#playing with alien plush antenna

[evrybdys-f00l]

FUCK IT

FLUFBEEST (FLUFFBEAST) STIMBOARD FOR EVERYONE!!

#mindless self indulgence #straight to video music video #flufbeest #i know the name is dumb but ut materialized in my head and i thought it was cute </3 #paw stim #tail wag stim #fur touching #claws #baring teeth #playing with alien plush antenna

[tabacat]

Welcome Home (Dib x Zim) (Smut)

Ten years after Enter the Florpus, Zim has grown as an invader on planet irk, somehow becoming the tallest due to his growth rate from eating human foods. He could not shake the thought of one human. Dib Membrane. Zim pulled on a new invader outfit, tailored to his new height and slim build. He smoothed down his antennae and stepped to face the irkens which escorted him. 

"You are not to bother me. The home ship will remain in the atmosphere, not to land. Does Zim make himself clear?"

 The lot of them nodded and muttered, worried for his great tallest's safety. Zim smirked and tapped a microphone.

 "You knew I was coming last time somehow, so maybe you can pick up this frequency. Did you miss me, Membrane?" 

He set off into his voot pod and charted his course down to where he once lived with Gir, who he still, surprisingly, kept by his side. Dib froze hearing the audio coming from his laptop. no way. Despite the preparation, he had taken since the disappearance of the mangy alien he couldn't believe that his voice still gave a chill down the spine of his now plush back 

"Holy shit..... Holy crap. What do I do???"

The message passed as soon as it started, and Dib forgot to try and respond. He sat there dumbfounded atop his roof. Jumping down into his window, he rushes to his front door, hoping with all of his beings that he'll see Zim there just like all those years ago. The voot blasted through the atmosphere, it sent a meteor-type flash through the night sky as it plummeted to where it had once been. Gir sang a little ditty and Zim stroked his head with his now two claws, grinning at the voot slammed into the house that had once been his. He stepped out in one piece, strutting out to the street, rubbing his claws where he had felt once before. He didn't bother to disguise himself, bending over slightly to exit the home, and walking on his overgrown lawn. 

"Oh dear, we've grown quite messy down here, yes Gir?" he cackled "What will the neighbors think of the mighty Zim!?" 

Ignoring the destruction of the perusing crash, Dib takes in the new structured form of Zim. Analyzing the alien up and down, he can't help but feel warmth start to creep through his body. From the round of his cheeks to the growing "member" below the belt.

"Zim." he reaches out to him, taking small steps. "Where--when--Why did you leave?" 

He raised a brow "Excuse me? How do you know the great Zim's name?" he seemed taken aback, moving a nervous foot backward to step away. He didn't seem to notice dib, but he moved gracefully as a leader would. Then something flickered across his pale green face, met with a blush to the sides of it, his left antenna giving a twitch. 

"This may sound funny, but are you Dib Membrane?" He sized him up and down, locking to his.. member.. for a moment, before flicking away. 

“You know that, have I really gained that much weight?” 

he tries to lighten the mood, scratching the back of his head. He took the small detail of Zim looking down. Realizing what he saw he heated up even more. Even to the point it started to twitch in his boxers. 

“ANYWAY— you’re definitely, uh, taller?” god his social skills hadn’t changed. He was as awkward as ever

 “I missed you”. 

Zim smirked "It is.. not the weight. You've grown taller. It's a sign of power, good lucks, and hard work in irken culture."

 He cupped Dib's face with his two claws, moving them up and down and side to side to study his face 

"You have hair on your chin now. I didn't think the Dib stink was capable of such things. What a surprise. Have you become the leader of this FILTHY planet yet or are you still... well. A loser?~ Dib stink is too smart to just be a loser. You're powerful such as I! The mighty Zim!" he cocked his hip to the side 

"I'll suppose you're excited to see my excellence back in your presence?~"

 he set Gir down, playing with Dib's long ahoge in a sensual manner. He rests one hand on the claws cupping his face, the other on the thin hip of his lover 

"God you had no idea how much I needed you" 

He pulls on the small of Zim's back, bringing him closer. Resting his mouth on Zim's skinny neck, breathing lowly, he licks up to the alien's collarbone.

 "Tell me oh mighty Zim."

 Dib kisses where a human ear should be, then continues to press his hips closer to Zim's 

"Did you miss me too?".

Zim shuddered "Is this one of your gross dirty human tricks Dib thing? I don't remember you having such an interest in me like this!"

 he blushed an intense amount, tilting his head to the side

 "I suppose I missed you... stinky.. dirty.. human.. thingy. Despite your grossness, I shall reward you with affection back." 

He licked Dib's face, saliva rolling down the side of his face 

"It's an irken g-greeting. Yes. Greeting." he'd stutter briefly 'UUUUHM NOOOO! YOU JUST KISSED HIMMM! THAT'S AN IRKEN KISSSSSY KISS! MWAAAH!' "QUIET GIR!" he kicked Gir across the lawn. 

"Yes. I missed you Dibby.. my missions are oh-so-boring without a genius like you! Zim is so borrrreddd.."

Dib shakes off the fact that a 6"6 alien just drop-kicked a small robot across his lawn

 "Oh I bet they were, I like that shade of purple on you." 

The hand on Zim's hip lowers slightly, going in the direction of the inner thigh "If you're that bored doing nothing out here. I can invite you inside. We can catch up on each other." 

Dib rests his forehead on Zim's, moaning lightly as he feels the man in Infront of him accidentally brush up against his crotch 

"W-was that also an irken greeting?"

 Zim waved his hands around frantically 

"A-ah! No! I didn't- well- I didn't mean to- you- aah!" 

he blushed deeper, his whole face turning purplish. 

"Y-yes. I'd be interested in.. erm. Seeing your home base! Take Zim to your base NOWWWW! Do not.. do not play with Zim's feelings." 

he haughtily danced over to Gir, excited to.. converse... with dib. Closing the door behind the pair, both steadily make their way up the stairs. Once in a mildly clean room, Dib's breathing began to get heavier. Slowly, but surely he moved behind the green creature. Hands exploring the body of the man in front of him.

 "Tell me you want me to. Tell me you waited for me just as I waited for you" 

Dib's glasses are fogged from the proximity of the two. 

"You became my everything when you left...I missed the way we used to banter..." embarrassed dib averts his eyes "God I can't believe I'm saying this...but I don't want to stop...I can't stop." he moves in closer. 

"Oh, I want you, Dib. I want you so much. I rule everything, but what is the point of I don't rule your stinky.. stink head."

 He hiked up his dress, revealing his thighs to Dib, where the fabric bit into the fat of his long legs making for a pretty great 'absolute territory'. He smirked at him as he went to remove his arm cuffs, tossing them aside 

"I was your first alien, I'm pretty important... aren't I?~" Zim nervously stepped back, falling onto the bed with a strangled cry "A-a-ah!" He wrapped his arms around Dib as he fell, bringing him on top of himself

 Without a second thought, Dib pins the alien's claws above his head. Watching him slightly wriggle in his grasp, he kisses down the body of the green boy. He can feel the breathing pattern, his chest expanding and compressing. Feeling his struggle to cope with the pleasure just riles him up even more

 "You'll be my first and only" continue kissing the lower torso, dangerously close to the 'special' part of the groin. "Those red eyes better not look anywhere but here got that?" Dib takes his shirt off, revealing his stocky build. Zim panted, not fully understanding the situation. Zim was not accustomed to human mating practices, but he certainly could tell it was the human's version of a heat. He removed his dress, the shoulder pads coming off with it.

 "O-Only? Is that so? Well, Dib thing… you shall be my only humans."

 he removed a shoe, rubbing a knee-high socked foot on Dib's bulging pants. He bit his lip lightly "You are so wonderful-looking... so so wonderful looking." Dib hung his head low, the shock of pleasure shooting through his spine 

"A-ah... Fuck Zim do you know what you're doing to me"

 he grabs the alien's chin, tilting his head up towards him. With no time for Zim to react, he kisses him. His tongue explored the inside of his mouth. Zim's moans vibrate through their connected jaws. Dib can't stop, the unknown territory and mysterious texture of the interior of Zim's mouth makes him want to ravish him. 

"I waited" he continued to pull away briefly to speak "I waited years for you." It's getting hotter by the second "Sitting on my roof, on that stupid computer." "Did you think of me too? Did you play with yourself thinking of all the ways I could fuck you?" 

"F-fuck..? I am not so familiar with th-the term. I s-suppose I did miss you... I felt my body grow hotter during my heats with the thought of you. We.. use pods on planet irk in order to not trans..transm..m-mit disease... I... I wanted you so much. I missed your smelliness. You're... so interesting to me~" 

he panted at Dib, not understanding what this feeling was "What... what is this.. what are you doing to me..? Did you poison me..?" 

He locked eyes nervously with dib, shifting to remove his other shoe. He felt his crotch grow wet and begin to slither, his knees closed together with a jolt. A low chuckle emitted from Dib's chest, it came out crackly and with a rasp.

