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jaekaicx · 3 years

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so ive had this idea for an amphibia fangame for a lil while now-

(LONG post)

its based around the idea that sometime after anne got sent back to earth, she decides to sneak out one night to visit sasha and marcys bedrooms and poke through their stuff. this causes a bunch of memories to come back to anne through flashbacks while she tries to process everything thats happened and her feelings abt their friendship.

i was thinking itd be mostly a visual novel type thing. maybe with a few small choices, but the story would be mostly linear. thered be around 3 main story beats: a prologue bit w/ anne sneaking out of her house, marcys bedroom, and sashas bedroom. also one of the main mechanics would be looking at one of their bedrooms and clicking on random objects of importance and triggering a flashback sequence.

it came from the idea that anne will probably try to just shove all her emotions down and try to ignore her feelings abt true colors and everything that went down then. especially with what we saw in the sneak peek, anne will probably try to hide her emotions and bottle them up, which is obviously not healthy. so eventually shes gonna have to work through her emptional baggage and try to process everything.

i havent thought through EVERYTHING just yet, just some more major plot points and maybe one or two ideas for flashbacks. nothing too solid yet. but heres a bit more detailed runthrough of the plot

summary - prologue

so it would start off with anne at home. she and her mom are talking outside annes room. her moms concerned abt how annes been handling everything that happened in amphibia but anne keeps brushing everything off. her mom tries to get her to open up, but she keeps dismissing her and eventually shuts herself in her room. after taking a bit to cool off and think anne decides that shes gonna take the night to just ride off her emotions and stop repressing them for once. she also makes an impulsive decision to sneak out and check out marcy and sashas rooms.

anne goes to gather her stuff in her room, and just as shes about to climb out the window, sprig walks in to check on her. hes still rly concerned abt his big sis but he knows he cant stop her. he tries to go with anne, but she tells him she needs to do this on her own. so, sprig lets her go and tries to cover for her while shes gone.

so at this point i’ll probably give the player the choice of whose house to visit first. it doesnt rly impact the story or whatever, but i guess it might have a small emotional impact depending on whose house u choose to go to first??

(quick note: after this bit, there arent too many specific details for the plot and stuff like that. its largely just an overall idea of how the plot is gonna go. and even then, there isnt much to it. i didnt think that far ahead yet, which is why there isnt as much refinement yet. so far i just have general ideas for how annes gonna get to the bedrooms, with a couple of vague flashback ideas. just keep that in mind; this whole thing is still being thought over and planned as im typing this out)

summary - sasha

with sasha, annes still rly conflicted abt how she feels abt her. of course shes still rly hurt by being backstabbed by her twice and swordfighting her as many times. but as much as she hates sasha she cant bring herself to fully give up on sash. she hates her guts but deep down shes still willing to give sash another chance.

there may or may not be a small sequence where anne has to sneak into sashas house, but eventually she works her way into sashas room. im not entirely sure abt the details of sashas house n her family yet. im probably gonna wait for info from s3 until i solidify anything, but for now i do know that sashas family has a big house n theyre probably rich.

so anne goes into sashas room and its been left pretty much untouched ever since annes birthday, save for the few times someone came in to dust things off. again, dont rly have all the details for sashas room, but it kind of has a vibe of controlled chaos, with organized clutter and a bit of a touch of a rebellious teen girl. one detail i do want to have is a calendar opened up to the month the trio disappeared, with annes birthday circled and highlighted so much that its impossible to miss.

the calendar itself might include a flashback. im thinking of also having a varsity jacket and some old stuffed animal be different “artifacts” that trigger their own memories. there’ll be a bunch more, but those are the only ideas i have so far fjsbndnd

summary - marcy

ok so i want to be rly mean about marcys segment: this is going off the theory that marcys parents moved away while the trio was in amphibia.

anne doesnt know this yet tho, so shes in for quite a surprise when she turns onto marcys street to find a realtor sign on the front lawn. the clues are all there: an empty driveway, sign on the lawn, an overall empty vibe coming from the house. but it doesnt completely register at first. its not til anne actually comes up close does she notice the sign.

anne tries to deny it, and decides to prove to herself that “no marcys parents wouldnt do this. theyre not that cruel. im just gonna check marcys room myself.” the front doors locked, so she just goes over to marcys window and climbs in.

but its completely empty.

ok not totally empty, but a lot of marcys furniture and stuff is gone, except for a few stray toys and other “junk.” the home guys (idk what theyre called????) are still kind of in the process of cleaning everything out, so theres still some stuff left here and there around the house. but its still way too empty. and its yet another gut punch for anne.

anne searches the rest of the house a bit more, hoping that shes just hallucinating. but no, marcys parents are really gone. she tried to deny it before, but now she has more of an idea of how shitty the wu parents are. so anne decides to just mope around in marcys old room, checking out the stuff their parents left behind.

maybe she finds an old blanket marcy liked when he was rly young. or an old rubiks cube from marcys vast collection. a cnc figurine, some cards, a pride flag, and old diary? a couple of other old toys, an old report card or two, or maybe even some stray clothes. whatever anne finds, its all thats left of marcy, at least in LA.

it really doesnt leave anne in that much of a better emotional position. she already felt conflicted enough about what happened in true colors and what she found out abt marcy. but seeing even a small glimpse of what marcy was dealing with, it just makes her more confused. marcy was such a sweet kid! theres no way they couldve done anything wrong. yet here anne was, betrayed by both of her childhood friends.

only now is anne really taking the time to process the fact that marcy essentially kidnapped her and sasha with the calamity box. he didnt mean to do it, and theres no way they couldve known the box would actually work, but it doesnt completely excuse marcy. his actions still hurt anne and sash, and while they meant the best of intentions, it didnt rly come through that way.

and now marcy was dead. stabbed in the back by the newt king.

