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#splortch
mayasaura · 2 years
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woah wait hold on. harrow’s SKULL is altering her BRAIN and giving her a stroke when it replaces “gideon” with “ortus”?? i have literally not understood how the lobotomy works this whole time. do you understand it?
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Harrow is a crazy person. Absolute top-tier mad genius.
Harrow's brain keeps bleeding because every time it tries to remember Gideon, her skull goes "oh no you don't!" and squishes it like a grapefruit.
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penny-anna · 5 months
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Hello lads time for extremely lazy cookery w penny-anna!
Tonight we are making a variation on a dish an old flatmate of mine dubbed eggs rice & misc
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Step 1: we got some garlic, some seasoning (onion salt, black pepper, cumin, paprika, coriander) + a big splortch (technical term) of tomato pesto
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Step 2: once that starts making sizzling noises and smelling good add rice (important) and misc (green beans) and combine
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Step 3: we used half a cup of rice so 1 cup stock
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Step 4: tonight's second misc is smoked haddock.
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Step 5: ok that's boiling. We will come back in about 10 mins
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Step 6: aha bet you'd forgotten about the egg!! Here is 1 egg done boiling
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Step 7: it was sticking badly to the pan bcos I'm incompetent. However, not burnt and everything is cooked
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Step 8: add egge, mix it all up & add some Greenery
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Step 9: Eat.
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vamlut · 4 months
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Sleeping diary (a pink aftermare story)
Chapter 5: Thyme to experiment!
First Previous
Orchid -might as well mentally call himself that now- closed the book and rolled over, holding it firmly in his arms.
He had lots to think about.
How did that whole thing happen? Why? How did it work exactly? Who was Berlingot and were the fascinating flowers he sketched under the other’s guidance real ? What was the “tree of feelings''? How much of what was uttering the stranger was trustworthy? 
New questions kept popping and being replaced by another as fast. Bubbles of thoughts hanging low looking reachable but disappearing in a laugh the instant his phalanx crept close.
At least he wasn’t freaking out anymore.
Surprisingly.
He went over it fast.
It was better to give up now and enjoy what it gave him.
Something to think about.
Company.
“Will you still be here tomorrow?”...
What a strange concept to think in this solid darkness place.
When will be “tomorrow”?
He was playing with his slipper, clumsily throwing it in the air (what air?) with a kick and trying to catch it back, with various results.
Was the time going forward in a place outside of “time”?
“Plop” made the shoe sloping down.
Was the time synced with Berlingot’s timeline like the notebook. 
He barely reached the slipper with his toes.
Did an “Universal timeline Time” exist? 
Up the slipper went, once again, flying gracefully in the black of the moment.
Were some monsters living on the surface, hidden away in a secret nook of the surface world ?
The pink fuzzy item splortched in the middle of his face and he stayed there, unmoving.
Would he lose this link to Berlingot if a reset happened?
The monster removed the offending object from his face and threw it the farthest possible in the unknown. It will come back… eventually.
What was he thinking about? Who cared about that?
He uselessly dusted himself off and stood high.
It was time to experiment !
Now with only one slipper, he trudged closer to the save point and promptly zoned out under the basking light.
He blinked back to reality after a while of trying to classify how the save point's light felt on his bones.
Experience. Yes.
The book was spread out in front of him on the first “new” page. 
He quickly glanced at the conversation, unconsciously rereading it, before setting his gaze to the paper itself.
Orchid, then, dutifully compared the “old” pages to the “new” pages.
Color, length, weight, strength and everything he could think of at the moment.
The two bore no real differences. They look the same, they smell the same… Why?
What was the true nature of that link?
Did they have completely similar notebooks and the pages were in two places simultaneously or were only the words somehow copied?
The slipper was back on his kicking foot. 
He had to do some tests.
But he couldn’t do that alone, could he?
He needed Berlingot’s aid for that…?
The monster grumbled and squirmed into another position, not any more comfy than the precedent, and put a number at the end of each “shared” page.
He had no idea when tomorrow would come but he could at least prepare for it and brainstorm.
Once this endeavor was satisfied, he took the time to write some short instructions about simple tests he desired to conduct.
And then, left with nothing interesting to think about, he rolled over into the patch of flowers and gave in to his need to slumber. 
Fuzz tickles his legs.
Static licks his arms.
Vagueness feels his head.
Wonder circles him.
A finger. A socket. A rib.
The mad Hatter offers him chrysanthemum.
It swirls among water lily blossoms. 
A frog jumps in the sky.
It’s today.
The ladder unfurls behind him and he starts painstakingly crawling up it.
What a joy!
Clouds block the way, he stops a moment to breathe.
Soon!
He tries to continue but he can’t.
So close!
The clouds are gone but he can’t.
Today is the day!
