#please fucking work tumblr im literally on my knees begging you

[mu-qingfang-stan-account]

genuinely im getting increasingly fed up with fandom tumblr right now, and i'm not even a ML specialist? i'm a roboticist. i specialize in planning, controls, and behavior-based robotics. my ML knowledge tops out at TAing Intro to ML for two semesters and doing my master's in a robotics lab that did a lot of work on reinforcement learning. i don't know JACK SHIT about transformer models/LLMs.

but i hate that i'm biting back "someone is wrong on the internet" twenty times a day when i just want to hang out, have fun, and post blorbo. it's fucking exhausting!! please fact check your AI posts literally at all i am on my knees begging. you can even send posts to me (my DMs are open!!) and i'll tell you whether they're blatantly bullshit.

like i know tumblr has cultivated a culture that it's better to reblog things on a subject you know nothing about than to stay out of it, but... better to stay out of it than post misinformation, imo. and machine learning is a complicated technical field; there's no shame in not knowing a lot about it! no need to embarrass yourself by being authoritatively and loudly wrong!

#the trashcan speaks

[sukirichi]

— LOVE LETTER FROM ANON ; 💌

this is from an ask i received. i copy pasted and replied here as a text post since i can’t put “read more” on anon asks and it’s quite long hehehe. to the anon who sent me this, i give you loads of my love, thank you so much for everything !!

[ the ask ]

hi lovely,

i just read earned it and i have a couple things i’d like to say to you if you don’t mind. before i start, i completely understand if you don’t want to share this ask or even read at all which is fair. but if you do decide to read it, i know that one person such as me cannot change the decisions a writer had made such as discontinuing a series but i hope that this allows you some sense of peace or happiness towards your creation and end of earned it. i’m actually writing this is my notes before i send it to you so that’s how you know i truly mean it. buckle up baby!

i’d like to start with this; i just read and finished all the remaining chapters of earned it. i don’t know how to say this without sounding arrogant or cocky which truly isn’t my intention here, i promise so i’ll just say it as is. i swear to ever loving god, i’ve scoured the entirety of tumblr, ao3, fanfiction.net, wattpad, everything and anything, and it still isn’t very often that i find works like these, far and few between dare i say. ive looked through almost everything i could get my hands on to read in the jjk fandom and dear god, do you manage to keep on surprising me. i’ve read majority if not all your works along with following you on ao3 and tumblr, and i must say. i truly am so fucking impressed. completely and absolutely fucking floored if you will. the amount of plot twists and pure emotion you managed to put into this is only something i can dream of ever creating.

i cannot lie, it truly my hearts to think that people gave you so much shit over this to which ended in you deciding to discontinue along with your lack of interest which at least, is understandable unlike the hate. i literally cannot comprehend how people would be unhappy with the outcome so far after reading it since it was beyond fucking magnificent in my eyes. it kept me on my toes the entire time whilst never managing to bore me once and as someone with adhd, thats fucking hard to do, i’ll admit it. props to you. and as much as i want to grovel and beg for crumbs, something, anything to know about how it ends, i know that that will most likely accomplish nothing to both you and i so decided to just say this.

thank you for writing this. thank you for not only writing it but dealing with the experience of unwanted and negative criticism to the point you had to stop and discontinue it whilst also being generous and amazing enough to keep it up so other people could still read it. i really hope your proud of earned it and how it turned out so far, because if i were you, i’d be so bloody fucking proud i wouldn’t know what to do with myself.

my friends often tell me i overstep my boundaries and i really hope i aren’t doing that with this but i just really, truly, wanted to express my genuine appreciation and thanks towards your writing and towards you as a writer that puts out content, not to mention for free!!!!, for people like me. i also don’t want to seem as if i’m glorifying earned above all your other works, because that’s not what i mean. your writing is just… just fucking chefs kiss. sorry, my brains starting to run out of words at this point but oh my god. thank you for letting me experience the experience of earned it even though there was no proper end. i’d rather have that than nothing at all. and maybe i misread this entire thing, maybe you are goddamn proud of your work, which you fuckinf should be considering the pure quality it is. once again, chefs kiss!!

i just… i don’t know what to say anymore. your writing, quite literally, has made me completely fucking breathless in a good way of course. anyways, i hope this wasn’t too much of a ramble and at least managed to make you smile or something. have a lovely day sweetheart!!!! <333 :*)

