#putting in WAY too much effort for a shitpost meme but here we are

[storybookhawke]

treat yourself, hawke, you deserve it

#putting in WAY too much effort for a shitpost meme but here we are #mhanders #handers #dafanart #m!handers #anders #hawke #male hawke #default hawke #mhawke #da2 #da2art #sbh #sbh art

[soranis-sunshadow]

Entrapta deserved better

My posts are usually either detailed analysis or memes and shitposts.

I’ve re-watched the show and this will be an angry rant…  

With every viewing of the show, Entrapta’s arc makes me progressively angrier because I empathize with her so much.

She is introduced to the show as being a reclusive scientist, known throughout the Maker’s guild for her genius. Even her staff is weary of her. She spends all her time alone with her robot friends in her lab within her isolated castle.

The alliance interacts with her with the explicit purpose of recruiting her into their war effort. They want her for her ability to build weapons for them. That’s as deep as the relationship goes this far.

Entrapta has no stakes in the war, the Horde hadn’t attacked Dryl. She joins them because she wants to be their friend; she wants to help them in the only way she knows how, using her technological prowess to their benefit. Due to her isolation (and her being autistic), Entratpa struggles to understand interpersonal dynamics. Human interaction is a skill she has had little practical experience with. She understands the concepts, the rules of the game, so to speak, but she has seen it in play only as a third party rarely ever practicing it herself.

She’s invited to the Princess prom due to her princes status but she’s an outsider there too. No “friendly” princess seeks her out to hang out with her as a friend would. The only person who does so is Catra, and she does it for her own reasons…

With Glimmer abducted, the alliance mounts a half-baked rescue operation. Everything Entrapta did in this episode had a purpose, it looked like she kept getting distracted when in actuality, she was studying horde tech, rescuing Seahawk and furthering their mission and she had no time to explain herself (it also occurs to me that Entrapta might not explain herself because no one asked and no one ever understands her reasoning anyway) The princesses try to control her because she’s being “difficult”. They don’t care why she’s being difficult, they want her to conform.

Once they rescued Glimmer, they don’t even come back to check if Entrapta’s actually dead, or to get her remains and put them to rest respectfully. They allready have the princess they came for.  

Entrapta is all alone with her new robot friend Emily in the Frightzone vents, expecting that she’d get rescued because “no princess left behind” but rescue never actually comes.

Catra uses this new abandonment to convince her to switch sides. Entrapta didn’t jump ship because of her tech hyperfixation, she switched sides because Catra used her skill at pinpointing someone’s weak-spot and poking at it. 

Catra may not have been Shadow Weaver’s favorite ward (she was her scapegoat and punching bag, the poor girl) but she did learn from her and repeatedly put those skills to “good” use.

Once they find out she’s alive, the alliance wants to rescue her but she’s made new friends in the Horde and she think that they understand her fascination with science, friends that actually interact with her directly. She actually feels included here and as such, she’s not eager to return to the alliance’s side.

Entrapta befriends Catra and Scorpia but even in this trio, she is the third wheel. Catra is focused on herself, her ascension in The Horde and on her missing Adora. Scorpia is focused on Catra and on pinning for her.

Once Entrapta and Hordak start growing closer together, Catra stops talking to her. Perhaps she was hurt because Entrapta “broke her promise” to not go in Hordak’s sanctum, perhaps she was envious of her closeness to the Horde leader, or perhaps both, either way, the friendship is broken from Catra’s side. Entrapta still sees her as a friend and fights Hordak over the decision to send her to Beast Island. Despite his grouchiness, he considers her request and grants it.

As recompense for saving her life, Catra backstabs Entrapta when she tried to stop Catra from triggering a potentially world ending event and then sends her to the fate Entrapta saved her from: exile on Beast Island.

When faced with the choice between Catra and Entrapta, Scorpia choses Catra. Hordak is lied to so he doesn’t know to look for her, he believed she used him and is heartbroken about it.

You can actually pinpoint the moment his little heart breaks in this scene:

 Even so, he spends most of season 4 wanting to face her; he’d rather see her as an enemy than not see her at all.

After Catra proves herself a bad friend, (after months) Scorpia finally decides to rescue Entrapta and goes looking for help, deserting to the alliance. She has this little realization:

Adora is the only person that actually wants to go right away and rescue her. Bow wants to rescue her because they need her tech savvy and Glimmer says that they can rescue her after the war or something… (the Island she’s on is a death trap, she might not live that long for all they know)

she said this 

then this

She knows that this is a time sensitive issue but she wants to put it off  despite the urgency, if that doesn’t sound like friendship to you, then what does?  *sarcasm intensifies*

Contrast this with how the villain of the show reacted to the news of her being sent to Beast Island:

On Beast Island Bow gives her a longwinded speech about how she’s supposed to work harder at friendship. I know he’s projecting his own issues here but it still makes me so damn angry. Entrapta’s trying; she’s trying so hard, no one ever tries back! No one makes the effort to understand her (except that one clone but we’re not talking about him), she has to conform to their expectations, the reverse is never applicable.

Anyway, stuff happens and Glimmer is abducted again, by Horde Prime this time.

Then that whole “Lauch” episode happened. Entrapta is distrusted by the alliance more than Scorpia is. She is seen and cold and interested only in tech, she has to explain and redeem herself in their eyes after they treat her like rubbish. They don’t connect the fact that helping them with tech is how she shows her friendship. 

It’s the only thing she thinks she’s worth to them. She wants to be accepted by them so badly.

 Entrapta gets emotional over rescuing Glimmer! 

The person who when faced with the same prospect, said she’d do it later…

Even Catra’s apology to Entrapta for trying to kill her is a blank “I’m sorry”. Pls say what exactly you are sorry for Catra. Entrapta deserves that much. Bow received a better apology for far less of an offense.

All she ever does in the show is work towards furthering someone else’s goals, her own are always a second thought. As @cruelfeline​ pointed out, even a small scene with her discussing what happened with Hordak, her reaction to it and the gang focusing on Entrapta’s troubles for ONCE , even if it’s just offering her emotional support, would have meant so much.

Why is the show trying to tell me that Entrapta should work on being a better friend?

That's a terrible message!

She doesn't need to work harder on her friends, she NEEDS BETTER FRIENDS.

So many of us ND people end up being third wheels at best and we blame that on ourselves, we internalize the reasoning that our friendship fail because we’re weird and we’re not doing it right. That we’re the ones that have to try harder to be understood and that our concerns should come second.  That is a terrible thing to internalize, we are blaming ourselves constantly because we try to understand others and they never try to understand us back. 

With age, I’ve grown out of trying and being different so that other people would like me. They’d end up liking the mask I project, not me anyway. I’ve found people that understand me and that like me for who I am, but only after I’ve stopped trying to be “better” for others to accept me. With being honestly “weird” with those around me, I’ve been accepted far more than for trying to fit in. And I’ve realized that people that shun my otherness are not worth the effort to try and befriend in the first pace .

 That is what young autistics need to hear, not “git gud” at friendship.  You are not wrong, you are not defective or broken, you are you and you’re beautiful just the way you are. If other people don’t see that, then the failing is theirs. Don’t change, just look for people that see you. 

#Entrapta #SPOP discourse #rant on how society expects autistics to conform to normality

[crockettmarcel]

this has been on my mind for a couple of days now, so I thought I'd explain why as a content creator, I don't like spam likers

I have two main blogs - the one I'm posting this on, which is the one I use for all my writing and edits, and a side blog dedicated solely to memes, funny videos, and the occasional informative post

on the side blog, spam likes are fine! you like the memes I'm reblogging? you think that dog video is funny? great, me too :) this doesn't bother me, because no effort goes into this blog, from me, or most of the people I'm reblogging from. I see a funny post, I hit reblog, and more often than not, the post already has thousands of notes

on my fandom blog though? aside from my random thoughts, or the commentary I or other people have made on the fandoms I'm in, pretty much everything I post is my own original content, which comes in the form of fics or moodboards. for other people, it might be gifsets or video edits, but the point is the same:

all of these things take TIME to create

fics require hours of planning, writing, editing, and often research as well. even the three sentence fics I often write still require all of those things, just less

the moodboards I make are very trial and error, and take a lot of attempts to get perfect. finding pictures, making sure they match, editing them, even thinking up a caption to post with them - all time and energy that I won't get back. (that's not to mention the fact that my moodboards are based on au or fic ideas, so there's all the energy that goes into creating a whole new fic)

and all of this? all of those hours of time and energy I'm putting in to my creations? I'm doing it for free. I'm not being paid a penny for it. I'm doing it because I enjoy it, which is fine! I love writing, and I love creating moodboards

but the thing is, you're all consuming this content for free. you don't have to pay for it. hell, you don't even have to fight through ads or download a vpn to access this content. it's all right there, waiting for you to see it

the main problem I have with spam liking is this:

you're liking posts so fast that there's no way you're actually taking in the content. you're telling me you read a shitpost I made, a 1000-word fic, and a meme, all in the space of five seconds? because that's the time between the notifications I'm getting

if you clearly haven't read the fic, why bother liking it? you don't know what it's about, you don't know if it's well-written - it could be the most disturbing, badly written story in existence, but how would you know?

if by chance you have read the fic, do you not think, that after the hours and hours of effort that have gone into writing it, the author deserves a comment telling them you liked it? it doesn't have to be an essay, just a sentence or two in the tags saying "this was so good!! I loved the way you wrote [x]" or "it's so cute how you made [character x] say [y]"

sure, fic writers aren't entitled to comments and feedback, but you, as readers, are in no way entitled to the fics we produce. if we spend hours writing something and we give it to you for free, the least you can do is tell us what you thought

from now on, if you spam like my blog (including fics) but don't reblog any of the content I've spent hours working on, I'm blocking you

and if you don't want to be blocked, my kofi is here, because maybe paying me for my time is easier than commenting on a fic?

#also this is absolutely okay to reblog

[thecursedhellblazer]

Send me your URL and I’ll tell you meme : my url

My Opinion on;

Characters in general: I currently RP only with two of her muses (Nick and Zatanna), which are also the ones I know better. However, I find Bianca’s selection of muses very interesting. She has picked complex characters that are anything but easy to write, but that also offer a lot of space to develop new ideas or simply play around with them. Not to mention that she writes (and with great results) 4 female muses out of 7, which alone earns her cookie points considering how rarer female muses are in the rpc compared to male ones. How they play them: I love Bianca’s portrayals. I can’t speak with complete knowledge of the muses I don’t write with, but I’ve read bits and pieces here and there (and almost all her HCs) and they look well developed and three-dimentional. Not to mention that she always manages to put a twist in them, depending on the situation and the muse/mun she’s writing against. As for Nick and Zee, hers are so far my favourite portrayals of those two characters. All I said about the other muses applies to them too of course, and I simply love the dynamics and the chemistry we’re building with them and my John. It’s all entangled and a bit confusing at times and there’s a lot of space to express our respective characters, which is something that I don’t get to do with everyone unfortunately. Not to mention that the effort (and I swear Binkie if you reply to me “but I’m just a potato shitposter I’ll strangle you...with love) she puts in her plots and characters makes me want to do better myself...mostly in a constructive way (which is kinda new for me). The Mun: There’s a lot of things I could say about her (and some I’ve already mentioned), but...I’ll try to keep it short. She is straightforward and doesn’t hesitate to kick me in my place or to slap her honest opinion in my face when it’s needed...and that’s something I appreciate a lot, even when it hurts, because I always know where we stand. She’s also patient and understanding (despite the “no bullshit” policy) and very supportive. In short, she’s become a true friend to me.

Do I:

RP with them:��I do and I feel blessed for having had the chance to start writing with Bianca. She always has a lot of enticing idea and is one of the most open people on here when it comes to communication, which makes writing with her much, much smoother. I know that when I have a problem, I can simply go and ask / tell her about it. Want to RP with them: In case it wasn’t clear, HELL YEAH. For as long as it will be possible and for as long as she’ll be willing to put up with me and my crap. If Bianca popped in my IMs with the most crazy idea, I’d probably say “yes” even before hearing her out.

What is my;

Overall Opinion: Alright, I’ve been cheesy enough, so I’ll just say this to end my rambling. If you have been lucky enough to have the chance to write with her, try not to mess up. If you don’t but still like to read RP threads and good insights on characters, well, hers is a blog you should follow.

#(( true seeing stone ::ooc:: )) #adventurepunks #(( here bathe in Bianca's appreciation juice ))

[natural-0-games]

