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girlasterisk · 3 years

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hi i’m bouta write a headcanon-theory-meta-backstory-fill in the blank thing cus i cannot stop thinking about dean struggling with his bisexuality throughout his life. fair warning though, it’s gonna be long (and yes i’m blaming john so if you do like him, this post will most definitely not be for you) !! also !! abuse and homophobia mentions as i go on !!

(this post is just pre canon. i’m still writing one for the canon timeline so i’ll link that here when i finish. also if you wanna be tagged when i post the next one lemme know!)

ok so like around 14/15 dean starts to notice guys as well as girls. he didn’t know people could even feel this way. he’s never really heard john’s opinion on gay people so he wasn’t influenced by him yet and it was just internal conflict for dean at that time. eventually he realizes that there’s nothing wrong with him and that bisexual do people exist.

i think up to this point he’d probably gone out with a girl briefly (like a school dance or something). then, in whatever town they’re staying in at the time he gets a boyfriend. unfortunately john finds out and when he does he hits him and calls him all sorts of names and slurs and then they drop whatever case they were working on and leave the town immediately. (keep in mind sam doesn’t know bc he thinks or was told that it was from a hunt or a fight at school)

so this has all happened right around the time of the flashbacks we see in 9x07 (bad boys). so now they’re in a new town with a new case and this is where dean steals the food for sam cus they’re out of money. dean gets caught, john says to let him rot in prison (bc he’s a homophobic little bitch and thinks that’ll do dean some good) and dean gets sent to sonny’s. (also see dean’s marks on his wrists which we all agree was not a werewolf, it was john. so that would line up here)

so, sonny’s. now at this point dean has the mindset that being gay or bi or anything not straight is bad and wrong and dirty and weak. so while at sonny’s we know he gets a girlfriend (robin). i think that when he knows he has feelings for her his thinking (bc of john) is now like “i’m not bad or weak! i have a girlfriend” and this is where the repression continues. so then the rest of the time at sonny’s ensues and eventually john comes to pick him up.

so now, john is not really acknowledging dean and is just treating him like a soldier that’s only purpose is to do the job (i wonder what this could possibly lead to?) to break the tension, dean tells him about his girlfriend and he notices that this makes his dad treat him a little better (not great, but improvement) dean notices this and keeps this in mind. he also notices that the more he just shuts up and does exactly what his dad tells him, the more it’s seems john is respecting him.

now the new york cbgb story. for me this happened around the time dean got more comfortable around his dad. bc over time he sees what he thinks his will dad like and respect him for, so he continues to do those things and mold his personality around those traits. so, he sneaks out to the club right, and this is purely hc but i think ok he sees guys he thinks are attractive but he doesn’t want to feel that way so he goes with this woman and he gets drunk for the first time to push down le gæïę. ofc now he’s drunk and he’s lost his inhibitions (somewhat) and he gets involved with the people there (girls, guys, we don’t know)

now, john finds him. (at this point dean is just with the woman you’ll see why) and dean being drunk finally has the courage to tell him he hates him and for john it seems like it’s coming from the fact that he took him away from the party, and it is that, partly, but it stems from, you know, other places. i think john was only upset with dean for sneaking out to this party and it would’ve been much worse if dean had been with a guy when john found him. but luckily it was not a guy, so dean only got “it’s not my job to be liked. it’s my job is to raise you right” which for my headcanon theory brain is meant to be like “straight is right” you know? like as if part of raising dean “right” was to literally beat the gay out of him bc of course that’s “wrong”. and this then attributes to deans mindset of gay is wrong, he has to be hypermasculine and super straight.

so from then on dean continues to build this super masculine like manly man no homo personality, but always in the back of his mind is the part of him that knows he’s bi even when he denies it to himself. at times though as he gets older and does see gay people on cases or even celebrities he slowly starts to see more people are like him. i don’t really know when it happens, but at some point, he admits to himself that yeah he sometimes wouldn’t mind guys (and that’s the most he can admit to himself but it’s ok) he never tells anyone bc he still has this part of him that tells him he’s wrong for this and that’s what keeps him from acting on those feelings often.