OMG ANON PLS FORGIVE ME IM SO SORRY THIS TOOK ME DAYS TO RESPOND TO, I DIDN’T WANT TO GIVE YOU A HALF ASSED RESPONSE SO I WAITED TO GET MY MENTAL ENERGY BACK TO A HUNDRED PERCENT SO I CAN SEND BACK MORE LOVE TO YOU WHOLEHEARTEDLY !! FIRST OF ALL UHM… 

you really made me speechless with this one, you have no idea. I’ve lost count of the times I’ve reread this and teared up a little bit because you know… I’m so shocked like I really have no idea what I did to receive such a sweet message because I’m just writing silly fanfics when I’m feeling it yknow? Or at least that’s what it seems like because it turns out I have a huge impact on others and I’m able to make people happy like I’ll never EVER get used to that feeling and I mean that in a good way !! Like I’m in a constant state of disbelief that people are this affected by my content and I’m just… 

I’m so thankful truly PLEASE can I give you a hug I’m so happy sobs sobs sobs

also baby, thank you sm for this again AAAAHH. I’m not sure if you really mean ‘Earned It’ the mafia! gojo series or ‘Reckless’ the CEO gojo series though ?? Both are discontinued but Earned It was discontinued bcos my dumbass killed Naoya there and he was my favorite so I lost the motivation and it was all my fault SOBBSSS. as for Reckless though, yeah I’d say it was mostly the hate I got for it that demotivated me into continuing it :// but if this ask is meant for Earned It, then yes thank you so much for the kind words as well, though I didn’t really receive hate for it so no worries !!

and aaah anon im…I’m at a loss for words lmao but the part where you said where you would be proud if you wrote it, that’s really…LIKE IDK it just hit me bcos oftentimes I look at something I poured my heart into, but then I’d have days where I’d be like YIKES that wasn’t a good one. its so easy to forget the effort we put into something when we’re affected by external factors. and yeah even though I really don’t want to continue either series anymore, thank you for leaving me the important note of being proud of myself <33 

although the series (earned it) wasn’t really something I’d properly executed and planned for, I do remember being passionate over it and feeling truly excited to update. even if it didn’t end out the way I wanted it to, it’s still something I poured my heart on and that’s magnificent on its own, so I’ll be prouder of myself from now on <33

no worries bb you are not overstepping any boundaries at all !! believe me when I say this ask truly do means a lot to me – more than you’ll ever know. messages like these are what keeps me going, as feedback is important to writers, but most of all it’s the genuine support and sincerity that gets to me. 

I’m truly humbled and grateful right now. thank you for this again and again and again.

THIS MADE ME MORE THAN SMILE !! there’s a lot of things I’m struggling with even if I don’t publicly express it, but messages like these will always have a special place in my heart. I’m sincerely grateful for everything, and I’ll continue writing here and sharing my works!! It’s supportive people like you that make these moments worthwhile. I’ll never forget this message anon AAAAH I LOVE YOU SO MUCH THANK YOU THANK YOU YOU HAVE AN EVEN BETTER DAY OR NIGHT, you have me weak in the knees for this

OKAY BRB SOBBING IN HAPPINESS

#asks with naoya's trophy wife #suki: for keeps #uwu anon

[sunascumdoll]

okay bet, I’ll make it right now

bruh pls, ppl are literally so dumb. it’s literally their fault 🧿🕳🧿

I haven’t written any dc yet, but I do have dc listed in my byf. I’m currently working on a yeosang drabble and it’s gonna have VERY SLIGHT dc. i really hope I don’t get shit in my inbox 💀 but considering it’s tumblr, I’m sure I’ll see some shit

hi baby!! did you make it? how’s your throat feeling?

YEOSANG?! GO AHEAD AND TAG ME PLEASE

IM IN MY KNEES BEGGING I WILL FUCKING DO BACKFLIPS

#[ 🍥 ]bambi.answers #[ 🍥 ]from tohokuu #[ 🍥 ]bambi & friends

[abqyyeee]

nooo...it can’t be.. am i being paranoid?

or did they just find my tumblr account?

damn..

hey if you’re reading this, just know that i’m not the person i portrayed myself to be on this blog.

whenever my feelings get too intense i come here to release it. my thoughts can be good and it can also be very dark.

it’s that evil dark side of me that posts...and i cant control her...but i’m working on it :) hehe don’t worry..

i’m a good person at heart. stop acting like you know me. leave me alone please.

what i post in this blog is out of impulse, out of jealousy, insecurity, and other strong emotions. that means that a lot of the stuff i say here...i don’t really mean 🤷‍♀️

im not trying to make excuses from what i post because i know i’m bad. i’m completely aware of the stuff i’m doing. i know that my decisions and actions are wrong. but leave me be. fucking please man. i’m practically begging on my knees. let me fix it on my own. you don’t need to know the tea.

look, you don’t know what’s going on behind the scenes. say i feel something, and then i rant on my blog...you know what happens after that? the feelings go away. all my dark thoughts? my insecurities? gone. i mean not completely gone (😂) but it makes me feel better afterwards bc i finally got to release it. ofc i can’t rant about these to my friends because...well...they’re innocent. i didn’t want any of them to see me differently when i’m still the same abi but just a little grown up. i got to see the reality of life.