Let The Flames Begin: Tune Tuesday

Alright y’all might have seen that this account’s been starting up for the first time in a while. We’re actually going around and doing stuff, cool. There’s one simple reason for that, and this is me, Lexi, the one behind this whole thing talking: I’ve decided to cut out all the toxic people in my life and extend my vetting for letting new people in. (queue this music because I’m allowed to have musical overlays on my textposts it’s tuesday! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M_ohWuaNPWo ) If you’ve been reading my other posts you can probably piece it all together, but in the last 6 months I found myself a decent friend group at college... at least I thought I did. See, originally it was just me and this real chill guy who I won’t say the name of because internet, so I’ll just call him E. E and I met up near the start of the school year because E was just such an approachable person that even I could overcome my big NPC energy to talk to him. We got to talking, and decided it would be cool to start up a club for RPGs at the school, so that players and gamemasters could draw from a pool of people to make sure everyone got the experience they wanted. Then came D (again, not their name because privacy, but also y’know, I can’t resist calling him a D because he’s a d i c k), he was originally pretty chill, but almost immediately he ripped the club idea from my hands and decided all on his own without any input from me or E or anyone else that the club was going to include all tabletop games. Alright not at all what the club was supposed to be about, but okay. So a month rolls by, and D has determined that the club is going to do RPGs at most once a month. You know, the thing we were designed around in the first place, not ‘each campaign once a month’ which I could vaguely see to prevent burnout but nah, nah he means ‘one official club campaign session spread across all campaigns per month’. What. The. Fuck. Then it’s October, and I’ve got this cool idea, reverse trick-or-treating, you know that thing where you go door to door and give people candy? It was gonna be nice, and cool, and I told the whole friend-group about it at the start of October. Other shit happened in October regarding people I look up to and the discontinuation of my absolute favorite show, so there’s that. But the important thing to this post happened on Halloween, that day when they all said they’d join me going around giving people candy, and we’d all have a good time. I’d arranged it for six... six rolls around, no one’s there. I check the group discord, and I’m like ‘hey, where is everybody?’ only response is from E, saying that most people are at dinner and we should probably reschedule to later. I reply that it’s understandable and rearrange for 8. I get a message from B (only time she’s mentioned) saying she’ll be able to show up for sure. No one showed up. Only one person at 10 who came to console me because I kinda exploded in the discord server because I’d been planning this all month and no one fucking showed up. Yeah I cried myself to sleep that night, don’t judge. So now it’s November, and I finally put into action a plan I’d wanted to work on since the start of college: A larp league at the school, only problem is I’m going to have to craft the system from nothing. Alright, I’ve got inspiration from said favorite show ever that was cancelled in october, I’m going to base it around that. I then tell everyone in the friend group and they encourage me, I tell them I’ll be running a christmas event after thanksgiving break, they say that’s awesome. That’s when I realized I’m going to need to make over 1200 abilities because each of the 40 classes needs 33 abilities. I asked them for any suggestions, got a grand total of 0. So I worked my ass off, far more than is healthy, and got... absolutely nowhere because there was no chance in the first place. Right before thanksgiving break I tell them ‘hey, there’s no chance of me finishing the whole system in time, we’ll use a simplified edition i’ll come up with now’ they gave approval. I made a whole mini-system on 3 hours of sleep. I went home for thanksgiving break and caused my whole family extra stress during their move by needing to make swords for this event. So the day of the event rolls around, I’ve got everything set up, I’m out of the field, waiting. The event starts at 11, and that’s when i get there. No one’s there. ‘That’s okay’ I figure, ‘they’re not exactly punctual, they’ll be here in 15-20 minutes’. They are not. At 11:30, E shows up, I ask him where the fuck everyone is. Turns out B is still asleep despite giving me confirmation she’d be here last night, D and the rest of the group are at breakfast and have no intention of showing up despite being 25 seconds away, and E doesn’t see anything wrong with this. I waited until noon, still no one, so I gave up and headed back to my dorm, I’d informed them on the discord that if no one showed up by noon I’d cancel. And I fucking seethed. These people didn’t give a single fuck about me, or my time, or my effort. And after a few hours of calming down, past the tears, past the attempts at breaking things, I got onto the discord server, and I told them, in no indirect terms, that repeatedly encouraging people to devote time and effort to projects for the group, to get them excited for their events, to say that you’ll be there, and then all ghost without a word was absolutely abusive and I didn’t want that in my life. Instead of even a single attempt at an apology, or even a bullshit excuse, they all started yelling at me and kicked me from the server, the club, and the friendgroup. So that’s where I am. I don’t give a single fuck about people who disrespect my time. I don’t give a single fuck about people who think that just because someone has bigger problems than me my problems don’t exist. I don’t give a single fuck about people who bail on plans without a warning or remorse. And I feel so free. So I’m turning all the effort on projects I was making for those toxic assholes inward, I’m making the shit I love, and if you don’t enjoy it, you don’t have to be around me or use my stuff. Sure the first few apprentice games and such will be free, and the proof-of-concept for anything will be free, but if I’ve put in serious effort? If i’ve put in 150 hours already (like on a certain larp system...) and it’s not even a tenth of the way done? You bet your left buttock that I’m not giving that away for free. If I’m going to make something I want to get something out of it. So there’s that. And just because I know I need help here, I do have some open positions: Sabrina needs a pilot, and that’s the fancy lore way of saying I desperately need an artist, because my art is shit and while I have no idea how to make UI-interactive games, I’m going to try my best to learn. Elluwen needs a pilot, and that’s still a fancy way of saying I need playtesters. I’ve been relying on my friend groups too much for this, posting a message about this new game I’ve got that’s nearly done, and waiting 2 weeks to get a single person to even try to play it. Meanwhile I’m playing it repeatedly to try to find bugs and their version is almost completely replaced. and several more... honestly to just put it clearly: I need reliable people in my life, and if that means setting up a patreon for people to see sneak peaks and be playtesters through, wonderful! If I can find an artist willing to be on call for my projects, and of course still pursue their own endeavors, I can’t afford a full-time artist, that’s amazing.

I know what you’re here for, at least on tuesday, you want the shitposts, I’ve still got those, but everything above is far more important.

This week’s themesong: Let The Flames Begin This week’s cryptic meme: Slowly ripping the limbs off an effigy This week’s mood: Focused Anger This week’s character: Lokeeda

[accidentally-logince]

School Project

A/N: This is the shitpost-iest fic I’ve ever written, and it should not be taken seriously. The events in the fic are (mostly) based on a real-life experience, and there is absolutely no plot-line whatsoever. I put zero effort into this random piece of crap, I wrote it in less than an hour and did no editing. Enjoy my shitshow.

Warnings: Swearing, jokes about fighting each other, “I want to die” jokes, random jokey reference to “Y’all need Jesus” meme (that I really hope is not offensive), minor food mention, maybe a tiny tiny bit of Logan angst(?)

(If there are any more, PLEASE let me know!)

Word Count: 841

Pairings: Platonic LAMP

---

Working without distraction was never exactly easy when it came to Roman and Logan. Roman would often get bored and start to mess around in the room. And when both of their roommates are invited (well, technically Virgil wasn't invited, he was already in the dorm room when Roman showed up with Patton) it's pretty much impossible to focus.

It had been all of two hours, and the room was hectic. Patton had accidentally broken Logan's little white board- which isn't too much of a big deal, he supposes, he still has his large one- and was now using just the laminated bit to scrawl stupid messages and shove them in the other's faces, hoping for a laugh.

Roman let out a little snort as Patton dropped the "white board" into his hands from the top of the bunk bed. Scrawled across it in orange white-erase marker was the word "Succ" in all capital letters.

Patton steals the board back and wipes the word off, giggling as he opened the marker again.

"What are you writing?" Logan huffed. 

"Amazing things, okay?" Patton answers, the marker squeaking on the board.

"Oh, really?"

"Uh-huh." Patton sticks his tongue out. "Don't doubt my hilarity." He then flips the board over and holds it out to Logan. This time, the board says "You can't spell 'Sass' without 'Ass'"

"That is definitely not an 's'," Roman butts in, pointing to the last letter on the board.

"It definitely is," Patton argues jokingly. "You wanna fight me about it?"

"Yeah, you wanna fuckin' go?" Roman teases back. "I'll fight you."

"Ughhh. I screwed up," Virgil groans from the other side of the top bunk. "I broke my stupid keyboard. God dammit." His brow furrows, and he tries to click a key, but it pops off the computer. "I hate my life. I wanna die."

"Nooo," Patton says.

"I'm gonna die. I'm gonna," Virgil says. "I'm gonna do it," he jokes. "You can't stop me! I'm gonna do it!" He leans dramatically over the side of the bed, mock falling off.

Roman laughs again, and Patton giggles as he goes back to his white board. 

"Stop laughing at me, I'm dying," Virgil says. "I'm dying inside." After a moment, he lifts himself back up and mutters, "We're all dying. I'm just dying quicker."

Logan sighs, pushing a strand of hair out of his face. "You're fine, Virgil. You can press the keys back onto the board." He types something down on his own laptop and nods to himself. "I think that'll work," he murmurs to himself

"Ah, crap, these don't look right," Patton mumbles, rubbing at the white board.

"Are they 'S's?" Roman teases, hoisting himself up to lean over the side of the bed. On the board are a bunch of deformed "A's". "Okay, those look like half-assed stars." Patton lifts the board and wiggles it in Roman's face, causing him to jump back to the floor.

"Ack! Stop, I'm gay and afraid!"

"I'm gay and depressed," Virgil pipes up, trying to stick the broken key back onto his keyboard.

"Shit, I don't know the word," Logan groans.

Patton places the white board marker onto his lap and holds up the board, which now says "Ur pretty gr8". "Here, Logan, maybe this'll spark your creativity!" 

"That is a Falsehood," Logan grumbles. "I'd like to inform you that not only is your spelling abhorred, but the message you're trying to convey with these... I don't even know what these are, it looks like you threw alphaghetti onto a page and wrote down what you saw. Either way. Falsehood."

"No, no, no," Patton says. "I think you need to go back and study because this is all correct." His eyes slide over the words again. "Even the spelling."

"Oh, goodness gracious what is the word?" Logan grips the sides of his laptop, looking just about ready to toss it across the room.

The room is silent for a moment after Logan's outburst, until Patton flips over the white board again. "...'Git Gud'?" 

Roman reaches up and grabs the board and marker from Patton, scribbling over his words. He holds it up to Patton when he's done. "Git God, ya filthy minded freak" he jokes, transferring the board to Patton, who falls over into Virgil's lap, laughing.

"Can my space button work? Please?" Virgil complains. "Until it started sticking, I actually liked space."

Patton leans his head back. "Good one."

Virgil taps aggressively at the 'D' key that's popping off of his keyboard. "Why is it so detached?"

"Don't you mean 'D'-tached? Cuz it's a 'D' key?"

"Please stop," Logan mutters from the floor. "Why are you like this?"

"Okay, we need to take a break, or else Logan and I are going to implode from frustration," Virgil says, pushing his laptop onto the bed. Patton lifts himself back up as Virgil swings his feet over the ladder.

"Alrighty! Let's go get something to eat," Patton suggests.

"Come on, Lo. Your laptop will still be here when we get back." 

---

My Other Fics (They’re better than this one, I swear)

Tag List: @lilbit-gay @succanegg69 @emi-loves-them @logicaltimeink @thelogicalloganipus @monikastec @misstallip @aikogumi @pastel-patton123 @drunken-ghost @confinesofpersonalknowledge @crofters-junkie @well-love-has-failed-me

[haljathefangirlcat]

still thinking about that “we Have To Talk about how quips are ruining fandom by destroying meta and turning all fic into shitposts” post @ms-demeanor wrote a great rebuttal to, and about the other posts she wrote about it and about the You’re Doing Fandom Wrong attitude in it, and about the notes on those posts. not gonna reblog or reply to any of those because my thoughts are admittedly kind of random and jumping from place to place and probably OT to the point of the discussion, but you know. still thinking.

so, uh. not trying to start wank or anything but enjoy the ranting that got way out of hand under the cut.

so, like... that one “we can’t just block everyone who quips and shitposts because some of these people also write actual meta but then they unfortunately go back to Not Engaging With Canon by writing quippy shitpost-y stuff” line, or however it was actually phrased? besides the blatant entitlement with the “you have to fandom ONLY in ways I like, I can’t just engage with the part of the content you create that I’m interested in and scroll past the rest” thing (which kinda reminds me of the whole “you can’t CNTW on some of your fics, I should be able to read ALL of your fics” thing, in a way) and the ”I refuse to curate my fandom experience and I’ll make it some stranger’s problem” thing (which... reminds me of a few other things, but tbf it has probably been around since the very first days of fandom), what if someone doesn’t even see meta and quips/shitposts as fundamentally different and mutually exclusive approaches to fandom? what if they see them as just two ways to be interested in a specific fandom and interact with it, and maybe even closely linked together, so going from one to another is actually very, very easy for them? hell, what if they (gasp!) even mix quips and meta together sometimes?

I have a few posts about what I think Baran bo Odar and Jantje Friese might have been doing with mythological references and themes in Dark, and about what I got from the series finale. some are meme-like, phrased in a joking tone, probably even shitpost-y? another one is literally just a gifset plus me having intense Feels in the tags, and the last one is an edit of the kind I’ve seen people complain about as “those cringey unoriginal tumblr aesthetics that all look the same” in at least a couple of occasions. does that automatically mean I only wanted to “win” at fandom (with my hard-earned prize being... a handful of notes in a fandom that’s not even that big compared to others) and that I haven’t actually spent probably way too much time thinking about the significance of Martha’s Ariadne play as a commentary on character interactions/plot/narrative themes (and honestly still do from time to time), or that I don’t occasionally read the captions under other people’s gifsets and suddenly feel very much enlightened about why the Ariadne play mentions the myth of the Flood of all things? that I didn’t start reading posts and comments and reviews and theories about the series finale as soon as I finished watching it? that, just because I didn’t write 10K+ words of Perfectly Serious Seriousness about all that stuff, I simply refused to Engage With The Text? 

... and if I said that I feel a little irrationally self-conscious at the idea of writing down all of my (often rambling, sometimes jumbled) thoughts about a series that to me actually does feel very deep and complex, so adding memes and humor to that or finding different means to put my ideas out there makes me feel more comfortable expressing myself while also taking off the (admittedly made-up) pressure of having to write a whole coherent essay where I have to find a clear and explicit way to explain where every single thought comes from and how it leads to the next like I’m gonna get graded on it? or that a lot of those thoughts stem from memories of spending five years of high school translating and analysing ancient Greek poetry and reading and watching and discussing every available interpretation and reinterpretation of it from Nietzsche to Vernant to Dürrenmatt to Christa Wolf to Pasolini to a lot of others and from certain things in Dark violently hurtling me back to those times without even asking for permission, so a part of my self-consciousness is actually “I probably don’t actually know/remember enough about this to base a whole in-depth analysis on it even though I do think there’s something there” and another part is “shit I’m too lazy to dig through all of my old textbooks and homework and additional readings to hunt for the thing I feel the desperate need to reference or figure out who might have said it, so no extended explanation here either”? I guess in the end it would all boil down to “there’s an amount of effort and physical and mental energy I’m willing to put into fandom but I also have limits to stop something that makes me feel happy from becoming a chore”, which. considering the whole “you have to put all your resources into constantly pouring out 100% serious meta and nothing else because that’s what I like, no deviations allowed” thing? yeah, I can see saying stuff like that would still make me a blight upon fandom. and/or Not Engaging.

which, I realize, it’s a thing I keep coming back to. but that’s because I really, really, really hate it? seriously, what even counts as Engaging With The Text correctly? not shitposts, and not quips either, apparently. Regardless of the fact that humor and crack have existed in fandom since forever and that it’s actually not uncommon AT ALL for them to be born out of looking at canon from different angles, pointing out whatever the fan in question finds surreal/strange/implausible/convoluted/awkward/just kinda funny about it. 

also, not canon divergence/what if fics motivated not by a desire to “fix” something that made us feel bad when it happened in canon but by a desire to actually fix what we felt was objectively a poor writing choice from the author, because we shouldn’t Engage by analysing the text to criticize it or to think over how and why certain aspects of it don’t work for us or how we think the structure of the text itself could be modified or even improved, we should Engage by... writing meta and/or writing canon-compliant fics with perhaps a little allowance for slightly-to-the-left-of-canon-compliant missing moments fics, I guess? 

from what I’ve gathered from reading other fandom discussion some time ago, AUs are also out, especially Modern/No Powers AUs, because those are always just an excuse to slap your fave’s name on your OC/disguise your original fiction as fanfic to get comments/ignore all that’s interesting about canon to write yet another dumb syrupy high school or coffee shop AU, even if I’m honestly not sure what kind of AUs people are even reading to never get to the “there’s no supernatural threat so let’s focus entirely on the fucked-up family dynamics and blatant mental issues in a world where you can’t just ignore them by marrying off your daughter or sending your son to be someone’s squire” AUs or the “this is pretty much what happens in canon but adding new dimensions and different outlooks on the themes by moving everything to a new context” AUs. seriously, I could rec you a pretty great “this guy would be a horrible father and treat his children horribly in any world, it’s not just the feudal society around him, it’s him as a person” AU and that’s literally just the first thing that came to my mind. but, hey, maybe Engaging is only engaging with the canon plot and setting and nothing else, what do I know.

