#so my vents r really just like

[pastadoughie]

in the club crying sobbing wailing screaming

#art #my art #mspaint #rowens liddol guys #god im still so fucking angry and sad and EOUSYSGHHAEIIAGWOPIEGS #i habe everbodey #maybe i should make a tag for vent posts at some point #but tbh idk what the utility of that would be #because im very careful to try and keep my blog pretty lighthearted #so my vents r really just like #picture of sad cat and then short tag ramble abt how im sad #but idk #mayb

[skillzissuez]

Depression is all fun and games until your skipping school even though you’re weeks behind because you quite literally can’t get out of bed

#god I hate it here #not to mention you mother and father #SEEING this #simply decides to ignore you like your Alr dead #like damn okay 💀💀 fuck you too ig 💀💀 #I don’t know how to fix this #I’m literally gonna be held back or taken to court bc I’ve missed so many days #but oh well the sillies r keeping me alive #Also I told myself I wouldn’t vent online anymore but I honestly don’t care anymore 😭 #it’s so bad though #I tried to do some of my homework last night and ended up throwing up from the stress #and it’s not like my friends just forgot about me they are GOOD friends I’ve just been pushing them away; telling them I’m just sick etc. #it’s my fault so I’m not mad at them for not knowing what to do. The closest ones try to call me #sometimes I answer and we talk. sometimes I don’t and they leave me a message abt how their a good listener and they KNOW something’s wrong. #Truly I love my friends but at this point I just need to be medicated or in a mental institution ong #but again; it’s not like my parents actually care. they canceled my therapy that was court appointed to me #My support system otherwise is gone; my older siblings have moved out and I’m supposed to protect my younger ones from my parents #but deadass my entire family is well aware that I’m useless in that department #I shake scream and sob everytime my parents yell at us so I’m no help; really #I mean recently I’ve been able to keep my emotions under control but the only reason why is because I’m dead inside 💪 #As I’m typing this out I’m realizing that I should be telling the world this especially not in my mental state but like. I dunno 🤷‍♂️ #I know most of you don’t care or if you do your just concerned or feel bad bc you know what it’s like and I thank you. #seriously; I thank you for being human and reminding me the world can be kind #if anything im just distracting myself from whatever this is. whether it be playing a silly game or drawing about said silly game it helps #but it also makes me feel guilty bc I RLLY should be focused on trying to pass this year. but I’m pretty sure it’s too late now. #anyways; that’s why I’ve been inactive lately so I apologize #it’s funny bc I’m typing this out but I rlly don’t feel anything while explaining this to you guys #I’ll tag this properly; I don’t know why I’m posting this and I might delete it later I dunno #tw vent #tw mention of abuse

[screwnames-ihatenames]

Why did I think it was a good idea to stop masking when I realized I could be autistic that was the stupidest idea I’ve ever had now my mom has yelled at me for thinking I’m autistic and “crazy” how how I act effects the whole family and how my sister is just trying to help me take care of my self but it’s not helping and it’s hard but no I just want to be autistic apparently and how 3 years ago I was “normal” (I was heavily masking and genuinely hated most people around me was always walking on eggshells afraid of everyone older than me) and now I’m purposefully acting weird (decided to just act like myself and stop masking) and how they want to look after me (yell at me until I cry and tell me to bang my head against a wall for not caring etc etc) and how I shouldn’t view myself as ugly or fat because of what other people say (it was only her ever really saying that) how I need to get my act together (stop acting freely and mask) and now I am stuck in the living room because I’ve been in my room all day (it’s literally my only safe haven in this shithole other than the fucking bathroom) and holding back tears because I fucking hate being vulnerable around her oh and lastly I can’t bring my headphones to school anymore because people think I’m autistic (teachers allow me to wear them in class but both my sisters last and current teachers said no) I wanna leave the living room and this fucking house there have been worse times obviously this just sucks because now I don’t know what to do other than mask which is getting harder to do anyway guess I’ll sit here until I inevitably cry myself to sleep when I do go to bed because she started keeping my phone in her room

