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#real dogs don't bark 24/7
barrenclan · 2 years
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In Love With Someone by Prabal and Maikia - Pinepaw
Cupid by Jack Stauber - Pinepaw (based on Pinepaw liking Cormorantpaw but being expected to have kits)
Stir and Mix by Scratchin’ Meloddi - Pinepaw, likely sung with Daffodilpaw. The song is in relation to Cormorantpaw
Im Not A Good Person by Pat the Bunny - Asphodelpaw and Slugpelt, leaning more to Asphodelpaw
Teenage Dirtbag by Wheatus - Asphodelpaw
Look Whos Inside Again by Bo Burnham - Asphodelpaw (Based on headcanon centered around Asphodelpaw being mostly bark, only bite when defensive)
God Must Hate Me by Catie Turner - Daffodilpaw in relation to Asphodelpaw and maybe Pinepaw (this is a strong headcanon its based on nothing)
HONEY by Derivakat - Daffodilpaw
Drift Away by Steven Universe - Daffodilpaw (based on headcanon centered about how Daffodilpaw feels about people getting annoyed by how happy she is)
Island In The Sun by Weezer - Daffodilpaw
Where’d All The Time Go? by Dr. Dog - Pinepaw, Asphodelpaw, and Daffodilpaw
Slipping Through My Fingers by Amanda Seyfried and Meryl Streep (The Mamma Mia soundtrack) - Pinepaw in referring to Asphodelpaw and Daffodilpaw
Soldier, Poet, King by The Oh Hellos - Pinepaw (King), Asphodelpaw (Soldier), and Daffodilpaw (Poet)
Smooth Like Butter by BTS - Cormorantpaw (this song plays in his head 24/7 on loop everyday all day)
Sweater Weather by The Neighborhood- Cormorantpaw
Daddy Issues by The Neighborhood - Cormorantpaw
Bonuses!!
Brother by Madds Buckley - Slugpelt and Rainhaze
I Can’t Handle Change by Roar - Redpelt [specifically in relation to her not being able to calm down over minor details]
OOUHH song man you have delivered!! I will go listen to all these right away. Thank you especially for including your thoughts on a few of the songs, hell freaking yeah. If I get around to making a BarrenClan playlist I will definitely include some!
I also love the Asphodelpaw bias <3 so real and valid of you. I love her too
All of you have got to listen to these songs now, as well, I don't make the rules.
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jdmainman123 · 2 years
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No no we're not going back we cleared satellite maker in all wrongdoing I said. Yacht fish here. You satellite maker didn't set your kids up didn't put them in danger on purpose you're a good man even though the actions a lot of incidences were carried out we're going to talk that up as life itself a natural occurrence
For you guys to continue to tell me this satellite maker set up these people in such a violent way in such an intentional way
I think it's customized incidences you guys are focused on on the customized incident and you're telling me it's like this for the rest of the world IN AN INCIDENT TO STRIKE FEAR IF YOU DON'T SEE THE INCIDENT AND YOU DON'T HAVE TO REPORT IN FRONT OF ME I DON'T HAVE THE AUTOPSY PICTURES I CAN'T RELATE TO IT AND I CAN'T CONTINUE TO FOLLOW IT
It's your stupid f****** family wanted to talk to me 24/7 the problem is WE CLEARED SATELLITE MAKER OF ALL WRONGDOING AND ATTEMPTS TO SET UP HIS OWN PEOPLE ALTHOUGH WE DID FIND SATELLITE MAKER WHO MADE KIDS INTENTIONALLY TO KILL AND THEY WEREN'T SACRIFICES SACRIFICES WERE DONE HUMANELY THEY WERE DONE TO SHOW SAFETY AND AND KINDNESS COMPASSION FOR OTHER PEOPLE THEY WERE THEY WERE MEANT AS AN EXAMPLE
But we have known a satellite makers across the world have set up their kids intentionally to have them hurt
But it it clears what I said there's are some good satellite makers in the world and and we always said if I was a satellite maker I can get away with doing this without even lifting a finger without getting in trouble one time
Well we met some satellite makers who lifted a finger and got involved and then we we believe that they were they weren't meant to be satellite makers they were meant to ever be born hashtag forgotten
If all it takes for you guys to hurt a little boy's lie to him one time and this satellite maker lie to this boy over a hundred times and then fish for bed 50 50 of the lives to the boys or things about the outside world like like this f****** degenerate family here I know exactly what your people did here. Lie to the boys about the outside world all it's like that in Alaska and and you know using that same f****** piece of s*** map on TV that's why on TV your little girl the black skin one thing the white skin man's her father because it's cuz of lunatic connected to the satellite has you guys all watching a programs that that he likes he designs himself and force you guys to watch the same program and radio
