It helps to look good on stage, too.

Yeah, that’s important, I guess. One thing that I do keep in mind is, depending on what’s coming up in my musical life, I might change what I’m doing with my workout routine. So, knowing that I’m going to have to sing, I might start powerlifting less and running more to lean more into the cardiovascular training and be a little more light feeling with my muscles.

For someone who’s starting from ground zero and has been sitting on the couch and eating badly, what’s your advice to them?

If you want to change bad enough, just take that first step. If I could get out of the hole that I was in, anyone can do it. It might seem impossible, and I know that it’s easier to just sit and stew and wish that things were a certain way. But all you have to do is start. It’s going to take a while. Like I said early on, it’s all about habit. You just set a goal, and you work at it every day, every single day, just a little bit.

I was addicted to drinking whiskey. All I wanted to do was drink whiskey, that’s it. Now I’m addicted to stuff that’s not only not killing me, but actually improving my health. That just came over time and repetition and forming a new habit. One day you’ll look back and be amazed at what happened.

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teddy-feathers · 6 years

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Mom said once "I hope you feel better tomorrow" and I got upset I think because honestly this isn't going away. Ever. I just get to live with this the rest of my life and at the time I was really upset.

I think it was because I was scared that there was never going to be a better tomorrow.

But just because I'm not going to get better doesn't mean I'm not going to be able to cope with it all better. That I won't learn to take care of myself in a way that makes my tomorrows better.

And yeah there's going to be shit days. Hell even some of my best days can be pretty shitty.

And no I'm not going to be okay.

And lord knows I'm sorry you have to deal with me on shit days...

But I also... My shit days are still me. And while I'm also hoping for a better tomorrow, that I'm coping better then wont change that I'm still me at my worse.

I'm hoping for better tomorrows but I'm also trying to learn and force not only myself but the world around me to accept and realize that I still am me and you still have to meet me at my level when I'm not okay.

It's exhausting and practically impossible for me to hold myself to the standards I used to try for - that even when I'm not okay I'm okay, that I still can push myself to comform to how I "should" be.

I'm not hoping for a better tomorrow to cut out the parts of me I dont like anymore, to suddenly get a handle on shit and be able to just not have shit days.

I'm hoping for a better tomorrow where I allow myself to exist as I am. Where other's do too.

And again yeah maybe I'll learn some neat tricks that'll let me turn thirty spoons for a week into fifty or stop me from loosing all the spoons and struggling to find the god blessed drawer or whatever metaphor you prefer, but this is me.

It doesn't stop being me because I'm having a shit day. Doesn't stop being me because I desperately dont want to exsit and I indulge in wallowing in thst feeling, doesn't stop being me because I'm difficult at the time or its inconvenient for myself or some one else that I'm not okay.

My being exceedingly problematic doesn't mean I have to sequester myself away until it passes just so its not uncomfortable for other people.

Depressed!Me and Anxious!Me don't get turned into Functioning!Me and suddenly forget that underneath all the finery I'm still a pumpkin - that I'm NOT avpd!Me just because today is a better day.

And just because you can make pumpkin pie doesn't mean you have to or that ...

Any ways I lost track of my thought

I think...

People try to tell you dont let your whatever define you. The thing is is that it comes across as "even though you are this thing, you dont have to be" which isnt true. You ARE that thing. Youre so much more sure but ignoring that and pretending that the "good" is all thats there is denying a very real part of you that is STILL THERE even on the best days or the ones where it doesn't effect you.

"You can get better - dont be anti recovery - it isnt healthy to - " some things dont get better and thats honestly okay...

Or it should be.

I mean. I have brown hair. My coloring it doesn't change that its brown. My trying all the tricks in the book might not stop it from growing no matter what I do to eradicate it or stoping the fact that its a real part of me. My choosing not to color it doesn't make it less brown, my not fighting it and accepting that I'll always be hairy doesnt make me

Look

Just look okay?

Knowing what is wrong with me and saying yeah this is my problem it defines me

isnt necessarily a problem like everyone seems to want to make it out to be

So MUCH of my life makes sense, my desicions and actions and feelings

Like if i went out and got an eval that said "im a quiet person" and yall said "dont let that define you! You can be loud and talkitive!" Like yeah sure allow me to just rewrite myself to please you. Allow me to just make myself feel like shit for being soft spoken and force myself to fight it instead of making it work for me or learning to work around it.

And who knows maybe youre write. Maybe if i work at it someday ill have out grown my problems. Great. It definitely wont be because I tried every thing in the book to make the problem go away.

Hell who knows maybe im full of shit or this only applies to me but

The problem isnt the problem its our attitudes about the problem.

On a personal level

On a social and societal level

Like fucking hell let people have problems

Let people deal with those problems

People ARE more then their problems but whenever someone tells me - regaurdless of what is meant - to not define myself by my problems all I see is "your slip is showing tuck it back in"

Like dude we have so many lables to try and define and explain and communicate who we are.

The problem isnt that im happily waving around "problem flag number 5" its that you dont want that to be part of the main show when damn if it dont kinda carry the plot.

Its a fundamental part of who i am and NONE of my life made any sense before it was pointed out.

"Why didnt you, why did you, what do you mean you dont know how csn you not know?!?"

Dude its because Im avpd.

Oh teddy ran away from home and lived on campus and ate out of a trash can for a week or two

Or teddy didnt tell anyone she didnt want to do this if she had just said something

Oh teddy why dont you want to go back to school i dont want you to waste your fine mind

Teddy learn from our mistakes, ask for help, use our experience!

Teddy youre not stupid so why are you acting like it

Just seriously there is so.much in my life where I and every one around me was going "why are you doing that you dont even want to be doing that it DOESNT make any sense"

And i was left floundering to explain things I couldnt explain.

A good 80% if not more of my life is because of or directly related to my problem.

I am defined by it - hell I am who I am because of it.

And yeah I'm hoping for a better tomorrow but like i said its still going to be a huge chunk of who i am.

Maybe its like cowardice. If you're brave you gotta admit you were afraid. The more bravery it took to do something the bigger coward you really are. We all want to be a brave dude but we pretend like a brave dude aint just a coward who ran screaming despite himself towards the thing he didnt want to do.

"Youre not a coward, don't let fear define you!" Dude I'm the biggest fucking coward and even if tommorrow I walk through the valley of the shadow of death with a song on my lips that wont change the fact I AM a coward.

Also I dont have to define my successes by anyone elses standards.

Maybe my act of bravery today was not brushing my hair, not finding my name badge, not wearing my work boots. I mean yeah most days i manage the mage those things but TODAY it was a trial to go to work - in fact i was 20 mins late.

And hell if i loose my job again? Do you get to say im letting my problems get the best of me? Fuck no. You dont get to say shit.

I get to say i have my problems i cant deal with this. I wont deal with this.

Im not letting it define me, im accepting my own limitations and no longer killing myself trying to pretend that there's a cheat code to get around them.

Just whatever. Too long a rant and my phones dying. Love you.

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trashmammal-lee · 7 years

Text

okay, so here’s a commission I wrote for @novaspeaks! they requested some egobang with roller coasters and some panic attacks, so HERE WE GO.

(psst, if you like what ya see, consider commissioning me!)

Being back home was a good time for Dan. He took it to relax after months of Grumping and touring, and to spend some well-deserved time with his family.

Having Arin there didn’t change it by much, but it did occupy most of the family time he had hoped for.

“Yo, babe, we should go to an amusement park.” Arin poked Dan in the side as they laid opposite each other in Dan’s childhood room. Dan looked away from his phone to focus on Arin, whose eyes were wide with wonder.

“You mean the place with all the death traps and the few kiddie rides that still go way too fast to be considered child-friendly?”

“Exactly.”

“I think not.” Dan goes back to scrolling through Instagram before he’s interrupted by Arin draping himself over him.

“But Daaaan,” he whined, “We’ve been here for like, 3 days, and we’ve done nothing fun.” Dan cocks an eyebrow at him. “Sex doesn’t count.”

“Wow, so sex with me isn’t fun anymore?” Dan spoke with feign offense.

“It’s always fun, but it’s not Six Flags fun.” Arin waggles his eyebrows at him. Dan sighs as he puts his phone beside his head and begins to pet his boyfriend’s hair. Arin leaned into the touch and Dan sighed again. He couldn’t just deny Arin of some fun.

“Alright, we’ll go.” Arin’s smile widens and he leans forward to plant a kiss on Dan’s lips.

“Yay! Thank you, Danny.”