Looking down, his feets are now roots coming all the way to the bottom of the fruit basket.
His dream is just a few meters up!
Dancing changes nothing, myosotis grows between his fingers.
The long wait’s reward is up there!
Running water pushes the ladder far away.
He missed his chance.
Orchid woke up with a headache and a lasting half-conscious daze interlaced with bits of fleeting dream memories.
“Ughhhhhh, that was a bad nap…”, he announced to the void.
He rolled and groaned for a while, mentally depicting himself as a sausage on a rocking chair for some reason before finally grasping back at enough threads of lucidity to sit and ponder at what he was going to do next that wasn’t more sausage rolling.
A glance to the innocently laying there notebook near him was just the thing he needed to fully finish picking up his common sense and slapping it back together with his motor skills still in a weird merged sculpture. 
Result was:
He took the book, flipped through the pages and searched for it.
Novelty.
“Hello Orchid! I hope you slept well, I have! I read the instructions you left me once my brother went away and did the best I could alone. I cut the corner of page 4, crumbled page 8, stained with ink page 12 and with fruit waste page 9 (it stinks) and burned the whole of page 14 instead of just a bit due to some accident that wasn’t my fault. I am eager to hear what happened from your side!”
“I got bored of reading so here I am again, when will you be coming back?”
“My brother came back with tomatoes, we ate one and I will not tell what happened to the others.”
“Tomato stains are hard to get out of clothes.”
“The afternoon is reaching its end soon, I guess we didn’t decide on an hour but…”
“I must have stared a bit too hard at the diary, Marianne kept asking unusual stuff.”
“Where are you?”
“The sun is coming down.”
Ah.
He must have slept for a while. His sight wobbled, jumping from one word to another.
And yet…
“Hey.”
He was going to check on the mentioned pages but the answer was immediate.
“Orchid! I thought you weren’t going to answer anymore…”
He audibly winced.
“No, my nap just went longer than I would like.”
“You slept all day?”
“Yes.”
“That is a lot of sleep…”
“When you don’t have a clock, it is hard to tell night from day.”
“What does it mean? Isn’t the sun enough for that?”
“Don’t worry ‘bout that, so you followed the directions I left?”
“Yes! Tell me what happened for you.”
“Gimme a minute.”
“Gimme?”
“Give me.”
Orchid stopped reading whatever the other wrote next and put the notebook flat in front of him, tucking the pen in his coat pocket.
Pages 4,8,9,12 and 14…
The monster turned the pages until he found the number 4 scribbled in a corner. 
The page was intact except for a strange black line in a corner. The upper right one… He brushed his finger against it and came to the conclusion it was no ink or at least not fresh one.
Page 8…
It should have been crumbled on Berlingot’s side. It looked fine. 
His face came closer as he studied the seemingly new looking page. There, some very very faint gray markings littered the whole space. 
“I knew I shouldn’t have trusted my sight, I swear it’s getting worse every time…”, he sighed to nobody.
Page 9…
He asked Berlingot to stain it with anything that wasn’t ink. Checking once again the writings, the other used fruit to achieve that. And it had been described as smelly by the other? 
Page 9 was immaculate. No stains. He brought the paper to his nose and focused. No smell either.
Nothing…
Page 12…
This one, it was to be stained with ink. And it did look like it was! A big part of the page was pure black. 
Page 14…
Finally the burnt one. 
Surprisingly, it was missing. Nothing was there between the pristine pages 13 and 15. No traces of it ever existing at all
Orchid sighed and put the book down to think about the results of those little experiments. His goal was to determine the “rules” of the linking. Were those pages existing at two places or was whatever written in one copied in the other? From where exactly came these new pages? His book? Berlingot’s diary? Or from a third secret source? Was he linked to more than one book and it was a sort of network? 
Fidgeting with the end of his scarf, he continued his musing.
The “rules”... Ink went through (regardless of the color), fruit did not. Smell did not travel with. Damage carried somehow but as mere traces… Unless the page was burnt off… Was it the fire or the major compromising of the paper who did the trick? He would benefit from more testing…
But first.
The monster mindlessly wrote his findings in the notebook and rolled on his back, staring at the black nothingness.
Hm.
End of chapter 5! Go to chapter 6?
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Aftertale belongs to @/loverofpiggies Berlingot and Orchid belong to me
@dragon-tamer-1 @shinechermont
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mallowmaenad · 28 days
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>*Cartoon Splortch Sound Effect*
>YOU'RE NOW LISTENING TO
>*Midna Summon*
>102.3
>*Burenyuu~*
>REAL SHORTSTACK FM
>*NES Mario Shrinking Sound Effect*
>WHERE WE PLAY NOTHIN BUT DITTIES, DITTIES, AND MORE DITTIES
>*Pancake Sizzling*
>*Nyeheheh~*
>THIS AIN'T YOUR HUMAN FUCKTOY'S STATION
>*Gaijin Goomba - Goomba Got Back starts playing*
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wembleygoodboy · 9 months
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Can I give the child a little kiss on the forehead? Just a little smoochums? A tiny little splortch?
