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marilynthornhilllover · 5 months

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Simply because, she cares

Larissa weems x fem reader

Warning: slight depressive talk, fluff and care

Larissa immediately knew something was wrong when your entered her office. There was simply a shift in the peaceful air of tension of the atmosphere. You sniffed as you slammed the door harshly the rage building back up as you stormed into your shared bedroom with larissa. Larissa lifted her gaze making brief eye contact with you. Her heart sank completely.

You looked like you wanted to curl up and die, you had tears in your eyes threatening to spill out as your nose flared, clearly showing that you were on the verge of having a mental breakdown. You quickly averted your eyes from her gaze and disappeared into the room slamming the door.

You felt tired, hopeless, depression, utterly exhausted beyond sleep fixation, and mostly worthless. Before you could even reach the bed a loud painful sob escaped you. Larissa's heart was deeply troubled, it was at that point she placed down her pen and got up from her seat.

She sighed as she took off her heels and her jacket. She slowly approached the door and softly knocked.

" my love?" Her voice was soft and filled with deep concern. True sympathy - one you never understood. Larissa's love for you ran deeper than the ocean. She truly cared, she truly loved, she truly protected and provided for you.

"Y/n please don't shut me out again.... darling?" You were getting more agitated by the second. You wanted her to be mad at you.... probably because you were mad at yourself, or maybe it's because everyone else was. You needed everyone one, including larissa to scold you for making mistakes and simply being human.

You were far to harsh on yourself, you knew that obviously but you found comfort in that pain. You were your biggest rival. There's times where your soul desperately wanted to be happy - needed to be happy but that everlasting pain was all you knew, all you ever felt. So that's why when larissa came into your life with so much love and joy, sympathy, understandment it was hard to accept it. It was hard to understand it.

You didn't even know why she loved you so much, as if you died she would be the loneliest woman on planet earth. Maybe it's because you don't quite understand what love is because you never had it or practiced it on yourself.

Larissa twisted the door nob then finding out that the door was unlocked, from there she gently sneeked her way in. There you were on the bed curled up into a small ball crying. Your mascara ruined and your face completely tear ridden. Larissas shoulders dropped, as if she wasn't expecting what she saw - again with the sympathy.

" Oh darling come here" she cooed gently sitting on the bed and tapping her lap. You looked up at her from the pillow, the mascara remains taking the stain on the white material. You looked at her deeply. Trying to figure out if you were one, dreaming or two maybe she was lying.

Her deep caring blue eyes stared back at yours, truth,meaning and love shined through them. She looked like she had all the answers to your troubles and problems and was willing to help if you would just let her in. You couldn't help the feeling of feeling like an equation. Waiting to be solved and placed away in a box and labeled as useless. But larissa would never do that.

No one hurts you more than yourself, your a big overthinker and that's the sharpest part of the knife for you. You sniff as you carefully got up and laid in her lap. Larissa laid back against the pillows and placed pulled you up with her, making you lay on her chest.

She doesn't say anything. The silence was killing you. You needed to know what she was thinking. If she thought she should divorce you, go on a break, take you to see a counselor, scold you for being the way you are. But again that's not who larissa is. That's not the woman who proposed, the woman who's vows where to love you even in your illness.... she simply cared for you and you didnt know why your heart refused to believe it.

As If she was reading your mind she spoke up, her voice cracking as though she shared your pain - felt your pain.

" rest your mind, my love, it's been quite mean to you" she whispered kissing your temple. And there it was. The kiss of love. Her soft voice and cold gentle finger tips running through your hair as you slowly started to drift off to sleep. Your body fought against it, larissa is busy and has better things to do, your disrupting her work, you own her an explanation. Oh shut up mind, you stopped fighting the sweet desire and fell stead fast asleep.

You were slowly brought back from your depth when you heard larissas sweet voice mumbling some sweet nothings in your ear while her nails lightly strached against your scalp. Somethings like ' I genuine love you' ' your pain is my pain' ' your ok in my arms'. Your heart felt weak and fluttered. You felt like your were in heaven.

You slowly opened your eyes, adjusting to the lighting of the dim light on the bed side table. It was most definitely past 6, which meant you were probably laying in larissa ls arms sleeping for atleast 2 hours. Larissa is a busy woman who has almost a thousand things to do and for her to chose to lay here with you will always be appreciated and cherished from the deepest depth of your heart.

" she's back, are you feeling OK my love?" It was a stupid and rhetorical question, she knew that. Obviously you weren't ok, you didn't even tell her what was the problem yet.

Tha pain of the world immediately came back to you, and she noticed it. It was as of sleep was your only escape but she wanted it to be her, and only her. She wanted you to trust her with all of your problems.

She took your chin in her fingers and brought your face up to hers, sapphire eyes piercing into your dark soul setting light upon it. She kissed your nose and you gaved her a faint smile before giggling when she proceeded to leave pecks of kisses all over your face. It's a good thing her lipstick is stain proof or your entire face would be red right now.

She chuckled as she left one final kiss to your forehead.

" since i've got you to smile and laugh what monsters have been clawing at you?" She asked sincerely, your smile faded quicker than it appeared as guilt and that never ending cycle of pain filled your beautiful eyes. Your eyes started to gloss over again as you avoided larissas inetesene and worried stare.

She quickly grabbed hold of your face and forced you to maintain eye contact but you pulled away. You quickly got up and stood facing away from her. Larissa sighed in defeat, she really thought she was making progress but still she was not mad at you. And will never be.

Not because she has to put up with it but simply because she cares.

" darling come here" she spoke softly voice breaking as tears filled her own eyes. When she got no response she stood, still keeping her distance, choosing to give you the acquired space you needed.

" please my love, y/n just tell me what the problem is your breaking my heart!" She shouted, not intentionally but she did. You looked up at the mirror infront of you, meeting her gaze quickly. She looked stressed, you were adding to her stress. Your pain hurts her as much as it hurts you and possibly even more, and if not it leaves her scared.