“But, we’ll go tomorrow. That way we have extra time for you to do some extra…” Dan rolls over and he’s on top of Arin, looking down at him with a heated look, “Convincing.”

“Damn, I thought my good looks would be enough, now I gotta put my blowjob skills to the test, too?” They both laugh and Dan kisses Arin.

“You most definitely do. Now let’s get started, because my family’s gonna be home soon, and I’m sure Avi doesn’t want to catch his son and his boyfriend making sweet love.”

“Wow, it’s just like being teenagers again.”

“Or like being a 22 year old virgin, sure.” Dan snickers, and Arin pulls him closer.

“We’re wasting precious convincing time. Now kiss me, you fucking idiot.” Dan giggles against Arin’s lips, and the hand that slides into the back of his pants has his giggle turning into a nervous moan. Another kiss to his neck and Dan’s mind slips away as the touches grow more desperate.

…

Arin wakes Dan up at 5 in the morning.

“Dude, the park opens in a few hours, let’s go out and get breakfast beforehand.” Dan groans into his pillow as Arin shakes him awake.

“Arin, it’s like, too early in the morning.”

“It’s just early enough, now get your skinny ass up or I’m leaving you here.” Dan turns his head to the side, seeing that Arin’s in the process of dressing himself. God, was he this dedicated to going to some stupid park?

“Fuck, fine, I’m awake.” Dan yawns, climbing out of bed and rubbing the sleep out of his eyes.

“There’s my special boy,” Arin lifts up Dan’s chin and kisses him softly.

“Gross, you gonna kiss me with my morning breath?”

“You have to deal with my gross everything, I’m sure I can stomach your 5 am dragon breath.” Dan flips him off as he stumbles his way to the bathroom. Arin follows closely behind him, buttoning up his red flannel as Dan steps inside the bathroom and grabs for his toothbrush.

“So, we’re gonna hit up the little waffle house right off the highway, and then we’ll make our way to Six Flags.” Dan nods sleepily as he squeezes toothpaste onto the brush, running it under the water and watching through the mirror as Arin messes with the buttons on his shirt. Arin meets his eyes in the mirror and winks, causing Dan to blush as he continues to brush his teeth.

“You should hop in the shower, too.” Arin nods his head over to the tub, and he gives him a knowing glance.

“Arin, we’re not fucking in the bathroom.” Arin frowns, “At least, not the bathroom here.”

“Are you telling me you’re down to pound in the waffle house bathroom?”

“No, Arin, I’m not.” Dan places his toothbrush down and turns to face Arin, leaning back against the sink, “I’d rather not risk getting arrested in New Jersey, of all places.”

“Even when the risk involves fucking me?”

“Especially if the risk involves fucking you.” Dan ruffles Arin’s hair and shoves him out the bathroom, “Now if you excuse me, I’m gonna take you up on that shower offer.” He shuts the door in Arin’s face, and he can practically feel Arin’s pouting through the door.

…

“So, what do we go on first?” Dan asks as they make it through the entrance, Arin’s arm linked with his own.

Arin smiles wickedly at him, and points.

“We go there.” Dan follows Arin’s finger and his blood runs cold at the sight. The rollercoaster was insanely high up, and looking at it just drew intense fear to Dan’s entire body.

“Ha, ha ha.” Dan laughed weakly, “That’s funny, now how about we go on something that doesn’t look like threatening and deadly?”

“Daniel, please, we have to go on it. Sources tell me it’s the tallest one in the world.”

“I refuse to believe that that world’s tallest anything would be in Jersey, of all places.” Arin holds up a finger as he pulls out his phone and hands it to him.

“Read for yourself.” Dan looks over the text of the article Arin has pulled up. Lo and behold, the tallest rollercoaster was in fact in Jersey.

And it was, in fact, the very one that Arin’s trying to get him on.

“You’ve got to be shitting me.”

“Dan, I heard about it like, forever ago, and I wanted to go on it. But I really don’t want to do it alone.” Arin frowns at Dan, giving him a pleading look as Dan looks between Arin and the coaster. On one hand, Dan liked living and breathing and running from the few things in his life that he found frightening. On the other….he didn’t want to let Arin ride this suicide machine by himself.

“Alright, alright,” Arin squeezes Dan’s hand, “But only because I can’t let you die alone.”

“That’s very noble, Daniel,” Arin begins to pull Dan in the direction of the coaster, “and if you die, I’ll make sure to let the fans know that you definitely didn’t die screaming like a little girl.”

“Wow, that’ll make me a legend for sure.” Arin kisses his cheek.

“Hell yeah it will. Now come on, I wanna get there before the line gets ridiculous.” Arin pulls Dan along, and Dan hopes for a long line.

…

Much to Dan’s dismay, there had been very few people in the line. Arin dragged Dan to the ride’s entrance, and a disgruntled teen looks them up and down, scoffing as they noticed Arin holding Dan’s hand.

“Brother’s got you trying out the big kid rides, huh?” they say, smiling at Dan. Dan recognizes this tone. They’re flirting and before Dan can reply, Arin kisses his cheek.

“My boyfriend and I are trying out the big kid rides, thank you very much.” Arin responded. The teen rolls their eyes and unlocks the chain, pulling it aside as Dan and Arin make their way to an empty ride car. Smack dab in the middle, it’s the safest in Dan’s opinion.

“So, you excited?” Arin bounces in his seat as more people board.

“Pumped.” Dan responds weakly. He was less than excited to be on a rollercoaster, let alone the fucking tallest one in the world. He can’t believe he agreed to this. He could get off now, leave Arin to experience this on his own, he could-

The rail locks on him, and he can’t move. Fuck.

The teen who hit on him proceeds to rattle off rules and safety procedures, and then the car is moving. The ride is slow, god, Dan hates this, it’s so slow, and with Dan’s knowledge of rollercoasters, the slowness is always quickly accompanied by unnerving speeds.

The ride up goes on forever, it seems, and Dan grabs for Arin’s hand. He looks around, fuck; he can see the entire park now. He can see the parking lot, god how fucking high up are they? He can spot his own car, fuck, he needs this to end now, he can’t, he can’t, he fucking can’t.

“It’s gonna be okay, Dan, it’ll be over before you know it.” Arin speaks in a reassuring tone, but Dan can’t believe him. They’re so high, the ride could break and the fall down could kill them instantly. His hold on Arin’s hand gets tighter as they reach what he believes is the top. He looks down, and he can barely see people, his vision is blurry, and the ride halts.

“We’re going to die.” Dan whispers, waiting for the drop. He closes his eyes, and waits.

He waits.

He keeps waiting.

Now he’s waiting for an entire minute. The ride’s been moving, but in short bursts, and they haven’t moved from the top. The other passengers begin to complain.

“Arin….why aren’t we dropping?” Dan whispers.

“I...I have no idea, it should have gone by now.” Arin’s just as confused as everyone else.

The ride keeps moving and halting, and it’s becoming aggravating to Dan until a static voice comes through a mini speaker off to the side.

“I’m sorry, folks, we seem to be experiencing some technical difficulties. As it’s very early on in the day, our technician isn’t here yet, so you might be stuck here for a while,” the whole car whines at this, “We’re really sorry for the inconvenience.”

“Oh my fucking God.” Dan whispers, voice full of fear. They’re stuck on a fucking rollercoaster. They’re fucking stuck on the world’s tallest rollercoaster. They could fucking die up here, Dan got a death grip on Arin’s hand now.

“Hey, hey, Dan, dude you alright?” Arin pulls his hand from Dan’s grip, and Dan’s eyes begin to well up with tears. “Babe, wait, what’s wrong?”

“We’re stuck!” Dan cries. The other passengers look back and roll their eyes. Of course no one wants to watch an adult like him cry, especially because of a stupid thing like this.

“I know, but we’re gonna get out soon.”

“How soon is soon, Arin? Fucking hours from now, the ride could easily explode in that time.” Dan’s not making any sense, he knows this, but he’s panicking and he doesn’t care.

“Soon is definitely a few hours, but you gotta have patience, Dan.” Arin’s voice is quiet and calm. He’s attempting to calm Dan down, but Dan’s not responding well.

“I can’t fucking believe you had me get on this stupid fucking ride just so we can get stuck on the fucking top.” Dan babbles, tears streaking down his face.

Arin places his hand in Dan’s hair and begins to pet him, stroking the strands slowly. Dan shakes from his touch, but he leans in anyway.