and now annes curled up in an empty bedroom, wrapped up in one of marcys old blankets, trying to wrap her head around her feelings about marcy while reminiscing in the past.

summary - extras/epilogue??

i kind of like the idea that anne ends up drifting off in which ever bedroom ended up being the second one she visited. she slowly comes back to consciousness, with her surroundings feeling somewhat familiar, only to wake up in horror bc “OH SHIT I FORGOT TO GO BACK HOME” im not completely sold on the idea tho bc it feels a bit abrupt and like too much of a tone shift?? idk it doesnt feel exactly right

but anyways, im also playing around with the idea of a small epilogue scene with the calamity trio hanging out in annes room, a good amount of time after amphibia ended. dont know what theyre doing in there, but theyre just chilling and feeling a bit nostalgic i guess.

but uh yeah thats pretty much what ive got for the overall idea. it doesnt feel too out of reach, but somethjng like this would definitely be ambitious. i could mayyyybe handle writing out the vn and drawing the character sprites, but i have no idea how to code a vn or draw detailed backgrounds, both of which would be pretty important to this fangame fjsndj. so i might consider having help with this.

THIS ISNT ANY SORT OF PROMISE OR WHATEVER. id rly love to follow through and make this fangame a thing, but im not making any guarantees. i have no idea if i’ll actually follow through, but i would definitely love to.

who knows. maybe in like a couple years this might actually become a thing. but for now i have no idea

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splattershotsundae · 6 years

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Ink is Thicker Than Water --- Chapter 5: I give it a 10

Toda spent most of his afternoon wishing he felt well enough to pace. Finding out that Orvokki was still alive was no small news. She was a cruel woman, and visions of what she was like, and what she thought like still stuck with him and plagued his sleep. Another thing to worry about was Simon… They’d logged off in a huff, and he was genuinely worried, both about how they were and about… how they really thought about him.

A motion from his skope caught his attention and he took a sharp breath. Simon was back online.

T: hey

S: Hey.

T: I'm sorry about earlier. i was freaking out bout Orvokki, and I forgot and gt a little carried away. T: we decided we still arent going to do anyhting right now.

S: ... Ok.

T: ... u doing ok...?

Toda sighed a little after he sent it. He should just ask them... He was probably freaking out over nothing. Simon had told Jill that she was strong, in and out of battle, hadn't they? And hadn't they told him that they thought Rank was just a letter and a number, before they played Rainmaker? ... But when they lost at Blackbelly, they took that pretty hard... He'd thought it had something to do with what Yuri had said to them, especially with the conversation the two of them had had afterwards... but was that the case?

S:... Not really. S: But there's not much we can do.

T: Yeah...

T: can i ask u something?

S: Yeah, sure.

T: when did u know that u liked me? How long had we knon each ohter? T: Im not trying 2 b gushy, just curious.

S:... S: Call me shallow, but I'm pretty sure I was going to yell at you for bumping into me until I saw your face. S: when I said I'd always found you cute... I... Wasn't kidding. S: I kind of thought it would just be a fling...but here we are.

His breath caught in his throat, and it felt like his stomach had dropped a few inches. Oh no. Any other time he would've been a little flattered, but... no no no...

S: what really got me was... Getting to know you though... You've been a good influence on me. S: I wouldn't trade meeting you, or how I feel, for anything in the entire world.

T: Ive been a good influence on u?

S: Yeah.

He paused, looking at the message. What had he done that they'd think was a good influence? He typed a response, trying to make it sound lighthearted.

T: how so? hvae I... inspired u to make more puns or smoething? :P

S: Ha, maybe that in addition. S: ... I was starting to forget what trust felt like. S: well, except with Jill. But the point is, I needed some mutual trust... You and Bato sort of reminded me. You guys got me to open up. S: I'm sure there are other things here and there but... That's what comes to mind first.

T: ah...

S: Are you ok?

T: yea mi fnie

Toda winced; he'd sent that way too quickly... Quit stalling and just ask already, for crying out loud.

S: .... Toda...

He squeezed his eyes shut for a moment, his face flushing, then took a deep breath. Here goes nothing…

T: We told Jill about the conversation we had the other day; we were trying to explain why w weren't going to tlak to 3, and we sort of back ourselves nto a corner. T: wen we told her you had sort of said not to mention it to hr, she said it was because u thoght she was weak T: Because she lkies to batle for fun, and u battle to win T: she thinks taht u think that makes hr weak

S: ... She... Still thinks that?

T: Thats what she said... T: ... So ou don't think that?

S: Did you think I do?

T: I didn't at first, cause I told u right when we met that B nd I play for fun T: btu seh said if u hd liked m from the start tehn u would have askd us anyway T: I still didn't wnat 2 tihnk that u thought liek taht T: btu i wsa...

S: i domt anytmore Damn it.

[SloshMasterV3 is offline]

T: wiat no! His fingers trembled. He didn’t mean to make them upset again, he just… He took another deep breath and wiped his eyes. At least he had an answer… Sort of...

He read their last message again; they didn't anymore... So had they used to?

A chime pulled him from his thoughts.

[4PawzAndMeow is online.]

J: re u the reason theres a new barrge of sobs comin form S's room?

Toda's heart sank. Oh no…

T: ... Probbly...

J: O J: I... wasn't bein serioos.

T: u soundd pretty serious

J: i ment th@ i didnt think u were Y... sry

T: oh

J:... U dint brak up wih thm did U?

T: no no T: no I didn't

J: @ lest theres th@

T: yah...

He glanced at Simon's tab. He needed to apologize again... But… it could be hours before they came back online…

T: hy Jill T: can I cme ovr? T: I want to say sory to thm. T: or hve a chance to

J: say sorry 4 wh@?

