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thinkin-bout-milgram · 11 months

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Mahiru Shiina: Trial 2 Synthesis Theory

Hello everyone! For the “I Love You” drop, I’m just going to jump straight into a full-length theory because I have a LOT that I want to cover and it’s much more comprehensive than my initial thoughts posts usually are. This is partially because all four other admins helped me out, as well as our 6th roommate who isn’t an admin!

As always, I will be using the very fast translation done by @onigiriico, which is linked here! I’ll also be using @iaobug ‘s wonderful translation of Mahiru’s 16 step guide in This Is How To Be In Love With You, which I’ll put here.

T/W: Suicide, stalking, kidnapping/abduction, toxic relationships, murder, hanging, drowning, malnourishment, force feeding a rat. There WILL be images so please read at your own discretion!

Alright, let’s jump into it!

Mahiru’s murder took place in Aokigahara, AKA the Sea of Trees, AKA the Suicide Forest.

This is based on an initial post by @tomoesan, which has since become unavailable. I’ll post a photo of it here, though:

It compares Mahiru’s murder location on her card from Undercover to a real place in Japan: Aokigahara. From the pictures, it’s very clear that this was an intentional move by the artists to place Mahiru’s murder somewhere actively recognizable through some google searches. I firmly believe that the forest that they move through in the MV is Aokigahara.

That’s not all, though. From this image, you can pretty clearly see that the photo seems to be taken from inside a cave. We’ve determined this specific cave to be Ryugu Cave, or The Dragon Cave.

This article shows the exact same photo in the earlier post, citing it as being from the Ryugu Cave.

The Ryugu Cave also contains the Seno Umi Shrine, within it. You can read a bit about it here, but I firmly believe this to be the shrine mentioned on Day 15 of This Is How To Be In Love With You; more on that later.

Furthermore, the shrine is to Toyotama-hime. In mythology, this references a goddess who falls in love with a prince at a water well. However, he breaks a promise not to spy on her, which results in him seeing her in a monstrous form. Given the lyrical translation of daisuki (which should just mean I love you repeatedly) in the chorus to “monstrously in love,” “monstrous cause I love you,” “monstrous dilemma”... I think that the writers absolutely knew what they were going for, and they were giving a nod to this specific story and the shrine, with Mahiru being the lover turned monster.

Based on all of this, and the fact that I do believe Mahiru’s lover committed suicide, I think that all signs point to Aokigahara, specifically Ryugu Cave, being the location of the murder. I’ll be using this assumption throughout the rest of my theory.

I’ll follow along with the guide, starting at Days 1-8.

I think that Mahiru portrays Days 1-8 approximately correctly.

Days 1-7 are, I think, completely correct. Mahiru meets this guy, assumes it’s fate, and does small things to try to get closer to him and get to know about him. At this point, things probably seem completely normal to him, so there wouldn’t be any reason for him to reject her jogging with him or whatever.

Day 8 is when she waits outside his work, takes him to the park and presumably confesses her love to him. This is where her first inconsistency is.

She says that they talked the night away, but she also says that she “chooses not to believe they talked the night away” and that “it felt like no time passed at all.” She also very notably doesn’t actually say what his response was, though she implied it was positive.

I think that it was actually very short; rather than them talking the night away, he probably swiftly rejected her. This, therefore, ends Mahiru’s attempts to get him into a relationship normally. If he won’t love her the way she wants him to, she’ll find a way to make it happen, no matter what.

Mahiru sets a plan into action, starting Day 9.

This is the first page in her journal where the text switches from normal, pristine rows to slanted text. That’s a sign that something is going wrong.

She mentions that her “boyfriend” is really cute when he’s blackout drunk. I think that it’s possible she drugged him, but even if she didn’t, she used this to get some kind of information. It’s possible she brought him back to his house, getting his address, possibly even stealing keys or something like that.

I’d theorize that, rather than going here together, she followed him to the bar. Once he was pretty drunk, it’d be a lot easier to convince him to go along with her.

Day 10 is her talking to her beautician; I think that’s all correct. The beautician simply heard about the story through Mahiru’s eyes.

Day 11 is, I think, similar to the bar; she probably followed him to the “date” location. She says it “can’t be a coincidence” their tastes are so similar and that she’s become a different person. That indicates that this isn’t actually a shared taste: he went to the location and she followed him there.

On Day 12, Mahiru abducts her lover.

Day 12 is the day when Mahiru goes to his house for the first time, but somehow, she can’t actually seem to remember anything.

While that alone is suspicious, there’s also the mirror. We can see her beautician in the mirror, so the fact that he isn’t in the mirror at all seems to imply that he isn’t within the camera’s view at all. Why is she in his entryway without him there to greet her?

The answer is that she’s uninvited. She enters his home, and she takes him. That’s what I think the shot of her jumping on the couch spreading the flowers in This Is How To Be In Love With You is:

Rather than this being her killing moment, I think that this is her going in and snatching him from his own house. I firmly believe that Mahiru took him to Aokigahara, and I think that this is when she did it.

The scene in the house with the feathers immediately follows Day 12, so it makes sense chronologically. Additionally, for Day 13 onwards, the text switches from just being slanted to being stitched together from smaller boxes; it seems like it’s mimicking a ransom note that’s patched together from magazine or book clippings. This indicates that this is when Mahiru is more actively committing a crime: in this case, kidnapping.

Days 13-15 are Mahiru moving the body.

If we assume that Mahiru’s end destination is Ryugu Cave based on earlier research, Days 13, 14 and 15 can be interpreted as movement.

Day 13 may seem strange, given that it’s Mahiru seemingly attending a wedding. However, if you pay careful attention to her phrasing, she does not say that she actually attended. She says that she was invited, and that soon, her dreams will come true. I think it’s possible that the wedding location was closer to Aokigahara–it’s near Mt. Fuji, so I’d imagine there could be some scenic locations or something–and she’s mentally using the wedding as a justification for heading that direction. Maybe she even did attend, if it was over that way.

Day 14 is an outdoor date under the stars. She practically begged him to come along. This is her taking him into the woods. I’m not sure exactly how compliant he was being and if she literally dragged him or if he was in more of a “resisting seems like a bad idea” kind of headspace, but I believe that Day 14 is them arriving at the forest and entering.

It’s notable that, in the scenes in I Love You, Mahiru seems to be leading her lover into the forest. Here’s a screenshot from around 1:37:

At this point, it doesn’t seem like he’s being forced. However, this ends with him groveling on the ground at 1:55.

Comparing that to the image immediately after, we understand that Mahiru isn’t seeing the situation clearly. Given that he’s in this kneeling position in both shots, I think it’s safe to say that the shots with the golden lighting are the situation through Mahiru’s eyes.

He’s very clearly actually beaten down and miserable, but Mahiru depicts them as a cute and happy couple. In fact, at 1:20, the lyrics support this interpretation:

This too-perfect image of her relationship is captioned with “I actually believed that.” It’s telling us, the audience, that while she actually, genuinely believed that these fantasy segments were reality, we, perhaps, should not do the same. These fantasy segments aren’t real.

Mahiru has already proven her capability of being an unreliable narrator in the past, concealing a lot of information within the text of her 16 Day Guide. I don’t want to completely discount these fantasies, but I’m trusting the side by side comparisons it gives us that they are NOT, in any way shape or form, what she portrays them as. I don’t want to take any of it at face value.

Anyways, Day 15 is the end destination of their journey: the arrival at Ryugu Cave. This is the shrine that she mentions.

As stated earlier, Ryugu Cave contains a shrine. Though the cave isn’t available to tourists, that just increases the chances that Mahiru could get away with imprisoning her captive there without being spotted by the patrols that go through.

For reference, this cave is very deep: 96 m, or approximately 315 ft. It would be pretty hard for him to escape once they’re there, which resounds with her wish: they’ll stay like that until the end of time, and no one will stand in her way.

Day 16 is… a snapping point.

Day 16 is when we see Mahiru prepare her lovely boyfriend a wonderful meal of all his favorites. I think that this is when the 2:13/2:14 fantasy split happens:

While she sees herself giving him cake pleasantly, in reality, she seems to be… force feeding him a rat??

I know some people think that the cake is a metaphor for toxicity, and that because he feeds it to her first in the video, it means that the relationship is mutually toxic. From what I’ve seen, this theory completely disregards both the rat aspect and the fantasy filter over the cake scene. I think it’s far more likely that him feeding her cake was Mahiru idealizing the real events. Maybe she ate the rats, too, and she liked to think he’d feed her, too. It’s them eating together; if the cake can be a rat, him feeding it to her can be a similarly significant misperception.

In any case, given that this is the last day in the guide, I think that this is the end of the line for him. He can’t take being her captive anymore, and sometime when she’s not away, he commits suicide.

I’m not entirely sure how. Obviously, we see him hanging at several points in the video, most prominently at the end:

But we can also see that he appears to be soaked with water at the very beginning.

There are lakes within Ryugu Cave. They’d also likely be cold enough to give him some form of hypothermia, explaining the blue tint to his skin in the second of the two images (he seems to have dried off by the second). Because of this, I’m somewhat inclined to lean towards drowning because it seems like it would have been more accessible to him. In that case, though, I’m not sure how he ends up hanging. I don’t feel like Mahiru would put him there; it feels much more likely to me that she would jump into the lake with him so that they could be together forever or something.

So, I’m not sure whether he hangs himself or drowns himself, but the gist is, he ends up dead. That’s what Mahiru blames herself for.

VOTE: GUILTY

I know that she’s currently leaning innocent and many people feel strongly about it, but please hear me out here.

In Mahiru’s audio drama, she very clearly does not grasp the gravity of what she did. If she really did kidnap him, bring him to the suicide forest and force feed him rats… that is NOT loving someone “normally,” as she’s so insistent that she did.

Her current perception is that when she loves someone normally, it’s wrong. That’s what she’s said about her guilty verdict. However, if we switch gears and vote her innocent, what will that tell her?

I think it would tell her that her love is okay–and, to the delusional Mahiru, that means saying that all of what she did is okay. If she believes this is loving someone normally, then I’d rather tell her not to love anyone like this again. It’s going to be hard for her to accept, and I recognize we might lose her between trials, but I think telling her that this is okay is even worse.

I do meta vote, but I do it in the context of trying to secure as many viable innocent votes for the third trial as possible. I think that, if we vote Mahiru innocent, she’ll go back to her fully delusional self. I think guilty is the only way to make the message stick, and the message has to stick if she has a chance at getting an innocent verdict in the end. I really urge you to consider it, because I think that voting her innocent will be a huge mistake on the fanbase’s part (which is the same exact way I felt about the Kotoko vote in Trial 1).

#admin venus #milgram #ミルグラム #mahiru shiina #milgram theory #mahiru milgram #sorry it's sorta late! we were researching REAL hard #this one really messed us up #the fact that it happened in a real location that i can learn actual info about just... it feels less like fiction #listen guys i also really like mahiru #but i for real feel like some of you guys are kidding yourselves too #this wasn't a mutually toxic relationship that was both of their faults. only one of them abducted the other into the suicide forest #please at least consider the guilty vote #if we vote her inno this round then i don't think she has a shot at being releasable back into society at the end #fr yall dont understand how hard we were researching stuff we went full bonkers mode for ~2 hours researching & there was 6 of us -mercury

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2amtechnicolor · 1 year

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some thoughts about guilty yuno...

ok so yuno's crime is obvious. she had an abortion.

the fandom seems to see her choices as "is abortion good or bad" but i think that may be...over-simplifying things a bit?

let me preface this by saying i am pro-choice, it's not my decision what someone else does with their body, they need to do what's best for them.

that being said...being pro-choice also means accepting the choice not to have an abortion.

i feel like yuno's story is the most oversimplified simply because the majority doesn't see abortion as something morally wrong. but we're missing the fact that yuno does.

"I have no intent to say abortion isn’t murder. I’m a respectable murderer."

"But if you refer to the law, regardless, I can't be accused of murder."

Yuno wanted to be voted guilty. But why?

"Kotoko is someone I would never want to make my friend, though. She’s the type who picks a conclusion from the very beginning and won’t actually talk with you."

"[The audience] Arbitrarily deciding that I’m pitiable. Arbitrarily making up a backstory for me. Creating a personally idealized version of me. Creating an acceptable version of me."

In Yuno's first MV, most people picked up on the fact that she's doing compensated dating and that it resulted in an abortion. She outright confirms it in her second VD. But then we the audience decided what her reasons were because the majority of people who get abortions don't regret them.

I don't think Yuno wanted to get an abortion.

When you look at her from that angle, a lot of her contradictory behavior begins to make sense, and you begin to see how she fits into Milgram's moral dilemmas. Her story is still a story about choice...but instead of being about her choice to get an abortion it's about her choice to decide to keep her child.

There's a lot of reasons why someone in Yuno's position wouldn't want to have a child.

She's 18.

She's not in a stable relationship with whoever the father would be.

She doesn't have a steady job besides comp dating that we know of.

It was really easy for the audience to come to the conclusion that "she got an abortion because she didn't want to be pregnant." In that case, she's innocent right? She did the best choice for her, so she did nothing wrong.

But if Yuno did want her child...It's no wonder why she's so disgusted with her innocent vote. She was pressured into an abortion she didn't want, and has learned everyone thinks it was for the best. That we know what's best for her, and not herself. If she was voted guilty, I don't think it would be punishing her for the act of having an abortion...but the act of folding to someone else's demands.

If I was in Yuno's position I would abort. But I am not Yuno. I have no right to decide what is best for her. And if we look at the lyrics of Umbilical...I genuinely think she wanted her child.

Verse and Chorus 1 read to me from the first time I heard it as her singing to her child.

"Just the two of us I feel a little tingle inside Our love links us together Just me alone, the warmth starts fading away Let’s reload the warmth"

Verse 2, is her to the child's father, who wants her to abort.

"Am I a bad girl? Please don’t answer What do you want to do? Please tell me"

"Just the two of us I finally found it The lies are endless Just me alone, it really is lonely Let’s reload the warmth"

She's lying about her true feelings to become what this guy wants her to be. But she wants a child.

In Tear Drop, there's a scene where lights flash behind her. Pink, blue, pink, blue, pink, colors associated with child genders. A tear falls from her face, before the final flash. And the final flash is?

Four negative pregnancy tests.

This seems to me to parallel the balloon in Umbilical.

Four round balloons, but one heart. Four failed pregnancies, and one successful one.

She blew up this balloon herself. She wanted these balloons. And when she's falling at the end of the MV, it's her balloon that saves her.

We didn't listen to her.

Yuno doesn't think she's a bad girl for having an abortion. She thinks she's a bad girl because she killed the child she wanted.

#milgram #kashiki yuno #pro choice #abortion tw #teen pregnancy tw #this also makes her foil haruka more easily #boy not wanted by his mother / girl who really wants a child #lux talks #also imagine how traumatic it would be to abort the kid you wanted #only to have everyone else call you a girlboss for doing it #yuno bby i am so sorry #tear drop #umbilical #deco*27 #luc.txt

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jaesqueso · 1 year

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Cruel

pairing: ex-boyfriend!jaehyun x female!reader (featuring best friends johnny, ten and yuta)

summary: jaehyun broke your heart once and you’re having a hard time getting back on your feet, could things be even worst than you thought?

you thought jaehyun was cruel, but could life be even more?

word count: 4,676

warnings: break up, heartbreak, depression like feelings, terminal diseases (cancer), mentions of death, angst and fluff, inspired by “Cruel” by Jeff Bernat and the MV of “Haru Haru” by Bigbang

a/n: as always I’m not happy with the end but I actually forgot the beautiful speech I had planned 🤡 hope ya’ll enjoy it! ❤

☽ ・・・・・ ☾

A smile grows on your face as you feel the wind pass by. It’s been a while since you felt anywhere near happy so it is good to get a glimpse of it. Looking side to side you see Johnny, Ten and Yuta, your closest friends, the real ones. You actually thought you had more but recently you realised not everyone is what they seem.

But instead of mourning about the past you try to move on and these three are definitely a big help, otherwise you wouldn’t be on this bike ride and instead you would probably be curled up in your bed crying and that’s exactly what they’ve been trying to prevent.

It’s moments like this that make you almost forget the heartbreak and betrayal. You shake your head before diving into that dark place and focus on the moment. You’re all just ridding your bikes without a real destination, sometimes it feels good to do something just for the sake of it with no specific objective.

However you should’ve known your glimpse of happiness wouldn’t last long. You hit the brakes when you pass by a particular place you remember you used to spend a lot of time in. Not alone, with him.