“Breathe, Dan, breathe,” Arin coos, “I know that we’re in an unfortunate situation, but we’re going to come out of it safely.” Dan continues to cry, but this time he’s quieter. He searches for Arin’s spare hand, which he happily gives him. “We’re safe; I promise you that we’re safe.”

Dan’s breath begins to even out, and Arin takes his hand off the top of his head. “How do you feel?”

“Terrified.” Dan speaks normally.

“Well that’s pretty fucking obvious,” Arin chuckles, “But do you still feel like you’re in panic mode?” Dan shrugs. “That’s a maybe, that’s better than yes.” Dan shrugs again.

“God, this is an awful start to a day.” Dan mutters.

“It could be worse. You could wake up murdered or something.”

“Arin, no one wakes up murdered.”

“That’s what the government wants you to think, but people wake up dead before they die.” Dan sighs, chuckling. Arin’s not making sense, but he never does and he’s grateful for that during moments like this.

“Another worse way would be to like, wake up buried alive.” Arin cringes.

“Eww, don’t even get me started. Like, coffin buried or just straight up surrounded by raw dirt?”

“Raw dirt, they didn’t even give you the satisfaction of having a coffin to protect you.”

“Damn, they must fucking hate you if they want maggots and shit crawling on you,” Arin shivers in disgust, “God, the very thought just makes me want to vom.”

“Please don’t vom on here, you could jinx the ride and you’ll end up falling faster than your vomit. I refuse to get coated in your gross stomach fluids just because you thought about being buried alive.”

“It’s a noble sacrifice.” Arin holds his fist above his heart and Dan rolls his eyes.

“Me getting on this stupid ride was a noble sacrifice, you barfing and me getting covered in it is the fuckin’ devil’s work.” Arin giggled, and Dan followed along with him. God, he’d nearly forgotten where they were in this moment. Talking with Arin always calmed him down, it always gave him a sense of security that he rarely had with anyone he’d dated before. It was nice, pleasant, it was all those stupidly cliché adjectives that couples used to describe times together.

“Our technician has just arrived and is currently working on getting the ride moving again. We appreciate your patience and apologize once more.” The speaker blares. Dan’s nerves are on end again. He’s still going to have to come down...they’re going to have to fall all the way down.

“We got this, Dan.” Arin takes his hand in his and smiles at him. Dan glances at their entwined hands and takes a deep breath.

He could do this.

They could do this.

“If we die, I hope that Suzy knows to let the lovelies know we died valiantly.” Dan tells Arin after several minutes of attempting to calm his racing thoughts.

“Of course, she’ll rep us well.” Arin responds, staring ahead. Dan stares with him, waiting patiently for the ride to begin and for their descent to near death to begin as well.

“Unfortunately, there seems to be a jam in the ride, so we’ll be reversing the cars to bring you back down. We’re sorry that you won’t be able to ride today.” Dan practically feels the tension fall off of both his and Arin’s shoulders as the car begins to reverse. The other passengers are complaining, but Dan stays quiet as he rubs at Arin’s palm with his thumb.

“Thank God we don’t have to do that.” Arin breathes a sigh of relief once they reach the bottom. Dan shoves him playfully as they exit their car.

“You were the most excited to be on there, what changed your mind?” Dan questioned as they walked back to the crowded areas of the park.

“Well, you did.” Arin says simply, throwing his arm around Dan’s shoulder, “You changed my mind about a lot of things.” Dan’s face turned a bright shade of red.

“Arin, that’s...” Dan’s a little breathless at his words, “probably one of the gayest things you’ve said to me.” Arin kissed his temple before he responded.

“That, and seeing you cry like a child made me pity you.” Dan punched Arin in the side, causing him to double over.

“Fuck you, dude” he giggles, snorting. Arin giggles along with him, and then kisses him on the cheek.

“We can do that later, babygirl. For now, let’s enjoy the rest of our day, shall we?”

“Of course, Big Cat.” Dan leans his head on Arin’s shoulder, and they walk together, reveling in the atmosphere of the park and of each other.

#hey i kinda don't hate this #hopefully i captured their personalities well enough #egobang #charlie's fics #charlie's commissions #polygrumps

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mitchonfire-blog · 7 years

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Seven years ago I started a band along side my life long friend Alex Higgins and we were joined shortly after by Dan Armstrong and Dylan Williams. That band was “Death By Six”. Through the following seven years the band would see numerous line up changes (on the bass side of things) and we would go on to release 2 EP’s. We were also SUPPOSED TO release our debut album. That album was entitled “Hell or Hollywood”. Most of you that have found your way to this page are here because you were either a fan of “Death By Six” or you recognise this title and the songs contained within by another name...and that name is “Apollo On Fire”. But we will get to that. In the early months of 2015 Alex, Dan and myself were ecstatic to receive an offer from a record label in the USA and couldn’t believe we were about to sign our very first record deal. But what was supposed to be a dream come true soon became a nightmare. We entered the studio in September to record what was to be our debut album for this label. We couldn't have been more proud. Once recording had finished up in November and we were ready to hand our masters over to the label, all of the contractual promises of money for backing, PR, marketing and videos was being completely dodged and unfulfilled. All the label did was continue to pressure us to hand over the masters for release. What ensued was a tug of war between the band and the label. Luckily we made the conscious decision to pay the $15,000 up front, out of our own pockets to record the album and not risk owing the label money that we never knew if we would be able to pay back. This, in the end, is what saved these songs from essentially being stolen from us and release under a label with no promotion, no push, no tours, all in the idea of making a quick buck and leaving us stranded on a label that didn't give a fuck. Eventually after threat of legal action (unbeknownst to us, the label was already involved in another even larger lawsuit at the time) the label agreed to let us out of our contract and we were free to release. By the time this was all over, it was June-July 2016 and we had begun filming music videos for the release. We were so proud of what we had managed to accomplish on our own, especially with what had gone on. We were however afraid that after what the label had done, they were not going to let us go that easily. Our videos were continuing to receive copyright flags from the label and our content was constantly being pulled. This lead us to pre-emptively change our name in hopes of not having to abandon all that we had worked for, but this proved not to be the most honest choice to make. After the battle with the label and many months (years for some of the songs) had passed since writing and recording Dan and I knew that our hearts were no longer in “Death By Six” as they had once been. We were ready for change creatively. I think we believed changing the name could also lead to a fresh start but we were far more concerned with just moving on from the label/legal worries and seeing through what we had begun and worked so hard on with this full length album. Alex loved the new name and was fully supportive of us trying to do this to make a fresh start and see where this album would take the band. The album was eventually release with 2 tracks missing (pulled to try and changed the band in a slightly new direction) under the name “Apollo On Fire”. The response from everyone was fantastic and we decided to tick one more thing off that we had always wanted to do, and that was travel. Those of you who follow me or the band know what happened next and once it was all said and done, we all knew if was best that we wrap up what we had begun and part ways. Alex is now working on his own solo material and we wish him that absolute best and appreciate every single ounce of energy he put into “Death By Six” and the music we created together. This brings us to today. The day where we finally set the record straight and close the book on the past. The entire “Death By Six - Hell or Hollywood” album is now available in its entirety to stream on Spotify and all the videos associated with the album can be found on the Death By Six YouTube. This was never and will never be “Apollo On Fire” material. It was never recorded under that name, or created with the intention of being anything other than a Death By Six release. As of now, that is finally how it shall live on. I want to take a second to thank everyone that was ever involved in Death By Six from the bottom of my heart. Without every single one of you, we couldn't have created the art that we did or had any of the amazing experiences we had. Alex Higgins, Dan Armstrong, Dylan Williams, Michael Hague, Matt Evans, Essi Stefanakis and Jake Parr. Thank you so much for what you contributed to this band by recording and performing with the band. Beau Mckee & Kris Samos. You made recording our very first album as musicians an absolute dream, we will remember it forever. UAC Management, for all your love and support for our dream. And finally, thank you so fucking much to each and every person that ever supported the band by picking up a CD, a t-shirt, going to a show or telling your friends about us. It means everything to me. Please hit the link and check out the album on Spotify as it was intended with all its original tracks, including the never release Intro and re-recorded version of the “Heartless” track “Doomsday”. And celebrate a bunch of dudes who loved to play metalcore and go crazy. I would like to take this final piece of time to say the following: Apollo On Fire is a new band. This band consists of myself and Dan Armstrong. There are no songs as of yet. We have no releases as of yet. We have never played a live show. Several shows were played by “Death By Six” under this moniker but as you have read above, you can clearly see it was just the same band hiding from a label. I invite you all to please join us on this new journey. I am more excited than I have ever been in my life about the music that we are creating and I cannot wait to share it with all of you. Please keep up to date with what’s happening on our socials and get ready for some great music. Thank you to anyone who has taken the time to read this, it really means a lot to me. And if you got this far, this all obviously meant something to you too. See you all soon. - Mitch Bateman “Apollo On Fire”

#death by six #music #metalcore #hell or hollywood

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latveriansnailmail · 7 years

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OC meme answers

Filling out the previous post.

