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the-final-sif · 4 years

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Okay holy shit can you give all the advice ever???? I’ve spent the better part of the day crying because I have two quizzes overdue and haven’t even looked at work for another class because the professor accused me of essentially being lazy because I asked for extensions early knowing I would need them (abusive household stuck bc quarantine) and it weirdly was super refreshing to hear someone say be as gentle with yourself as you would with someone else. Being home is a nightmare (1/?)

I have zero support system and I’m just trying not to fail double majoring with a teaching certification. You already inspire me because of your writing and your mind (seriously those theories!? The HEADCANONS! I literally reread everything you write all the time) but now my respect for you is through the roof. Taking the time to write that and remind us all like just take a breath and find a solution… ugh just thank you thank you thank you. Gonna take this and try to find the path now!(2/2)

I’m glad my advice was helpful! It’s stuff I’ve learned over time and that I’m still having to remind myself and practice regularly.

While I can’t really offer much beyond my sympathy for your home situation, and a soft reminder that even in these trying times there are organizations that offer support for people in abusive situations, I can give some advice for handling the homework side of things, in the form of an instructional list:

There’s a nasty cycle of “Assignment/Thing makes you anxious” -> “You avoid the assignment/thing” -> “Avoidance makes the situation worse, which makes you more anxious” -> “Repeat in an ever growing spiral”.

You need to break this cycle.

It’s hard, but stop, take a deep breath and do not let fear overtake you.

You are okay.

You do not have to go complete the entire assignment. Do not let your mind warp outwards and twist monsters out of proportion.

All you need to do is break the cycle, in any small way you can.

Try to take this in steps of “something I can do in 1 minute or less”.

Maybe it needs to be less than a minute. Maybe it needs to be something you can do in 30 seconds or less. That’s okay. Make the steps smaller until your first step is so small it cannot overwhelm you.

Do not look ahead at all the other steps. Look at your first step.

Completely valid first steps:

Open up the assignment list (if you already have the website open)

Open up one of the assignments you need to work on.

Get yourself a pen/paper/other supplies

Any first step counts as long as you take it.

Once you’ve finished your first step, you have already started to break the cycle.

Take a deep breath.

Again, you do not need to do everything. You do not need to conquer every monster on a singular quest. Do what you can do, and it will be far better than having done nothing.

Get a list together, if you can, of the things you need to do.

This list does not need to be everything. In fact, if you are feeling overwhelmed, I recommend it not be.

We are not trying to do everything here.

We are getting done what we can, and we are breaking the cycle.

If the list cannot be complete, then pick 5 things to put on it.

If you have things that are time sensitive, you may want to pick them, but do not pick the 5 hardest things. Make at least 1 of them relatively easy. Ideally 2.

Now we have our list, which is a part of breaking the cycle, pick one item on it that is something you know you can do.

When you have that one item, ask yourself how you feel about it.

Does it make you anxious still? Does it make you want to go do something else?

Take a deep breath.

Break the item down into steps.

Again, the steps can be whatever size you need them to be.

The point of these steps is to break down your monster until it’s so small you cannot possibly be scared of it.

It’s okay if your step 1 is “open a document”, step 2 is “make a header”, step 3 is “read over the assignment guidelines”, step 4 is “create a quick bullet point list of what I need to focus on”, etc.

Once you have reduced your monster to steps small enough that you can walk up them with ease, get started with that step one.

Work as you can. Do not work yourself to burn out. I know breaking your work flow can be uncomfortable, but try to take breaks. You are allowed to take breaks. Be kind to yourself.

As you are able to make progress, do not let anxiety steal that progress from you.

If you are only able to get one easier item on the list done, do not let anxiety rear up and call this a failure. It is not failure. It’s progress.

Remember, we did not set out to complete everything. We set out to complete what we could.

Any progress made is better than none.

Try to set yourself in the future up for success too. Maybe you can’t complete all 5 items on that list you made right now, and that’s okay. But if you have the energy for it, see if you can do a little bit of them for your future self.

Even if it’s just reading over the assignment guidelines and mentally breaking down the assignment into steps, that’s progress. That’s useful. That will help you in the future.

Collecting useful links/sources, copying the assignment’s questions, downloading or getting out the reading you need, etc. All that counts as progress.

It’s okay if you can’t finish them. You do not have to finish the task. Just do what you can for now. That’s all you need to do.

Take a deep breath.

Be proud of yourself for what you were able to get done. Focus on what you did do rather than what you didn’t.