i’m fighting my own battles, and i’m pretty sure you are also fighting your own.

jhundee this is for you. stop getting into other people’s businesses. like for real. do you not have anything better to do? are you that desperate to wanting to know chissmiss that you try to find my, or not even me, everyone’s social media accounts to get the juicy tea?

focus on your life dude. all you do is chismiss chismiss and chismiss. you try to find mistakes and gossip of everyone and you make yourself the good guy when in truth, you’re just as toxic as we are.

you have a big mouth. you can’t keep it shut. once you find out about something, you go on and tell my friends, your friends, and fuck even my family! you’re ruining my life!!

i know shit about you too. don’t play the victim. i know what you did. fucking pervert. but hey, even if i know shit about you...I DONT BLAB MY FUCKING MOUTH TO EVERYONE. I DONT SPREAD YOUR SHIT TO OTHERS!!!

like i can literally expose the shit out of you.

see..this is why i love being with patrick so much. he’s seen it all. he’s been through it all. he’s made mistakes, hes learned from them, he continues to make more mistakes, and he continues to learn from them again! 😂 he knows the harsh reality of life. he knows how unfair, fake, and toxic people are in this world. and he’s had enough.

guess what jhundee? i’ve had enough. i’ve had enough with your big ass mouth. shut the fuck up please. let me fix my life while you fix yours 😂 simple as that.

and joh? hey what’s up girl!! 😂😅💖sorry if it seems like i hate you. i know i’m a dick. my posts are so bad 🙈 i’m ashamed and guilty about what i said about you. just know that they were “caught up in the moment” type of posts.

i just wanna say that i’m extremely sorry if i had hurt you in any way. i didn’t mean to. i didn’t mean for this blog to be discovered. again, this blog is where i rant to when i feel intense emotions. intense emotions that i desperately need to let go.

but anyways, the reason why my dark self keeps on ranting about you is because i’m so fucking insecure 😂 that’s it. that’s literally it.

i’m insecure because you’ve had intimate history with my boyfriend. so ofc the crazy girlfriend inside me begins to stalk you, hate on you, even though i know that you didn’t do anything wrong. don’t believe anything i wrote about you. 🥺

i’m extremely sorry, and i mean that from the bottom of my fucking heart. you’re beautiful and crazy fucking talented. i have such a huge girl crush on you. 🙈💖💗

it’s just when you find out about your boyfriends sexual past...it..it makes you go crazy. like it painfully hurts me when i know that i wasn’t the first girl he did sexual stuff with. i’m sorry... my posts about you was just the insecure abi talking.

but yeah...

moral of the lesson: mind your own fucking business. life is too short to be ruining people’s lives.

[bugli-bugli]

TW: insults towards depression and anxiety, toxic behavior, father/parent mention, trauma discussion, self-harm mention, suicide idealization

just a rant because im just too fucking tired of the bullshit of other sites.

i’ve really taken for granted how non-toxic tumblr is in the nice little corner i’ve tucked myself into. since i’m pretty desperate for money, cause now i think ill just have to live off disability if i can even get it.

I gotta say my mutuals and the people who reblogged my donation post, im so fucking grateful for you and i cant thank you enough. but besides the point, rant.

posted my donation post on twitter and later reddit, like the naive fool i am. the first comment i got on the twitter one was very homophobic and the guy was just an overall creep upon a quick look on his tumblr. i responded to him but immediately deleted it cause i knew thats all he wanted was to make me angry. think i was able to get him banned but fuck if i know.

this is more about the lovely reddit post i got

sigh im not going to bother replying and i just reported them, but i wanted to get out of me all the shit i wanted to say. just, first of all i know trolls and shit just do this to get attention, but this on the fucking r/donate subreddit like??? why isn’t it moderated better?? besides the point

i dont care if you believe my donation post is a scam, whatever, believe what you want and move on. i understand there is a lot of people out there trying to get money they can easily get themselves, instead they take it from goodhearted people.

you need to grow the fuck up. i redirect back at this person because, you spent your time, what? hating on a post that might be a scam. and they regularly do this to from just a quick look. so immature and annoying. this hurts so fucking much to hear too cause it strikes a perfect nerve of trauma.

anxiety and depressions are perfectly valid reasons to not be able to hold down a job. they sound like my fucking dad. i have panic attacks when people raise their voice or if there is too much going on around me, like tvs and crowds and what not.

ive mostly been sleeping lately and cant even make myself do simple physical tasks. not just because of my depression but because of my chronic joint pain that i still haven’t fucking got working medication for yet.

