#that she could end up doing something rly bad to save her own skin? like theres No Other Option

[0225pm]

wow the quality of the video really sucks after it has been compressed but well i don’t have a choice!

anyway, i’m moving back to tumblr again mainly cus wordpress sucks and it’s not allowing me to post videos unless i buy their premium plan which is tbh a no cus idk why platforms for blogging should even charge you for the features that they were supposed to have???? also sadly, tumblr also only lets you post 1 video per post limit which is why i’ve put the pics and videos i took into in one but it’s better than not being able to post a video at all.

so it’s our monthsary!!!!

we’ve been officially together for 3 years and 5 months now and wow, i’ve only just realised what a long time that is 😂 honestly, if you want to count how long it has been since we first met each other, it’ll probably be about 8 years now. tho han sees it as 8 years but i see it as 3y5m cus idk who he was back then ya know what i mean? like i know the 3y5m him now than the him 8 years ago.

han sent me his live location as he does so every sat, and i was late. even tho he came all the way to my place i was still late :/ and i was so sorry 😭 i know there shouldn’t be any excuses for my lateness but i have my reasons, even if anyone thinks it isn’t valid :/ so i alr prepared right? like i mentally prepared and visualize what i wanna wear and etc. and so i went to take a shower and all. and then my mom all of a sudden asked me to do things like ordering food for her, clipping her nails, airfrying some sotong balls cus she was feeling peckish. initially she asked me to order food, which i then did but it was immediately cancelled due to the weather. it suddenly rained really heavily. and then while i was in her room drying my hair, she suddenly said she wanted sotong balls which i then went to airfry. and then when i alr did that and continued drying my hair, she then asked me to clip her nails and i was like “i’m going out ibu later farhan will be waiting for me alr” and she was like nvm la it will only take a while. so i did that and then i had to just rush cus i checked his live location and he was alr nearing tenaga area which is so damn close to my place alr. then i quickly picked out the outfit i wanted to wear. i mean come on, it’s our monthsary and i wanted to dress up right and i alr had this mental image of what i wanna wear right? so i took it out, wore it and then i realized that it was still a bit rainy??? like kinda drizzling so i figured he’ll be coming up first to wait till the rain totally stops but he texted me asking me to come down instead. and at this point i was sweating profusely. yeah, it was rainy but i was feeling so warm from rushing and doing so many things at once. oh ya, i was wearing this satin white shirt with shorts and that was my initial outfit like it looks laidback and casual and effortless but i decided to change cus i was perspiring and it felt so uncomfortable wearing a satin material when you’re perspiring like heck!! so i ended up wearing my fav tee with the same shorts and brought my hoodie along. it’s also my fav hoodie from uniqlo. i think their hoodie quality is bomz it’s not too thick or too thin and i wanna buy more but maybe wait till they have sales or something. so i ended up just looking super hobo as heck like it just looks like i didn’t even bother to dress up and i felt sad but i didn’t want han to be waiting even longer.

so when i went down he was alr sitting at the seats at the void deck and i can feel anger radiating within him lol like i knew he was mad and he still had his helmet on and his rain jacket on and all. and then he gave me different options of where to go for our lunch and then i just sat there pondering for a bit. and then i asked him if he wanted to put the jacket and pants at home but he didn’t want to so he took it off and then put it on the table and he took off his helmet as well. and then i asked him if we could eat at genki and he told me that genki was one of the options that he forgot to list so we decided on genki! his anger didn’t last long and as he stood up to head over to his bike i went to him and open up my arms cus i just wanted to hug him lolol then at first he tried to act all “ew” and moved away but he ended up hugging me anyway hehe and then don’t want to let go lol so bobo so cute. honestly i’m still shy??? around him wtf. like when i initiated the hug itself i felt so shy loooooollllll and when he didn’t wanna let go it made me blush wtf but ofc he can’t see cus we have to wear the stupid mask bc of stupid covid. i hate it wtf my face is so sensitive and it’s breaking out bc of having to wear the mask so my skin can’t breathe. like what’s the point of me not wearing makeup underneath the mask when i still break out anyway right zzz hais. ok sorry side track a bit but ya hahaha so then i told him i wanted to show him something!!! and then he was like “eh eh who said you let go” or was it “who said you can stop hugging” but it’s either one la hahaha then i took his hand and pull down my mask and then kissed his hand 😂 then i told him to look and i said “no transfer”!!!!!! hahahahaha cus i was wearing this lipstick and wtf man the formula is damn amazing really didn’t transfer anywhere at all. i even kissed my own hand and i even drank water but not transfer AT ALL. it was a gift i got from two years back i think hahaha for my bday from rai, a kylie kit and i haven’t worn it out before mainly bc the color didn’t suit my skintone cus the shade felt so light but when i wore it this time it felt like the shade was darker somehow? idk if i became pale from staying at home all the time or idk lol but i like the shade now 😌

oh at first i didn’t wanna go to tampines cus we always go to tampines hahaha and i guess i made a face and han teased me about it lol as much as it annoys me it’s a good kind of annoying? 😂 cus he’s so cute whenever he teases me in that way lolol but we ended up just heading to tampines anyway cus he wanted to save up on petrol also and i thought ok ya cus he has to work now and he has to go to and fro everyday so it’s better for him to save the petrol as well. i put on my hoodie and then we went to the usual parking spot at tampines. and then bc both of our masks were down i could actually kiss him hehe. and then from there we walked to the front entrance of the mall cus of this covid there’s only one in and out entrance but entering was a breeze tbh cus even tho there was a long line, we didn’t have to wait long.

then we went up to the escalator. and genki wasn’t crowded at all either so that was great!!! we did the safe entry thing, got our temperature taken and got our seats. then we ordered some food hehe. i was excited cus lol i love genki. not as much as i love my bf but if i have to choose an express sushi shop i would choose genki 😂 i wanted something soupy and filling so i got their beef udon since i alr had their duck udon the previous time we went there. and then i got a drink and chawanmushi as an appetizer. i love their chawanmushi as well and it’s something i will always get. i used to buy their clams miso soup but since it was taken out of the menu, i got their chawanmushi instead. and i was so happy when han decided to try the chawanmushi!!!!! i’ve always knew him as someone that wasn’t into eggs but he actually liked this one!! and he even ate the prawn and the naruto/japanese fish cake when i fed it to him omg 😭😭😭 i was legit so happy wtf hahahaha and then his fried squid came, also one of the hot foods i will always order but usually i’ll get it if i didn’t buy any of the udon. but since i alr got the udon i didn’t order it. and then his mini chicken teriyaki don came and lol the bowl was rly so mini ahahaha i wish i took a picture of it but i didn’t. but it was worth for the price of $4 i think since it was actually filled to the brim. there was even slices of tamago in it. he fed me a spoonful and it was nice!!! i’m gonna try that next time i go to genki if i’m feeling like eating rice 😂 i like udon cus of the chewy texture of the noodles and the soup. and then a plate of mentaiko fries came 🤤 there was A LOT of mentaiko on it it was so amazing and i was so surprise cus i didn’t order it but at the end of the day han said that he saw that i didn’t order the fries so he ordered it for me 🥺😍 so sweet hais and i really enjoyed it. i love genki’s mentaiko sauce it’s so damn goooooodddddd. so salty so nice. and then my udon came hehe and i devoured it. i fed han some too and gave him one of the fish cakes cus i think they made a mistake and put two pieces. the udon was so good i love it hahahaha. and then han ordered a seaweed roll, 2 more beef sushi and 1 mentaiko salmon for me hehe yes i know how to eat salmon now!!!! but it must be seared. i still can’t eat raw ones unless i rly dipped it in soy sauce or if it’s cut super thinly then maybe can try 😅