T: how abot if thy dn’t wnat to hear it I go to yuor room an we cn talk

There was a long pause.

J: yeah K. J: th@ works.

T: k T: be theer soon

J: k

He took a deep breath, then got his shoes on, slipped on his Splattershot Jr’s holster, and went on his way, taking his time so he didn’t wear himself out. He thought all the way over, running through his head his apology over and over again. How much should he say? Probably everything. As he drew near to the Grace house, he took a deep breath and knocked on the door.

Madeline opened the door, blinking in surprise. "Toda?" She asked. "Simon and Jill didn't say you were coming over."

"Afternoon, Mrs. Grace." Toda said, probably more formally than he needed to. "Jill invited me over about an hour ago?”

She paused, glancing over her shoulder for a second, then stepped aside to let him in. “Alright, just don’t bug Simon right now, they’re… not feeling so good today.”

He felt a twinge of guilt; That was the exact reason why he was here. "Thank you.” He said, peering around as he entered.

It was still quite a mess, the floor was scuffed and stained in a multitude of places, the stairs had no railing, bullet holes in the walls, the drywall on the ceiling was cracked, and Madeline’s prized roller was resting beside the stairs instead of hanging on the wall, at least for the moment. It looked like a warzone, and to be fair it sort of was. He gave a nod toward Madeline, then carefully made his way upstairs, managing to avoid grabbing for the railing that was no longer there.

He carefully stepped up to Simon’s door, a lump in his throat. He could hear faint sobbing on the other side, and he briefly considered skipping and just talking to Jill… when he saw her staring at him from down the hall. Her gaze flitted from him to the door and back again expectantly.

He took what felt like the millionth deep breath that day and knocked softly on the door.

“Go AWAY!” They shouted immediately.

He flinched, glancing for the stairs and praying Madeline hadn’t heard that. "Simon?" When there was no reply he steeled himself and continued. "Simon, I.. I wanted to apologize for earlier. I would have sent a message on Skope, but you were offline and… " He looked down at the floor. “The question was personal, it… I hope it didn’t feel like… an attack. When Jill.. When she told me about your past, it... Kind of struck a nerve with me. There was this kid I was sort of friends with for a while, named Benny; I think I referred to him once as a 'Luna-wielding ass'... It's a long story, but I should have known better than to think that you would think like that. I know you're not like that, I know that isn't you. I'm really sorry."

There was a long pause before the door opened a crack, and Simon stuck out their hand. Gingerly he took it, grip loose, just in case they wanted to pull away. However, their grip tightened, and they flung open the door, pulling him into an embrace.

He squeaked and stumbled as he almost lost his balance, but then squeezed them tight, resting his chin on their shoulder. "I-I'm really sorry." He repeated.

"... Nothing’s getting easier..." Simon whispered.

"No, it it isn’t..." He agreed. "... You'd think we would've earned a break at this point, huh?"

"You would think..." They agreed with a sigh. "... Well, while things are this difficult, if this 'Benny' shows his face you let me know so I can punch it."

He smiled just a little bit. "I will... Thanks."

"No problem... You don't even have to tell me why." They said quietly.

He took a deep breath, letting it out slowly. "... Is there someone I should keep my eyes out for?" He asked. "So I can return the favor?"

Their grip tightened around him. "Roderick. You see that bastard you can punch him as hard as you like."

"Gladly." He muttered with a small nod.

"It's a deal then." They said.

"A deal.” He agreed. “… Can we sit down? I had to do a lot of walking and I’m kind of worn out...”

“I’m not surprised, it’s awfully late.” They said, edging over to sit on the foot of their bed.

“… Wait, it is?” He asked, pulling away.

“… Yeah, Toda, it’s like, 10. Dude, it’s dark out and it’s summer, what time did you think it was?”

“I dunno, 6? 6:30?” He said, feeling his cheeks flush.

Simon slowly put one palm on their face. “Did you even set up a ride home? The trains are going to close soon.”

“… I forgot to tell my mom I was leaving.” He admitted.

Their other hand joined the first. "… Okay, I can ask my Mom if she'll drive you home-" They broke off for a long moment. "... You're probably not going to be comfortable with that."

"... Not really." He said, breaking off eye contact, sure his ears were flushed by now.

“How about I ask mom and dad if you can sleep over, and then we play some video games downstairs?

He smiled at that, nodding “Yeah… I need to call my parents too.”

They smiled. “Okay, meet me downstairs soon.” They said,

He nodded, absently adjusting his cap as he watched them go… They were still so cute…

After a moment he pulled his phone out of his pocket. “… Hey dad, it’s Toda. Can I stay the night at Simon’s house?”

THUD

Toda sat up with a snort, rubbing one of his eyes as he tried to figure out what was going on.

"Of course it's still a problem!" Jill was shouting.

"Shhh! Keep it down! He's still sleeping!" Simon replied.

"And already it's all about him!" She snapped.

Oh no. He remembered now. He’d spent the night at Simon’s house, after coming over to apologize… apparently there was still friction between the twins however… He grabbed his squidvader cap and started to put it on.

"It's not all about him! What's this 'it' you keep talking about anyway!?" Simon snapped, he could hear them pacing outside.

"I... I don't know, but.. This isn't working!" Jill replied.

"No SHIT. But I'm not just going to sit here while you yell at me for every mistake I've ever made." They said angrily.

"Maybe you should apologize for once!" She huffed.

His hearts sank a little. “Oh no...” He abandoned tucking all his tentacles into his hat and stood, quickly making his way to the door.

"I thought this might be the one time you'd be ok with it!" They exclaimed.

"You broke your promise!" She said.

"Ok, First off, We shouldn't be having this argument right now, and second of all, I thought you /liked/ Toda!"

"I do!! I do! He's the nicest kid you've ever dated. But I'm tired of you being so selfish and hypocritical!"

