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#reading the fucking. train schedule
puttingwingsonwords · 20 days
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Dracula scrambling around the castle pretending to be his own servants is so important in showing that aside from being a super powerful evil vampire-sorcerer he is also a huge loser
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visenyaism · 3 months
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did you end up going to see madame web?
so i’m at the stage in my life where my entire thought process about activities is like.
1. i want to do something
2.??????????
3. wait fuck an email from last week i gotta respond to that. well
4. smash cut i am now making copies it’s been two days. shit oh yeah the thing i was going to do. announce i intend to do that thing
5. ??????????
6. it is now two and a half weeks later.
7. oooo new thing i want to do
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opens-up-4-nobody · 4 months
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...
#love that my body decided to incapacitate me the weekend before i have to read 5 different papers for classes#and it would b one thing to just read them but no for 3 of them i have to give detailed interpretation and 1 i have to present on#ive already failed to read one bc i forgot we had to do 2 papers for monday. oops. not that i could have done it anyway. i barely got 1 done#and im on track to fucking up the one due Tomorrow as well#im just fucking tired of reading fucking chemistry driven papers that i dont understand no matter how many times i read them#and everyones like oh itll get easier but no it fucking wont bc i cant fucking read right#its so fucking frustrating. why do i even bother? im so tried#i don't even have the paper im supposed to present on so ill have to do it all tomorrow. cool. great. not that i could do it today anyway#im just. this is gonna b a difficult week#and i misused my whole day by doing extractions bc i scheduled my training a week ago when i thought i would b fine over the weekend#nope. its fucking bullshit. this is y im like. y do i even want to b in academia?#how could i b a prof if i cant read well? its fine to b dyslexic as a math person but im like i have to read so much and so little gets thru#but then what the fuck else am i supposed to do? idk. im just gonna write down something for all these questions and go tf to sleep#ill get up at some horrible time in the morning to finish this. damn the consequences. ill see my therapist tomorrow anyway#and meet with my advisor like 🤪 yo guess what i made zero progress this week#sorry u got stuck with me while im going thru a year of fucking health problems#but whatever cant get rid of me now im already here. here and tired and i wanna go to bed#unrelated
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skellydun · 2 years
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completed my first solo assignment at my new job today and I didn't screw anything up also spent an hour afterwards talking about cats and interior design with my boss✨💕🤙🏻
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awaara-bf · 2 months
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Even as someone who absolutely hates how the current hip-hop scene in our country works I must say I find it quite alluring
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dallasstarsdyke · 2 months
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spiraling is so wild first im pissed that my drawing didnt look good now i dont think ill ever forgive my family for their treatment of me
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piplupod · 3 months
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thinking abt the previous post, the agency i worked at for a couple years would use bits of ABA and I just... I always nodded along to the boss instructing me on how to work with the kids with those tactics (I worked with the kids who were 6 and under) and then as soon as she left I tossed all that shit out of my brain and just treated the kid like a human being and worked with them where they were at.
and guess what !!! i had the most and fastest success out of every other worker in the entire building!! i was often told it seemed like i was working miracles with my kids bc they'd just progress so fast (comparatively) through the skill book we had to work on, and that the kids always seemed so happy and eager to come to the building after they started working with me!!
this is partially why I quit because I couldn't stand seeing my coworkers treat the kids like they were dogs (talking down to them, being patronizing, and utilizing shitty ABA tactics) and as much good as I was doing there, it was fucking me up bc they were extremely demanding that I work more than I was comfortable (or able) to, and often put me with "problem" kids who I didn't get to regularly see so we couldn't make much progress bc the kids weren't able to get to know me and (rightfully!) didn't trust me because they thought I'd be treating them the way everyone else did.