!!! YES PLAESE ilove kissies SO MUCH!!!!! 🥺💖💖💖
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bad-rper · 11 months
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🎬 WEC: getting stomped on when discovered in Duskthorn Deliveries
I am a wretched skinny stick thing. Thinly pointed, with no mouth, with undulating black blobs filled with wet where my eyes should be. Twiggish appendages that are my arms; tapers narrowing down into leggy struts of waifish rangy parts. I leave a moist trail when I move. Blotches of diseased, evil grey come and go in my sclera, as thought light is being beamed from within. Outwardly; dumbly, I shamble about, a thing that could never have been known as a kaldorei, a thing whose shape is so alien a travesty that elvenity becomes more obscene for the vague resemblance. Inwardly: alone. Here. Living under the Moon, under the stars, in the belly of a delivery shop...
I have no mouth. And I must--
*SPLORTCH*
"Eugh. Horrid creature."
Every day. [Aris i aris i aris].
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windfighter · 1 year
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Keep your head above the ice
Prompt: Sharing clothes
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”Let’s go across the ice!” Kouji suggests.
Kouichi looks at him. Raises an eyebrow. Kouji gestures towards the river. The ice is thick on it, trees pushed into the ice to mark where it’s safe to step. Kouichi doesn’t look convinced. He gestures at the bridge 200 meters up ahead.
”I’m not watching you fall into ice-cold water again. Tomoki isn’t here.”
”The ice isn’t gonna crack”, Kouji laughs. ”Look!”
He walks out onto it, jumps. The ice is sturdy. Kouichi pinches the bridge of his nose. Kouji starts walking. Kouichi will follow. The ice is slippery and he skates more than walks across it. A thin layer of snow covers it.
”We can pretend we’re the Caroleans marching towards Denmark!” Kouji calls.
He hears Kouichi laugh. Kouichi’s careful steps onto the ice.
”You’re an idiot”, Kouichi says.
Not for the first time. Kouji doesn’t even feel offended any longer. He just keeps walking across the ice.
”The Caroleans were later”, Kouichi continues. ”I’m sure they fought the Danes as well, but…”
Kouji stops. Kouichi does as well. There’s a low crrrk in the ice under Kouji’s feet. He lifts one foot. The crrk gets louder and Kouji puts the foot down again. Kouichi is going to hate him for this. They’re about halfway across, at the thinnest part of the ice. Kouji swallows. Slides his foot forward.
Kouichi steps closer. Kouji wants to tell him to stop. There’s a louder crack in the ice and Kouichi yelps, hits the ice. Kouji falls. He stretches his arms to the sides, winces as he catches himself on the ice. The water is cold. Deep breaths. Calm. No panic. Panic doesn’t help. He’s not under the water this time, just in it. His feet are already prickling.
”Kouji!”
”Yeah”, Kouji gets out.
His whole body is tense from the cold. His clothes are drenched. He’s… pretty sure he didn’t wrap his spare clothes in plastic bags either. Amazing. Maybe he should have listened to Kouichi.
Kouichi lies down on his stomach, stretches a hand towards Kouji. Kouji laughs. Shakes his head. That would just pull Kouichi down as well. There’s no friction on the ice.
Kouji lets go of the ice with one arm, bends it and hit the ice with his elbow. The ice breaks easily. He needs to get the weak ice out of the way. His body shivers. Don’t move. If you move you’ll get colder, he tells himself. He keeps working the ice, slowly moves closer to the shore. To Kouichi. Kouichi backs away a bit.
He starts sliding down further into the water. The ice doesn’t break as easily. He tries to pull himself up, kick himself out of the water. But his legs doesn’t want to obey. Too cold. The drenched backpack feels heavy, but is probably what’s keeping him floating. Kouji takes a shaky breath. He needs to get up before hypothermia sets in. His fingers are starting to feel prickly as well. He removes the backpack, tosses it onto the ice. It leaves a wet trail in the snow.
”C-catch me”, he says.
He’s not sure Kouichi understands, but he needs to get up now. He dunks himself under the water, fingers gripping the edge of the ice. Steels himself against the cold that washes over him. Kicks and pulls. It’s easier from under the water. His body almost feels weightless. It breaches the surface, high enough that his waist is at the level of the ice. He leans forwards.
Kouichi is there, grabs his coat and pulls. Kouji’s legs hit the edge of the ice, scrapes against it. He breathes heavily. The ice is cold against his body. Kouichi’s breaths are also heavy. Kouji rolls over to his back, stares at the sky. Kouichi falls down next to him, sitting, and puts his head in his hands.
