#somewhere in febuary

[fishiest-fish]

I do nit understand how there are people who call off like regularly. I literally stare at my texts with my manager for at least ten minutes before hitting send that is the most stressful thing ever what if she hates me afterwards

#i work somewhere where calling off is a normal thing! if you also work with kids you know how easy it is to get sick #having 30 children all from different households interacting #even if one is a liiiiittle bit sick and isnt showing yet those germs and viruses ARE being passed to the other kids #we stay on top of them about washing hands using hand sanitizer and always covering their mouth #but they are 3-5 theyre not the best at it yet and will often forget #i have become very very used to kids openly coughing in my face and getting snot on my clothes #my first week at this place i got maybe the worst flu of my life and my manager was completely fine about it #because it happened to every new employee (plus i joined in the like peek flu season) AND ITS STILL FLU SEASON HERE #anyway if youve read this far never work with children unless you enjoy being sick #every single adult at my work has the exact same very mucus heavy cough and has since febuary

[charlattehotte]

ffs 111 sent me to urgent care who told me to call my IBD team who are just gonna tell me to do bloods or wait for the bloods i did YESTERDAY or else send me to my GP who i KNOW is going to boomerang me back to either my ibd team or a&e like fuck man what is HAPPENING

#:3c #ibd #also i just fucing saw my deadine is 31 january not!!!! mid februrary like i thought!!! why did i think that!!!! #also i have a mental health assessment on tuesday and hearing appointments in febuary and a wellbeing appt somewhere between then and #i gotta sort out my dental shit but holy shit the thought of going to a dentist legitimately makes me want to cry #id literally rather let this tooth go septic #for legal reasons thats a joke son

[foursidecity]

Not only am I seasonally depressed but the weather dosent even have the decency to make it snow

#battling global warming with my brain #living somewhere that gets SNOW SNOW everyear and suddenly just getting some midnight flurries that #melt by morning is fucking mind boggling #we used to get snow from the end of september and some years ut would hang on till febuary #what is this bullshit!!!! #im so sad :[ i love the snow where are you babe #gotta move further north ik they dont got it much better but cmon now #dustbunnies.txt

[korvessa]

Käärijä and Bojan meeting  -timeline (Part. 1)

So, I wanted to make a timeline about the eurovision preparties because I’ve been way too frustrated when people say that this is the first time that Käärijä and Bojan met:

When it is NOT!

So because it’s raining outside and I’m bored, I present to you: Käärijä and Bojan preparties timeline (part 1)

Preparties were held in:

Barcelona (23.3.2023)

Warsaw (1.4.2023)

Tel-aviv (3.4.2023)

Madrid (7.-8.4.2023)

Amsterdam (15.4.2023)

London (16.4.2023).

Joker Out participated in every pre-party, Käärijä participated in Madrid, Amsterdam and London.

1. Before Preparties, sometime in march: 

Bojan trying his best to learn cha cha cha (from Joker out’s instagram).

2. Barcelona 23.3.

Nothing particular here expect this cute moment from Joker out interview when they were asked to sing their favorite part of their song: 

Also watch Carpe Diem series ch. 3 from Joker Out youtube channel <3

3. Warsaw 1.4.

Again, nothing special, Käärijä in Finland doing gigs and losing his boleros, Joker out in Poland, Bojan very sick.

They were vibing to cha cha cha tho:

Really, you have to watch chapter 4 & 5 from Carpe Diem series. It’s on youtube. Here is the link.

4. Tel-aviv 3.4.

Bojan still sick, Käärijä still in Finland.

This time they danced to cha cha cha in party buss, there’s video somewhere in the internet.

5. Madrid 7.-8.4.

Now we are talking. The first party where Käärijä was also present. 

Madrid pre-party was two-day party and they met in the first day, April 7th.  I’m pretty confident that Käärijä had no idea until this party who Joker Out (or Bojan) was because he was pretty busy doing gigs back in Finland (and he also kind of admitted that he hasn’t listened all of the Eurovision songs at this point). At that point he had said that his favorites were Germany and Austria or any other song he had listened in this video.

On the contrary, Joker out had been very vocal about Käärijä in their twitter (and in their interviews): 

This was tweeted right after Käärijä won the UMK, in febuary 25th

Käärijä-pe Diem was later mentioned again by Bojan in his and Käärijä’s instagram live in May

Anyway, back to Madrid...

April 7th: The meeting

here is link to the video of Käärijä being very lost and kind of nervous because it is his first time meeting everyone (also you can see joker out behind him)

(Very loose translation: He is saying that the people there are really nice and that he is slowly getting better in english. He says that everybody is taking pictures together but not with him. Then he zooms to the mediapeople (they are waiting to go to do the interviews).

HERE is the first meeting (that we know of), everybody knows this video:

“wtf Bojan”

Cute photo of Käärijä and Joker out:

and this one from Käärijäs Instagram story:

After that, it was time to go to meet the media. Here is Joker out waiting for their interview. Käärijä is there in the backround and it seems that Bojan was pretty distracted by him (he kept glancing him like three times, bro you just met him chill out):

from this livestream 

This is the end of part one, see you in the second one. If you dare.

#Käärijä #Kaarija #bojan cvjeticanin #Joker out #Esc #esc 2023 #eurovision 2023 #käärijän #kaarijan #prepartyes #madrid preparty #Käärijan #idk i was bored #Youtube #Vimeo

[sameschmidtdiffname]

Happy Trans Day of Visibility to my dear readers and followers!!! (And happy Easter for those who celebrate!)