if he’s interviewing someone without his dad or is simply without his dad, he might be a bit flirtatious towards guys and even though he would never speak of it, he can’t stop thinking about it.

he goes on like this until one time john is gone and he’s going to be for a while so dean allows himself for once to actually pursue a relationship with this one guy he met in town. i’d say dean is 20 and sam is 16. so sam is in high school and he’s been feeling restless and cooped up for too long. he does notice dean is close with this one guy but doesn’t think much of it. anyways, one day when dean is out with his “friend” sam decides to run away. to get out. this is when sam gets bones (the dog) and lives on his own for 2 weeks (see 5x16)

obviously when dean comes home he goes frantic and can’t find sam (i like to think sam did leave dean a note saying he left though so that dean wouldn’t think he died) but dean blames himself for leaving sam to go be with his boyfriend. john calls and dean lies and says everything’s fine and john is coming back soon. dean has to find sam before john comes home. unfortunately he doesn’t and john is absolutely livid. [insert “and when dad came home” face here] he beats dean and says some really awful things and tells dean that he has to find sam. a few days later, he does, and dean takes him home. (i do have headcanons on what this did to sam too)

this entire experience leaves dean with the idea that this is karma for being bi. because in his mind, if he was just straight, he wouldn’t have had a boyfriend, he would’ve watched sam, and sam wouldn’t have run away under his watch. once again, he goes back into pushing down that side of him, bc to him whenever he lets himself explore that side, bad things happen.

ok time skip. sam’s left for college and john kind of understands that he’s lost one son (by his own doing), so determined to not lose dean as well, he gives him more independence and let’s him start hunting on his own. he still hunts with dean sometimes but now dean also does solo hunts.

at some point on a hunt with his dad, dean meets lee webb. [insert backstory we got here] and eventually dean and lee go on a few hunts together. there is a definitely thing that happens there between lee and dean and it ends bc they eventually go their separate ways, but it doesn’t end badly and that’s why in 15x07 they’re friends.

i know he had other relationships like cassie and i’m not really sure when he met lisa but maybe it was around here. but with this little freedom and independence from john, he still thought that part of him was dirty but sometimes if something happened between him and a guy he would let it happen. but he would probably feel terrible after as if what he was doing was wrong and made him weak (because thank you john for that a+ parenting)

so that’s the end of my pre canon theory-meta-headcanon stuff! stay tuned for the canon timeline cus i’m still writing that. (if you wanna add something or comment on this feel free to and if you would like to be tagged in part 2 lemme know!)

tags: @justcynicalbelieverthings

#spn #supernatural #dean winchester #dean is bi #dean’s bisexuality #spn meta #spn headcanons #spn theory #spn headcanon #spn rant #john winchester’s a+ parenting #j*hn #sam winchester #spn stanford era #spn pre canon #i’m thinking about this #neena.exe #it’s my dean struggling with his bisexuality post

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hunnywrites · 5 years

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Arcade Dreams: Chapter Eight

Summary: There’s a new girl working at the Palace Arcade and Hawkins’ Family Video. Billy can’t stand her, and the feeling is mutual. No matter what everyone else seems to think.

Pairing: Billy Hargrove/OFC

A/N: Sorry I didn’t get this up sooner! We’ve been getting ready for the hurricane!

“Alright, Teddi. You gotta tell me your address so I can take you home.”

Teddi scoffed. “Why? So you can stalk me some more?” she snapped, crossing her arms firmly and dramatically across her chest.

Billy’s hand slightly clenched around the steering wheel. If Teddi was stubborn on a normal day, she was at least five times more stubborn when she was drunk. “Larsson, I’m not fucking around here…” he warned.

Teddi sighed loudly and sunk in her seat. She leaned over and rested her head against the window, watching the trees pass by in a blur. “I don’t wanna go home.”