"You're aDORable." oh fuck. Seriously? Did he seriously just voice crack at a time like this? He blushes with embarrassment and coughs to try and cover up what little dignity he had left. Zim starts to giggle, which turns into a laugh. "Y-You-hehe-You--ah!" 

Dib puts one of his thick fingers dangerously close to this entrance. The tip is so tantalizingly close, he can feel the wetness and heat radiating off him.  

"H-hagh.. d-don't touch that..~ Zim isn't so sure it's safe for you to do this." He throbbed inside, his clawed toes digging into the bed.

 "That i-is besides the point! You feeble, dirty, thingy! HUUUUMAAANNN!! Your voice crackling was rather... I will say, attractive." He grinned "My tallest before me voice cracked quite a bit, it's charming. You are charming, dib-stink."

 he began to play with dib's crotch with his foot once more 

"What have you got hidden in those pants Dib thing? Show me now human scum~". Dib grabs his ankle as well as the other, pushing his legs upward towards his head Dib exposes Zim's holes.

 "Oh baby, all this for me?" He brings his face closer to the irken's ass, feeling his legs twitching in anticipation. 

"I want you to beg for me" 

"U-Unff~" dib's breath on his body made him moan in anticipation 

"Th-The mighty Zim d-does not beg!" Zim grunted and bit his lip "Please mate with me dib thing..~ put your smelly body into mine.. gross thing. You stink and it's so hot~"

 Something snapped in Dib's mind, he pulls down his boxers. His 7-inch member slapped his stomach then laying on Zim's hot body. It's red at the tip, cut with a long vein running on the left of his shaft. He takes note of the small whimper that emits from Zim. They've gone this far, no point in stopping now. With a deep breath, he pushes himself into him. Zim went to protest and gasped loudly

 "A-AaUngH!~" Zim moaned aloud, pressing his body against Dib "D-Dib! D-DIB THING! S-STOP~ OH IT'S TOO MUCH DIB!"

 he crumpled, whimpering and whining. It gripped onto dib, attempting to pull him deeper, it was tighter than anything Dib could possibly imagine. The fluids it secreted coated Dib's member and made the pleasure even more desirable 

"W-Whaahuh.. w-why is I so.. SO BIG! A-Are all humans built with a large one like th-this!?"

 he grunted, grinding up against Dib and stuttering out a few more incomprehensible syllables.

 "f-fuCK Zim... You're s-so fucki-ing tight"

 His hips didn't seem to falter, it was as if they had a mind of their own. 

"look at you... fuck..A-Auuhh...it's pulling me in~ " 

Dib's hands went to Zim's antenna, slightly pulling on them enough to make the irken's back curl. At the angle they were doing, a bulge would be seen occasionally popping in and out of Zim's stomach. His hands needed more to grab onto, they moved on from the antenna to the neck. Grabbing him by the chin and pulling him close, this breath hot on Zim's back. 

"a-auughh...Zim~ ". Zim grappled the bed, clawing at the mattress to hold steady "H-Haaa~! W-Why are- why is it so big- why.. aah.. you stink.. s-so bad. H-Human.. d-destroy me pleassse!!~"

 he slammed his hips backward into Dib with his motions, his antennae straightening out

 "Oh, my tallest.. ohhh~ goodness. Y-You're so powerful.. how could a disgusting human be s0-sssoOOO GOOD!?!?!~" 

his moans trailed off into grunts and panting like an animal, uttering in irken tongue "I love you Dib thing!! ohhhh I love youuu...~" Gir is still at the window. 

Hearing Zim moaning only made his dick throb harder. He can feel him get tighter with each thrust, his body bounces in sync with each sweet noise that comes from his vocal cords. The more force he put into it the needier he felt as if there was no limit to how much ecstasy he could feel in a moment. Then, an idea popped into Dib's head. He halted his movements.

 "h-haH!? DIB THING!? W-WHY DO YOU STOP!?" 

he looked over his shoulder, tears in his eyes from the aggressive pounding "W-what is the meaning of this!?" 

he grinded on dib, squirming needily as if he were back ten years ago under Dib's grasp, he growled at him under his breath. Without a word, Dib flipped Zim onto his back. His stomach now exposed to him. 

"I want you to spread your legs for me." 

"W-WHAT--You dISRESPECT the TALLEST IRKEN????"

 Despite his protest, Zim opened his legs, oh how vulnerable he felt, but oh how hot was it to see the Dib's towering figure pinning him down. Zim's upper hole was now replaced with a prolapsed tentacle. Confused, but not deterred. Dib continues by slamming himself back inside Zim 

"a-AUUNNNGGG~ "

 God, every sound he makes just feeds more into Dib's desires. As he thrusts one hand follows the edges of Zim's body and reaches the appendage (tentacle) sliding his hand up and down the shaft. Zim gasped loudly, feeling his tentacle push back against his body

 "G-GHuah?! D-DIB THING~ R-RELEASE IT THIS INSTANT! Ooh~!" he whined and thrust into the hands of Dib, sweating against the touch of his loving enemy. 

"oh... D-DIB THING PLEASE DESTROY ME! PUT THE GREAT ZIM IN HIS PLACE~" he noticed Gir at the window, covering his face with one hand and looking aside from the window 

"S-Stupid faulty Sir unit.. not now.."Dib's gaze softens, and his hips slow but do not stop. Which catches the attention of Zim 

"Why-hu?" Zim's sentence was cut short with a gentle but passionate kiss from Dib. His surprised eyes slowly blink closed. Falling deep into the warmth of the two, together.

 "I love you Zim" Zim put his arms around Dib, whining

 "I... I love you as well Dib." he smiled, the first time saying dib's name softly. he kissed Dib again, his tongue sliding into the back of Dib's throat, enough to make him gag

 "mwah!~" he'd pull back, a large strand of saliva connecting them. The line of saliva reminded Dib of the position they were currently in. Looking back into one another's eyes Dib thrusts, and hard. This time, a tight coil kept growing inside of Dib's abdomen, he's felt it before but it was never this enticing or nearly as good

 "0-0h God~ Do you feel that too?" he tries to maintain a sentence. \

"F-ffaah.. y-yes~ Oooh yes~ Dib- f-finish inside of me.. m-my body. It yearns dib thing!~" he dug his claws into Dib's back

 "It's too good Dib thing... Ah... I must.. have all of you~". no words were needed. Dib buried his head in his neck of Zim. Both their breathing getting uneven and louder, it became tighter, and tighter, and tighter.

 "AnnNg~ " Thick white ropes coated the inside of Zim, overflowing and seeping out of him. They stayed in that position. Processing what they had done. Waves of pleasure ran through them, the adrenaline pumping but slowly halting. Zim came too, a clear pink slime covering the hands of dib

 "Dib w-what is this.. what is.. inside me..?" he cringed, nervously adjusting his body 

"wait... WAIIIIIITTT! What have we done!? No.. NOOOO! This has at least violated multiple crimes... A-ARE YOU OF HUMAN AGE OF CONSENT!? A-ARE WE BREEDING COMPATIBLE!? WE USED NO PROTECTION! OOOHHH GIR! GIR COME HERE, RUN A DIAGNOSTIC GIR!" A crashing was heard in the distance.

 "Holy shit we... we oh fuck. I did it with an alien" 

"I had intercourse with a HUUUUMAAANN!!! aAAGH! THIS CANNOT BE GOOD! GIR! GIR COPY. DO YOU COPYYYY!?" he pulled away from Dib, pulling his dress over himself, hugging Dib, and nuzzling his head in his chest "Ohh... I hope my people don't ostracize me.. the great Zim.. for this. Dib-Love, d-do not let any human know of this! If it gets to other planets- ahhh my head could be on quite the platter-" 

"GIR"

#zim #dib #zadr #zadr fanfiction #invader zim #smut #zim x dib #invader zim fanfiction #invader zim fandom #invader zim zadr #dib x zim #invaderzimsmut #invaderzim

[lamm97russo]

The Ultimate Guide To best squishmallows

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#squishmallows #mart #squishy #best #top #new

[reynaruina]

oh my god the ponytail au just,,, LET THEM KISS ALREADY ;;

…………………..C:

____________________________

Desperate, breathless, Dib kept running through the dark. It didn’t feel like he was going anywhere, but he had to keep running, he had to escape… The metallic steps behind him were growing louder and louder, same as that thin laugh, and soon enough a pair of big metal spikes pierced the floor in front of him like bars in a prison cell. He turned around, feeling trapped, and was quickly shoved onto the floor by a pair of thick steel tubes that enveloped him like tentacles. They held him down while the alien figure looming above approached him, a pair of scissors in hand. He closed his eyes, not wanting to see, feeling his heart hammering inside his chest almost deafeningly so.

He heard a snip, and suddenly, his head felt so much lighter.

“There you go, it is done. You absolute baby. Baby man.”