From the bottom of my heart I just wanted to say I support and love each one of you. Whether you're out, closeted, questioning- you are so extremely valid. Don't let people define your identity for you, don't be ashamed of who you are, and find happiness within yourself.

Now, if I were an intelligent content creator I would have my Transmasc!Reader x Mike smut ready to post today. But I'm not! So I don't! Honestly, with how much work I've had lately I'm still in Febuary mode lmao. So here's a short teaser, and maybe one day I'll get my shit together and post some writing again.

(Notes: This is a copy of my first draft. This work is subject to change and thus will most likely look at least somewhat different in the final work. Content warning for mild NSFW. You are responsible for what you read.)

"Oh, stop," Mike scoffs, rolling his eyes at me as he sprawls across his couch lazily, his work boot halfway hanging off of his toes, his arm spread across the back of the sofa while the other props up his head on top of the arm.

-

I like how the older generation can't handle some light-hearted, meant in good fun teasing.

"Come on, what was JFK like as president?" I tease, leaning forward as I sit on the coffee table in front of him.

"My parents didn't even know each other yet," Mike says in a judgmental yet entertained voice, furrowing his brows and smiling at me as he waves his hand in dismissal.

"Oh! Tell me about Woodstock," I ask excitedly, my palms pressing against the wooden table underneath of me between my widely spread legs, flashing my most innocent, wide, bright eyed smile like an excited puppy dog to its owner.

"The last one sucked," Mike says, short and simple.

"No, the first one," I correct.

Mike pushes me to the side slightly, meant in jest and so he can see what events are unfolding on the television.

"Do you get nostalgic when you watch films about World War II?" I ask in the same excited tone, pushing back and repositioning myself to block the TV further.

"I am eight years older than you," Mike reminds me as if I'd forgotten. "Grow up."

"Oh, Mr. Robs The Cradle wants maturity now?"

This earns me a swift pillow to the head, torn out from under Mike's body as he begins his assault on me, snickering and trying to maintain his less than pleased exterior.

"Come here," he commands inbetween laughs. "You're getting spanked."

"Spanked?" I laugh, raising my arm to both protect my face from the blows of his pillow and to hide the sudden blush that has sprung to my face. "Why?"

"Come on, you wanna talk shit about our age gap, you can be treated accordingly," Mike insists, smiling as he tosses away the pillow to grab at my arm. "On my lap. Come on, tough guy."

The idea makes me dizzy, heat rushing through my body at his words.

"You wouldn't," I laugh a tad nervously, dodging his eye contact.

"Oh, I would. And I will," Mike laughs. "Don't act so innocent now, we both know why you're making these jokes."

I really hadn't meant them in such a way, honestly. To be completely honest, I'm not even really sure how I would go about making such innuendos. At least, not like this. Sure, I can do the blunt, "your mother" esqe jokes that are purely meant for comedy. Flirting, however, is a completely different story.

"I didn't mean it like that," I say earnestly, still avoiding his gaze.

Mike's hand finds the silver chain hanging close around my neck, his hand slowly creeping up my chest.

"No?" Mike asks, his gaze fixed somewhere below my face.

"No," I answer, my tone a bit short but not in an angry manner. More one of embarrassment. Mike quickly picks up on this.

"Something the matter?" Mike asks, cocking his head slightly as his eyes return to my face. I blush again, shaking my head.

"No," I say a tad too quickly. His pointer wraps around my chain.

"No?" Mike asks, echoing my tone with an imitation of my face, though he's caking on the innocent undertones a little too thick. "You don't look so well intended."

"I was just making some innocent jokes and-"

"And now you're turned on?" Mike asks, his middle finger wrapping around the chain as well, his voice dropping in pitch and volume slightly as a small, subtle smirk begins to grow on his face. My chest feels like it's burning now, my face hot to the touch.

"I'm not turned on," I mutter under my breath, a smile unwillingly growing on my face as I look away. I feel a small tug on my chain.

"Look at me," Mike says softly, no reprimand in his voice. I don't, suddenly too shy and earning me another tug on my chain. "Look at me."

I obey, looking up quickly then flitting my gaze away, red in the face, shifting slightly on the table to allow my legs to come closer together.

Mike tuts his tongue against his teeth, pulling me closer to him, gentle on the chain whilst watching me with eyes that feel almost predatory, his lips parted slightly as though he's anticipating something.

"Hasn't your father ever told you to respect your elders?" Mike asks in a husky, deep voice as he pulls me onto his lap, his other arm now wrapping around my hips as I begin to realize what exactly I've found myself in.

-

I know, I know. "Dani, when are we getting some freaky shit back on our feed?" Listen, I'm trying here. The good news is that my IRL work project is going to wrap up here in the next month. The bad news is, unfortunately, I most likely won't write anything until after April. I know, I'm sorry. I only meant for the break to be two weeks, and it's going to be almost two months instead. But in the meantime, peruse my Masterlist and check out some of my upcoming works! And maybe if God decides they love me, I'll be able to post at least a drabble here soon <3

Stay safe, pookies. Please know that you are valid, you are loved, and you are special no matter what anyone else says.

Also, I think I'm a lesbian.

