#still. you get why im nervous about this

[ftm-megamind]

me and my boyfriend are sooo javid (he invited me over for a family dinner)

#jokes aside i am so fucking NERVOUS ABOUT THAT LIKE ??? #it's not like i don't know his parents/family. i do. i saw them plenty. still. oh my god #it's his father's birthday dinner too #i think im going to die actually #which is irrational because like #he went to a family party with me and it wasn't a big deal. i mean i was delighted that he was there. but nobody made it a big deal #so i'll probably be fine #still. you get why im nervous about this #while i adore him more than life itself we're still at a point where like. im not fully comfortable around his parents #because like. obviously. i have no idea if they even like me #i mean they probably asked him to invite me so they must like me at least a little #still...... #fuck. why am i even going off about this in my tumblr tags. whatever man #delete later #vent but like don't take this too seriously!!! just going bonkers #also can you tell i love talking about him

[ssreeder]

Seeing you interact with Hella1975 or seeing her interact with you is very silly to me because in my head you both are like really popular humble niche internet celebrities for the same reason but also completely separated from each other so the idea of y’all knowing about each others existence is like the most insane crossover ever.

@hella1975 is an internet celebrity

I’m some random person with an iPad.

We are not the same… but i am honored to know her!! She is awesome & one of the nicest people I’ve interacted with so it’s really cool to have any kind of insane crossover with her!

*waves*

HI HELLA

YOU’RE AMAZING & I SWEAR IM GOING TO READ TAMS SOON AND ITS GOING TO CHANGE MY LIFE AHHHHH IM SCARED AND EXCITED!!!!! I’ll yell at you kindly the moment I do

#I have tams open in a tab #and everytime I go to read it I giggle and back out #IDK WHY IM SO SCARED #I love the way you write emotions and your words always hit so hard #I’m a nervous laugher #which doesn’t help situation where people are mad at me #cause I’m like *snort* OMG IM SO SORRY I DIDNT MEAN TO LAUGH I CANT CONTROL IT IM NERVOUS #or I crack a joke & I think it’s going to lighten the mood but it doesn’t #it just infuriates the person further #‘is this a joke to you?’ #no… THIS isn’t a joke…. but THAT was a joke… #I know I’m not funny but I feel so awkward I can’t help but laugh #ok I derailed in the tags #but I still get nervous talking to hella #cause she’s like an A list celebrity #& I’m like a dude in a basement with a CV radio yelling ‘breaker breaker anyone wanna hear about cannible zhao? - over’ #well now that I’ve made this super awkward I’m going to sliiiiddddeeeee out of these tags haha #but thanks anon I’m glad you consider me even slightly cool #I feel cooler just thinking you think I’m cool #hella1975 #ask

[bloompompom]

still thinking about that second part…..

#ok im gonna go off in the tags sorry in advance #i get nervous about writing a part 2 to any of my one shots because #i guess it sorta defeats the point but also what if it’s not as good #like is one CALLED FOR even #this is the first time i’ve really really considered it bc a progression came to me organically #but idk #i don’t wanna disappoint #i know i’m writing for myself anyway but still #if you made it this far why #to delete

[gerards-way]

hmmm would it be weird to bring cookies to a class that is 9:30am

#idk why i’m thinking about this so much but it’s a 9:30 class so it’s not like i’m bringing cookies to an 8am #but like idk i still get nervous #like will people be like ew why is she bringing sweet treats to us in the morning #but i wanna bring some cause i love that class and we’re just presenting our finals for the last two classes this week #also unrelated (but maybe not really) is that my crush is in that class *wink wink* #and then my other dilemma is do i bring them on tuesday cause that’s when im presenting my project #or on thursday cause that’s the actual last day #UGH i hate that im thinking about this so much but i can’t help it #and i don’t want to annoy my family with my trivial problems so thank you tumblr for always being here <3 #c speaks

[risingsunresistance]

ugh

#vent/rant ahead i just wanna say stuff: #forcing myself to draw for my friends and post content for my friends and keep Being Active just for other ppl is wearing me out #i WANT to continue to be a part of the community but. man this sucks fkjdhsg #it's entirely my fault. the situations i've put myself in that i dont wanna make public #(not just stuff related to art and content motivation but also Oops i Upset A Friend And Feel Horrible) #but it still sucks even if it is my fault #idk man im just running out of stuff to care about. everything is getting worse 🧍 #i'm sure i'll be here every once in a while but will i ever post a full drawing again? great question #clips? very very rarely #actual content? not likely #i have like. one thing i wanna post about at christmas (i know one of my gifts already). besides that uhhhhhhhh i've got nothing #might have one drawing/sketch for december but that's very up in the air #if you know my priv and wanna request go ahead. im always active there and that wont change unless twitter explodes #even if you've requested before and aren't in it now you can request again. i'll try to be more lenient with it (again this is my fault) #i doubt i could ever make myself straight up abandon this blog. i'll continue to answer asks and ramble when i want to #but forcing myself to be a Content Provider sucks. it's not working. i'm still sad. he's still dead. my friends are leaving. #i'm not gonna have anyone left by this time next year it'll just be me and the void lmao #too nervous to follow anyone new. too nervous to talk the friends i already have. cant hold a conversation to save my life #this is why i have like... 3 friends here (i think we're friends). sorry i never talk to you guys it's just Difficult :/ #and it's not getting any easier. not since june/july ! #all goat knows is talk about skyblock (getting harder to do). post link to song. and make 50 more non-rebloggable posts #chat #come back later #(to delete probably idk) #now the real question: is this all related to [current issues causing mood swings] or is this something that's been building since june #we'll see i guess #i could be fine a month or so from now. or tomorrow. or all the way in the summer. who knows #*attaches a picture of techno to make this seem slightly less miserable* jkfhdkg #i hate there being like 2000 people here. nearly 3000 i think. idk #i want to talk and rant without feeling like im making the world's worst apology video KJFDHKG i dont like having so many eyes on me

