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theabominableblogger · 6 years

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Rewatching “Gotham” S3E13

Cue all the “Face/Off” jokes for this arc. All of them.

The rest of these reaction posts I’ll be uploading are not chronological order. They’re like that because A) college and B) more college.

My sister watched it with me (as well as the other episodes left in my epic “Gotham” reaction series) so my comments will be in bold, and hers will be in regular font. Author’s notes courtesy of me will be bolded and italicized.

AN: I managed to record our reactions to this episode and hopefully I can transcribe what I said into this post.

*both immediately start fawning over Smol Bruce in the Netflix thumbnail*

“Previously on Gotham...” Some bullshit.

SOME BS!

“What you call sanity... it’s just a prison in your minds.” That is such an edgelord line, Oh my God!

*snaps fingers along with "Papa Oom Mow Mow” by Gary Glitter*

Why are they sampling “Elvira”?

AN: “Elvira” by the Oak Ridge Boys actually sampled this song. This version of the song is a cover and the original is by the Beach Boys.

“Three nines, and joker’s wild.” *rolls eyes*

*sarcastically* Geez, I wonder whose episode it is...

*laughs*

[Dwight appears] *in best Christian Bale Batman voice* Schmiff! Thomas Schmiff! He’s a paranoid schizophrenic from Arkham!

*starts mouthing along with song*

What just happened?

They had to get in.

Yeah, I know, but how did that guy suddenly switch over to their side?

He was working for them the whole time.

OK.

*Dwight starts maniacally laughing once he finds Jerome’s body* Oh damn... that’s a damn good laugh.

That is a really good laugh

*jams along with opening theme*

Does it open up with them stealing the body? That better be where it opens up.

Yeah, it’s when they steal the body.

*smiles*

*Jim and Harvey find the empty vessel covered with the symbol* Oh what the shit...

That's their little cult symbol. Which has been popping up since a few episodes after Jerome’s death in S2, and you see that everywhere and you go “Wait a minute!”

*smiles when Lucius appears*

Is he security for Arkham or what?

No, he’s R & E. Yeah, he still works for Wayne-

Ohhh OK...

-but he's like back up for Lee at the GCPD.

Oh OK.

And I’m like “Wait? You’re also an ME?” Everybody can be an ME in this show!

Everybody’s got like 15 different conflicts of interest on this show.

I know.

Nobody should be allowed to investigate anything.

*chuckles*

Where the hell are we?

That’s Wayne Manor.

I know that actor [who plays Cole] somewhere! I know that voice!

I don’t know that actor.

AN: He’s played by P.J. Marshall, who was in “Luke Cage” and was the cop that always got on Kit Darling in the first half or so of “American Horror Story: Freak Show”

Alfred looks like he’s ready to punch a bitch. *laughs*

He looks like he’s about to lay that guy the hell out.

I know.

And they established in the last episode that they [Bruce and Alfred] really like Selina and her mom coming back together.

Ohhh OK.

“Oh, no, no, no, no, no. I [Cole] would never hurt a woman.” *both give a dubious look*

“However, I [Cole] would feel justified in giving the police enough evidence so that your little girlfriend [Selina] could only talk to her mama every other Thursday through a screen for the next 40 years.” Go to hell, dude.

*whispers* He’s [Bruce] so much Batman!

“So, you [Bruce] give Maria the money, she gives it to me; I’m [Cole] out of your lives. Cash, obviously.” The only thing you’re owed, dude, is a bullet between the eyes.

Now see, look at this pose [of Bruce thinking in his chair]. Look at that pose. Oh my gosh, that’s a Michael Keaton pose!

That is!

Oh my gosh...

“He [the cult follower Jim and Harvey arrested] should have been taken to a hospital.” Oh yeah, and Jim and Lee are like *imitates two cats fighting each other while aggressively clashing hands together*

Why wasn’t he taken to a hospital?!?

“James Gordon. The James Gordon.... wow. It’s actually you.” You sure know how to pick ‘em, Dwight.

Y’know, these extras playing the cult members must be having the time of their lives. It’s like “Yeah! We get to wear crazy hair and outfits!“

Oh yeah. They’re gonna be like chewing the scenery within an inch of its life.

Oh yeah!

Look at that dude’s crazy eyes though!

I know! He could have played Renfield in “Dracula”

I know.