"Hypocritical? How am I-"

"You talk about how you want to be just like mom, just as good as mom. But when it comes down to it, you /have/ to have me with you, and you only use our squad as a dating device!" Jill shouted. “None of us deserve that!”

Toda flung open the door and peeked out, having to use one hand to hold his hat on. Both Jill and Simon turned to look at him, looking rather embarrassed.

“… Hey Toda~” Jill said, tone cheerful, but posture anything but.

“… Sorry.” Simon said, looking away.

"... It's okay." He mumbled, still a little bit groggy. He looked between the two of them… they were both obviously upset… He was never good at helping during something like this, that was what Bato was good at… Right, be like Bato. He squared his shoulders, then stepped up and put a hand on Jill’s shoulder. “It’s… okay to be upset.”

“Upset? I’m more than upset!” She said, pulling away from him. “I’m furious!”

“Tell me something I don’t know.” Simon huffed. “We should just leave it.”

“Leave what, the squad!?” She snapped. "You'd probably LIKE that! You can just as easily find a cute and/or muscular and dumb boy to replace me by tomorrow!"

"Jill!"

Toda flinched a little bit at her tone, pressing himself up against the wall. "Jill… Can you maybe take a deep--”

"ADMIT IT! YOU DON'T WANT ME!!!" She interrupted.

"YES! I! DO!!!" Simon snapped back.

"BULLSHIT!!!" She screamed. YOU LIED ABOUT DATING TODA, YOU PROMISED YOU WOULDN’T USE OUR SQUAD FOR DATING AGAIN, ALL YOU DO IS LIE LIE LIE!"

“Jill I--” Toda tried to cut in.

"THAT'S NOT TRUE!!!" They screamed back.

“Simon---” He tried again.

"YOU ALSO LIED ABOUT THE AGENT THING!!” Jill screeched.

"I-I DIDN'T LIE, I JUST DIDN'T TELL YOU!!!" Simon hollered, slightly wavering.

“ENOUGH!” Toda snapped, flushing with embarrassment. “… Sorry, I… You’re not going to get anywhere if you keep screaming at each other! Jill, what’s really wrong?”

Jill was silent a long moment. “… I… I’m lonely, and I’m worried I’m going to lose Simon to you…”

Toda’s ears drooped. “I’m not trying to take them away… I’m sorry you felt that way...” He slowly looked at Simon. “… Simon, what about you? What’s wrong?”

They looked at him a long moment, then sighed. “… I… I’m scared I’m going to lose you too Jill, but… I’m scared that if we get involved, we’ll.. die. It’s dangerous out there, and I don’t want you to be left without me, or to be without you, or both of us to be gone, and our parents are left in a ruined house all by themselves...”

Jill was quiet for a long moment. “… So you aren’t… just scared of me being hurt?”

They shook their head. “No, of course not. I’ve been hurt out there just as easily…” They sighed. “I’m sorry, for… saying that you were weak once… I didn’t know it had stuck with you and I didn’t know just how much I’d hurt you. You’re not weak, and trust me, I’ll never say you are again. You’re stronger than me in a lot of ways.”

She paused, then huffed. “No I’m not...”

“Yes you are.” Simon pressed. “You’re stronger in will and in joy, and… maybe physically, I’m not sure.”

She started laughing, then wiped at her eye before holding out her hand, palm down. “To Splattershot Sundae.”

They smirked, and put their hand on top of hers. “To Splattershot Sundae.”

“To Splattershot Sundae.” Toda agreed, putting his hand on top of theirs.

There was a long pause, then Jill put her other hand on top and spoke in a deep voice. “I’m Bato and I’m totally here.”

Toda laughed. “Dear Judd, that’s spot on.”

"... We good Jill?" Simon asked.

"We're much better. I'll... Try to talk with you if something comes up, rather than just blow up." She said awkwardly.

“I would appreciate that.” They huffed. “… Hey, where’s mom and dad, they hate it when we fight.”

Jill got a gleam in her eye. “Mom got… /the call/”

Simon’s eyes went wide. “Really?”

"... The call?" Toda asked, glancing between the two of them with a confused look.

"The call's just what we call it when Mom suddenly gets dragged in to more work, but she can't legally tell us what it is." Simon explained. "But in this case that's good news… perhaps a battle’s around the corner."

He smiled. “Oooo, that is good news!”

"And then Dad's off to regular work." Jill asked.

"Seems we've got the house entirely to ourselves." Simon shrugged. "As well as the burden to make breakfast, I think."

Toda's stomach growled a little bit at the mention of breakfast and he blushed, rubbing the back of his neck.

Jill giggled. "It seems like a cereal morning to me!” She said, then sprinted down the hall. “Better come after me quick or I’ll put ice cream on it!”

“Jill, no!” Simon yelped, running after her.

Toda laughed and ran after them, letting himself smile.

Toda is Knitter’s character.

Simon and Jill are Shuckle’s characters.

Splatoon belongs to Nintendo.

Please consider liking or reblogging if you enjoyed, it’s nice to know we’re doing things right.

Shuckle has a patreon if you would like to provide additional support!

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#Splatoon #Nintendo #inkling #inkling oc #splatoon fanfiction #SS Simon #SS Jill #SS Toda

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felixeslee · 6 years

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92 q tag

hello this tag is highkey irrelevant now but it’s been in my drafts for ages so !! laskdgjasodigjsaldkgasodigjasdg which is why i wont b tagging anyone bc im so late but !! yeah !! ok !! !!!!!!!!!1111!!! lets !! go !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

tagged by @hyuunjins @hyunjinh @straykiz and @dae-hwee from my w1 blog (lmaoo hi pindi this is sarah!! AIddgsdfk if youre aware of this blog but hope its ok if i do it here alskdg )

rules: once you’ve been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 92 truths about you. At the end choose 25 people to be tagged.