... fuck, thinking about it, I’m not even sure if by “not shitpost and not quips” I should even mean humor/crack? because it’s not like the OP was clear about it in any way? maybe it’s just all that’s weird and tropey and not-canon-compliant? I can see the “everybody gathers in the main character’s stuff to smoke weed and weird shit happens” fic I got a chuckle out of some time ago being one of the dreaded tumblr-born shitpost fics that are supposedly ruining fandom by ensuring that fans stop thinking (?), but what about the “everything is the same but this one character is a catboy, not for any particular reason but just because” fic I’m currently following and loving? people have been joking and shitposting about catboys a lot on tumblr lately (I distinctly remember that the last catboy joke to pop up on my dash was the “I’m your catboy gf and I’m stuck in a wall” one...) and finding an always-a-catboy!AU initially got an amused smile out of me, so is the mere premise enough to make the fic just a joke/just taking a trope and running off with it/just part of a shallow trend? even when the author literally goes “oh shit just realized this is all a metaphor for neuodivergence and masking” in the story notes? unless writing a character who’s never explicitly stated to be neurodivergent in canon as a being literally or metaphorically neurodivergent in your fic is always shallow projecting or posturing issuefic... instead of, y’know, looking closely at the text and Engaging with it by interpreting it that way....

I feel all this ranting/venting might end up plunging into Why We Slash discussion territory now, so I better stop here.

anyway, in short, good to know I’ve been in fandom for years yet I’ve always been just a Fake Fan who Can’t Think and is constantly Doing It Wrong (by Not Being Transformative Enough, possibly). gonna do my best to stay exactly like that in the future <3

#... see THIS is why i don't write meta #fic is so much easier be it crack or not #ugh i feel i should probably delete this to avoid a giant headache but let's give it a try

[agrestenoir]

things i’m thankful for

so I know that thanksgiving has passed for me, but there were a few shoutouts I wanted to give to certain people who mean a lot to me, and I couldn’t go long without saying something. So here’s just a short list of some people I really appreciate.

To @agermanshepherdpatronus and @thatcrazybookwyrm: you guys mean the absolute world to me. You’ve been with me through thick and thin and are some of the best friends I could ever ask for. I know I’ve been MIA for the last couple of months as life picks up, but it’s thanks to you guys that I am where I am today. You’re so important to me, and I hope you know that. I wouldn’t be who I am today without you. You two have changed my life forever, so now you’re gonna be stuck with me till the end, okay? I hope you get all the wonder and happiness you deserve because you guys have given me the world, and I want to give it you in return. Never change, and keep those hearts of gold always shining. I love you, Oz & MG. <3

To @nebulousrose (Honnah): I know you deactivated, baby, but you’re still a star in my sky, and I hope you know that. I always look back on our messages we’ve shared over the years and I hope you know how much you mean to me. At one point in time, you were the only person who could make me smile, and you always saw the best in me. Someday I hope I can become the person you always believed I was. <3 Love you, darling. I’ll see you on Facebook and Snapchat if I ever get my ass on there and be active.

To @perfectlyrose and @dimensionhoppingrose and @nottheopera and @skyler10fic and @tinyconfusion and @chocolatequeennk and SO MANY OTHER blogs and content creators. [This is Erin/atimelordswife, I just realized I posted this on the wrong blog]. I’ve followed a lot of you for years, and you’re all so wonderful and ridiculously talented. It’s been an absolute privilege to watch you all grow. And I KNOW there’s a bunch of people I’m forgetting because you fuckers keep changing your URLs and I can’t keep up. I’m a 22 year old college student in a long term relationship with her coffee cup, so please please bear with me. Regardless, I love you all and thank you for blessing me with your content and wonderful blogs. 

To @breeeliss: You’re too wonderful for words, and I am so happy I met you! You’re so accepting of me and so encouraging and supportive. You’re also god-spanking talented, like I can’t sometimes because I’m in awe of your skills? You’re one of the people I go to when I need to smile because you’re so fucking hilarious, and you’re so entertaining and fun to talk to. Like I’m so blessed that we’re friends? Thanks for putting up with me, Gabie <3 

To @stardusted: You’re another person I’m so happy I got to know. You keep me on my toes and always make me laugh. You are such a wonderful person and friend, and I am so appreciative of you. Also I know you’re gonna make it big someday with your raw talent and the passion you put in everything you do. You’re one of the best people I know, and I just want the best for you <3 Thanks for putting up with me too, darling! I know I can be a handful.

To @flusteredkeith: You are one of the coolest people I’ve ever met. You are always there to listen to me scream and your fics hurt me in such a good way. As a person, you always make me smile, and I love talking to you. The heart you put into your work and thoughts always shines through. You make me fall in love with things [Sheith], which is a very powerful tool. I just love your gusto for the things you love. You’re also so fucking supportive and there for me when I need it, and I just love, love talking to you. I’m so glad I know you, J <3 Thanks for everything!!!

To @miraculousstorytelling: CLAIRE, MY PASTRY, MY EASY-BAKE OVEN. You keep me on my toes, you make me laugh, your zest for life and your kindness and heart are just some of the most amazing things about you. I love your compliment wars, I love your writing because dear GOD do you have a tendency to break me, I love your passion and effort that you put into things. And your passion for people and you’re just... I love everything about you, Pastry Puff, and please never change. You’re always there for me, you’re so encouraging and I’m so grateful for everything you’ve ever done for me. You deserve the world, babe. <3 Thank you.

To @panda013: PANDABEAR. You are one of the most talented people I know, you’re so good at everything you do, like it’s not fair how good you are. You’re so hard working and your strength is a thing of beauty. I admire you in everything you do, how you approach life, and I know things can be rough at times, but I always know you’re gonna pull through and be wonderful. You’re destined for amazing things, Panda. I believe in you so much, and thank you for always being there for me <3 People like you give me a reason to smile!

To @ladyserendipitous: My muse, the story voice, O, the Mom of the Server. You are literally the voice of reason sometimes, and I hope you know how appreciative I am of you. You always make the best comments and are fucking hilarious, but you are also the realist I need to be because I have a tendency to be jump off walls a lot. You’re an anchor to a lot of people, and I really admire you. Plus you’re like super good at writing, and I love your work, and more people need to read them. Thank you for always being there, for having the best ideas, and just being awesome in general. I aspire to reach your level someday!

To @megatraven: You are the epitome of sunshine on a rainy day, the gold at the end of the rainbow, the world does not deserve you. You are literally the kindest person I have ever met, the most supportive and encouraging, and even though you can be a walking shitpost of your icons sometimes, all it does is make me throw my head back in laughter. You deserve the whole world, you deserve all the happiness. From treadmills to bees, from Melon Rodeo to Meggi, you are a shooting star. I love you, I adore you, thank you for everything <3 ALSO YOUR FUCKING WRITING KILL SME THANK YOU.

To @sadrien: What can I say about this incredibly talented person? Your stories give me life, your IRL stories give me life, you’re incredibly awesome in general. You’re so wonderful and kind, and I am so happy I met you. I wish you only the best because you deserve all of it, and just thank you so much for the laughter? The kindness because I don’t think you have a mean bone in your body? I just want you to know how much I love and appreciate you, Tea, and keep being wonderful because the world needs more people like you! <3 Thanks for putting up with my dramatic ass.

To @zoenightstars: I know you don’t use Tumblr, but for when you ever come online and hopefully see this, just know that I love and appreciate you. Your passion for the things you do, your talent that knows no bounds, your smarts and snarkiness are things I struggle to keep up with. I know college applications are draining, but I firmly believe that you’re gonna go on to do great things. You’ve got the passion and the drive and will to go far, and I can’t wait to see where life takes you. Thanks for always being there to make me smile!

To @ninoirs: you are a bubbly, accident-prone smol that we all must protect. Literally, I don’t know how you’ve made it almost eighteen years. But like they say, the best things come in small packages, and Rey, you’re a blessing, honestly. Ridiculously talented, so bright and brilliant, and just so amazing at everything you do. You’re so supportive, so much fun, and thank you for putting up with me. You’re honestly so wonderful, Rey Rey. (And your boyfriend is cool too). 

To @amillionsmiles: I literally just started to get to know you, but you’re still incredibly talented. Also it’s kind of scary how good you are. I have always been a fan, and you fucking slay me with everything you do. You’re gonna do great things, I firmly believe that. Thanks for always breaking my heart and putting it back together <3

To @adribug: You’re too smart for words, too brilliant to measure, and your graphics fucking kill me, so thanks for that. You’re just a bubbly person, and your personality shines in everything you do. I love talking to you, you’re so much fun. Thank you for being awesome, thanks for dealing with me, and thanks for just being yourself. You’re amazing, and I know you’re gonna do awesome things <3

To @larvesta: the lady who can sometimes be my twin and who is so fucking talented that her art has legit made me cry. You are one of those people I couldn’t have been happier to meet, and you are so fucking amazing. Your talent knows no bounds, your kindness has no measure, and you are just so... ASKSDGHLGD That’s all I can say, Liv. Thank you for putting up with me, for your endless support, and for being so incredible. I love you ;3

To @miracujess: you’re a walking meme and shitpost. Like I can’t with you, Jess??? You’re fucking hilarious, so incredible, so entertaining and fun. Like I can depend on you to put a smile on my face when I need it, and to be so genuinely awesome that you make me cry. Thank you so much for everything. The world deserves more people like you who are the embodiment of sunshine. 

To everyone else at @mlfanfiction: you guys have become my second family, literally. You’re all so supportive and wonderful and fucking awesome. Thank you for putting up with me, for being there for me, for the support and encouragement. For being so talented and giving me people to look up too. To Erica, Teal, Rae, KC, Kiwi, Sarah, Maha (I can’t fucking remember your TUMBLR URLS SO IM GONNA GET YOU ALL IN VERSION 2.0; I’m sorry it’s literally 10:30 PM at night. I can’t be on top of everything now, especially when I’m on break from school). You guys are so fucking talented and I weep tears when I talk to you or read your stuff. Thanks for the laughs, for the snarks, for the kindness, for making the good days the absolute best. <3 

To everyone at @queermiraculous: thanks for giving me a place I can be myself. Thank you to all the people I’ve met, all the friends I’ve made, I’m too tired to list you cause there’s a fuck ton. You’re all so supportive and encouraging and fun, and I just wish you the best.

To everyone at the MLArtist server that @larvesta runs: You guys are so talented, so supportive and so encouraging. Thank you for giving me a place to learn and grow as an artist, and just for being some of the best people I’ve ever met.

To everyone I didn’t mention, thank you! If I’ve talked to you even once, you belong on this. But I’m a 22 year old college student married to her coffee cup, it’s 10:30 PM, and I’ve gone 26 hours without sleep. Please bear with me. Just thank you for everything, your support and encouragement, acceptance, talent, your passion, your strength, just everything. You all mean the world to me, and I can’t thank you enough.

Just thank you all my followers as well. <3 I don’t know how you got here, but you deserve so much. Thanks for putting up with me. <3

#mlfamfiction #about me #my thanks #you all are wonderful #and i know i forgot people #but im gonna post this and bury my head in the ground #and forget i exist #coffee and exhaustion don't go well together folks

[pyrrthea]

I really have no excuse for this, I just wanted to see if I could brighten up the days of people who really brighten up mine

@crowndefiant cassie, you are literally my best friend in the entire world and i love you a lot. thank you so much for always being there for me, even when i probably didn’t deserve it, and for brightening up my day by literally just putting up with me. i love you so so much and you mean the entire world to me.  as for your writing, you already know i think it’s phenomenal. be it some dumb crack on this hell site, or your gorgeous novel that’s going to turn you into a new york times best selling author, you could write about a cardboard box and i would die for it <3 your dumb jokes, your kindness, your willingness to always be there for me by my side all makes me so happy to have you in my life, and i want you to know that i’m always going to be here for you no matter what.

@anorablespark josie!! you’re about 95% of the reason why this blog exists and probably why i still roleplay at all. you following me all the way back on p//bg was a shock because you seemed like such a high quality blogs and back then i was a total mess (i still am. that is beside the point). despite my total lack of confidence in any of my abilities, you were nothing but kind and caring to me in a time where i was considering giving up writing all together, and you made me a lot less nervous joining this fandom by introducing me to some of the most amazing people here that i love and admire, you are one of them. you’re nora is one of my favourite muses ever on this fucking hellsite, and even though we say we have to plot and we never do, what little we’ve done with nora and pyrrha’s relationship makes me smile, and your nora makes pyrrha smile a lot too. your backstory for her has so much though, love and care put into it, and i want you to know that i love it, and i love you, and all of your muses and headcanons. don’t forget that.

@starsetdiva maaaaaayyyy~ as someone who has tried, struggled, and failed to take a background character with like five lines of dialogue, and turn them into my own, let me tell you this, you have done a phenomenal job, with both neon and arslan. the care and effort into everything you do for your muses makes me so happy that there are people like you, who are willing to do all that for a character they love, and i respect you so so much for that. you’re always there to make me laugh, be it ooc or ic, and i’m glad we live in the land of fucked up timezones, because being able to see you on my dash, and talk to you, makes me so happy. i know how self-conscious you are about your writing, and i know exactly how you feel, but i want you to know that i genuinely love and enjoy all of your writing, and i would so so so so soooo love to write/plot with you some more, i just,,,, need to come up with some plot ideas <3 i’d follow you on any muse to the end of the fucking earth, and rest assured, i will always be around to icon whoever or whatever you need lmao

@mirrornium chloe, you’re pretty okay for someone who shits on my lawn. nO BUT REALLY, in all seriousness, i was really sad when you just sort of disappeared off my dash a while back, because you always made me laugh a lot with your drake bell icons buT NOW YOU AND YOUR DRAKE AND JOSH SHITPOSTING IS BACK AS WELL, and i could not be happier. we haven’t talked a lot one on one but everytime we speak, be in privately or in a group of people, you never fail to make me laugh until i’m in tears, and i couldn’t ask for anything more from you. 