SO FOR YOU GUYS TO TELL ME THIS SATELLITE MAKER SET UP HIS PEOPLE IN A CERTAIN WAY IT'S JUST BLACK PEOPLE COMPLAINING AND I'M GETTING REAL SICK AND TIRED OF IT YOU GUYS SAT ME IN THE CITY FOR 25 DAYS JUST TO F****** COMPLAIN AND THEN 24/7 USE COVID AND AN INCIDENCES AND COMPLAIN and forgive me and forget me it's a frequencies aren't customized incidences I can't hear it but it's still triggers me because I poop everyday and I'm like a dog anything outside I can hear with my ears and they Park up and I start screaming and crying like a little dog barking
But again for them to have not let me hear and use frequencies to speak so low that I can I can almost transmit it but I don't hear what it's saying it's it means you guys are using the same incidences on me as I called out the black satellite lies it means you guys are using the same cases on me the same repeated lies the problem is you're not allowing me to hear him it's probably why I can identify with them
And again for you guys to repeat and lies after if you see that
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thejosh1980 · 3 years
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Little Wing
(Trigger warning: animal/pet death)
Today, right now, I am sat at the spot where Mijo felt his last sunrise, just 24 hours ago.
He was 28 weeks old, he spent 20 of those weeks with me, and my family. He was my family. He was thrust upon me by my wife and mum, who knew Mijo would be the kind of birthday present I'd want, but could never ask for.
When he arrived he was unexpected. Straight from the car, into my bedroom, onto my lap, what a surprise, it was love at first sight. Those eyes, that tail, that round belly, the fur, I was all in. I had to say goodbye to 4 beautiful pets whom I loved dearly when I left Germany, so then and there I made a quiet, whisper promise to Mijo;
“I'll never ever leave you”...
We began like any other Daddy and cat story, playing, eating, talking to each other. We may have made a few messes on the bed learning to potty train, but I couldn't really fault him, he was perfect. He loved cuddles, got under our feet all the time, talked to us a lot and wanted to be a part of everything happening around the house.
He meowed very loudly too. Sometimes he'd meow from the next room sounding lost and worried. That's when I started to realized something was very different about him. It took about 2 weeks, but then I realized, he was totally deaf!!!! No vacuum cleaner, loud bangs, claps, or door slams could get his attention. When he meowed loudly, it was either because he had to, to feel himself meowing in his head, or he was missing us and could smell us, but not hear us in the next room. I had never had a cat who couldn't hear me call their name, so this was going to be a challenge.
Mijo accepted that challenge...
In a short time I figured out how to clicker train him, using a torch. I love training cats. Most folks think it's impossible, but I've taught cats to fetch, sit and come on command in the past.... So, pretty soon I had him jumping up, over and across chairs and tables on cue. I also learnt a way to “call” him; assuming he could see me, if I knelt down and tapped my leg, he'd come a running. Every time. We had it all figured out.
Grab a harness and a lead, and off we go, walking around the garden. This wasn't a cat, this was a dog. He had very little fear, I mean, he couldn't even hear the birds making a racket or the car driving by or the dog barking next door. He was fixated on me.
I bought him a blow up boat, to use in the pool, to help him get used to floating on water. It was a huge boat for his little size, but he'd hop in, and I'd “treat” him while he got used to the motion. The plan was to build him up to a real boat, or canoe or SUP. I could imagine him walking on water.
He was also great with other cats, so I could take him to visit his cousin and they'd play all day (if we'd let them). He'd come with me to visit other family and then... well, then the real adventures started. Mijo and I could go to the river, the park and the beach. We also went for coffee at the busiest part in the local village, and he took it all in his stride. We took bike rides too, as he sat in a special backpack I had for him. I could hold him while skateboarding or put him on my shoulder as I walked around. He was chill, happy to see and smell his silent world.
When Alex or I came home, and he'd be in the bedroom snoozing or gazing out the window, we could come in, take off our shoes, put our stuff down, maybe run to the loo, then we could snuggle up with him, cause he hadn't heard us arrive. He would just be waiting... He'd just wait for someone to step close enough, blow on his ear, feel a vibration and then he'd meow a big BIG hello, purr and snuggle. He was a no pressure cat... But always ready for hugs and pats.