He opened his eyes, looked to the side, and saw his scythe of hair on the floor, burning a hole around it like acid. He noticed that the floor itself didn’t feel hard anymore, but soft and plush underneath him. There was light all around him too. And a small, warm weight rested atop him.

“Thank you,” he heard himself say.

Zim smiled, chin rested on his chest, hands playing with some of his stray chest hair. When had Dib lost his shirt? Did he ever have one? He felt his insides rattle. The PAK legs and metal tubes were gone, yet his heart would not stop hammering.

“You’re welcome, Dib-stink,” Zim said, and Dib tried to remember when had he ever heard Zim use this sweet a tone. His brain felt like mush. His face was on fire. Zim’s eyes were fixated on him, and he wanted to do so much yet he was locked in place, pinned down. But not by Zim.

As if sensing the problem, Zim’s hands reached for Dib’s, bringing them to rest on his back. Dib let one wander just a little, noticing that no PAK blocked his way. With a deep, longing sigh, he explored the entire expanse of clothed skin.

A rumble near his chest. He saw Zim’s eyes flutter closed. Was he… purring? Could Irkens do that?!

Dib shooed those thoughts away. He didn’t want to think, didn’t want to linger on the details that could make him conscious of how unreal this all was. He needed this, needed this so much…

A scratch behind the head, a little rub on the base of the antennae, and Zim was humming happily. Whole body relaxed. Resting. On his chest.

Dib’s hands shook, but he did not care. His whole body shuddered, trying to tear itself from the falsehood, but Dib held on tight. Tight. Tight.

Zim rose, startling him a little. His face was so close that Dib could see the little hexagonal cells in those huge, compound insectoid eyes. He sat on his groin, and Dib felt every cell in his body ripple one by one. The heat between them was almost unbearable, and yet Zim smiled…

A flash of pink, worm- like tongue licking those green lips made him want to bury himself into the fabric of the couch, become one with it. He licked his lips as well, salivating, eyes glued to Zim’s…

His mouth was on his before he could think any longer, and just like so they began to melt into one another. Dib felt his tremors rage through the air they occupied, a deep, clamoring breath escaping him as his mouth was invaded with that thick tongue. It was searing hot, wet, seemed to penetrate all the way to his guts, and he couldn’t tell anymore where Zim ended and he began. Everything around him was set alight, the universe cascading over his shoulders, and a strange little tune began to play in the background…

Wait…was that…Mozart?

Dib awoke with a start, a buzz in his ears and a pain in his forehead. And that stupid, stupid violin… He looked up at the stained ceiling of his rundown apartment, pinpointing through the mental static the source of the out of tune music. It was Mr. Harrison again, it had to be. That crusty old sonuvabitch had nothing fucking better to do on a Saturday night than practice his terrible songs.

Rubbing his face, Dib moved around with the intention to go bang on his door, but it was so difficult to even try and get up from his cot on the floor that he gave up just seconds later. He fell back instead, dragging his blanket along and trying to remember…to remember…

He remembered. And his face caught fire again.

Also, he noticed as he looked down at himself, his brain wasn’t the only part of him that remembered the dream.

“God fucking dammit” Dib sighed, shielding himself from the world with a blanket over his body and a pillow over his face. Maybe, he thought as a hand travelled south, maybe he could actually suffocate himself with it this time around. It’d beat having to hear that horrendous inner voice yell at him for another week straight for what he was about to do now.

But the voice wasn’t around yet, and for once, as the terrible violin music above him grew loud enough to mask his shameful sounds, Dib allowed himself to linger.

On the faint memory of a weight on his chest, and a heat deep inside his guts.

#anonymous #ask #ponytail dib au #slightly spicey #just so #hope this keeps yall satisfied until the actual first kiss happens #...whenever that might be lol #zadr #dib being enough of a virgin loser to bust a nut at the mere thought of kissing is my aesthetic #also thank you to #@syrupwit #fof betaing this for me

[savythenillerwaffer]

~Break My Heart~

PD(Pilot Dib)x Cel(Pilot Zim)

A precarious predicament

Even though Cel had only lived at this place for a few weeks, it took little time to grow a deep disliking for PD. So it was only natural that he would find out and begin tormenting him with it.

Cel had quite often been the butt of many practical jokes planned by PD, but his latest plot had really gotten under the Irken's skin lately. The more he thought about it, the more his response to it bothered him.

***

Most of Cel's day-to-day activities included napping (even though his body doesn't require sleep), playing games with Gaz, and getting harassed by PD on a regular basis.

Now he was sitting on the couch, waiting for Gaz to wake up from her comatose state while fiddling with a hoodie that Dib had given him when he'd first arrived.

Suddenly, Cel felt a looming presence over his shoulder, heavy breathing audible to his drooping antenna. There was no question who it was.

"Sup Space-Boy~"

Cel groaned in annoyance.

"Only the ceiling, why must you torment me, human-fiend?"

PD just chuckled darkly.

"You're cute when you get angry~"

Cel blushed slightly, shadow-overcast form becoming rigid with anger.

"Well I'm about to get fucking adorable if you don't respect my thinking space."

His antenna sensed another presence with them. Gaz had just walked into the room, making her presence known to them.

Her hair was frayed and messy, presumably because she had not slept well. She was wearing a clearly oversized, black T-shirt that had the words, "Do not Disturb" on it, accompanied by a pair of standard white socks and pajama pants covered in tiny pigs.

Cel assumed this was standard sleeping attire for Gaz.

She looked at them and nodded, covering her mouth to let out a drowsy yawn before giving another glance to Cel in confusion.

Two electrical clamps had been attached to each one of his antenna, a wire stringing down to connect them to a device that PD held with a proud smirk.

"Sup Zi- I mean… Cel, what happened there?"

Cel's eyes narrowed for a moment, pastel eyes piercing through her. A bead of sweat ran down the back of Gaz's neck. She remembered how he could get really scary when anyone mentioned that.

"Apparently," Cel huffed, trying to ignore her slip of the tongue, "This human thinks it would be funny to attach my antenna to an electrical device in my comatose state and, quite literally, shock me with it. At least I'm assuming that is what it does."

PD's face only displayed pride at his sadistic craftsmanship.

"Don’t bother trying to remove them. I don’t suppose 15 amps of electricity going through your frail, human body would be a pleasant experience."

Gaz just shrugged and took a sip of tap water.

"Just sounds like another Friday night to me. I'll leave you two love birds to your weird little kinks."

Cel's blush intensified at her words, making PD's cockyness grow as he let out another dark chuckle into one of the alien's antenna.

"Brace yourself, I imagine this will be quite uncomfortable for you~"

PD was right, but it probably wasn't the kind of uncomfortable he was expecting.

As soon as he pressed the button on the foul device, Cel's legs locked up and crossed themselves involuntarily

They shared a confused glance before Cel's eyes widened, face becoming cherry red as he was reminded of what electricity does to him.

PD felt a hard slap across his face as the now hot-and-bothered alien turned to face him, eyes clouded with rage as well as something.

"YOU IGNORANT, BIPEDAL, SWINE!"

Cel let out a shriek that surely woke up the whole complex as he grabbed PD by his cardigan, pulling him over the back of the couch with incredible strength.

They fell onto the cushions together, PD landing on top of Cel in an awkward way as he stared into his rival's pastel eyes.

After regaining their composure, the duo's faces flushed in unison as they realized the predicament they were now in.

"Uh… Cel, what are you-"

Cel gave him no more time to speak as he silenced the awkward teen with his lips, keeping his steely eyes open to glare right through PD's bewildered face.

He had never seen the alien act like this before, it surprised the hell out of him. But truth be told, he was kinda enjoying the dominance.

After Cel was finished, he pulled away from the starry-eyed teen, still glaring into his soul with that determined look. He was barely out of breath from the prolonged kiss, meanwhile PD was panting like a dog.

Then he finally spoke.

"Do you see what you do to me?"

The words echoed in PD's mind as he stared mindlessly at the alien, still struggling to process what had just taken place.

For the first time in his life, he was at a loss for words.

"I...I…"

Cel scoffed at his rival's absent-mindedness, finally letting go of his cardigan as he slipped out from under him.

"It seems I have taught you a lesson today. What the lesson was for, is your's to deconstruct."

With that, Cel sauntered away with his hands behind his back, putting confidence into each overdrawn step.

PD was left in awe as his mind began to process what had just happened. Cel had kissed him… His crush had kissed him.

The pillow he held to his face did little to muffle the girlish shreks that ensued.

***

Something had seriously changed between them after that. It didn't take very long for everyone else to notice that PD had stopped pulling as many pranks, and Cel's cheeks would always flush more than usual around him.

Cel peeked over the couch at the unhinged human in the kitchen, smiling widely as he made toasted bread.

It didn't take him long to notice Cel's staring, giving him a Cheshire smile in response. Sure enough, Cel's face became flustered and he let out a squeak as he turned away, sitting back on the couch and facing away from the grinning menace.

"This is crazy, an Irken shouldn't be feeling like this over a human."

Cel stuffed his face into one of the couch pillows, groaning in frustration as he lay on the plush cushions.