@bloomess stELLA WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU SO NICE TO ME. you’re literally the best, like god damn woman, you are so kind and funny and you’re always doing nice things for me and saying nice things to me, which i don’t???? deserve??????? like dang man what’d i do to deserve you, like, what the fuck. ad you!!!! put up with me sending you memes that make me think of you/ur ruby, who is the absolute cutest think i lov okay. i lov you, and uhhh i love ur ruby, and pyrr lovse rooby 2, her lil cowgirl gf yeehaw. wE HAVEN’T HAD A PROPER THREAD YET BUT UHH I RLLY WANT 2 WRITE WITH YOU BECAUSE I LOVE HOW YOU WRITE RUBY IT GIVES ME A REASON TO LIVE LIKE DAMN WOMAN. but yes i love you a lot and i would die 4 u but u already know that so okAY BYE NOW Y’ALL

@saecris meh.  NO I’M KIDDING I LIKE YOU A LOT MORE THAN JUST meh. you better full well know how much i love you and how much i love your ren. you are so kind and funny that it like genuinely confuses me like how is??? that possible like dang. i really really really enjoy talking to you ooc so much, and our ic interactions are a lot of fun too, even if it’s just pyrrha and ren acting like children and also that one time they were being nerds about books or something. speaking of, i love your ren. so so so sos os sosososoooos o soooooo sooooooo much. your headcanons and backstory are so well thought out and genuinely interesting and make me want to care about him so much more and i just  👏 👏 👏 👏 👏 👏 👏 👏 👏 👏 👏

@nctdamsel how and why do you even put up with me mack. you let me yell at you about greek fire and it means so much to me that you care about these two nerds as much as i do lmA O. all of your headcanons and oc’s are so well thought out and all the care and detail you put into them shines through and makes me smile. you’re always kind and sweet and just in general way too good to me???? i love all the cute threads we do together and it makes me so happy to see you on my dash, to talk to you, write with you, plot with you, waTCH YOUR FUCKING SNAPCHAT STORY I’M LOV U MAC K

@kingdommark helL O HUSBAND <3 we’ve known each other like what, two weeks and we’re already married. i haven’t known you for nearly as long as a lot of other people, but you’ve never been anything but kind and caring to me, and it really means a lot to me that you take time out of your day to talk to me and be a nice person???? and seeing you be a nice person to other people makes me so happy, because i think we both know that this website is a place filled with unnecessary toxicity, so to see people like you who are always doing their best to be kind is so heartwarming to me. obviously i don’t know shit about KH but your sora is a massive cutie who i love a lot and enjoy seeing on my dash so much, and you can bet your ass i cannot wait for sora/pyrrha interactions

@saintlyhilt aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA??????? hello yes, shi did you know that you’re an absolute blessing and idk how we haven’t interacted much outside of crack/dash comm, because i’m pretty sure our first ooc interaction was just me telling you how thirsty i am for jaune so. i lov seeing u be gay on my dash and the rare times we talk make me happy because you’re so kind and caring and i don’t know if you know it but you never fail to make me smile all the gosh darn time, and i literally cannot thank you enough. your writing and headcanons for both sun and jaune are so well thought out, interesting, and so much fun to read. i just want you to know that you’re really important to me and i appreciate you a lot.

@adornedscars jhuwan, you may be one sassy fucking piece of shit, but you know what? i wouldn’t have it any other way, because you make me laugh and smile a lot, especially when i need it most, and our stupid running joke of fox calling pyrrha a bitch is one of my favourite stupid thing to happen on this blog. you’ve literally taken a character with nothing and made him your own in a way that literally just???? makes me forget that he doesn’t even have a canon fucking voice actor. you are one of the most important people i see on my dash, and one of the funniest too, and even though we don’t talk a lot, i’m glad we’re friends.

@baddrunkcharm hEY ASHE DID U KNOW THAT UR LIKE MY FAVOURITE QROW AND I’M LOV U AND THE WAY U WRITE SO MUCH AND U HAVE TO SHARE THOSE COOKIES WITH ME. no but seriously you’re another person who i just??? haven’t talked to a lot because i’m a nervous bean and you’re just super cool and i love your writing and characterization so fucking much man like dang. and!!! i super hope we can interact more, both ic and ooc, because!!! i’m going to fight you either way!!! but with hugs, and puppies, and love, because,,,, i love seeing you on my dash, and talking to you, and just knowing that you exist.

@miragesque heLLO YES WE HAVE LIKE NEVER SPOKEN BEFORE BUT LIKEDANG SEEING YOU ON MY DASH MAKES ME REALLY HAPPY DA N G. seeing how much you love and care about blake makes me so happy because i 101% absolutely know how you feel to be absolutely in love with your muse, and to see other people that just care so much makes me get all emotional, and it all really shows through in your writing because like????? you’re probably one of the most stand out blakes i’ve ever seen on this god forsaken hell site and it makes me all giddy and smiley and happy to see on my dash because you’re an amazing writer, and i am just a small bean, hoping that one day i’ll build up some more courage to sAY HE L L O.

#█▐ ᵒ●✧ ┊ ➳ 「 ιѕ тнιѕ eαѕy мode? 」 OOC. #aLL O THESE TURNED OUT WAY LONGER THEN THEY WHERE MEANT TO BE #I'M SO SORRY GUYS #anyway i'm going to sleep because it's late!!! #this is about 2000 words #why can't i write this much about my headcanons #or in my replies #or my fanfictions #hold me someone #i'm going to make another post with more people on it tomorrow because this started as about 30-ish people but i had to cut it down #it was getting so fucking long

[theinternetinterviewed]

Ben Harvey, An Architect Who Puts His Life On The Line

The most popular video game to come from Slovenia is Line Rider. The object of Line Rider is to design a track for a boy on a sled to ride. In doing this, players becomes architects. Released in 2006, there are thousands of Line Rider tracks and the longest ever is titled This Will Destroy You, 50 minutes long with 2.7 million views. Ben Harvey, its maker, is a man whose sense of sight is influenced by what he hears and he therefore is able to translate musical tracks into Line Rider tracks. To watch two minutes of the video is to see a series of satisfying, sight-to-sound synchronizations. To watch twenty minutes is to narrow your attention in such a way that the boy’s experience become your own and to watch the full thing it to live the definition of the word ‘journey.’

A: Is this Ben?

B: This is Ben. You’re two hours early. A: Am I really?

B: That’s okay though.

A: Are you sure?

B: Its 1. But that’s okay though.

A: You’re cool to jump into this early?

B: We can jump into it now.

A: Cool. My name is Austin. Nice to meet you.

B: Nice to meet you. My name is Ben.

A: Hi, Ben. I have a blog called The Internet, Interviewed. It’s where I interview people who do cool things and you are one of them.

B: That sounds very broad.

A: Oh, it’s the most broad thing. Have you been interviewed before?

B: I have been interviewed a couple of times. I don’t think any of them are going to take the format that you’re doing here.

A: As in, on the phone?

B: On the phone and *pause* most of the people who have interviewed me before were in the scene of Line Rider. You’re more on the outside, if that makes sense.

A: I just like the videos.

B: *laughs*

A: I’ve seen your essays and very little of them makes sense to me.

B: *laughs*

A: This will take about 60 minutes. I have a bunch of questions. Some are funny, some nostalgic, some serious. Answer however you like. I know you’re a thoughtful, articulate guy so if you digress or tell a story, that’s fine with me. This is an interview and you’re the subject.

B: Great.

A: My first question: how did you find Line Rider and how old are you?

B: I would have been, let me do the math, I would have been 14 and I was making computer games with Game Maker [software] and trying to find where I can put them on the Internet. I found Line Flyer which was a rip off and made something in it and sent it to one of my friends and he was, like, “That’s not the real Line Rider.” He sent me a link to LineRider.com. Then I was off to the races.

A: When did you become more serious?

B: It depends on what you mean by serious. I started working seriously on a large project a year after I discovered it. A year to two years. I don’t remember. It’s been a long time since like 2008. I was 15 at the time. The Line Rider Community was something I found early and got heavily involved in. I wrote a bunch of reviews for Line Rider tracks. I didn’t start treating it as an art medium until about 2015. I went to a liberal arts college and ended up creating my own major call Electronic Artistic Design. For my last year of college, I had not been thinking about Line Rider because I was focusing on my school work. When I came back, I had a slow, rolling epiphany about how Line Rider could be treated like an art medium and how a lot of the things that I studied, I could apply to Line Rider. I’m not sure I answered your question. What was it again?

A: That was on the nose. I wanted to know when you started to look at it seriously.

B: I started putting a lot of time and effort into Line Rider in 2008 and I started looking at it as a medium for art creation in 2015–2016.

A: It amazes me that at 14 you were interested in writing reviews.

B: *laughs*

A: The game must have struck you.

B: I’m trying to think …back 12 years ago now. Getting closer to 13. I just found myself wanting to watch all of the tracks and then I realized that a lot of people were spending a lot of time on these tracks and then they would get comments like, “Cool,” “8 out of 10,” [boring voice] and I wanted to give some real feedback.

A: That’s a noble response for a young person to have.

B: Another part of it was…I was also a little bit of an outsider in school and I found a community of peers in other people who were interested in Line Rider. A big part of it was that, finding a community of people who were interested in the things that I was. Also if you’re hearing purrs it’s because my cat has decided to sit on my chest.

A: If the cat says anything, I’ll make sure to include it.

B: *laughs* Excellent.

A: Can you remember the first track that wowed you?

B: There were lots that I really liked. The first that really impressed me was a track called Discarded by TechDawg. I saw it when it came out and it was sort of the first example of a Line Rider track that someone had made where they were using scenery lines to add texture and detail to the ground so it looked like this cool, rocky landscape. It was like he was painting a picture. Instead of, “Here is a rock shape,” it was, “Here is a rock-shaped drawing and a whole bunch of cracks and crags.” He would shade the rock. That was the first one that really impressed me.

A: Did you write a review about it?

B: I did. It’s not worth much but, yeah, I did. *laughs*

A: When someone sees your work for the first time, what do you hope they think?

B: My hope is that they’re not thinking about how I made it. My hope is that they’re letting the visuals wash over them and having an emotional response — whether that’s reflective or joyful or harrowing or trippy or whatever.

A: How big is your body of work?

B: It depends on what you include. Do you include the things that I've produced or directed? Within the things I’ve made, there are shitposts I made in an hour.

A: *laughs*

B: Those take as much time to watch as something that I worked two hundred hours on. There’s maybe 10 to 20 projects that I’ve poured a lot of time into and there are 10 to 20 projects that I remain proud of today and those overlap and there are tracks that fall into one or the other only. There are a couple dozen projects that I've directed or produced or facilitated in some way, even if I only made a small fraction or even none of the actual track. There is the writing I’ve done about Line Rider which ranges from crappy reviews I wrote when I was 14 to video essays about the nature Line Rider that I’ve done more recently. There is the Line Rider Archival Project which I can’t forget. It started ad hoc a long time ago but in the last few years I’ve formalized my attempt to archive as much of Line Rider on the internet that I can so it doesn’t get lost. On top of that, there are dozens of projects that were experimental or low effort or just memes or shitposts. I’ve had a lot of conversations with all sorts of people who are making Line Rider tracks and while that’s not really part of a body of work, it’s had a lot of impact on my work.

A: If you took the courses you made and the ones you produced and directed and played one after the next, how long would that be?

B: It would take a few hours depending on what you include.

A: More than six?

B: Six would be on the high end. Oh gosh. *laughs* There was an 18 hour marathon in which I watched a lot of Line Rider track and gave live commentary on them, so if you exclude all of that and focus on the raw footage of Line Rider then it would probably be like three hours?

A: Like an unabridged order of Lord of the Rings with all the extra scenes.

B: Something like that. If you add all the video, it would be a few days.

A: When having a conversation with someone, do you sometimes drift off and create Line Rider tracks in your head? Or when putting away dishes? Sometimes does Line Rider just happen?

B: It usually happens when I’m listening to music. Music is the spark. That wasn’t always the case. The first few years…excuse me if my voice sounds weird. I’m getting over a cold…. I was imagining these two dimensional spaces with three dimensional objects in them that the sledder was moving through. I thought about the projects I was making and how I wanted to make them look. Nowadays, I find myself daydreaming about Line Rider when I’m listening to music. I think, “Oh. I know how I would visualize this piece.” Most of them will never come to fruition because I lack the tools to create them without immense amounts of work.

A: Music predates the course? You have music that attracts you and then you create a course according to it?

B: As of the last, ten years that’s true. The first maybe three years it was not about the music but in the last decade it’s been about the music. Music creates the course. I hear a piece of music and I go, “Oh. I know what I can do with this.”

A: Are you a big music fan?

B: I am a big music fan. I’m super into post-rock. Which is how This Will Destroy You got created but lots of other types of music too.

A: When you have a Line Rider session and you’re going and everything is clicking, you’re inventing things spontaneously and they’re working out, what does that feel like?

B: I have two answers for that. One is, if you have heard of the concept of flow — it’s an artistic creation mode where you’re totally focused on what you’re making and everything else fades away. And another thing relates to my autism. I am autistic and so I have this thing where I hyper-focus. That means basically the same thing. But it’s something that I can control and sometimes I can’t. Sometimes I wind up hyper-focusing on things before I know it’s happening. Other times I want to hyper-focus when I want to make something but it’s difficult. But it’s a great feeling. Sometimes I make Line Rider tracks for eight hours in one sitting and other times it’s a struggle to work on it for an hour. It varies. What was that the question? I’m not sure if I answered it.

A: You absolutely illuminated it. I’ve never made a Line Rider so it’s interesting to know what it feels like to do so.

B: I can speak to that. Making a Line Rider track is a lot more like making pointillism then it is making a watercolor. *laughs*

A: How so?

B: It’s tedious and slow going. Generally, the lines are drawn one at a time and erased one at a time. They’ll get drawn and may be adjusted and erased if they’re not working. That’s been changing recently. There are new tools with copy and paste features. There are fill tools. There are all sorts of things that are new and changing that workflow. But, historically, lines are drawn one at a time, very slowly, one after the other.

A: Jeez.

B: Another thing is, you’re making a track and especially if it’s the track that’s focused less on the visuals and more on the the movement, you can’t go back and change part of the movement early on in the track because that would affect everything after it so you have to make every second of track in order one, after the other, and that can be a challenge.

A: You can’t skip around if you’re stuck on something. You have to go straight through.

B: *water drinking noises* Exactly.

A: Do you use a mouse or a drawing pad?

B: Sorry. I need to have a little more water. This cold as persistent. *water noises* I use the mouse for the entirety of the time I’ve made Line Rider tracks, so far. It’s a standard mouse. More recently sometimes I use a trackpad on my MacBook Pro. Going forward though, something I’ve been debating getting for a year now is a one of those touchscreen displays that hooks up to your computer.

A: Can you write your signature really well with a mouse?

B: *laugh* No. Not at all. You know those things where you have to sign your name on an iPad? I’m horrible.

A: Then how are you able to make courses that looks so great?

B: By drawing them one line at a time. I use the straight line tool. With the tool, you click and draw and release and that makes one line. I do that thousands of times.

A: When you plan to work on a project for the day, do you have a schedule? Do you work a certain amount of hours? Or do you throw yourself at it and get done whatever?

B: It can be a struggle to find time to work on Line Rider tracks because historically they’ve been more of a hobby than a profession. In the last year that I’ve been getting commissions, if I have a deadline that’s coming up, it’s easy for me to sit down and start working. I’m in the state of, “Ahh. I have to get this done.” If I don’t have a deadline, sometimes it’s just a matter of getting everything else in my life cleared off my plate so I’m like, “Alright. What’s left to do is the track.” Then I can sit down and not think about if there’s anything else I should be doing instead. That helps me focus.

A: What is there to be said about flying at high speeds to the sound of music? Do you have any insight into what that feeling is?

B: Yes. I’ve known for most of my life that I have synesthesia from music into visuals. Sometimes those are colors, sometimes shapes, and sometimes a movement and that can be more of an auditory-to-kinesthetic synesthesia. I get an actual sense of movement often times when I’m listening to music. It’s like the music is moving or I’m moving because of the music. Often times the most intense feelings are feelings of flying. I translate that into Line Rider. Maybe that’s what people are picking up on. I take for a lot of people it’s something that they don’t necessarily feel vividly but if you’re watching something where there is a figure flying through the air and it lines up with the music really perfectly it’s sort of this thing where people don’t get it at first and then they realize it’s lining up with the music and I feel, “Oh. I see it’s lining up with the music.” Some people react with “Oh. That’s it? That’s boring.” Other people start feeling it. It’s like they can feel the music physically. Which is really fun. It’s a thing I’ve noticed only some people experience. I thought all people experienced it until This Will Destroy You went viral and I got comments from some people who are like, “All it is is movement music synced up to music.”