*Dwight sets up his workshop with another cult member* Looks like Rufio fell on hard times.

*Dwight strokes Jerome’s cheek* Don’t do thaaattt....

Ohhhh my God.... LIFE! LIFE, DO YOU HEAR ME?!? GIVE MY CREATION LIFE!

LIIIIIIFFFFEEEEEE!!!

*both laugh*

*Dwight laughs* Maniacal laugh... maniacal laugh...

GOD HE’S [Dwight] JUST HAVING SO MUCH FUN! *laughs*

You know they’re getting paid like really well.

Oh I’m sure!

“’Unsurprisingly, there have already been calls "for the mayor's resignation. "The clearly disturbed Mayor Cobblepot-’” ‘Clearly disturbed?’ HOW LONG did it take you to realize that?

“Mayor Crumblepot.” *stifles a laugh*

“Is Ed here?” *rolls eyes*

“Who cares what people think of the mayor? The city runs itself.” *chuckles*

You’re a dumbass!

“[Oswald] So get up, take a shower, do that disco vampire thing thing with your hair.” *both crack up*

“[Barbara] Why are you helping me?” Because you’re a walking garbage fire, Oswald, who needs all the help you can get.

*laughs* Yes!

Get your priorities in order, Oswald.

*claps hands* Duuuuuudde....

His [Bruce] voice is so deep and he’s such a smol bab!

I knowww! I don’t know how old David is when they filmed this. I think he’s like 16 or 17.

He’s a smol bab!

“Maybe they [the cult symbols] were here the whole time and we just didn’t notice..” That’s probably a safe bet.

I’m pretty sure that’s the No Man’s Land map that they’re [Lucius is] using.

Niicee...

“That amount-” “Would cause a power surge in the electric grid.” “...I [Harvey] was about to say that would cause a power surge in the electric grid...” *chuckles*

*chuckles* Sure you were, Harvey.

“I’ll just... stay here... if that’s OK.” Lucius, you’re amazing.

Feels like he’s the only person right now at the GCPD, besides Harvey, who has any common sense.

He’s great!

Because I’m starting to really question what kind of goblins are currently inhabiting James Gordon’s brain.

It’s Season 3, I’m sure there’s a lot.

“Try turning it on and off.” “I [Dwight] did! 3 times.” *both laugh*

He’s the IT guy.

*laughs* Have you tried turning it on and off again?

*pauses when Dwight electrocutes a guy for interrupting him*

Jesus God! Was that a cattle prod?!? What was that?!?

I don’t know. Cattle prods are long and skinny though.

The hell was that?!?

They’re kinda like a fly swatter.

*Dwight starts cutting off Jerome’s face* :[

Aauuuugghhh... nooooooooooo, we’re not doing this.

The production design and set for this [Dwight’s lab] is pretty cool, I gotta say.

Uh, somebody put that wire out before it sets fire to the whole place.

Oh please God!

“Holy smokes, is that Jerome?“ No, it’s Jeremiah. *laughs*

Yeah, and they took his face...

*in unison* Off!

*both laugh*

‘Cause they wanted to take his face...

*in unison* Off!

*both laugh*

I couldn’t not, I’m sorry!

“Brothers and sisters, I [Dwight] promised you Jerome would return...” *sing songs* And I brought you his faaaccee!!

But it’s...

*in unison* Off!

*both freaking lose it*

“The Prophet is here.” But it’s just his face!

[breathing unsteadily] *thumbs up* Great.

“We are all... Jerome.” Don’t think that’s gonna be good enough.

*The crowd takes to calling themselves Jerome* Oh, OK.

“You’re Jerome. And you...” *laughs* And you’re Jerome! And you’re Jerome! And you’re Jerome!

Oh, c’mon! They were going for the obvious “I am Spartacus.”

WE ARE JEROME! We are Jerome and so’s my wife!

OK, that actually worked better than I thought.

If he [Jerome] just gets straight off that [Lee’s] examination table, I am gonna flip shit!

*points and yells excitedly when Jerome’s hand twitches*

“So, let’s find out who the traitor is, shall we?” Jesus God...

“Good bluff.” “Thank you, sir.” That was awesome!

*softly* I know...

And that was a bluff?!?

Yeah, there’s moments like that where it’s like “Man, Jim! You’re a badass!”