Was he in love with his mortal enemy?

#iz #invader zim #roommates au #Cel x PD #pilot dib #pilot zim #iz fanfiction

[aliienation]

Invaders Don’t Play

(Zim is hardly interested in participating in his wayward minion’s bonding activities, but if the little fools think they can beat him in a tickle battle, they are sadly mistaken. WARNING: ultimate adorable family fluff of doom that will rot your teeth straight from your mouth.)

“BLEH! Stupid wig getting in my eyes!” Zim snarled as he shook it off his head and freed his antennae from under the hairy prison. “Stupid planet for making me wear it and—STUPID—RAIN!” He kicked the water droplets off and smoothed out his uniform, muttering and growling all the while. Crimson eyes leered over at his minions, who were, as usual being obnoxious and not doing what they were supposed to.

“I thought I told you both to clean the living room!” he snapped at the little bots running around the room. Zim wrinkled his face up in disgust as he evaded a dried up brown spot. “That better be mud...”

“Awww Master, you look so grumpy!” GIR exclaimed as he sat happily on Minimoose.

“Yes, I am!” Zim hissed. “I'm soaked to the bone from this HORRIBLE earth rain, I'm in a dirty living room that was supposed to have been mopped while I was gone—and I'm still on this stupid planet!” He kicked the ground. “That's enough to make anyone upset.”

“Dawww....you should relax!” GIR exclaimed. “Rainy days are days to play inside and do fun stuff!”

“I don't have TIME for fun stuff, GIR!” Zim growled at the little bot. “One of us needs to be serious here. Invaders don't reduce themselves to something as degrading as playing. We aren't smeets. If you two won't do what you're supposed to than I need to pick up the work.” Not that he wasn't used to it by now.

“Computer, the mop!” Zim ordered to the house. A large mechanical hand extracted from the walls and placed a wooden mop in Zim's palm. He snatched it while giving his robot minions acid glares. They seemed unphased by it. Zim dipped the mop in some water and began to scrub the floors. He felt like he was being watched and kept glancing back at Minimoose and GIR. They suddenly seemed sinister.

Zim warily observed the glint in GIR's eyes. If he didn't know any better he'd say there was something...menacing to it and it was hardly possible for GIR to be menacing unless he was in duty mode. But sure enough, GIR and Minimoose were slowly looming closer.

Unnerved, Zim took a step back. Their ominous silence was not comforting. “What...are you two doing?” He tried to put some distance between them but found himself bumping into the wall. “GIR? Minimoose?”

“Get 'im!” GIR cried. Zim screamed and moved to bolt, but his rambunctious minions crashed into him and sent them both tumbling, and the mop as well. Slammed onto his back Zim stared furiously at the two, hardly able to believe they had such audacity. “What is the meaning of this? Zim is busy and hardly in the mood for...” He trailed off with a high pitched squeak the moment he felt GIR's little claws worm along his belly, while Minimoose himself started to nudge Zim rapidly with his little nubs.

Hatched on a planet mainly bred for war and conquering Zim was hardly adept to the kind of play human children tended to do. Even a smeets they were pushed into training soon after birth. There wasn't much time to actually enjoy their childhood and thus Zim was incredibly unaccustomed to roughhousing. So never before had the irken been tickled. Immediately he realized he hated it.

“GIR! MINIMOOSE!” Zim was pushed into a fit of cackling and he thrashed and convulsed under the two's ruthless attack. “Sssstop-stop it! At once! HAHAHAHA! NOW!”

The two bots giggled and showed no signs of relenting, only amused by the way the irken struggled and squealed. Zim couldn't stand it. He was made to laugh whether he wanted to or not, and he hated it!

Finally Zim struggled free. “Enough!” He climbed to his feet and glared viciously at the mischievous little minions. “I don't know what on Irk got into the two of you, but Zim is not interested in your childish games! Some of us are trying to be PRODUCTIVE here!”

GIR's metal lip jutted out in a sweet little pout. “But Master, we'z just trying to cheer you up.”

“Accosting me into laughing is not cheering me up!” Zim exclaimed. “Now if you two aren't going to help me then just stay out of my way so I can do something here.”

Nearly an hour later he had finally lifted whatever disgusting filth was smeared into the floors. He still really hoped it was just mud. ....He was too afraid to ask. Nonetheless, Zim drained the mop once he scrubbed the last of the residue, and he flopped to the couch.

“The floors are still wet. Computer! Alert me in twenty minutes when the tiles have dried.”

A glowing clock appeared on the tv screen. “Yes, Zim.”

Zim glanced over to see Minimoose and GIR back at it again. The two were as carefree and happy as smeets as they played. It was an innocent spirit a part of Zim almost envied to see. He couldn't remember what it was like to just play, if he ever did.

“Don't you two ever take anything seriously?” Zim griped as he watched the robot smeets wrestle. “Can't you stop playing for maybe two minutes?”

Minimoose and GIR didn't answer, far too engaged in their match. Minimoose had GIR pinned against the floor, the poor robot laughing and squealing helplessly as he struggled against Minimoose's evil little nubs and face that nudged and nuzzled his belly. “Nahaaa, Minimoose!”

Zim sighed as he slumped to the couch. Well, that answered that. He rolled his eyes but watched the two as they played. It seemed they could go for hours and if he was betting on anyone it was Minimoose. GIR didn't stand a chance and hardly seemed to know how to fight. It was...pathetic really. Honestly even in a match as harmless and juvenile as this it was still concerning to Zim. GIR had built in weapons, sure. All SIRS did, but the fact the little thing didn't know basic combat...it was more than a little concerning. What if there arose a time where GIR didn't have access to his weapons (or replaced them with something stupid) and he couldn't defend himself?

Sure, tiny little metal fists and tinny feet wouldn't inflict much damage, but Zim could at least teach him some basic combat. Dodge, incapacitate your enemies, maybe even work on the little thing's stealth. GIR was so obnoxiously loud—not that metal feet helped to keep his where-about a secret.

Zim had attempted to tutor the robot before, but the metal child's attention span was that of a gnat and lessons would last all of two minutes before he bolted off to get food or find more...barn animals to play with. GIR wasn't interested in doing anything that didn't involve play time...but perhaps Zim could find a way to make play time evolve into something useful.

“So...this play, you find it enjoyable, yes?” The squeaky laughter that left the robots answered that well enough. He rolled his eyes as GIR tried to pounce on Minimoose, only to be pinned. “GIR, you're just asking for it there. You're never going to get out of that position that way. You have to gain the upper hand. You have to sneak up on your opponent and get him when he's least expecting it. If you want to get Minimoose to the ground you have to GET Minimoose to the ground.”

Giggling, GIR was hanging onto one of the plush's antler. “Can you show me how?”

“Eh?” Zim shrugged. “Well, I suppose so. Just for a few moments.” Zim stepped nervously off the couch, not wanting to be dragged into the fray again. “You have to lure Minimoose in, GIR.” He posed himself in front of the plush moose. “Come at me, Minimoose!”

“Nya!” The moose dove in but Zim was faster, untold decades of training allowing him to easily dodge the moose's attack. The moment he did he seized an antler and yanked Minimoose towards him. “Start like that.” He pushed Minimoose over to the little bot.

GIR crouched in a battle position as Minimoose dove down, but he wasn't fast enough and was gently rammed to the ground. Zim shook his head in distaste.

“You aren't going fast enough, GIR. You have to be more aggressive than that. Trap the moose, GIR. Trap him. Jump and grab—yank him!” He snatched Minimoose up again and the plush wiggled with a squeak.

“Yay! Master's joining the tickle battle!”

“No I'm not, GIR,” Zim growled. “I'm merely showing you how to capture your opponent. I want nothing to do with your foolishness.”

“Ouu, okaa-aay.” The little bot gave a doleful little smile, sweet as honey as his eyes narrowed mischievously. “I understand. I wouldn't want to lose neither.”

Oh, the Achilles Heel. Irked, the alien's eyes narrowed as his antennae twitched. “What did you say GIR?” he hissed warningly.

The impish little bot blinked back at his Master. “No-oothing. Why don't you go to your lab and do lab stuff?” His plan had worked just as he hoped as Zim just glared furiously at him.

“Are you implying that Zim could not win your PA-THETIC ti-ckle fight?” Zim snapped. “You really think you can beat Zim at anything? FOOLISH GIR, I would take you both down no matter the competition. Your smeet-like playing is no match for me.”

Cyan eyes narrowing, GIR sealed the deal. “Prove it.”

Oh it was on.

“I will,” Zim hissed. No sooner had he said that did both robots careen into him at once and send him slamming back onto the floor. Immediately, Zim found his hands grappling with GIR's claws. Minimoose's awful nubs kept nudging and nuzzling at his belly, ruining Zim's concentration as he laughed.

“I'm gonna ge'chuuu!” GIR squealed as he locked into a power struggle with his Master. Zim shoved against the metallic child, but it was hard to concentrate against Minimoose's assault. Giggling helplessly Zim kicked the plush-bot off of him to focus on GIR.