then after we finished eating, we went up to see if we can catch a movie. i wasn’t sure if we’re allowed to sit together so i asked him to ask first if we have to be separated and yay we don’t have to separate!!! so we decided to watch train to busan 2: peninsula. since we alr watched the first one together and there wasn’t much movies that were showing so we decided to catch the 5:10pm slot. it’s been so so so long since we last watched a movie tgt so this was nice. we didn’t get anything to eat since we just ate and i was still full but we had some time so we went to fairprice and got some candies. then farhan bought a root beer slushy which turns out to be scam!!! cus it’s just ice and it was practically solidified even after the movie was over it didn’t even melt much within 2 hours wtf. and then he also got a hotdog bun 😂

the movie was great. not as great as the first one cus the first one was definitely much more impactful but this one was not too bad. a bit too much “racing” scenes but i guess it’s to keep its audience on the toes. the storyline is a bit meh as well but i guess the suspense from some parts made up for it. it’s quite tragic though.

and then after the movie, i asked han if he still wanted pizza but when we saw the queue there was still a bunch of people waiting for their orders. even some foodpanda and grab delivery riders were waiting so i told him we’ll just order in and at first he was like we’ll see how but i ordered anyway. then we went out to head home and han finally lighted a cigarette. hahahaha he actually had to suppressed his desire to smoke cus we didn’t have time since i chose the earlier slot for the movie and im so proud of him for being able to suppress the feeling and yet not turning into a cranky momok.

while on the way back, he wanted to top up some petrol so we stopped by spc and then he wanted to top up his cashcard so we had to go one big round from the carpark to where he can top up his card but the machine is stupid!!! and he got upset cus he wasn’t able to top up his card. i think he still prefers the card with chip reader than the contactless ones. so then we decided to head to 7-11 so he can purchase one with chip but they ran out. so we decided to find another petrol station cus he said usually it’s being sold there too. so we did and this time round i guess i was being cranky cus the seat of his bike was eating into my skin and it hurts like heck so i told him to just top up the card since they don’t have the chip ones and he needed to top up anyway but then in front there was another petrol station and apparently they had a chip + contactless card there and i think they only accepted cash for it so he came out and then went in back and bought one there. and i was still cranky lol and i was perspiring so much both from my scalp to my body and it was drizzling too so all i wanted to do was head home so i got upset and i lashed it out on him when we made our way back cus he kept trying to make a joke out of the pain i felt and it just triggered me cus it’s like he doesn’t understand how much it hurts??

but it’s not his fault. cus i’m the one that chose to wear shorts even tho i know how much it hurts when i sit too long on the bike. and then he said he’ll cut the netting off but i was like no wtf. cus 1, we don’t meet everyday which sucks but ya we don’t and thus i’m not the one sitting on the back of his bike everyday so having to sit one day out of the week doesn’t bother me as much as having to sit on it everyday ya know what i mean? and 2, the parts that are still protected which is probably about 90-80% of the seat is still useable so it’ll be able to help protect the other areas from getting damage by the claws of cats.

and then when we got back, he wanted to pass his gummies to me but no one in this household eats gummies or candies. my mom can’t even eat sugary content cus of health, my dad isn’t a fan of gummies or candies he much prefers chips and chocolates and my brother too prefers chocolates or ice creams. i don’t like sugary content either but unless it comes from cakes or pastries or ice creams or chocolates so rly, no one is gonna eat it. and then he got mad at me and all i could hear was “you do to me can but when i’m doing it to you cannot” and i didn’t get what he meant by that tbh so i just kept quiet all the way till we’re home. i quickly took off my hoodie, changed into a more comfortable shorts went to take a piss and then went into my room. i sat down for awhile in front of the fan cus i was sweating so much and then i cooled down before i apologized to him and then asked him if he was still upset. i tried to get him to explain what he meant but couldn’t get anything out of him cus he just prefers to sweep it under the rug whereas i like to talk about it so i can see what i did wrong or which areas i have to improve or change so it can better our lives ya know but he’s not like that and i have to understand it so i just kept quiet and then i kissed him and stroked his face and hair a little.

and then he asked me if the pizza was here and i said ya hahaha it’s alr in the kitchen and whether he wants me to take it so he was like yes and as i was going to take the pizza he grabbed me and hugged me tight and i just instantly melted. it was genuinely hot lol i like this kinda shit hahahahaha but i’ve always felt afraid that i was gonna hurt him with my weight so i didn’t dare do anything that will shift my whole weight onto him but he didn’t care and he said it doesn’t hurt 🥺 haissss

honestly going home was all i was looking forward to. it’s not bc i’m horny lol or maybe that’s one of the reason but it’s mainly bc i just want to lay in his arms and just cuddle and give him kisses and also receive kisses. i’ve missed him all week long and we haven’t really been able to talk much since he’s working and he’s always tired when he gets home but it’s good that he’s working hard for his future and for our future.

and then the time for him to head home came. a truly saddening end of the day and he left a little later than usual but i’m just glad he got home safely and didn’t get lectured for being home a little late.

#adaywithhan #julywithhan

[selfignitingimagines]

Scott- Never Again

Request- Hi, love, would you be able to do a Scott one where the reader constantly tries to make a move on him, but he’s just adorably oblivious? If you could make the confrontation as angsty and confrontational as possible, I will rly appreciate it ❤️ Also, please don’t feel bad for being MIA. You produce some of the most beautifully crafted imagines I’ve ever read, and if giving you all the time you need to heal and rejuvenate is what you need rn, then so b it! There is absolutely no rush ❤️❤️

A/N: This means so much to me. I’m doing much better now, and I hope you like this request. It’s been a while since I’ve written Scott, so thanks for this one!

“Do you think this is a good idea?” you wondered aloud.

Lydia glanced over at you from the driver’s seat of her car. Her expression told you the answer before she even spoke. “No. But we need an advantage against Gerard.”

“Breaking into his base is gonna give us that?”

“There might be something in there that can help us.”

“And we need all the help we can get,” you muttered uneasily. “Gerard is just...Lydia?”

You paused mid-sentence as you noticed her reaching toward her windshield, placing her fingers on the glass.

“Lydia?”

Her eyes widened, and a strange, fearful look crossed her face, sending a chill down your spine.

“Lydia!”

She jumped, shifting her gaze to you as if she had just remembered you were there. “Sorry, I just...I thought I saw something.”

“What did you see?” you asked nervously, glancing back through her windshield.

“A crack in the glass,” she said softly. “And I heard gunshots too.”

You let out a nervous breath. “Does that mean this is a bad idea?”

She shook her head. “I have no idea. I don’t know what we should do anymore. I don’t even think Scott does.”

“He always figures something out though,” you mused, placing your cheek in your hand as you looked out the window.