'TILL NEXT TIME, FOLKS! <3

#yall didnt expect that one huh #me neither #if i had a nickel for every time josh hutcherson was involved in my queer awakening i'd have four nickels. #which is a lot. i know you people make fun of him for his SBNN ads but they're effective. i watched one when i was a homophobic 11 y/o. #and now look at me. a certified homosexual *and* transgendered. there really are a lot of gay people in the world josh #im one of them <3 #special shoutout to my homegirl for showing me the doc #i understand yall probably got a lot of questions #i wish i had answers #its been a weird month is all i can say #anyways #mike schmidt x reader smut #mike schmidt x male reader #mike schimdt x you #mike schmidt x transmasc reader #older mike schmidt #fnaf mike #mikeschmidt #mike schmidt fnaf #mike schmidt #mike schmidt imagine #mike schmidt x reader #mike schmidt x you #mike schmidt smut #josh hutcherson #jhutch

[besthrestate]

Hey You! Yes You!

Do you have strong feelings about one of the approximately 1800 states that made up the Holy Roman Empire? Whether it's somewhere still around or a random principality no one has even thought about since 1643 this is the place to find out which is the holiest of holies in the holy empire.

Note from Admin: since there were around 1800 states in the Holy Roman Empire only submissions will be added! the Poll more than likely won't be starting until Febuary though, so there's plenty of time and you are allowed to submit more than one (on separate forms)!

#holy roman empire #empire polls #history

[disistien]

More or less the finalized designs for the enamel pins. (pin details underneath)

They'll be roughly 1.5 inches big.

About $10-12USD each(I'll have bundles/deals available when they launch).

With Christmas, new years, and lunar new, back to back, my manu estimate they should be done somewhere around FEBUARY(omg so far away!)

Since it will be awhile until they are available, I will be spending that time design some freebies (maybe mini prints or stickers? im open to suggestions)

They be available on my Esty, I'll keep y'all updated!!

Disclaimer ~ I don't take pre-orders since there might be significate delays due to holidays and don't wanna let anyone down or disappoint! So I'll be ordering the minimum of each design(50 pc). If there is a demand for more, I will restock

#slow damage

[slautertm]

IN THE AFTERMATH OF NERDY PRUDES -- MAY BE REBLOGGED AND ADDED TO ( under cut for triggering content & spoilers ) :

i got to say this first. steph still has the gun. and it can bounce from her nightstand to the glovebox of her car.

steph begins to abuse alcohol. i have talked about it HERE, but to go into more detail, within the first week it's something she uses to go to sleep. she carries a flask to school for a month ( sometimes touching it, sometimes not, fully wanting to be found with it and sent home ) in case she needs something to pull her through the day. even on mornings when she is just hungover she really does not drive herself to school until after homecoming when she's slowing down a little bit. it's something she is trying not to lean on too heavily but it is something she is struggling to kick completely for awhile. she is trying her best to hide it from anyone and everyone though.

she does not miss school that first week and does not consider it unless she decides to go to pete's and / or grace ( but refuses to go to grace's house ) or somewhere with the two. after that she is pretty on and off with how often she goes to school till january or febuary of 2021.

checks 15,000 dollars from the mayor / 'the city of hatchetfield' was donated to the families of ruth fleming and richard lipschitz in order to aid in funeral costs. the mayor was reported missing by his daughter two days after those letters of condolence and donations were delivered. max's family does not receive money, but the mayor's office does send a rather large bouquet of flowers.

she attends every victim of max's and max's own funeral. she brings flowers. she sits in the back ( and or by pete ). she does not cry at any of them but does when she gets a moment alone afterwards (but gets close at richie and ruth's).

frequently has nightmares about the lords in black ( especially tinky, wiggly, and nibbly ) and about pete being dead. sometimes about richie, ruth, max, her dad and their own cold ghosts having... not the kindest things to say as they attack. mostly about the lords in black and pete being shot.

cannot do loud noises, eSPECIALLY not SUDDEN loud noises.

stops going to parties all together - i feel like she goes to one but is very quickly and suddenly overwhelmed and leaves ( and calls someone to get her ).

the very first thing she does after school that first day is she gets right to work on preparations for when her dad's body is found / when hatchetfield gives up on him- which she is not expecting to be long. the mayor being gone after years and years of being elected mayor the weeks before the election? something must have happened. she is hoping to be left enough money to properly bury him but is also not banking on being left any money so it's a lot of research, a lot of looking through her dad's office for answers or for lawyers information, trying to figure out how to adult in a matter of weeks. she's really struggling but trying her best to hide it.

steph comes into... a lot of money in the aftermath of nerdy prudes, but honestly only saves a portion of it for herself- that portion is the money made from selling house and then 200,000. she doesn't want it and honestly for a longtime is giving it away to people who she thinks need it - ( and she has accounts made in which she intends to give to pete and grace, though grace first has Less. but also if she finds out what you are up to miss chasity that money is going bye bye miss ) she writes herself a will even before she comes into her inheritance ( and of course has to edit it ) but honestly feels wrong about sitting with so much

very much so is... not leaning on pete ( and to some extent, grace though her own feelings on grace is... complicated ) . she is trying to avoid talking things through her own trauma and instead focus on taking care of both of the surviors but especially pete. it's her way of an apology until she can find the courage to utter to words... and then say it again ( yes. i do know it's life or death and she knows it to but steph really does feel bad and is haunted by the fact that she almost killed him, that she was talked into that, and really feeling like it should have been her.) it's not something she gets over, even if a conversation is had about it.

now for grace - is steph feeling protective over grace? yes. does steph feel a little closer to grace to consider her a friend ( or at least an almost friend, inviting her to do things )? yes. HOWEVER. steph does feeling growing irritation as time passes for grace just abandoning them there after max got to the gym as well as for everything that happened- the latter being mostly a defense because she sits there thinking about what if's. how fast she puts what grace is doing together is dependent on how grace is carrying herself- but honestly... steph feels like she is being held together by tape so much of the time- so she is a little bit naive. she is not so naive to people going missing which leads me to my next point..

multiple people starting to go missing due to grace’s evil Power Move really does trigger steph’s protectiveness and while she before was putting on a sort of mask of ease, being put together, that sets her off and she gets noticably tense and is withdrawing from everyone that isn't pete and grace as she tries to figure out what the fuck is happening. steph is slightly paranoid, and her little flinching and nerves are Wide Awake as she tries her best to QUICKLY figure out what the FUCK is going on so that no one else or limited people get hurt.