“Jaehyun, don’t you dare peek!” You warn as you guide him forward.

“I won’t!” He promises squeezing his eyes shut even more. “But were are you taking me?”

“Just a few more steps and you’ll see.” You start placing him right at the best spot. “Ok, you can open now.”

“Wow…” He gasps at the view.

“I accidentally found this place the other day and I just had to show you.” You smile turning to the privileged view. “Isn’t it beautiful?”

“Yeah, but still not as beautiful as you.” His arms wrap around your waist from behind bringing your body close to his.

“Oh stop.” Giggling you overlap your arms on his.

“I wish I could.” He turns you around in his embrace bringing one hand to caress your cheek. “But everyday you just look more beautiful.”

“You’re one to talk.” Your smile almost reaches your ears as you run your fingers through his smooth hair, always carefully styled to complement his handsome features.

“Ok, I’ll take that. We’re just a couple of beauties in a beautiful place.” He nods matching the smile on your face.

“Sounds good to me.” You whisper before leaning forward to capture his lips in a loving kiss.

You see a couple staring at the view just like you two did so many times. Sighing you prepare to turn around and leave. But that’s when you recognise them.

“Y/N, are you ok?” Yuta asks as they turn back to stop next to you. “Why are you stopping?”

“That motherfucker…” You mumble as you quickly get off your bike, leaving it laying on the ground.

“Wait, where are you going?” Johnny rushes to follow you as the others share a look before joining, all of them confused.

Hearing your rushed steps the couple turns around and that’s when the three boys understand what changed your mood so quickly.

“First the restaurant downtown, then the hidden section of the beach, now here?” You start yelling with furrow brows, stopping just a few steps aways from them.

“Y/N…” Jaehyun whispers as he slightly pulls his beanie down.

“How can you take her to all the places I used to take you to?” You continue as your friends stand right behind you. “I thought you were someone else, instead you left me hanging alone by myself. I never thought I’d see the day that you’d be so cruel.”

“Y/N, I-” Jaehyun tries to say but is interrupted when the girl steps in front of him.

Ahreum, your ex-bestfriend.

“And you…” You scoff. “I’m not even gonna waste my breath on you.”

With that you turn around and walk past your friends that stand there awkwardly as you pick uo your bike and get back on the road.

“Y/N, wait up!” Ten is the first to chase after you and the others join him after changing some glances with the couple that stays there.

The three of them follow you home where you hop off the bike, leaving it in the middle of your driveway, and head to the door.

“Y/N, wait. Don’t go like that, talk to us.” Yuta tests out the waters almost regretting it when you suddenly turn around and glare at him.

“Talk about what?” You ask, eyes welling up with tears. “About how my ex-boyfriend is replacing all our memories with new ones with his new girlfriend? That by the way was supposed to be my bestfriend? You really think I want to talk about that?”

“We just want to help you, don’t shut us down.” Ten takes a step forward trying to calm you down but step back with your hands up.

“I’m fine.” After a deep breath you continue. “I just need to be alone right now.”

“Ok, we’ll give you some space.” Johnny pulls Ten to stand next to him. “But please call us later.”

“I will.” Your voice is smile but your eyes tell them you mean it.

They wait for you to go in and close the door before getting on their bikes and go on their way, hearts clenching in worry.

As for you, tears instantly roll down your cheeks the moment you’re alone. It’s been three months since Jaehyun broke your heart and still you’re in pain while he’s moving on. Maybe the reason why you can’t move on is because you didn’t get closure, you barely even understood what happened. One moment you’re cuddling and talking about how much you love each other, the other he’s saying you shouldn’t be together anymore.

Could it be something I did? That was your first thought. You thought and thought for days but couldn’t find anything. And that’s when you saw them together. It’s bad enough to see him with someone new so quickly but did it really have to be your bestfriend?

It’s bad enough to get your heart broken, but losing the two most important people in your life at the same time? That’s just too much. If it wasn’t for Johnny, Ten and Yuta you have no idea how you’d be holding on right now.

You try not to bother them too much with this situation, partially because you just want to forget the whole situation, but mostly because it must be hard for them too, after all they’re still his friends.

Mostly they stay by your side, but you know they send time with him as well. And honestly you can’t blame them, they have all right to be friends with both as this has nothing to do with them.

In the begging you were devastated and hurt, but now you just feel angry and disappointed. The tears running down your face are not sadness, they’re just frustration. Today was the first time you actually talked to them after the breakup, you’ve been trying to avoid it but seeing them in a place that was supposed to belong to you and him was the last straw.

“I wish we could stay here forever, just like this.” Jaehyun tightens his grip around your naked body under your sheets.

“Let’s do it.” Smiling widely you run your fingers through his smooth hair, the light from the window enhancing the brownish color. “Let’s quit our jobs and stay right here.”

“That would be perfection.” Closing his eyes he leans into your touch.

“I love you.” You kiss the tip of his nose.

“Until the end?” Opening his eyes, he looks straight into yours.

“Until the end.” You bring your mouths together in a sweet kiss.

The sun shining through the window makes you open your eyes and disappointment suddenly hits you realising you’re alone. But quickly that is replaced by anger that your mind still lingers on him making you think about the times you really believed it was forever.

The next few weeks were spend trying to get him finally out of your head and move on, of course with the help of your friends. And honestly you did get to a point where you felt like you could be happy again, without him. But then you got a call.

“Hey Johnny.” You answer your phone with one hand as you keep pushing your shopping cart down the hall of the supermarket.

“Hey…” His voice is small and lacking his usual energy.

“What’s wrong?” Concerned you stop on your tracks. “You don’t sound very good.”

“I just…” He sighs increasing your worry. “I thought I could do this but I can’t hide it anymore. You deserve to know.”

“Know what? What are you talking about?” Now you’re confused.

“It’s…” Pausing for a few seconds he then carefully continues. “Jaehyun.”

“Johnny…” Rolling your eyes you face the shelf to resume your shopping. “I don’t want to hear it.”

“He still loves you.” Without caring about what you said he keeps going.

“Right.” You scoff not believing what you’re hearing. “That’s why he’s dating someone new, right?”

“Y/N, I’m serious.” He’s tone is definitely not playful. “They’re not really dating, it’s all an act. He still loves you.”

“Why are you doing this?” Anger takes over you, he’s supposed to help your healing, not bring you back to the dark place you’ve been trying to escape. “Just stop. I don’t care about him.”

“Yes, you do! I know you do! And I can’t stand seeing you apart when you should be together, just let me explain, please!” He sounds desperate which makes you wonder what this is all about.

“I don’t see what’s left to explain but sure, go on.” Shaking your head you continue your shopping not really hoping for much out of this conversation.

“Look, there’s no way to smooth this in so I’m just gonna go straight into it.” You hear him take a deep breath. “Jaehyun is sick.”

“What do you mean sick?” You roll your eyes not thinking much of it.

“Y/N…” There’s a small pause and then you hear something you never expected. “Jaehyun has cancer.”

It’s like your whole world crashed. Never in a million years you imagined someone you love would be struck by such an illness. Yes, of course you still love him, one does not forget someone just like that, but how should this impact you? You’re worried about him but then again you’re hurt and upset, he’s not even part of your life anymore. What should you do?

“W-what… H-how…” You don’t even know what to ask. “When did he find out about this?”

“Around six months ago.” He quickly replies.

“But we were still together back then, how come he never told me?” It’s like you don’t really believe this is true.

“He said he didn’t want you to suffer with him.” Johnny almost whispers as he recalls the moment he heard about the news.

“He didn’t want me to suffer?” Again you scoff, halting your shopping. “So he decided it was better to just break up with me and run into someone else’s arms?”

“Y/N, it wasn’t like that…” He tries to reason out to no avail.

“So what was it like, Johnny?” Unintentionally you channel your anger towards your friend. “Go on, enlighten me!”

“He thought it would be better to break your heart instead of seeing you constantly get hurt as you watch him slowly die!” His voice starts to get louder but he tames it down like he doesn’t want people around him to hear. “Listen, I wasn’t a fan of his plan at first but I tried to understand his side. He didn’t want to be a burden for you and he thinks you deserve someone who can really stay by your side forever. So he wanted to make himself look like the bad guy because it world be better for you to hate him than to be sad because of him. That’s why he broke up with you and pretended to date Ahreum, to make you stop loving him and not suffer when his day comes.”

You feel like you’re entering a nightmare, like none of this is real and you’ll be waking up at any time.

“Y/N-”

“W-Why are you telling me this now?” You manage to get out.

“Well, doctors told Jaehyun they could do surgery to remove the tumour, however it’s quite a risky operation. Even though he knows he might not make it through he instantly agreed to try.” Taking a deep breath Johnny continues. “We’re in the hospital right now wanting for them to take him. I just couldn’t watch this happen and not tell you. I know you still care and-”

A strange crashing sound makes him stop talking for a few seconds before he calls out your name, but you don’t answer because at that moment you run out of the store as fast as you can towards the hospital, your phone left behind on the aisle floor.

“Johnny,” Yuta calls out from the hospital room, “they’re going to take him now.”

“Oh, already?” Johnny sighs, ending the call before putting his phone back on his pocket.

“Hey, you ok?” Yuta grabs the other’s shoulder.

“Yeah…” With a faint smile they both wake back into the room to exchange a few encouraging words before Jaehyun’s taken to the surgery room.

On the streets you run faster than you’ve ever ran, faster than you ever thought you could. When you walk into the hospital you barely notice how breathless you are, but somehow the person at the front desk understands enough to give you the room number. Racing there you only stop when you get to the door frame but to your surprise, it’s empty.

“Excuse me,” you call out a nurse you see on the hall, “can you tell me where the patient of this room is?”

“Let me see.” The nurse quickly checks some records that hang by the door. “He was just taken for surgery-”

Without letting her finish you run towards the surgery section, completely disregarding the calls from the nurse, your only focus at the moment being Jaehyun.

You only halt your steps when you enter a hallway and see familiar faces that instantly turn your way. Yuta leaning agains a wall, Johnny in the middle as if he was pacing and stopped when you arrived, Ten sitting in a chair next to… Ahreum. Slower you make your way towards the door that separates you from the one you need to see the most but an arm stops you.

“We can’t go past here.” You look at Ahreum that had gotten up and now stands next to you.

Taking a deep breath you don’t even know how to react. Here’s the person you thought hurt you the must when in reality she was just trying to protect you and helping out a friend.

“Here.” She takes your hand, placing something inside and wrapping your fingers around it. “He wanted you to have this.”

As she sits back down you open your hand gasping when you see it.

“Is everything ok?” You ask as you and Jaehyun sit down on the towel he laid on the sand. “You seem kind of nervous.”

“I’m fine, it’s just…” His voice trails off as his eyes get lost on the waves forming and crashing a few feet away from you.

“Oh no, this is it isn’t it?” You groan looking down. “You’re going to break up with me aren’t you?”

“No!” He quickly replies, moving your chin so you’re facing him. “It’s actually the opposite.”

“What do you mean-” You suddenly gasp. “You’re asking me to marry you? Jaehyun, I love you but don’t you think thats’ a little bit too soon? I mean, I’d love to marry you someday but maybe not right now, like, we have a lot going on and-”

“Hey!” He grabs your shoulders, chuckling. “I think it’s too soon for that too, don’t worry.”

“So what is it?”

“Well, I… I got us something for us…” Looking back at the sea he sighs. “But know I’m thinking it was a silly idea, never mind.”

“Oh c’mon Jaehyun, what is it?” You sit closer, gently rubbing his back.

“Promise you won’t make fun of me?” He glances your way.

“Promise.”

“Okay…” With another sign, he digs for something in his pocket. “Close your eyes.”

“Why?” You asks but he just raises his brows. “Alright, alright!”

Once you see nothing but pitch black, you feel Jaehyun grab your hand and placing something on your palm, your fingers being wrapped over it.

“You can look now.”

You open your eyes at his instructions and when he nods towards your hand you open that too. A gasp leaves your lips when you see a simple, thin silver ring with a half heart on it.

“It’s not a marriage proposal I promise.” He scratches the back of his head with and embarrassed smile on his lips. “It’s just couple rings. I saw them in a store and thought it would be cute. But if you don’t like it that’s ok, we don’t need to wear them.”

“Where’s yours?” You ask noticing there’s only one.

“Right here.” Lifting his hand up you see the other half of the heart shining on his finger.

“You know this is not my thing…” You take your ring examining it closer as his face changes into a sad expression. “But I actually love it.”

“Really?” He instantly brightens up watching you slice you ring into your finger while nodding.

“Who knew you were such a hopeless romantic?” Moving closer you run your fingers through his smooth locks that fall so naturally on his face.

“You didn’t know? Oh sweetie, you’re in for a treat.” Smirking Jaehyun closes the distance between you in a romantic kiss.

Tears fill in your eyes as you stare at the thin silver band with his half of the heart. You thought he got rid of it when he broke up with you, when everything was over. But he kept it, so that means everything Johnny told you is true. Even standing here in the hospital you hoped this was all a lie and that Jaehyun had really just broken up with you to be with someone else, that would be easier to accept than knowing he’s currently fighting for his life on a risky surgery. And that’s when you understand why he did things this way.

Your body collapses and you let yourself cry, holding the ring tight to your chest as you kneel on the ground.

Quickly Yuta, Ten and Johnny approach to comfort you, helping you up so you can sit on one of the chairs on the hall.

Time seems to pass slower than it ever did, minutes feel like days, hours feel like months. It seems like an eternity as gone by since surgery started and there were no news, nobody coming in or out of the surgery room.

“I’m gonna get some coffee, do you want anything?” You hear Yuta ask but you don’t have energy to even process it.

“Can you bring us some water please?” Ten replies, rubbing his hand up and down your arm.

“I’ll come with you.” Johnny offers and they go in silence.

After a while they come back handing you a bottle of water but you don’t even raise your arm to pick it up, you just sit motionless, head resting against Ten’s shoulder. Your tears have dried but your world has stopped, you can’t feel anything, not until those doors finally open.

“Family of Jung Jaehyun?” A doctor asks making you all get up and rush to him.

“We’re his friends, his parents are out of the country and will only arrive tomorrow.” Johnny explains. “How did it go, doctor?”

“Well, it was tough and we almost lost him for a second.” You can feel your heart tighten at the thought. “But we successfully removed the tumour.”

Everybody breathes in relief and you hold on to Ten as you feel you could collapse again.

“When can we see him?” Yuta voices out what you’re all thinking.

“He’s still on anaesthesia, we’ll take him to the room and the nurse will let you know when you can visit.”

You all thank the doctor before he goes back in the room and you can’t help but hug Ten tighter.

“He’s ok.” Your words are choked against Ten’s chest.

“He is.” Ten smiles, gently rubbing your back as everyone else joins the hug.

It will take some time to reallocate Jaehyun back into the room so Johnny suggest the group to go eat something at the cafeteria on the ground floor. You join them but you’re not really hungry, your mind focused on running back upstairs. So after Yuta forces you to eat half a sandwich you leave them to finish the meal and make your way to the room.

“He’s still asleep, I’m gonna let you in but please don’t make a lot of noise and call us when he wakes up.” The nurse advises and you nod before she leaves.

Holding the door knob you take a deep breath before you twist it open, you haven’t seen Jaehyun in weeks and you have no idea what he’ll look like after… Well, everything.

Your eyes search the room until they lay on the bed, where he lays facing the ceiling, covered to the chest with a white and blue hospital sheet, his arms resting over it by his side with tubes that connect him to the machines that make small bip noises, eyes closed as a serene expression takes over his face and his head shaved, the precious locks you always loved nowhere to be seen.

Slowly you approach the bed, bitting your lip as you hold back your tears, the moment being way too emotional for someone who just found out the love of their life lied to protect them from a terrible illness that could take their life.

“Jaehyun…” The words escape your lips like a whisper.

As much as it pains you to see him in this fragile status, you’re just glad he’s still here, this was not the end. But deep inside of you there’s a rollercoaster of emotions that you don’t even know how to control.

Pulling a chair next to the bed, you sit down and rest your hand on top of his. You almost feel butterflies, like the first time you held hands.

“Did you like the movie?” You ask walking down the moon lit street.

“Yeah, it was really good.” Jaehyun nods. “I didn’t take you an action movie type of girl.”

“You saying girls can’t like action movie, Jung Jaehyun?” Fake gasping, you glare at him.

“No, no!” The apologetic look on his face as he waves his hands makes you giggle.

“I’m just kidding.” You rest him assured.

“It’s good that I didn’t see it coming, I like some mystery.” Biting his lip he tries to hide a smile as he looks away.

