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nymph-net · 7 years

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ISSA STORYTIME

Hey y’all it’s yah boy yung dumbfuck back at it again with the bad decision making skills. I’m here to entertain y’all with another absence of any common sense or home training. This story ima spill tea on the time I was the weekend bitch! Mhmm I was living the side chick life like SZA and unknowingly had a time share with another girl. Now without further ado, let’s make it do what it do.

Before we even get into the actual story y’all just gotta know the dude was ugly and white. There, I said it bitch. He was ugly as fuck and smelled like corn chips and feet. Don’t judge me I was in high school and desperate for any male attention because I was insecure in my blackness at the time. That being said, let’s get on with it. The first part of the story takes place Halloween of my junior year of high school. Now this was when I reeaaaally wasn’t feeling myself and felt insecure because I ain’t like my baby faced ass smh. My friends and I had been planning a small get together on Halloween because niggas needed to get lit after dealing with the stress of the school week. Now I wasn’t even supposed to be doing that because I was already grounded for getting alcohol poisoning at homecoming the previous weekend (a different story for a different day lmao). But since we had a half day I had more than enough time to beat my mom home. Anyway we knew this gross senior boy who we gon call Patrick Star that absolutely had no friends in his own grade, and because he was desperate for friends he would literally let us throw parties in house and give us free alcohol. White people are wild like that. So my best friend Kelendria, her girlfriend Queen Latifah, and her friend who we’re gonna call Basura, headed to Patrick’s house after school and just got drunk out of our minds. I don’t know how it happened but we were playing truth or dare, then Patrick and Basura started randomly making out. Nobody dared them to either.....they just started kissing out of nowhere which was weird af? But my trade hungry ass at the time was like

Oooohh, so we got some undercover dick munchers in the house? Bitch it was a snack wrap from that moment. His fate was sealed and that dick was mine. After Patrick gets done sucking Basura’s face, he puts his arms out to Kelendria and says “Kiss meeeeee” drunk ass sounding like the skeleton mom from spongebob that was like “i hate chocolate”. Kelendria just looks at him, takes a shot, and is like “If you touch me I will pull your nasty ass foreskin over your face and choke you with it, try me”. Being the gross teenage boy he is, he somehow takes that as the go ahead and tries to kiss her. So Kelendria and her girlfriend start legit beating his ass. It’s ok tho we used to fight for fun while we were drunk all the time so no one was shook. I took this opportunity and led Basura upstairs to this room in the attic and locked it. My fast gon jump straight to the point and say “Do you want me to suck your dick?” smh I was really bout that hoe life back in the day. Of course Basura was like hell yeah nigga (he aint say nigga, trust) so I pushed him back onto the bed and started unzipping his pants. I’m giving all these sexy faces and serving nothing but pout hunty, and I can tell he’s living for it. I finally pull his pants down and bitch.......my face.......

NIGGA WHERE THE REST OF THE DICK AT??? Put that fraudulent shit back and give me the real thing bitch! That shit was literally no bigger than my middle finger I was soooooo maaaaad. I was so hurt I went through all the emotions of Lemonade in that one moment. And to top it off, TO TOP IT TF OFF, this boy says as a direct quote “I’m sorry it’s small”. This nigga did not just apologize to me for his dick being small omfggggg. Don’t get me wrong tho I still sucked that dick for points. I know, I wasn’t a fraction of shit back then. Sue me bitch. Now that’s all ima say on that event because this already tew much. Skip to the Monday after and I’m at rehearsal for my school’s musical and my loud mouth ass friend walks up to me and says “You gave Basura head?!”. I just looked at that hoe and blinked. Like shut up bitch, number one why you so loud??? Number two, how tf do YOU know? They go on to tell me that Basura been running his mouth. Immediately i dropped what I was doing and was like whelp I guess this the day I get expelled. My friend was like “Nooo don’t fight violence is blah blah blah” I just pushed that hoe out my way and kept looking for him since school had only just let out. Now that snake ass bitch texted him as soon as I left and told him to run, so I never caught him that day. However the next day before classes start, I head straight to that micro phallus dick nigga’s locker. That snake ass friend is trailing behind me talmbout some “You need to plan what you’re gonna say, we need to avoid conflict” I turned around and looked that hoe straight in the face