#{ V | darkness will spare my soul | NPMD } #the self-sabotage of this GIRL #did i suck up almost all my writing time before my appointment? yeah. but it's been in my head.for a long time #{ HEADCANONS } #y'all should make steph go to therapy thank you ( or trap her in therapy she will not go willingly and will spend the whole time talking #about anything but herself alskdjf )

[quill-of-thoth]

Letters from Watson: The Adventure of the Yellow Face

Published: Febuary 1893 Set: April 1888 (Baring Gould), I literally do not know but logically 1882-1888 You know the drill: Baring Gould takes basically everything where Holmes and Watson aren't living together and dumps it somewhere in the invented 1886-1888 marriage. I counter that yes, 1889 and 1890 are getting stupidly crowded and the low number of cases that Watson writes about being in his records for 1890 in January 1892 does not necessarily mean that he did not come back later and flesh out stories he had minimal notes on. But also there's no indication whatsoever in this story that Watson is married, and while Baring-Gould appears to think that this confirms a date of 1888 (post the invented first wife, immediately before Mary Morstan) to me it opens the decade up like a starfish opening up a clam. Other simple solutions for the ongoing overcrowding of '89 and '90 are to revise the Mary Morstan and Irene Adler time frame hypothesis: perhaps Watson fudged the date of his marriage by a year in his writing, to keep his new wife somewhat insulated from having a whole book written about her extended family's strange and exotic troubles, giving us another calendar year to play with, or to suppose that Watson downplayed his involvement in Holmes' cases during the Moriarty era of 89-90 in his first few published stories, while there was a chance some of the gang was still at large. Baring Gould's timeline is shaky here, and to fully refute it we actually have to talk at more or less this time about my least favorite of the four Sherlock Holmes novels, Valley of Fear. In Baring-Gould's timeline, we've skipped it, since this reread is doing short stories only, and because Baring-Gould seems to not only invent wives but stretch out the Moriarty problem for extra years.

Valley of Fear is, like A Study in Scarlet, a novel with a huge chunk of its time spent with secondary characters in an American setting. Unlike Study, it's not very good. It was published serially from 1914 to 1915, during a huge gap (1913 to 1917) in the publication of short stories. It very likely suffered in execution from anti-union sentiment that had been growing in the 1890's and 1900's, along with a rise in international tensions preceding the first world war. It's also just a dull case to have made a novel out of. In spoiler-ridden brief: A murder in a country manor leads Holmes to uncover - mostly by interviewing the alleged murder victim - an American secret society / gang / attempt at a union that turned into more of a mob. The detecting bits are good, from Holmes' speculations about Moriarty's suspiciously expensive painting collection, to the trap he laid to catch the alleged murder victim in hiding, but the rest is, frankly, a slog, and that "rest" is half the book, without even a bookend of Holmes finishing his analysis or giving further advice to chase it. Leaving aside the moral issues of the Pinkerton Detective Agency, who were the original Bastard Cops, functioning more as a private army of strikebreakers and hired goons during the 1800's than you would expect given their more publicized role in prohibition era prosecution of organized crime, the tale of Birdy Edwards appears to be trying to lean Noir without any idea of what Noir is as a subgenre. It's also hard to follow, because characters are always trying to talk in code and drop Ominous Hints - a quick skim of the opening confirms that although some of my memories of the tedium were probably exacerbated by not having any historical context on my reread, it's still a story I would have put right back down if Birdy Edwards' introduction had occurred on the first page.

Getting back to the timeline: Although Baring Gould places Valley of Fear immediately after Blue Carbuncle (by a week and a half), and three months before Yellow Face, there's no particular indication of the year. It is not noted whether Watson is married, though one assumes it can't be too many years before Holmes and Moriarty's final confrontation. I suspect that Baring-Gould is onto something here - not that he's right about Watson having a first marriage, but that both Valley of Fear and Yellow Face easily could have occurred at any before Holmes and Watson met Mary in the summer of 1888.

This particular story doesn't even have the question of "how long was Holmes able to keep Moriarty from knowing that the most famous detective in london knows he exists?" because unlike Valley, it has no link to any crime syndicate, or indeed any crime. As an additional piece of supporting evidence, Holmes is escorting Watson on a walk in the park during this opening, something that correlates more neatly with Watson's condition after Study in Scarlet - being cooped up all winter due to chronic wound pain and desperate for the outside world, but less able to get it for himself - than with the established pattern of Watson being invited into the parlor next to the fire and being infodumped at about a case, which characterizes their meetings during Watson's marriage. With all that said I still can't pin the date down, save that Holmes has either started doing cocaine or failed to hide it from his slowly recovering roommate in the time since Study in Scarlet (presuming that Watsons description intends to imply that Holmes was, at the time of the story, a user of cocaine, and that Watson knew at that time, which isn't certain: he's writing what may be a full decade later and tends to get very general in his descriptions of Holmes' character throughout the years.) I would hazard a guess that this is somewhere between '82 and '86 - or between Holmes starting to bring Watson along on out of town cases, and the first year we have multiple cases in. Or, more accurately: when Watson is recovered enough to want to help, but not not recovered enough to start thinking about returning to his profession.