Lydia’s red lips twitched, and she raised an eyebrow at you. “I think there are some things he still hasn’t figured out.”

You glanced over and scoffed. “If you’re talking about -”

“Of course that’s what I’m talking about,” she said with an exasperated eye roll. “God, Y/n, I feel bad for you. I mean, you’ve basically done everything aside from tell him you’re in love with him-”

You flushed. “Okay, I get it. I’m bad at getting his attention. Enough said.”

She had a point, but your many failed attempts to get Scott to notice your feelings were pretty embarrassing. They always left you feeling frustrated and ridiculous, and with a lonely ache in your chest.

He had been your friend for years, but you had never seen him looking at you as anything more. Apparently Lydia had though, and she was intent on pushing you to make a move. Unfortunately, all your bravery came during moments when your life was in danger, and when that happened, you usually had more pressing matters to worry about.

Lydia insisted it was adorable, how oblivious he was, but it only made you second guess yourself. No matter how many times he would let you fall asleep in his lap, or wrap you tightly in his arms and kiss your forehead, he just wouldn’t make a move. To you, that was a sign that he saw you as nothing more than a close friend.

She let out a regretful sigh. “That’s not it. You’ve done everything right, you’ve followed my advice to a tee…”

“And he’s not interested,” you said sullenly. “Look, is this really important right now? I think we’ve got way bigger things to worry about.”

“Of course it’s important,” she groaned, squeezing the bridge of her nose. “Scott’s distracted. He feels like he has to keep everyone safe, especially you. If he wasn’t being pulled everywhere at once, he would have time to wake up and notice.”

“Notice what?”

“How he feels about you!”

You let out a soft sigh. “Lydia, I know you want this for me, but I’m pretty sure you’re wrong.”

“Doubtful. You’re seriously telling me you don’t see it? He always looks for you first when something goes wrong. You’re his number one priority, and he doesn’t even realize it.”

You frowned at her. “Whatever. Can we just-”

“Y/n, look,” Lydia cut you off, nodding toward Gerard’s building. You glanced across the parking lot, and saw that multiple SUVs were heading out.

“They’re all leaving,” you commented. “You think the plan worked?”

“They’re probably headed for the zoo.”

“We need to call Scott.”

Lydia smiled. “You can do it.”

You glared at her, but begrudgingly pulled your phone out of your pocket anyway. You had a feeling tonight would be a disaster, and not just because of your feelings for Scott.

Something about this felt wrong, but Lydia was right about you having no advantages. It looked like a risk you were going to have to take, but as for Scott, you would be taking no more risks with your feelings for him.

About an hour later, after knocking out the guards in Gerard’s headquarters and attempting to split up, Malia rushed through a pair of heavy metal doors.

“I know that smell,” she gasped. “It’s Xiang and Tierney.”

“Malia, wait!” Scott had shouted, but she was already running into the room, tripping the red laser sensors on the floor.

“Scott!” you yelled, as the door slammed shut behind you. You ran forward, slamming your hands against the metal, but it wouldn’t budge.

Scott whirled around and watched you run toward the closed doors. He saw you place your hands desperately up against them, and he felt his stomach twist.

You glanced back at him, and when he saw the panic in your eyes, he couldn’t hide his fear. If that wasn’t enough, a strange, smoky fog was spreading through the room, and it suddenly felt hard to breath.

You palms smacked against the door, but weakness quickly overtook you, and you tilted forward.

“What’s happening?” Malia gasped, dropping down onto her hands and knees. “I can’t breathe!”

“The air,” Scott breathed, leaping forward to catch you as you slumped against the door. “It’s being taken out. Y/n? Are you alright?”

“Yeah,” you choked, pushing away his arms. “Yeah, I’m-I’m good-”

You listed forward again, and Scott caught you around the waist. He brought you down to the floor in his arms, struggling against his own lack of strength.

“What’s wrong with you?” Malia demanded weakly. “Scott she looks like shit.”

“She’s human, Malia,” he explained. “If she can’t heal like we do, and her cells don’t get oxygen, they’ll die faster.”

He voice was low and filled dread, and even though Malia didn’t quite understand, she frowned. You on the other hand, couldn’t help but smile. “You’ve been studying.”      

Scott lips tilted up sadly. “Yeah..yeah I have.”

“How the hell are we gonna get out of here?” Malia muttered breathlessly.

“Lydia and Argent,” Scott said to her. “They have to get us out. Maybe they can override the doors, or find a way to bring the air back, or...or…”

He trailed off, still staring down at you. You had closed your eyes for a moment, thinking how ironic it was that you had just wanted to get on with the break-in, and to not obsess over him for once. Now you were the exact place you had wanted to be for so long, and it felt terrible; in his arms.

“Y/n, can you hear me?”

“Mmhm,” you murmured, your eyes fluttering open.

“Scott,” Malia said frantically, reaching out to grip his shoulder. “What are we going to do? What if Lydia and Argent can’t help us?”

Scott closed his eyes as if he was in pain. “I don’t know, Malia.”

She could feel her own heartbeat quickening, and she could hear yours getting weaker by the minute. As the minutes past, she grew more and more desperate. They stretched into what felt like hours, but she was starting to grow weary, and she wasn’t sure how much time had passed by the time she looked up at Scott.

“I’m not dying like this,” Malia growled, startling your eyes open once more. “I’m 18 years old. I haven’t even been alive. There’s still so much I wanna do.”

“Malia-” Scott began.

“Look at her, Scott!” Malia snarled. “She’s dying. We have to do something.”

“Scott,” you gasped, reaching a trembling hand over onto his. “I don’t want to die like this either.”

“Y/n, don’t,” he said softly, his voice soft with regret. “You need to save your air.”

“I have to,” you breathed, staring up at him. “I don’t want to die without telling you. S-scott, I love you. I love you, and I-I’ve been trying to tell you...I’ve been trying to...even if you don’t feel th-the same way.”

You voice was weak and trembling, and your vision was starting to fade, but you thought you saw his brown eyes widen. “Y/n, I just...I wanted to keep you safe.”

“K-keep me s-safe?”

“The closer you are to me, the more in danger you are,” he whispered, closing his eyes in frustration. “I didn’t want you to...well, I didn’t want you to end up like this.”

“Guys,” Malia choked. “This is cute and all, but we’re not fucking dying.”

“Scott...I -c-can’t...I can’t breathe,”

“Just hold on, okay,” he begged, pushing a sweaty strand of hair out of your face. “We’ll figure something out.”

“We can’t!” Malia hissed.

You were growing paler by the second, and your skin felt cool and clammy as Scott placed his hand on your cheek.

“Scott, do something,” Malia groaned weakly. “I can’t breathe.”

“Scott,” you gasped out. “Whatever happens...it’s not...it’s not your fault.”

Your vision was slowly clouding, fading in and out and blurring Scott’s worried eyes. If you weren’t so out of it, you would have seen the absolute panic distorting his features.

With the last bit of your strength, your trembling fingers came up to grip hand, covered in a thin sheen of sweat. At that point you didn’t care, you just wanted to know he was there. And he was. He was right there, holding onto you as your consciousness faded away.

“Y/n,” he whispered to you. “Please, just keep fighting. I need you with me. I’ll always need you with me.”