Besides being deaf, he just didn't seem like any other cat I'd had or even met...
But isn't the way it is with all pets? They're all unique.
He loved Alex. He always had a hard decision between my lap and hers, or sleeping close to one or the other. We had a son to take care of, to love and to enjoy. At the beginning, Alex wasn't sure about having a cat, she'd pretty much always been a dog person, but it didn't take long for Mijo to wrap her around his little paw. She was hooked.
We thought he was going to be grow up to become a big boy. You know, Maine Coon sized 5-6 or maybe 7 kilo. We had high hopes for a dog-like cat, big enough to take on the world. We wanted to show him the world too.
After he had his snip (desexing) in mid March, he wasn't very well, and it really traumatized all of us, we just weren't sure why he took it so badly. He was in a lot of pain, even though the operation itself was quick and really good, with no issues. He would spend the day, in his “bread loaf” position, with his nose to the ground. It was like he was conserving all his energy for when we came home or wanted his attention.
Eventually, after a few weeks he bounced back, back to being his usual self, for a while. He actually lost a lot of fur during this time, most likely due to a reaction to the antibiotics and pain killers. Where his collar and harness were, he lost all his hair. It only took a few days, a bit too quick to realize what was going on, he rarely wore the collar or harness after that. It meant we sometimes lost him in the house without his bell on to tell which room he was in, so I'd be running around turning on and off the lights to get his attention and a meow.
It was our fun game of “Mijo Polo”.
We had noticed he wasn't eating as much, and he wasn't as playful. In fact, all his toys were being ignored, and he rarely chased anything we teased him with. When we took him for playtime with his cousin, he wouldn't last as long play fighting. Something was up, we thought he'd bounce back by now.
Overall, he was a very chilled cat, having just had an operation and now with, ringworm, a tooth problem (one adult tooth was causing him problems and needed to be pulled) maybe that was why he wasn't too interested in food. Surely it wasn't bacteria, an infection or a virus in his blood.
In early May, Mijo developed ringworm, which, by the way, isn't a worm but rather a fungal infection. The vet already had us on anti fungal cream day and night. It's very unusual to get ringworm; it's all around us, but a strong immune system, actually, a decent immune system, would fight off any infection naturally. Cats generally just lick it all off their fur. Humans sometimes get it, from a scratch or a wound. It's in the soil, it's in the air.
When we got the treatment for the ringworm, we also gave him an appetite stimulant, to encourage him to eat, but it made little difference. As nothing changed, we went back to the vet a few days later, and did a hypothyroidism test; the results were borderline.
What could be going on?
At the time of his desexing operation, he was 1.7 kilos, a week later he was down to 1.5 and eventually 1.45 kilo. His body was growing a little, but his muscle and fat wasn't.
We talked to the vet and decided, even though his ringworm was infectious, the tooth had to go, sooner rather than later. It seemed logical that it was his biggest barrier to fulfilling his dietary requirements and his well being. We wanted him fattening up, growing up, and being his usual self again, ASAP. We needed to get him back on track towards good health, enough was enough.
On Monday 17th May I dropped the little guy off at the vet for the day. A check up and a tooth pull.
Before any cat gets an anesthetic, they run a simple blood test to determine if the cat is well enough. During the day we got a call that the operation couldn't happen, and that he'd have to stay in over night or longer, with meds to help him, because his red cell blood count was low. 10%. Most cats need around 40%, if there's any complication with the tooth pull, his blood may not clot.
It's official, he was very unwell.
I was at school when I got the news. I was in shock. Our little boy was that unwell? But he does eat (a little), he does walk on the lead with me, he's eating his treats... was he that unwell?
Suddenly we had to decide on some expensive tests to figure out what was wrong with him. I mean, the red blood cells were being eaten up by the white ones, but why?? We arranged the suggested tests and they kept him in over night.
I was very distraught. How can my little guy be so unwell yet behave well? With that blood count, he shouldn't be able to walk, he should be so lethargic that he can't keep his head up!! He should be in a coma.
All in all, theoretically, he should be dead.
So was it dwarfism, hypothyroidism, mycoplasma??? And and and?? Tests... Blood being taken.. Our boy in the vet over night, alone, worried, scared??? Will he make it through the night? I didn't sleep well...