You are allowed to be proud of things, even if they are not perfect, even if they are not complete. You have made progress, and that is worth being proud of.

By this point, you will have hopefully broken down at least part of the cycle of anxiety. It may try to return. Be on guard.

If it does come back, go back to the start of the list and start again. I know that this seems like a lot, it seems overwhelming, but it’s okay.

It’s harder at first, but the more you do it, the more this will become second nature. Practice will make it easier, and soon enough you will be able to recognize the anxiety cycle and you will know how to break it.

It’s okay if you struggle with it. I still do.

You do not need to defeat it completely, never to fall into it’s clutches again.

Just learn how to recognize it, learn how to take a step back, take a deep breath, and reduce the monsters it creates until you can step forward again.

You are okay. You are making progress. Take pride in yourself, in your progress, and keep going.

#adhd #homework advice #life advice #adhd advice #school advice #sif speaks #sif answers #sif advises #hope this is helpful!#and I hope things improve for you anon #Anonymous

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whatiwillsay · 3 years

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hi, it’s adhd anon! day 2 on adderall went pretty well! and no negative side effects 😎

i had a study hall period and managed to force myself into actually working for like 30 minutes. and i know that isn’t a lot since it’s 1.5 hour block, but it’s kind of big for me bc i usually feel the urge to fling myself into the sun if i spend even one second trying to force myself to work. and like, i still felt that brain block, but a lot less! it’s subtle, but it does make a definite difference. like rather than wanting to fling myself into the sun, i just kinda wanted to bang my head against the desk. which is PROGRESS and allowed me to get 30 minutes of work done!! take that bitches!!!

i didn’t take the afternoon dose bc my aunt asked me to pick up pizza for her while driving home from school, so i stopped by her house and ended up spending the whole night over there watching mindless tv and having fun.

i’m supposed to go up a bit in the dose tmrw, now that the two day adjustment period is over, so i’m going to wake up early and try to work on some of my overdue assignments so i can test out how the higher dose works.

i’m honestly a bit apprehensive about the higher dose since the current dose is already making a difference for me, and i don’t want to accidentally build up tolerance to it or get dependent on it or something. so i’m going to try out the higher dose tmrw morning and see what happens. plus, hopefully i’ll be able to use the meds sporadically over summer, since i’ll only have a few things to do that require big brain juice

so yeah! i’m very happy with how today went

glad to hear it!

#adhd anon #ot #adhd #Anonymous

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lntlmate · 7 years

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TCC Imagine #1

So I had this idea pop into my head bc I’m currently sick at home and this scenario keeps bothering me so might as well turn it into an imagine! (It’s pretty long, sorry) Hope u enjoy!

—

You were stuck in bed for the day, smothered with a sore throat and congested sinuses. So far you’d only eaten a couple crackers and some water, but that was only to accompany the medications you were required to take every few hours.

Your thoughts were filled with scenarios that you knew would never come to pass, so you decided to catch up on some homework to occupy your wondering imagination.

After completing a few overdue spanish assignments, you thought it best to check your email to see if your teachers had emailed you any work that you’d be missing that day. You opened the tab with your email and saw that you had a few new ones from various teachers. But only one caught your eye - (T/C) emailed you something.

It read,

“Noticed you weren’t in class today. Attached is the Google Doc that we completed today. Hope to see you tomorrow morning like usual!”

A small smile formed on your lips as you read the message over and over. Each word imprinted in your memory, saving it for when you inevitably felt like you and him would never work out.

After scrolling a few times through the email, you decided to reply.

You typed,

“Thanks. I should be there tomorrow. :)”

Something was telling you that that message seemed too vague and professional, even though you’d sent emails 100 times more sophisticated than that simple reply.

You added,

“Wish you were here to take of me though.”

You started to delete the last bit, realizing how inappropriate it would’ve been if you’d sent it. But you only deleted the period before (pet/name) stepped on your keyboard and sent the email to (T/C).

Once you realized what happened, you immediately closed your laptop and started to run through every bad scenario in your head: would he be grossed out? Would he have a talk with you about your feelings the next day? Would he consult your parents? Would he even care enough to reply? Would he see the last bit? Would-

Your thoughts were interrupted by the beep of an email notification. You could feel the embarrassment of everything throughout your bones, starting to tear up as you opened the laptop once more.

One new email. From (T/C). Tears fell onto your warm cheeks, and nausea started to set in as you clicked on the notification.

You cleared your vision, and read the message.

Four words.