“Don't be foolish, GIR,” Zim grunted as he wrestled his servant. “You're in a battle you can't win! Give up now, it's only going to be sadder for you if you lose!” Although he stood a good chance of winning if Zim didn't get rid of Minimoose. He used the fact his antennae were near GIR's face to his advantage as they wiggled against GIR's metallic cheeks.

GIR giggled and lost his grip, giving Zim the upper hand as he fastened his grip on GIR's claws and shoved the robot back against the ground, pinning him. GIR squealed and giggled uncontrollably when he realized he was completely trapped underneath Zim.

This was an alien position. It's not like Zim hadn't ever had to grab and pin the bot before, but for it to be part of some sort of playing was....new. But he welcomed the mock terror on the child bot's face as GIR covered his face.

“You're at the mercy of Zim now.”Zim gave his signature evil grin as he loomed in on the robot. “And Zim doesn't GIVE mercy... Trapped in my claws.” His gloved fingers wiggled. “My wiggly, AMAZING claws will inflict a horrible ti-ckle unlike you have ever-”

“Nya!”

Before he could launch an attack, Minimoose rammed into him from behind. “Nya!” He latched onto Zim's side as his one little tooth nibbled gently at the irken. Zim was horrified to find the gnawing was so much worse and he cackled loudly as he tried to shake Minimoose off. His grip faltered on GIR and the moment he turned back to his robot GIR launched his foot up and kicked Zim in the face.

“Ow!” Zim reeled back, holding his sore face. He made a grab for GIR, but the child tumbled out of range. He rubbed his cheek and couldn't help but smile. Maybe that little robot did know a thing or two about fighting...

“ACK!” the irken squealed as GIR suddenly leaped onto his back the same time Minimoose managed to cling again. GIR's little claws dug under Zim's arms and Minimoose latched onto Zim's belly like a nibbly, tickling tick. The onslaught was too much. Zim's elbows dug desperately into his sides to try and protect himself, but it only trapped GIR's horrible little claws.

The two robots had an unfortunate advantage here. Zim was adept to the kind of bodily assault that caused real harm, but that wasn't going to help him here since he refused to harm them. He was doomed.  GIR and Minimoose were hardly novices when it came to playing and it seemed they were well versed in tickle attacks. Every spot they targeted on him was worse than the last.

“HAHAHAHAHA—GIR—MINIMOOSE!” Zim practically squealed. He fell to the ground like a sack of giggling potatoes, crippled under his minions' assault as his eyes teared from mirth. His legs pinwheeled desperately, humiliated to find himself losing. Him, an Irken Elite, vanquished by TICKLES? Never!

“Have some of this!” Zim threw himself violently onto his other side and dislodged GIR enough that he managed to loop the bot under one arm while his legs trapped Minimoose with lightning fast reflexes. “Tickle Zim and deal with the horrible torture filled consequences!”

He honestly had no idea what he was doing, but as his claws scribbled along GIR's belly plate he screamed and laughed hysterically, so he must have been doing something right. Zim's antennae flattened at the sound and he snickered. “You could incapacitate your enemies by deafening them more than anything else.”

“EEEEEHEHEHEHHE!” GIR wiggled helplessly and his little feet bopped against Zim's chin.

“Now what, GIR?” Zim cackled maniacally. “What would you do if an enemy had you trapped like this?”

Squealing and laughing GIR launched up enough to sink his metal chompers into Zim's arm.

“OUCH!” the alien yelped. He dropped GIR and lost his grip on Minimoose, who floated above him, way out of reach. “Hey! Hey! Hovering is foul play, you little cheat!”

“Nya!”

“Oh, we didn't set rules did we?” Zim parroted back. His eyes narrowed vengefully as he sprung onto his spider legs. “Alright then.” He leaped to the ceiling and hung onto the pipes as he leered down at his hapless little minions. “I was taking it easy on you before. Now is where Zim gets serious.”

“Tickly free for all!” GIR declared, poised to tackle either his Master or Minimoose. “Imma getchu both!” Zim began to advance rapidly across the ceiling and GIR screamed. Both robots darted out of the room and Zim cackled as he watched them scatter like ants.

“Computer! What room did GIR go into?”

“Ee-ee-eeugh....I'm not playing,” the AI deadpanned.

Zim spot a green little antenna poking out from behind the fridge and he smirked widely. “Oh gee, I wonder where GIR is,” he drawled, starting to turn around. Thinking the area was secure, GIR began to poke his head out and screamed when Zim pounced.

“GOTCHA!” He wrestled the bot and tried to pin him with a pak leg. The two roughhoused like children and tickled each other breathless. Zim would never admit to taking any sort of pleasure in this; he was just trying to prove a point that he could win any battle, no matter how childish. Yet...this was the most fun he had in quite a while.

Catching his breath GIR giggled and looked up at Zim. “Truce while we get Minimoose?”

Zim scoffed. “Peh. Zim knows not of truces, you silly GIR. ....But I agree, let's get the Moose.”

The robot child sprung out of Zim's grip and started to run loudly across the room, but Zim snagged him with a pak leg.

“Not like that,” he scolded, lunging back up to the ceiling with his SIR. “Are you trying to wake up the whole planet? You're as loud as a herd of earth rhinos. Minimoose is going to hear you coming that way.”

“But I gots metal feet,” GIR pouted as he clacked the two together. He climbed up the spider leg to perch on Zim's shoulder.

“If you can't control the sound your feet make in enemy territory head for a different terrain that's less noisy. Subtlety is the key here, GIR. You have to make sure your enemy doesn't know you're coming. Then you ambush them.”

He quietly scaled the pipes while staying alert for Minimoose. GIR gradually slid down Zim's leg. He spotted his moose sibling.”Oh-!”

Zim clasped a hand to the robot's mouth. Their poor victim was just obliviously floating there and searching the room to see if his attackers were hiding behind something. “Quiet,” he whispered to the robot. “It's all about waiting for the right moment...”

Minimoose hovered closer and peered into one of the doorways.

“....NOW!”

Minimoose screeched as he suddenly found himself flattened under the duo's assault. Zim's pak leg gently pinned Minimoose down by an antler. The poor moose flopped around like a fly with its wing trapped. Zim reeled his new victim in and the plush squeaked out desperate laughter as Zim began his assault once more.

“Peheheheh...” Zim cackled as he smirked down at his squirming, helpless prey. The poor little moose was desperately grabbing at a nearby chair leg for leverage but Zim snatched him right back. “I told you both. The fact you thought you could beat Zim at anything is laughable. Foolish, foolish little robots... Now taste defeat at the hands of—hey! GIR!”

Their Minimoose target acquired, GIR shifted back to Zim. Nothing was fair in a tickle war. He jumped onto his Master's back and Zim yelped at the sudden shift of weight.

“You horrible little traitor! I just taught you a valuable sneaking technique!”

“Uh-huh, and now I sneak attacked you!”

That—well, actually, that was incredibly clever. A smile tilted the irken's lips that had nothing to do with the current tickle attack. He laughed and seized GIR. “You dare to turn on your Master?”

“No sides!” GIR reminded. His little claws clasped to his mouth as he giggled and squinted his eyes shut in anticipation.

“And no mercy.”

It was a final free for all as the room filled with the warm sounds of laughter as the trio roughhoused like little children, forgetting their perils on this planet and the rain pelting outside. The world condensed itself to the small space of the untidy living room, and the only thing that mattered was the current moment.

“HA! That all you got, you two? Newborn smeets put up more of a fight than that! YOU WILL NEVER DEFEAT ZIM, FOOLS!”

The timer went off on the computer but the AI decided not to remind them.

“I AM ZIM!”

#zim #gir #iz #invader zim #minimoose #I couldn't think of a title #ch: zim #ch: GIR #ch: minimoose #my fanfic

[anachef]

New Buzz and Woody Loungefly Backpacks AND Alien Ear Hats Spotted in Toy Story Land

When we walk around the parks, we are always on the lookout for something new! And friends, wait ’til you see what we found today while strolling around Disney’s Hollywood Studios…

To Infinity… and BEYOND!

Today, we happened to find some new toy-mazing merchandise at the kiosks in Toy Story Land.

Earlier in the week, we told you about the new Woody Loungefly backpack.

Woody Loungefly

It features both Woody’s belt and shiny Sheriff badge. Howdy!

Woody Backpack

Loungefly backpacks are the perfect park bag thanks to their size. They aren’t too big nor are they too small. Their fun prints also make them the perfect park accessory, so we always get excited when new prints are released… like this next one!

Because today we were roped into the Toy Story Land merchandise kiosks once again when we spotted another NEW Loungefly backpack. And this time it is themed after none other than Woody’s best pal, Buzz Lightyear!

Buzz Lightyear Loungefly Backpack

The backpack looks just like Buzz Lightyear’s Space Ranger suit with its vibrant purple and green accents.