Wtf do you mean “we” bitch, you speak French?? So I go to his locker and slam that shit shut while he’s taking his books out. He looks at me and he knows he done fucked up. Now this nigga was lucky, because I’m bout my grades and my personal record, so I wasn’t gonna touch him during school. I just put it bluntly “If I catch you telling anyone else about what happened I’m beat the shit out of you”. Don’t get me fucked up now, being gay don’t mean shit I’m from 16th street in DC, ask about it. I’ll still whoop that ass like you’re my child. I walk away after that cause I don’t need to hear shit that nigga got to say. I had him so shook we ain’t speak for the rest of that school year. Now the rest of the story takes place my senior year of high school. I came back after summer break looking all types of golden and delicious. I got a lil more fit and started to dress to gag, so the trade was coming out of the wood works to holla at me. It had been almost an entire year so I’d forgotten about the shit tbh. Every lunch period my friends and I used to sit outside, so one day while I was coming in at the beginning of 5th period, Basura approaches me for the first time since I threatened to stomp him out. I’m just like hey lol. We talk for a little bit and out of nowhere he asks me “Do you wanna go on a date this weekend?” Being who I am it takes a lot to get me shook, and bitch, I was shook.

I had never been asked on a date before, it was really sweet and flattering. So I said no. I was not going on my first date with this trash ass nigga. But then I was like we could hang out and he can buy me starbucks. And because I have yet to meet any nigga dumb enough to tell me no, we do just that lol. Nothing noteworthy or memorable happens when we hangout, it’s dry af but we keep talking afterwards. Because my ass was a naive high schooler and lonely, I got low key attached to ole dude smh. But after a little while he started acting funny. He’d cancel on me frequently, go ghost for days at a time, and hide his phone from my view, which was weird because that wasn’t even my man. Eventually one day I’m hanging with my friend Sausage during lunch, and her messy ass casually mentions that she was reading this girl named Elbow’s tweet storm online about how her boyfriend’s been neglecting her to spend time with a gay dude. Of course I was like yaaass lemme catch the tea gorl! So I’m reading the tweets on her phone, and some things start to add up in my mind.....this girl was shading ME

Sausage was like “I didn’t know how to tell you but she’s been talking mad shit about you”. I was like oooooooohhhh word?? I was literally at a lost for words because....I have no idea who you are, like what even is your name sis? People can say whatever they want about me idc, but broadcasting about me on social media hoe? Now das a done deal. So I was like cute, we gon roll up on this fathead queef tomorrow during lunch. Of course Sausage was like “yas bitch lets do it I wanna stomp that trick”, messy ass. Lol they were friends too, she just really ain’t like her. The entire time until the next day my drakemotional ass is sitting aggy af, because I know damn I can’t pick a fight with this girl and let Sausage beat her ass. I mean I was still gonna read her for speaking on me like a reckless hoe, but neither one of us were in the wrong. Basura was the dusty shrimp dick bitch who was stringing both of us along. I was really in class about to bust out singing Love Galore because nigga....you know you know better. I felt like a whole dumb ass letting this ugly mediocre white boy stunt on me because I gave him a little bit of clout. Smh I was so over myself but I had to keep up my bad bitch facade.