🌙 LAST

Drink: the water that I drank this morning!! Aka around 12 hrs ago asdgasdgoij pls stay hydrated kids

Text Message: i texted my brother if he knew where my dad was lol,,,,,,, sldkjgaosidgj

Phone Call: CALLED MY BROTHER BC HE WASNT RESPONDING MY TEXTS,,,,, he also didn’t pick up ldskgjsoidgjsldkgsjdg

Song you listened to: Goodbye My Love by Aileeeee <3 lovv

Time you cried: TODAY ,,,, i was getting super anxious bc i didn’t know where my dad was ??? he was supposed to pick me up but he forgot abt me until like an hr later… sldkgjaosidgj

🌙 HAVE YOU EVER

Dated someone twice: no :00 lmao i’ve never dated… ever alskdjgaoijsdf

Kissed someone and regretted it: i havent had my first kiss yet HEH

Lost someone special: unfortunately, yes :(

Been depressed: sdgksjadoiglskdfosdijgalskdfaosdigjaksdgoaisdjf idk

Been drunk and thrown up: lmao i’ve never drank ,,, at all,,,, the smell of alchohol scares me,,,,, evn my little brother has had a sip once and he’s 5 yrs younger LMAO ,,, but im a noob and don’t wanna try sldkgjosidjgs

🌙 IN THE PAST YEAR HAVE YOU

Made a new friend: yay yes yeslgkdgsdf

Fallen out of love: i dont think i’ve ever evn been in love…. Sdlgksjdoigj

Met someone who changed you: yes,,,,,,,,,

Found out who your true friends are: uhhhh idk aslkdgjaosidjf i honestly can never tell when someone’s being a fake friend so!!!!!! Idk honestly lmao

Found out someone was talking about you: i did ! but it wasn’t for anything bad or anything……… they just criticized me behind my back?? But i agreed w their criticism so alsdkjgaosidgj

🌙 GENERAL

How many people on tumblr do you know in real life?: ummm,,,, like 4?? We r mutuals evn though none of them r actually kpop blogs,,,, so i always feel guilty spamminig their aesthetic feed w my screaming tags and annoying shit LMAO but i lov them <3

Do you have any pets?: NO :”( I WANT A DOGGO THO …. REALLY BAD…..

Do you want to change your name?: uhhh ik so many sarahs its not evn funny and my last name is hella basic too????? Theres 3 ppl that share my first+last name in my school alone….. So maybe i’d change it to my chinese name (yue) ?? also bc it sounds more sophisticated,, and i lov anything that makes me sound smarter than the reality of my dumb self LOL

What time did you wake up this morning: LOL so my alarm rings at 6:40 but i get out of bed at 7:10 SLDGKJSODIF … and i need to get out of the house by 7:20 lsdkgsdoig

What were you doing last night: physics and apush :SLDGJOSIDFJ the 2 most dreaded classes UGH

Something you cannot wait for: DINNER .. i love me some gud dinner

Have you ever talked to a person named tom?: thomas jefferson my mAN

What’s getting on your nerves right now: when it’s so heckin cold i can’t concentrate + i hate taking notes when it’s cold??? Bc then my hands r like half numb and it HURTS WHEN I TAKE NOTES sldkgsoidjf ALSO WHEN I DRAW ,,,,, STIFF FINGERS R THE WORST WHEN DRAWING

Blood type: i think a????????????

Nickname: my most common ones r swisso + salad (i promise these make sense in context LOL )

Relationship status: return NullPointerException; //im a cs person,,, dont judge

Zodiac sign: capricorn!

Pronouns: she + her

Favorite show: i dont watch many shows but i love watching a gud studio ghibli movie when im feelin down

College: this QUESTION LSDKGJSODIGJ ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, i wanna go to college but will any accept me ??!?!

Hair colour: its naturally black but it’s currently dyed ombre from black → brown !!!!!!

Do you have a crush on someone: i havent had a legit crush in 3 yrs lmao…….

What do you like about yourself: the fact that im a deep sleeper. Idk how light sleepers function omg like wouldn’t u wake up to like,,,,, everything??! :((( that makes me sad bc u hav no idea how much i lov a nice long undisturbed slumber

🌙 FIRSTS

First surgery: okAY so like i've had 2 procedures done on my eyes lmaooo like (1) when i was a smol beb of like 1 yr old i rolled off my bed aaaannnnddd the corner of my eye hit the edge of the sharp corner of the bedside table!!! and then y1ke$ things got ugly loll (((yes, i wuz dum + clumsy since the day i popped from the womb))) its all stitched up now and i hav a tinie tinie scar aslkdgs okay and (2) there was something weird abt my tearducts LOL so u know when u get sad nd stuff ur nose gets runny and u sniff a lot??? well like that wasn't the case for me bc the passage way from my eyes to my nose was completely blocked off,,,,, which resulted in me lookin like i was full blown cryin like every 2 seconds... like if i kept my eyes open for too long my eyes would get watery and tears would flow out LMAO ,,,, i looked like i just never stopped crying,,, but it was just my eyes were just ALWAYS WATERING sdlgjsdif damn u have no idea after the procedure i was like 'do ppl live like this??? not having to wipe tears every 0.2 sec??? oh my god,,, i am livin THE LIFE'

First piercing: i hav no piercings!!! Bc stabbing holes thru myself scares me sdlkjgsoidg but i love the way earrings look tho so ://///

First sport you joined: dance or gymnastics???? I dont rly remember

First vacation: CHINA prob????

First pair of sneakers: i think sketchers LMAO ,,, the big thing

🌙 RIGHT NOW

Eating: nothing!!!!!