Your lips turned up, ever so slightly, and that was almost your last thought; that if you died like you knew you would, you would do it while listening to him say what you had dreamed of hearing for years. Almost.

Swimming on the edge of unconsciousness, you heard one more sound; an earth-shattering scream.

“I can’t believe you lied to her for so long.”

That was the first sound you heard when you began to wake up. Lydia’s soft voice was pulling you back to the earth, out of the darkness you had been resting in.

“Lydia…” That was Scott.

“I knew you were in love with her.”

“You knew?”

“Well, I wasn’t positive after you ignored her the first four times...but I know you Scott. I had a feeling.”

“You told me all that shit based on a feeling?”

Lydia and Scott nearly jumped out of their chairs at the sound of your scratchy voice. They looked over to see you staring at them from where you lay propped up on some hospital pillows.

Lydia pursed her lips. “In my defense, it was a really strong feeling. Maybe even a banshee feeling.”

You rolled your eyes, but when you looked over at Scott, you flushed. To your surprise, his face was red too. He stood up, suddenly uncomfortable, and grabbed a cup from the bedside table.

“Here,” he said, offering it to you. “You need to drink some water.”

“Thanks,” you said, unable to stop the smile curling up your lips as you took it from him.

Lydia shot you a pointed look with those intense green eyes, and stood up suddenly.

“Well,” she said smugly. “I’m gonna go tell Malia you’re awake. But it might take a little to wake her up, so please, take you your time.”

With that, she strutted out of the room, a smile on her face.

“So,” you said softly, reaching up to run your fingers along the tube in your arm. “I’m guessing Lydia saved us?”

Scott smiled. “When does she not?”

“I think you’ve had your fair share of saving our asses too.”

“So have you,” he pointed out. “Remember the time you smashed a bottle on that assassin’s head?”

“If I’m remembering this correctly, it didn’t even make him flinch.”

“You still distracted him,” Scott pointed out. “And then Derek burst in, and he saved our asses.”

You sighed and leaned back. “I guess it was pretty badass.”

“You know, when you did that, that was the moment I knew I was in love with you.”

You blinked, staring at him with wide eyes. When you finally opened your mouth to reply, he was already speaking again. “I know I ignored you when you tried to tell me. But everytime you did, it scared the hell out of me, Y/n.”

He ran a hand through his dark hair, and reached out to grab your hand. His fingers were warm and comforting.

“I didn’t mean to make you think I didn’t care,” he continued. “Cause that’s not it at all. I was just afraid of getting close to someone else. After Allison...I just didn’t want to put you in any danger by having you close. I didn’t want you to end up hurt or dead because of something I caused.”

“So you pushed me away,” you said softly.

He nodded, looking down at the floor in shame. You sighed and gripped his fingers tightly. “Scott, what Malia said when were in that room...she’s right. We’ve got our whole lives ahead of us. And if something does happen, then I don’t want to die without making the most of everything I can you know?”

He looked up at you, brown eyes shining. “Yeah, I know exactly what you mean.”

He leaned forward, moving his hand up to cup your cheek. Careful of the tubes in your nose, he leaned forward, touching his forehead against yours. He sighed once, then closed his eyes.

“I can’t lose you, Y/n. I can’t.”

You took a shaky breath. “You won’t.”

Feeling bold, you closed the short distance between the two of you. Your lips were soft and urgent, but his were all fire. It was as if everything he had been hiding from you for so long was flowing out of him, right into you.

When he pulled away, he kept his hand on your cheek, and his forehead against yours. “I love you. I love you, Y/n, and I’m sick of hiding it. I’m sick of lying. I’m-I’m sick of-”

“Scott,” you whispered, reaching up to run your thumb across his bottom lips. “I know. But you don’t have to lie anymore.”

He wrapped his arms around you and buried his face if your shoulder. “Never again,” he mumbled.

You smiled at his muffled words, and leaned back against the pillows. You had been terrified you would die without being able to tell him how you felt, but maybe everything had worked out for the best. Lying there with his arms around you, you decided it was most certainly worth it.

[hyvnmi-blog]

so my dumb ass decides to spend quality sleeping time creating a blog and doing an intro.. tomorrow’s early rise will surely be an Experience, dear fucking godsdgkljldf. hey guys, i’m jules !! i’m a uni student from canada, thankfully off for the summer, and am.. so obsessed with that hui x somin duet that i went against my desire to play a different fc ( bc im so far up this girl’s ass already ) but.. her abs.. klsgdjl. also excuse the clashing icons in the theme, just added a couple i last had saved until i could make it Perfect tomorrow evening. i’d say more abt myself, but i honestly don’t have the patience dgsjk so below you can read up on seoul’s resident skating brat halle, a bitch who overworks and doesn’t know how to chill long-term !! stats page is HERE for your reading pleasure, plots and what not will be up later on !

└ jeon somin, twenty-three, she/her ┐ this town wouldn’t be complete without chae “halle” hyunmi wondering around. they’re known as the prodigy and have been living here for four years. i hear they really like cranberry salsa, classical music and rain, but can’t stand distractions, laziness and cherries. their sole purpose? i hear it’s to finally become an olympic medalist, but we’ll see how that goes. ( jules, 18+, gmt-3:30, she/her )

honestly she is.. fucked sgjfsgdkl

i’ve had inspo for her after the olympics and rly wanted to use her somewhere, so if some things here seem a little.. idk, farfetched for your taste, we’ll pin it on that sfdgkdfj

this is her as popular vines

so chae hyunmi aka halle, ulsan born, raised in seoul and relocated to toronto, canada with her parents, little sis and partner to train bc..

she’s a figure skater, good enough to win ( .. junior ig ) titles when she was in her early teens, so it was only inevitable for her to leave for toronto to train with the Best eventually

she’s competed in international competitions, as part of a pair, and made her olympic debut in sochi by the skin of her teeth; her highest placement was third place ( not at sochi pls sgjkld she prob ranked in the top ten at best ), so she’s got a medal or two to her name

ultimately it was after sochi that she saw her coach and ( ex ) partner intervene with her.. unhealthy practicing habits

she’s a perfectionist through and through, so of course she’d spend hours on the ice at just seventeen/eighteen years old, even younger tbh, to get a routine right. but she pushed herself harder and harder, where small missteps would lead her to fall hard and recover for days on end, even spraining her ankle just before competition season was to begin

so when her coach insisted she take a break, her parents following suit, it was with good reason — one that she didn’t fucking see fsdkgkl

even so, them pushing her to prioritize education for a bit, to get ahead of the skaters who would prob only be able to do so upon retirement in a good few years’ time, and hanging up her skates until she saw it as.. less than something she needed to abuse herself to feel comfortable with, for as long as they would do so led to her resolve shattering and her applying for universities both in canada and sk ( the sly brat reasoned that it’d be nice to be reconnect with her roots.. for the sake of having something going for her beyond just competing in pyeongchang ! )

which is how, miraculously, she got accepted into uni in seoul ( still figuring out which, rip ). her grades were good, she had a super brief volunteering stint and she’s a rising star ( well, was.. the bitch wouldn’t be competing again anytime soon to keep herself where she was within the skating circuit ) in her favoured sport, she deemed it inevitable sfkljfdgk