You turned around and slowly walked up to her before hugging her. Wrapping your arms around her neck as she wrapped hers completely around your waist pulling you in to get you as close as she can. Her body heat brought your peace and harmony. Happiness even. You felt refilled, refreshed.

Her hugs always give you hope and possibilitys.

"I'm sorry for shouting" she mumbled and you shook your head pulling back a bit.

" I get it your upset and stressed, I would shout as me too" you said handing your head low.

" that doesn't justify my actions y/n, I had no right to shout at you regardless of my emotions, as your partner i should have control of that and not get upset every time your broken" she spoke sternly. She held your hand and placed it over her chest. Feeling her heart beat you smiled and looked up at her.

" my heart beats for you by y/n/n, it whispers your name and this is not poetry I'm speaking the truth. When your sad I'm not like oh my gosh this shit again, no, I always wanna help you in everything and with everything, so please don't leave me in the dark" her words were like a soothing melody. You sighed and sat down on the bed pulling her with you.

" have you ever felt like the majority of the things that happen or are said to you are your fault" you asked her and she looks at you like she's either confused or doesn't know how to answer the question without making you feel worst about the situation.

"ok like, I dont know how to explain it" you said in defeat sighing. Larissa held your hands clasping your fingers with hers.

" you don't have to know the answer to every problem my love and that's ok. Life is a dark unfair exhausting mystery and on some days it might get darker and harder to find that spark of joy and happiness but just know I'm always by your side no matter what and your not in this alone" she whispered looking at your reaction to her every word carefully.

" thank you rissa, I love you and thanks for supporting me and always going that extra mile" you whispered. She chuckled rolling her eyes playfully.

" I'd travel to the end of the world for you" she cooed kissing your temple.

" promise me something darling" she said all of a sudden in a very serious tone. You turned your body in her direction, giving her your undivided attention just as she always does. She tucks a strand of hair behind your ear behind speaking up.

" stop being a monster to yourself." There's so much more she wanted to say, could have said but she chosed not to. She simply chosed to comfort you in this storm of pain and distress.

" I promise " you spoke confidently. She smiled brightly causing you to reflect it.

The both of you began kissing passionately, you slipped your tongue into larissas mouth in hopes to win for dominance but that's simply a game she was way to good at. She pulled you onto her lap and held the back of your head as she deepened the kiss making you moan before pulling away.

" there she is" she chuckled holding you tightly.

" here I am" your spok before she held you flush against her chest pulling you to lay down with her.

" hey what about your work?" You asked looking upbat her. She looked down and smiled at you.

" what about it, sweetheart? Now sleep" she muttered, slowly starting to drift off to sleep when her eyes began to get heavy. You smiled at her, slowly drifting off to dream land aswell. She simply loves you......

#fypシ゚viral #gwendoline christie #fanfic #larissa weems x female reader #love #cute #gwendolineuniverse #wednesday #larissa weems #marilynthornhilllover #marilynthornhilllover fanfics #fluff fanfics #fluff overload #larissa weems fanfic #larissaweems #larissa weems x reader #larissa x reader

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angellesword · 3 years

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MAGIC SHOP | JJK (04)

Description: You and Jungkook were best friends who were in love with each other. What would happen when Soojin, your half sister who you’re trying to impress, told you she’s in love with Jungkook too?

Alternatively:

“Would you believe me if I said that I was scared of everything too?”

Genre: childhood best friends to lovers, family drama, angst, fluff, idiots to lovers, pining, slice of life au.

Pairing: Architect!Jungkook x Architect!Reader

Word Count: 3k

SERIES: CHAPTER 3 | CHAPTER 5

Song for this chapter: I started writing right after watching Kook’s live 😭 my heart can’t handle his cuteness please 😭😭 so yeah enjoy his cover of At My Worst while reading this update. ty.

Warnings: violence, child trauma, infidelity.

"Yes," your heart cracked. "I will be happy if you date my sister."

Jungkook didn't say anything. He just scraped his tongue against his teeth, blinking dumbly at you.

You swallowed hard.

His reaction was frightening. Jungkook never looked at you using his dead eyes. His stare was normally full of adoration.

You wondered if this was how he was going to look at you when he started to date Soojin.

Could you handle it?

Your heart was barely surviving now that Jungkook turned away from you—like he couldn't tolerate your face, like it was driving him insane.

He walked away and tears fell down your cheeks.

It hurt.

You wanted to call him, to tell him you didn't mean what you said. But it wasn't necessary.

Jungkook looked back even though you didn't say anything.

He watched as fat tears rolled down your cheeks.

He gasped, eyes turning wide.

He made his way towards you.

"Too fucking bad," and then he engulfed you into a very tight hug. "Because it doesn't make me happy. I don't want to date your sister..."

You bit your bottom lip, tears were still filling your eyes. Jungkook could feel it soaking his suit. He released himself from the hug just so he could cup your face and wipe your tears away.

"I can't do it," he shook his head. He couldn't do two things. First, he looked back because he realized he couldn't walk away from you. Second: "I can't date Soojin. She's not you..."

Jungkook caressed your cheeks once more.

"Did you hear me? She's not you, okay? She doesn't even have to give me time to think because I already know what I want, and it's not her. Never her..."

You didn't know what to say so you only did what you think would best express your feelings.

You kissed him on the mouth.

Everything be damned. For a moment you didn't want to think about the consequences of your action. It's just you, Jungkook, the moon, and the stars.

He moved his lips, deepening the kiss, silently telling you that he wanted this too, that just like you, he was done pretending like his heart wasn't going to burst whenever you were around.

You completed each other. Broken or whole, you knew you needed him.

He needed you too.

"Just you, baby..." He pulled away from the kiss, but he pressed his lips on your forehead. "My tiger..."

You were still dazed because of the sudden turn of events. You expected this night to end with you alone in your bed; however, life was full of surprises.

Right now, you were inside an unfamiliar car, but with a familiar body next to yours. Jungkook wrapped his arms around your shoulders as he instructed the uber driver where to go.