“I’m on my way”

You stared blankly at the screen, unsure if you’d read it correctly. Once again, you were imprinting the words in your mind. You started to think maybe he was joking, that he wasn’t coming to your house to take care of you, because let’s face it, that’s ridiculous.

After a few minutes of attempting to comprehend what was about to happen, you decided it best to get yourself looking as best as possible, considering. You weren’t about to get dressed in daily attire, nor would you do a full face of makeup, but a bra and some light powder wouldn’t hurt.

About 20 minutes later, the doorbell rang. You stared at the door for a solid 30 seconds before an identical ring sounded in your ears once more. Your legs brought you to the door, and you stood there for a moment, trying to get ahold of yourself at the last moment.

You opened the door, and there he stood.

“(Y/N),” He greeted as your eyes met. A smile formed in his features along with a glint in his precious eyes.

You still weren’t sure if this was real, so you reached out and placed your hand on his cheek. He seemed to understand your reasoning, not retracting from your touch. “You came,” You said at last, barely above a whisper.

He stared intently into your eyes, taking in everything you said. “I did.” He agreed.

You invited him into your home, giving him a basic tour of the upstairs rooms. Your room was last, and you were reluctant to let him see it, in fear that he’d think something negative about it. Whether it be that he dislikes the colors, finds it too childish, or just feels uncomfortable with it. You didn’t want to take the chance to see what he thought, so you stopped in front of your room, and turned to face him.

“This is,” You scratched behind your ear out of nervousness. He noticed this tick and smirked. “My room.” Your eyes met, and he nodded as if to tell you to further guide him through the tour, but you frowned at him.

“What’s wrong?” He asked, a bit playfully. “Don’t want me to see it?” He bit his lip after finishing his question, driving you insane with every word.

“I don’t-” You started but he grabbed your hand and smiled at you.

“Think it’s appropriate?” He finished your thought. “Well, neither was me coming to your house to take care of you.” He squeezed your hand. “Let me see,” He begged. “Please, (Y/N).”

His pleading tone turned you into putty, so you reluctantly opened the door and lead him inside your room.

You watched his facial expressions as he took in his surroundings. Not once did you see an ounce of judgement in his features. You relaxed a bit after that, trusting him to be supportive of the you that wasn’t taking notes or answering questions.

—

He comforted you throughout the early afternoon, helping you with some laundry and acting as a delivery service whenever he was needed.

You were sitting on the couch, his arm wrapped around your waist, your head resting on his shoulder. The television was on but neither of you were focused on what was being played out on the screen.

“You sleepy?” He broke the comfortable silence with this simple question. He kissed the top of your head, rubbing nonsense into the exposed skin on your hip.

“A little, yeah.” You replied. Your voice was rough from the soreness of your throat, but he hadn’t seemed to mind.

He lifted his left arm - the one that wasn’t on your waist - to your chin, lifting it so that you looked into his eyes. “Shall we get you ready for bed?” He asked, maintaining eye contact and a broad smile.

You smiled back, unable to contain your happiness when you were with him. “That sounds lovely.” You said to him, switching your glance to his lips.

He licked his lips and smirked, making you lose control. You got up from your comfortable position and straddled him, grabbing the collar of his button up shirt. He smiled into the kiss, placing one hand on your waist and the other on your thigh.

The kiss seemed to last forever, your tongues dancing synchronically to the beat of your hearts. When you broke for air, he chuckled lightly, looking into your lust filled eyes. “Not tired anymore?” He asked cheerily, running his hands up and down the sides of your torso.

“Not in the slightest.” You said in a seductive tone.

Maybe you should get sick more often.

#imagine #tcc #mine

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thetexpatriatemama-blog · 7 years

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The Texpatriate Baby Arrives

Ask any mama: Every pregnancy is unique. Compound that with the vast differences of pregnancy and childbirth in different countries, and you get two experiences that are, literally and figuratively, miles apart.

My life is not the most dramatic by any stretch of the imagination. Likewise, both of my pregnancies were remarkably average (thank goodness). Besides a smattering of back pain, searing heartburn, and insatiable cravings for chocolate and cottage cheese, I can’t really complain. But just because two pregnancies are average does not mean they are even close to being the same.