On Tuesday afternoon the vet let us bring him home. His blood level was down to 9.1%. The idea was that, at least at home he'd have cuddles and love, and that might help his immune system. He was lethargic but not completely terrible. I would need to bring him in on Wednesday for another blood test, to see how he was doing.
On Wednesday, it didn't go well, Mijo had gone from 9 to 8.1% blood level. It was now becoming almost impossible to get any blood out of him. I saw how difficult it was 2 weeks earlier when he had the hypothyroid test, they had to try on both legs and his neck to get a half mil of blood! He was a champ and barely complained. But now, I couldn't imagine the pain he went through with even less blood.
He's been that sick for how long?? Why hadn't we noticed?
We were panicking.
The vet suggested we meet with a mature, more experienced doc, on Thursday. We should be able to figure something out, we had to. Each day = less blood = more chance of...
Well, I am a hopeful guy. I realize, I live on hope. I spent years hoping certain people in my life would change, or love me in a way that I feel some love. I always hope things will change for the better. I don't know why, but it's ingrained in me to feel hopelessness or hope... I think I'm never in the middle... or is that called acceptance? OK, maybe I do feel that too, eventually... But it takes a long long time...
I have videos of Mijo on Thursday 20th, he's cleaning himself in the sun, meowing and purring, happy to see me, walking around the garden with me. Full of life and adventure.
At lunch time, Mijo and I go to the vet. He is his usual cute self, always curious at the vets, and now there's a the new guy he's meeting, what an adventure.
Before he opens the cat box he said something along the lines of “Well, because his blood levels are so low, today is really about deciding if he goes to heaven or not...” I'm not sure, but I know I heard words like “heaven” and “euthanasia” early on in the consultation. Shock was setting in. I barely heard anything else he said, luckily we had Alex on the speaker phone.
Turns out, not only is our little guy deaf, he's an anomaly.
Any cat with 8.1% should be comatose. They should barely be able to walk. They certainly can't pee or poo without help and don't drink or eat much. Mijo came out of his box and sniffed around, was alert and ready to meet the new guy!!
The vet was stumped. He had never seen this before, in over 30 years...
We didn't know he was so sick, because, he was, overall, a well behaved cat. His weight he lost, sure, but he was now at least stable. He was eating, it just took a lot of creativity sometimes to spark his interest (mostly warming up meals and giving him treats).
The vet tried to explain to me, but I'm sure Alex on the phone understood it clearly, that we had very little time, well, no time. We had 3 choices that day. Go to a specialist an hour's drive away, give Mijo steroids and hope he had mycoplasma or Immune mediated hemolytic anemia (IMHA) or, lastly, euthanasia.
Wait???? What does that even mean??
The specialist would give him a blood transfusion, and some special custom drugs which should help him. The vet said it could cost in the 10s of thousands, and may help Mijo for a few weeks, but it's not a solution that we are sure would be long term or not.
Giving Mijo steroids would give him a fighting chance, or not... Basically it could cure or kill him. Because we aren't sure what is the cause of the low blood count, it could be IMHA, mycoplasma or something else, but it's a best educated guess at this rate. If it is the wrong choice, he may die quicker than expected.
Euthanasia, no explanation needed.
We decided on steroids. According to the vet, there was a 50/50 chance it would work. If the cause of the blood cells killing off each other was for or against steroids, we'd know soon enough. Still shocked I tried to understand it all. I'm so grateful Alex was on the line and knows this stuff through experience and study.
The idea of taking Mijo an hour's drive north to the specialist, to a cubicle, a place where we may not be with him 24/7, on the off chance that he wouldn't make it and die alone, we couldn't fathom that.
Mijo took the steroid injection like a champ, he always did injections well. He was given some antibiotics to also help. The vet said, that by Saturday we'll know if it was the right decision. We'd know if he would be getting better...
It was decided that on Monday 24th we'd go back in for a blood test to actually see if the steroids were working (cause apparently one can't really tell with Mijo's behavior, the cheeky monkey).
Mijo and I came home, and well, he ate, he was purring, sitting on my lap. The usual deal. When I went out to get the washing in, he tried to go out too, something we, as parents, have been very protective about. He doesn't go out alone, he doesn't go out without a lead or a bell. He's not an easy cat to find if he runs off, not that he has ever tried. He deaf, he can't hear cars or other dangers out there.
I promised him I'd take him out to that side of the house/garden that afternoon...
