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theresthesnitch · 3 years

Text

Crooked

A/N: another entry for @harryandginuary BINGO. I had a lot of fun with this one. I hope you do too.

Did you know that Charlie Chaplin once came in third in a look alike contest?

Read it here on AO3.

Prompt: O 73. You've dared me to do this as a joke but there's no way I'm backing out now.

***

"You don't have to do it."

Harry scoffed. "Of course I do.

"Listen, mate," Ron said. "I realize I'm the one who dared you to do it, but you don't have to actually enter the Harry Potter look alike contest."

"You may have meant it as a joke, but I'm committed now. I'm going to do it."

They stood in line at the registration table, and Harry looked around the room. The costumes were really bad. Did people think he really dressed like that? Looked like that?

The person in front of him moved, and Harry stepped up to the table with a nervous smile. "One entry, please."

"You can't charm your eyes green."

Harry, confused, replied, "I didn't?"

The witch sitting at the registration table narrowed her eyes at him. "It's against the rules of the contest. You can charm the scar; you can't charm the eyes."

"Solid rule. Good catching this one," Ron said from just over his left shoulder.

She pointed her wand at Harry's face, and his hand twitched for his wand before she said, "finite incantatum." Harry stood there staring at her, eyes unchanged. "Fine, whatever, it's not the right color anyway, so it won't help you."

Harry wondered briefly if Ron was going to die of laughter. "Er, right. Okay. Can I enter now?"

The witch rolled her eyes. "Name?"

"Harry Potter."

The witch fixed him with such a glare that he was sure he was going to implode under it. Ron, meanwhile, was struggling to breath.

"Obviously, buddy. But I need your real name to register for the contest."

Harry blanked. "But, my name really… James. James Evans."

"Alright, James. You're going to be number 4. When the time comes, they'll call you on stage."

"Right, thanks."

Harry walked away with Ron wiping tears from under his eyes. "Merlin, I'm glad you did this. It's going to be so fun for me."

Harry smiled. "I've never been so anonymous in my life. No one's even looking at me!"

"Of course not, mate. You don't even look like Harry Potter."

"Yeah, apparently I got the eyes wrong."

Ron looked around the room that was slowly filling up. "I can't believe you let my sister judge this."

"First off, if you think I let Ginny do anything, you are very much mistaken about how our relationship works. And never let Ginny hear you say that I let her do something. Second," Harry shrugged a shoulder, "it's for charity."

"Alright, I guess that's-"

"Your scar is crooked."

Harry turned around to face a slightly short, wiry man wearing a number 6 with blond hair and the most elaborate lightning scar he had ever seen. Do these people even know what I look like? "Excuse me?"

"Your scar is crooked," not-Harry 6 said. "You messed up the charm, and it's not even straight. Sloppy work."

"Huh," Ron said, looking Harry straight on, "your scar is a bit crooked."

Harry chuckled before turning back to not-Harry 6. "Thanks, mate. Good looking out."

"You can't really expect to compete if you don't put in the effort. Better luck next time." Not-Harry 6 walked away and left Harry standing with his mouth hanging open and Ron, once again, dying of laughter next to him.

"Ron, I think I might lose the Harry look-alike contest."

"Harry, your fiancée is judging." Ron clapped Harry on the shoulder. "You're absolutely going to lose the look alike contest."

"Welcome, everyone, to this year's War Orphan Carnival. We're ready to start our Harry Potter Look-Alike Contest. Can I get all the contestants on the stage?"

Harry walked on stage with a handful of other contestants, and lined up next to a witch with a number 3 around her neck. Harry did a double take looking at her. She looked remarkably like him. He looked out to where Ron was standing in the crowd with a dumbfounded expression on his face. He raised an eyebrow in question. It has to be charms, right? Ron shrugged in response.

"Now everyone, we have a very special guest judge for our contest this year," the announcer said. "If anyone can tell us who the true Harry Potter look alike is, it would be her. Let's give a big round of applause for Ginny Weasley!"

Ginny walked on stage and immediately locked eyes with Harry. He shrugged a shoulder, and her eyes glimmered with mischief. She walked to the microphone, said a few words, and then was walking down the line of contestants. She chatted briefly with not-Harry 1, who was a tall wizard wearing Gryffindor robes, and not-Harry 2, who wore red and gold Quidditch robes and carried a broomstick.

Ginny stopped in front of not-Harry 3 and looked her up and down. She looked over at Harry with wide eyes, then back to not-Harry 3. “That’s a really impressive costume. Did you use charms?”

“No,” said not-Harry 3. “I’m Harry Potter.”

“Right, of course,” said Ginny. “It’s very good. Is that your natural hair?”

“Yes.” Not-Harry 3 was not very talkative.

“Great!” Ginny seemed a little lost now. “Well, good luck!”

Ginny stopped in front of Harry and looked him up and down. “Tell me about your Harry costume.”

Harry smiled. “Apparently I got the green eyes wrong and the scar is crooked.”

“Idiot.” Not-Harry 6 was apparently listening in. “You don’t tell the judge how you messed up the costume. Amateur.”

Ginny looked up to Harry’s forehead. “Huh, it is crooked.”

“Told you,” mumbled not-Harry 6.

“Maybe I’ll give you a chance to redeem yourself,” Ginny said with a coy smile.

“Oh?” Harry asked. “What do I have to do?”

“Just answer a few trivia questions.”

“Were we supposed to memorize Harry Potter trivia for this?” asked not-Harry 2 to not-Harry 1. “I don’t remember seeing that in the rules.”