So I leave campus the next day during lunch and Sausage texts me to tell me she’s sitting in Whole Foods with Elbow. Yes y’all, I turnt up on a white girl in a Whole Foods cafe smfh. I really used to be that bitch. I enter the cafe lobby area where they’re both sitting and working on their homework. Elbow looks up and she’s immediately quaking in her ugg boots, she knew I was there for wigs. Sausage messy behind is just sitting next to her eating her grapes like the messy bitch she is. Before I scalp her, I give sis a chance to explain herself and take the high road out, because I’m mature like dat. The entire time she speaks she doesn’t look me in my eyes once. Tragic. She goes onto say “Well he was my boyfriend first” and talks about how I’m “getting in the way”. And that’s where I had to cut the mf tape. I’m.....in the way? You’re DL ass boyfriend is cheating on you, and I’M the problem??? It was time to drag. So I gave it to her straight no chaser “He may have been your boyfriend first, but he’s been my daycare for a while because that nigga’s guts have been taking care of my kids. Have a nice day sis” and left. I said a lot of worse shit but y’all don’t need to know how shitty I was back then lmao. The entire time Sausage messy ass kiki’d and got her life laughing in her “friends” face smh. After that I called Basura and told that bitch he can kick rocks and if he ever speaks my name again, it’s hands on sight. Sausage asked if I wanted to hang out after that but I said nah and skipped the rest of school that day. I got my black ass on the train and rode it back and forth to both ends of the line listening to No More Drama by Mary J. Blige the entire time. Lmaooo I was a mess

I was just emotional because Basura was the very first boy I had ever given the time of day and that bitch said he was gonna take me to homecoming and everything smh. Obviously he wasn’t because I was just the side chick. I really was the weekend y’all. hE probably ain’t even like me as a person, I was just a fine ass black boy for him to fetishize in private. I still never spoke to him again up to this very day. As for Elbow, I actually reached out to her before we graduated and squashed the beef. Because while she was wrong for shit talking me and blaming me for her man’s infidelity, I ain’t have to drag her to the astral plain and back in front of a store of people. But that’s why you don’t start shit with me, because I’ll make sure I finish it. We’re actually pretty good friends now, I just went to a party at her house a few weeks ago it was fun lol. So what lesson have we learned this time children? Men ain’t shit, don’t be a hoe for just anyone, know yah worth, don’t act a fool in Whole Foods, and most importantly; don’t trust white people.

#storytime #issa #story #black tumblr #side chick #sza #the weekend #funny #writing #long post #text post #relatable #how many of y'all have been side chicks?#be honest

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suckmycoxon · 7 years

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Hi :) could you give me a little background on omd? I don't know anything of the band except for a few songs, so maybe you could say your knowledge of the band and the members?

OH MY GOD YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW THRILLED I AM TO DO THIS

Let’s get to the band members first!

Andy McCluskey

Here’s the bossy one. As he puts it, he’s the butcherwho cuts off the raw materials of the song; the director who basically tellsPaul what to do, the one who sees the big picture, while Paul is the surgeonwho splices the details. He sings, plays bass, and writes the lyrics for mostof their songs. And he always dances madly, even in the recent years! For a58-year old guy with bad knees, he’s VERY energetic. So as you can see, he’sthe dominant one. Powerful, loud, cheerful, salty as fuck, thoroughly hatesrock ‘n’ roll, claims he hates cliché love songs but writes them anyway. I lovehim nonetheless

Paul Humphreys

THIS IS MY FAVORITE GUY OFF OMD. MY LOVE. MY HANDSOMEHAMSTER. HE’S CUTE ISN’T HE? Alright, so… he’s the keyboardist, the creativeand technical one. He’s the one who usually comes up with a melody and thenAndy directs how the song should turn out. He’s the one who does most of thesynth sounds! In the old days, he used to build his own “noise machine” bymessing with the circuits and such of old, broken radios. Don’t tell me that’snot badass. He also sings in a couple of OMD’s songs, most notably in“Electricity”, “Souvenir”, “(Forever) Live and Die”, and “Secret”.Personality-wise, he’s the complete opposite of Andy. He’s more quiet, shy,soft, and just lovely overall