#Letters from Watson #The Adventure of the Yellow Face #alternatively you could paste the numbers 82-91 on a dart board and throw something at it #which is as far as I know Baring Gould's method for this one

[emotionally-destroyed-soldier]

February 14th.

Stayed in this evening and ordered a pizza. Maybe not the most romantic valentine's dinner, but seeing as I can't cook and it'd probably be too risky to go somewhere I might be recognized, it can't really be helped. I don't think Fritz minds. After what he's been through I think he's glad to avoid a lot of excitement. He deserves something more romantic than pizza delivery, though. Maybe next year. But then, I think we both might be thinking, even if we try not to, about the fact that this isn't just Valentine's day. It seems like forever ago now. It could've happened in a whole other damn lifetime, on another planet. But there were popping streamers and noisemakers. Barbecue (Engie did that) and cake (Heavy did that. Pyro helped with the candles because of course he did.) It was the last time I saw Wolfie happy. Really happy, not a mask hiding something he wouldn't tell me about, not a mask like Spy's was but one made out of porcelain, getting more and more cracked every time I saw it. Cheer up, Doe. He always said that if I even started to say something. Don't worry so much. I mean he had bad dreams. He spent the night with me more often than I think anyone knows to this day. I think we both slept better like that because we were protecting each other, just like we'd promised. I thought they were about the war because that's what mine were always about and why would they be about anything else? That boyish sparkle in his eyes when he blow out those candles, like a kid surrounded by friends. Just turned 31, the world should've been his goddamn oyster and if I just stop my memory there... I really believed it could've been. That once this gig was over, Wolfgang Stahl and his crazy stupid luck would go on to be a world-beater. And I think... it's not fair. I can't do anything but fight. I mean I can fight and apparently help solve crimes but then, when I was actually me and not an altered copy of myself (jesus christ that will never not be weird to think about), that's all I could do. I was in a really dark place between the war and the job because I didn't have a fucking clue what to do with myself if I wasn't in the trenches. No reason to think it wouldn't be more of the same after. I didn't have that potential for a bright future, not like him. So why didn't the fucking machine hate me? Why'd he have to suffer so bad while I always went through fine, more or less? Nothing I haven't asked myself before. I could death spiral on these questions. But I'm trying hard. Things are a little bit better. I can look at his picture where I couldn't before. If I try real hard, I can think of h im and cut myself off before I start thinking of how it all ended. I can think of that Febuary day, him laughing with my hand on his shoulder, Archimedes pecking at the cake, even Fritz with a grin on his face. I wish I still had that picture. Not as much as I wish I still had him, but... damn, I wish I still had that picture.

#diary of jane #one day late because tumblr ate my first attempt yesterday ><

[l0v3-struck-sys]

Hey sillies!!! First ever actual post on our collective account and it's nothing other then our favorite poem we've ever written!! <3

It's got some quite dark themes so a little bit of a forewarn there, I'm not entirely sure what tws would be proper for this, so proceed at your own risk,

Poem by : collective

Name : "Wishing on stars and choking on ashes"

Written : Some time during late 2022/early 2023 ( somewhere between August 2022-Febuary 2023)

Posted by : collective

>

>

>

11:11 make a wish.

I wish for it to be better. I wish for the trembling weakness crushing my body under its embrace to disapper, for fading scars filled with memories erase themselves from paled skin, the memories of their cause gone with them.

I wish to be happy, I wish for someone to love me and tell me I'm worth more then what I can give out, that the person I am is more important then the pleasure I provide.

I scream. In my head I scream my wishes into an empty fog, hearing them echo back at me, taunting me and reminding me that they can't possibly come true.

I whisper them into the soft of a worn stuffed animal wet with tears, they've seen this before, they've felt my tears and stayed inanimate as I broke and pleaded for someone to care.

I'd be doomed of they gained sentience. Secrets locked away in worn fabric that could never be shared with another human. Words too fragile to say to a friend because you never know their intentions.

It's childish really, wishes.

Except like all things from being a child this too has been tainted with age.

Wishes that once were reserved for new toys and good grades now turned pleads for someone to love, pleads that you won't die alone.

Then again, what do I know about childish wishes? As they say, born into a burning house, right?

Yet my house was never burning, I never experienced the warm flicker of flames and found comfort in the burn of a fire.

No, I was born to a house long burnt down.

Cold air nipped at new flesh and burned into a child's skin in a way so similar yet so far from a flame.

Cold seeped into my bones and left a chill in every last part of me.

Yet just like a child born into the flames I found comfort and solace in the cold.

I choose to subject myself to the burn of the cold against my skin despite the part of me that begs for warmth, begs to curl under a blanket and find a place to call home.

Yet I deny it. I rush into the cold and relish the burn, let it seep through my skin and kill me slowly, the pain a deadly yet familiar lullaby.

I want to give into the part of me that begs for warmth. But I can't.

I've given in before, sat by the fire and let the chill begin to melt away, only to be shoved into the flames and burned in such a familiar yet foreign way.

So I subject to the cold, stick to the burn I know and the chill in my bones.

Maybe one day my body will find peace, sink to the ground in a home with no flames and no ash. A strong foundation and a warmth that doesn't burn like pinpricks of vengeance across raw flesh.

But until then, I will continue to curl in the snow, and I will smile as my skin blooms the brightest reds, relish in the familiar burn of the freeze. Even if it ends with my body laid cold inside a closed casket.