He didn't care if he needed to pay double if it meant he got to take you to his home.

You ended up in Jungkook's bed that night. You didn't do anything aside from cuddling. Your best friend was warm and you were cold.

You enjoyed trailing feathery kisses along his jawline.

He was ticklish though.

"Hmm," Jungkook chuckled, craning his neck so your lips landed on the base of his throat.

"Big, bad Kookie is ticklish, huh?" You teased.

He pouted his lips, defending himself.

"I'm not a bad boy!" It truly surprised you how he could always snatch your heart when he acted like a baby boy. God. He was so precious.

"You are! Don't you remember threatening your father and my parents?" You wrapped your arms around him while he tucked your head under his chin.

Both of you reminisced about what happened seventeen years ago.

You just turned nine years old that time. As usual, your mother insisted that you should have a big party. Your father agreed even though he was one hundred percent sure that he couldn't attend.

You and his legitimate daughter were born on the same year and same day. Of course Taemin would want to celebrate Soojin's natal day more. It was why he never attended yours.

You were only nine, but you were starting to understand that your father wouldn't be available on your special day so you didn't really expect much. You weren't as clingy as you were when you were seven years old.

You still didn't know that Taemin had another family. You just knew that he was busy at work. However, this belief had been shattered when your mother realized that enough is enough.

She couldn't share Taemin anymore. She was fed up. He never gave you and your mother enough attention. She didn't understand why he couldn't be at your party just this once.

It was a beautiful day. Your mother decided to celebrate your ninth year of being alive in your mansion's garden. The place was decorated to perfection. There were decors inspired by different Disney films, there were also colorful balloons, and delicious foods.

Your mother didn't invite a lot of people because she didn't have many friends. Besides, you told her that you only wanted to invite Jungkook and his father. You liked uncle Jong-in since he was kind to you. He usually drove you and Jungkook home after school. He even did things your father was supposed to do in the first place.

Uncle Taemin would buy you toys, get your report card in school, and teach you things only fathers could do.

Jong-in didn't disappoint you. He was early at your party too. He helped decorate the place with Jungkook.

Their efforts were in vain though. You didn't get to celebrate your birthday. What was the point? Your father wasn't around and your mother was intoxicated because of both drugs and alcohol.

"Fuck you, asshole! I'm going to ruin your family! My daughter doesn't deserve this shit!" Your mother screamed, eyes bloodshot.

Taemin had an impeccable timing. He arrived at your house five minutes after your mother decided that the party was over.

You waited three hours for Taemin. You and your mother were miserable while he was having the time of his life being the best dad for Soojin.

"Hey," Jong-in lightly grabbed your mother's hand, pulling her close so he could shield Taemin from her violence. "Calm down. We can fix this without hurting anyone..."

She couldn't be stopped though. Taemin's presence brought the worst out of her. Your mother started destroying everything she saw.

She ripped the paper decors Jong-in and Jungkook spent time making. She also popped the balloons and broke the plates.

All Taemin could do was avoid the flying things towards his direction.

"Stop it! You're crazy! Your daughter might hear you!" Taemin groaned, looking around in case you were here. He wasn't a savage. He knew you were too young to understand what was happening.

Taemin was trying to protect you.

But your mother couldn't care less. She voiced it out.

"I don't care! Maybe she should finally know the truth!" She squirmed against Jong-in's hold. She wanted to attack Taemin. She would never understand why Jong-in's stopping her from getting back at the asshole who hurt her deeply.

Fuck their friendship.

"She should know that you're a piece of shit!" Your mother started screaming your name.

You were inside the house with Jungkook. The latter's father told you to get inside and never come out unless he told you so.

"Maybe we should just stay here..." Jungkook cooed, holding your hand gently so he could stop you from going to the garden.

You could hear your mother's scream. She was desperately calling your name.

Fear surged through you, aware that you couldn't just ignore her. What if she was hurting? You didn't know what your father might do to her. You had heard them argue before even though you were locked up in your room. Their fight was always messy. Taemin would tell you to just cover your ears and sing.

What if he told you to do this so that he could cover whatever pain he was causing to your mother?

"No. I need to see. My mother needs me, Kook." Nine year-old you said, rushing towards the garden.

Jungkook followed you.

Your mother stopped shouting your name, but she hadn't calmed down at all. She was still struggling to get away from Jong-in's hold.

"Stay here please." Jungkook begged, holding your hand once again. The two of you were hiding in the bushes.

You did stay, too stunned to move. You weren't sure how to react. Why was Uncle Jong-in holding your mother like that? Most importantly, why did she look like a zombie? You could barely recognize your own mother. Her face was so pale, but her eyes were so red.

"Let's stop pretending like we're a happy family!" Tears cascaded down your mother's cheeks, trying to reach for a plate so she could throw it at Taemin.

She didn't have enough energy to do it. Admittedly, she wasn't aggressive anymore. In fact she looked exhausted. Too broken to function. "Because we're not your real family. I'm just your mistress and you don't treat our daughter right. She doesn't matter to you. Just go back to your real family—"

You didn't get to hear the rest of your mother's words because Jungkook was covering your ears and blocking your sight. He stood in front of you, smiling gently like his grin could fucking break you.

"Let's go..." You watched his lips dance.

You didn't argue, letting him drag you out of that suffocating place. You were numb, not dumb. You were nine but you knew what a mistress meant.

You understood now.

You understood why your father wasn't always available. You were only an option, someone he could pick up and drop whenever he wanted to.

Wait. Were you even an option? Perhaps you were not. Perhaps you were just a mistake, someone who ruined his perfect life.

"Tiger," Jungkook blurted out, halting your train of thoughts.

You blinked. He brought you to the garage.

You still didn't move. You just watched Jungkook do all things for you despite the fact that he was shaking.

He was scared. Not for himself, but for you. The screaming frightened him. The look in your mother's face made him tremble. He never saw and heard something so violent his whole life.

He couldn't even remember the last time his father got mad at him. Jong-in was the kind of father who never raised his voice.