Billy looked over at her. He grabbed the shoulder of her coat and pulled her upright before looking out the window made her blow chunks all over his car. “And why not?” he asked. He knew, or at least he had an idea, but he was still a little curious about whether his suspicions were correct.

“If my dad knows I was out this late and sees how shit faced I am he’ll kill me. Like literally kill me. Fucking prick. You know I used to do this all the time back home? Yeah. I went to parties like...all the time. And I used to smoke because I thought it made me look cool, and I was actually popular until I moved to...this.” she waved her hands at the bland scenery that was passing them.

Billy admittedly had sort of a hard time imagining that. Maybe New York was different. Teddi was more like that girl Samantha in his Biology class, Johnathan Byers and that chick Robin (who he was also pretty sure was a lesbian because he had tried putting the moves on her during lunch once and she had laughed so hard milk came out of her nose); weird and very not cool. But he smirked over at her anyways. “Is that right? What happened?”

“I moved to Hawkins and I died inside,” they both laughed. Teddi studied him for a moment. “Is all this part of you trying to be nice? Like with the beer?”

Billy shifted uncomfortably. “I don’t know...I guess.”

“Well, how come you wanna be nice all of the sudden?”

“I don’t know,” he huffed. He supposed he could give her the long version. Complete with Max almost chopping his dick off. But he figured Teddi was a little too drunk to take any of that in. “I guess...ever since we moved here I’ve sorta been…”

“The worst?” Teddi finished for him with raised eyebrows.

“Yeah. I’ve got a lot of shit going on and-”

“I’ve got a lot of shit too. But I learned to stop being such a jerk to everyone.”

“Yeah? Well, you’re sure as hell a pain in the ass.” he argued. He didn’t know why Teddi drove him up the wall the way that she did. Maybe it was because he knew she was right. He hated it when other people were right about him.

Teddi crossed her arms and glared over at him. “...What’s your zodiac sign?” she asked suddenly.

Billy shot her that look again. That one that like she had sprouted another head. “My what?”

“Your zodiac sign! You know, with the stars and all…” Billy only blinked. Teddi huffed. “When is your birthday?”

“...November 28th.”

Teddi groaned. “A Sagittarius.” she said curtly.

Billy didn’t know why, but he felt offended by her tone. He looked over at her with an annoyed and expectant look. “And what the fuck is that supposed to mean?”

“Nothing. It just explains a lot. Do you know what time you were born? Or in what city?” she hadn’t even noticed that Billy was looking at her like she had gone absolutely insane.

“How the fuck am I supposed to know any of that? And what does it explain, weird girl? What the hell is a Sagittarius?” Teddi didn’t answer him. She just sat there with her arms crossed and looking like she was going through some weird girl rolodex in her head.

Suddenly she perked up. “Ooo! That means we’re sister signs! I’m a Gemini!” as if Billy was supposed to have any idea what that meant.

“Gemini? Sister signs? Larsson, what the hell are you talking about?” he asked incredulously.

Teddi rolled her eyes. “It means that we’re like super compatible...huh. Wouldn’t have guessed that.”

“Compatible like...in bed compatible?” he asked, a smirk teasing at his lips. Teddi only scoffed at the question.

“Like compatible in general. Yin and Yang...I guess that makes sense. I’m like super chill and you’re basically the hulk,” she laughed. Billy was going to throw a smart ass response her way, but before he could Teddi reached over and snatched the cigarette that was between his lips. He let out a huff to show his distaste, but Teddi ignored it. She let out a loud groan as she took a drag of the cigarette. “Christ, I missed these things.”

Billy found himself chuckling. If someone had told him a week ago that he would be giving Teddi Larsson a ride home while she rambled on about zodiac signs and sharing a cigarette with him, he would have told them they were crazy. Yet there he was, taking his cigarette back from her after she handed it back to him with a happy, content look on her face.

“What’s funny?” she asked, smiling over at him.