#system #sysblr #systems please interact #poem #poetry #original poem #poets on tumblr #writers and poets #love-struck-sys poetry #endos dni #non traumagenic dni #did system #did osdd

[seraphinarh]

✿ * · (  jorja smith  ,  cis woman  ,  she / her   )   a  little  birdy  told  me  SERAPHINA  RENEE  HAMILTON just  moved  to  sunset  hills  .  have  you  met  them  yet  ? they  look  somewhere  around  TWENTYTHREE  ,   if  i  had  to  guess  ! pretty  sure  i  heard  them  driving  down  the  street  playing  PEARS  by  WESTON  ESTATE  ,  they  sounded  a  little  pitchy  but  they  had  the  spirit  !  must  be  their  favorite  or  something  .  hey  …  it  looks  like  they  just  moved  into  DUSK  DRIVE  .  have  you  heard  about  what  they  do  for  a  living  ?  someone  told  me  they’re  a  BOTTLEGIRL/WAITRESS  @  AFTER-HOURS  &  WORKING  TOWARDS  HER  MASTERS  IN  NURSING  ,  but  who  knows  if  that’s  even  true  .  guess  we’re  just  gonna  have  to  wait  and  see  .  nervous  ? maybe  you  should  be  .  sunset  speaks  just  posted  about  them  …  apparently  they're  RESIDENT  ID  020  ?  between  you  and  me  ,  i  think  that  might  spark  some  things  in  the  community  …  but  what  do  i  know  !  you  guys  might  get  along  just  fine  !  (  fd  ,  she/her  ,  22  ,  est .  )

 wanted connections + musings + headcanons + memes + tags

.🔥° › about !

name: seraphina renee hamilton nicknames: sera, phina (emory) renee (mother’s side), phiphi (father’s side) age: 23 birthday: febuary 2nd, 1999 ( aquarius ) height: 5′ 3″ hair: depends on the month; braids, silk press, natural, ponytail, & wigs eye: dark brown scent: daily cocoa butter & vanilla ; bumbum cream evenings kay ali vanilla piercing: ears & nipples aesthetic: blurry  pictures, dancing on tables, natural baby face, sunkissed chocolate & vanilla, aa’s y2k, everyday is a fashion show, sleep during the day, overdressing to every event, fairy lights in the forest, all black everything, party all night & work all day, crocs & high heels, smart girl with a bad side born: brooklyn, new york romantic orientation: panromantic sexual orientation: pansexual marital status: single languages: english, french, and haitian creole likes/dislikes: eating out, career choice, shopping, taking pics, / being alone, liars, loud mouths traits: loyal, distant, aloof, bubbly, intelligent, spiritual, calculated, reserved, people pleaser, determined personality tropes: aquarius sun, fearful avoidant attachment, entp, gryffindor/hufflepuff, the mystic & the maiden (feminine archetype), oldest daughter syndrome criminal record: n/a drugs | smokes | alcohol: no | no | yes

.🔥° › this or that !

introvert | extrovert | ambivert organized | disorganized risk-taker | cautious close-minded | open-minded quarrelsome | peaceful calm | anxious | restless generous | stingy | in-between disagreeable | agreeable | in-between patient | impatient modest | conceited | in-between outspoken | reserved tardy | punctual leader | follower | flexible empathetic | un-empathetic frank | secretive optimistic | pessimistic | realistic traditional | modern | in-between polite | rude | in-between hard-working | lazy manipulative | straightforward | both switch | submissive | dominant

.🔥° › snapshot !

seraphina is the daughter of two immigrants. her father is english while her mother is haitian. they met in new york city where she’s originally from. being the eldest of three children, she’s basically been a part-time mother once she was old enough to watch her siblings.

if there were two things her parents valued it was an education & religion. in their eyes the only way to move up in society was through school and faith in god, so growing up seraphina went to a catholic school until she was in high school then she went to a public school. she isn’t religious at all. she believes in the christian god but also has a lot of interest/beliefs in other religions and spiritual practices. she’s a fake catholic.

she moved to california the summer before high school. it was a complete culture shock. it wasn’t even big things that affected her, it was the small nuances that made her feel out of place. her new york attitude didn’t clash well with her peers. 

the way she talked, dressed, and held herself made her seem like a threat. seraphina was everything but intimidating or conceited. she was a sweetheart, introverted, naive, and somewhat of a pushover since she came from such a strict environment. 

she spent her freshman and sophomore year in the shadows, mostly alone. she was always smart so she had acquaintances who often asked for help with assignments but that’s about all. never really had friends. she got picked on a few times, once even getting into a fight however, that treatment didn’t last for too long.

mid sophomore year seraphina became close friends with her science lab partner. through that, she joined student government which forced her to socialize more and start to fit into/have a role at her school. by the time she graduated high school, she was vice president of student government, one of four co-captains of the caribbean dance team, and valedictorian.

she was able to earn a full scholarship to shu as an undergrad. sera started out as a premed student however her gpa wasn’t high enough to get into the program so she changed her major to nursing her sophomore year. she graduated within the top five percent of her major. she decided to work for a year as a nicu nurse before going back to school for her masters. being a registered nurse, seraphina only worked roughly three days a week for 12 hours a day, so it was easy for her to be to have side hustles. she only stopped working when the semester started. she learned from past mistakes that it’s physically too much for her to work 2 jobs while in school. she’s currently trying to get her masters in nursing with the plan to become either a traveling nurse practitioner or simply a nicu nurse practitioner. 