#r rambling #over sharing on the internet #great #vent #long post #I feel so stupid why did I feel happy my sister realized I may be autistic #apparently people at school talk about me?? #I don’t really care about their opinions #I don’t really like them enough to care #and they’re not important enough for me to care #this is middle school I don’t care about their opinions I’m just trying to get through until I go to college #than I have to take care of myself and learn about myself and do it safely #this is stupid whatever #fucking stupid #oh she threatens to break my headphones if I wear them to school #they were never a problem before my sister suggested autism #why is taking care of myself so hard why don’t I know how to why is people telling me to feel so shitty #why does my mom tell at me every time I feel more and more like myself

[starlit-roses-ships]

don’t you love it when you just burst into tears in front of someone and basically have an anxiety attack over something that is not even a big deal in the slightest 🙃🙃🙃

#vent tag #I want to crawl into a hole and disappear for a while #with my f/os. obviously. #god. I just. ugh. #…you know… that I’ve started to realize about myself #is that I really dislike it when ppl just. spring on me spontaneous offers for plans to do stuff #without first asking if I had anything going on that I needed to do #or without first asking enough time in advance on days where I was already doing stuff #and I’m not a stickler for having to have strict schedules and plans and shit or anything like that #but I do need *some* time in advance to prepare things. both literally (like getting stuff out and ready) and mentally. #like. I only have so much mental and social energy I can give before I just need to be alone and fucking r e s t. #so someone asking me if I wanna join them for something on the same day we’re already doing stuff without enough time in between activities #for me to recuperate is insanely overwhelming and extremely anxiety inducing #I know it’s not a big deal and I can just say no but. ugh #none of this is probably coherent but fuck it I just need somewhere to vent for the time being

[opens-up-4-nobody]

No hate at all ( I wish you the best) but it is so funny that your blog is called opens up 4 no one but you have all those ... journal entry things. You open up for everyone all the time (again it's very interesting), but the irony is just so funny.

My username comes from my favorite song when I was in like 8th grade (little house by the fray (one of the most emo cringe songs ever lol)). But yea the irony is not lost on me, it's bc I don't talk to anyone irl 🙃

#also im just a very open person. like if u ask me something irl ill probably just tell u #i dont really give a fuck. but also im just so unhappy currently that im just anxiety shrapnel everytime i open my mouth #but like im very self isolated and i talk to other ppl and i cant tell if what i do deviates from the norm #bc everyone is like oh yea i dont see ppl enough #but like. i only talk to ppl at work and i avoid coming in when ppl r around. the most i talk in a week is probably when i meet with my #boss for like an hr every week and we have to cancel all the time bc shes busy #i dont even text people. like my parents might text me once a week and we'll go back and forth like 2 texts and thats it. then maybe they #call once every month or 2? so idk that seems unusal to me but its my life so its hard to tell #but thats y i vent on the internet so much bc i literally never talk to anyone in my daily life when im not trapped on long car rides #its not as bad as when i was an undergrad tho. then i would go week long stretchs only uttering thr words please and thank u #bc then i was truely not talking to anyone and hadnt developed socal skills lol #unrelated #my dad Said i was only hermit spectrum lol bc i dont really get lonely #on the hermit spectrum*

[cloudiilink]

Looking @ my art rn makes me feel. Not happy. Like Why is it like THAT

Not happy. At all. Thumbnails fine bc everything vague but the moment I TRY do smth like refine the thumbnail I just. Hate it.

#haven’t felt like that in a hot minute. could b bc I’ve drawn a lot lately so burn out #a shame bc I’ve been rlly enjoying drawing lately :( #it could just b issue w procreate and me not being amicable bc i really miss clip studio but my laptop cant run it #n i dont wanna pay a subscription on ipad for a program i own on my shitty laptop #link vents #feel free to ignore me btw. just need to get this out my system so hopefully art will work tomorrow r smth

[fluffynewts]