*chuckles*

*both chuckle when Barbara dramatically puts a hand to her chest*

“They don’t respect you, Oswald. In fact, you probably want to kill Tommy Bones and the Duke. Just clean house.” *chuckles*

*both start to giggle when Oswald does*

“[Barbara] Do you really think I [Oswald] would be so easy to manipulate?” YES!

YES!

YES YOU WERE!

YES!

You are not nearly as clever as you think you are, Oswald! You are the Cersei Lannister of Gotham City! You were down on the count for God knows how long.

For like an episode.

A lot happens in an episode!

True. In the span of like 5 minutes probably. I dunno, maybe like 10 or 15.

*shakes head*

“Your day is done, freak.” *raises eyebrows in surprise*

“Then Nygma dies.” “What?!?” “Walk away quiet. Maybe we’ll send him back in one piece. We’ll even let you [Oswald] keep being mayor.” *shakes head* Hey look, you are that easy to manipulate.

Can we like take a shot every time Penguin goes into rage spitting mode?

Yeaaahhhh!!

Oh my gosh. Take a shot!

See, Barbara just played you [Oswald] like a freaking fiddle, dude.

I’m sorry... the schadenfraude of it all.

*both end up discussing the correct pronunciation of ‘schadenfraude’

*mutters* Freaking Germans...

*laughs*

I’m German [descent], I can make fun of myself.

He’s [the mole] doing a Batman voice.

“No one ever stops being a cop. You [the mole] were here when Jerome and the Maniax attacked.” ‘Maniax?’ That’s what they’re calling themselves?

Well, Jerome and his little group [in the beginning of S2] were like *in best Jerome voice* “We’re the Maniax!” and whatever.

‘Maniax,’ with an X. Because edgy.

No one can spell!

*Jim decides to switch from good cop to bad cop on the mole* Oooh!

*Jim punches the mole across the face* Jesus God!

*both freeze in shock when Harvey takes over for punching*

OH MY GOD, Jim’s just like *puts hands on head* “Oh my God...”

I don’t think you’re allowed to do thaaat...

I mean, they bring it up in the show. There’s certain interrogation laws that you have to follow.

Yeah, manhandling a suspect is a no-no!

“Damn...” Damn instead.

She’s [Lee] like “Yeah, whatever.” STONE COLD!

“[Jim] Don’t touch me [Lee]!” *so done*

“Really? Did I [Lee] not just see Harvey punch him in the face?” *finger guns at screen in agreement*

“[Jim] You brought a wounded suspect into the precinct instead of taking him to the hospital, because you wanted to interrogate him.” *claps hands with each word* GO OFF, LEE!

Yes!

“Look, you [Lee] want to blame me [Jim] for Mario’s death, that’s fine.” *so done*

“But don’t let your hatred of me turn you into something you’re not.” And plus the funeral for Mario was a few days ago.

*claps hands with each word* It’s way too soon! It’s way too soon for her to be back at work!

I’m like “Lee, no!”

*sings* Take a break!

Like I said, all of her character development comes from people screwing her over.

I know!

“[Jim] Don’t ever touch me [Lee] again or tell me what to do.” You know, it’s your fault, Jim. This is entirely your fault.

Yeah. It is.

“We’ve got a show to do, people! And, as you know, the show must go on.” *starts singing “The Show Must Go On” from “Moulin Rouge”*

*Jerome surprises Lee from behind the door* Oh Jesus.

It’s allliiiiivveeee!!

“Hey, maybe you’re [Jerome] dreaming. Try shooting yourself.” Pfftt!

“Nah!” *both chuckle*

*mouths along with Jerome saying “Lunatics AND idiots?”*

“You know, I [Jerome] was just reborn. Last year was nothing but darkness... as far as the eye could see.” *softly* God, you’re so edgy.

“Hey, did you and I ever, uh...” *slightly disgusted, trying not to laugh*

*scoffs in hilarity* Did he just use the gun-

Yeah, yeah he did. *ends up giggling anyway*

Oh my God...

AN: And it was totally improvised at the moment by Cameron. Because OF COURSE HE DID.

AN: Hi, welcome to my blog, where we have to keep kinkshaming Cameron Monaghan.

*both make loud disgusted noises when Jerome tries licking Lee*

“How’s it going between you [Lee] and Jimbo?” It’s not.

“Oh that’s a shame. I really liked you guys.” *giggles into her sleeve*

Jerome shipped it.