“Oh, I got some mystery coming your way, mister.” You two chuckle.

“I really enjoyed tonight though.” He speaks up after a few seconds of silence.

“Me too, Jaehyun.”

Before you could start fantasising about a possible third date, you widen your eyes as your hands casually connect. You didn’t even realised you were walking so close together that when his hand was moving back, yours was moving forward and met halfway.

Your heart skips a beat and you feel butterflies in your stomach but you quickly move your hand to spare you from the embarrassment. What if he was bothered by this?

But as you try to retrieve your hand Jaehyun grabs it and even intertwines his fingers with yours.

“Is this ok?” You look at him noticing the tip of his ears turn red as he keeps looking forward.

“Yes.” Now holding hands with a smile, you keep walking down the street, hoping to never reach your destination and stay just like that.

No longer able to stop the tears running down your cheeks, you sit there silently weeping as you carefully hold his hand. Then you notice the shinning silver jewel on your finger. You thought about throwing it away but you never had it in you to do it, so you stored it in a box in the back of your closet but it felt like it was just calling you to come and get it. Today out of all days you casually slipped it on, as just another accessory, like it didn’t carry any emotional meaning. And now it made sense.

Reaching inside your pocket you take the other piece that Ahreum gave you earlier and carefully slide it down Jaehyun’s finger. Closing your eyes you lean down to leave a kiss on the back of his hand, holding it tight with both of yours.

And that’s when you feel movement.

Gasping you lean back up and watch his hand twitch. Quickly you move your sight to his face and see his eyes gradually open. Then his face turns to the side and you can see he’s surprised to see you there.

“Y/N?” His voice his hoarse and tired but you’re so glad you’re hearing it.

“Jaehyun…”

Bitting your trembling lip you get closer to him and without thinking twice you hug him. He groans a little bit from the sudden movement and you step back, apologising.

“What…” He clears his throat and you can see his eyes get watery. “What are you doing here?”

“You know how much I like hospitals.” You both grin nervously as you try to easy this in. “Johnny. He told me everything.”

Jaehyun takes his hand to his head realising this is the first time you see him bald. And then he watches your expression change.

“How could you do this to me? How could you just leave me while you were suffering and not tell me anything? Didn’t you think I’d just hurt more when I found out? We said we would be there for each other no matter what, were you scared I’d break my promise? Because I wouldn’t. I’d never do that.”

By the end of your ranting you break down and sit back on the chair, hands covering your face embarrassed to throw out your frustration out just like that when it’s not an easy moment for him either.

“I’m sorry.” His trembling voice makes you look up immediately. “I’m so sorry.”

With a deep breath you take his hand again and this time he squeezes it back as you stare into each other as if making up from all this time apart.

“I thought I lost back then and today I thought I’d loose you for real.” You sniff trying to calm yourself. “But we’re being given another chance.”

“You still want to give me another chance?” Jaehyun tentatively asks afraid to hear a no.

“With one condition.” You warn.

“Anything you want.” He replies instantly.

“Don’t ever do this to me again.” You sigh. “Don’t ever hide anything like this for me. I’m here for better and for worst. No matter what happens it’s you and me. Always. Ok?”

“I love you.” He says between sobs, pulling you closer to him.

“Until the end?” Chuckling you get up.

“Until the end.” He quickly nods before pulling you down and kiss you like he desperately wanted to all this time.

As you share a beautiful moment you hear cheers coming from all your best friends, including Ahreum, that stood by the door watching the whole scene in silence until now.

When you sit back down you silently thank all of them. The world is cruel and some people are too, but sometimes the people who you think betrayed you are the ones who care the most.

☽ ・・・・・ ☾

taglist: @yokshi-unbeliebubble @nc-teen @yutahoes @dimplehyunn @iknowyuno @bebskyy @ne0cultur3technology @nurenciye @luvjeongjaehyun @chenleyang @booyouwhore17 @jenoxygen @star1117-archives

unable to tag: @doahflix @criminalmindsz @jaehyunsprincess

#nctcreations #jaehyun fluff #jaehyun angst #nct fluff #nct angst #nct 127 fluff #nct 127 angst

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tabbedtabby · 2 hours

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good luck, babe! | chapter 2

regina george x reader

summary: After the Queen Bee of North Shore makes up rumors about you taking pictures of girls in the changing room, you decide to take matters into your own hands. You didn’t think that would mean coming to a reluctant agreement with Regina George.

a/n: i wasn’t gonna add cady but now i am because it’s convenient for me so just pretend she’s in the last chapter lol. also they get high way faster than what’s accurate but i wrote this in like 4 sittings it felt longer to me pls spare me. if the picture collage thing is ugly i’m sorry i’m not a tumblr native 😭 but anyways big thanks to everyone who interacted with the first chapter mwah!!!!! (photo creds from left to right: @/mediorcesav on insta, @/marvelsgirl616, casual mv by chappell roan)

——————————————————————

When the bell rings after 7th period, you’re already halfway out the door.

You’re already sober enough from earlier so you’re desperate to get outside, even if Regina will be there. You bite the inside of your mouth in annoyance. You like your after school alone time; you didn’t want the person who literally ruined your social life to be there. At least maybe she’ll leave right after you smoke. You realize she most likely won’t after you remember she drives. How could you forget that bedazzled pink Jeep?

You feel the dappled sunlight sink heat into your skin once you enter the woods behind the baseball field. It really was a nice day. You make your way to your usual spot and lift up the pile of sticks and leaves that hide your forest stash. The guy who sells to you charges a ridiculous amount for carts compared to just the plant so you try to use them sparingly. Even if this shit stinks up the whole forest.

You’re not sure if Regina will care or not if you start without her, so you pull out your phone to pass the time. Besides, you want to be sober anyway when she finally shows.

After about 20 minutes of standing there, you start to get impatient. You almost pull the bag out to start without her before you finally see a flash of blonde hair from behind the trees.

“Took you long enough.” you mutter, already opening the bag without paying Regina much attention. Your patience was windeled, and you don’t especially want to talk to her anyway.

“Sorry I have a social life. I guess you wouldn’t know,” she snaps back, her voice strained.

You feel the annoyance crawl down your back like a centipede, and you have to bite the inside of your mouth to stop yourself from saying something back to her. She holds basically your life in her hands since you’d be both fucked and poor if she decided to snitch on you. Probably not a good idea to start a fight on the first day of your little deal, but she made it difficult.

You grab one of the cans from under the pile of leaves as you see Regina cross her arms a couple feet away from you. Her eyes watching your every move makes you a bit wary on instinct. You feel like a mouse being stalked by a snake. You grab a decently sized piece out of the bag and put it on the crushed can. You couldn’t be bothered to roll your own blunts, so this was the next best thing.

“How much have you smoked before?” you ask, just wanting a general idea on how much she should have so that you wouldn’t have to drag her to the parking lot. Apparently, she takes great offense.

“What are you, my mom? Just hurry up so I can get out of here,” she says begrudgingly, like being out here was the biggest possible drag on her life. She was really grating on your last nerve right now.

“Trying my best.” you respond dryly, giving her a snide smile as you fiddle with the lighter.

“Well, obviously it’s not good enough. What are you even doing, anyway? This is the shadiest shit I’ve ever seen—”

You blow the first hit out of your mouth harshly. “Can you please just shut the fuck up? I don’t want to be out here with you either!”

“That’s shocking. I’m surprised this isn’t your ultimate wet dream, being alone in the forest with me,” Regina sneers, nothing but disgust on her face. Like you were some kind of animal instead of human.

“What’s that going off of? The photo collection that you made up?” you snap, putting the can down for a minute. “Believe me, I want nothing to do with you either. But since we’re gonna be out here every day, you could at least make it a little easier.”

You can tell she wants to rip your throat out just by the way she looks at you. Pursed lips, downturned eyebrows, piercing blue eyes surrounded by eyeliner almost as sharp as the look she’s giving you right now. She’s way too tense for someone about to get high.

“Whatever.” she finally says, although the edge to her voice makes you want to scoff. Better not to sour her mood more than necessary, though.

Pleased with the newfound silence, you light the piece on top of the can once more and take another hit. It’s strong enough to make you cough, and you sit down against the foot of a tree. Regina raises an eyebrow at you.

“I thought you were supposed to be some kind of professional,” she says, but her voice isn’t quite as taunting as before. It almost sounded like a joke. Maybe she was considering not making this hell for you after all.

“It’s not good if it doesn’t make you cough.” you respond with a shrug. She looks at you expectantly, but you pretend you don’t see. You don’t want to have to stand back up just to pass her the can.

Eventually, she sits next to you (albeit, begrudgingly) and you pass the can to her, lighting it again when she puts her lips up to it. She explodes into a coughing fit the minute the smoke hits her lungs.

You can’t help but snicker at the sight of Regina George coughing her lungs out with just one hit from the can. It was almost strange to see her not perfectly arranged the way she was at school. You were up close enough to see the strings that sew her together.

She glares at you from the corner of her eye, but it only makes you laugh harder. You’re acting stupid right now and you’re aware of it, but you can’t stop. It’s a nice sort of high. Not like when you smoke too much and everything starts to blur together, which happens more than you’d like to admit. But this is nice. You lean back until your back touches the grass.

Regina has a couple more hits until she’s smoked about everything that’ll come out of it, and you both just lay there on the forest floor. You’re surprised she isn’t whining about dirt getting on her outfit. Maybe she’s too stoned to care. She never did answer your question about her tolerance.

Your thoughts go elsewhere as you stare up at the sky. The tops of the trees cover most of it. The sun from behind the leaves make them look almost as if they are glowing. It’s so beautiful. You wish you could reach up and feel it between your own fingertips, the fabric of the sky.

“You don’t care about what I think about you.” You hear Regina say, her voice only a couple of feet away from you. It sounds more like a statement than a question.

You don’t why it’s funny to you, but it is. You feel the laugh escape your lips before you can stop it.

“I guess not.” you respond, even though you’re not certain if she wanted a response. It sounded like she was just thinking out loud. You feel that.

“Everyone else does. They grovel to me like lap dogs.” she says amusingly, although her voice drags and you can tell she’s starting to get tired.

“You don’t like it?” you ask with surprise.

“It’s the way it should be,” she declares, as if you’re stupid for even asking. “But everyone else is a less hot version of me. It gets annoying talking to the same clones that hang onto my every word. Like, just be normal for once in your life,” Regina complains, an annoyed edge in her tone near the end. Somehow you could tell she was talking about Gretchen. That poor girl really did hang onto every little thing Regina said or did. It was almost worshipful. But in an unfortunate, sad kind of way.

Her problems didn’t seem all that hard compared to others, but you don’t say anything. It’s intesting to you to hear her talk about this stuff, to see what goes on in her head. You’d never really considered what her life was like. You wonder if there’s a reason she’s the way that she is. There must be. Everyone’s a product of their environment in some shape or form. Of course, it doesn’t excuse everything she’s done, but that thought makes you want to get inside her head somehow.

You shake your head at the silly train of thought. Regina George was just plain mean. Nothing more to it. You turn your head to look at her as you realize you never responded.

Her eyes are closed, hair splayed out on the forest ground. She looks stoned as fuck, her chest rising and falling dangerously slow. You snort and roll your eyes. How low was her tolerance? You already felt mostly normal again.

Somehow she still manages to look perfect, even if you could mistake her as a corpse. You lay your head back down. Your parents wouldn’t mind if you were home a little late, right?

After that, you and Regina would meet to smoke behind the school almost every day, except when Regina had plans with her friends and you would just go alone. You still wish she wasn’t there, but sometimes she’s okay to talk to when she isn’t being a priss. She complains about her friends and boys and how sometimes in the morning her eyelash curler refuses to work. It’s entertaining to hear about how shallow her problems are. You still want to punch her most of the time, though.

This time around, however, she’s complaining about math. Something about her teacher failing her on purpose or something to make her have sex with him to get her grade up. You seriously doubt that’s true, but you listen anyway.

“Like, he’s totally obsessed with me. I know how to do the work, but he always marks it as wrong anyway. That Cady girl helps me with it, and she’s some kind of math freak.” Regina exclaims, taking a huge hit from the smoking can. She immediately sputters and you take the can back from her with a slight roll of your eyes. That’s probably enough for her.

“Is she, though?” you ask, taking a hit from the can yourself. “She’s in my Calc class and lately she’s been doing really shitty. I guess you guys are rubbing off on her,” you say with amusement.

Regina takes a deep breath, an agitated sigh coming out of her. “What’s the point of her tutoring me, then? They’re gonna take me off the soccer team if I don’t start passing like all of my classes. It’s like she wants me to fail.” she seethes, and she sounds genuinely upset. She could afford to pay attention in class instead of doing her makeup if better grades is what she wants, but alas.

You kind of want to offer to help her, but it’s her own fault so you bite your tongue. You put the can down with a sharp sigh. You’d rather not smoke too much around her in fear that you’ll start acting stupid and she’ll post it all over the internet. Just the slightly more giggly high is fine for now.

Regina stares bullets through you as your stash back under the pile of leaves. You pick up your backpack and get ready to leave. You feel fine enough to walk home.

“You’re not gonna offer to help me?” she asks indignantly, as if you owed it to her. You have to bite your lip to keep from groaning in annoyance. Could she be any more of a spoiled brat?

“Why would I do that?” you respond, feeling that your distaste seeps through your voice as well as your expression. You’re tired, both from school and from hanging out with Regina for too long. You just want to go home.

“Because I’m keeping your secret?” she says with that tone that reminds you of a viper. The one she uses to get whatever she wants from people by threatening to ruin them. Your chest bubbles with that same anger as that day in the cafeteria.

“Dude, I’m literally your plug. I’ve done enough for you to keep your mouth shut.” you snap, slinging your backpack over your shoulder. She was really starting to piss you off. That’s how it was with Regina; just when you think she’s all right, she starts doing this bullshit again.

“So what? I don’t need weed. I can break our deal whenever I want. Besides, you’ll only tutor me until the end of the month. It’s not that deep.” It’s only the beginning of October, so you’d be wasting more of your time with her for the next month, but of course she doesn’t include that. God, you’re so pissed off, but what can you do? Not be able to smoke anymore? Get suspended again? You hate that she can just hang this over your head until you comply. You bite your lip hard enough to draw blood as you stare at her, one of her hands on her hip and her eyebrows raised as if you’re a dog she just told to heel that won’t listen. Your hands bunch into tight fists until your knuckles turn white. You really wish you had seen her with that bruise right about now.

“Fine.” you spit, pushing your way out of the clearing and back towards the school. Great. Now it would take even longer to shake Regina off. You shoulder branches of leaves out of your way, your feet kicking at the dirt. You wished she could just be fucking normal and that she never started any of this in the first place.

“I better see you tomorrow, loser!” You hear Regina scream from somewhere behind you. God, you were gonna kill her. Or yourself. Whichever came first.

#mean girls #mean girls x reader #mean girls 2024 #regina george #regina george x reader #regina george x you #regina george 2024 #mean girls 2024 x reader

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torao-chan · 9 months

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thinking about milgram again, as i do. undercover, specifically, as i also do.

these lines are always the main revolving point in undercover for me

old translation:

Scramble for life”, Dissecting our thoughts while asking “why” Looking for mistakes in overtime You get to know them and then tie them with their EGO Can you really judge them? The border between “Hate” vs “OK” Is it really ok to be done with deciding with just your EGO? Will you be able to forgive them after listening to their sins?

new translation

Take, grab, steal dissect the thoughts of "Why" Looking for mistakes in overtime. To know someone, to bind them in their EGO Can you really judge them? The fine line between "Hate" and "OK" Shouldn't you look beyond your EGO, before it all ends? After knowing all, I wonder Can you really say INNOCENT?

i’ve expressed multiple times that, esp based on the old translation, we have to vote innocent (or get the entire internet to abstain from voting ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ like that’s gonna happen) in at least the final round for a ‘best’ ending to this.

but i also query the emphasis on ego, and the getting to know them- especially in regards to the developments we’ve been seeing (especially in round 2) around the mvs and their sheer responsiveness to the voice drama content that occurs immediately prior to the song’s extraction.

like, several times, i’ve gone to play the new song for my friend, only for me to start, stop, and immediately go ‘wait, no, i need to play you the vd first to contextualise this’.

and it makes me wonder.

how much muddier the waters will become as we progress through the rest of round 2, and even more into round three.

i wonder if the round 1 videos won’t be the clearest view of their crimes that we get. there are certain cases, such as mu, where we can clearly see that she’s attempting to push an agenda through the video as well- but! its still the least corrupted view of the crime- the least responsive to whatever es has been saying, and whatever has been going on during the gap between rounds, and the least responsive to the audience voices they’re hearing.

i think the round 1 videos will show us the most clear image of what each prisoner sees their own crime to be.

regardless of what milgram is or isn’t holding them for. regardless of how the audience interprets them, and impresses upon them. regardless of how es responds to each stage.

round 1 was, very clearly, what each prisoner thought their own crime to be.

round 2, however, has been a response. to what we think that crime is, and what our opinions on that are.

i think i’m beginning to repeat myself but anyway.

leo thoughts.