Billy shook his head. “Nothing. This night has just taken a really weird turn.” that little part of him wished that this could be how things always were. Sure, he probably hadn’t had a friend that was a girl since the third grade, but he could see himself being friends with Teddi. If they could both get past that animosity that was always there. Well, more like if he could learn to control his temper a little more was more like it.

He turned onto his street, slowing the Camaro down so that the engine wouldn’t wake anyone at home and let his dad know that he’d been out so late. He had missed his curfew by about two hours, but with Susan around now she and Neil held Billy to an honor system when it came to him going out. Teddi didn’t look as confused as he expected her to be as he pulled up to the curb.

“You uh...said you didn’t want to go home so…” he didn’t know what else to say. He didn’t want Teddi to know that he had figured out her secret. He would play it off as her refusing to tell him her address. If he let on that he was onto Teddi, there was a chance she would start to ask questions and soon she would be onto his secret.

Teddi looked over at Billy’s house with narrowed eyes before looking back at him. “This is your house?” she asked.

“Yeah...look, I’m not like putting the moves on you or anything. Trust me. You can crash in Max’s room. I just figured…” he wouldn’t meet her eyes.

Teddi gave him a tired smile. “No, it’s...this is nice.” she nodded.

Billy flinched a little. He hated that his first reaction to someone telling him he’d done something nice was wanting to make some sort of biting remark. He swallowed the nasty comment and only shrugged. He shut the Camaro off and climbed out, rushing over to the other side as Teddi nearly fell out onto the street. She was giggling loudly as she tried to get herself upright.

“Christ, Larsson,” he muttered as he helped her stand. “You have to shut up, okay? If anyone hears you we’ll both be dead.” he snapped.

Teddi pretended to zip her lips before letting out a small giggle. Billy rolled his eyes and pulled her along. But he didn’t go to the front door. He led her around to the side of his house to what Teddi assumed must have been his bedroom window. She leaned up against the wall to try to keep her balance while he expertly slid the window open. Wordlessly he bent down, his fingers intertwined to give her a boost up.

She wondered briefly just how many other girls he’d done this with before stepping into his hands and sliding clumsily into his room. It was a weird angle. If she wasn’t careful she’d land down on his stereo instead of the foot of his bed. Teddi wiggled through the window and aimed herself for Billy’s bed as best as her drunk mind would allow.

She landed with a soft thud and groaned. Billy was in almost immediately after her. It was obvious that he had done this more than a few times. Teddi waved him away when he tried to help her stand.

Billy’s room was...exactly what she had imagined. Not that she had spent a lot of time thinking about it. It was more or less as messy as she’d expect it to be. And it had that sort of “I don’t give a shit” attitude in the way he had decorated it that was very Billy. It smelled almost overwhelmingly like him. Cigarettes, his cologne and spearmint. His cologne had this really warm, woody smell to it. Sort of like a bonfire with a hint of something fresh and earthy. It gave Teddi this comfy sort of feeling whenever she smelled it and she briefly wondered if Billy had chosen the scent because it reminded him of back home. Teddi shook the idea away and looked further around his room. She rolled her eyes when she spotted the poster of Shauna Grant hanging on the wall. There were a lot of cassette tapes. Nearly anywhere Teddi looked there was a stack of tapes or vinyls along with a crushed beer can or two and an ashtray full of cigarette butts.

Of course there where all of his weights and workout gear, that definitely didn’t surprise her. What did surprise her were the two neon boxes on a shelf in front of her. “Excuse me,” she hissed, reaching up on her toes in order to reach them. “These are Atari games!”

Billy shushed her, shooting a dirty look in her direction. “So what?” he asked. He snatched the two games out of her hands and reached over her to set them back on the shelf.

Teddi swallowed nervously as Billy’s chest bumped into hers momentarily before she took a step back. She shook her head and fixed an angry look up at him. “You can’t call me a geek when you’re a geek.”

Billy rolled his eyes. “Everyone plays video games, Larsson. Now stop going through my shit. Unless you wanna sleep in here tonight. That’s more than alright with me…” he smirked down at her.