sera’s been working at after hours as a bottle servicer & waitress, sometimes a bartender if they’re under staffed or busy since her freshman spring semester. seraphina loved a good party and she loved getting tipsy at work even more so. the only reason seraphina decided to work at a strip club was because she’d be damned if she didn't take advantage of misogamy while she was “young and hot.” she perfered the strip club in comparison to the actual club because sunset hills is a college town which means most people going to the clubs are broke students. at the strip club, the guests show up with the intent of spending money on girls which applies to the waitresses as well. she mostly works weekends when she’s managing two jobs but once she went back to school, after hours became her main job again.

sera is the type of student who sleeps in the middle of that day. she likes to have her classes in the morning. so even on work days she’ll do an overnight shift at the club, come to her room, shower, eat and then head to class. after class she would either hang with friends, do her school work or go home to have dinner and sleep before heading to work, this is the same routine now that she lives on dusk drive.  

she’s also the type to do everything last minute. there’s been a number of times where seraphina would be sitting in the backstage, doing her assignment because something’s almost due or just late. this is also her philosophy in life — she runs on black people / caribbean time

on her off days, she could be found doing someone’s hair, chilling in the middle of the courtyard, eating, singing, or dancing. she used to be more active in clubs when she started at shu but she realistically doesn’t have the time

seraphina often comes off a bit standoffish with a rbf but she genuinely isn’t mean unless shes provoked. in that case, she’ll drag the fuck outta you with no cares in the world. probably not physically because she’s very social and tends to know damn near everyone’s business.

currently opened to all connections

#sunsetintro #꒰ ა ♡ ໒ ꒱ — public knowledge #hiii yall im so excited you dont get it #hmu for plots <3 #heres my bbyg

[apaubert]

jessica henwick & she/they & gender queer watch out , amity aubert has crash-landed into roswell !! they look twenty eight years old and celebrate their birthday on febuary 15th. they are from new york city, new york, reside in moonbeam gardens and are currently working as a travel columnist. one thing you should know about them is her parents are divorced so they grew up in both new york and paris, france. 

trigger warnings for divorce, parental death

tldr; child of a ballerina and a choreographer, she's trying to find a place to settle down and maybe start a career in investigative journalism rather than a travel columnist.

BIOGRAPHY:

Ever since she was a little girl, Amity's mother Yingyue wanted to be a ballerina and her father, Dennis, a famous choreographer. From the moment that the two of them were young, they both began dancing, training day and night in order to make it to the top. Yingyue grew up in England with her family and eventually moved to Paris in order to attend a school in France, which turned out to be the same school that Dennis was attending for choreography. The two quickly bonded and eventually married right before graduating college. Though their marriage didn't last long as Yingyue eventually got her break and Dennis was a bit jealous of her success where he was failing. They got divorced after three and a half years of marriage, but gained a child in the process. And although the two didn't work out romantically, they both remained friends.

At the age of three, Dennis got a job in New York City for a broadway show, where he moved Amity, leaving her mother in Paris as she'd just gotten a role in a ballet. NYC was a very different culture than he was used to and Dennis struggled with being a single father in a new city. Though it didn't take long for him to find his stride with a group of other single working parents. There he met the man that would become his second partner, giving Amity another sibling in the process, Macy. Amity spent much of her childhood going back and forth between her parents. Holidays that were important were celebrated as a family, despite her parents not being together.

From a young age, Amity had a love of travelling. She had always enjoyed the freedom of seeing other places and getting to move new places. When she was in Paris and was old enough to, she would travel around Europe with friends or even her sister and at fourteen started her own travel blog. It wasn't very popular at first, but by the time she was in college, it had really taken off. Amity knew that travelling was probably something she wanted to do as an adult, so in college she ended up getting her degree in communications.

Amity's college years were filled with the normal ups and downs of becoming an adult. She took her education seriously and gained an appreciation for the opportunities that she had as a young child. For the most part, Amity did her best to stay on the path that she had chosen for herself. College is where she had her first boyfriend, then girlfriend, and then learned that she didn't really fit in with the gender norms either. They expanded their world view and appreciation for other cultures.

After college, Amity travelled for a bit, working with some large magazines and wrote some articles for a couple of well known travel websites, mostly doing freelance work. They enjoyed their job, loving the idea that they never had to spend more than a little bit of time in each location, seeing new things all the time. That life did become exhausting and eventually she wanted to settle down somewhere.

Last year her mother passed away and Amity was left with quite a large amount of inheritance. She used that to buy a house in Roswell of all places, finding it neat and wanting to maybe use that as a way to get into some more heavy hitting investigative journalism. They don't know where to start though because... well, they don't really believe all the alien hype and where the town got this whole gimmick to begin with.

#roswellintro #divorce tw #parental death tw #death tw #death mention tw

[m4ggies]

general stats.

full  name:  margaret  madelyn  jeon.

nickname(s):  maggie,  mags.

age:  twenty  four.

date  of  birth:  febuary  5th.

hometown:  dripsi keys.

current  location:  dripsi keys.

gender:  demigirl.

pronouns:  she/they.

orientation:  pansexual  &  panromantic.

occupation: bartender.

faceclaim:  park  sooyoung.

favorites.

scent:  cherries  &  any  victorias  secrets  perfume.

season:  fall.

flower:  orchids.

genre:  horror,  thrillers   &  musicals.

article of clothing:  her  multiple  pairs  of  fishnets  &  their  little  black  dress.

past time:  singing  karoke,  drawing  &  sewing.

personality.