“Anyone can do Harry trivia,” Ginny went on, poorly concealed glee on her face. “I’m going to ask you Ginny trivia - things only the REAL Harry would know.”

“Alright,” Harry said. “Give me your best Ginny trivia.”

“Favorite color?”

“She’ll tell you it’s blue, but it’s really green. Green like a fresh-pickled toad.”

Ginny shook her head. “Favorite food?”

“French toast, but only if it is served with powdered sugar and not syrup.”

“Favorite number?”

“Seven.”

“Favorite season?”

“Autumn.”

“Favorite flower?”

Harry froze and his jaw dropped. Did she have a favorite flower?

“I - uh - Gerbera daisies?”

“What, no. That’s Hermione’s favorite flower.”

“It is?” said Ron’s voice from the audience. An echo of laughter went around the crowd.

“It is,” Ginny said over her shoulder. “One more chance. My fiance would absolutely know my favorite flower.”

Harry racked his brain, but he couldn’t think of a single other flower. “Lily?”

Ginny snorted. “No. Daffodils. Nice try, but you are clearly not a very good Harry Potter.” She winked, and moved down the line to not-Harry 5.

Not-Harry 5 was a little child who barely came up to Harry’s waist. His hair was rumpled, and he wore black robes with a stuffed white snowy owl on his shoulder. Ginny squatted in front of him. “Hi, sweetie. What’s your name?”

“Connor.”

“Hi Connor. I like your owl.”

“Thanks. I have a wand, too.” He held up a stick that had tape and glue around the end for a handle.

“Where did you get that wand, Connor?”

“I made it,” he said. “See, I put glue and tape, and it goes swish swish.” He waved the wand around.

“It’s very good. I was afraid I was going to have to tell Harry you had his wand. It looks so much like his!”

“Thank you. Mummy drew a scar on my forehead too. See.” He pointed at his head.

“I see. Your scar is not crooked, Connor.” he nodded his head. “Connor, do you know what Harry Potter’s favorite spell is?”

“Expelli-arms!” Connor waved his wand around when he said it, and Harry’s heart melted.

“Very good! You’re a very convincing Harry.”

“Thank you. He’s my favorite.”

“He’s my favorite, too. I’ll see you later, okay Connor?”

“Bye, Ginny.”

Ginny stood up and moved down to not-Harry 6, who was now sporting a black Harry wig. Not-Harry 6 regaled Ginny with an explanation of how his clothing choice was authentic and how he had done extensive research into the kinds of clothing that was preferred by Harry when he was at Hogwarts. Harry rolled his eyes and hoped no one was taking notes on this.

At last, Ginny walked back up to the podium. “Ready to make your choices?” the announcer asked.

“I am.” Ginny conferred briefly with the announcer, then stood to the side

“In third place, Number 6!” Not-Harry 6 walked forward to accept his medal, and returned to his spot. Harry could hear him grumbling slightly.

“Second place, Number 3!” Not-Harry 3 accepted her award quietly to a smattering of applause from the crowd.

"And finally, our grand winner in our Harry Potter Look-Alike Contest is, drumroll please," The announcer paused everyone in the room drummed their hands on their legs, "Number 5!”

Connor lit up like it was the best day of his life, and walked forward to grab his trophy. He tripped over the edge of his robes a bit, causing not-Hedwig to wobble on his shoulder, and then stood next to Ginny.

“Congratulations, Connor.”

“Thank you, Ginny.”

“Connor, would you like to meet the real Harry Potter?”

Connor’s eyes were as big as saucers, and he nodded emphatically. Ginny turned back to the announcer. “Roger, I happen to know that Harry is here today, and I think I can convince him to come up and say hi.”

The announcer’s face lit up. “Oh, ho ho! A special treat indeed. Mr. Potter, are you here today?”

The crowd went absolutely silent, and Harry waited for a beat before walking forward.

“Not you, you wanker,” not-Harry 6 said. “Get back in line!”

Harry continued forward, and shot a wink over his shoulder. He walked straight up to Ginny, dipped her dramatically and pressed a kiss to her lips. The crowd went wild. He set her upright before breaking the kiss and heard, “Oh merlin. I just called Harry Potter a wanker,” from somewhere over his shoulder.

Harry knelt in front of Connor, who looked like he couldn’t believe what was happening in front of him. “Hi Connor. Congratulations on winning.”

“Thank you, Mr. Potter.” His voice came out at barely a whisper.

“Can you call me Harry, Connor?”

“Yes.” Still a whisper.

“You know, you get to go home and tell all your friends that you beat Harry Potter in a Harry Potter look-alike contest.”

“Yeah.”

“Yeah,” Harry parroted. “I like your Hedwig.”

“Thank you.” Connor’s voice was a bit louder now. “You’re my hero.”

“Want to know a secret, Connor?” He nodded emphatically. “You are my hero.” An “awww” went up from the audience. Connor’s face lit up and he threw his arms around Harry in a hug. “I bet your mom is here. Do you want to take a picture with Ginny and I?” He nodded again.

A few minutes later, they finished a round of pictures with Connor’s mom, and a few more for the Prophet with all three winners.

“Thank you, everyone,” Roger the announcer said. “Congratulations to our winners, and let’s hear a round of applause for Harry Potter and Ginny Weasley!” The crowd roared, and Harry and Ginny made to leave the stage when they heard a gasp.

“Oh my merlin. I told Harry Potter that his scar was crooked!”

#harry and ginuary bingo #ginuary bingo #harry potter #harry and ginny #ron weasley #ginny weasley #fluff #it makes me laugh #snitchwrites

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