He was always so calm.

Jungkook wondered if your mother ever hurt you. How many times did she hit you? Screamed at you? Throw things at you?

Has it always been like this for you? Was your mother always so violent? Was she only going to stop screaming and breaking things when she didn't have energy?

No! Jungkook shook his head, refusing to entertain his negative thoughts any longer. He was shuddering just by the thought of you getting hurt.

"I'm gonna to keep you safe, okay?" Jungkook was striving to stay calm. He planned to get you away from your abusive and lying parents.

Jungkook spotted your bike. He pulled you closer to it, helping you put on the bicycle helmet and then fastening its strap.

"Come," He urged you to sit on the crossbar even if there was a carrier in your bike. Jungkook wanted you to sit on his front, where he could see you, where he could cage you in his arms.

He was so scared to let you sit behind him. What if your mother took you away?

You quietly sat on the crossbar. You felt uncomfortable. Not with Jungkook, but with your current position. Sitting on the crossbar hurt your butt.

You didn't feel safe too. Jungkook's cycling with wobbly legs. You just knew you would be crashing soon.

"Kook!" You suddenly screamed, closing your eyes tightly.

Jungkook lost control. The bicycle crashed into your mother's car, causing the both of you to fall.

The car alarm was going off. You panicked. Your best friend panicked.

He felt stupid. How could he escape with you now? Your parents and his father heard the noise. They were heading towards the garage now.

"Jungkookie?" Jong-in called, unsure. He was wondering why his son was trying to hide you.

"Stay back!" Jungkook's breathing was ragged. His butt hurt, his arm hurt, seeing you hurt hurt him too. Everything hurt.

Jungkook felt like crying. You were plopped down on the ground. He wanted to help you, to make sure you were okay. Unfortunately he couldn't. He had to deal with the adults first. He had to make sure that they couldn’t hurt you.

"We're leaving! Let us go! You're gonna hurt her!" Jungkook didn't sound sweet anymore. He practically barked at your parents. "We heard you talking! You will hurt her! I know it!"

Your mother was about to say something. She was probably gonna scream at Jungkook, but your father stopped her, burying her face to his chest. After that Taemin looked at Jong-in, nodding as if he was silently asking him for a favor.

Jong-in nodded back and then he caught Jungkook off guard.

"Dad!" Jungkook's comically wide eye made his father smile. Jong-in ignored his son and just carried you in his arms.

"What are you gonna do to her!?" Jungkook’s hands balled into a fist. He was thinking of a way to save you from his father.

"You said she's not safe here so I'm taking her away from here. Wanna go with us?" Jong-in extended his left arm for Jungkook to hold.

The nine year-old boy hesitated, but after a few seconds, he decided to grab Jong-in's hand. He couldn't trust your parents, but maybe he could trust his father. Jong-in never lied to him.

Jungkook's father was true to his words, his son didn't regret trusting him.

Jong-in brought you to his house.

He had your father's permission. Taemin knew you were shocked and confused right now. You probably didn’t want to see your parents. You had to be surrounded by the people you trust. As of this moment, you would only warm up at Jungkook and Jong-in.

"Jungkookie, stop glaring at me..." Jong-in chuckled. He was amused by how protective his son got when it came to you. "Just go get some ice packs and a first aid kid. Your friend is hurt, can't you see?"

Jungkook winced as his father touched your bruised arm. You got hurt when you fell from the bicycle. Jungkook was aware that it was his fault.

"How can I make sure you're not gonna take her back to their house?" Jungkook crossed his arms, raising his brow and pouting his lips.

"Well out of everyone she knows, I am the only one who hasn't hurt her."

Jong-in knew it was insensitive to say this, especially because it was obvious that Jungkook was already feeling guilty for being the reason why you had bruises on your arms and legs.

"Fine." But in the end, Jong-in's statement was what convinced Jungkook to finally leave you alone for a short while.

It was what Jong-in wanted. He wanted to talk to you alone, to explain to you what just happened.

And he did. He made you understand your place without trying to offend you.

"I can't believe it's been seventeen years," Jungkook said, snapping back to reality. He trailed his fingers on your arm as if he could still see the bruises you got when you fell from the bike.

"You know what they say, time flies fast when you're happy..."

"Are you happy, Tiger?" Jungkook brought your arm closer to his lips, kissing it.

"Very.” You replied.

For a moment you enjoyed the silence, but Jungkook never really liked quiet so he started humming.

You immediately recognized the song. It was at my worst by Pink Sweats.

It made you smile. The sound coming out of his mouth soothed you.

He always knew how to make you feel better. For years, Jungkook did nothing but protect you.

You should start being more grateful.

"Thank you, Kook..." You said all of a sudden, a smile gracing your lips.

He stopped humming.

"Hmm?"

"For protecting me," you kissed his cheek. "Always, especially seventeen years ago."

You ran your fingers through his hair. He never changed his style: short and black.

"I never thought I'd see that side of yours. You looked like you're about to eat my parents alive," you giggled. "You're a bad boy."

It was a joke. You simply wanted to tease him.

You guessed he teased you back and also responded to your thank you by singing a certain part of Pink Sweat's song.

"For you, girl, I swear I'd do the worst..."He laughed while singing the lyrics.

You shook your head.

"No, Kook." You smiled sincerely . "You always do what's best for me..."

Did he really?

What if you were wrong? What if you thought he was doing his best, but then it was only bringing the worst in you?

Yeah. That's right.

Jungkook brought the worst out of you because when Monday came, he promised that he would tell Soojin that he didn't like her in a romantic way.

It didn't happen. Jungkook didn't talk to Soojin, at least this was what you thought.

Because if he did, then why was the ugly, green monster back? Why was it consuming you as you watched the biggest news for today:

After years of building things, two great architects of today finally decided to build a life together: Head Architect Jeon Jungkook asked Corporate Heir Kim Soojin to marry him.