Teddi rolled her eyes dramatically. “Don’t make me puke, Hargrove.” Billy only chuckled, taking Teddi by the arm and sneaking out of his room and down the hall. He nudged Max’s door open, quickly pulling Teddi in before shutting the door behind them and turning on the light.

Two heads popped up from the bed. Max blinked wildly as she rubbed the sleep from her eyes. El watched Teddi and Billy with such a blank expression that Teddi suspected that El was positive she was only dreaming. “Billy? What the hell?” Max asked with a yawn.

“I need a favor.” he began.

Teddi cut off whatever he was going to say next with a loud gasp. “Oh my gosh, Max, the sleepover!” she squealed. “Look, I didn’t miss it after all!”

Billy slapped a hand over Teddi’s mouth and shot a glare in her direction. “I told you, Teddi. Be quiet.”

“Drunk.” El whispered to Max as she watched Billy attempt to keep Teddi under control.

Max raised her eyebrows and nodded. “She’s trashed. Jesus, Billy, what did you do to her?”

“I didn’t do anything,” he snapped. “Heather Holloway and about a dozen jello shots did this. Look, she won’t tell me where she lives and I don’t know what else to do with her. Just let her crash in here and make sure she doesn’t choke on her own vomit.” he helped Teddi over to the edge of Max’s bed so she could sit.

Max and El both shot each other a few confused looks as they watched the pair. Billy struggled to keep Teddi still as he pulled her puffy coat and boots off. Teddi kept complaining, each time Billy hissing out a “stay still” before Teddi would pout and listen before the whole thing started again. Max didn’t think she’d ever seen someone look so inconvenienced by being nice to someone before. And what was even more confusing to her was the fact that Billy had nearly gone out of his way to put himself in this position.

“Did he do that?” El asked Max quietly, nodding towards Teddi’s bruised eye.

Max shook her head. “She said she slipped on ice or something. It’s been like that for a few days.” she explained as El watched Teddi carefully.

Billy tossed Teddi’s coat and shoes aside and stood, jabbing a finger in Max’s direction. “Make sure she doesn’t wake anyone up, alright? I’ll take her back to her car in the morning. And neither of you tell anyone about this, got it?”

“Whatever, Billy. Just get out of my room already.” Max hopped out of bed and nearly shoved her older brother out of her room. He shot a slightly worried glance in Teddi’s direction before glaring down at Max. He jerked away from her and disappeared down the hall to his own room. Max shut her door again and let out a heavy sigh. Teddi was lying on her back, staring blankly up at the ceiling.

“...You guys wanna play truth or dare or something?” she asked, her voice slightly slurring.

Max and El both stifled giggles. “Teddi, it’s a little late for that. I think you need to get some sleep...what are you doing with Billy anyways?” Max asked as she got back into bed.

“My date totally ditched me. And Billy said he’s trying to be nice...did you know that he’s a Sagittarius?”

El frowned. “What’s a Sagittarius?” she asked.

Teddi sat up quickly and turned to face the two girls. “What’s a Sagittarius?” she repeated, her jaw dropped. “You guys don’t know about zodiac signs either?” the two girls shook their heads. “God, what is wrong with this town? Okay, forget about truth or dare. I have like...loads to teach you. It’ll totally blow your minds.”

Teddi turned to face Max and El, crossing her legs. Max hopped out of bed once again before muttering “wait, wait, wait!” before disappearing for a few moments. She returned with a bowl of popcorn and three cans of coke. The three settled in and Teddi launched into her zodiac lesson. Maybe her night wouldn’t be such a bust after all. Getting drunk with Heather and teaching two twelve year olds about their zodiac traits at two in the morning way more fun than anything she would’ve done hanging out with some idiot on the soccer team. Hanging out with Billy hadn’t been so bad either. It was too bad she probably wouldn’t remember most of it in the morning.

#billy hargrove #billy hargrove fic #billy hargrove x oc

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