1. Your first OC ever? The earliest character I remember making was an armored flamethrowing bad guy named Cinder. I made him to be an antagonist for my brother's OC. Cinder is an industrial saboteur in his current incarnation. 2. Do you have a personal favourite among your OCs? I am probably most fond of Nick Chapel, Psychic Detective. 3. Have you ever adopted a character or gotten a character from someone else? Several. A good handful of my characters were PCs in tabletop games I ran. 4. A character you rarely talk about? The less developed they are, the less I talk about them. 5. If you could make only one of your OCs popular/known, who would it be? I have several favorites but I think the world would get the most milage out of Man Man. He always manages to be in the wrong despite his best intentions. 6. Two OCs of yours that look alike despite not being related? There are trends. Open shirts. Facial hair. Tattoos. Sunglasses. No capes. 7. Are your OCs part of any story or stories? I'm building fuel for several stand alone books set in a common universe. 8. Do you RP as any of your OCs? If you do, introduce one of your RP OCs here! Nick Chapel and Swingin' Johnny Go both began as Old World of Darkness characters. Nick was my Gangrel and Johnny was an Ecstatic mage. 9. Would you ever be willing to give any of your OCs to someone else? I would give back what I have borrowed. I might lend an OC if said OC was already well established and characterized. 10. Introduce an OC with a complicated design? What, visually? Probably Upside Downe is the most complicated because he's more of a celebrity (of the modern fashion) than a superhero. As such his look varies from day to day but is always flamboyant. In his early conception I took some inspiration from Dennis Rodman. Nowadays he's closer to Red Foo. 11. Is there any OC of yours you could describe as a “sunshine”? Maybe el Constrictador. 12. Name an OC that isn’t yours but who you like a lot I tend to be drawn to any character who is a fanatic or a literal angel, preferably both at the same time. 13. Do you have any troublemaker OCs? Lady Angst is true to her name. 14. Introduce an OC with a tragic backstory I try to stay away from that trope since it's done into the ground in the superhero genre (see women in refrigerators.) That said, I suppose Maxine Force has seen some tragedy of late; her husband died suddenly and painfully, Maxine tried to transfer his consciousness into an AI, and then said AI was overwritten and appropriated by enemy agents, resulting in a twisted android mockery of a good man. 15. Do you like to talk about your OCs with other people? AD INFINITUM 16. Which one of your OCs would be the best at biology (school subject)? Definitely Professor Pinnacle though Man Man is a close second. 17. Any OC OTPs? Lady Angst/Swingin' Johny Go, as well as Zapatta the Mystic/Maid Malice 18. Any OC crackships? Idano, I guess Nick and Melanie Plutarch. That's going nowhere. 19. Introduce an OC that means a lot to you (and explain why) I'm still working on this character but Quanta is based on a teacher I respect. 20. Do any of your OCs sing? If they sing, care to share more details (headcanon voice, what kind of songs they like etc)? The Fat Lady is a coloratura and an amazing improvisational singer, though she tends to shatter all glass in the vicinity. Johnny is the front man of a swing band and can also use his sonic powers to manifest music but he says it's just not the same as a live performance. 21. Your most artistic OC Again, Johnny. In addition to singing and playing, he crafts string instruments semi-professionally. 22. Is there any OC of yours people tend to mischaracterize? If yes, how? I have to be very deliberate in my depiction of Solomon King. He's a guy wearing a flag so I have to be clear with his characterization and his ideals, or else people would just project their personal politics on him. 23. Introduce OC that has changed from your first idea concerning what the character would be like? Thorn was originally just some generic beefy white dude in his 20s with plant powers. The current Doctor Thorn is 50 or older, a genius botonist, black, an amputee, and very cynical owing to the public's past reception of his race. Hell, public's not crazy about him right now. 24. If you could meet one OC of yours, who would it be and why? I would meet the Stregga Sisters so I could ask what their deal is. I need to develop them. 25. The OC that resembles you the most (same hobby, height, shared like/dislike for something etc?) As a younger man, that would most closely be Johnny but now I'm turning 39 and I identify more with Nick. We both prefer classic movies. 26. Have you ever had to change your OC’s design or something else about them against your will? I was confronted with how 7 out of 7 of my most significant American figures were all male so I gender-swapped Maxwell Force into Maxine. S/he's more interesting now. I have plenty of female characters (close to half) and a loooot of female second bananas but the lack of female leadership is still something I'm struggling with. 27. Any OCs that were inspired by a certain song? Actually, the first plot scenario and its main perpetrators came to me in a dream, complete with a rap song. So in particular Edifice Wrex is the rapper of my dreams. 28. Your most dangerous OC? DEFINITELY the Chokester. Imagine the Joker crossed with Venom and classically trained in traditional European buffoonery. 29. Which one of your OCs would go investigate an abandoned house at night without telling anyone they’re going? Several, really. Nick, Zapatta... Lady Angst would live cast it. 30. Which one of your OCs would most likely have a secret stuffed animal collection? La Nina maybe. Of course life on the road would mean nowhere to keep it... 31. Pick one OC of yours and explain what their tumblr blog would be like (what they reblog, layout, anything really) Let me point out that I myself have been involved with goth culture since about 1995. That said, Lady Angst is heavily involved with social media and reblogs all the most ridiculously stereotypical goth stuff with plenty of vaguebooking thrown in as she bemoans her personal situation and throws shade at people in the community. She has the worst kept secret identity in the whole long underwear game. 32. Which one of your OCs would be the most suitable horror game protagonist and why? Spiderbite Emma is a pragmatic survivor. Plus she can turn people into wolves so she's got that going for her. 33. Your shyest OC? I've gathered many brazen personalities, them being superheroes and all. That said, probably Catfight. Her anthro-feline body is a constant target for unwanted attention. 34. Do you have any twin characters? Not at this time. 35. Any sibling characters? Reveal: Angst and Emma are sisters! Don't tell no one. Be cool. I'm still cooking the Force family but there's the young adult Gail Force and the tween Maxwell (found a new use for that name.) 36. Do you have OC pairs where the other part belongs to someone else (siblings, lovers, friends etc)? Nope. 37. Introduce an OC who is not quite human Like all of them. I just got finished fleshing out a OC who's a sasquatch, Professor "Squatcho" Henderson. 38. Which one of your OCs would be the best dancer? For all her flaws, sucking at dancing is not among Lady Angst's failings. Zapatta is two thousand years old and lascivious so he can probably cut a rug. For that matter and for similar reasons Santacles would know every winter folk dance there is. 39. Introduce any character you want I have a fondness for the Keeper, a combo speedster/tank. She’s Britain’s most popular hero, goalkeeper themed, and seven and a half feet tall. She was born out of some RPG build experiments, the idea being that her low end cosmic awareness tells her what’s happening, her speed helps her intervene, and then her thick skin absorbs the hit. 40. Any fond memories linked to your characters? Feel free to share In my early 20s I used to hang out at night with friends of mine in the local all night diner, drinking unlimited coffee, playing games, eating the breakfast buffet, etc. We were all either just out of college or just out of high school and we were all commiserating our bleak futures. I would sketch and color a character pic every night. Most of those characters are scrapped now but a few (like Sonofagun) have made the cut. The pictures got moldy in storage, sad to say. 41. Has anyone drawn fanart of your OCs? If yes, maybe show a picture or two here (remember sources & permissions!) See above. 42. Which one of your OCs would be the most interested in Greek gods? Many of them ARE Greek gods. My Mary Sue, Mail-man would be most genuinely interested. 43. Do you have any certain type when you create your OCs? Do you tend to favour some certain traits or looks? It’s time to confess See above, #6. 44. Something you like about your OCs in general They are diverse and few have anything stereotypical about them. They are all their own people. 45. A character you no longer use? NEVER ASK ME ABOUT STEVE 46. Has anyone ever told you that you treat your OCs badly? Nah. I'm so wary of fridging characters that I don't heap much abuse on them. Plus, there's a revolving door on death. 47. Has anyone ever (friendly) claimed any of your OCs as their child? As I've said, some are on permanent loan from their player parents. 48. OC who is a perfect cinnamon roll, too good for this world, too pure Nah. Maybe Catfight. She's trying to get into Man Man's crew and it's going to be disastrous. 49. Which one of your OCs would most likely enjoy memes Probably Magnum Opus. 50. Give me the good ol’ OC talk here. Talk about anything you want Top Rocker of Earth has a passing similarity to Lobo in that both are cosmic bikers and general nasty asskickers but in truth Top draws most from Terrax the Tamer. If you want, you can tag your ask answers with #yetanotherOCmeme so I can check them out too `v´9

