#shit my husband says

[missroserose]

“A subscription box with several new species of moss each month. We can call it Lichen Subscribe.” Yeah, my husband is Like That even when he’s half awake and muttering to himself. ��💕

#shit my husband says

[hawthornsword]

Went to the renaissance festival this weekend and saw an older gentleman driving around in a scooter in an excellent Geralt costume.

Mr. HawthornSword immediately said, "He looks retired - he must be Geralt of Riviera."

Then, even more delighted with himself, he followed up with, "Oooo, a lesbian dressed as Geralt could be the Butch of Blaviken!"

#the witcher #geralt of rivia #butcher of blaviken #puns #shit my husband says

[rudjedet]

Me: God my hands are so dry

Hubs: Mine aren't exactly wet either

Me: I meant the skin, funnyman

Hubs, touching the back of my hand: Wow holy shit how old ARE you?

Hubs, narrowing his eyes: Do I need to find some fresh virgin blood for you or...

Me: Ehhh I just need to moisturise

Hubs: No seriously so you do need me to find you a virgin

#shit my husband says #ftr i'm laughing #this is our humour

[matt-the-blind-cinnamon-roll]

My husband and I were discussing Eurovision and

#eurovision #shit my husband says #husband tag

[absurdthirst]

Adventures in Husbanding

My husband wanted an impact wrench for his birthday. Cool. I get it for him.....

This M*therf*cker brings out another impact wrench that he already had! He holds up the new one and goes "Now we can have one for the Mazda, and one for the Jetta." 🙄🙄🙄🙄

(Reasoning -I guess- is that we have an impact wrench on each of our cooking rigs because changing tires on huge diesel trucks and trailers would be a bitch without them. Guess he decided it would a good idea to have them in POVs)

#shit my husband says #adventures in husbanding

[livingmybestfictionallife]

I was trying to explain to my non-social media having husband the Matt Rife controversy and he asked for me to show him a picture. The first thing this man said was “he looks like a muppet” and proceeded to describe how Matt Rife looks like Beaker. I can’t unsee it.

#matt rife #Matt rife controversy #beaker #the muppets #shit my husband says

[arieschaos]

Watching a drawfee moments comp video with husband, see the Jacob fursona drawing (still so cool) with Jacobs initials at the top (JBA).

Me: I wonder what his middle name is.. gotta be Brian, right?

Husband: … Bacob

Me: of course. Jacob Bacob Andrews.

#shit my husband says #shit my partner says #drawfee #we’re in our 30s #this is weekend entertainment for us

[kitsunefyuu]

“When woman get emotional-“ Realizes I’m standing right there, “Well not you you’re an exception and different.” -my dad when ranting about his wife and my half sister

Me who always told since was little how I’m the exception or not like woman: 🙄

My husband trying not to laugh as I told him how my WHOLE family always go I’m not woman I’m ‘different’: 😂

—as soon as it just us—

Husband: Holy shit he said the thing. 🤣

Me: I told you he say I’m not woman! I don’t know what he think I am but clearly I’m not girl.

#yoly's talks #shit my husband says #what am I not gendered??? I swear they all think I want to be a man just because I am not generic girl. 😭 #just had to share it because it both funny and like WHAT AM I THEN!?!?

[sadiegirl2021]

I mentioned to my husband I look a bit medieval with my hair half up, half down today and he said "yeah, you look like a tavern wench"

Not queen, not princess...tavern wench!!!

And they say romance is dead 🤣🤣🤣

#shit my husband says #He's backtracking a lot to try save himself! #Just over her living my best life as a tavern wench apparently!

[gremlinqueensupreme]

“Sometimes, a stopped clock is like a banana and leave.”

- My Husband, forgetting his point halfway through his sentence

#shit my husband says

[missroserose]

Brian: I feel better in general when I come to Sculpt regularly, but it sure would be nice if I got that 'feeling good from working out' thing I hear people talking about. Me: You don't feel good about having worked out? Brian: Not really. Me: Not even satisfied? Pleased with yourself? Just a little? Brian: Mostly I feel the lack of a cheeseburger.

#shit my husband says

[hawthornsword]

Mr. HawthornSword just used the term "meat bard" as a synonym for chef.

#shit my husband says

[rudjedet]

Me: Just to confirm, Romans considered trousers barbaric, right?

Hubs: I still consider them barbaric.

Hubs: The only true way to live is like Marcus Antonius.

Me: Cheeks out?

Hubs: Cheeks out.

#shit my husband says #lads i'm fucking creasing #tagamemnon

[matt-the-blind-cinnamon-roll]

My spouse believes that in the future we're gonna have sponsored baby names, like Ford or Microsoft pay for the birth and then there's classes with names like Meta and SpaceX and ConAgra or Pfizer

#shit my husband says #i firmly believe this was apollo and the red ball

[fedorahead]

your gods are dead, your beliefs were destroyed, almost always by their own culture! and what we have left of them? none of it makes me think it's something i wanna participate in!

-my husband, on modern reconstructions of ancient religions

#shit my husband says #paganism #heathenry #neopaganism #i love you goodnight

[absurdthirst]

My husband: Where’s my Pringle’s??!!

(First off, bitch….I bought those Pringles)

Me: They are on the floor of the pantry.

My husband: I think they got eaten, baby.

Me: I swear to God, if I have to get off this couch to point out the can at your feet, I’m gonna pop you.

My husband:…..Oh, here they are!!!!

#the husband chronicles #shit my husband says #dumb shit my husband says