Other members are MalcolmHolmes (the long-haired one in the picture above) who was the drummer from the beginning of the band until 2013. Inthat year, he had a cardiac arrest and temporarily died so he had to retire.From 2013 onwards, Stuart Kershaw tookthe drummer position. Another member is MartinCooper (the one with the blue shirt), the saxophonist/keyboardist/occasional bassist. He’s still with theband until now! Except when OMD broke up because he and Mal went along withPaul instead of Andy, but I’ll get to that later…

They embrace the “punk” attitude in terms of music. Youknow, making music as simple as possible. They always say this joke of “We’rethe punks of electronic. Punk plays with one chord, we play with one finger!”

Now, it’s history time. Let’s go back to the 70s

Andy and Paul had always been the hipsters of that era. Theylistened to electronic bands like Kraftwerk, Neu, La Dusseldorf (Kraftwerk,mostly) while their peers listened to prog rock. Andy was in a band and Paulwas the roadie. Despite always being in the same school, that was when theynoticed how they shared the similar interest towards Kraftwerk, so Andy quitthe band and formed his own with Paul that we now know as the pretentiouslynamed Orchestral Manoeuves in the Dark

They started off as a supporting band fo Joy Division inEric’s Club in Liverpool. They didn’t expect to have a longlasting career… theyreally thought it would be their first and last gig. They just wanted to provethemselves and their mates that they dared to go on stage doing somethingdifferent; doing weird electronic music, hence the odd band name. With such apretentious name, they wanted to show the audience how they were doingsomething different

And then they were offered a second gig in Manchester.That’s where they met Tony Wilson, and he signed them up to Factory Records.Then “Electricity” was recorded, and Tony sent it to various major labels, oneof which was Virgin Records, so they moved to Virgin. It was in 1979/1980 Ithink? And with their 1980 album, Organisation (their second one. Their firstone, the self-titled one, was released in the same year) – which they claim asbeing influenced by Joy Division, so this album is basically the child of JoyDivision and Kraftwerk – which included “Enola Gay”, they became well known.They got even bigger with the Architecture and Morality album, which has“Souvenir”, “Joan of Arc”, “Maid of Orleans”…

They commercially dropped dead with Dazzle Ships (1983). Itwas an experimental album, which I personally think sounds great, but probablynot acceptable enough at that time. Despite having quite successful hits like“Telegraph” and “Genetic Engineering”, that album almost single-handedly killedtheir career. So they took a safer path in their next album, Junk Culture(1984), embracing a more pop-ish sound. It can be heard on their catchy hitsfrom Junk Culture, like “Locomotion” and “Talking Loud and Clear”

Their 1985 album, Crush, was produced by Stephen Hague, whowas also the producer for New Order and Pet Shop Boys. They finally got intoUS’ charts with that album, I guess?? Regarding that album and that year, theyoften say something like “We were trying to break America, but America broke usinstead”, so I can’t be quite sure of what happened… commercially, it waspretty successful, I think… with singles like “Secret” and “La Femme Accident”

It was also in circa 1985 where their most notable song, “IfYou Leave”, was also made. Fun fact: they only wrote it in a day, because JohnHughes changed the ending suddenly and called them and said, “Hey, the song youwrote won’t fit to the new ending, could you write a new one?” right beforethey went on tour. The track that was initially going to be used in Pretty inPink, “Goddess of Love”, was later put on The Pacific Age (1986). Speaking ofwhich, that album has “(Forever) Live and Die”, which is a BANGER and is sungby my handsome hamster, Paul