Buzz Lightyear Backpack

The backpack also features all of Buzz Lightyear’s buttons, including his laser! To Infinity AND BEYOND!!

Buzz Lightyear Backpack

Not only did we spot these two new Loungefly backpacks, we also saw a new Toy Story Mickey Ear Hat.

Alien Mickey Ears

One ear reads “I Have Been Chosen!” while the other sports the iconic claw! Three plush eyes complete the look

.

The ears even have the little alien antenna on the back! OOOOO! The ears are $24.99 and can be found at the Toy Story Land merchandise kiosks… which also just so happen to be super cute.

Play Family Camper Merchandise Stand

Love Toy Story? Then you HAVE to check out the new Toy Story Fourth of July BBQ experience coming to Disney World! 

What do you think of this new Toy Story merch? Let us know in the comments below! 

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Related posts:

Disney World’s Toy Story Land: What YOU Need to Know BEFORE It Opens!

Everything You Want and Need for Toy Story Land!

How To Ride Slinky Dog Dash with NO WAIT! Is After Hours At Disney’s Hollywood Studios Right For YOU??

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[twilight-alchemist]

Shelter

read on Ao3 http://archiveofourown.org/works/10885116/chapters/24188529

Summary: Saitama quit her training halfway through. What’s the point of great strength when she couldn’t save her family? Lost and bereft she returned to her home town to get her life back together, but that hasn’t been going so well. Every day is just like the last until a fiery comet crashes behind her house and she meets Genos, an alien cyborg trying to find the monster that murdered her family. Domestic gay nonsense ensues.

Chapter 1: Stayin’ Alive

It’s quiet. It’s always quiet at night out here in the middle of nowhere, unless Rover hears something to bark at. Right now it’s just the hum of appliances and the soft sound of MTV on in the living room, since said hell hound is asleep beneath Saitama’s feet. She watches his feet wiggle as he dreams and absentmindedly reaches down to rub the plush fur between his ears. Saitama finds herself humming along to the music as she picks at her food. Her appetite hasn’t gotten itself together yet today, and box mac and cheese is doing nothing to perk up her listless stomach. She hates to waste food though. Grumbling, she manages to get down a few more bites before she scrapes the rest of the sad cheese goo into the trash and tosses the bowl towards the sink. It bounces of the pile of dishes in the sink and flops onto the counter. She lingers a moment staring at the sink full of dirty dishes, feeling guilty it’s not clean, but not guilty enough to do the dishes just yet. A problem for the Saitama of tomorrow.

She moves into the living room to flick the TV off. The silence is immediately suffocating, and she darts back into the kitchen to turn on the radio. Spirit in the Sky is playing, and she fiddles with the antenna to lessen the static. Rover grumbles in his sleep and rolls over onto his back, sleeping like a starfish. The song plays on and she finds herself singing along.

“Going up to the spirit in the sky, that’s where I’m gonna go when I die. When I die and they lay me to rest, gonna go to the place that’s the best.” A memory surfaces unbidden, of giggles and weed smoke and late nights listening to the radio. She’s sitting next to Theo on their beat up couch and he is smiling so wide, laughing as he sings along to the radio. He’s horribly off key and missing words but his eyes are sparkling with joy. Ace is laughing where he’s sitting on the floor of their flat, singing along as the chorus. Their ruckus has drowned out the surrounding noise of the city, and it feels like they are the only people in the world. It feels like home. The sadness rises up in her so fast she feels like she might choke, and she turns the radio off. It takes her a few moments to realize she’s gripping the kitchen counter so hard that her knuckles have turned white. She counts the pink flowers on her kitchen wallpaper as she packs the sadness away, shoves it back down to some forgotten place inside herself. Reminds herself to breath, in and out, in and out. She lets go of the counter and pointedly ignores the fact that she’s bent the counter top. The phone ringing startles her so bad that she almost falls on the floor. Swearing under her breath she darts over to the phone and picks up.

“Hello?”

“Saitama! I haven’t seen you in town all week and you haven’t called me or answered your phone, are you doing okay?” It’s Mumen. Saitama winces at her tone; she’s in trouble.

“I’m alright Mumen, I’m just… tired. Sorry I haven’t called.” Sai winds the phone cord around her hand and fidgets with it. She wants so badly to confide in Mumen, to tell her she’s not okay, but that would mean making Mumen worry, and her friend has enough on her plate as it is. A half-lie isn’t so bad, right? She really is tired after all. “I promise I’ll come by soon.” Saitama says. “Are you working tomorrow?”

“Yeah. I have my lunch break at 12, want to meet at the diner?”

“Sure Mumen, that sounds great.”

There’s a heavy pause, and Sai realizes belatedly that she hadn’t put any false enthusiasm into her voice. Shit.

“Saitama do you need me to come over? I can come over right now-“

“Mumen honestly I’m okay.”

“You don’t sound okay. It’s been over a year and you haven’t gotten any better. I know you want space and time to mourn but I’m worried about you. Let me help you! You can’t keep pushing everyone away.”

‘Oh yes I can’ Saitama thinks. Her depression is her problem and she’s not dragging anyone down with her, especially not someone as perfect as Mumen.

“You worry too much.” Sai says. “I’ll see you tomorrow okay?”

Mumen huffs out a sigh that crackles through the phone line. “Alright. Give Rover a hug for me.”

“I will.”

“Goodnight Sai.”

“Night.”

She puts the phone down on the wall with a click, resisting the urge to call Mumen back and spill her guts. It’s already 9 at night, and Mumen always goes to bed at 9. Mumen’s one of those freaky morning people.

Saitama sighs loudly and thumps her head against the wall a few times. She knows Mumen has every right to be worried. Apparently her theatrics were loud enough to rouse Rover, who had gotten up and was now scratching at the door. “Okay buddy give me a second.” Sai grabs her winter coat and shoves her feet into her worn out boots. She pushes the door open and Rover bounds out into the snow. It’s a bitterly cold night and Sai shivers despite her oversized coat. She goes about her nightly routine, checking to make sure all the animals are still warm inside the barn and refilling empty water buckets. She tosses her girls some extra hay because they give her the puppy dog eyes. Sai’s always weak to the puppy dog eyes, and her animals know it. She steps out of the barn and glances over at the garden. She hasn’t spoken to them yet today, and knows she won’t sleep well if she doesn’t. Not that she sleeps particularly well anyway.

There’s a large quartz stone placed in the center of the snow covered garden. She’d found it in the woods a year ago and placed it here as a memorial of sorts. Her friend’s graves are far away from here, but she feels as though this is where they truly rest.

“Hey Theo, that song you used to love was just on the radio. I know you loved that song in a tongue-in-cheek kind of way because you thought Jesus loving you would upset the homophobes, but I really do hope you’re up there in the sky living it up with the big guy just to prove those fuckers wrong.” Sai lifts her head up to the sky and takes in the myriad of stars above her. “Ace you’d love the stars tonight. I can see Sirius, and Rigel, and Polaris.” She sighs deeply, as though she could push out her sadness within her breath.

“I know there’s more stars that you showed me but I can’t remember. I’m getting rusty without you here always waxing poetic about the sky.” For a while she just gazes upward, taking in the cosmos above her. The stars used to make her feel alive, but now all she feels is cold.

“I miss you guys so much. I miss you both so much.”

The sound of Rover barking his head off startles her out of her reverie.

“Rover what the hell.” Saitama mumbles as she jogs around the side of the house to where her dog is going bananas. When she sees what Rover barking at, she freezes on the spot, mouth hanging open and eyes wide. There’s a comet falling across the sky. A HUGE comet. It’s almost blindingly to look at in the darkness, bright and fiery like the sun itself is falling to the earth. She watches as the comet burns across the sky and gasps in frozen air as she suddenly remembers to breathe. The comet sails far overhead and crashes with a sound like a train collision somewhere way back in the forest behind her property.

“Holy shit.”

Rover has stopped barking but his black fur is all puffed up in agitation, making him look ridiculous. Sai considers going out in the woods to see if she can find the meteor, but it’s cold as balls and she’s tired. Maybe in the morning. She gives one last look out at the dark forest, before Saitama drags Rover back inside and heads up to her bedroom.

She can’t sleep. All she can think of is the comet. Is it a meteor? What if its aliens? She scolds herself for being silly. ‘I’ve been watching too much Star Wars’ she thinks to herself. What if it was some kind of satellite? That seemed a lot more plausible, but that could lead to trouble. What if someone comes looking for it? That’d be a pain in the butt. She sighs and stretches, pushing Rover over a few inches where he’s being a bed hog. It’s just a stupid space rock. No big deal. Go to sleep.

She wishes Ace and Theo were there with her so they could be excited together. The longing curls around her heart and squeezes tightly.

Two hours of staring at the ceiling later Saitama gets up. She grabs the bong off her dresser and lights the bowl, inhaling. Holds the smoke in her lungs, exhales, coughs. Rinse wash repeat until her head is foggy and she’s bone tired. She crawls back into bed and promptly passes out.