So we did, we went out, we sat down, he explored. He was well, good, better, best. He was my boy. He trusted me, I trusted him. I'm always amazed how well he walks by my side, like a dog, with loose leash... Taking my steps as cues when to walk, and when to stop.
We also met the neighbor's dog, which was a first, both were not really interested in each other... But still, Mijo knew there's a lot to live for...
Overnight he went great... Woke up with him on my chest relaxing waiting for me to get up and feed him, luckily I have a wife who had to get up for work at that moment. I remember she sang him a lullaby and held him like a baby. It was really sweet to see how much love they had for each other. Rock-a-bye Mijo...
We wanted to him feel as much love as we could. We felt that, if the steroids and antibiotics were doing their part, and we did ours, there's nothing he can't beat. And he sure felt the love...
I held him while doing some singing exercises, close to my chest. It was something we hadn't done before, and he purred. He'd look up and meow every time I stopped making vibrations. He felt it, I felt it, it was a connection.
We spent a lot of time, reading, relaxing and sitting on laps. Alex and I cuddled him, told him we loved him. He was really fighting. He was eating. He was a little more playful than in recent weeks. He wanted to live. We could feel it...
He went from eating half a packet to 1.5 packets a day, plus dry food. He always wanted treats, and I was always glad to oblige.
By Saturday he was wonder cat! Kneading... Purring... Chasing toys... Eager to hang out...
We'd overcome the problem! He was getting better. There's fight, love and life left in him. He was amazing. If it hadn't been for his ringworm (which was also healing very very well) I'd say he was perfect, especially once he put on another few grams...
We had 4 awesome days, loads of energy and love. He was never alone in the house, and rarely alone in a room. We wanted him to know, to feel, that we loved him so deeply and that all we want was him in our life, for adventures and cuddles.
On Monday morning, his appetite went down... He didn't really eat much...
We all left for the day, work and school. I think we were all worried, but he'd been so good and improved so so much, that we were sure he'd be fine. We have the blood test booked for the afternoon, I'm sure he'll pep up by then. The injection could be wearing off too...
Mijo and I went in to the vet, and his test came back at 14%!!! Damn, that's 6 points!! The vet expected 3 to be a big improvement. In fact, if he had 3 or less, euthanasia may have been the only option... Happy days! He was well. He's going to live! He'll be fine.
We're not out of the woods yet, but we are in the right direction.
All that love we lavished on him, not just in the past days, but the past 4 months. The adventures, the friends he'd made (both human and animal) the smells and sights he'd seen, the vibrations he felt, it was all coming together... He was a fighter with a lot of love to give...
We were over joyed. Really, I couldn't have been happier when I got the results. I gave a “whoop” and threw my fist in the air (I've never done that before in my life!).
We changed to tablet form steroids, as they'll be better long term, keep up the antibiotics and off we go...
But we all know, that often people and animals, when they know they are dying, they give it one last shot. And that was it... We didn't realize until Wednesday, that he wasn't actually going to get better...
Mijo stopped grooming himself, he slowly ate less and less... He became more and more lethargic, he started to sit in the “bread loaf” position with his nose on the ground, as he did after the snip, resting. We thought it was the change in steroids, and as I was at school and the girls at work, we just kept thinking he'd pep up eventually.
When I left for school Wednesday morning, he was alert, but lethargic. When I came home early to check on him, he had really changed again.
His belly was a little bloated, but he had hardly eaten. He had trouble walking, it seemed like it was a mix of muscle degradation/pain and confusion. His meowing changed to a high pitch cry, similar to that of a young kitten. He also stopped eating, he wouldn't even touch any of his tasty treats. He searched for any bit of sun to stand in, but he was looking so uncomfortable, his posture had changed, half sitting, half standing. I was grateful, when I carried him to his water bowl, that he drank a lot. He also went to the toilet, I held his tail so he didn't make a mess on himself.
We spent the afternoon outside, as the sun started to set. He loved the sun, I wanted him to feel warmth... I held him, talked to him. I don't know now many times I asked him to please hold on, please fight and that I loved him. He looked more comfortable in the sun.
I did film us walking around the pool. I am forever grateful for technology, so that I could just put my phone down, touch a button and record a moment. As we walked and talked, oblivious to the camera, I recognized a change in his breathing... I may have missed it previously, but for sure, his breath was becoming more and more labored. Every 3 or 4 breaths, he just had to try harder... His eyes were changing too... But I was sure he could recognize me, the way the vibrations from my chest reached his body and the way I smell. He would react from time to time, shifting or clawing at me.