#imma go chill out before family dinner now #but have these lil nuggets of thoughts that occur to me through out stewing on milgram lmao #leogram

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kai-selfships · 11 months

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Selfship questions from @salsflore! This is a spectacular idea, and I really think it would be awesome if this format of questions became a trend as opposed to ask games (those are fun and all, but I never get questions 😭). So yeah thanks for making this it’s a great idea!!

I’ll answer for my GOTG selfships because I haven’t stopped thinking about them since the new movie came out 😵‍💫

Also tagging @4i-i0v3-y0u because we talk about GOTG often :)

For context, Rocket and Drax are romantic F/Os, Peter, Groot sr, Mantis, Nebula and Gamora are Platonic F/Os, and Groot jr is a familial F/O. Also I have a silly little crush on Yondu 🤫 so when asked about “them” I’ll usually talk about Rocket or Drax, but sometimes the others too

what’s something you do to feel closer to them? fanfics, listen to songs, etc.

I love watching the Guardians of the Galaxy movies! I also enjoy watching MVs on YouTube. This is my favorite!

how did you get introduced to your f/o and/or their media? do you like their source?

My brother is a huge fan of Marvel. A couple of years ago, over the summer, he made me watch all the movies with him. I wasn’t too big of a fan of the other ones, but I really really loved the guardians :) there’s actually kind of a funny story about how I got introduced to my F/Os— when I first watched the movie, Rocket was my favorite character, but I knew if I told my family that they would make fun of me, so I instead told everyone Drax was my favorite (he’s actually my SECOND favorite lol) and I’m just now starting to let myself love Rocket :,)

what’s one or two things you especially like about your f/o? can be a headcanon!

I love how creative and smart Rocket is :) he loves to build things and invent new weapons and machines, and I think it’s really cool!

I really really love that Drax is so honest— it may annoy our friends sometimes, but he really likes me and isn’t shy about saying it.

Peter is very affectionate and loves to give hugs!! He and I are really good friends (we’ve known each other since even before the Kyln) so it’s nice to have someone who really knows me.

what’s one or two things your f/os love about you? ( self positivity time babey )

I know Rocket really loves my smile :) my S/I is less angst ridden than the rest of the team, so he’s often the one to keep everyone’s spirits up, and Rocket really appreciates the positivity.

how do you express your love to them? how do they express their love to you?

I express my love to my F/Os by being there for them. There are some things I won’t ever understand, or be able to help with, and that’s okay. But I can be a listening ear if they ever feel like opening up.

My F/Os show their love by caring for me. My S/I is the type to prioritize everyone else first, so they help me out by taking care of me when I need it. We usually make our own food (it’s hard to cook for so many different species with different nutritional needs) but when I feel burned out or particularly morose, Drax cooks for me.

a gift you’d like to give them if you could, and something they’d give to you!

Rocket’s flight suit is obviously good for flying a spaceship and fighting people, but it doesn’t look very comfy (especially for the cybernetics on his back) so I think I would give him some more comfortable clothes to wear. Early on in our relationship I think I would be wayyy to embarrassed for such a grand gesture (spending money is a big deal) so I would just give him one of my shirts. Rocket absolutely loves it.

Omg me and Clyde were literally kinda talking about this earlier but basically Rocket would totally collect a whole bunch of pretty things (shiny rocks, stolen jewelry, etc) and give them as gifts to me.

what do you celebrate together? like halloween, christmas time, easter, etc.

We all celebrate Christmas together! Of course the first time was on Knowhere, much after Vol2 and Endgame and stuff, but it’s become a tradition ever since.

do you sleep together? is it peaceful or filled with snoring? do you both stay up? tell us more! ( how you sleep, when you sleep, do you wake up at the same time? )

Drax has his own bed because he can’t stand sleeping with other people (it’s the sensory processing disorder) but me and Rocket sleep together sometimes :)

Rocket’s sleep schedule is really weird because he’s meant to be nocturnal— he doesn’t sleep much at night, and takes a lot of naps in the daytime. He either snuggles with me anyway, just enjoying the closeness, or stays up building something.

When we lived on the Milano, and Groot was still a baby, he would sometimes come sleep with us (or just me) too if he had a nightmare.

Drax always wakes up earlier than me. Once we start living together in Knowhere, he gets into a habit of cooking breakfast for us all.

what’s one thing you can’t do well that the other can, vice versa ( e.g cooking, playing video games, so on and so forth )

One thing I’m not good at is cooking 😭 I’m bad at managing time, so things tend to end up burned or undercooked. Drax is really good at cooking, though!

And with something I can do well— Rocket isn’t good at writing. Numbers are easy because they’re a lot of sharp lines, but letters that curve and are kind of round (like “s” or “o”) are really difficult. It’s because his hands aren’t very good at holding the pencil, so he’s embarrassed about this, and avoids writing whenever possible. I really enjoy things like fancy lettering, painting, and drawing. It’s one of my hobbies :)

do you have similar tastes in fashion? aesthetic? food? tell us about their taste!

We Guardians kind of wear the same clothing (there’s not much range in the space junker business) but I like pretty things a lot. When not on a job, I like to wear a lot of accessories. As for food— I love all kinds of food. Literally anything.

Rocket doesn’t have a lot of options when it comes to clothes, so he just wears what he can find. He loves eating fresh foods, like fruits and seafood.

Drax’s fashion sense is complicated. Comfort takes priority, but he also is picky with colors. His species sees more colors than the human eye can pick up (hc). His taste in food is simple: he loves things with a lot of flavor, especially meat. You ever watched Diners, Drive-ins, and Dives? That kinda stuff.

how do they tend to comfort you? how do you tend to comfort them?

Everyone knows I love hugs. Drax is so strong and he gives the best hugs 😭 Rocket and I like to cuddle, and he also makes me feel better by making me laugh :) Groot is also really sweet, he and I could talk for hours.

I mostly comfort my loves with reassurance. “It’s not your fault” is a big one, both for Rocket and Drax, and Groot often needs reassurance because he feels like he’s not as good as Groot sr.

if you have a rival or nemesis f/o, why? are there any lore reasons or is it just because?

Obviously all the bad guys we’ve fought (Ronan, Ego, Thanos, the High Evolutionary), but in a more lighthearted sense, I don’t really get along well with the avengers. No real reason, I just don’t like them.

what are some uncommon headcanons you have for them?

I’m not quite sure if these are uncommon or not haha— I headcanon that Rocket likes to play video games. He got into it because Groot wanted someone to play with, and of course it was a lot of fun. I also headcanon that Rocket is hard of hearing from being too close to explosions and gunfire all his life. I headcanon Peter suffered some type of disordered eating growing up because he was always afraid that if he got too big to fit into small spaces to steal things, the Ravagers would kill him. I also headcanon that Peter has synthesia, which is why he loves music so much, but also doesn’t often listen to it when he works— it’s distracting.

what is your favorite fan theory/headcanon about them?

My favorite about Rocket is just about him being a dad to little Groot. Of course it’s practically canon, but it’s really sweet

if you live together, how’s domestic life like for you both?

We live together on Knowhere once it becomes the Guardians of the Galaxy HQ. I think this is my favorite part of our story, it’s so sweet :) that kind of life takes some adjusting to, but it’s really what we’ve all always wanted. (Post vol3) Drax gets to be a loving father figure to the children rescued from the HE, and after finding a home with the Guardians and leading a decade or so of an action-packed life, Rocket really just wants to rest. So he does. And for me, ever since I was young, all I’ve ever wanted is to love and be loved. We keep in contact with our friends and they visit often, of course.

do you have any scent hcs for them? ( sweet, something like coffee, etc )

Unpopular opinion, I think Rocket smells a lot like soap. He washes his hands often, and is kind of a clean freak tbh.

is there anything commonly misunderstood about your f/o?

I kind of like the fandom’s current interpretation of Rocket. My only complaint is that sometimes people portray him as a womanizer, when that’s not him at all.

one thing you don’t have in common, and one thing you do

One thing we don’t have in common is probably, for lack of a better word, toughness? Rocket has no hesitation when he needs to kill someone, but my S/I had a breakdown every freaking time. One thing we do have in common is the deep and profound loneliness and desire to be understood.

how do you resolve conflicts? how do you both typically react when faced with conflict or whilst dealing with an argument?

We don’t heavily disagree on anything important (like morals and ethics and stuff) so conflict is usually pretty surface level annoyance. Sometimes Drax is too loud, or says something mean on accident, or Rocket is having a bad day and snaps at us, or i feel too low energy to get stuff done, etc… usually the solution is to just spend some time away from each other to cool down and feel better. Sometimes an apology is needed, sometimes it’s just mutually understood.

have you met their friends/family? how did that go? do they even keep in contact with their friends/family?

I never met batch 89, or Drax’s late wife and daughter— but I have met Ego! And Thanos! 👍 neither of those went very well. Oh I also met Yondu and the rest of the Ravagers a few times, and Peter considers them family— there was some conflict before, but Yondu was a good friend to us. Also i thought he was kinda hot but don’t tell Peter.

tell us as much (or as little) as you'd like about any of your self ship lore/bg! the timeline!

I’m actually planning on making a timeline post soon!

if they have variations (timelines, skills, voiced languages, etc) which one is your favorite?

The biggest variations are probably their comic book vs movie characters, and while I’ve read a few of the old comics that feature the Guardians, I prefer my F/Os movie versions.

your favorite outfit/costume of theirs! if they don’t have any official skins or anything, show us something you think they’d look good in!

Rocket’s suit in the first Guardians of the Galaxy (the orange one) has a special place in my heart :3 but I also like how he looks in the Kyln’s prison outfit lol— yellow is my favorite color. As for Drax, I really really like his sleeveless shirt outfit in GOTG 3 :D

who confessed first and how did it go?

I confessed first to Drax, I’d say it went well because we ended up dating lmao. Then a little bit later Rocket realized that his feelings for me were more than platonic, but it still took him a long time to find the courage to tell me haha

did anyone know about your f/o’s feelings before they confessed? how did they find out?

Just little Groot. He and Rocket are besties, they tell each other everything.

if you have multiple f/os, do they fit into any “type?” ( e.g coincidentally they’re all smartasses, blonde, villains, etc. lol )

Kind of! Drax and Rocket aren’t very similar, but the common ground is Yondu (a crush of mine) who has a similar personality to Rocket and looks kind of like Drax (bald).

do you have any favorite scenarios you like to imagine your f/os in? ( domestic fluff, angsty, etc. )

I love hurt/comfort!!!!! I’ll get injured in battle and my F/Os will nurse me back to health!! Rocket will experience the emotional turmoil of having to fight a past abuser immediately after having a near death experience and seeing batch 89 in the sky and i’ll be there to help him through it!!!

have you ever thought about ( platonic or not ) marriage? would you consider it a good idea? why or why not?

Yeah :) I would 100% want to get married to both my romantic F/Os, especially Drax. He would be so excited about it! Me and Rocket are kind of just having fun, but it means a lot to him. All our friends would be there, too!

^ if you're planning to get married, then tell us all about your wedding! the honeymoon! the planning!

The wedding wouldn’t be too fancy, just one of the nicer buildings on Knowhere. Nebula, surprisingly, would offer to help plan. She’s very good at things like that. Everyone would be there (maybe Gamora would even swing by) and there’d be lots of good food and drinks. For a honeymoon, we’d probably go to one of the planets less involved in interplanetary crime— ooh, I bet Xandar has some nice vacation places :) we might even get a discount for saving the Galaxy haha.

if you live together, how does your home look like? who decided on the decor?

Knowhere is known for being more functional than pretty, but I just love making things look nice— Drax and Rocket don’t mind if I handle the decor, as long as it’s not too crazy, so I get to put in carpets and nice lighting and stuff! I enjoy paintings of landscapes, since Knowhere doesn’t really have any natural beauty. It’s very colorful.

do you, or plan to, have f/o kids? ( pets and plants count! ) bonus: if you have pets, do they show any favoritism?

Groot is our kid, but he’s pretty much grown up after vol3– we all want kids, but adoption is a big decision. I suppose we could have pets, but Rocket feels kind of weird about having a “lower life form” around.

what was it like when they first said ‘i love you’? how did you reply? where was it?

Drax first said I love you maybe a month after we started living on the Milano as a team. I was super flustered— obviously he meant it, he’s a terrible liar. I said it back, but I was a little embarrassed haha.

When Rocket first said I love you, it was late at night, and he and I were hanging out eating a midnight snack because he couldn’t sleep. We were both dead tired but Rocket was having nightmares and I didn’t want to leave him alone. This was a couple months after Vol2, and we hadn’t even started dating yet.

if you could make one thing 100% canon about them, what would it be?

It’s already implied in very few scenes, but I think it would be more realistic if Rocket’s cybernetics were more of a problem to him. In my canon, he has chronic pain and nerve damage from the surgeries, and needs to take special care to upkeep his metal parts.

how do you kill time with them when bored?

Drax loves to tell stories. I love listening to him. He also tries to tell jokes, which are pretty funny.

Rocket also talks a lot, but he likes to be doing something while we talk. When he and I have down time, he works on his inventions while I just lie down and we talk.

your favorite thing about your f/o, appearance wise

I love Rocket’s eyes 👁️👁️ they r so pretty I love brown eyes— also I like that Drax is taller than me lol. And I like Yondu’s mouth. His teeth are all messed up, but I like how he whistles and grins all pointy >:3 yk?

your favorite thing about your f/o, non-appearance wise

I love how deeply Rocket loves. He cares for his friends so much, it’s beautiful.

This was kind of touched on by Mantis in vol3, but I love Drax’s positivity despite everything he’s gone through.

what’s your dynamic like? any tropes you fit?

“Silly fella that absolutely no one is intimidated by” (me) x “built like a brick shithouse, his name is literally ‘the destroyer’” (Drax)

“Loves the other so deeply, profoundly, and unconditionally” (me) x “thinks he is undeserving of love”

In terms of tropes that actually exist? Probably “sunshine x grumpy” and “best friends to lovers”

the most iconic/memed on/quoted line or event associated with your f/o

For Drax, the one I appreciate most is “nothing goes over my head… my reflexes are too fast, I would catch it.” And for Rocket, probably when he was telling little Groot how to set up the batteries to explode lol.

who’s more likely to be the sappy, cheesy romantic in the relationship?

Me ❤️

who gets flustered the easiest?

Omg Rocket does haha— he doesn’t get compliments often, so whenever I voice how much I love him and what exactly I like about him he kind of doesn’t know what to say. He also things I’m handsome :3

if you were in an emergency or stressful situation, which one of you’s the best at staying level headed keeping the other calm? who is the one absolutely freaking out?

We have emergency situations a lot, so it kind of depends. When threatened, Drax automatically goes into fight or flight (always fight, for him), and I usually try to find a peaceful way out of the situation. Rocket is almost always very good at keeping his cool in high-stakes battles, but some things throw him off.

what nicknames do you call each other?

My nicknames for Rocket: Rocky, love

Rockets nicknames for me: (embarrassing as fuck so only teasingly and in private, but—) Boo

My nicknames for Drax: Honey

Drax’s nicknames for me: none, he doesn’t really get them lol

with phones or modern au : what would your contact names be?

In my phone: Rocket 🚀 and Drax🗡️

But they just have boring old names in their contact list lol

with phones or modern au : how do they use their phone? do they have a billion screenshots in their gallery? whats their wallpaper?

Rocket: has a few apps that Groot used to play games (now he plays them too lol), his wallpaper is a photo of all of the guardians

Drax: his phone is default settings for the wallpaper, ringtone, etc— hasn’t downloaded any apps either. He uses his phone mainly for taking thousands of pictures. Mostly of the stars, and other things he finds pretty, but we’re also in there :)

favorite memory involving them ( whether in your lore as a scenario, a scene from their media, or another physical experience like when you received merch etc )

Irl, my favorite memory is seeing GOTG vol3 in the movie theater :D but in universe, my favorite memory is just any time when we’re all together and happy ❤️

are they physically affectionate? if so, how do they express it? vice versa!