i just...... my coworkers would ask me how I had so much success and I would just shrug and say like, "just treat them like they're human and work with them where they're at" and I couldn't explain any more bc that'd require me admitting I wasn't following the boss' guidance for a lot of shit fjfkdl
#i had kids who didn't like talking suddenly become chatterboxes bc they actually felt safe and listened to for once !!!#(and ofc some kids just didnt like talking and that was okay bc they would talk when needed but just preferred to be quiet)#also yall i had no formal training for this 😭 i was thrown into the fray one day djfkdl i was supposed to just work as an admin assistant#it was just fucking bonkers there#kids had meltdowns sometimes bc the workers were so useless and didnt take the time to learn to read the child and they'd push too much#and they did things in ways that were sooo rigid so often like... if a kid is looking tired u gotta shift ur schedule around !!#but they'd just be like noooope this is our plan and we have to stick to it#my guy!! the child looks exhausted!!! they are fucking four years old !!! what the hell are u doing!!!#no four yr old is going to ever feel okay if u keep pushing them to do stuff they dont rly want to do when theyre tuckered out!!#anyways i could rant for hours abt that place lmfao#i still think abt the kids so often esp some of the ones with rough home lives#and i just rly rly hope theyre doing okay#but i cannot go back and help again bc that place destroyed me gjfkdl i hit autistic burnout HARD while there#and thats what ultimately forced me to quit#otherwise i probably would've stayed bc i rly wanted to give these kids someone safe to be around esp if their homes werent a v safe place#idk its so hard bc one person can't change the entire way things are (esp since i had no formal training)#but also if im not there then i know nobody else there is going to be knocking ABA to the side and treating the kids like whole ass humans!#eugh i hate thinking abt it bc I just... what the fuck do u do with a situation like that lmfao#i miss those kids sm though fjfkdl theyre all so cool and fun and rly good kids#i hope good things happen to them :')#pippen needs 2nd breakfast#ableism tw#aba tw
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ctl-yuejie · 5 months
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love this system that is like "oh you work for 2 years while we barely pay you - it's not called a wage for a reason, duh - have you come to class and write an exam every week but in class - just for funsies - we won't actually teach you what you need to know for the exams but a lot of practical stuff which doesn't apply for your work because that is way more specialized"
glad i can skip the classes since i moved outside of town for this part. while i have to teach everything to myself, everyone in class is non the wiser and at least i don't lose the hours.
#ctlyuejie writes#really thought i could get some studying in until february since starting february my work schedule will be hell#but alas#idk how the people cope who have to work more hours than me#if i take anything away from this is that i am damn lucky with my supervisors#and the knowledge i could still find a job at my current workplace if I fail the bar#just had a meeting to discuss one of the mock exams: they are not allowed to hand out the correct solution just discuss it#and since a lot of it is the outline and basically formatting stuff it really isn't helpful to have someone explain where to put a signatur#and letter head etc with no visual aid#and there's also no textbook examples because every fucking region does it differently#i just love that in the exam i am drafting administrative decisions - letters to court - letters to citizens etc which in reality you'd use#internal templates for#but just for the nonsense of it all you have to memorize the formats for the bar (besides getting the material law correct obviously)#me copypasting the template for writing charges when i was working as a prosecutor vs me in the exam having to draw the state coat of arms#into the correct spot so i don't fail on a technicality#(guy who was correcting the mock exam got mad because i wrote “coat of arms” in letters instead of drawing it...my dude...it's a mock exam)#(i will draw the horse for the bar and not before that)#shouldn't have started my training in a state that has a horse on the coat of arms#also highly enjoyable how this must read like madness to anyone taking the bar in another country (besides the bar being madness anywhere)#at this point i have the equivalent of two bachelors two masters and a specialization and i still might not make it#just collecting fun letters that go behind my name
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imjustli · 8 months
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I wish it was possible to hold an actually productive discussion with an older person about gen z's phone addiction. Because it's always like, "just stop" like yeah. No shit. The issue is, in this day and age, I'm dependent on my phone. You can quit alcohol by no longer drinking it. You can't quit phone by no longer using it, because you cant stop using your phone. That's how I contact my friends, it's how I pay for various types of transportation, it's how I access my schedule for school and work, it's how I FUCKING IDENTIFY MYSELF for most things online. I'm completely fucking dependent on my phone, and belive me I wish I had other options, but I can't even get a fucking bus card anymore. Of course, I could uninstall my social media. Issue here is that social media is the main way I communicate with most of my friends, and different friend groups use different social media. It's also completely pointless, because they're too easy to access through the browser (I literally uninstalled youtube to stop watching shorts, but that didn't help). I probably should uninstall the games I have, that one I can buy. But on the other hand, I'd rather be addicted to a stupid mobile game than instagram reels, because only one of them is inventing new insecurities for me to have.
Idk I just wish we could have a productive discussion on the issue and why it is and what solutions we could find. Preferably in a way that doesn't shame young people for being addicted to a device specifically designed to make them addicted.