the transition wasn’t too hard ofc; she got comfortable with the campus and seoul and was back on the ice in no time, joining the uni’s skating team under her parents’ noses and making the most of it as comeback/olympics prep

she saw herself as poised to be added to the roster once again, now a singles prospect after a major falling out with her longtime partner for one too many dumb bitch moves, and was desperate for it since it’s in pyeongchang, however the stars didn’t align when she just missed obtaining qualification on sk’s roster on a technicality, and nothing could’ve compared to the agony that was missing her chance in something she invested sm practice, time and compliance with the people around her to pull through and get to pyeongchang

she’s still distraught over it, it’s been a few months since that happened and she gets emo real quick, misty-eyed if you bring it up ( she uh, has issues with moving on from things if you can’t tell )

suffice to say she resents her coach for his minor contribution in fucking her and himself over, dropped him out of anger ( a move she.. does feels bad abt on a personal level but professionally ?? pft ) and linked up with one back in toronto who she’ll begin seeing when she’s “ prepared ” to give it a shot again

studied history despite wanting to be a skating coach when she retires as a competitor, bc she rly loves history ok ??

lives on her own bc she can’t deal with even minimally questionable people as roommates jdfgkls

personality and other shit

she is.. a mess rly

inflexible, independent, charismatic, etc

most of her actual personality is further down oops dsfgjklfg

kinda detached ?? like she doesn’t want too many distractions and she deems relationships as the fucking Worst for it.. she’s had some pals from skating with potential go downhill when they got too deep with certain partners or just with too many side hobbies, social obligations, so she’s trying to be level-headed while not destroying her social life ?

idk it’s hard to explain, she’s an enigma even to me in that area

only dated once. when she was like nine. with her first pairs partner she quickly ditched.

not.. super sexually active either ( rip ?? )

but she’s been Involved with people so fdskng

on the ice, or just in whatever she’s applying herself to, she’s domineering and blunt, v strict on herself though she’s slacked off a bit over the years.. so imagine how self-disciplined — in the worst of ways — she was when she was younger

with a rigorous work ethic like hers, her being a leader among those at the local skating club implies that she’d be strict too with what little power she has.. but she’s kinda chill overall ?? tho you still have to get your twizzles right before the end of the day, don’t care that the hockey players will be out in two ! let’s go !

uh.. her attitude carries over with a Lot of things. she especially has no time for people who are Committed to their sport but show poor performances bc of laziness, distractions, etc. so brace your kids for hurricane hyunmi ??

call her ice queen. try it. try it. GKFDJKGDSF she hates that nickname 95% of the time, usually bc she assumes people are basing it off of her initial/professional demeanour first and her passion second

she rly just has a hard shell where it matters, aka her career and stuff, but is a semi-precious gem overall

kind of dramatic and a meme ngl, curses quite a bit, whips out english far too often — especially if she’s shit-talking bc you made an ugly choice but is trying to be a Supportive Friend

english name came from halle berry bc hyunmi thought she was rly pretty on all the red carpets her mom would have on growing up sfgdkjflk

also likes cranberry salsa?? an odd fave but it’s one of mine and i wanted to include it just bc jgsflddgks

unwinds with the usual netflix and wine, but also dance — helps with her choreo for routines too so

oH also prob still hurts herself by overworking, especially after That Lost Opportunity, i hate

ok idk what else to say rn, accept this pls

KDFJGSKFL uh, let’s end it there. if anyone wants to plot, im me !! ( ps, if you prefer d*scord like yours truly, just ask for it or send me yours ! )

#soleintro #and with that i crash ! dgklsjlg #fuck.. im gonna die in the morning #╳┊: — bitch you’re gonna die ! •「 ooc. 」

[theyrejustbehindtheveil]

ML Secret Santa

Merry (belated) Christmas @nayawata it is I, your gifter for the @mlsecretsanta with a fic about the OTP

Paris, France | July

She graduates. One day, she is at université, and the next, she is not. The morning after her final exam, she slips downstairs for breakfast and instead finds an envelope.   

Her parents' latest attempt to stop her from being so easily scared is three months in a city she doesn't know with a language she barely speaks. All expenses paid. She leaves in three months. Merde. 

Sydney, Australia | October 

It’s a jarringly young city. Everywhere Mylène looks she expects to see historic architecture and instead sees nothing beyond the nineteenth century. Her auntie chatters good-naturedly from the drivers seat which is on the wrong side of the car. Everything is strange and it feels a little like she can’t breathe and she cant make a sound and she is so so glad when the car stops and she can get inside the house and play her song and feel like she is still at home. 

The first two weeks she only leaves the house with one of her cousins or aunts, too scared to venture outside without some kind of security net. They take her on outings every few days, doing the tourist shtick at what is probably their attempt to make her feel welcome. The multiple trips to the city aren’t too bad, but when they head anywhere else she feels off kilter. The ocean is too big and the countryside is too foreign. The suburbs are too sprawling and quite frankly she doesn’t even know where to start with the birds. 

November

She goes for a walk alone the first week of November. Three pictures of the waterfront reflecting the clear blue sky later and she realises she is lost. Very lost. She isn’t even sure which way is home. She would like to say she was brave enough to find her own way home but the truth is that pedestrian’s hassle her along until she crashes into something large and solid with an eep of surprise. 

The large and solid something responds with a grunt that shocks her into leaping back. And looks up. And up a little more to find the something’s face shuffled into a terrifyingly grumpy glare. She shrieks and cowers a little before the glare retreats into something a little closer to concern.   

She’s fumbling out an apology as best she can manage and trying desperately not to give in to the urge to flee when the man in front of her guides her gently to a bench. “Are you okay?” he asks and she can’t help but suck in a breath at his accent because it is wonderfully, blessedly French. 

“T’es Français?” She hopes he understands what she is trying to say. 

He starts in surprise. “Oui.” She can’t help the wave of relief that sweeps over her and switches to French for a more coherent apology. 

The guy’s name is Ivan and he doesn’t know how to get back to her aunts’ place, but his english is much better than hers and he is brave enough to ask for help and big enough to hide behind when the strangers get to be too much. Mylène thinks she quite likes this arrangement. It takes a full hour to find home, and she is glad for Ivan’s company.

He slips her his phone number moments before she shuts the door. Merde.

Three days pass before she even has the courage to save the string of numbers to her phone. Two more before she sends through a safe, neutral, hi this is mylene :) 

Ivan replies twenty-seven anxious minutes later.  hey mylene good to hear frm u  glad u hadnt lost my no

sorry, she replies 

dw i was jst disappted i might not get to see u again

oh i d like that

me too this wknd?

Deep breath.  yeah i d like that

sat 1pm we can try tht walk again?

yes please

He arrives at the front door at five minutes to the hour. She’s been ready for the past ten minutes, but she still jumps at the sound of the doorbell. 

This second walk is far better than the first, even if there are more people out on the weekend. They find their way to a market near a library and Mylène can’t help but feel a little nervous but Ivan is quietly reassuring. He buys her a little pin for her bandana and his face when she pins it straight to the fabric is something she really wants so see again.

She learns a lot about Ivan that day. He likes heavy metal, hates the heat, tries to be gruff and intimidating but cares too much to pull it off convincingly.   