He often touched my chest with his paw. Reaching out...
Mum and I went to the vet late Wednesday afternoon, the earliest we could. I explained it must be the change of steroids. No, it wasn't. They were the same type, it was just that he wasn't able to fight anymore. We discussed the specialist, called them and made a plan to go in first thing in the morning. I arranged for a friend to come with me, and Thursday morning bright and early, we were going up to get Mijo cured. Transfusion, drugs, you name it, we were going to do it. We had to, we told him we'd make him better.
There and then, Alex and I decided to trade in our honeymoon, you know from the wedding we had 13 months ago and still haven't done the traditional thing of a week or two away somewhere. We decided the money we had aside for that, would go to Mijo's specialist costs, because without Mijo, our honeymoon, whatever and whenever we decide to do it, wouldn't be worth doing, if he wasn't around.
I made a firm plan on how to help him through the night. We would hold him in shifts... All 3 of us... If one showered, the other held him. Dinner time, we shared the responsibility, not that we ate much anyhow. We cuddled, we talked, we purred, I would blow gently on his head... He was feeling love and he was fighting...
Because he hadn't eaten all day, we decided to try feeding him with a syringe, with success. With the tablets we were putting into his stomach, I felt he needed something else down there too... With a small syringe, he took it well, lapping up a tasty liquid treat.
When it was bed time, we put pillows around the bed, incase he fell, because he was very wobbly on his feet. He would cry out at random times, possibly from pain, but I think more from confusion. He sometimes wanted to get away from us, as we know, pets know when it's time and usually disappear, isolate.
We barely slept. I managed about 3 hours... But it was tough.. He wouldn't stay still, and eventually we put him in his little bed, near our bed... Of course he didn't stay there long.
At 4am I heard him crying... I found him under the bed... Alex woke up too... His breathing had changed a lot... Every breath was labored. He wasn't getting enough oxygen.
I laid on my back, and Mijo laid on my chest. This was how it often was, especially when I was reading... We did that until around 7am... Alex taking turns, holding him, talking to him, loving him. Mijo could barely hold himself up, he just laid in our arms... Breathing... His eyes began to glaze over...
We discussed our options, we felt the specialist was now a long shot. We didn't think he'd make the drive, he was near the end. Our little man had little fight left... And we wouldn't forgive ourselves for him dying in a foreign place. There were a lot of tears and back and forwards, including mum coming in for cuddles with the little guy at 5am...
Alex called the emergency vet, and we planned to go in at 8:30... Mijo's time had come...
When the sun comes up, if the blind is open in our bedroom, the sun shines right on through to Alex in bed, Mijo was in her arms, while she drank coffee as the sun rose.
Sometime later I took the little guy out to the pool, where we walked and talked, cuddled and loved, around and around, in the morning sun. I talked to him about all the adventures we had, riding bikes, visiting people, the beach and the river. I spent most of that hour, holding him, looking to his eyes... He gazed up, I just hope he knew it was me. I just knew he felt the vibrations of my words.
We both told him, it was OK to let go now. We were ready. But he kept on fighting for each breath... I think he was just like his Dad, always hopeful..
He last moments at home, where in the chair I'm sat in now. It gets the best light, first thing, even though it's inside the “catio”. Alex had sat down while I was walking outside, I seem to do better when I walk, and I brought him in for cuddles with her in the sun... He was bathed in sunshine, in Alex's arms... It was beautiful...
Actually getting in the car and going to the vet, was tough, but it really hit me when I walked in. I held the little guy, and just burst into middle-aged-man tears and sobbing... If you were there, you'd know I was my mother's son, cause she was sobbing too... I couldn't look anyone in the eye... I didn't understand what was going on, or about to go on...
I think I was in another place...
We went into a consult room, and I just laid the little guy down, not thinking of using the blanket we had... The vet explained the procedure and took him away for his catheter and first injection, some anesthetic? I don't know, but apparently it was the right thing, it helped with his pain.
I couldn't even look Alex or Mum in the eye... I just cried...
I still had hope...
When they came back, Mijo was wrapped in a soft blanket, what a great idea...!! He was quieter, more peaceful... The vet left to give us a moment...
He was still breathing, still fighting... I put my ear to his face, and heard him...
I kept making sure his eye lids closed from time to time. I remember back when Catalina, my little girl in Germany, needed to be anesthetized for a check up. The vet put some put liquid drops in her eyes and made her blink, so her eyes didn't dry out... So for Mijo, I did that every once in a while... I didn't want his eyes to dry up... I wanted him to be able to see me, because laying on that table, he couldn't hear me.