A: *laughs*

B: And I’m like, “So fascinating!” There are people who don’t feel anything from that inherently.

A: Another thing I noticed was that I was watching one of your tracks and I started to do my grocery list in my head but I didn’t realize I had done it until afterwards. I realized I was thinking clearly. It put me in a zone where my mind was flexible.

B: That is interesting. Sometimes when I watch Line Rider synced to music it feels like a cleanse. It might be a vicarious experience of, like, the feeling of going on a rollercoaster, a little bit. I feel more free afterward. I’ve also noticed people experiencing that themselves. It’s good to know the feeling is widespread.

A: If Line Rider had not existed, would you have invented it?

B: I don’t think I would have invented Line Rider. I don’t know what I would have spent my free time on in 2007, 2008, and 2009 but I know I would still be doing some kind of auditory, music, or sound visualization. I was drawn to that in college and one of the big final projects I did was, I visualized a piece of music with these lights and colors in After Effects. I’d still be doing stuff like that, it just wouldn’t be with Line Rider.

A: For those of us who are not a part of the Line Rider community, can you summarize it?

B: Oh, boy.

A: What is it?

B: The simplest definition would be: a bunch of people, maybe a few dozen people, that hangout with each other on the internet and get really into discussing and creating extremely intricate Line Rider tracks. If you went into the Line Rider community, the average person would be totally confused about what people are talking about because, at least nowadays, which means in the last few years, they’ve been very very focused on the intricacies of the original physics engine and how it can be manipulated to get the sledder to do bizarre erratic movement. Sometimes these things are used to create things that can be impactful to the average person. But if you just walked into the Line Rider community and poked around you would think, “What are they talking about?” *laugh*

A: Can you rattle off a bunch of terms that I have no idea the definition of?

B: Some early ones are gravity wells. Then there ares flings of gravity wells. Then there are variation on flings. So flings can pull different parts of Bosh. Do you want me to come up with the most complex stuff I can?

A: Spit ‘em out.

B: You can make an inverted hand and tail ASDF which stands for an Alternating Single Direction Fling. We could do a Dual Alt Flanual. That would be fun.

A: *laugh*

B: You can have an all blue ten point cannon. Those are interesting.

A: *laugh*

B: Let’s see. Then you have an inverted cranual lock. How’s that?

A: I love those.

B: These are actual terms.

A: When did you make your Patreon? When did you wonder, “How can I make a living, if any?”

B: The shift turned when I was thinking about it as an art medium. Where I was like, “Oh. What if instead of playing this like an open-ended game, why don’t we try to make things that are going to appeal to people who might not even know what Line Rider is?” So, thinking about it as art that’s going to resonate with a general audience and then thinking about how I was going to do that corresponded with thinking about, well, maybe I could make this into a little hobby or a side hustle. It took off very suddenly, much faster than I expected.

A: Yes. How do you feel about your success so far?

B: I have a lot of feelings about success so far. It’s weird to have — sorry, kitty.

A: The cat jumped?

B: I got up to get water and then I was pacing around the room and I tripped over the cat.

A: Son of a gun.

B: Let’s see. How do I feel about my success so far? It’s complicated. I’m a bit estranged from the Line Rider community as of the last couple years. Three years or so. Prior, I was the administrator of the main Line Rider community and I had been running everything in the community so it’s complicated because when I retired from my administrative duties was when I went back to making more Line Rider tracks myself. When This Will Destroy You went viral, it created buzz around Line Rider and funneled people into the community that I had become estranged from. It was this awkward situation where I was reviving this community that I was no longer really as in as I used to be. I have mixed feelings around that. Those feelings standard in contrast to the feelings I have about the comments I’ve gotten on This Will Destroy You. It’s far and away the most wholesome Line Rider YouTube comment section I’ve ever seen. I’ve had people talk about all sorts of mental health issues and how the video has helped them. I’ve had people write basically a story of someone’s entire life to go along with the Line Rider track. I’ve had people being open about how it made them cry. It’s been wonderful to see how much of an impact that has had on people. It’s been great to be able to have an actual audience outside of the Line Rider community, a general audience of people who are interested in the stuff I’m making. So a lot of mixed feelings, but very positive. Is that the question that you are asking?

A: Yeah.

B: Cool.

A: You might have caught on by now that I’m asking broad questions that have no right answers. Feel comfortable as you are. These are some things you might be thinking about and putting into words for the first time ever so you’re doing great.

B: Yes, great.

A: How do you feel about your success on Patreon?

B: The Patreon started out small. And then it grew. It grew suddenly after This Will Destroy You went viral and it slowly but steadily has been growing since. I was surprised by the ratio of how many people were leaving glowing comments and how many people were sending me a dollar on Patreon. It seems like .01% percent of views and then .1% of positive comments got transferred to giving me money even though it’s just a small amount of money every time I release something. I was surprised that that didn’t translate. I think the thing is that on YouTube, people who make a lot of money on Patreon are talking to the camera a lot and so they’ll be talking and talking and talking and at the end they’ll be like, “You should pledge to my patreon.” And that brings people’s attention to it. People aren’t used to having to go look for it. They’re used to be told about it. I think it would be weird if my head popped up at the end of the Line Rider track and I was like, “Hey. Thanks for watching. Check out my patreon.” And they’re like, “Who are you?” I think that’s a big reason why it hasn’t been as successful as I would have hoped it would be with having a track going viral. It is at a point where it is starting to feel like real money and that is exciting. [$144 has been pledged to Ben by patrons per release.] Unfortunately, for a variety of reasons I haven’t been able to make something that I can release on Patreon. I took a break from Line Rider and then I had commissions and then I flew to Slovenia…anyways...

A: That’s a good segue.

B: Oh?

A: You gave a lecture in Slovenia about the history of Line Rider.

B: I did! I’m good friends with the current developer of the build of Line Rider that is on LineRider.com right now, David Lu. The original creator of Line Rider, Boštjan Čadež, (pronounced like Bastian Cah-dez) lives in Slovenia and was looking for people to curate Line Rider videos that would be included in an exhibit. He reached out to the community, got in touch with David, David sent him over to me, and I pulled together a list like, “Here’s a smattering of Line Rider tracks from across various styles and years, and a wide variety in content.” That’s how I got involved in the art exhibition. Then the curator of the art gallery reached out to me and invited me to come to the exhibit in Slovenia and said, if I can get myself there, they would provide me with lodging and give me a tour of the gallery. I managed to find a cheap plane ticket that fit with my schedule. After that was nailed down, he asked me, “Since you’re coming here, do you want to give a lecture?” He said I could choose the topic. I decided to use the opportunity to put together a lecture about the history. It got thrown together quickly though. I had about two weeks notice to know I was flying to Slovenia and giving a lecture. Given that small amount of time, it turned out well. It was good to get something about the 12 year history of Line Rider out into the world. A lot happened in 12 years and most of it was underground, obscure.

A: How did it feel to put it together? Was it easy to recall?

B: I had already done a fair amount of writing on all of the different aspects. I had already done the Line Rider archival project. I had lived a lot of the history. But I'd also done research into the various development builds. These were on the old internet forum that I used to administrate. I compiled lists of prominent Line Rider track releases, lists of different Line Rider builds and the features that they added and the people that developed them. It wasn't so much that I had to sit down and find out all this stuff. I had generally knew it. I just had to put together, “Did this happen first? Or did this happen after that?” And then package the important things to a general audience.

A: What was this exhibit for? What was the nature of it?

B: The exhibit was about Line Rider. The exhibit was titled Line Rider. The original creator of Line Rider put it together, an exhibit where there were different builds of Line Rider that people could play. There was a room with tracks projected on the walls playing on loop. There was a documentary that was created about the creator of Line Rider and and the history of how it was bought by the company InXile Entertainment. There was there was also a new virtual reality Line Rider that the original creator developed for the exhibit. There are some other things like the Game Developer Conference trophy and fun Line-Rider-themed sleds.

A: What was the cause of this exhibit?

B: The curator of the art gallery, Jani Pirnat, and Boštjan were on an artist retreat. Jani found out that Boštjan was the creator of Line Rider. Jani was like, “Oh, that's so cool.” Bosh was like, “I have a lot of negative memories about Line Rider because it got bought out by this company that was going to make a game and I was going to get a share and the game didn't do well financially so I never got any money. I don't have the rights anymore. They basically abandoned it. There are a lot of bad memories.” Jani was persistent and said, "No, no, we should look into getting the rights back. You should do this exhibit."

A: How did the creator feel about the exhibit when it finally happened?

B: He was really happy. He was also happy with the VR Line Rider that he developed, the videos on the documentary. I think he's really excited about continuing development of the VR Line Rider. I also think it's helped him work through the negative stuff that he had surrounding Line Rider. He's been active in the community since the exhibit. That's good to see.

A: What is the documentary called?

B: The documentary is called Line Rider: A Documentary. It's unreleased. In the exhibit, there was an excerpt of it shown. I might be involved in the full documentary release, which should be.... I don't know. I don't know what's going on with it right now.

A: That would be amazing.

B: I'm excited for it.

A: *pause* Who is the little boy on the sled?

B: *laughs* In the earliest builds, the sledder is referred to only as the sledder. He was given a name and personality and story in Line Rider 2 Unbound though if you watch The History of Line Rider lecture you know that Line Rider 2 Unbound has a question of… is it canon? It is officially Line Rider material but the community uses the old physics engine from before Line Rider 2 and up until recently used a modified version of the last version Boštjan developed. In Line Rider 2 Unbound, this sledder is named Bosh, after the creator. I like to think of the sledder as a universal stand-in for the viewer. I try not to focus on who is the sledder. There are people who do that in the community and it can be really fun. My favorite example is... Dangerous Cargo has a thing where, a story-focused Space Operetta, of the sledder on this little journey. But I like to think of him just as a stand-in. I want you to empathize with this sledder.

A: How many times have you dressed up as the sledder for Halloween?

B: Oh. I have never dressed up as the sledder. The most dressed up I've ever got is wearing my Line Rider t-shirt which is now signed. I actually have, through a series of events, ended up with a whole bunch of Line Rider t-shirts that I've been sending off to people who want them over the last few years. At one point, I had 16 t-shirts. But, no I've never dressed up as this letter. I don't have Bosh cosplay materials. I know the creator has dressed up as Bosh for the art gallery and some publicity material. It has him in the Line Rider hat and scarf. He also dressed up to get the Game Developers Conference award in California in 2007.

A: What are some of the funny or strange or memorable comments you’ve received on YouTube?

B: There are so many. When I scroll through my web portfolio there's a whole bunch of comments that I've just saved on there. Probably because then people can see all the nice things people have said about the track but mostly because I like to save them so I can look through them later. One that stands out to me most because it got me to reflect a lot on the impact This Will Destroy You has on the demographic that's most likely to be watching a Line Rider video is, “Is it okay to cry?” That was the whole comment. *laughs*

A: Did you not expect anyone to cry?

B: I did not. It had been years since I'd had a video that had gotten more than a few hundred views so I thought maybe a thousand people would see the video. Within a week from posting it, it went viral on Reddit, got a hundred thousand and that was more than almost any other Line Rider track I had ever made. I was over the moon at that. A couple months later, Mountain King was released by Doodle Chaos and that generated a ridiculous amount of traffic for Line Rider. My video was the one that was often recommended next by YouTube. That put it up to a million views in a very short amount of time. 100,000 was wild to begin with. *laughs*

A: How did that feel? That must have been amazing.

B: It was amazing. It was also unexpected. I found myself being overwhelmed with the comment section. It wasn't just people saying, “This is great. Nice job.” It was people reflecting on their lives. *laughs* That was really impactful. I was not expecting it to resonate that hard. I think part of the reason might have been that when making it I was in a reflective and somewhat depressed state of mind for the year and a half. I think it ended up coming through and people resonated with that.

A: It took you a year and a half to make?

B: It did. It sounds more impressive than it is. It took me about 250 hours, a little more. If you are working full time on a project, that's about two months. For me, it took 18 months. If I do the math, it averages to half an hour a day. There were days where I worked eight hours and there were months that went by when I didn't touch it at all. It varied a lot. The reason I got it done is because I kept coming back to it and being like, “Do I want to finish this? Yes I want to finish this."

A: Were people in the community expecting it or was it a secret?

B: Before This Will Destroy You was released, anything over 3 minutes was considered very long for a Line Rider track. Part of the reason I was able to make This Will Destroy You as long as it was was because of the newer builds that allowed you to scrub ahead in the timeline. They didn't used to be any timeline scrubbing so it was obnoxious to watch two minutes of track just so you can pause it and work work on the next bit. The new tools made it possible but also... I just forgot what the question was.

A: Whether it was a secret or if people knew it was coming.

B: Right. People knew I was working on a track and it was really really long. In the community, I updated people like, “I've made 5 minutes,” “I've made 10 minutes,” “I've made 15,” “I've made 20, 30.” I released a little trailer once I reached 35 minutes. But the Line Rider Community was very small. They were maybe 20 people who knew it was coming and were excited or at least curious. Most people were probably just like, “Why is this Line Rider track so long?”

A: Would you ever make another feature-length course?

B: Yes. But not soon. I have some ideas four things I would like to make eventually that are similarly long but I want to focus on some more experimental things that are shorter. I want to work on ideas I have before I tackle another long project. I could keep making projects like This Will Destroy You that are similar in structure and style but I feel like it wouldn't be as good if I tried to copy the formula.

A: Going back a bit, you said that you went to school and created your own major. For anyone else who is artistic, how would you say school has helped you?

B: The big thing was resources. I had access to software. And also physical things like lighting. I had the space where I could go to, a building and go to a room in that building and sit down and be like, “Okay. This is my space where I’m art making.” It's a little more difficult to get into that when it's my apartment. I sit at the same place to do my taxes as I do my art. It's a little more difficult to do that so it's nice to have studio spaces. Another big part of it was having deadlines. Like, “You have to make this project and it needs to be done by this day or else bad things will happen.” *laughs* That was helpful. It was also helpful to be around lots of other people that we're doing things that were somewhat similar. Someone to bounce off ideas. I could show people what I was making. All of those things are big parts of it. I also appreciated being able to take classes on the philosophy of art. I appreciated being able to work in collaboration with people. There are a lot of things. Amusingly, the classes we're probably one of the things lower down on the list.*laughs*

A: What will you be doing in five years?

B: Oh boy. Well, my day job is in technical theater. I imagine I'll still be doing that in five years. Even if Line Rider became a full-blown career and I didn't need to do it anymore, there are still things I would want to do in that.

A: What did you say the job was?

B: Technical theater. Lighting and sound and video for theatrical productions. I will still be doing Line Rider. I don't know what it'll look like in 5 years. There are things in flux right now in terms of the features being developed. I have no idea. That's all I can say. I don't want to plan too far into the future. I don't want to plan too much of my life. I want to see how things go.

A: Ben that was my last question for you.