She tells him about Paris, how scared she is of just about everything because so much of it is just too much a lot of the time, that she likes cats better than dogs, about her dad’s job, and that her deepest desire is to be brave.   

Ivan returns her confidences with the slightly ashamed admission that he is really not a cat person and Mylène giggles at his despondency before rushing to reassure him that she doesn't hold it against him. 

Later, she texts him. the cat thing is mostly because they re quieter  also because of the superhero he was kinda sweet

hte who

chat noir the paris superhero a couple years back in the news a lot both him and his partner total badasses in spandex

oh that superhero

i met him a few times he was at our school on superhero business n stuff he was really kind little dorky

that school that was awlays in the papers was urs?francis dupain or smth i almost went there

francois dupont yeah that was a crazy time scary too wait what dieu we might have been classmates thats so weird i was turned into one of the monsters one time

oh no

there was this mean girl she teased me and i ended up a monster

you could never be a monster mylene

no like an actual monster type creature monstrous from a horror movie pink jelly thing horrificater i scared people and kidnapped them i don t remember what happened much but everyone was really nice to me for a while after

wait the first time that was u in there

yeah that was me

wow working through that must have been hard

i had help chat noir came and talked to me a few times my parents really helped im glad u had that

December

There is no snow for Christmas this year. She gets a second summer instead, of the kind that Paris rarely sees. Ivan texts her every other day to complain about the heat. Her aunt takes her to the beach, and Ivan shows up in a pair of stupidly bright shorts that apparently were a gift from his sister. They make her laugh, and he grins. 

 you re really easy to talk to ivan um thanyk u no really it s really nice i like it

…

sorry if i made it weird i just mean t like we re friends i like talking to you

mylene its fine im sorry i dont take compliments v well it means a lot that u can say that thank u

He hands her a parcel a few days before Christmas. Inside is a pin she recognises from - oh. Its Ivan’s. From his favourite band. “You’re giving me this? Haven’t you had it since you were a teenager?” 

“I… I want you to have it, to remind you that you can be brave.” 

“Zombie Skull Crushers is going to remind me to be brave?” She hates the plaintive note that her voice holds.

“Yeah, doesn’t it just sound brave and badass, just like I know you can be?” 

She hugs him, tight and grateful.

“Thankyou, Ivan,” she chokes out. “It’s the best present anyone’s ever given me.” He hugs her back, gentle and easy as breathing. 

She almost forgets the parcel tucked into her bag but presses it into his hands right before she leaves. “Joyeux Noël, Ivan." 

Her parents fly in for Christmas itself. She goes to meet them at the airport and the moment she sees them both she runs for them. Her dad catches her as she leaps and her mum folds into the both of them and she burrows in between both of them and doesn't leave their side if she can help it from that point on.

Paris, France | January

She leaves for home with her parents. The plane lands and she gets off and everything is so wonderfully familiar but she feels strangely untethered. Her home is still much as it was when she left, and her room is identical save for more dust than normal. 

And she can’t quite work out what is missing until her phone buzzes insistently and she drops her unpacking to fumble for her phone and check the screen. 

They’re all from Ivan, and she realises as she reads through them it’s him she’s missing. He’s worked his way under her skin, going form imposing to reassuring too easily. 

miss u already mylene

Oh, merde 

i rly had a great time with you when i go back home to chatres in abt a month can i see u on the way thru

What?

Two months and it had never come up how close he lived to Paris. To her. And she want’s to see him again and isn't that incredible. Mylène doesnt know what she ever did to deserve such a gift but there’s only one thing she can do 

of course i want to see you too i didn t know you lived so close

His response is almost immediate  yeah crazy huh

A month of of texting back and forth follows. Ivan is beautifully poetic when he tries, and Mylène learns ever more about her new friend. When Ivan returns to France, he knocks on her door when she’s the only one home. 

“Hey,” he says, like. a month of separation hasn't stood between them like anticipation. She stretches her arms around his waist as far as she can and laughs with joy at the tidal wave of affection swamping her chest. He curls his much longer arms carefully, fondly, around her back.   

“I missed you. Please don’t ever stay away that long ever again,” she mutters earnestly into his chest. His arms tighten a fraction, before he shifts one hand to tilt her chin up so he can look her straight in the eye.   

“Never. I promise, Mylène, I won’t ever stay away from you for very long anymore. I don’t think I could.” 

She believes him when he looks at her like that, like he wants to see right through her eyes into her soul and know it intimately. Three days later he asks her on a date. 

She says yes 

They go for a walk.   

She tucks her hand in his and the world feels a little less terrifying when she does.

#myvan #ml #mylene #ivan #fic #bec writes #secret santa #mlsecretsanta

[briteboy]

LITERALLY SO MANY QUESTIONS AND THIS IS ONLY HALF OF THEM 

lmao RIP me (now u know why i take so long to answer)

do you know the game what remains of edith finch? its really fantastic, I just finished the part with lewis, his whole situation with reality reminded me of santi. just wanted to tell you :)

surprisingly no i haven’t ever heard of it! :O but now i’m intrigued, i googled it and i’m reading up on it hehe thank you for telling me, u learn something new every day :~}

Hello femmesim! I'm a new simblr & I see you get a lot of notes on your great story! I guess this probably means you have a lot of followers too. I was wondering if you follow them all back. If not do you check out your followers & how do you decide which ones to follow back? What don't you like. What would make you unfollow them? Oops that was a lot lol!

iiiiiiiii honestly haven’t even looked at my actual followers page in a loooooong time, even on my personal blog i was never good with that lol. i just can’t keep up with everyone and i don’t want to feel obligated to follow everyone back because that would be way too many posts on my dashboard all the time y’know. it sounds mean but...ajksdgdsf i WISH i could follow everyone back but itsjustnotrealistic

tbh i follow people back when they reach out to me, make an effort to engage with me, send me messages, reply, or just frequently interact with my posts because it gets my attention and shows their personality. i don’t mean that as in like...”you can’t be my friend unless you give me notes” (LMFAO NO) i mean it as in like i’m fcking oblivious and it’s too much work for me to go out of my way and check out every single blog that follows me :{ but i love messaging and communicating through replies so even if you’re nervous pleeeease step out of your comfort zone, i promise i’m like a pretty good OK human being and i try to make funny jokes so talking to me isn’t that bad i promise.

as for your other questions...tbh i dunno, i like blogs that interest me. (duh...lmao what kind of answer even is that) i usually go for people that show their personalities in their posts (go figure), like memes (lmfao), have an intriguing aesthetic, HONESTLY IDK...i follow a lot of diverse blogs tbh, not just ones that are similar to mine. i only unfollow ppl if i have no memory of following them and their content doesn’t interest me, if they say/do something that irks or angers me (that’s only happened like twice tho), or if they post like EXCESSIVE nsfw...i didn’t sign up for that lmao

i hope i don’t sound like an asshole for all this but it’s just like...i can’t deny i get a lot of attention on here. and i never expected it so i’m pretty unprepared for it lmao. i try my best tho :{ just reach out to me and we’ll probably be frands ok

so many feelings

I just wanted to say how much I love your blog but to the Anon who said how she looks white if she's Hispanic. Not all hispanics are brown haired and tan. I'm Puerto Rican and I'm blonde and have blue eyes. Hispanics come in different tones and what nots :)

hell0 thank you <3 yeah hispanic people are very diverse, especially with varying nationalities, and especially with puerto ricans. i personally know a lot of puerto ricans who are white passing so it’s really not that uncommon. everyone’s different, and as eir said, white passing POC are still POC!