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supercantaloupe · 9 months
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only thing worsebetter than sightreading schubert 3 finale a tempo? sightreading the fucking trio when the conductor is deliberately rubato-ing the shit out of it
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zemnarihah · 9 months
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ik i just get on here and complain about the same things all the time but god it is so fucking frustrating how difficult it is to get specific days off at my job i really feel that my time doesnt belong to me sometimes
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iinmysights · 7 months
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brb gonna wallow in my misery for a sec
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zhalar · 2 years
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wheres that post hows it go. whats worse than having a job. not having one. bro im so fuckign b o r e d. BUT I DONT WANNA WORKKKKK. but i need money to live and buy sweet treats....... but theres no suitable work available in this tOWNNN
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ms-demeanor · 7 months
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I think the eight alarms thing is usually a maladaptation. You've trained your brain to ignore the eight alarms because you kept avoiding the training of willpower following the first alarm would require. I think some sleep therapy might help?
Hey so first of all fuck you, thanks.
Second: I love it when you read literature on sleep disorders, especially if it's on sleep disorders among folks with ADHD, and you see time and time again "when allowed to sleep on their preferred schedule subjects maintained healthy, normal, restorative sleep cycles" and "effects were not lasting without ongoing intervention; resetting the sleep schedule is a permanent effort."
Like, if I sleep *great* from 6am to 2pm and I wake up feeling rested and alert with no special help but I need to turn off the lights in my house and shut down all electronics at 8pm and beam a spotlight into my face starting at 5am to wake up at seven and feel exhausted all day, I think perhaps it is not actually my sleep cycle that is wrong it is perhaps society that is wrong.
BELIEVE ME, when I find the job that pays well and has decent insurance that lets me exist as a cheerful nighttime ghoul I am jumping on that with both feet. But until then I literally feel better getting six hours of sleep and occasionally sleeping so hard that i can't hear my alarms because of chronic sleep deprivation than I do turning off all the lights in my house and ceasing all activity two and a half hours after I get off of work.
Also: the eight alarms aren't all there to wake me up, it's just that sometimes I *also* sleep through the ones that are supposed to remind me to go sit at my desk and start work. One of the first three usually gets me up, but on a day when I sleep through all three of those I will be sleeping through all eight of them and usually a phone call and someone trying to shake me awake to.
ANYWAY after being treated with melatonin and light therapy and staring listlessly at the ceiling in the dark bored out of my skull with racing thoughts for sleep disorders that I didn't have for like twenty years the single most effective intervention that allowed me to get more sleep as someone with both ADHD and DSPD was to start hanging out and being active in places where it would be easy to fall asleep if the sleep caught me there instead of turning my bedroom into a dark, silent shrine of snoozing. Giving myself permission to fall asleep late instead of laying awake chewing myself up with guilt for not being asleep helped too.
Actually here's some tips for the sleepy bitches in the crowd:
1 - If you're laying down and not falling asleep in half an hour, you're not actually sleepy; read something or get up and do something because you're more likely to get sleepy faster that way than you are staring at the clock going "if I fall asleep now I'll have three hours and forty five minutes of rest when I have to go to work; If I fall asleep now I'll have three hours and twenty minutes of sleep when I have to get up, etc. etc."
2 - Allow yourself to be ambushed by sleep. Fall asleep on your cozy couch. Fall asleep in the comfy chair. Let yourself sleep where you fall asleep instead of dragging yourself to where you're 'supposed' to sleep if doing so will wake you up.
3 - The mythbusters thing. If you just lay down and close your eyes and pretend to rest you will feel more rested when you get up than when you laid down. Laying down to rest is better than nothing, it literally causes cognitive improvements similar to sleep in tests, and knowing that can help take off some of the pressure of not being able to fall asleep and can thus help you fall asleep.
4 - It's okay to "hang out" in the area where you're going to sleep. Read in bed. Play games on your cellphone in bed. If you want to go to sleep put on comfy clothes and bring a chill activity and hang out in your bed to do it so that all you have to do when you start getting sleepy is close your eyes.
5 - It's better to get some sleep than no sleep. Sometimes you look at the clock and it's six AM and whoops, fuck it. Okay, time for bed, don't stress that you're only going to get a few hours, a few hours is better than nothing. Lay down to pretend to rest at least and you'll probably feel okay.