B: Oh. That's not a question. *laughs* Alright, wonderful.

A: Thank you very much. That was awesome.

B: You are a wonderful interviewer.

A: Thank you. I'll type this up, transcribe it, make it look nice, and I'll send you a link shortly. Hopefully, within two weeks.

B: Sounds wonderful. Thank you so much.

A: Thank you.

B: Great talking to you.

A: Same. Talk soon.

There was Ben Harvey, in the midst of his life, the line he is riding. Lines tend to be everywhere. Lines are in plays, lines are in supermarkets. You have a line of work where you line your pockets. Some things are divided by a fine line, others by a dotted line. Occasionally, we draw lines in the sand. It’s difficult to keep track of them if someone’s blurred the lines. It can be fun to get out of line, feel the sensation of crossing the line, and of beating someone to the punchline. By the end of our life, we have lines on our face. And when we are online, it’s good if we can fill our empathy meter to the top line. This allows us to join the timeline of art history where many millions of people have stood in line in order to see further down the lines. When we see the end of the line, we have arrived at a point. That’s the whole point. To be pointed in a direction, ride the storyline to that point, and feel something poignant. Line Rider epitomizes this and shows us that even if you forget your lines, you’ll never forget how those lines made you feel. That’s the bottom line.

Interview conducted on 5/26/19

[ylla]

This Must Be The Place - Chapter 3

Series: JJBA Characters: Okuyasu Nijimura, Josuke Higashikata Pairing: josuyasu Tags: modern au, underage drinking, vomiting mentions, background ocs, tomoko and okuyasu have a mother/son moment and i am here for it Rating: M AO3 link

***WARNING*** THIS CHAPTER CONTAINS VOMITING MENTIONS FROM OVERZEALOUS UNDERAGE DRINKING AND HANGOVERS ***WARNING***

i’m suffering through some kind of hell virus and i cant sleep, so i revved my engine and plucked this chapter right out of my ass. there are meme references throughout this entire thing, because i am tired and live to shitpost, and you get a kissaroo from me to you if you can find them all. hopefully this makes sense to everyone, and not just to my fever-addled mind.

knowing my dumb ass, the next chapter will be up soonish because i’m too ill to do anything else other than write ε-(≖д≖﹆)

Death was something Okuyasu never purposefully sought, despite living life like he had single-minded determination to see what all the fuss was about the afterlife. There had always been a strong, primal urge to survive, to live, to spite the overwhelming odds that had been stacked against him since he was so very young. Like hell he was going to just die. He had responsibilities: a dad to look after, friends to back up, a boyfriend to care for. He had shit to do; he couldn’t just die young and leave a hole in the heart of so many people.

Okuyasu wasn’t smart, but he knew how to keep himself safe. Never mix ammonia with bleach, always wear a helmet, gloves, jacket, and proper shoes when riding a motorcycle, never grab the muffler of an overheated lawn mower in the middle of a heatwave in July after it had been running for two hours.

And never, ever, lie to Tomoko “Taker of No Shit” Higashikata.

When he woke up the Sunday after the party, Okuyasu was sure he had somehow died and was now in the 8th circle of hell. He had never drank so much in all his life. He had never been so fucked up in all his life. He had no recollection of what happened after they got to the party. Everything was an assault to his senses; the tiniest amount of light and sound made his head throb, his eyes shriek, and his guts roil like snakes had manifested inside his body. He attempted to sit up, but it made his head spin so badly, he immediately started vomiting. Thank god a previously unnoticed bucket was thrust in front of him, catching what was a small amount of bile and water. “He lives,” said whatever was holding the bucket.

Okuyasu looked up to find Josuke standing in front of him, looking exactly like how he felt. You look terrible is what he wanted to say. “Grugh” is what came out instead.

“You remember last night?”

“No,” Oku moaned, settling back down, “Th’ fuck happened?”

“A lot of bullshit.”

“Oh god…what happened?”

Josuke put the puke bucket down and sat on the edge of the bed, “You won’t like it.”

Here was the evening from Josuke’s perspective, though he was a little fuzzy on all of the details.

After bidding goodnight to Tomoko, they waited until it was dark before sneaking out of Oku’s house and hoofing it to the party. Josuke was dressed to the nines as usual, while Okuyasu was wearing something more understated, but it worked for him.

The house (which looked massive) was located in a more secluded part of Morioh, clearly chosen to enable underage tomfoolery. There were still a few neighbors around who probably heard the music and saw kids going in. This looked like it was a mistake, but hey, why not enjoy it while you can?

Surprisingly, the front door was manned by no one other than Tamami, who was holding a coffee can that was half-full with deposited yen; there was a door charge they hadn’t been aware of. Apparently, this was Tamami’s parent’s house, and he decided that throwing a party while they were away on a trip would be a great way to make some extra cash. Josuke remarked that he respected the hustle, before he elbowed Tamami in the ribs hard while reminding him that they were Koichi’s Best Fuckin’ Bros, so why not cut them a little slack?? You know, for Koichi?

Both boys got a free pass; they stepped into the living room where the party was obviously already underway. Red solo cups filled with some unidentified liquid was thrust into their hands, which they immediately tried. It tasted like window cleaner mixed with Gatorade, and it was disgusting, but they kept drinking to keep up appearances. They watched a pack of drunk teenagers grind on the makeshift dance floor, music blaring loudly, while a lively game of beer pong took place in the kitchen.

They found Oku’s Home Economics buddies in a corner; Yukie looked like she was having the time of her life, while Hitomi was passively sipping a beer, and Ritsu was flushed, looking like she was waiting for the earth to swallow her up. With a nudge, Hitomi pointed to the far corner, where Yuuya was standing with his fangirls, arm around a guy who looked just like him minus the stupid chin tattoo. Hachiro was his name; apparently, he was a junior, Yuuya’s younger half-brother, acted nothing like him, and Ritsu had it bad for him. The four of them tried to needle Ritsu into approaching him, but she had steadfastly refused, clutching her cup like it was a lifeline.

Josuke, a man of action, took it upon himself to walk right up to Yuuya and suggested he get a game of truth or dare going. Yuuya flickered eyes between Josuke and the corner from whence he came, before managing to shout over the noise that if anyone was interested in playing truth or dare, to follow him to the basement. Some people left the dance floor and followed, while Hitomi and Yukie hoisted up Ritsu, who had become rooted to the floor, and carried her downstairs.

Okuyasu and Josuke high-fived; Josuke then tried dragging Oku to the dance floor, but he resisted, saying he was too damn sober to make a fool of himself. So beer pong it was. After watching a few games (and guffawing when Hazamada tried to kiss some girl, but got a face full of vodka instead), they got to play. To the shock of everyone, Okuyasu was amazing while Josuke sucked absolute ass, almost tanking their chances at winning with sheer ineptitude. The pressure was too much! The alcohol was fucking up his reaction time! He kept getting teased, which made him pout, but Okuyasu kissed him on the mouth, then proceeded to shoot his way to victory repeatedly.

After what was probably 3 or 4 rounds, they were both three sheets to the wind. Are you feeling it now, Mr. Nijimura? Josuke purred in his ear, before dragging him to the dance floor. If either of them had been remotely sober, they would have never in a million years waltzed into the middle of a dance floor and dirty dance in front of most of their peers. But there they were, drunk as shit, with Josuke grinding his ass into Okuyasu. It was a good thing that everyone around them was just as inebriated, and too interested in dancing up on their partners to notice.

They managed to get through a few songs before they stumbled to the bathroom to have a drunk makeout session. In the few months they had been dating, they hadn’t gotten much farther than sloppy kisses with lots of tongue, but with the ferocity they had attacked each other’s lips and neck, things might have gone way further if they hadn’t been interrupted by someone barging into the bathroom and slurring, “GOTTA SHIT” before they pulled down their pants and lit that tiny bathroom up.

Boners effectively killed, they wandered downstairs to see how the truth or dare game was going. The first thing they saw was Ritsu sitting in the lap of Yuuya’s brother, making out with him. Hitomi helpfully informed Josuke and Okuyasu that Hachiro had just been dared by his older brother to kiss the prettiest girl in the room, and well. Hitomi had just gestured at the two.

Since everyone had already gone once, Yuuya picked Okuyasu next, taking his brother’s turn since he was busy. He tossed the teenager a half-pint of something called Everclear and told him to chug as much has he could. Never one to back down from a challenge, Okuyasu started guzzling it down like he had been stranded in the desert and this was the first drink he’d seen in months. He got to name on the label before he replaced the cap to the sound of resounding cheers, swayed for a few seconds, and then promptly stumbled over to a laundry basket to retch.

As Oku cleared the contents of his stomach, his face the color of a sickeningly combo of grey and green, someone pounded down the stairs to holler “IT’S THE COPS, SCATTER.”

This is where Josuke’s memory gets a little fuzzy. The next thing he remembers is him and Yuuya booked it across the backyard, half-dragging, half-carrying Okuyasu, with Hachiro carrying Ritsu. Yuuya told his girls to go ahead without him, and they took off on their bikes, carting off Yukie, Hitomi, and someone who was probably Hazamada. Then he remembers jumping into what appeared to be an ancient, black SUV and Yuuya peeling out of Tamami’s house at an excessive speed. Okuyasu started puking again, and it took the combined effort of Hachiro and Josuke to keep it from spilling out a plastic bag Hachiro grabbed from the trunk.

Yuuya dropped Josuke and Okuyasu off first; Hachiro helped get Oku out of the car and up onto the porch of—

“Wait wait wait, hold on.” Okuyasu rubbed his face, trying to process everything Josuke was telling him. “You mean to tell me that I got a debt I gotta repay to Yuuya??”

Josuke grimaced, “We both do, because he saved our asses. Kinda.”

“What do you mean ‘kinda’?” Okuyasu was already squinting because he was trying to avoid looking into any light source, but he squinted so much that his eyes were basically closed.

“I, uh—“

“Dude,” he loved Josuke with every part of him, but he was nauseous, felt like absolute garbage, and wanted to just curl up and stop existing, so he was a little bit testy, “You gotta just fuckin’ tell me. You know I ain’t that smart to begin with, but right now my brain feels like someone rubbed a bunch of spicy shit on it, so I ain’t thinking that clearly. Tell me.”

Typically, Josuke would bark something snotty, but instead, he didn’t speak, just swallowed instead and turned around so Oku couldn’t see his face.

“What?? Fuckin’ tell me dude! Did Yuuya’s bro see my dad when he helped you carry me in?? Did dad get hurt???” He tried to sit up, but Josuke put a hand on his chest to keep him down, still not looking at him.

“We…we didn’t go back to your house…”

Okuyasu was thunderstruck for a few minutes. He looked around, bewildered, “Where the fuck are we—“ It was in that exact moment that Oku realized what room he was in. It wasn’t his bedroom. The soft yellow walls and band posters were not his. He slowly realized the implications. They were in Josuke’s room. In his house. Where Tomoko “Not My Mom But Kinda Is” Higashikata lived.

“Oh shit,” he whispered, “oh, holy shit.”

Josuke rubbed his face, then rested his head in his hands, “You were—You scared the shit out of me. You kept puking, and you weren’t like—you weren’t responsive, so I had Yuuya take us to my house. And I got mom up—“

“Oh my god oh my god oh my god,” Okuyasu was on the verge of panicking, “Josuke, what the fuck??”

“I was drunk! And scared something was really wrong! I had to wake her up!!” Josuke turned towards him, his temper flaring, “What the fuck was I supposed to do??? Let you possibly d—“ He stopped short, trying to swallow down whatever he was about to say. Taking a minute, Josuke sighed, “It doesn’t matter. Mom’s pissed and our asses are grass, dude.”

“That’s an understatement.”

Okuyasu didn’t need to look in the doorway to know Tomoko was standing there with her hands on her hips, looking fierce and ready to string them both up. He could feel anger radiating off of her in waves.

Josuke, who had always been mouthy, had always bucked under Tomoko’s rules, went completely silent and still, staring at his hands. The fact that Josuke couldn’t contradict her, that he could only hang his head in shame, made Okuyasu realize just exactly how in trouble they were. They fucked up. Big time.

“You know, I figured something was wrong when Josuke buttered me up all evening. Never in my life would I guess that you two would go out to some stranger’s house—“

Josuke couldn’t help himself, “Actually, we know Tam—“

“GO TO SOME STRANGER’S HOUSE. AND GET SO SHITFACED THAT ONE OF YOU DAMN NEAR HAS ALCOHOL POISONING??”

Okuyasu visibly flinched at her shouting, feeling tears prick the back of his eyes.

“Mom—“

“I’m not stupid, Josuke, which apparently you seem to assume. I don’t care that you two go over to Okuyasu’s house and drink beers or smoke cigarettes, because I know you’re at least safer there than out in some strange place. You LIED to me, and damn near got ARRESTED—“

“Listen—“

“And Okuyasu here REEKS of grain alcohol and probably should be in the hospital right now for alcohol poisoning! What the hell is wrong with you two???”

Josuke sighed, waiting for it to be over. Oku was barely holding back sobs, while tears rolled down his face.

“How dumb can you boys be?? You’ve taken years off of my life, I think I sprouted more wrinkles and grey hairs in one night than I have in the past 37 years.”

“I’m sorry, mom” Josuke mumbled.

“I’m sorry, Ms. H” Okuyasu choked out. Josuke reached behind him and laced their fingers together, giving a reassuring squeeze.

Tomoko sighed, “You know, honestly? I’m not even mad at you, Okuyasu, I’m just disappointed. I expect this kind of stupidity from Josuke, but not from you.”

It was like a knife in the gut. He would’ve taken a punch to the face from her better.

“After you’re well enough, we’re gonna go over to your house and I’m going to speak to your father—“

The wail he had been suppressing ripped out of him, “No no no no no, please no, Ms. H, I’m beggin’ ya—“ He started to get up, to sit on his knees in front of her and beg her to do literally anything else, when his stomach churned again and he vomits

All over Josuke’s legs.

Josuke, a saint with a pompadour (though right now it’s just a stringy mess), bit his lip to prevent himself from shrieking and just stiffly strong-armed the puke bucket in front of Okuyasu, as he sobbed and threw up more. It was a complete disaster.

“Oku, I have to,” Tomoko sounded significantly less angry, but just as firm, “I know he’s sick, but—“

“You don’t understand,” Okuyasu managed to say, “He won’t understand a thing you tell ‘em.” Oku flopped back down, exhausted and crying, “He doesn’t even know who I am.” Feeling ashamed, he flung an arm over his face, wishing The Hand could just scrap him away until nothing was left.

He had never told Tomoko anything about his dad. She never pushed the matter, not wanting to upset Okuyasu by making him talk about it, which he had been grateful for. Oku had sworn Josuke to secrecy that he would never tell her, but it’s not like he had to. Josuke couldn’t exactly explain that Oku’s father became an invincible booger man because an immortal vampire that had been plaguing the Joestar family for 100 years had implanted some kind of mind control thing that went crazy after said immortal vampire was killed.

The only things Tomoko was told was that his mom had died when he was young, his father fell very ill shortly aftewards, his brother was murdered in front of him, and that this boy’s life had been nothing but an uphill battle from day 1. He had no one, save for the few people he had met in Morioh.