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slummmerican · 5 years

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"JOSH, WHAT THE F U C K DID YOU DO?! WHAT DID YOU F U C K I N G DO?!". The way Brandon’s voice carried through his mind made it feel like he was standing in the apartment, hollering with panicked shock as he’d been the night in the motel room but as the twenty seven year old lit up a Marlboro and opened up his laptop, he reminded himself his mind was echoing the words of a twin brother that’d been six feet under the dirt for the last ten years. This was just another one of them mind-trips he’d become familiar with experiencing after something triggered his guilty-conscious and tonight, it’d been triggered through sticking Tav Bello in the upper arm with a decent enough shot of speedball, the anonymous blackmailing challenge had oddly enough replicated the very secret he was being threatened of exposed on - - with someone who almost played a part in himself or at the very least, been the inspiration and well aware of the truth all these years. Inked appendages worked against the laptop, typing in his password then pulling up the pictures. A heavy exhale being made through his nostrils seconds before he’d clicked on the very last picture the Nash Twins ever took together, a picture that only existed because the twins were intentionally hoarding up the bathroom before school to piss off their little sisters. There was nothing more energizingly comical than two girls old enough to depend on a face-full of makeup being locked out of where the make-up was, before school. The smirk that formed on his features was short-lived, the visual reminiscing soon fading from the day in the bathroom with Brandon to the day at the motel, set two days after the house-fire that killed both parents and sisters: the having barely escaped brother successfully getting into contact with the wanted for questioning but couldn’t be found sibling he’d probably should’ve set up instead of agreeing to talk one on one before going to the station. That probably would’ve saved his life, got some justice served to the deserving, .. B u t t…. "Josh, what the f u c k did you do?! WHAT DID YOU F U C K I N G DO?!". "As the older of the twins continued to repeat the same eleven words, he buried his face into the palm of his hands, body now rocking back and forth ever so slightly from the edge of the rippled mattress in an overcome tick. “ I didn’t know you were in the house, B.. I swear.” The words flowed from Josh’s lips in a thick and almost mono-toned fashion, the lack of empathetic remorse was enough to make anyone’s skin crawl; here he was two days after his kid sisters and parents got smore’d in the fire he started, higher than the Colorado rockies and not shedding a single tear. Had Brandon not been blinded by the false sense of immunity his own loyalty reflected, he would’ve seen just how f u c c k i n g emotionally f u c k e d Josh really was; he wasn’t troubled or rebellious, he was goddamn detatched. The red flags had all been there, just nobody bothered to look. In the cold light of day, when Brandon began to rack his memory for any type of significant emotional moment of Josh’s, the only ones that came - -- were when it had to do with his heroin and sometimes, that girl Jackie he was dating. Not when he stomped on a kid’s face in a fight after school and hospitalized him, not when he got arrested any of the several times or even pushed their sister down the steps and broke her arm… When he was almost out of heroin,when he couldn’t find his heroin… When he did a shot of heroin, when he was high off heroin: the only rageful, saddened, cheerful or true content affecting ones. That almost made Brandon puke, “….I can’t believe you f uckin’ did this, what is wrong with you, man?... Our sisters burned to death… Why? Cause you got kicked out, told your heroin couldn’t come in the f u ck ing… “ He stopped, needing to breathe from the pace his words were being delivered. Having fallen silent and half-uninterested in the little breakdown the older was having, Josh had been fiddling with the change in his pocket while leaning his shoulder against the bathroom door-frame, vision steadied on the bottle of dangling from the hold of his left hand. “B shut the f u c k up, had nothing to do with my dope, had to do with that whole family being nothin’ but silver-spoon suckin, bible thumping cunts. Had to do with me hating them all, always in my f u c k’in’ business, pretending to give a shi t, just to talk sh it later to their friends or siblings.. Listen, I needed help and instead of tryin’ themselves, they sent me to a motherf’uckin’ strange dude in a small room.. What parent does that s h I t ? Talk about droppin’ the ball there, love my ass.” He pushed off the wall with the bottom of his Osiris, now heading over to drop on the mattress to the right of his twin, shaking the bottle outward for him to take. “Here, have a few shots with me and just.. Chill a minute then we’ll figure sh it out… Here.” ;His self awareness finally ripped him free of the flashback just for a few seconds, enough for him to take a few drags off the bad habit smoldering to ash in between his finger and to wipe at a few tears formed. “F u c k me, man.” He muttered out loud, a harsh clearing of his throat disrupting the peace and quiet his loft apartment didn’t quiet have enough of. The one night he didn’t want to be alone - he was, wasn’t that some poetic karma served? There was nothing about reliving this night that did anything positive for him, all it did was smack the unhealing wound of bitter truth until it was bloddy and raw. Losing his brother definitely was the hardest thing he’d ever went through and to top that experience off, the responsibility he had on this, over the course of the last ten years almost thrown him off the deep end, finished the family tree. Mainly the reason he usually didn’t interact with many unless the atmosphere involved drugs, booze and music or the conversations were casual and full of pointless topics. These triggered trips down guilt-mountian were hard to climb back to the top from. He had a few more episodes of tug-o-war between self-awareness with the present and his mentality on the past: he re-lived a few bouts of that night, mostly the highlighted parts of their heart-to-heart while Josh pretended to drink from the bottle Brandon’d become almost too eager to and then he reached the ending, one he couldn’t pull out from despite his efforts… The ketamine and liquid morphine that the whiskey’d been spiked with kicked in pretty quickly, their conversations began becoming jumbled, Brandon’s words became less coherant and then he’d become unconscious, nearly falling off the edge of the bed as his upper half inclined forward. “Woah, I got you… “ Josh’s movements were quick and almost graceful as stood up and pushed the other backward against the mattress, now collecting the syringe of 50cc fentynal from his back pocket, “I’m really sorry for this B, man.. I don’t /wanna/ do this sh*t but I mean…” He paused as his fingers uncapped the tip and he searched for protruding enough vein, the one on his upper left arm sufficing. Upon the needle tearing through the sensitive flesh and filling from entering the vein, Josh took a moment to brace himself, “Least you’re gonna be with ‘em.” And that was it, it was over with one quick push of the plunger, the older twin had officially been pushed into a fatal overdose: the first symptom being shown was the nose-bleed and then as the shallow breaths began with heavy rise and falls of his chest, Josh perched on the mattress and pulled his older twin into his lap for a tight embrace, his jaw tightened to suppress the sobs that came with the tears saturating his face and the hem of his shirt. “You’re okay, I got you… It’s okay..” Cheek rested against the now convulsing twin, Josh began small back and forth rocks – having fallen into a what’d be several hour daze. “ I love you, big brother.”

#brandon nash #desperado #activitycheck #hardestday #inPortland #triggerwarnings

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flauntpage · 7 years

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Ranking Every NFL Team's Super Bowl Chances

With eight weeks of the 2017 NFL season in the books (we all know the Chiefs are beating the Broncos on Monday night so we can do this now), it's time to take stock of each team's Super Bowl chances. You're probably saying, "That's silly, because not all 32 teams have a chance at a Super Bowl."

You're right, but those teams are great for the purpose of making jokes.

Let's get right into it, because 32 is a lot of teams.

32. San Francisco 49ers (0-8) — lmao

31. Cleveland Browns (0-8) — lol

30. New York Giants (1-6) — OK, so maybe doing this with all 32 teams was a little ambitious. The good news is the New England Patriots are looking like the favorites to represent the AFC in the Super Bowl, and everyone knows Tom Brady can't beat Eli Manning in a Super Bowl. The bad news is the only time we're seeing Odell Beckham in a Super Bowl is in that painful ad with the Silicon Valley guy who mixes up sports terminology at the press conference like a TOTAL NERD, lol learn sports, nerd!

29. Indianapolis Colts (2-6) — What if the reason Andrew Luck hasn't played this season is because he's undergoing surgery and treatment that will allow him to become Wolverine? The reports surrounding Luck's "injury" have been odd, with the story changing every couple weeks. Even his name—Luck—would be a cool X-Men name. The Colts will be a tough out in January if their quarterback can't be tackled by regular humans.