Drax gives big hugs :) he’s strong enough to pick me up and carry me around! And Rocket is more shy, but he likes to cuddle with me.

any funny or awkward moments you've experienced with them?

Actually yeah, with Peter— we worked and lived together for a few months several years before the events of the first movie. Peter asks a lot of questions, like “if you’re a shapeshifter, why is your dick small”.

who’s more likely to get into, or start fights? whether with each other or with others.

Rocket starts fights. He’s insecure, and steals batteries he doesn’t need, and there was a learning curve to living with him. We all love him very much though.

what were your first impressions of each other?

My first Impression of Rocket was that he was someone strong that I’d want to stay with— we were arrested and brought to the Kyln together, and he and Groot were protecting Peter, so I decided to stick around.

His first impression of me was that I was untrustworthy (because I tried to help Peter when he and Groot tried to kidnap him)

My first impression of Drax was that he was scary, so I treated him with respect. His first impression of me was that I was kind :)

do you have an anniversary date? how was it decided & how do you (plan to) celebrate it?

No I don’t lol— maybe I should

.... would you still love them if they turned into a worm

Yeah, lol

how did their personality or lifestyle change after befriending/getting with you?

Rocket used to live his life more… unhealthily. He drank a lot and got in fights and had only Groot to support him. Once he made friends with the rest of us (and me of course) he subconsciously began thinking his life actually had some worth, and for the most part, he wanted to stay alive.

Drax was filled with so much rage after losing his family. He thought killing their killer would make him feel better, but after Ronan was dealt with he didn’t feel any more satisfied. He learned slowly that he could only heal and feel better if he opened up and allowed himself to experience love again. He jokes around more, but also cries more— he’s not “fixed”, or without the bad memories, but rather he allows himself to feel things. Before, he coped with the grief by just destroying.

something you know about them, that many others don’t?

Peter often likes to make fun of Rocket for being afraid of spiders, because once they were exploring a planet with these giant bug creatures, and Rocket froze up and couldn’t kill them. The truth is, something Rocket’s only told me and Groot, is that they reminded him of Floor, with all the hydraulic legs skittering around.

how do they reassure or affirm their love for you?

Words of affirmation mostly, and quality time spent together. I need a lot of affirmation ;-;

what’s your funniest or most embarrassing memory together?

I always love when we’re on a mission and need disguises >:3 very fun. one time we were going to a fancy gala, and we had to dress up in nice fancy clothes, but we didn’t even get halfway through the event before Drax took his shirt off and got in trouble.

what’s their sense of humor like? how easy is it to make them laugh?

Rocket and Drax are both kind of immature with their humor— Drax in a more childish way, and Rocket is just kind of a dick. Like he thinks those videos of people falling down or getting hurt are funny lmao— or, as per canon, stealing people’s prosthetics.

what inside jokes do you share?

Mostly about Gamora and Peter’s will they/won’t they relationship. We placed bets on whether they’d get together or not. I lost.

if necessary, how do you wake them up? how do they wake you up?

I’m the one who gets woken up lol, I sleep wayyy too much. Rocket usually tries to be nice about it but Drax is straight to the point and just shakes me awake lmao

any daily routines or habits you two follow?

Life is busy on Knowhere, so we don’t spend every day together. However, we at least try to have breakfast and dinner together every day :) it’s really great!

what do others in source say about your relationship? do you keep it a secret?

Everyone, for the most part, is supportive. Though there are planets like Earth where polyamory might be considered odd, in space (like businesses where you travel a lot and practically live on your ship) it’s pretty typical. We’re all men, too, but that’s pretty normal— for example, Kraglin’s been married 14 times, and has only one ex-wife.

We’ve never kept it secret.

if you have more than one f/o from the same media, which one were you drawn to first? any lore connection like did they introduce you to the others? did one make you fall for the other?

Irl, I was drawn to Rocket first. Something about his voice and personality 🫣 I thought he was so cute.

In lore, technically Peter introduced me to everyone. It did not take long for me to fall for Drax, but because Rocket was more standoffish at first, we were just friends for a long time.

dream piece of merchandise or f/o-related experience you’d like to have

I don’t even know if they make these, but I’d really like a life size weighted plushie of Rocket :,)

how are they like when vulnerable?

Rocket gets angry. He cries and then hates himself for crying, so he picks fights with Peter and then hates himself more.

Drax is very quiet. He doesn’t like to show his emotions in front of everybody, so he isolated himself.

describe your f/o in 6 words or less

Rocket: dangerous, smart, sarcastic

Drax: honest, powerful, loving

describe your f/o using only emojis

Drax: 🔪💪🪨💥

Rocket: 🩻🚀🔫🔧

would you rather go to their world, or have them come to yours?

I like both ideas, but I’d have to say go to their world because there’s also things there I want to experience that has nothing to do with our relationship— I want to visit Knowhere! I want to meet abilisks! I want to fly in a spaceship!!!!

do you care about ship lore? feel free to tell us about it if you’d like!

It’s important to me :) I love thinking of scenarios for our first kiss, first date, etc :D this post actually made me realize that I’d want a wedding with them, so I’ll have a lot of fun thinking about that!

if you have a s/i, how’d you go about creating their design? what went into their lore? how do the others in the source feel about your s/i?

Well, I just started imagining it— I wanted to be kind of humanoid, but I didn’t want to be Terran like Peter. I settled on a shapeshifter alien because I love the freedom of being able to change things and explain it as “oh lol he just decided to have pointy teeth that day” because he’s a shapeshifter :) I also thought it would be cool if his true form was kind of reptilian, because snakes are my favorite animal!

does your s/i hold similarities to you, is completely like you or completely different from you? do you even have a s/i?

Personality wise, we are very similar. He looks different from me because what human features he has are just kind of how I would want to look (for example, he is bigger than I am and has facial hair, and I want to look like that but I don’t because I’m trans 🥲)

thoughts on AUs/canon divergent things? do you prefer to stick as closely to canon as possible or no?

I love AUs! I’m focusing on canon things right now though; the most canon-divergent things get are the fact that I decided to have Rocket settle down and live with me on Knowhere post vol3 instead of being the new captain.

However, when I was depressed and in 10th grade (as if I’m not still depressed lmao) I kind of coped with the stress and shame of being not “good” enough to go to a normal school by imagining that I went to my weird little school and became friends with the highschool AU Guardians. It was really comforting because they were all also too fucked up for public school, and I felt less lonely. I think I still have some drawings from back then!

quick! your f/o’s just spawned in front of you, now what do you do?!

Well, I would probably be really embarrassed because I’m in my pajamas, but I guess I’d take them outside so we could talk without waking up my parents haha. After telling them where we are, what year it is, etc, then I’d probably tell my parents. My dad would probably kick them out of the house🥲

do they have any superstitions they believe in?

It seems unfair to call this a superstition, but the only thing Rocket really believes in is the afterlife. He didn’t used to, but after seeing the rest of batch 89 in the sky, he’s not so afraid of death anymore.

would you or your f/o ever get matching things? ( keychains, tattoos, shirts, etc ) do they find it cringy or cute?

Rocket and I would have matching necklaces :) Drax really loves our wedding rings— they were a gift from Peter.

who’s more the scaredy cat out of you two?

Me by a long shot. I don’t get squeamish with blood and gore (kind of a requirement in our line of work) but whenever we fight gross looking monsters it really freaks me out. The hellspawn the HE created were by far the worst.

what kind of things is your f/o into? games, music, decor, whatever!

Rocket kind of adopted Peter’s taste in music :) he also likes to watch movies— horror movies especially. That’s something he and I have in common :) I enjoy them for spooks, but he thinks they’re hilarious.

the most random thing you associate with your f/o (foods, shapes, even textures! anything that’s not an obvious)

For Rocket: having really good muscle memory for driving a vehicle, or doing something with your hands. It’s kind of silly but, like, seeing someone solve a Rubik’s cube super fast reminds me of how he puts together scraps of metal.

For Drax: genuine laughter. It’s so lovely <3

anything your f/o absolutely hates, but you absolutely love?

Rocket can’t stand spicy food, but I absolutely love it 😋 and Drax really doesn’t like heat, but I enjoy it :) summer is my favorite season

any aesthetic or -core you associate with your f/o, whether it be due to their design or personality?

Ummmm space pirate :0 I don’t know if that makes sense, but like— have you seen Treasure Planet? That kinda deal. Danger and adventure and really stylish outfits, but also futuristic technology.

who's more likely to die first in a zombie apocalypse lol

Me 💀

do your f/os have any long term wishes or goals? what about your s/i?

For all of us, probably being in a good place to adopt kids. Right now Rocket is still dealing with his past, and Drax is busy helping Nebula with repairing Knowhere, but maybe a couple years in the future we could think about it :)

your favorite f/o fun fact or bit of lore

Rocket loves dancing. He loves singing. He loves music. Especially with Groot, haha— they have a lot of fun. And with Drax, I absolutely adore that he’s so good with kids. I love Nebula’s quote about how he wasn’t made to be a destroyer, he was made to be a dad. It was tragic that he lost his daughter, but the fact that he still has love in his heart to care for the kids we rescued from the High Evolutionary…

Drax is such a sad character, and that isn’t recognized enough. When he and Mantis are on Ego’s planet, and she uses her empathic abilities to feel his emotions and is immediately overwhelmed with sadness, all the while Drax is completely calm. He rarely shows on his face how truly sad he is.

which animal represents your f/o the best?

Um. 🦝

does your f/o run hot or cold?

Rocket hot, Drax cold

free space to gush about whatever you want ♡

I was hoping there’s be a question I’d be able to fit this into (something like “what is a way you help your F/O and vice versa”) but I am a huge sucker for non-sexual intimacy. Rocket has cybernetics on his back, and they need special care to upkeep them, and he used to have Groot take care of that, but after he passed away in the first movie… anyway, at that point, I’m Rocket’s closest friend, so even though I’m nervous as hell because I suck at robotics, Rocket asks me to help with occasional tune ups and cleaning. Hmm I guess I could have added this to our domestic routines… lol whatever. Anyway that trust means a lot to me ❤️

#f/o community #selfship community #gotg spoilers #🚀#gotg tag

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vitaminwaterreviews · 2 months

Text

IU - The Winning

Wow. Like, just Wow. The song average is 9.2, which is the highest I’ve ever given by a mile. There are of course some stipulations. The music by itself would be closer to a high 8, but the MV’s were so well done that it would feel wrong to not include them in the scores of the songs. Holssi in particular really wowed me when I first saw it, Love WIns All had the nice disability representation – actually wait, isn’t that a theme here?

Yeah let’s think about that. Shopper didn’t have any marginalized representation that I caught on a first listen. Holssi featured all sorts of ethnicities, black adults and a diverse set of children. Love Wins All was about a disabled couple, and the title itself is an obvious (questionably intentional) lgbt reference. It does make me wonder if the intent was for the original title to be a reference lgbt catchphrase, but they included the word “all” in the lyrics just to be safe, in case of backlash. Clever if true.

That’s all super meta though. In terms of the songs themselves, Shh.. was definitely the standout. I like jazz and I also like songs that Go places and Do things, and Shh.. was all of the above. I stan U was a nice surprise, it was good to have a rock song, we don’t see IU doing rock much. Shopper and Holssi had me worried that every song would be NewJeansy, but thankfully IU doesn’t disappoint. And that’s not to say that those songs were bad, either; they were excellent. But a mini of exclusively that vibe gets particularly boring after a bit (see: Easy).

IU is just so good at the kpop thing. The songs are great, the MV’s are great, the promotion was excellent. Featuring a NewJeans in one of the songs was clever, and it’s like the least NewJeansy song on the album which is funny. Watching the interview definitely helped me appreciate the album more, and I hope she does more promotion in the coming weeks. I also hope we get a Shh.. MV but I won’t get my hopes up, 3 MV’s for a mini is already a lot. This is now my highest-rated album in terms of song average, and I think that’s fair enough. It is a mini, which means it does have an advantage, since minis tend to rate higher for me. And in terms of the songs themselves, this is definitely the best album I’ve ever heard. But this is also not my favorite album, and I’m not sure it’s my favorite mini either. It is, however, very good.

- I’ve been waiting for this! I couldn’t do it yesterday, which means I’m a day late, but oh well. I know Love Wins All and Holssi, and I’m blind to the other three.

Shopper

Narration? That’s something

OMG it’s our girl

She looks totally Taylor Swift with the blonde hair

Echoes

Oh okay this is an interesting vibe

‘Palette’

‘Greed is free’

I did watch the interview, so I do kinda know what this is about

Lol a the old man do be shopping

I have NO idea what this MV is about ngl, but I appreciate the vibe

And now we get credits

9/10

No MV’s for the rest of them, partly since I’ve already seen them, partly to focus on the music

Holssi

I’ve been waiting for this one to come on Spotify

I love IU’s voice in this style, like, kind of lazy, almost talk-singing, but with Range

And now we get breathy IU, mmm

The bass here is So strong

Mild rap section

And that little giggle at the end of the verse

Notice the harmonies in the pre-chorus, they’re not Obvious but they’re pretty

The instrumental bridge is So nice

I just love her so much

I think this would be an 8 if it was just the music, but the MV was really cool, so

9/10

Shh..

Curious to see how she manages to cram 3 other artists into one song

Cute electric piano vibes

Oh okay, some guitar here, really nice

Bass

Well then

God the vibes of this song are So good

The chorus actually feels kind of Kiss of Life

Guitar moment

This is super jazz-coded, the way the solo section is structured

Even that piano riff in the background

Haha and now we get the acoustic guitar with the narration in the foreground

And the Ambience

Is there an MV for this? There must be at some point

10/10, there’s just no way that sound could’ve been any better

Love Wins All

The MV for this is really an allegory for how Cube ruins its artists

It is, of course, a ballad

But it’s not a slow jam. Gotta differentiate the two, because I don’t usually like slow jams, but I do usually like ballads

Love, love, love

She’s just such a good singer

Admittedly, I feel like this experience isn’t as Whole without the MV

Same as Holssi

9/10

I stan U

Kinda interesting when artists use fandom terms, so let’s see how this goes

Pop rock feels in the intro here

Yep here we go

Is she saying “stanning” or “stunning”?

I heard “you’re stunning / i’m stunning, just like you”

But then she says “I’m stanning you” hmmm

Yes omg the second verse

This is Such a vibe though

9/10

#album #kpop #IU

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the-parentheticals · 11 months

Text

It’s time for our internet boy! Wait, this isn’t Fuuta…oh well? He’s still pretty fun though! Just a silly little high schooler...

Fun fact, I changed his crime a little bit from the original, but most of the general beats are the same!

Name - Chui Tamaki (注唯環) (kanji in last name means “note” and the second part is only an emphasis, kanji in first name means “ring”)

Age - 17

Gender – Male

Birthday – Jun. 11

Height – 171 cm

Blood Type – B

Image Colour - #82EEFD

Occupation – High school student (second year)

Personality – He’s very loud. He’s always saying some rather odd and though-provoking statements to get attention from the other prisoners, including flirting and teasing them a bit. He claims to have been one of the most popular students in his school, and it certainly seems to have been plausible.

He can be rather spacey sometimes, more out of being caught up in his own thoughts than anything else. He’s quick to catch up, however.

Whenever he’s asked about his crime, he just laughs and brushes it off. He doesn’t seem to see it as a big deal at all, and he especially doesn’t appreciate people seeing him as guilty because of it.

Canon Cover – This Is How To Be In Love With You (because the aesthetic fits his crime)

DECO*27 Cover – Chimera (“don’t be so selfish for the same old”)

Vocaloid Cover – Beat Eater (Police Piccadilly) (full disclaimer, I love Project Sekai, and I like the BGM of this. I was originally going to do Showtime Ruler, but I don’t think the lyrics are quite right)

“Welcome to MILGRAM! Well, you’re new here too, right? My name is Chui Tamaki, and while I didn’t do anything…I guess that’s gonna be up to you to decide.”

“What did you… why did you…this has to be a stunt, right? It’s just a joke, it’s just a joke…”

MV – Superstar

His song would sound like your classic idol content, and the lyrics would all be about indulging and enjoying life, directed to the listener. The aesthetic itself would be somewhere between neon and pastel.

The MV would start with our regular Tamaki winking to the camera and saying “You only live once!” in English.

A version of Tamaki with entirely orange hair and star-shaped sunglasses sits at a table in a high school cafeteria, talking with some other faceless people in a lively way.