Saitama jerks awake at 11, remembers she has lunch at 12 with Mumen, and panics. She’d slept straight through her alarm. She throws the covers off, gets dressed faster than she has in months, and rushes through her morning routine. Feed the animals, open up the barn, get off her smelly barn clothes, shower, put on nice not smelly clothes, get in the freezing car. Her old truck starts on the first try and Saitama counts that as a small blessing. It takes her 15 minutes to get into town and its 11:50, so she’s only going to be 5 minutes late.

Saitama stumbles into the diner and Mumen greets her with raised eyebrows. “Did you just wake up?”

“’Course not.” Sai says. Her body betrays her and she yawns.

“You’re a terrible lair.” Mumen says, but she’s grinning regardless. “It’s good to see you.”

“You too.” Saitama flops down into the booth and steals a sip of Mumen’s coffee, which she immediately regrets. “Ugh how do you drink it black you weirdo.”

“The same way you drink it with 3 tablespoons of sugar.” Mumen looks over as the door opens with a jingle. “I hope you don’t mind that I invited King.”

“Of course not.” Saitama says, turning to wave as King comes in.

King sits next to Saitama and sighs. “Sai, what on earth are you wearing.”

“Neon is in King. Everyone knows that.” Sai says.

“Well my eyes are melting.” She deadpans. “Also those patterns together are awful.”

“Shut up Ms. Farah Fawcett hair. Your mom jeans suck.”

King suddenly tenses as though she remembered something, and leans over the table conspiringly. “Did ya’ll see that fireball in the sky last night?”

“Yeah it came right over the farm.” Saitama says. “What do you think it was?”

“Just a meteor of course.” Mumen says.

“I don’t think so, I think it might be some Russian satellite.” King says in a stage whisper. “I told pa about it and he called the government and everything.”

“King, your dad is paranoid, and you worry too much. Stuff with Russia is still a mess but it’s more deescalated right now. You don’t have to be so anxious about it anymore.” Sai says as she pokes through the menu.

“Do you think they’ll send anyone?” Mumen asks.

“Who?” King says, engrossed in the menu. Saitama doesn’t know why any of them bother to read the menu. This diner has been exactly the same since they were all small enough to fit on one side of the booth together. They’ve all memorized the ancient menu. That’s what happens when you live in a town with only a diner and a dive bar.

“The government.” Mumen clarifies.

“Oh, I don’t know.” King says. She’s fussing with her hair, which means she’s nervous. “Nothing ever really happens here and I like it that way, so I hope not.”

“You’ve got that right.” Sai huffs. “This is the most boring town in the world. I told myself I’d never come back here, yet look where I am. You two are the only good things I’ve got in this godforsaken town.”

“I’m touched.” King says as she puts her menu down.

“Why don’t you start martial arts with Bang again?” Mumen says. “You used to be one of her top students.”

“I don’t know.” Sai says. She could say she doesn’t have the time, but that’s a lie. She just doesn’t care about anything anymore like she used to. It’s so much effort and energy she doesn’t have, for so little reward. She has to focus what energy she has on her animals, and lambing season is coming up soon.

Mumen smacks her menu down on the table, startling King half to death and making Saitama jump. “Let’s go to the disco this Friday night.” Mumen says. “You used to love that.”

Saitama wants to say no, but her two best friends are giving her the puppy dog eyes and she realizes she never really stood a chance. “Okay.”

Their matching smiles makes her want to try. She can pull herself together for their sakes. It’s just one night right?

Someone clears their throat, and the three of them look up to see their waiter staring at them.

“Good afternoon Lilly.” Mumen chirps amicably. “Where’s Fubuki?’

“Town Hall. We aren’t always glued at the hip you know.” Lilly replies.

All Lilly gets in response is three sets of disbelieving expressions, and he sputters. “Anyway what can I get you girls?”

“I’ll have the Cobb salad please.” Mumen says while cleaning her glasses.

“Disco fries.” Saitama says. “Oh, and green tea.”

“What about you King?” Lilly asks, reaching across to grab their menus.

King fakes contemplation as she settles herself enough to order. Speaking has never been her strong suit. “Chocolate chip pancakes and a vanilla milkshake.”

“You got it.” Lilly says, making his way to the kitchen.

Mumen is giving King a look. “King that’s so much sugar.”

King just shrugs, and Saitama tries to not be jealous of the way her hair flows as she moves. Saitama can never get her hair to cooperate, and it just seems to stick every which way.

“Mumen we are 25, we can eat what we want.” Sai says. “It’s not our fault you already eat like a suburban mother of 2.”

Mumen grumbles something about fiber and protein and daily sugar allowances, but lets it slide. They fall into comfortable silence for a while as Mumen sips her coffee. “So how are things at the station?” Saitama asks.

“Same as always.” Mumen says, moving to fix the cuffs on her uniform. “Got the Smith’s cat out of a tree yesterday, and the day before that I caught some kids spray painting on the side of the library and brought them in. They’ll probably just get community service.”

“What’d they spray paint?” King asks.

“It was inappropriate.” Mumen sighs.

King and Saitama share a look and nod; it was definitely dicks.

“Is the chief letting you respond to calls yet?” Sai asked. Mumen seemed to deflate a little at the question, but bounces back quickly.

“No. I’m happy to be out of the office at last but he still only lets me patrol. Even though I graduated with top marks at the police academy he still thinks I need to be protected. I want to be out there with the boys protecting people and upholding justice.”

“Fuck the patriarchy.” Saitama says.

“Don’t curse!” Mumen says. “… but screw the patriarchy.”

“You’ll get there someday Mumen. You’ve come this far after all.” King says.

“Thanks King. You two have always believed I could do this even when no one else did, and it means a lot.” Mumen says.

Saitama realizes this is supposed to be a deep moment between friends, but she doesn’t know what to say in response. She just gives Mumen a thumbs up.

Lilly returns with their drinks and they gossip a little, about who’s been seen with who and what recent scandals have unfolded. Lilly always knows all the juicy bits. More people come into the diner and Lilly has to leave to tend to them, and the conversation wanes. The silence is comfortable, and Saitama lets herself lean into King. She feels better in her friend’s company. It’s like they make her temporarily whole again, and even for just a few fleeting moments, she’s happy. She doesn’t have to pretend to smile and laugh, and while her joy is small and fluttering weakly, it’s genuine in their presence. Saitama finds herself wishing she could always have them around just so she wouldn’t have to be sad anymore. It’s a selfish wish and she scolds herself for it. Mumen and King have their own lives and don’t have time to babysit her dysfunctional ass.

Lilly gets a hero’s welcome when he brings the food and they dig in. King watches Saitama devour her disco fries with a mixture of fascination and disgust. Saitama makes an obscene gesture while licking gravy and melted cheese out from between her fingers and Mumen snorts her drink. While Mumen is laughing and suffering with coffee up her nose Saitama turns to waggle her eyebrows at King and finds that her friend is already flushed bright red, her heart beating loudly.

“Sai don’t be vulgar.” King says, hand clutching at her imaginary pearls. Mumen groans as she blows coffee out of her nose. Saitama laughs so hard she can’t breathe.

Mumen’s lunch break ends and Saitama lingers in their parting hug too long, not realizing how touch starved she was until Mumen wrapped her arms around her. For a blissful moment, everything is okay. Mumen lets her linger, and makes Sai promise to come visit her apartment soon for dinner. King has to head out as well and Saitama feels like this was over far too soon. As she climbs into her truck the fleeting happiness is already snuffed out, replaced by the usual numbness. She sighs and lets her head drop to the steering wheel. She’s so tired all of a sudden. She perks up a bit when she remembers she brought her coupons with her, and decides that since she’s already in town she might as well go to the store.

When Saitama gets home it’s a little after 2 in the afternoon. The sheep baa at her from the fence as she brings her groceries into the house. She nearly trips over Rover as he bounces around her feet at the front door, but manages to get the groceries safely onto the counter. She unpacks them methodically as she plans out what she’ll make for dinner.

When she steps outside again bundled in warm clothes she suddenly remembers the comet. How could she forget? She considers walking, but it crashed a fair distance away and the mud and snow isn’t the best to walk through. She’ll take Moon.

She pulls the old barn door open with a grunt and breathes in the smell of hay and manure. She thinks barn smell is a good smell, but that’s probably just because she’s associated it with the good things that come with it. The sheep are all outside despite the cold, but her old gelding Moon and her cow Pudding are both inside. She coos at them and they watch her with large eyes as she moves about the barn.

Saitama grooms Moon on autopilot, just spacing from one half-thought to another. She rubs the brush in circles over his thick winter coat to get up the dirt, then brushes the fur back down smooth. This time of year he’s more fuzzball then horse, and it takes a while to get him clean. She fights the snarls out of his mane and tail with an old brush that’s lost multiple bristles to these battles. She’s got white hairs all over her coat by the time she’s done, but that’s nothing new. It’s hard to imagine looking at Moon now that he was once dark grey and covered in dapples, as age had rendered him white as the snow outside the barn. She tacks up slower than she’d like since the cold is making her fingers stiff. It’s only when she hops up into the saddle that she remembers what she’s doing. She feels a buzz of excitement as she leads Moon out of the barn and gets on.