papa ya - sunny ; thats your song boo lol

OOH i actually like this...i’m boppin my head rn lmao thank u

So basically the last anon is saying hispanics can't be 'white'? I know many 'white' hispanics???

i don’t wanna twist their words, i think they just meant molly looks ethnically white and i understand that, i’m not denying she’s white passing but tbh...idk, if she wasn’t my own sim i’d look at her and kinda know she’s not 100% white y’know. she has features that don’t look european. plus the fact that i’ve posted her speaking spanish before soooo. anyway yeah it’s very possible for a hispanic person to literally have white skin but that doesn’t mean they’re ethnically white

well if she has family from spain it's normal for them to have blonde hair and green eyes, so i mean that could make sense.

she could, who’s to say lol. it’s rly not that deep tho, she’s half white, half puerto rican, das it. but yeaah there is a wide array of genetic possibilities for every race! who’da thunk it

Hey, I'm a new reader, is it possible you could link some earlier parts to your story. You don't have to if it's problem though I know how tumblr be. I love the visuals style of your sims. That's what caught my eye. I also was wondering what editing program would you suggest. I kinda want to test out editing my sims.

heyo i summed up the story here and here and there’s a lot of posts of key events linked in there! thank you though, that’s so kind ;-; <3 wellll the only editing program i use is photoshop cs6 so i’d recommend that haha. you can find it for free pretty easily, but if you’re not into that, there are plenty of other programs you can use. i know a lot of ppl on here use gimp. 

hi! I need advice and idk where to get it from but you seem like a really good person who has some wisdom lol! so basically i'm in a big financial situation. I had a good paying job but it made me have anxiety and panic attack because i hated it so much. and i quit my job before i had another job lined up. So my bank account is very close to being completely empty and i have bills and i have to move soon. I NEED ADVICE OR SOMEONE TO TELL ME ITS GOING TO BE OK.

omg first of all i’m so touched that you even came to me with this wtf ;___; ily

second of all it IS going to be ok, you shouldn’t force yourself to do something you hate if it’s really impeding on your mental health that much. it’s not good for you in the long run, even if it pays well. like, at what cost do you want to sell yourself in order to make money? my point is you made a good decision but lacked the foresight, which luckily is something that can be remedied easily. (well...hopefully, but job hunting is never easy :\ ) if you’re still in this situation by the time your bills and everything catch up to you, you can always seek help from family and friends or look into loans...find someone (or multiple people) who will stick by you and support you through this, because this is something way too hard to do alone. (if you don’t have anyone, i’m here for you ;-; ) i honestly don’t have any good advice for finding another job because tbh that’s something i always flounder in, and i’m gonna have to do the same thing by the time i finish up school in the next month AHHHHH

i’m prayin 4 both of us, but you especially <3

Hi!!! sorry i remember seeing an ask about Lou's eyelashes but i cannot find it :((( could you please tell me where can i find it???

hey she just uses the kijiko ones! sometimes if it’s a closeup i use these eyelash brushes tho

hi! sorry, this is a weird question but i thought you could help maybe.... i recently started playing ts4 again, but when i am in cas, there is a weird shine on all cc hairs.... do you have a solution for this? thank you in advance!

hmmmmm i kinda get a weird shiny glitch too but it’s only with certain things, and it’s usually remedied by clicking on the sim’s different outfit categories until it goes away lol. but if it’s on ALL of the hairs...hmm...i’m assuming you’re talking about alpha? because i don’t think clay hairs usually have that problem. check if laptop mode is on, if it is, turn it off!! that’s the only solution i can think of :{

i feel like too many people are reading too deeply into things. either way i love your work and just read the entire thing in a day and i love you so much idek.

i think this was sent when i was getting messages about my dialogue haha. i mean i definitely understand their points in saying it has too many realistic vocal quirks, but tbh that’s what i like about it, and i think that’s part of the reason people connect with it. idk. but thank you so much ily ;__;

hi i just wanted to ask how do you manage your time and how do you post frequently without feeling overworked and overwhelmed ? do you have some sort of schedule, because you seem very organized lol . tysm for answering <3 !

hmmmmm how? um poorly LMAO

no but really...it’s hard. i’m glad i’m so into this story/eager to see all your reactions to it because otherwise the chaos of my life would’ve definitely deterred me from moving along with it a while ago. that’s basically the reason i’m so surprised i even made it this far tbh. i accomplished so much more than i ever thought i would. ;__;

i don’t have an answer for this question because i DO often feel overwhelmed and i have to take a step back and remind myself it’s not the end of the world if i don’t have time to go in game or edit or whatever. i think it’s because i set up this timeline for myself in terms of goals i want to reach with my story throughout the rest of the year and i get frustrated with myself when those plans become delayed because of other obligations. (for example i definitely thought baby wallace would’ve been born by now lmao syke) i was getting burnt out very easily before, which is why i’ve been taking it slower lately (that and i’ve been working a lot more so i don’t have as much free time as i used to :\ ) the good thing about having different characters tho is that when i get burnt out on one thing i can just switch over to another thing at an opportune time (which is what i’ve always done with santi and girooni)

anyway yeah i am kinda organized (in my own weird way) in terms of story planning, controlling the pacing and key events, and that’s definitely the reason i’m able to post so frequently. i used to have multiple free days a week where i could go in game for long amounts of time and get lots of scenes done at once, but at this point in my current schedule i just basically go in game whenever i'm free from the clutches of capitalism (jk we’re never free save us bernie) which means i only have time to do like one thing in game but it seems to be working just as well so far.

.............i’m how i wrote a novel to answer this

im glad i pretty much got it. i can really relate to everything going on. i can see a lot of myself in santi and molly & i get it. the movies make you think you fall in love and everythings fixed like they fill that void in your soul and i mean sure they fill parts of it but you need to do that yourself and not rely on someone else. Your story is real and you can tell your writing from personal experience because theres so much feeling. u think ur fixing urself and u end up more hurt in the end

i’m so glad you can relate ;-; i think that’s one of my proudest accomplishments so far. i mean santi has always been relatable for me because he IS me...or at least partly me, just like all my characters are. but i never thought anyone else would feel the same way, so it means so much to me that people enjoy him as a character because of that.

anyway YES exactly. i hate the “no one’s going to love you if you don’t love yourself” mentality, i think it’s a toxic way of looking at the benefits of genuine self love. the sentiment behind it is true, but it’s a backwards way of looking at it. someone’s else’s love shouldn’t be your motivation, your own love toward yourself should be your motivation. when you look at it in the other way, you do end up getting more hurt in the end.

lol anons back the frick off, that scene is perfect, santi is perfect, sunny is perfect, the stuttering is perfect THIS BLOG IS FREAKIN PERFECT

oMG i appreciate the support, but i don’t blame those people for having issues with my dialogue hahahha. i know it’s kind of different and weird but it just feels right for me when i write it so i go with it. i rly like santi’s stuttering tho so *shrugs* THANK YOU THO ILY <333

hey! I was wondering if you have any tips on making(?) light leaks in photoshop? idk if you've answered this already bc I'm on mobile, buT if u have I'll just check when I get on my computer next !!! Thanks !

ummM I DON’T ACTUALLY because i get all my light leaks off google lmao. i have a folder of all the ones i’ve collected over time lmao

you could probably easily make some with the paintbrush in overlay mode with varying opacities tho? i’ve tried to replicate this a few times actually, but the rest of the time i just use light leaks made by other people lol

Do you enjoy more playing the game or taking the photos/making the story? Do you play challenges?