Another version of Tamaki with square red glasses and black hair throws a set of tabletop dice, then looks to someone just offscreen.

A version of Tamaki with blue hair with black streaks and no glasses talks with a girl with long flowing pink hair, again faceless.

Our regular Tamaki sits at a computer with a lot of decorations on it, filming something. Suddenly, the pink-haired girl runs up to him and pulls him away, and the screen fades in a flash of light.

The video comes back, but it’s notably tinted pink from now on and mostly features the Tamaki without glasses. He sits in class, not paying attention to anything the teacher is saying and instead making little doodles of hearts in his exercise book.

He walks through the hallways, where a lot of people are gathered around him, notably much larger than the number of people at his table.

The regular Tamaki is talking with his friends at lunch, a bit more annoyed. At this point, the background music becomes louder and the voices get quieter.

The Tamaki with square glasses uploads a video to his channel, with a thumbnail of the pink-haired girl, and it instantly gets a lot of dislikes. He scrolls through the comments, just looking annoyed.

The scene cuts back to the Tamaki with star glasses in the filming location, visibly uneasy. He looks at something off in the distance and gasps. The camera shakes, and the screen fills with ads, ending in an error message that reads “The channel you were trying to watch has been deleted.”

Trivia

He’s kind of like Fuuta in that they’re both chronically online and they didn’t directly commit murder.

He’s my only non-Danganronpa OC to be in here! Yes, this includes Akemi. I won’t say what he was originally for since I feel like that spoils a lot of his crime, plus it has a reputation that is not very great for understandable reasons.

He’s really nervous about the word “love” for some reason.

#milgram-p #milgram #milgram oc #tamaki chui #pari's ocs #prisoner 003 #my stuff

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koizumicchi · 6 months

Text

Wake up!! (Midnight 6) English Translation

Wake up !! Midnight 6

Music：DELARYOTA Lyric：DELARYOTA / そーま Illust：鳴遊 , 豆大福 Movie：hao Mix : 八田雅彦

MV here

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T/N: Keep in mind that Japanese and English aren’t my first language. I never claim my translation (attempts) to be error-free. As always, if you’re going to use or reference my translations, please do not claim it as your own and credit me.

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Any time すぐにいこうか眠たい体起こして So hard　上げてこうぜ

Any time sugu ni ikou ka Nemutai karada okoshite So hard agete kō ze

Any time, let’s go right away Awaken that sleepy body of yours So hard, let’s raise it up

どでかい坂登って意味ないって呟いてでも帰りは楽だって

Do dekai sakanoboritte Imi na itte tsubuyaite Demo kaeri wa raku datte

Climbing up a huge hill Muttering, “It’s meaningless” But the way back is easy and simple

大丈夫だせ off course 不安はぶっ飛ばそう意味が無いって思う今には意味があるから怯えないで迷いは放り投げこの場から羽ばたけ!!

Daijōbu dase off course Fuan wa buttobasou Imi ga nai tte omou ima ni wa Imi ga aru kara Obienaide Mayoi wa hōri nage kono ba kara habatake!!

It’s alright to be off course Drive those worries away You may feel like it’s pointless, but right now It has meaning Do not be afraid Throw those doubts away, and fly away from this place!!

Everybody you can make it !!

眠たいな楽したいななんもしたくない目を覚ませ！！

Nemutai na tanoshitai na nan mo shitakunai Me o samase!!

I feel sleepy, I want to have fun, I don’t want to do anything Wake up!!

走るんだ！走るんだ！つまずいたって　落ち込んだって振り返んな！！ Complicated　気にしないぜ前を向け　前を向けオレの人生だろ！？

Hashirun da! Hashirun da! Tsumazuitatte ochikon datte Furikaen na!! Complicated kinishinai ze Mae o muke mae o muke Ore no jinsei daro!?

Run! Run! I may stumble, I may feel depressed But I won’t look back!! Complicated, don’t worry about it Look forward, move forward It’s my life, is it not!?

Let’s try ほら顔上げまだこんなもんじゃないだろ？嘆く暇があるなら一歩踏み出そう人生の向かい風そんなもんに負けんじゃねぇ試練なら上等超える為即行動

Let’s try hora kao age Mada konna mon janai daro? Nageku hima ga aru nara ippo fumidasou Jinsei no mukaikaze Sonna mon ni maken ja nē Shiren nara jōtō Koeru tame soku kōdō

Let’s try, hey, raise your head This is not all you have, right? If you have time to mourn, take a step forward The headwind of life We can’t lose to something like that If it’s a test, then bring it on! In order to surpass it, take action immediately

超えれないハードルくぐればいいんじゃない？辛かった日々にお別れSo bye bye 新たな世界へ飛び込め Fly high!! 今しか出来ないこと楽しめばいいんじゃない

Koerenai hādoru Kugureba iin janai? Tsurakatta hibi ni o wakare So bye bye Arata na sekai e tobikome fly high!! Ima shika dekinai koto Tanoshimeba iin janai

The hurdles that cannot be overcome Isn’t it just fine to get around it? Say farewell to the difficult days, so bye bye Dive into a new world and fly high!! The things that can only be done now Isn’t it okay to enjoy it?

誰が何を言おうがどうせ自分次第さ認められなくていい己だけがそう知ってればいい

Dare ga nani o iou ga dōse jibun shidai sa Mitomerarenakute ii Onore dake ga sō shittereba ii

No matter what anyone says, it’s up to you It’s okay not to be acknowledged All you need to grasp is your own

煙たいなうるさいな泣きたいんだ目を覚ませ！！

Kemutai na urusai na nakitain da Me o samase!!

I feel awkward, it’s vexing, I want to cry Wake up!!

走るんだ！走るんだ！つまずいたって　落ち込んだって振り返んな！！ Complicated　気にしないぜ前を向け　前を向けオレの人生だろ！？

Hashirun da! Hashirun da! Tsumazuitatte ochikon datte Furikaen na!! Complicated kinishinai ze Mae o muke mae o muke Ore no jinsei daro!?

Run! Run! I may stumble, I may feel depressed But I won’t look back!! Complicated, don’t worry about it Look forward, move forward It’s my life, is it not!?

Wake up! 頭の中でSIMURATION Wake up! 回り道は無駄じゃない Wake up! 人と比べるんじゃねぇその努力は必ず誰か見てるからねぇ君は？今生きてんの？ねぇ君は？

Wake up! Atama no naka de SIMURATION Wake up! Mawarimichi wa muda janai Wake up! Hito to kuraberun janee Sono doryoku wa kanarazu dare ka miteru kara Ne, kimi wa? Ima ikiten no? Ne, kimi wa?

Wake up! The simulation inside your head Wake up! A detour is not for naught Wake up! Don’t compare yourself to others Because someone is sure to see that hard work of yours Hey, how about you? Are you living right now? Hey, what about you?

走るんだ！走るんだ！つまずいたって　落ち込んだって振り返んな！！ Complicated　気にしないぜ前を向け　前を向けオレの人生だろ！？

Hashirun da! Hashirun da! Tsumazuitatte ochikon datte Furikaen na!! Complicated kinishinai ze Mae o muke mae o muke Ore no jinsei daro!?

Run! Run! I may stumble, I may feel depressed But I won’t look back!! Complicated, don’t worry about it Look forward, move forward It’s my life, is it not!?

#midnight 6 #wake up #utaite #my tls

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milgramprojectfan · 4 months

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Quick ranking on all of the Milgram characters based on how innocent I think they are.

Yuno- All she did was get an abortion, her body her choice. Totally innocent.

Mahiru- I am very opinionated about this girl, but to summarize: The relationship was toxic on both parts, and they should’ve gotten therapy or completely broken up and never got back together. It’s not her fault he chose to off himself instead of working through their problems

Kazui- I’m going off the theory that he’s gay and super comp-het. He can’t control his feelings, and I don’t fault him for forcing himself to love a woman. The only problem is he should’ve confronted his identity before they got married. Like with Mahiru, they should’ve gotten therapy!!

Amane- A. She was brainwashed by a cult into thinking some terrible stuff, B. She likely killed her physically abusive mother, C. She’s 12. You can piece together the rest of my argument yourself

. Fuuta- I believe he posted incriminating image of a girl at his school, which the online space he belonged to dogpiled on. Terrible thing to do, but he had no intention for the consequences. He likely just wanted “justice” for what he thought was wrong

Shidou- I believe he may have ended multiple hospice patients’ lives early so he could harvest their organs to save his wife??? Or maybe he just took them off life support so he’s considered a ‘murderer’. Based on the first theory, that’s a horrible thing to do. Sure, they’d likely die soon, but cutting their last moments short is TERRIBLE

Kotoko- Kinda subject to change cuz her second MV isn’t out yet (and I’m not listening to the song till it drops). Anyways, she’s a vigilante and brings justice to bad people. Problem is that we don’t know her criteria for bad people. She was eager to kill the people who were Not Forgiven, so who knows what she’s capable of.

Muu- I actually do not think she’s irredeemable. Her first MV paints her as the victim while her second staunchly cements her as the villain, but I believe her to be somewhere in the middle. There’s a lot to say about the whole reason behind her killing her victim that I won’t get into, but I believe it was impulsive and she truly feels regret for her actions. Despite this, her actions were despicable.

Haruka- Killed lots of animals, bugs, fish, etc. killed someone, his crush possibly? All to get his abusive mother’s attention. That’s a very illogical train of thought. Also, I see people baby him because of his disability, but his disability does not prevent him from doing terrible things.

MIKOTO- hate this man. I don’t care that he has DID and John technically murdered someone. He falls into that harmful Jeckel and Hyde DID stereotype with one normal alter and a crazy one. I don’t want to get into the politics of multiple personalities and crimes, so yeah! Also I don’t think John had any reason to murder that guy. The victim was shown to be on the floor, defenseless, while John is in the position of power. Yet John claims to be “protecting” Mikoto? Strange.

Anyways, thanks for reading! I made this in 20 minutes late at night so it’ll probably be gibberish when I reread it!

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borathae · 11 months

Note

borahae ask

Re: attempting MV!Yoongi to fuck me

Note: I woke up so fucking emotional today. So don’t mind me being a drama queen

———

“You really know how to deny a young woman so blatantly, don’t you Yoongi? I-i was trying to have c-conservation. I though your life w-was interesting. Ah, leave it. Jelena is at her study room. Let’s go.”

Meeting Jelena in her study room and Yoongi and her get ready to leave…

“Before I am kicked out from the spell room again, can I speak to you Jelena? S-so um, Jelena, did you think about what I told you? It’s fine, Yoongi should know too… Okay, I will tell Yoongi if you don’t. So Yoongi. I come up with a backup plan in case your device won’t work. So, um… Jimin told me that Namjoon has– you know– human female f-friends that he keeps around to h-hang out. S-so my plan is to have Jelena curse my blood and fall into Namjoon so that he can have me as h-his f-friend, and when he feeds on me he can be cursed too. Also, witches can do a location spell on me easier. I- I’ll even leave some of my blood behind. I know they struggle with Namjoon but he won’t cloak me. Jimin also said Namjoon keeps his friends for weeks so it will buy you all so much time. I don’t care if it is dangerous, Jelena. All of you put yourselves in so much danger every day so I am not afraid of a pair of fangs. You know Jimin used to compel me to feed on me. It will be the same. I won’t remember a thing and it doesn’t hurt too bad... You two want to kill Namjoon and I say I will help. I don’t care if he kills me too, Jelena. I might die hopping on the stones on the beach or while eating almonds during dinner… I will die anyway. I am just a human, I am no supernatural. I can be easily compelled, easily frightened, easily killed. My death isn’t subject to if. It is a matter of when. So be it while helping Yoon- all my friends! You all won’t even r-remember me in five years so think about it, Yoongi. You know Namjoon. He would never suspect me. I- I can… I can keep him occupied… I’ll play the violin for him a-and I learnt he likes blondes. I will bleach my hair first thing tomorrow. I will make this work, I promise. Jimin could even wipe my entire memory again so that everyone is safe. Y-you can all return to your normal lives in a few months. Look, everyone seemed to approve. Jimin thinks it is a brilliant idea. Taehyung hates Namjoon to his core. I am sure Seokjin and Emma deep down want this too. You know how Jungkook wants to go home. Image it Yoongi, you can return to your home with your l-lovers all safe. Imagine your partners safe from Namjoon, Yoongi… I know all you want is protection for them. Come on, at least accept this offer… You know I am not too proud to beg…”

"And I was giving you answers, I don’t know what childish thing you’re on right now, but you can try this with someone else", Yoongi says, lowering his eyes, "I gave you conversation and I won’t entertain your antics", he adds and turns away, looking into the books instead.

Jelena listens to your plan and shakes her head, "thank you for the offer, but we can manage without having to sacrifice someone. Yoongi has the Unbreaking Shackles now and we are currently working on enchanting chains to make them unbreakable as well. We won’t have to sacrifice anyone for it", she says and nudges Yoongi, "then all he has to do is get close to him and put the shackles on. Mhm, Yoongs can you do that?" she teases.

Yoongi sends her a look, "yes Jelena I can", he says with faux annoyance in his voice.

Jelena chuckles, giving his arm a little squeeze, "I was merely asking. Who knows, maybe you grew weaker."

"You’re not funny", Yoongi murmurs, making her laugh.

#asks: magnus venatio #anon #asks #come talk to my characters #sa: character talk

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beevean · 2 years

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I read IDW #50.

We already discussed plenty about the whole Metal part. It’s stupid. Sonic comes off as an arrogant, defensive dickhead, and that whole scene is literally a way to distract them without adding anything to the characters. Bad writing. Move along.

I see Kit is in his “I AM THE TALLEST OF MOUNTAINS I AM THE ROUGHEST OF WAVES” phase. It’s a nice contrast compared to his doormat behavior, so I don’t mind. The artist went a little overboard, but that’s a nitpick.

“If you had just taken them out, I wouldn’t have been made!” Oh, for fuck’s sake. Really? Again? Now Surge is the one blaming Sonic for not killing Eggman and Starline? I am so sick of this song and dance! This is the third time! We did this during the MV arc! We did this with the Zeti! Enough! I don’t care how compelling of a conflict it is, I don’t care that it makes sense for Surge to blame her woes on the person she’s programmed to hate, it’s boring! This is the fourth time, clearly Sonic isn’t going to learn!

Also, I can’t fucking believe this. Surge really made fun of Sonic’s “moral code”. I’m sorry Flynn, this lampshade you’re hanging isn’t quite bright enough :V

Nothing to say about the Eggman vs. Starline fight. It’s brilliant. Eggman is the best he’s ever been since the beginning of the MV arc, if not at all, and I love the way he serves Starline some humble pie <3

Tails is also pretty nice. Of course he’d take down Kit thanks to the Power of Friendship lol, although I hope he’s being genuine and not manipulative. And ngl, I always found Kit’s concept really creepy, so seeing him pretty much shortcircuit because 1) someone is complimenting him for the first time in his life, and 2) he’s being treated as an individual and not as Surge’s lackey... yeah alright that’s good conflict.

“Surge has to destroy Sonic! It’s all she wants! I won’t let you stop her!” nope still makes me feel nauseous. Intended reaction, sure, but still.

"I’ve fought a few folks with the whole ‘the world wronged me so i’m going to destroy the world’ schtick” uhhh chaos, shadow, and?

on a plus side love that Sonic is calling Surge’s whole personality a schtick. Yeah, Surge, you’re just a gimmick, sorry.

We also talked extensively about Sonic’s incredibly self-righteous, holier-than-thou speech. I hate it. It’s awful. Sonic comes off as an arrogant prick who only wants to look good but doesn’t actually want to put the effort into it. Moving on.

Okay, this is just funny. Okay, yes, this is Sonic’s canon mentality.. But after that whole speech, I can’t take it seriously lmao. Especially how Surge keeps mentioning Sonic’s “morals”, that’s way too self aware

The encounter between Eggman and Belle was totally pointless. “hey you wanna join me?” “no” “kbye”. Mayyyybe his delight at how Belle interfaced with Metal’s code is foreshadowing? Not counting on it, but I’ll give it the benefit of the doubt because otherwise boy was it anticlimatic.

Sonic immediately rushed to save Eggman when he was about to fall into the lava in Lava Mountain without any sort of joke or “truce”. just sayin’

i do like how petty surge is though lol

Why do you sound like such a patronizing asshole.

yeah, no one could survive that. right.