A/N: I know, I know I’m not letting you guys breathe. I’m sorry I have to end this chapter like this hehe <//3

#ficswithluv #jungkook fluff #jungkook angst #jungkook best friends to lovers #best friend jungkook #jungkook x yn #jungkook x female reader #jungkook x oc #jungkook x y/n #jungkook x you #jungkook fanfic #armywriterssupport

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delaber · 3 years

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Can’t Have Your Cake and Another Cake Too

Rafael Casal x Reader

Note: Okay, I’ll stop breaking Rafa’s heart now... Last time, I swear! Thanks for the prompts to these lovely anons. Alhough this is not a prequel to Poetic Justice (Rafa x ER Nurse), poor Rafa’s facing some of the same issues. I very loosely based this story on J. Cole’s Kevin’s Heart (don’t know why I’m always incorporating J. Cole into my fics, but apparently he’s always lurking in the back of my mind) and Phlake’s So Faded. Let me know what you think!

Words: 4.7K

Warnings: Cocaine addiction! Does not have a happy ending (nobody ODs and nobody’s dying ...Only on the inside lol)

Tagging: No one! This might not be for everybody and I don’t want anybody to feel forced to read it 😌

It was supposed to be a great night out. The entire gang was there, and at the instigation of Diggs, Rafa was supposed to be on the prowl to get laid so he could take his mind off of his broken heart.

From his seat in the booth, Rafa had a fairly good view of the dance floor and he had already spotted a few honeys who likewise had acknowledged him by smiling and sending him a couple of long looks. One of them had even twirled her hair between her fingers while blowing him a kiss. He had the green light, all systems were go!

However, of all the things that could've thrown him off his game, Rafa would not have placed a single bet on a phone call. But the minute he pulled out his vibrating phone and checked the caller ID, both the group of honeys on the dance floor and his friends occupying the seats all around him were completely forgotten. Nothing else mattered anymore.

He stared at the screen for a while, reading the name over and over again. What the fuck was Morris calling him for? Rafa had told him to stop. Morris knew he was too weak to say no even though he had promised his girl that he'd stop for good.

...Or, you weren't his girl. Not anymore.

But Rafa was still determined to win you back no matter if you had stopped answering his phone calls or not, so he took a tough decision and pressed the decline button beneath Morris' name. He even contemplated putting his phone on flight-mode to remove all unwelcome temptations - he knew you'd never take him back if he fell back in - yet, for some reason taking himself off the grid was easier said than done, and before he had pulled himself together to actually press the little airplane button, a text from Morris had ticked in. It only consisted of two words but Rafa understood perfectly.

'New candy.'

Fuck... Rafa considered the pros and cons of accepting for a few milliseconds before he came to his senses. No, no, no. The only way he'd ever win you back would be by showing you that he could stay sober even after your break-up. Morris could fuck off! As if awaking from a trance, Rafa hurriedly put his phone back in his pocket and desperately tried to forget about Morris' enticing offer by telling himself that he was strong enough to shake it.

...although deep down, he was aware that it was already too late. That no matter what, he wouldn't be able to stop thinking about it now. And no matter how hard he tried to re-focus on the honeys on the dance floor and tell himself how stupid it was to hit Morris up, it was no use, the damage was done; he was desperate to get high!

Deeply, horribly ashamed of himself, Rafa texted Morris the address of the club and impatiently waited a couple of minutes before he walked outside with heavy footsteps. It felt as if he was walking to the gallows, the shame eating him up from the inside. You'd be so disappointed in him!

However, in order to make himself accept what he was about to do, he reminded himself that apparently, you didn't care if he was high or not. If you did, you would've returned his phone calls, and you would've reacted to the fact that he had been sober for three weeks now - but you hadn't. And with that in mind, Rafa managed to push away most of the shame as he laid eyes on Morris' sketchy Subaru parked by the curb on the other side of the road. He walked across the street with determined footsteps, carefully looking over his shoulder to check if anybody he knew were watching him approach what was clearly a dealer's car.

"What's up, bruh!" Morris called as he rolled down his window. He was wearing sunglasses, looking like an absolute turd in the dark night.

Rafa put his arms on the car's beltline and shot Morris a bro handshake through the open window, "what the fuck are you wearing sunglasses at night for? You look like a dick."

"Nah, man, it looks cool," Morris laughed, "do you like them? Hell, you should like them - you paid for them."

"What do you mean I paid for them?"

"With the amount of money you spend in my shop, I think it's safe to assume that you paid for these sunglasses and the rims on the ride too," Morris snorted.

"Yeah, about that," Rafa looked away, the embarrassment slowly creeping up his spine again, "you gotta stop calling me."

"You said that last time as well but look at you now," Morris laughed.

"Come on man, it's important that I stop."

"You don't wanna stop though."

Rafa let out a sigh, "look, I'm trying to prove something to my girlf- ...ex-girlfriend."

"A'ight, I respect that," Morris nodded slowly but then he quickly continued, "so did you just call me here to pin your lady troubles on me? Cause I have a customer waiting up on Seventh Ave."

Rafa blew out some air, embarrassed by the decision he was about to make.

"...Or do you wanna buy?" Morris continued as he read Rafa's body language.

"...you're not gonna tell Diggs are you?"

"Do I look like a fucking snitch?" Morris looked offended, "and you know me and Diggs don't talk no more."

"Yeah, alright. This stays between us, okay? If word gets out, I'm fucked."

"A'ight bruh," Morris laughed, "Now, how much do you need?"

"Just... just give me an eightball," Rafa mumbled.

Morris let out a small laugh, "an eightball? Man, you're not about to quit," he chuckled and handed Rafa a zip-lock bag with white powder in it.

"Shut up," Rafa mumbled and pocketed the baggie, "how much?"

"Rafa, you're my man, so I'mma give you a discount because I feel bad for you and your girl. Three hundo."

"Three hundred?! Last time it was two-eighty without the discount."

"Times are changing. I haven't seen you in three weeks, man. Plus, this is a good batch," Morris poked Rafa in the chest, "my contact got it shipped in directly from Medellín. Look, it got fish scale and everything!"