“Josuke, go get cleaned up.”

When Josuke didn’t move or speak, Oku figured they were making faces at each other, silently communicating on how to approach what the hell this mess was. “Aight,” was Josuke’s response. He leaned back and planted a small kiss on the part of Oku’s face that wasn’t covered up; squeezing his hand one more time before gingerly getting up off the bed, stripping away his pajama pants, and heading to the bathroom.

Tomoko took his spot on the bed, gently moving the arm covering his face, and wiped his tears away. All this did was cause them to fall harder, but she kept at it. Oku couldn’t bear to look her in the face. Some part of him wondered if this is what having a mom was like. It took Oku a bit to calm down, “Sorry,” was all he could manage to say.

“Don’t apologize. I didn’t mean to get so worked up. I just…I worry. That’s all.”

He closed his eyes when the hand went from his face to his hair. He didn’t deserve any of this sweetness, after had just scared her half to death. There was a silence hanging in the air, and Oku knew she was gonna ask—

“Is your father that sick? What’s wrong with him, exactly?”

And there it is. He was terrible at lying to her, but maybe he could get away with a lie by omission.

“Me and Keicho never found out what’s exactly wrong with ‘em. Whatever it is, it ruined his brain, like his memories are kinda there, but,” Oku swallowed, “He can’t speak or really do for himself. I dunno if he recognizes me as his son, or as the guy who feeds and talks to ‘em” Tears were threatening again, but he muscled through it. She deserved to at least know some things. “It uh, changed his appearance too. A lot. It can be weird to see…”

He fell silent after that, not sure what else to say. “I’m sorry, honey,” Tomoko said thickly, after a few minutes. It made Okuyasu’s chest twinge painfully. “You’ve shouldered all of this by yourself this whole time?”

“I—I mean I had Keicho, but…” there was a lump in his throat, “But it’s jus’ me now, I guess.”

She sniffed, sounding so heartbroken, “You know you’re not alone, right? You’ve got me, and Josuke, and a lot of other people who love and care about you.”

“I know.”

“And I love you very much, even if I’m shouty sometimes.”

“I know. And I love you too, Ms. H,” he wiped his eyes. Finally, Okuyasu got the courage to look her in the face. Thankfully, she hadn’t been crying, but her eyes were shiny with tears. “Um…can I have a hug?”

She chuckled, “You know you don’t have to ask,” and helped him sit up a little so she could give her Mom-Hugs-Make-It-Better hug, rubbing his back before giving him a Mom Smooch on the cheek.

“Thanks.”

“Feeling better?”

“Yeah, a little.”

“Good,” she got up and looked him. Hands were firmly placed on her hips, but she didn’t look pissed or upset anymore, “You’re grounded until further notice.”

“Uh—“

“Since your dad is too sick, I will hand out your punishment. You can still come over and see Josuke, if only because I want to make sure you’re following the rules. No videogames, internet unless it’s for homework, or tv. Both you and that son of mine will be doing nothing but chores, homework, and studying. Do I make myself clear?”

“Yes, ma’am.”

“Alright,” she ruffled his hair affectionately, “Now go get Josuke out of the bathroom, and take a shower. I’ll change your sheets, they smell like rubbing alcohol and regret.”

It took a lot of effort, but Oku managed to shamble out of Josuke’s room and toward the bathroom. The bathroom door was comfortable as he leaned against it, “Jooosuke, open up.”

The door unlocked, Okuyasu pushed it open and stumbled in. Josuke was wearing only his underwear, hair wet and still unstyled. He leaned against the mirror over the sink, face smooshed, making some kind of walrus groan, “I think I’m dying.”

A glance in the mirror told Oku that he looked like the dead reanimated, “I already look like a damn zombie.” He shuffled to Josuke and put his head on his shoulder, “I’m sorry about being a fuckin’ mess, and making you worry, and puking on you—“

Josuke turned around and pulled Okuyasu close, giving him a kiss on his greasy noggin, “S’fine, don’t worry about it. Looks like we’re gonna be grounded forever though.”

“You heard all that?”

“Nah, jus’ figured she’d do that.”

They held each other for a little bit, the silence comfortable before Josuke pulled away, face scrunched up for effect, “I love you, sunshine, but you need to shower. You smell funky.”

“Thanks asshole, way to ruin the moment,” he jabbed Josuke in the side, “Love you—“ That’s when he noticed the dark purple hickies covering Josuke’s neck. “WHAT THE FUCK??” he hissed, turning Josuke’s head to the side to get a good look at them. Oh god, Tomoko has seen what he has done to her son.

“Chill out, dude, it’s not a big deal—“

“Not a big deal?? Look at you!!”

Josuke turned his head back towards Okuyasu, a big toothy grin on his face, “I see ‘em, babe.”

A hint of pink colored Okuyasu’s cheeks, “So can everyone else!”

“Let ‘em,” he leaned over and gave Oku a sweet kiss on the cheek before leaning over in to whisper in his ear, “’Sides, I love ‘em.” Josuke straightened up with a wink, and a not-so-subtle lip lick. Which would have been incredibly sexy if he didn’t turn and immediately smack his face into the bathroom door when trying to leave. After a beat, he muttered “You take this to the grave,” before grabbing his reddening face while skedaddling out of the room.

Okuyasu wouldn’t tell a soul anyways. He wanted to be the only one who got to see Josuke in his true form: a complete and utter dork.

Later on, after Josuke gets his hair French braided, and Oku no longer smelled like the world’s grossest bar and checked on his dad, they laid in Josuke’s bed and watched movies together on his laptop. Tomoko, in her infinite graciousness, gave them a reprieve from being grounded until they felt better.

Okuyasu dozed on and off with his face buried into Josuke’s shoulder, still feeling like shit and flinching in the light of day. At one point, he woke up to Josuke very gently shaking him, “Hey, I gotta question.”

“Mm.”

“You’re staying the night, right?”

“Mhm.”

Josuke kissed the side of his head, “Good shit.” Oku was drifting back off to sleep when he was shaken again, “Do you feel bad about leaving those hickies?”

He cracked open an eye, wishing that his boyfriend would just wait to ask him later, when he didn’t feel like death. However, Josuke was looking at him with those big blue eyes that were full of concern, and he couldn’t help but answer. “Kinda…? I mean,” his voice was slightly slurred from sleep, “I liked leavin’ ‘em, a-and seein’ ‘em, but they’re just kinda, uh, big. So I’m just worried they hurt, ‘cause I don’t wanna hurt ya.”

Josuke’s face just melted into this sappy smile, and Oku’s heart did that stuttering thing again, “Aww, you big softie.” Oku grumbled a little at being called a softie, but couldn’t keep himself from giggling as his face got peppered with kisses. “They’re small compared to the giant ones I left on you—“

“You gave me some?? What the hell, did you heal them??”

“Well yeah, they turned the entire left side of your neck this gross shade of yellow and purple.”

“Damn, babe. Musta been those big lips—“

"Fuck you, dickhead—“

“Did they look like that bruise ya got on your forehead from hittin’ ya face on the door earlier?”

His boyfriend went from adorable pouting at the lip comment to horrified, “DID IT LEAVE A BRUISE?” He made to get up, but Oku just held him down.

“It’s small and you can barely see it unless someone is right up on ya, calm your ass down!” Josuke whined, but Oku placed a kiss on his forehead, “That better?”

“No…”

Oku gave him a sweet kiss on his lips, ears pink, speaking quietly, "I-I love your lips, they’re really soft…” He kissed Josuke again, “Better now?”

“…Yes.”

Josuke whipped out his phone and opened up the camera to check his face out. There was some slight discoloration on his forehead, and he grunted irritably. Then he switched to snapchat, “Oku, smile.”

“Hell no, don’t take a picture of me. I look like hot vomit,”

“No you don’t, you’re adorable.” Josuke made a kissy face and took his free hand to smoosh Oku’s lips to make a kissy face. After an agonizing few seconds of being subjected to selfies, Josuke finally got one he deemed good enough. “See! You’re so cute, sunshine.”

The picture was cute. Oku hated how it made his heart feel like it was gonna explode, but didn’t try to wrestle the phone out of Josuke’s iron-like grip to delete it and keep taking more. “…Send that to me.”

“New wallpaper?” Josuke saved it to his phone before adding a caption that said ‘He lives! So handsome ♡ ♡ ♡’

“Maybe. Wanna tussle over it?”

“Rather not have you puke on me again.” Josuke posted it to his Story and sent it to a few people on his snapchat friends list, “Also, you need to shave.”

“Ain’t diggin’ how rugged my face feels?”

Josuke snorted, “It’s like touching a cactus.”

Okuyasu rolled on top of Josuke and started rubbing his face against Josuke’s like a cat.

“AGH—YOU BASTARD, STOP!!!”

He was cackling, but all the motion was making his stomach feel queasy again. After his laughter calmed down, Okuyasu rested his forehead against Josuke’s, “Hi.”

“Hey.”

Oku swallowed, “Uhm, about the hickie stuff earlier…”

Josuke arched an eyebrow, “What about it?”

“If—if you wanted to, you could…gimme some little ones. If you wanna, that is—“

It took him a few seconds to realize that Josuke had flipped him and straddled him before he even finished his thought.

“Don’t mind if I do.”

“So, you show up to your boyfriend’s house, drunk as a skunk,” Hitomi asked carefully, “and his mom…grounded you?”

“Y-yeah. Ms. H can be a really scary lady.”

Okuyasu was still dehydrated on Monday, so he didn’t go to school until the next day (with some little love bites on his neck). Talk about the party had mostly died down, but he did learn that Tamami only ended up with a hefty ticket, everyone who was picked up by the cops were let go of, and Hachiro had been avoiding Ritsu like she had tuberculosis.

“I’m such a fool!!!” she wailed, flinging herself dramatically over the counter. Yukie, with a good sense of timing, managed to catch her ponytail before it went flying into her bowl of batter. “Why won’t he talk to me???”

“Maybe he’s shy…?” Okuyasu supplied.

“He wasn’t shy when he had his tongue down my throat and his hand on my butt!!” Other students in the class swiveled around to stare at them.

“Ritsu, don’t holler that!” Yukie hissed.

“Oh my god,” Hitomi muttered under her breath, trying to avoid everyone’s eyes.

“Okuyasu,” Ritsu clung to him, “You got a man. How did you catch him??”

“I uh…what?”

“How did you confess your ~undying~ love to Josuke??”

He was living in a living nightmare, “Uhm, Josuke…confessed to me…actually…”

A beat passed before Ritsu dramatically threw herself onto the counter again, baying like a wounded dog.

“Ritsu, for—“ Yukie picked her up by her shoulders and started shaking her, “Calm down!! You’re making a scene!!”

Hitomi had sunk down to the floor, clearly wishing that she could just keep sinking until she hit the core of the earth. Oku was tempted to follow her, but Ritsu shrugged off Yukie to grab him again, “Then, how did Josuke confess to you??”

Oku managed to escape her grip, “We were sittin’ on my back porch lookin’ at the stars after a big storm knocked out the power,” Okuyasu realized his face was turning scarlet, so he started working on his cookie dough, “We were like drinkin’ and holdin’ hands, and he’s like ‘Dude I’m in love with someone’. I thought it had to be literally anyone other than me, and I was really upset, but then he kissed me. A-and then told me I looked like the sun when I smiled, which was really smooth, so I gotta give him that. So I told him I loved him too, and then, uh, he asked me out and here we are” he finished lamely.

The girls were awfully silent. When he raised his head to see what they were doing, he was alarmed to find all three of them (Hitomi had emerged from her spot on the floor) looking at him with tears in their eyes.

“THAT’S SO SWEET—“

“That was pretty smooth on Josuke’s part—“

“IS THAT WHY HE CALLS YOU SUNSHINE??”

“I—I think so?” Oku stammered, “Josuke’s good at all this romance stuff, you should ask him for advice. All I’m good for is cooking.”

Hitomi looked at her runny cookie dough, compared it to Oku’s nice, chunky mix, and sniffed, “If we’re gonna start asking for food advice, what kind of wizardry bullshit do you pull to get this consistency?”

Lunch was a fairly quiet affair, Ritsu opting to just grill Josuke over snapchat instead of hounding him in person. Which was good, since Josuke still hadn’t shown up at the usual spot, so it was just Okuyasu and Koichi.

“Man, since you got Class Rep, you’ve been too busy, dude.” Okuyasu remarked.

Koichi shrugged, “Looks good on college applications, and it’s not so bad. I could think of worse things to be doing.” He took a bite out of a little custard tart his mother packed in his lunch, “Heard about the party from Tamami. Sounds like it been a lot of fun.”

Oku winced, feeling bad that they didn’t invite Koichi, “It was until I got sick… sorry we didn’t extend an invite to you, dude.”

With a smile, Koichi waved him down, “I wouldn’t have gone anyways, I had that meeting. Also, Tamami had already invited me, but I told him I couldn’t. It’s fine! I promise. Anyways, how’s you and Josuke doing?”

So Okuyasu started babbling about how great Josuke was, which somehow lead into the story about the guy who started uncontrollably shitting with them in the room (Koichi looked sickened), when the devil himself waltzed up to them, looking pensive.

“Hey Josuke—“ Koichi greeted, his smile falling slightly when he saw the look on Josuke’s face, “What’s up?”

“Mom called me, and told me that she had been talking to Holly.” Two blank stares met him. “You know, Jotaro’s mom? My sister?”

“Oh shit, yeah!”

“That’s right! Mr. Jotaro said that…”

Oku’s brows furrowed, “Somethin’ the matter with that, though?”

Josuke kinda shrugged, “It’s just, weird I guess. Considering everything…” he stared at the ground for a minute before clearing his throat, “But, they’re apparently getting along and got most of the awkward stuff out of the way. Mom told me that Holly said everyone is coming in about two weeks. You guys wanna go with us when we meet them at the airport?”

“Of course!”

“Fuck yeah dude, count me in.”

A smile returned to Josuke’s face, and he nodded before plopping down beside Okuyasu to steal a kiss and some of his food.

With any luck, when they meet up with everyone again, it will be without hickie decorated necks. Okuyasu would never hear the end of it from Polnareff.

#okuyasu nijimura #josuke higashikata #josuyasu #josuke x okuyasu #jjba

[thesinglesjukebox]

WEEZER - AFRICA

[2.08]

We're covering this because it was demanded on Twitter by like... maybe one or two people!