plus i have 472147921 other disorders that i havent been able to get diagnosed or help yet because of my stupid fucking parents. who finally are getting me help after years upon years of having obvious mental issues. ONLY BECAUSE a big argument that my sister had to speak for me in, because i went nonverbal and was hysterically laughing because my dad denying he called me fat.

but yeah i cant even brush my teeth, or shower, the only hygiene habits i have are because if i didnt do them my brain would make me have a panic attack or some intrusive thoughts of self harm.

how is it fucking entitled to ask strangers to donate, H O W? i dont think i deserve this, i dont think that im better then other people, im posting this because others who are in similar/worse situations posting donation posts gave me the confidence to do so.

yes im so entitled to be begging on my hands and knees for money because capitalism and my body and mind are working against me. im not even saying HEY DONATE AND IF YOU DONT DONATE YOU ARE A FUCKING HORRIBLE HUMAN BEING. or anything even remotely close to that.

i gave the needed information and background as to why we would need money, and why we struggle to get it ourselves. and asked that people at least share, but there is no obligation to go any of these things.

i know i cant live my entire life on freelance transcription but it is LITERALLY THE ONLY JOB I CAN GET. yeah just simply go out and get a real job, because you can totally form sentences around strangers and dont feel like you are going to throw up from anxiety. its not that hard.

i totally have the endurance to do whatever it is necessary in whatever shitty ass 8 hour shift job i could get, because every step i take doesn’t physically hurt. because after walking too much, my knees wont give out ever, that never happens. because i dont have a fear of failure because my dad totally didn’t get mad at me when i took to long to learn something. i have no trauma related to that at all. im a totally capable human being. 

all of these last two paragraphs are sarcasm btw if that wasn’t obvious

i dont even know what couch sufing on craigslist even is. i had to look it up. how is that advice, how. oh yeah just live on other peoples couches, people you dont even know. thats not dangerous at all like HUH?!?! fuck no. if i wanted to get myself killed id do it myself.

also shelters are totally safe, and never have any issues whatsoever. i didnt ask for fucking advice that was going to make our situation worse you p.o.s.

also i know what im fucking doing, im researching and trying to make the most feasible and realistic plan to leave. even if that is i have freelance transcribing jobs and disability and my sister has whatever job and my so probably in the same boat as me. im not just going to move out without the needed things unless i was kicked out. which, as of the moment, none of us are currently at risk of that, yet.

if it really came down to it where Brutus would need to be rehomed, we’d probably do it. but he means so fucking much to us, we dont want to rehome him because we dont have anyone we can fucking trust to take care of him and we arent just going to give him away to whoever. Brutus and my pets and my sisters are all part of our family, and we aren’t just going to fucking give them away.

whatever, the rage is gone, im tired and i want to cry, this wasn’t posted for attention or anything i just wanted to rant. please dont leave negative comments im not in the goddamned mood.

#long post #my post #rant #mental health #personal problems #please dont give advice i dont want any #tw #parent tw #father tw #trauma tw #rant tw #caps lock #depression #anxiety #delete later #maybe idk

[harryseyebrows]

Then just retire! If you don’t feel happy, stop doing this. You’ve gotten so much validation from people here and also your professor, I don’t understand what more do you want? Every single writer feels like that, but no one is making a big deal out of it. Your behaviour is toxic and you should consider doing something about it for your own good. I’m not saying this with the intention of being hateful but you need to accept yourself or get better if you want, not beg for kind words from anons.

my friend, i would like to turn a question on YOU: why are you still following me/checking my blog, when it is very clear that you dont like me???? and yes-- you caught me. i am on my knees BEGGING for people to come into my inbox and say something. have you ever considered... idk. that tumblr is a platform in which people can make original posts and talk about pretty much whatever they want???? have you ever considered that people are allowed to vent and voice frustrations about certain things? ‘no one is making a big deal out of it’ cool. thats good for them. im happy that they can internalize all of their feelings and just carry on with things. ‘i dont understand what more you want’ i dont know how to answer this question! i dont know what i want! and im not about to explain it to you -- someone who always seems to come out of nowhere, on ANONYMOUS, to scold me like im a child. ‘so much validation from people on here’ i know this. i would also like to add the caveat that i quite literally have to reblog something 18 times and write in the tags ‘please tell me what you think’ or some variation, before anyone says anything. ive spoken about this before but you must have selective hearing -- my complaints dont lie with the anons who talk to me and send in nice messages -- 10 times out of 10 im speaking directly about the writing ‘community’ on here. have you ever watched your friends on snapchat, out doing things, having a good time, and you were never invited? do you know how fun it is seeing people reblog and gush over each others work and youre manically posting and reblogging and it feels a lot like youre being ignored? honestly idek why im explaining this to you. you said you werent sending it with the intention of being hateful or mean but i beg to differ. fuck off 

#Anonymous