hyello. “Please don’t get morbid” “Right” “It’s just that I haven’t died yet” with the tres horny boys?
14. “Please don’t get morbid” “Right” “It’s just that I haven’t died yet”
((song prompts here - still accepting!!))
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The energy on this camping trip was… bad. Like, it had never really been great before, but at least it had been comfortable. Now it was just- weird. Bad and weird. The search for the Grand Relic this time had turned out to be a dud, but they weren't supposed to go back up to the moon base until noon. Merle figured that like, y'know, he might as well spend his time reconnecting with nature and, uh. Praying? Is that was clerics did? He didn't remember. So he had woken up early before the other boys and dipped out, settling himself down near the river to vibe.
His vibe session had been rudely interrupted by Magnus barreling through the trees, Taako hot on his heels. Merle, who had been getting rather sleepy as he sat out under the sun, jerked back to attention. He had his feet dipped into the river and the sudden temperature difference as he flung them out gave him goosebumps.
"Merle!" Magnus said.
"Whatzz happening?" Merle said, turning back towards them. He lifted his bible. "Who d' I need to fight?"
"You don't- no one!" Magnus said. "I just didn't know where you were!"
"Oh," Merle said. He lowered his bible. "No enemies?"
"No," Magnus said.
"Well then I'm gonna go back to praying," Merle said, turning away from them. Magnus made a frustrated sound behind him.
"Lemme try," Taako said. Taako sat himself down next to Merle. With a little huff, Magnus sat on his other side. Taako said, "hey, so, uhhh. Listen."
"Listening," Merle said, dipping his feet back in the water. Ohhh, cold. Cold, cold, cold.
"So I woke up and I was like, huh, Merle's not here! Weird! But I was ready to get on with my life-"
"You were not-" Magnus started, but Taako contuined, louder,
"-I was ready to get on with my life," he repeated. "But there this bozo over here woke up and was like, hey, what if Merle fuckin', I don't know, beefed it."
"I did not-"
"Like what if he fell into the river or got eaten by a bear or like, turned into a cloud of smoke and then vanished," Taako said. "And I was like, well, that seems unrealistic, except for maybe the smoke thing because Merle has been known to vanish into a cloud of smoke on occasion."
"When have I done that?" Merle asked, scratching his beard. Taako paused. He squinted his eyes in thought.
"You do that all the time," Magnus said.
"You do that all the time," Taako agreed. "But then I figured, hey, we can at least go look for him, because, y'know, I don't think the Director would be happy if you vanished into a cloud of smoke-"
"I don't do that! Where have I don't that!"
"And/or got eaten by a bear or a really, really big fish," Taako said. "So now we know you're fine. Problem solved, funeral avoided."
"Geez, you don't gotta get morbid about it," Merle said, despite being a little touched that they would go to his funeral.
"It's my right to be a little morbid," Taako said.
"Yeah," Magnus said. "We're just sayin'- if we had to bring all your Merle remains up to the moon-"
"I haven't died yet!"
"Then the least we're gonna do is like, do a little service. Here lies Merle, good friend, father figure-"
"Aw!" Merle said. "You see me as a father figure?"
"Died doing what he loved," Taako said, completely ignoring that. "Vanishing into a cloud of smoke and never coming back."
"I don't even know how to do that!" Merle said, again. "Is there a memo I missed or what? Now I wanna learn."
"Don't worry about it," Magnus said, which Merle knew to be Magnus-speak for "I have no fucking clue." He stretched, leaning back on his hands. On the other side of Merle, Taako was undoing the hooks on his boot to (presumably) put his feet in the river as well. Merle set his bible aside, figuring that was enough praying and shit for one day. They settled into an easy silence. Magnus took his shoes off, too, dipping them in the water.
And then,
"Wanna see me catch a fish with my bare hands?" Taako asked, rolling up his pants leg now.
"You've got bear hands?" Merle asked.
"Ugh," Taako said, standing. He was about knee-deep into the river. "You're not getting any of this fish, old man."
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