Saitama nudges Moon forward, the old horse picking up a fast trot into the forest. The rhythm of his trotting is soothing and Sai lets herself fall into the pattern of posting in the saddle. Saitama’s not sure exactly which direction to go. There’s miles of forest around her, and the meteor could be anywhere. At the first fork in the trail she turns Moon towards the direction she remembers the comet streaking across the sky. The trail winds its way up a hill and at the top of the rise the forest spreads out below her. The sun breaks out of the clouds and the forest shines beautifully for a few brief moments. She’s known this forest all her life, yet somehow it still manages to amaze her. Sai pulls her horse to a stop just to observe. The clouds close over the sun again and the moment passes, the forest once again dim. It’s this sudden stillness that allows her to spot the movement of smoke twisting above the trees to the east.

“That must be it” she says, patting Moon on the shoulder. “C’mon fuzzball let’s go.” It takes a little convincing to get Moon off the trail towards the smoke and they pick their way through the trees at a slow trot. As they get closer Sai can smell the smoke, and she spurs Moon forward.

Saitama starts seeing trees with the tops shorn off. Suddenly there are whole trees ripped in half, some still smoking. She stops Moon to gape at the huge pines that have been reduced to splinters. The trees are easily three times her width, yet the comet destroyed them like they were merely toothpicks. She finds herself grateful for the melting snow- or else there might have been a forest fire. This isn’t even where most of the smoke is coming from though; the bulk of it lies ahead. The fallen trees are smoldering, the smoke thick. She can see that there’s some sort of crater, but so many trees have fallen around it that it’s obscured from her vision. She slides off Moon’s back and walks ahead of him, suddenly feeling apprehensive.

Saitama picks her way to the edge of the crater, her feet sinking into churned up slush and mud. She easily pushes a chuck of tree out of her way, climbing over massive pine boughs and pulling her legs out of the deep mud. She’s glad she tied her boots on tight or she would have lost them already. The air smells strongly of earth and smoke. She checks to make sure Moon is waiting for her by the edge, and he is. He’s a good horse. Reassured, she pushes her way deeper into the crater, but she still doesn’t see anything resembling a space rock. Saitama climbs on top of a huge tree trunk and nearly falls off in shock. There’s a person down at the bottom of the crater, passed out in the mud.

“Are you okay?!” Saitama shouts. No response. ‘Obviously they are not okay you stupid idiot’ she thinks to herself as she jumps down. What are they doing here? Are they even still alive? What is she going to do with a dead body?

Saitama rushes over next to them, kneeling down to feel for a pulse when she freezes stiff. There’s something wrong. Something about the planes of their face is off. They’ve got metal pieces on the sides of their cheeks that remind her of cat whiskers, but that she’s certainly never seen on a person before. She looks over the body in front of her and sees chrome where skin should be. Chrome? She grabs their wide shoulders and pulls, and holy shit this person is heavy. It suddenly dawns on her why this person is at the bottom of the crater. There should be a rock here, but there isn’t. There’s just this person.

They are the comet.

It wasn’t a meteor at all.

“Holy fucking shit.” Saitama says. She pulls the person (robot? cyborg?? alien???) up to her chest and tugs, but the mud is half frozen and they are stuck fast. Saitama puts more force into pulling incrementally, worried about hurting them with her strength. Suddenly they burst free and Saitama falls back on her ass, several hundred pounds of muddy robot in her lap.

“HOLY FUCKING SHIT” Saitama yells. Moon snorts at her in the distance, clearly not understanding what the silly human is freaking out about. The robot in her lap suddenly gasps in a breath and Saitama nearly jumps out of her skin. They’re alive! Okay, time to focus. This person (?) needs help and she’s got to get herself together.

“Hey, uh I don’t know if you know English, but I’m here to help okay? I’m going to lift you up now.” Sai hauls the bot onto her back and slowly crawls up out of the crater, cursing whenever she slips back down through the mud or gets jabbed by splintered wood. It’s slow going, and by the time she makes it back to Moon it’s nearly sundown. She considers putting the bot up on the horses back, but Moon is old and she’s fairly certain her passenger is too heavy for him. Sai hefts the cyborg back up where they’d been slipping down her back and grabs Moon’s reins.

“C’mon Moon this is going be a long walk home” Saitama sighs. It’s a slow trudge through the woods. The robot isn’t too heavy, but the ground is slippery and it’s rapidly getting dark. Saitama is tired and scraped up and there’s cold mud in her boots. She’s nothing if not stubborn and determined however. She just has to try to make this hike a little more pleasant. Saitama clears her throat and starts singing to herself.

“Well, you can tell by the way I use my walk I’m a woman’s man: no time to talk Music loud and women warm, I’ve been kicked around Since I was born And now it’s all right, it’s okay And you may look the other way We can try to understand The New York Times’ effect on man Whether you’re a brother or whether you’re a mother You’re stayin’ alive, stayin’ alive Feel the city breakin’ and everybody shakin’ And we’re stayin’ alive, stayin’ alive Ah, ha, ha, ha, stayin’ alive, stayin’ alive Ah, ha, ha, ha, stayin’ alive”

She sings in rhythm with her steps. One foot in front of the other, over and over. She listens to the squish of Moon’s hooves stepping over the wet earth, and the steady breathing of the cyborg. Eventually Moon starts tugging on the reins and Saitama looks up from her feet. Her barn stands in front of her and it is a damn welcome sight.

“We made it, we’re alive! You are still alive, right?” She jostles her passenger and receives a groan in response. Still kicking then.

Saitama struggles to pry open the old barn door while hunched over and supporting the bot with one hand but she manages. The dimly lit interior of the barn is a welcome relief to the blackness outside. She lays the bot down on some hay bales and rushes to put Moon away and get the barn closed up. She ignores the sheep yelling at her for dinner and digs several rag towels out of a trunk. She rubs the mud off best she can. She didn’t notice before because of the mud and adrenaline but the bot is 100% stark naked. Not that she really cares. Once she’s gotten the robot halfway clean she quickly feeds the animals, spilling grain on the floor in her haste. Whatever, let the mice have a party tonight. The cat will take care of it. She scoops the bot up and gasps when a metal hand weakly grips her coat. The bot’s face contorts and their eyes flutter, and Saitama books it for the house. Rover is unusually quiet when she bursts through the door. She places the bot down on the couch and drapes a blanket over them. Their long legs hang off the end of the couch and she pulls a chair over for their feet to rest on. She grabs her old space heater and plugs it in. It doesn’t turn on. Saitama gives it a kick and it rumbles to life. She sticks the end of the space heater under the cyborgs blanket, fire hazard be damned. Saitama hovers by the side of the couch. She didn’t plan ahead and now she’s not sure what to do about the alien in her living room. They seem to be injured somehow, even though she hadn’t seen anything glaring while scraping the mud off. A train on the nearby tracks sounds its horn loudly through the night and Saitama considers her options. None of them seem particularly good. In the end she drags her comforter downstairs to the living room and makes a nest besides the couch. Rover pushes in besides her and sniffs at the metal hand of their house guest. The bot seems to be asleep, and she decides to let them rest. Do robots even need sleep? She’s pretty sure they don’t. They shouldn’t need to breathe either. Maybe not a bot after all.

She watches them breathe for a while, processing as her brain seems to stall over the anomaly in front of her. Part organic, part machine. A cyborg. In her living room. On her couch. It’s something straight out of science fiction. This is like waking up to find Optimus Prime and Luke Skywalker camping out in her barn. Feeling a little overwhelmed, she turns the TV on with the volume low. She ends up watching Star Trek reruns, which only serves to make her situation feel even more surreal. There’s an ET sleeping on her couch. Slowly, she reaches out to press her hand to the cyborg’s. It’s cool and solid and very real.

She’s exhausted but knows that if she smokes to sleep she’ll sleep heavy, and she’s worried about the cyborg waking up in distress. She’ll just have to deal. Saitama turns off the space heater once the cyborg isn’t cold to the touch, not sure if the cyborg can overheat but also not sure if they were supposed to be that cold. She’s not really sure if she’s helping or not. Rover snores softly and Saitama pets him. Time passes and she dozes off, but never for more than an hour at a time. Apparently sheltering extraterrestrials in her home does nothing to help with her insomnia. The next time she blinks awake again the sky is violet and peach between the ivory curtains. As the sun rises and the light of day brings the cyborg’s sleeping face into soft focus, Saitama feels for the first time with certainty that this is real. She huffs out a laugh and looks up at the cracked ceiling.

“Theo, Ace, you’re not going to believe this.”

#saigenos #genosai #opm #iron giant/80's au #rule 63 #medicinal drug use #mentions of minor character death #mentions of homophobia #let me know if i need to tag anything else #long post #sorry mobile users #shelter