[applecherry108]

I found my old (privated) YouTube videos that I made in high school.

How in gods name did no one ever realize I was autistic. 😭😭😂

Update: I have video fucking evidence from March 17 2009, nearly EXACTLY 14 YEARS AGO, of my dumb adhd ass forgetting what I was saying mid sentence. 🤦‍♀️ I am naming objects. I had to pick up the last object I literally put down and name it again in order to fucking remember what I was saying. 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️ HOW. HOW DID NO ONE KNOW. 😩

#I….was SO awkward. I’m just filming myself talking for my little deviantart friends and I’m so fucking cringe and nervous #I also can’t tell if it’s the video quality (or if I had my braces still??) but I sound like #*lispy. also it turns out I’ve always fumbled my words. like. always. 😅 #god you can feel the anxiety radiating off of me #also the older and older I get the more terrified I am of how THIN I was as a kid #why was no one concerned that I was very obviously underweight??? #my arms especially like my arms have always been thin but fuck dude. they literally look like they were nothing but skin and bone #AND IM 18 IN THE VIDEO IM WATCHING 😨😨 #god just. everything about my body was so disproportionate like it screams ‘medical condition’ #anyways it’s no shade to baby me (‘baby’ I say about me at 18) she was having fun and having panic attacks #but being medicated and fat is literally so much better it gets better sweetie eat more red meat #apple talks #to the tune of spam #one of these videos I’m 16 and like ??? what’s wrong with my lip?? it looks swollen??? #I think I had braces in that video but I s2g those fuckers fucked up the way I talk in ways I’m still recovering from

[redphrite]

Last day of June im going to get a gayass haircut!! Im incredibly nervous <3

#im still not sure if i really want one but. im gonna try it!!! #pretty sure im going to get a gwen cut. but im still thinking about it #look idk man you tag it #HAIRCUTS ALWAYA MAKE ME NERVOUS IDK WHY

[orcelito]

that one bookmark is gone and on one hand im glad i dont have to see it anymore but on the other hand im a little embarrassed at the thought of them having seen me have a whole mini spiral about it at like 5 am. like sorry random person ig

#speculation nation #i shouldnt be allowed to make posts in the middle of sleeping times #i wake up all the time while trying to sleep & then i check social media & also my ao3 stats page #usually this is fine but that bookmark note hit Just the right insecurity in me for me to make some pathetic posts about it on my tumblr #like yes i Am insecure about ppl not liking what im doing in the story lately & thinking im taking too long :') thank U for confirming #the reader support afterwards definitely helped me but Man i dont wanna b known as that author that cant take even a hint of criticism #i mean i kind of am but i dont wanna be KNOWN for it ykno #im cool as a cucumber. u can tell. Absolutely the coolest. thats why i go crying to my tumblr dot com when someone says smth that isnt #complete praise for my work. #like on one hand i dont gotta share this online. it's a privilege that u guys get to read it. so i dont wanna hear ppl disliking it #on the other hand i wish i wasnt that pathetically insecure lmfao #in my defense not having an active beta reader has been fucking with my self confidence re: writing #i was a nervous WRECK when posting the last chapter. and the other chapters too but last chapter especially. #life. is so difficult. alas. #sorry to my readers for my lack of object permanence re: ppl liking my shit. #ive had ppl repeatedly saying they love it and it's still not enough #in largest part bc im insecure about that Changing. so with every chapter im like peeking over like 'do you still like my writing...?' #'do u still like my writing pls respond' #honestly bless u readers who have kept up with discacc & continuously comment & offer me reassuring words here when im down #ur enthusiasm & kind words help me a lot. thank U