I begged Alex not to bring the vet back in for the final injection... I think I may have screamed something at her... I don't know... I wasn't me... I was trying to hold him in my arms, without moving him... I was trying to give him another chance...
I bawled...
I don't know if I have ever cried like that before... I thought I'd be all cried out... I thought all my tears had already left the building the previous hours and days... But there was more... a lot more... and more to come...
I know that Alex and I held hands over his body... I felt the love... I felt his warmth... his breathing... I know I cried tears onto him, there were tear drops on his lips...
I looked him in the eye as much as I could, but mostly, I cried...
I felt the liquid go into him, I felt it go around my hand into him...
I don't know much about what happened after that... I know I didn't want to leave him, I had promised him I would never do it. I regret not holding him once more... I know that at that moment, I felt the life drain out of me... I felt hope die...
I walked out, not knowing what to do, and flopped down on the grass outside... I never sit on grass, but Mijo liked it...
I managed to drive home...
That was yesterday...
Since then I've tried to rest, tried to come to grips with what has happened, tried to connect with a few friends, I've tried... I'm still trying...
This morning I got up wanting to do some sport, washing, then study and take on the day with confidence... It's a new day, I should take that opportunity to get back into my routine... It took all of 1 minute, from bed to bathroom, to be bawling... Except for the time I manage to calm down enough to type this blog, I've been crying... It's now 10am... I was awake at 6:15...
We are running out of tissues..
I felt so bad this morning, I wanted to plead with Alex not to go to work, because I just can't today. I just can't. We have discussed how she copes in these situations, and I know that's how she copes, by going to work, so I kept my trap shut. I just want her to hug me all day, so I can feel her warmth.
I cried so much on the drive to drop mum off at work this morning, she started crying too, and contemplated not going to work... She wanted to be there for me, but I told her, honestly, I don't think I'd be much company today.
I don't know the grieving process, we haven't learnt that in counseling school yet, but I do know, I'm feeling very lost... I feel very numb...
I can't explain it, and maybe that's why folks can never really explain how they feel after someone close to them, or their pet, has passed. We are just lost.
I also feel that I am grieving for my other losses in my life. It's a bit like, it's a culmination of all the others before him, plus him on top, making me feel pain like I have never experienced before.
Grief is just love, with no place to go... Alex and I talked about that quote last night. I used this quote to help me through leaving my 4 pets in Germany, I know I have to find a new place for my love, but for now, I just can't.
I know I couldn't have gotten through this without the support of my Mum and Alex...
While Mum cries at the drop of a hat, she is solid and thoughtful and loving. Alex is strong and experienced in these matters. She knew what to say, and when, even if I did yell back… Both have a lot of time and patience for me.
I know Alex and Mum feel bad, maybe even guilty, for choosing him. Mijo was a present, to give me joy and love and comfort. And he sure did, in multitudes, to all of us. I would never have gotten a cat back then, I didn't feel Alex or I were ready, we were still working through our issues with our pets in Germany.
Alex and I decided that we want Mijo home with us. He was only on this earth for 6.5 months, we expected him to be with us for 10+ years. Taken too early. Once he's cremated we'll have him in a little urn. He was so small, but if there's a little left over, we will either plant a tree with his ashes or sprinkle him down by the river, the first place he went to that was close to water.
The past day or so, I have shared what happened with some friends, classmates and family, and everyone has been so thoughtful and caring. Thank you, it's really helped to know you're all out there, thinking of the little guy. He would have loved to meet you all.
He was perfection. If someone else had gotten him, realized he was deaf, they may not have given him the adventures and life he had. Mum considers him a rescue cat...
So here I am, in the chair, his last chair in his last moments at home.
I can still smell him on my shirt. When I walk around the house, dazed, I sniff my shirt. He had a wonderful smell. The smell of love and adventure. I hope that smell lasts a life time.
I miss his warmth, his meow, which was damn loud!! I miss, that sometimes he'd get lost around the house... Or he'd lose me, around the house. He was gentle, and only bit me once, by accident, piercing my thumb a little. I miss the fact he had 1 tooth growing forward, directly out, making him a tri-toothed kitten with a protruding top lip! He took on the world without fear. I've never experienced anything like it in a cat. My girl Catalina did sit on my shoulder as I walked down the street in Germany, but Mijo, he let me go skateboarding with him, played guitar with me (he'd chew the strings) and one time, I even vacuumed his tail.