"You better not fuck me over," Rafa muttered and threw Morris three hundred-dollar bills before he turned away from him with an annoyed huff.

"Pleasure doing business as always, Casal! See you next weekend!" Morris yelled after Rafa with a small laugh, apparently not a care in the world for who knew about their illegal transaction.

"Fucking idiot," Rafa muttered to himself without turning around. He had more important things to do than to scold Morris about his indiscretion.

Rafa hurried to the restroom and carefully locked the door behind him before he frantically pulled out the zip-lock bag. He examined its contents and saw the pearl-like surface that Morris had talked about - Fuck it looked good! He opened the bag carefully but froze when he caught his own reflection in the bathroom mirror; the loving look he was sending the bag of coke was sickening. It made his stomach plummet. Had he really been reduced to snorting coke alone in a dirty bathroom of a sketchy club? He remembered when it had been a group activity. Before he couldn't control it.

Shake it off! He told himself. He had every intention of stopping after tonight. This would be the last time.

You said that last time as well, a small voice rang in the back of his head, but he ignored his guilty conscience and instead poured out a small pile of the pearl-like coke on top of the hand dryer. Quickly, he pulled out a random card from his wallet and used it to form two heavy lines. Before his guilty conscience could interfere again, he also grabbed a one-dollar bill that he neatly rolled into a small tube and put between his right nostril and one of the white lines, ready for the rush. His gaze, however, lingered on the random card he had used to break the coke into lines; it was his fucking rewards card for the small organic, artisan shit coffee house that you liked. What wouldn't you say if you knew what he was doing? In his mind's eye, he could see the disappointed look you always sent him whenever he'd come home all hyped up, rambling his mouth off. You never got angry with him and his love of coke, but somehow your disappointed demeanour was way worse. He would've taken screaming and yelling over the disappointed stare and the slow shake of your head any day.

Slowly, he removed the dollar-bill from his nostril, stood up straight and met his own eyes in the mirror again - and for a moment, he could truly see how pathetic he was. What the hell was he doing? He was throwing away his last shot at getting you back - and for what? A few hours of euphoria and confidence?

But she doesn't want you back, a small voice rang inside his head, you called, and you called, and you called. You declared yourself clean to her voicemail and she still didn't reach out. Fuck her!

"Yeah, fuck her," Rafa mumbled before he put the dollar-bill back to his nostril. Quickly, he snorted both lines of coke, shooting his head back afterwards, sniffling a bit as he cleaned his nose with the back of his hand. He knew he only had a couple of minutes before the euphoria kicked in, so he quickly brushed off the dollar-bill and the rewards card and tugged them both back in his wallet. The remainder of the coke was stowed away in his shirt's breast pocket for safe keeping.

Ready for the rush, Rafa was impatiently staring at himself in the mirror. He was thinking about how to avoid Diggs and his condescending looks for the duration of his high, when he was finally overwhelmed by the familiar fuzzy feeling. It came out of nowhere and started behind his eyeballs and continued all the way down to his toenails. It felt as if someone had pulled a large, fluffy blanket down over him, and it was slowly heating up his body, making him feel safe and secure. His pulse quickened in time with his breathing, and he had to close his eyes to get himself under control. He felt fucking powerful! Morris had not lied about this coming from a good batch. "Shit, Morris," he laughed.

There was a knock on the door, and Rafa remembered that he had occupied the men's room for a good five minutes now. He took a last look at his suddenly hazed eyes, aware that no matter how hard he tried to hide it, anyone could see that he was high as a kite. He contemplated riding out his high alone in the bathroom but also knew that with the amount of energy present in his body, he couldn't stay in the small restroom all night. He had to dance! To fuck! To fight!

With a suddenly confident bounce in his step, he opened the door, and sent the guy in line what he hoped was an apologetic nod before he confidently strode towards the honeys on the dance floor.

"Hey Rafa!" he heard someone yell behind him.

Hoping it was someone who wanted to fight, Rafa quickly turned around but was slightly disappointed to see Diggs coming towards him with a huge grin on his face. Shit! Rafa realised that he had to act nonchalant around his best friend. Diggs absolutely couldn't know about the coke in his breast pocket, or he'd be all up in Rafa's face about it.

"Diiiiiggs! My man!" Rafa yelled overly excited, clearly very, very high.

Diggs shot him a look at his weird behaviour before he continued, "where've you been, man? I've been looking for you everywhere."

"R-r-r-r-r-r-r-rrrrrrrestroom," Rafa laughed, he was too happy to pretend otherwise.

"Why are you saying it like th-" the huge grin was slowly slipping from Diggs' face, "...hey, Rafa - look at me," Diggs suddenly sounded all serious as he took Rafa's face in his hands, carefully examining his features, "Rafa, look at me."

Rafa let out a low chuckle, "Diggs, you know I think you're handsome and all that, but I don't like you that way," he joked.

"You're being weird," Diggs furrowed his eyebrows, "- and your pupils are huge. Have you been doing lines in the bathroom?"

"Maybe," Rafa laughed, unable to stop himself from revealing his dirty little secret, "why? You want some? I still have a few hits left," he padded his breast pocket.

"You know I don't do that shit anymore..." Diggs let go of Rafa with a sigh and looked away from him.

"Oh yeah, I forgot you're a fucking saint now," Rafa said a bit more harshly than he had intended to. Ever since Diggs had met Emmy, he had been boring as hell.

Diggs chose not to comment on Rafa's low blow, and managed to keep his calm, "I thought you'd stopped, bruh."

"Morris made me an offer I couldn't refuse," Rafa laughed in an accent halfway between Tony Montana and Vito Corleone.

"Yeah well, I'm not the only one who thought you were done fucking around," Diggs said seriously. He was having none of Rafa's jokes, "I just saw your girl downstairs. She wants to talk to you."

It took a few seconds before Rafa understood, but when he finally grasped Diggs' words, he felt the blood drain from his face and his mouth run dry, "what? No, you're kidding me..."