Welp. That was it. Underwhelming, but not totally awful. Kit vs. Tails was okay, but only because my boy was done justice and I can’t help but feel bad for Kit no matter how boring he is. Surge vs. Sonic 100% infuriating, I hate this Sonic too much, his conflict is annoying and repetitive and he just won’t learn, only shining point is that I relate to Surge accepting that no one gives a shit about her. Starline vs. Eggman, I need that injected into my veins, oh such delicious food in preparations of how they’ll treat him in frontiers i guess please stick with us emperor eggman of the great eggpire <3

#sonic the hedgehog #fans don't look

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cha-ra-nui · 1 year

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2022 Retrospective

So, it's April. I have exactly nothing written for any of my usual categories but KPop, and very little interest in doing so. That doesn't mean that there wasn't any good stuff elsewhere. My favorite band released a new album. There were a couple of good Anime, live action shows, and movies I enjoyed a lot. Puss In Boots is amazing. Chainsaw Man made me binge the Manga in a day. I read Dune and it was A LOT. I just didn't take notes throughout the year, and looking back I can't come up with much to say, nor muster the energy to go through everything I should talk about to make this an accurate retrospective of my year. So KPop only it is this time.

In retrospect, I'm not quite sure if KPop was good in 2021, or if I just went on a SHINee deep dive and fell in love with the group all over again. And they still have a choke hold on my playlist, Jonghyun especially, there's just a lot to catch up with. It also didn't help that last year was incredibly dry, especially in the boy group department. But one thing at a time. First, a lighting round of everything noteworthy to me that I can't find enough to say about to warrant a complete paragraph. APink's “Dilemma” disappointed with a confusing and underwhelming chorus, and their subunit, while having a cute idea, also failed to leave much of an impression on me. Astro is out of the dark dungeons for good, and they're doing well with it. NU'EST disbanding was expected, considering the awful track record HYBE has with renewals of bought-out groups, but it stings nonetheless to see another one of the 2012 line-up go. Kingdom has an interesting concept, but their music always fails to convince me. “Ascension” is their best effort to date though. CLASS:y had a fun debut with “Shut Down”, and no follow up of theirs stuck the landing. Finally, BIBI's “Animal Farm” is cool. She knows what she’s doing. I also have no idea how she got “JOTTO” past age restriction on YouTube, but good for her. 2022 had an unreasonable number of releases I like to put on the “WTF are you even doing”-pile. Where 2021 saw a development of trends I've never been fond of coming to a head, especially within SM entertainment, last year was the desensitization phase. A lot of what I complained about before was put into perspective by the utter failure at successfully recreating those trends by new and established artists alike. There are some of the usual suspects, like certain NCT units, which feel designed to provoke confusion on my part, so I won’t discuss them anymore. In a post “Sticker” world, just being obnoxious was no longer enough to truly baffle me. And I can't stress enough just how much of KPop last year, especially coming from boy groups, was utterly obnoxious. In retrospect, GOT The Beat dropping “Step Back” on New Year’s Day was a perfect indicator of where the year was headed. Not only does the song sound unfinished, SM couldn't even be bothered to film a MV for it. The mixing is almost as awful as the lyrics, and considering the questionable theme of the song that’s saying a lot. And I can't help questioning why it had to be that way. Why did SuperM get to sing about how cool they are, but their female counterpart gets to play out a tired and sexist cliche? And repeatedly rhyming “level” on “level” certainly isn't great lyricism either. Such a waste of talent. No wonder BoA has no idea what she's even in the group for. ENHYPEN had a fantastic 2021. No, I wasn't convinced by them even then (thanks to HYBE's awful vocal processing), but their music was very recognizable, and at least “Drunk-Dazed” was undeniably a slam dunk for them. Last year though? “Blessed-Cursed” sounds unfinished, like it was only released to take advantage of the lack of competition on the charts last January. It's inoffensive, but also entirely forgettable and a slight departure from their established sound. But “Future Perfect (Pass The Mic)“ is truly unrecognizable as ENHYPEN. It's extremely generic 4th gen hype music, with none of the charm and energy the best songs in the genre showcase. Anyone could've released this. They even forgot to put the hyphen in the title. And this was only the first offender in the 4th-genification of HYBE boy groups. By all accounts, TXT should've ended the year on my favorites list. I loved their releases the previous year, and really thought that this was a direction HYBE would move them into further, considering the commercial success of the Chaos Chapter. Instead, they dialed back the rock influences and went for edginess instead. This was the first comeback last year where I've seen the VIXX comparison being made, and hell no, VIXX had more maturity than this even during their rookie-days horror phase. “Good Boy Gone Bad” is just frustrating. There's stuff to appreciate about it, like how TXT is still the group under in-house bighit who is least affected by HYBE's infamous vocal production. But the song ultimately falls flat due to played out and edgy lyrics, and a static and repetitive chorus. With how utterly devoid of personality this song is, it’s hard to remember that TXT is one of the major reasons for the rise of pop punk concepts in recent KPop. Seventeen is the third HYBE group to drop everything that makes them unique to go for a generic 4th gen song instead, and “Hot” is exactly good as that sentence suggests. They know what they're doing, but I doubt this is what anyone is stanning them for. Then of course the one HYBE group whose musical style would fit the current boy group trends, partly because they had a huge part in coining them, releases...whatever “Yet To Come” even is. If you're not trying I won't either. I did somewhat like J-Hope's solos though. If I was interested in the genre or not as dead tired of BTS as I currently am I would be all over “More” and “Arson”. At least he sounds like he means it. In a similar vein, Big Bang's long-awaited comeback was not at all the triumphant return I expected. “Still Life” sounds like a swansong. They're done being idols, that's the impression I got from this release. And if that's the case, good for them, hope you don't have too many regrets leaving this life behind. But it's weird that they aren't in the same room for the entirety of the MV. They're on the “WTF are you even doing”-pile not because it's a ballad, or because it's somber, but because it too sounds unfinished. The song ends very abruptly, and half the lyrics are filler. There is no physical release, and no B-sides either. After 6 years of waiting, and especially compared to every other recent 2nd gen revival, I expected more. The final boy group in this category is ONEUS, and it pains me to criticize them so heavily. They just had an awful year, even ignoring their big scandal. “Bring It On” is a mess and overstays its welcome. The MV also wastes the concept set up by the teasers. But ONEUS has always been hit or miss with me. No, it is “Same Scent” that landed them a spot on the bad pile. Not only does it sound like a less interesting and polished rehash of “A Song Written Easily”, not only does it phenomenally waste the concept of its teasers, but it also asks for VIXX comparisons once again. And unlike “Luna”, it just does not withstand those. This is the most phoned-in a comeback of theirs ever felt. Luckily the girl groups this year were not nearly as fond of developing into confusing directions (with the notable exception of Weeekly). But one group came out of the gate swinging with the goal of wasting their talent as efficiently as possible. And it’s impossible to talk about them without discussing aespa first. “Girls” is a nice showcase of everything wrong with their concept. Already the forced focus of every title track on SM's lore feels stifling. There are only so many times you can sing about fighting the same villain on a backdrop of world building this shallow before it becomes repetitive. The choreography is a bad joke, and the song itself isn’t all that interesting either. The breakdown comes in too late to save it. While I didn’t like their output last year, I found myself at least thinking about it sometimes, this was forgettable in comparison. Their songs are a hot mess, but it could work. They have the talent to make it work, their lyrics just take me out of it every single time. And yet, it always feels like they will inevitably get that one song that will convince me somewhere down the line. But what happens if you try to copy the messed-up song structure they got famous for with “Next Level” and do it without any understanding for what makes aespa popular? “0.0” might just be the worst debut song I have ever heard. God, this is a mess. This is beating a dead horse at this point, I'm aware, but there was no way I could pretend this didn't happen. The girls have talent, that much is clear, but their title tracks are awful. It's aespa's messy song structure, but the stitched together songs range from forgettable to obnoxious and screaming “NMIIIIIIIIX” during the sorry excuse for a transition they allow the two frankensteined songs to have does not make it better. “Dice” is arguably even worse, because “0.0” at least is loud enough to force a reaction. Everyone has an opinion about that song. “Dice” meanwhile is just forgettable. And yet, even with how much JYP was trying, NMIXX wasn't even the biggest waste of talent for me. No, that honor belongs to BLACKPINK. You give us nothing for two years, and then we get...”Pink Venom” and “Shut Down”. Okay. Let’s see. “Pink Venom” is certainly the lesser evil here. It had potential to be good even. The final breakdown is incredibly jarring, the intro is obnoxious, and sampling “Pon The Replay” was a horrible idea, it just made me want to listen to that instead. But the chorus is a nice change of pace for them, and they sell it. All the song needed was a bit more polish, and a proper final chorus. “Shut Down” meanwhile was one big nothing of a song. “Whatever” is not the reaction anyone should have to a BLACKPINK comeback, and yet that's all I can bring myself to feel about it. When I was talking about CLASS:y's debut with my sister she called it “The better of the two Shut Downs we got this year”, and I genuinely couldn't remember that BLACKPINK, the biggest girl group on the planet, had a title track with that name. It’s very repetitive; the baseline never changes once during the entire three-minute song. But despite that repetitiveness it fails to be catchy or memorable. For the first time, a BLACKPINK comeback did not feel like a big deal, and despite my many gripes with their music, that saddens me a bit. Finally, Red Velvet may or may not belong in this category. Their releases this year weren’t awful but confusing for sure. “Feel My Rhythm” could have been nice if it just stuck to its own concept. The modern styling that shows up halfway through the MV in tandem with a more modern KPop sound is distracting, but the overall song is boring rather than confusing. “Birthday” meanwhile sounds oddly juvenile coming from a senior group. This would make much more sense if it were released by rookies. It has moments that sound a lot like Red Velvet, but they are startling in a song that sounds like it was written for someone else entirely. Seulgi's solo debut was nice though, “28 Reasons” may fail entirely at living up to its title, but it’s a good fit for her, and I like it more than anything the group released in a while.

I initially planned to structure the KPop part of this retrospective into 4 categories. The “WTF are you even doing”-pile first, then everything I had mixed opinions on, followed by artists that stood out positively this year, and closing the segment with a look at how my faves did. But the more I look at my notes, the less I feel like writing the middle two segments. There just wasn't much I have unbridled praise for, and half of the good category is sorted in there only for lack of anything negative to say on my part, not because I loved the releases. So, I'm going to start with those three artists.