[devils-rising]

can i just think of something nice for once

#even if it doesnt last for long i would like to be happy #so um my sploinkies #my splinky dinkies #especially. the one i've been thinking about today. #sir how are you a lying bastardous piece of shit but also very attractive #i hate him but i want to kith him #wow omg i actually do have an emotion that isnt apathy #also been thinking of a self insert #shouldve made one 5 years ago i could go off of but i never really made them then. anyways they're probably some devil thing like always... #i wish i could be more creative i guess. i just make the same insert all the time #okay... maybe not devil this time..maybe slightly more feminine than usual #still agender. just less GRAAHHH FIRE DEVIL ANGER RAGE and more AHH.. ANXIETY SILLY SCRUNKLE ALSO RAGE BUT MORE NERVOUS #also not really looking forward to drawing the horns so that's cool. maybe i could make them an elf or similar to one? like not an actual #elf but make them have elf ears #more faerie forest type stuff since I haven't really gotten to channel that in my drawings since it's trove related #idk i feel like my friends dont like when i talk about stuff they arent familar with #they just ignore it or dont read it so i just..stop talking about it #its why i never really talked about trove until now #they never knew what it was and never said anything when i talked about it so i thought they never cared #anyways yeah im starting to get some ideas #the thing is i actually really like the whole devil vibe and i think shipping them with the character i like.... #would be cool. i would be interested to see. but oh i am SO down to explore the anxious little elf ear guy idea i have. #not vent

[mntcoronet]

"you have general anxiety, you are deficient in several things, and you may also have autism" local doctor states to me. referral for assessment and cognitive ball therapy pending, however

#maggles ramblings #i didn't know which mix of the two 'c b t' acronyms to use so i made my own. no balls will be undergoing therapy in my health plan though #ANYWAY !! due to the anxiety bit she knew i disliked unplanned change. so asked me if my interests were kinda narrow #and I'm like. absolutely. there are specific games n shows i like and that's all my brain knows or cares about at any given time #and she asked how good i am at picking up social cues. and i wasn't sure abt that one but i know ive always been more of a social observer #in primary school especially i was like. 'must watch peer interactions so i can spot any traps that may lead to me being made fun of' #like i didn't get why it happened; i just tried to observe and avoid what i could #and i still feel like i don't always Understand most of my peers. my best friends have always been the ones who also weren't great socially #bc with them there was never any 'secretly judging you/not interested in what ur saying/can tell this conversation isn't natural for u' #kind of vibe. idk it's tough like i feel like i am Some level of good at social interaction but also feel like im just pretending to Get It #and there's just. certain people who match my vibe and won't think im strange or too passionate about the things i like. those r my friends #but yea anyway she said some of it could be the anxiety but it was just! a relief honestly. to know that Maybe there's a reason for #how I've been feeling a lot. for a lot of. life i guess #+ even if it's not that and it Is just All Anxiety; it'd still be a relief knowing precisely how it's impacted my mindset for things #but like also it'd make sense to me if it was both. bc i do indeed get v nervous about not knowing How to Do certain social situations #in new situations i often plan what im gonna say and write notes bc if i don't know what to say or do i get overwhelmed and cry easily #but YEA it was just. cool hearing that I'm not just Completely unfounded in my suspicions about that yknow #afterwards even my dad said he's thought of it as a possiblity for years and I'm like WHY DIDN'T U TELL MEEEE #but anyway. day is being had

[princekirijo]

Head in my hands I can't take this woman anymore

#sorry just need to scream into the void for a minute #its not bad but like #tell me why im having a nervous breakdown after telling my mother im not wearing a dress to my graduation 🤨 #WOMAN IM SORRY TO BURST YOUR BUBBLE BUT LIKE #FOR THE PAST 10+ YEARS IVE BEEN TELLING YOU I DONT LIKE DRESSES THEY MAKE ME UNCOMFORTABLE #and still STILL its not going in 😭 #im 21 like i should be able to do what i want without feeling guilty but god #i wanna wear a suit 😭 i havent told her because im scared #'you know maybe ive been faking the whole trauma thing 🤔' *is honest with his mother about something so small and has a nervous breakdown* #anyways besties ill get round her cause fuck her but god #i should not be feeling like this 😭

[holyviolence]

soon im gonna post a playlist of how it feels to live in late stage capitalism and absolutely fucking hate it. this has no bearing on how i feel about my life.

#rant in tags reader beware #the job i work is in a strange position of being between 'I am selling something that you are buying. isn't that nice!' And 'Im incidentall #and temporarily ​a significant part of an intimate aspect in your life.' #and the other day this woman was talking to me a lot and not about the wedding stuff. we started talking a lot about books like thrillers #and sci-fi and horror books. also it was odd because i knew that if we ever knew each other outside of this one interaction that we would #never have the chance to get along. because of the people we are and the ways we live. you know. #and then All of a sudden she asks What do you do when you're not at this place? #it's like. wow she is actually treating me like a person and not an employee performing a service. it felt so weird. #and it made me so nervous that i could only say that i just adopted another cat which is taking up my time a lot LOL #and this weirdness is a feeling that doesn't have to exist. lots of reasons for it LOTS but they don't have to exist but they do #anyway stream Fish by Will Joseph Cook. on loop for one hour. that's my playlist / #if ur still curious about why we'd never get along beyond superficial shit. in that hour of talking she was able to say things that were #transphobic and racist and hostile towards 'criminals' and generally too christian for my comfort