Joshua Minsoo Kim: An exciting musical event for people who go online and say things like "You, good sir, win the internet today." [0]

Taylor Alatorre: What did Weezer have to do to get back in the good graces of the Hot 100 for the first time since the balloon boy hoax? Apologize for party rocking with Dr. Luke and Jermaine Dupri? Drop the affectations and release a cathartic summer bummer album featuring their single greatest track since the 90s? Put the affectations back on, using late-period Fall Out Boy as a guidepost rather than a cautionary tale? Nope. Apparently all they had to do was check their Twitter mentions. The success of Weezer's "Africa," along with Disturbed's "The Sound of Silence" and Bad Wolves' "Zombie," portends a dark future in which guitar groups grasp onto whatever relevance they can by serving up unchallenging, irony-free leaf rubbings of pop's past glories. It's the easy path, and it's also the best way to self-fulfill the prophecy of rock's demise. If rock is destined to become the new jazz, 80s Greatest Hits compilations are the new standards. We should demand more audacious interpretations than this. [4]

Joshua Copperman: A great shitpost functions like a Rube Goldberg machine, putting a maximum amount of effort into a minimal, slight result (see: the GameCube meme). The insistence that Weezer should cover "Africa" was great not only because of the dedication of the Twitter account, but because fundamentally it's not a bad idea! Weezer has a sense of humor, and they're particularly notable for their harmonies and guitar riffs. Yet the result is abhorrent, with the worst mix to hit the Hot 100 this decade, a superlative achieved from the first crash cymbal and distractingly metallic snare. As the song goes on, distorted guitars and multitracked harmonies fight for space, obscuring those drum and culminating in a synth solo that screams Free 80s Synth VST instead of remotely mimicking the original. "Africa" is a hard song to cover, so it doesn't make sense to learn the song so meticulously and then utterly give up on anything else (harmonies and tom fills notwithstanding). The punchline should be that the cover is great, not that the cover exists st all -- think Celine Dion's contribution to Deadpool 2. Weezer's lack of willingness to go the extra mile, unlike Dion, is frustrating and borderline insulting. Internet types suspect that the poor mixing is "passive agressive," but what's the point of that? It's "Africa." The best covers of a song like that, shitposters or otherwise, both play up the camp factor and taking the actual songcraft seriously. The camp is there with Weezer, but it's still jarring hearing a version of "Africa" that feels dry and perfunctory instead of joyous. [2]

Juan F. Carruyo: This is what happens when a (bad) meme comes to life: the boys from Weezer take a note-for-note trip through the yacht rock classic adding metal power chords in the chorus but undermining the groove by subtracting the congas from the mix, so all that is left is a joyless, by-the-numbers execution. [1]

Alex Clifton: I like "Africa" as much as the next white people, but did we need this? Who asked for this? Is this ironic or sincere? "Africa" has been so memed out and Weezer themselves feel like a meme band that I'm struggling to wrap my head around it. As a cover: it's faithful and seems to love the source material. As a Weezer song: surprisingly not sarcastic, which is a nice change from Rivers Cuomo's usual schtick. As a whole: it's kind of a mess. [4]

Tim de Reuse: I mean, it's bad. The chorus, originally personable and warm, is here reduced to a straining mess of sugary guitars and phoned-in autotune. But even if there were an ounce of passion in the delivery, and even if the execution was in any way technically competent, and even if it didn't have the air of a desperate attempt to hop on a long-departed bandwagon, this would still be a waste of everyone's time, because Rivers Cuomo does not have anything meaningful to contribute to song "Africa" by the band Toto. [0]

Katherine St Asaph: At least when Rickrolling was a thing, no one tried to convince me that Rick Astley was a serious studio musician and that I should give an actual shit about Toto, instead of recognizing "Africa" as Mannheim Steamroller-synthed dreck with unsingable verses and mildly questionable lyrics about Africa that should have been left in the '80s alongside Dynasty hair and Ronald Reagan. That's not the most damning thing about Weezer covering "Africa." I also can't help but note that with the possible minor exception of "Total Eclipse of the Heart," this recanonization-via-meme only happens for the dudeliest of dudes. That's also, surprisingly, not the most damning thing about Weezer covering "Africa." Then there's Weezer, endlessly criticizable Weezer, already a meme band when they released Snuggies in 2009, now gone full Smash Mouth Eat the Eggs Imgur-core. It's Weezer in 2018, it's a given they're not trying, but it's still remarkable how mushy this sounds, like the rains down in Africa drenched all their equipment. But that's not the most damning thing about Weezer covering "Africa" either. The most damning thing is that Weezer covered "Africa" in a lower key. If you're going to karaoke your way back to relevance, put up the high notes or shut up. [1]

Edward Okulicz: I hate "Africa," and Weezer sleepwalking through it is the sort of thing that didn't need to exist, because it's easy to imagine it, and it's also easy to imagine something better. Like, say, Toto doing "Hash Pipe." Or! Even better! The Rentals doing "Hold the Line." [2]

Alfred Soto: Let me attempt to clear the fetid air. Toto needed Boz Scaggs, Michael Jackson, etc, to be any good. "Rosanna" is awful. I don't need Rivers Cuomo's power chords to explain how nostalgia for secondhand colonialism works. Who is this cover for? [2]

Jessica Doyle: So the original, while not exactly bland, is more cheesy than respectable; if the song has any notoriety at all it's because the lyrics are soaked in self-absorption, describing without containing any actual information. The cover increases the guitar and, while not changing the lyrics at all, delivers them with a wink. (Otherwise why bother? The original's not good enough for reverence.) And it works! The energy is fantastic, and the revisions make the original's flaws charming rather than grating. I've been having a lot of fun watching their live performances, and -- wait, what? Aren't we talking about Dreamcatcher? [2]

Thomas Inskeep: Not as smooth on the verses, and a little too hard on the chorus, but at least Rivers Cuomo dialed down the most whiny, grating qualities in his voice in an attempt to nail what makes "Africa" so perfect in the first place. This is a straight-down-the-middle second-base hit for me: I don't love it by any means, but I don't hate it. And that's more than I can say for the past decade, maybe two, of Weezer's career. It's nowhere near as good as the original, but you knew that. [5]

Ian Mathers: Is it really a surprise that the dude from Weezer is a less compelling singer (even, or especially with clunky digital assistance) than the dude from Toto? Or that loud guitars don't necessarily improve things? Or that anything good about this finely aged hunk of cheese is totally lost by trying to update it without even vaguely attempting to improve it? This does not bless any rains, anywhere. [0]

Jacob Sujin Kuppermann: It's impossible to review Weezer covering Toto's "Africa" in a way that reveals anything more than just noting that it is Weezer covering Toto's "Africa" in the year 2018. [4]

[Read, comment and vote on The Singles Jukebox]

#Weezer

[oaesiir-beloved-of-heaven]

Because I Don’t Know Where Else To Put This

When this blog began it was one of the many intelligent avant garde Traditionalist blogs that Catholics around the world looked to with hope regarding the future of Catholicism. The idea that this new traditionalist movement would bring about change in the Church - nothing was further from the truth. It all boiled down to shitposting historical memes and talking trash about other bloggers on the opposing sides of our little flame wars. As it became clearer that the Church wasn’t selling what we wanted to buy, most of us drifted away - because of course bloggers are powerless in the face of a 2,000 year-old institution that has survived every great scourge that has come upon it. I left the internet almost completely in the hopes of doing something with my life, a true Held. I wanted to be something instead of writing about how things were supposed to be. For a while it seemed that was happening, and on top of it all I was having quite the adventure. Four years, 12 states, 9 homes, and a lot in between. It was a great time. But I didn’t count on people. Well, that’s not entirely accurate: I counted on people too much. I trusted that modern man had the capacity for loyalty, honor, respect, or the ability to be trusted. I didn’t quite understand yet that not only had our socioeconomic system trashed traditional modes of living but that it had on an individual level absolutely ground out most of the virtues we grow up still believing people possess on some kind of base level. They don’t. Everyone - yes, you and me included, - is a capricious and fickle bastard who doesn’t live up to their obligations or responsibilities. We are all animals running around telling ourselves we’re not, failing to acknowledge the pull instinct still holds over us because it terrifies us; ergo, it is never controlled and disciplined as it should be. We spare ourselves the rod and spoil our souls in the process. I was betrayed, repeatedly, in horrifying and despicable ways. My best friends of 6+ years who I met back in High School over WoW took my rent payments and used them to buy up the lease while they barely paid rent so they could move out and leave me stranded, several hundred dollars in the hole with a good job but not one that would get me a place to live. My college friends aided and abetted rumors I was a pedophile that almost got the police involved - ironic when some of them were only 18 or 19 and still messing around with 15 year-old girls, but hey, I knew everyone involved and consent was clearly established so why should I have cared? Then I ended up back home and reunited with a friend I’d met at the start of college, and we hit it off spectacularly. Got a place together with two roommates who were also our friends, got a job I didn’t need to support her, and after three months I had every intention of keeping the relationship. I’m a terrible person to live with, don’t get me wrong, but I supported her every step of the way. I did everything I could in the middle of nowhere on a budget to be the best damned boyfriend I could be, and I honestly did love her. I felt, “Hey, this is going somewhere.” Then after a fight where a lot of our problems came out, I told her to pack her things and leave, because there was no salvaging it. I thought that was the end and we could be peaceable, but no. She spread vicious rumors and lies about me beating her and being abusive, a terrible sexual partner, et al that not only contradicted facts my roommates witnessed but flat-out didn’t make any sense. Suffice to say my partner was kinky, and she wanted to do a lot of out-there stuff I was also into. I just wonder if it ever occurred to the people she’s shown bruises to that every single one is on her ass or thighs. Because when I beat the shit out of someone, I do the most ineffective thing imaginable and literally kick their ass. After all this I find out from third party sources she’s pregnant - with my child. Now her and I had discussed kids and I said I wasn’t even going to think about it until we had our own place, we both had jobs, and reasonable amounts of income to where we could budget a child into the equation. But I should’ve realized what kind of woman this was when after we meticulously cleaned our messy house she had it trashed after I’d gone to work within a few days, and at a time when we barely had food as it was she made entire platters which, half-eaten, were buried under dirty laundry. Let the record show I supported this woman and was only ever happy to come home to her. In my state, I have no rights to this child. There is no legal relationship between us and if she doesn’t put my name on the birth certificate, I don’t exist. If I try and claim my child, I’ll probably lose the case, because our courts favor women in custody cases while denying them basic healthcare in the 21st century. This woman is so slovenly and lacking in moral fibre she prefers couch-surfing, with dope-heads and sleeping in cars with homeless people she fucks while pregnant and begging for food outside of coffee shops to moving back home, getting a job, and being an adult like the rest of us. Only a woman in the 21st century could honestly get away with such a disgusting existence and not be reviled by everyone with half an ounce of decency. The men who aid and abet her existence are just as much as disgusting - most of her clothes I’ve come to realize are men’s clothes, procured from Heaven knows where. She said she was going to get her stuff on the third from our roommates’ house. But she’s yet to call them, and most of her belongings still reside there. She can’t even be bothered to take care of her own things - and somehow the State things she’ll be a better caretaker for a child than me, because she has a vagina, and will name it something edgy and stupid and misspelled because it sounds pretty. Where are my friends in all of this, you ask? Well, the majority of the male ones have taken her side because they want to get in her pants. Now, she was an attractive woman, but in all frankness without a personality - which she does have - and an out-going outlook on sexuality - which she has - she’s probably a 5 normally. A 7 if she puts effort into her appearance and personal hygiene, and only a 10 on most men’s scales because she’ll put out. But yes, I was in love with her. But I was in love with a phantom: I fell in love with something that wasn’t there, after swearing I’d never do that again. My female friends - well, mixed bag. But the running theme is betrayal. I can’t even cross the parish line without my phone blowing up. I couldn’t walk through downtown at night without having to beat off some teenage fuckboy who thinks he can actually fight me and/or beating me up will get him brownie points with my ex so he can get in there. Newsflash, buddy, you’d be better off just trying to choke her instead of me if you wanted to get her to fuck you. I can’t even go to my usual haunts: people come in, harass me and anyone I’m with, and disrupt the evening until the manager makes them leave. In fact the great straw that broke the camel’s back on me for this town was when the manager told me to not come back because of the crowd that was following me. Because yes, Shannon, I invited these people in to ruin my night. Good luck finding another college-aged white guy in this town who fucking tips the bartenders what they’re owed on gratuity and drinks something besides your domestics. Those imports aren’t cheap man, and get more expensive the less they’re drank. I even quit my job over it. I had multiple people try and start things with me in my sales department, only for security to show them the door (as an electronics store we basically have to have police in the store or things get stolen). Now, granted, I probably didn’t help things - at one point I texted a guy who said he wanted to kick my teeth in my work schedule for the next two weeks and told him to stop by any time he wanted a new computer or a new place to spew shit from - but what kind of fucking society is this where someone who’s slandered can’t even defend themselves? What sort of men are you trying to create, America, when we can no longer accept the fact that some problems won’t be solved with anything but physical humiliation? Some people just need to be beaten, hard; I know that fluffs with your liberal sensibilities. But it’s a basic truth across all human civilization. You’re not better than success. The only good thing here is that my parents are selling the house I was raised in. A lovely estate, but not nearly as expensive to keep as one might think. So I’ve convinced them that I’m going to take it, fixings and all, and find some way to afford it. I suppose it’s moving back home in the best way one can; my parents aren’t here, there’s no family around to bother me, and I’ve got a private bar I keep stocked. I don’t have many friends around here, but the ones who are so far have no connection to any of the last 4 years of my life and are content to bask in how much I’ve changed - never mind I’m slowly putting back on my weight, because I can’t be tossed to give a fuck anymore. Female attention is 100% over-fucking-rated. They don’t bring anything to the table that I actually want, so I just settle for some “fun” and then we all move on and pretend to not be unsatisfied so we can give our parents and grandparents a silent middle finger with our existence. So here I am: back in the middle of nowhere with nothing going for me but an internet connection and alcohol. Fan-Fucking-Tastic. The worst part is I know this leads to an unfulfilling existence, and for once I don’t care. The quest for fulfillment in this age is absolute folly. It is a sick joke played on you from the time you’re small. There is no fulfillment. Beat yourself down with drugs of any kind and alcohol and cheap, banal stimulation until you accept the small bubble you’ve been born into. Find a job that doesn’t make you want to slit your wrists and pays the bills, do only as much schooling as you need for that job, then you can be old and happy even though you’re a complete fucking simpleton like the family you probably despise. But hey, as much as you hate them, they’re happy - and you’re a miserable cunt. So who really did life right here? Human beings are gross. They are disloyal and our modern, individualistic age only aids and abets some of our worst traits. I’m no better. I gallivanted across the playground we ungratefully enjoy that was built by our ancestors who had no idea the monster they were creating. In the face of everything humanity did and endured to get where we are now, perhaps it would have been better if we simply stopped a long time ago. Perhaps it would have been better if I simply stopped long ago, too. All I’ve done this entire time is thrill-seek and look for something to put meaning into my life, only to realize life has no meaning. From dissatisfaction with religion to utter disregard for live at 21 borne out of nothing but experience and analysis. It’s all an absolute toss, and there is no place for anyone with intelligence, because all we do is become miserable drunks and psychopaths because we keep on trying to make sense of things where there’s no sense to be made. So take my strong advice: stand up, and walk away from the keyboard. It’s not like any of you chuckle-fucks were actually going to read this or reply to it or give a shit anyway, so go ahead and take that tip for what it’s worth. There’s no point to this website or anything you will ever try to do with your life. Get a job, finish school, and find a way to be smile when you’re sad. Because if we don’t keep this lie going civilization - or what’s left of it - will crumble.