During my first pregnancy in Texas, I worked two jobs, moved mid-pregnancy, and spent any free time planning my registry, decorating the nursery, and yes, sleeping. Ahh…the perks of life BC—that’s Before Children. Healthcare in Texas made things easy and I loved the pregnancy perks. Constant sonograms and imaging to check in with my little guy, excellent baby care, birthing, and breastfeeding courses offered by my hospital of choice, and the luxury of knowing my hand-selected hospital was only a 5-minute drive away. I loved that my OBGYN listened to my input and that the hospital was receptive to my (admittedly picky) birth plan. Other than being induced due to low amniotic fluid, my labor and delivery was decidedly normal. Long and arduous, but normal. Overall, it was an exceptional experience.

When we moved to Sweden with our then 18-month-old, we talked about the possibility of having another LO in the next year or so. Because we didn’t know how long we would be living abroad, we decided to go for it! I was hesitant to go through the pregnancy and birthing process in a foreign country, especially one with such a different health care philosophy from that of the U.S. Truth be told, I should have just steered clear of any and all Facebook groups consisting of expat moms who were pregnant abroad. Let me tell you, it’s usually only the negative experiences that moms feel the need to share. Between those horror stories and articles popping up on my FB feed about babies being born in taxis or moms being sent to Finland because the hospitals here are so overcrowded, I was a little nervous to say the least! (These were actually some of the less scary stories! 😥)

After we began trying, it didn’t take long (okay, a week) to seal the deal. It was official. We were having a baby in Sweden. Navigating the socialized health care here is not always hardly ever easy…especially when your Swedish doesn’t even compare to your 2.5-year-old’s. 😊 Nonetheless, I was assigned a midwife (you only see a doctor for a pregnancy here if there is an issue) and was told that the first appointment wouldn’t be until around week 12. At which point, I found out that the phrase “laid back” does not do justice to the Swedish philosophy on pregnancy. No need to confirm the pregnancy with a test. No need for more than 2 or 3 sonograms during the entire pregnancy. No need to be weighed at each appointment (Score! 🎉). Heck, my midwife never even gave me a single internal exam or breast exam throughout the entire pregnancy…not that I am complaining!

In Sweden, it is assumed that the default is a normal pregnancy, and additional precautions are only taken if problems arise…but no need to stir up drama where there is none, right? This laissez-faire approach has its pros and cons. Obviously, a hands-off approach is more affordable for taxpayers, and the Swedish philosophy is to not “bother” the baby with constant monitoring. Apparently, the paparazzi of monthly sonograms is just too much for babes to handle while they are developing in the womb. In terms of the mother’s mental well-being, it can be frustrating not knowing for sure that everything is going by the book. That being said, even an infinite number of tests could never guarantee that no problems go overlooked. And since every pregnancy is different, what is “by the book” anyway? Overall, I appreciated the easy-going approach more than I expected because it made me a little more easy-going, too. I simply had no choice but to let things go and just try not to worry (of course, it helped immensely that it was my second pregnancy).

Although I didn’t have much choice in my midwife assignment, I found myself blessed with an absolutely fabulous one. She was reassuring, knowledgeable, friendly, and most importantly, knew I wasn’t Swedish. She did everything she could to explain the hows and whys of the Swedish pregnancy to me in a way that I would understand.

As the weeks passed and my due date loomed near, I told her that my first pregnancy had to be induced due to low amniotic fluid and expressed my concerns that this pregnancy might follow suit. She was receptive to my concerns, but ultimately, the Swedes really really don’t like to induce labor any earlier than absolutely necessary. Their rationale? It can up the risks of a C-section and yes, it would be a shame to bother the baby before she is ready to make her debut. Perhaps this is why Sweden has one of the lowest C-section rates in the world (about half that of the U.S.)...

Well, my due date came and went. I was convinced that I was not meant to go into labor on my own. (The women in my family have a tendency to go two weeks late and then need induction, so I figured I would be no different.) Four days after my due date, I woke up around 3am with a stabbing pain in my right side below my bump. This was no labor pain. I called the hospital.

“Can you feel the baby moving? Call back in an hour or so if you haven’t felt her move.”

Okay…A few spoonfuls of cottage cheese and a tablespoon of Nutella ought to get her moving. An hour later? Nuthin’. I jostled and wiggled, but she just wasn’t having it. Although the pain in my side was still going strong.

I called back.

Okay, we are headed to the hospital. We hopped on the nearby subway with our packed hospital bag and car seat just in case we left the hospital with one more person than we had arrived with.