28. Tampa Bay Buccaneers (2-5) — When you combine a former Florida State quarterback with a former Jacksonville Jaguars offensive coordinator, you should just be happy to have the 28th-best team in the NFL.

27. Oakland Raiders (3-5) — Just move this stupid franchise to the moon already. In hindsight, a team coming off a breakout season signing a guy who had retired for a year just because he's from the area was an odd choice. And, I mean, Marshawn Lynch is clearly his own guy, so him running on the field to fight some dudes mid-game does, in hindsight, seem inevitable. We should have known the Raiders would screw this up.

26. New York Jets (3-5) — The way I see it, the Jets may have the best chance of winning the Super Bowl, because these are the Jets, and whatever they want to do, the opposite happens. Since they're trying to tank, finishing 9-7 and winning the Super Bowl has about an 80 percent chance of happening. They're the Cleveland Indians in Major League except Rachel Phelps was a much more sympathetic owner. Who wouldn't rather live in Miami than Cleveland?

25. Los Angeles Chargers (3-5) — Prove to me the Chargers weren't trying to lose to the Patriots on Sunday. When teams shave points, usually they try to hide it, but Philip Rivers fumbling with no contact and a guy running backward 15 yards to take a safety is a little too obvious. The Chargers don't want to win, so I won't raise the hopes of the 800 people in Los Angeles who care about them.

24. Chicago Bears (3-5) — Every team in the league has three wins, FYI. Mitch Trubisky completed 43 percent of his passes Sunday against the Saints, which shows why the Bears only allowed him to throw seven passes two weeks ago. An NFL quarterback completing 43 percent of passes against the Saints would be like an NBA player shooting 2-of-19 against a high school team. It's too bad someone like Deshaun Watson wasn't available at the draft when the Bears… [looks back at draft order] oh, whoops.

23. Cincinnati Bengals (3-4) — Say it out loud: "Andy Dalton, Super Bowl champion." Yeah, never gonna happen.

22. Arizona Cardinals (3-4) — If David Johnson returns in time, yeah, why not the Cardinals? He recently referred to the wrist as a "complicated limb," which tells me he's taking advantage of the painkillers. "Bro, ever think about wrists? They're like… complicated, man." If Carson Palmer is upright, weirder things have happened.

21. Washington Sports Franchise (3-4) — Bob Kraft is a buddy of Vlad Putin, but doesn't he feel miscast as owner of the sport's most hated franchise? Wouldn't Dan Snyder make more sense with the Patriots? Sadly, Snyder is an inept billionaire with a barely functioning franchise and a quarterback taking his money one mediocre year at a time. Washington's season died Sunday against Dallas, but take comfort in knowing the team will win just enough games so they won't be able to draft a franchise quarterback after Cousins leaves in the off-season.

20. Houston Texans (3-4) — Deshaun Watson might be the most talented rookie quarterback in modern NFL history, and you just know Bill O'Brien will screw it up. After his defense had shown for an entire half it was incapable of stopping the Seahawks on Sunday, he ran it three straight times, punted, and watched Russell Wilson deliver a near instantaneous death blow. When Watson wins a Super Bowl, it won't be with O'Brien clenching on the sideline in a big game.

19. Detroit Lions (3-4) — It's the Super Bowl. Lions down five. Fourth and goal. Two seconds remaining. Matthew Stafford rolls right, time expires, he throws and…Eric Ebron! Touchdown! No time left! The Lions have—hang on. Officials are gathering in the end zone. "Due to the pass being caught with no time left, the touchdown is only worth 4.5 points. Therefore, by rule, which was just invented before the play in secret in the league office, the game is over, Lions lose." The following day, the NFL will apologize for not allowing the Lions to kick the winning extra point but won't take the title away from the Patriots. I guess what I'm saying is, the Lions, no matter what, will find a way to not win the Super Bowl.

18. Denver Broncos (3-3) — You lose at home to the Giants by 13 points, I don't understand why you even show up for the rest of your games.

17. Baltimore Ravens (4-4) — The Ravens are the NFL's ideal picture of mediocrity. A quarterback that's just OK enough, a defense that'll do just enough to win a couple games, and boom, you're 8-8 at the end of the year. This will be the state of the Ravens for two decades as punishment for years of making us watch Ray Lewis dance.

16. Dallas Cowboys (4-3) — If Ezekiel Elliott's arbitrator is based in Texas and has him in fantasy football, sure, maybe he plays the whole season and the Cowboys can do it. There's no harder team to read, but if there's one thing I know about sports justice, it's that Elliott won't face any discipline until the 2021 season, when his suspension is reduced to three preseason games.

15. Tennessee Titans (4-3) — They have two very good running backs, a pretty good quarterback, a decent group of wide receivers, and a defense that's…clearly the weak link. But really, what makes the Titans different from last year's Falcons? Fine, Eric Decker isn't Julio Jones and Rishard Matthews isn't Mohammed Sanu, and…OK, fine, forget it. I almost talked myself into it.

14. Miami Dolphins (4-3) — How in the name of sweet baby Jesus has this team won more games than it has lost? I'm scrolling up from the bottom of the NFL standings as I write this, and when I saw the Dolphins here at 4-3, I did that blinking guy GIF everyone on Twitter loves. The Dolphins team on Ballers coached by Peter Berg and GM'd by Dulé Hill has a better chance of winning it all.

13. Jacksonville Jaguars (4-3) — Blake Bortles, you just won the Super Bowl, where are you going? "I'm going to Dorney Park!" No, Blake, the other amusement park. "I'm going to Busch Gardens!" No, man, forget it. If the Jags are going all the way, it's via their defense, but I think it's fun to imagine Bortles doing all he can to muck it up along the way, then lying to him that he's MVP just so you can get him to say into a cellphone camera, "I'm going to Six Flags Great Adventure!" That's viral content, my friends.

12. Green Bay Packers (4-3) — Nope. I'm sorry. The NFC North is too tough for the Packers to survive the rest of the regular season without Aaron Rodgers. What's truly torturous for fans is how many commercials that have Rodgers and injured Giants wide receiver Odell Beckham Jr. Every commercial break, you're reminded that your favorite team's season is over because the best player was broken in two. There should be a rule that if an NFL guy is out for the year, he gets replaced by his backup in any national ad campaign. Brett Hundley gets all the State Farm ads the final nine weeks. Roger Lewis Jr. gets all the Verizon ads. Sorry, but it's now in the CBA.

11. Atlanta Falcons (4-3) — The Falcons' hangover isn't a 22-year-old's hangover, where you're slightly groggy the next day but you can still attend your CrossFit Sauna Expert Master class at 6 AM; this is a 39-year-old hangover where you Google "can you die from a hangover" from your bed at 7 PM the next day. I still think if the Falcons can make themselves puke one more time before the stretch run, the Falcons can get back to the Super Bowl.

10. Carolina Panthers (5-3) — If the Dolphins are the league's worst 4-3 team, the Panthers are the league's worst 5-3 team. Cam Newton has nine touchdowns and ten interceptions in eight games and the Panthers are headed toward the playoffs because football is a crapshoot like no other sport, and players don't matter, for we are all part of a human experiment known as life where chaos and randomness rule us despite our best efforts to seek control. Eat at Arby's.

9. Seattle Seahawks (5-2) — They can't run the ball and the defense is sort of old, but you have to respect the championship pedigree. You get the sense the Seahawks are that college graduate taking a year off to "find themselves" and they'll either be better off for the journey or they'll still have zero offensive line when it's over and won't be able to find a job in a saturated marketplace when they return home. I'm mixing metaphors there but you get my point. If Sunday showed us anything, it's that when Pete Carroll, a good coach, gets in a close game with a bad coach like Bill O'Brien, he'll find a way to win, and fortunately for Seattle there are more bad coaches than good coaches in the NFL.

8. New Orleans Saints (5-2) — The Saints are Steelers South. Only instead of defense, the Saints offense has looked incredible against mostly slop. They've won five straight against the Panthers, the Dolphins, the Lions, the Rodgers-less Packers, and the Bears. There's maybe one impressive win in there. Can you really count on the Saints to shut down a really good offense? Wait, does anyone have a good offense besides the Saints? My god, they are going 14-2, aren't they? This could happen.