I’m about to: do som sketches for my AP art class

Listening to: my dad sing som old chinese folk stuff behind me LOL

Want kids: i already adopted all 9 members of stray kids tho ??? idk if im ready for more atm

Get married: LOL This question just reminded me of smol story from my childhood: so like i used to b rly close w these 3 other kids,,,, one other girl and 2 guys,,, and our parents were all rly tight too,, and our four families would just go camping together and it was rly :’’D fun and so we all made a pact that I would marry one of the guys and the other girl would marry the other guy and we’d all go camping together forever but then KINDERGARTEN HIT,,,, we moved schools and yeah im still rly close w the girl but i miss the 4 of us dkgjsodigjsdlkgsdf LOL

Career: waterbottle 🌙

WHICH IS BETTER

Lips or eyes: eyes? Eh idk i just never rly considered lips ?? LOL

Hugs or kisses: hugs? I dont hav experience w kisses so sldkgjsoidgjsd yike syikes yikes

Shorter or taller: TALLER

Troublemaker or hesitant: uhhhhh neither??? Like i just want someone playful + extroverted bc im quite introverted,,,,,,,,,, so if he was hesitant we’d just b super awkward and quiet,,, and i don’t like getting involved w sketchy troublemaker shit either LOL ,,,

Older or younger: as long as they r in the same school grade level,,,, and i guess 1-2 yrs older is okaY? But lowkey freaks me out if too old

Romantic or spontaneous: sldkgjsoidfj both? Like i lov someone who is unpredictable and spontaneous,,,, but on the other hand im lowkey a helpless romantic lasdkgjaoisdjf

Sensitive or loud: both i guess too??? Its good to have someone understanding and sensitive but also someone who knows how to have fun :)

Hookup or relationship: hookups,,,,,,,, just dont make sense to me,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, like i get attached to someone p easily so even if i dont plan on being attached,,,, i’d probably get attached :(

🌙 HAVE YOU EVER

Kissed a stranger: YIKES no

Drank hard liquor: nO

Lost contacts/glasses: UH I HATE THIS BUT YES…..

Sex on first date: yikes * (6.02 *10^23) adkgaosidjgaslkdf no thaNK you

Broken someone’s heart: i dont know,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, like i might’ve but maybe im just not aware ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, but on a sidenote i think my old comupter science teacher gets a migrain everytime he sees me LOLLLLLL sdlgjsoidgjsldf

Been arrested: no,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, :0

Turned someone down: yeah lmao i kinda feel bad tho bc they were all good ppl,,,, lskjgosidjf but thankfully im still good friends and pretty tight w all of them ~

🌙 DO YOU BELIEVE

In yourself: ocassionally i try to :’’D

Miracles: lol yes

Love at first sight: i used to ? but not anymore,,,, like i believe u can be attracted to someone at first sight ?? but i feel like love cannot be attained thru visual contact only asldgjoasidjalsdg

#sarah: tag #LMAO sry for the random stories here nd there #and i wrote this like 2 weeks ago so yeah .l LMAO #thank u all for tagging me i luh u all <333 #lSDKGJOSDIGJSDG

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rhinointherain · 4 years

Text

26-8-2020

the high hasn’t really hit me yet (its been a few minutes so yeah kind of weird, longer than usual probably, but also not that weird for me bc both i and a***** have noticed that it takes a lot longer for weed to affect me than it does for the average person, i think it is starting to kick in anyway), but i wanted to say first of all that earlier today even though i hadnt smoked at all i noticed myself having some thoughts on the similar type of abstract ideas that i get while high and thinking I should journal them, i didnt because i’m starting to come down firmer on the decision that i will only make any of these types of entries after having smoked at least once that “day” (as in since waking up in the morning, not like a 24 hour period), considering i did smoke twice yesterday and not being a very little physically active person it might have to do with thc still being in my body, but it also might be that doing these journal entries has made me more eager and better equipped to engage with those abstract ideas which i think is cool (although it is important to ask the question of whether it actually has made any tangible difference in how and why i interact with those ideas or whether i just want there to be one), but it also might be that i was reading that terence mckenna book

((actually it was all three of these reasons and also the infinite reaches of every other infinite reason that put me in this specific “multiverse”/version of existence, those three were just the main ones i at first subconsciously perceived to be important enough to type and then after typing them consciously evaluated to be important enough that i would not delete them and instead elaborate on them further. but i feel like I’ve discussed this enough by now that this is readily apparent)

what were those abstract thoughts i wanted to write down is another question because when i decided not to write them down i thought ok well then ill be sure to remember what they were and pick up my phone and write all this immediately after i smoke but the problem is that it takes a little while to type it all up and i forgot them before i had finished writing all that introduction

i should explain better the path that my thoughts have been taking from my mind to their final written form so far in these journal entries but first i want to talk about something else

which is that

(include something explaining why you feel the need to inject these sad excuses of teenage tumblr poetry in between the actual interesting shit you usually like to focus on in these entries)

okay do i still want to write about what i was about to say? also maybe it would be more productive to wait until sober to explain the processes in which these entries are formatted