All trust. No fear.
Back when he lost all his hair around his neck and stomach after his snip operation, we were pretty concerned. Funnily enough, it grew back pretty quickly, but it grew back white, not grey. He had a ring around his neck and kind of marks on his back wrapping around to his belly. Alex googled it, and actually found out, cats can often have their hair grow back white after trauma or experiencing extremes of temperature if their hair was cut short or fell out.
About a month ago, I sent my dearest of friends, Sandra, a photo of his regrowth, and she commented looks like “little angel wings”...
Fly on little wing, fly on...
RIP Mijo Angus
12-11-2020 – 27-05-2021
Thanks for reading,
Josh
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Hello!
Hello one, hello all, and welcome to PetsPersonified, where all of my pets are humanized and personalized.
First, let me introduce you to my pets (these are the ones I have now, and will update as time passes. The About the Pets link will change with the pets).
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Here are all the pets! Each ask won’t be answered in color, but it’ll be answered in a similar style/in traditional if I can’t access my laptop.
Here’s what the pets look like in real life;
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^This is Gerkie, around 8-10 years old and very quirky. She is bonded to me only, so she has a seething hatred for anyone else (save for a select few). She is a female Quaker Parrot and very sweet, singing songs and overall whistling to locate where I am. She has a missing toe from an incident with Bacall, but she is doing just fine health wise!
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^This is Bacall, gender unknown, so their character goes by they/them pronouns. They’re a 7-9 year old Senegal parrot who tends to be very jumpy. They’re very sweet otherwise, not really bonded to one person in particular and loves almost everyone in the house. This little demon is, in fact, the one who bit Gerkies toe off and left me a worried bird parent for a full 24 hours. They do not get along with the other two birds and vice versa.
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^This is Smokey. His age is unknown due to him being a rescue. We found him on our backyard fence and found that he was tame, so we picked him up. No fellow bird parent called by to retrieve him. He is a very anxious bird who is bonded to himself in the mirror (hence his narcissistic personality in-character). He likes the occasional head scratch, but besides that, NO TOUCH!! 
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^This is Luci (short for Lucifer). She is also a rescue, so her age is also unknown. She is a black and white Syrian hamster who, when I first rescued her, was very much more wild and prone to biting. However, with more handling, she has gotten used to me and others, but still has a tendency to jump out of peoples hands. Her previous owners where severely cruel, which explains the small cage from before and the lack of exercise wheel. She hates just about everyone and has been deemed (by me) as Vaniglias adopted sister.
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^This is Vaniglia (pronounced va-knee-lee-a)! She is a 1 year old peach-colored Syrian hamster who is a natural born sweetheart (which is funny because apparently Syrian hamsters are supposed to be mean). She loves peanuts and crackers and will stuff almost anything in her mouth. She has a tendency to run on her wheel with her cheeks stuffed. She is not the smartest baby of the bunch, but she is definitely one of the sweetest!
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^This is Rosie, a guest-pet (i'm dogsitting her). She is a 2-3 year old blue nosed pit bull rescue who loves people and food. She is a natural sweetheart, snuggling at every chance she gets. Her tail never stops wagging, unless there's a thunderstorm. She is very intelligent, almost seeming to understand what someone says to her. She purposefully comes off as ditzy to surprise people. (She is not drawn in the art above)
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^This is Pompeii. He is around 14 years old and very fuzzy. He's a noisy pomeranian who never leaves my grandmothers side. As a side effect of his age, he has no teeth and his tongue hangs out. Otherwise he's a sweet dog who likes to play, even for his age. Even when his bark is annoying, he can still be good.
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And finally, This^ is Exo! He's a 1 year old bearded dragon with a severe back deformity. Regardless, he is a hungry little lizard who likes to run around and receive pets. Months back he had a siezure from eating petsmarts live cricket feed (to this day i don't know exactly what caused this), and ever since he was sick. However, with my care and attention, he's been brought back as much as he could be, save for the mangled back. And even though he's changed slightly ever since the incident, he's still my good boy who loves crickets and running.
And those are my pets featured on this blog! More may be announced depending, and of course, updates will come around on pets health and aging. Their personalities will be more prevalent within asks the pets receive and within interactions between each other.
Thank you for following and, if you could, please reblog to spread the word about my blog! 💕💕
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