"Nope," Diggs sighed, "I've been running around trying to find you for fifteen minutes..."

"Shit! What the fuck do I do?" Rafa said in a panicked voice, licking his lips frantically, "I told her I was sober! If she sees me like this, she'll never take me back."

"Yeah, well you better pray that you don't run into her."

Rafa ran his hand through his hair, "fuck I'm screwed. She's downstairs?"

"Was fifteen minutes ago."

"Alright, I'm jumping out this window. You stall her, tell her that I got sick or something."

"You can't jump out this window?" Diggs said incredulously, "we're 50 feet up, if you do that, you die! Just walk out the doo- ...oh shit, dude, we're blown. She's here. She's coming over."

"Fuck! Can I still bolt?"

"Of course not!"

"Well how do I look? Alright?"

"You look-" Diggs cut himself off, "...maybe just try and avoid her looking into your eyes, okay?"

"How the fuck am I supposed to do that?"

"The light in here's paying you a favour but apart from that you're gonna have to pull yourself together. You brought this upon yourself," Diggs said harshly before his demeanour changed completely as his eyes interlocked with yours over Rafa's shoulder, "heeeeey," he smiled broadly, "look who I found."

Rafa slowly turned around and met you. Your stunning beauty - as always - immediately knocking him to the ground. He couldn't believe that it had been four weeks since the last time he'd seen you. He'd do anything to get you back!

"Rafa," you nodded formally with a stiff face. Rafa couldn't help but make a mental note on how weird it was to see you without a smile on your lips. You were normally always so happy. He had done this, he reminded himself.

"Hey baby," he whispered, the words weirdly familiar in his throat.

You briefly raised your eyebrows while looking away from him, clearly uncomfortable by the sound of your old pet name.

"Sorry," he continued, "force of habit. ...I'm just happy to see you."

Your gaze slowly found his face, and Rafa prayed that you couldn't see his coke-eyes from where you were standing.

"Well..." you said and clicked your tongue, "I'd like to talk to you."

"I'd like to talk to you too," Rafa said quietly.

"And you're sober? Like you said on my voicemail?"

"Yes," Rafa breathed, "completely sober," he lied thickly, hyper-aware of how awkward it was with Diggs shuffling nervously beside him. He was uncomfortably rolling back and forth on the balls of his feet.

"Good," you finally let out a small smile, "do you want to sit down?"

"Yeah," Rafa nodded.

"Yeah, I'll - uh - I'll leave you to it," Diggs cleared his throat and padded Rafa between the shoulder blades as a way of wishing him good luck.

"Thanks man," Rafa muttered before he followed you down to a vacant booth in the corner of the room. Instead of sitting down opposite you, he made sure to occupy the seat next to you, hoping that it would minimise the risk of you looking into his eyes. He just had to pretend that he was sober until the high quieted down. Fourty-five more minutes - Less if he was lucky.

"So, how've you been?" You said quietly as you were both overlooking the dance floor, avoiding looking directly at each other.

"Not good," Rafa said quietly, "like shit, actually... how about you?"

"Yeah, well I guess 'shit' sums it up neatly... How's sober life?"

"Oh, it's - yeah - it's - it's great!" He said, the lie thick in his throat, "I feel so much better now." He knew how much he had hurt you, and he knew how difficult it must be for you to face him after you'd said that you never wanted to see him again - which just really only made his lying so much worse. Fuck, how he hated himself for what he had done. What he was still doing.

Your eyes darted across his face before your gaze settled on a spot just below his chin. He was relieved that you weren't staring him square in the eyes. "I was so happy to hear your voicemail," you whispered, "you really flushed your stash?"

"Yes," he croaked.

"I'm glad that you're finally taking care of yourself," he couldn't make out your face in the dark but he could hear a hint of happiness to your voice that you were clearly trying to suppress. It made him feel horrible.

"Yeah, I want to stay sober for you," he said slowly. At least that wasn't a lie.

"You have no idea how happy that makes me," you said quietly, the happiness definitely shining through now.

Rafa's heart was fluttering in his chest, and he felt the coke-induced euphoria run amok in his brain, "...does that mean you'll forgive me?" All his senses were heightened.

"It's a step in the right direction" you said quietly, still not looking directly at him, "I've missed you."

"I've missed you too baby," Rafa said quietly and boldly took your hand in his.

Finally, you looked up at him, and to avoid you noticing his bloodshot eyes with the dilated pupils, he took a quick decision, leaned in and crashed his lips against yours.

Luckily, you mistook his desperation for passion and fiercely kissed him back, your hand releasing itself from his, and instead caressing his neck. In-between kisses you managed to mumble, "I'm still... mad... at you."

"I know," Rafa mumbled, enjoying the familiar feeling of your lips against his. Your hands switched to caressing his torso, and your small fingers travelled over his stomach and up his chest, coming to a halt over his heart. It was racing against his ribcage and he had no idea whether it was due to the coke or due to the heap of emotions he felt in his chest. He couldn't believe he was kissing you again. He had completely written it off no more than half an hour ago.

Your right hand moved away from his heart but came to a sudden halt when you felt a small bump in Rafa's breast pocket. Still kissing him, you ran your fingers over the bump a few times before you remembered that it was where he always kept his coke. Quickly, you pulled your lips away from his.

"Wait, no, don't take kissing away from me," he hummed, completely unaware of the discovery you'd just done.

You were looking at his euphoric face with the closed eyes and the swollen lips as you moved your hand over his breast pocket once more.

When Rafa realised what was going on his eyes flew open and he spluttered, "it isn't what you think!"

But he was too slow to react, and before he had had the chance to move away, your fingers went inside his breast pocket and grabbed the small bag from there. "You've got to be kidding me!" You said angrily as you held his coke between your fingertips.

"Baby, I can explain," Rafa said quickly while desperately grabbing your wrist.

"Rafa, you fucking idiot! Don't touch me!" You wrestled yourself out of his grip, got up from your seat, and fast-paced towards the door.

"Baby! Baby!" Rafa yelled out as he ran after you.