6 - This one sounds silly and might not work for a bunch of people for a bunch of reasons but apparently there's some research suggesting that "well-rested" is a state of mind? I've had a reasonable amount of success with just telling myself "Yeah, I actually feel pretty good," and pushing through the day on a couple of hours of sleep. I don't *recommend* that and you should try to get as much sleep as possible, but yeah the next time you're low on sleep see what happens if you just try to decide to not be tired. It sounded like bullshit to me when I first heard it but I've found some success with it.
7 - This shit is cumulative. If you're doing a couple nights a week on low sleep that's not ideal but you're probably going to be pretty functional and you can work on it. If you overbook and overextend yourself for too long - I'm looking at you college students and new parents - it's going to add up. Try as much as possible to at least keep your sleep deficit nights spread out. (This message brought to you by writing 60k words of fiction in october and completely frying my brain because i wasn't getting enough sleep).
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canisonicscrewyou · 11 months
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I think I’m gonna go fucking insane if I stay a manager at my job not gonna lie. Like the job isn’t hard and the pay is good but oh man, the amount of fucking anxiety I carry with me all day before and after I go to work… Like if I don’t talk to my boss soon I think I’m just gonna rotate between being completely nonverbal at work and barking at people.
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luulapants · 1 year
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Existential despair is so common in a person's twenties, I think, because up until that point, we've had a pretty clear road map for what's expected of us and we haven't had much reason to question that map. There are still a few milestones outlined for us (start a career, get married, make babies) but more and more young people are entering the post-school world and realizing:
A) that career thing just isn't happening like they said it would
B) I'm not ready to get married/I don't want to get married/marriage isn't the sort of life-altering event that it used to be
C) I'm not ready to make babies/I don't want a baby/I can't afford to raise children right now (see point A)
And in the absence of these milestones to shoot for (which one could argue weren't the promise of fulfillment they claimed to be in the first place), what we're left with is this aimless abyss of "the rest of our lives" sprawling out ahead of us with no indication of how it will go or what we should be doing to shape it. Young people start their first jobs, find they hate them, and think to themselves, "Is this it? Am I just supposed to do this job until I'm too old to do it or die first?"
Which is, yeah, really fucking depressing!! So here's my best attempt at an alternate roadmap for young people that don't vibe with the old model. Please feel free to add in your own suggestions!
Learn how you work and what you want out of a job. Unless you've been in a job-specific training program that gives you hands-on experience, your first jobs should be experiments. Learn how a full-time job feels for you, what elements are more or less difficult. Different workplaces have different cultures and expectations - what do you need out of a job environment? Do you need to find fulfillment in your job or is it enough for it to pay the bills and leave you time to find outside fulfillment? Do you want to climb a corporate ladder or are you content to hunker down as long as your bills get paid? This period of experimentation is exhausting and may feel like it's consuming your whole life.
Learn how to make time for things outside of work. Adapting to a full-time work environment often leaves you feeling so drained that you can't do anything but go home and collapse on the couch every day. That's fine - for a little while. But it can also become a habit. You need to learn how to do things after work or you'll go crazy. Go to a trivia night. Start an exercise schedule. Take a class in your community. Find volunteer work. Join a band. You will find that putting more things into your day makes you feel like you have more time, not less.
Find a community. Making friends as an adult can feel impossible. Where do you find these mysterious friends everyone seems to have?? This goes along with #2, though. As you start regularly attending the same activities, you will find that repeat interactions with the same people turn into friendships or at least friendly acquaintances. Say yes to invitations. Get involved in your local community. Strive to be connected enough to bump into people at the grocery store.
Unlearn bad lessons. We all internalize some messed up things when we're growing up. As you start off your adult life, that's the time to actively work at unpacking the things you've brought with you from childhood and deciding which things are helping you and which things are harming you. This might mean therapy or joining a spiritual group or reading new things or just making special time to be in your own head.
Learn the lessons you missed. In this, I mostly mean practical things. "Adulting." Areas of your day-to-day practical life that are causing you extreme stress are probably related to a knowledge or experience gap. Do you hate cooking and cleaning or were you not taught how to do it properly? Are you afraid of making medical appointments or is it just something new you're not used to? Does money make you queasy or do you need to learn how to make a budget?
Find something fulfilling. This can be your job. It can be volunteer work. It can be faith. It can be a hobby. It can be creating things. It can be challenging yourself physically. It can be activism. It can be going for walks in nature. Everyone finds fulfillment in different places. If you're not finding it where you are, look somewhere else.
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