7. Los Angeles Rams (5-2) — It's not going to happen, but the idea of a disheveled Jeff Fisher alone in a shack watching what is mostly the same roster he had last season continue to advance in the playoffs while he mutters "7-9…7-9" to himself is a fun image. Fisher will start a Buzzfeed account and start writing things like "16 Ways Millennials Are Ruining Jeff Fisher's Life" that will just be GIFs of Sean McVay.

6. Kansas City Chiefs (5-2) — Say hello to our best hope of beating the Patriots, which, oh well, maybe next year the Patriots won't get to the Super Bowl. Imagine a superhero movie with the worst possible villain, only instead of the Avengers or Batman, the villain has to defeat Paul Blart. That's the Chiefs. The only way the Chiefs win that matchup is if our world is a feel-good comedy and not film noir directed by Christopher Nolan. Based on recent evidence in this world, what do you think happens in a Chiefs-Patriots AFC title game? Yeah, me too.

5. Buffalo Bills (5-2) — Nothing would be funnier than the Bills beating the Patriots in the playoffs. It would be the greatest 1980s movie ever where the nerd finally gets the best of the bully. Tyrod Taylor dropping 40 on Tom Brady in Foxboro would be the Lucas/Karate Kid mashup Bill Simmons wishes he sold to a movie studio ten years ago. But this is reality, and what's more likely is LeSean McCoy tearing his ACL the Friday before the game and Rob Gronkowski somehow growing a foot taller at halftime and posting 300 yards in the second half.

4. Pittsburgh Steelers (6-2) — Yeah, the Steelers have the second-best defense, but they've compiled these numbers against the Browns, the Vikings, the Bears, the Ravens, the Jaguars, the Chiefs, the Bengals, and the Lions. Outside of the Chiefs, that's just pure dreck. But there's more dreck on the schedule, so the Steelers are practically a lock to make the playoffs, which seems nuts when you consider that two weeks ago when they lost to the Jaguars you wondered if Ben Roethlisberger would retire mid-season. This league stinks.

3. Minnesota Vikings (6-2) — No. This is a glitch in the Matrix. Instead of two cats, it's Case Keenum and Sam Bradford looking exactly the same in everything they do. The difference this year is the Packers are toast without Rodgers so the NFC North is there for the taking. It's not that Vikings are bad, but I don't want to listen to people talk about how good they are. They're basically a Netflix show.

2. Philadelphia Eagles (7-1) — It's pretty tough right now for a certain segment of the U.S. population—the Eagles and the Yankees are getting really good again at the same time. And both will be really good for a long time. It's heartbreaking. There's no reason the Eagles can't win a Super Bowl this year, other than the fact they are the Eagles and they always find a way to crap their pants. You can take the Andy Reid out of Philadelphia but you can't take the Philadelphia out of Andy Reid. Or something. Fuck the Eagles, man.

1. New England Patriots (6-2) — There's no better evidence that we are living in a computer simulation run by a vindictive sociopath than the existence of the Patriots. Their idiot quarterback is 100 years old but plays like he's 28. The team cheats but nobody cares. The coach writes love letters to Donald Trump. The Pats could have and perhaps should have lost their past four games but, of course, they won them all. This team has no business still being Super Bowl favorites but it's time we just accept that this is our reality until Morpheus finds us and frees our minds. Congrats to the Patriots on another Super Bowl win.

Ranking Every NFL Team's Super Bowl Chances published first on http://ift.tt/2pLTmlv

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amtushinfosolutionspage · 7 years

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Ranking Every NFL Team’s Super Bowl Chances

With eight weeks of the 2017 NFL season in the books (we all know the Chiefs are beating the Broncos on Monday night so we can do this now), it’s time to take stock of each team’s Super Bowl chances. You’re probably saying, “That’s silly, because not all 32 teams have a chance at a Super Bowl.”

You’re right, but those teams are great for the purpose of making jokes.

Let’s get right into it, because 32 is a lot of teams.

32. San Francisco 49ers (0-8) — lmao

31. Cleveland Browns (0-8) — lol

30. New York Giants (1-6) — OK, so maybe doing this with all 32 teams was a little ambitious. The good news is the New England Patriots are looking like the favorites to represent the AFC in the Super Bowl, and everyone knows Tom Brady can’t beat Eli Manning in a Super Bowl. The bad news is the only time we’re seeing Odell Beckham in a Super Bowl is in that painful ad with the Silicon Valley guy who mixes up sports terminology at the press conference like a TOTAL NERD, lol learn sports, nerd!

29. Indianapolis Colts (2-6) — What if the reason Andrew Luck hasn’t played this season is because he’s undergoing surgery and treatment that will allow him to become Wolverine? The reports surrounding Luck’s “injury” have been odd, with the story changing every couple weeks. Even his name—Luck—would be a cool X-Men name. The Colts will be a tough out in January if their quarterback can’t be tackled by regular humans.

27. Oakland Raiders (3-5) — Just move this stupid franchise to the moon already. In hindsight, a team coming off a breakout season signing a guy who had retired for a year just because he’s from the area was an odd choice. And, I mean, Marshawn Lynch is clearly his own guy, so him running on the field to fight some dudes mid-game does, in hindsight, seem inevitable. We should have known the Raiders would screw this up.

26. New York Jets (3-5) — The way I see it, the Jets may have the best chance of winning the Super Bowl, because these are the Jets, and whatever they want to do, the opposite happens. Since they’re trying to tank, finishing 9-7 and winning the Super Bowl has about an 80 percent chance of happening. They’re the Cleveland Indians in Major League except Rachel Phelps was a much more sympathetic owner. Who wouldn’t rather live in Miami than Cleveland?

25. Los Angeles Chargers (3-5) — Prove to me the Chargers weren’t trying to lose to the Patriots on Sunday. When teams shave points, usually they try to hide it, but Philip Rivers fumbling with no contact and a guy running backward 15 yards to take a safety is a little too obvious. The Chargers don’t want to win, so I won’t raise the hopes of the 800 people in Los Angeles who care about them.

24. Chicago Bears (3-5) — Every team in the league has three wins, FYI. Mitch Trubisky completed 43 percent of his passes Sunday against the Saints, which shows why the Bears only allowed him to throw seven passes two weeks ago. An NFL quarterback completing 43 percent of passes against the Saints would be like an NBA player shooting 2-of-19 against a high school team. It’s too bad someone like Deshaun Watson wasn’t available at the draft when the Bears… [looks back at draft order] oh, whoops.

23. Cincinnati Bengals (3-4) — Say it out loud: “Andy Dalton, Super Bowl champion.” Yeah, never gonna happen.

22. Arizona Cardinals (3-4) — If David Johnson returns in time, yeah, why not the Cardinals? He recently referred to the wrist as a “complicated limb,” which tells me he’s taking advantage of the painkillers. “Bro, ever think about wrists? They’re like… complicated, man.” If Carson Palmer is upright, weirder things have happened.

21. Washington Sports Franchise (3-4) — Bob Kraft is a buddy of Vlad Putin, but doesn’t he feel miscast as owner of the sport’s most hated franchise? Wouldn’t Dan Snyder make more sense with the Patriots? Sadly, Snyder is an inept billionaire with a barely functioning franchise and a quarterback taking his money one mediocre year at a time. Washington’s season died Sunday against Dallas, but take comfort in knowing the team will win just enough games so they won’t be able to draft a franchise quarterback after Cousins leaves in the off-season.

20. Houston Texans (3-4) — Deshaun Watson might be the most talented rookie quarterback in modern NFL history, and you just know Bill O’Brien will screw it up. After his defense had shown for an entire half it was incapable of stopping the Seahawks on Sunday, he ran it three straight times, punted, and watched Russell Wilson deliver a near instantaneous death blow. When Watson wins a Super Bowl, it won’t be with O’Brien clenching on the sideline in a big game.

19. Detroit Lions (3-4) — It’s the Super Bowl. Lions down five. Fourth and goal. Two seconds remaining. Matthew Stafford rolls right, time expires, he throws and…Eric Ebron! Touchdown! No time left! The Lions have—hang on. Officials are gathering in the end zone. “Due to the pass being caught with no time left, the touchdown is only worth 4.5 points. Therefore, by rule, which was just invented before the play in secret in the league office, the game is over, Lions lose.” The following day, the NFL will apologize for not allowing the Lions to kick the winning extra point but won’t take the title away from the Patriots. I guess what I’m saying is, the Lions, no matter what, will find a way to not win the Super Bowl.

18. Denver Broncos (3-3) — You lose at home to the Giants by 13 points, I don’t understand why you even show up for the rest of your games.