I have never been a fan of GOT7. Neither the members nor the music JYP handed them ever convinced me. They have a few good songs, but they never stood out to me beyond having the power of a big label behind them. And JYP liked to do them dirty anyway, especially compared to Stray Kids. GOT7 was never allowed to take creative control of their own music and image, a fact their fandom has bemoaned for a long time. And this year I found myself agreeing. They should have been cut lose way sooner. Not because their reunion was noteworthy beyond the fact that it happened. No, because Jackson Wang's solos are better than anything he ever contributed to GOT7. Yeah, turns out the problem was not JYP, it was not letting Jackson sing at an orgy. I like “Blow” as a song (turns out Jackson is a better singer than rapper, who would have guessed?), but the music video adds a lot to the experience. And that much is true for all his singles this year. “Blow”, “Cruel”, and “Come Alive” all convince with great choreography. And by that I am not referring to just the dance, the videos are well thought out, shot, and edited. “Cruel” is a three-minute fight scene disguised as a choreo video. It says a lot about their quality that by the time Riot Games made a kick-ass animated short for “Fire To The Fuse” all I thought was: “checks out”. Though seeing him perform at League worlds was certainly wild. I have less to say about the other two. PSY's “That That” was fun. Duh. This is PSY. Who else would get a BTS member to feature on a song just so they could punch each other in the face? The song is catchy as usual, and the music video is bound to at least make you smile at the absurdity of the rap battle. TWICE is the last artist on the good list for lack of anything to criticize. “Pop” was exactly what you would expect from a Nayeon solo debut. If anything, it was too expected, and wouldn't be surprising as a TWICE single. You don't have to stretch your imagination much to make up a line distribution for OT9 TWICE. Still, it was a catchy song, and she did well with it. Mostly I'm just glad that they're sticking around. “Talk That Talk” is very unapologetically a TWICE song, shock full of all the quirks and personality you'd expect. That is why I don't have much to praise. It's TWICE. It's a proven formula. They work. They managed to mature without changing their core appeal, and I'm sure they're going to continue being a nice presence to have around. Which is good, because this year it felt like the reign of 3rd gen groups was finally over. Most of the big hits came from new artists. 2022 reminded me of 2017, when, after a few years of coexistence, 2nd gen groups started to fade from relevance. I'm going to miss the generation that got me into KPop, the 2012 boy group line up especially, but it's not like there aren't any older artists sticking around. The 2nd gen is more alive than the 3rd gen at the moment, and I'm living for it. I never have much to say about Super Junior, but I never want them to change their style either. While “Don't Wait” is fun and should've been the title track, “Mango” was one of the better boy group singles last year, for lack of competition, but also because it's pleasant to listen to. BoA's “Forgive Me” may sound very in line with current trends, but her attitude and vocals are on point. And “When I Move” was a nice surprise at the end of the year. We need more adult woman in KPop. There is a certain quality that comes with experience, and we rarely see girl groups stick around long enough to celebrate a 15th anniversary. The biggest of which certainly was Girls' Generation's “Forever 1”. I'm not sure if the song makes up for the long wait, but I love that it was a love letter to the group. They deserve to celebrate themselves. Once again though it feels like SM's second gen solos are more interesting than the group releases, and Taeyeon did well this year. “Can't Control Myself” doesn't even make my top 3 SM 2nd gen solo pre-releases of 2022 (very specific, I know, blame Key and Changmin), but more due to the quality of the competition than its own shortcomings. It's a simple song, but she sells the hell out of it. Similar things can be said about the title track “INVU”, a clever wordplay I am sure the lyricist is very proud of. I wish they'd done more with the concept, I feel robbed of Artemis Taeyeon, but it seems like it revived the interest in her solos, and I can't begrudge it that success. (G)I-DLE, against all predictions, might just have been the most commercially successful 3rd gen group this year. Did they deserve it? Eh, kinda. “Tomboy” is a bit of a hot mess. The hook is strong enough to justify the commercial success of the single, one of the best beatdrops released this year for certain. Their vocal line still slays too, Yuqi especially, and their attitude has always been on point. But for everything good or even amazing about this song, there is something awkward holding it back, most infamously Soyeon's 2nd verse. Go film a tiktok kiddo, and...swear without cigarettes? Eh on drinking whiskey? What? And once again, dead horse, but you really don't know what tomboy means. “Nxde” meanwhile is consistently good start to finish, but the hook doesn't hit as hard. Karmen is an overdone sample, and this wasn't a creative use of it. It's a song that profits a lot from its music video though. I can't help but respect the pure guts of the concept, and that they managed to make sexy empowering. This was one of the cleverest comebacks this year for sure, and another case in point for why we need girl groups to stick around for longer than just a few years. No rookie group could've released this. That didn't stop the rookies from going absolutely nuts this year though. IVE might've debuted last year, but their debut was still taking music show wins well into February. In any other year, they would be the biggest rookie group without any competition, I don't think I've ever seen a group dominate that hard with just three singles under their belt. “Love Dive” is going to take most SOTY awards, and already has three in the bag as of writing this. It's far from my favorite song this year, but it's easy to see why it became so big. It's nice to listen to, catchy, and comes with a super cool prechorus. The production on their songs is super clean, and that also shows in their follow up “After Like”. The problem I'm having is that their vocals aren't strong enough for the song. Only Wonyoung delivers the chorus with the flair it demands. At this point, it's clear that the true star is their production team. Nevertheless, that is already more than many groups have to offer, and they're young. They're probably going to stick around for a while, and it'll be interesting to see them grow up artistically. The other big post-IZ*ONE group debut meanwhile didn't go down as smoothly. “Fearless” is fine, I didn't have an issue with the song, and the EP even had some good B-sides. The problem is that their entire debut promotion cycle was overshadowed by a bullying scandal that ended with a member leaving. And as a former victim of bullying myself, I am absolutely disgusted by what happened. The collective internet ruined the life of a 16-year-old girl over unproven allegations of something she supposedly did at age 12. Fighting fire with fire is never going to work, and bullying is not a problem we can solve by bullying minors out of their dream job. LE SSERAFIM is always going to leave a bitter taste in my mouth because of that. “Anti-Fragile” then reads as super ironic to me. You can't tell me that your group is fearless and anti-fragile if that is your debut story. Shame, because the song has grown on me quite a bit. The “anti-ti-ti-ti-fragile” chant is annoying, but it is a catchy song otherwise, with much more personality than their debut had. If you want to flex your biceps though, maybe actually have one? There are other ways to portray strength than flexing muscles, and if anything, this move makes them look more fragile, not less so. And because two big debuts battling it out wasn't enough, HYBE pulled a SHINee on us and dropped another new girl group without much more than a rumor leading up to their debut. Also like SHINee, they're going to change this industry, if not at all for the same reasons. In an industry that has embraced its own artificiality, NewJeans' laid-back concept is a breath of fresh air. They look like no other group on the market, and they don't sound like any either. “Attention” is the official debut single, and it is a decent enough song. Nothing impressive in the vocal department here either, and the final chorus overstays its welcome quite a bit. But attention it grabbed indeed. “Hype Boy” was the second single of their debut EP, and I enjoyed that one a lot more. It's a true mood lifter of a song and shows off the charm of their concept better than “Attention” in my opinion. They also dropped “Ditto” just before the end of the year, and I really like it. The song is super chill and has been stuck in my head since its release. The music video is also very well made. It's charming, although this song too has no idea what its titular word means. But like with LE SSERAFIM, there is a giant asterisk next to any praise I have for them: The controversy surrounding “Cookie”. It would've been better if the girls weren't minors, but the song would creep me out either way. I have a passionate hatred for cheeky, cutesy, innuendo-filled songs. If you're not mature enough to talk about sex, you're not mature enough to have it, you know? And then there are the stories about Min Heejin. I'm not one to judge people based on rumors, but some of her work with SM was incredibly creepy too, and I'd much rather have her stay away from idols period. While I would admire the group's concept for being genius marketing, one must question if marketability was even a consideration when the creative mind behind them was also responsible for making SHINee, whose oldest member was 21 at the time, look even younger by all possible means for their “Sherlock” album, milk bottles and digital removal of muscle mass included. And I struggle to reconcile my abhorrence for Min Heejin with my growing appreciation for NewJeans' music. The copycats didn’t take long to appear this time too, with TripleS' first unit's debut, “Generation”, feeling very inspired by NewJeans. It has the same intend of making the girls look like normal teenagers, appealing to a sense of camaraderie in younger fans, and nostalgia in the older ones. I think they did a better job in some respects (certainly at not being creepy about it), and the song is nice, but the similarities are certainly noteworthy. TripleS also has a horrible group concept I refuse to engage with, and I'm worried that giving young idols such a girl next door image will bring back some of the horribly entitled stan behavior we've seen during 2nd gen. The fun part is, I'm still not even done with girl group debuts. No one seems to be sure if XG counts as KPop, but they certainly have the same appeal. Their lyrics could use some improvement, but I've seen much worse even by native speaking English artists. And the girls own their songs. “Tippy Toes” is a decent debut, and the confidence they deliver it with is impressive. But well, what do you expect from a group that is canonically a pack? No seriously, it's in the lyrics. And “Mascara” has been a guilty pleasure for me. It should be cringey by all accounts, but there is enough genuine good about it to make me come back despite, or maybe even because of the cringe worthy bits. This song is pure girl power, and in the age of girl crush that is much appreciated. Lastly, there is one boy group debut I want to mention. TAN's “DU DU DU” really ticks all the boxes for red flags you can imagine. A group formed by a fairly unknown survival show? Check. A group name that is impossible to google? Check. A onomatopoeia song title? Check And yet, the song is good. The beatdrop is smooth, the group seems to have a decent vocal line, and it's been ages since I've heard a well utilized rapper in a vocal focused song. I didn't enjoy any of their other comebacks, but this was one hell of a song to start out on. Even beyond the debuts, most of what stood out this year came from 4th gen groups. I liked ATEEZ this year, though maybe that is familiarity bias after playing some of their songs in Beatsaber extensively. Their music seems ideal for that game. “Guerrilla” feels like everything I could want from a 4th gen hype song. It's super cool. ATEEZ has the vocal line to build up to and deliver on a proper chorus, and they aren't afraid to get a bit dirty with it. I wish they did more with the MV concept, but that's the Starlight in me talking. “Cyberpunk” is also a strong B-side, and I feel like the only person in the world who prefers the title track over it. Like NewJeans, they also sneaked in another comeback after everyone was already done with their year-end lists. "Halazia" is the usual affair for them. A bit too much autotune in the verses for my liking, especially since ATEEZ really doesn't need it and the effect adds nothing to the song. But that's forgivable considering how cool everything else about this comeback is. And if you told me a year ago that my favorite boy group song of 2022 would be by P1Harmony I wouldn't have believed you, but here we are. Some of that is certainly due to the utter lack of competition, but “Doom Du Doom” is a good song in its own right. The anti-drop is extremely smooth, and it works start to finish. The MV is also a delight. Backyard Olympics are a fun concept, and the small details really sell it. From the burning satellite dish serving as the Olympic flame to the boxing announcer counting choruses like rounds of the match. It's not quite ONF level of delightful, but delightful nonetheless. I still wish E'LAST wasn't as nugu as they are, and Wonhyuk might be actually cursed. So much talent, so much bad luck. Of all the groups to get their account hacked and taken down in the middle of a comeback, did it have to be them? They are barely dodging disbandment already. “Creature” is the most 4th gen they have ever sounded, but it’s a very E'LAST take on a beatdrop for sure. They have the talent to sell their epic sound, and the anti-drop here works well too. I doubt they're ever topping “Tears Of Chaos” at this point, but they're worth checking out nonetheless and could seriously use more attention. Then we have StayC, who, just when I started to come around on them, had their first real miss. “Run2U” is fun, catchy, and a super clean production, as I've come to expect from them. There still wasn't anything outstanding about them, but the lack of negative things to say was refreshing. Then they dropped “Beautiful Monster” and all of that went down the drain. The song is generic in all the wrong ways. Still a clean production, but it feels empty and pointless. The final group in the mixed section is ITZY, and no one is more confused about that than I am. I had given up on ever understanding the hype around them. I don't like their voices, and I loathe a decent chunk of their title tracks, “Sneakers” included. The chorus wastes all the good will the first verse manages to amass. Congratulations JYP, you reached the “sneakers are empowering” stage of feminism. But “Cheshire” is fun, and the first song of theirs I ever downloaded. I tend to like JYP groups more as their careers go on, so who knows, if this is a direction they stick to maybe they'll release other songs I like in the future. As for the artists I don't stan but have nothing but praise for...well, I'm still not done talking about rookies. Billlie might not have impressed me with their debut, but they killed it last year. “GingaMingaYo (the strange world)” has one of the best choruses I heard all year, and the rest of the song is no letdown either. I've called most girl group releases fun and catchy this year, because that was the trend, but this one takes the cake. The song and MV are sure to put a smile on my face, and certainly put the group on my radar. Their 2nd title track, “RING ma Bell (what a wonderful world)”, was one of the better takes on pop punk too. They imbue the song with just enough personality to make it work, and the anti-drop is surprising for once. Most importantly, they perform the song with a lot of energy. The sense of joy that seems to permeate everything they release mixes well with the pop punk concept. Fitting then, that the other rookie I was happy about is not only just as joyful, but also made pop punk work. Among all the post-IZ*ONE projects, Yena's solo is my favorite. “Smiley” and “Smartphone” are equally fun and catchy title tracks, and “LxxK 2 U” is a deservedly popular B-side and the aforementioned venture into pop punk. Beyond the songs though, the strong sense of personality both of her releases have is what I loved most about them. Not even a year in, and she already has a distinct and recognizable style. There's a risk of that becoming stale if not developed long-term, but for now, her releases have been a delight. And because we didn't have enough noteworthy girl group debuts yet, Fifty Fifty crawled their way into hidden gem status by the power of their strong debut EP "The Fifty". It's good start to finish, "Lovin' Me" being my personal favorite, but it's the girls themselves that stand out here, not just the production. There's some real talent on display in this debut, and I hope to hear more of them. Finally, in an entirely different niche of KPop, there was once again a 2nd gen SM solo I did not have on my radar at all. If “Step Back” was an indicator of where the year was heading, Changmin pre-releasing “Fever” during the same concert was what I wished had been a sign instead. The entire EP is one big flex by the original evil maknae, and if I explained what I love about the vocals in all the tracks I want to highlight I'd sound like a broken record. Changmin is an amazing singer, and he's from the generation of SM idols who're so far past the need for hits, they can't be bothered to follow the trends. “Fever” might as well be a musical number, and “Maniac” is a complaint about a stalker told in Hitchcock references that just gets better the more I hear it. The pre-releases are so good, they almost overshadow the title track. Which is saying something, because “Devil” demands your attention. It's loud, not because its noisy, it's quite subdued even, but because it's dramatic beyond reason. “Alien” then somehow manages to be simultaneously smooth and cute, and even an avid ballad hater like me can appreciate “Airplane Mode” sometimes. Except for one song, the EP is an absolute slam dunk in my opinion. If I have one gripe with it, it's that the velvet album cover, while cool, collects dust like crazy and is impossible to clean. KPop wasn't just in general not to my taste last year, and even the artists I like didn't deliver as much as I hoped they would. With one exception: Every time WOODZ releases something it's entirely different from his last comeback, and every time it's somehow exactly what I want from him. “Colorful Trauma” is my favorite EP of his to date. Even with the abundance of pop punk concepts we've seen recently, no one else comes even close to being as good at it as WOODZ is. He's the only one I can actually imagine singing in a rock band, and he's proven that he knows how to properly use a guitar in KPop before. "I Hate You" was really the only possible pick for a title track but might just be the least remarkable song on the album. Every song works. "Dirt On My Leather" is just a straight up rock song, no pretense of KPop at all, howling electric guitars and rock vocals included. "Hijack" too is extremely cool, and something about "Hope To Be Like You" makes me come back to that song time and time again. WOODZ absolutely knows what he is doing, and I can't wait to hear what he releases next. I wish I could express the same level of excitement for my other faves, but their releases were a lot more mixed. I'm not sure what to make of Dreamcatcher's sci-fi era. “Locked Inside A Door” is the only B-side on “Apocalypse: Save Us” that I liked enough to download, and while “Maison” was certainly among the better title tracks this year, I just can't make sense of it. The song is lacking a chorus, and the final breakdown is easily the best part. I still like it, but that's mostly on the members. Dreamcatcher is a group where every single member adds to their songs, and there's never a shortage of fantastic moments to pick a favorite from. It just doesn't come together into a cohesive whole on “Maison”. “Vision” meanwhile may have weaker moments, but the song as a whole slaps. Once again, the members do a lot of heavy lifting, Siyeon especially, but the songwriting is quite strong too. The EP is fine, but the title track is the only song that stands out. Nevertheless, I'm super happy that they're sticking around for a second contract and am looking forward to where they're heading next. My favorite rookies meanwhile had their first big miss with “memeM”. The song leans very hard into the type of 4th gen noise music that I appreciated Purple Kiss for not doing, and it's the exact opposite of what I want from them. The entire EP was disappointing after the impeccable run they had up to this point. “Pretty Psycho” is the only song I put on my playlist, and I think even RBW realized that it was more popular than the title track. But it was also supposed to be the intro to their comeback last year, so at least some of it has already existed for months, which was worrisome. So I'm glad to report that “Geekyland” was everything I wanted. “Nerdy” is my favorite title track of theirs so far. It's fun, quirky, and catchy. The MV makes perfect use of their quirky horror concept and is one of the very few this year that is consistent with the teaser concepts and delivers on their potential. “Bye Bye Bully” is such a good intro, I wish it would receive the “Pretty Psycho” treatment and be turned into a full song too. The rest of the EP is mostly good as well. “Love Is Dead” is cool, and “SuMMer RaiN” is a lovely ballad. I also finally figured out that Stray Kids aren't single artists. I'm not the biggest fan of "Maniac", but it works within the context of "Oddinary". None of the songs on that EP made it onto my playlist, but I liked listening to the album (and playing every Alekcake map of it in Beatsaber). I didn't enjoy "Maxident" though. The songs felt like just more of the same. Except for the title track. "Case 143" is a straightforward love song, and damn is that weird coming from this group. It's fun though, and the MV is fantastic as usual. ONF's entire existence has been a delight for me, so of course they not only handled their military hiatus as quickly as possible, but they also prepared a special album to release in the middle of it. The title track of which, "Your Song", falls under the category of fansongs that are only truly enjoyable if you already like the group. Luckily for me, I do, so this has been a nice surprise to carry us through their hiatus. I can't wait to have them back for real this year.

Finally, there is SHINee. Even with the group on hiatus, Shawols had no shortage of new music to enjoy. The one upside to their current military break is that Onew, Key, and Minho finally get to establish their solo careers on their own terms, with the budget of the group at their disposal. Minho surprised us by releasing an EP right when we'd given up hope for it. Ever since Jonghyun made his debut album a copy of Taemin's in everything but music, SHINee had a running joke about their solo debuts plagiarizing each other. The albums are all in the same format, have the same font and layout, and most importantly, the titles rhyme. “Chase” is the long-awaited final entry in the plagiarism series. And it's a decent effort, but I think it mostly exists not because Minho wanted to release solo music, but because he wanted to complete the joke Jonghyun started. The songs even make multiple references to Jonghyun's solos, with the title track being named after “Let Me Out” (a favorite of mine), and a reference to “Take The Dive” in the lyrics of “Waterfall”. The latter is also the song I listened to the most on this EP, and its only real standout track. Onew too released an EP last year, and everything about “Dice” is delightfully Onew: a bit weird, a bit awkward, soft, and adorable. That charm, and its interesting concept, is what makes the MV one of my favorites of the year. Shawols also showed their chaotic queer energy by simping not (only) for Onew, but for the girl in the MV. And for good reason. She's the most perfect love interest they could've given him. I love how the story plays out, with Onew being entirely in over his head, but trying his best to save her anyway because he's just a good person. Even though she never needed his help, the mere fact that he tried is enough. It's very sweet, and suits Onew so much. The same can be said about the music. “Dice” makes for a fine title track, “Sunshine” is pure serotonin, and “On The Way” is the kind of vocal flex that doesn't sound like much on first listen, but gets more astonishing the more you pay attention to the details. He's SHINee's main vocal for a reason. I'm not as fond of the rest of the album, and overall Onew's might just be the SHINee solo I'm least into, but that's more a compliment to the other solos then a dig against him. Even if his music doesn't quite align with my taste the way Jonghyun's does, this is still a SHINee solo, and they just don't miss. Then of course there is Key's 2nd album and boy do I have beef with it. The retro horror themed teasers and album packaging are nothing short of amazing, and then the MV is something else entirely. Give me Key playing multiple villains for an entire music video, I beg you. “Gasoline” also isn't what I wanted musically. It's the type of song about hyping yourself up and sticking it to the haters that every single boy group has done at this point. But it works here for three main reasons: First of all, Key is one of the most charismatic and engaging performers KPop has to offer. He can save worse. Secondly, and more importantly, he delivers the song with exactly the right attitude. Key understands that a song about doing your own thing no matter what should be one you enjoy performing, and he very clearly does. And that's made even more powerful by the final reason: he earned these lyrics. Key has gotten so much shit just for being himself (mostly for rumored queerness) over 14 years of being an idol, and he never backed down. So if he goes on stage and sings about how this is his joy, his style, his ego, it rings true. And the rest of the albums feels designed to proof just that. It's all very Key. “Bound” is what happens if you hand a lost VIXX song to Key and let him run wild with it. It hits the same fine line between sexy and creepy that VIXX was so good at, lets him flex his vocal range, and adds voguing to the performance because this is Key, and he knows exactly what he is doing. “Villain” tells a story about a fictional villain deciding to go off script because they're fed up with always losing and tired of playing by the rules. “Ain't Gonna Dance” is confident and fabulous and comes with more ironic uses of pet names than the average MinKey interaction. “I Can't Sleep” is a song about insomnia that hits very close to home and proves once more that SHINee needs more lyrics written by the members. “Burn” is a breakup song treated with nuance and maturity. Key also kept his tradition of putting an English song on every release, and “Another Life” with its space imagery is very noticeably a late cut made from “Bad Love” the year prior. SHINee and synth pop is always a win though, and this is no exception. Really, the entire album is a win, these are just the songs that stand out to me the most. And by the power of future sight (aka, laziness and being five months late with this retrospective), I can tell that I'll praise his repackage this year too. So, I guess this is it. Key can have song of the year, again, for “Bound” this time. WOODZ gets album of the year with “Colorful Trauma”, and idk…if the three solos count as combined effort by SHINee they can have artist of the year, I guess. No one else earned it, or at least, I don’t want to hand it to any of the groups who might’ve earned it. This was a demotivating year, I’m glad it’s over.

#retrospective

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