maggie is literally a hot mess. that’s the easiest way to put it. maggie is definitely very fun-loving. she adores going out and having a good time with whoever it may be. they also enjoys just going out by themself. she knows that they’re in their prime right now, and she’s taking full advantage of that and doing everything she can so that she doesn’t look back and regret not doing something later. they would honestly rather regret doing something, then not doing it at all.

she’s very charismatic and loves making new friends. however, they has a hard time with that because they are so open that a lot of people can’t handle her. she’s the type of friend who will tell you things you don’t want to hear even if it means you’ll get hurt. she tries to have others best interest at heart but fails and ends up hurting more than helping more times than not.

maggie is very sexually liberated. they were never really was so open to the idea of sex until they became an adult. she knows that sex is a very human thing, and they doesn’t feel guilty for being so open about it.

maggie is a very unique person, and she knows it. she’s not afraid to be herself, and that’s one of the best qualities about them. she understands that everyone might not like them, and while they may think in her head that their opinion on her is wrong, she still accepts the fact. they can also tend to get very jealous and be very hard-headed. she has a lot of pride, so much so that she sometimes believes they can do no wrong, and would rather let a bridge burn than admit their mistakes, and that is one of the biggest things wrong with her.

extras.

maggie has so many pairs of fishnets, and she never throws them anyway when they get ripped. it’s only when they’re in tatters that they’ll think about throwing them away.

maggies bed is literally the comfiest thing. their comforter and pillowcases are a darker purple and they’re a crushed velvet material. they also has a black canopy draped around their bed.

maggie loves sewing and tends to get a lot of her clothes from thrift shops before fixing them up to their liking. she’s not the best at it, but whenever someone compliments her on their clothes, the first words out of her mouth are ‘ thank you, i actually altered it myself ’. we love humbleness in this house.

she loves going out, so all anyone ever has to do is invite them to go somewhere and she’ll go as long as they isn’t working. she would never pass up on a night out.

while maggie only has one tattoo, which is a rose with a stem on their right side, she has tons of piercings. she has her ears double pierced, their nose is pierced on the left side, their nipples pierced, their bellybutton pierced, and an industrial bar in their right ear.

lastly, maggie has a scar on her thumb. it’s honestly a really stupid story she thinks. when they was in high school, and wanted to try and shape their eyebrows, she got an eyebrow razor. she tried to open it, but couldn’t get the cap off. so she put a lot of force into it, and sure enough, it came off ! but it did cut their thumb pretty bad and now she’s kinda stuck with that scar. and they always goes to professionals for their eyebrows now.

character inspo.

so the main inspiration i had for maggie was actually lyn hernandez from the show vida. so vida is a show about two sisters, and lyn is the less responsible sister between the two. she really seems to care more about herself than anything else, but that’s not entirely true. it’s really obvious in the show that she cares a lot about other people, and it just seems like she’s always the one getting fucked over in relationships. even though she’s not entirely blameless sometimes ( *cough* her mothers funeral with johnny *cough* ). my second inspiration for maggie was serena van der woodsen from gossip girl. i’d say that lyn is the main inspiration, but serena is a close second. i’m not even going to lie, i hated serena so much but she’s such a complex character and she fits maggies vibe so well. like lyn, the problems that serena creates is more due to a lack of foresight, and not malice. serena also is pretty irresponsible as we’ve seen. she also has trouble committing to people due to her mothers marriages, and she doesn’t really know or understand what love truly is.

[fictional-whore-06]

i sent you 2 anon asks during febuary 13th whilst i was so fucking horny and everytime i think of them it turn me on so much bc i know other people have seen how fucking desperate i was. How much i wanted by dumb boycunt to be absolutely fucked. And god i want to be degraded so bad. Im so fucking wet now bc ive been griding my hips into the beanbag im laying on. Im fully clothed but its hardly stopped me from getting wet.

Later ill probably find my hairbrush and fuck myself with that. The handle is quite small and i want to get a bigger one but i still love fucking my cunt with it. Sadly i dont have it on me rn as iv left it somewhere else. But until i get it i just want to edge myself. Maybe not even touch myself, just thrust into this beanbag and scroll through nsft tumblr to make myself all needy. Then when i finally get my hairbrush back i can fill my cunt with it

im just so fucking horny

Ive seen other people who send anon ask use emojis so they can be identified so i think ill try it this time

~ a horny transmasc 🦎

This is so fucking pathetic. I've seen some pathetic sluts in my day, but this is another level of fucking pathetic. I hope you never get that hairbrush back.

🦎

Also psa be careful about using objects like that that are not body safe. Please stay safe and stay healthy

#nsft asks #send nsft asks #t4t nsft #humiliation k!nk #ftm nsft #queer nsft #🦎 anon

[aelinstrand]

FOR: @abibatista WHEN: 08th of Febuary, 2024 WHERE: Outside the Police Station.

Aelin hated all law enforcement, Nadia being the worst of them all. Maybe it was because she had grown up rough, but she'd learned that they weren't what most people thought. Unfortunately, seeing as she had taken the kids from her block under her wing in order to redistribute what was required, finding new clientele through their grapevine, it meant sometimes — like now; she had to bail them out. Look after them to make sure they didn't bolt or snitch.

Looking down at her watch, she groaned. Time to get him.

The second the doors open, she noticed not a cop, but a detective and she felt the blood in her veins freeze to shards of ice. "What did he do?" Aelin asked, as she walked in with boredom sweeping across her face, lips setting into a thin line as she gave them a once over. "I've got somewhere to be, so if we could...hurry this up."

#abril & aelin #abibatista