17. Baltimore Ravens (4-4) — The Ravens are the NFL’s ideal picture of mediocrity. A quarterback that’s just OK enough, a defense that’ll do just enough to win a couple games, and boom, you’re 8-8 at the end of the year. This will be the state of the Ravens for two decades as punishment for years of making us watch Ray Lewis dance.

16. Dallas Cowboys (4-3) — If Ezekiel Elliott’s arbitrator is based in Texas and has him in fantasy football, sure, maybe he plays the whole season and the Cowboys can do it. There’s no harder team to read, but if there’s one thing I know about sports justice, it’s that Elliott won’t face any discipline until the 2021 season, when his suspension is reduced to three preseason games.

15. Tennessee Titans (4-3) — They have two very good running backs, a pretty good quarterback, a decent group of wide receivers, and a defense that’s…clearly the weak link. But really, what makes the Titans different from last year’s Falcons? Fine, Eric Decker isn’t Julio Jones and Rishard Matthews isn’t Mohammed Sanu, and…OK, fine, forget it. I almost talked myself into it.

14. Miami Dolphins (4-3) — How in the name of sweet baby Jesus has this team won more games than it has lost? I’m scrolling up from the bottom of the NFL standings as I write this, and when I saw the Dolphins here at 4-3, I did that blinking guy GIF everyone on Twitter loves. The Dolphins team on Ballers coached by Peter Berg and GM’d by Dulé Hill has a better chance of winning it all.

13. Jacksonville Jaguars (4-3) — Blake Bortles, you just won the Super Bowl, where are you going? “I’m going to Dorney Park!” No, Blake, the other amusement park. “I’m going to Busch Gardens!” No, man, forget it. If the Jags are going all the way, it’s via their defense, but I think it’s fun to imagine Bortles doing all he can to muck it up along the way, then lying to him that he’s MVP just so you can get him to say into a cellphone camera, “I’m going to Six Flags Great Adventure!” That’s viral content, my friends.

12. Green Bay Packers (4-3) — Nope. I’m sorry. The NFC North is too tough for the Packers to survive the rest of the regular season without Aaron Rodgers. What’s truly torturous for fans is how many commercials that have Rodgers and injured Giants wide receiver Odell Beckham Jr. Every commercial break, you’re reminded that your favorite team’s season is over because the best player was broken in two. There should be a rule that if an NFL guy is out for the year, he gets replaced by his backup in any national ad campaign. Brett Hundley gets all the State Farm ads the final nine weeks. Roger Lewis Jr. gets all the Verizon ads. Sorry, but it’s now in the CBA.

11. Atlanta Falcons (4-3) — The Falcons’ hangover isn’t a 22-year-old’s hangover, where you’re slightly groggy the next day but you can still attend your CrossFit Sauna Expert Master class at 6 AM; this is a 39-year-old hangover where you Google “can you die from a hangover” from your bed at 7 PM the next day. I still think if the Falcons can make themselves puke one more time before the stretch run, the Falcons can get back to the Super Bowl.

10. Carolina Panthers (5-3) — If the Dolphins are the league’s worst 4-3 team, the Panthers are the league’s worst 5-3 team. Cam Newton has nine touchdowns and ten interceptions in eight games and the Panthers are headed toward the playoffs because football is a crapshoot like no other sport, and players don’t matter, for we are all part of a human experiment known as life where chaos and randomness rule us despite our best efforts to seek control. Eat at Arby’s.

9. Seattle Seahawks (5-2) — They can’t run the ball and the defense is sort of old, but you have to respect the championship pedigree. You get the sense the Seahawks are that college graduate taking a year off to “find themselves” and they’ll either be better off for the journey or they’ll still have zero offensive line when it’s over and won’t be able to find a job in a saturated marketplace when they return home. I’m mixing metaphors there but you get my point. If Sunday showed us anything, it’s that when Pete Carroll, a good coach, gets in a close game with a bad coach like Bill O’Brien, he’ll find a way to win, and fortunately for Seattle there are more bad coaches than good coaches in the NFL.

8. New Orleans Saints (5-2) — The Saints are Steelers South. Only instead of defense, the Saints offense has looked incredible against mostly slop. They’ve won five straight against the Panthers, the Dolphins, the Lions, the Rodgers-less Packers, and the Bears. There’s maybe one impressive win in there. Can you really count on the Saints to shut down a really good offense? Wait, does anyone have a good offense besides the Saints? My god, they are going 14-2, aren’t they? This could happen.

7. Los Angeles Rams (5-2) — It’s not going to happen, but the idea of a disheveled Jeff Fisher alone in a shack watching what is mostly the same roster he had last season continue to advance in the playoffs while he mutters “7-9…7-9” to himself is a fun image. Fisher will start a Buzzfeed account and start writing things like “16 Ways Millennials Are Ruining Jeff Fisher’s Life” that will just be GIFs of Sean McVay.

6. Kansas City Chiefs (5-2) — Say hello to our best hope of beating the Patriots, which, oh well, maybe next year the Patriots won’t get to the Super Bowl. Imagine a superhero movie with the worst possible villain, only instead of the Avengers or Batman, the villain has to defeat Paul Blart. That’s the Chiefs. The only way the Chiefs win that matchup is if our world is a feel-good comedy and not film noir directed by Christopher Nolan. Based on recent evidence in this world, what do you think happens in a Chiefs-Patriots AFC title game? Yeah, me too.

5. Buffalo Bills (5-2) — Nothing would be funnier than the Bills beating the Patriots in the playoffs. It would be the greatest 1980s movie ever where the nerd finally gets the best of the bully. Tyrod Taylor dropping 40 on Tom Brady in Foxboro would be the Lucas/Karate Kid mashup Bill Simmons wishes he sold to a movie studio ten years ago. But this is reality, and what’s more likely is LeSean McCoy tearing his ACL the Friday before the game and Rob Gronkowski somehow growing a foot taller at halftime and posting 300 yards in the second half.

4. Pittsburgh Steelers (6-2) — Yeah, the Steelers have the second-best defense, but they’ve compiled these numbers against the Browns, the Vikings, the Bears, the Ravens, the Jaguars, the Chiefs, the Bengals, and the Lions. Outside of the Chiefs, that’s just pure dreck. But there’s more dreck on the schedule, so the Steelers are practically a lock to make the playoffs, which seems nuts when you consider that two weeks ago when they lost to the Jaguars you wondered if Ben Roethlisberger would retire mid-season. This league stinks.

3. Minnesota Vikings (6-2) — No. This is a glitch in the Matrix. Instead of two cats, it’s Case Keenum and Sam Bradford looking exactly the same in everything they do. The difference this year is the Packers are toast without Rodgers so the NFC North is there for the taking. It’s not that Vikings are bad, but I don’t want to listen to people talk about how good they are. They’re basically a Netflix show.

2. Philadelphia Eagles (7-1) — It’s pretty tough right now for a certain segment of the U.S. population—the Eagles and the Yankees are getting really good again at the same time. And both will be really good for a long time. It’s heartbreaking. There’s no reason the Eagles can’t win a Super Bowl this year, other than the fact they are the Eagles and they always find a way to crap their pants. You can take the Andy Reid out of Philadelphia but you can’t take the Philadelphia out of Andy Reid. Or something. Fuck the Eagles, man.

1. New England Patriots (6-2) — There’s no better evidence that we are living in a computer simulation run by a vindictive sociopath than the existence of the Patriots. Their idiot quarterback is 100 years old but plays like he’s 28. The team cheats but nobody cares. The coach writes love letters to Donald Trump. The Pats could have and perhaps should have lost their past four games but, of course, they won them all. This team has no business still being Super Bowl favorites but it’s time we just accept that this is our reality until Morpheus finds us and frees our minds. Congrats to the Patriots on another Super Bowl win.

Ranking Every NFL Team’s Super Bowl Chances syndicated from http://ift.tt/2ug2Ns6

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flauntpage · 7 years

Text

Ranking Every NFL Team's Super Bowl Chances

You're right, but those teams are great for the purpose of making jokes.

Let's get right into it, because 32 is a lot of teams.

32. San Francisco 49ers (0-8) — lmao

31. Cleveland Browns (0-8) — lol

23. Cincinnati Bengals (3-4) — Say it out loud: "Andy Dalton, Super Bowl champion." Yeah, never gonna happen.

18. Denver Broncos (3-3) — You lose at home to the Giants by 13 points, I don't understand why you even show up for the rest of your games.

Ranking Every NFL Team's Super Bowl Chances published first on http://ift.tt/2pLTmlv

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