Then they broke up sometime in late 80s. 1989, I think. Theyowed the company a lot of money, so they made a Best Of album. But even thatwasn’t enough. Their choice was either to make another new album (which canmake money, quite possibly, but due to their past experiences, they barely gotany money left because the touring expenses, royalties to their manager, etcwere so expensive) or to stop and just wait for the money to come from theirprevious albums’ royalties (I’m not really sure about this one, they’ve toldthe story a couple of times during interviews but I could never 100% understandthe story). This is where Andy and Paul went their separate ways. Andy chose tocarry on while Paul chose to stop. So Andy carried the name OMD alone (underhis stubbornness). A couple of years later, Paul, Martin, and Malcolm formedThe Listening Pool. Both were obscured by the new trend in 90s that was Britpopand such (Andy often implies that he blames Britpop for the obscurity ofelectronic bands and I loathe him for that smh I’m a Britpop hoe, fuck youAndy). Andy (as OMD) released 3 albums on that decade, tho. Later on, he formedAtomic Kitten

And then they were reunited in 2006/2007, because they wereasked to perform in a German TV. Then they thought, “Oh, people still like us.Maybe we could make music again.” And so they did… they released History ofModern in 2010, English Electric in 2013, and their latest record, ThePunishment of Luxury, was released a month ago! Unlike the 80s, they are nolonger pressured by their record company, so they’re really doing this purelyfor fun. By the way, their latest single off their latest record, “What Have WeDone”, is sung by Paul and it’s fucking glorious. You should listen to it ifyou haven’t

On a more personal note, I find it weird how they’re bothvery influential and infamous. I mean… they don’t only influence other synthpopbands, but also an alternative like Radiohead. I heard that “Fitter Happier” byRadiohead was influenced by “Genetic Engineering”, and now that I think aboutit, “Fitter Happier” does sound like something out of Dazzle Ships. I’ve been aRadiohead fan since 2011/2012 and yet I literally never heard of OMD until thisyear; not until I got to New Order and was getting more cultured regarding 80ssynthpop acts

Lastly, here are some trivia you might not want to know butsounds like fun to share:

Before realizing that they could be actual musicians, Andy wanted to be an archaeologist, while Paul wanted to be an electric engineer

Atomic Kitten was basically Karl Bartos’ (Kraftwerk) idea. Andy wanted to keep writing songs, but he wasn’t confident enough to perform the songs as OMD, so he thought of just handing them to someone else. Then Karl suggested that he should create a pop group where they would sing his songs. Andy thought, “What’s the most popular group nowadays? Oh, I know, 3-piece girls!”

In the recent years, OMD often have underwears thrown at them lmao. Especially during “(Forever) Live and Die”. Poor Paul having to deal with nasty fans (but honestly… I’d do the same). But sometimes they have hazardous shits thrown at them too. One time, Paul had his head hit by a glass bottle (I’LL FUCKING MURDER ANYONE WHO DID THAT. HOW DARE THEY HURT MY BABY). And Andy almost got decapitated when someone threw a metal tray aimed to his neck. Terrifying

Somehow, when they were touring, the bus they rode on resemble a group of terrorists’ bus, so they were surrounded by guns… and luckily, “Enola Gay” was already a big hit, so Andy just waved a magazine with their faces on it and said “’Enola Gay’! Pop stars! Not terrorists!” jesus Christ

There’s actually a version of “Souvenir” where it was sung by Andy. In 2015, Paul was hospitalized in New York, but he insisted that they should do this gig in Perth, so they did, only 3 of them… “Souvenir” was on the set, and Andy sang it. It was�� okay, I guess. I’m so used to Paul’s soft voice singing that, so it’s kinda weird to hear Andy’s powerful voice singing it

…I’m sorry if you expected a shortsummary and get this re-writing of OMD’s Wikipedia page instead. I never realizedhow deep I am in their ass until I answered this message with a 1600-word essayabout OMD that was based on my memory alone. Good god

I’m awfully thrilled every time someonementions OMD-related to me, so don’t hesitate if you want to talk about them tome!!

#I rarely get any anon so I’m always delighted every time I get one #ESPECIALLY THIS ONE #the 1600-word part is not an exaggeration… I wrote this on word and it was literally more than 1600 words #which is why I took a long time to answer this… sorry!#also I made that gif especially for this anon

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