yeah i do bc one of the reasons i do these lame ones is that they can act for me as a healthy emotional release okay so anyway i wanna be, and this is coming straight from the pathos slash animalistic sensory-propelled part of my brain not anywhere near the rational thought-propelled one, i right now wanna be like a a girl in a movie or story about some like lame emo dude who smokes cigarettes and the movie is just a bunch of slow panning over like a rainy city and theres shoegaze in the background (im thinking about like lost in translation or something BUT EXCEPT the dude isnt bill murray the dudes like a young guy who only someone like me would find attractive (but there are a lot of people like me) who like reads proust or some shit i dont know) and MANIC PIXIE DREAM GIRL fuck that’s what i’m trying to say i didn’t actually need to type all this shit i just forgot that that term existed for a sec well anyway yeah thats what i want to be, seeing as this concept and the importance of attaining it as a woman has been drilled into my head by media which my brain had been heavily impressed with during its most impressionable ages (that being my adolescence), where and how did that impression happen ie was it absorbed into the deep subconscious reaches and now resides with the animal/sensory part of my brain who has classed the desire to fulfill this idealized image as a sensory/survival need, or does it come in from the opposite side and instead its like a desire that comes from higher conscious and or subconscious cognitive understanding formed from the human brains complex analysis of every input it gets through the web of social norms and evaluations and memories and everything that makes up what the brain understands everything to be. how are the two even different. they arent because nothing is different everything is just one infinity inside of itself and i write this same thought down a lot because of its essentiality but i havent been conveying it in a well thought out enough way for sober me to fully grasp its importance. eventually i should dedicate more effort to this particular idea but thats a big undertaking and i have been too lazy to attempt it so far

fuck like i just want the guy to be like standing by himself at the weird french new wave club or something thinking about how disconnected he is from society or whatever the fuck and then he sees me whos like 100 lbs and i have an unconventional haircut and either im like dancing uninhibitedly (representing the innocent and childlike perspective our jaded protagonist needs to offset his disillusionment with society) or im also standing all alone smoking a cig and maybe even reading like [first 20th century philosopher that comes up under suggested results when you type proust’s name into google] ha ha ha im so funny do you see what im doing here im deconstructing the stereotypical indie movie that people on the internet make fun of because genuinely liking it had become too mainstream im sure no one has ever thought of this before as a comedic bit anyway i had this whole other thing about it too like she goes in his car with him and they smoke and exchange like 4 sentences but u can still tell shes the perfect for him bc shes sexy and has pink hair or something i dont know anyway i was just thinking about how i wanna be that.

like wouldnt it be nice to not actually have any thoughts in your head your whole job is to be pretty but not know that youre pretty because apparently you dont fit the societal convention of beauty except you pretty much do in every way except that you like have green eyes instead of blue and you dont wear high heels or something and thats all you have to do you only exist to fulfill some dudes fantasy and if you fulfill that fantasy you’ve reached the ultimate purpose in life and don’t have to worry about accomplishing anything else or pleasing anyone else, maybe thats why some people become super religious because isn’t it pretty much the same exact concept like your ultimate goal is to become jesus’s manic pixie dream girl, or buddha’s maybe i don’t know i am embarrassingly uninformed about eastern religions

i’m already not really very high anymore that’s disappointing bc i finally actually took a bong rip by myself in what felt like the correct way to do it eg it didnt make me cough but i guess it wasn’t the correct way after all i guess me not coughing just meant i didnt get enough in my lungs godsh damn it

#journal #aug 2020 #🌿

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butch-lesbian-marshadow · 7 years

Note

Answer all of those questions u hottie

1. Who was the last person you held hands with?-Nobody cuz im lonely2. Are you outgoing or shy?-uhhhhhh probably the first one usually3. Who are you looking forward to seeing? Literally anyone my age and gay4. Are you easy to get along with? I honestly have no idea, don’t really get feedback on that dept.5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you? Probably, Id trust them, but I don’t really need to be taken care of that much when Im drunk6. What kind of people are you attracted to? I dunno, I guess anyone who shows interest I suppose, although it tends to be expressed in weird ways,7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now? No clue, I’d guess no if only because not really the best with those things.8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind? An ex of mine,9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable? Nope10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with? She’s the bitch that made me do all of these11. What does the most recent text that you sent say? ok12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now? that changes so rapidly, question meme, im not even sure13. Do you like it when people play with your hair? If I know them and want them to, yes, but 90% of the time, Fuck off my hair14. Do you believe in luck and miracles? Yes15. What good thing happened this summer? I got tiddies16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again? never have ):17. Do you think there is life on other planets? Probably, yes.18. Do you still talk to your first crush? I literally have not seen my first crush in like, 17 years.19. Do you like bubble baths? No idea, ever had one20. Do you like your neighbors? haven’t met officially, but they seem nice21. What are you bad habits? Forgetting, procrastination, dismissal, hesitation, isolation, and a few other bad ones22. Where would you like to travel? uhhhhh somewhere hot, ideally.23. Do you have trust issues? nopes24. Favorite part of your daily routine? daily what? if I had one, it would be enjoying hot summer days, maybe writing something25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with? irritated skin26. What do you do when you wake up? figure out what day it is/debate on what i wanna do27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker? nope!28. Who are you most comfortable around? mom i guess? a few other peeps.29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up? one or two, maybe,30. Do you ever want to get married? That might be a nice thing someday,31. If your hair long enough for a pony tail? Gettin there!32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with? uhhhh a lot, my dear question meme.33. Spell your name with your chin. zxshgkl;’34. Do you play sports? What sports? No35. Would you rather live without TV or music? I’m dead either way, the answer doesn’t really matter, does it?36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them? as in never told them ever, or never told them until it was too late, because I've done both.37. What do you say during awkward silences? Nothing, although i don’t really find it awkward unless the other person is like, visibly disturbed.38. Describe your dream girl/guy? Nice personality, nicer ass.39. What are your favorite stores to shop in? Good ones40. What do you want to do after high school? i am after high school41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance? Mhm.42. If your being extremely quiet what does it mean? I forgot what i was doing, im angry, im happy, im sad, im bored, im interested, im sleepy, im awake, im hungry, im thirsty, im focused, im distracted, literally anything.43. Do you smile at strangers? sometimes44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean? space45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning? Waking up46. What are you paranoid about? being incapable of love, 47. Have you ever been high? nope!48. Have you ever been drunk? hell yeah49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about? not that i can recall, no50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore? i have no fucking idea i can’t remember colors for shit, my dear question meme.