*absolutely cracks up at Jerome’s reaction when Lee tells him about Jim killing Mario on her wedding night*

He’s like “Whhaat?!?”

Oh my God....

“I see your point.” *scoffs in hilarity*

“Theo Galavan’s dead.” *sighs* For how long?

“Ohhhhh.... who beat me to it?” “W-Which time?” *giggles*

Oh just wait until you get into the regular Batman canon. Death is gonna be about as permanent as a hiatus.

It always looked like it has rained in this city!

They should shoot in Seattle for now on.

Didn’t I tell you [Cole] to go to hell the last time, dude?

“Hey.... smile!” No.

No! Bullshit.

No.

“Selina! Please... don’t.” Yes. Do!

*cracks up when the cult members write down Dwight’s speech on giant note cards for him to use*

“The cult will never follow you, Dwight. I [Jim] saw you... at the theater? You don’t have what it takes!” Oh. Really?

“Well, for the record, you’re doing one thing Jerome never did: boring me.” *both lean back in shock*

Whoooooooooo hooo hoooooo!!

Daaammn! That was pretty great.

Ohhh my God!

See, James, when you’re not being a complete dumbass-

He’s amazing! He’s great!

“We’ve [Barbara and Tabitha] got Option A: appeal to their reason, convince them we alone can protect them from Penguin-” “Seems unlikely. They are men.” Pfft!

*both crack up when “Ave Maria” starts playing when Tabitha guns down all the other gang leaders*

“Yeah, yeah, Option B.” *chuckles*

*Dwight goes on air with Jerome’s face on* That’s creepy as shit!

That is really creepy, just the [gesture Dwight did when he corrected himself]

“Look at that. No charisma, no stage presence.” I dunno, he’s [Dwight] doing pretty well.

*laughs reading the news bulletin bars on the TV being changed to ‘HahAhaHAhaHA’*

Oh my God!

Jesus God, where are all those wires attached to?!?

I don’t know...

If he [Jim] shoots his [Dwight’s] ass on live television, that would be the most karmic thing...

*Jim and the Strike Force infiltrate the studio* Oh my God!

*Jim tackles Dwight to the ground* Boom! Hoo hoo!

That was a great quick panning shot.

Niiice...

*in dramatic voice* Meanwhile at W Manor...

*raises eyebrows in shock when Selina tries to goad Bruce into fighting her*

“You know, the only reason she [Maria] came back to Gotham, the only reason she tracked me [Selina] down... was you [Bruce].” Here’s my question: how did she know her daughter and Bruce were a thing?

Yeah, that doesn’t add up.

How did that happen? How did she figure that out?

*laughs at all the fans telling Dwight they love him*

This actor is having the time of his life.

Oh, he totally is.

“Where’s Dwight?” “I saw a uni walking him that way.” Ohhhh...

*Jim and Harvey find a dead cop* Ohhh what is that [sticking out of the dead cop’s chest]?!?

Oh my God!

What is that?!?!?

*both yell and reel back in horror when Jerome starts stapling his face back on*

And that’s a prosthetic.

Jesus God.

And he [Jerome] actually sounds different from the first time we saw him because Theo stabbed him in the neck [in S2] and it hit his vocal cords.

Yeeeppp...

“Say... you’re not mad, are you?” “Mad? What could I [Jerome] possibly be mad about?” “Y’know, the whole... cutting off your face...” Pfft!

“Oswald?” *leans back in surprise*

*Oswald loses contact with Ed* Ed’s probably like “Hell yeah!” and snaps the phone.

*chuckles*

“Kane Chemicals! Let’s go! Move!” You are walking right into a trap, Oswald.

“Hi. Some you you may know... I died.” *scoffs in hilarity*

“Tonight, Gotham, in the darkness... there are no rules.” You keep pulling out these edgelord lines! I know you can do better than that, dude.

“I [Jerome] don’t forgive you [Dwight] for my face.” *tries to stifle a laugh*

“We need a bird [chopper] to go now!” You guys aren’t gonna make it! You’re not gonna make it!

*pops hand toward screen when the power plant blows*

*All the power goes* Ohhhhhh schnap.

Oh shit!

*Closing title pops up* Ohhh hoo hoo....

*reels back in surprise* OK...

OK...

ONTO THE NEXT EPISODE!

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