After around 10 hours of testing and monitoring, the sharp pain in my side was still a big question mark. But one thing was clear: I was not in labor. A few irregular contractions here and there and the first internal exam of my entire pregnancy confirmed that much. Because the baby had finally woken up a bit (literally the second we walked into the pregnancy wing of the hospital), they chose not to induce, despite my pleas to get on with it. Far and away, my least favorite part of giving birth under socialized health care is the distinct feeling that I didn’t really have much say in how things were going to go down. I missed having a voice, having a vote, in how my baby was born. It had been my body for 30 years, and it seemed absurd that my opinion didn’t amount to much, despite my ability to recount to the doctors and staff the growing risks of allowing this little egg to cook for too long.

So, instead of giving me a baby, the staff pushed a few pain medications on me (despite my outspoken desires to avoid narcotics during my pregnancy). I had avoided taking a single “optional” medication throughout my pregnancy, and strong pain relievers have an adverse effect on me, anyway. That didn’t seem to faze any of the staff.

I was told to return the following day to check on the progress of my nebulous pain. It hadn’t subsided completely, but it was not as excruciating, so they considered it a win and sent me home. Again.

I cried the whole way home. Five days past my due date and all I wanted was to be induced. I could even handle a long labor and more painful contractions if it meant not going another week with the aches and pains of being overdue.

Once the woeisme phase passed, I went home and tried cheering myself up by Googling hilarious ways other mamas had tried inducing naturally. A few of my favorites?

· Eat 8 whole pineapples.

· Castrol oil. (You read right. This is not to be confused with Castor Oil. 😂)

· Shine a flashlight…up there.

· “Put the vacuum on your boob.”

· Row to the middle of a lake in a small boat.

These ideas definitely cheered me up—and I may have tried a few of the more commonly known techniques myself. 😏 From prunes to peppermint oil, and some slightly more embarrassing strategies, I did everything I could to take matters into my own hands.

So, what happened? I woke up the next morning in labor, folks. Whether it was timing or technique, we will never know. I crossed my fingers that the hospital would have a bed for me (they didn’t the last two days I visited due to overcrowding and too few staff). Luckily, it was as if my little girl had timed her grand entrance conscientiously because there was a spot open with our name on it. We waited until contractions were 4 minutes apart and headed in. When we arrived, I was around 4-5cm dilated and the delivery midwife said something very Swedish. “Go take a walk for an hour or two. Get some food and then you can come back later.”

Seriously? I didn’t know if I should be offended at basically being told to get out of her hair (in the nicest way possible, of course) or excited at the fact that I was allowed to eat! One of the perks of being in a country with such a low rate of C-sections. 😉

When we returned around 1.5 hours later, it was time to settle in for the long (or short) haul. When I couldn’t handle the contractions anymore, they administered a “walking epidural” that would relieve some of that pain. Little did I know that it didn’t do much of anything to relieve the pain of the delivery itself. 😲 After my experience in Texas, it was decided: Not all epidurals are created equal, my friends.

After around 12 hours of laboring, our little girl was popped onto my chest (sans bath) and we got acquainted with one another. She came out at 8 pounds even (exactly 1 pound heavier than my son) and 20” long. Her APGARs were 9 and 10 and she was amazingly chill for a baby who had just made her entrance into this brave, new world. One of her first executive decisions? EAT!

An hour or so later, we checked out of the hospital and into the “Patienthotell,” which is basically exactly what it sounds like. We chatted with a midwife for a bit before crashing hard. Our first night was surprisingly simple. No nurses constantly checking in, a snuggly bed, and a good decent night’s sleep. In the morning, we had breakfast at the hotel and an appointment with a pediatrician to make sure our little Dreampuff was happy and healthy. One more chat with a midwife and we were on our way home to introduce the newest family addition to our son.

So, how do the two experiences compare side-by-side? If I had to choose one over the other, I would honestly be hard-pressed.

For me, one of the most important things is knowing that my voice and my opinion on what should happen to my body and my baby matter. In my experience, I found this to be the case more so in the U.S. because I was footing some of the bill myself. I had a choice of doctor, hospital, birth plan, and on-the-fly decision making. That was not always the case in Sweden, although I felt incredibly lucky to be in such capable hands for most of my pregnancy.

Plus, I loved the hands-off approach in Sweden and in the hours after the birth, I would say Sweden wins hands down. There was a feeling of calm and serenity afterwards that helped us settle in, as opposed to the hustle and bustle of testing, bright lights, and uncomfortable recovery rooms in the U.S. Seriously, it is beyond me why the rest of the world has not adopted the idea for Patient Hotels.

Now that we are back home with our precious little Squeaker, we are looking forward to the next part of this journey: raising a tiny tot abroad. This could get interesting.

Hej då,

TheTexpatriateMama

#pregnancy #birthabroad

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