51. Ever wished you were someone else? Not really, no.52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself? the amount of money in my bank account53. Favourite makeup brand? i dont know enough to know54. Favourite store? one that sells store55. Favourite blog? Mine, im amazing.56. Favourite colour? look im colorblind stop asking these57. Favourite food? uhhhhhhhhhh fuck i dont know shit.58. Last thing you ate? Pizza.59. First thing you ate this morning? Pizza60. Ever won a competition? For what? uhhh a science one in 5th grade, and a concerto competition in like, senior year of HS61. Been suspended/expelled? For what? nope!62. Been arrested? For what? Nope!63. Ever been in love? I used to answer yes but now I have no idea if i can love64. Tell us the story of your first kiss? im lonely u buttmunch65. Are you hungry right now? uhhhh now that you mention it66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends? half these freaks are my real friends67. Facebook or Twitter? I hate both of them,68. Twitter or Tumblr? I hate both of them69. Are you watching tv right now? nope!70. Names of your bestfriends? im not actually 100% sure? like its kinda nebulous weirdish, since I have a weird concept of “friend”71. Craving something? What? i dunno, burritos probably.72. What colour are your towels? Rot in hell you slime cuck72. How many pillows do you sleep with? 0 to 473. Do you sleep with stuffed animals? not at the moment, no74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have? do pokemon plush count?75. Favourite animal? Gecko76. What colour is your underwear? I will murder your ancestors and eat your descendants.77. Chocolate or Vanilla? Chocolate78. Favourite ice cream flavour? chocolate79. What colour shirt are you wearing? I will flay the skin from your face and peel your eyes. Also shirtless atm.80. What colour pants? I will plunge britain back into the boiling seas and devour any mortal with color vision. 81. Favourite tv show? uhhhhh fuck i don’t know82. Favourite movie? i like movies, yes.83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2? THERES A MEAN GIRLS 2??!?!?!??!?!?!?84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street? MEAN GIRLS85. Favourite character from Mean Girls? Regina is such a wonderful person, really.86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo? Dory87. First person you talked to today? the bich that made me write this88. Last person you talked to today? @mayxwolf89. Name a person you hate? The bich that made me write this90. Name a person you love? The bich that made me write this91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now? The bich that made me write this92. In a fight with someone?nopes93. How many sweatpants do you have? are you trying to ask how much of a slob i am? because i am absolutely a huge slob94. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have? See above.95. Last movie you watched? MOANA96. Favourite actress? no idea97. Favourite actor? Chris Evans.98. Do you tan a lot? Lmao99. Have any pets? I want a pet ):100. How are you feeling? Kinda hungry? a tad bit chilly, and uhhhhhhhh i dunno101. Do you type fast? I either forget to type, or its uncontrollably fast,102. Do you regret anything from your past? until like, the past month or two ago, no, not really, but then shit hits the fan and you forget to duck. 103. Can you spell well? Yse and no. its a tos up really.104. Do you miss anyone from your past? two people recently, and occasionally an old thought to old friends and people i knew, that i dont really see or talk to anymore, 105. Ever been to a bonfire party? mhm106. Ever broken someone’s heart? I think, I have, probably, and im not sure what to make of it,107. Have you ever been on a horse? Fuck those big shit factories.108. What should you be doing?probably in grad school,109. Is something irritating you right now? not right now no110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt? Why yes, question meme, my first ex actually, and second, somewhat to an extent, actually that’s a somewhat recurring theme?111. Do you have trust issues? Didn’t you already ask this..... (yes you did it’s question 23)112. Who was the last person you cried in front of? Never have, not that i could remember, except maybe as a child???113. What was your childhood nickname? Pooh bear114. Have you ever been out of your province/state? Yes115. Do you play the Wii? Yes116. Are you listening to music right now? Yes117. Do you like chicken noodle soup?Yes118. Do you like Chinese food?Yes119. Favourite book?Yes120. Are you afraid of the dark? No121. Are you mean? Yes122. Is cheating ever okay? Never but i seem to be chill with it if it happens to me123. Can you keep white shoes clean? yes and no124. Do you believe in love at first sight? Yes because the very first time I saw Fareeha Amari I immediately realized what a humongous gay I was.125. Do you believe in true love? Yes.126. Are you currently bored? Always and forever127. What makes you happy? Things I’d rather not talk about128. Would you change your name? Already have,129. What your zodiac sign? Aries, Dog, 130. Do you like subway? Yes131. Your bestfriend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do? If you’re asking if I’d fuck him, probably.132. Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with? you asked this one already, too, you uncreative piece of shit.133. Favourite lyrics right now? lyrics are boring and overrated, and meaningless. Also the ones from Reflections. Mulan is my shit.134. Can you count to one million? I don’t think i have the patience or physical ability to do so without collapsing.135. Dumbest lie you ever told? None of my lies are dumb unless i make them intentionally dumb.136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed? closed137. How tall are you? floating around 6′2″138. Curly or Straight hair? both, surprisingly, 139. Brunette or Blonde? neither140. Summer or Winter? Winter is the season of death, despair and bullshit, old man winter can suck it141. Night or Day? Day,142. Favourite month? any month thats hot as fuck, also My birthday month is good too, 143. Are you a vegetarian? nope144. Dark, milk or white chocolate? Milk145. Tea or Coffee? both make me sleepy, both are pretty good though.146. Was today a good day? havent been awae long enough to know147. Mars or Snickers? Venus, and both.148. What’s your favourite quote? “and in all my great vast knowledge and wisdom, of all the Grand stars, of all the galaxies and nebulae and cosmos, Of all the heavenly bodies, to say that hers was the most heavenly would be blasphemous, for her body was beyond compare with divinity.”149. Do you believe in ghosts? Yes and No150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page? “Splendid, Young man!”@bvcharest u bich

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