LATELY i’ve been just enjoying playing the game because i’ve gotten burnt out on story things and just playing is such a nice break from it haha. whenever i have to wait in game for it to be a certain time of day for story purposes, i go play with girooni for a few sim hours to pass the time and it’s fun for me lmao. i’m looking forward to my story winding down so i can get back to doing more gameplay things like i did before but at the same time i’ll always do at least something story related because i like the sense of direction it gives y’know.

i’ve never actually tried any challenges, not even just regular old legacies because i would always either get sick of the sims i was playing with or get too attached to them and not want to go to a new generation lmao. i was never interested in any challenges tbh. i like watching other people do bachelor(ette) challenges tho heheh

WHEN DID SANTI BECOME SUCH A STRONK BOI also you are so sweet we don't deserve you??? You are a blessing I love you thank you for doing this aaaaa ;;; you are an inspiration I hope I can do what you do too! OK BYE HAVE A NICE DAY ❤️❤️❤️

OMG HE’S ALWAYS BEEN SECRETLY STRONK (i’m assuming this is about how he beat ugly stepdad to a pulp lmao) he mostly gets his strength from anger and an adrenaline rush. a BLESSING WHAT!!!!!! YOU’RE SO SWEET ILY ;__; don’t thank me, i’m just doin what i love <3 have a nice day/night/rest of your life ily

But why are ur anons so needy lol isn't that like ur third one angry that u haven't responded

ugh i feel bad because i get it, i do, i understand it hurts when you reach out to someone multiple times and you get ignored, but i don’t do it on purpose and i have explained, many times, the plenty of valid reasons why i can’t respond to 100% of my messages. i’m actually trying to answer all of my message right now with these mass answer posts and it’s REALLY a lot for me to go out of my way and do this. so i’m trying ok. but like i’m only a person ajhsdghjdfjhk i can only give so much attention to this y’know. please be patient

from this moment on we should all proceed to take cautions around ppl named dan.... TAINTED

I KNO RIGHT...dan is such an ugly boring name (no offense to the dans of the world) but like if you’re a dane you’re probably evil or are the human embodiment of cardboard

I can not say it enough. Great story. It's life. And life is beautiful, loving, refreshing and sometimes it can be harsh & scary. You take the good with the bad. I look forward to what comes next. --"Run away, run far away" nony (I have to start thinking of new tag line, because I am diggin Santi and Lou together) :)

HELLO FRIEND i kinda love that you keep coming back ehehe. and i’m glad you’re enjoying it so much ;___; these words are so kind and genuine, thank you so much <3333 OMG i’m glad you like santou as well even though they’re on a slow decline right now. i’m really excited about what i have planned in the future tho

omggggg my theory is the first one on that list you posted!! i'm so happy for that but also sad bc of what's going on with molly and santi and i hope that santi will finally just be happy soon. love you and your sims (except step dad dan) 💕💕

OOH HELLO YES you basically guessed everything that happened up until this point hahaha congratulations <33 santi will be happy...eventually. it’s going to be a long hard road in getting there tho. i hope you’ll all be satisfied in the end

fuck you dan stepdad

#nonsims #saviorhide #anonymous #i took 6 screenshots of groups of questions #and i have 6 more to go #i'm really dead #some of these are so old i'm sorry #like from when molly's evil stepdad was still around #RIP

[kkinse]

to live is to suffer

to truly live, outside of just being alive, is to feel pain.

one big difference between people who are abused as children or grow up abused and people who are not is the ability to process pain.

it isnt about "having thick skin" or "withstanding" pain, and although having a support system does help, that isnt the difference either. people who experienced abuse as kids/teens have a distorted framework from which they see pain, and in turn, life.

i just finished watching she-ra and catra's experiences AND actions are a frightening reflection of mine. there is always comparison between people who grew up differently making the same mistakes (glimmer and catra) and people who respond to pain completely differently. (this isnt rly she-ra meta so dont read if ur looking for that.)

for well adjusted people, pain is perceived as a part of life. pain is a sign that you have been hurt, or that you have hurt someone (guilt), or that something is wrong in your environment. the well adjusted person is equipped with a multitude of tools and approaches in confronting their pain. communicating their feelings, asserting their boundaries, acknowledging that they have hurt people and learning from their pain. pain is a catalyst for growth - the crux of life. to feel pain is to live FREELY, to live BETTER.

but for people who have suffered abuse...particularly child abuse, because this is when certain ideas become prominent in the development of their worldviews:

pain is danger. pain is death, even worse than death. i cannot cope with any pain. pain isnt something to be dealt with; it simply is and i have no way to fight it. pain signals to my abuser that their abuse is working. pain signals i am weak. others' pain is my pain, but i cannot put myself in danger. i am helpless against my pain or theirs. pain is a weapon. to avoid pain i must inflict pain. to feel pain is not to live, but to signal that i am doing a bad job at surviving. SURVIVING. it is not living.

its the starkness of glimmer's response to her mistake vs catra to the same mistake. glimmer, upon realising she fucked up - bc her pain and the pain of others told her so - immediately did her best to try and fix the situation. catra spent her life overcompensating and surrendering to the pain, and did so again when confronted with her own guilt.

the recovery of someone like catra initiated with her first attempt to fix her mistakes (saving glimmer). it did not matter if it worked, or if it matched up to everything shes done, or her intentions - what mattered is that she went against everything she believed in about pain and living. all that follows is all centred around completely dismantling and rebuilding her perception of pain and her method of processing pain: the presence of friends, a tangible externalisation of her feelings (melog), and her own effort to acknowledge, OUT LOUD, how she has hurt people and confront them.

this made me think a lot to my own experiences and perception of pain... there is the same running away, surrendering, and over compensation. i paint myself as a bad person so people can stay away - so i dont get hurt. i reject people before they can reject me - so i avoid pain. pain, to me, is humiliating, distressing, and a reflection of my character. if i feel pain then i must deserve it. if i deserve it then i must be bad. if i embrace being a bad person, i can gain control over pain.

ideally id write something heartwarming about how she-ra changed my life and how i am learning to open up and trust others more and allow myself to feel pain... but i cant. catras ending is something i want, and that i have pieces of, but not completely. i still push people away. in this moment i have pushed all but one person away. i live, hypervigilant and sensitive, with the source of my pain. this isnt even to say i didnt try opening up - when i did i got hurt a lot. so much pain, until it exceeded how much i could cope with, and i realised i was barely keeping up my idea of a happy and healthy version of myself.

to live is to suffer. pain is growth. i hope one day i can accept these ideas fully and am able to live my life like everyone else.

#txt #long post #shera