Ooough usually don’t whine on main but god I’m so exhausted man

#vent #? #I have a vent blog but this wouldnt really fit #my parents have just been real mean today #had a real bad breakdown #sobbed for a good 2 hours #so now my eyes feel crusty #and my whole body is dry #and I’m so incredibly sleepy #and tired #and just like not good #but I can’t sleep because my parents r playing video games #and its loud as hell #but if I sleep in their room they throw a fit #so I’m kinda just sitting #and struggling to not pass out #I would tell them I’m exhausted from crying but then they’d be all like #w w. w w w what ?? #r u gnna kys again #and then I’d like explode #becuz i dnt wanna answer that #so uaaargh #sleepies #also #I want a gf so abd #yearning for a cute girl to hold anf take care of #treat her like a purse poodle #give her yummy treats

[ittybittybumblebee]

Why do i straight up feel physically bad and gross no matter what i do like im always in this state of Uncomfortable

#shower bath eating thar nutritious shit that easy on digestion doesnt matter #always gross #feeel like i have a layer of skin i need to shed and its wet and gooey and peeling but i cant get it off. #my insides always feel simultaneously hollow and bloated . my chest cavity feels too full like theres a rock or weight on my throat #and yet it feels void of organ or substance #this is all partially metaphorical but most it Really Does afeell like all that i feel GROSS i feel yucky i feel Bad #im goign to have a bath tonight and it will help my mood but not the rest #sorry for venting/ranting whatever. im just so sick of feeling physically unwell but only very mildy and annoyingly so. Im Fine otherwise #It Is Probably most likely just the Physical Symptoms Of Anxiety . but whatever. im fine the room is on fire but we r ignoring that

[z00r0p4]

crumbling under the weight of knowing my analytical-logical-argumentative brain is probably the reason why my art sucks and always will suck bc I'm not an actual artist-type and nowhere is that more evident than when im in a room with a bunch of artist types.

#methinks #i do not belong anywhere #and im sad bc #i just wanna be a really good artist #but everything seems to work against that goal #14 year olds r better than me so like ʷʰʸ do i even try at this point #10 years of work hasn't done nearly enough #vent i guess #my back hurts

[lovehoarder]

:)

#fuckin uhhhh #vent tw #me. deprately trying to keep my sanity: i do art for myslf and not for others i do art for myself and not for others i do art for myself an- #but it is just. SO FRUSTRATING. because E V E R Y TIME!! EVERYTIME!!! i make a piece of art i REALLY like #it just #flops. #i work for like 12 hours and i ENJOY working on these things but seeing it flop makes me dread sharing it :/ #and its not even just like. tum.blr. i make pieces of art and i show it to my family and they go “okay??” #i show it to my friends they do the same shit. and just. for ONCE. i would like for someone to go #“Wow your art is so pretty” #is it so bad to just. want that.

[phantom-does-a-thing]

I’m downtown and I wish I were here w my friends instead of my parents bc there’s been so much queer stuff that I’ve just spotted causally that I can’t even be excited about bc my parents are with me.

#this sucks #this sucks so much #I am no longer having a good time #I love going downtown to walk and see shops #there was some chewlery at a store and I thought that would be nice #but I tried to point it out to my mom and she #did not understand what it was and made me feel like a fool #there was a description on it that was really nice like talking about what it was #how everyone can fidget n stuff like that #my mom fixated on the ‘for people with adhd autism dementia and many other r’ #and I do not think I have adhd at all but like #just saying when both my siblings have adhd and my mom decided not to get me tested #it is a bit suspicious for her to have two neurodivergent children #and then not doing anything w the third #whatever whatever whatever whatever #rambling #phever dreams with phantom #vent

[ojibwa]

me waving my sage incense over my plushies like hehe u r cleansed now :]

#literally neither of my parents care my plushies r the only ones that will participate w/ me in smudging #:((((( #its stupid but i rlly wish they cared like. at all #i know im 19 so i dont need them to be supportive but i mean bc they abused me and isolated me sm (and still do to some extent ig) #i still have that desire for my parents to be like ''im so proud of u ur doing great'' #i just wish they cared :( #i feel rlly alone i dont have any elders i can go to nd its just hard #i cant explain it its rlly silly i shouldnt complain but #its hard knowing ill never have the bond i see some other native families have #they dont really care that much abt me reconnecting w/ my culture #ok waaah session over ty tumblr tags for providing me just the right space to privately overshare #txt #ok to rb if u want to dont mind the fucking venting