"Don't touch me!" You cried, attracting the attention of everyone in your path.

You stormed out the door, Rafa at your heel desperately clinging to every inch of you that he could reach. When you reached the curb outside, he finally managed to run up in front of you, stopping you in your tracks, "baby, I can explain!" He said desperately.

"You said you'd flushed it all!" You were screaming at him now, the tears running down your face.

"It was a mistake, baby, I swear I didn't mean to. I flushed it all, I promise. It's just a setback."

"When did you buy this, Rafa?" You said through gritted teeth, "how long did you manage to stay sober before you decided you wanted to throw it all away?"

Rafa looked away from you, he was so embarrassed by himself, "Morris called and I tried to say no, I really did! Baby, I tried so hard to resist it. But he was persistent."

"Well, did he force you to buy?" You hissed. You were having none of his excuses.

"...No." Rafa admitted.

"When did you buy it?" You emphasised every word, "before or after you called me last weekend?"

"After..."

"When? How long after? When did you have your setback?"

"Does it matter?"

"Yes! I need to know if you did it because you were physically craving it, because you just felt like getting high, or if you did it because you’d thrown the thought of us away when I didn’t answer you.”

"I tried to fight it, I swear I tried to fight it," he was getting choked up.

"Rafa, tell me when you bought it."

He considered shooting you a lie but he didn't want to fuck up any more. "I bought it tonight..." he finally muttered under his breath, avoiding your gaze.

"You're not serious!! You bought it tonight?" You bellowed, "are you trying to tell me that you planned on throwing away your soberness tonight? That if I hadn't shown up, you'd be high as balls right now?"

Rafa didn't say anything, he just looked at you with huge eyes, the embarrassment evident on his face - and first then did you notice his blood-shot eyeballs with the abnormally large pupils that had taken over most of the green that was normally present.

"No..." you whispered when you realised, "no, no, no..." you groaned quietly, clutching your chest, "you're high right now?" The heartbreak was evident in your voice.

Rafa sent you a pained look. He fucking hated himself.

"You're high..." You stated in a whisper, the tears were streaming down your face, "you lied."

He had broken your heart. Again.

"I - I didn't mean to," he croaked, "I was just so happy to see you. I knew you wouldn't want to talk to me if I told you the truth."

"So you planned on telling me when?"

"I don't know," he croaked, "I didn't think it through. I've been sober for three weeks. Tonight's just a small setback. Baby, I swear, I'll block Morris and I'll flush this baggie right now if I can just get you back," Rafa was begging, “I’ll stop if you tell me to!”

"Rafa, how many times do I have to tell you," you cried, "You have to stop because you want to. Not because I tell you to stop! I don't care about the snorting! I don't care that you party and get high! You've done lines of my tits several times for God's sake! But I can't live with the constant lying that has become part of it!"

Fuck, Rafa knew what you were building to. His life's biggest mistake. He had it coming, he knew it. He deserved it. He was a fucking cheating coke-head and he hated it. "Please don't bring it up," he sobbed.

You didn't listen to him. You had to confront him with it because he clearly hadn't understood. "Rafa, you fucked another girl! And you were so high that you didn't even realise it! And when you woke up the next day and saw what you'd done, you lied about your whereabouts and the fact that you'd been high as fuck! I had to learn about it through her!" You were sobbing, "...and instead of staying home and comforting me, you lied about having to go to the studio, and you met up with Morris and you got high! Again! If knowing that you're breaking my heart with your constant lies doesn't make you want to quit, I'm not sure what will."

"I want to stop!" he sobbed. He had never felt so horrible before, "I love you, I want to be with you," he sniffled and took your hand, "please give me another chance! I'll stop snorting. I'll stop lying. I'll do anything for you."

It looked as if you were contemplating his words but the look in your eyes darkened suddenly and you let out a whisper, "no Rafa!" as you pulled your hand away from his.

"Baby, please!" He pleaded desperately, "I love you."

"You love coke more," you whispered.

"I have a problem," Rafa tried desperately, "I know. I can't stop. But I'll get help. I'll do whatever you want me to do!"

"Rafa, if you stop snorting because I tell you to stop, it will never last! You love getting high!"

"That's not true... it's pathetic," he cried.

"Rafa, honey,” you said quietly, “- ask yourself this; would you be throwing away this baggie and deleting Morris' number if I wasn't leaving you because of it?"

"Yes," he croaked immediately.

You took a deep breath of air, hurt written all over your face, "Love," you sighed desperately as a fresh wave of tears started streaming down your face, "you're lying again..." you sobbed, and put the baggie in the palm of his hand and folded his fingers around it.

"I'm flushing it," he croaked.

"Do whatever you want," you whispered and looked him in the eye, "We're not together anymore. I'm done - it's over,” you said as you slowly turned around and started walking away from him.

“No, no, no! Please come back!”

“No Rafa… This time I'm serious,” you said before you started walking again.

This time, Rafa didn't run after you. He just watched you walk further and further away from him as your hands dried the tears off of your face every two seconds. He imagined you stopping, imagined the hurt look you'd send him. How he'd run over to you and take you in his arms. Imagined how he'd apologise and you'd both hug and cry and kiss it out. But you didn't stop. You didn't send him any look at all. And he didn’t run to you, he was glued to the pavement.

He stood as if frozen in time and looked after you even long after you'd disappeared around the corner. Suddenly, however, he noticed that he was still clutching the baggie in his closed fist. Slowly, he opened the palm to reveal the beautiful mother-of-pearl-coloured powder. He contemplated dropping it down the gutter next to him. It would all be so easy.

But instead, he closed his fingers around it and pocketed it right above his broken heart. It would help relieve the terrible thunder that he felt rolling over him. It brought along a storm of emotions. A hurricane of regrets. And he was desperate to get high.

#rafael casal x reader #rafael casal #daveed diggs #blindspotting #rafael casal imagine #rafael casal fanfiction #bay boys #heartbreak #drug addiction #please don't hate me lol

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