”Y-you were r-right.”
Kouji’s whole body is shivering. Kouichi looks at Kouji between his fingers. He looks incredible tired.
”Alright, you need to strip. Now”, he says.
Kouji knows. He sits up with a groan. His body is cold, absolutely freezing. He takes off his gloves, let them fall to the ice with a splortch. He can’t get a good grip of the zipper. Kouichi moves closer, shoves Kouji’s hands out of the way and opens the coat for him. It makes an even louder splortch when it slips off Kouji and falls down. Kouji’s hands are shaking so hard he can’t grip anything. Kouichi looks through his own backpack, pulls out a towel and puts it over his legs before helping Kouji with the sweater. The t-shirt. Kouji feels kinda useless. At least he’s still cold. The hypothermia hasn’t reached critical levels yet. Kouichi wraps the towel around him, tries to dry him off. Kouji tries to help, but is only in the way. Kouichi hangs a dry sweater over Kouji’s shoulder, wraps the towel around him again.
”I-in m-my def-fence”, Kouji starts. Kouichi glares but it’s not effective enough. ”...the c-carol-leans also w-went through th-the ice.”
Kouichi snorts.
”You’re an idiot.”
He pulls off Kouji’s shoes, socks. Helps him out of the pants. Kouji feels both vulnerable and cold completely naked on the ice. Despite the towel he’s wrapped in.
”Try to dry off”, Kouichi says.
He start pulling clothes out of his backpack while Kouji tries to get his hands to cooperate enough to dry off his legs. It’s… somewhat effective. Moving makes him warmer as well. He stares at his hands. Still shaking. Maybe he’s not getting warmer, maybe it’s the hypothermia.
”You’re fine”, Kouichi says.
Kouji’s not sure who he’s trying to convince. Kouichi dumps a set of clothes in Kouji’s lap.
”G-good thing I br-brought spares”, Kouji says.
Kouichi doesn’t seem amused by the situation. Kouji’s not either if he’s completely honest, but he’d rather not be. He pulls the clothes on, with a bit of help from Kouichi. They’re mostly his size, a little tight across the shoulders. Kouichi grimaces.
”I didn’t bring any spare shoes”, he says.
”Don’t think anyone did”, Kouji answers.
He feels warmer, his body isn’t shaking quite as much.
”Pretty sure no one planned to fall through the ice”, he adds with a laugh.
”Next time we’re taking the bridge”, Kouichi decides.
Kouji doesn’t protest. He pulls himself to his feet, buries his hands in the pockets of the thick sweater. Stares at his own clothes. The water in them is freezing, collecting into a white powder ontop of them. Amazing. He gathers them up, shoves them in his already full backpack. His backpack is cold and stiff and half-frozen as well. Water drips from it when he lifts it. He’s not putting that on his back. Kouichi stands up from the ice as well, puts his backpack on his back again.
”Bridge?” he asks.
Kouji glares at the dripping backpack, as if that’s what caused the disaster.
”Bridge”, he agrees and follows Kouichi towards it.
The ice is cold despite Kouichi’s ragg socks. He wonders if the others are going to laugh at him for not having any shoes. Or if they’ll worry and dote on him. He coughs. Frowns. Kouichi looks at him, pulls off his coat and forces Kouji to wear it. Kouji doesn’t even feel like protesting.
”Should we head home instead?” Kouichi asks. ”I’m sure the gang will understand.”
Kouji considers. He’s tired, just wants to get inside. And the cabin they’ve rented for the weekend is closer than home. Just across the river and a little into the forest. He shakes his head.
”Might tear your socks though”, he says.
”I don’t care”, Kouichi says but Kouji knows he does. ”Let’s just get you inside and warm.”
That sounds good, Kouji thinks and they continue towards the bridge.
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talacbagovt · 10 months
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I did a stretch and my shoulder made a "splortch" sound. Concerning.
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sheep-on-leash · 11 months
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🕳️
AAAaaAAaaAaauuuuauuauuuuuuuuuahhhhhhhggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhh...
*wet splortch sound*
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zoethebitch · 2 years
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splortch
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elissespieces · 2 years
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I really didn’t expect this to be as difficult as it was, but - live and learn.
Tbf, the paint is good quality, I have used it successfully before, but the shoes are textured. Even with a white base there was a LOT of panic happening that I’d end up with just a pinky gold splortch. (Still trying to find a good sealant that won’t make it too stiff or crack)
Huzzah, persistence won the day. Not sure about the other shoe. Crisis compact? kaleidomoon scope? Time key? How much do I wanna push my luck here.
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asheternal · 11 months
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I don't get it and i'm still laughing
splortch is forever
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cranksturgeon · 1 year
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ghost relic splortch relives a hay-making onus; pasted hand requires more oxygen molecule
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